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Hitting the "decline" button on incoming cell calls? Rude or Favor?

mdurette

mdurette

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I spend a good amount of time on my cell phone for work. When I am talking to a customer and another call comes in I tend to hit the decline button so the call goes straight to voice mail.

My dear teenager, says that is rude. I think I'm doing them a favor so they don't need to sit through all the ringing before it goes to my voice mail.

It wasn't until I did it to a co-worker today (who gave me grief for doing it) that I realized that some people may find it insulting to get sent to VM right away.

So, I ask. If you call someone and they decline your call and send you straight to voice mail, are you insulted?
 
No one I would want to talk to ever calls me, so I wish there were a ruder way to dispatch them.

But on topic, I don't think it's rude at all. If you don't decline them, the beeps are walking over whoever you are already in conversation with.
 
And immediate transfer to voicemail is what would happen if your phone were off, and possibly with some phones or systems if you were already on a call and had another one ringing when a third call arrived. Anyway, you don't have to admit to it.
 
mdurette said:
I spend a good amount of time on my cell phone for work. When I am talking to a customer and another call comes in I tend to hit the decline button so the call goes straight to voice mail.

My dear teenager, says that is rude. I think I'm doing them a favor so they don't need to sit through all the ringing before it goes to my voice mail.

It wasn't until I did it to a co-worker today (who gave me grief for doing it) that I realized that some people may find it insulting to get sent to VM right away.

So, I ask. If you call someone and they decline your call and send you straight to voice mail, are you insulted?
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Teens are especially sensitive about "doing the wrong thing". But this is business. I can't explain your co-worker. The most important call is the one that you are on.

If I was on the phone with you and you put me on hold to take another call I would be annoyed. Also, sometimes I just want to leave a short message so I am pretty relieved when it goes to voicemail. It is just so much more efficient to do business that way. If someone is "insulted" they need to toughen up a bit because it is nothing personal (at least I don't think that it's personal :D )
 
I don't think it's rude at all.

What is rude is when you are talking to someone face-to-face, and someone else walks up, and expects that you will immediately divert your attention to them instead of the person you have been talking to.

To me, I consider the phone ringing when I'm on another call to be much the same as if I was engaged in a conversation and another person came and stood to the side, looking for a chance to talk. Nothing wrong with that. But if that person expects me to stop the other conversation to attend to them that is over the line, like my rude person above. And if I drop the call to talk to the other person, that is the same as if in face-to-face I stopped talking to one person in favor of the person who just walked up. That would be rude on my part.

Of course, there are exceptions. If I get a phone call and it is an urgent matter, I may tell the other person that I need to put them on hold because it's an urgent matter. But in a face-to-face conversation I might do the same thing if I knew it was an urgent matter. With a promise, that I make sure to fulfill, to get back to the first person as soon as possible.

So, overall, I think the same conversational rules.
 
Tech in general is rude. Don’t give it another thought, live your life your way and direct people to Miss Manners if they dont like it. No idea if Miss M has covered this, don’t care, let the rude person declaring you rude sort it out.
 
I think the opposite is true. I am of the mindset that it is rude for a person to prioritize a phone call over an in-person conversation. That is what voicemail and texting is for.

Kurt
 
As long as you actually check and respond to your voice mail, then I think it's good. I think your teen is reacting based on the fact that Zoomers rarely check or listen--let alone respond--to voice mails. Some don't even set up their voice mail. I've found this true for younger Millennials as well.
 
Not rude imho and agree w/below being rude

T_R_Oglodyte said:
I don't think it's rude at all.

What is rude is when you are talking to someone face-to-face, and someone else walks up, and expects that you will immediately divert your attention to them instead of the person you have been talking to.
Click to expand...
 
I hate it when someone tells me to "hang on a minute - I've got to take this call". It makes me feel like my conversation is not important. That would especially be true if I were talking to someone on a business call. I have had someone tell me when I first call that they are expecting a call and might have to call me back if it comes through. That is OK, but then I have the option of asking if I can schedule a call for a specific time.
 
pittle said:
I hate it when someone tells me to "hang on a minute - I've got to take this call". It makes me feel like my conversation is not important. That would especially be true if I were talking to someone on a business call. I have had someone tell me when I first call that they are expecting a call and might have to call me back if it comes through. That is OK, but then I have the option of asking if I can schedule a call for a specific time.
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Exactly, with a couple of provisos.

If I initiate the call, then I should never tell the other person that I may have to take another call. I need to schedule my call for when I can give the other person my attention. If I am the person being called, I feel more open to saying I need to take the other call if it is a call I'm expecting. But then I need to let the caller know at the start of the conversation that I may need to drop off and give the caller the option of trying for another time. And this all presumes that the person calling me has a legitimate reason for their call. (I.e., not a cold sales call, a pollster, or with some other ulterior motive).
 
pittle said:
I hate it when someone tells me to "hang on a minute - I've got to take this call". It makes me feel like my conversation is not important. That would especially be true if I were talking to someone on a business call. I have had someone tell me when I first call that they are expecting a call and might have to call me back if it comes through. That is OK, but then I have the option of asking if I can schedule a call for a specific time.
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That’s what I do - I tell the person that I’m expecting a callback and on the off chance that the person calls back - I may have to end our call prematurely and find another time to finish our conversation. Most folks don’t seem to mind as long as you inform them up front that this may occur.

Bigger picture there seems to be an overall expectation that there’s an implicit obligation to reply to any form of personal asynchronous communication modality - whether email, text, voicemail, etc. I don’t personally believe this to be the case. I’m under no implicit obligation to reply to anything if I chose not to do so. Expectations like this are simply premeditated resentments. I have no expectation that anyone is under any obligation to respond to my inquiries until and unless they chose to do so. That includes friends and family. If we are using synchronous communication methods like face to face conversation, phone conversation, video conferencing, etc. then of course we have to carry a conversation - but even then if I’m not comfortable discussing a particular topic I reserve the right to state that fact and suspend the topic at hand.

Business conversations have different rules of course - there are obligations that come with our roles and responsibilities that translate into the necessity to discuss certain topics and to reply back within certain acceptable timeframes.

I’m Gen-X so I didn’t grow up with these newer technologies like Millennials and Gen Z did. I can still remember rotary phones and even the lost art of letter writing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
pittle said:
I hate it when someone tells me to "hang on a minute - I've got to take this call". It makes me feel like my conversation is not important. That would especially be true if I were talking to someone on a business call. I have had someone tell me when I first call that they are expecting a call and might have to call me back if it comes through. That is OK, but then I have the option of asking if I can schedule a call for a specific time.
Click to expand...
My best friend does this to me a lot. Usually her "just a minute" can drag on and on. Okay, the other call, or whoever is at the door, is important. But next time I'm going to tell her to just call me back when she's done.
 
I should also add that if I don't recognize the incoming phone number or the name of the person calling, I don't answer the phone even if I'm not on a call at the time. So even less so if I'm on a call.

If a person needs to get in touch with me and I don't know the number, they can leave a voice message and I will get back to them. My name and phone number are not blocked, so that other person should be able to know that I'm returning their call. And that allows me to call when it is convenient for me and when I can give them my attention.
 
Luanne said:
My best friend does this to me a lot. Usually her "just a minute" can drag on and on. Okay, the other call, or whoever is at the door, is important. But next time I'm going to tell her to just call me back when she's done.
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My father does this to me. It just never fails, I call him and we start talking then the phone clicks and he says "I have another call coming in". I have reminded him that he is *already* on a call. It goes right over his head because he feels the need to respond to the beep immediately. After years of this I just gave up. I rarely call him any more. Just email/text.
 
Luanne said:
My best friend does this to me a lot. Usually her "just a minute" can drag on and on. Okay, the other call, or whoever is at the door, is important. But next time I'm going to tell her to just call me back when she's done.
Click to expand...
If my "best friend" consistently did that to me, I'd re-evaluate how much of a "best friend" they really are.
 
mdurette said:
I spend a good amount of time on my cell phone for work. When I am talking to a customer and another call comes in I tend to hit the decline button so the call goes straight to voice mail.

My dear teenager, says that is rude. I think I'm doing them a favor so they don't need to sit through all the ringing before it goes to my voice mail.

It wasn't until I did it to a co-worker today (who gave me grief for doing it) that I realized that some people may find it insulting to get sent to VM right away.

So, I ask. If you call someone and they decline your call and send you straight to voice mail, are you insulted?
Click to expand...
When you send it to voice mail anyone that is trying to sell you something just hangs up, saving you time to listen to your friends messages along with important message you can return later.
 
PcflEZFlng said:
If my "best friend" consistently did that to me, I'd re-evaluate how much of a "best friend" they really are.
Click to expand...
No she really is my best friend. I give her leeway due to all she's been through in the past few years. Husband died, got burned out in the Paradise Camp Fire, had to start all over again in Florida, got evacuated there soon after she moved in. Her intention is good when she puts me on hold for "just a minute" and it doesn't happen every time we talk, but next time I will just suggest she call me back.
 
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