Never realized how hard it is to send a parent to Hospice until today.

[mpizza]

Prayers for a peaceful transition for your Dad.

Maria

 

[PamMo]

We've been through this a few times, so I am truly very sorry. Wishing you, your father, and all of your loved ones grace and peace to get through this difficult time.

 

[bogey21]

IMO Parents should have handled this for themselves. For example, not wanting to put my kids in this position, I moved into a CCRC at age 65 (I'm now 84). If/when I need hospice care I will simply switch from my Independent living Apartment into an Assisted Living Room which is akin to hospice care...Not only do I have a place set up for me if/when I need it but I have lots of friends here at my CCRC. In truth the only negative to living here is watching others get old and die...

George

 

[Makai Guy]

I was very touched by your post.

With your father turning off the lights, I flashed on an old memory from the Jimmy Durante show in the 50's. He ended each show saying "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are..." and walked off through a couple of downcast spotlights into the darkness.

This always felt like a final "goodbye". Just found a link:

 

[Tank]

God bless your family, not easy, just be with him when you can. Chances are he'll pass when your away.
Some things are just beyond our control.
I look forward to the party to come, hospice showed us a poem stating while we are holding on tight here on earth, those that have past are saying what's taking you so long, it's awesome here, it's awesome here!

No regrets !

Dave

 

[SteelerGal]

I am soo sorry. It is truly a difficult time. Just went through it w/ MIL.

 

[Luanne]

IMO Parents should have handled this for themselves. For example, not wanting to put my kids in this position, I moved into a CCRC at age 65 (I'm now 84). If/when I need hospice care I will simply switch from my Independent living Apartment into an Assisted Living Room which is akin to hospice care...Not only do I have a place set up for me if/when I need it but I have lots of friends here at my CCRC. In truth the only negative to living here is watching others get old and die...

George

Both of my parents had hospice care and both were able to die at home, where they wanted to be. Hospice was wonderful, in both cases.

 

[Bailey#1]

I am also sorry, just went thru this with my mother and I feel for you.

 

[Glynda]

How very difficult and sad for you both to go through. So sorry.

 

[clifffaith]

I sit here still sobbing and wiping my eyes over your situation, and the description of your Dad turning off the lights as they carried him out on a stretcher. My Dad has been at home on hospice for 11 months. Selfish as ever, Mom waiting on him hand and foot. We thought he was coming home to die last February, but fooled us all and was up and walking by May with a cane or walker, although he only left the house twice, both times in a wheel chair and for specialty doctors appts. I'm glad he was able to spend his last months at home but it is taking its toll on my mother.

 

[Fredflintstone]

Thank you all for your very kind words. I really needed to vent yesterday. I just got back from visiting him today. I went to talk with the nurse and returned. He just passed away. Although I am saddened, I remember all the good times I had with him. He would sacrifice for me because he was very poor. One time he sold his watch that his dad gave him so he could buy me a used bike and a fishing rod. He would take me fishing but couldn’t afford a rod himself. That was ok because I didn’t know that at the time. You know, he never told me. I learned that from my mom many years later and never told him I knew.

Love you dad. Thank you for always being there for me. You may not have had much money but you gave me much more. Your love, kindness, sacrifice and time was all I needed. You taught me that all that really matters is relationships, good character and memories. You were right. I cry because I will miss you but I know you are in a better place and finally at peace after all your suffering. Be proud. You were a very good man and father.


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[Rolltydr]

Thank you all for your very kind words. I really needed to vent yesterday. I just got back from visiting him today. I went to talk with the nurse and returned. He just passed away. Although I am saddened, I remember all the good times I had with him. He would sacrifice for me because he was very poor. One time he sold his watch that his dad gave him so he could buy me a used bike and a fishing rod. He would take me fishing but couldn’t afford a rod himself. That was ok because I didn’t know that at the time. You know, he never told me. I learned that from my mom many years later and never told him I knew.

Love you dad. Thank you for always being there for me. You may not have had much money but you gave me much more. Your love, kindness, sacrifice and time was all I needed. You taught me that all that really matters is relationships, good character and memories. You were right. I cry because I will miss you but I know you are in a better place and finally at peace after all your suffering. Be proud. You were a very good man and father.


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I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a great father, and you like a great son. May your father rest in peace.

 

[bluehende]

Sending hugs so you can have any comfort possible in this time. He sounded like a great man and father.

 

[Grammarhero]

So sorry. I know it must have been a hard last three weeks for you. I was actually sad for and praying for you and your dad.

No matter what happens, you two were there for each other and proud of each other’s support, character, integrity, and hard work. You can always remember the good memories. Hope that you can remain at peace.

Your dad was a great role model of sacrifice, hard work, and empathy for the unfortunate.

 

[brownhaired_girl]

Thank you all for your very kind words. I really needed to vent yesterday. I just got back from visiting him today. I went to talk with the nurse and returned. He just passed away. Although I am saddened, I remember all the good times I had with him. He would sacrifice for me because he was very poor. One time he sold his watch that his dad gave him so he could buy me a used bike and a fishing rod. He would take me fishing but couldn’t afford a rod himself. That was ok because I didn’t know that at the time. You know, he never told me. I learned that from my mom many years later and never told him I knew.

Love you dad. Thank you for always being there for me. You may not have had much money but you gave me much more. Your love, kindness, sacrifice and time was all I needed. You taught me that all that really matters is relationships, good character and memories. You were right. I cry because I will miss you but I know you are in a better place and finally at peace after all your suffering. Be proud. You were a very good man and father.


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Prayers for you and your family. It sounds like he was a loving man and one that made the world a better place. Everyone should have such a wonderful role model.


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[Panina]

Thank you all for your very kind words. I really needed to vent yesterday. I just got back from visiting him today. I went to talk with the nurse and returned. He just passed away. Although I am saddened, I remember all the good times I had with him. He would sacrifice for me because he was very poor. One time he sold his watch that his dad gave him so he could buy me a used bike and a fishing rod. He would take me fishing but couldn’t afford a rod himself. That was ok because I didn’t know that at the time. You know, he never told me. I learned that from my mom many years later and never told him I knew.

Love you dad. Thank you for always being there for me. You may not have had much money but you gave me much more. Your love, kindness, sacrifice and time was all I needed. You taught me that all that really matters is relationships, good character and memories. You were right. I cry because I will miss you but I know you are in a better place and finally at peace after all your suffering. Be proud. You were a very good man and father.


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So sorry, what a beautiful tribute to your father.

 

[pedro47]

My prayers are with you in this time of your loss of your Dad, your Father and that very special person in your Life. Your Tribute was just awesome and he had your back. Now it is up to you to continue his legacy of Love and Caring.
IMHO.

 

[Passepartout]

You are good son. I just read the first post in this thread to my wife, and your last one. Hard to see through the tears. Something in my throat. Rest well. You deserve it. There will be much to do in the next days and weeks, but you are up to it.

We'll try to leave a few shrimps and margaritas in PV for you. Look ahead, not back. I know your dad will be close to your thoughts for a while, but remember the Mexican thoughts surrounding Dia de los Muertos, that our ancestors live on as long as we remember them.
May you have peace.

 

[clifffaith]

Oh no! I am so sorry for your loss. And I am angry with "God" that this man couldn't have died at home in his bed the day before.

 

[dgalati]

Thank you all for your very kind words. I really needed to vent yesterday. I just got back from visiting him today. I went to talk with the nurse and returned. He just passed away. Although I am saddened, I remember all the good times I had with him. He would sacrifice for me because he was very poor. One time he sold his watch that his dad gave him so he could buy me a used bike and a fishing rod. He would take me fishing but couldn’t afford a rod himself. That was ok because I didn’t know that at the time. You know, he never told me. I learned that from my mom many years later and never told him I knew.

Love you dad. Thank you for always being there for me. You may not have had much money but you gave me much more. Your love, kindness, sacrifice and time was all I needed. You taught me that all that really matters is relationships, good character and memories. You were right. I cry because I will miss you but I know you are in a better place and finally at peace after all your suffering. Be proud. You were a very good man and father.


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So sorry for your loss.

 

[Luanne]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Carol C]

You have my empathy. It's even more challenging having a spouse with hospice. Feel free to message me if you need any tips...I could almost write a book.

P.S. Sorry I hadn't read every posting. I am sorry for your loss. This is a hard time of year for survival...for folks with serious health issues. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

 

[JudyH]

Your words about your father are beautiful.

 

[DebBrown]

Thank you for posting. I'm sure it was hard to put into words but it makes your dad and his situation very real for the rest of us. Turning off the lights is just so symbolic and heartbreaking.

 

[easyrider]

I must say.

It never hit home how bad a shape my dad is in until I had to make a decision to send him to a Hospice. He is 84.

Even though a Hospice is a god send for family struggling with their dying loved one, it signals the true beginning of the end. It almost smacks one in the face.

Well, today, I had to make that hard decision. Dad wanted to die at home and I tried everything possible to make that happen. I even hired support staff but he just became beyond them. He can’t walk anymore, isn’t eating and has severe bowel/bladder challenges. Having that crucial conversation with him on why he needs a hospice was probably the hardest conversations I have ever had.

Then comes gathering the strength to watch him sob in his weak, tortured little voice as they stretcher him off to the hospice. I am hoping I can let him visit his home one last time but my gut tells me that probably won’t happen.

I plan to see him daily and told him that.

After he was able to control his sobbing, he asked if he could shut the lights off before he left. He was stretchered to the light switches to shut all of them off. How symbolic...quietly shut the lights out before you leave.


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What a non-bummer bummer. Hard post to read. Maybe take some old photo albums with you when you visit. Maybe some snacks. A blanket. I pray things go smoothly.

Bill