• The TUGBBS forums are completely free and open to the public and exist as the absolute best place for owners to get help and advice about their timeshares for more than 30 years!

    Join Tens of Thousands of other Owners just like you here to get any and all Timeshare questions answered 24 hours a day!
  • TUG started 31 years ago in October 1993 as a group of regular Timeshare owners just like you!

    Read about our 30th anniversary: Happy 31st Birthday TUG!
  • TUG has a YouTube Channel to produce weekly short informative videos on popular Timeshare topics!

    Free memberships for every 50 subscribers!

    Visit TUG on Youtube!
  • TUG has now saved timeshare owners more than $23,000,000 dollars just by finding us in time to rescind a new Timeshare purchase! A truly incredible milestone!

    Read more here: TUG saves owners more than $23 Million dollars
  • Sign up to get the TUG Newsletter for free!

    Tens of thousands of subscribing owners! A weekly recap of the best Timeshare resort reviews and the most popular topics discussed by owners!
  • Our official "end my sales presentation early" T-shirts are available again! Also come with the option for a free membership extension with purchase to offset the cost!

    All T-shirt options here!
  • A few of the most common links here on the forums for newbies and guests!

Why Judging Other People During Lockdown Can Do More Harm Than Good

TravelTime

TUG Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2018
Messages
8,114
Reaction score
6,470
Location
California
Resorts Owned
All Resale: MVC DPs, Marriott Ko Olina, Marriott Marbella, WKOVR-N, Four Seasons Aviara
As small numbers of people continue to ignore social distancing measures, many others who have been stuck indoors for days on end and are worried about their health, or the health of their loved ones, are raging as a result.

The actions of others pose a threat. As therapist Pam Custers puts it: “They’re symbolically running a red light.” We know the potential danger and strain on health services that may come from those who don’t properly social distance or follow the lockdown measures – and our instinct is to judge them.

Since the recent blissful bout of hot weather, photos have emerged on social media and Whatsapp of neighbours having barbecues with visitors, strangers arriving at their second homes on the coast, and people sunbathing in parks.

Equally, lots of people posting on Instagram with the StayHome sticker have gardens, balconies or, in the case of celebrities, massive mansions, prompting those without those things to think: “nice for you, pal – hard life, isn’t it.”

You’d be forgiven for judging or resenting what you see online or out of your window – but do you let it ruin the rest of our day? Or channel it into something more positive? And, if you want to focus on the latter, where do you even begin?

As humans, we’re judgmental at the best of times, but lockdown is exacerbating that, and it’s really not surprising if you think about the emotional context.

Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy suggests that judging people is a “protective instinct”. Given the circumstances, and the fact people are doing things that could be perceived as a threat to our health and the health of others, it seems only natural to judge them. Our brain is telling us to back off. Not to trust them.

People instinctively want to be part of a group that makes them feel safe and welcome. “But the problem is that’s not really how western society is structured,” says psychologist Dr Simon Stuart, who works in mental health services in Scotland.

“Western society is very individualistic. We tend to scrabble around trying to find groups – it might be our loved ones, our family – if we’re lucky we might have a sense of wider belonging than that. But most of us don’t.”

We look for places and groups where we feel safe, but these are not necessarily forthcoming, particularly at a time like this – and our mind starts taking shortcuts to try and seek out these places of safety, Dr Stuart suggests........

Read full article here:

 
Last edited:

DaveNV

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
22,442
Reaction score
30,429
Location
Mesquite, Nevada
Resorts Owned
Free Agent
I think the biggest thing anyone can do is take care of their own situation, and leave others to take care of theirs. We don't know their situation, and can't control what they do, or why. In a lot of ways, it's the same sort of thing in normal life - other people's business is none of your business.

People need to stop acting like Gladys Kravitz. :)

Dave
 

Patri

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
6,966
Reaction score
4,478
People need to stop acting like Gladys Kravitz. :)
Dave
Aw, Gladys wasn't that bad. She was more curious than judgmental. She didn't have a life.
 

DaveNV

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
22,442
Reaction score
30,429
Location
Mesquite, Nevada
Resorts Owned
Free Agent
Aw, Gladys wasn't that bad. She was more curious than judgmental. She didn't have a life.

It's not about the motivation, it's about the actions. Just ask Samantha. LOL! :)

Dave
 

Panina

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,927
Reaction score
10,274
Location
Florida
Resorts Owned
Hgvc Anderson, Blue Ride Village Resort
Prior to this I believed live and let live. Unfortunately when someone’s actions can directly put me in danger now my view is different.

When someone isn’t wearing a mask, like when I had to go to the eye doctor for an emergency and is coughing with no mask or covering his mouth and then touching everything I am judging him. His disregard for everyone surrounding him was a possible direct danger to me and everyone else in the waiting room.

What will it take for everyone to do their part and act responsibly?
 

TravelTime

TUG Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2018
Messages
8,114
Reaction score
6,470
Location
California
Resorts Owned
All Resale: MVC DPs, Marriott Ko Olina, Marriott Marbella, WKOVR-N, Four Seasons Aviara
Prior to this I believed live and let live. Unfortunately when someone’s actions can directly put me in danger now my view is different.

When someone isn’t wearing a mask, like when I had to go to the eye doctor for an emergency and is coughing with no mask or covering his mouth and then touching everything I am judging him. His disregard for everyone surrounding him was a possible direct danger to me and everyone else in the waiting room.

What will it take for everyone to do their part and act responsibly?

The article has good tips on what to do instead of judging. A few excerpts:

1) Rather than punishing, shaming or attacking people – which doesn’t work and just brings resentment at what people already feel are discriminatory rules, suggests Dr Stuart – we should focus as a society on the majority of people who are doing their very best in challenging circumstances.

2) Socially, the key thing is to reinforce and reward the kind of behaviours we do want to see, he suggests.

3) Ask yourself: do I know enough about what other people are going through before I start accusing them? Can I put myself in their shoes?
 

Panina

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,927
Reaction score
10,274
Location
Florida
Resorts Owned
Hgvc Anderson, Blue Ride Village Resort
The article has good tips on what to do instead of judging. A few excerpts:

1) Rather than punishing, shaming or attacking people – which doesn’t work and just brings resentment at what people already feel are discriminatory rules, suggests Dr Stuart – we should focus as a society on the majority of people who are doing their very best in challenging circumstances.

2) Socially, the key thing is to reinforce and reward the kind of behaviours we do want to see, he suggests.

3) Ask yourself: do I know enough about what other people are going through before I start accusing them? Can I put myself in their shoes?
I read the article. No need to repeat what I read. I am entitled to not like someone’s behavior if it can harm me.

I kept my judgement to myself and did not tell the person what I thought as I know I can only control what I do. I went into another area in the building to get away from the constant coughing.

I would never walk around in an eye doctors office coughing not covering my mouth and touching everything during these time. It is disrespectful to others Including the nurses and doctors who work in the office.
 

DaveNV

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
22,442
Reaction score
30,429
Location
Mesquite, Nevada
Resorts Owned
Free Agent
My point above about people minding their own business was referring to people minding what their neighbors are up to. If you're in your home, it shouldn't matter what they're doing in theirs. There have been threads here where people are taking others to task for leaving their homes. Whether those people choose to leave their homes or not is really nobody else's business.

In @Panina's example of the doctor's office visit, that's very different, because that person coughing and such was putting their behavior right in your face. You have every right at that point to speak up and protect yourself, which I hope you did. (And where was the doctor's staff, not insisting that sick person do something about it?)

Dave
 

Panina

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,927
Reaction score
10,274
Location
Florida
Resorts Owned
Hgvc Anderson, Blue Ride Village Resort
My point above about people minding their own business was referring to people minding what their neighbors are up to. If you're in your home, it shouldn't matter what they're doing in theirs. There have been threads here where people are taking others to task for leaving their homes. Whether those people choose to leave their homes or not is really nobody else's business.

In @Panina's example of the doctor's office visit, that's very different, because that person coughing and such was putting their behavior right in your face. You have every right at that point to speak up and protect yourself, which I hope you did. (And where was the doctor's staff, not insisting that sick person do something about it?)

Dave
I didn’t say anything to him as I did not want to get anywhere near him. I knew of a different waiting room that no one was in and I went to wait there letting the receptionist know why.
 

DaveNV

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
22,442
Reaction score
30,429
Location
Mesquite, Nevada
Resorts Owned
Free Agent
I didn’t say anything to him as I did not want to get anywhere near him. I knew of a different waiting room that no one was in and I went to wait there letting the receptionist know why.

I guess that was my point - the staff should have been proactive in that situation, for the benefit of everyone.

Dave
 

Panina

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,927
Reaction score
10,274
Location
Florida
Resorts Owned
Hgvc Anderson, Blue Ride Village Resort
Two of my neighbors are putting together a Cinco de Mayo block party against community rules and state rules of no gathering of more then 10 people.

They are sending emails how to keep it low key so others do not find out. Collecting money for a buffet that you have to use tongs to get your tacos. Of course we are not participating.

My other half asked if I will report it. I said no. If they choose to get that close that is their choice. It seems by their email it is more then 10 but less then 24 participating. Usually we have a minimum of 85-100 participants so most are acting responsibly.

But now think it out, one of those people have the virus, others in the group get it and they go to stores with no masks before they realize they are sick. So their immediate behavior does not affect me because I am not participating but ultimately what they are doing can cause many others to get sick.
 

isisdave

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
2,803
Reaction score
1,331
Location
Evansville IN
Resorts Owned
Marriott Waiohai
But now think it out, one of those people have the virus, others in the group get it and they go to stores with no masks before they realize they are sick. So their immediate behavior does not affect me because I am not participating but ultimately what they are doing can cause many others to get sick.

Well that's just it, isn't it? I'm generally in favor of folks doing what they want when they bear the consequences. But some do things that are likely to boost the transmission rate, and then they shop in the same grocery store as I do. That raises the risk to the store staff, and that raises the risk to me, and everyone who has to shop there.

I proposed on a local FB group that we assign one grocery, one pharmacy, one DIY store, one gas station, one local post office in town, etc. to folks who were serious about isolation, and let those who weren't willing to worry about Granny restrict themselves to all the other stores. The post lasted about 15 minutes. I still think it's a fair idea, if not practical.
 

Panina

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,927
Reaction score
10,274
Location
Florida
Resorts Owned
Hgvc Anderson, Blue Ride Village Resort
Well that's just it, isn't it? I'm generally in favor of folks doing what they want when they bear the consequences. But some do things that are likely to boost the transmission rate, and then they shop in the same grocery store as I do. That raises the risk to the store staff, and that raises the risk to me, and everyone who has to shop there.

I proposed on a local FB group that we assign one grocery, one pharmacy, one DIY store, one gas station, one local post office in town, etc. to folks who were serious about isolation, and let those who weren't willing to worry about Granny restrict themselves to all the other stores. The post lasted about 15 minutes. I still think it's a fair idea, if not practical.
Like your idea but that will never happen. We will have to experience more pain with increasing numbers in communities until we make rules mandatory. Mom lives in nyc and it is mandatory to wear masks when you are near others.

You would think we wouldn’t wait to see what happens as we lift restrictions and implement safeguards as we do it. Why would anyone think everything will be ok if we go back to the same ways?

Up until now my community has had a low number of cases in comparison to other areas. Sadly I feel we will shortly see an large increase in cases. Our stores are open, outdoor eating is starting tomorrow as well as stay at home work not being mandatory anymore. All not bad in a community that has low counts but now factor in we are only a few minutes from the NC border that still has SIP, many from NC have been shopping here in SC without masks. Restaurant outdoor dining will increase that.

With the bordering NC town having the highest number of cases in all of NC and Increasing, it is only a matter of weeks before the numbers increase here too.
 

geekette

Guest
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
10,777
Reaction score
5,531
Well that's just it, isn't it? I'm generally in favor of folks doing what they want when they bear the consequences. But some do things that are likely to boost the transmission rate, and then they shop in the same grocery store as I do. That raises the risk to the store staff, and that raises the risk to me, and everyone who has to shop there.

I proposed on a local FB group that we assign one grocery, one pharmacy, one DIY store, one gas station, one local post office in town, etc. to folks who were serious about isolation, and let those who weren't willing to worry about Granny restrict themselves to all the other stores. The post lasted about 15 minutes. I still think it's a fair idea, if not practical.
I could agree with this! I have taken it upon myself to go to the big groceries, unless there are darned few cars in the little one closer to me.

The few times I have been out, going to big grocery takes me past Target, which seems to have no drop off in business, even through the "essential travel only" time periods. There are enough people not taking it seriously for me to avoid Target for a very long time to come.

it's hard for me to understand thinking, yeah, there are A Lot Of Cars here, but I'm sure nobody has the virus, it'll be fine ... that's just me, tho, headed for far end of curve from the start. I am not on the thought process of "I'll just get the darned thing and get over it..." but I think some people are?

I would be fine steering clear of The Senior Store, The Immuno-compromised Store. Just let me in the general self-isolation store, and I'll be masked and out of there in 30 minutes or less, once a month. Want to give me a specific arrival time? I'm ok with that, too, so long as it isn't crazy early in the morning ...
 

geekette

Guest
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
10,777
Reaction score
5,531
Two of my neighbors are putting together a Cinco de Mayo block party against community rules and state rules of no gathering of more then 10 people.

They are sending emails how to keep it low key so others do not find out. Collecting money for a buffet that you have to use tongs to get your tacos. Of course we are not participating.

My other half asked if I will report it. I said no. If they choose to get that close that is their choice. It seems by their email it is more then 10 but less then 24 participating. Usually we have a minimum of 85-100 participants so most are acting responsibly.

But now think it out, one of those people have the virus, others in the group get it and they go to stores with no masks before they realize they are sick. So their immediate behavior does not affect me because I am not participating but ultimately what they are doing can cause many others to get sick.
Serving Food??? Terrible idea! Yes, steer clear.

BYO food and patio chair to hang out in the culdesac? maybe.

I probably also would not report. Let someone else do that, like maybe the little old lady that has been relying on neighbors and finds this flat out scary.
 

DrQ

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2005
Messages
6,594
Reaction score
4,285
Location
DFW
Resorts Owned
HICV, Westgate (second cousin, twice removed)

Cornell

TUG Member
Joined
Oct 30, 2016
Messages
3,897
Reaction score
6,304
Location
Chicago

DrQ

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2005
Messages
6,594
Reaction score
4,285
Location
DFW
Resorts Owned
HICV, Westgate (second cousin, twice removed)
Actually, I think St Louis County is exposed on this. The ~900 people who's identity was exposed could be construed as "whistleblowers" and as such are afforded protection.
 
Top