Surely you want to help with a refrigerator!

[Patri]

In scrolling through Facebook, a post popped up because a niece donated. A couple (look to be in their mid to late 30s) just eloped. They are foregoing a wedding because they are building a house. So they are asking for donations toward a fridge, washer and dryer, and water softener. The invite list is 770, and they set a goal of $8,000.
Imagine what they saved in not having that huge wedding. I wonder how much they will eventually get?

 

[bogey21]

I don't have anything to do with Facebook, don't have a page/account or whatever they call it. Frankly I don't trust it...

George

 

[wackymother]

I actually don't mind this. I would be happy to give a wedding gift designated for a new refrigerator or other appliance, or drywall or whatever. It's not much different than a wedding registry.

 

[RNCollins]

My cousin and his fiancé were already living together before they got married, so they had all their dishes and towels, etc. So my cousin put power tools and drills from Sears on his Wedding registry.

 

[Patri]

I actually don't mind this. I would be happy to give a wedding gift designated for a new refrigerator or other appliance, or drywall or whatever. It's not much different than a wedding registry.

Other than, you don't get to participate in the ceremony and celebrate the occasion. You just get to give the couple money. But yes, I am all for practical gifts when I do go to showers and weddings.

 

[DaveNV]

I’d donate, since they are obviously trying to accomplish something important to them, with a frugal mind. Kind of practical, actually. Who needs another toaster?

I have friends who had been living together more than ten years before they got married. They already had everything in their home, including the paid-for house, which one had inherited from a deceased parent. They needed nothing.

I felt their wedding invitation, soliciting reception gifts from a very lengthy and expensive registry, was tacky and in very poor taste. It read something like, “Gifts? Who doesn’t love gifts? Buy us something from this list: (registry name)”

I gave them a gift, all right. Dinner and a movie: A cheap DVD of an old Don Knotts movie, and a package of microwave popcorn.

We’ve never discussed it, and we’re still friends. So I think my point was made.

Dave

 

[Passepartout]

I'd contribute. It's hard today for young people to amass the small fortune it takes for a down payment on a home. Especially with rents today regularly taking over half of people's income. More power to them for setting the goal and to their friends and relatives stepping up to help.

 

[PigsDad]

Imagine what they saved in not having that huge wedding.

Also imagine all the gifts they didn't receive by not having that huge wedding. Two sides of the coin here.

Kurt

 

[wackymother]

I’d donate, since they are obviously trying to accomplish something important to them, with a frugal mind. Kind of practical, actually. Who needs another toaster?

I have friends who had been living together more than ten years before they got married. They already had everything in their home, including the paid-for house, which one had inherited from a deceased parent. They needed nothing.

I felt their wedding invitation, soliciting reception gifts from a very lengthy and expensive registry, was tacky and in very poor taste. It read something like, “Gifts? Who doesn’t love gifts? Buy us something from this list: (registry name)”

I gave them a gift, all right. Dinner and a movie: A cheap DVD of an old Don Knotts movie, and a package of microwave popcorn.

We’ve never discussed it, and we’re still friends. So I think my point was made.

Dave

Honestly, after we had been married ten years, I was like, NOW we need the wedding gifts! Because almost everything breaks down or wears out after ten years.

 

[wackymother]

Other than, you don't get to participate in the ceremony and celebrate the occasion. You just get to give the couple money. But yes, I am all for practical gifts when I do go to showers and weddings.

They should have a fantastic housewarming party when the house is finished! I love a nice wedding, but we just had one in the family and the expenses are crazy!

 

[Sea Six]

Donate money without even getting a meal and some drinks?

 

[PigsDad]

gift
/ɡift/

noun

1. a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.

 

[easyrider]

I think having a low key wedding and asking for things that would help out the young couple is a better idea than a huge expensive wedding without the help. Having both the huge wedding and the help after is even better but if its either or then the help seems better, imo.

Bill

 

[WinniWoman]

Speaking of this wedding stuff- so a couple of years ago we were invited to my husband's good friend's daughters wedding. The wedding fell during one of our timeshare weeks and we could not go but we sent a nice check.

So now their son (in his 30's- an accountant for a large NYC firm and very well established for years now) is getting married to a woman from a pretty well to do family.

We found this out via another friend who asked me over the early summer if we received the Save The Date thing (I hate those). I told her we did not. Evidently the wedding is taking place in another state- far from here- where the bride's father owns a gentleman's farm. I figured they assumed maybe we would not be able to go- plus with us moving and all- was not sure- but the fact is - yes-we would not be able to go.

Well- when we were up at our timeshare in August my husband received a message on his computer with both the Save The Date thing AND the Wedding invitation the day BEFORE the RSVP date! We of course, quickly responded we could not attend. This was just an electronic invitation. Kind of tacky if you ask me. Obviously we were on the second list, but that's ok.

But-We are not going to send a gift this time. In fact, we will be moving to NH soon enough and probably will not be able to attend most of our friend's kids' weddings, not to mention we will be on a fixed income so won't be sending gifts to any of them either when the time comes. Exception will be my brother's daughter- my niece and godchild. That's it.

It gets crazy. I am sure they will understand. If our son ever gets married there will be no one for us to invite that lives in NH anyway- all our old friends are in NY. Hopefully he will elope. I am all for practicality these days.

 

[Cornell]

Also imagine all the gifts they didn't receive by not having that huge wedding. Two sides of the coin here.

Kurt

I'm a stickler for etiquette. The only social function that REQUIRES a gift is a baby or bridal shower. All other occasions - gifts are technically optional and not the price of admission.

 

[WinniWoman]

I'm a stickler for etiquette. The only social function that REQUIRES a gift is a baby or bridal shower. All other occasions - gifts are technically optional and not the price of admission.

I think it is a cultural thing, though, also. In NY, not giving a wedding gift is a big no no.

 

[DaveNV]

Honestly, after we had been married ten years, I was like, NOW we need the wedding gifts! Because almost everything breaks down or wears out after ten years.

I agree. In this case, they were asking for crystal and silver serving pieces and such. It seemed very opportunistic, and cheap of them.

 

[Cornell]

I think it is a cultural thing, though, also. In NY, not giving a wedding gift is a big no no.

Trust me, I'd NEVER show up for a wedding w/o a gift, but technically it's not necessary. I can't stand when people base the value of the gift on the cost of the wedding. I base the value of my gift on the depth of my relationship with that person / couple.

I'm also not a fan of 2nd baby showers....which I see cropping up more & more.

 

[Luanne]

Trust me, I'd NEVER show up for a wedding w/o a gift, but technically it's not necessary. I can't stand when people base the value of the gift on the cost of the wedding. I base the value of my gift on the depth of my relationship with that person / couple.

I'm also not a fan of 2nd baby showers....which I see cropping up more & more.

I think the whole "wedding gift should be at least equal to the price of the plate per person" is a very East Coast thing. At least I'd never heard of it until fairly recently. We give based on what we're able to give at the time, and our relationship with the person/couple.

 

[Brett]

I don't have anything to do with Facebook, don't have a page/account or whatever they call it. Frankly I don't trust it...

George

billions of people use Facebook ....
but yes, don't trust all the news feed posts

 

[Talent312]

For our wedding, I wanted to use Home Depot for our gift registry.
However, DW wanted Macy's & Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Guess who won that round.
.

 

[Luanne]

Dh and I didn't have a registry. We had both been married before and really did not need anything. We specifically said on the invitation, "No gifts". The woman at the place we ordered them from was horrified. She said that just wasn't done. Well, we did it. We still got a few gifts anyway.

 

[DaveNV]

Dh and I didn't have a registry. We had both been married before and really did not need anything. We specifically said on the invitation, "No gifts". The woman at the place we ordered them from was horrified. She said that just wasn't done. Well, we did it. We still got a few gifts anyway.

So did we. We were married at a winery in Napa Valley. At our Reception back home in Washington, we gave our guests bottles of wine with our names and wedding date on the label. We preordered the labels, bought good bottles of wine from a local market, soaked off the label, then stuck ours on the bottles. It was a nice gift to them, in appreciation for them being friends with us for all those years.

Dave

 

[Patri]

Many of you are more generous than me. If I got a request to give someone money toward their home, but was not invited to the wedding because there was none, I would not do it. When you elope, you don't get the perks (and stress) of a ceremony with friends and family present. No reception was planned. They sent this out to 770 people. I imagine almost everyone they know. I doubt they would all have been invited to the wedding, if held. Now, if all of those people were invited to a housewarming to see how the $ was spent, that would be different. But that does not appear to be the case.
I wonder how close everyone is to the couple? They can't be best friends with all of them.
I'm not sure I would even donate to relatives who did this. But more power to the couple. I probably won't be able to track how they do.

 

[Luanne]

Many of you are more generous than me. If I got a request to give someone money toward their home, but was not invited to the wedding because there was none, I would not do it. When you elope, you don't get the perks (and stress) of a ceremony with friends and family present. No reception was planned. They sent this out to 770 people. I imagine almost everyone they know. I doubt they would all have been invited to the wedding, if held. Now, if all of those people were invited to a housewarming to see how the $ was spent, that would be different. But that does not appear to be the case.
I wonder how close everyone is to the couple? They can't be best friends with all of them.
I'm not sure I would even donate to relatives who did this. But more power to the couple. I probably won't be able to track how they do.

I think if this were a couple I wasn't all that close to I would send a card, and that would be it. I've never been in the position where I've been asked to give a gift when there wasn't a wedding. My older dd and her husband had a very small wedding that cost them practically nothing. We ended up giving them the money we would have spent towards the wedding. They sent out announcements after the wedding and did get some gifts, but really only from people who were very close to them.