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Have you or anyone close to you ever gone to rehab for alcohol addiction?

Discussion in 'TUG Lounge' started by rickandcindy23, Nov 4, 2016.

  1. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    I wonder what the success rate of these programs is. Our son is really struggling with alcoholism. AA doesn't work. The places we have researched claim to be very successful. At $25K per month, they should be.

    I am looking for encouragement, I guess. If you don't have any experience, would you please pray for our son? He has pretty much lost his wife, and he has a two-year-old daughter.

    He is a civil engineer, graduated from School of Mines in Golden. He also has a master's degree in project management, but he cannot hold down a job right now. He just started a new job last Friday, and he went three days, and called in sick three days. Very sad. He is with us for the last few nights. He is sober right now, of course. It's very sobering to have your wife kick you out of your home. :(

    Again, send your prayers his way, please. I would be so grateful.
     
    Cheryl20772 likes this.
  2. VacationForever

    VacationForever Tug Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

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    Sorry to read this. No personal experience with alcoholism or someone close with it. Is it something his medical doctor or medical health insurance system can work through with him? I am aware for drug addicts, there are meds they can take (not necessary better for them as they can end up with a different kind of drug addiction).
     
  3. happymum

    happymum TUG Member

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    No experience, but sending support for you - and him. It must be so hard to watch someone you love struggle with this.
     
  4. rapmarks

    rapmarks TUG Review Crew: Elite TUG Member

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    Our son in law went in for two weeks, he was supposed to stat for three. My daughter, their three children, and his parents came to Florida two weeks to visit us. He would call and say he was praying and working hard. When she got home, my daughter found a garbage can full of empties. This was two years ago. She kept giving him another chance and finally filed for divorce, which he is fighting and also asking for custody. He gives no child support and has not seen his children for 16 months, and hasn't tried. Our son has to really want to change and it is a lifelong struggle but many have successfully done it.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
     
  5. VacationForever

    VacationForever Tug Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

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    My late aunt-in-law (ex-husband's aunt) was an alcoholic, a result of being a socialite / wife of a CEO in a Fortune company. Drank too much in social events, husband died of heart attack in his 50s and she continued to drink. Ended up with liver and stomach problems. Had several surgeries to treat her liver and half her stomach removed. I knew her for many years before she died, she used to always have a glass of red wine in her hand throughout the day, until she had her surgeries. She finally died on dialysis table in the aftermath of Hurricane Charley. It took all the surgeries to shock her into stopping her alcohol.

    Maybe education as to what happens to the liver etc can shock him into stopping drinking?
     
  6. margieann

    margieann TUG Member

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    Someone very close to me has been struggling for years and failing. But as rapmarks has stated many have succeeded. I have no answers. But you might find some on this site: http://www.GettingThemSober.com.
     
  7. Pat H

    Pat H TUG Member

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    My ex who was still my husband at the time went to rehab in 1989. He has not had a drink since. However, he is not sober but a dry drunk. That means even though he doesn't drink anymore he still exhibits all the behavior of an alcoholic. They told us at rehab that only 20% make it the first time. I'd like to suggest that you and your hubby attend Al-Anon which is to help you not the alcoholic. Having a spouse who is an alcoholic is bad enough but when it's your child, it's just heart wrenching.
     
  8. spirits

    spirits TUG Member

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    I second the Alanon suggestion

    In order to keep the anonymity of the alcoholic in my life, I would like to say that going to Alanon really saved my own life and the life of the alcoholic.

    I always thought that I was solid...the person others came to for help and advice. I am a teacher and I look after others. Then when I had to live with lies, manipulation and a total destruction of my hopes and dreams.....well.... i was prepared to wash my hands of all the misery and just let the alcoholic fend for themselves.

    A wise friend suggested I go to Alanon....and I did....and I left. But things got worse so I went back and started to listen. The beauty of the meetings is...no one tells you what to do...they just share their stories. And for me....I saw something in their stories that I could build my life on. Slowly, things started to make sense. I heard....I didn't cause it, I couldn't cure it and I couldn't control it. I heard to keep my side of the sidewalk clean and let them keep their side clean. I learned that if I wanted what they had....serenity....all I had to do was to keep coming back.

    I found hope, understanding and support.

    In the meetings I heard stories of children who grew up in alcoholic homes, others married alcoholics or had children who were alcoholics. I learned that there was plenty of misery to go around but also so much hope.

    I go to open AA meetings and listen to stories of great people who were trapped in the disease and found redemption. I never thought I would say this but I am so grateful for the alcoholic in my life. They brought me to a new way of living....discovering a new spiritual way of living (alanon and aa are not religious but rather spiritual programs.)

    Meetings in my city are every day.....all different times....meeting lists are online.....the only requirement is to have a friend or relative who suffers from the disease.

    I have been going for around 5 years now....after 1 year I could actually say that I had serenity in my life. And yes, the alcoholic was still drinking. But my attitude had changed. No longer was I angry and bitter and lonely. I could detach from the alcoholic with love and hold out hope that help was there for them.....IF THEY WANTED IT.

    And I think that is the crux of the problem. No matter how much we love them...love is not enough.....they are the only ones who can seek help.

    I started going to alanon so that I would not do anything to hurt the alcoholic in my life. Instead, I found a way to help me help myself....and by doing so help the alcoholic.

    I urge anyone to go to a meeting.....each meeting is a bit different depending on those there....if you don't like one...try another. But keep on trying......it is so worth it.
     
  9. vacationhopeful

    vacationhopeful TUG Review Crew: Rookie TUG Member

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    This is not something YOU can control.

    Your idea of "help" most likely is something called "enabling".

    Please understand ... there is no easy, fast, simple fix. And the outcome may not be what you want, easily or ever achieved, and setbacks are commonplace. Detachment is not 'unloving' ... it is not enabling ... it is saving yourself.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
  10. Cropman

    Cropman TUG Member

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    This one is hard, but if I can help one person it is worth it. I went to rehab. I was a full blown alcoholic. I had to drink to function. If i didn't drink i would get violently ill. I had and luckily still have a typical Midwest, middle class family. Own my own business. I'm one of the ones who have made it so far. I say so far because any day I could go back to drinking. I went to rehab for two weeks. In one of the classes they said the odds were only 20% make it. Ill never forget it. They were pretty close with what they said. There were 17 of us. To my knowledge only four of us are still not drinking. Some dropped out of sight after they started drinking again, some are barely living an existence, and unfortunately, some have passed.

    I know this response is starting to get long, so ill try to wrap it up. There are two main things I would like to stress. One, if the alcoholic hasn't hit bottom, they won't quit. And even if they have hit bottom, if they truly don't want to change, they won't quit. They may quit short term, but long term they won't. Second, there has to be some support system. AA or even NA works for a lot of people. I couldn't stand my AA meetings so i went to NA. That helped in the short term. Long term, my friends and family were my support group. I could always call people I met in rehab, a couple of good friends, and most importantly, my wife. And I used them.

    Now, I think I'm in a pretty good place. Every once in a while I would like to have a drink to relax, blend in, or just have a beverage that tastes different. But I don't. My wife jokes she has her own DD (designated driver). Feels good to have your family be proud of you for not drinking.

    I wish you nothing but the best and if there is any way I can be of help, please PM me. I know the hell I put the people that care about me through. I'm not proud of that. But I am proud that next year will be my 10th anniversary of being free of alcohol. And I can honestly say I don't miss it. And I still have a ton of fun in drinking atmospheres. Love being in Key West and that is not exactly a dry town!

    Don't give up and hopefully he never quits quitting! (Sorry again for being so long)
     
    WalnutBaron, jojo777, spirits and 3 others like this.
  11. MULTIZ321

    MULTIZ321 TUG Member

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    Hi RickandCindy23,

    I have to disagree with your statement that AA doesn't work. It has worked for many thousands of alcoholics throughout the world.

    Nothing will work for your son unless he wants to help himself. That's key. I know several co-workers and friends who have become sober through AA. Many did with the help of a sponsor and attending meetings on a regular basis.

    I also agree with several posters who have recommended you attend Al Anon. As mentioned, it can be very beneficial and for some life-changing.

    Best wishes as you struggle with the horrible consequences of alcoholism.


    Richard
     
    WalnutBaron and spirits like this.
  12. klpca

    klpca TUG Review Crew: Veteran TUG Member

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    Well this is heartbreaking Cindy. We have probably more than our fair share of alcoholics in our family (in my mind there's a strong generic component). Most seem to "manage" but a few have quit drinking. Two have done the cold turkey route with no counseling but one finally got sober through AA and some group therapy. AA works great if the alcoholic wants to be successful. If they are not motivated it won't work. My family member who went through AA told me that the alcoholic had to hit rock bottom before they will want to change. Is your son at rock bottom? He's the only one who can fix this. The way that our society glorifies alcohol makes it so difficult for recovering alcoholics. You will be in my prayers.
     
  13. bizaro86

    bizaro86 TUG Member

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    I am an engineer, and have a deep respect for anyone who has graduated the school of mines. The best engineers I know went there, its impressive.

    I say all this only to encourage you, as getting that degree means your son has perseverance in him. Hopefully he can use that same strength to change.

    My own children are more of the drink from a sippy cup age, and I can't imagine the pain you are in from this. BOth you and your son will be in my prayers.

    One final thought. Would a dry camp environment help him initially? A school if mines engineer could probably get a fly in fly out job at a mine or drilling rig that would entail living in a strictly enforced dry camp for a few weeks. Or even a camp job in the middle east. 4 months away in an alcohol free environment might not be a bad thing...
     
    WalnutBaron likes this.
  14. artringwald

    artringwald TUG Member

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    I have a friend and a relative that have been sober for 25+ years now, but there was much sadness in their lives before they made up their minds to stop drinking. Both got divorced, both came close to losing their jobs. In one case the employer told him to go to rehab or get fired. What turned things around for them? Getting a good sponsor in AA. They both go to multiple meetings/week. They couldn't have done it without the support group.
     
  15. Big Matt

    Big Matt TUG Review Crew: Veteran TUG Member

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    Make sure there's not more to it than just alcohol. It is fairly easy to admit to alcohol abuse to friends and family. Not so much if other substances. Missing three days of work in a row due to being hung over or drunk isn't good. I've had folks close to me who called in sick for days. It was something else (cocaine). One committed suicide when he hit bottom. Nobody ever saw it coming. We tried intervention, but it was too late. You may want to do something similar.

    Also, most insurance covers some sort of rehab.

    My heart goes out to you.
     
  16. falmouth3

    falmouth3 TUG Review Crew: Veteran TUG Member

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    I have no guidance or suggestions for you, Cindy, but I wish you and your family all the best.
     
  17. ladixson

    ladixson TUG Member

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    Hi Cindy,

    All of my prayers are with you and your family. That being said, I have to echo the comments of nothing helping your alcoholic until he is ready to quit :wall: I am an alcoholic and thru the grace of God, I just picked up my 4 year sobriety chip on Thursday night at an AA meeting and spent yesterday celebrating my sobriety at the treatment facility I went to for the first 30 days of my sobriety. The treatment program I went to used the 12 steps of AA as a foundation and encouraged AA after treatment, but they also taught me that this is MY program. I am a member of AA and when I speak, it is usually about what a bad member I am... Not because I drink, but because I take the parts of that program that really work for me and use them along with other things that help keep me sober. I also echo the the comments suggesting that you and your family getting involved in Alanon. Alcoholism is a disease that affects more than just the alcoholic. I am thankful everyday for my family and friends that remained by side or came back into my life in my sobriety because I damn sure didn't deserve any of them!

    On a side note, most insurance will cover treatment and FMLA and short term disability can be used during that time. In my case, I used FMLA and STD and my work has never questioned any of it. My insurance, on the other hand, thought I'd benefit from outpatient treatment and refused to pay the bill. I had to make the decision about 5 days into treatment on whether I would stay and find a way to pay the bill or attempt outpatient. I KNEW outpatient wouldn't work for me and I made the decision to stay and pay myself. Honestly, it was the best $14,000 I have ever spent! My life is now priceless.

    Sorry for the long post. There is an easier and softer way, but not until your alcoholic has no choice but to accept it. If you'd like to chat more, just PM me.
     
    WalnutBaron and jojo777 like this.
  18. Kal

    Kal TUG Member

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    I have a very close friend whose brother had a serious alcohol problem. She paid $20K per week for 4 weeks at a rehab facility. He continued thru AA with a good sponsor. Things were looking good until one day. He was sitting on the sofa as his wife arrived home. The two of them sat side-by-side. He then pulled a gun out from under the sofa and shot himself in the head.

    The message in this situation is things can get very bad beyond being unemployed.
     
  19. Tank

    Tank TUG Member

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    Fist hats off to you Cropman, you are spot on and talking from experiance that is still hard to admit. Congrats on overcoming the Beast, and continuing keeping that distance from it!

    Many more great comments here.

    ladixson, congrats on your 4 years also, uplifting to here positive outcomes. IT IS POSSIBLE !!

    My mom and dad owned a bar for 51 years, i've seen so many lives ruined from alcohol, my mom and dads relationship included.

    AA and all others work , your son has to be the one to "WANT" this, till than you are helpless. He has to hit rock bottom, All the money and resources in the world are useless if he is not ready to help himself. Don't enable him.

    What you are seeing is every parents worse nightmare. Big Matt hit what I was thinking. You need to know what you are really dealing with here possibly, many are way worse than alcohol, a young kid should be able to function somewhat on alcohol alone.

    God bless your family, prayers are coming your way

    Dave
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
  20. Timeshare Von

    Timeshare Von TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    Cindy you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I have had several people near and dear to me battle addictions. Be it alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc . . . the traits are often very similar.

    I don't know of anyone who has battled alcoholism without AA in their life. I have friends today with 20+ years of sobriety who still do meetings at least weekly.

    For me, it was important to understand the role I play (or should play) as a family member or friend. Someone mentioned co-dependency. If you're unfamiliar with the term and the role "we" play . . . I highly recommend the books of Melody Beattie on the subject. You can find her books on Amazon.com. "Codependent No More" was particularly helpful to me.

    Best wishes to your family as you work to be supportive of your son.
     
  21. easyrider

    easyrider TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    My experience is that AA works. I have many friends and relatives that are dealing with alcoholism / drug addiction or an alcoholic / drug addict in their lives. AA is very helpful to those that accept this help.

    Al alon is very helpful to those living or dealing with an alcoholic.

    Those addicted people all seem to all have one thing in common and that is denial of their problem. They all feel they are in control. Unfortunately for many addicts, it seems no amount of money or treatment seems to work at this stage. Nothing anyone can say will make them stop. The decision to stop drinking is an individual decision made by the alcoholic and nothing positive happens, like recovery, until they make this decision.

    Basically, all a person that wants to help can do is be supportive. Attending al anon meetings to get an idea of what you are dealing with would be a good first step.

    Yes, rehab works when the client is motivated to quit but not until. Many people without the proper motivation seem to relapses. Often times the motivation starts with jail and a forced detox.

    Addiction is a tough thing to deal with and results are iffy.

    Good Luck

    Bill
     
  22. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    I know AA works, when the person wants it to. Jeremy was going 2-3 nights per week. He was trying to find a meeting to fit, and the only one he really liked was 85 miles from home, which our daughter found and went with him.

    AA worked for a dear friend, Tom, who quit drinking 30 years ago. Tom even goes to meetings on Maui, when he and his wife vacation there several weeks per year. Tom has offered to sponsor our son, but our son never called him, probably because this is a dear friend of Rick's. Maybe he needs someone more his peer, or maybe he felt funny about Tom knowing his truth. I don't know.

    We are going for a screening today at a rehab in Denver. It's going to be $25K per month, and they are recommending up to 90 days. Our son has hit rock bottom, and maybe that is a good thing for him. I doubt he will keep his brand new job. He would love to go back, it's in the field he loves, fire suppression, and the pay was incredible. He went to work for three days but drank over last weekend, and we knew he smelled of alcohol, but of course no one confronted him because we were celebrating, and not one of the kids and spouses, nor the two us would ruin the day.

    His heavy drinking has been off and on during his working life. He didn't drink much in college, he stayed at our house because Golden is a short drive from here. He graduated at the top of his class. I am not sure when he started drinking so heavily, but our other son says it was pretty much right after college. We would have no idea. He bought a house (still lives there today with his wife and child), so we weren't around him much, but the boys partied together.

    Rick and I don't drink, except when we go to Hawaii, and only since about 2006. Before that, we stayed away from it entirely. It's funny that people want to get you to drink, and when you say no, they think you are judging them. It's odd. We stopped going to parties many years ago, for that reason. People just stopped inviting us.

    Drinking is such a huge part of our culture, as someone else said. You cannot watch television without seeing people drinking or going to a bar.

    We chose not to drink, even though there was so much pressure. All of our parents all drank heavily, and as kids of 18, when we married, we vowed not to drink. One of my earliest memories is of my dad sitting in the doorway to our room late at night, which was right next to the bathroom, and he was singing, "How dry I am." It affects you. How could it not? But Dad's drink of choice was beer, and he just drank every night, probably 3-4 beers, and he could always get out of bed the next day. Still an alcoholic. He also smoked and died at 62.

    Ironically, our son can go weeks without drinking and then he will binge for days, and then go weeks again, but the time between was becoming less and less since losing his job this past May. He loved that job, and he hoped to retire from it. Losing it put him into a funk. I hadn't even considered that his drinking could be from depression, but one of the rehab facilities made that comment, that depression and anxiety could be the underlying cause.

    Rehab is only 20%? That is a scary number.

    I am so thankful to the honest people who have shared their stories. I love knowing there is hope. Your stories are such a blessing, and sharing them as you have is so kind and generous. It helps me, certainly.

    Please pray for our son in these trying times. I told him if this is the worst his life gets, he is blessed, because there is hope that he will come through the other side with a renewed energy and a chance to maybe court his wife again and see if he can get her back. His wife makes an okay living, but they need his income too. We babysit our granddaughter three days a week to save them from paying daycare (and we love it). She is two and is the joy in his life that could very well pull him through the bad times. Even if his wife does file for divorce, at least he has that little girl.

    Long post, sorry.
     
  23. am1

    am1 TUG Member

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    I wish your son all the best in this difficult time.

    How can rehab be so expensive? Is that what true coat or what the market will bear or a way for only people seriously committed to quitting to enter?
     
  24. rickandcindy23

    rickandcindy23 TUG Review Crew: Expert TUG Member

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    I think it's expensive because of staffing and they have a chef that prepares the meals. It's really crazy high. I wonder if it's deductible.
     
  25. bizaro86

    bizaro86 TUG Member

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    Location:
    Calgary, AB, Canada
    I think the job loss thing could very much be an issue. As I mentioned, I'm also an engineer, and am probably about the same age as your son. (We have a 1 year old and an almost 3 year old). I was laid off in april, and found it surprisingly hard to deal with. My former employer paid for career counseling, which I used. I found it helpful to have someone I didn't really know to talk things through with.

    If you're used to having a job people find impressive, its hard to go to getting pitied when you meet new people. That is also the first thing everyone asks, which gets really old.
     

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