I know AA works, when the person wants it to. Jeremy was going 2-3 nights per week. He was trying to find a meeting to fit, and the only one he really liked was 85 miles from home, which our daughter found and went with him.
AA worked for a dear friend, Tom, who quit drinking 30 years ago. Tom even goes to meetings on Maui, when he and his wife vacation there several weeks per year. Tom has offered to sponsor our son, but our son never called him, probably because this is a dear friend of Rick's. Maybe he needs someone more his peer, or maybe he felt funny about Tom knowing his truth. I don't know.
We are going for a screening today at a rehab in Denver. It's going to be $25K per month, and they are recommending up to 90 days. Our son has hit rock bottom, and maybe that is a good thing for him. I doubt he will keep his brand new job. He would love to go back, it's in the field he loves, fire suppression, and the pay was incredible. He went to work for three days but drank over last weekend, and we knew he smelled of alcohol, but of course no one confronted him because we were celebrating, and not one of the kids and spouses, nor the two us would ruin the day.
His heavy drinking has been off and on during his working life. He didn't drink much in college, he stayed at our house because Golden is a short drive from here. He graduated at the top of his class. I am not sure when he started drinking so heavily, but our other son says it was pretty much right after college. We would have no idea. He bought a house (still lives there today with his wife and child), so we weren't around him much, but the boys partied together.
Rick and I don't drink, except when we go to Hawaii, and only since about 2006. Before that, we stayed away from it entirely. It's funny that people want to get you to drink, and when you say no, they think you are judging them. It's odd. We stopped going to parties many years ago, for that reason. People just stopped inviting us.
Drinking is such a huge part of our culture, as someone else said. You cannot watch television without seeing people drinking or going to a bar.
We chose not to drink, even though there was so much pressure. All of our parents all drank heavily, and as kids of 18, when we married, we vowed not to drink. One of my earliest memories is of my dad sitting in the doorway to our room late at night, which was right next to the bathroom, and he was singing, "How dry I am." It affects you. How could it not? But Dad's drink of choice was beer, and he just drank every night, probably 3-4 beers, and he could always get out of bed the next day. Still an alcoholic. He also smoked and died at 62.
Ironically, our son can go weeks without drinking and then he will binge for days, and then go weeks again, but the time between was becoming less and less since losing his job this past May. He loved that job, and he hoped to retire from it. Losing it put him into a funk. I hadn't even considered that his drinking could be from depression, but one of the rehab facilities made that comment, that depression and anxiety could be the underlying cause.
Rehab is only 20%? That is a scary number.
I am so thankful to the honest people who have shared their stories. I love knowing there is hope. Your stories are such a blessing, and sharing them as you have is so kind and generous. It helps me, certainly.
Please pray for our son in these trying times. I told him if this is the worst his life gets, he is blessed, because there is hope that he will come through the other side with a renewed energy and a chance to maybe court his wife again and see if he can get her back. His wife makes an okay living, but they need his income too. We babysit our granddaughter three days a week to save them from paying daycare (and we love it). She is two and is the joy in his life that could very well pull him through the bad times. Even if his wife does file for divorce, at least he has that little girl.
Long post, sorry.