lamenting the loss of "family vacation time"

[senorak]

As my kids get older, our designated "family vacations" seem to be harder and harder to come by. It's not due to the lack of exchanges available; but rather, due to the attitude as the children turn into "young adults", and the various activities/sports they join.

This will be the first time that our oldest, (age 18), won't be joining us in Hilton Head next month. He says he wants to spend the last few weeks before college with his friends. (Never mind the fact that we told him to bring a friend on the trip, as he's done for the past 4 years.) He is adamant about his choice, and argues that he did go on the trip to Orlando earlier this summer. And no, he won't be staying home along.....he has to stay w/ a grandparent or his godmother.

Looking ahead to next summer, it only looks worse. My son is planning to play on the travel baseball team, (age 12), because that is the year they will play in Cooperstown, NY. That basically means practices/games all summer long. Most weekends are taken up w/ various tournaments. (BTW, he chose not to play this summer, b/c "he wanted a life outside of baseball"...but the lure of Cooperstown seems to be his motivation for next year.) And my daughter will be entering 9th grade (high school) after this upcoming year....which means if she continues to play field hockey, the summer team camps take place in July, with "unofficial" practices also starting then, and the official school practices start early in August (right after my son's summer baseball season finally ends).

So, it looks like whatever travel plans we make......only "part" of the family will be going on each trip. And, I'm sure that the kid(s) involved will want to bring a friend, (to keep them occupied/happy)....which leaves mom and/or dad the "odd person out".

I love to travel with my kids.....especially when the entire family is together. Unfortunately, that seems to be less the norm, and more the exception.

Deb

 

[Kona Lovers]

We understand what you're going through. Our last two graduate HS this year, and just last night they gave me the word that they'd like to vacation wherever Mom and I go next year before they go to college. I'll admit it brought a surge of joy to their old man. We don't know what will happen when they're in college, but we told them they're welcome to come along as long as they wish, so we'll see.
Hope it all goes well for you and your family.

Marty

 

[Janette]

We went through this and now have at least one week a year where all three of our children and their families join us for vacation. They can afford to rent units so we had 4 different condos on HHI in June and will do the same next year. It will get better. You'll just have to give it a few years.

 

[UWSurfer]

It's a right of passage. Your son is pushing the boundries of his independence and tagging along with the family doesn't fit with his idea of independence. I know I had the same issues growing up (as do many) and now I find myself with similar issues with my gang.

Interestingly enough, my oldest missed both of our trips to Hawaii due to schedule conflicts with school and stayed home kept the animals fed. This coming year we were able to find an overlap in the spring break schedules between college and HS calendars, booked a week in Orlando and he, his g/f and my two hs teens all plan on coming that trip. We've never been to Orlando as a family and I'm the only one in the household who's gone before.

It should be an interesting trip.

BTW, I'm now able to take my Mom on trips to Vegas (she LOVES Vegas) and we are planning on celebrating her 70th B-day at the HGVC Flamingo next year. Our oldest will also be 21 on that trip which should make for interesting times there.

 

[chellej]

We wwent through the same thing through high school years but now that they (2 of them at least) are in college, they love the family trips.

 

[Patri]

Looking ahead to next summer, it only looks worse. My son is planning to play on the travel baseball team, (age 12), because that is the year they will play in Cooperstown, NY. That basically means practices/games all summer long. Most weekends are taken up w/ various tournaments. (BTW, he chose not to play this summer, b/c "he wanted a life outside of baseball"...but the lure of Cooperstown seems to be his motivation for next year.)

Deb

These baseball tournaments are all great experiences as well, though, and only available for limited years. So savor them. I take it your son HOPES his team makes it to Cooperstown. It's a long journey. And will he get on the team for sure, since he took time off? Some coaches wouldn't welcome a kid back. You know how coaches, especially parent coaches, can be.

 

[Luanne]

Our two dds, 18 and 20 this summer, still travel with us. Dh says that as long as we keep going places they want to go they'll continue to come. Next summer we'll be celebrating older dd's 21st birthday in Hawaii. :whoopie:

 

[pianodinosaur]

senorak:

Wait till your 18 year old son turns 25. He will be absolutely amazed at how much you have learned and how much smarter you have become.

 

[lprstn]

I see that coming for me also...

My oldest son - 13yr didn't vacation with us for 2 of our trips this year and will not be able to go on some next year because of High School sports, and exam schedules. However, we always travel during Thanksgiving and Christmas to New Year and hope to keep that tradition going. At least most all people are off during that time of year. We also use our points for quick weekend getaways during the Presidents weekend/MLK day weekend and Memorial day weekend. Hopefully we can entice our children by allowing them to invite up to 3 friends and give them their own condo close by ours.

 

[roadsister]

senorak:

Wait till your 18 year old son turns 25. He will be absolutely amazed at how much you have learned and how much smarter you have become.

HOW TRUE!

I try to do a vacation another time with the child (I have 4) that can't make it. My 19 year old still is at home and when he brings a friend all is good
But my daughter(27) that lives in Georgia came home in Jan to go to Hawaii with me, came home last month to hang out, and is now coming home in August to go to SF for a couple days and Tony&Tina's Wedding show, Alcatraz, etc. with me....she REALLY didn't want to do anything with me in high school....so...yes, they come back around...ya gotta me patient. It is fun to have them be adults!
And then when they start having families they come back around so G'ma and G'pa can play with the kids!

 

[suesam]

Our boys 15 and 18 still go on vacation with us, so far. I try really hard to include them in on the planning so we go somewhere that appeals to them, making certain it is enticing enough to want to go.We have a request in for a south California beach for next summer, we shall see what happens after that as my oldest will be a sophomore in college and may have travel abroad or something equally cool.

I know I am in the minority of my friends and family but I think a family vacation is much more important than high school sports,at least in my house. I always ask... in two months, years, decades, is this child going to remember this week of practice or game, or are they going to remember the fun we had on our family vacation? Of course my child was not going to get a sports scholarship, that would be different. I personally think our "family" is more important than a sports "team". Maybe that is why my kids did not get sports scholarships huh?

Just my opinion.

Sue

 

[MelBay]

I feel your pain. Ours are 22 and 19, and it's been several years since we've had either, let alone both, with us. I finally learned to accept it and we have actually enjoyed the company of one another and the nice quiet time we have when timesharing sans kids. We go to Branson later this summer, and both boys think they can squeeze in a day or two with us before college starts. That was of course after I promissed a trip to the Outlet Malls. Whatever it takes.

Friends further down the parental path tell me that it will turn around when they get married & have kids, as tagging along on timeshare trips will seem very enticing to a young couple with limited funds. Mickey Mouse, here we come!!!! :whoopie:

 

[DeniseM]

But - there is a silver lining! Isn't it wonderful when you and your spouse can take an adult vacation ALONE? It is so much more relaxing!

 

[Luanne]

But - there is a silver lining! Isn't it wonderful when you and your spouse can take an adult vacation ALONE? It is so much more relaxing!

We do both. Travel with the dds during the summer and manage to sneak in a couple of shorter trips with just dh and I when they're in school. :whoopie:

 

[senorak]

I am of the same mind that "family vacations" are more important than sports...and while the kids were younger (middle school age and below), the vacation time "won out" over sports. However, once they reach the high school age, (which is 9th grade in our district), the athletes are told ahead of time when the "pre-season" practices begin....and no absences are allowed (except for doctor notes). Even before the "official practices" begin in August, there are "open practices" that begin in July...that are supposedly "not mandatory", but those who wish to have a chance at playing varsity and/or junior varsity, are "highly encouraged" to show up. That doesn't include the "team camps" for the respective sports, which again, are "highly encouraged".

As for the youth travel baseball team.....in our area, it's not the "official little league", but still requires the ability to make the majority of practices (3-4x/week), plus the weekend tournaments. This year, we had 3 vacations scheduled for July, so my son would've most at least 3 tournaments.....so he decided to forego the team. It is only the 12 year old team that gets the opportunity to go to Cooperstown, (it's not a tournament that the team has to "win" to enter....they attend every year). It will also be my son's last year of this level of baseball, so as of now, he is thinking he'd like to try out again. Is there a guarantee he will make the team? No, but the coaches have asked him to try out for the team every year for the past 4 years....so we think there's a decent chance he will make the team.

I'm one who usually has the vacations booked 2 years in advance....but knowing that my two youngest will be hitting the age/level when the sports "kick into high gear", I've held off on plans for next summer. Now, I'll just see what exchanges I can get.....and we'll have to see who will be able to travel at that time.

DEB

 

[senorak]

Ahhh....DH and I haven't hit the "vacation alone" time yet....tho we are often "left alone" on vacations, as the kids head off w/ their friends.

I also try to schedule some vacations over the longer school breaks, (I"m a teacher, so I can't take off during the school year unless it is a school vacation), but as those are the "high travel times", it's been difficult to get the exchanges I want, plus find reasonable airfare.

DEB

 

[suesam]

It is pretty sad when kids get penalized for going on a family vacation with their parents. I know it is true however. Been there, done that. Don't wanna do it again.

I do hope our boys continue to want to go with us. I keep thinking as long as we keep paying and going to active, fun places maybe I have a chance, at least for our summer vacations.

My dh and I just bought airline tickets for just the two of us for a long weekend in colorado in Dec. We are soooo excited about just the two of us going. Oldest son will be in college this year so we decided just the two of us would go for our birthdays and go skiing. We probably will not be taking them at all this year, but I am too old to not go a year if I want to continue to ski into my 50's. I just started in my 30s!

Sue

 

[spirits]

I know how you feel.

We used to go camping with our two boys for every holiday. It was the same every year. Banff. Radium. Jasper. Edmonton. Sometimes we would do something different and go Jasper, Radium, Banff. Edmonton. My husband always said that the Rockies were so beautiful why go anywhere else. Finally they were grown and we were on our own. The year we went without the boys was the saddest holiday I had ever been on. We were so lonely going to all the places we had been with the boys. It was a great sense of loss for us. Then we found out about timesharing Tug:rofl: And the joys of holidays with just the two of us and why we fell in love in the first place. There is a life after kids. Now they even get to come with us once in a while when their work schedules allow because we bought a timeshare near home. Good luck and remember to enjoy each stage once you get through the bittersweet separation.

 

[CSB]

My 18 yr old stopped coming on vacation with us. For a couple of yrs she would come because we invited one of her friends along. Now she stays home and feeds the hamster and has a great time with her friends. We miss having her.

The 13 and 9 yr old come with us on vacations but it is hard to schedule. If they are going to summer camp, I can't schedule the vacation until the end of August. That is our favourite time to go camping (less bugs).

 

[pcgirl54]

It is also tough when some are in college and others are in high school because the vacation times do not coincide. It is a happy sad time as they pull away. I know after 17 neither my brother or I went on family trips with our parents until we were married with children.

Our three sons continued to vacation through part of college. I told them that vacations with mom and dad are different than trips with college friends. Our middle son vacationed with us until the middle year of college but the other two stopped when they started college.

Mind you attitudes of HS and college boys are not always pleasant on family vacations since they are pushing boundaries and can be quite moody causing stress. I do not have girls so no clue there.

Our oldest son in college insisted that he would not be going to the Las Vegas,Grand Canyon & Sedona trip with us but HS son and our other son in college who brought a friend did go. I asked the oldest more than once and he always said no. On the day we left he told me he made a big mistake by not going and regretted saying no. I remember the look on his face as he never admits error. He has never seen the Grand Canyon.

Once you get used to just the two of you, you will do things and eat at places you cannot afford with a family of 4 or more and you start to enjoy the quiet even though you miss them dearly. We do enjoy the quiet and simple lifestyle.

We just came back from Hawaii which was a dream trip for us. I would not go on this trip while they were in high school and could not afford it when they were in college. It was so far away from them but now we enjoyed it throughly. I still wished they were there to see the beauty of Maui. One of the reasons I bought a TS was to be able to send them to someplace like that for a honeymoon when the time comes.

They have all graduated from college now and are 24-29. Two of the three live in other states and all are single. We vacation alone and enjoy the quiet but miss them so much. I know because we have timeshares that in time they will vacation with us again. One son asked to go back to Hilton Head with us just a few months ago and I suspect the oldest will be doing the same soon. I also suspect that as they age they will need to have a unit to themselves.

I recall reading somewhere a long time ago that if you owned a vacation cottage in the mountains or the beach that they will come back. I believe that to be a true statement and I am counting on it.

This road from high school through college is filled with so many changes for us and for them. As they grow so do we.

 

[jerseygirl]

My dd, 21 in October, said she wanted to stay in New Orleans over Thanksgiving -- she has her first apartment this year ... thought it would be fun to cook a big Thanksgiving dinner with friends, etc. I sent her a link to the Four Seasons Scottsdale (very excited to get an exchange there -- especially for Thanksgiving week), and she said, "Well, I guess I'll come." I think it boils down to me finding good exchanges for the bribe factor! If it had been somewhere "routine," I think she would have ditched me!

 

[pwrshift]

I raised 3 daughters as a single father and when each turned 15 they used that 'been there, done that' phrase which drove me nuts when I wanted them to timeshare or go to the boat on the weekend. I had the boat at Ontario Place in Toronto for several years and there were free shows and a million things to do, but their friends reigned supreme as they got older. It was surely an adjustment period, probably more for me than them.

Now they're all out on their own and I enjoy locking off my timeshares as I really have little need for anything more than a 1 bdrm usually. I take a different approach now, thanks to lockoff timeshares and Marriott Reward points which have allowed me to fly first/business class to world class cities around the world for holidays I couldn't afford or didn't do when the kids were younger.

Power to the empty nester!

 

[ctreelmom]

My kids don't play sports in town, so I guess it's easy for me to say this, but how come parents don't just say "sorry that's our vacation" to the coaches? So few families get to spend time together these days, it seems to me that family vacation time would be sacred.

I have a close friend who still drives an hour-plus every Sunday to attend services at her husband's family's church, and they spend all day Sunday with the family. When she signed her 6th grade daughter up for the town's baseball league last summer, she requested she not be placed on a team that practices or plays on Sundays due to their religious practice. You would not believe the to-do this caused. She ended up (after a huge hassle) getting her registration fee refunded, and the child didn't play that summer. Her son now plays hockey in HS, and he does not attend any Sunday games or practices. Oh and they vacation every summer with four generations of extended family, no exceptions. I think if more parents stuck to their guns like she does, there might be some changes.

 

[Twinkstarr]

My kids don't play sports in town, so I guess it's easy for me to say this, but how come parents don't just say "sorry that's our vacation" to the coaches? So few families get to spend time together these days, it seems to me that family vacation time would be sacred.

I can count on my one hand the number of my kids(12&7) friends that actually go on a vacation that is longer than an overnight trip to one of the waterparks by Cedar Point,in the summer. My 7 yr old's classmate up the street has hardly been home this summer to "just play", he's either at a soccer camp or having to go to pick up/drop off his sisters somewhere.

Your child will be left off the team, not play that much if you miss any "unofficial practice, camp" or whatever. You know it's also that way with non-sport activities, my hairdressers daughter was that way with dance classes.

Plus you have the "lemming" factor, it's really strong in our town with soccer. It's the "in" sport and they start the kids in kindergarten and it's way too competitive imho for kids that age. My youngest just wants to run around and have fun, which doesn't fit in with the coaches views.

 

[rickandcindy23]

The kids are all grown and gone (now 27, 29 and 31), and I can tell you now, if I had to do it all over again, I would force those high schoolers to go with us. I think they feel the same now, too. I would bet all of them would like to go back and do things over at times.

Perhaps I am a bit idealistic, even a little sentimental, but what is more important than family time? Our son was so in love with his high school sweetheart and couldn't stand being away from her for very long. We took her with us to Orlando one year. There were a few vacations, when he was in college, that he chose to stay home with her instead of going on vacation. Guess what? They broke up after dating four years. He would love to have those vacation memories, I know it.

We decided to take a trip to Hawaii as a family when our oldest graduated from the CO School of Mines. All of the kids wanted to go, initially. They were older, too, at 19, 21 and 23. Well, the middle child was such a little grouch because his sister took her (now husband) boyfriend, and our oldest took his girlfriend (another person gone from his life). Middle child kept calling himself the fifth wheel and whined a great deal the entire two weeks. I was sick of it by the end of the trip and told him he didn't ever have to go on a family vacation again, and I kept my promise. Sometimes he tags along anyway, without an invitation, and he is now 29. And you know what? The kids all talk about middle child's whining and laugh about it, and so does he!

We are going to Orlando with some of the kids this fall, and we are looking very forward to the trip. I exchanged us all into Disney's Boardwalk Villas, and we have our own units, which just makes things easier.

I guess I am trying to say that you will regret it if you let the kids skip vacations, and so will they.