To my friends I want to let you know my life has taken a new direction

[VacationForever]

Oh Panina, lots of virtual hugs from me. You are strong, intelligent and thoughtful which are exhibited through your posts on TUG. Divorce is hard and often there is no right or wrong or the one thing that leads to the decision. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Krteczech]

Good luck on your new journey, Panina. Remain strong!

 

[geoand]

XOXOXO to you. Sending you virtual support.

Your commitment and words regarding your step-daughter says so much about you.

I agree with Cornell. You will be fine.

 

[Beachclubmum]

Wishing you peace and love during trying times. Please know you have a local TUG friend if need one.

 

[pianodinosaur]

Dear Panina:

I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. Too many of my friends have gone through that experience. The only people who really benefit from a divorce are the attorneys. Good luck towards your future.

 

[mav]

Panina, you are a lovely person, and I am sure your step daughter feels like you are a second Mom. You 2 will always be close. And U are a winner with your lovely nature, all will be well. many hugs

 

[bbodb1]

Sorry to hear about this @Panina - as I recall some of your postings over the past few months, your perceptible angst certainly increased as time went by. Moving as y'all did, plus COVID-19 added complexity at a time when simplicity would be preferred, but the many factors of life are not always under our control. Just remember: one day at a time, one step at a time, looking forward in the direction you want to go.

 

[DaveNV]

That is very sad news, and I'm sorry to hear it. But you are strong and capable, so you'll find the right path, going forward. As others have said, we're here for you. Wishing you all the best.

Dave

 

[WinniWoman]

So very sorry to hear this but I know it has been a struggle for you. I hope you will stay in your new home and community as you put so much effort into moving there and I know your husband was not crazy about it Initially anyway.

Of course, what matters most is your happiness- and his, too- and I know you will get through this - you are a smart one- and re create the life you deserve. Heartfelt wishes that you get past this and for a wonderful future.

 

[dsmrp]

Sorry for both of you. I suggest counseling, even if teleservice, no matter what the age. An objective 3rd voice might help while you have to live in physical space, but apart.

 

[Panina]

XOXOXO to you. Sending you virtual support.

Your commitment and words regarding your step-daughter says so much about you.

Thank you.

She is my utmost concern during this split. I stood as long as I did because of her as neither of her parents could guide her in the right direction. Whereas it would be easy not to go the amicable way I want to make sure she always feels her dad and me are friends so she doesn’t feel she has to choose and can come to me.

She always chose me to confide in and get guidance even when she “hated“ me at the moment. I was the parent. She has blossomed from an angry confused girl when I came into her life to a wonderful young woman. She has told me without me she would never had gotten where she is as neither of her parents could have helped her the way I did.

 

[Cornell]

Oh @Panina , as a single mom doing this all by myself I’m tearing up reading this. Again, I reiterate my support to you.

 

[Panina]

It actually can be quick, but no matter how agreeable, you'll need time to recover.

When I divorced (2000), I left a joint petition with a settlement on the counter.
She signed+filed. I put all I wanted in the back of a pick-up and moved out.
We were given a court date four weeks hence. We had -0- assets to divide.
Afterwards, I went to my Aunt's house in New York... to "get myself together."
I was a mess. BTW, this was 20 years ago, and we've both remarried.

I found that almost everybody has a divorce-story or knows someone who does.

It is a process and sad at times. I always believed you do everything to try to make a relationship work. I tried the best I could. There comes a point enough is enough and the reality of the illusion of a relationship must be faced. It is a recovery that has been in process awhile. I went through so much worse, my husband of 24 1/2 years dying suddenly in front of me. I was younger, this time it feels is a little more scary but not as devastating. I have hope.

 

[b2bailey]

And perhaps your relationship with daughter was the true purpose of relationship with her father. When my husband passed, at the eulogy, his son mentioned words of affirmation of appreciation for who I was in his life. Some things last forever.

 

[Panina]

You’re a good, strong person. You will be fine. Not to be a downer person, but make sure you have an attorney that has your best interests front and center. You need to make sure you are financially secure. Cyber hugs.

Everything is decided already, before we ever moved in together. He does walk out more whole but that is because of an inheritance he acquired during our relationship. Ultimately if he doesn’t blow the money it will go to my step daughter so that is good.

Money isn’t everything. Happiness and peace of mind is. I will have enough. Everything I have I earned myself. I never needed or expected it from anyone else.

 

[Panina]

So very sorry to hear this but I know it has been a struggle for you. I hope you will stay in your new home and community as you put so much effort into moving there and I know your husband was not crazy about it Initially anyway.

Of course, what matters most is your happiness- and his, too- and I know you will get through this - you are a smart one- and re create the life you deserve. Heartfelt wishes that you get past this and for a wonderful future.

Staying here is an option that I am considering but thinking best to move on, create a new environment and not live in the same town. Have time with this pandemic to think it out and make no quick decision.

 

[presley]

It's going to be a long transition, but it sounds like you're prepared for it and you know what to expect. I am sorry that you are going through this, especially now with Covid creating a lot more social isolation.

 

[Panina]

Sorry for both of you. I suggest counseling, even if teleservice, no matter what the age. An objective 3rd voice might help while you have to live in physical space, but apart.

Good advice but been there, tried that. He always feels the counseling sides with me even if he picked them. You can only meet another part of the way if you accept you have a problem.

 

[Panina]

Oh @Panina , as a single mom doing this all by myself I’m tearing up reading this. Again, I reiterate my support to you.

Your story that you shared hit a chord with me. Whereas the parameters are different, getting the strength knowing you need to get out and leave, you ultimately found in the most difficult situation. It made me think hard. It took me awhile but I finally got there. We always hope it changes and then we get smart.

 

[Panina]

And perhaps your relationship with daughter was the true purpose of relationship with her father. When my husband passed, at the eulogy, his son mentioned words of affirmation of appreciation for who I was in his life. Some things last forever.

You hit it. I always said I was brought into his life not for him, as he needs no one, but for his daughters sake. I truly believe that was my purpose. All my life my purpose was for others. Now it is my time.

 

[bogey21]

Having been there twice, one after 10 years, the other after 20 my advice is give where necessary to keep it amiable. To the extent possible keep lawyers out of it and bend if you have to not to fight about money, property, etc. This is what I did. It worked well for me. I talk often to both my ex-wives and our three kids have never thought they had to choose between us...

George

 

[Panina]

It's going to be a long transition, but it sounds like you're prepared for it and you know what to expect. I am sorry that you are going through this, especially now with Covid creating a lot more social isolation.

Yes this COVID makes it so much harder. I cannot explore my options or socialize making new friends. I can dream, one day.

 

[Panina]

Having been there twice, one after 10 years, the other after 20 my advice is give where necessary to keep it amiable. To the extent possible keep lawyers out of it and bend if you have to not to fight about money, property, etc. This is what I did. It worked well for me. I talk often to both my ex-wives and our three kids have never thought they had to choose between us...

George

I agree with you totally.

 

[Panina]

Sorry to hear about this @Panina - as I recall some of your postings over the past few months, your perceptible angst certainly increased as time went by. Moving as y'all did, plus COVID-19 added complexity at a time when simplicity would be preferred, but the many factors of life are not always under our control. Just remember: one day at a time, one step at a time, looking forward in the direction you want to go.

The move or COVID was not the cause. There were issues prior. It might have sped it up which is a good thing. I so want simplicity in my life.

 

[bbodb1]

The move or COVID was not the cause. There were issues prior. It might have sped it up which is a good thing. I so want simplicity in my life.

...perhaps you should read from the book of @geekette !