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My friend's ex-husband just died ... he called me waiting ...

vacationhopeful

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Got a phone call from a contractor friend around dinner last night. He was waiting for the coroner to pick up the deceased after the police had left. Cause of death was pretty clear ... drug overdose with the needle & works still there.

The deceased ex-husband had a history which is why they had divoriced several years ago ... he was still under the drug court program ... with weekly testing (which he was passing .. otherwise he would be sitting in jail). My friend just could NOT give up on him ... had told me months ago, he still lite up his life and was drawn to him. He had - while married - stolen a lot of money and possessions forcing him to divoriced this "love".

What concerns me was the part of the conversation where my contractor friend starts saying how "Everyone has left me. My dad & his wife moved to FL (1000 miles), my brother has moved away, and now "he" is gone. I have no one." He had called his mother and stepfather, which is where he was headed after leaving the 'scene' (about 3 miles away). Yes, he was still in the apartment as was "the deceased". Alone.

He will pay for his ex-husband burial costs ... as he still loved him (a feeling he had expressed to me several different times over the past 16 months). The deceased needed a place to be released from jail to live, inspected by PO ... his ex (my friend) reached out to me as I rent out a few apartments. My contractor friend really has NOT moved away emotionally from him ... the deceased was still "the one who lite up his world and whom he still loved deeply." .... (prior expressed sentiments multiple times over the past 16-18 months).

What can I say? Is there a special book I could give him ... that someone here related to or offered comfort to them during a black time? A website for sharing? Esp when he is alone.
 
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FLDVCFamily

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That is so sad. I don't know of any books, but I'd just say be there for him as much as you can and maybe when he's in the right place mentally you can suggest that he see a counselor. It sounds like he might benefit from talking to someone about why he was drawn to someone who used drugs to the point of overdose/death.
 

pedro47

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A church grief counselor could help this person or a drug counselor or an AA counselor could refer this person to the proper agency for help. This person I feel needs someone he can talk to face to face to discuss his loss and his emotions.

Good luck.
 
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elaine

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In addition to private counseling, maybe a group setting? our church had a grief counseling program that met 1X week for 6 weeks. It was open to anyone for a nominal fee. Maybe you could call around and find out if any churchs/community center have this, when it starts, etc. I think getting all the details in hand for him might make him more likely to attend. You are a good friend. Elaine
 

Passepartout

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His medical insurance may provide bereavement counseling for 12 to 18 months.

Probably not over death of an EX- but there may well be a community grief and bereavement support group nearby that would welcome him.

Jim
 

T-Dot-Traveller

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Your friendship, and openness will help

Dear Linda ,
Thank you form telling all of us this story of life .

I have " met " you from your many rental ads and your free sharing of knowledge when scanning new posts & Wyndham stuff . Sharing this today tells me a lot about who you are - not just - what you do .

WOW

Who you are --will help your friend .
----
We are in Puerto Vallarta in the sunshine ( arrived yesterday )
Your friend , with help from you and others , will find some personal sunshine
as the days go forward .
 
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vacationhopeful

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I want to thank you all for the suggestions. TUG is one of the few places posting a "sensitive" topic to many, is handled with respect both for me ... and the deeply grieving (former) spouse.

I will pass on any suggestions, thoughts and wishes towards the end of the week.

Again, thank you ... for your suggestions.
 

DaveNV

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Linda, I'm not sure where you live, but you may suggest your friend seek help from an LGBT Services organization in your area. During the height of the AIDS crisis, I learned these agencies offered support and grief counseling for those struck down by the disease. Not everyone who had the disease died from it - many took their own lives, or sought self-destructive behavior because of it. I know this isn't the same situation, but counselors at such a place may know of a place for your friend to get the right kind of help.

Good luck to him, and hugs to you for being a friend in this terrible time.

Dave
 

GrayFal

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Your local Hospice provides bereavement services at a low or no cost fee.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Talent312

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When I went thru a divorce 16 years ago, I went to a DWS (divorced-widowed-separated) support group at a local Catholic church that was open to anyone -- we had Buddhist and Jewish attendees. Some went for just a few meetings, others had attended for over a year.
.
"Misery loves company," as the saying goes.
.
 

judyjht

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When I got divorced someone gave me "How to survive the loss of love" and
it helped me a lot.Get it for him. It is pretty inexpensive.
 
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