I have committed a horrible crime / Women Wanted!

[Vacation Dude]

Most, if not all, of my friends and even family would say that I am far too picky when it comes to women... I am afraid to admit that for fear of driving the perfect one away who may read that and as a result not even write me. I would say that every other month someone is trying to fix me up with a woman. Virtually all of these women I know enough about to know they aren't for me. On MySpace, they virtually throw themselves at me every now and then. But, none have been my type, yet.

If anything, walking into the condo at the Sheawater all by myself and seeing the view unfold before me was a wake up call that I have probably been too picky for my own good. It was truly a profound moment in my awareness that there might be a genuine problem. When I started this post, I wrote that I had commited a horrible crime. That crime was against myself and the woman who could have been. I got what I deserved for being too demanding... nobody!

This is your best post so far....honesty.

My simply suggestions:

- get a nice haircut
- buy some nice clothes
- get into better shape
- get improved accessories (glasses and no snakes)
- improve your attitude
- decrease your pickiness
- be MORE willing to travel ANYWHERE to meet someone interesting
- work less hours
- stop mentioning your parents
- make sure you have visited the dentist for a real cleaning 3-4x per year

Hawaii may be exotic and romantic to you, just like the guys that drive convertible Porsches. But this does not impress most women.

 

[rifleman69]

I think Vacation Dude hit the nail on the head. I'd add, GET OUT and meet people! Several people have mentioned that you should taking a cooking class, walk your dogs at the park/beach. Turn off the computer and get outside! You'll find many people in your own community without relying on myspace, eharmony, tugbbs, etc... to help you find a date.

I hope this hasn't been just an eye opener for you.

 

[Vacation Dude]

Few more things

- get some nice professional photographs taken (Glamor Shots) where they use makeup, nice lighting, etc.
- always be clean shaven
- use deoderant and shower 2x per day and don't overdue the cologn
- memorize a few jokes/stories that are funny but won't offend
- State that you are "running" the family business rather than I work at my parents store

 

[vacationhopeful]

Extend your invite to single guys - not couples. You are too focused on meeting a woman, like you are hunting dinner. Two or three single guys together will attract the "pack" of single women. Single women travel in packs and for fun, companionship & safety together.

And relax ... not every woman you talk with can be your "soulmate", but every woman does have a mother, girlfriend, or possibly a sister. And some of them can be just plain fun to hang out with.

JMHO,

 

[alanraycole]

I don't come to Hawaii to impress women.

Hawaii may be exotic and romantic to you, just like the guys that drive convertible Porsches. But this does not impress most women.

I have been coming to Hawaii for years and I have never brought a date. I come to Hawaii for myself. When I return home, those who know me say that I am a different person. They say the effect lasts about 3 months. It is a running joke that when I get aggravated over anything, my friends say, "Alan, it is time for another trip to Hawaii!"

That is not to say that I prefer coming by myself. Friends have joined me and every single one who has ever joined me tells me he is coming back with me. One has come back with me to Hawaii twice. One has traveled with me to other destinations several times. One or more probably will most likely travel with me to Hawaii in the future. But, when they don't, it is because they can't afford it, like on this trip.

Extend your invite to single guys - not couples. You are too focused on meeting a woman, like you are hunting dinner. Two or three single guys together will attract the "pack" of single women. Single women travel in packs and for fun, companionship & safety together.

OK, not a bad idea... guys are welcome... before coming, contact me to describe any negatives that might cause problems with staying together. No serial killers, terrorists, or room trashers, etc., please. Those successful with meeting women, much appreciated. About 3 years ago, I came here with 3 male friends, all 21. We had a blast and, yes, they attracted a constant flow of women. Nevertheless, the women were all too young for me, or so they said. One of those men is with one of those women still today, with the addition of a son with Cole as a middle name, after me.

And relax ... not every woman you talk with can be your "soulmate", but every woman does have a mother, girlfriend, or possibly a sister. And some of them can be just plain fun to hang out with. JMHO,

I have several married and single women that I socialize with. I just don't wish to date any of the current range of female friends. And, yes, I do get out... just not regularly. Maybe, I should report that I got a divorce almost 3.5 years ago. The main inspiration for being so picky is to avoid the same mistake I made before... which can best be summarized by one word: settling. This time, I want to find true love and not settle for something less... settling leads to misery.

 

[Vacation Dude]

This time, I want to find true love and not settle for something less... settling leads to misery.

That works BOTH ways.

Not that I am a shrink or anything, but reading your posts seems very one-sided (your side). It would be interesting to hear from your x-wife or female friends.

This is not a dig at you as you seem like a normal person that would make a lot of women happy, but if you are holding out for a "perfect 10 woman" yet you are a "solid 6 man" (I am only making up numbers and I am not implying you are a 6) then you will be single a long time.

It also depends on your criteria as I would prefer a woman that looks like a 6 but has a personality and attitude of 10 rather than someone who looks like a 10 and has an attitude of a 6.

 

[vacationhopeful]

As an experience solo vacationing single, I am the extrovert - friendly to all, with a nice smile to all. I have met people at TSs in the computer room, in the pool, at the orientation breakfast, at the art auction, in the elevator --- hardly hardly ever chat with people at a bar. I have even met (and dated) people introduced to me by Wyndham's Guest Services gals (the people who give you the hangtags for your car/set your appointment for your Owner's Update).

Do I have a fun time? Yes. I go on vacation to have a fun time - last Thanksgiving 08 I had dinner in Ft Lauderdale with the family from Scotland - explaining a traditional dinner (Key Lime Pie is not). Some trips I click with a crew of people (Mom from OH age 72 left by her kids at the hot tub with the remains of a 24 pack - planned a repeat trip come April 09). Or the family from Argentina whose 31 yo son flew home on the same plane by sister's husband's parents were on in Jan 08 - after a delightful intro by me the night before the flight (I played host to the in-laws per my invite at Xmas dinner, met son conversing in the resort's computer room, 3 hours of chatting between his parents and my sister's inlaws about wines, restrauants, sights was priceless). Sometimes, it is which resort I am at - some just have a more friendly guest crew every time I visit vs other places.

I love beautiful views - coffee tastes a little better it seems. But I know I am the one that has to seek out people - approach people - chat. Sure, I get a few who give me the cold shoulder ... but most people on vacation are looking for casual conversation, dinner suggestions, places to see, or my favorite --- "isn't this the most wonderful weather, I am so glad I am here and not at home".

I have now booked my Daytona 500 Feb 2010 trip, going to be in Orlando on Feb 1st for the Eagles appearance in the Super Bowl, have booked Biketoberfest 09 in Daytona, my college xx reunion, Thanksgiving in Ft Lauderdale, NYE in Pompano Beach (it is where I'll sleep, Key West for the couch shell drop), and my next big trip - NOLA Feb 09 for Mardi Grais!!!!!!!

 

[alanraycole]

C'mon, who said anything about looks?

if you are holding out for a "perfect 10 woman" yet you are a "solid 6 man" (I am only making up numbers and I am not implying you are a 6) then you will be single a long time.

May I suggest that it would have been more constructive to ask what I am looking for in a woman than to take for granted that my pickiness is centered on looks?

In a nutshell, my IDEAL woman would have:

1. Similar tastes and interest to my own.
I didn't say the same tastes and interests, but I would like her to have similar or complimentary interests to my own. Of course, having the same interests wouldn't hurt.

2. The ethics of a nun.
No, I am not Catholic. I am just trying to be illustrative, not precise.

3. The personality of Diane Keaton.

4. The intellect of a PhD.
Which is to say that if she wanted to persue such a degree, she would be capable of succeeding.

4. Pursuits of action, fun and adventure.

5. At least average looks.
Although if she had all the other features, I would be overjoyed with her even if she were homely.

Keep in mind that "nutshells" always have their limitations. This is only an attempt at a rough sketch of my ideal woman. I feel justified in such high expectations since, in my opinion, I possess all of these qualities, except having the personality of Diane Keaton.

 

[rifleman69]

May I suggest that it would have been more constructive to ask what I am looking for in a woman than to take for granted that my pickiness is centered on looks?

In a nutshell, my IDEAL woman would have:

1. Similar tastes and interest to my own.
I didn't say the same tastes and interests, but I would like her to have similar or complimentary interests to my own. Of course, having the same interests wouldn't hurt.

2. The ethics of a nun.
No, I am not Catholic. I am just trying to be illustrative, not precise.

3. The personality of Diane Keaton.

4. The intellect of a PhD.
Which is to say that if she wanted to persue such a degree, she would be capable of succeeding.

4. Persuits of action, fun and adventure.

5. At least average looks.
Although if she had all the other features, I would be overjoyed with her even if she were homely.

Keep in mind that "nutshells" always have their limitations. This is only an attempt at a rough sketch of my ideal woman. I feel justified in such high expectations since, in my opinion, I possess all of these qualities, except having the personality of Diane Keaton.

Ouch with the homely comment. I can see why you're single! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[mustangs]

Ouch with the homely comment. I can see why you're single! Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I think you misunderstand the word homely. It is a nice word for ugly. He was saying that looks are the least of his main concerns and that he could easily fall for a smart, moral, outgoing, witty and active woman who shared his interests even if she were ugly. He was responding to a post by someone who presumed that he was picky over looks.

After reading this thread, I think this man is perfectly endearing and almost makes me wish I was not already married. :ignore:

 

[Timeshare Von]

May I suggest that it would have been more constructive to ask what I am looking for in a woman than to take for granted that my pickiness is centered on looks?

In a nutshell, my IDEAL woman would have:

1. Similar tastes and interest to my own.
I didn't say the same tastes and interests, but I would like her to have similar or complimentary interests to my own. Of course, having the same interests wouldn't hurt.

2. The ethics of a nun.
No, I am not Catholic. I am just trying to be illustrative, not precise.

3. The personality of Diane Keaton.

4. The intellect of a PhD.
Which is to say that if she wanted to persue such a degree, she would be capable of succeeding.

4. Persuits of action, fun and adventure.

5. At least average looks.
Although if she had all the other features, I would be overjoyed with her even if she were homely.

Keep in mind that "nutshells" always have their limitations. This is only an attempt at a rough sketch of my ideal woman. I feel justified in such high expectations since, in my opinion, I possess all of these qualities, except having the personality of Diane Keaton.

You're right - you are too picky!!!

 

[jlr10]

The closest one is about 60 miles away. The others are hundreds of miles away.

I just noticed this in the post and laughed. I met my husband on the phone. We worked for the same company, I was in the home office in Long Beach, and he was in one of the branches in San Diego. 106 miles one way. I made the drive 2-3 weekend per month for three years, before relocating. Considering I hate to drive that says a lot. Our 25th anniversary will be this July, so I think I got good mpgs for drive in the long run. But if you keep showing those pictures of Kauai I might have to leave him...

I have no sage words of advice, only the experience of myself and my friends. The only time we found someone worth dating was when we weren't looking for anyone. Maybe it was just being relaxed I don't know, but when we were actively searching..nada. So I guess the solution is don't look and then you find someone. But I met my husband before the internet. One of my friends did find his soul mate online and is happily married.

My suggestion is just be yourself, don't make any changes.(Well maybe the glasses.) Because the right person for you will be the one who likes you just the way you are naturally, and visa versa. That is what it means to not settle IMHO

 

[Vacation Dude]

May I suggest that it would have been more constructive to ask what I am looking for in a woman than to take for granted that my pickiness is centered on looks?

In a nutshell, my IDEAL woman would have:

The ethics of a nun.

4. The intellect of a PhD.

4. Persuits of action, fun and adventure.

I feel justified in such high expectations since, in my opinion, I possess all of these qualities, except having the personality of Diane Keaton.

I never implied you are only interested in good looks, that is why I specifically mentioned personality in an earlier post.

Ethics of a Nun alone will be hard to find in a single woman in her 30-40s, perhaps you need to go to a few church single meetings.

If you have the intellect of a PhD, then why are you still working for your parents and not branching out on your own or creating a furniture franchise? This is not meant to be mean, but I think you need to redefine your current job title as working for mom and dad does not sound that impressive.

"Persuits" is actually spelled "Pursuits"

Perhaps you can go to some singles events in Hawaii while you are there.

good luck

 

[rifleman69]

I think you misunderstand the word homely. It is a nice word for ugly. He was saying that looks are the least of his main concerns and that he could easily fall for a smart, moral, outgoing, witty and active woman who shared his interests even if she were ugly. He was responding to a post by someone who presumed that he was picky over looks.

After reading this thread, I think this man is perfectly endearing and almost makes me wish I was not already married. :ignore:

I think you missed the point of my post and others.

 

[alanraycole]

Ethics of a Nun alone will be hard to find in a single woman in her 30-40s, perhaps you need to go to a few church single meetings.

My core meaning in the statement, "ethics of a nun," is best captured in an earlier comment I wrote, "I'm also looking for the woman who, if she had millions of dollars, would not be surrounded with diamonds and gold, but with the people she's helped."

If you have the intellect of a PhD, then why are you still working for your parents and not branching out on your own or creating a furniture franchise?

Please don't confuse intellect with ambition. I am doing just fine where I am. I'll admit to being happy with the money without the pressures. By the way, although I don't remember my specific GMAT scores, (that was a long time ago) I do remember the letter from Harvard encouraging me to apply to their university that I received in response to my scores. I didn't even list them as a university of interest. Also, my sister is working on her PhD right now.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate constructive criticism and I specifically thank you for yours. Nevertheless, I find some of the wrong impressions that some have gathered from my comments challenging. I simply want to fine tune the impressions so that the criticism continues to be constructive.

 

[alanraycole]

You're right - you are too picky!!!

Remember, I said I was outlining my IDEAL woman. I know finding a woman who matches all these characteristics in the extreme will be difficult. I have dated and continue to socialize with women who don't match them all and some even who don't match any of them.

I simply thought it might be helpful to give a sketch of my perfect woman. But, I know no woman is perfect. Consider it a guide rather than a checklist.

 

[alanraycole]

My suggestion is just be yourself, don't make any changes.(Well maybe the glasses.) Because the right person for you will be the one who likes you just the way you are naturally, and visa versa. That is what it means to not settle IMHO

Thank you for this refreshing advice. This contrast with the references in this thread to "impressing" women. If something I am or have or do happens to impress a woman, so be it. But, I find it offensive to do it on purpose. There is a line somewhere between correcting blemishes in character, looks, habits, career titles, etc. and doing something with the strict intention of impressing a woman. I think it is proper to avoid offense, but I would find it distasteful to cross that line into being something that I am not to impress.

 

[rifleman69]

My core meaning in the statement, "ethics of a nun," is best captured in an earlier comment I wrote, "I'm also looking for the woman who, if she had millions of dollars, would not be surrounded with diamonds and gold, but with the people she's helped."



Please don't confuse intellect with ambition. I am doing just fine where I am. I'll admit to being happy with the money without the pressures. By the way, although I don't remember my specific GMAT scores, (that was a long time ago) I do remember the letter from Harvard encouraging me to apply to their university that I received in response to my scores. I didn't even list them as a university of interest. Also, my sister is working on her PhD right now.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate constructive criticism and I specifically thank you for yours. Nevertheless, I find some of the wrong impressions that some have gathered from my comments challenging. I simply want to fine tune the impressions so that the criticism continues to be constructive.

The fact that you're arguing about misconceptions and impressions with people on the internet instead of interacting with people face to face to see if they also see/don't see the same doesn't surprise me at all.

 

[Vacation Dude]

The fact that you're arguing about misconceptions and impressions with people on the internet instead of interacting with people face to face to see if they also see/don't see the same doesn't surprise me at all.

Especially from Hawaii

 

[DeniseM]

Let's remember the TUG rule of courtesy, please.

 

[pjrose]

Nice offer! I'm sure you'll find some company hanging around the pool, etc. Perhaps we could set-up a calendar where TUGGERS could post timeshare trips open to share. I've paired-up with other lady TUGGERS for European trips as my hubby doesn't enjoy that type of travel.

Maria

What a neat idea! It doesn't help our current poster, unfortunately.

You seem and look like such a nice friendly guy. Maybe you could meet some people on your vacation? Go to the same kind of place you'd find nice people at home? church? singles group? weight watchers meeting? (don't take that wrong - there are lots of single women of ALL sizes who go to WW!) look on craigslist for volunteer opportunities on the island and show up? None of those is likely to get you a vacation partner, but at least some people to hang out with a bit?

 

[alanraycole]

What makes packing twice as hard?

Packing on an evening you are dead tired! Not wanting to leave also makes it twice as hard, or does that make it four times harder or does that make it 16 times harder. But, this is my last night at the Lawai. I LOVE the Lawai Beach Resort. I love Poipu. To think I dreaded the end of my Shearwater week. Lawai and Poipu more than made up for it.

Tomorrow, I stay at the Sheraton to fill in the gap between Lawai and Westin. Then back to Princeville for the Westin. It is a great situation to in to debate within yourself which side of Kauai you like best. I have always preferred the North Shore, but this week has definitely lessened the preference!

For those who may have wondered why I haven't commented on the restaurants, I ate almost every day at the same two places. I ate at the Waiohai's beach bar and Puka Dog. I love Puka Dogs and I love eating on the beach. I also also ate at the Beach House... very good. The only other place I ate on this side of the island all week was the Brewery in Waimea... also very good.

What did I do all week? I spent most of my time at the various beaches on this side of the island and I did a lot of hiking... pretty much the same thing I did on the other side of the island. I keep on thinking about a couple other things I want to do, but as I consider them each morning, I say, "naaaaah, I would rather go to the beach!

 

[Vacation Dude]

I keep on thinking about a couple other things I want to do, but as I consider them each morning, I say, "naaaaah, I would rather go to the beach!

great idea as Lake Waynoka is -1 'F

 

[pianodinosaur]

alanraycole:

I am very glad that I do not have to worry about dating. However, I did not get married until I was 35 years old so I think I know how you feel. I met my wife on a blind date. She is absolutely wonderful. Sometimes it is better to be lucky than to be good. In my case, I was good and lucky.

There are many nice women out there who would love to meet a snake handling Tugger. My sister, who has been married to my college roommate for many years, has been involved with herpetology for years. Don't give up. Make yourself available to meet other people. I know that it is a very frightening thing to do. Rejection hurts. However, life can be exciting if you are willing to take chances.

 

[alanraycole]

This is the beginning of my last week on Kauai!

I've checked into the Westin Princeville on a very rainy day. According to the concierge, the forcast for this final week after today has no worse than a 30% chance of rain. I look forward to the sun. I have a two bedroom lock-off unit, so there is still room for compatible company!