Bunk beds bad idea?

[Amy]

DS1 (4.5 y.o.) seems almost ready to move from his toddler bed to a twin. (He keeps changing his mind; one day yes, and another day he says he'd like to move into a bigger bed "when he is 6 years old.") Anyway, DH and I are really keen on the idea of a bunk bed, mostly because it seems like fun. But it does seem a bit silly since the recommended minimum age for the top bunk is 6 and DS2 is only 1.5 years old right now. But the wooden bunk beds that I like only cost about $100 more than the wooden twin single beds that I like, so it seems to be more economical to buy a bunk bed now even though we can't really use the bunk feature for a another year or two. I searched and there doesn't seem to be a serious safety issue as long as the kids are old enough. I think I may need someone to "talk me down" on my enthusiasm for a bunk bed. Downsides?

A side issue that I've been considering is whether buying a nice (pricey) wooden bed (whether twin single or bunk) is a good idea from the perspective of how that would frame the kids' expectations. Already DH and I have discussed our failure to avoid spoiling our kids with toys -- the house is full of toys of all kinds and I seem to lack the ability to restrain myself from buying more whenever I see something neat. (DH and I grew up with few toys.) I have also wondered if it has been a bad idea to have our kids vacation regularly in 2BR timeshares; they have no idea how the average American vacations, and DH is unwilling to stay in Motel 6 and the like for a trip to give our kids that experience. (Whenever I raise this issue DH says "Why should I be punished? I've worked hard to save money to stay in spacious suites on vacations." ) Back to the furniture. So, on the bed choice, I've been thinking how growing up my parents never considered buying some fancy wooden bed. We all had just the metal frame that usually comes with the mattress/box spring set. No one in the family but my parents had a headboard. The first time I owned a nice wooden bed was in my late 20s after DH and I got married as we used some wedding gift money to splurge on a fancy bedroom furniture set. Yet now my kids have Pottery Barn Kids (and the like) crib, bookshelves, etc. and I'm looking at single twin beds (without mattress) that cost $700+ and bunk beds that cost $800+ and I think I'm a bit batty! I want them because I love the look. But will having fancy wooden beds (on top of all the toys, vacations to WDW, cruise vacations, lodgings in spacious and nice 2BR timeshares, etc.) end up shaping my kids in a negative way such that they end up being snobs no matter how often DH and I say things like: "Do most people get to vacation in Disney World?" "Nooooo. Most people cannot afford to go anywhere far for vacation and many cannot afford to visit Disney World at all. So you are very lucky." [DS1 immediately shakes his head when the quesion is asked and nods his head in agreement when we say he is lucky as he has memorized all the correct responses]. "Do most little boys and girls get to stay in their own bedrooms on vacation?" "Noooo. Most little boys and girls have to share a small room with mommy and daddy, and their rooms do not have living room, kitchen, and dining areas." "Do most little boys and girls have all these Thomas trains, tracks, boxes of Legos, CARs toys, and all the other stuff you own?" "Nooooo . . . ." So if I go ahead with the fancy wooden bed, I guess we'll have to add "Do most little boys and girls own a nice wooden bed like yours?" "Nooooo . . . ." And hope all these admonitions make a difference since I can't seem to stop giving the kids things/experiences that I did not have as a child.

 

[Stressy]

Whoa!!! .

There is a whole lot more going on here than whether you should get bunk beds. LOL.

Do you boys share a room? If so, then by all means consider bunk beds. As far as nice, wooden beds, I like durable,long lasting furniture. Seems they just don't make stuff like they "used" to. My kids went from toddler to twin beds with nice oak captain type beds that have storage/drawers underneath-mostly because I needed the space -my son is nearly 17 and is still sleeping on the same bed in great condition. The only problem is he is proabably too tall for it-but he doesn't complain. I felt like it was a worthwhile investment as those beds will still be here even when they leave the nest.

The funny thing is-I just had a similar converstation with my son about how lucky he is to live here in America and have the opportunities he has presented to him. Need vs Want. We have a little of both around here. You don't have to justify a furniture purchase to your kids....just do what is right for you.

 

[pcgirl54]

I had three sons and bought "This End UP" furniture which is casual sturdy pine furniture that was indestructable. Boys are now grown and the furniture is still in excellent condition. I wanted something that would endure anything kids could do to it. Our 6ft dining table was also from the same company and for the same reason. I did not want to favor fine furniture over children and always be upset about the furniture being ruined from spills. My rule also was never to pour more in a glass than you wanted to clean up.

http://www.thisendup.com

Not sure of the brand I bought but some bunk beds are stackable so they can be used singlely or stacked. There are desk sets ups and also ones where the bottom bunk is larger/ Kids will jump or roll off the beds. There are safety rails you can buy if not included. Be careful about the ladders.

Pottery Barn has very nice things but consider how you would feel if the kids scratched it.

If you have the room and need to buy beds now do the stackables and stack them in a year or so.

As your children grow there are many ways you can direct them into helping others to offset the fear you have of them being spoiled without denying them other things. There are children's birthday parties where guests would bring a can of pet food to donate to a shelter and so on. If you do something of this nature as they grow you will be fine. No sense in denying a vacation or a nice resort or too many lectures on how lucky them are. Show them the path and they will know. Have them pick out the old toys to help less fortunate children once a year and drive them to the Salvation Army or similar to give them to the workers themselves. Dress a child for Christmas and have the kids help shop for the outfits. There are banks and charities that collect coats in gently used condition at this time of year. Donate to a food bank. All simple things they will understand and as they get older you can do other things to direct their sense of helping those who are less fortunate. NO worries it will all work out!

 

[Amy]

Thanks for the replies. Sorry that I went totally off course on my original topic! I probably should not have composed my post at 1:30 am.

The boys have their own rooms right now, and we don't need to have them in the same room. But ever since our recent WDW vacation where the boys shared a room for the first time -- previously the travel crib always shared a room with DH and me -- DS1 has been saying he wants to share a room with his brother. (Funny, I grew up sleeping in a "family bed" and shared the same bedroom with both parents plus my younger brother in a crib. I remember how exciting it was to finally get my own room during first grade.) Now I wouldn't have seriously contemplated moving them into one room just because of that request if I have not also been interested in a bunk bed and thinking it would be a good idea for them to grow up sharing a room.

Thanks for the referral to This End Up! I'm not familiar with it so I'll go check it out.

 

[JoAnn]

Years ago (and I do mean...YEARS) when it was time to put our two girls in 'big' beds, we ended up buying a bunk/twin/trundle set. Started out as bunks, then went to trundle and finally to twin beds in separate rooms. That set is still being used by the middle daughter. She moved it to Key West about 15 years ago, refinished it and now it is in a storage area until she finds her own place near us. It was a good maple set.

 

[stmartinfan]

Our kids were 5 & 6 when we moved to our new house, which gave them separate bedrooms. We bought attractive and sturdy bedroom sets for each - certainly much nicer than either my husband or I had grown up with. (My husband shared a room with 3 brothers and two sets of bunks!) The furniture held up well through more than 10 years of hard use, and the bunks just got passed along to a relative with young sons, so it feels as if we got our money's worth on the investment.

I would be cautious about putting up bunks for kids too young. Our youngest did manage to jump down from hers several times, although wasn't hurt.

I understand your concerns about having kids grow up with a sense of entitlement and nor appreciation for what they have. We've had the same issues, and hope we've managed to instill some values. Our oldest is off to college now, and is managing to be frugal with her money, so I guess we'll see in a few years how she handles life on her own.

 

[Teresa]

I have also wondered if it has been a bad idea to have our kids vacation regularly in 2BR timeshares; they have no idea how the average American vacations, and DH is unwilling to stay in Motel 6 and the like for a trip to give our kids that experience. (Whenever I raise this issue DH says "Why should I be punished? I've worked hard to save money to stay in spacious suites on vacations." ) Back to the furniture. So, on the bed choice, I've been thinking how growing up my parents never considered buying some fancy wooden bed. We all had just the metal frame that usually comes with the mattress/box spring set. No one in the family but my parents had a headboard. The first time I owned a nice wooden bed was in my late 20s after DH and I got married as we used some wedding gift money to splurge on a fancy bedroom furniture set. Yet now my kids have Pottery Barn Kids (and the like) crib, bookshelves, etc. and I'm looking at single twin beds (without mattress) that cost $700+ and bunk beds that cost $800+ and I think I'm a bit batty! I want them because I love the look. But will having fancy wooden beds (on top of all the toys, vacations to WDW, cruise vacations, lodgings in spacious and nice 2BR timeshares, etc.) end up shaping my kids in a negative way such that they end up being snobs no matter how often DH and I say things like: "Do most people get to vacation in Disney World?" "Nooooo. Most people cannot afford to go anywhere far for vacation and many cannot afford to visit Disney World at all. So you are very lucky." [DS1 immediately shakes his head when the quesion is asked and nods his head in agreement when we say he is lucky as he has memorized all the correct responses]. "Do most little boys and girls get to stay in their own bedrooms on vacation?" "Noooo. Most little boys and girls have to share a small room with mommy and daddy, and their rooms do not have living room, kitchen, and dining areas." "Do most little boys and girls have all these Thomas trains, tracks, boxes of Legos, CARs toys, and all the other stuff you own?" "Nooooo . . . ." So if I go ahead with the fancy wooden bed, I guess we'll have to add "Do most little boys and girls own a nice wooden bed like yours?" "Nooooo . . . ." And hope all these admonitions make a difference since I can't seem to stop giving the kids things/experiences that I did not have as a child.

Be careful about 'warning' the kids that not everyone gets such nice things. That could backfire on you. Perhaps you can just tell them that YOU are grateful to be able to supply these things at this time as you are in the position to do so.

Your husband is right. He shouldn't have to suffer so you can make your kids 'suffer' like you did just so they can appreciate things when they're older. You wouldn't starve your kids because other kids are starving. They will get some 'harsh reality' when they do get older and find out that mom and dad won't be paying their bills anymore.

It's really all about balance. Some people earn more than others do - either because of education, luck or just boot-strap stuff. Those who earn more SHOULD spend more - and on 'extra' things that are not 'needs' but 'wants'. After all, those 'wants' are supplied by someone (someone who earns his or her living so he/she can buy needs and some wants too). If all of us only had what we needed - well, think of what life would be like.

There is no shame in having a good life. Depriving your children so that they don't take things for granted later in life doesn't seem like a good 'educational style' to me.

 

[Amy]

Be careful about 'warning' the kids that not everyone gets such nice things. That could backfire on you. Perhaps you can just tell them that YOU are grateful to be able to supply these things at this time as you are in the position to do so.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, too. Could you clarify your comments here? I don't see the downside with our current approach (but feel like I should after reading your warning). I forgot to mention that part of the repeated admonitions we give the kids include why they/we are lucky, that mommy and daddy were able to get a good education, found good jobs, saved money, etc., and that not everyone can be so fortunate for different reasons.

And I appreciate reading the posts from others who talk about how long these bedroom furniture can last! I didn't even think about the furniture being around for 18+ years.

 

[pcgirl54]

Amy

I focused our boys this way. Higher education allows one to have a better job so they will be able to support themselves and their family without having to struggle so hard in life.

Now that is indeed simply put for children as there are many factors such as one's drive, work ethic and how one handle's money and investments and of course the self made person. So many counter arguments as one ages but I think you get my point.

 

[3kids4me]

One comment about the bed situation. I bought my son a nice wooden bed when he was younger, but once he grew to a 6' 2" teenager, a twin mattress just wasn't working for him anymore. He now sleeps in a queen...and it's just on a metal frame! So for a boy, I wouldn't necessarily worry about having a bed that lasts forever...at the very least, they will probably end up in an extra long twin if not a larger bed someday!

 

[Liz Wolf-Spada]

We bought a stereo cabinet from thisendup, excellent quality. This was many years ago, but they had an awesome, loft setup for two kids with two desks. I was the oldest and my about 11 absolutely HATED sharing a room with my 2 years younger sib, and it really spoiled our relationship for many, many years.
Liz

 

[pjrose]

Amy

I focused our boys this way. Higher education allows one to have a better job so they will be able to support themselves and their family without having to struggle so hard in life.

Now that is indeed simply put for children as there are many factors such as one's drive, work ethic and how one handle's money and investments and of course the self made person. So many counter arguments as one ages but I think you get my point.

I like this approach, and you can reinforce it with the other factors as they get older.

It's not what you buy and the size of your house or where you vacation that will shape their attitude - it's your attitude and the attitudes of those around them. It doesn't sound like you will bring them up with a sense of entitlement or a snobby attitude.

Don't worry about a Motel Six vacation - instead expose them to other ways of life through volunteering and contributions and organizations such as scouts.

Now, re the bed....we didn't get bunk beds for either our son or our daughter, but I kind of wish we had, because it'd simply be more fun to have a special place for reading, or sleepovers, or a bed for the stuffed animals.....I also was intrigued by the type with a futon couch on the bottom and twin bed on the top. Don't bunk beds separate into two twins? I'd get that type, and keep them separate for now and raise one up when your child is old enough.

Different subject, but one type of thing I would NOT have in the bedroom is a TV, video games, and all the latest gadgets. Who knows what those will even be in 10 or so years.....but along with others who have posted on TUG occasionally, we deal with parental control issues, which are a lot harder to deal with when the kids have access from the privacy of their rooms.

 

[Jbart74]

I skipped the last half of the OP's initial post and all of the responses to say this to Amy: (Sorry, trying to catch up on a lot of missed posts)

Your kids don't care about wooden beds, bedframes, or headboards. At least, not until they are 13 or so, depending on you, your family, and your kids.

Small children fall out of top bunks and die every year. Lots of them. So I'd stay away from that option until your kids are of the recommended age.

Buy them fun toys and inexpensive but supportive twin beds.

JB

 

[marion10]

We bought trundle beds for our kids (at Ikea for one and a used pop up daybed for another). These worked out well, I felt that they were safer than bunk beds and we had extra sleeping space for guests. My in- laws used the pop up trundle when ever they visited in my daughters room and she slept in the lower pull out drawer trundle in my son's room. There are a lot of cute tent type things that go on a regular twin bed to give a cozy feel if you want a special place.

 

[Amy]

You know, I barely gave trundle beds a thought since it seems awkward to have a bed right there; the person in the "real" bed above will probably trip over the one sleeping in the trundle during night time visits to the bathroom? (Still trying to get DS1 night trained -- zero interest on his end.)

I'm holding off on a decision since DS1 tells me he wants to stay in his [very crowded] toddler bed until he is 5 year old. So a few more months to go.

 

[pjrose]

You know, I barely gave trundle beds a thought since it seems awkward to have a bed right there; the person in the "real" bed above will probably trip over the one sleeping in the trundle during night time visits to the bathroom? (Still trying to get DS1 night trained -- zero interest on his end.)

I'm holding off on a decision since DS1 tells me he wants to stay in his [very crowded] toddler bed until he is 5 year old. So a few more months to go.

A thought on Ikea (and other?) Trundles:

We got DD a daybed/drawers-beneath/pull-out-trundle from Ikea. It was a B*&*&^&*& to assemble, and some small missing parts required a trip to another Ikea 2 hours away because their phone/catalog people/system couldn't comprehend what was missing and were going to charge us close to $100 for shipping what a) was their error and b) should fit in a pillowcase, so c) was probably going to be the wrong stuff.

ok, rant aside......we did get it assembled, it looks great (as does DD's entire room of Ikea stuff), and has held up perfectly for at least 5-6 years, maybe longer). (Now she wants to move into DS's room since he's at college, and the thought of disassembling/moving that bed is daunting.)

Though the bed/drawer parts are great, we are unable to use the pull-out trundle part, because of our carpeting. The wheels/casters are built for a solid floor, and the weight of the bed prevents the pull-out part from sliding on the carpet. With two-three people and a lot of difficult lifting, pulling, and wiggling we've gotten it to move on several occasions. If we needed it frequently, we'd rig some kind of vinyl or plywood runners or platform - but in our case we just don't use it.

So....word of advice.....don't count on a trundle, at least not a heavy one, rolling out easily if you have carpeting.

 

[lprstn]

Bunkbeds. I bought them, and they worked fine for my older 3 kids...However, my youngest is more darring and was jumping on the top bunk, fell off at 4 yrs old and got a concussion. That was when I took down the darn bunk bed, cause I knew that kid would go up and do it again.

 

[jlr10]

It is all perspective:

When I was little (under 5) we had bunk beds and I was in the top bunk. I fell out once, and not only wasn't hurt I didn't even wake up. My Sister and I liked the bunk beds because we could put a blanket under the mattress of the top bed, and let it hang over the side, creating a 'cave' of the bottom bed. We would have little camp outs during the day on our imaginary safaris.

As a teenager I got a bed with a pop up trundle. I pulled it out when ever my BFF came over. Several times the pop up trundle collapsed during the night. So many times that she finally requested we not pop up the trundle as she was tired of falling in bed. She was very happy when I got married and her visits meant she finally go to sleep on the twin bed, rather than the trundle unit. 25 years later now she has to sleep on the couch!

We looked at bunk beds when our son was ready to go to a big bed, but he chose a twin bed with drawers underneath so he had a place to stash his many Matchbox cars and train parts. When he turned 13 he requested a new bed and we again looked at bunk beds, as well as loft beds which had the full size bed on the bottom and the twin bed on the top. Instead he chose a bed from Ikea that had a full size bed on the top and nothing underneath. He created a little office space underneath with his computer a nice desk chair and an ottoman which faced his game console. He was able to study, relax, or have a friend over in the space created. He loved the space and still uses it on visits home from college. -If friends slept over (or sleep they still come!) even from an early age, they preferred sleeping bags or the couches in the family room. The point here is really think about he bed as being transitional. Even if they don't physically outgrow the bed, mentally they may want a change.

Another word of advise. Measure the floor to ceiling before purchasing any bunk or loft beds. Some are higher than then look. We did this and thought there was a lot of room, but misjudged. Turns out that 2 feet is not very much when you turn over in the night, or suddenly sit up in bed without remembering how close the ceiling is!

 

[Iwant2gonow]

One comment about the bed situation. I bought my son a nice wooden bed when he was younger, but once he grew to a 6' 2" teenager, a twin mattress just wasn't working for him anymore. He now sleeps in a queen...and it's just on a metal frame! So for a boy, I wouldn't necessarily worry about having a bed that lasts forever...at the very least, they will probably end up in an extra long twin if not a larger bed someday!

When we purchased my son’s wooden bunk beds along with his matching bureau, desk, bookcase above the desk, nightstand and drawers for under the bunks…we planned ahead and purchased the full/queen headboard and stored it until he was ready for the switch. We thought it might be discontinued if we went to purchase it later.
Then he made the decision about when he was ready to give up the bunks. He might have been around 12 years old when we switched the headboard in. Just a thought for the future.
By the way safety was an issue at first and we just did not put the ladder up for the top bunk until he was a bit older. This worked for us.
Good Luck