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Restaurant Behavior With Children

Fern Modena

Fern Modena

TUG Lifetime Member
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We went out to dinner with our children and grandchildren this week. The six year old's parent (she's the youngest child) told the waitress it was the child's birthday; it wasn't. We said to her mom that it wasn't, and she said, "I know, but she likes it when they make a fuss over her."

I think that sort of attitude really stinks (I don't want to swear, but it really is low, in my opinion). Not only is it getting her child something she doesn't deserve thru deception, but she's teaching her child that it is ok to lie if you want something. It really bothers me.

Nothing we said dissuaded her, of course.

Am I old fashioned? I don't think so.

Fern
 
You are spot on, Fern.
 
If Truth ever becomes old-fashioned, we're all in big trouble.

Worse, she's teaching this kid to actively seek attention from others. NOT COOL. It's not all about her. She will have to learn to share the world, the toys, the attention.

If she's already 6, this is going to be hard to re-train. Mom is creating a spoiled brat.

Further, I never really understood making a fuss for birthdays. maybe it's cuz I'm youngest kid and birthdays were nothing special, but everyone has one each year. How is that special?
 
I gotta ask. Is it the kid or the mom that craves the attention?
 
Wow.

Wow. That's just wrong and no way to raise a child.
 
You are right to be bothered. It's teaching her to tell a tall tale.
 
Wrong wrong wrong
Not only is it teaching lying is ok it's teaching to want attention.
Either of the above are going to lead to problems
The kids is 6? WOW
 
Fern,

I agree with you 100%. It is dishonest. I see that a lot of restaurant chains are now requiring that you register your birthday with them on-line if you want the restaurant to honor your birthday. Red Robin is one that does this and there are others. If you are registered then you will get a free meal during the month of your birthday. That prevents people from cheating. I found that out the hard way. Red Robin had been advertising very heavily on TV about the free birthday meal. I went to the Red Robin in Garden Grove, CA on the day of my birthday 3 months ago ready to chomp down on a free Royal Burger when they informed me that I had to be registered. Well I still had my Royal Burger so it was all good except I had to pay for it.

We used to always take our kids to restaurants on their birthday. They got to choose whatever restaurant they wanted for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We still do it but our kids are adults now. However, unlike the little girl you are referring to, our kids begged us to NOT tell the restaurant it was their birthday.
 
I'm guessing it was nowhere near the child's birthday? If so, that's way wrong.

We tend to make a fuss over birthdays around here. We call it a birthday week but nothing before or after.

That's a new one on me, however.
 
I find your daughter's behavior appalling. I think it is awful to teach children it is OK to lie to get attention. Yuk!
Liz
 
here I thought we were going to get a story about a CHILD's bad behavior, not a parent's!

That is a terrible thing to teach a child. I don't think I would be going out to dinner again with them anytime soon, and I would let them know why.
 
The sad thing about it is she is ONE-HALF right. Indeed, it's bad to lie, but the Millennial Generation is founded on self-centered worth. The mother is developing the kid's narcissistic behavior.

Look around and there's an incredible generation of these creatures surrounding us.
 
Fern Modena said:
Am I old fashioned?

Fern
Click to expand...

Yes you are old fashioned. You value truth and honesty and those values seem to have flown out the window. Many, not all, of the younger generation seem to believe that they have a divine right to whatever they want, whenever they want it and it's right to use all means at their disposal to obtain it.

I am intrigued by the fact that you refer to "the six year old's parent" when this person is either your son or daughter or their respective spouse/partner. My wild guess is that it was one of your own children or you would probably less reticent about 'naming and shaming'.
 
Kal said:
The sad thing about it is she is ONE-HALF right. Indeed, it's bad to lie, but the Millennial Generation is founded on self-centered worth. The mother is developing the kid's narcissistic behavior.

Look around and there's an incredible generation of these creatures surrounding us.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately this is so true.
 
The parent is my step-daughter. She's a single parent, who is also a teacher in her local Head Start. The child, who would be my step-granddaughter, is adopted. Mom has had her since she was about 18 months. The girl was special needs, but her adopted mom got her the help she needed at an early age and she is doing exceedingly well. She is age appropriate on virtually every task at six years. BUT, probably due to her early problems, she is extremely over indulged.

Fern

Keitht said:
I am intrigued by the fact that you refer to "the six year old's parent" when this person is either your son or daughter or their respective spouse/partner. My wild guess is that it was one of your own children or you would probably less reticent about 'naming and shaming'.
Click to expand...
 
The restaurant *was* Red Robin. Even though she didn't have a birthday invite from the restaurant, they still gave her an ice cream sundae and Red Robin, who was there, gave her a balloon and sang to her.

I have always thought it teaches the wrong thing to lie to/about a child in their presence (or otherwise, for that matter).

Heck, I have enough money I could have *bought* the child an ice cream, but it was the fuss they really wanted, not the ice cream...

Fern
 
I hope it specific to this child, as I shudder to think what she teaches the Head Start kids.
 
With a young child I might have spoken quietly to the server and asked if she could have a balloon or some stickers. Not a lie, and not a huge fuss, just a nice little gesture.

I shudder every time I see all the t-shirts saying "it's all about me" and so forth. At first they seem cute, but the message is so wrong.

I bought my daughter one with a cute little bunny on the front; didn't realize 'till I was walking behind her that there was a big lipstick-colored kiss-mark on the lower rear, i.e. little bunny was saying "Kiss my ***". The shirt went right back to the store.
 
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I would have immediately told the waitress, "She's just kidding, it's really not her birthday."
 
We go out to eat for birthdays. It might not be the actual day, but close. We had the other experience. 16 year old granddaughter did not want the song and actually got up and went to the restroom to get away from the table. We ended up taking the cake home. When she was younger, she loved that the waitress sang happy birthday in Italian so we were looking for that experience again. Found out later she wanted to go to a different restaurant. We had not asked, just planned what we thought would be festive. Her mother tried to explain to her that you behave nicely when someone plans something special for you. This was not the fun time we had hoped for, but we have lots of history so we know she is not always a brat. The next time we ate out with them, we went to the place she had wanted to go, but didn't make a big deal out of it. Fern, I would tell the mom that the next time you eat out together there will be no birthday lie. It wouldn't hurt to request a balloon or even take some stickers or something to keep her entertained.
 
I teach high school and this would have embarrassed many kids at that age. Sixteen year olds are often extremely self-conscious. I don't think she was being a brat - I just think that at this age, teens want to be treated like young adults, and the restaurant's celebration was probably seen as being juvenile by the young lady. A mature adult probably could have taken it in stride, but for a 16 year old, it may have been humiliating - at least through THEIR eyes.
 
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