[ 2020 ] Join me in my Journey - My Next Chapter

[sue1947]

Things I heard most often is your not getting younger, you will probably be alone the rest of you life,

You aren't getting any younger so grab the best you can for your future. You have probably 30 more years to go, so with probably 20 of those at least in the active category, you might as well live your life as YOU want. You aren't letting fear of the unknown hold you back; go for it. When we were young, 60-70 seemed old. Now I know lots of 80 year olds out hiking/biking or volunteering or living their lives to the fullest.
Being alone is not a bad thing. So many are afraid of it and let it hold them back. You will meet new friends and create new relationships because of the type of person you are. Shake off the naysayers; perhaps a statement like: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm looking forward to it. A lot who stayed married ended up alone after their spouse died and had to figure out how to go forward alone; not easy for some. Different people, different lives...
Onward to new adventures!

 

[rapmarks]

I have had many friends become widows in the last few years. It is interesting to see how many adjusted, kept themselves active , got involved in everything, and are busy and happy as singles. Others could not be alone. One actually paid $5000 to a dating service, hoping to get a higher class mate. She and her eighty year old boyfriend sold their houses, purchased a very large one and moved in together. Then he got sick, about ten months of him in and out of the hospital

 

[TravelTime]

I have had many friends become widows in the last few years. It is interesting to see how many adjusted, kept themselves active , got involved in everything, and are busy and happy as singles. Others could not be alone. One actually paid $5000 to a dating service, hoping to get a higher class mate. She and her eighty year old boyfriend sold their houses, purchased a very large one and moved in together.

After her husband died, my 70+ year old mother went on a Catholic dating site and hooked up with the first man she found. They started living together waiting for an annulment so they could remarry in the Catholic Church. She was not granted an annulment for many reasons I won’t get into. They then got married outside the church. She is one of those women who can’t be alone. My brother was happy bc she stopped calling him so much after she met this man. My brother became a surrogate husband until she found her next person.

 

[Panina]

You aren't getting any younger so grab the best you can for your future. You have probably 30 more years to go, so with probably 20 of those at least in the active category, you might as well live your life as YOU want. You aren't letting fear of the unknown hold you back; go for it. When we were young, 60-70 seemed old. Now I know lots of 80 year olds out hiking/biking or volunteering or living their lives to the fullest.
Being alone is not a bad thing. So many are afraid of it and let it hold them back. You will meet new friends and create new relationships because of the type of person you are. Shake off the naysayers; perhaps a statement like: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm looking forward to it. A lot who stayed married ended up alone after their spouse died and had to figure out how to go forward alone; not easy for some. Different people, different lives...
Onward to new adventures!

Nothing could be as bad for me as when I suddenly lost my husband to a brain aneurism. I was 48. I survived on my own, even purchased a new home and renovated it. Even though this relationship did not work out I am happy he is alive and can go on to a live a life of his choosing And be a father to my step daughter. Going your separate ways because it didn’t work out is better then if they passed away.

 

[Sugarcubesea]

The week has been busy. I feel like I have a full time job with lots of overtime.

The best I saw my step daughter. It was a great visit. She went to college dorm yesterday and has already text me yesterday and today. She is definitely making an effort. She is kind and loving.

I finally went through my financials and I can breathe. With the pandemic I was afraid. I faired well and moved to safety what I might need for the move. I have choice which is a big relief.

I have been doing a lot of research on communities and have quite a few I will visit before I decide which one. One on top of my list, a little further north then my original list, while talking to a friend I was telling him I am not familiar with the area. Seems a friend of his owns in that area and I just found out it is in the community I like so I will talk to her.

All my timeshare paperwork for timeshare transfers are in. Now I have to wait 4 weeks for LTT to get to it all.

I packed a few more boxes plus sorted out what I will get in the kitchen and what he will get.

All my papers are now organized as are his. Yes I did it for him so he can find his stuff as I really don’t want calls where is ....?

Need to inventory furniture and decide what I want, if any. He told me he would buy me out if I don’t want the furniture. Most of the good stuff was mine but contemplating a change To more modern. If he give me enough I will leave it, if not I will take it and use it until I get what I really want and then donate it.

Had some sadness and anger this week. He spilled coffee in my office and wanted me to clean up his mess. Really? No I didn’t and let him know how I felt. I felt sad for what I never had. My hopes and dreams of what this relationship would be never happened.

Meanwhile trying to stay focused and not listen to the naysayers. Things I heard most often is your not getting younger, you will probably be alone the rest of you life, maybe you can work it out and stay with him. Really? To them I say I am fine being alone but I am a young looking, young acting 60 year old. I have no doubt I will meet other eligible singles. The difference is this time I will have my eyes open, boyfriend yes. To live with you, to commit to you, the dynamics on all levels will need to be there. This split was a long time in coming. I am so ready to meet new people but will be respectful as long as I am in the same house as him. One day closer to a new beginning......

You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving. I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging. Bad week and bad day for me. I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me

 

[Panina]

You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving. I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging. Bad week and bad day for me. I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me

How old are you kids? There comes a point they need to take responsibility. I can understand you being upset.

I am forgiving because being angry at him will serve me no purpose. It will eat away at me.

I will move on, disappointment in him is more of what I feel. He never has appreciated all I gave up for him and his daughter, she does but he never will. I concluded he is just not capable of appreciating what others do nor does he have empathy for others. We are complete opposites with lots that was missing in between.

 

[WinniWoman]

You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving. I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging. Bad week and bad day for me. I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me

Sometimes you just have to do the tough love thing. hang in there.

 

[Sugarcubesea]

How old are you kids? There comes a point they need to take responsibility. I can understand you being upset.

I am forgiving because being angry at him will serve me no purpose. It will eat away at me.

I will move on, disappointment in him is more of what I feel. He never has appreciated all I gave up for him and his daughter, she does but he never will. I concluded he is just not capable of appreciating what others do nor does he have empathy for others. We are complete opposites with lots that was missing in between.

The two adult kids that live with me are my 21 year old daughter and 25 year and old son. The son actually came home shortly after my text rant and me posting here and he’s been helping me move a bunch of stuff and emptied the trash in every bathroom and kitchen.

 

[nerodog]

The week has been busy. I feel like I have a full time job with lots of overtime.

The best I saw my step daughter. It was a great visit. She went to college dorm yesterday and has already text me yesterday and today. She is definitely making an effort. She is kind and loving.

I finally went through my financials and I can breathe. With the pandemic I was afraid. I faired well and moved to safety what I might need for the move. I have choice which is a big relief.

I have been doing a lot of research on communities and have quite a few I will visit before I decide which one. One on top of my list, a little further north then my original list, while talking to a friend I was telling him I am not familiar with the area. Seems a friend of his owns in that area and I just found out it is in the community I like so I will talk to her.

All my timeshare paperwork for timeshare transfers are in. Now I have to wait 4 weeks for LTT to get to it all.

I packed a few more boxes plus sorted out what I will get in the kitchen and what he will get.

All my papers are now organized as are his. Yes I did it for him so he can find his stuff as I really don’t want calls where is ....?

Need to inventory furniture and decide what I want, if any. He told me he would buy me out if I don’t want the furniture. Most of the good stuff was mine but contemplating a change To more modern. If he give me enough I will leave it, if not I will take it and use it until I get what I really want and then donate it.

Had some sadness and anger this week. He spilled coffee in my office and wanted me to clean up his mess. Really? No I didn’t and let him know how I felt. I felt sad for what I never had. My hopes and dreams of what this relationship would be never happened.

Meanwhile trying to stay focused and not listen to the naysayers. Things I heard most often is your not getting younger, you will probably be alone the rest of you life, maybe you can work it out and stay with him. Really? To them I say I am fine being alone but I am a young looking, young acting 60 year old. I have no doubt I will meet other eligible singles. The difference is this time I will have my eyes open, boyfriend yes. To live with you, to commit to you, the dynamics on all levels will need to be there. This split was a long time in coming. I am so ready to meet new people but will be respectful as long as I am in the same house as him. One day closer to a new beginning......

Dont settle !!! Being alone is time to really know yourself. I've been there and although its easier most of the time with a partner, its gotta be the right partner or forget it !! Oftentimes life happens when you're busy making other plans as our dear John Lennon said in a song. Take your time
You'll know if and when it's right. In the meantime, enjoy the journey.

I have friends married 30 plus years and sure they are settled financially but not emotionally. Thus, lacking a partner in many cases. They gravitate towards friends to fill the void and to share with....

 

[Glynda]

The two adult kids that live with me are my 21 year old daughter and 25 year and old son. The son actually came home shortly after my text rant and me posting here and he’s been helping me move a bunch of stuff and emptied the trash in every bathroom and kitchen.

With his phone shut off. no doubt. But for how long? Don’t give in! Tough love!

 

[geekette]

You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving. I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging. Bad week and bad day for me. I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me

Sounds to me like this was not sudden anger, it's been brewing. You granted leniency and your generosity was taken advantage of. Sounds right to me to cut services. Nothing got the better of you, you followed your process.

Good on you! Nobody can treat you like a doormat if you don't give them permission.

 

[Panina]

So I just got so mad at him. He went for his walk and was gone longer then usual. Hours later he tells me he stopped to talk with a neighbor who has a muscle car, no mask, tells me he stood 6 ft. I know his 6 ft is 2ft.

I told him he just put us both in jeopardy. He says the neighbor wasn’t sick. Unbelievable, this is how it spreads. I told him he needs to move out as I can tolerate anything except him not being smart about the virus. He got real angry and told me he is going nowhere. You can leave. I told him I was being amicable and that can easily change, don’t test me. He goes on to say for months he followed the rules, this was the first time he talked to someone in months. We won’t get sick from one time.

He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work. Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him.

He now says he will take a mask on his walks.

What I do know is I have to get out of here as soon as possible. Just have to figure out how.

Half hour later he is acting like everything is ok, it’s not with me, even though I am being civil. So you see I do get angry even though it is rare.

 

[slip]

I would definitely pack, put your stuff in storage and go to the areas you are looking at so you can find a place to live. It can be done safely. Just my two cents.

 

[Luanne]

@Panina I agree with Slip. Maybe this behavior (I was going to use another word but decided not to) will accelerate your plans to get out of there.

 

[Panina]

I would definitely pack, put your stuff in storage and go to the areas you are looking at so you can find a place to live. It can be done safely. Just my two cents.

@Panina I agree with Slip. Maybe this behavior (I was going to use another word but decided not to) will accelerate your plans to get out of there.

His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.

I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on. Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval. Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while I find a new home.

 

[slip]

His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.

I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on. Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval. Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while I find a new home.

Sounds like you are moving forward, just a couple things that make it take a little longer. Good luck!!

 

[geekette]

".... He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work. Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him. "

I am so glad that you know this is BS. Too many people get crushed by nasty crap like that.

Yes, reaffirmed.

It is impressive how very much homework and actual work you have done so far. You are very close to being out and done. Hang in there. fwiw, I don't think I have ever seen anything from you negative. If anything, I read you right at calm and matter of fact. you have not spewed venom and anger about him. A negative sort would have done a lot of that.

I'm glad your stepdaughter actually Sees You. She knows who you are, and probably knows her dad is being a blockhead.

 

[sue1947]

Is there a timeshare near by, either where you live now or where you want to live, that you can use as a break to give you some space? I have a couple AC I won't use.
A smaller timeshare away from the main areas can be a safe option. I've made 3 short 2 night trips to one for a break this summer. They are doing a good job of cleaning and everybody wearing a mask. The beach nearby is 5-6 miles away from the nearest motel and the only way to access is by walking. People congregate elsewhere so I can go out for walk and be 60 feet or more away with the breeze off the ocean. The first time we went, we weren't sure but thought, if nothing else, we would enjoy sitting and watching the ocean from the room. It turned out to be a really good option.

Sue

 

[Talent312]

Panina -- Don't let your s2bx (soon-to-be-ex) yank your chain.
Just focus on the steps you need to take to get this clown out of your life.

===============
Adult Children in the House:
I have 2 stepsons... I called 'em "blood suckers" for a while. They were late bloomers.
One is an accountant at a Tampa hospital; the other a cook at bakery/sandwich place.
The second one lives nearby in a house that we bought so he _wouldn't_ live with us.
He has, however, paid us rent regularly, and now that we "sold" it to him, a mortgage.

My advice: "Keep your adult children close, but keep 'em out of the house."
Letting them live with you says it's okay to sponge for as long as the gravy train runs.
Admittedly, we did help 'em out occasionally, but said, "The candy store has closed."

.

 

[Panina]

".... He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work. Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him. "

I am so glad that you know this is BS. Too many people get crushed by nasty crap like that.

Yes, reaffirmed.

It is impressive how very much homework and actual work you have done so far. You are very close to being out and done. Hang in there. fwiw, I don't think I have ever seen anything from you negative. If anything, I read you right at calm and matter of fact. you have not spewed venom and anger about him. A negative sort would have done a lot of that.

I'm glad your stepdaughter actually Sees You. She knows who you are, and probably knows her dad is being a blockhead.

I definitely am not a negative person. We went to two different couple therapists, his pick. They both told him he looks at things negatively. He complained they sided with me.

Looking back I first fell in love with his mother and daughter. His mother now gone was a mother to me like I never had. My mom is only what you can do for her and is abusive in nature. His mom loved me unconditionally. She died in my arms. I will always have a picture of us out on display. His daughter was the child I never had. I loved him but it never was right. My fault, not his I stayed so long and dealt with his issues.

I still wish him well and hope he finds happiness that I could not provide. It will be easier for my step daughter if he can be happy.

 

[Panina]

Is there a timeshare near by, either where you live now or where you want to live, that you can use as a break to give you some space? I have a couple AC I won't use.
A smaller timeshare away from the main areas can be a safe option. I've made 3 short 2 night trips to one for a break this summer. They are doing a good job of cleaning and everybody wearing a mask. The beach nearby is 5-6 miles away from the nearest motel and the only way to access is by walking. People congregate elsewhere so I can go out for walk and be 60 feet or more away with the breeze off the ocean. The first time we went, we weren't sure but thought, if nothing else, we would enjoy sitting and watching the ocean from the room. It turned out to be a really good option.

Sue

You gave me a good idea to try and string together many weeks of timeshares near where I want to Move. Thank you for your ac offer but I have so many weeks available I should have enough.

I will not leave until all my stuff is packed and in storage and I have the legal stuff done. I figure 6-9 weeks it can all be done, mortgage, storage, place to go, transfer of timeshares , real estate, etc. When I walk out the door I don’t want to walk back in.

Giving myself space right now gives it to him too, no incentive for him to do things quickly.

 

[geekette]

His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.

I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on. Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval. Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while I find a new home.

I might suggest leaving furniture you aren't in love with behind because it will make your move less expensive. I have looked into some of the pod-type storage dealies, and it can be helpful on a 'not sure where I'm going' situation. Shop around, though, prices vary widely.

 

[geekette]

I definitely am not a negative person. We went to two different couple therapists, his pick. They both told him he looks at things negatively. He complained they sided with me.

Looking back I first fell in love with his mother and daughter. His mother now gone was a mother to me like I never had. My mom is only what you can do for her and is abusive in nature. His mom loved me unconditionally. She died in my arms. I will always have a picture of us out on display. His daughter was the child I never had. I loved him but it never was right. My fault, not his I stayed so long and dealt with his issues.

I still wish him well and hope he finds happiness that I could not provide. It will be easier for my step daughter if he can be happy.

You have a big heart, in case you don't know that, or no one has said it to you.

 

[Panina]

Panina -- Don't let your s2bx (soon-to-be-ex) yank your chain.
Just focus on the steps you need to take to get this clown out of your life.

It is so past that. I am focused and where I want to move forward ASAP not at the risk of making bad decisions.

Now, tonight he is acting all nice, just crazy.

My favorite quotes....

At some point, the pain of not doing it becomes greater than the pain of doing it.” That is what finally motivated me to take care of me.

Motivation is often the result of action, not the cause of it. Getting started, even in very small ways, is a form of active inspiration that naturally produces momentum.

 

[geist1223]

Apparently he does not understand or does not care that 30% to 60% of contaigious people are totally asymtomatic. They have no symptoms but they are still spreaders. His attitudes really fits into the Southern general mind set. Patti's sister and BIL live in Melbourne Beach, Florida. Their neighbors (mostly in their 60's and 70's) are constantly having Beach Parties and neighborhood parties. It drives them nuts.