My husband fell

[headoflife]

I am not sure how things have chaged wiuth COVID, but I hope you can get him into a short term placement soon. If you think he will end up staying in a skilled bursing facility, and not coming home, my suggestion would be to try to find someplace he can stay, so you do not need to move him from one location to another. My mother suffered from dementia, and changes always exacerbated her condition. We had a live in assistant with her, so she was able to have as much consistancy as possible, and it actually was less expensive than a SNF. Continuing to send you good thoughts.

 

[mentalbreak]

I hope that you have been able to catch your breath and get some sleep since your husband’s return to the hospital. You have both been in my prayers. Please take care of yourself and utilize the advocates that are there to help you both.

 

[WinniWoman]

After my divorce 21 years ago at age 65 I decided to make sure my kids would never have to go through this kind of thing with me. I moved into a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). My status has been (and for that matter still is) Independent Living. It is no different than living in a apartment with meals provided. It is kind of like living in a community with 400 neighbors, many of which have become good friends. If physically I ever get into a situation like we are discussing here I will be moved to the Assisted Living Floor and be a burden to no one but the paid Caregivers...

Note that we have a number of couples here where one requires round the clock assistance. In that case that individual is moved to Assisted Living and their spouse continues on in Independent Living in their Apartment...

I know everyone's situation is different but it is something to think about...

George

The ideal situation I believe.

We looked into this also before we moved, but the cost was prohibitive, especially since we are just in our 60’s and it could be a good number of years before we even need care if we even do.

Of course, no one knows what their future holds.

 

[rapmarks]

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy No beds at nursing homes. When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him

 

[Sugarcubesea]

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy No beds at nursing homes. When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him

Oh wow, it sounds like you will not be going to FL this year... I'm so sorry for everything you are having to go thru...much love and hugs

 

[Passepartout]

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy No beds at nursing homes. When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him

That's sad, but under the circumstances, you can feel relieved that he is getting the best care available. And you can see that you have been doing a great job, pretty much single handedly caring for your beloved husband. May peace be with you, and we're wishing him a speedy recovery and pray that he has the willpower to take rehab and therapy seriously.

Florida will be there waiting for you.

Jim

 

[GrayFal]

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy No beds at nursing homes. When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him

Reminder that you along with a paid caregiver can take him. There are agencies that will provide that service for a fee.
Hugs

 

[AnnaS]

GM - how are you and your husband doing?

 

[rapmarks]

Yesterday I moved my husband to an assisted living facility. the hold up was that I had to furnish the room and I needed help to move the furniture.
It seems like a decent place. He is unhappy about not coming home and I hope the stay is short. I can visit one hour a day on the porch. There are some men there and he can eat his meals with them which he will enjoy. It is lonely at home without him. He is getting better. Physical therapy will come twice a week. His chair and bed have alarms in case he tries to get up by himself

 

[sue1947]

Glad to hear he is safe and getting the help he needs. Now make sure you get the care you need (sleep and rest is probably top of the list). You've done an excellent job of dealing with a difficult situation. Your husband may be unhappy about not coming home, but I'm sure that he, pre-dementia, would agree this is the right place for him.

 

[rapmarks]

Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing. Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little. Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.

 

[Passepartout]

Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing. Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little. Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.

I remember those conversations with my mom as she mentally declined. Don't let it sway you. Your husband is safe and getting the best care available to him now. His 'hating it there' is simply wishful thinking that he wants his situation to return to a happier, healthier time in his life at home. You know that that isn't possible and is unlikely to ever return. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but sadly, it's just a natural part of the progression of life. Perhaps you should find a group (your social worker can recommend some) of other people- family members- who are going through this too. Millions of people find themselves responsible for the care of disabled loved ones every year. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Jim

 

[rapmarks]

I remember those conversations with my mom as she mentally declined. Don't let it sway you. Your husband is safe and getting the best care available to him now. His 'hating it there' is simply wishful thinking that he wants his situation to return to a happier, healthier time in his life at home. You know that that isn't possible and is unlikely to ever return. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but sadly, it's just a natural part of the progression of life. Perhaps you should find a group (your social worker can recommend some) of other people- family members- who are going through this too. Millions of people find themselves responsible for the care of disabled loved ones every year. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Jim

I am with three online caregiver groups. I virtual attend Alzheimers national conferences every other week , I attended seven weeks of caregiver conferences in Jan and Feb and now am attending a seven week conference. all of these are very helpful. My biggest worry is that this stay will cause a substantial dip in his mental situation. He still has the ability to stay at home. I had lined up "day care" in Florida and bus service to it. I want him home as long as possible

 

[Panina]

Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing. Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little. Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.

Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it. Say it many different ways as you can. Tell him All you planned when he gets home. Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory. Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home. Now take care of yourself that you have some time.

 

[pedro47]

The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.

 

[clifffaith]

The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.

Wish I could make my mother understand this. Dad almost pulled both of them to the ground Monday evening -- only because the wheelchair "fought back" and righted itself did they both not end up under it.

 

[nerodog]

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy No beds at nursing homes. When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him

Have you placed your husband on a waiting list ? Does he qualify for nursing home care ? There are several with Alzheimer's units which would eliminate several moves. Advise using hospital SW to provide direction and assistance for you both.

 

[nerodog]

Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it. Say it many different ways as you can. Tell him All you planned when he gets home. Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory. Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home. Now take care of yourself that you have some time.

Bring familiar items from home . Its do hard and disorienting. My thoughts are with you.

 

[rapmarks]

The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.

Yes. Emphasized in all the caregiver classes, take care of yourself. My husband will be coming home and we will still go to Florida I may hire someone to fly down with us. Many more options in Florida and that is our residence.
We probably won’t be able to return to Wisconsin but I am keeping the house I have been getting rid of things and am planning on letting kids know what is valuable,sentimental, or important to us. now I can wheel about four boxes of trophies to the street on garbage day without him knowing.

 

[rapmarks]

Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it. Say it many different ways as you can. Tell him All you planned when he gets home. Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory. Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home. Now take care of yourself that you have some time.

I have little cards in his room and bathroom telling him that

 

[AnnaS]

Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing. Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little. Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.

Glad to hear he is safe and getting the help he needs. Thinking of you and hoping all your plans workout.

 

[Carron]

How are things going with your husband?

 

[rapmarks]

I brought him home this weekend. I have to help him dress and shower. He walks pretty well, not shaky at all. He has always slept on the right side but he couldn’t get out of bed that way. So sleeping on left side and he can get up but it takes a lot of help.
I believe he has started sundowning, he is unfamiliar with the house in the evening.
Shoulder very slow healing, Still no strength, he can’t move the arm much and hoping it doesn’t freeze. It has been three and a half weeks, he is pleasant but confused.
Occupational therapist coming in morning. I know I won’t be able to leave him alone. I did get him into a research study on dementia in Florida planning to leave in three weeks and sure hope we can go

tonight is bad. I have had three hours of waiting on him. Make sure he can get up. How to turn off tv. How to turn on tv. Doesn’t like what is on tv. Turns it off. Makes me come back and turn it on. Then he can’t find the remote
My daughter made me feel like a heel for placing him in assisted living. Problem is he slept in front of tv all day and is wide awake now.

 

[sue1947]

My daughter made me feel like a heel for placing him in assisted living.

She doesn't know or understand. Can/will she spell you for a few days so she can really understand the impact?

 

[pedro47]

ask your daughter to care for him for just eight (8) hours, while you take care of some personal business.