• The TUGBBS forums are completely free and open to the public and exist as the absolute best place for owners to get help and advice about their timeshares for more than 26 years!

    Join tens of thousands of other owners just like you here to get any and all Timeshare questions answered!
  • TUG has now saved timeshare owners more than $14,000,000 dollars just by finding us in time to rescind a new Timeshare purchase! A truly incredible milestone!

    Read more here: TUG saves owners more than $14 Million dollars
  • Follow the TUG Member Banner as it travels the world on vacation with Timeshare owners! Also sign up to get the banner sent to you so you can submit a photo of your vacation with the banner to share with TUG! Banner Thread
  • Sign up to get the TUG Newsletter for free! Join tens of thousands of other owners who get this every week! Latest resort reviews and the most important topics discussed by owners during the week!
  • Our official "end my sales presentation early" T-shirts are available again! Also come with the option for a free membership extension with purchase to offset the cost!

    Read more Here
  • A few of the most common links here on the forums for newbies and guests!

Proof of what is a good life?

Fredflintstone

TUG Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
1,656
Reaction score
2,045
Points
274
Resorts Owned
Rent only
https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

This 75 year old study proves what is a good life. Nope...it’s not money...it’s not fame and it’s not work...

It’s simply good, healthy relationships.

This explains why vacationing with friends or family is so important. It’s to give you your most basic need...relationships.

It’s not the timeshare but the relationships that develop from it.

So, Vacation on and be sure to bring a friend or loved one with you!






Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
I guess I am screwed then. No friends or family nearby and if we don't move soon I am going to go insane as I need to form some kind of bond with some people- even if it is one or two. Husband is not social- more of a loner. Quiet. I need conversation and some laughter,, too.

I thought maybe you were looking for something like a roof over your head, heat in the winter and water and food. Thankfully I have that.

And- yes- thankfully we can take a few vacations here and there. One thing I am not happy with if we give back our timeshare is that there are some owners that have been going the same week as us and I like seeing them year after year, though we mostly just chat a bit by the pool- nothing social after that- like dinner or an activity or whatever.

That is mainly because most of them have their grown kids and grandchildren with them and naturally are involved with them. We don't have that. We have our son with us a couple of days, but he is a man and mostly does his own thing understandably.

It is also because my husband does not "get involved" with anyone. Like go play a game of volleyball with the guys or go for a hike or just even have a conversation.Don't get me wrong- IF he is at the pool- which is rare- and someone talks to him he will be cordial and talk with them if it is something he can relate to. But again- a rarity. He never initiates a conversation- nope.

It's lonely for sure but I plow through. Doesn't seem to bother my husband. He can sit around all day- watch TV- even on vacation- and not speak to anyone. SMH....
 

rapmarks

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
6,756
Reaction score
1,817
Points
449
I can sympathize with you MaryAnn, my husband can’t make conversation except with one or two friends, we have basically no friends because people act like it is catching. We used to strike up conversations with people at time shares, but that hadn’t happened for years. Of course, I can no longer have a conversation with him.
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
I can sympathize with you MaryAnn, my husband can’t make conversation except with one or two friends, we have basically no friends because people act like it is catching. We used to strike up conversations with people at time shares, but that hadn’t happened for years. Of course, I can no longer have a conversation with him.
Terrible.:(

Prayers for you both. Stay strong.
 

Passepartout

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2007
Messages
22,725
Reaction score
7,162
Points
799
Location
Twin Falls, Eye-Duh-Hoe
I believe that in the end, social bonds mean more than anything as regards to a healthy life. So join a club. Go to concerts. Volunteer. Go to church, sing in your local chorus, or learn an instrument. Say 'Hi' to the person behind you at the supermarket, and say, ' Let's go get a slice of pizza'. Canvas for a political candidate. There are a million ways to connect with people. Just DO IT! Not all of 'em will be your bosom buddies, but you'll connect with some. And your life will improve. Honest.

Jim
 

Sugarcubesea

TUG Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2014
Messages
2,999
Reaction score
1,534
Points
299
Resorts Owned
QH, HBC, VBHC, & Pinestead Reef
I can sympathize with you MaryAnn, my husband can’t make conversation except with one or two friends, we have basically no friends because people act like it is catching. We used to strike up conversations with people at time shares, but that hadn’t happened for years. Of course, I can no longer have a conversation with him.
I'm so sorry you are going through this... Much love and prayers going out to you... That is my worse fear is having dementia or alzheimer's scares me the most about retirement...I had an uncle with this terrible disease and it was so hard to watch him decline and not know anyone...

I hate when people shy away from friends or neighbors that have this disease but this is the time you need companionship the most. I'm so sorry you are going thru this alone...
 

pedro47

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
13,096
Reaction score
3,327
Points
548
Location
East Coast
I can feel your pains because I have walked your walked and talked your talked.
It is very hard and very sad. Because you are physically and mentally their 24/7 without any major relief. Yes, a nurse, a family member or some friends may come over for some temporary relief time. But you are home bound their for 24/7.

However, You will be able to handle this, stay focus on what must be done, pray, pray and pray.
You will fall on your knees and pray for relief. The answer will come from pray and you will be ok. Believe me.
 

bogey21

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2005
Messages
7,700
Reaction score
2,523
Points
499
Location
Fort Worth, Texas
Living in my CCRC is a God Send vis-a-vis relationships. There are 600 people who live in my CCRC all with different backgrounds. I end up with extended conversations with many of them. Two simple examples (out of many). One guy flew bombing missions over Germany during WWII, another was a CIA Agent. Conversations with them are amazing. I can give you many other examples. Trust me most people have a story and are willing to discuss it with you if you just take the initiative and open the conversation...

George
 

VacationForever

Tug Review Crew: Rookie
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
11,412
Reaction score
5,403
Points
648
Location
Somewhere Out There
I can sympathize with you MaryAnn, my husband can’t make conversation except with one or two friends, we have basically no friends because people act like it is catching. We used to strike up conversations with people at time shares, but that hadn’t happened for years. Of course, I can no longer have a conversation with him.
Hire a home care agency to take care of him for a few hours a day to give you respite. Go out. You need to get a social life back.
 

rapmarks

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
6,756
Reaction score
1,817
Points
449
Hire a home care agency to take care of him for a few hours a day to give you respite. Go out. You need to get a social life back.
I can still leave him alone so I go to bridge, but he is complaining about me being gone. He still plays in men's league, but comes home very discouraged. My bridge overlaps with his golf. I have been skipping my golf league a lot this year, and hope to get back in the groove after the holidays. We are also on a bocce team together, that is twice a week. so he still has activities, but he doesn't say much.
Certain friends used to want to get together for dinner but they no longer care to do that with us. A friend is coming down mid January, and her husband loves to talk and we go to some club activities together. Most of the time in a social setting, he just sits there, he can't order off a menu so that is always a difficult time. I could get a group of my lady friends to go out, but I don't think it is fair to have him sit at a table full of ladies.
 

VacationForever

Tug Review Crew: Rookie
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
11,412
Reaction score
5,403
Points
648
Location
Somewhere Out There
I can still leave him alone so I go to bridge, but he is complaining about me being gone. He still plays in men's league, but comes home very discouraged. My bridge overlaps with his golf. I have been skipping my golf league a lot this year, and hope to get back in the groove after the holidays. We are also on a bocce team together, that is twice a week. so he still has activities, but he doesn't say much.
Certain friends used to want to get together for dinner but they no longer care to do that with us. A friend is coming down mid January, and her husband loves to talk and we go to some club activities together. Most of the time in a social setting, he just sits there, he can't order off a menu so that is always a difficult time. I could get a group of my lady friends to go out, but I don't think it is fair to have him sit at a table full of ladies.
Hence hire an agency to have someone spend time with him at home while you go out. You can use the line that this hired help is going to take care of the home, cleaning, pets etc instead of saying that the help is for him. They may amaze you and your husband as to how well they can engage your husband. Find an agency who trains their staff with dementia care.
 

rapmarks

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
6,756
Reaction score
1,817
Points
449
Hence hire an agency to have someone spend time with him at home while you go out. You can use the line that this hired help is going to take care of the home, cleaning, pets etc instead of saying that the help is for him. They may amaze you and your husband as to how well they can engage your husband. Find an agency who trains their staff with dementia care.
Yes, I would like someone who would take him to the driving range to let him practice and then out to lunch.
The agency that helped me after knee surgery, ended with a bummer. She refused to do anything and sat on here phone. I had to send her home.
 

VacationForever

Tug Review Crew: Rookie
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
11,412
Reaction score
5,403
Points
648
Location
Somewhere Out There
Yes, I would like someone who would take him to the driving range to let him practice and then out to lunch.
The agency that helped me after knee surgery, ended with a bummer. She refused to do anything and sat on here phone. I had to send her home.
You just need to try another company.
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
Yes, I would like someone who would take him to the driving range to let him practice and then out to lunch.
The agency that helped me after knee surgery, ended with a bummer. She refused to do anything and sat on here phone. I had to send her home.
Sometimes the agencies will not let the aides drive. The agency we used for my mom, they allowed the aide to drive my mom's car, but not her own.

I worked in home care (in management) most of my life. We did have some really good aides, but few and far between I am sorry to say. It's tough.
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
PS My 94 year old aunt has 2 really great aides- paid privately- not through an agency. Not sure how her daughter found them- maybe the church. One is day and one is overnight.

They get paid cash and can you believe the day aide is a male? He is great- he can't stand staying in so he takes her out as much as possible. He has brought her down from the country up here where she lives to Fordham- her old neighborhood- the botanical gardens in NYC, movies, restaurants, parks- you name it. And she is in a wheelchair! Works out as my aunt never could stay in either when she was younger. She was always gallivanting.
 

VacationForever

Tug Review Crew: Rookie
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
11,412
Reaction score
5,403
Points
648
Location
Somewhere Out There
There are many reasons to use an agency instead of "hiring" under the table:
- If privately "hired" aide gets injured and tells doctor that it is due to work injury, it becomes a worker's compensation claim in which none has been paid into. The aide gets a lawyer and goes after the family. Guess who wins.
- If privately "hired" files for unemployment claim after being fired or client dies, guess who EDD goes after.
- If aide decides to collect more money, aide goes to lawyer to file for back pay, overtime pay etc. Guess who loses.

We have seen them all. My husband was hired by lawyers on both sides as expert withness in their cases. One that really stood out for us was a woman who took care of the elderly (Mom) was promised by Mom that the aide would get Mom's house in lieu of getting paid. When Mom died, the children threw out the woman. Woman got lawyer, she got more than the house after all back wages was calculated. The children lost Mom's house + lawyer fees on both sides + additional back wages.

Another woman was summoned to appear at EDD because the aide she "hired" privately was fired and the aide filed an unemployment claim, only that payroll taxes were never paid into EDD.

Under the law, there is no independent contractor in home care industry. Home care aides fail in the "right-to-control" test and as such they are always under someone's employment, either an agency or the family. The family has to be an employer when hiring privately, meaning doing the filing and paying employment taxes and getting workers' compensation for the aides.
 
Last edited:

rapmarks

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
6,756
Reaction score
1,817
Points
449
There are many reasons to use an agency instead of "hiring" under the table:
- If privately "hired" aide gets injured and tells doctor that it is due to work injury, it becomes a worker's compensation claim in which none has been paid into. The aide gets a lawyer and goes after the family. Guess who wins.
- If privately "hired" files for unemployment claim after being fired or client dies, guess who EDD goes after.
- If aide decides to collect more money, aide goes to lawyer to file for back pay, overtime pay etc. Guess who loses.

We have seen them all. My husband was hired by lawyers on both sides as expert withness in their cases. One that really stood out for us was a woman who took care of the elderly (Mom) was promised by Mom that the aide would get Mom's house in lieu of getting paid. When Mom died, the children threw out the woman. Woman got lawyer, she got more than the house after all back wages was calculated. The children lost Mom's house + lawyer fees on both sides + additional back wages.

Another woman was summoned to appear at EDD because the aide she "hired" privately was fired and the aide filed an unemployment claim, only that payroll taxes were never paid into EDD.

Under the law, there is no independent contractor in home care industry. Home care aides fail in the "right-to-control" test and as such they are always under someone's employment, either an agency or the family. The family has to be an employer when hiring privately, meaning doing the filing and paying employment taxes and getting workers' compensation for the aides.
Doesn’t sound like a good idea
 

pedro47

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
13,096
Reaction score
3,327
Points
548
Location
East Coast
May I suggest hired an agency or an aide that will fulfill your needs and your desires for your husband. This means interviewing individuals after individuals to find the right person and mixed for your husband. It also, means following up on the agency or individual after you hired them to see they are meeting your needs and your husband’s desires.
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
There are many reasons to use an agency instead of "hiring" under the table:
- If privately "hired" aide gets injured and tells doctor that it is due to work injury, it becomes a worker's compensation claim in which none has been paid into. The aide gets a lawyer and goes after the family. Guess who wins.
- If privately "hired" files for unemployment claim after being fired or client dies, guess who EDD goes after.
- If aide decides to collect more money, aide goes to lawyer to file for back pay, overtime pay etc. Guess who loses.

We have seen them all. My husband was hired by lawyers on both sides as expert withness in their cases. One that really stood out for us was a woman who took care of the elderly (Mom) was promised by Mom that the aide would get Mom's house in lieu of getting paid. When Mom died, the children threw out the woman. Woman got lawyer, she got more than the house after all back wages was calculated. The children lost Mom's house + lawyer fees on both sides + additional back wages.

Another woman was summoned to appear at EDD because the aide she "hired" privately was fired and the aide filed an unemployment claim, only that payroll taxes were never paid into EDD.

Under the law, there is no independent contractor in home care industry. Home care aides fail in the "right-to-control" test and as such they are always under someone's employment, either an agency or the family. The family has to be an employer when hiring privately, meaning doing the filing and paying employment taxes and getting workers' compensation for the aides.

Yes- right, But the reality is agencies first off charge like 3 or 4 times what you would pay privately. You really aren't getting anyone better for the money despite what they advertise.The aide is getting a low wage and the agency gets the rest.

Maybe things are different in other parts of the country but I know from 20 years of experience you have to be lucky either way to get a good reliable dedicated aide.

I can tell you horror stories. Many agencies will put any warm body into a home as long as they have the right documents.

This all said, at least if the aide alls out the agency can try to get you someone else for the day. But don;t hold your breath.
 

WinniWoman

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
9,745
Reaction score
5,556
Points
599
Location
The Weirs, New Hampshire
Resorts Owned
Smugglers Notch Resort
Innseason Pollard Brook
BTW- in NYS- they allow relatives of a patient to care for him/her and they get paid as an aide would.
 

VacationForever

Tug Review Crew: Rookie
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
11,412
Reaction score
5,403
Points
648
Location
Somewhere Out There
Yes- right, But the reality is agencies first off charge like 3 or 4 times what you would pay privately. You really aren't getting anyone better for the money despite what they advertise.The aide is getting a low wage and the agency gets the rest.

Maybe things are different in other parts of the country but I know from 20 years of experience you have to be lucky either way to get a good reliable dedicated aide.

I can tell you horror stories. Many agencies will put any warm body into a home as long as they have the right documents.

This all said, at least if the aide alls out the agency can try to get you someone else for the day. But don;t hold your breath.
I am not saying an aide is better from an agency vs. private hire. I am highlighting the issue with "hiring" a private hire if you are not going to hire legally. There are companies like "Care Family" - you can google it, who actually help you find a private aide through their registry and they will take care of the legal piece for you, for a small percentage. They cannot operate in some states like California due to more stringent local state laws. I don't think they cover Workers Compensation though. It has been a while. We knew the owner back then.
 
Last edited:

elaine

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2005
Messages
3,840
Reaction score
755
Points
348
Location
DC
Resorts Owned
DVC-AKV, HHI, Waterside By Spinnaker
i use an agency for my mom. Not a nursing service. Some are nursing assistants but others aren’t. They can drive her car or theirs for an extra fee. The 1st one was not a good fit. The 2nd one is great. Mom loves her. You can ask for someone who has experience engaging elders/onset dementia. Mom’s emotional and cognitive has actually improved since we got her. She comes 4 hrs/2x week. Costs $160/week in Florida. The aide gets a low wage, like $13. She’s awesome. She’s between jobs and will go elsewhere at some point I’m sure.
 

elaine

TUG Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2005
Messages
3,840
Reaction score
755
Points
348
Location
DC
Resorts Owned
DVC-AKV, HHI, Waterside By Spinnaker
Also the aide engages mom much better than I do. She can prompt mom to tell her about ......
 

pedro47

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
13,096
Reaction score
3,327
Points
548
Location
East Coast
Hiring an aide is not under the table in Virginia. An aide is employed by agency, a nursing home or a hospital. An aide must follow and is certified in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
 

pianodinosaur

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
1,924
Reaction score
146
Points
273
Location
Texas
Resorts Owned
HGVC SeaWorld x 2, HGVC Las Vegas Strip x 2, MVC Mountain Valley Lodge, MVC Legend’s Edge
Sometimes it can be very difficult to distinguish between depression, dementia, and deafness in the elderly. It is also possible to have both lice and fleas. If your spouse has become withdrawn and non communicative, a visit to a physician who is willing to spend an hour or more listening to you and carefully examining your spouse may help. As we get older many of us end up on more medications. The drug side effects and drug interactions can also alter behavior. The best thing about growing old is that it beats the alternative.
 
Top