Divorce advice

[Bucky]

Advice on actual divorce not needed. What is needed is since it’s an amicable decision what should each party be doing. Our state requires a one year separation before being able to file the actual divorce paperwork. It’s never happened in our family so I have no first hand knowledge but common sense would tell me things need to be taken out of one parties name and put in the others, direct deposits need to be changed to any new accounts, locksmith called, etc, etc, etc. It’s the etc’s that we are looking for help with so nothing drops through a crack. There are no minor children involved but one young adult in college.

 

[stmartinfan]

Titles to any vehicles owned, depending on who will take them. Car insurance moved to owner
Beneficiary designations on life insurance policies, IRAs or other retirement accounts
Designation on who else can access your banking accounts…perhaps naming your child as a back up on those
Automatic payments being deducted from credit cards—subscriptions, streaming services, memberships, etc. You could review credit card statements online for the last year to see what's going through them
If you use Amazon, create separate accounts if you're currently sharing one
New will, power of attorney, and designation of person to make medical decisions in case you can't
Title to the house if either is taking it and a follow up to be sure any property tax bills are changed to the owner. Utility bills for the house—gas, electric, water and sewer, garbage service, lawn or snow service if you use them
Telephone service
Bills related to your child's education and college savings


While you're doing this process, it would be helpful for your child if you would create a document and file with all this information should something happen to you and they need to step in to help. It should include passwords for your accounts, info on all your bank accounts and finances, copy of the will, etc. There are books that detail what should be included. Since you're already compiling the info, it would be a good time to start this kind of record. You don't need to give it to the child, just let them know it exists and where to find it.

 

[SteveinHNL]

The first thing I would do is write down the terms you folks have agreed upon in a document entitled "Agreement in Contemplation of Divorce" or something similar, and you should both sign it. Signing in front of a witness or notary would help as well, as it would help to establish that the signing was voluntary and not coerced. This helps to protect both sides from the other one changing his/her mind or requesting something more or different. A year is a long time. Write with as much specificity as possible. Don't say he gets the Colonial Bank accounts and she gets the First State bank accounts. State Husband shall be awarded the Colonial Bank Savings account number xxx with an approximate value of $$$, and the Colonial Bank Checking account number xxx with an approximate total value of $$$, and Wife shall be awarded the First State Savings account number xxx with an approximate value of $$$, and the First State Checking account number xxx with an approximate total value of $$$, as their own separate property. Do the same with all assets and debts. If accounts have already been divided and closed, say so by identifying the account(s), account numbers, and who got what.

 

[missyrcrews]

Do things as YOU want to do them, regardless of what convention says. Hang in there. It's a process!

 

[Big Matt]

It would be a good time to put things into a trust if that makes sense for you and your estate planning.

 

[geist1223]

Being a Retired Attorney that did some DomRel I am simply going to suggest you jointly retain an attorney. So long as there are no future disputes/disagreements in most jurisdictions a single attorney can represent both parties. If a dispute does arise the attorney would have to withdraw from representing either party.

 

[Bucky]

Thanks for the input. Should have clarified this info was requested for our daughter that is going through it after 25 yrs of marriage. My wife and I are coming up on year 55 of marriage so we have no direct experience as both sets of grandparents also had long marriages. I’m so out of touch with cost that I was flabbergasted when finding out today that the family law attorney wants $450 for a consultation!

 

[ScoopKona]

I was flabbergasted when finding out today that the family law attorney wants $450 for a consultation!

Wait 'til you see how much an hour in a courtroom costs!

They can DIY a great deal of this. Steve's suggestion of an ad-hoc agreement, with two copies signed in front of a notary, gives both of them a leg to stand on if the other changes their mind.

1) Identify assets and debts
2) Divide them
3) Shake hands and hope nobody decides to take the nuclear option

 

[geist1223]

Many State BAR Association have a 1-800 that a person(s) can call and get a few names and numbers for attorneys (1-3) that have agreed to do a reduced fee initial consult. These will be Attorneys that practice in the area of law requested.

 

[easyrider]

Kind of sad but our son and daughter in law separated for a few years and finally divorced last year. No attorneys were involved. It was sort of amicable. The split was agreed upon. They were married for 23 years and waited until the kids were out of High School to divorce which was last year. The kids took it well. The good thing about this is that we still have a great relationship with our daughter in law and now her new husband.

I think the cost of the divorce was only filling costs of about $350.

Bill

 

[Talent312]

Whatever else, review/change beneficiaries of any life insurance.
Typically, a named bene gets the proceeds even if they divorced.
We found this out when my father died. His ex got the money.
"He must have wanted me to have it," she said.

In many states, there is a procedure for a simplified joint divorce.
The state bar association may have online forms for this.

 

[easyrider]

Whatever else, review/change beneficiaries of any life insurance.
Typically, a named bene gets the proceeds even if they divorced.
We found this out when my father died. His ex got the money.
"He must have wanted me to have it," she said.

In many states, there is a procedure for a simplified joint divorce.
The state bar association may have online forms for this.

I hadn't thought about this. Very good point.

Bill

 

[dioxide45]

Whatever else, review/change beneficiaries of any life insurance.

Not only life insurance but also any pensions, 401K or IRAs. This is something that a lot of people fail to update.