Energy vampire wants to reconnect

[geekette]

Got a Christmas card in the mail today from someone I cut out of my life. She was exhausting, everything so dramatic, no problems could ever be solved, there was nothing but bad stuff around every corner... As a sunny optimist, I could no longer have such chronic negativity around me so I just quit having anything to do with her. She was a friend of my husband's, so I figure he got custody of her in the divorce, nice and easy.

She has good qualities, she is not a bad person. I'm just not sure I want to call the phone number she gave me in the card. I definitely do not want to reveal any of my personal issues, this is a gossip lady that will use any details of me for fodder. Also not sure I want to be around Debbie Downer just now as I'm not on stable ground.

The good hearted side of me says, call her, what's the worst that could happen? While the protective side says, do you really want to crack that seal and let her back in? I am fairly certain that any call would mostly center on her, but I don't want to reveal that I'm not working, nor why, or other personal details. I won't lie, but don't want to be truthful. How's the job is a normal question. I could say Fine and leave it at that, and think to myself that my job is healing myself.

sigh, I don't know, figured I'd put it to the people. Do you let people back into your life if you cut them out not because they screwed you over, but because they were just Too Much Drama? It doesn't seem like one little phone call would be much of anything, but I remember calls of years ago where it's nonstop poor me, everything sucks, the world is against me, while I am a lemonade maker. I find her exhausting. Not sure I want to catch up for lost years of all the bad stuff that has happened to her, and definitely not topping her with Yeah, well I had cancer!

 

[Grammarhero]

Got a Christmas card in the mail today from someone I cut out of my life. She was exhausting, everything so dramatic, no problems could ever be solved, there was nothing but bad stuff around every corner... As a sunny optimist, I could no longer have such chronic negativity around me so I just quit having anything to do with her. She was a friend of my husband's, so I figure he got custody of her in the divorce, nice and easy.

She has good qualities, she is not a bad person. I'm just not sure I want to call the phone number she gave me in the card. I definitely do not want to reveal any of my personal issues, this is a gossip lady that will use any details of me for fodder. Also not sure I want to be around Debbie Downer just now as I'm not on stable ground.

The good hearted side of me says, call her, what's the worst that could happen? While the protective side says, do you really want to crack that seal and let her back in? I am fairly certain that any call would mostly center on her, but I don't want to reveal that I'm not working, nor why, or other personal details. I won't lie, but don't want to be truthful. How's the job is a normal question. I could say Fine and leave it at that, and think to myself that my job is healing myself.

sigh, I don't know, figured I'd put it to the people. Do you let people back into your life if you cut them out not because they screwed you over, but because they were just Too Much Drama? It doesn't seem like one little phone call would be much of anything, but I remember calls of years ago where it's nonstop poor me, everything sucks, the world is against me, while I am a lemonade maker. I find her exhausting. Not sure I want to catch up for lost years of all the bad stuff that has happened to her, and definitely not topping her with Yeah, well I had cancer!

Do not call. Negative, toxic people will be nice, curry favor, or try to get back into your life. They will pretend to change, then step all over you.

 

[geekette]

Thank you. This is exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. I do believe that people can change, but they have to want to, and that ends up being rare.

 

[bluehende]

I vote do not call. I am sure it was not an easy decision to cut her out so why put yourself back into a position that would be uncomfortable.

 

[Iggyearl]

"Friends" are people you like - even after you get to know them. No reason to look back in my mind. You have nothing to gain.

 

[Chrisky]

I also say, “do not call her”. You do not need that type of person in your life. Sounds like you already made that decision, do not second guess your decision.

 

[DaveNV]

My 2 cents: Do not call. Send a simple Christmas card in reply, maybe write her name above the sentiment, and just your signed name below. No note, no "catching up," no invitation for her to call you. If she has a smidgen of a clue, she'll get the polite hint.

It took me a very, very long time in my life to realize I didn't owe anyone anything else. I could be polite to anyone and everyone, but it was not my job to fix the broken lives of those who were emotionally needy. I learned the hard way there was no crime in telling people No. Nowadays, when I interact with someone on more than a casual level, it's on my terms, and not because the other person demanded it. Emotional Vampires exist.

Dave

 

[am1]

Call to say hello. Keep it short. Only people who allow themselves to be stepped on get stepped on. You do not have to let her even if you do call.

 

[VacationForever]

Do not call. Do not let someone else stress you. There are many people who belong to the past and don't need to be back in your life.

 

[klpca]

I don't do drama if I can help it, and even when I can't avoid it (ahem, family) I set my boundaries and try to stick to them.

Don't call. She just needs a fresh audience. She knows that you are nice and probably expects that you will call. Then she can pick up where she left off. Why would you do that to yourself?

 

[MULTIZ321]

Another vote for do not call.


Richard

 

[Talent312]

If you call (or if she calls you), do _not_ share anything personal.
Say: "I'm sorry to cut you off, but these days, I'm too busy to socialize."
Keep it polite, professional and non-committal.
.

 

[WinniWoman]

I guess it’s unanimous. No- don’t do it. She will suck you in.

 

[Tank]

Keep working on YOU, reach out to positive people.
Your a good soul to consider reaching out , but you know the answer , this thread confirmed it.
Would probably be a spy for the X

Dave

 

[wackymother]

I'm at the point in my life where I don't have much time to see the people I DO like! I have some energy vampires in my past and I'm leaving them in the past.

Do not send Christmas cards, do not make a polite phone call out of duty, do not connect on FB, you need complete radio silence here. You can do it!

 

[geekette]

wow, nearly unanimous! Thank you, great Tug community. Just shuffled that card in with a stack of stuff I may or may not sort through eventually. Guess I misplaced her number...

Not necessarily to balance, but works that way - when I got out of my car at drug store, there was an older lady with a cane walking gingerly. I asked if she needed assistance, and she gratefully took my arm. We ended up hanging out in the drug store for quite a while. So, maybe I am not going to deposit my sunshine on the energy vampire, but, I did share my good cheer with someone else. An old lady with great sense of humor. That's who I aspire to be - sunny to the end, regardless. Happy early birthday, Gail, 88th on Jan 10.

 

[Patri]

You made a good call not to call.

 

[Rolltydr]

I wouldn’t call. I don’t know how old either of you are, but I’ve found most people don’t change after they hit their 30’s and early 40’s. They are who they are. That may not be a very forgiving attitude, but I am who I am, and I don’t like being used or taken advantage of. Twice!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[rapmarks]

Do not call
I made that kind of decision over a year ago, no regrets

 

[isisdave]

I'd say don't call. This kind of person, if you had cancer, she had it worse.