Friends - Keeping in touch?

[BigAl_50]

Hi Tuggers,

I'd be interested in your views/thoughts on this subject; I have many friends (and family) who never call, write or email, it is always me who has to make the contact. Most times when I do contact them their response is 'boy it's great to hear from you and so on and so on.." I've expressed my feelings that I'm the one who always calls or make contact and they repond with "oh I know, I'll do better"; but it never does.

Are these "true" friends? Am I wrong to feel "slighted" when I don't hear from them? Should I be the one who continues to make contact? There are a couple of people I've told that I was done calling and it's lbeen years since I've heard from them.

Thanks,
Al

 

[Makai Guy]

"Out of sight, out of mind" is a main operative in today's busy lives, especially for a society where we are spread all over the country and don't see our distant friends on a regular basis.

Only you can answer your question. If you don't feel it's worth the effort TO YOU to initiate the contact, then don't bother. If, on the other hand, if you feel the bonds are worth maintaining ...

 

[Keitht]

I know how you feel Al. We have numerous friends who seem to have phones with no keypads, but able to receive incoming calls They do seem genuinely pleased when we call, but it does annoy me that they rarely initiate the contact. The standard comment seems to be along the lines of how quickly time passes, as if they are the only ones with busy lives!
My wife was actually quite upset recently when she discovered that one 'friend', for who my wife had been 'a shoulder to cry on' on numerous occasions, and has been on many girlie night's out arrange by my wife, had organised a similar outing and not even mentioned it. Almost everybody else in their circle was there. One of the other women apparently raised the question with the 'friend' who made the excuse that she thought my wife would be too busy anyway!

 

[Autoeng]

Are these "true" friends?

Well, they aren't enemies. IMHO there are many levels to friendship and perhaps your "true" friends don't see it the same way you do. Plus you're male which adds a whole other dimension to the equation.

Women seem to have many friends with whom they remain in contact with, Men, OTOH, tend to only stay in touch with their drinking/golf/poker buddies. I do this and I belong to a men's group where we try and overcome that type of typical male behavior. I find that when I try to engage another man in a conversation that doesn't involve typical guy stuff (work, golf, cars, women) that most cannot communicate and get uncomfortable.

My suggestion to you would be that if you find friendship interaction to be lacking in your life that you take up something new (hobby, type of exercise, men's group) to meet some new friends that will perhaps share your want for a relationship that is two-way and more frequent.

 

[lprstn]

Hey, they are real friends, just some people don't have the need to reach out. I am usually the one to call most of my friends...over time I have done so less often as I find the need to communicate isn't that pressing now that I have 4 kids to keep me occupied. However, during holidays I send a family update newsletter to friends and family with my phone number attached and usually I get a call.

 

[Patri]

It's also interesting that when we run into friends on the street, they say, "Hey, we have to get together sometime. Call with the details."
Then WE'RE supposed to set up a date. I'm done with that. If THEY want to go out to eat etc. THEY can call me to set it up.

 

[Aussiedog]

Neither friend no foe

I've always thought that we are too quick to call people "friends".

In my friend category are those -

• with whom I can share confidences
• who call or email as often as I call or email them
• who are honest with me and I with them - no need to pretend about anything

Most others are very good and very treasured acquaintances.

Ann

 

[lprstn]

I've always thought that we are too quick to call people "friends".

In my friend category are those -

• with whom I can share confidences
• who call or email as often as I call or email them
• who are honest with me and I with them - no need to pretend about anything

Most others are very good and very treasured acquaintances.

Ann

I totally agree with you Ann, hence why I have found other things to interest me and depend less on the "friendships" that I am the only one feeding....hence my addiction to TUG...all I have to do is log on and I can chat away all day on something I love....vacations!!!!

 

[talkamotta]

There was an email I received a while ago along these lines.

It said there are friends that come into our lives for a reason or purpose. Once that reason has been fulfilled, then the friends fade out of your life.

There are friends for a season. For example - work friends or high school buds. .

Then there are friends for a life time that you may only see every few years but when you do, its so easy to continue on where you left off.

My mom once said that you will be lucky if you have 5 real friends in a lifetime. I havent found all my 5 yet.

Sometimes you are lucky and you marry your best friend or you are related.

I think one of your best friends should be yourself. At some point in your life that maybe all you have.

If I have to keep calling someone and they dont sometimes call me first. I would make the calls less frequent and see if they call. If they dont then they would be a friend for a season. Maybe at some later date in life they may come back into your life. I didnt have much time for friends when I was raising my 5 kids and working. Its not that I didnt want to see them, my priorities changed.

 

[silvib]

With one of my sisters, there's good contact but with the youngest one (14 1/2 yrs younger) it's always me making the move and it does get tiresome. All 3 of us work, the youngest has 2 teenagers and I know she's busy, but how long does it take to send a short e-mail. I usually call them, they're both in England and my US int'l rates are cheaper than theirs calling me, but at least my "middle" sister does call and I usuall ring her right back. Maybe the contact or lack of it becomes more apparent as we age and probably when I was her age, I didn't bother so much ... I'm still friends with people I've known since young adulthood but I suppose where contact has been mutual, not one sided. Don't have any childhood friends, because we moved to a different area when I was 9, then again when I was about 17. I do feel age puts a different perspective on it.

 

[caribbeansun]

OR have a look at this timely thread AND watch the video to the end.

 

[BigAl_50]

I'm learning alot.....

I've read all of the posts so far and I've learned so much from the different perspectives. Ann's post is the one that struck me the most and I think is the one I find solice in. I appreciate and thank everyone who has taken the time respond. God Bless. Al

 

[RDB]

Hi Tuggers,
... I have many friends (and family) who never call, write or email, it is always me who has to make the contact. Most times when I do contact them their response is 'boy it's great to hear from you and so on and so on.." I've expressed my feelings that I'm the one who always calls or make contact and they repond with "oh I know, I'll do better"; but it never does.

Are these "true" friends? Am I wrong to feel "slighted" when I don't hear from them? ... Al

Old girlfriends, colleges, church members… have never contacted me. All school chums but one… same thing. The hundreds from military assignments... same. When I chance to be where they are, we chat with interest and try to catch up on what’s been happening.

When we go to reunions, all is great for that occasion. Then it’s over till next time. Maybe a Christmas card is all. Those are few.

You have a need to contact others. They may not share your trait.
What is there about you that makes others want to draw closer?

Most of the people you meet go on with life, just as you do. It could very well be that they are content without contacting others. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care for you.

You reach out. Maybe they don't need to.
You can be friendly with everyone, but most acquaintances are just that. They are not necessarily your friend.

You, only you, are going to make a contact for yourself.
Say Hi to others WITH a smile, but don't expect anything in return. You will see that it brightens your day. Who knows... you may brighten theirs.

Call or visit YOUR friends. Just say you were thinking about them. It may make their day! It lets them know you care. Be confident and go for it. It's sorta like a smile. You smile at all you contact. Who knows how many they will smile at, just because of your effort.

I have a saying, "I have many friends. Most I haven't met yet."

 

[Miss Marty]

Hi Tugger Bob

Call or visit YOUR friends. Just say you were thinking about them. It may make their day! It lets them know you care. Be confident and go for it. It's sorta like a smile. You smile at all you contact. Who knows how many they will smile at, just because of your effort.

I have a saying, "I have many friends. Most I haven't met yet."

Hope to catch up with you and Caroll on our next trip
to Williamsburg, Va. - Your Tug friends from Maryland

 

[aptiva]

Hey Mr. B
Nice post...
Haven't made much contact.. Doesn't mean we have forgotten you.
Remember saying to you. We wouldn't forget the great time we spent with you in Virginia & we haven't.
Marie & Joe

BIG AL=
Thanks for reminding us to take some time out for connecting in our busy lives.

 

[RDB]

Few TUGgers bother to

make the effort of visiting or take time to even say BOO.
We can chat on the computer for hours, but when traveling, few bother to meet.

For the few of you who have stopped by or took a meal or coffee with us... thank you a lot. You don't realize how good it is to be appreciated and put a face with those of this site.

When in my area, please feel free to give a heads up so we can meet up with you.

Robert