I never thought I would be here now, starting a new beginning at 60. Seems unreal as my age does too. I look and feel younger but the reality is I am still starting over at 60.
I know this new journey is necessary. I always hope the best is yet to come and with the unknown ahead I realize all my emotions are ok and I just need to venture, feel and emerge happier and better off.
I was married to my husband almost 25 years when he suddenly passed in front of me from a brain aneurysm. I was 48. The loss was tremendous. This now can’t come close to the pain I felt. I was fortunate to have the love I did. Some never find it.
I knew my current relationship was a mistake a few years in but I loved my step daughter so much and felt if I left she had no chance. I always said I was in her fathers life not for her father but for her. No regrets she was worth all I gave and lost.
So now I am in a holding pattern with this pandemic. It will take time to move on. It needs to be safe.
I am splitting with my other half amicably. It definitely could be bitter but I feel there is nothing gained fighting it out. He is finally on board with doing it friendly. He really doesn’t have a choice. I think he was shocked how much I ultimately mean to his daughter. In his mind he thought she would be happy I was out of her life. He never understood the beautiful dynamics me and his daughter have.
So originally he was supposed to find a new home and move out. That isn’t going to happen. He told me if I don’t want the house he wants it and will stay. This from a man who fought me every step of the way moving always saying he hates the house and neighborhood. Now he loves it. Seems he needs to be right more then be happy.
As many of you know I love where I live. I put lots of effort to find the “perfect” 55+ community and home. It has been fixed up to my liking. Tempted to stay or even find a smaller home in the community. I had to do lots of sole searching, do I stay or do I go?
I ultimately decided best for me to start fresh not close to him. Near him and he will always want favors, help with his car, his papers,his appointments, etc., just his personality. He will expect them as we are “friends” but I know if I need something he will always be too busy. Saying no just will cause friction that will ultimately affect my step daughter. Not near, almost certain I will only hear from him if it concerns his daughter.
I have decided to go go to Florida in a 55+ community in Palm Beach County, so the search begins, lots of communities to choose from. Easy transportation to NY, GA, SC, NC where I travel often, good medical, easy to get to Florida’s west coast to my loved timeshares and Disney as well, lots of shopping, lots of singles, lots to do, price point in homes I can afford as well as friends and family not far. The negative hurricanes, very hot in the summer and the area I chose is a bit congested. With my studio coop in NYC I will have another place to go when necessary.
On a side note, amazes me how many people I know have tried to talk me out of moving on. They believe me staying in a very bad relationship is better. I take a deep breathe and realize they are afraid for me, maybe their inner fears for themselves. I just wish they could understand they should be afraid if I stood and support me with what is ahead.
So my tugger friends I invite you to share my journey, new adventures, the good and bad with me. If it is anything like my last journey it will be a interesting ride with uncertainty, anticipation, happiness, sadness, laughter, shock, etc. with unbelievable stories that you just can’t make up.