TUG MEMBERS: Joining TUG does not automatically register you as a user of the TUG Bulletin Board. You must register yourself.


*ads are disabled when logged in as a member*
  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. The TUGBBS forums are completely free and open to the public and exist as the absolute best place for owners to get help and advice about their timeshares for more than 25 years!

    Join tens of thousands of other owners just like you here to get any and all Timeshare questions answered!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. TUG has now saved timeshare owners more than $13,000,000 dollars just by finding us in time to rescind a new Timeshare purchase! A truly incredible milestone!

    Read more here: TUG saves owners more than $13Million dollars
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Sign up to get the TUG Newsletter for free! Join tens of thousands of other owners who get this every week! Latest resort reviews and the most important topics discussed by owners during the week!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. TUG is trying out a new program that will trade you a TUG membership for a Timeshare resort review if you are an expired member, or even just a guest here on the forums!

    Read more here
    Dismiss Notice
  6. Our official "end my sales presentation early" T-shirts are available again! Also come with the option for a free membership extension with purchase to offset the cost!

    Read more Here
    Dismiss Notice
  7. Follow the TUG Member Banner as it travels the world on vacation with Timeshare owners! Also sign up to get the banner sent to you so you can submit a photo of your vacation with the banner to share with TUG! Banner Thread
    Dismiss Notice
  8. TUG has now joined Priceline.com as an affiliate!

    Members and guests who book air travel, rental cars and even Cruise Vacations thru TUG's priceline links will now support TUG in the process!

    Read more here
  9. A few of the most common links here on the forums for newbies and guests!
    Dismiss Notice

Have you or anyone close to you ever gone to rehab for alcohol addiction?

Discussion in 'TUG Lounge' started by rickandcindy23, Nov 4, 2016.

  1. BellaWyn

    BellaWyn TUG Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,033
    Likes Received:
    370
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Western US
    Exactly right. It's 24-hour care that includes on-site group therapy, individual therapy and medical people on staff to monitor withdrawal processes, all in an environment intended to shield the patients while they work the programs. Quality therapy can be pricey. It would be considered medically necessary so highly likely the expense could be a tax deductible item.

    The 20% comes into play post-rehab because, while in rehap, patients live in a bubble, away from the pressures of normal day-to-day living. Can speak from experience that leaving that bubble and re-inserting yourself back into the "real world" it is a bit of a terrifying shock to the whole-body system. This is where a good support system, regular meetings and followup, and a desire to change make a huge difference.

    Cindy, from your description, your son sounds extremely high functioning mentally. The process of "self medication" may be motivated by other underlying issues that have gone undiagnosed. Especially since he can go for long periods without drinking and then something "triggers" a binge. Good therapy will help him suss out what those triggers are for him to learn how to manage.

    Completely concur with other posters related to Alanon for you and other family. It is a good place for you to find support for yourself so you can be there to better understand his process.

    Will keep you all in our prayers. Recovery is a choice that has to be made daily. Am truly humbled to read how many generous TUG members have been willing to share their stories in this thread.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
    WalnutBaron likes this.
  2. Passepartout

    Passepartout TUG Review Crew: Veteran TUG Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2007
    Messages:
    21,597
    Likes Received:
    5,235
    Trophy Points:
    799
    Location:
    Twin Falls, Eye-Duh-Hoe
    [Humor] considering it in 72 hours or so. :)
     
  3. MuranoJo

    MuranoJo TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,944
    Likes Received:
    180
    Trophy Points:
    298
    Location:
    Idaho
    Cindy, I don't have much to offer, except I wish you and yours the best.
    And I'm thankful for those who posted their first-hand experiences to help.
     
  4. silentg

    silentg TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    4,305
    Likes Received:
    1,595
    Trophy Points:
    398
    Location:
    Central Florida
    Resorts Owned:
    Orange Lake, Fitzpatrick's Castle Holiday Homes, The Pines At Aspen East, Oyster Bay
    Not an alcoholic

    Hi, I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but my own experience was a dependence on prescription medicine. i had to be hospitalized for this and go to a psychiatrist and a therapist for treatment. The hardest part was admitting I had a problem and had been battling depression for many years. I have been doing well, and still see my therapist and work on this battle, because I know I'm not cured but am coping.
    I hope your son gets to the point of admitting he has a problem with alcohol. It's a disease like any other. You need to get treatment and stay sober. It's hard to watch a person struggle but when he gets help, it will make a difference in all aspects of his life.
    Silentg
     
  5. rapmarks

    rapmarks TUG Review Crew: Elite TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    6,194
    Likes Received:
    1,371
    Trophy Points:
    449
    Cindy, you are so correct about pressure to drink from society. My husband has meneires and found drinking prompted episodes. He stopped drinking. Very surprised at how it offended people and the slow pull away from many people socially.



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
  6. paluamalia

    paluamalia TUG Review Crew: Veteran TUG Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Lakeland, FL
    Resorts Owned:
    WKORVN
    Dear Rick and Cindy
    We met briefly during the January get together at Golden Corral. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing.
    I am an alcoholic and I've been sober for 38 years. I have no advice for you, but I can tell you that in my experience things had to get a lot worse before they got better.

    AA cannot help your son stop drinking, he must make that decision himself in the light of his own experience. Once he does that, perhaps with the help of the medical profession, (this is a disease), then AA can help him "stay stopped".

    An Alcoholic affects the lives and health of an average of 12 people, and those people are often so badly affected they need help too, they have been hurt by the disease of alcoholism, differently than the alcoholic, but the damage is real. Again, when during my own sobriety I was affected by some one else's disease I sought help and received it in the Family Groups of Al Anon, and the help of a healthcare professional.

    There is hope. And there is help out there for you and your family. And much of it is free.

    Marie S.



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
  7. rapmarks

    rapmarks TUG Review Crew: Elite TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    6,194
    Likes Received:
    1,371
    Trophy Points:
    449
    Thank you so much for your post Marie, about the effect on others. My daughter and three grandsons are living with this.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
  8. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    21,787
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Trophy Points:
    549
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    Resorts Owned:
    Wyndham Plat,RCI pts,Shell,WorldMark,OKW,SSR pts; Marriott's Willow Ridge;Val Chatelle; Hono Koa; SBP; Blue Ridge Village.
    I have read and re-read every post, and all of them give me comfort and hope.

    Our son is now at the rehab, 24 hours into it, and I hope he is doing okay. He really didn't like saying goodbye to his little girl, Raelynn, who is 2. I could tell it was the most difficult thing for him to do.

    His wife was there, but she was clear with him that she will only support him through this, as she is done with the marriage. He has hope he can change that. I doubt it. He has lied to her about drinking and hid alcohol all over their house.

    Their house is a mess right now because our son hasn't been helping her much, and she needs more than a drunken couch potato on her side. I wonder if that is a symptom of a drunk--pure laziness. He would go to work and then come home and do nothing to help. No cooking, no laundry, no housework.

    We offered to help get the house cleaned up, but our daughter-in-law doesn't seem to want it right now. Maybe she will change her mind over the next few weeks. Our son won't be able to go back to the house, but we can help her get things right there. I love our daughter-in-law. She is a gem and has a ton of energy, but she cannot do everything herself.
     
  9. BellaWyn

    BellaWyn TUG Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,033
    Likes Received:
    370
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Western US
    The good news is that he is going into rehab voluntarily. But he still needs to do the work and it's super hard work. Alcohol depresses the nervous system so, even in small doses, it still acts like a drug in his system that slows everything down to a slow crawl at some point. So, maybe not lazy as much as drugged into a mental stupor?

    It's so great you are wanting to help the DIL also because she needs the support. But she has her process and the whole situation is a really tough head game for her. She has got to feel in total overwhelm and that life is literally falling apart. Give her time, don't helicopter, just be there when she needs it. Work on your own stuff. The more you learn about the disease and how it effects his entire circle of influence the more prepared you will be to help others.

    But do YOU first.
     
  10. VacationForever

    VacationForever Tug Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2010
    Messages:
    9,892
    Likes Received:
    3,757
    Trophy Points:
    398
    Location:
    Somewhere Out There
    Not sure if your offer to help includes hiring a housecleaning service or an organizer? She may be more receptive to that as she may not want "family" to get into her space? I am that way, I don't want friends and extended family to get into my space.
     
  11. LilyPond

    LilyPond TUG Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2016
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Location:
    Arizona
    I am sorry you have a loved one with alcohol addiction issues. I used to be married to an alcoholic and he had no desire to change, his connection with alcohol was stronger. For those who do wish to change, here are some alternatives that might be helpful and will at least give you more information:

    http://bottomlineinc.com/yes-natural-medicine-can-help-alcoholics/
    *You might have to refresh the page to get past the ad.

    http://upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection/

    In the end, the choice is with the alcoholic, and ultimately I had to let go of trying to 'help' and leave the marriage I was in. I wish you the absolute very best in all that you pursue, may your heart find peace.
     
  12. ThreeLittleBirds

    ThreeLittleBirds TUG Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2011
    Messages:
    620
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    128
    I currently work at a residential rehab for Veterans. The minimum stay is 90 days. Ultimately, the vets are not locked in, but most take the rehab very seriously. Many are success stories. Not all, and the ones that aren't usually have other untreated or unresolved issues in life like severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, trauma.

    Something to find out from the facility where he is. If he does relapse during his stay, are there opportunities to continue with restrictions/amends or does he have to find somewhere new? It would be great if he could go back if he does relapse. Also, look into the relapse prevention offerings. As someone else mentioned, in a controlled setting, maintaining sobriety is a lot easier.
     
  13. ladixson

    ladixson TUG Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2015
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Location:
    Nebraska
    I'm so thankful that your son made it to treatment! If he wants to be sober, he will find the tools there to help him in his recovery. Recovery is a daily commitment and sometimes a daily battle. He needs to be prepared to understand that ultimately, this is a daily decision that only he can make. Everyone can be there for him, but he has to want it more than anything else and be willing to do the work.

    He has taken the first step and that is HUGE!
     
  14. Cornell

    Cornell TUG Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2016
    Messages:
    361
    Likes Received:
    574
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Location:
    Chicago
    My ex-husband is an alcoholic. I divorced him and got sole custody of my daughter after trying for years to "help" him (aka enabling). Only the addict can help themselves. Inexpensive therapy, AA, expensive therapy, etc. will ONLY work if the addict wants to quit. There is a fine line between supporting the addict and becoming an enabler. This line becomes even more complicated when there are children who are involved who need to be protected. Be careful that you don't get sucked in. That's what eventually got me out -- I realized I was going to go down w/the ship if I didn't remove myself from the dynamic. FYI: My ex is now sober but a classic "dry drunk".
     
  15. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    21,787
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Trophy Points:
    549
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    Resorts Owned:
    Wyndham Plat,RCI pts,Shell,WorldMark,OKW,SSR pts; Marriott's Willow Ridge;Val Chatelle; Hono Koa; SBP; Blue Ridge Village.
    Our son kept accusing us of not being supportive. We told him we cannot be supportive of drinking, but we can get him the help he needs, if he is willing to take it.

    It took him months to get to this point of accepting his addiction as an addiction. Only two weeks ago, he was telling us he didn't know why everyone else can drink, but he cannot.
     
  16. travs2

    travs2 TUG Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2013
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    128
    Location:
    Windsor,Ontario
    Praying for you and your son in his recovery!
     
  17. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    21,787
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Trophy Points:
    549
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    Resorts Owned:
    Wyndham Plat,RCI pts,Shell,WorldMark,OKW,SSR pts; Marriott's Willow Ridge;Val Chatelle; Hono Koa; SBP; Blue Ridge Village.
    Thankful for all of you on TUG. We were able to see our son last Saturday and will go again this Saturday. The rehab has been good because he gets daily meetings with his own therapist, one-on-one, and he also goes to group therapy, and there are a lot of physical activities he does each day as well. The schedule is tight, which keeps his mind off of the alcohol, I think. He was becoming a lump on the couch for a long time. He will probably need two months of living in rehab, then another month of outpatient rehab after that. It's expensive, but it's worth it, if it gets him back to his real self.

    Alcohol is such a huge part of our culture. I cannot believe every show and most commercials, someone is drinking.

    We are attending an Al-anon meeting near our house. The people there are so kind, and we have yet to share our struggles. Our daughter-in-law is thinking of going with us on Tuesday, and I would love for her to go. She loved seeing our son on Saturday and kissed him and told him she misses him as the sober man she married, and she was so happy to look into his bright blue eyes and see something there she rarely saw over the last few months.

    Please continue to pray for him. He is going to miss the holidays, all of them, and he will also be in rehab for his birthday, which is soon, December 5th. I would love for him to come home for Christmas, but we cannot rush things. He has to be ready, or this will have been for naught.
     
    presley likes this.
  18. FLDVCFamily

    FLDVCFamily TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    84
    Trophy Points:
    258
    A friend's daughter went through rehab a year ago for narcotics. She's like a different person now. I know it's only been a year, but I believe it worked. She goes to meetings still and she has I think 2 good friends who are years into sobriety. From what I can see, they are essential for her as support. Yes, I think rehab can work, but the addict has to be ready for it. This was her 2nd go at it btw.
     
  19. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    21,787
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Trophy Points:
    549
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    Resorts Owned:
    Wyndham Plat,RCI pts,Shell,WorldMark,OKW,SSR pts; Marriott's Willow Ridge;Val Chatelle; Hono Koa; SBP; Blue Ridge Village.
    Part of his rehabilitation has been attending AA meetings all over the city every night. He says those help a great deal, which is very different from what he said a few weeks ago. He did find a sponsor, a person he knew a little from his job with the city. The two can relate both personally and professionally, which is good for him.

    When we saw him yesterday, he was talking about leaving at 30 days. I am unsure if that is going to be enough. His insurance (Kaiser) has an intense outpatient program, 3 days a week, 3 hour sessions, and he wants to switch over to that for another month. I just don't know. We are wondering if he is buffaloing us, so he can just get out and go back to where he was. He has been sober for weeks at a time before. I asked him what the difference is now from then, and he said, "I have heard a lot of stories, and I don't want to go down that road." He said some of the stories were "terrifying," people waking up in strange places, not knowing how they got there or how long they were sleeping. Because of those stories he is hearing, I am afraid he thinks he is not that bad.

    I was thinking of getting him the Elizabeth Vargas book about her struggles. I am going to order it today and have it sent to the rehab facility. His therapist has to approve of everything he reads.
     
  20. taffy19

    taffy19 Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    5,723
    Likes Received:
    586
    Trophy Points:
    398
    Cindy, I often think of you since we have met several times over the years. I wish your son the best and that he can succeed and that his wife will take him back. There is hope from your remarks.

    You have so much support here and this shows what a great forum this is.
     
  21. shagnut

    shagnut TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    248
    Location:
    Winston Salem, NC
    C;indy, so sorry your son is going thru this ( and you & Rick ) I think you've been given good advise so I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts. Shaggy
     
  22. bogey21

    bogey21 TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2005
    Messages:
    7,113
    Likes Received:
    1,844
    Trophy Points:
    449
    Location:
    Fort Worth, Texas
    I know nothing about alcoholism. What I do know is that when I have been most successful it has been when I totally immersed myself in the issue to the point I felt I knew as much, if not more, about the issue as the professionals. I am talking about hours and hours researching, talking to professionals, reading books, etc.

    George
     
  23. Kat05

    Kat05 TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2010
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    111
    Location:
    Central NY
    Hi Cindy - I am so sorry to hear your family is going through this and I want to reach out and give you a ray of hope. I have a brother that struggled for a number of years, lost his wife, children, home and business and still could not quit drinking. He went to rehab 3 different times and attended AA for years with no longer term success. We learned of a program in NH through a family friend who credits it with saving his life. It is a private program that is no where near the cost you are quoting. They do not accept insurance so no one there is court ordered, they want to all be there. Thankfully my brother agreed to go and has now been sober for 6 years, our family friend sober for 7. The key he tells me is the person has to be ready. Please PM me if interested and I will share more info. In the mean time for you Alanon is a great support system.
     
  24. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    21,787
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Trophy Points:
    549
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    Resorts Owned:
    Wyndham Plat,RCI pts,Shell,WorldMark,OKW,SSR pts; Marriott's Willow Ridge;Val Chatelle; Hono Koa; SBP; Blue Ridge Village.
    Our son has now been in rehab since 11/5. We get to see him each Saturday, and our daughter-in-law is seeing him a few hours, several times per week. Our granddaughter is so sweet, she is a little over two, and she thinks he is at camp. That is what we tell her, when she asks for her daddy. She has no idea what camp is, nor does she know what rehab is, but she knows he is gone.

    He will be discharged on 1/3 and will go to Intensive Outpatient Therapy three days a week for an additional month.

    We are cautious but hopeful. He does get to spend Christmas Eve with our daughter-in-law's folks, then Christmas with us. He will still stay the night in the rehab house. This will be the first time he will see his brother and sister since going to rehab. He is actually nervous. He feels he has let people down. I understand it, in a way, but he needs to get over it.
     
  25. vacationhopeful

    vacationhopeful TUG Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Messages:
    12,721
    Likes Received:
    1,622
    Trophy Points:
    498
    Location:
    Northeast USA
    45 days and still working the program. Good for him ... but this is a very LONG ROAD ... and usually, not a straight path.

    Enjoy your holiday ... act as you would for any family dinner and relax. Keep plans simple and expectations modest.
     

Share This Page