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Setting "ground rules" when sharing an exchange with friends

CatLovers

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Several years ago there was a thread on TUG that talked about setting "ground rules" for when you invite friends to stay on your RCI exchange with you. The logic was that if you laid out the general rules i.e. we don't have to do everything together, cleaning up after yourself, etc., then your really good friendship would continue to be so after the vacation. Several TUGgers had put such a list together. We used that advice the first time we shared our exchange with friends, and it turned out to be an excellent idea. We are planning to do that again this year, and I can't find my list! Does anyone have one that they'd be willing to share, so that I don't have to start from scratch? Your assistance greatly appreciated.

Thanks ... Cat Lovers
 

CatLovers

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Anybody?

Okay, response to this question has been underwhelming :)

Any ideas as to what should go into such a list? As a small token of my thanks for your assistance, I'll compile the responses and make them available to TUG members should anyone ever want such a list in the future.
 

mrsstats

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My 1st suggestion would be to make sure you each have your own car. We have been sharing vacations with my brother & sister in law for more than 10 years. The best thing we have done is to have 2 cars. Gives you the freedom to go on you own. We normally have breakfast & dinner together and go to many of the same places during the day. However, you can leave if you want. It has worked well for us.
 

KarenL

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I would include something you already mentioned, that folks not feel pressured to do everything together. Our primary rule is DO WHAT YOU WANT, not what you think we want you to do with us.
Karen
 

lovearuba

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Hi
We have a two bedroomm and always take someone with us to use the other side. We never had to set ground rules basically because our friends appreciate us letting them come with us.

If I had a concern I would let them know what my expectations are and some have already been stated.

1. Use the place like you would your own house but make sure when you leave that it is clean, no need to make beds but empty the trash and make sure the dishes are done and put away, refridgerator empty, the little things.

2. We always do things together unless the other couple wants to do something different. We book tours and ask the other couple if they are interested, if not we go anyway. We split the dinner bill but in some cases get separate drink bills. Some people drink 4 or 5 drinks while others don't drink at all, its unfair to have someone else pay your bill.

3. Respect peoples personal space. I get up early but don't wake others up if they are late sleepers. Thats what lockoffs are for.

Bottom line is be respectful and speak up if you think someone is taking advantage of you but say it tactfully.
 

CatLovers

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"Ground rules" list available

Thanks to all who contributed to this "list". I have compiled a master list, and it's available to anyone who'd like it.
 

Space Coast Laurie

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Share the "vacation vision" ahead of time

I would discuss some expections ahead of time... this may sound goofy, but perhaps share your vision of the "perfect vacation" to head off any possible issues ahead of time. Two years ago, I headed to my chalet in the woods up on the mountain in Gatlinburg, expecting to have a week of peace and quiet at the chalet, reading out on the deck listening to nothing but nature sounds, some hiking, and some fun side trips. I got the hiking, I got the fun side trips, but thanks to one of my guests, I got to hear the television all freakin' week up at the chalet. I don't watch all that much tv at home, and hardly watch any when on a timeshare vacation. This person turned the tv on the moment she got up, and the moment we walked back in the door from any of our little jaunts. I'd turn it off when she'd go to another room, then as soon as she'd come back she'd turn it back on. I went out on the deck to read and closed the sliding glass doors so I couldn't hear the tv, except I could still hear it. I had her turn the volume down, but I could still hear it through the glass. It almost drove me nuts.
 

Happytravels

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We are down to three!! Went down to two 7/2024
the list

CatLovers said:
Thanks to all who contributed to this "list". I have compiled a master list, and it's available to anyone who'd like it.

I take friends with us often and really have never had such a list or really needed one. But it really sounds good to me as I am planning on guests again in the next few months...

ADD ME TO YOUR LIST.
 

caribbean

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Like Laurie said, I think it is important to pick fellow travelers with similar likes. Some peole go-go-go on vacation and others are there to relax and rest. We purposely pick uncrowed beaches and like to sit under the shade tree and relax and just enjoy the environment. Others like to stay up half the night and bar hop. Can you imagine a trip with opposites? Do you expect to cook a lot in the unit or go out to eat all the time.

Another thing I would get straight in advance is how you are going to split costs on everything. Some couples will provide the condo and expext the visitor to pay for other items like the rental car. Others go half on everything. Don't want any hurt feelings due to a misunderstanding.
 

EileenSRN

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We almost always vacation with another couple. The guys are golfers, the gals do their thing and we find lots to do together as well. We keep a running tally of expenses - one pays exchange fee, the other pays car rental up front. We include supermarket puchases, show tickets if we get all on one card, everything we spend jointly. At the end of the week we add it up and and even it out by paying who ever spent more. It's worked for 5 years of 2 or 3 weeks a year.
 

ladycody

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This was actually a concern for me as I'm planning a trip in about 18 months with 3 other couples. They are covering our airfares in exchange for the time at our resort(max $300 per couple)...which works out. (We are using almost 3 years worth of travel time for this trip). There will be 2 couples each in 2 units for 8 nights and that should be fine.

I had a talk with my SIL, though, because she was getting all ready to plan her activities for each day...and that's just not how we vacation. I have no intention of having an itinerary.

Her enthusiasm is good hearted...but I'd experienced the "c'mon...it'll be fun!!!...dont you think it'll be fun?...c'mon!!!" line once before... on a short 2 night trip. I told her there could be none of that on this one.

If someone plans to do something...it's fine to ask who wants to go along...but not to pressure or act disappointed if the other person doesnt want to go. I dont want to be made to feel guilty in any way for doing what I want to do. She seems to have understood so i'm hoping all goes well. I think she may have been hurt at first...but after a few examples...she had no choice but to agree that it's not fair to impose your desires on someone else...and when presented with me pushing her to do something she had no desire to try...(scuba)...it finally seemed to sink in.

Now I just gotta talk to the other SIL.:rolleyes:

As for expenses...everyone's on their own with the exception of the fact that we'll be buying some community foods for the kitchen when the time comes and that bill will be divided up equally.

I think it's very important to consider this kind of thing prior to traveling with others...or you risk hurt feelings and a less than perfect vacation.
 
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"Roger"

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caribbean said:
...We purposely pick uncrowed beaches....
I take it that both you and your friends have a phobia about catching the West Nile virus. :)
 

caribbeansun

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I would be interested in seeing such a list as we will be sharing a week in one of our units in Cancun with BIL and SIL this coming year and this will be the first time with anyone other than our kids in the unit with us - it's a bit intimidating for the reasons mentioned above.
 

Blondie

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We often vacay with friends and we set the money thing out like this- Those who join us pay for the airport parking,and/or for the rental car- although it can be good to sometimes have more than one car and if so we pay for our own- then we go to the grocery store together and everyone buys their own stuff and pays for it separately. And like many of you have said- it must be made clear that everyone feel comfortable doing his own thing. In large groups I will make a rez or two for dinner (in Mexico in Feb there were 8 of us and some of the recommended eateries had only 15 tables or so and seating 8 would have been problematic without a rez) just to have it- but I make it clear that nobody is obliged to come if they do not want to. In high season with large groups sometimes you can't get into a restaurant without a rez so I do it to be on the safe side. Also, we don't sign things to the room- we just pay when we order food/drinks because that can really screw up the bill if lots of people are signing for purchases...Often if there is a cleaning fee or a timeshare tax at the end of the week they will pay that- I typically know all the costs associated with the places we use so it is all planned out in advance and everyone knows what they will be expected to chip in. I guess it makes me sound cheap but our friends/family want to pick up some of the cost and this has always worked out fine.
 

Strong1

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I was one of the original contributors to the "sharing with friends" discussion. I shared a "horror" story of an early exchange with friends and shared my ground rules then. I don't know if you search the posts on my username (I don't have that many posts!) you might be able to find the original thread and thus the list you were first looking for.

Colleen
 

JLB

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On almost every exchange we take any more we take others, friends or family.

It does get awkward when everyone feels or assumes we all have to do everything together. We just need to say, "There's the car any time anyone wants to go anywhere."

Orlando when everyone is there isn't so bad since we have three cars.
 

Rpeterson

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Catlovers, I would like a copy of your list if you don't mind. Thanks' Ray P.
 

geekette

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can I please have a copy, too?

Gosh, I need to ask to be in on this, too, as we're getting to the point where we're gonna be asking others along.
 

shagnut

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I had a hard time learning that you don't have to do everything together. I personally like to do things with others rather than by myself, but not everyone has my A type personality. I had a horrible time in Vegas with my brother but once we made an agreement to meet for dinner at a certain time and that way he could gamble all day like he liked to do.

What I normally do if I'm taking someone else is since I'm paying for the ts they pay for the car rental. We each buy our meals and it works out.

I had such a horrible time with a friend in St Thomas I still get nervous about inviting someone else to come with me unless I know them. I don't get nervous if they invite me because I feel as a guest I'll just go along with whatever they want to do and not cause waves.

shaggy
 

JLB

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Another complication is that when you take different folks on different vacations is that if you want to include them all or more than one group on a vacation, it may be awkward.

As an example, we take our extended family to Orlando. For now it is every-other Christmas week. The following week we go to SW Florida. This year was our off-year so we did not do Orlando, but we did two weeks in SW FL. One week we had another couple and the other week we had my BIL and his wife.

This year will be Orlando for Christmas with extended family and the following week in SW FL. We have two units for the second week, one for our family and one for our friends. I wanted it that way in case our friends wanted to bring someone or if some of our family wanted to stay a few more days.

We eat dinner frequently with the friends and I have picked up that what they like about going with us is the going with us part. They haven't said it, but I sense a complication if we have family along.

Also, I haven't found a way to say this without it coming out the wrong way, but our friends really appreciate the opportunity to get away and vacation with us. I don't sense that from our family. We have takenthem to Kauai, several Spring weeks in the Ozarks, and now the EOY Orlando. It's not that I want them to kiss my fanny, but it would be nice to know they appreciate what we provide. We even advanced money to some to cover their travel expenses.

Jenny and I were talking the other day and she commented that our great nieces do stuff that we never got to do as kids, and what will their kids expect?

Jenny started taking her family on the Annual Girl's Week Out to Nashville. The first year two Aunts really were not into it. They didn't seem to enjoy themselves, want to do what the others did, and then went home early.

The next year they were not invited. Others were in their place. Yeah, you guessed it, one of the Aunts got her little feelings hurt.

So, when you take it upon yourself to be the vacation-master for others, you assume more baggage than what your stuff goes in.

Anyone else have that problem?
 
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