I feel helpless. I want them to stop. I want them to get help. Thank for for listening and let me know if you have any ideas on how to get them help.
I am so sorry for this.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. I took my last drink a bit over two years ago. There are a couple of things you need to know. First, there is no making sense of this, because it makes no sense. Second, you aren't responsible for what they do or don't do. You can offer help and support
if they want it, but you can't make them take your help. Third, add me to the list of people who recommend Al Anon. You are going to learn that you are not alone, and find the support of others in your shoes who have found peace.
He said he was frustrated and unhappy because of dealing with patients day in and out whose health issues were a result of their own actions. Smoking, drinking, drugs, weight, food choices, lack of exercise. That most people would accept having a shortened lifespan rather than give up their habit or change their lifestyle.
Jan, I'm going to take strong exception to this. At least for me, it wasn't just about bad choices and not being willing to take care of myself. I can tell you that because I tried to stop, and found that I couldn't. There is a lot more to my story, but here is the relevant part:
I was drinking close to a fifth of vodka per day. I also had a lump on my chest that was getting bigger. (Thankfully, it was benign, but I did not know that at the time). I knew I needed to see a doctor but I also assumed he would want to talk to me about my drinking, and definitely did not want that. So, I figured I would drink "moderately"--which to me meant no drinking on work nights, but getting good and drunk on the weekends. I figured I could do that for a month, and then go in for my first checkup in five+ years, get this taken care of, and avoid the drinking conversation and get on with my life.
I would make it to maybe the 2nd or the 3rd of the month, and the cravings would be unbearable. I figured just one drink would take the edge off. One became two, two turned into four, and before I knew it I was passed out in front of the TV again. The next morning, rather than tell myself it was just one day, I said "Well, there goes March. I'll try again in April." I did that for 3-4 months, before I finally realized I couldn't do it. Instead, I calmly and "rationally" gave up. My kids were in or about to start college and we had the money for that put aside. I had a great life insurance policy that would more than pay off the house and set my wife up with a nice nest egg. With that plus her own career she'd be fine. I figured my job here on Earth was done, and if this was cancer and it killed me, I guess I was ready to die because there just wasn't anything else I could do.
It took several more months and some divine intervention for me to finally look in the mirror and decide that while I couldn't live without drinking, I also couldn't live with it, and more importantly that I needed help. It was still almost six months after that before I would take my last drink--I had a couple of lapses during early sobriety--but with professional help and the help of other alcoholics, I was able to get sober. I no longer have the obsession to drink, and it's been nothing short of a miracle.
If anyone thinks they might have a problematic relationship with alcohol, you are welcome to send me a private message--create an anonymous account if you like. I am happy to tell you more about what it was like, what happend, and what it's like now.