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Unnecessary Censorship.

This discussion topic is starting to take on certain similarities to the video comedy bit featuring unnecessary [---bleep---] on the Jimmy Kimmel TV show.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​
 
A man opened a door for a young woman.

"You don't have to open the door for me because I'm a woman!" she snapped.

"I didn't," he replied gently. "I opened the door for you because I am a gentleman."
 
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them [deleted] in me eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird [deleted]!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to me hook yet."
 
easyrider said:
Open up the window, let some air into this room
I think I'm almost chokin' from the smell of stale perfume

And that cigarette you're smokin' 'bout scare me half to death
Open up the window, sucker, let me catch my breath
Click to expand...
This thread is [deleted]. Momma told you not to come.
 
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In honor of "Talk Like a Pirate Day" (today)...

Blackbeard spies a mast rising from the mist in the distance and tells an aide to bring him his red shirt. When the aide asks why the red shirt, Blackbeard says, "So when we engage the enemy, if I am wounded, the men won't notice and will keep fighting."

A few minutes later, the mist clears and Blackbeard sees that its not just one mast but a vast armada of ships from the British Navy. He turns to his aide and says, "Bring me my brown pants."
 
***Deleted***

This post went over the line, and actually was deleted.

Steve
TUG Moderator
 
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easyrider said:
***Deleted***
This post went over the line, and actually was deleted.
Steve, TUG Moderator
Click to expand...

Don't feel bad, ER.. I've been deleted for a similar cause, as well.

Its a badge of honor to know that you have a broader sense of humor
... or at least, a bawdy sense of humor.
 
dioxide45 said:
You are very familiar with being ***deleted***?
Click to expand...

I probably have the deleted record! I am not sure why, but I had to post in the deleted post before I am forever deleted from posting since my post are always so deleted! Never boring but often deleted! Speak the truth and the truth shall set you free and get you deleted!
Give me liberty or give me delete!
 
Just because you (think) you have the right to say it, doesn't mean it is the right thing to say.
 
Rose Pink said:
Just because you (think) you have the right to say it, doesn't mean it is the right thing to say.
Click to expand...

Just becuz you (or anyone) says something, doesn't mean it isn't total hogwash, either.
 
Talent312 said:
Just becuz you (or anyone) says something, doesn't mean it isn't total hogwash, either.
Click to expand...

Just because it run off a hog, doesn't mean it's hogwash, either. Could be pure hog[deleted].
 
***deleted***

Enough with the sexual innuendo. There are plenty of places where you can post that on the internet. TUG isn't one of them.

Steve
TUG Moderator
 
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[ --- deleted --- ]

easyrider said:
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Click to expand...
Hey, for some people [ --- deleted --- ] is no laughing matter.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​
 
I think this thread has run its course.

Steve
TUG Moderator
 
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