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Are opening gifts at a baby shower a thing of the past ?

sun starved Gayle

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I am giving a baby shower for my niece-in-law and she has requested not opening gifts at the shower. She says it makes her feel uncomfortable. She also said that if anyone wants her to open their gift at the shower, they could do it one on one with her while at the shower, not in public.

It will be a medium sized shower with about 14-16 attendees, mostly family and friends of the grandma to be, my sister-in-law. Opening gifts would not take a ton of time. My 84 year old mother-in-law is making a baby quilt for her first great grand child. I think it would be nice for people at the shower to see her gift of love that she will be putting so much time into. I know when I go to a shower I really enjoy looking at all the cute little baby things, it is the highlight of the shower. I am not thrilled with this, but will go along per the expectant mother's wishes.
 

VacationForever

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My guess is that she is an introvert. As an introvert, I am not comfortable in a social group environment, let alone being the center of it. Since it is about her, just go along with what she wants. It is not about the time but about how she feels.
 

Luanne

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I'm with the group that enjoys seeing the gifts. And this may sound unfeeling, but if she doesn't like being the center of attention, doesn't want to open the gifts at the shower, maybe a shower isn't a good idea for her. Whoever is planning the shower could just send out a registry list or the like and have them shipped to her house.
 

DaveNV

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I presume the shower is not a surprise. So tell her about your 84 year old MIL's special gift, and ask that she specifically open that one, if no others. Fair is fair.

Gifts are kind of overrated these days, I think. Time was, a young family needed all the help they could get. Lately, it seems more of a ruse to garner gifts, where the unwanted items are exchanged or even regifted to others.

Dave
 

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What is the goal/point/objective of having the baby shower? If it is to acquire things for the baby, then I think the mother will appear ungrateful if she doesn't open the gifts. If the objective is to celebrate the pending birth of the child, then simply write "no gifts please" on the invitations and serve refreshments and play a few games.
 

Cornell

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I have never heard of such a thing. Then why have a shower? Lots of things involving good manners sometimes make you feel uncomfortable (e.g. giving a toast, introducing yourself to strangers, etc) -- it's called life. The entire point of a shower is to give gifts. You can't have a shower if it's just a social gathering without the gift part. Then it's just some other type of party.
 

Sandy VDH

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open the gifts OR don't have a shower.
 

silentg

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Also, I have been to birthday parties where they don’t open gifts either
 

Patri

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I think she should (wo)man up and open them in front of the guests, or else no shower. I believe all the guests, who took time out of their day, and money out of their pockets, to be there will be disappointed if they can't see what she gets. Doesn't she like to have fun?
 

jackio

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My DIL had a very big baby shower with over 90 people. The invitations said to please bring your gift unwrapped with a card or in clear wrapping for display so that the mother-to-be and guests could spend more time enjoying each others' company. I was good with that. People walked up and down the gift table oohing and aahing and my DIL opened all hand made and "special" items in front of the guests. It worked out fine.

I blew my top when my son, on the other hand, announced that they would not be having a receiving line at his church wedding because there were going to be so many people there that they wanted to get to the reception to not miss a moment. After the "are you KIDDING me's" and the " I did not raise you this way's " they relented. People were coming from out of state and some from the Dominican Republic for this wedding. The least they could do was stand on line and thank them for attending. It's been 9 years and I am still shaking my head at that one.
 

wackymother

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I understand about the shyness, and I was recently at a wedding shower where the bride was a bit uncomfortable opening gifts in front of everyone. I can understand that--maybe you feel like you look greedy or something, even though everyone is there specifically to give you presents!

But a baby shower is different. The presents are for the baby. I love seeing little baby outfits and little baby toys and the little baby gear. Yes, I think the mother has to open the gifts. Being a mother involves doing a lot of somewhat unpleasant tasks that you don't necessarily enjoy, in order to make someone else happy!
 

clifffaith

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Best thing about a baby shower is oohing and aahing over the tiny booties, onesies, and little outfits. Last shower I went to they actually had a "clothesline" strung across the room and the outfits that were easily clothes-pinable to the line were strung across the room as part of the decor between luncheon and cake which was served after the gift opening.
 

WinniWoman

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My old fashioned Italian family did not believe in baby showers- especially BEFORE the baby was born. They felt it was bad luck.

So announcements were sent out after birth. Not to mention the moms and aunts would make sure people knew a baby was born. Then the gifts were sent to the baby's home.
 

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Oh, she may be anxious anticipating the shower, but it's doubtful that she really knows how she will feel. I've heard of brides saying the same thing. Such a tragedy! Would it be possible to explain to her that it only seems like she will be the center of attention? In reality, there's likely to be lots of chatting and socializing, and while, yes, we do need her to open the gifts, most of the focus will actually be on the enjoyment of darling gifts and socializing.
Whether she opens the gifts or not, there will be lots of discussion about her pregnancy. She might as well have her hands busy while fielding all these questions.
My older son is an introvert as is his wife, but they both excel at their manners. Why don't more people take the time to train this younger generation?
 

moonstone

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Our 31 yo DD was just at a good friend's baby shower 2 weeks ago where the gifts were not opened. She asked her friend in private why she wasn't opening the gifts at the shower. Her friend said a few of her friends were very wealthy and others were very poor and she didn't want to embarrass anybody by opening the likely varied quality of gifts. Our DD was over at her friend's house the next day and saw some of the gifts and her friend was right. The gifts ranged from a very expensive stroller/car seat combo likely worth nearly $1K, to a gift of a few sleepers or baby toys. I still enjoy looking at the gifts but I see her reasoning.


~Diane
 

klpca

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I went to my first "not opening the gifts" shower a couple of months ago. We were also asked to not wrap the gifts. Once I got past *my* feelings about it, I actually liked it. They had a large table where all of the gifts were displayed. A group of friends and I always pool our money and buy a big gift, so nothing cute to ooh and ahh over from us anyways. The shower that we attended immediately preceding that one had about 50 guests and it took over 2 hours for the mom-to-be to open the gifts. As a guest, that was painful.

I admit that when I first heard about the shower where gifts weren't being opened, it felt like a gift grab, but in the end it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I'm still peeved that thank you notes were never sent though. That's never going to sit right with me, but getting them after a shower rarely happens anymore. That's part of the reason that my friends and I buy one big gift - why bother choosing something personal if the recipient doesn't even care? I guess the "kids" are attending each other's showers and not getting any thank yous so then when it's their turn, they don't send them either. It's just us old ladies expecting a thank you!
 

mdurette

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I'm with the group that enjoys seeing the gifts. And this may sound unfeeling, but if she doesn't like being the center of attention, doesn't want to open the gifts at the shower, maybe a shower isn't a good idea for her. Whoever is planning the shower could just send out a registry list or the like and have them shipped to her house.

You assume she wants the shower. I don't care for being the center or attention and getting gifts actually makes me feel uncomfortable. So, when I was pregnant I told the soon to be grannies I didn't want a baby shower. I didn't win, the shower was pretty much forced on me and ended up having one with about 75 people (large extended families on both sides).
 

Luanne

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You assume she wants the shower. I don't care for being the center or attention and getting gifts actually makes me feel uncomfortable. So, when I was pregnant I told the soon to be grannies I didn't want a baby shower. I didn't win, the shower was pretty much forced on me and ended up having one with about 75 people (large extended families on both sides).
Nope, I didn't assume anything.
 

wackymother

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Our 31 yo DD was just at a good friend's baby shower 2 weeks ago where the gifts were not opened. She asked her friend in private why she wasn't opening the gifts at the shower. Her friend said a few of her friends were very wealthy and others were very poor and she didn't want to embarrass anybody by opening the likely varied quality of gifts. Our DD was over at her friend's house the next day and saw some of the gifts and her friend was right. The gifts ranged from a very expensive stroller/car seat combo likely worth nearly $1K, to a gift of a few sleepers or baby toys. I still enjoy looking at the gifts but I see her reasoning.


~Diane


But you always see a huge range of gifts at any shower, baby or wedding. For a baby shower, your family is almost always going to give you a really large gift, while your friends will mostly give you something small.

The only baby shower where I felt jealous was one where all the to-be-grandmother's friends had made beautiful knitted and crocheted blankets, sweaters, and hats for the baby.
 
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SteelerGal

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Not the norm. I know when our family do showers, all gifts may not be opened due to lack of time. However gifts given by elders are always opened.
 

Snazzylass

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why bother choosing something personal if the recipient doesn't even care? I guess the "kids" are attending each other's showers and not getting any thank yous so then when it's their turn, they don't send them either. It's just us old ladies expecting a thank you!
You might be surprised to read Etiquette books such as Emily Post which state that Thank You notes for Shower gifts are not required. Apparently according to proper etiquette, if the recipient thanks the giver in person, a note is not required. There's some food for thought for all the shy brides and mothers-to-be :)

On another note, I generally give handmade knitted baby items, not for showers, but whenever I hear of someone having a baby - a cousin, a coworker, well, just about anybody. In the past, I kept a stash of hats and such to wrap up at moment's notice. Sorry to say, but I never rec'd a thank you from any of the um, non married mothers. It's put a damper on my enthusiasm.
 

silentg

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I have always received thank you cards for bridal showers and baby showers.
Especially if I sent a gift and wasn’t able to attend.
Silentg
 

klpca

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You might be surprised to read Etiquette books such as Emily Post which state that Thank You notes for Shower gifts are not required. Apparently according to proper etiquette, if the recipient thanks the giver in person, a note is not required. There's some food for thought for all the shy brides and mothers-to-be :)

On another note, I generally give handmade knitted baby items, not for showers, but whenever I hear of someone having a baby - a cousin, a coworker, well, just about anybody. In the past, I kept a stash of hats and such to wrap up at moment's notice. Sorry to say, but I never rec'd a thank you from any of the um, non married mothers. It's put a damper on my enthusiasm.
Well that's interesting and I can see not having to personally thank someone twice. I'd never heard that before.
 
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