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Helping family with vacation plans

WinniWoman

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So, a couple of years ago my brother in law was with us at Smuggs for a week in summer and he liked it so much he wanted to get his kids and grandchildren up as well. As luck would have it, the unit next to ours is usually rented out by the owner and I just happened to see the owner at the pool that Fall on another visit and approached him about it. He said he could rent it to him and between the two units there would be enough room for his family and ours.To make a long story short, went back and forth with him and my BIL and his daughter about it and it was like pulling teeth to get them to commit and in the long run they ended up doing a wknd, camping trip actually near our home at Yogi Bear Campgrounds! I was a bit annoyed to say the least.


Fast forward to a couple of months ago. A member of the same family contacts me via Facebook and says they are planning a trip to Yellowstone for her husbands' (my husband's nephew) 40th birthday and my BIL told her to contact me as we have been there and can set them up. I jump into action. Had to track down the woman's name that I rented from at West Yellowstone- took awhile as she had changed her phone number and email and my husband did some detective work online, etc. Finally get a hold of her and connect the two of them.

I explain to our niece that in order to book the trip for Sept. 2017, this Worldmark owner needs to know by June of this year. (They originally wanted to go in November 2017 until I explained about the winter there! They had no clue. LOl!)

I send tons of info about Yellowstone and what they need to know about the resort and traveling with their two small kids, etc. They are not travelers AT ALL. The only trip they have ever gone on was their honeymoon many, many years ago. She is so excited! Very happy. Thanks me for everything.

Bottom line is I put a lot of work into it to help them. I was only too happy to do it. I casually asked what the status was- no reply. She then says they want to come up and visit us. I tell her some dates. No reply. Again I ask what's happening with the trip. No reply.

Yet she sends me a PM asking for some pictures of my son when he was a baby to compare with her daughter.

Sigh...........:shrug:Something tells me this was another wasteful effort.

I have learned my lesson. Anyone ever have this happen to them?
 

Passepartout

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No good deed goes unpunished.
 

presley

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I have learned my lesson. Anyone ever have this happen to them?

Yes, but I never put that much time and energy into anything. I have learned that nobody can understand how anything works, even if I explain it several times. Now, I just give them a link and tell them they can look into it for themselves. If they are asking me about availability, I don't even look. I just say I don't know and they can call the place directly and ask.
 

isisdave

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Happened all the time to me, until I figured out that I was projecting my own enthusiasm about (travel, timeshare, chocolate, Renaissance music, cruising, Europe, licorice, you name it) onto them, and they were usually just in a "dreaming about it" mode.

Now I give one short suggestion and maybe a couple of Internet links. I am sure happier, and hope they are just as pleased.

Also, this is a good example of a situation where a phone call is WAY more useful than exchanges of text or email. It's much easier to detect interest in a person's voice; plus, you can have the rapid followup necessary to avoid huge lapses of time. Example: "We're planning to go to Yellowstone in November." "There'll be 4 feet of snow and most of the park is closed." "Oh, when should we go?" That takes 10 seconds, not 10 days.
 
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ace2000

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Reminds me of the time I booked about 7 or 8 exchanges on 28K Wyndham deposits (which no longer works) for our daughter's wedding. I had the points anyway, and I paid for the exchanges myself for everyone. Now everyone thinks I have all these cheap points "laying around", and I still get asked if I can get a deal out there. For close family, I just give them my RCI login and let them sort it out - which so far hasn't worked out. :)
 

WinniWoman

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Happened all the time to me, until I figured out that I was projecting my own enthusiasm about (travel, timeshare, chocolate, Renaissance music, cruising, Europe, licorice, you name it) onto them, and they were usually just in a "dreaming about it" mode.

Now I give one short suggestion and maybe a couple of Internet links. I am sure happier, and hope they are just as pleased.

Also, this is a good example of a situation where a phone call is WAY more useful than exchanges of text or email. It's much easier to detect interest in a person's voice; plus, you can have the rapid followup necessary to avoid huge lapses of time. Example: "We're planning to go to Yellowstone in November." "There'll be 4 feet of snow and most of the park is closed." "Oh, when should we go?" That takes 10 seconds, not 10 days.

I don't know. We were exchanging PM's back and forth pretty rapidly for days on end. Then it carried on over weeks here and there. I really could sense her enthusiasm and all that. Oh, well.... never again.
 

geekette

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I don't put myself out much anymore. Why should I do all the work for someone else's vacation? Indeed, makes them want to attempt to take advantage of me again.

Agree on getting out of the middle - here are some links, knock yourself out ...

My family is great - if they say they will be there in 2 years, They Will Be There. Everyone else, flakey.

Reminds me to call my brother to see if he wants to go somewhere before end of Feb. He is usually the recipient of any Use Or Lose time I have.
 

PGtime

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I have set stuff up but do not do a bunch of work until I get a bigger commitment. Really has not been an issue, except once...

My SIL wanted a week in the summer at HHI at our condo (which I reserved for her) and didn't bother to tell me they weren't going until a few days before, after several texts asking... And I was only charging them the cleaning fee... Never again. If it comes up again, I'll provide a few links for her to look into herself...
 

Icc5

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Canada years ago

When my BIL got married we set them up with a week on Vancouver Island. This was after finding out when,where, and if plan was concrete. We were doing this as a wedding gift and booked it about 6 months in advance through an RCI trade.
Well, about 2 months before they tell us they can't make it so instead my wife and I took the time off work and we went. We had a great time but felt frustrated in using the vacation time when we usually wouldn't have.
Turns out they almost can't go anywhere. She is afraid of flying, going over bridges, leaving home for more then a few days at a time. None of this was ever mentioned when we planned the original trip with them.
The funny part now is to listen to her complain about no vacations,never going anywhere, and hoe cheap my BIL is yet she is the one that refuses to travel.
 

WinniWoman

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When my BIL got married we set them up with a week on Vancouver Island. This was after finding out when,where, and if plan was concrete. We were doing this as a wedding gift and booked it about 6 months in advance through an RCI trade.
Well, about 2 months before they tell us they can't make it so instead my wife and I took the time off work and we went. We had a great time but felt frustrated in using the vacation time when we usually wouldn't have.
Turns out they almost can't go anywhere. She is afraid of flying, going over bridges, leaving home for more then a few days at a time. None of this was ever mentioned when we planned the original trip with them.
The funny part now is to listen to her complain about no vacations,never going anywhere, and hoe cheap my BIL is yet she is the one that refuses to travel.

Infuriating! Very nervey!

I told my husband we should go instead as well! Then, I thought maybe we could have the owner book us in Durango where we would like to go next year, but no Worldmarks there unfortunately.

People are really something else, aren't they?
 

WinniWoman

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I have set stuff up but do not do a bunch of work until I get a bigger commitment. Really has not been an issue, except once...

My SIL wanted a week in the summer at HHI at our condo (which I reserved for her) and didn't bother to tell me they weren't going until a few days before, after several texts asking... And I was only charging them the cleaning fee... Never again. If it comes up again, I'll provide a few links for her to look into herself...

I can't believe people do things like this, especially to relatives or friends!
 

geekette

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When my BIL got married we set them up with a week on Vancouver Island. This was after finding out when,where, and if plan was concrete. We were doing this as a wedding gift and booked it about 6 months in advance through an RCI trade.
Well, about 2 months before they tell us they can't make it so instead my wife and I took the time off work and we went. We had a great time but felt frustrated in using the vacation time when we usually wouldn't have.
Turns out they almost can't go anywhere. She is afraid of flying, going over bridges, leaving home for more then a few days at a time. None of this was ever mentioned when we planned the original trip with them.
The funny part now is to listen to her complain about no vacations,never going anywhere, and hoe cheap my BIL is yet she is the one that refuses to travel.
WOW, holy crap. Did they end up having a honeymoon somewhere or was it just "nice hotel downtown"? Still, they should have turned down the offer immediately, not sat on it. That's .... irksome!

Afraid of going over bridges is a new one on me. Doesn't get more limiting than that. I can't leave my neighborhood without crossing a bridge.

I feel for your BIL, especially her talking about him being cheap. That's plain ole disrespectful, she should talk to him about it, no one else. Perhaps she doesn't realize how that makes her sound. I'm pretty good at the emotionless stare and that is exactly what she would get from me if she carped at all about her husband. I have low tolerance for trash talking the spouse.

I hope he knew what he was getting into by marrying her. Methinks she is what I would call High Maintenance with self-issued License to Bitch.

Were I him, I would move her towards facing those fears. Not sure how she CAN go anywhere with such self-imposed restrictions. Granted, if she ever suffered from agoraphobia, then perhaps she has made great progress in leaving the house. I personally would want those fears confronted and handled before kids come along so they don't "inherit" them by proximity. One of my friends is scared of water because her mother is scared of it. No personal experience, no near-drowning, just her mother raising her to be scared of it because she was.

good luck
 

Ty1on

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Were I him, I would move her towards facing those fears.

Absolutely. There is no better way to get over the fear of bridges than the catharsis of getting thrown off one! :D
 

Icc5

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Sister n Law

As I think I said, this was many years ago. She is definitely a strange one with fears of everything. No, I don't think he knew what he was getting into. Today, she is about 70 and nothing ever changed. Everything they ever had before was better and what anyone else has is better.
My BIL is a super nice guy that started making excuses for her about 10 years ago. He feels sorry for her and he just plods ahead. This is a second marriage for each and she was a person he worked with that used to always seem a happy person at work.
She doesn't even come to Christmas because she has a panic attack from too many people (about 20 family members). They have no kids. My granddaughter lives with us and we only live 6 miles from them. My SIL has only met my granddaughter twice because she doesn't allow company because of all her problems. Yes, these people with weird problems do exist.
 

PGtime

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She is afraid of flying, going over bridges, leaving home for more then a few days at a time.

A close friend of my mom had a fear of driving over bridges, but only the very high and / or long ones. So, going to the eastern shore in MD & DE (Rehobeth Beach, Bethany Beach, Ocean City, etc.) from Baltimore required going over the Chesapeake Bay bridge on route 50, unless you drove all the way around.

When she went by herself, she would set up a time to meet the State Police at the toll booth, who would drive her car over the bridge. Not sure if they will still do that or not.
 

vacationhopeful

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,,,, Chesapeake Bay bridge on route 50, unless you drove all the way around.

When she went by herself, she would set up a time to meet the State Police at the toll booth, who would drive her car over the bridge. Not sure if they will still do that or not.

There is actually a private car service who you arrange to meet at a park/pull off by the bridge. They car service drives you over the bridge in YOUR car and the follow car picks the "hired driver" to return to their side of the bridge or vice versa. YES, you pay for this ... and both bridge tolls.
 

WinniWoman

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This same couple- they got married years ago in Delaware where they lived. We of course went to the wedding- hotel and all that. Bridal shower, yada yada yada. They bought a townhouse to live in.

They very soon afterwards got an annulment (no gifts returned). Gone went the townhouse. Then our nephew met someone else.

Got engaged. Had an engagement party in Delaware. I refused to go. Good thing I didn't because they broke up right before the wedding and he went back to his first wife and got remarried and had 2 little girls.

They live in a state owned house in a park where he is a ranger/grounds keeper. BIL always says they struggle, since the wife stays home with the kids. I was surprised they were even thinking about going on a vacation. She told me she thought the rental price for the West Yellowstone condo was great.

You would think they would at least tell me they aren't sure or they don't think they can afford it or they are looking into other possibilities or something like that. Nada.
 

PGtime

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There is actually a private car service who you arrange to meet at a park/pull off by the bridge. They car service drives you over the bridge in YOUR car and the follow car picks the "hired driver" to return to their side of the bridge or vice versa. YES, you pay for this ... and both bridge tolls.

Makes sense. Obviously this is a better way to handle this as opposed to someone going into a panic in the middle of the bridge...

What I was referring to with the state police was a long time ago (mid to late 70's). Since there is a private choice now, my guess is the police no longer do this.
 

JudyH

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We talked about going to France with friends we had traveled with for years. We talked about this trip for about 5 years...to do when we all retired. For them, money NOT an issue.

Well, when it came time to book stuff, they backed completely out. Would only fly business, didn't want to spend the $$ for business. Too much planning, didn't want me to "have the burden". Wasn't at all interested in how to do credit card miles, or the Chase credit card Brit Air companion pass which we use all the time.

Also did a search for TS in Italy for my son's MIL. They would only travel April-May. I knew nothing would come up, but I did it for a year anyway so I would look like the nice person.

Done planning for others. They can plan and invite me, or I will just do my thing with DH.

My kids never use my TS, they can't plan far enough ahead.
 

vacationhopeful

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Every 5 years, I plan and book (at my expense) my Birthday Party Week. I invite my siblings (and spouses) to attend. They KNOW when my birthday is and they get a few weeks' notice. Of course, they can ask me at anytime ... after all, 5th year birthday (50, 55, 65 ... they should "get" it or ASK).

Best part is NONE of them likes missing the vacation with the others and NO ONE else will do the planning or pay for the "roof".

I think this coming up one ... about 15 months away, will be in a downtown city location. Maybe Nashville? I would bet MOST or ALL of them have never been to Nashville.

I just looked at the booking window for 2016 (this year) and Nashville is booked solid most of the month. WHAT? So I hunt up the website for the city ... very active city; lots of festivals. At least, now I have a few weeks to plan for 2017... and as I have ARP at Nashville, I guess I will have to USE IT.
 
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MuranoJo

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A close friend of my mom had a fear of driving over bridges, but only the very high and / or long ones. So, going to the eastern shore in MD & DE (Rehobeth Beach, Bethany Beach, Ocean City, etc.) from Baltimore required going over the Chesapeake Bay bridge on route 50, unless you drove all the way around.

When she went by herself, she would set up a time to meet the State Police at the toll booth, who would drive her car over the bridge. Not sure if they will still do that or not.

On a business trip several years ago, I was riding with a fellow employee who was driving a few of us to the office. As we headed into a steep, curving bridge, she slowed the car to a crawl. Turns out she had a fear of driving over high bridges. :eek: We moved very slow, but eventually made it over the bridge.
 

dioxide45

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Our "success rate" is probably about 50-75%. Meaning, of all the people that ask us for details about vacations or how to book something, end up actually going on the vacation. Many times with getaways or reservations from points we have bought for them. Just booked two getaways not long ago for two small families to go to Orlando together. I just wish I could have gotten them larger units, BUT one would have to actually start planning their spring break vacation before January for that to probably happen.

This is another thing that many people don't understand. You can't wait until the last minute to try to book your vacation and expect a deal.
 

geekette

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This is another thing that many people don't understand. You can't wait until the last minute to try to book your vacation and expect a deal.
Certainly the unrealistic expectations are part of why I'm not so generous with my time any longer.
 

MuranoJo

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Yeah, like my sis who told me the other night they'd like 2, 2-BDs in the San Diego area this summer for them and their adult kids.

I told her she'd better start looking at VRBO or another outlet and good luck. (But of course I'll still look for her, for what it's worth.)
 

lvhmbh

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I don't like the high bridges but if I'm a passenger I close my eyes. Driving eyes grimly straight ahead lol! Had a friend who was afraid of bridges. Was driving over the San Fran Bay Bridge very slowly when there was an earthquake. Big hole opens up in front of her! She had to be taken off the bridge by an EMT.
 
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