One bride and groom are planning on forcing guests to sit through a timeshare presentation

[PamMo]

I think the whole idea of making all the wedding guests go to a timeshare presentation is hilarious! My DH said that they should schedule ALL the presentations at the same time (with champagne!) and overwhelm the sales staff. Make a real party of it. Ring the sales bells every time a sales person says, "a timeshare is an INVESTMENT!" I hope it's at Vidanta in Riviera Maya.

To give the benefit of doubt to the bride and groom, perhaps they saw an ad and thought it was just a great package deal to Cancun for friends and family? If you don't know anything about timeshares, it's really hard to imagine how truly awful a sales presentation can be - especially in Mexico. Since the article told only part of the story, I won't throw shade on the couple.

 

[vacationtime1]

Although this bride is probably not about passing out wedding favors to her guests, the best favor she could give her guests would be explicit rescission instructions.

 

[Cornell]

Besides the money -- let's not forget that most people (myself included) have limited vacation time. I think it's nervy to ask people to take vacation time for a wedding.

 

[Luanne]

Besides the money -- let's not forget that most people (myself included) have limited vacation time. I think it's nervy to ask people to take vacation time for a wedding.

A friend of mine's daughter is getting married in France next year. I'm not close enough to the dd so I'm not going to be invited, which is fine. The dd's feeling is that she's giving everyone enough time to plan and save the money to go. I don't think it's going to be a huge event, mostly family and maybe some close friends, but still. My friend has already told me there are family members that probably won't be able to attend due to the cost. The bride also does not want any children. Okay fine, but her brother and his wife will have a toddler by then. The bride not only wanted to exclude the child from the wedding, but also from any other events, like a rehearsal dinner. I think my friend is just rolling her eyes at this point.

 

[Cornell]

I'm reading these comments and I feel like I was born and raised in a completely different era, and I'm not that old!!!!

I had a really traditional wedding , where my parents paid for the whole thing. They made it very clear to me that THEY were the hosts and I (and the groom, of course) were guests of honor at their event. It's not to say that my parents were dictators and didn't consult me on the wedding reception - it was a joint planning effort. But I was not allowed to be Veruca Salt demanding that the world revolved around me, even though I was the bride.

 

[DannyTS]

First of all, can we all agree that most things related to weddings are ridiculous and, unless well off families cover the costs, do not make any sense for most future young families?

It is not clear to me from the article if the bride and the groom did not think they would actually do a favor to the guests and lighten up their cost. Stupid I agree, but their intention was probably not to personally benefit from this "deal".

 

[Luanne]

As they were growing up I kept whispering to my dd's "Elope, elope, elope". I've also told them that it's not the wedding that is the important thing, it's the marriage.

 

[Talent312]

I heard about a wedding where the bride's family spent ~$25K, and two weeks later, it came to light that she was "sleeping" with the best man. Needless to say, her parents were not happy, nor was the groom.

Now I have heard everything.

You haven't heard about my colonoscopy today... nor would you want to.

 

[geekette]

You are right, on all counts. I think for the nephew, it was definitely all about the show. They’re still living together, and who knows if they’ll ever get married. I suggested they have a modest wedding near the family, then take the Alaska cruise for their honeymoon. He said No to that, because it wouldn’t be any fun without family there. LOL!

I’ve since come to think he’s more interested in the idea of the marriage, than he is about the marriage itself. Go figure.

Dave

For myself only, I do not want anyone on my honeymoon but me and my guy! I don't want to have to see my family every day. People looking at us, trying to decide if we had wild sex the night before. Us trying to pretend like we didn't, and wanting this meal to be over so we can get back to it.... ew, no, this is OUR time, y'all are s'posed to be gone after the reception! No honeymoon of mine would ever be a group trip. I'm easy going and flexible on a lot of things, but not this. I further would not want to risk his having visions of his grandmother in a swimsuit stuck in his head. I am not risking that!

For me, if I've been shacked up for years, there is no way I'd be planning a Big Thing. At that point, making it official is really a small thing. If they want the big show, rent the nicest hotel ballroom available nearby. Far easier for people to attend, and if it's not enough show, make a whole big agenda of events to cover the weekend. Lots of ways to throw an All About Me party without dragging people far across the country at large expense for a week. Can do some lavish trips beforehand for bachelor/bachelorette parties. Bride and groom don't even have to share the spotlight for those! It's really About Me (and not You/Us).

So very many people marry that it's pretty common. we are all special and unique, like everyone else...

 

[geekette]

I heard about a wedding where the bride's family spent ~$25K, and two weeks later, it came to light that she was "sleeping" with the best man. Needless to say, her parents were not happy, nor was the groom.

She went through with the wedding?? whooo... guess she needed to decide if he was indeed The Best Man.

which brings me to, what an odd term. Why do I want to marry groom (rhymes with broom, that can't be good! replace one letter and it's gloom!) Of course I would rather marry The Best Man, but all I got is this groom...

to me, both parties can call it off at any point. Money matters, but not as much as tying yourself to someone when you find you really don't want to. It's hard to imagine standing at the altar in front of your groom but looking over his shoulder at the guy you'd rather honeymoon with. gross. I could not take the vows but for me they would mean something. Maybe for her they didn't.

Betting that bride now has neither of those guys and haunting memories.

 

[geist1223]

My nephew got married on Mau'i. They were living in Alaska. Both sets of parents were living in Colorado. Their friends were scattered all over the United States. My Brother rented several Condos. We got a 3 Bedroom Condo (with 8 weeks notice thank goodness for the waitlist) at the Worldmark at Kihe'i. Folks stayed with us. We all had a great time. My Brother was a little pissed. His wife had to have her sister and BFF present but they could not afford the flights. Nor could my niece with Husband and 2 kids. Guess who got to pay for all those people.

 

[geist1223]

Several years ago when we were at our Royal Solaris (AI) in Cabo there was a large group of folks there for a wedding. Think AI and party for wedding. The evening before the Wedding the Maid of Honor over did it and face planted in the cement around the Pool. The Bartenders had cut her off but guys in the group kept getting her drinks. She had to wear a lot of makeup for the Wedding.

 

[DaveNV]

For myself only, I do not want anyone on my honeymoon but me and my guy! I don't want to have to see my family every day. People looking at us, trying to decide if we had wild sex the night before. Us trying to pretend like we didn't, and wanting this meal to be over so we can get back to it.... ew, no, this is OUR time, y'all are s'posed to be gone after the reception! No honeymoon of mine would ever be a group trip. I'm easy going and flexible on a lot of things, but not this. I further would not want to risk his having visions of his grandmother in a swimsuit stuck in his head. I am not risking that!

For me, if I've been shacked up for years, there is no way I'd be planning a Big Thing. At that point, making it official is really a small thing. If they want the big show, rent the nicest hotel ballroom available nearby. Far easier for people to attend, and if it's not enough show, make a whole big agenda of events to cover the weekend. Lots of ways to throw an All About Me party without dragging people far across the country at large expense for a week. Can do some lavish trips beforehand for bachelor/bachelorette parties. Bride and groom don't even have to share the spotlight for those! It's really About Me (and not You/Us).

So very many people marry that it's pretty common. we are all special and unique, like everyone else...

I totally agree with you. When we got married, we flew with two very close friends from Seattle to San Francisco, got a rental car, and drove to SF City Hall to collect the wedding license, then on to Napa Valley to a B&B for three nights. We met that evening with a Wedding Planner we'd worked with online, who had arranged details for us. The next day we met up in Napa with two of my family members from Reno, and four family members from my spouse's side, who lived in the Bay Area. Counting the two of us, the wedding planner, and his assistant, we were twelve people. We enjoyed a great wine tasting at a boutique vineyard in Napa, then a leisurely walk through the grapevine fields to a shady spot under some Eucalyptus trees at the top of a hill. We had a brief, pleasant ceremony under the trees, then sat and enjoyed a nice catered luncheon (with great wine) at a sunny picnic area nearby, while watching the view of the vineyards down the hillside. Afterwards, we spent the afternoon touring several Napa wineries. After we got home to Washington, we arranged and hosted a reception for more than fifty of our friends and relatives two weeks later. No gifts, no stress, a beautiful cake, and it was a perfect way to get married. We gave reception guests bottles of wine with our names and wedding date on the label. It was very nice.

As to my nephew, he's an idiot. He likes to scrape up family drama, and I knew one of his motivations for that cruise was so he could get his mother and father on a ship together. They are divorced, and HATE each other. His motivation was completely selfish.

Dave

 

[PamMo]

I guess I don't understand what's so hard about saying "no, thank you" and letting it go? A couple has the prerogative to plan their wedding any way they want to celebrate it. As an invited guest, I don't have to go. Or send a present. Or whatever. Times change and etiquette certainly isn't the same from year to year, or culture to culture. It's not worth fussing about. For what? Shaming them? That's so easy to do online, but for what purpose?

 

[geekette]

Dave, I love this! Especially the wine bottle labels - very clever keepsake. I went ahead and mentally toured the landscape you were describing. Lovely! Low drama beauty, no massive crowd to keep happy. Party later back home is perfect.

nephew as drama conductor... that borders on evil, forcing his parents together for a week. Sure, ships are big, but the environment for both of those people would be coated with a nasty stain. Presumably everyone has his number and isn't going to play. What nasty motivations, intentionally inflicting discomfort on "loved ones." Probably I don't want to know what he does to people he doesn't like.

 

[DaveNV]

Dave, I love this! Especially the wine bottle labels - very clever keepsake. I went ahead and mentally toured the landscape you were describing. Lovely! Low drama beauty, no massive crowd to keep happy. Party later back home is perfect.

nephew as drama conductor... that borders on evil, forcing his parents together for a week. Sure, ships are big, but the environment for both of those people would be coated with a nasty stain. Presumably everyone has his number and isn't going to play. What nasty motivations, intentionally inflicting discomfort on "loved ones." Probably I don't want to know what he does to people he doesn't like.

Thanks - it really was a nice wedding. We wanted small, intimate, and with people we cared most about. The reception was just as nice - the guest list was only people we liked, and saw socially. It was a great afternoon, in the countryside backyard of good friends. The wine bottles were a big hit. (We bought nice wine from a local store and soaked off the labels. I got semi-printed label blanks and printed them on my printer, then attached them to the bottles. Since the bottles were "good" wine, if the recipient drank it, they'd have a nice memory there, too. I also designed and printed our wedding invitations, (with a winery theme - intertwined grape clusters on vines.) Even the roadsigns I printed to put out at the corners to help people find the reception location had a winery theme and the grapevine "logo" from the invitations. All in, a few hundred dollars in supplies for the reception, and some labors of love. It was quite memorable. It's been nearly 12 years since the day, and people still tell us what a nice time they had.

Nephew's number is well known in the family, which is probably why the cruise thing never happened. He and his fianceé live in Texas, and all of his family are in California and Washington. Most of the fiancee's family are also in California. He now wants to have the wedding in Texas. Anything to make himself the center of attention. I don't know when he wants to actually have the wedding, but I'm pretty sure we already have plans for that day.

Dave

 

[klpca]

I'm reading these comments and I feel like I was born and raised in a completely different era, and I'm not that old!!!!

I had a really traditional wedding , where my parents paid for the whole thing. They made it very clear to me that THEY were the hosts and I (and the groom, of course) were guests of honor at their event. It's not to say that my parents were dictators and didn't consult me on the wedding reception - it was a joint planning effort. But I was not allowed to be Veruca Salt demanding that the world revolved around me, even though I was the bride.

I like the way that your parents approached the reception. When my DD got married I told her that she and her husband could do whatever they wanted for the wedding (a small ceremony at a hike-in location in Yosemite) but the reception held a month later for a large 200+ group was for the guests. One of the big sticking points between the two of us was assigned tables for guests. She, being a casual outdoorsy person, thought it was completely unnecessary. Me being the guest at many weddings, conferences, awards ceremonies etc understand the need for some assigned space - so that you can sit with friends and have a place to set down your things. Eventually I just stopped running the details past her. It just stressed her out and I knew that she needed a low stress day for the party (she's an introvert, I am not ) and things went perfectly. She didn't notice the little things that made it a nice experience for the guests. I have been a guest at those weddings where no thought has been given to the guest experience and it can be absolutely painful. For example, even though a barn looks cute in photos, no one wants to sit on hay bales. Ever.

We were going to a destination wedding this summer, but after hearing nothing since the initial announcement I checked in with the mother of the bride only to find out that it has been postponed indefinitely. But of course I timeshare, so we already have a week booked as well as our flights, so we will be there, lol. It's in Hawaii so it could be worse, but it is kind of funny.

 

[DaveNV]

We were going to a destination wedding this summer, but after hearing nothing since the initial announcement I checked in with the mother of the bride only to find out that it has been postponed indefinitely. But of course I timeshare, so we already have a week booked as well as our flights, so we will be there, lol. It's in Hawaii so it could be worse, but it is kind of funny.

Sounds to me like a perfect opportunity for you and your spouse to renew your own vows.

Dave

 

[geekette]

We were going to a destination wedding this summer, but after hearing nothing since the initial announcement I checked in with the mother of the bride only to find out that it has been postponed indefinitely. But of course I timeshare, so we already have a week booked as well as our flights, so we will be there, lol. It's in Hawaii so it could be worse, but it is kind of funny.

Whoa! I like Dave's suggestion, renew your vows instead!

It doesn't sit right with me that Somebody didn't tell Invited Guests that it's off. That's a pricey destination to leave people with the belief that it's a go. Were it my kids calling it off, I'd feel like I'd need to compensate those with nonrefundable air that aren't going to use those tickets. But I would be close to outraged if nobody told me and I arrive to No Wedding. Nobody I know.

That is not acceptable. Somebody needs to be spreading the word and should have done it the moment the postponement happened. This isn't the kind of thing I could forgive and forget. Shelling out money for an experience that is not forthcoming would leave me very angry. Hey, stuff happens, I understand that. But coverups are never ok. It will get more awkward, not less, to wait.

Note, klpca, I am not urging you to urge the mother of the bride to do anything. I'm glad you thought to check in with her, but guests should not need to have to do that. I am expecting for you to have a stressfree, schedule free, formal duds free time in HI.

 

[klpca]

Whoa! I like Dave's suggestion, renew your vows instead!

It doesn't sit right with me that Somebody didn't tell Invited Guests that it's off. That's a pricey destination to leave people with the belief that it's a go. Were it my kids calling it off, I'd feel like I'd need to compensate those with nonrefundable air that aren't going to use those tickets. But I would be close to outraged if nobody told me and I arrive to No Wedding. Nobody I know.

That is not acceptable. Somebody needs to be spreading the word and should have done it the moment the postponement happened. This isn't the kind of thing I could forgive and forget. Shelling out money for an experience that is not forthcoming would leave me very angry. Hey, stuff happens, I understand that. But coverups are never ok. It will get more awkward, not less, to wait.

Note, klpca, I am not urging you to urge the mother of the bride to do anything. I'm glad you thought to check in with her, but guests should not need to have to do that. I am expecting for you to have a stressfree, schedule free, formal duds free time in HI.

I'm not worried....it was close family so I was told early, too early apparently. But I love the vow renewal idea. We may just do that!

 

[DaveNV]

I'm not worried....it was close family so I was told early, too early apparently. But I love the vow renewal idea. We may just do that!

Could be fun, and a great way to make the most of that time away.

The weird sense of humor guy in me says to plan the vow renewal for the same date, time, and location as the failed wedding. Then, when uninformed guests show up, you can say, “Surprise!”!

I have a different nephew who was planning a wedding with a girl who wasn’t faithful to him. He found out at the last minute, and cancelled the wedding, but not long before the date. His Mother was already in the thick of preparations, many relatives had traveled to the location, and it was hard to cancel things. So they decided to just have a big party instead. It was the best non-wedding I ever went to.

Dave

 

[pianodinosaur]

We have only attended one destination wedding in our lives. It was at the St. Regis in Kauai. There were about 100 guests present. This was a major expense due to the cost of airline tickets and hotel reservations and time away from work. We had a fantastic vacation. However, I think that every wedding is in some way a destination wedding if you happen to be an out of town guest. Imposing a timeshare presentation on a guest is inconsiderate and rude behavior. I thought the article was comical because the couple had more nerve than brains.

I agree with previous posters that the travel expense incurred by guests is a very serious consideration when planning a wedding or any other event.

 

[Talent312]

No destination weddings for me, and I doubt I'd go to one.
In my own life, I had two "in town" weddings:

The first was simple... Under an oak tree at a local botanical garden.
The reception was at my brother's nearby house.

In contrast, my 2nd (DW's too) was the one she had always wanted.
She wanted to put on a show for as many guests as possible...
About 200 peep, in a large church and a reception at a hotel.
She got her show, but I felt like a dog at the Westminster Dog Show.
,

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Some years ago I had occasional contact with a woman at professional events. She was in her early 40s, divorced. No children. Comporting herself as if she was enjoying solo life. We never talked much, and i was close enough to be in range of what she was saying (e.g., seated within a new chairs of each other) I was never particularly interested in what she was talking about. So we did our professional courtesies, and that was about it. She, however, networked in with many of the other women involved in the group.

Then she got engaged, and the planning started for a wedding bash at a vineyard in southern France. That became the main point of discussion among that group for about six months leading up to the event. Then the event happened and there was more gushing over the wedding photos, the wedding dress, the location.

Funny thing was the during the entire time, I never once heard her mention about the guy she was marrying. Perhaps that discussion did occur during times when I wasn't around. But it was something I noted.

Six months after the wedding she was divorced, and once again comporting herself in in her enjoyable solo lifestyle.

Of course, I suspect that if one scratched through the surface, one would find that she was actually quite unhappy, The wedding was probably great (for her), because of the activity and the planning and the event of a lifetime. But that was just a blip in time, and after the wedding was over she was right back where she was before.

 

[Talent312]

...The wedding was probably great (for her), because of the activity and the planning and the event of a lifetime. But that was just a blip in time, and after the wedding was over she was right back where she was before.

Some peep are so into the comporting and cavorting part, that they can't handle it when the honeymoon is over and real work of a marriage begins.