Friend Situation - Using My Ownership

[travelhacker]

There's a family that goes to our church. They are friendly, good people, and we've enjoyed spending time with them. Our kids are similar ages and our kids have fun when they get together.

A few years ago, I booked a few staycations for them using leftover points. They've always been grateful and I've been happy to do it for them.

We invited them to join us for some school breaks the past couple of years and we got to know them better the first time or two. However, they haven't really reciprocated any invites and don't put any effort into spending any time with us outside of vacations

This last trip, they would send their kids to play with our kids at the resort, but the parents kept to themselves. Over the week, I'd say we spent less than an hour chatting with the parents.

At this point, I feel used and I'd rather they not travel to the same locations as us and I don't have an interest in helping them book vacations using points (in the past they've covered maintenance fees or the cost of points that I've rented in from other owners).

Travelling with others can be tricky and I try not to get offended so I don't want to judge them too harshly. However, they really haven't made many efforts to spend time with us outside of vacation. We've invited them to a few things, and they've politely declined.

At the end of the day, they are good people and I don't want to cause conflict as we'll continue to see them on a regular basis. However, for whatever reason they seem to have decided that they would rather not spend their time with us (which is fine). However, I'd also like to prioritize helping out friends and family rather than people that are only interested in being acquaintances.

How would you handle the situation?

I could say something (and if I was offended by people I knew were true friends, I'd be more inclined to say something if I were offended).

I could ignore it and decline any requests to use my usage. This will get a little trickier as our family enjoys spending time with other mutual friends that will be invited, but certainly avoids the issue for a while.

I do know that they have very much enjoyed their vacations, and they are grateful. For me, it's more a matter of prioritizing people that I know genuinely love us, and want to spend time with us.

 

[sue1947]

How would you handle the situation?

I could say something (and if I was offended by people I knew were true friends, I'd be more inclined to say something if I were offended).

I could ignore it and decline any requests to use my usage. This will get a little trickier as our family enjoys spending time with other mutual friends that will be invited, but certainly avoids the issue for a while.

I do know that they have very much enjoyed their vacations, and they are grateful. For me, it's more a matter of prioritizing people that I know genuinely love us, and want to spend time with us.

Keep it simple and short. If/when they ask you to book something, simply say you don't have any extra points available. Avoid giving any reasons etc. If pressed, just shrug and say it was nice having them join you in the past, but you don't have any extra points available to book for them or a larger unit to include them. rinse and repeat.

 

[davidvel]

Not being on the ground it is hard to say. It seems totally plausible that they appreciate (you state they are grateful) the vacations, but may not be able to afford them and are at their means on going.

Regardless, you don't owe continual offers to them, and if you have other family or friends, of course, invite them on other trips. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

[travelhacker]

Not being on the ground it is hard to say. It seems totally plausible that they appreciate (you state they are grateful) the vacations, but may not be able to afford them and are at their means on going.

Regardless, you don't owe continual offers to them, and if you have other family or friends, of course, invite them on other trips. Nothing more needs to be said.

They do well financially, but I also know that they wouldn't travel as much if I didn't book stuff for them.

They are definitely grateful -- zero doubt about that. They do nice things for us (well the wife does), but at the end of the day my wife would much rather feel like she genuinely enjoys spending time with her than the gifts she gives us to express appreciation.

I think the advice to just politely decline in the future is good.

We care about them and their family, but I think it makes sense to prioritize friends / family over them so I don’t hold any ill will towards them if I don’t have enough points for other stuff.

I think there’s a good chance I’ll still book stuff for them, but it’ll likely be fewer points than in the past. Being in Colorado, there’s lots of opportunity for low points value bookings.

 

[rickandcindy23]

I know that some people have real struggles, dealing with things we don't know about, and it makes it tough for us to guess what is going on exactly. They pull away from others in the process. I always remember the FB quote about how churches are filled with sinners, not saints. I think that is so true.

This sounds like our son and daughter-in-law's experience with her sister and family last year for fall break. They planned for a visit, drove all the way to Alabama to see them (cannot type Alabama without hearing Forrest Gump say it in his way) to stay at their house for a few days, then they all went to Nashville for a few days using Wyndham points. Her sister and husband arranged separate activities from our DIL and there were certainly hurt feelings in the process. The sisters are very close.

 

[wackymother]

As Cindy says, the parents might have issues that they are carefully hiding from the outside world. Going on a vacation with another family and yet declining to engage with the other family during the vacation is extremely odd.

I agree with Sue--if/when they ask you to plan a vacation for them, say sorry, nothing available, or you don't have extra points. Or ask how much they would like to pay and book them a getaway or something for their family only, so you're just the kindly travel agent.