The sometimes agonies of gift giving

[clifffaith]

Our Italian friends have had a busy fall. He, at age 74, took on a M-F 40 hr/wk job after working a semi casual cruise boat assistance job for five years. She spent a week in northern CA nursing her daughter after fibroid surgery just before Thanksgiving. On top of that they have Chinese high school students who need to be fed and transported. Last week, as we were setting up our card game for the weekend, she says "no gifts this year, just too busy". I'm listening to this while staring at their gifts under our tree, but they were nothing that couldn't be put away for 12 months, so that's fine. Or at least it was fine until they walked in the door with a huge Trader Joe's tin of Danish cookies. So at dessert time Cliff and I are far enough across the room that I can mutter to him "save our gifts, or give them?" He says give them. Of course after the women had been thoroughly trounced that night and our friends are gathering their coats and we hand off their gifts we get an "OH NO, we said we wouldn't...", to which I replied you walked in the door with a massive tin of cookies "oh, that is nothing...". Not like we are big spenders, maybe $40 worth of gifts for the two of them, and vice versa. BIG SIGH.

We took a trial run to Long Beach today to see where Cliff has to be for his Mohs surgery at 7:30 Monday morning. Since we were passing Alpine Village on the way back we decided to pick up sausage and GPS (German potato salad) for dinner. There in all its glory in the bakery section is a yard long box of imported German cookies. Came right home and made a note on next Thanksgiving's calendar page -- a yard of cookies and a bottle of wine or port as our Christmas gift next year, done! Really so much easier to not have to agonize over individual gifts, yet still spreading seasonal joy and remembering friends.

BTW, the day our friend rolled his eyes at us as we brought travel souvenirs to them was the last time they got souvenirs, with the possible exception of Hawaiian shortbread cookies. "Why you spend your money...". Argh!

 

[Panina]

When someone gives me a gift I say thank you. When I give a gift it is because I want to, expecting nothing in return.

When someone has a problem with your kind gesture, it is their problem, not yours.

 

[MrockStar]

Great advice.

 

[DaveNV]

If I receive a holiday gift from a casual friend, I feel sort of bound to return the favor. A coworker/friend gave me a coffee stand gift card yesterday, unexpected and thoughtful of him. (I do like my coffee.) No way to check the card balance online, so I guessed, and gave he and his wife a nice bottle of wine today, along with a card. I found out later I spent more than twice as much on the wine than they spent on the coffee card. Not that I'm keeping score, and it's not even an issue, but maybe I should have been a bit slower to respond. LOL!

On a different note, I was at the grocery store after work, and picked up my daughter and her family a gift card to one of their favorite restaurants. They live in another city, and it's been easiest over the years to send gift cards to them. (Their preference, since they're "impossible" to buy for.) As I was checking out, I realized my Christmas shopping is now complete. Painless, and not terribly expensive this year. I still spent more than I planned, but I was more surprised to realize I'm all done, and it's still a week till Christmas.

Now, where's the wrapping paper for these NON-gift cards?

Dave

 

[WinniWoman]

Food or a bottle of wine or gift cards are easiest.

I don’t feel I need to give someone a gift just because they gave me one. If they do I just say thank you and leave it at that.

I have no friends I see now anyway so not an issue.

Only gifts I give now are to my son and niece. This is the last year I am sending to my brother and his wife. He told me not to send anything as they don’t need anything but I already had. Ironically he ended up sending us 2 gifts this year - a wine basket and gift cards - because he thought there was a problem with his first order and we would not get it. Luckily he can afford it.

Anyway as we are all getting older no need for gift exchanging. My gifts to my niece will eventually stop also as she gets older.

 

[Talent312]

When we get a cheap gift (like maple syrup we know they are recycling), we see it as an opportunity to make room in our wine rack by giving them a bottle. But we have to be careful not to give them a bottle they gave us the year before.
.

 

[pittle]

About 10 years ago, one of our son's asked that we stop the gift giving among the adults because we all seem to buy what we want when we want it making it much more difficult to find the "right" thing. We talked to the other son and his wife and decided that we would do a very nice Christmas dinner instead. I buy a beef tenderloin and one of my son's cooks it. I prepare everyone's favorite dish and we have a nice day. The grandson is now the only one who gets gifts and he prefers a check that he can deposit into his checking account to use for later. It works well for us all and takes the hassle out of Christmas. We use the money that we would have spent on gifts for a favorite charity that can make a difference in many people's lives.

We are not gift card people. I have one for HULU and 2 for restaurants that I have had for 18-24 months. We seldom go out to eat except for vacation and these restaurants are nice enough, just not ones that we would choose. Grandson may get the HULU one. Anytime someone gives me a coffee one, I find someone to give it to. I have a Visa gift card that was given to hubby last week that I will use at the grocery this week. At least those can be used anywhere.

 

[DaveNV]

@pittle: There used to be a website that let you trade in gift cards you didn’t want in exchange for like value in gift cards you do want. Not sure if it’s even around, or what the particulars are. Might be worth looking into. YMMV, so be cautious. Beware scams.

Dave

 

[MULTIZ321]

Best Gift Card Exchange Services 2019 I Top
Ten Reviews.


https://www-toptenreviews-com.cdn.a...ptenreviews.com/best-gift-card-exchange-sites.


Richard

 

[Talent312]

I have an arrangement with my brother:
He exchange $50 GC's to restaurants of our choice. That way...
We can dine out on the other's dime, when we might've stayed home.
Well, it works for us.

.

 

[jules54]

We asked our Children all grown up years ago not to buy us anything for Christmas. We didn't need anything and at that time they needed every penny to spend on their young families. We also didn't want to think the cash we gave them was being used to pay Christmas bills. Out of 3 sons one never did quit buying for Christmas. He lives in a different state has no Children. He is my only child the other 2 sons belong to hubby. I guess my son figured he was an only child and only had one MaMa. He gives a lot of thought to his gifts and always buys good stuff lol. One of the other sons stopped for a long time buying Christmas gifts. Then bam they started up again 4 years ago. No idea why. That family does this giftster.com it's a godsend for us buying only what the adults and kids want. The last son stopped when we asked and never started up again, which is what we wanted. We have always bought for everyone and always will as long as we still remember who we are and they are. We give travel to them every few years. Sometimes we travel together sometimes not. We hv no little ones left with the youngest grandchild being 13. That sucks the fun out of it. Looking forward to having great grands. We still decorate and get together and have a nice meal.
No gifts to friends. No brothers and sisters get gifts. All nieces and nephews are adults so gifts stopped there long ago. I never was a shopper. Too busy buying TIMESHARE for the last 25 years.
Happy Holidays peace out!

 

[Patri]

Jules, great story. For the ones who continue to give, including you, it is that they find joy in doing so. Let that joy resound.

 

[wackymother]

Just a word of caution about the gift card exchange sites. If you get anything from one of them, use it right away. I bought an ecard for some restaurant chain... probably Ruby Tuesday...and we tried to use it, and there was nothing on the card. I wrote to the card exchange site and they promptly refunded my money, but if we had tried to use the card more than 30 days after buying it, we would have been out of luck. Sometimes we keep gift cards for years before using them, so it was just dumb luck that we happened to try to use this one quickly.