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Am I a Neanderthal?

I'm glad you're SIL told her no, that is so inconsiderate of her. It doesn't sound like she is really at all ready to be a parent and put the baby first. Having at least not smoked during pregnancy shows she is at least not completely irresponsible, and she did take out the facebook comment. Maybe the reality of that blessed little baby will help her grow up quickly. Also, unless pot becomes legal there are legal ramifications that could affect her and your nephew if she smokes pot. You did the right thing. Glad you're involved.
Liz
(And this is coming from an old 60's hippie!)
 
Ricoba, Congratulations for trying to help and offering heartfelt and sobering advice to some kids who apparently need it. Unfortunately, when it comes to immature behavior (which this is) nothing will probably help until and unless either one of them grows up. It may never happen. Don't knock yourself out on this. They are responsible for what they do - you aren't. My feeling is that once I have given the advice, thats it. The recipient can take it or leave it. Continuing to hammer away will only make the people you care about run away from you. You seem to be a good person. Your presence in their life is more important then any specific piece of advice.
 
Re the earlier comment about not putting potentially incriminating stuff online so the authorities don't have potential evidence....

It's kind of too bad people are being told that, b/c if there is incriminating stuff or bad stuff going on, then the authorities need to know and need the potential evidence!

Seems like that kind of advice is not helping people clean up their act, but instead it tells them how to hide evidence so they continue to get away with it.

If various family members help out it's great for the child in one way, but in another way it is enabling them to be neglectful and potentially abusive parents.

What's the term for all the adults in the family to make these immature parents-to-be face up to to their responsibility?
 
Liz Wolf-Spada said:
Maybe the reality of that blessed little baby will help her grow up quickly.
Click to expand...

That's a good point. Even with my teenage mom's, for the vast majority of them, having a baby turns their life around in a positive way. Believe it or not, for some of them, getting pregnant actually is a good thing! School becomes important, they become much more mature, and they really try to be the best moms they can be.
 
Ric
I would have to congratulate your niece for having the sence to stop toking pakalolo while she is pregers. With this new life will come many new responsibilities for her and she may surprise you as they both grow up.

BTW, seems like you had da kine birthday in Hawaii. Wit da niece, malama pono is good brah.

Shaka bra Ric
 
Liz Wolf-Spada said:
Maybe the reality of that blessed little baby will help her grow up quickly. Also, unless pot becomes legal there are legal ramifications that could affect her and your nephew if she smokes pot.
Click to expand...

Yes, I am like Denise, hoping that it will work out like the girls she teaches. Nothing like a little bundle of joy to tire you out pretty quickly, and help you change a lot of priorities.

pgnewarkboy said:
Don't knock yourself out on this. They are responsible for what they do - you aren't. My feeling is that once I have given the advice, thats it. The recipient can take it or leave it. Continuing to hammer away will only make the people you care about run away from you.
Click to expand...

I agree, it's up to her to take and consider the advice I sent her in the emails. Unless she initiates a conversation with me about this, I won't have any contact with her over this again.

easyrider said:
BTW, seems like you had da kine birthday in Hawaii. Wit da niece, malama pono is good brah.

Shaka bra Ric
Click to expand...

Mahalo nui loa! :D
 
What I would do is call my sister and tell her that her daughter is really screwing up her life a) by smoking pot with a young child and b) allows posts like that in public.

It's their life. If they want to screw it up, go for it as long as it doesn't cost me money or heartache.

If it were my kids, I'd cut them off until they stopped doing the stupid behavior.
 
It's really easy for me to say what you should or shouldn't do but another thing to actually do it. (Witness my difficulty with Dad.) So easy to give advice. So difficult when it's your own situation to deal with.

My concern is the baby. The baby cannot advocate for himself--except to cry or scream and that may upset an immature and inexperienced mommy and daddy to the point of abuse. Hear it on the news all the time. You can't control your niece's behavior but some responsible adult needs to protect that child. Tag, you may be it.
 
Neanderthal? Don't think so
I see something wrong with being 30 pregnant and not married and having a child before you can even support yourself let alone a child. I'm sorry but situations like this just really tick me off- they are well past the point in life when they should "get it"
Sure hope they grow up- but since already planning on partying at a wedding and baby isn't even here yet-I doubt it
The people they live back and forth with have never smelled the pot on clothes or hair Really? I find that hard to believe- Sounds like its just been easier not to address the situation so good for you for stepping up.
Sure hope the people they live with don't make it easy for them to go out partying and babysit- they need to make themselves unavailable and make the parents responsible.
 
dgdbloe said:
Sure hope the people they live with don't make it easy for them to go out partying and babysit- they need to make themselves unavailable and make the parents responsible.
Click to expand...

This is also my hope. Every so often, sure. But breaking my own plans to help them out? Not unless it's an emergency, and I would damn-well check that 'emergency' out first.

Yeah, they are far too old to be living like college students, bumming housing, partying as The Goal. I assume they plan to keep the baby but I sure hope the term "ADOPTION" enters their minds. Sometimes you don't know how much you really wanted something until you can no longer have it.

Please do keep us posted on how this unfolds over time.
 
Just got word that the little fellow was born today. 7lb 7oz...and all are doing well.

So let's hope and pray for the best.:)

Thanks for all your support. :hi:

I will give updates as I find out more info, but they are in Vancouver, BC and we are here in LA, so I don't know the daily ins and outs.
 
Is this the first grandnephew for you? Congratulations. I hope all works out for good.
 
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