how do you plan your meals?

[glypnirsgirl]

First a little background. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. Each of us was married once before, each for a substantial amount of time (more than 15 years for each). I was the primary breadwinner in my first marriage, my husband was the sole breadwinner in his first marriage.

Despite the fact that I worked hard, I did all of the meal preparation in my first marriage. (My husband did all of the shopping). We ALWAYS sat down at a dinner table and ate dinner together. My husband was an appreciative eater and it was rewarding to cook for him.

Ian's wife did not cook for him, much. Ian cooked for himself and ate fairly simple things and was frequently on strange diets.

While Ian and I were dating, I cooked a few meals for him and he always complained. Before we got married, he said that he would do the cooking because he knew that he was picky.

The first 6 months that we were married, he would make weeks' worth of chili at a time with strange ingredients (peaches and or blueberries to replace the tomatoes). It wasn't exactly what I had signed on for. So, I complained. And, after several months of chili, I usually just did not eat what he cooked.

I would make occasional forays into the kitchen only to be starchily criticized and I would retreat.

For a long time, I would simply eat at a local cafeteria or at BlackEyed Pea --- both place I could eat dinner for less than 15 dollars, many times less than $10. The cafeteria closed a while back and I got sick of eating out.

I have now resumed cooking and Ian has stopped complaining. I have been cooking for about 2 weeks now and I am out of ideas. He does not like fish or chicken (both of which I prefer) and does not care much for beef. That leaves us with pork and the pasta meals that he prefers. The first week I made pork roast two different ways, pork short ribs with sauerkraut (not good), and apple cider braised pork chops (excellent). Second week I made a beef pot roast, chicken paprikash and ginger cream chicken. (he said that he would eat chicken if it didn't taste like chicken).

I have looked through every cookbook and every website that I can think of (allrecipes, several Martha Stewart sites, ivillage, epicurious) and I have not been able to come up with a meal plan for 5 days.

It is driving me crazy. In the past, I could plan dinner for a week and cook whatever I had on the schedule. I seem to have a mental block now. I look at a recipe and the first thought that comes into my head is, "Ian won't like that."

While my son was home for the holidays, I made meals that I used to make regularly (meatloaf, curried scallops, hamburger stroganoff) and that I know that Jordan likes. Ian didn't complain about those meals.

One of the good things that has come out of my cooking is that my stepson is especially appreciative. And he now sits down and eats with us without complaining.

I used to have a list of basic ingredients to keep on hand and about 30 recipes that could be made from those basic ingredients. I think that it came from Martha Stewart, but I have not been able to find it.

How do you decide what to make for dinner? Do you wait to be inspired? Do you just look in your cabinet and fridge and figure out what you can make?

Help!

elaine

 

[suesam]

Oh that sounds painful!!! I HATE it when I cook and people complain. My DH is very easy to cook for but my sons each have different tastes. I eventually gave up. It is so hard to please everyone. Boys are now at college and it is much easier to cook!

I do basically fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to planning but always have plenty of fresh vegetables on hand so I can work around them. I have always loved the idea of being organized and having a guideline to work off of but am very much into eating what I am in the mood for...not what my weekly menu says.

I do not think we could survive without eating chicken 3-4 times a week.
Sorry I am of no help....but you do have my sympathy!!!

Sue

 

[pkyorkbeach]

Excellent website that I found years ago.

http://savingdinnershop.com/

I have purchased numerous recipes from this site. The food is excellent. It has a lot of flavors which my daughters like. There are many recipes to chose from.


If the link does not work just google saving dinner

 

[JudyH]

You have my deepest sympathy. I think that would have been a relationship buster for me LOL.

When I married DH 42 years ago, he weighed 121 and I could put my hand between every rib. His mother knew nothing about cooking. It is amazing that he and his sibs lived to adulthood, sometimes there was spoiled food in the frig. That left him with no knowledge about food, no taste in food, and a screwy belief system about what he liked. I too tried to please him at first. He had no interest in cooking (still doesn't) or food shopping.

I basically decided that the unspoken rule in the family was "the person who cooks fixes what they like" and anyone one else can just eat it or make a PBJ sandwich for themselves. Being rather lazy, they soon learned just to eat what I fixed. I might have pasta twice, beef once, chicken once, pork once, pizza, eat out once. Meats are grilled, broiled, or baked. No cream sauces, not a lot of carbs. No one has weight isses. My oldest son ate anything, my youngest only ate white foods until he was 10. I don't believe in fighting over food, both our parents did that to us. Now both sons are the cooks in their families and the picky one eats everything.

So my advice is just fix what you like and let him deal with it or fix his own meal. Unfortuately, not everyone is a foodie. Although my DH eats everything now, he rarely gets excited over food. So sometimes we go out to eat with foodie friends and some of us get excited and some don't.

I do get Cooks Illustrated magazine and try a lot of those recipes, but not for every day.

IMHO, you are not responsible for his stomach. I learned that after two years.

 

[Patri]

We also fly by the seat of our pants. What ever is in the house. How about you cook for yourself, Ian cooks for himself, and you sit down together?

 

[pjrose]

Plan?

~5:30PM one of us says "what do you want for dinner?" The other one says "I dunno, what do you want?" "I don't know, I asked first," "Wanna go out?" "nah, let's see what we have for leftovers," and on it goes.

Sometimes we plan ahead, i.e. maybe noon or 2pm.

Sometimes we make something big (curry, chili, pork roast) or get a rotisserie chicken, and then we can just clean out the refrigerator the next night or two, no decision-making needed.

 

[ronparise]

In my first marriage, my wife and I shopped together and we bought certain staples, eggs, cereal, bread, sugar, flour, condiments, spices, deli meats and cheeses, canned soups, coffee, etc. Neither one of us ate breakfast. and lunch was either left overs, or sandwiches..So this part of our shopping was done almost by rote. We made a list by looking at what was on the shelves at home and just filled them in.....Dinner was different. When it came to dinner, we shopped with certain meals in mind.(we didnt have 80 of them, but we did have 15 or so) when we had the ingredients for 7 dinners, it was off to the checkout.

We shared the cooking...whoever got home first cooked dinner, the other cleaned up. It helped that both of us had worked for Marriott in one of his HotShoppes, Both our mothers were farm girls and grew up in the depression. We knew basic coking and we were both raised to eat what was put in front of us and sat down to dinner together; almost always

My second wife was a problem, or I was....she did the shopping and most of the cooking and she bought on a whim. She liked to have a pantry where she could go and be inspired. Dinner was planned in front of the pantry with the ingredients on hand. She would make a meal, and we would eat, sometimes together, and sometimes not. It was a struggle to bring our two sets of expectations together....But we have...Now we shop at Costco, sample all the stuff thay have at their sample stations, When we agree on something, we buy it; and to a large degree, we buy pre- packaged, pre prepared foods..(heat and eat stuff). I cant remember the last time we cooked from scratch...We both can; we just dont.

My advice to you guys... I dont have any, except that given time, I bet you will both compromise and move to a middle ground that satisfies you both...either that or you need to do what my grandparents((my fathers parents) did...They each had their own kitchen and they shopped, cooked and ate separately. When we visited they set a big table with each of their specialties and we all ate together

Good Luck

 

[Elan]

I love to eat. I love to cook. I love to grocery shop. My wife and I share cooking duty (dinner). But our work situation dictates that she generally does the grocery shopping. So I find it difficult to cook based on what she's purchased. She's more of the "let's just get something on the table" type, and I'm more of the "I want to make something really good" type. She really struggles to come up with meal ideas, whereas I can just wander around the grocery store, buy what's on sale and have 10 meals in my head based on those ingredients. We try to discuss meal ideas before she does major shopping, but sometimes it doesn't happen. For us, a week's worth of dinners would typically be 5 meals from scratch, one night of left overs, and another night of either going out (seldom), take and bake pizza (fairly often, an obvious hit with the kids), or "fend for yourself".

At one point in time, we were keeping a log of meals that we agreed we all liked. When we got on a dry spell of meal ideas, we'd print out the log. It truly is amazing how you can forget about good entrees that everyone likes. The spreadsheet grew to about 40 meals before we stopped using it, but would likely be double that now.

As far as advice, I'd suggest buying a few of the "simple meal" type cookbooks and trying to come up with a list of 15 or so that you both find acceptable, perhaps with modifications to suit your tastes. When I'm looking for something new I'll go to foodnetwork.com and find a Tyler Florence, Bobby Flay or Paula Deen recipe and read the reviews. If it's a hit with most reviewers, it's likely pretty good.

If you can't identify a subset of meals that you both can agree on, then I'm in agreement with the suggestion that you both prepare your own meals. I despise picky eaters (because I was raised to be appreciative of simply having food), and would ultimately tire of trying to appease someone who wasn't willing to be more open-minded.

 

[chellej]

I do all the cooking at my house and after 36 years I spend alot of time thinking about what to cook. My 93 year old father will not eat chicken or fish so like you I am limited. Some of my favorites:

Pork roast with Hawaiian rub (get it on Kauai) with apples or pears and wine (either white or white zin)

Ham & cabbage cooked with poataoes and toamato soup

Vegetable soup with Cheese squares (loaf of bread with crust cut off & cut into 2 "squares....spread with veleveta & butter 2/1 that has been whipped together then bake squares)

Meat Pie (beef stew topped with bisquit and baked)

Blt's or grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches

Pulled pork sandwhiches (throw a pork roast in the crockpot & topp with bbq sauce

French onion soup....very easy to make

Potato, cheddar & green chili soup with bacon crumbles

Taco salad made with chili

Tacos

Burritos enchilada style....fill with whatever leftover meat or beans

We do alot of meat & potato......Steak or chops, potatoes: Baked, mashed, twice baked, scalloped, home fries, hash browns

 

[MichaelColey]

First a little background. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. Each of us was married once before, each for a substantial amount of time (more than 15 years for each). ...

While Ian and I were dating, I cooked a few meals for him and he always complained. Before we got married, he said that he would do the cooking because he knew that he was picky.

The first 6 months that we were married, he would make weeks' worth of chili at a time with strange ingredients (peaches and or blueberries to replace the tomatoes). It wasn't exactly what I had signed on for. So, I complained. And, after several months of chili, I usually just did not eat what he cooked.

I would make occasional forays into the kitchen only to be starchily criticized and I would retreat.

...

I have now resumed cooking and Ian has stopped complaining.

My advice to you guys... I dont have any, except that given time, I bet you will both compromise and move to a middle ground that satisfies you both...

I think Ron's spot on here, and I think to a large degree you've both moved towards the middle. It's almost inevitable that you'll continue.

From the way you describe things, you both came from considerably different ways of doing things, tastes in foods, ways to cook, etc. And you were both very set in your ways and unwilling to change. That's tough in a marriage.

We all have different ways of doing things, different preferences, different personalities, etc. That's actually good and helpful, as we complement each other. If we were clones of each other, there wouldn't be any benefit to being together. There has to be respect and understanding for the other, and it sounds like that may have been missing at first.

I have been cooking for about 2 weeks now and I am out of ideas.

A few thoughts:

1) Keep in mind that Ian doesn't need/desire the variety that you like. If he's fine with eating chili every day for 3 months, he doesn't need a different pork dish every night. It sounds like you like more variety and he likes his favorites. Find some middle road. Repeats are fine.

2) Every meal doesn't need to be something that both of you likes. Most should, but it doesn't hurt to have some nights where you have chicken or beef or fish and some nights where you have fruity chili or even some nights where you each have something different. Over time, you'll find more and more in common and you'll probably each come to like some of the foods that the other likes.

3) You don't need to try something new every night. If you do something new just two nights a week, that's 100 new receipes that you try every year. Surely 5 or 10 will become new favorites, giving you even more variety going forward.

4) After each meal, ask Ian (and yourself) what he liked and didn't like about the meal. Don't treat it as criticism and don't get upset or hurt if he doesn't like something. Use it to learn what he (and you) like so you can focus on the meals you both like (and perhaps find other similar ones).

I really like Food.com (formerly RecipeZaar.com) for finding new recipes. Their filtering is awesome. You can select a major category you like, filter by specific characteristics (like things that are easy to make, certain ingredients, cooking method, etc.), sort by rating, etc.

 

[MichaelColey]

I'm glad that Kara and I (and our kids) have such similar tastes in foods. We both like just about anything. We both love to cook (and eat). I like a bit more variety than she does (leftovers once is usually my limit). I lean more towards good and she leans more towards fast and healthy. We both like to try new things. I do all the grilling and several other meals, and she does most of the day to day cooking and shopping. When we're at timeshares, I often do most or all of the cooking.

 

[Elan]

I would add that when trying something new, it may be worthwhile for both of you to peruse the recipe before proceeding. Often one can get a pretty good idea whether a recipe will be a hit or miss simply by examining the list of ingredients and method of preparation.

 

[Ridewithme38]

I don't really plan my meals, right by where i live there is a Burger King, White Castle express, KFC, McDonalds, TacoBell/pizzahut and a Checkers all less then a mile from my front door...I also tend to Order delivery from "WingsOver" and a basic Pizza place atleast once a week

My general plan is not to eat from any one place more then once a week

 

[Talent312]

Here's a meal that I served up at a recent family gathering that found favor:
Pork schnitzel with scalloped potatoes, salad and green beans.

Schnitzel is traditionally made with veal cutlets, but that's terribly pricey. Use a pork loin roast sliced into 1/2" chops and pounded down into 1/4" cutlets to tenderize. Flavor with salt+pepper, dip into flour, a beaten-egg mixture and bread crubs, then fry in butter or olive oil.

For a different sort of salad, try adding rasberries, almonds, and use a pomegranite vinagrete.

We usually make enuff to have leftovers for two-three nights... and occasionally fit in a frozen Souffer's lasagna or Hormel entre. Sometimes, plain ol' steak and potatos.

 

[Passepartout]

Elaine, you have my sympathy. This food inequity would've been a deal killer for me, but it is what it is.

DW and I are fairly adventurous eaters, though she doesn't go out of her way for lots of new things. The repertoire of tied and true is large. A few things- like Brussels Sprouts are not on the menu.

I do most of the shopping/cooking day-to-day. I go to the supermarket that's 2 blocks away, cruise the perimeter for close-dated marked-down fresh meats and veggies, and make a meal plan based on what I find. Sometimes the pickin's are better than others and the freezer benefits. Sometimes the choices are not so good and I consult the freezer for today's offering. There is always at least one large salad a day and a couple of veggies/fruit courses.

On days when no inspiration occurs, or we just don't feel like cooking, take-n-bake pizza is a special treat. This happens maybe once in 2 weeks.

I subscribe to Cuisine at Home magazine http://www.cuisineathome.com/ and find at least one great recipe in every issue to cook.

My way of planning obviously won't work for a picky eater, but that's the way I do it.

Jim

 

[MOXJO7282]

My lovely wife is a classic home maker and a top notch one at that. She plans in advance and gives me the shopping list to source all her ingredients. I do all the BBQ and the deep frying when we do that on occasion.

My wife makes killer italian lasagna, eggplant parm or the like, great pancakes and is a truly excellent baker. Her cheesecake is as good as any you'll try.

She also makes the perfect cold cuts sandwich. Some will say perfect cold cut sandwich? What is so hard about that? I know but there just something about the way she balances the meat and cheese, toppings and mayo that tastes like you got it from a good deli.



I compliment her and rave to all my firends all the time because 9 out of 10 meals are just excellent. Sometimes I'll ask what's for dinner and she hasn't planned anything and I will jokingly give her a hard time because she is just so good at managing our meals its unusual when she doesn't have something planned. Most nights I don't even know what we're having and I just get a call down to my office dinners ready!!

As the sole breadwinner its very nice to know you have a partner who is doing her part and does it so well. Its also a major cost saver because if you don't plan ahead, especially as a family you end up spending a ton on take-out.

 

[stmartinfan]

You've got a challenging situation. I have a somewhat similar home, in that one daughter likes a very limited list of foods, little meat and bland flavors. The other 3 of us are adventurous eaters, who like lots of different things and enjoy trying some new ideas.

I have separate small upright freezer, and it's the way I manage meal prep.

I always have some meat "staples" on hand in the freezer - ground beef, pork chops, pork tenderloin, pot roast, chicken pieces (frozen individually), salmon, shrimp, etc. (This is also a money saver, because I'm a Costco shopper.) And I always have basics like pasta, rice, seasonings, pasta sauce, BBQ sauce, etc., on hand plus dairy and egg items in the refrigerator.

With a quick zap in the MW to defrost something I can put together lots of different meals in an hour, if I haven't planned in advance. I do buy fresh ingredients on my weekly(or more often) shopping trip, but don't always plan days out - I've got enough on hand to come up with something.

I make lots of "saucy" dishes that can top pasta or rice; picky eater can eliminate the meat, if she wants or simply eat the starch plain. I have a standard repertoire but I also have a big file of recipes to try from various sources.

I also keep a whole supply of already cooked items frozen in single servings and some single serve prepared meals (lots of pastas without meat for the picky one). Right now, you'll find homemade chicken noodle soup, split pea soup and chili in the freezer, along with ground beef cooked and seasoned seasoned for a sloppy joe sandwich or tacos. That way if I make a meal someone doesn't want, the "outlier" can easily heat up something else.

I agree with the suggestion to develop a smaller list of "approved" meals that rotate fairly frequently, so you're not fighting the battle every day. Then gradually add one new recipe a week to expand the choices. I find it helps with my daughter if I do things that seem "familiar with a twist." If everyone likes spaghetti with meat sauce, then trying doing a dish that has an Italian red sauce to serve with pasta, but uses chicken.

I like the magazine "Cooking Club" (or cookingclub.com website) because it's a bit more interesting but more practical than epicurious.com. I use allrecipes.com sometimes, but find too many of those dishes rely on canned soups, etc., for my taste.

 

[DeniseM]

My DH is a terrible cook - has no concept of proportions or following a recipe (banned from the kitchen.) Unfortunately, he likes to grocery shop - but tends to buy the same items over and over again. We sit down to a home cooked dinner 5 or 6 nights a week, but I really get bored cooking what he buys, because it's so repetitive.

He also tends to be a bargain shopper and buys some things that just sit in the pantry or freezer, because they aren't things I would ever cook.

Since he enjoys going to the grocery store, I haven't been able to convince him that the cook (me) should also do the shopping. Going shopping together would be logical - but he stops after work and shops by himself about once a week, no matter what I suggest. No, he won't use a list. He is very set in his ways...

Upside - he isn't a picky eater and never complains.

 

[Ridewithme38]

My DH is a terrible cook - has no concept of proportions or following a recipe (banned from the kitchen.) Unfortunately, he likes to grocery shop - but tends to buy the same items over and over again. We sit down to a home cooked dinner 5 or 6 nights a week, but I really get bored cooking what he buys, because it's so repetitive.

He also tends to be a bargain shopper and buys some things that just sit in the pantry or freezer, because they aren't things I would ever cook.

Since he enjoys going to the grocery store, I haven't been able to convince him that the cook (me) should also do the shopping. Going shopping together would be logical - but he stops after work and shops by himself about once a week, no matter what I suggest. No, he won't use a list. He is very set in his ways...

Upside - he isn't a picky eater and never complains.

Denise, i promise i'd let you do all you shopping and cooking!

 

[heathpack]

I recommend you get a mini pie maker. After all, nobody doesn't like pie.

H

 

[pjrose]

Like StMartinFan, we keep our regular items on hand in the freezer and pantry.

We rarely if ever plan ahead, but can make whatever we feel like because it's usually available.

We typically go with either boneless skinless chicken breasts (often sliced into thinner filets or cut into tenders), boneless pork (cut up bigger roasts when it's on sale), flank steak or sirloin, haddock or salmon, spaghetti/meatballs or taco/burrito night.

For chicken, pork, or steak we either

• make teriyaki - cut up, put in big zip bag, add teriyaki sauce or soy sauce, oil, garlic, and ginger;
• or sprinkle it with instant Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix or Good Seasons Italian Dressing Mix
• or put in zip lock bag with some balsamic vinegar, olive oil, garlic and onion powders, and Cavendar's Greek Seasoning.

In each case, let it marinate a half hour or so, then saute in a little olive oil.

Haddock or Salmon, sprinkle with either dressing mix, saute in olive oil.

For spaghetti/meatballs, we get turkey meatballs, Ragu 7-herb sauce, and nuke them together while we cook the pasta.

Rotisserie chicken, and then curry with the leftovers (I used to make it homemade, but now use Korma sauce, adding sauteed onion, cubed apple, smushed banana, and some frozen green peas for color).

Sometimes Hillshire Farms turkey polish sausage or italian sausage.

While whatever main dish is cooking, we nuke fresh veggies - broccoli, green beans, asparagus, and yes Brussels Sprouts (but only if tiny and bright green), for three minutes, drain and add a tad of margarine and maybe a bit of seasoned salt.

We also usually have pre-made mashed potatoes or rice or couscous with dinner.

"Big cooking" consists of a brisket or a huge pot of chili or pea soup or ham and bean soup, each of which provides lots of meals as well as helps fill the freezer.

Soup and sandwiches are favorites, as are Lean Cuisine etc.

Leftovers make up at least 2 dinners each week.

 

[bjones9942]

Elaine -

Is his mother still alive? If so, pick up the phone and tell her to fix that 'picky eater' upbringing she allowed!!!

I like chicken. Let me qualify that. I like chicken cooked and on my plate. I'd also be hard pressed to plan meals that weren't heavily favoring chicken. Honestly, I'd be of a mind to fix my chicken and dumplings for me and set a tub of peanut butter in front of him. But then you want to have a happy relationship - so I'd take the advise of all the previous posters who have more patience than I :ignore:

Better yet, you *could* try to make things more bizarre than he does. Then put the peanut butter in front of your seat!

 

[Twinkstarr]

I've been using pepperplate to organize my recipes. It will generate a shopping list that you can organize to your favorite stores layout. If I find a recipe everyone likes I put it into pepperplate.

We sometimes do eggs/diced ham for dinner or whole wheat waffles with turkey sausage(always have some in freezer, quick to defrost).

I have a couple of pasta recipes that are easy to prepare. Soup and sandwiches work. When pork tenderloin is on sale, I usually buy 2 and keep them in the freezer.

DH is not a fussy eater and likes me to try different things. Eldest DS is an Aspie and has to be gentley lead into different things. He's done well, tried pate tonight and liked it. DS10 when in the mood is more adventureous, ate escargot tonight and I only got one.

If I make a saucy dish like curry or a stir fry, I have to keep the rice or noodles separate as eldest likes to eat them separate and you never know what mood the youngest is in. Keeps my anxiety level down.

 

[IngridN]

Plan?

~5:30PM one of us says "what do you want for dinner?" The other one says "I dunno, what do you want?" "I don't know, I asked first," "Wanna go out?" "nah, let's see what we have for leftovers," and on it goes.

Sometimes we plan ahead, i.e. maybe noon or 2pm.

Sometimes we make something big (curry, chili, pork roast) or get a rotisserie chicken, and then we can just clean out the refrigerator the next night or two, no decision-making needed.

I had to laugh...that's our conversation. After the I asked you first, it's usually me saying OK if you don't have any suggestions, how about Lean Cuisine or soup. His response, we always have Lean Cuisine or soup. Me...how about tuna, the cats will love you and he agrees that it's a good plan :hysterical: .

Ingrid

 

[MuranoJo]

We typically try to squeeze about 3 meals around a major protein & add in a salad &/or veggies.
For instance:
Hamburger: Spaghetti, tacos, goulash, sloppy Joes
Ham: Baked ham w/sweet potatoes, fritata the next morning, sandwiches, scalloped potatoes
Turkey (breast or legs, etc.): Baked w/roasted potatoes, sandwiches, pot pie
Chicken: Baked w/stuffing, sandwiches, chicken noodle soup, chicken & dumplings
Beans: Chili, soups, beans & ham (love beans & usually lots to freeze for later)
Pork: Crockpot version for dinner, enchiladas, sandwiches
Tuna: Tuna noodle casserole, tuna salad for sandwiches