Eldercare

[MelBay]

I have just entered eldercare hell. Without giving the entire story, here it is in a nutshell:

1. My 91-year old mother has been in an Alzheimer's home for 18 months.
2. My 85-year old father had a stroke November 10 and fell down a flight of stairs. He is now only receiving "comfort care" as the brain bleed is so severe.
3. I'm an only child.
4. He has 10 pieces of real estate, 8 of which he is carrying the mortgage/note on. He was doing sub-prime lending before it was cool.

He actually fell down the steps at house #9 while showing it. So, obviously I need to get this thing bringing in some income so we can keep mom where she is to the tune of $6500 a month.

Does anyone dabble in real estate like this? We have a guy who wants to look at the house tonight, and we obviously need some kind of a contract or something to sign, and then we probably should run a credit check?

My husband is being as helpful as he can, but this is new territory for him too. My dad told me bits & pieces over the years, but you just are never prepared to accept all this responsibility, especially in light of all the other issues I'm dealing with, such as Living Wills, feeding tubes, etc..... 10 days ago I didn't know what Palliative Care was. Now I know more than I care to.

So, can you recommend a good simple contract (web site?) along with a website to do tenant screening? I Googled "tenant screening" and the results were overwhelming so any help anyone can give would be most apprciated.

Off to Walgreen's to pick up my Xanax.

 

[Winky7650]

A little help

We use www.Landlord.com for a great deal of questions. We currently have 18 rental units (in a college town ), and I have found the site to be very informative. The other thing you may want to do is find a Realtor in your area that handles rentals. They do take a percentage of the lease/rental price each month, however they also do the advertising, screen the tenants, provide leases/contracts and most of the telephone calls with problems.

I wish you the best.

Kim

 

[Jya-Ning]

If you can not find a good realtor or don't feel comfortable about anyone you saw, try go through your father's documents. He may have prior lease, some lease template, some application template. And he may keep it very organized. You need to figure out all the payment and stuff now.

There are a lot of sites that charge an amount and will run a simple credit check on your potential tenant. You need to have a credit check form and have them signed.

Jya-Ning

 

[Rose Pink]

I can't help you but I do wish you well. Being thrown into these things can really take a toll on one's sanity.

I've been told that attorneys specializing in elder issues (Elder Attorneys) are the best way to go as they know the ups and downs of medicare, medicaid, assets, etc that are specific to this age group and their specialized legal needs.

 

[marion10]

I am so sorry you are going through this. This is a case where you really need legal advice- you need to make sure you have the necessary authority to act for your father.

 

[camachinist]

Yep, durable power of attorney for health care and for finance. I'd call a trusted friend/colleague who uses legal help and get a referral to an attorney.

If you need support (the emotional kind) as well as information, I run an ad-hoc forum on dementia and have been through this (for over 5 years now). My mom is currently in a SNF on MediCal and has a number of excluded assets and a trust. It can get complex. I am also an only child (and male to boot )

Did I say contact an attorney?

If the guy wants the house, he'll wait until everything is in order. Be honest.

Pat

 

[funtime]

Prior to his recent setback, your Dad sounded like a financial genius!

I am sorry to hear of the setbacks your parents are facing. I hope you are proud of your Dad because if he has eight pieces of property most of which he was actively managing he sounds like a very active senior and a good manager. I am sure that it will be tough to sort out all of your issues -- the truly economic from the emotional decisions that have to be made. For the emotional decisions, it sounds like you have your husband to help and that is good. As to the truly economic side, managing property is a skill and it can be learned. Even if you delegate to others you want to get as much handle on things as you can as to what your parents own, collection policies, rentals etc. As to being a landlord, there are many books on the subject as it is one of the easiest ways for middle income folks to start trying to amass wealth. Your library or bookstore should have some good titles and you should read two or three. As to selection of tenants, while the lease is important, the right selection of the right tenant is more important. What you are looking for is a tenant who really wants to stay in the property and live there - hopefully for two, three or four years. Most often no one will commit for more than one year but you are specifically looking for those who commit for one year but in actuality want to stay longer. People to stay away from -- those new to the area who want to rent before they buy a house (short termers), parents looking for a place for their student son or daughters, unstable roommate situations or unstable job situations, people with lots of pets or who are otherwise hard on a piece of property and generally folks that exude an air of instability about them. In my view, picking a tenant is harder than finding the right lease. Also, remember good tenants come in all colors -- something that we often overlook when looking for the right tenant. What you are looking for is the tenant that really loves the place and is stable. Good luck! Funtime.

 

[Laurie]

If you do have financial power of attorney, can you decide to sell a property as opposed to keeping it for a rental? I agree you should consult an attorney specializing in this first.

I'm not sure where you live in relation to where your folks live, but if being a long-term landlord isn't your wish, and given how much else you're having to deal with at the moment, perhaps you don't want to enter into a long lease at this point, until you know better what your options are. It's not always better to collect a few month's rent than to let a rental property sit open for a few months while you are making major decisions.

If you do decide to keep and manage the property yourselves, here's one website we've used on occasion for quickly running credit checks - and criminal checks, if you decide to:
www.tenantverification.com
... we don't always bother, but on occasion have. We own and manage 9 residential properties, and at times it's quite a bit of work. I wouldn't call it passive income.

I wish you the best, too - wow.

 

[LUVourMarriotts]

The other thing you may want to do is find a Realtor in your area that handles rentals. They do take a percentage of the lease/rental price each month, however they also do the advertising, screen the tenants, provide leases/contracts and most of the telephone calls with problems.

This is different depending on your local area. For instance, in NH, the renter paid the realtor the fee and then the realtor didn't get anything from the landlord or the monthly rent. In NY, the realtor set up a fee with the landlord and it was a 1 time payment. This was in my experience at least, when I was a renter.

So what I'm saying is, don't be worried that a realtor might take some money from you until you actually go and find out how it works in your area.

Good luck working through these difficult times.

 

[Jennie]

As soon as possible, contact the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys
www.naela.org/About_WhoWeAre.aspx?Internal=true
to locate a member attorney in your area.

You have so many more important issues than a lease to deal with. There are apparently a lot of assets involved, and handling them responsibly, in the best interest of both of your parents, requires expert legal advice.

I can tell you, based upon a "nightmare" experience a dear friend of mine went through a few years ago, that there can be serious legal and financial ramifications for some actions you may innocently engage in that seemed to be the correct thing to do, until the police and courts suddenly haul you in and allege that you have violated some laws you never knew existed.

I'm so sorry you are going through all these devastating things right now. You are doing the right thing trying your best to do what's needed for your parents. But you need to enlist the help of professionals to take care of the legal and financial aspects of the situation, while you focus on providing the love and emotional support your Mom and Dad (and you too!) need.

 

[Big Matt]

My advice is to find someone who will actually service all of these loans. Your headaches will include collections, etc. You may even see if someone will buy the notes (a bank or mortgage company) so that you can get the money out. Before doing this, you need to consult a tax attorney to understand the legal in IRS implications.

 

[bogey21]

One of the things we should all get out of this is our own responsibility to prepare, and keep current, detailed instructions for when we either die or become unable to handle our own affairs.

I am 72, active and as far as I know in 100% good health. Nevertheless, I have put together detailed (over 50 typewritten pages) info on every aspect of my legal and financial affairs, account numbers; phone numbers of friends, accountants, lawyers; location of items; copies of my will, instructions to physicans, car titles, and deeds; necessary web sites with ID and passwords, etc. There is also detailed instructions how to manage each item and every contingency I could think of. Example: who to call to have me cremated locally anywhere I may die while traveling in the US.

It took a while to prepare but thanks to Microsoft Word and my trusty HP printer it takes only about an hour a week to update. IMHO my one hour a week should save those who survive me months, maybe years of research and effort.

GEORGE

 

[camachinist]

Excellent advice George; my father, who was a CPA, had such instructions and a trust prepared before he died 22 years ago and made sure my mom understood the necessity for powers of attorney, which she had in place long before she developed dementia. As a result, I've had it so much "easier" in that regard than many of the people I assist. The dementia part was and is still hard, but I surely empathize with those who deal with both that and the logistical nightmare of finance and health care too.

Sounds like the OP has gotten a lot of good advice. Hope they take this long weekend to soak it in and form a plan of action.

Pat

 

[Rose Pink]

One of the things we should all get out of this is our own responsibility to prepare, and keep current, detailed instructions for when we either die or become unable to handle our own affairs.

I am 72, active and as far as I know in 100% good health. Nevertheless, I have put together detailed (over 50 typewritten pages) info on every aspect of my legal and financial affairs, account numbers; phone numbers of friends, accountants, lawyers; location of items; copies of my will, instructions to physicans, car titles, and deeds; necessary web sites with ID and passwords, etc. There is also detailed instructions how to manage each item and every contingency I could think of. Example: who to call to have me cremated locally anywhere I may die while traveling in the US.

It took a while to prepare but thanks to Microsoft Word and my trusty HP printer it takes only about an hour a week to update. IMHO my one hour a week should save those who survive me months, maybe years of research and effort.

GEORGE

As one of those who has had to comb the house for documents, search their relevance and validity, attempt to organize them, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc I can so attest to the importance of what you have done and continue to do weekly. Your heirs will never know the magnitude of what you have done for them. Communication between the generations is vital. Printed, legal documents are invaluable. So, "kids," if your parents haven't already, you need to take the steps now to get the ball rolling or you'll end up like me and a host of others. You have no idea the headache and hassle you are going to face!

George, you are one of my heroes.

 

[funtime]

Follow in your Dad's footsteps for now.

I have been thinking more about your financial issues and I think that for the very immediate future you should follow in your Dad's footsteps. If he decided that renting the place was what he wanted to do, you should do that rather than try to sell it. Also look around to see if your Dad has a will or trust or if he has a lawyer call the lawyer and ask him or her. It may be that your Dad is more organized about his affairs and you just do not know it yet. Maybe there is a safety deposit box at a local bank that has vital documents as well.

Admittedly this is not the best time of the year to rent but neither is it the best time to sell. As a matter of fact, it is a terrible time to sell property in a lot of places such as Southern California. The market is fairly dead due to the mortgage implosion. My family tried to sell two townhomes in Southern Orange County and they were both in great shape and would have easily sold 18 months ago -- we ended up renting both of them to wait out this crisis after suffering vacancies for five months on one and eight months on the other as we tried to sell them. And, everyone else that had theirs up for sale in the same community (another three or four) rented theirs too. So my suggestion is to rent the property your Dad was trying to rent or get a real estate agent to do it for you. Then start looking to see if your Dad has a will or trust in place and a lawyer. If he does, contact him or her. If he does not, interview several lawyers from the eldercare list -- especially those that have experience in real estate. They may also have a network of elder care professionals that they work with. Good luck! Funtime

 

[MelBay]

I apologize for not thanking everyone for the advice and suggestions.

My dad died on 11/23 (day after Thanksgiving) and I'm just starting to come up for air. I can't even make myself decorate for Christmas, but there will be another next year and I'll be in a better mood when the next one comes.

So far, I have

• found a property management company who will service the loans and screen tenants for the two empty houses
• cleaned most of what I want out of the house
• hired an estate sale person to sell all their stuff & clean out the house
• made the very tough decision to move mom to a less posh nursing home. The new one is clean & nice (a not-for-profit) but the ceilings aren't as high, consequently they seem to be able to get by on $1000 less a month...

My biggest stresser right now is watching my mother's grief. She's not sure who she's grieving for, she just knows that she used to have almost constant companionship, and suddenly no one is there most of the time. She just wants to go be with my dad, and I can't say that I blame her. If I had Alzheimer's, couldn't walk, could barely hold a fork, and was incontinent, I wouldn't want to be here either.

This too shall pass with time. For anyone who doesn't have their affairs in order, PLEASE give this gift to your family. Things could have been much worse, but he could have done some things that would have held immensely, like buying LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE! My name was on virtually everything, so I was able to step in and write checks, get in the safety deposit box, etc.

I hope everyone has a very happy holiday, and if you have an elder in your life that you haven't hugged in a while, it might be a nice thing to do for them for Christmas.

 

[Fern Modena]

Mel,
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. If I could reach you, I'd give you the biggest hug I have.

Take care,

Fern

 

[Jennie]

We share your sorrow. Many TUG members will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.

 

[pcgirl54]

Mel,

I feel for you deeply and know this phase is not an easy road for them or your mother. All we can do is love them and help them whichever way we are able. I hope you find some comfort in this during this time of year. We are all here to listen.

Pat,

My parents were married 62 years. Mom died of Alzheimer's 6 years ago which she had for 12 long years. My Dad who will be 90 in January of 08 misses her so much.

Dad was the primary caregiver in their home with the help of Hospice in the final months. I do not know how he did it. He says it was harder than being a POW in WWII. It broke my heart to see them suffer. It showed me the deep love they had for each other no matter what trials they endured. That was their gift to me.

 

[Rose Pink]

I extend my sympathies to you and to your mother. I am glad you have been able to get things in order and found a nice place for your mother. As you've found out, price and posh-ness does not always define good care. Always look for the staff to resident ratio. The nice, clean, but "less than new" places sometimes provide better overall care. Your advice about planning in advance is timely and true. We should not make it so hard on our children. Thank you for reminding us all.