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Have you or anyone close to you ever gone to rehab for alcohol addiction?

BellaWyn

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I think it's expensive because of staffing and they have a chef that prepares the meals. It's really crazy high. I wonder if it's deductible.
Exactly right. It's 24-hour care that includes on-site group therapy, individual therapy and medical people on staff to monitor withdrawal processes, all in an environment intended to shield the patients while they work the programs. Quality therapy can be pricey. It would be considered medically necessary so highly likely the expense could be a tax deductible item.

The 20% comes into play post-rehab because, while in rehap, patients live in a bubble, away from the pressures of normal day-to-day living. Can speak from experience that leaving that bubble and re-inserting yourself back into the "real world" it is a bit of a terrifying shock to the whole-body system. This is where a good support system, regular meetings and followup, and a desire to change make a huge difference.

Cindy, from your description, your son sounds extremely high functioning mentally. The process of "self medication" may be motivated by other underlying issues that have gone undiagnosed. Especially since he can go for long periods without drinking and then something "triggers" a binge. Good therapy will help him suss out what those triggers are for him to learn how to manage.

Completely concur with other posters related to Alanon for you and other family. It is a good place for you to find support for yourself so you can be there to better understand his process.

Will keep you all in our prayers. Recovery is a choice that has to be made daily. Am truly humbled to read how many generous TUG members have been willing to share their stories in this thread.
 
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MuranoJo

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Cindy, I don't have much to offer, except I wish you and yours the best.
And I'm thankful for those who posted their first-hand experiences to help.
 

silentg

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Not an alcoholic

Hi, I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but my own experience was a dependence on prescription medicine. i had to be hospitalized for this and go to a psychiatrist and a therapist for treatment. The hardest part was admitting I had a problem and had been battling depression for many years. I have been doing well, and still see my therapist and work on this battle, because I know I'm not cured but am coping.
I hope your son gets to the point of admitting he has a problem with alcohol. It's a disease like any other. You need to get treatment and stay sober. It's hard to watch a person struggle but when he gets help, it will make a difference in all aspects of his life.
Silentg
 

rapmarks

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Cindy, you are so correct about pressure to drink from society. My husband has meneires and found drinking prompted episodes. He stopped drinking. Very surprised at how it offended people and the slow pull away from many people socially.



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paluamalia

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Dear Rick and Cindy
We met briefly during the January get together at Golden Corral. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing.
I am an alcoholic and I've been sober for 38 years. I have no advice for you, but I can tell you that in my experience things had to get a lot worse before they got better.

AA cannot help your son stop drinking, he must make that decision himself in the light of his own experience. Once he does that, perhaps with the help of the medical profession, (this is a disease), then AA can help him "stay stopped".

An Alcoholic affects the lives and health of an average of 12 people, and those people are often so badly affected they need help too, they have been hurt by the disease of alcoholism, differently than the alcoholic, but the damage is real. Again, when during my own sobriety I was affected by some one else's disease I sought help and received it in the Family Groups of Al Anon, and the help of a healthcare professional.

There is hope. And there is help out there for you and your family. And much of it is free.

Marie S.



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rapmarks

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Thank you so much for your post Marie, about the effect on others. My daughter and three grandsons are living with this.


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rickandcindy23

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I have read and re-read every post, and all of them give me comfort and hope.

Our son is now at the rehab, 24 hours into it, and I hope he is doing okay. He really didn't like saying goodbye to his little girl, Raelynn, who is 2. I could tell it was the most difficult thing for him to do.

His wife was there, but she was clear with him that she will only support him through this, as she is done with the marriage. He has hope he can change that. I doubt it. He has lied to her about drinking and hid alcohol all over their house.

Their house is a mess right now because our son hasn't been helping her much, and she needs more than a drunken couch potato on her side. I wonder if that is a symptom of a drunk--pure laziness. He would go to work and then come home and do nothing to help. No cooking, no laundry, no housework.

We offered to help get the house cleaned up, but our daughter-in-law doesn't seem to want it right now. Maybe she will change her mind over the next few weeks. Our son won't be able to go back to the house, but we can help her get things right there. I love our daughter-in-law. She is a gem and has a ton of energy, but she cannot do everything herself.
 

BellaWyn

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I have read and re-read every post, and all of them give me comfort and hope.

Our son is now at the rehab, 24 hours into it, and I hope he is doing okay. He really didn't like saying goodbye to his little girl, Raelynn, who is 2. I could tell it was the most difficult thing for him to do.

His wife was there, but she was clear with him that she will only support him through this, as she is done with the marriage. He has hope he can change that. I doubt it. He has lied to her about drinking and hid alcohol all over their house.

Their house is a mess right now because our son hasn't been helping her much, and she needs more than a drunken couch potato on her side. I wonder if that is a symptom of a drunk--pure laziness. He would go to work and then come home and do nothing to help. No cooking, no laundry, no housework.

We offered to help get the house cleaned up, but our daughter-in-law doesn't seem to want it right now. Maybe she will change her mind over the next few weeks. Our son won't be able to go back to the house, but we can help her get things right there. I love our daughter-in-law. She is a gem and has a ton of energy, but she cannot do everything herself.
The good news is that he is going into rehab voluntarily. But he still needs to do the work and it's super hard work. Alcohol depresses the nervous system so, even in small doses, it still acts like a drug in his system that slows everything down to a slow crawl at some point. So, maybe not lazy as much as drugged into a mental stupor?

It's so great you are wanting to help the DIL also because she needs the support. But she has her process and the whole situation is a really tough head game for her. She has got to feel in total overwhelm and that life is literally falling apart. Give her time, don't helicopter, just be there when she needs it. Work on your own stuff. The more you learn about the disease and how it effects his entire circle of influence the more prepared you will be to help others.

But do YOU first.
 

VacationForever

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Their house is a mess right now because our son hasn't been helping her much, and she needs more than a drunken couch potato on her side. I wonder if that is a symptom of a drunk--pure laziness. He would go to work and then come home and do nothing to help. No cooking, no laundry, no housework.

We offered to help get the house cleaned up, but our daughter-in-law doesn't seem to want it right now. Maybe she will change her mind over the next few weeks. Our son won't be able to go back to the house, but we can help her get things right there. I love our daughter-in-law. She is a gem and has a ton of energy, but she cannot do everything herself.
Not sure if your offer to help includes hiring a housecleaning service or an organizer? She may be more receptive to that as she may not want "family" to get into her space? I am that way, I don't want friends and extended family to get into my space.
 

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I am sorry you have a loved one with alcohol addiction issues. I used to be married to an alcoholic and he had no desire to change, his connection with alcohol was stronger. For those who do wish to change, here are some alternatives that might be helpful and will at least give you more information:

http://bottomlineinc.com/yes-natural-medicine-can-help-alcoholics/
*You might have to refresh the page to get past the ad.

http://upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection/

In the end, the choice is with the alcoholic, and ultimately I had to let go of trying to 'help' and leave the marriage I was in. I wish you the absolute very best in all that you pursue, may your heart find peace.
 

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I currently work at a residential rehab for Veterans. The minimum stay is 90 days. Ultimately, the vets are not locked in, but most take the rehab very seriously. Many are success stories. Not all, and the ones that aren't usually have other untreated or unresolved issues in life like severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, trauma.

Something to find out from the facility where he is. If he does relapse during his stay, are there opportunities to continue with restrictions/amends or does he have to find somewhere new? It would be great if he could go back if he does relapse. Also, look into the relapse prevention offerings. As someone else mentioned, in a controlled setting, maintaining sobriety is a lot easier.
 

ladixson

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I'm so thankful that your son made it to treatment! If he wants to be sober, he will find the tools there to help him in his recovery. Recovery is a daily commitment and sometimes a daily battle. He needs to be prepared to understand that ultimately, this is a daily decision that only he can make. Everyone can be there for him, but he has to want it more than anything else and be willing to do the work.

He has taken the first step and that is HUGE!
 

Cornell

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My ex-husband is an alcoholic. I divorced him and got sole custody of my daughter after trying for years to "help" him (aka enabling). Only the addict can help themselves. Inexpensive therapy, AA, expensive therapy, etc. will ONLY work if the addict wants to quit. There is a fine line between supporting the addict and becoming an enabler. This line becomes even more complicated when there are children who are involved who need to be protected. Be careful that you don't get sucked in. That's what eventually got me out -- I realized I was going to go down w/the ship if I didn't remove myself from the dynamic. FYI: My ex is now sober but a classic "dry drunk".
 

rickandcindy23

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Our son kept accusing us of not being supportive. We told him we cannot be supportive of drinking, but we can get him the help he needs, if he is willing to take it.

It took him months to get to this point of accepting his addiction as an addiction. Only two weeks ago, he was telling us he didn't know why everyone else can drink, but he cannot.
 

rickandcindy23

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Thankful for all of you on TUG. We were able to see our son last Saturday and will go again this Saturday. The rehab has been good because he gets daily meetings with his own therapist, one-on-one, and he also goes to group therapy, and there are a lot of physical activities he does each day as well. The schedule is tight, which keeps his mind off of the alcohol, I think. He was becoming a lump on the couch for a long time. He will probably need two months of living in rehab, then another month of outpatient rehab after that. It's expensive, but it's worth it, if it gets him back to his real self.

Alcohol is such a huge part of our culture. I cannot believe every show and most commercials, someone is drinking.

We are attending an Al-anon meeting near our house. The people there are so kind, and we have yet to share our struggles. Our daughter-in-law is thinking of going with us on Tuesday, and I would love for her to go. She loved seeing our son on Saturday and kissed him and told him she misses him as the sober man she married, and she was so happy to look into his bright blue eyes and see something there she rarely saw over the last few months.

Please continue to pray for him. He is going to miss the holidays, all of them, and he will also be in rehab for his birthday, which is soon, December 5th. I would love for him to come home for Christmas, but we cannot rush things. He has to be ready, or this will have been for naught.
 

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A friend's daughter went through rehab a year ago for narcotics. She's like a different person now. I know it's only been a year, but I believe it worked. She goes to meetings still and she has I think 2 good friends who are years into sobriety. From what I can see, they are essential for her as support. Yes, I think rehab can work, but the addict has to be ready for it. This was her 2nd go at it btw.
 

rickandcindy23

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Part of his rehabilitation has been attending AA meetings all over the city every night. He says those help a great deal, which is very different from what he said a few weeks ago. He did find a sponsor, a person he knew a little from his job with the city. The two can relate both personally and professionally, which is good for him.

When we saw him yesterday, he was talking about leaving at 30 days. I am unsure if that is going to be enough. His insurance (Kaiser) has an intense outpatient program, 3 days a week, 3 hour sessions, and he wants to switch over to that for another month. I just don't know. We are wondering if he is buffaloing us, so he can just get out and go back to where he was. He has been sober for weeks at a time before. I asked him what the difference is now from then, and he said, "I have heard a lot of stories, and I don't want to go down that road." He said some of the stories were "terrifying," people waking up in strange places, not knowing how they got there or how long they were sleeping. Because of those stories he is hearing, I am afraid he thinks he is not that bad.

I was thinking of getting him the Elizabeth Vargas book about her struggles. I am going to order it today and have it sent to the rehab facility. His therapist has to approve of everything he reads.
 

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Thankful for all of you on TUG. We were able to see our son last Saturday and will go again this Saturday. The rehab has been good because he gets daily meetings with his own therapist, one-on-one, and he also goes to group therapy, and there are a lot of physical activities he does each day as well. The schedule is tight, which keeps his mind off of the alcohol, I think. He was becoming a lump on the couch for a long time. He will probably need two months of living in rehab, then another month of outpatient rehab after that. It's expensive, but it's worth it, if it gets him back to his real self.

Alcohol is such a huge part of our culture. I cannot believe every show and most commercials, someone is drinking.

We are attending an Al-anon meeting near our house. The people there are so kind, and we have yet to share our struggles. Our daughter-in-law is thinking of going with us on Tuesday, and I would love for her to go. She loved seeing our son on Saturday and kissed him and told him she misses him as the sober man she married, and she was so happy to look into his bright blue eyes and see something there she rarely saw over the last few months.

Please continue to pray for him. He is going to miss the holidays, all of them, and he will also be in rehab for his birthday, which is soon, December 5th. I would love for him to come home for Christmas, but we cannot rush things. He has to be ready, or this will have been for naught.
Cindy, I often think of you since we have met several times over the years. I wish your son the best and that he can succeed and that his wife will take him back. There is hope from your remarks.

You have so much support here and this shows what a great forum this is.
 

shagnut

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C;indy, so sorry your son is going thru this ( and you & Rick ) I think you've been given good advise so I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts. Shaggy
 

bogey21

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Work on your own stuff. The more you learn about the disease and how it effects his entire circle of influence the more prepared you will be to help others.
I know nothing about alcoholism. What I do know is that when I have been most successful it has been when I totally immersed myself in the issue to the point I felt I knew as much, if not more, about the issue as the professionals. I am talking about hours and hours researching, talking to professionals, reading books, etc.

George
 

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Hi Cindy - I am so sorry to hear your family is going through this and I want to reach out and give you a ray of hope. I have a brother that struggled for a number of years, lost his wife, children, home and business and still could not quit drinking. He went to rehab 3 different times and attended AA for years with no longer term success. We learned of a program in NH through a family friend who credits it with saving his life. It is a private program that is no where near the cost you are quoting. They do not accept insurance so no one there is court ordered, they want to all be there. Thankfully my brother agreed to go and has now been sober for 6 years, our family friend sober for 7. The key he tells me is the person has to be ready. Please PM me if interested and I will share more info. In the mean time for you Alanon is a great support system.
 

rickandcindy23

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Our son has now been in rehab since 11/5. We get to see him each Saturday, and our daughter-in-law is seeing him a few hours, several times per week. Our granddaughter is so sweet, she is a little over two, and she thinks he is at camp. That is what we tell her, when she asks for her daddy. She has no idea what camp is, nor does she know what rehab is, but she knows he is gone.

He will be discharged on 1/3 and will go to Intensive Outpatient Therapy three days a week for an additional month.

We are cautious but hopeful. He does get to spend Christmas Eve with our daughter-in-law's folks, then Christmas with us. He will still stay the night in the rehab house. This will be the first time he will see his brother and sister since going to rehab. He is actually nervous. He feels he has let people down. I understand it, in a way, but he needs to get over it.
 

vacationhopeful

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45 days and still working the program. Good for him ... but this is a very LONG ROAD ... and usually, not a straight path.

Enjoy your holiday ... act as you would for any family dinner and relax. Keep plans simple and expectations modest.
 
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