Curfew Time for Teen?

[cheter]

My son will be 18 in May. He is very responsible. He has never smoked, done any drugs, and hates the taste of booze. He went out last night with a couple of his friends. The driver is a good friend of his, I met him for the first time last night. He seemed like a nice kid. I set his curfew at 11:00. He called me at least 3 times, he asked to stay out till 11:30, I gave in, they were bowling. My concern is the driving, inexperienced. He wants to go out next Saturday night, until atleast 12:30. I trust my son, once again it's the driving that bothers me, my son doesn't have his license (he failed the test).

When I was growing up, many moons ago, my father was extremley strict on me, and I resented him for that.

I know accidents happen in the day also. Please help me, I want to be fair to my son. What isa decent curfew?

 

[pcgirl54]

Is he a junior or senior in high school? We have three older sons and remember these discussions quite well. Such a tough call. As a police officer told me nothing good happens after 1AM. I had a tough time with the 12:30 time frame also. I graduated from HS at 17 myself.

He asked about 11:30 rather than 11PM seems reasonable . He has now asked for an hour later. He does not drive yet. What time would the curfew be if he was the driver? Because whatever you set now will impact that as well. And then they say "but I had to drop so and so off so we had to leave the party or bowling early so I need to stay out later or leave really early and no one else's parents make them etc....." or but Mom that is ridiculous you are so strict....

At 17 ,11:30 or midnight seems reasonable unless proven otherwise until he gets his own license . Not on school days but weekends. Our state has strict restrictions on occupants and curfews for newly licensed drivers which was passed after 2 of three sons got licensed. Son #3 thought that was unfair.

Curfew was pushed to 12:30 senior year and then after graduation was 1PM until they left for college. When in college there was no curfew when they came home in the summer. Most times it was 2-3 AM. I still did not sleep well through high school once they got their license or college summers when they came home. This comes later for you but for College summers if they drank they did not drive home but slept over the friend's house.

They always called to let me know where they were,hopefully that is where they were. I thought that was pretty good for boys since I never called my parents at that age. My mother always said no so I stopped calling/asking and just stayed out the 30-60 minutes later and suffered the consequences.

Good luck Mom.not an easy task to balance growing pains for them or us as they start to fly the nest.

 

[davemy]

Its all about trust. I have a 16yr old daugter that has a 11:00 curfew on weekends. She is a junior in high School. They can get into alot of trouble when they are with their friends. I know i see her pictures on her myspace and her pictures on the computer. they take their cameras everywhere. we have had a few setbacks but they were hopefully good learning experences. Even if you set a time, they bend the rules by 15 to 20 minutes. Good luck

 

[Htoo0]

DW and I each came from families of 6 and have none of our own. Thank goodness as times have changed. I was raised to be responsible for my actions and that meant if I stayed up late watching TV, as a young child, then I went to school tired. (No sleeping in) At 16, a new license and the keys to my 20 y.o. '50 Merc in hand, I came home around 3. After that it was usually more like 5 or 6. (Yes, seriously) Looking back, I have no idea how my parents handled it. I don't think I could and am glad I don't need to worry about it. It's not that they didn't care, they just felt I had to learn things for myself. I got plenty of input on the dangers and consequences of my actions but I was determined to prove I could handle it and that their worries were misplaced. Guess their plan worked because I never had a problem, I'm still here and doing well. But now we have kids shooting each other over nothing, read about sick adults kidnapping children on a regular basis, and many other problems that seemed rare in those days. Of course, once it was one had to worry about their kid racing and falling off their horse and breaking their neck. Best of luck!

 

[gmarine]

My son will be 18 in May. He is very responsible. He has never smoked, done any drugs, and hates the taste of booze. He went out last night with a couple of his friends. The driver is a good friend of his, I met him for the first time last night. He seemed like a nice kid. I set his curfew at 11:00. He called me at least 3 times, he asked to stay out till 11:30, I gave in, they were bowling. My concern is the driving, inexperienced. He wants to go out next Saturday night, until atleast 12:30. I trust my son, once again it's the driving that bothers me, my son doesn't have his license (he failed the test).

When I was growing up, many moons ago, my father was extremley strict on me, and I resented him for that.

I know accidents happen in the day also. Please help me, I want to be fair to my son. What isa decent curfew?

My father still thinks I hate the taste of booze. I'm 38.

 

[chellej]

I guess we must be really strict - at least that is what we hear. My DD will be 18 this month. Her curfew is 10 pm except when she is working or special circumstances.

We live in the Houston suburbs. Last month a 16yo was shot by her so called friends when they went mudding - I'm sure it was in the news - kids ran to Canada.

A friend of one of her friends was killed in a carjacking earlier this summer.

She will have to put up with it - the later it is the more bad things happen. We trust her - just don't trust others.

DS who is now 19 & away at college had a 12 pm curfew once he turned 18.

 

[Blondie]

Your son sounds like a sweetheart and a really good kid. I think 11:30 is most reasonable. Maybe midnight on a special occasion. Remember- kids always like to push the envelope so whatever you say he will likely push it further- so factor that into your plan!! You are very reasonable and he is very lucky.

 

[Carron]

Curfew

Our community here in Minnesota has its own legal curfew which makes the decision a little easier. For 15-17 year olds it's midnight Fri & Sat and 11pm during the week. Ann

 

[Icc5]

Stay in charge

My son will be 18 in May. He is very responsible. He has never smoked, done any drugs, and hates the taste of booze. He went out last night with a couple of his friends. The driver is a good friend of his, I met him for the first time last night. He seemed like a nice kid. I set his curfew at 11:00. He called me at least 3 times, he asked to stay out till 11:30, I gave in, they were bowling. My concern is the driving, inexperienced. He wants to go out next Saturday night, until atleast 12:30. I trust my son, once again it's the driving that bothers me, my son doesn't have his license (he failed the test).

When I was growing up, many moons ago, my father was extremley strict on me, and I resented him for that.

I know accidents happen in the day also. Please help me, I want to be fair to my son. What isa decent curfew?

In California they (we) are pretty strict with curfews and in the past few years have become real strict on who could drive who after getting a license.
My son who is very responsable is a 16 yr. old Junior that recently received his license. He can't drive anyone under 25 for a year. Kind of hard on him and his girlfriend compared to when I was his age. I believe the curfew here is also 10PM at his age unless coming from a school function, work, etc.
Until 18 it has become strict here and because of it teen accidents (*I think) are way down. We used to hear of bad accidents daily before and now we don't.
To make a long story short, you be the boss. If you know where he is, what he is doing, who he is with and it meets your approval than go with you gut feeling. If they are just out, then there is no reason to just be out that much later because too much can happen. A great kid can't stay great in the wrong conditions so set good conditions for him.
Hope this helps from the other side of the country.
Bart

 

[silverfox82]

I'm sure every situation is different, some kids are responsible, others are not, but keep in mind that he is old enough to join the service, next year he can vote and he's old enough to marry and start a family. It's a scary proposition wacthing your children become adults, my mother, on a recent visit to her house, waited up for me to come home, I'm 59 years old.

 

[pcgirl54]

Silverfox
Bless your mother! As we age we are glad when they look out for us not so when they are teens and 20's.

My 88yr old father still holds my hand crossing the street and closes cupboards that I leave open in the kitchen so I won't hit my head.

I am 51!

 

[LMD]

Inexperienced drivers

12:30 does not sound unreasonable, however why not offer to pick your son up rather then have him drive with another teen that you really don't know. When I lived in Upstate NY it seemed as if there was one fatal accident after another- inexperienced teen drivers.
Lisa

 

[dgdbloe]

At 17 and on weekends our son had an 11:30 curfew in JR yr of high school- once he was a senior I pushed it to 12:00(weekends) ONLY because he only missed curfew by 10 minites once and he called first(an not at the last minute) to get an okay. When he turned 18 sr year- I went to 12:30 except for special things. A lot of kids work on weekends till 9 or so and can't get to movies,bowling etc. till 10- I took that into consideration. I think it depends on your own kid,his friends etc. It's tougher when they depend on a friend to bring them home- I always off'd to pick up till he bought his own car.
I think its important that they understand a curfew is the latest you expect them home. Right from the beginning I always said for every 10 minutes you come in late-you get an hr earlier curfew the next night out. Things worked out great with him. Our daughter just turned 16- is a jr and has frends that drive- so here we go all over again- I can only hope it'll go as smooth with her. Good luck

 

[azsunluvr]

I understand the point about the driving that bothers you. When my kids turn 18, they get the "You're an adult now and I expect you to act like one and be responsible" talks. Once they were 18 and out of high school, no more curfews, but were expected to be considerate and not stay out 'til all hours. 1am was acceptable to us. I was mostly concerned about other drivers on the road at that hour. I totally understand your concern about a driver that you don't even know that well. Maybe a curfew is the way to get your son to study harder and get that license. Though an inexperienced driver and late hours aren't such a great idea, either!

 

[debraxh]

I think midnight is a reasonable weekend curfew for teens still in high school, except for jobs or special occasions. I agree with the advice about picking him up, rather than having him ride with a driver you don't know that well, who could be inexperienced.

I just saw this article about how the "tough" teen driving laws in California have reduced accidents by ~25% for 16 year olds:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20060909/hl_hsn/driverslicenselimitsreduceteencrashes

 

[LAX Mom]

I have 3 boys. The youngest is now 14. His curfew on school nights is 10 PM, weekends is 11 PM. Most of his friends have the same curfew.

When his older brothers turned 16, we extended the weekend curfew to midnight. What made it difficult was that many of their friends didn't have curfews at all! They felt picked on, but we weren't willing to let them stay out later than 12!

 

[cheter]

Thank You for your Help!

Thank you my friends, I've told him midnight. He was still upset with that time. They want to start bowling on Saturday nights. There is a special, from 10-2, it's cheaper. So he wanted to stay out till 2am. I told him no way! Guess what? They're going bowling this Saturday afternoon, from 2pm-6pm. Why? It turn's out the majority of his friends have a 11:30 curfew! LOL
When I started laughing, I think I put him in his place.

 

[pcgirl54]

Cheryl
Ahhhhh1 I got the bowling late night too around the same age as your son! Forgot about that one. Our boys are now 22,24 and 27.

 

[normab]

Just some more thoughts for you--

We also have a teen, a 17 yr old son, who is a good kid and responsible and has his own wheels. We told him he has a nightly curfew of 10:00 unless we discuss a different one ahead of time. And if he is late, he must call us so we don't worry.

At first he was "only 10:00"? But he then realized we are allowing him to stay out that late without calling us, we just need to know where he is and who he is with. So when he goes to a late movie, he just tells us when the movie is getting out. We then decide what is a reasonable curfew for that specific night, and if he is late for any reason he needs to call. It is working very well. He hasn't stayed out past 11:30 which is reasonable in our opinion.

Hope this is helpful to you--all teens hate the word curfew!!

 

[topcop400]

I have friends who set an alarm clock on a table near their bedroom .....set with the time their teen is supposed to be home. They just set it for 11:00 (or whatever) and go to bed.

That kid had better be there to stop it before it goes off. They usually wake up enough to touch base and make sure she doesn't just leave again.

 

[Liz Wolf-Spada]

We live about an hour from anywhere. My son would have been driving home around 1 or so after a concert or something. I was concerned about him driving home when bars were closing at 2 and told him to go to Denny's and not leave till 3. Yes, it was late. Yes, I didn't sleep well, I always left my door ajar and he would close it when he got in. I really didn't want him driving when all the drinking people were wending their way home. If I lived in a town, I probably wouldn't have done it that way.
Liz

 

[bailey]

My mother always told me if I wasn't smart enough to know when to come home, then I shouldn't be going out. All my friends had curfews, so I lied to them and told them I had to be home by midnight....
Don't think that would work in every situation.

 

[ciscogizmo1]

I have friends who set an alarm clock on a table near their bedroom .....set with the time their teen is supposed to be home. They just set it for 11:00 (or whatever) and go to bed.

That kid had better be there to stop it before it goes off. They usually wake up enough to touch base and make sure she doesn't just leave again.

YOu must be related to my Dad. He did the same thing except it was his TV that went back on. However, the minute he fell back to sleep I was out the door!

 

[azsunluvr]

However, the minute he fell back to sleep I was out the door!

This is one reason we have an alarm system on the house. They can't sneak back out when the alarm is set! However, our oldest daughter disabled the alarm system by prying off the magnetic thingies on a few of the windows. Little stinker! Our new system is more foolproof.