Surely you want to help with a refrigerator!

[PigsDad]

Well, I guess I'm different then. I think a wedding gift should convey the message, "Congratulations on your marriage", not "Thank you for inviting me to your wedding".

Kurt

 

[geist1223]

My DIL was born and raised on Long Island. Those folks have this type of stuff down pat. The wedding was scheduled for the end of May. The previous September there was an Engagement Party shortly after Labor Day. If you were invited to the Engagement Party you had better send a Gift even if you do not show up for the Engagement Party. Then the Wedding Gift had better be even better than the Engagement Party Gift. Now I have to admit her parents threw a heck of a party. I provided the Sparkling Wine. The Kids wanted one produced on Long Island. The Wedding Reception was even more spectacular. It was in her parents' backyard. There were 3 separate Buffet areas set up and the food was completely changed about every 90 minutes. I am sure her parents took out a Home Equity Loan to pay for it.

 

[WinniWoman]

I think if this were a couple I wasn't all that close to I would send a card, and that would be it. I've never been in the position where I've been asked to give a gift when there wasn't a wedding. My older dd and her husband had a very small wedding that cost them practically nothing. We ended up giving them the money we would have spent towards the wedding. They sent out announcements after the wedding and did get some gifts, but really only from people who were very close to them.

Our family did not believe in baby showers. Especially my mom who previously (before the birth of me and my brother) lost 2 babies after they were born.

After I had my son I sent out announcements of his birth. People who wanted to send gifts. I think I got more gifts than one receives at a baby shower!

 

[wackymother]

After I had my son I sent out announcements of his birth. People who wanted to send gifts. I think I got more gifts than one receives at a baby shower!

I know I LOVE to choose baby presents! I think everybody enjoys sending something for a new baby!

 

[Patri]

Well, I guess I'm different then. I think a wedding gift should convey the message, "Congratulations on your marriage", not "Thank you for inviting me to your wedding".
Kurt

Would you send a gift to anyone you knew somewhat well that you heard got married, or just those who asked you for money? Especially for my family, weddings are are so important. It brings people together for a happy occasion. My siblings and I, all scattered, are committed to attending every niece and nephew wedding, because we just can't get together often. Even friends' children's weddings, I am honored to be invited. But I would never send their kids a gift if they didn't have a gathering, yet wanted us to help them with their house.
I see the practical side to this. I doubt it will become a trend though. And since this couple looked older, (they must be established to afford a house at all), they may have everything they need for everyday use. So they chose another route to share their joy.

 

[WVBaker]

For our wedding, I wanted to use Home Depot for our gift registry.
However, DW wanted Macy's & Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Guess who won that round.
.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

 

[Sea Six]

I think having a low key wedding and asking for things that would help out the young couple is a better idea than a huge expensive wedding without the help. Having both the huge wedding and the help after is even better but if its either or then the help seems better, imo.

Bill

The original post said they eloped and had NO wedding. Not a low key one - NONE.

 

[easyrider]

The original post said they eloped and had NO wedding. Not a low key one - NONE.

My wife and I did the same almost 40 years ago. We really didn't get showered with gifts but through those early years we did get alot of help. Oddly, the judge that married us was the judge that let me off on a traffic ticket the month before.

I think if we would have asked for things we would have received them. Now days it is pretty easy to ask for help. Forty years ago you had to talk to people. Now you can post some stuff on facebook or where ever. It is easier to ask when you don't have to be present, imo.

Bill

 

[WinniWoman]

The other thing is today many people wait a long time before they get married. They wait until they are "settled' in their own estimation. Have careers, have a house, even some have kids already, got a lot of traveling done,etc.! Many are in their 30's and 40's and even 50's! It is like a delayed adulthood.

Years ago- wedding gifts were standard because the couple was young- in their twenties- many in their early twenties- and needed the gifts or money. Today- a lot of the to be wed couples have just about everything they need and probably are a lot better off than many of the guests at their wedding.

 

[wackymother]

If I were casual friends with them...not just a name on their FB list...then I would probably chip in a modest amount. If we were closer, then I would know their situation better and would give accordingly.

 

[Dori]

I get really annoyed when couples request wedding donations of money to help finance their honeymoon to exotic beach locations! Our honeymoon was spent in a tent in a campground 70 miles from home. LOL

Dori

 

[wackymother]

I get really annoyed when couples request wedding donations of money to help finance their honeymoon to exotic beach locations! Our honeymoon was spent in a tent in a campground 70 miles from home. LOL

Dori

Oh, yeah. I don't like that either. But giving toward a refrigerator? I'm okay with that.

 

[Luanne]

I get really annoyed when couples request wedding donations of money to help finance their honeymoon to exotic beach locations! Our honeymoon was spent in a tent in a campground 70 miles from home. LOL

Dori

Hmmm, my dd's bff is getting married in December. She and her fiance have been together for quite awhile and don't need anything. They did ask that all gifts go toward the wedding and honeymoon costs. Since I know the couple, know their circumstances and love them, I was happy to help with the honeymoon.

Glad you enjoyed your camping honeymoon.

 

[geekette]

I think the whole "wedding gift should be at least equal to the price of the plate per person" is a very East Coast thing. At least I'd never heard of it until fairly recently. We give based on what we're able to give at the time, and our relationship with the person/couple.

Yes, I learned of it on Tug some years back. Maybe I live in a cave, but how is anyone supposed to guess how much anyone is spending, and isn't that kind of its own gross behavior? I thought money talk was crass. It is in my family.

Sounds like it would be scary and potentially financially ruinous to have good friends of much higher income. I give to my budget and heart. I cannot keep up with the Joneses and do not want to try to calculate dollars on anything someone else spent. I can't imagine the Google gymnastics on that. Just feels like a violative investigation. I'd elope rather than have my guests guess how much I spent.

Seems like it would be a burdensome tradition. What am I missing that makes it endearing and enduring?

 

[Snazzylass]

Would you send a gift to anyone you knew somewhat well that you heard got married, or just those who asked you for money?

Um, yes, actually. I do enjoy sending wedding gifts to friends' kids. I'm far away. Often I'm friends with the boys' moms, so there's not much chance of getting an invite - which matters not. I'm just super happy for them and what to acknowledge this milestone.

 

[Snazzylass]

Obviously we were on the second list, but that's ok.

Ugh! THIS!!!
This is the ultimate in tacky! Weddings are not the family affairs of my family these days. *sigh* Whether it was the bride or groom, we had wonderful get togethers that lasted the entire weekend with everyone helping with their time and talent.
Today, different story. The much more glamorous locations and catering drives having exact numbers.

 

[DaveNV]

My niece-in-law (is that a real term?) is an event planner. She has amazing skills at creating perfect settings and scenarios for parties and events of various types. When she married my nephew, everyone kind of gulped, wondering how over the top the wedding would be, and how extravagant. We needn’t have worried.

She was amazing. The wedding and reception for a couple hundred people were held on the apple orchard farm of the groom’s parents, staged to perfection with things she gathered from various friends and family. Food was prepared on the barbecue by her father, and in the kitchen by the collective Aunts and Sisters of the couple. The wedding photographer did an amazing job, taking excellent pictures of the event. It was one of the nicest weddings I’ve ever attended, all achieved through hard work and minimal money, a hallmark of this lovely girl. She and my nephew now have two beautiful children, and everyone in the family is very proud of them, and what they’ve achieved. Not every wedding has to break the bank.

Dave

 

[Patri]

I found the link on FB. So far seven people have contributed $270.