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[WinniWoman]

Deleted post for privacy. Not sure how to delete entire thread. Please send me a private message with suggestions. Thank you all as always. I regret using my real name as my handle. I don't know how to change that and that would make things easier to post. I don't care about me, but I do have to consider my immediate family members and I wasn't thinking, though I have written about them in past posts with no issues. But I guess you never know....

 

[JudyH]

My son has an IT degree and had several good jobs, KMPG, then Dept of Agriculture. He hated the travel and sitting behind the desk. 10 years ago someone built a deck on his house and bang James decided he wanted to build decks. Next he took out a loan on his house and bought a city house and rented it out. He learned how to hire workers and took out a loan on the city house and bought another to fix and rent. Then he married a realtor. Fast forward to now. He has a business partner who finds investors. A wife who sell the houses. A crew who fixes the houses. A management crew for the rentals. His life is Flip This House. Including the drama, crisises, and working 24/7. He is making big bucks. We keep telling him this bubble will burst and save some of that money.
If your son is a hard worker maybe his dream will work out. We didn’t invest anything in his business except the first two houses because we had some monies set aside for his future that he didn’t know about and we figured we’d just keep that if he fell flat. But he always paid us with interest.
He works hard and 24/7. Good luck with yours.

 

[turkel]

He is a grown man and not your responsibility anymore. I too have a server son who at almost 23 has no aspirations for more. Dropped out of college who knows what he’ll do once he’s 26 and no longer covered on our medical. It’s hard, but it’s their life. You have to let go and let them be who they want to be.

 

[chapjim]

Young people are often told to follow their passion. That's fine but the hard part is finding someone to pay you for it. Sounds like your son found someone to pay him, albeit perhaps modestly, for his passion. Let it go, Mary Ann. He's old enough to be making his own decisions.

 

[bluehende]

It is always hard when your kids are doing something you think is a mistake. Unfortunately very little you can do or say will change his mind if it is set. We have a nephew that sounds a bit like your son. Very personable and was a server bartender in Rehoboth beach. He is now hitting his late thirties and the fun party scene he worked in is getting very old. He always survived but never thrived with the pay and tips he got. In general if you are not in management in those small establishments the pay is never going to allow you to thrive.
The only direct comment I would have is in the opening your own place. A lot of my friends (and me at one point) have looked into opening a brewery. Those that proceeded have done very well. But if applying for ACA insurance is daunting imagine 2 yrs of 40 hrs a week application process to open a brewery. A restaurant bar is easier but by no means easy. If he wanted to use the communications and sales expertise he could get a sales rep position. In our area the duties include being at and running local events at stores and bars. It would give him more direct consumer interaction. I have no idea how well those jobs pay. My guess is it depends on the distributors size and your portfolio you manage.

 

[bnoble]

I need outside opinions as to how to put this in perspective without getting stressed out because frankly I am already on overload.

I've been quoting this a lot lately (from memory, so I might get it slightly wrong):

Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. If I I disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation---some fact of my life---unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. [...] Until I can accept life on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to change in me and my attitudes.
-- Anonymous.
​

You can advise, you can give perspective but ultimately he will do what he will do. That he is different from you is one reason why, and that's perfectly okay.

Another way to think about this: My daughter is a senior in college, and I ran into one of her high school friends who attends a different college a month or so ago--the first time I'd seen her in more than three years. I am mindful to avoid the "What are you doing when you graduate?" question, because often students do not know. So instead, "How are things going with senior year?" Her response: she was really anxious, because she had no idea what was going to come next. Her father said, "I'm not worried." I chimed in with this: "I have no idea what's going to come next for you either. But, I know it will be wonderful. That's because I watched you grow up, from Kindergarten to now, and you are wonderful. There are great things in store for you, so don't worry about what exactly they will be. It is all going to be okay."

If you feel the same way about your son, don't worry about it. Things will take care of themselves.

 

[VacationForever]

Deleted...

 

[WVBaker]

Sounds as though you've both given him solid advice. As parents we must understand and accept that while it's important to show our children the best way, it's far harder to then stand out of it and let them make their journey. We can only offer our knowledge and start them on the right path however, the final formation of their character lies in their hands.

Once they grow up and make their choices in life, we need to love them for who they are and not try to spend the whole time trying to correct them. Just be there when he needs you and trust me, as both a father and a son, he will.

 

[am1]

I’d say do not worry about it even if the outcome is he falls flat.

I rented Wyndham timeshare but not at the level I eventually got to. Was offered a job to work at Estée Lauder in midtown. Not from an interview but from drinking beer after a park race. The lady (boss) was getting her emba where I just finished mine. Got the job by luck as I was not selling. Worked there 2 weeks and knew it was not for me. The hours, commute and type of business. Kept with the rentals and invested everything I could in property and stocks. Got pushed out o the rental business. No desire to do it with a different company. Now I work harder then ever but doing things I choose to do. 5.5 years of university for the 2 weeks on Park Ave. Thankfully paid for it with blood and sweat so no debt.

It all depends on the person and the risk one will take and their goals.

I made my seed money playing online poker and casinos. Grinding it. Up to 4 tables at a time.

 

[WinniWoman]

Thank you everyone for your input. Great perspectives. I guess we will see what happens. The timing of all this is just so crazy!

I always use that "Life is hard and then you die" phrase, but it seems so negative and depressing. One thing- if someone is going to take a risk (or make a mistake), better to take it when young!

 

[Makai Guy]

Deleted post for privacy. Not sure how to delete entire thread. Please send me a private message with suggestions. Thank you all as always.

Answering in a public post as this information may help others as well.

You cannot delete the entire thread. That would be doing a disservice to all the people who have put effort into posting replies to try to help. By removing the text of your post, you've done what you can do. After seeing your request, any respondents that wish to may edit out the text of their responses as well (or if their posts have been in place beyond the 48-hour editing limit they may report their posts and ask to have a staff member remove them.)

I regret using my real name as my handle. I don't know how to change that and that would make things easier to post.

When registering, this is the text you are shown where you enter your chosen user name:

CHOOSE YOUR USER NAME CAREFULLY. You will use this name to log in and it will be visible to the public in your messages and account information. To preserve your privacy we suggest you enter a nickname rather than your real name or email address. You may use any name you wish provided it does not promote you or your business. Once set, you cannot change your user name yourself.​

You can't change your username yourself, but the board admins can change it for you. See: How can I change my TUGBBS Username?

For future reference, answers to most of your BBS operational questions can be found via the yellow BBS Help link in the blue navigation bar near the top of all bbs pages. This link takes you to the "Bulletin Board Help" sticky thread in the About TUG BBS forum.

 

[WinniWoman]

Answering in a public post as this information may help others as well.

You cannot delete the entire thread. That would be doing a disservice to all the people who have put effort into posting replies to try to help. By removing the text of your post, you've done what you can do. After seeing your request, any respondents that wish to may edit out the text of their responses as well (or if their posts have been in place beyond the 48-hour editing limit they may report their posts and ask to have a staff member remove them.)


When registering, this is the text you are shown where you enter your chosen user name:

CHOOSE YOUR USER NAME CAREFULLY. You will use this name to log in and it will be visible to the public in your messages and account information. To preserve your privacy we suggest you enter a nickname rather than your real name or email address. You may use any name you wish provided it does not promote you or your business. Once set, you cannot change your user name yourself.​

You can't change your username yourself, but the board admins can change it for you. See: How can I change my TUGBBS Username?

For future reference, answers to most of your BBS operational questions can be found via the yellow BBS Help link in the blue navigation bar near the top of all bbs pages. This link takes you to the "Bulletin Board Help" sticky thread in the About TUG BBS forum.

Thank you! I have been a TUG member a long time and never really worried about privacy issues on here. I guess I was just naive in the beginning using my real name thinking I have nothing to hide- which I really don't- but in the beginning I always wrote about timeshares and now find myself posting about a lot of other things in the Lounge.

I guess I will look into changing it so I can write a little more freely in the future. I can keep my avatar so people should know it is still me.

 

[geekette]

Missed original post, but, as a free spirit in a family that definitely Is Not, let me tell you that his finding His Way is valuable to him. He is young, will change jobs, and maybe careers, multiple times. I definitely took jobs my family did not think were good ideas, but I make my own decisions and got thru a great career just fine. Had I heeded their "helpful advice", I would never have taken the paths I did.

Be supportive, but don't offer advice unless requested. Something aggravating me greatly right now is the insistence by my sibs that they know better than I do as to how to live my life. It's bad enough that I am now choosing silence and distance as the best way to escape their insensitive criticism and judgement. Just in time for the holidays, they pushed me too far. Don't be a jerk, be a supportive phone call away, interested more in the person than the circumstances. You've got this. Breathe. He's going to be fine.

 

[WinniWoman]

Missed original post, but, as a free spirit in a family that definitely Is Not, let me tell you that his finding His Way is valuable to him. He is young, will change jobs, and maybe careers, multiple times. I definitely took jobs my family did not think were good ideas, but I make my own decisions and got thru a great career just fine. Had I heeded their "helpful advice", I would never have taken the paths I did.

Be supportive, but don't offer advice unless requested. Something aggravating me greatly right now is the insistence by my sibs that they know better than I do as to how to live my life. It's bad enough that I am now choosing silence and distance as the best way to escape their insensitive criticism and judgement. Just in time for the holidays, they pushed me too far. Don't be a jerk, be a supportive phone call away, interested more in the person than the circumstances. You've got this. Breathe. He's going to be fine.

Yes. Thanks. We did a good job I think of a lot of listening and very little talking. We let him express himself and we did not offer advice per se, just our perception of the situation. We shook our heads a lot in agreement of his views and told him we understood how he feels and where he was coming from. We had never been in a situation where he would speak for 3 whole hours! In fact, he hardly ever speaks much. We were so tired from such a long travel day and with looking at the new house and everything. But we held out with a lot of restraint and we showed our love and we acknowledged that it was his life and only he could make a decision regarding it.

We gave examples of our past work lives experiences and other people's we know as well. That is all we could do. My husband was pretty much dead quiet through most of the night. I knew what he was thinking but he did a good job of not showing it. Poor man....LOL!

I must say, when he graduated he did do things his way (not coming home after college and working odd jobs for room and board and pocket money) and with a little push from us it did work out eventually. So I have to hope and pray it will still be ok.

He is coming up to VT on Wed. and we are to be his guinea pigs for a home brew IPA he just made for the first time. Meanwhile, we are not really beer drinkers and when hubby does drink beer it is Coors Light. LOL!

 

[Luanne]

He is coming up to VT on Wed. and we are to be his guinea pigs for a home brew IPA he just made for the first time. Meanwhile, we are not really beer drinkers and when hubby does drink beer it is Coors Light. LOL!

Oh Mary Ann, wish I could be there. I love IPAs!

 

[WinniWoman]

Oh Mary Ann, wish I could be there. I love IPAs!

Ha! ha! Funny because my son always told us he did not like IPA's. We have no clue what the difference is with these beers. We think the whole thing with these breweries is crazy and overblown. Like a fad that will die down eventually. Used to be wineries were all the craze. Now it's breweries. Then there are the hard cider makers. SMH....

Our son generally likes porters. His favorite he says is a peanut butter one he gets when he is in California for work.

We just go along with it all as he is very serious about it.

 

[Luanne]

Ha! ha! Funny because my son always told us he did not like IPA's. We have no clue what the difference is with these beers. We think the whole thing with these breweries is crazy and overblown. Like a fad that will die down eventually. Used to be wineries were all the craze. Now it's breweries. Then there are the hard cider makers. SMH....

Our son generally likes porters. His favorite he says is a peanut butter one he gets when he is in California for work.

We just go along with it all as he is very serious about it.

When I was younger I never liked beer. Then I realized it was because I wasn't drinking good beer. Once I got more into the craft brews and some others, I really started liking it. In fact we're going to a restaurant for dinner tonight that has a very nice selection and most likely I'll be getting an IPA.

 

[WinniWoman]

When I was younger I never liked beer. Then I realized it was because I wasn't drinking good beer. Once I got more into the craft brews and some others, I really started liking it. In fact we're going to a restaurant for dinner tonight that has a very nice selection and most likely I'll be getting an IPA.

My son is what we call a beer snob. We can go to a restaurant with a zillion craft beers on the menu and he ends up ordering a coke sometimes. LOL!

 

[JudyH]

Thank you everyone for your input. Great perspectives. I guess we will see what happens. The timing of all this is just so crazy!

I always use that "Life is hard and then you die" phrase, but it seems so negative and depressing. One thing- if someone is going to take a risk (or make a mistake), better to take it when young!

James always said if things tanked he’d just start over again.

 

[WinniWoman]

James always said if things tanked he’d just start over again.

Love it. That's the spirit.

 

[am1]

Craft beer is a fad and will be consolidated. Too much competition, Too expensive to make, transport and distribution. One secret seems to be to sell what you make in the onsite bar.

Anyone trying to compete better have deep pockets and a half decent beer and great marketing.

Just spent a week in Manhattan and must be thousands of beers for sale. A lot of bad ones. I am going to ask for a taste but willing to take a chance on most of them for one beer.

You will know the difference between an ipa and coors light. Even the good ipas Will taste bad for a coors light drinker.

 

[bluehende]

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/styles/

You can brush up on IPA's as a little homework. You can see there are even a lot of variations under the broad heading of IPA's. Now you can impress him with your beer IQ. You might also want to get a fresh IPA (check packaging date if none pass on it). Within a month is a good date. Some suggestions you should be able to find are Sierra Nevada Celebration, any IPA from Captain Lawrence, Dogfish 60 minute, or Sam Adams New England IPA. At least taste one so you can avoid the bitter face that usually accompanies the first taste of an IPA from a Coors light drinker.

Edited I see you are in VT. You are in IPA heaven. Any beer store will have lots of local options. You could slip over the notch and head to the Alchemist and get the one that started the craze.....Heady Topper. Having a four pack of that with a Focal Banger would be a nice surprise for your son.

 

[bluehende]

Here is a more involved description of beer styles if you want to dig even deeper.


https://www.bjcp.org/docs/2015_Guidelines_Beer.pdf

 

[WinniWoman]

Craft beer is a fad and will be consolidated. Too much competition, Too expensive to make, transport and distribution. One secret seems to be to sell what you make in the onsite bar.

Anyone trying to compete better have deep pockets and a half decent beer and great marketing.

Just spent a week in Manhattan and must be thousands of beers for sale. A lot of bad ones. I am going to ask for a taste but willing to take a chance on most of them for one beer.

You will know the difference between an ipa and coors light. Even the good ipas Will taste bad for a coors light drinker.

LOL! Right, My husband doesn't get it with these craft beers. And- omg- my son was telling us he doesn't know anything about industrializing beer so he wasn't keen on that either- thankfully!

 

[WinniWoman]

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/styles/

You can brush up on IPA's as a little homework. You can see there are even a lot of variations under the broad heading of IPA's. Now you can impress him with your beer IQ. You might also want to get a fresh IPA (check packaging date if none pass on it). Within a month is a good date. Some suggestions you should be able to find are Sierra Nevada Celebration, any IPA from Captain Lawrence, Dogfish 60 minute, or Sam Adams New England IPA. At least taste one so you can avoid the bitter face that usually accompanies the first taste of an IPA from a Coors light drinker.

Edited I see you are in VT. You are in IPA heaven. Any beer store will have lots of local options. You could slip over the notch and head to the Alchemist and get the one that started the craze.....Heady Topper. Having a four pack of that with a Focal Banger would be a nice surprise for your son.

Oh-yes I know! I have had Heady Topper- yuk! Our son - when he comes here- always makes the rounds to breweries and beer stores. Takes some back at the request of friends in NH.

You don't know our son- he has been all over to these breweries in New England and out in California and Washington. He lives for this. I don't get it for- as you said- he says most IPA's are bad.

One brewery he (nor we) has not been to here in VT is the most world famous one- Hill Farmstead Brewery. I am sure he will get to it eventually. https://hillfarmstead.com/

BTW- the Notch is closed for the season.Have to go around the long way to Stowe.