The Ballad of Howard and Lois - greatest anxiety during this crisis is that something will happen to our elderly loved ones

[Panina]

The Ballad of Howard and Lois: a coronavirus love story

Married for 50 years, the couple have been separated by the epidemic, and the husband fears he won’t see his wife again.

www.reuters.com

 

[Monykalyn]

I consult with NH-this is repeating all over the country. Social distancing is not possible with LTC residents, now we are having to isolate them in their rooms, cut off from family (many don't understand phone or facetime) and can't even get hugs now from their favorite caregivers. The failure of this administration to have a science based coherent comprehensive plan for this situations is just as scary. We are flattening the curve, yet that is still the rallying cry and parroted by media and social media without now questioning what the plan is for the future. Instead every time someone dares bring up what we can do to get things moving again, at what point do we open up and how we can do so, that we cannot wait until a vaccine is available, that this cannot go on for 6, 8 , 12 months are piously shamed by the fearful. Unfortunately the LTC residents will be the unseen victims.
"A blanket visitation ban would be cruel and inhumane if it stretches on for months, Howard says. " Sums it up. We see a lot of Howards. Staff also depend on them to for the mental - and there for physical as well- health of their charges. No answer or decision will be an easy one.

 

[Panina]

I consult with NH-this is repeating all over the country. Social distancing is not possible with LTC residents, now we are having to isolate them in their rooms, cut off from family (many don't understand phone or facetime) and can't even get hugs now from their favorite caregivers. The failure of this administration to have a science based coherent comprehensive plan for this situations is just as scary. We are flattening the curve, yet that is still the rallying cry and parroted by media and social media without now questioning what the plan is for the future. Instead every time someone dares bring up what we can do to get things moving again, at what point do we open up and how we can do so, that we cannot wait until a vaccine is available, that this cannot go on for 6, 8 , 12 months are piously shamed by the fearful. Unfortunately the LTC residents will be the unseen victims.
"A blanket visitation ban would be cruel and inhumane if it stretches on for months, Howard says. " Sums it up. We see a lot of Howards. Staff also depend on them to for the mental - and there for physical as well- health of their charges. No answer or decision will be an easy one.

When my dad was in a nursing home, it was so important for someone to show up often to ensure proper care was given. With this isolation, no one is there to be an advocate.

 

[heathpack]

I consult with NH-this is repeating all over the country. Social distancing is not possible with LTC residents, now we are having to isolate them in their rooms, cut off from family (many don't understand phone or facetime) and can't even get hugs now from their favorite caregivers. The failure of this administration to have a science based coherent comprehensive plan for this situations is just as scary. We are flattening the curve, yet that is still the rallying cry and parroted by media and social media without now questioning what the plan is for the future. Instead every time someone dares bring up what we can do to get things moving again, at what point do we open up and how we can do so, that we cannot wait until a vaccine is available, that this cannot go on for 6, 8 , 12 months are piously shamed by the fearful. Unfortunately the LTC residents will be the unseen victims.
"A blanket visitation ban would be cruel and inhumane if it stretches on for months, Howard says. " Sums it up. We see a lot of Howards. Staff also depend on them to for the mental - and there for physical as well- health of their charges. No answer or decision will be an easy one.

“Piously shamed by the fearful”?

What is your solution, as a person who consults with nursing homes?

Be specific, please.

 

[Monykalyn]

When my dad was in a nursing home, it was so important for someone to show up often to ensure proper care was given. With this isolation, no one is there to be an advocate.

Yes very true-most homes are good though there are definitely "bad apples". The good places welcome family, and the places I work at consider many of the residents as part of their (staff's) family and that includes the resident's relatives. The staff of the places I work are missing having the visitors too. I know some are worried about the resident's spouses who are are living alone at home.

 

[Monykalyn]

What is your solution, as a person who consults with nursing homes?

Every time a suggestion is made we need to know when to open up and loosen restrictions it is met with a cry of "do you want people to DIE?" Or when the economic toll is discussed. Not meaning to NOT take this pandemic seriously but it is NOT realistic to have this complete shutdown for 5+ months. Three months is stretching it. Our country is NOT Korea, or CHina or Italy etc. We NEED to be asking what the next step is and a reasonable time frame for getting there. Continually saying "we must keep flattening the curve" has started to lose meaning and people are now interpreting that as "we must stay shut until there is no risk and everything is 100% safe and no more deaths". That will NEVER be achieved. Just look around these boards and just about everywhere on other discussion boards, social media etc when this question is asked. The questioner is made to feel as if death is wished upon everyone when wanting to know what the end game is, what the actual goal is, and what the plan is. Let alone discuss economics.

Frankly I would love for the scientists to stop being afraid of the politicians, for them to work together and come up with a PLAN.

Flattening the curve was to prevent overwhelming the system, not to achieve zero deaths. Great-we've done that, and by end of May should be out of woods there-but now the cry is but we must cancel everything until a vaccine. Goal posts keep moving. I CAN tell you that if we can't figure out a way to start back up and start finding a way to socialize again-within next 1-2 months- the secondary and indirect deaths from this will be significant. But hey at least it isn't directly with CV19 I guess?

 

[heathpack]

Every time a suggestion is made we need to know when to open up and loosen restrictions it is met with a cry of "do you want people to DIE?" Or when the economic toll is discussed. Not meaning to NOT take this pandemic seriously but it is NOT realistic to have this complete shutdown for 5+ months. Three months is stretching it. Our country is NOT Korea, or CHina or Italy etc. We NEED to be asking what the next step is and a reasonable time frame for getting there. Continually saying "we must keep flattening the curve" has started to lose meaning and people are now interpreting that as "we must stay shut until there is no risk and everything is 100% safe and no more deaths". That will NEVER be achieved. Just look around these boards and just about everywhere on other discussion boards, social media etc when this question is asked. The questioner is made to feel as if death is wished upon everyone when wanting to know what the end game is, what the actual goal is, and what the plan is. Let alone discuss economics.

Frankly I would love for the scientists to stop being afraid of the politicians, for them to work together and come up with a PLAN.

Flattening the curve was to prevent overwhelming the system, not to achieve zero deaths. Great-we've done that, and by end of May should be out of woods there-but now the cry is but we must cancel everything until a vaccine. Goal posts keep moving. I CAN tell you that if we can't figure out a way to start back up and start finding a way to socialize again-within next 1-2 months- the secondary and indirect deaths from this will be significant. But hey at least it isn't directly with CV19 I guess?

Well there actually is a science way out. The science way out is sadly not materializing very quickly. It’s just hard for me to wrap my head around clamoring to “open things up” when the plan to do so as safely as is reasonable is not ready.

I guess I would really “get” clamoring for the science way out to get fully funded and supported by our government and talked about/“advertised” as nauseum to the people. But rather than clamor for that it’s easier I suppose to characterize others as “pious” and “fearful” and to paint a picture that anyone who doesn’t want to open up in 2 weeks foolishly thinks the only other alternative is to stay shutdown for 2 years until a vaccine is available.

 

[b2bailey]

Flattening the curve was to prevent overwhelming the system, not to achieve zero deaths.

Very well stated. If we are so concerned about preventing deaths, we should ban the drinking of alcohol. I'm not familiar with statistics on deaths from drunk drivers, but I know it is many.

 

[pedro47]

When my dad was in a nursing home, it was so important for someone to show up often to ensure proper care was given. With this isolation, no one is there to be an advocate.

You are correct in your observations somebody better be checking on their love one in a nursing homes. If not they are not going to be care for properly that is a fact .
They are not going to be bath everyday and they are going to miss some daily meals and medications.

IMO, that is why it is always good to go by a nursing homes on difference days and hours to see what kinds of care your love one are receiving. Also, just observe the care of other patients are receiving in the nursing home. Some are left alone in a wheelchair watching television or sitting in the rose garden.

The coronavirus is a total difference issued in a nursing home and I feel wants your love one are displaying COVID-19 symptoms their overall care are going to be less in some nursing homes. That is why the death rate is so high in nursing homes facilities IMHO. Are there any state or federal agencies checking on nursing homes today with this coronavirus?

 

[jackio]

We haven't flattened the curve here in my county, Suffolk, on Long Island. As of yesterday, we have had over 20,000 positive cases and the count rises dramatically each day. My MIL is in an independent living apartment in a facility that also has an assisted living unit. As of Thursday, there were 42 Covid positive residents, with 16 deaths.
The facility cut off visitors about 3 weeks ago. My DH and his brother call her every day (previously they each visited once a week). She reports that the staff take her temperature twice daily and she is quarantined to her apartment. They bring meals to her.
We have considered bringing her to one of our homes to ride it out, but she is frail and does not do change well.
Our fear, of course, is that we may never see Mom again. It is frightening and so very sad.

 

[Patri]

I just found DH is only allowed two FaceTimes a week now, on a set schedule, for 10 minutes. I'm curious if people who out of the blue decide to call a grandparent or old friend to chat will get through if it is not the resident's scheduled time.
But I do agree we have to get business moving again. I suggest car dealerships and real estate offices, and other services with few people together at one time. Also the construction industry. Continue with hygiene measures, of course. I think people are automatically going to be aware of and still practice distancing.

 

[WVBaker]

Frankly I would love for the scientists to stop being afraid of the politicians, for them to work together and come up with a PLAN.

Frankly, I would love the medical profession to stop insisting that we must continue, for months to come, to burrow in further.

The administration's top health advisers warned that now is not the time to abandon the stringent measures that have sent our economy into a tailspin. They continue to caution the administration that most Americans should not resume their normal lives on May 1, when the administration's guidelines aimed at countering the coronavirus are set to expire.

Some state health officials, along with researchers at Johns Hopkins University, suggested a robust and comprehensive system to identify all Covid-19 cases and trace all close contacts of each identified case, before any economic opening. The plan would like to see a testing regimen and an army of some 100,000 workers and volunteers, far above what the federal government currently has on hand, as well as $3.6 billion in emergency funding.

Surgeon General Jerome Adams advises that most of the country should not reopen, but some may. Place by place, bit by bit, based on the data.

Dr. Anthony Fauci says he is seeing signs that the wave of unprecedented lockdowns are working in parts of the country. But while the administration is floating an aggressive schedule for lifting federal guidelines to "slow the spread" of the disease, his health team is flashing a yellow light.

Who is afraid of who and should we not open, where to we place the blame or perhaps the credit?

 

[presley]

It's really sad and I don't know if I'd be able to deal with having a close loved one in a facility where I couldn't visit or contact. There's not really an alternative, though. While it would be easy to say Howard can choose to risk his own health/life by visiting, the truth is, if he gets sick he is now risking anyone who has to take care of him.

It reminds me of the people who are told not to drive through flood waters. There are signs saying do not drive here, it's flooded. Yet, every time, someone decides that they are one who will make it safely. They drive through, get stuck or even carried away. Now, someone has to risk their own life to go rescue them. Usually, it's several people involved in a scary dangerous situation risking their own life/health to go rescue the person who didn't follow the directions. Might seem out of context, but we've had several flash floods this week, so it reminds me of people wanting to break COVID19 orders.

 

[Cornell]

This isolating of our elderly is one of the parts of this that is really starting to wear on me. My mother is 85 and lives in an assisted living facility near me. I am the youngest of 5 kids. My mother's entire "purpose" is her children. For 6 weeks now she has not left her tiny suite and has not seen any outside visitors. I can assure you that my mother would risk illness to see her kids. She views her life as one that has been long, fulfilled, and she's nearing the sunset.

I understand, however, that predicament that this puts her facility in. I'm just venting b/c this really sucks.

 

[Cornell]

Frankly, I would love the medical profession to stop insisting that we must continue, for months to come, to burrow in further.

The administration's top health advisers warned that now is not the time to abandon the stringent measures that have sent our economy into a tailspin. They continue to caution the administration that most Americans should not resume their normal lives on May 1, when the administration's guidelines aimed at countering the coronavirus are set to expire.

Some state health officials, along with researchers at Johns Hopkins University, suggested a robust and comprehensive system to identify all Covid-19 cases and trace all close contacts of each identified case, before any economic opening. The plan would like to see a testing regimen and an army of some 100,000 workers and volunteers, far above what the federal government currently has on hand, as well as $3.6 billion in emergency funding.

Surgeon General Jerome Adams advises that most of the country should not reopen, but some may. Place by place, bit by bit, based on the data.

Dr. Anthony Fauci says he is seeing signs that the wave of unprecedented lockdowns are working in parts of the country. But while the administration is floating an aggressive schedule for lifting federal guidelines to "slow the spread" of the disease, his health team is flashing a yellow light.

Who is afraid of who and should we not open, where to we place the blame or perhaps the credit?

In Illinois where I live, our governor has now moved the goal posts from flattening the curve to "we need a vaccine". I'm insane over this. I have always hated Illinois & have wanted to move b/c of the massive tax burden, but now my desire to move has been accelerated by what I consider my loss of freedoms and liberty. Yes, I'm a red-state kind of woman. My elderly mother keeps me here but her life is nearing the end. I am now eyeing NV as a place to move to.

And I said in an earlier post, I'm really , really tired of Dr. Fauci.

 

[Brett]

In Illinois where I live, our governor has now moved the goal posts from flattening the curve to "we need a vaccine". I'm insane over this. I have always hated Illinois & have wanted to move b/c of the massive tax burden, but now my desire to move has been accelerated by what I consider my loss of freedoms and liberty. Yes, I'm a red-state kind of woman. My elderly mother keeps me here but her life is nearing the end. I am now eyeing NV as a place to move to.

And I said in an earlier post, I'm really , really tired of Dr. Fauci.

yes, you have repeatedly said you do not like Dr. Anthony Fauci, the longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a widely-respected immunologist - apparently now disliked by the extreme right
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/28/technology/coronavirus-fauci-trump-conspiracy-target.html

His advice has probably helped my mother -- who is also in an assisted living facility

 

[Cornell]

yes, you have repeatedly said you do not like Dr. Anthony Fauci, the longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a widely-respected immunologist - apparently now disliked by the extreme right
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/28/technology/coronavirus-fauci-trump-conspiracy-target.html

His advice has probably helped my mother -- who is also in an assisted living facility

Repeatedly? I said it once previously. And please do not insinuate that I am part of a conspiracy.

 

[WVBaker]

yes, you have repeatedly said you do not like Dr. Anthony Fauci, the longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a widely-respected immunologist - apparently now disliked by the extreme right
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/28/technology/coronavirus-fauci-trump-conspiracy-target.html

His advice has probably helped my mother -- who is also in an assisted living facility

Let's not forget the millions upon millions on the extreme left who have lost their jobs because of his advise. Yes, they "may" be alive because of his advise, but they're no longer employed. I see you say, "probably saved my mother". Yes, his advise may have, could have, perhaps did, as you assume. Can we provide one case of unquestionable facts that it did? I read every day of people who have lost there employment directly and without any doubt whatsoever, because of being shut down over the fear and anxiety this has caused.

I'm glad you have your Mother. Cherish her being there every single day. As with all of us, some day she won't be.

I base my reasons and feelings on facts and not assumptions. Point to just one, that's all, just one case where this shut down has unequivocally prevented and saved anyone from catching this virus.

 

[Brett]

Yes very true-most homes are good though there are definitely "bad apples". The good places welcome family, and the places I work at consider many of the residents as part of their (staff's) family and that includes the resident's relatives. The staff of the places I work are missing having the visitors too. I know some are worried about the resident's spouses who are are living alone at home.

with some of the nursing homes and assisted living facilities in northern Virginia you can go and talk with the resident through a glass window (each having a cell phone) ---- although that's not exactly the same thing as visiting.

 

[isisdave]

It's not too early to start thinking about what would be required. Lots of people are doing that.

But until there's a fairly effective vaccine, the bare minimum would have to include adequate hospital, ventilator, and PPE supply; a rapid test for clinical presence of the virus; a rapid serological test for immunity; better treatment modalities for critical cases (like one of the drugs under investigation); and a way to track contacts of a person who turns out to be positive. The first four will come, but not soon enough. The last will require a lot of personal investigators, or person-specific cellphone monitoring. There's plenty not to like in this category, but the only way I can see to ease up on restrictions before an effective vaccine is thorough testing, and monitoring of every symptomatic case, and preferably non-symptomatic ones.

I think also that we should have more information about the long-term effects of the disease. Right now, many people are focusing on the large number of infected no symptoms or minor ones, the fact that children don't seen to have much risk; and that they (individually) think they don't have much risk from this disease. But we don't know much at all about long-term damage to lungs, heart, and now even perhaps brains.

I have more thoughts on this, but in attempting to write them I realize how much we all don't know yet about nearly every aspect of this disease and its consequences. As an over-70, I know I'll have to stay self-quarantined even if general restrictions are eased. A one-year timeout at this age is not an appealing thought. Sigh.

 

[Panina]

More than 2,200 have died of coronavirus inside nursing homes but feds aren’t tracking the numbers: report

https://www.foxnews.com/us/nursing-home-deaths-coronavirus

 

[Luanne]

My mother passed away just about one year ago at the age of 98. She passed peacefully at home while living with my sister. Mom suffered from extreme short term memory loss. My sister and I were both saying that heartless as it may sound we're glad she's not around right now. My sister and I have both had our husbands end up in the ER and then be admitted to the hospital within the last month. We weren't allowed in to see them. If this had happened to Mom it would have been horrific. She would have no idea why she was alone and would probably think she'd just been abandoned.

 

[TravelTime]

The nursing home situation is a huge crisis. NY Times also did a story on this. The article says:

“The virus has perhaps been cruelest at nursing homes and other facilities for older people, where a combination of factors — an aging or frail population, chronic understaffing, shortages of protective gear and constant physical contact between workers and residents — has hastened its spread.”

Nearly 2,000 Dead as Coronavirus Ravages Nursing Homes in N.Y. Region (Published 2020)

The facilities knew that frail and aging residents were especially vulnerable to the outbreak, but they were unable to stop it.

www.nytimes.com

 

[TravelTime]

Even in a Pandemic, No One Should Have to Die Alone
Coronavirus isn’t what killed my grandfather at 99, but it kept his loved ones from being there.

Near midnight on Sunday, my phone buzzed with a text. It was my mom. “Grandpa is in heaven,” she said. Fred Meyer, my beloved grandfather, was 99 years old and living in Florida, where he could be close to my uncle Jimmy, his devoted son, who cared for him with the help of other loving family members. But Jimmy wasn’t allowed to be with grandpa as he died in the hospital. Precautions against the spread of coronavirus wouldn’t allow it. My grandfather—husband to my beautiful grandmother Lillian, who had gone before him in death; father of five, grandfather of 13, great-grandfather of 12 thus far, friend to many more—died alone.

It wasn’t Covid-19 that took him. But the pandemic set the stage and shaped his final hours. A year earlier, grandpa had opted for assisted living so he wouldn’t “be a burden on anybody.” When it became clear that the virus was deadly for the elderly, the facility’s management followed social-distancing best practices. Most employees were sent home. Grandpa was kept in his room. Food was left at his door. No visitors were allowed. Uncle Jimmy couldn’t see him.
Grandpa was found lying on the floor of his room. They rushed him to the hospital, where he died. No loving eyes looked on him in his final minutes, grateful for his life, commending him to God. We hope a caring nurse was at his bedside, but we may never know.

At this time, in love for and solidarity with one another, we have been asked to keep apart. Without a vaccine or therapies, physical separation is our best weapon against the virus. The virus is particularly dangerous for the elderly and those with serious underlying health conditions. All this we know and strive to uphold. But there is a dark side to social distancing. Hours before my grandfather died, my mother relayed to me that her two friends in New York’s Long Island were kept from seeing their 35-year-old daughter as she was dying of cancer in the hospital, alone......

Opinion | Even in a Pandemic, No One Should Have to Die Alone

Coronavirus isn’t what killed my grandfather at 99, but it kept his loved ones from being there.

www.wsj.com

 

[Brett]

The nursing home situation is a huge crisis. NY Times also did a story on this. The article says:

“The virus has perhaps been cruelest at nursing homes and other facilities for older people, where a combination of factors — an aging or frail population, chronic understaffing, shortages of protective gear and constant physical contact between workers and residents — has hastened its spread.”

Nearly 2,000 Dead as Coronavirus Ravages Nursing Homes in N.Y. Region (Published 2020)

The facilities knew that frail and aging residents were especially vulnerable to the outbreak, but they were unable to stop it.

www.nytimes.com

yes, a Richmond, Virginia nursing home was hit hard

https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...d329d4-7b85-11ea-a130-df573469f094_story.html