L
laurac260
I could really use some impartial advice, from people who have no vested interest in which direction we go in.
Here's some background:
My wonderful husband of 14 years is struggling right now. It has been a heck of a start to 2012 to be sure. He turned 50 at the beginning of the year, and on that day, he also learned he is going to need yet another surgery. It is a long, long story, but as much as he swore he'd never have another surgery, they were concerned he was going to lose his ability to breathe or move his arms. He had the surgery mid Feb. It will be a slow recovery. Two weeks after his surgery, his mother went in for a surgery as well to remove the rest of her pancreas (some of you might remember she had most of it removed two years ago, and we thought we were going to lose her). Well, they removed the remaining pancreas, and also learned she had stage IV lung cancer. She never left ICU. 40 days later she passed. That was two weeks ago. Yesterday he had an infected tooth pulled, to add to his list of pain. Today starts the first night of Passover, his mother's favorite holiday. He is beside himself.
Now, my husband is a pretty tough guy, and under normal circumstances he'd be the kind to bounce back. But for the past 17 years he has been dealing with one medical issue after another, starting with a debilitating injury 17 years ago, and another one 15 years ago. He's been on and off a cane, in and out of a wheelchair, confined to bed for years, deep depression, etc. Needless to say he's had his share of stuff. Still, he is resilient. This year though is taking the stuffing out of him.
Now, what does any of this have to do with a family matter? Well, in the entire 15 years I have known him, there's been one place, and one place only, that we've ever been that when we are there, he is at peace. Relaxed. Happy. Content. We went to Hilton Head Island in 2009 for the first time (we go every year now), and since that day, he has talked about wanting to live there. He checks the weather report there DAILY. He lives for our NEXT trip.
Me, I could live anywhere. I am pretty good about rolling with it. If it were just the two of us, it would be a no brainer. But it's not just the two of us. We have kids. And my biggest dilemma is my 11 year old daughter. She is very rooted in her life right now. Her friends. Her swim team, her life. My 5 year old wouldn't miss a beat, but it would rock her world if we up and left.
So, who wins? Who's heart do I follow? I see my husband suffering, and I want him to find peace. I don't know what the future will bring for him, nor how long I will have him with me. But I also see my daughter in a good place, (physically, mentally, emotionally), and I don't want to interrupt that either. School is a no brainer at this point, we homeschool, can do that anywhere.
What do I do? What would YOU do?
Here's some background:
My wonderful husband of 14 years is struggling right now. It has been a heck of a start to 2012 to be sure. He turned 50 at the beginning of the year, and on that day, he also learned he is going to need yet another surgery. It is a long, long story, but as much as he swore he'd never have another surgery, they were concerned he was going to lose his ability to breathe or move his arms. He had the surgery mid Feb. It will be a slow recovery. Two weeks after his surgery, his mother went in for a surgery as well to remove the rest of her pancreas (some of you might remember she had most of it removed two years ago, and we thought we were going to lose her). Well, they removed the remaining pancreas, and also learned she had stage IV lung cancer. She never left ICU. 40 days later she passed. That was two weeks ago. Yesterday he had an infected tooth pulled, to add to his list of pain. Today starts the first night of Passover, his mother's favorite holiday. He is beside himself.
Now, my husband is a pretty tough guy, and under normal circumstances he'd be the kind to bounce back. But for the past 17 years he has been dealing with one medical issue after another, starting with a debilitating injury 17 years ago, and another one 15 years ago. He's been on and off a cane, in and out of a wheelchair, confined to bed for years, deep depression, etc. Needless to say he's had his share of stuff. Still, he is resilient. This year though is taking the stuffing out of him.
Now, what does any of this have to do with a family matter? Well, in the entire 15 years I have known him, there's been one place, and one place only, that we've ever been that when we are there, he is at peace. Relaxed. Happy. Content. We went to Hilton Head Island in 2009 for the first time (we go every year now), and since that day, he has talked about wanting to live there. He checks the weather report there DAILY. He lives for our NEXT trip.
Me, I could live anywhere. I am pretty good about rolling with it. If it were just the two of us, it would be a no brainer. But it's not just the two of us. We have kids. And my biggest dilemma is my 11 year old daughter. She is very rooted in her life right now. Her friends. Her swim team, her life. My 5 year old wouldn't miss a beat, but it would rock her world if we up and left.
So, who wins? Who's heart do I follow? I see my husband suffering, and I want him to find peace. I don't know what the future will bring for him, nor how long I will have him with me. But I also see my daughter in a good place, (physically, mentally, emotionally), and I don't want to interrupt that either. School is a no brainer at this point, we homeschool, can do that anywhere.
What do I do? What would YOU do?