Do you think others travel as well as they should?

[DaveNV]

This is probably my personal issue more than other people's, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts: Does it bother you when people you care about travel to a place you've visited and know well, and they don't listen or take your advice they asked you for on how to make the most of their time there?

My sister is currently in Hawaii, on a "best friends" trip with her best female friend of many years. It's her first (and likely only) trip to Hawaii. Her friend used to live there, and knows it's much different than it used to be. They're staying in a very nice ocean view room in the Ali'i Tower at the Hilton Hawaiian Village in Waikiki. (This location was their choice - no other islands or parts of Oahu were considered.) They repeatedly asked me ahead of time for all sorts of ideas of things to do, so they can "really get a feel for the experience" of being in Hawaii. I gave them a lot of great ideas of things to do, where to go, what to do/not do, and how to really enjoy the trip. I filtered my suggestions to the sort of things I know they both enjoy doing, keeping in mind their ages (late 60s) and activity levels.

So far, they've done virtually none of it. They have barely left the hotel, and they have minimal plans to do so. The most communication I'm getting are text messages with long rants about how expensive the hotel food is, and how there is no microwave oven in the room (or apparently in the entire hotel.) The beach was too crowded. The sun was too hot. The Friday night fireworks show was so overcrowded, they stayed in their room and watched from their balcony. (Seriously? Your room is so good you have a view of the beach fireworks and you're complaining that the beach was crowded for the event?) The only things they have scheduled is attending a luau on the hotel property tomorrow, (with complaints about how expensive the tickets were), and a visit to the Waikiki Aquarium on Tuesday. No "circle island" tour, no Pearl Harbor, no visits to anything with Hawaiian culture, not even a ride around Waikiki on the city bus. They're not even spending much time on the beach - they're hanging out in the room watching TV, in between sending me complaining text messages about everything.

I'm biting my tongue, and responding with kind words of encouragement, but I'm thinking my wonderful sister may be missing an opportunity to thoroughly enjoy her "vacation of a lifetime." I'm afraid she's going to be one of those people who comes back from Hawaii and complains that it was just an expensive tourist trap. I'm doing my best to not be "that guy" who says "What about ____" and insisting they do something they may not want to do. But if they never see or do anything outside the room, they could as easily have gone on vacation anywhere, for a lot less money.

So tell me: Am I being insensitive for wanting them to do more? Do I just keep my mouth shut, smile, and let my sister complain? I know if I was there, I could show her a fantastic time, so maybe that's my issue - I know what they're missing, and I don't think they do. My nerves are on edge, thinking they're wasting a wonderful opportunity.

How do you handle it when people you care about don't do what you want them to? LOL!

Dave

 

[VacationForever]

They made the first mistake by staying at Waikiki. If they had stayed at Marriott's Ko Olina, they might be complaining less. MKO has a full kitchen, good views etc.

There is not much you can do at this point other than reminding them about getting out and doing the Pearl Harbour etc. If you can afford it, I would suggest that you can work on the timing with your sister and plan for a future trip to Hawaii with her. I do that for my friends and family.

 

[Passepartout]

As I said in another thread, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink" . You can tell people the things you have found of value at any location you've visited, and then read a TUG post from them about the Wi-Fi being so slow that they can't stream the TV from home.

It's like seeing a restaurant review that the food is so bad that they couldn't eat it, AND THE SERVINGS ARE SOOO SMALL!!!

Oh well.

Jim

 

[PamMo]

On the contrary, Dave, you're being sensitive in wanting to help your sister and her friend have a memorable trip! That's very nice. You just can't control everything, so let it go. Don't beat yourself up over how she and her friend choose to spend their time on Oahu. You've offered your advice, it's their decision if they want to take it or not.

 

[mjm1]

Dave, I feel your pain. All you can do is share your knowledge and let them take it or leave. I’ve had family and friends do similar things and it is frustrating, but I just let it go.

I like the idea someone shared earlier about taking her along on a future trip, but I would make her do it on her own dime for travel, food and incidentals. However, the risk you run is if she has a bad attitude about the experiences she may have a negative impact on your enjoyment of the trip.

Part of family life.

Best regards.

Mike

 

[WinniWoman]

This kind of thing happens to me all the time. I hate it!

 

[vacationhopeful]

Sound like neither of them takes the lead in their life. It was easy to buy a plane ticket for an adventure that everyone else gave SO MUCH adoration and praise for taking off and going on .. but the reality of being in a STRANGE LAND is it was too foreign to their existance. Too cheap to pay for tours; too scared to TRY anything; just easier and safer to just watch the TV in the unit..

I sent a good longterm friend to Wyndham Resort Pompano Beach just once .. told him "DO NOT GO TO THE OWNER"S UPDATE ... as it is a hard sell sales pitch". He went, he brought and DID NOT tell me for a good month after he got back home. Then he offered to GIVE me the fixed week points contract. Told him I would be HAPPY to help him learn, but READ the Member's picture book. He told me reading was NOT his thing .. he was a retired elementary school principal with 2 master's degrees ... and I call "Bull ....". He then PAID a company to take it off his hands.

And I decided I did NOT NEED to hear one more time .. how I did NOT help him out... now an EX-FRIEND.

 

[bnoble]

Does it bother you when people you care about travel to a place you've visited and know well, and they don't listen or take your advice they asked you for on how to make the most of their time there?

No.

 

[VegasBella]

Yeah it does bother me when people completely ignore my advice and then complain. Personally I would probably say something but all I’d say would be something along the lines of
“I’m sorry you’re not enjoying your trip as much as you’d hoped. But please try to keep your complaints to yourself or the resort because honestly I love Hawaii and I don’t want your negativity to rub off on me.”

I feel the way you mentioned about people who visit New Orleans and never leave the Quarter. Or people who come to Vegas and never leave the Strip. But mostly that’s fine so long as they dont complain about it. The complaining is what gets me.

A relative recently came to visit a local relative. The visitor complained about how much they hated Vegas and couldn’t find anything - ANYTHING - worth doing here. Made my blood boil.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[silentg]

It bothers me when family or friends come here and tell me what the like or don’t like about Florida. They know all the shortcuts and places to go and when it’s a good time to go to the parks. One relative listens to people at work, who recommend places to go and things to do. Why that person knows more than I who has lived here 30 years is beyond me. I’ve learned to just go with it, let them do what they want. We are here if they want to visit and we will go along to places, just don’t give much advice anymore because people at work know better than us! ( sarcasm)
Silentg

 

[vacationhopeful]

If I take the time to answer someone about recommendations on things & places for their vacation .. I figure it is their choice as to what they finally decide to do. BUT do not complain to me about the lousy time on ANYTHING I did NOT recommend .. or the rotten weather (like any of us has control over the weather esp if anything .. like high humidity ... a regional thing you did not research). The "I should have listen to you" person will NOT get any help in the future .. good or bad .. I just won't know that location or area .. even if I went there LAST WEEK or LAST YEAR .... "I just don't know".

 

[DaveNV]

Thanks, all. I understand it's not my fault if they don't do the things I suggested. It's just frustrating to think they're wasting the opportunity to do something they can't do at home. Let's get real: They can watch Judge Judy anytime...

My sister texted me this morning that the hotel delivered a microwave to their room. Small victories. (Not sure why it was so important to them - they have no groceries.) I'm also being told the issues of them not doing things is more about the friend (the one who used to live there, who is pushy and very demanding most of the time), not wanting to do them. Likely, that's all because she thinks she knows all about it, and isn't interested. That pretty well leaves my sister hanging in the wind, since this was supposed to be about friends having a good time together. I think my sister is feeling she has to do the things her friend wants to do, and is being made to feel guilty if she wants to do something her friend doesn't want to. (Which is another thing I have issues with - taking trips with people who make it all about them, and who don't care about what you might want to do.)

They're currently at the Swap Meet out by the Stadium, so the friend could save money on souvenirs. And it cost them $57 for a taxi ride out there. I presume it'll be another $57 to get back. So much for saving money on souvenirs! I am SO done with this. It's becoming laughable.

I just told my sister that I'll take her to Hawaii another time, without her friend, and show her things the way it should be seen. She sent me back a huge "thumbs up." I feel better. My sister isn't usually one to complain like that. I'm thinking she was echoing the friend's complaints, which are likely to be regular and loud.

Dave, feeling a bit relieved.

 

[silentg]

That’s too bad.We visited Hawaii in 2016 and will probably be our only trip. We spent 3 days at Kolina and my cousin who lives in Honolulu came over and took us around for a day. We visited the Dole Plant Turtle Bay and the shopping area there.
We booked a trip to Pearl Harbor and the US Arizona.
We then flew to Maui for a week where we took a trip to the road to Hana. We rented a car on Maui and explored on our own too.
We had very nice weather and enjoyed the resorts we stayed at very much. Also the beaches!
I hope you can take your sister to see some of the nice parts of Hawaii.
Silentg

 

[bnoble]

I just told my sister that I'll take her to Hawaii another time, without her friend, and show her things the way it should be seen. She sent me back a huge "thumbs up." I feel better. My sister isn't usually one to complain like that. I'm thinking she was echoing the friend's complaints, which are likely to be regular and loud.

I can imagine how relieving that must be. Good for you (and for her)!

 

[DaveNV]

I hope you can take your sister to see some of the nice parts of Hawaii.
Silentg

I've already started looking into taking her next year. She's my only sister, and I do what I can to look out for her. And I'm always looking for another excuse to go back to Hawaii.

Dave

 

[WalnutBaron]

I've already started looking into taking her next year. She's my only sister, and I do what I can to look out for her. And I'm always looking for another excuse to go back to Hawaii.

Dave

Just tell her you're willing to make this personal sacrifice out of your love for her, and that the only thing she has to promise is that she will allow you to be her personal tour guide. Then you can do the circle the island tour, Pearl Harbor, the Punchbowl Cemetery, maybe even a helicopter tour. It sounds like she needs some inspiration, and Dave--you're just the right guy to give that to her!

 

[DaveNV]

Just tell her you're willing to make this personal sacrifice out of your love for her, and that the only thing she has to promise is that she will allow you to be her personal tour guide. Then you can do the circle the island tour, Pearl Harbor, the Punchbowl Cemetery, maybe even a helicopter tour. It sounds like she needs some inspiration, and Dave--you're just the right guy to give that to her!

Thanks. I definitely know I can show her a better time than she's having with her friend.

Dave

 

[dougp26364]

This is probably my personal issue more than other people's, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts: Does it bother you when people you care about travel to a place you've visited and know well, and they don't listen or take your advice they asked you for on how to make the most of their time there?


So tell me: Am I being insensitive for wanting them to do more? Do I just keep my mouth shut, smile, and let my sister complain? I know if I was there, I could show her a fantastic time, so maybe that's my issue - I know what they're missing, and I don't think they do. My nerves are on edge, thinking they're wasting a wonderful opportunity.

How do you handle it when people you care about don't do what you want them to? LOL!

Dave

Yep, you're being to sensitive IMHO.

I usually give advice when someone asks. What they do with it is their business and their vacation.

Now, if all I get to hear are complaints, either from taking my suggestions or not taking my suggestions, I'm a lot less inclined to put any effort into giving advice on future travels. I mean, if you think I'm putting effort into something only to hear complaints, why would I want to waste my time and effort giving someone ideas who either doesn't use them or complains about them? At the very least a small amount of appreciation for the effort would seem to be in order.

I'd take this as a lesson learned. If your asked again, I'd mention a few things and leave it at that. I sure wouldn't put any time, effort or energy into it again.

 

[heathpack]

lol Dave I totally value your Utah advice and will make the most of it.

All the time people I know express the idea that they “wish” they could travel like I do. I do lots of homework though and am willing to try off the beaten path things and plan WAY ahead. Having FF miles and hotel points at the right times, working timeshare exchanges well in advance, asking for time off ahead of other people at work, plus studying maps and transit times and how I’m gonna get around once I get there.

Then people want advice and 35 seconds into my trying to explain the gist, they are already bored. Which is fine, some people don’t want to work that hard on their travel plans. Some of em have great trips anyway. Some think travel is Meh.

To each his own, I can usually tell who is not really interested and I abbreviate my advice so as not to waste everyone’s time.

Glad your sister will get to go to Hawaii with you, it’s so awesome when done well...

 

[DaveNV]

More thanks, everyone. I agree I was probably taking this harder than I would have for anybody else. But now that I've decided the only way I can show my sister "my" Hawaii is to take her there myself, I'm fine with things. Her friend is a pretty strong character, and tries to make every conversation or situation about herself. So this trip is turning out to be all about her as well. Even though the trip was suggested by the friend in the first place, I think it was because she wanted to go, but didn't want to go alone.

The part that I haven't been able to figure out is they aren't doing much of ANYTHING with their time. They aren't visiting the friend's old neighborhood, they aren't trying to find old haunts or landmarks. They're just hanging around the hotel. I'm someone who is constantly on the go when on vacation, and I don't understand those who just plop down in a chair and sit there. This is one of those times.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

lol Dave I totally value your Utah advice and will make the most of it.

Then people want advice and 35 seconds into my trying to explain the gist, they are already bored. Which is fine, some people don’t want to work that hard on their travel plans. Some of em have great trips anyway. Some think travel is Meh.

Glad your sister will get to go to Hawaii with you, it’s so awesome when done well...

I agree, and thanks for taking my Utah tips under consideration.

Somebody once told me people don't listen to hear what you're saying - they listen only to form their next sentence.

I'm laying Hawaii plans for next year with my sister. I think spending a few days on Oahu to see the high points, then spending a week on Kauai to relax and see some of my favorite scenery will serve both of us very well.

Dave

 

[VacationForever]

The part that I haven't been able to figure out is they aren't doing much of ANYTHING with their time. They aren't visiting the friend's old neighborhood, they aren't trying to find old haunts or landmarks. They're just hanging around the hotel. I'm someone who is constantly on the go when on vacation, and I don't understand those who just plop down in a chair and sit there. This is one of those times.

Dave

Funny you said this. We do sometimes plop down in our timeshare resort and hardly visit places except for FOOD, as we tend to eat out alot. It is usually the case at areas that we have been to many times and have seen most attractions. These days, most of our US timeshare stays are centered around golf as my husband loves golf. Obviously we have wonderful golf back home too. When we are back at the resort, I get on TUG and my husband in on his computer games.

 

[heathpack]

I agree, and thanks for taking my Utah tips under consideration. Somebody once told me people don't listen to hear what you're saying - they listen only to form their next sentence.

I'm laying Hawaii plans for next year with my sister. I think spending a few days on Oahu to see the high points, then spending a week on Kauai to relax and see some of my favorite scenery will serve both of us very well.

Dave

Unbelievably I’ve never been to Kauai. A friend just built a house there too, we’re invited whenever we want.

 

[DaveNV]

Unbelievably I’ve never been to Kauai. A friend just built a house there too, we’re invited whenever we want.

Take your bike. Waimea Canyon has some amazing trails!

Dave

 

[heathpack]

Really? This is the person who let me try his mountain bike when we were visiting him in Breckenridge (he’s since moved).

He had to have back surgery but is doing well, so maybe we can ride a little if we make it out...