# My husband fell



## rapmarks (Sep 25, 2020)

My husband got up for the bathroom and fell coming back to bed. I could not get him up and had to call 911. They got him to er and unfortunately he both broke and dislocated his shoulder. And hit his head too. They could not manipulate his shoulder back in place and had to cut his shoulder to get it back in place.  Unfortunately he keeps trying  to move his shoulder to see if it works which is the wrong thing to do


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## AnnieBets (Sep 25, 2020)

Sorry to hear this. Prayers for healing.


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## DaveNV (Sep 25, 2020)

Oh my goodness! That’s a terrible accident. Hope he heals completely, and soon.

Dave


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## T_R_Oglodyte (Sep 25, 2020)

Sorry. And scary.  Prayers and best wishes.


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## wackymother (Sep 25, 2020)

That must have been very frightening! Hoping for speedy recoveries for both of you.


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## clifffaith (Sep 25, 2020)

Oh, no! So sorry to hear about the ordeal both of you are going through. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.


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## MULTIZ321 (Sep 25, 2020)

Prayers and Hugs are coming your way.  Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Richard


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## Glynda (Sep 25, 2020)

OUCH! That has to be painful! So sorry!


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## x3 skier (Sep 25, 2020)

I had a fracture dislocation of my right shoulder / humerus from a fall ski racing. Fortunately the ER Doc could manipulate back into place. After some time and PT, it is better than before.

Just a note that things may turn out well

Cheers


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 25, 2020)

I’m so very sorry this happened


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## Talent312 (Sep 25, 2020)

Maybe it'll get "as good as new," but recovery is likely to be slow.
I had a rotator cuff repair 15 mos. ago, did 6 mos. of PT, and I still get sore+stiff.

.


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## Sea Six (Sep 25, 2020)

He was actually very lucky.  My wife fell like that and smashed her shoulder in several places.  She needed total shoulder replacement.  She had to wait for weeks to get the surgery because we were evacuated due to hurricane Irma and the hospitals were closed for weeks due to no power then a boil water notice. She was lucky to regain most of the use of her left arm.  Hope your husband makes a 100% recovery!


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## nerodog (Sep 25, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> My husband got up for the bathroom and fell coming back to bed. I could not get him up and had to call 911. They got him to er and unfortunately he both broke and dislocated his shoulder. And hit his head too. They could not manipulate his shoulder back in place and had to cut his shoulder to get it back in place.  Unfortunately he keeps trying  to move his shoulder to see if it works which is the wrong thing to do



Oh no ! Well thank goodness hes ok. To a speedy recuperation.


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## rapmarks (Sep 25, 2020)

Sea Six said:


> He was actually very lucky.  My wife fell like that and smashed her shoulder in several places.  She needed total shoulder replacement.  She had to wait for weeks to get the surgery because we were evacuated due to hurricane Irma and the hospitals were closed for weeks due to no power then a boil water notice. She was lucky to regain most of the use of her left arm.  Hope your husband makes a 100% recovery!


Omg that is terrible. He broke the other shoulder in three places falling on ice several years ago


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## Panina (Sep 25, 2020)

How horrible. Prayers sent for a good recovery and hugs to you.


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## tiel (Sep 25, 2020)

So sorry to hear doubt his fall.  Wishing him a speedy recovery, and strongly recommending he take his PT seriously when the time comes, to ensure maximum use of his shoulder down the road!


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## amycurl (Sep 25, 2020)

Yikes! How scary--for both you *and* him, and I am sure the dementia will only complicate the recovery. 
*big hugs all around*


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## mrsstats (Sep 25, 2020)

Sending prayers for the two of you.


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## AnnaS (Sep 25, 2020)

Scary!! Keeping you both in my thoughts.  Quick and painless recovery.


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## Nancy (Sep 25, 2020)

Sorry.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 25, 2020)

So sorry! I hope he recovers as quickly as he can! This is not easy for either of you.


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## rapmarks (Sep 25, 2020)

Thanks for all the good wishes. We are supposed to fly south on the 11th. We will see what happens I have an appointment with a dementia specialist on oct 14 that took me six months to get


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 25, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Thanks for all the good wishes. We are supposed to fly south on the 11th. We will see what happens I have an appointment with a dementia specialist on oct 14 that took me six months to get



I so hope you get to your place in FL in time for your appointment...I'm keeping you both in my prayers.


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 25, 2020)

Oh my goodness.  So sorry you are dealing with all of this.  I pray he will get better soon.


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## Passepartout (Sep 25, 2020)

Sending our best wishes for a speedy recovery. Get well soon!

Jim


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## easyrider (Sep 25, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Thanks for all the good wishes. We are supposed to fly south on the 11th. We will see what happens I have an appointment with a dementia specialist on oct 14 that took me six months to get



Good luck with everything. I hope all goes well. I usually write my important things to remember on the fridge if I can remember it that long.

Bill


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## rapmarks (Sep 25, 2020)

easyrider said:


> Good luck with everything. I hope all goes well. I usually write my important things to remember on the fridge if I can remember it that long.
> 
> Bill


The appointment is for him


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## geoand (Sep 25, 2020)

Hope that he heals. I am sure he is fortunate to have you look after him. I remember being a lousy patient when DW had to take care of me.


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## Talent312 (Sep 26, 2020)

easyrider said:


> ... I usually write my important things to remember on the fridge if I can remember it that long...



I use Alexa for reminders. She's in 6 devices (4 dots + 2 thermostats).
When she speaks from all devices in unison, its quite intimidating.



geoand said:


> I remember being a lousy patient when DW had to take care of me.



My DW goes to PT twice a week and I'm her chauffeur.
She uses a walker, which I help her with four times each trip.
I'm becoming a grumpy caretaker.

,


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## rapmarks (Sep 26, 2020)

I can’t get him out of the chair or out of bed he was trying to take off the sling that issstabilizing his shoulder


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## Patri (Sep 26, 2020)

Your tough situation just got tougher. Sometimes people heal quicker than the docs expect, but following directions helps. Your DH may not be able to.


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## turkel (Sep 26, 2020)

So sorry to hear about your DH fall. You can only do what you can do. Hopefully he won’t injure himself further. Remember to spend some time each day taking care of your self! Best wishes.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 26, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I can’t get him out of the chair or out of bed he was trying to take off the sling that issstabilizing his shoulder




If you can even get help, you really should try to hire someone to assist you with his care right now.


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## Dori (Sep 26, 2020)

Sending good thoughts for a speedy recovery. 

Dori


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## pedro47 (Sep 26, 2020)

Wishing your  husband a speedy recovery and please ask for an assistant to help you. There is no harm in asking for help. Suggestion only.

IMHO. You do not need to become ill or weak at this time.


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## Passepartout (Sep 26, 2020)

@rapmarks - I want to say this in the kindest way possible. You need to carefully assess your ability to be the sole caregiver for your husband. There may well come a time when you will need to turn his care over to more qualified hands. We know you care, but if you are not able to move him if he falls, if you lack the strength to safely transfer him in/out of bed or on/off the toilet, you need help. And if overdoing causes you injury, you both will end up in a care center. Nobody wants that. 

Worrying about upcoming travel plans and far-away appointments right now after this recent injury is probably not helpful. The immediate issue is that you both need loving- and able- care. 

The TUG community cares, but we can only do so much. We wish for all the help you need and for your husband's cooperation with his care for a speedy recovery.

Jim


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## rapmarks (Sep 26, 2020)

Bad morning. He had removed shoulder strap and was flat on his back, I couldn’t move him and I was close to calling ambulance again. 
My daughter and a friend were able to get him up and get strap back on.
My daughter has ordered a hospital bed for us.
I have been attending caregiver virtual meetings and classes. It is very difficult to get someone to move to a care facility. I have found a day care facility in Florida and was going to do that. I am not moving to assisted living with him. That is just a recipe for me to take care of him. also Covid is a big concern in facilities
I haven’t mentioned before but he thinks I have a boyfriend and go out all the time


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## WinniWoman (Sep 26, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Bad morning. He had removed shoulder strap and was flat on his back, I couldn’t move him and I was close to calling ambulance again.
> My daughter and a friend were able to get him up and get strap back on.
> My daughter has ordered a hospital bed for us.
> I have been attending caregiver virtual meetings and classes. It is very difficult to get someone to move to a care facility. I have found a day care facility in Florida and was going to do that. I am not moving to assisted living with him. That is just a recipe for me to take care of him. also Covid is a big concern in facilities
> I haven’t mentioned before but he thinks I gave a boyfriend and go out all the time



He needs home health care or to be in assisted living.  I hope you can work something out for both your sakes. This is a very hard situation. Prayers for both of you.


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## Passepartout (Sep 26, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Bad morning. He had removed shoulder strap and was flat on his back, I couldn’t move him and I was close to calling ambulance again.
> My daughter and a friend were able to get him up and get strap back on.
> My daughter has ordered a hospital bed for us.
> I have been attending caregiver virtual meetings and classes. It is very difficult to get someone to move to a care facility. I have found a day care facility in Florida and was going to do that. I am not moving to assisted living with him. That is just a recipe for me to take care of him. also Covid is a big concern in facilities
> I haven’t mentioned before but he thinks I gave a boyfriend and go out all the time


I'm terribly sorry and concerned over the situation you both find yourselves in. How are you planning on getting him to Florida? These days flying is difficult enough for able bodied (and minded) people. Airports with few services. Masks required long distances to walk and fewer wheelchair assistants. 

Does your state offer medical assistance on getting into facilities? From your description, your husband seems to need both memory care, AND now, physical assistance. You should not be the one to single-handedly, even with what help is available from your children, to provide all his care. A hospital bed may be helpful in keeping him in the bed, and free you up to not have to share the bed with him, allowing better rest for you both.

Dementia is a cruel thing. The demons that plant thoughts in the minds of the affected are REAL to them. In your husbands mind, you are the root of his problems, and if you were just there every time he opens his eyes everything would be OK. This is not likely to change when/if he gets into a care center. 

All the best to you and your family.

Jim


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## rapmarks (Sep 26, 2020)

I want to get him to Florida. I am not prepared to live in this cold climate. I have been cleaning out closets and everything in case we were unable to coMe back.  I had arranged wheel chair assistance and help onto the plane. We may have to delay our return and I may have to hire someone to fly down with me   He has tremors and is unsteady on his feet. Parkinson’s drug  gave him nightmares. I had appointments with new doctors all set up


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## dannybaker (Sep 26, 2020)

So very sorry.


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## sue1947 (Sep 26, 2020)

Lots of support your way; you are in a tough situation.   My father had Parkinson's and we are now looking into assisted living for my mother.  It's not easy and things never go as planned.  
Is it possible to get your husband into a hospital/rehab center for a few days/week while his shoulder stabilizes?  That would give you some time to sort things out and also give him the care he needs.   That would be the normal way of things, but COVID has complicated things.  However, the hospitals have gotten the COVID protocols figured out so don't let that stop you from looking into that.  My mother fell and had a concussion which led to an emergency room visit and then 3 days in another hospital while they monitored her.  I was able to visit daily and felt very safe with the protocols they had in place.   
Sue


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## rapmarks (Sep 26, 2020)

We just set up hospital bed and hopefully that will help. Too bad it us the weekend   I have some individual caregiver names and may call someone for help


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## pedro47 (Sep 26, 2020)

Suggestion only I agree with sue1947, post, if you have an internal medicine doctor , asked to have your spouse evaluated in a rehabilitation center.

I hope you have some pain pills for your love one.


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## DrQ (Sep 26, 2020)

Also, you may want to look into a lift recliner.


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## clifffaith (Sep 26, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I want to get him to Florida. I am not prepared to live in this cold climate. I have been cleaning out closets and everything in case we were unable to coMe back.  I had arranged wheel chair assistance and help onto the plane. We may have to delay our return and I may have to hire someone to fly down with me   He has tremors and is unsteady on his feet. Parkinson’s drug  gave him nightmares. I had appointments with new doctors all set up



I think hiring a male caregiver who can do potty stops and everything else that he needs on the trip down, and all the way to your second home or timeshare is the way to go. There was a terrible local story of couple visiting art museum and each going potty. Woman with dementia vanished in the few minutes her husband left her in women's room while he went to men's. It sounds like your husband could wander if not watched. I have to say that I worried about this scenario for you last year, now when a physical injury could be even more taxing to his mental faculties, I think it is imperative that you have help on the trip for both your sakes.


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## amycurl (Sep 26, 2020)

> I use Alexa for reminders.


My Alexa is *terrible* about reminders. I basically have to still remind *her* about quite a bit. I mean, she *is* fourteen years old....  

There's three weeks before you need to head to FL. I think you could probably get him in a position to fly, because I think that appointment is uber-important, and I would do everything in my power to make sure he can make it.


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## rapmarks (Sep 26, 2020)

clifffaith said:


> I think hiring a male caregiver who can do potty stops and everything else that he needs on the trip down, and all the way to your second home or timeshare is the way to go. There was a terrible local story of couple visiting art museum and each going potty. Woman with dementia vanished in the few minutes her husband left her in women's room while he went to men's. It sounds like your husband could wander if not watched. I have to say that I worried about this scenario for you last year, now when a physical injury could be even more taxing to his mental faculties, I think it is imperative that you have help on the trip for both your sakes.


Funny but thus one area that seems to have remained intact. I also have dementia bracelet on him that has Lee county sheriff. The code will tell the sheriff  to call me


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## Sandi Bo (Sep 26, 2020)

So sorry to hear of your husband's fall. I sure hope you can get him south. 3 weeks gives you some time for him to heal, but sounds like you have quite a challenge on your hands. Take care of yourself, hope you can find some help.


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## headoflife (Sep 27, 2020)

Sending good thoughts to both of you.


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

headoflife said:


> Sending good thoughts to both of you.


Thanks. Just discovered him halfway down the bed trying to get out, legs swung over the side. By getting back to the top of the bed and pulling the bed up high I was able to get him out if bed and into the bathroom.  It’s now 4 am and maybe he will sleep to morning


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## nerodog (Sep 27, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> If you can even get help, you really should try to hire someone to assist you with his care right now.


Agree! Home health aides through your insurance ?


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

I spoke to someone at insurance and we do have some coverage but couldn’t get into our plan. I found out provider has to initiate the claim. I left a message with social worker at hospital that I want their help setting something up. First thing Monday morning I will be calling insurance. I have a name of someone who is a male who said he will help with personal care. He us not with an agency but I will try him


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## pedro47 (Sep 27, 2020)

Suggestion only these are some items you may need; a recliner chair for you,  a night light, a bed pan/ urinal, a folding walker, rash cream, Male Depends, gloves, disposable mattress pads, washable waterproof bed pads, hygiene bags, a bottle of odor & stain remover, a bucket/pail and a wheel chair. Tape the remote for the hospital bed so he cannot reach or touch it.

Wishing you strength in this journey.  Please seek some help and advice in his care.


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## Carron (Sep 27, 2020)

Would it be possible to have him use a urinal in bed to avoid more falls?


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

Carron said:


> Would it be possible to have him use a urinal in bed to avoid more falls?


I wish they had supplied one at hospital.


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## Sandi Bo (Sep 27, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I wish they had supplied one at hospital.


Where do you live?  If you want to PM me your city, state, I can ask my sister for some help/tips. She does home healthcare in CT. Even when I hurt my knee she was able to provide me with several local (NE) programs that would loan or rent shower seats, portable commodes, toilet rails, crutches, walkers, wheel chairs, etc. She had many good suggestions for helping me safely maneuver about my home. I suspect there are organizations in your area that would supply those type things to get you by for a few weeks.

When my Dad had his stroke, they had a pressure mat in his bed. If he got out of bed by himself, it set off an alarm. This was in a rehab center (not the hospital). So I think fairly portable (maybe could be used in a home). I wonder if you could get hold of something like that?  (Personally hated it, didn't look comfortable at all, but that's a whole 'nother thing).


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## Talent312 (Sep 27, 2020)

You may want to look at the items on https://www.healthproductsforyou.com
No affiliation... Just looking.


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## easyrider (Sep 27, 2020)

A few things I remember when care giving that might help are to get the manual on care giving and if you have time go to a few classes. We became certified care givers in Washington after 40 hours of classes. To keep the certification in Washington we have to complete 2 hours of online classes each year. The classes included dementia care and many other concerns.

Medicare will pay for one wheel chair with a doctors prescription. If you can get the motorized wheel chair with medicare take it and pay for your own transport wheel chair out of pocket. The transport chairs cost about $150 compared to over $3000 for the motorized wheel chair. 

Lift chairs and hospital beds are found regularly on craigslist , senior citizen classified bulletin boards and thrift stores.

Fold-able wheelchair ramps are nice because they are easily removable.

Lift belts really help to direct a persons fall. Often times it is better to let the person fall than to try to support their weight.



			https://www.dshs.wa.gov/sites/default/files/publications/documents/22-277.pdf


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## clifffaith (Sep 27, 2020)

I just sent a note to my sister wondering why no one on Dad's medical team has suggested a lift belt. He can not truly take a step, and can stand just long enough for my mother to turn him around to get from the wheel chair to his lazy boy or the commode. At which point he flops with all his weight into the new seat. About six weeks ago he tilted sideways and crashed down breaking the lamp table as he was getting out of the lazy boy. That's when I found out he can no longer sit upright under his own power -- Mom got him seated with his back against the sofa while waiting for the hospice nurse to come get him up, but within a few minutes he toppled  over because he can't sit up.


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## GrayFal (Sep 27, 2020)

I am so sorry to hear this. Remember to take care of yourself.


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

Ironically I was scheduled for the first of 7 caregiver classes Friday morning.  I was able to get in for about an hour of the class during surgery. I attend the Workshops  every two weeks sponsored by Afa but I have no calling to be a nurse. No upper body strength


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## Passepartout (Sep 27, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I wish they had supplied one at hospital.


You can get one in any drugstore- like Walmart or Rite-Aid or Walgreen's. Under $10.


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## pedro47 (Sep 27, 2020)

One other suggestion please apply for a handicapped placed and license plates.
Ask your physician for the DMV Form or you can go line with DMV and take the form into your physician office to be complete.


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## pedro47 (Sep 27, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Ironically I was scheduled for the first of 7 caregiver classes Friday morning.  I was able to get in for about an hour of the class during surgery. I attend the Workshops  every two weeks sponsored by Afa but I have no calling to be a nurse. No upper body strength


This  I can understand.


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## cyntravel (Sep 27, 2020)

So sorry to hear. Will be praying.


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility


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## Talent312 (Sep 27, 2020)

So sorry that you are having to deal with this.
Sadly, this was inevitable. Now, at least, maybe they'll handle it.
,


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## Panina (Sep 27, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility


Keep insisting on rehab facility, say you can’t take care of him between the medical problem and dementia.  You are a good wife.  You have taken good care of him but you must realize that with the dementia each situation will get harder and harder.  It seems his dementia is getting in the way of him realizing what he does is going to hurt him.  You cannot watch him 24/7.  It will take a toll on you.  You are no good to him if you don’t take care of yourself first.  May dad had dementia and it just gets worse and is heartbreaking.  I am so sorry you both have to go through this.


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## bogey21 (Sep 27, 2020)

After my divorce 21 years ago at age 65 I decided to make sure my kids would never have to go through this kind of thing with me.  I moved into a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community).  My status has been (and for that matter still is) Independent Living.  It is no different than living in a apartment with meals provided.  It is kind of like living in a community with 400 neighbors, many of which have become good friends.  If physically I ever get into a situation like we are discussing here I will be moved to the Assisted Living Floor and be a burden to no one but the paid Caregivers...

Note that we have a number  of couples here where one requires round the clock assistance.  In that case that individual is moved to Assisted Living and their spouse continues on in Independent Living in their Apartment...

I know everyone's situation is different but it is something to think about...

George


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## sue1947 (Sep 27, 2020)

Panina said:


> Keep insisting on rehab facility, say you can’t take care of him between the medical problem and dementia.  You are a good wife.  You have taken good care of him but you must realize that with the dementia each situation will get harder and harder.  It seems his dementia is getting in the way of him realizing what he does is going to hurt him.  You cannot watch him 24/7.  It will take a toll on you.  You are no good to him if you don’t take care of yourself first.  May dad had dementia and it just gets worse and is heartbreaking.  I am so sorry you both have to go through this.



This.  A like wasn't enough.  He and you both need him to be in rehab.  
(Big hug from your tug friends).


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## easyrider (Sep 27, 2020)

clifffaith said:


> I just sent a note to my sister wondering why no one on Dad's medical team has suggested a lift belt. He can not truly take a step, and can stand just long enough for my mother to turn him around to get from the wheel chair to his lazy boy or the commode. At which point he flops with all his weight into the new seat. About six weeks ago he tilted sideways and crashed down breaking the lamp table as he was getting out of the lazy boy. That's when I found out he can no longer sit upright under his own power -- Mom got him seated with his back against the sofa while waiting for the hospice nurse to come get him up, but within a few minutes he toppled  over because he can't sit up.



Some lift belts have handles that make it easier to grab. It is often better to direct a fall than to try to prevent the fall by using the lift belt or just pushing the person. It seems like men fall like a tree and need more area to land. Women seem to crumple straight down to their feet which can break a leg.

Bill


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## rapmarks (Sep 28, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> After my divorce 21 years ago at age 65 I decided to make sure my kids would never have to go through this kind of thing with me.  I moved into a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community).  My status has been (and for that matter still is) Independent Living.  It is no different than living in a apartment with meals provided.  It is kind of like living in a community with 400 neighbors, many of which have become good friends.  If physically I ever get into a situation like we are discussing here I will be moved to the Assisted Living Floor and be a burden to no one but the paid Caregivers...
> 
> Note that we have a number  of couples here where one requires round the clock assistance.  In that case that individual is moved to Assisted Living and their spouse continues on in Independent Living in their Apartment...
> 
> ...


You are one of the considerate people. My aunts did that too so as to not burden us. My father mother and mother in law,  no way


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## pedro47 (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility


Please Ask to admit him to a rehab facility for observation. Praying and  Wishing you peace of mind. May Pesce Be With You Both.


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## beejaybeeohio (Sep 28, 2020)

Hope his recovery proceeds without any glitches.


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## Patri (Sep 28, 2020)

Oh rap, you really are in a serious situation. It appears to be time to turn over DHs care to others. You will come to see how much your life has been subdued as you devoted all your energies to him. You will be able to breathe again. Please consider a facility for DH or lots of in-home care. In both scenarios you are demonstrating your love and commitment to that dear man.


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## riverdees05 (Sep 28, 2020)

So sorry, prayers for a speedy recovery!


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## Passepartout (Sep 28, 2020)

Hoping for the best for you both. At least now he's in the hands of professionals, with training and access to resources that can help both of you get on your feet and move forward to a more sustainable living situation. 
I know it's hard right now, but stay positive. It will all work out. Just in case, here's a giant TUG {{{{HUG}}} for you!

Jim


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## GrayFal (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility


Reminder....you do NOT have to take him home. Insist on rehab facility. You can not safely care for him. Key word to emphasis is UNSAFE. 
Praying for you both.


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## twise625 (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility



I went through something like this (need for rehab, but not with the dementia added on) recently with both my mother in law and my father.  To qualify for rehab they generally need to require 3 therapies, I believe, and be expected to be able to participate in therapy and improve function.  Neither my MIL or father qualified for rehab (MIL with terminal cancer and broken hip, father post stroke and open heart surgery).  Instead, they were approved for a lesser level of care in a skilled nursing facility, which was covered by Medicare for a period of time.  In both cases, however, I had to get involved and insist that the discharge planning involve further inpatient care - both my MIL and father wanted to go home but were not able to do basics like get up and down, get to bathroom, etc.  

Even at the skilled nursing facility, however, Medicare would only continue to cover the care if they were active in therapy and making progress to get discharged (there are # of day limits as well).   If they are not able to meet the qualifications for coverage, then you either have to take them home or become private-pay, regardless of whether or not they are independent with their activities of daily living.  My mother was not able to physically handle my father's care.  It was not safe for him to remain at home, so we began talking to the social worker at the skilled nursing facility about applying for Medicaid coverage for him.   My dad has 12 lives, I am convinced, and he pulled through and was able to go back home before we had to pull the trigger on that.  

If you do not have a long-term care insurance policy that will cover dementia care in a skilled nursing facility,  I suggest that it is time to see an elder care attorney to discuss your options and how best to protect your assets and get him the long-term care that he is going to need.  This is such a tough situation, but it is too much for you to handle alone.  After my father's stroke, we set up a trust and transferred their investments and many other assets to the trust.  Our state has a 5 year look-back for transfer of assets and they apply various penalties for Medicaid eligibility.  State rules are different.  An elder law attorney will know how to best protect you both.  My heart goes out to you in this difficult time.


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## bogey21 (Sep 28, 2020)

twise625 said:


> If you do not have a long-term care insurance policy that will cover dementia care in a skilled nursing facility,  I suggest that it is time to see an elder care attorney to discuss your options and how best to protect your assets and get him the long-term care that he is going to need.  This is such a tough situation, but it is too much for you to handle alone.



I avoid attorneys like the plague but would make an exception here.  Consulting with an elder care attorney is the sensible thing to do in this situation...

George


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## nerodog (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I spoke to someone at insurance and we do have some coverage but couldn’t get into our plan. I found out provider has to initiate the claim. I left a message with social worker at hospital that I want their help setting something up. First thing Monday morning I will be calling insurance. I have a name of someone who is a male who said he will help with personal care. He us not with an agency but I will try him


A Doctors  order to request assistance  should be helpful!


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## Passepartout (Sep 28, 2020)

twise625 said:


> I went through something like this (need for rehab, but not with the dementia added on) recently with both my mother in law and my father.  To qualify for rehab they generally need to require 3 therapies, I believe, and be expected to be able to participate in therapy and improve function.  Neither my MIL or father qualified for rehab (MIL with terminal cancer and broken hip, father post stroke and open heart surgery).  Instead, they were approved for a lesser level of care in a skilled nursing facility, which was covered by Medicare for a period of time.  In both cases, however, I had to get involved and insist that the discharge planning involve further inpatient care - both my MIL and father wanted to go home but were not able to do basics like get up and down, get to bathroom, etc.
> 
> Even at the skilled nursing facility, however, Medicare would only continue to cover the care if they were active in therapy and making progress to get discharged (there are # of day limits as well).   If they are not able to meet the qualifications for coverage, then you either have to take them home or become private-pay, regardless of whether or not they are independent with their activities of daily living.  My mother was not able to physically handle my father's care.  It was not safe for him to remain at home, so we began talking to the social worker at the skilled nursing facility about applying for Medicaid coverage for him.   My dad has 12 lives, I am convinced, and he pulled through and was able to go back home before we had to pull the trigger on that.
> 
> If you do not have a long-term care insurance policy that will cover dementia care in a skilled nursing facility,  I suggest that it is time to see an elder care attorney to discuss your options and how best to protect your assets and get him the long-term care that he is going to need.  This is such a tough situation, but it is too much for you to handle alone.  After my father's stroke, we set up a trust and transferred their investments and many other assets to the trust.  Our state has a 5 year look-back for transfer of assets and they apply various penalties for Medicaid eligibility.  State rules are different.  An elder law attorney will know how to best protect you both.  My heart goes out to you in this difficult time.


The above is sensible advice. Sadly a couple of years late when it comes to Medicaid look-back, but you can't change that. Get to an elder law specialist ASAP.

Jim


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I wish they had supplied one at hospital.



Oh, I'm so sorry you are going thru all of this as you try to depart for FL...


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## Carron (Sep 28, 2020)

nerodog said:


> A Doctors  order to request assistance  should be helpful!


Very helpful if you have a friend/family member who works in the medical system to help you navigate through this....


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## rapmarks (Sep 28, 2020)

apparently it is extremely difficult to find a place at a skilled nursing facility


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## Carron (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> apparently it is extremely difficult to find a place at a skilled nursing facility


Is your husband a veteran?  Placement in a facility is where the social workers come in.  You can look up ratings at specific facilities at Medicare.gov


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## Cornell (Sep 28, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> After my divorce 21 years ago at age 65 I decided to make sure my kids would never have to go through this kind of thing with me.  I moved into a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community).  My status has been (and for that matter still is) Independent Living.  It is no different than living in a apartment with meals provided.  It is kind of like living in a community with 400 neighbors, many of which have become good friends.  If physically I ever get into a situation like we are discussing here I will be moved to the Assisted Living Floor and be a burden to no one but the paid Caregivers...
> 
> Note that we have a number  of couples here where one requires round the clock assistance.  In that case that individual is moved to Assisted Living and their spouse continues on in Independent Living in their Apartment...
> 
> ...


My mother did this, too, as a gift to us (her children).  I sleep very well at night because of this. You are a good man.


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## Patri (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> apparently it is extremely difficult to find a place at a skilled nursing facility


The only reason the nursing home took my husband was because we are private pay. They were only accepting Medicare patients for rehab otherwise, at least during covid. No Medicaid. And yes, I set up a trust two years ago. I consulted an elder care attorney. Right now she, my tax preparer, and my financial advisor are talking, and I'll meet with them soon for our plan regarding the five-year look back.


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## klpca (Sep 28, 2020)

Wow. So much going on. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the avalanche of medical issues.


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## Passepartout (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> apparently it is extremely difficult to find a place at a skilled nursing facility


The Social Workers at his rehab facility have resources to make this happen to coincide when he gets released. Work closely with them. It's always a surprise when the loved one hits that magic 100 or 120 days (I can't remember) or is deemed uncooperative in his care and is released. There are also Ombudsmen whose job it is to negotiate for the patient and family. Use them.

Jim


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## rapmarks (Sep 28, 2020)

This is for a short stay about a week and it will be covered  by insurance. Yes we will he private pay when he goes in a nursing home. I do not intend to spend down,  become destitute,  and get him in Medicaid. There are no rooms right now for various reasons and I have been going over the list with the social worker


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## jackio (Sep 28, 2020)

I am so very sorry for all your troubles.  I am thinking of the both of you and wishing you well.
My MIL just spent 100 days in rehab after Covid.  The hospitalization left her too weak to walk and Medicare paid for rehab for 28 days.  She then became a partial pay, perhaps due to her government retirement insurance.  She had to pay $178/day for the remaining days.  After 100 days she was going to have to go to full self-pay (several hundred dollars/day) and she was discharged, ready or not.  She ended up back home with aides for now.


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## AnnaS (Sep 28, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I am hospital now. He was screaming in pain and they are admitting him to hospital tonight and maybe to rehab facility



He should not be sent home.  You should speak to a social worker while he is at the hospital.  First choice, rehab.  Once you are home, much harder to get into rehab and get an aide to come home.  Choice 1 - Rehab center.  Choice 2 - he only comes home if social worker set's up a nurse to come and evaluate for an aide.  I think all insurances cover this - it is only temporary and a few hours a day.  It's a start.  

Maybe you can pay someone cash for an additional few hours.  Take the aide as long as the insurance pays until you have worked something else out.  

I am sorry you are going through this alone.  Any help/suggestions from kids?  

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## rapmarks (Sep 28, 2020)

jackio said:


> I am so very sorry for all your troubles.  I am thinking of the both of you and wishing you well.
> My MIL just spent 100 days in rehab after Covid.  The hospitalization left her too weak to walk and Medicare paid for rehab for 28 days.  She then became a partial pay, perhaps due to her government retirement insurance.  She had to pay $178/day for the remaining days.  After 100 days she was going to have to go to full self-pay (several hundred dollars/day) and she was discharged, ready or not.  She ended up back home with aides for now.


Yes I went through all that with my parents. Basically took care of parents, in laws, and aunts from 1972 to 2014. By the time they passed away my husband had already shown many signs of dementia


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## rapmarks (Sep 28, 2020)

Luckily I had started working with the county agency this summer. The dementia specialist is acting as our advocate


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## nerodog (Sep 28, 2020)

Carron said:


> Very helpful if you have a friend/family member who works in the medical system to help you navigate through this....


I am retired from the health field. True,  so helpful to have someone  help you navigate  . Try the SW st the hospital.  They will know all the vacancies in skilled nursing homes etc


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## stmartinfan (Sep 28, 2020)

I just want to say I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this.  I know from your previous comments that you've been working hard to provide a safe, enjoyable environment for your husband as his dementia has progressed.  I hope you'll be able to find a next stage for care that will work for both of you.


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## Nancy (Sep 28, 2020)

Hugs to you.  What a sad difficult situation.


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## nerodog (Sep 29, 2020)

nerodog said:


> I am retired from the health field. True,  so helpful to have someone  help you navigate  . Try the SW st the hospital.  They will know all the vacancies in skilled nursing homes etc


Also reach out to the Alzheimer's  organization in your area. They have wonderful  staff with loads of information  to assist you.


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## headoflife (Sep 29, 2020)

I am not sure how things have chaged wiuth COVID, but I hope you can get him into a short term placement soon.  If you think he will end up staying in a skilled bursing facility, and not coming home, my suggestion would be to try to find someplace he can stay, so you do not need to move him from one location to another.  My mother suffered from dementia, and changes always exacerbated her condition.  We had a live in assistant with her, so she was able to have as much consistancy as possible, and it actually was less expensive than a SNF.  Continuing to send you good thoughts.


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## mentalbreak (Sep 30, 2020)

I hope that you have been able to catch your breath and get some sleep since your husband’s return to the hospital.  You have both been in my prayers. Please take care of yourself and utilize the advocates that are there to help you both.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 30, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> After my divorce 21 years ago at age 65 I decided to make sure my kids would never have to go through this kind of thing with me.  I moved into a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community).  My status has been (and for that matter still is) Independent Living.  It is no different than living in a apartment with meals provided.  It is kind of like living in a community with 400 neighbors, many of which have become good friends.  If physically I ever get into a situation like we are discussing here I will be moved to the Assisted Living Floor and be a burden to no one but the paid Caregivers...
> 
> Note that we have a number  of couples here where one requires round the clock assistance.  In that case that individual is moved to Assisted Living and their spouse continues on in Independent Living in their Apartment...
> 
> ...



The ideal situation I believe.

We looked into this also before we moved, but the cost was prohibitive, especially since we are just in our 60’s and it could be a good number of years before we even need care if we even do.

Of course, no one knows what their future holds.


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## rapmarks (Sep 30, 2020)

Looks like it is unsafe to come home
Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy   No beds at nursing homes.  When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion   They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 30, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Looks like it is unsafe to come home
> Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy   No beds at nursing homes.  When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion   They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him




Oh wow, it sounds like you will not be going to FL this year... I'm so sorry for everything you are having to go thru...much love and hugs


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## Passepartout (Sep 30, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Looks like it is unsafe to come home
> Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy   No beds at nursing homes.  When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion   They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him


That's sad, but under the circumstances, you can feel relieved that he is getting the best care available. And you can see that you have been doing a great job, pretty much single handedly caring for your beloved husband. May peace be with you, and we're wishing him a speedy recovery and pray that he has the willpower to take rehab and therapy seriously.

Florida will be there waiting for you.

Jim


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## GrayFal (Sep 30, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Looks like it is unsafe to come home
> Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy   No beds at nursing homes.  When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion   They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him


Reminder that you along with a paid caregiver can take him. There are agencies that will provide that service for a fee. 
Hugs


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## AnnaS (Oct 2, 2020)

GM - how are you and your husband doing?


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## rapmarks (Oct 2, 2020)

Yesterday I moved my husband to an assisted living facility. the hold up was that I had to furnish the room and I needed help to move the furniture.
It seems like a decent place. He is unhappy about not coming home and I hope the stay is short. I can visit one hour a day on the porch. There are some men there and he can eat his meals with them which he will enjoy. It is lonely at home without him. He is getting better. Physical therapy will come twice a week. His chair and bed have alarms in case he tries to get up by himself


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## sue1947 (Oct 2, 2020)

Glad to hear he is safe and getting the help he needs.  Now make sure you get the care you need (sleep and rest is probably top of the list).  You've done an excellent job of dealing with a difficult situation.    Your husband may be unhappy about not coming home, but I'm sure that he, pre-dementia, would agree this is the right place for him.


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## rapmarks (Oct 2, 2020)

Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing.  Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little.  Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.


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## Passepartout (Oct 2, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing.  Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little.  Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.


I remember those conversations with my mom as she mentally declined. Don't let it sway you. Your husband is safe and getting the best care available to him now. His 'hating it there' is simply wishful thinking that he wants his situation to return to a happier, healthier time in his life at home. You know that that isn't possible and is unlikely to ever return. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but sadly, it's just a natural part of the progression of life. Perhaps you should find a group (your social worker can recommend some) of other people- family members- who are going through this too. Millions of people find themselves responsible for the care of disabled loved ones every year. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Jim


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## rapmarks (Oct 2, 2020)

Passepartout said:


> I remember those conversations with my mom as she mentally declined. Don't let it sway you. Your husband is safe and getting the best care available to him now. His 'hating it there' is simply wishful thinking that he wants his situation to return to a happier, healthier time in his life at home. You know that that isn't possible and is unlikely to ever return. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but sadly, it's just a natural part of the progression of life. Perhaps you should find a group (your social worker can recommend some) of other people- family members- who are going through this too. Millions of people find themselves responsible for the care of disabled loved ones every year. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
> 
> Jim


I am with three online caregiver groups.  I virtual attend Alzheimers national conferences every other week , I attended seven weeks of caregiver conferences in Jan and Feb and now am attending a seven week conference.  all of these are very helpful.  My biggest worry  is that this stay will cause a substantial dip in his mental situation.  He still has the ability to stay at home.  I had lined up "day care" in Florida and bus service to it.  I want him home as long as possible


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## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing.  Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little.  Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.


Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it.  Say it many different ways as you can.  Tell him All you planned when he gets home.  Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory.  Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home.  Now take care of yourself that you have some time.


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## pedro47 (Oct 2, 2020)

The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.


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## clifffaith (Oct 2, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.



Wish I could make my mother understand this. Dad almost pulled both of them to the ground Monday evening -- only because the wheelchair "fought back" and righted itself did they both not end up under it.


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## nerodog (Oct 2, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Looks like it is unsafe to come home
> Only option now to to self pay at assisted living, furnish the room there and have home health services come in to give him therapy   No beds at nursing homes.  When he is well enough he will get physical therapy for range of motion   They said perhaps then he could go back to Florida if someone from family accompanied him


Have you placed your husband  on a waiting list ? Does he qualify for nursing home care ?  There are several with Alzheimer's  units which would  eliminate  several moves.  Advise using hospital SW to provide direction  and assistance for you both.


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## nerodog (Oct 2, 2020)

Panina said:


> Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it.  Say it many different ways as you can.  Tell him All you planned when he gets home.  Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory.  Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home.  Now take care of yourself that you have some time.


Bring familiar items from home . Its do hard and disorienting.  My thoughts  are with you.


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## rapmarks (Oct 2, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> The key, the OP, must take care of her mind and body.


Yes. Emphasized in all the caregiver classes, take care of yourself.  My husband will be coming home and we will still go to Florida I may hire someone to fly down with us. Many more options in Florida and that is our residence.  
We probably won’t be able to return to Wisconsin but I am keeping the house  I have been getting rid of things and am planning on letting kids know what is valuable,sentimental, or important to us.  now I can wheel about four boxes of trophies to the street on garbage day without him knowing.


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## rapmarks (Oct 2, 2020)

Panina said:


> Being you are planning to bring him home keep telling him as soon as his shoulder heals he will come home and you are looking forward to it.  Say it many different ways as you can.  Tell him All you planned when he gets home.  Hopefully something positive will stick in his memory.  Common with dementia patients, I was told with my dad, is they all want to be home.  Now take care of yourself that you have some time.


I have little cards in his room and bathroom telling him that


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## AnnaS (Oct 3, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Needless to say he hates it there, says it is depressing.  Seemed like his mental condition has gone down a little.  Will do a porch visit, a cold porch visit this afternoon.



Glad to hear he is safe and getting the help he needs.  Thinking of you and hoping all your plans workout.


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## Carron (Oct 18, 2020)

How are things going with your husband?


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## rapmarks (Oct 18, 2020)

I brought him home  this weekend. I have to help him dress and shower. He walks pretty well, not shaky at all.  He has always slept on the right side but he couldn’t get out of bed that way. So sleeping on left side and he can get up but it takes a lot of help.
I believe he has started sundowning, he is unfamiliar with the house in the evening. 
Shoulder very slow healing, Still no strength, he can’t move the arm much and hoping it doesn’t freeze.  It has been three and a half weeks,  he is pleasant but confused.
Occupational therapist coming in morning. I know I won’t be able to leave him alone.  I did get him into a research study on dementia in Florida planning to leave in three weeks and sure hope we can go

tonight is bad. I have had three hours of waiting on him. Make sure he can get up. How to turn off tv. How to turn on tv. Doesn’t like what is on tv. Turns it off. Makes me come back and turn it on. Then he can’t find the remote
My daughter made me feel like a heel for  placing him in assisted living. Problem is he slept in front of tv all day and is wide awake now.


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## sue1947 (Oct 18, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> My daughter made me feel like a heel for placing him in assisted living.


She doesn't know or understand.  Can/will she spell you for a few days so she can really understand the impact?


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## pedro47 (Oct 19, 2020)

ask your daughter to care for him for just eight (8) hours, while you take care of some personal business.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I brought him home  this weekend. I have to help him dress and shower. He walks pretty well, not shaky at all.  He has always slept on the right side but he couldn’t get out of bed that way. So sleeping on left side and he can get up but it takes a lot of help.
> I believe he has started sundowning, he is unfamiliar with the house in the evening.
> Shoulder very slow healing, Still no strength, he can’t move the arm much and hoping it doesn’t freeze.  It has been three and a half weeks,  he is pleasant but confused.
> Occupational therapist coming in morning. I know I won’t be able to leave him alone.  I did get him into a research study on dementia in Florida planning to leave in three weeks and sure hope we can go
> ...



Don't let your daughter or anyone else make you feel like a heel.  I agree with Pedro, ask your daughter to come over and spend a day with him while you get errands done, once someone walks in your shoes they will become silent.  I'm glad your going to FL, I think it will be better to be in a warmer climate...much love


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

My daughter hasn’t even come over to see him all weekend. She is a block away
The occupational therapist was here. She says he has gone downhill from a week ago. She says not being able to get out Of bed is mental not physical  she made some recommendations


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> My daughter hasn’t even come over to see him all weekend. She is a block away
> The occupational therapist was here. She says he has gone downhill from a week ago. She says not being able to get out Of bed is mental not physical  she made some recommendations



If your daughter is too busy to come over then she is too busy to be telling you how to manager your hubby. I'm so sorry that you are going thru this by yourself....


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## Talent312 (Oct 19, 2020)

IMHO, it was mistake to bring him home... You've well earned some peace + rest.
I suspect you could'a said, "We can't take him," and they would'a had to find a place.
Or your daughter could have stepped up to the plate. That's what kids are for, right?
.


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## Glynda (Oct 19, 2020)

I agree. Your daughter needs to care for him for a day and night at least and give you a break to go somewhere alone.


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

My husband is mr sweetness when a younger woman is around. His mother was same way. I remember nursing home calling us that she was dying. Then six young emts showed up and she was batting her eyelashes at them


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## elaine (Oct 19, 2020)

at this point, you need to have the professionals assess what is best for him and what you can reasonably provide and proceed according to that, including assisted living arrangements, etc. You DD's view is fairly common with family..."no we can put mom/dad into a nursing home, etc.", not realizing the totality of the situation. It's never an easy thing. My DSIL just went through this with her Mom.


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## nerodog (Oct 19, 2020)

You are the main decision  maker and caretaker.  Your daughter  has several opinions yet  doesnt  seem to offer much needed care and support.  I ran into this with my sibling who never seemed to be around when needed. Do you think perhaps it's too emotionally difficult  to see this situation  so she avoids ?  Just a thought.  Time to have a heart to heart with her. You are doing a great job.


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

I have been riding around for weeks with my trunk full of donations for a thrift shop but no one is taking donations 
I took out four belts  and strung them together and but them through a leg of the bed.  With my help my husband should be able to hold on and pull himself up. I have asked someone to pick up and install two safety bars  in the shower. Might make life a little easier and safer


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## clifffaith (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I have been riding around for weeks with my trunk full of donations for a thrift shop but no one is taking donations
> I took out four belts  and strung them together and but them through a leg of the bed.  With my help my husband should be able to hold on and pull himself up. I have asked someone to pick up and install two safety bars  in the shower. Might make life a little easier and safer



Maybe a shower chair/stool would also be helpful.


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## sue1947 (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I have been riding around for weeks with my trunk full of donations for a thrift shop but no one is taking donations
> I took out four belts  and strung them together and but them through a leg of the bed.  With my help my husband should be able to hold on and pull himself up. I have asked someone to pick up and install two safety bars  in the shower. Might make life a little easier and safer


My mother had a difficult time getting from the edge of the bed in the rest of the way.  I tied some long shoelaces (think the kind of round ones used for leather boots so they are longer) around the bed rail on the opposite side of the bed and then tied a large loop at the other end.   She could grab the laces and pull herself over enough to get into a sleeping position.  Small enough to not get in the way for sleeping, but large enough to grab ahold of.  It helped a great deal until she got her strength back.


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

clifffaith said:


> Maybe a shower chair/stool would also be helpful.


Tried that. Didn’t work he couldn’t get back up


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## MULTIZ321 (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Tried that. Didn’t work he couldn’t get back up


Hi. Rapmarks,

Diid the shower chair have handles on both sides? Also was it within reach of a grab bar?  That would make a big difference.

Richard


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

Just got grab bars put in and a hand held shower head. Also had a rope installed going from bed frame at bottom. He can pull himself up now in bed.


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## VacationForever (Oct 19, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Just got grab bars put in and a hand held shower head. Also had a rope installed going from bed frame at bottom. He can pull himself up now in bed.


In nursing home they have "trapeze" for residents to get themselves out of bed.  In a home environment you will need a contractor to install it.


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## rapmarks (Oct 19, 2020)

VacationForever said:


> In nursing home they have "trapeze" for residents to get themselves out of bed.  In a home environment you will need a contractor to install it.


Yes my brother in law has, he us permanently disabled . My husband Just needs a small assist and only until he gets more strength. And a licensed contractor did all the work here plus us putting in a gate at top of stairs


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## clifffaith (Oct 19, 2020)

VacationForever said:


> In nursing home they have "trapeze" for residents to get themselves out of bed.  In a home environment you will need a contractor to install it.



For the life of me I couldn't remember what that was called. My mother has reordered a hospital bed because my dad is very close to not being able to stand long enough to move from wheelchair to LazyBoy/bed/commode. 22 months ago when he first came home from the hospital to hospice care he could use the trapeze; I'm 90% sure he couldn't use it at all now.


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## DeniseM (Oct 19, 2020)

Once you get to Florida, you can rent a hospital bed with an attached trapeze.


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## VacationForever (Oct 19, 2020)

clifffaith said:


> For the life of me I couldn't remember what that was called. My mother has reordered a hospital bed because my dad is very close to not being able to stand long enough to move from wheelchair to LazyBoy/bed/commode. 22 months ago when he first came home from the hospital to hospice care he could use the trapeze; I'm 90% sure he couldn't use it at all now.


There are options like Hoyer lift and an even better one called Sara lift.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 20, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I have been riding around for weeks with my trunk full of donations for a thrift shop but no one is taking donations
> I took out four belts  and strung them together and but them through a leg of the bed.  With my help my husband should be able to hold on and pull himself up. I have asked someone to pick up and install two safety bars  in the shower. Might make life a little easier and safer



I had the same problem, I had truck filled with donations but no one is taking them in my area of MI.  I finally just put everthing out at the curb last night and low and behold today is garbage day and all of that stuff is gone, just my garbage cans remain...

You are very resourceful, that was a great idea about the belts...


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## WinniWoman (Oct 20, 2020)

VacationForever said:


> In nursing home they have "trapeze" for residents to get themselves out of bed.  In a home environment you will need a contractor to install it.



A Hoyer Lift.


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## VacationForever (Oct 20, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> A Hoyer Lift.


Trapeze is a separate device from a Hoyer or Sara lift.  Trapeze is installed above the bed.


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## Carron (Oct 20, 2020)

Care.com may be a good resource to give yourself a break


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