Do you think others travel as well as they should?

[WalnutBaron]

Unbelievably I’ve never been to Kauai. A friend just built a house there too, we’re invited whenever we want.

Kauai is our favorite. It's so lush, so unbelievably beautiful. There is no huge shopping area, but who wants to go to Hawaii to shop anyway?? And it features the world famous Kalalau Trail through some of the most breathtaking scenery on earth, as you get to see the Na Pali Cliffs up close and personal. The kayaking, the bike riding, the hiking, and the stunning beauty are incomparable.

 

[heathpack]

Kauai is our favorite. It's so lush, so unbelievably beautiful. There is no huge shopping area, but who wants to go to Hawaii to shop anyway?? And it features the world famous Kalalau Trail through some of the most breathtaking scenery on earth, as you get to see the Na Pali Cliffs up close and personal. The kayaking, the bike riding, the hiking, and the stunning beauty are incomparable.

Must. Go. There.

She says from her lovely ocean view Hyatt Carmel Highlands townhouse with a fire roaring in the fireplace. Le sigh.

 

[DaveNV]

Funny you said this. We do sometimes plop down in our timeshare resort and hardly visit places except for FOOD, as we tend to eat out alot. It is usually the case at areas that we have been to many times and have seen most attractions. These days, most of our US timeshare stays are centered around golf as my husband loves golf. Obviously we have wonderful golf back home too. When we are back at the resort, I get on TUG and my husband in on his computer games.

Just as you say, it's a place you've been to many times. I can totally see that, and would likely do the same. In this case, it's brand new for my sister, and should be mostly new for her friend. They can see the top of Diamond Head from their balcony, so they know they're in Hawaii. Otherwise, not so much. I just don't get it.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Really? This is the person who let me try his mountain bike when we were visiting him in Breckenridge (he’s since moved).

He had to have back surgery but is doing well, so maybe we can ride a little if we make it out...

Time to get out the research books.

Dave

 

[heathpack]

We went to Sedona last Thanksgiving.

I rode my mtb 6 days and while I was out riding, my husband worked on a project he wanted to make progress on. Got out a little too, dropped me at trailheads or picked me up.

But otherwise, we did almost nothing. Two wine tastings, one dinner out. We sat in the hot tub for awhile one day. Granted, I covered probably 75 miles of trails so I saw plenty of scenery. But wow that was a relaxing trip. We’d only been to Sedona twice before too, so it’s not like we’ve done everything.

Somehow it was totally the right way to do it for that trip, which is really the point of travel. Experience it until it feels satisfying and recharges you. So lucky to be in sync with spouse on so much of this stuff...

 

[dsmrp]

More thanks, everyone. I agree I was probably taking this harder than I would have for anybody else. But now that I've decided the only way I can show my sister "my" Hawaii is to take her there myself, I'm fine with things. Her friend is a pretty strong character, and tries to make every conversation or situation about herself. So this trip is turning out to be all about her as well. Even though the trip was suggested by the friend in the first place, I think it was because she wanted to go, but didn't want to go alone.

The part that I haven't been able to figure out is they aren't doing much of ANYTHING with their time. They aren't visiting the friend's old neighborhood, they aren't trying to find old haunts or landmarks. They're just hanging around the hotel. I'm someone who is constantly on the go when on vacation, and I don't understand those who just plop down in a chair and sit there. This is one of those times.
Dave

It does sound strange that the friend who used to live there, doesn't want to go looking at the old neighborhood or places she used to know. Maybe she was a little kid and doesn't remember. Whenever DH and I are visiting a place one of us had been to years ago, we try to go back to check the places of our memories.

I think it's a good practice when friends travel together to have a little downtime away from each other

 

[easyrider]

Even though I plan many things for our trips, the most fun and enjoyment always happens spontaneously. It works this way every where I go. It can happen anywhere at any time, especially when doing things out of the ordinary.

I really don't offer or take too much unsolicited advice from friends and especially family. I do smile when someone I know buys a timeshare while on vacation for $15,000 - $80,000. They usually tell me what a great deal they got then a year or two later complain that they are having problems using it. They have enough money to do as they like.

The exceptions are my kid and grandkids. They receive all kinds of advice from me. Most of it good, I think.

I do try to get them here, at the tug forums. Unless I sit them down and actually help them register I think most do not follow through. I don't know what your friends say when you tell them about tug.com but mine usually grin and and give me a hard time. Get it, Tug, hard time. maybe its just a guy thing. For the last decade I always say join timeshare user group. Even though we refer to each other here as "tuggers" I wouldn't dare tell my friends or family that I am a tugger at tug.com.

Bill

 

[DaveNV]

It does sound strange that the friend who used to live there, doesn't want to go looking at the old neighborhood or places she used to know. Maybe she was a little kid and doesn't remember. Whenever DH and I are visiting a place one of us had been to years ago, we try to go back to check the places of our memories.

I think it's a good practice when friends travel together to have a little downtime away from each other

I think you're absolutely right. My sister thinks her friend may be in beginning stages of dementia or something similar. She's almost afraid to step out of her comfort zone, and when she does, all she does is complain. Sad, if it's true, but even more confusing why she would suggest this trip (and pay the lion's share of the cost) just to sit in the room all day. I don't get it.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Even though I plan many things for our trips, the most fun and enjoyment always happens spontaneously. It works this way every where I go. It can happen anywhere at any time, especially when doing things out of the ordinary.

I really don't offer or take too much unsolicited advice from friends and especially family. I do smile when someone I know buys a timeshare while on vacation for $15,000 - $80,000. They usually tell me what a great deal they got then a year or two later complain that they are having problems using it. They have enough money to do as they like.

The exceptions are my kid and grandkids. They receive all kinds of advice from me. Most of it good, I think.

I do try to get them here, at the tug forums. Unless I sit them down and actually help them register I think most do not follow through. I don't know what your friends say when you tell them about tug.com but mine usually grin and and give me a hard time. Get it, Tug, hard time. maybe its just a guy thing. For the last decade I always say join timeshare user group. Even though we refer to each other here as "tuggers" I wouldn't dare tell my friends or family that I am a tugger at tug.com.

Bill

Bill, you always crack me up.

I'm the renegade in the family, as I'm the only one who owns a timeshare. (Well, technically I own two, if you count WorldMark.) I'm also the most affluent, the most "successful" (whatever that means), and I'm the only one who takes regular vacations. (See "owns a timeshare", above. ) I'm the guy *everyone* asks for vacation advice, both in the family, among my friends, and coworkers. They ask me what I think or know about this or that area, and I always try to help them. For anyone I meet that has a timeshare, when I suggest they come to Tug for information, I get a glazed stare. I don't know if anybody has every joined because of my referral. I gave up on scoring a Lifetime Member award years ago.

So for now, it's all about me. (Or as my sister's friend would say, "What's wrong with that?" )

Dave

 

[vacationhopeful]

I found some friends are NOT GOOD travel companions ... others friends can be GREAT travellers.

My one friend seem to complain about me to his extended and far away family --- I and him were living (separately) near Philadelphia; his family lived near Seattle. He must have dished me so bad ... they SOLD squares on the calendar as to when HE would dump me in Europe during our 2 week independent Euriopean trip. Every email he got ... started off with, "have your dumped Linda yet?" We actually planned a return European trip on the flight home ... which we again had a great time. His mother still hated me ... I guess she thought of him, as her little boy. He never married .. move to Thailand 15+ years ago .. lost contact with him a couple of years later.

Another male "friend only pal" ... known him for years ... I stopped talking to him after a trip on the QE2 cruise and a 1 week bus trip in England. He loved dumping all my stuff on the FLOOR .. because he wanted to use the desk, wanted to put his clothes in that dresser drawer, etc. Plus, whining about the food being strange. Also, he knew MORE than the local guide ... revisionist local history paraphase back to me AFTER the tour... the same tour I was on and standing next to him. And he was a elementary school principal for 30+ years then. I am surprised his Jersey teaching staff never hired a MOB hitman or leg breaker ... he was a total jerk with an inflated ego.

 

[loosefeet]

Agree--some people are NOT good traveling companions. Tough when you end up in Hawaii and find that out! I always build in alone time expectations on all trips, so I get some satisfaction from tours/spa treatments etc.
That said--I am sensitive to recommending a timeshare vacation to people. Many do not seem to get the concept, and tend to give ME feedback on their stay, things they didn't like etc. Why would your sister tell YOU about no microwave? She's an adult--ask for one or go buy one if it's needed. I no longer offer my timeshares to friends/family-they are for me to use.

 

[1st Class]

I think you're absolutely right. My sister thinks her friend may be in beginning stages of dementia or something similar. She's almost afraid to step out of her comfort zone, and when she does, all she does is complain. Sad, if it's true, but even more confusing why she would suggest this trip (and pay the lion's share of the cost) just to sit in the room all day. I don't get it.

Dave

I think your sister is somewhat correct; your description has some of the hallmarks of depression. Maybe your sister needs to speak with her friend's family to see if they could get her to consent to a medical evaluation. There is very often a medical reason behind behavior like this. This friend is very fortunate to have a good friend like your sister. So many people with similar behaviors lose their friends for obvious reasons and wind up not getting the help they need. Too bad this vacation hasn't turned out as you and your sister planned, but you are a good brother to send her to Hawaii.

 

[DaveNV]

I found some friends are NOT GOOD travel companions ... others friends can be GREAT travellers.

My one friend seem to complain about me to his extended and far away family --- I and him were living (separately) near Philadelphia; his family lived near Seattle. He must have dished me so bad ... they SOLD squares on the calendar as to when HE would dump me in Europe during our 2 week independent Euriopean trip. Every email he got ... started off with, "have your dumped Linda yet?" We actually planned a return European trip on the flight home ... which we again had a great time. His mother still hated me ... I guess she thought of him, as her little boy. He never married .. move to Thailand 15+ years ago .. lost contact with him a couple of years later.

Another male "friend only pal" ... known him for years ... I stopped talking to him after a trip on the QE2 cruise and a 1 week bus trip in England. He loved dumping all my stuff on the FLOOR .. because he wanted to use the desk, wanted to put his clothes in that dresser drawer, etc. Plus, whining about the food being strange. Also, he knew MORE than the local guide ... revisionist local history paraphase back to me AFTER the tour... the same tour I was on and standing next to him. And he was a elementary school principal for 30+ years then. I am surprised his Jersey teaching staff never hired a MOB hitman or leg breaker ... he was a total jerk with an inflated ego.

Linda, you've had some adventures, haven't you?

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Agree--some people are NOT good traveling companions. Tough when you end up in Hawaii and find that out! I always build in alone time expectations on all trips, so I get some satisfaction from tours/spa treatments etc.
That said--I am sensitive to recommending a timeshare vacation to people. Many do not seem to get the concept, and tend to give ME feedback on their stay, things they didn't like etc. Why would your sister tell YOU about no microwave? She's an adult--ask for one or go buy one if it's needed. I no longer offer my timeshares to friends/family-they are for me to use.

This trip idea started with them asking me to help them plan it, since I have all this travel experience. No firm plans were made for tours and such ahead of time, (my suggestion), because I said they should wait to see what was offered by the hotel, and decide then what they felt like doing. I said if they obligated to do a bunch of things before they arrived, and then learned of other things they might want to do instead, it could be a problem. Better to wait. So they did. But then, after arrival, they didn't plan anything, other than a luau for one night - on the hotel property. It's not about the cost - that part isn't an issue. So I'll be curious when they get home to sit and discuss the whole thing with them, so I can hear the friend's side of things, too. It's only been my sister texting me, and maybe I'm not getting the whole picture of things.

I think my sister telling me about no microwave was as much out of her surprise, as much as anything else. It's a hotel, not a timeshare, but still, it's the Hilton - you'd think a microwave would be a normal part of things. But maybe they want to direct people to their on-site restaurants? Sis did say they brought one to the room, after they asked. So there's that.

I don't know what to think of it all at this point. Complaints about "things" have stopped. But I think her reality check about her friend is more pronounced now - I'm getting comments from her about her friend's behavior. So we'll see after they get home.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

I think your sister is somewhat correct; your description has some of the hallmarks of depression. Maybe your sister needs to speak with her friend's family to see if they could get her to consent to a medical evaluation. There is very often a medical reason behind behavior like this. This friend is very fortunate to have a good friend like your sister. So many people with similar behaviors lose their friends for obvious reasons and wind up not getting the help they need. Too bad this vacation hasn't turned out as you and your sister planned, but you are a good brother to send her to Hawaii.

I think you're right. There aren't many family members in the picture, but definitely a topic that needs to be discussed.

Dave

 

[1st Class]

I think you're right. There aren't many family members in the picture, but definitely a topic that needs to be discussed.

Dave

Ah, so there you go. Tough situation for your sister to be in, but ...

I would encourage her to make the most of the time she has left on the island. I don't know her likes and dislikes of course, but I would certainly feel safe going to the arboretum and hiking Manoa Falls at the Lyon Arboretum, and Diamond Head for sure. The self guided audio tour at Pearl Harbor is something else she could enjoy on her own. At the very least go to Matsumoto's for shave ice or to a lunch wagon and buy a box lunch ... simple pleasures. Just because her friend "has issues" shouldn't prevent her from doing a little sightseeing. My 2 cents and worth every penny.

 

[DaveNV]

Ah, so there you go. Tough situation for your sister to be in, but ...

I would encourage her to make the most of the time she has left on the island. I don't know her likes and dislikes of course, but I would certainly feel safe going to the arboretum and hiking Manoa Falls at the Lyon Arboretum, and Diamond Head for sure. The self guided audio tour at Pearl Harbor is something else she could enjoy on her own. At the very least go to Matsumoto's for shave ice or to a lunch wagon and buy a box lunch ... simple pleasures. Just because her friend "has issues" shouldn't prevent her from doing a little sightseeing. My 2 cents and worth every penny.

I am in complete agreement. I'm hearing the friend is giving my sister grief if she leaves her alone for any length of time. So this is starting to become a nuisance. My sister said today, "What was I thinking?" when she agreed to making the trip. She'll get through it, but understands it's not going to be an equal time thing. I told her I'll take her back next year to show her what it's really like, and she likes that idea quite a bit. They fly home in three days. I am certain there will be a huge discussion after that. Stay tuned...

Dave

 

[vacationhopeful]

I took a longtime male friend (not a BF) to Eastern Europe on a returned trip for visit a year later. I did 3 countries the year before but my travel buddy from the prior year .. was only doing 1 country. I had travelled with this longterm friend before .. but this trip was horrible. Only his opinions counted ... and he would NOT listen to anything. All the food was confusing and STRANGE ... the street signs not readable and he was opening all my drawers in the shared bedroom .. just to see what was in the drawer. If I ordered a beer .. which I told him I WOULD BE DOING BEFORE THE TRIP for most evening meals ... do not express YOUR personal & religious opinion or else stay home in USA ... he still made sounds, faces and shock his head while saying, "AGAIN?" several times. That made me order a beer (and some nights, a 2nd beer) EVERY NIGHT!

Tell your sister to do WHATEVER she wants or was planning to do! Her travel friend can stay behind .. that was/is her plan; tell your sister to JUST LEAVE for what she wants to do ... sitting in a cafe in a cafe is FAR BETTER than sitting closed up in a hotel room with the soaps or games shows playing on the TV. Take a tour ... ANYWHERES ... and don't even clear it with this friend. aka: go out for coffee and a donut and come back HOURS later... if the friend calls your sister, tell the friend exactly what she is doing ... a tour bus ride, over on the Big Island, visiting the Arzonia Memorial, kayaking, drift boat fishing, shopping in the flea market or laying on a beach watching the waves.

She should spend 1 full day ... riding around the island and taking 100+ pictures ... for a internet pictures of HER VACATION ... esp if she has 3 days left. And post the best 25-40 on the Facebook .. getting strangers to shoot her in some of these pictures .. so everyone back home asks "Where is So & So?" It is YOUR SISTER'S vacation, too.

 

[dsmrp]

I am in complete agreement. I'm hearing the friend is giving my sister grief if she leaves her alone for any length of time. So this is starting to become a nuisance. My sister said today, "What was I thinking?" when she agreed to making the trip. She'll get through it, but understands it's not going to be an equal time thing. I told her I'll take her back next year to show her what it's really like, and she likes that idea quite a bit. They fly home in three days. I am certain there will be a huge discussion after that. Stay tuned...

Dave

Can't they take a guided tour or something, where they pick you up at your hotel? They'll be with other tourists, responsibility is on the tour company.

Whose got the airline confirmation code? Maybe your sister should mysteriously get reassigned to different seat on return flight to get some alone time from this friend

 

[DaveNV]

Can't they take a guided tour or something, where they pick you up at your hotel? They'll be with other tourists, responsibility is on the tour company.

Whose got the airline confirmation code? Maybe your sister should mysteriously get reassigned to different seat on return flight to get some alone time from this friend

I've been around this tree with them. Suggested a Roberts Circle Island tour, where they drive while guests sightsee. No go. I haven't been told why. Plane flight is First Class seating.

It's a complicated friendship, and this trip is a done deal at this point. We'll do damage control after sister is home and has had time to decompress a bit. I'm sure the friend will have a hundred excuses and innumerable apologies. They'll argue, get mad at each other, and not speak for a few days. Then one or the other of them will give in, and they'll make amends. They've been friends more than forty years. This isn't their first rodeo, but it IS the first time they've traveled together without others being there.

Dave

 

[jehb2]

Some people can travel to the nicest places and basically complain about everything.

 

[geekette]

Let it roll off your back. I would ignore complaints, let them ruin their vacation themselves. "Oh, I didn't see that" is your future response to "I texted you about it!"

I don't go to much trouble for folks anymore, it's a waste of my time. I definitely wouldn't be available for their complaints. I also wouldn't later be asking "Did you (do the thing I recommended)?" and definitely not "Did you like it?"

Sorry for your irritation, I understand.

 

[geekette]

The part that I haven't been able to figure out is they aren't doing much of ANYTHING with their time. They aren't visiting the friend's old neighborhood, they aren't trying to find old haunts or landmarks. They're just hanging around the hotel. I'm someone who is constantly on the go when on vacation, and I don't understand those who just plop down in a chair and sit there. This is one of those times.

I do understand it, I work hard, travel is exhausting. Sometimes it is an R&R vacation (my last trip to Cabo was a laze about the place trip). I definitely do not want to constantly be on the go at vacation, that's not restful nor relaxing for me. I do like to explore but schedule as little as possible to go with the flow.

Are they somehow nervous about leaving the grounds? Some people have extreme anxiety in strange places. If they are complaining about cost, could they maybe be bypassing extra $ things like transport, admission fees, fuel? Maybe they found something to do that you for some reason wouldn't approve of so are withholding the info? who knows. people are weird.

Please don't waste more mental energy on them. I also wouldn't bother trying to take sis back another time. This trip was hers to enjoy or not, don't let her wreck your next one as maybe you again encounter "I don't want to do anything" which seems to be in direct contrast to your travel style.

 

[Magic1962]

Wow, when we went on our wonderful trip to Hawaii, we had talked to friends who had lived there for a couple years (military) they gave us suggestions on where to go.... where to eat.... etc... another couple went with us and we stayed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village at the Grand Waikikian... would NOT have had a better location..... we started checking off the things on the list.... kept txting our friends who gave us the info and they couldn't believe what we accomplished in the week we were there..... Dave we felt like you this maybe a once in a life time experience for us so we better take it all in!!! so sorry about your sister not listening....

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Are they somehow nervous about leaving the grounds? Some people have extreme anxiety in strange places. If they are complaining about cost, could they maybe be bypassing extra $ things like transport, admission fees, fuel? Maybe they found something to do that you for some reason wouldn't approve of so are withholding the info? who knows. people are weird.

I think that may be part of it. The friend has a very poor sense of direction, and may be uncomfortable about being surrounded by strangers. I don't know. At home she seems fine. (Well, fine for her.). My sister is a go-getter most of the time, so I don' understand why she's so hesitant to strike out on her own. But money is not a problem, so I don't know what the whole deal is. I had suggested a Circle Island tour, where they get picked up at the hotel, relax, and look out the window while others drive and describe what they're seeing, but that was a no-go. I'm thinking this is a case of the friend dominating the situation, and my sister taking the less-confrontational road. I'll find out the whole story when they get back.

Please don't waste more mental energy on them. I also wouldn't bother trying to take sis back another time. This trip was hers to enjoy or not, don't let her wreck your next one as maybe you again encounter "I don't want to do anything" which seems to be in direct contrast to your travel style.

As I say, things will be discussed at length after they return. I'm frankly curious to learn the whole story.

Dave