# [ 2020 ] Join me in my Journey - My Next Chapter



## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

I never thought I would be here now, starting a new beginning at 60.  Seems unreal as my age does too.  I look and feel younger but the reality is I am still starting over at 60.

I know this new journey is necessary.  I always hope the best is yet to come and with the unknown ahead I realize all my emotions are ok and I just need to venture, feel and emerge happier and better off.

I was married to my husband almost 25 years when he suddenly passed in front of me from a brain aneurysm.  I was 48.  The loss was tremendous. This now can’t come close to the pain I felt.  I was fortunate to have the love I did.  Some never find it.  

I knew my current relationship was a mistake a few years in but I loved my step daughter so much and felt if I left she had no chance.  I always said I was in her fathers life not for her father but for her.  No regrets she was worth all I gave and lost.

So now I am in a holding pattern with this pandemic. It will take time to move on.  It needs to be safe.

I am splitting with my other half amicably.  It definitely could be bitter but I feel there is nothing gained fighting it out.  He is finally on board with doing it friendly.  He really doesn’t have a choice.  I think he was shocked how much I ultimately mean to his daughter.  In his mind he thought she would be happy I was out of her life.  He never understood the beautiful dynamics me and his daughter have.

So originally he was supposed to find a new home and move out.  That isn’t going to happen.  He told me if I don’t want the house he wants it and will stay.  This from a man who fought me every step of the way moving always saying he hates the house and neighborhood.  Now he loves it. Seems he needs to be right more then be happy.

As many of you know I love where I live.  I put lots of effort to  find the “perfect” 55+ community and home.  It has been fixed up to my liking.  Tempted to stay or even find a smaller home in the community.  I had to do lots of sole searching, do I stay or do I go?  

I ultimately decided best for me to start fresh not close to him.  Near him and he will always want favors, help with his car, his papers,his appointments, etc., just his personality.  He will expect them as we are “friends”  but I know if I need something he will always be too busy.  Saying no just will cause friction that will ultimately affect my step daughter.  Not near, almost certain I will only hear from him if it concerns his daughter.

I have decided to go go to Florida in a 55+ community in Palm Beach County, so the search begins, lots of communities to choose from.  Easy transportation to NY, GA, SC, NC where I travel often, good medical, easy to get to Florida’s west coast to my loved timeshares and Disney as well, lots of shopping, lots of singles, lots to do, price point in homes I can afford as well as friends and family not far. The negative hurricanes, very hot in the summer and the area I chose is a bit congested.  With my studio coop in NYC I will have another place to go when necessary.

On a side note, amazes me how many people I know have tried to talk me out of moving on.  They believe me staying in a very bad relationship is better.  I take a deep breathe and realize they are afraid for me, maybe their inner fears for themselves. I just wish they could understand they should be afraid if I stood and support  me with what is ahead.

So my tugger friends I invite you to share my journey, new adventures, the good and bad with me. If it is anything like my last journey it will be a interesting ride with uncertainty, anticipation, happiness, sadness, laughter, shock,  etc. with unbelievable stories that you just can’t make up.


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## Cornell (Jul 23, 2020)

Oh my gosh @Panina  -- great message !  You didn't spend a lot of time figuring out your next move.  Way to take charge.  I'm excited for you and your decision.

Onward!


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## TravelTime (Jul 23, 2020)

Thanks @Panina for allowing us to share your journey with you. I am sure you will end up happier and find the right person to love. I look forward to learning more about your move and where you end up.


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## chellej (Jul 23, 2020)

Good Luck. You need to do what you need to be happy...life is too short.  

 You would think in this pandemic the housing market would slump but it seems to be just the opposite.  Both DD and DS just recently bought houses and it was very competitive....many houses sold before they could even see them.  I hope you find something you like


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## Luanne (Jul 23, 2020)

chellej said:


> Good Luck. You need to do what you need to be happy...life is too short.
> 
> You would think in this pandemic the housing market would slump but it seems to be just the opposite.  Both DD and DS just recently bought houses and it was very competitive....many houses sold before they could even see them.  I hope you find something you like


I think the drop in interest rates has helped.  Also our realtor, who is a good friend, says she has been really busy lately.  She's finding there a lot of people from Texas who want to leave.


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## rapmarks (Jul 23, 2020)

Good luck. Hope we can meet someday. It does aggravate me that you found the perfect community and now have to leave


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## dayooper (Jul 23, 2020)

Great message @Panina Its so hard just to turn the other cheek, but you did. I love that you didn’t take the bait and “forced” him to split amicably. Shows character.

Hopefully this new ride you are on will have many more ups than downs and you still get to be apart of your step daughter’s life. Looking forward to the show!


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina, dear, you have your head sorted right. 

Yes, your friends are projecting their fears onto your situation.  Just keep in mind that it is coming from a place of love for you.   It seems that they would stay in a bad relationship, which would be their choice.   Don't want to diss your friends, but, it seems that you are much stronger and independent than they are.  Do not let their naysaying get in your head.   You know what you need For You, and that's that.   repeat as necessary, if they start to pressure you.

I have a friend that simply cannot be alone, she must be with a guy.  This of course leads her to many bad relationships, too many long distance internet relationships that usually turn into cons...   I'm not sure how that's better, wasting time on the wrong people, or those not even physically present (companionship??), but, it is her choice.  She cannot understand how me and another friend don't have that "gotta have a guy" thing.   But, with mutual respect and love, none of us try to talk anyone out of anything.   We chew pluses and minuses, and "did you think about ....?"   That's the part I need, as I am not a mainstream thinker, so don't always consider details that normal people would....

It's exciting that you have identified your new place!!!  We are all with you on your journey.  Some of us have travelled it ourselves, some of us can't imagine your situation.  Regardless, you're a tugger, one of our people, so we support you in all of your decisions.

fwiw, I understand not staying near x.   Mine can also be a bit needy.   We were maybe one week into lockdowns when he called and said how lonely and isolated he felt...    presumably he managed that as there were no further whinings in my direction....    I do not know if I want to tell him I'm moving.   It's not like it would matter, we don't get together unless we need notary at the bank, and it has been years since we needed that....   I mostly consider that my life is no longer any of his business, but we are amicable.


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## pedro47 (Jul 23, 2020)

Wishing you happiness and love in your journey. In your post, you just released a little pressure from your mind.

Just remember it can be hot in Florida.  It is not Dry Heat. LOL.

Seriously,  I am wishing you happiness and a journey that will make you happy and relaxed.


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## nerodog (Jul 23, 2020)

On a side note, amazes me how many people I know have tried to talk me out of moving on. They believe me staying in a very bad relationship is better. I take a deep breathe and realize they are afraid for me, maybe their inner fears for themselves. I just wish they could understand they should be afraid if I stood and support me with what is ahead.


Hi Panina,

When I read this   I could  relate. People  discourage you because that's what they would do. Even tho they support you  you are actually  taking the steps and doing it. They can only dream about it because  they dont have the gumption  to follow  through if it was them. When I decided  to move, I thought friends, family would  be on board and excited. No, that wasnt the case. I had all kinds of arguments  thrown my way, you think I was going  somewhere  I could  never leave. Mind you, none had been here, let alone Europe. I didn't  let it deter me and kept  persevering.  You can do the same. It's your life, your decisions  and you arent being rash, just plain simple  thoughtfulness  in your plans and decisions.  Never mind the friends... once you move  they'll be the first  to visit. In your  heart, you will be happy and your step  daughter  will still have you in her life...just a different  place which  might  be beneficial  to her as well.sending you the very best through this journey.  Try  to enjoy it and someday you'll look back with a sense of accomplishment.


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

....When I decided  to move, I thought friends, family would  be on board and excited. No, that wasnt the case. I had all kinds of arguments  thrown my way, you think I was going  somewhere  I could  never leave. 

this is what I think is headed my way.  I have told very few friends, no family. I will get most blowback from family.  I'll tell them when I'm ready for their load of (&$)#*_@


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## nerodog (Jul 23, 2020)

geekette said:


> ....When I decided  to move, I thought friends, family would  be on board and excited. No, that wasnt the case. I had all kinds of arguments  thrown my way, you think I was going  somewhere  I could  never leave.
> 
> this is what I think is headed my way.  I have told very few friends, no family. I will get most blowback from family.  I'll tell them when I'm ready for their load of (&$)#*_@


It was hard not to get defensive...just listen and gently say I rather  hear your support . That's what I would  do for you.  It's not a debatable  issue. The decision  has been made.


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

nerodog said:


> It was hard not to get defensive...just listen and gently say I rather  hear your support . That's what I would  do for you.  It's not a debatable  issue. The decision  has been made.


I'm the youngest, it won't ever matter what I'd rather hear, sarcasm and ridicule will be heading my way.   I will instead go silent and let them think whatever they want to think.   If they still don't know me well enough to understand why I would choose this, and be supportive, it's their loss.  I don't have a problem hanging up the phone while someone is yelling about how stupid I am....   and I don't ever have to give them my address, just a PO box.


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

@Panina - You know I wish the best for you with respect to what is to come, but I want to say that here again.  

I would like to suggest something with respect to this if I might:


Panina said:


> So originally he was supposed to find a new home and move out.  That isn’t going to happen.  He told me if I don’t want the house he wants it and will stay.  This from a man who fought me every step of the way moving always saying he hates the house and neighborhood.  Now he loves it. Seems he needs to be right more then be happy.



I know you have written about this previously (and I may have said exactly what I am about to post too....) but I would ask you to consider this:

Moving is a very emotional process.  It means we are leaving behind something that time, money, effort and care have been invested in for a period of time.  The longer the time, (usually) the deeper the investment.  I could easily have found myself in a very similar position you are describing with respect to your current husband (with respect to emotions about moving) when our family left Minnesota.  I was in my happy place and when my wife told me she wanted to move back to Arkansas due to health issues surrounding her father (her mother had already passed), I was not happy.  But after looking at the big picture, moving back to Arkansas is what we did.  

We (from the perspective of individuals and members of our respective sexes) don't form and shape attachment in exactly the same way.  We certainly do not express it in the same way.  I know you are aware of this but somewhere (yes, perhaps buried deeply) even us males begin to form attachments.  To people.  To places. To things.  We don't express them the same way (and that is an understatement to be sure).  To this day, almost a quarter century later - I can still see that house we left in Minnesota, and in detail.  Every nuance.  The view from every window.  The sounds the stairs made going up and down.  In many of my dreams, where I find myself at 'home' it is as often the Minnesota house as it is our current home.  

You mention it is more about being right than being happy.  
I would ask you to consider the process of forming attachment, of becoming comfortable with a place, has its own timeline within each of us.  It may be the case the attachments to your former residence were more firmly established with your current husband than you suspect.  It may be the case your current husband's discomfort came more from the sense of losing that which he had grown comfortable with.  The reluctance to leave your previous residence may have been the expression of the value attached there.    

To be clear here - I hope the path of amicability is what the future holds for y'all.  I can understand there are frayed feelings (to put it mildly) in situations like these.  Expressing them helps - I just hope some of the thoughts offered here are of some value (insight or comfort) as well.


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## amycurl (Jul 23, 2020)

You've been so thoughtful, deliberate, and intentional through this whole process. I can't believe people are trying to convince you to sacrifice your own health and happiness to stay! I know you will miss the house--as we all know, it was a labor of love moving there--but I believe you will find the right choice in FL, too. And now you also know that your stepdaughter will have a positive relationship with you, no matter what. 

Always happy to be supportive. As I've mentioned before, I'm right up the road, happy to do whatever.  Trying to move during a pandemic is hard, but as @DaveNV has proven, it can be done successfully. Having the financial means ensures that all of your options are do-able, and positive. Keep us posted.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> @Panina - You know I wish the best for you with respect to what is to come, but I want to say that here again.
> 
> I would like to suggest something with respect to this if I might:
> 
> ...


Maybe the house pushed it along faster, maybe the pandemic did too but I finally cared about myself enough to get out of this relationship.  He never cared about what was good for me. It was always what he wanted.   I gave up my home and moved to be with him and his daughter.  I gave up a lot. He actually drove me nuts hating our previous house the first two years we lived there.  That says it all.


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

Yes, it does say it all.  I am glad you aren't wasting more time in making your life about You.   You matter, and deserve happiness.  No time like the present to go and get it.   We are all behind you.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

amycurl said:


> You've been so thoughtful, deliberate, and intentional through this whole process. I can't believe people are trying to convince you to sacrifice your own health and happiness to stay! I know you will miss the house--as we all know, it was a labor of love moving there--but I believe you will find the right choice in FL, too. And now you also know that your stepdaughter will have a positive relationship with you, no matter what.
> 
> Always happy to be supportive. As I've mentioned before, I'm right up the road, happy to do whatever.  Trying to move during a pandemic is hard, but as @DaveNV has proven, it can be done successfully. Having the financial means ensures that all of your options are do-able, and positive. Keep us posted.


It will be more difficult then DaveNV.  I have a very specific criteria that the community I live in must have.  I need to go down and explore and then find a house.  Moving will all fall on me alone.  Moving is hard enough, having a significant other is another set of hands to help.  I also will not rush and make the wrong decisions nor put myself in danger going to Florida now in a hot zone.  Patience and doing it logically step by step will ultimately help me make better choices.  Meanwhile he is a room mate.  The house is big enough for each of us to have our own space.  Each day I am one day closer to getting out of here.


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## am1 (Jul 23, 2020)

Getting old does not sound like fun.


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## Luanne (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> It will be more difficult then DaveNV.  I have a very specific criteria that the community I live in must have.  I need to go down and explore and then find a house.  Moving will all fall on me alone.  Moving is hard enough, having a significant other is another set of hands to help.  I also will not rush and make the wrong decisions nor put myself in danger going to Florida now in a hot zone.  Patience and doing it logically step by step will ultimately help me make better choices.  Meanwhile he is a room mate.  The house is big enough for each of us to have our own space.  Each day I am one day closer to getting out of here.


DaveNV had been looking into his move for a long time.  The decision wasn't made quickly during the pandemic.  It's just that pieces fell together for him.  They knew the area where they wanted to live, even knew the development.  They were lucky that the market was so good in WA.

So yes, it will be more challenging for you.  As you said, you'll be doing it alone.  Also more and more states have shut themselves off from each other so travel is more difficult.


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> It will be more difficult then DaveNV.  I have a very specific criteria that the community I live in must have.  I need to go down and explore and then find a house.  Moving will all fall on me alone.  Moving is hard enough, having a significant other is another set of hands to help.  I also will not rush and make the wrong decisions nor put myself in danger going to Florida now in a hot zone.  Patience and doing it logically step by step will ultimately help me make better choices.  Meanwhile he is a room mate.  The house is big enough for each of us to have our own space.  Each day I am one day closer to getting out of here.


Silver lining - you get to leave behind anything you don't want and are not responsible for emptying the house or its final cleaning or attending closing!


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## WinniWoman (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> I never thought I would be here now, starting a new beginning at 60.  Seems unreal as my age does too.  I look and feel younger but the reality is I am still starting over at 60.
> 
> I know this new journey is necessary.  I always hope the best is yet to come and with the unknown ahead I realize all my emotions are ok and I just need to venture, feel and emerge happier and better off.
> 
> ...



I want you to know- if you don’t already- that I am 100% with you. I went through this with a good friend of mine that got divorced after 25 years of marriage and then was dumped (left standing at the altar twice) by a guy she was with for 10 years after that (despite me pleading with her to leave him after the first time). 

That put her at age 60 having to look for a place to live, establishing a new life  and working until age 70. Just as you are, she is a tough cookie and now retired, she does still live alone, but she has found her way and accepted this curveball she never would have imagined thrown at her later in life.

I was thinking of you this week and wanting to write to tell you not to wait too long to move or for COVID to end. Not to fear moving down to Florida right now. Be safe but try to move out ASAP - when you find the right home/place. Don’t waste too much time.

I’m routing for you!l Go, go, go!

PS So crazy the irony that your ex will stay in the house that you wanted and he didn’t! Life is so crazy!


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## WinniWoman (Jul 23, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> @Panina - You know I wish the best for you with respect to what is to come, but I want to say that here again.
> 
> I would like to suggest something with respect to this if I might:
> 
> ...



I’m, of course,  a woman but I too can relate to what you said about your house in Minnesota and the attachment to it. I wanted to move and I know it was the right thing to do, but I am constantly thinking about our former house and I remember every single nook and cranny of that house and always will. I still look at our photos of it and find myself constantly comparing our new house to it. ( no comparison - old house was so much better).

To me a house is a home. It’s part of my skin- at the very least my shell. It takes a long time to grow a new one but I never really shed my old one and probably never will.


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## geist1223 (Jul 23, 2020)

Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida. I lived there as a child and as an adult. Take your time. Enjoy the challenge.


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## DaveNV (Jul 23, 2020)

You can do this.  The hardest part will be breaking the inertia of inaction. Once you decide it's time to go, make it happen, and don't second-guess yourself.  You will breathe more easily each day afterwards.

I wish you all success in finding a place, and creating a new life for yourself. Try to enjoy the process, if you can.  It'll make the transition easier.

Good luck!
Dave


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## Talent312 (Jul 23, 2020)

geekette said:


> Silver lining - you get to leave behind anything you don't want and are not
> responsible for emptying the house or its final cleaning or attending closing!



Eggsactly... I packed what I wanted into the back of a pick-up and drove off.
My small revenge was to leave my ex with nearly all our old stuff to deal with.

I thought I should add that, I grew more as a person after the divorce than I had
at anytime during our 20-year marriage. IOW, it helped me to become an adult.
.



.


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## WinniWoman (Jul 23, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida. I lived there as a child and as an adult. Take your time. Enjoy the challenge.



I am the same. People cannot understand how we retired north - full time- instead of south. Not to mention all the snowbirds in our development.

But this is what makes the world go round. Different strokes for different folks.


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

am1 said:


> Getting old does not sound like fun.



It beats the alternative.....


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. *I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida*. I lived there as a child and as an adult. Take your time. Enjoy the challenge.



...which certainly explains your current location!  

And you are wise beyond your years......


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Eggsactly... I packed what I wanted into the back of a pick-up and drove off.
> My small revenge was to leave my ex with nearly all our old stuff to deal with.
> 
> I thought I should add that, I grew more as a person after the divorce than I had
> at anytime during our 20-year marriage. IOW, it helped me to become an adult.



There simply _*has*_ to be country / western song here.....


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> You can do this.  The hardest part will be breaking the inertia of inaction. Once you decide it's time to go, make it happen, and don't second-guess yourself.  You will breathe more easily each day afterwards.
> 
> I wish you all success in finding a place, and creating a new life for yourself. Try to enjoy the process, if you can.  It'll make the transition easier.
> 
> ...



Now @DaveNV, are you trying to politely tell @Panina to get off her as......ymptote?  

*Come on y'all, it's close enough to Friday and we need a reason to smile these days! 
Grab a bud and a smile (works best in Colorado)!*


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida. I lived there as a child and as an adult. Take your time. Enjoy the challenge.



 I never lived there and don't understand the appeal.  I like oceans but I can't tolerate heat, much less tourists...  Plus, gators scare me big time.


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## pedro47 (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina,  suggestion only , you have a plan, write it down and follow it. Read it daily and follow it to a T.

Take your time in finding the right community.  Visit it early in the morning,  at noon, in the evening and after dark.

Explore the neighborhood and the area. If you suspect anything wrong or trouble, get out of Dodge as fast as you can.

I just want you to be happy, in a nice community surrounded by nice neighbors.

Peace and Happiness


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

geekette said:


> I never lived there and don't understand the appeal.  I like oceans but I can't tolerate heat, much less tourists...  Plus, gators scare me big time.



_*Maine got no gators......just sayin'!  *_


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> _*Maine got no gators......just sayin'!  *_


Maine and Hawaii are the 2 states I haven't made it to.  I am hoping for lobersterfest next summer (I think first week in August?)   I can't pencil in anything this year, but I was today reading about too many lobsters, not enough market, and I thought I could do my part to help that situation...


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## pedro47 (Jul 23, 2020)

geekette, you are right that are lots of gators in Florida and some walk on two (2) legs.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Wishing you the best of luck and happiness. I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida. I lived there as a child and as an adult. Take your time. Enjoy the challenge.


I normaly spend a minimum of 4 months in Florida and 2-3 in NY thus my draw to Florida.  I have to pick somewhere so Florida seems like a good fit.  I will buy smart and if I am not ultimately happy I can always move again.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> Now @DaveNV, are you trying to politely tell @Panina to get off her as......ymptote?
> 
> *Come on y'all, it's close enough to Friday and we need a reason to smile these days!
> Grab a bud and a smile (works best in Colorado)!*


I am a person of action once  I decide something  but I am also very logical thus will take extra time to make sure I am going to the right place and buying the right property.


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## Luanne (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am a person of action once  I decide something  but I am also very logical thus will take extra time to make sure I am going to the right place and buying the right property.


You may have already mentioned doing this, but I would suggest renting for awhile in the place where you want to live.  Now, as I say this that was our plan when we moved to Santa Fe.  However on one of our exploratory trips we found a house we loved and ended up buying it before we moved. We really lucked into it.  We love the house and our neighbors. We did none of the things that are suggested to do before buying.  We didn't talk to any of the neighbors, we didn't come back at various times of the day to see what the area was like. As I said, we were very lucky.


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## geekette (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> I will buy smart and if I am not ultimately happy I can always move again.


Exactly!


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## pianodinosaur (Jul 23, 2020)

This COVID-19 has adversely affected all of my retirement travel plans.   I cannot begin to imagine how a divorce would impact your timesharing at this time.  Do you both own the timeshares or are they in one name only?


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am a person of action once I decide something but I am also very logical thus will take extra time to make sure I am going to the right place and buying the right property.



I Agree. I spent 2 years looking for my retreat place. You know, I was seriously thinking of buying a winter place in the US. I was thinking of either Yuma, AZ., Las Vegas, NV., Waianae HI, Oxnard, CA. Then, Covid hit and I have completely rethought my plans. Being Canadian and having a risk (that frankly I thought would never happen) that I can’t even get there really changed my plans. Now, I would just rent out of Country and stay renting timeshares. 

I was really considering Puerto Vallarta, MX. but the border closing issue is the same.

Gee, it’s amazing how plans can completely change with unprecedented circumstances.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

@Panina, knowing your many posts, your heart remains in Marco Island, FL and Key West. I can see you there at least 6 months of the year and happy as a clam. Why not look at a cute, little beach shack either on the beach or near it? Then, have a small yard you can care for?

NY is just so expensive. You could timeshare there when you want to go visit. 

You remind me of the eccletic sort of person who would love a little, simple shack, cutely decorated with your art treasures with a nice little herb garden surrounded by banana, Palm, mango, citrus trees. Oh, and let’s not forget the little patio to slip your morning coffee, surf the web and enjoying a fresh mango salad. 

Oh yes, that would replace any man at anytime.... 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

pianodinosaur said:


> This COVID-19 has adversely affected all of my retirement travel plans.   I cannot begin to imagine how a divorce would impact your timesharing at this time.  Do you both own the timeshares or are they in one name only?


All our timeshares are in both our names.  We will be deciding soon who gets what, get the ownership changed and the rest will be given away here to my tugger friends.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> @Panina, knowing your many posts, your heart remains in Marco Island, FL and Key West. I can see you there at least 6 months of the year and happy as a clam. Why not look at a cute, little beach shack either on the beach or near it? Then, have a small yard you can care for?
> 
> NY is just so expensive. You could timeshare there when you want to go visit.
> 
> ...


Did I meet you before? You seem to know me.  Lol

I already own a studio in a borough of NYC in only my name so that is set.  Buying in Key West is too expensive and my love would be more Marco Island.  East coast of Florida will just be more convenient for my travels.  Marco Island will just be 2 1/2 hours away so I will be able to go often taking advantage of last minute sightings.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> All our timeshares are in both our names. We will be deciding soon who gets what, get the ownership changed and the rest will be given away here to my tugger friends.



Why not start fresh? Give your ex all the timeshares and either get some free through Tug or simply hold off and try renting timeshares for awhile. 

When I went through my divorce, I literally started fresh. That way, everything was a new memory, new experiences and new life. It worked well for me. No baggage just a new compass to a new life.


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## Luanne (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> All our timeshares are in both our names.  We will be deciding soon who gets what, get the ownership changed and the rest will be given away here to my tugger friends.


When first husband and I divorced we owned two timeshares, one was owned jointly with my parents.  I kept that one, he got the other.  We were able to get the ownership changed through quitclaims.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Why not start fresh? Give your ex all the timeshares and either get some free through Tug or simply hold off and try renting timeshares for awhile.
> 
> When I went through my divorce, I literally started fresh. That way, everything was a new memory, new experiences and new life. It worked well for me. No baggage just a new compass to a new life.
> 
> ...


Some of our timeshares have good resale value.  I can sell them and make money.  No way I am giving him any more then me.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> Did I meet you before? You seem to know me. Lol
> 
> I already own a studio in a borough of NYC in only my name so that is set. Buying in Key West is too expensive and my love would be more Marco Island. East coast of Florida will just be more convenient for my travels. Marco Island will just be 2 1/2 hours away so I will be able to go often taking advantage of last minute sightings.



Awesome. Yes, even being near where you truly want to be is good thinking. That’s why I was thinking Oxnard, CA. It’s because LA and Oceanside is too expensive. My girlfriend has family who own the cutest place in Fort Lauderdale. The house is old and cute as a button. The yard is big and perfect for fruit and veggies. They are a mile from the beach and paid 130 k all in. They are driving distance to South Palm Beach.

Whenever you write, I envision who you are. You are very honest with your views and it’s these views that craft who you are as a person. Being a former teacher and now in law, I learned how to size up people and garner who they essentially are. That skill has served me well on many fronts.

Really, you strike me as a person with a small, older home decorated in your flavour with a small tropical yard and a patio. There are plenty of those in South FL. Awesome you have a studio in NY as the prices there on everything are nuts. That could be your summer home if you want. Now, you just need a small, cute older home in FL that you will lovingly make yours that matches your cool, vibe personality. I really see you being very happy with that decision. Now, just find that perfect place in FL that doesn’t break the bank and you can mould it to be yours. I see you more happy with a small detached home than a condo or townhouse as the yard adds to your pleasures and personality. 


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## Luanne (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> Some of our timeshares have good resale value.  I can sell them and make money.  No way I am giving him any more then me.


In our divorce ex-husband got the timeshare, I got the almost brand new Audi 4000.  I thought it was kind of even.  But that freakin' car was a piece of ####.  I ended up trading it in for a Toyota Celica, which I loved.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> Some of our timeshares have good resale value. I can sell them and make money. No way I am giving him any more then me.



Ok. Then sell them, start fresh. I found starting fresh really helped me move forward and not carry any past baggage. Looking forward makes things so much easier. New memories, new life, new experiences. It’s all about you now girl!


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Awesome. Yes, even being near where you truly want to be is good thinking. That’s why I was thinking Oxnard, CA. It’s because LA and Oceanside is too expensive. My girlfriend has family who own the cutest place in Fort Lauderdale. The house is old and cute as a button. The yard is big and perfect for fruit and veggies. They are a mile from the beach and paid 130 k all in. They are driving distance to South Palm Beach.
> 
> Whenever you write, I envision who you are. You are very honest with your views and it’s these views that craft who you are as a person. Being a former teacher and now in law, I learned how to size up people and garner who they essentially are. That skill has served me well on many fronts.
> 
> ...


Definitely detached, whereas the description of what you think my home would be I have done in the past, I am leaning more sleek and modern now but definitely need beautiful outdoor space which is more important then the inside.


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## bbodb1 (Jul 23, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> geekette, you are right that are lots of gators in Florida and some walk on two (2) legs.



..._aren't those *sharks* that swim on the land???_


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> Definitely detached, whereas the description of what you think my home would be I have done in the past, I am leaning more sleek and modern now but definitely need beautiful outdoor space which is more important then the inside.







Just as an example, I can see you taking something like this and making it yours. Big yard, smaller home. Rip out those ugly kitchen cupboards, throw in your artwork and unique art treasures, put a little patio out back, add a herb garden, fruit trees and a zen fountain surrounded by Orchids and voila.

Pay less for the place, get a nice location and put the extra into making the place you.

Don’t forget the Mayan calendar in the bad with a sun and a moon next to the fountain and you now have your little spot of paradise.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Sadly, modern today is cookie cutter. What’s nice about the older areas is the locations are better, lots can be bigger and the area isn’t cookie cutter. In short, it has character and so does the surrounding area. 


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

You know, making a new home project that’s yours is very therapeutic. At least I found it that way. I bought a simple home here with a super location and Mountain Views to die for. I spent a year redoing it to my personality. My focus was now shifted to my new life and personalizing my home aided me in that.

One big thing I learned was (at least in my case), it was me, myself and I that mattered. My kids at the time hated me for leaving their mother (they are all adults), the in laws were no more, some friends left me and making the home mine really saved me. In essence, I was alone in the divorce trek. All I had was my parents, one of them being terminal. 

I’m not complaining. I found the whole rebuilding process therapeutic and foundational to my new life. The home project was simply a reflection of that thought. I have never been happier now. I think I learned more about myself than any other time of my life and it has made me stronger and happier than ever.

Although I am saddened by your husband passing away and I am sure it was very traumatic for you, I believe it made you a stronger person. You know me, myself and I is always there when little to nothing seems left. I know this time it will be a bit easier given your past experiences which has made me, myself and i resilient. 

After all, you, yourself and you are good people. I have come to know that in you. In my mind, this is his loss, not yours as you yourself and you are pretty darn good!

Time to treat you, yourself and you with a future project that defines who you are. You DESERVE it.

And....

That’s why I am suggesting what I am suggesting.


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## Panina (Jul 23, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> You know, making a new home project that’s yours is very therapeutic. At least I found it that way. I bought a simple home here with a super location and Mountain Views to die for. I spent a year redoing it to my personality. My focus was now shifted to my new life and personalizing my home aided me in that.
> 
> One big thing I learned was (at least in my case), it was me, myself and I that mattered. My kids at the time hated me for leaving their mother (they are all adults), the in laws were no more, some friends left me and making the home mine really saved me. In essence, I was alone in the divorce trek. All I had was my parents, one of them being terminal.
> 
> ...


When my husband passed our home was sold and in contract.  Ultimately I purchased a smaller home and renovated it.  Everyone thought I was nuts.  I hired everyone and supervised and the place was me.  I did the same thing with my NY coop.  Again it came out great.  Unless I find the perfect home I will probably buy the worse home, the best priced in the best community and renovate once again. This way I get exactly what I want.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> When my husband passed our home was sold and in contract. Ultimately I purchased a smaller home and renovated it. Everyone thought I was nuts. I hired everyone and supervised and the place was me. I did the same thing with my NY coop. Again it came out great. Unless I find the perfect home I will probably buy the worse home, the best priced in the best community and renovate once again. This way I get exactly what I want.



That sounds awesome. I like the way you look before you leap. You have the advantage of kind of knowing the best areas in FL to look too. I kind of did that too. I bought the smallest house on the street but with the best views. It took awhile to find it. However, the time it took was worth it. Buying the worst house in the best area ensures great resale too. 


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

Correct me if I’m wrong, you originally were from NY correct? The advantage is if family are there they can be a super support. You could live there for now while you find your future project. 


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## Beachclubmum (Jul 23, 2020)

I’m someone who grew up moving often due to corporate transfers and I’m not afraid to move. The times we’ve moved in our marriage the decision was made and executed quickly. I love moving...it  turns the page on a new chapter with adventures yet to come, new friends to make, plus room for personal growth. Plus, it’s the very best way I’ve found to clean out closets and get rid of things down to the very back! When it’s time to go, you’ll know it, and I bet things will come together quickly.

You will do great in this next chapter! I’m an expert packer if you need help! When I helped my dd move last summer (her first big move) we ended using U-Box from Uhaul, their pod moving system. It was quite economical and about half of all the other options I explored—something to consider. You can even contract through them for movers to unload for you and carry the heavy stuff.

Finally, can I just say I’m jealous to hear of your condo in NY?? My personal dream. Sounds like you’ll have the perfect balance of places to be able to go throughout the year.

I don’t play a lawyer on tv, but I think you should get an extra 3% on top of the split value of the house since no real estate agent will be involved.


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## DaveNV (Jul 23, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> Now @DaveNV, are you trying to politely tell @Panina to get off her as......ymptote?
> 
> *Come on y'all, it's close enough to Friday and we need a reason to smile these days!
> Grab a bud and a smile (works best in Colorado)!*




Well, actually, no.  But if the seat cushion fits...  

Dave


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 23, 2020)

@Panina, one thing you might want to factor in is house prices in Palm Beach County (frankly everywhere) May drop once the forbearance shows it’s ugly head in 2021. Real Estate experts I know suggest when folks can’t repay forebearance, they will sell. This may tilt supply and demand for homes resulting in some smokin deals. 


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## RX8 (Jul 23, 2020)

Good things happen to good people.  This is just going to be a small speedbump for you.


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## pedro47 (Jul 24, 2020)

If you remodel a home, hired and supervised all the contractors, you can do anything.




Panina said:


> When my husband passed our home was sold and in contract.  Ultimately I purchased a smaller home and renovated it.  Everyone thought I was nuts.  I hired everyone and supervised and the place was me.  I did the same thing with my NY coop.  Again it came out great.  Unless I find the perfect home I will probably buy the worse home, the best priced in the best community and renovate once again. This way I get exactly what I want.


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## Panina (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Correct me if I’m wrong, you originally were from NY correct? The advantage is if family are there they can be a super support. You could live there for now while you find your future project.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yes originally from NY.  As some don’t see the draw to Florida, I don’t to NY.  A visit here and there is ok but I really do not like living there.  Super support from immediate family never really had.  They rely on me. Living there now is not a good option for me.  It would be a constant campaign that I should not move to Florida.  Already have it on the phone.


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## Panina (Jul 24, 2020)

Beachclubmum said:


> I’m someone who grew up moving often due to corporate transfers and I’m not afraid to move. The times we’ve moved in our marriage the decision was made and executed quickly. I love moving...it  turns the page on a new chapter with adventures yet to come, new friends to make, plus room for personal growth. Plus, it’s the very best way I’ve found to clean out closets and get rid of things down to the very back! When it’s time to go, you’ll know it, and I bet things will come together quickly.
> 
> You will do great in this next chapter! I’m an expert packer if you need help! When I helped my dd move last summer (her first big move) we ended using U-Box from Uhaul, their pod moving system. It was quite economical and about half of all the other options I explored—something to consider. You can even contract through them for movers to unload for you and carry the heavy stuff.
> 
> ...


I just ordered uhaul boxes so I can start packing.  No need to be overwhelmed later.   Will go much lighter this time, take, give to step daughter, sell on eBay, leave behind if he want, donate.

I saw the ubox and that might work.  You can actually hire them to load, they arrange it to get to your destination and another crew can unload.  It will be interesting to see the difference in pricing.


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## Panina (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> @Panina, one thing you might want to factor in is house prices in Palm Beach County (frankly everywhere) May drop once the forbearance shows it’s ugly head in 2021. Real Estate experts I know suggest when folks can’t repay forebearance, they will sell. This may tilt supply and demand for homes resulting in some smokin deals.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I think there will be a sweet spot once  the virus numbers stabilize.  Those who have been waiting to move and did not list their houses probably will so initially there should be more inventory.  The 55+ communities will not be as negatively affected if there is a downturn.


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Awesome. Yes, even being near where you truly want to be is good thinking. That’s why I was thinking Oxnard, CA. It’s because LA and Oceanside is too expensive. My girlfriend has family who own the cutest place in Fort Lauderdale. The house is old and cute as a button. The yard is big and perfect for fruit and veggies. They are a mile from the beach and paid 130 k all in. They are driving distance to South Palm Beach.
> 
> Whenever you write, I envision who you are. You are very honest with your views and it’s these views that craft who you are as a person. Being a former teacher and now in law, I learned how to size up people and garner who they essentially are. That skill has served me well on many fronts.
> 
> ...


heck, you've almost got me moving to FL with the cute little house with eclectic style !


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

I'm with ya, Fred -  therapy through making a place your own.


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## AnnaS (Jul 24, 2020)

Not sure, but I thought I had replied to this post.

Thank you for sharing your new chapter in life with us.  I wish you the best and happiness.  Sounds like a huge weight has already been lifted from your shoulders with your decision even though you are just beginning this journey.  

I hope you find your place soon and can move on.  We are all rooting for you.


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## Talent312 (Jul 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> ... The 55+ communities will not be as negatively affected if there is a downturn.



OTOH, more 55+ peep tend to die from COVID-19, so maybe that will increase the inventory.
_Just looking on the bright side._
.


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## WinniWoman (Jul 24, 2020)

geekette said:


> Maine and Hawaii are the 2 states I haven't made it to.  I am hoping for lobersterfest next summer (I think first week in August?)   I can't pencil in anything this year, but I was today reading about too many lobsters, not enough market, and I thought I could do my part to help that situation...



Both beautiful, though for some reason Maine never beckoned me to go back again after my one and only visit.  But I was only on the coast of Maine and Acadia National Park. Had dinner at a restaurant further northwest near the N.H. border once also.  Thinking I might like Moosehead Lake.

Now- Hawaii is another story- a dream world. Been there twice. But I’m afraid of tsunamis and it is so way far away from the east coast.


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## WinniWoman (Jul 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> I normaly spend a minimum of 4 months in Florida and 2-3 in NY thus my draw to Florida.  I have to pick somewhere so Florida seems like a good fit.  I will buy smart and if I am not ultimately happy I can always move again.



Omg! ! Once you move don’t move again! Remember how hard it is and it won’t get any easier! I told my husband when we moved here that even if we end up hating it I will not move again!


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## WinniWoman (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Just as an example, I can see you taking something like this and making it yours. Big yard, smaller home. Rip out those ugly kitchen cupboards, throw in your artwork and unique art treasures, put a little patio out back, add a herb garden, fruit trees and a zen fountain surrounded by Orchids and voila.
> 
> Pay less for the place, get a nice location and put the extra into making the place you.
> 
> ...



I don’t know about total renovation.Thats a lot to deal with. I know when we looked one thing I knew was that no way would I redo a kitchen or bathroom again. We just totally upgraded our former house and at 63 years old- and him 66- wasn’t going through all that again. Bad enough uprooting and moving.

So getting a brand new cookie cutter house for the price we got it for was better than that to me. Slowly we are still making it our own. You would be amazed how different everyone in the neighborhood with the same style house has made theirs. One has a Victorian flair. One has a modern flair. One has a traditional flair. Ours is cottage/farmhouse/rustic/eclectic. Lol!

Another issue is how easy is it to get contractors? And right now building supplies like lumber are hard to get.

So all this has to be considered. But Panina knows what she wants and whatever she decides it will be good.


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Both beautiful, though for some reason Maine never beckoned me to go back again after my one and only visit.  But I was only on the coast of Maine and Acadia National Park. Had dinner at a restaurant further northwest near the N.H. once also.  Thinking I might like Moosehead Lake.
> 
> Now- Hawaii is another story- a dream world. Been there twice. But I’m afraid of tsunamis and it is so way far away from the east coast.


Acadia is my exact destination!  

Hawaii from midwest is also pricey long flight!  

We were in Cabo San Lucas when a hurricane was hitting.  I trust the locals to guide the tourists.  That trip had a lot of unusual elements to it.  It was a bit creepy to be in a foreign country for something like that, but, we got lucky.  The hit was not as strong and farther up Baja.


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Omg! ! Once you move don’t move again! Remember how hard it is and it won’t get any easier! I told my husband when we moved here that even if we end up hating it I will not move again!


I am exactly opposite.  I don't find moving to be so hard as to avoid at all costs.  I don't like to stay where I am not happy.   I lived a fairly nomadic life as a young adult, but I agree, it is different when older.  But, so is my banking account, so I can hire vs do the labor.


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I don’t know about total renovation.Thats a lot to deal with. ...
> 
> ...Slowly we are still making it our own. ...
> 
> ...


Agree with so much.  reno is messy and annoying.  Easier to move into 'close enough' and make it your own with minor reno.

Contractors, I don't know.  Ours have kept busy, so getting on a schedule would make things harder with a big move.

Lumber has been hit or miss.  A friend of mine has logging going on her property for the money and helpful path clearing, but, I agree, I did not see the constant logging trucks go by like I did when I visited last year.

The guy that owns the mill near her has been mostly idle, but he's very small, and only 2 years in business.  He is currently only ordering wood when he has an order to fill, although he does have wood ready to go for anyone asking.   

I'm hoping things improve as I definitely want to use him for not only the wood, but building.   I feel pretty lucky, going to a place I can have that quickly and at good prices.   Neighbors matter!!!

Overall, tricky time to plan stuff like that.   I have always been a person seeking move-in ready, but, everyone is different.  Sounds to me like there is an outdoor oasis in the works when she gets there, so, I do hope interior is just fine, and even Perfect!


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> I never thought I would be here now, starting a new beginning at 60.  Seems unreal as my age does too.  I look and feel younger but the reality is I am still starting over at 60.
> 
> I know this new journey is necessary.  I always hope the best is yet to come and with the unknown ahead I realize all my emotions are ok and I just need to venture, feel and emerge happier and better off.
> 
> ...



I'm so happy for you and do not listen to others that want you to do what makes them happy do what makes you happy


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

chellej said:


> Good Luck. You need to do what you need to be happy...life is too short.
> 
> You would think in this pandemic the housing market would slump but it seems to be just the opposite.  Both DD and DS just recently bought houses and it was very competitive....many houses sold before they could even see them.  I hope you find something you like




The housing market right now is insane.... I have made 7 offers on properties and have offered full price or over asking price and have lost out on all properties


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The housing market right now is insane.... I have made 7 offers on properties and have offered full price or over asking price and have lost out on all properties


WOW!


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> I normaly spend a minimum of 4 months in Florida and 2-3 in NY thus my draw to Florida.  I have to pick somewhere so Florida seems like a good fit.  I will buy smart and if I am not ultimately happy I can always move again.



I love Florida and started visiting there as a kid in the summer with my parents... I have a ton of relatives and friends in FL and I have a ton of folks in MI that can not wait till I get a place because they will come and visit...


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## JanT (Jul 24, 2020)

Well if you're looking for a house in Texas, we'll sell you ours.  LoL  We actually are trying to sell right now but at this price point things are slower than the sub $500K homes for sale.  We're going to give it awhile longer and see what happens but part of the future plan is to sell and hit the road traveling - of course C-19 is slowing that down, too.

Seriously though, hoping something works out for you soon!



Sugarcubesea said:


> The housing market right now is insane.... I have made 7 offers on properties and have offered full price or over asking price and have lost out on all properties


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

JanT said:


> Well if you're looking for a house in Texas, we'll sell you ours.  LoL  We actually are trying to sell right now but at this price point things are slower than the sub $500K homes for sale.  We're going to give it awhile longer and see what happens but part of the future plan is to sell and hit the road traveling - of course C-19 is slowing that down, too.
> 
> Seriously though, hoping something works out for you soon!



It's MI that I'm looking for a new house.  

I don't know if I told everyone my story, but I worked for an automotive company in Detroit for over 20 years, I had a pension and because of this the company did not offer a 401K plan... Fast forward to 2007 - the Great Recession.  This Great Recession hit the automotive sector very hard during this time. My company went bankrupt and because the company was more concerned with lining the pockets of the CEO and executive team our pension in bankruptcy was turned over to the PBGC.  Once the PBGC got it they notified us that it was severely underfunded to the point that the most we would get would be 10% of our original amount.  Now fast forward to about 3 years ago and since I was the youngest in the bunch and since most of my former colleagues are long since retired and collecting their 10% of their pension, I was notified that when I turn 65 (the year that I automatically begin to receive the pension funds) I should plan on only about 5% of my original amount. So since now I will only be getting about $110 a month in pension my accountant told me I needed to take drastic action.

I'm selling our family home that we have livin in for over 20 years and downsizing to a small condo or small home that I can pay cash for with the proceeds of our family home.  This will allow me to save intensely for the next 6 to 7 years and will allow me to sell this small place and move to FL upon retirement.

Every home in the last month in my present subdivision has sold 2 to 4 days after listing for asking price or above. So I'm purchasing in advance of selling my home with taking out a mortgage and then paying it off once my house sells..


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## Brett (Jul 24, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> It's MI that I'm looking for a new house.
> 
> I don't know if I told everyone my story, but I worked for an automotive company in Detroit for over 20 years, I had a pension and because of this the company did not offer a 401K plan... Fast forward to 2007 - the Great Recession.  This Great Recession hit the automotive sector very hard during this time. My company went bankrupt and because the company was more concerned with lining the pockets of the CEO and executive team our pension in bankruptcy was turned over to the PBGC.  Once the PBGC got it they notified us that it was severely underfunded to the point that the most we would get would be 10% of our original amount.  Now fast forward to about 3 years ago and since I was the youngest in the bunch and since most of my former colleagues are long since retired and collecting their 10% of their pension, I was notified that when I turn 65 (the year that I automatically begin to receive the pension funds) I should plan on only about 5% of my original amount. So since now I will only be getting about $110 a month in pension my accountant told me I needed to take drastic action.
> 
> ...



another sad tale of lost pensions


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## Panina (Jul 24, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> It's MI that I'm looking for a new house.
> 
> I don't know if I told everyone my story, but I worked for an automotive company in Detroit for over 20 years, I had a pension and because of this the company did not offer a 401K plan... Fast forward to 2007 - the Great Recession.  This Great Recession hit the automotive sector very hard during this time. My company went bankrupt and because the company was more concerned with lining the pockets of the CEO and executive team our pension in bankruptcy was turned over to the PBGC.  Once the PBGC got it they notified us that it was severely underfunded to the point that the most we would get would be 10% of our original amount.  Now fast forward to about 3 years ago and since I was the youngest in the bunch and since most of my former colleagues are long since retired and collecting their 10% of their pension, I was notified that when I turn 65 (the year that I automatically begin to receive the pension funds) I should plan on only about 5% of my original amount. So since now I will only be getting about $110 a month in pension my accountant told me I needed to take drastic action.
> 
> ...


As horrible as it is what happened to your pension is is great that you are looking forward and planning and your plan is very doable.  We can’t change the past but have choices on what we do today for our future.


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## DaveNV (Jul 24, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The housing market right now is insane.... I have made 7 offers on properties and have offered full price or over asking price and have lost out on all properties





geekette said:


> WOW!



The recent sale of my Washington house shows how crazy things are right now.  We listed at $10K above the highest price of any home in my neighborhood.  Real Estate agent raised an eyebrow at that, thinking I was pushing the envelope:  "Yes, your house is better than the one down the street, but is it $10,000 better?" I said "Let's find out."

On the very first day the house was on the market, there were NINE showings, and overnight FIVE offers to buy came in.  Two were at asking price, three were above asking.  One offer included a sympathy letter from a buyer who said they'd been shopping "for months" and had lost out on every house they'd tried to buy. We ended up accepting a stronger offer from a different buyer, for $8K over asking. (That Buyer was willing to go up in $3K increments to a price nearly $25K over our asking, if needed, to compete with any other offers. It wasn't necessary, but shows how much they wanted the house, and how incredibly tight the market was.)  We were Under Contract the day after the house went on the market.  (And for the record, all things are on track for a very smooth escrow, and closing will be within the next few weeks.)

It is a really wild time in real estate right now.  At least out here.

Dave


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## bogey21 (Jul 24, 2020)

When I got divorced the first time (of two) I moved into a one bedroom apartment with no phone.  Cell phones didn't exist back then.  All I had was a box spring and mattress (no bed frame), a bean bag chair, a pole lamp, a small table and chair for eating and a black and white TV which sat on an orange crate.  After 6 months of peace, quiet and time to reflect I bought a condo and reestablished myself in the real world.  In truth it was just what I needed...

George


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 24, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> The recent sale of my Washington house shows how crazy things are right now. We listed at $10K above the highest price of any home in my neighborhood. Real Estate agent raised an eyebrow at that, thinking I was pushing the envelope: "Yes, your house is better than the one down the street, but is it $10,000 better?" I said "Let's find out."
> 
> On the very first day the house was on the market, there were NINE showings, and overnight FIVE offers to buy came in. Two were at asking price, three were above asking. One offer included a sympathy letter from a buyer who said they'd been shopping "for months" and had lost out on every house they'd tried to buy. We ended up accepting a stronger offer from a different buyer, for $8K over asking. (That Buyer was willing to go up in $3K increments to a price nearly $25K over our asking, if needed, to compete with any other offers. It wasn't necessary, but shows how much they wanted the house, and how incredibly tight the market was.) We were Under Contract the day after the house went on the market. (And for the record, all things are on track for a very smooth escrow, and closing will be within the next few weeks.)
> 
> ...



Wow. What confuses me is I understand unemployment is at historic highs. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## bogey21 (Jul 24, 2020)

It is simple.  People are worried about the effect of the trillions the Government is spending due to the virus.  The value of the dollar is declining and the price of gold and silver are going up daily.  It wouldn't surprise me that one of the reasons for the increase in value of homes is also related to this...

George


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 24, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> It is simple. People are worried about the effect of the trillions the Government is spending due to the virus. The value of the dollar is declining and the price of gold and silver are going up daily. It wouldn't surprise me that one of the reasons for the increase in value of homes is also related to this...
> 
> George



Yes, I get that. Homes are a good hedge against inflation BUT don’t you need a job to qualify for a mortgage? Some states have unemployment as high as 40 percent (like Nevada I think).


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## WinniWoman (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Yes, I get that. Homes are a good hedge against inflation BUT don’t you need a job to qualify for a mortgage? Some states have unemployment as high as 40 percent (like Nevada I think).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



I was thinking the same, unless they are all cash offers.


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Wow. What confuses me is I understand unemployment is at historic highs.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yes, but only for the unemployed.   Plenty of remote working continues, and retirees are not unemployed, they are retired.  I think many people just changed their own status and will not go back, figuring it is close enough to retirement age...


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## geekette (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Yes, I get that. Homes are a good hedge against inflation BUT don’t you need a job to qualify for a mortgage? Some states have unemployment as high as 40 percent (like Nevada I think).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yes, the unemployed lower wage workers are unlikely to be buying homes, unless they are consolidating households.  I could see cracking Mom out of senior living, kids aren't going back to campus, let's buy a place we don't mind all isolating in together...   could be ditching apartments, wanting equity vs toss away monthly.  

I think that the family jam will have gotten to some people that have the ability to get more square footage, like their mental health depends on it....   Maybe Junior managed to graduate college and get a good remote job while Dad is employed but Mom was laid off...   and sis was in college but now working various restaurants, when they are open.

it's a crapshoot.  every individual has their own situation going on.  A high unemployment stat is not the whole story.


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## DaveNV (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Yes, I get that. Homes are a good hedge against inflation BUT don’t you need a job to qualify for a mortgage? Some states have unemployment as high as 40 percent (like Nevada I think).



Obviously, I can't speak to the economics of why other people are buying houses right now. I know why I did it.  Generally, it does appear people are trying to position themselves for a "better life" than they currently have.  Buying and selling is a regular occurrence, but right now the buying part is strongly affected by the selling part, I think.  In the case of the Buyers of my Washington home, they're coming in from out of state, buying first, and then selling their current home in their old state after they move.  They apparently have a lot of money, so didn't need to sell before buying.  None of my business, to be honest, but I'm really glad it's working out for me the way it has. 

Dave


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## DaveNV (Jul 24, 2020)

geekette said:


> Yes, but only for the unemployed.   Plenty of remote working continues, and retirees are not unemployed, they are retired.  I think many people just changed their own status and will not go back, figuring it is close enough to retirement age...



Us.

Dave


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## JanT (Jul 24, 2020)

Oh Sugarcubesea, I am so sorry!!!  What a horrible thing to have happen!  I cannot understand how CEOs, etc. continue to get huge salaries, pensions, etc., and the workers get screwed.  I literally do not understand why these companies have no conscience and do not care about the people who work so hard for them.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you will be able to find a home that works for you and will help you be on a firmer foundation for retirement.  My heart is just broken for you.



Sugarcubesea said:


> It's MI that I'm looking for a new house.
> 
> I don't know if I told everyone my story, but I worked for an automotive company in Detroit for over 20 years, I had a pension and because of this the company did not offer a 401K plan... Fast forward to 2007 - the Great Recession.  This Great Recession hit the automotive sector very hard during this time. My company went bankrupt and because the company was more concerned with lining the pockets of the CEO and executive team our pension in bankruptcy was turned over to the PBGC.  Once the PBGC got it they notified us that it was severely underfunded to the point that the most we would get would be 10% of our original amount.  Now fast forward to about 3 years ago and since I was the youngest in the bunch and since most of my former colleagues are long since retired and collecting their 10% of their pension, I was notified that when I turn 65 (the year that I automatically begin to receive the pension funds) I should plan on only about 5% of my original amount. So since now I will only be getting about $110 a month in pension my accountant told me I needed to take drastic action.
> 
> ...


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## bbodb1 (Jul 24, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Wow. What confuses me is I understand unemployment is at historic highs.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



I am not so sure that is the case.  Unemployment is at _*temporary*_ highs because of the availability of an additional $600 per week on top of unemployment benefits.  When people can choose to _*not*_ work and make more money than they would have if employed, that has to be factored into the equation.  We cannot know the actual unemployment numbers until a few months pass after the end of the additional unemployment payments.  Will businesses return after not being able to open their doors after such an extended period? 

I would submit an equally insightful measure will be the number of jobs - and that number is likely to continue decreasing for some time.


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> As horrible as it is what happened to your pension is is great that you are looking forward and planning and your plan is very doable.  We can’t change the past but have choices on what we do today for our future.



Panina:  I couldn't agree more... I was very fortunate in that after I left the bankrupt company I was able to land at a fabulous Japanese automotive company.   I'm employed, I have a 5% company match in the 401K plan, I'm putting the max every year into my 401K company plan and a Roth IRA, and saving to bridge into my retirement...Even thou, I have only had access to a 401K plan for the past 6  years, I have put the max in during those 6 years and god willing I can work till 65 or 66 and retire with a 401K and SS funds to my beloved FL


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> I am not so sure that is the case.  Unemployment is at _*temporary*_ highs because of the availability of an additional $600 per week on top of unemployment benefits.  When people can choose to _*not*_ work and make more money than they would have if employed, that has to be factored into the equation.  We cannot know the actual unemployment numbers until a few months pass after the end of the additional unemployment payments.  Will businesses return after not being able to open their doors after such an extended period?
> 
> I would submit an equally insightful measure will be the number of jobs - and that number is likely to continue decreasing for some time.



I do not know about other states but we have our manufacturing plant in GA and when we called our furloughed employees back a few of them declined and that meant that they no longer were entitled to unemployment, once they no longer were receiving unemployment they begged for their jobs back...


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 24, 2020)

JanT said:


> Oh Sugarcubesea, I am so sorry!!!  What a horrible thing to have happen!  I cannot understand how CEOs, etc. continue to get huge salaries, pensions, etc., and the workers get screwed.  I literally do not understand why these companies have no conscience and do not care about the people who work so hard for them.
> 
> I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you will be able to find a home that works for you and will help you be on a firmer foundation for retirement.  My heart is just broken for you.


Jan, thank you for the love... I have to tell you I was very mad and depressed for years and then I decided I needed to move on and get one with my life... found a great job and a good company that loves the mature worker (the average age at our company is 56).  So I just now need to work till my 401K hits a number my accountant and I felt would allow me to live a simple but nice retirement...so I'm content that I will get to retire at some point...


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## Glynda (Jul 24, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> ... I am a bit unusual but I have never understood the draw to Florida. I lived there as a child and as an adult.



I was born and raised in Florida.  My parents also native Floridians for generations. It was a great place to grow up in back in the day but I’ve never wanted to move back.  EVER!


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## VacationForever (Jul 24, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I’m, of course,  a woman but I too can relate to what you said about your house in Minnesota and the attachment to it. I wanted to move and I know it was the right thing to do, but I am constantly thinking about our former house and I remember every single nook and cranny of that house and always will. I still look at our photos of it and find myself constantly comparing our new house to it. ( no comparison - old house was so much better).
> 
> To me a house is a home. It’s part of my skin- at the very least my shell. It takes a long time to grow a new one but I never really shed my old one and probably never will.


I think every home we move out of we leave a piece of us behind.  I have loved the 2 homes which I have owned in California.  If the choice is up to me, I would have stayed in the first home.  I gave that home up because my now husband hated the home.  We moved into a lovely home but again, he wanted to leave California and we sold that home.  Even though I love my current home, I often think about the other 2 homes and miss many aspects of them.


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## Talent312 (Jul 24, 2020)

Glynda said:


> I was born and raised in Florida.  My parents also native Floridians for generations. It was a great place to grow up in back in the day but I’ve never wanted to move back.  EVER!



I was born and raised in Miami.  I'm still in Florida... N. Florida, where we have seasons and hills.
As for those who don't want to live here, you're welcome to not to. As Jimmy Buffett said:

Most of the people who retire in Florida
Are wrinkled and they lean on a crutch
And mobile homes are smotherin' my Keys
I hate those bastards so much
I wish a summer squall would blow them all
The way up to fantasy land
Yeah they're ugly and square, they don't belong here
They looked a lot better as beer cans.
-- Migration (1974)

... _Panina excepted ..._


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 25, 2020)

Although I have never been to FL, I did have plans to try out Marco Island. It was booked and then...you know.

What I really want to see is the Cuban flavour in Miami. I love culture and the diversity of people. One learns so much. I suppose that’s why I love to travel in the first place.

@Panina, you have much to be blessed with. Through your hard work, you carved out a wonderful retirement for yourself. You have good health. You are a nice person. You have plenty yet to give and share in your life. Who knows? You may find your life partner yet when you absolutely least expect it. If not, you have some family, I am sure wonderful friends and you will be a welcome addition to whatever community you decide to end up in.

Chin up...it’s all going to work out fine in the end. 

My dad once said, “God never gives you anything you can’t handle.” I really do believe that. Maybe, just maybe, god has better, richer things in store for you that will make your new chapter the best ever!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Glynda (Jul 25, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> I was born and raised in Miami.  I'm still in Florida... N. Florida, where we have seasons and hills.
> As for those who don't want to live here, you're welcome to not to. As Jimmy Buffett said:
> 
> Most of the people who retire in Florida
> ...



I would suspect that one of the reasons you moved to N Florida was that it had yet to experience the woes of Buffet’s song as well as for more seasonal weather and its topography.  To each his own. I prefer to remember it as it once was than experience it as it is now.


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## Panina (Jul 25, 2020)

If I hear one more time “you should do this”,  “You aren’t listening to me, I am telling you this for your own good”....Ugh.  Seems everyone has their opinions in what I should do and what I shouldn’t do.  I am not asking for opinions, they are just given.  I don’t want to argue thus I will need to stop talking as much to family.  

Meanwhile good progress the last few days.  Separated out all our papers that are filed,   Ordered packing boxes-never too soon to start, started sorting out things I will donate as I want to move lighter but most  importantly got all my timeshare papers organized and on a spreadsheet.  He wants to see it on a spreadsheet before we discuss who gets what and what we give away.  Hopefully I can get him to sit down this weekend and we can agree.  I am hoping at the least we can both decide what we both don’t want/need so I can list them.


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 25, 2020)

Panina said:


> If I hear one more time “you should do this”,  “You aren’t listening to me, I am telling you this for your own good”....Ugh.  Seems everyone has their opinions in what I should do and what I shouldn’t do.  I am not asking for opinions, they are just given.  I don’t want to argue thus I will need to stop talking as much to family.
> 
> Meanwhile good progress the last few days.  Separated out all our papers that are filed,   Ordered packing boxes-never too soon to start, started sorting out things I will donate as I want to move lighter but most  importantly got all my timeshare papers organized and on a spreadsheet.  He wants to see it on a spreadsheet before we discuss who gets what and what we give away.  Hopefully I can get him to sit down this weekend and we can agree.  I am hoping at the least we can both decide what we both don’t want/need so I can list them.


I’m so sorry, family is trying to tell you what they want you to do vs supporting you in your decision.  I’ve learned family does not always know best.  

I’m so happy that you are starting the packing process.   Every time I look to see what I want to keep vs toss or donate, I swear it multiples.  I hope you get to keep the TS’s that brings you the most joy.  Don’t let your family or friends try to tell you what they would do, only you know what’s best for you.  I so admire your ability to take the high road thru this division of property and divorce.


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## geekette (Jul 25, 2020)

...If I hear one more time “you should do this”,  “You aren’t listening to me, I am telling you this for your own good”....Ugh.  Seems everyone has their opinions in what I should do and what I shouldn’t do.  I am not asking for opinions, they are just given.  I don’t want to argue thus I will need to stop talking as much to family.   

Yes, avoid people that think you are a foolish little girl.   There are reasons that I am a private person.  My sister doesn't seem to string together a sentence without it starting out "you should..."    She still refers to me as her "baby sister".   For me, it's easier to just avoid contact vs endure more disrespect.   I was still a teen when I determined that what they don't know is usually none of their business.  

The bottom line is that nobody but YOU knows what is in your best interest, and nobody but YOU will contend with the consequences.   Don't clutter your mental or emotional space with unhelpful pressure from others.  You have soooo got this, I don't see that you need to waste any time reassuring others.   Not your job.

It's good that you are strong enough to withstand crap from others.  Not everyone is, and that very often includes the very people leaning on you, as they apparently would not be making the same choices that you are.  They can worry all they want, but you don't need to hear it, and you don't need to do anything about it.   It always amazes me that the most supportive people are 'friends from the internet' and total strangers.  

You are making fast progress, on all the right things.  Once you start moving the big rocks, the little ones fall into place.


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 25, 2020)

*“Once you start moving the big rocks, the little ones fall into place.”*

Geekette*, *I love this saying and it’s a good mantra for moving forward.


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## Beachclubmum (Jul 25, 2020)

We used to have a coffee mug that said:

“Don’t Should On Me”


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## DaveNV (Jul 25, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> I was born and raised in Miami.  I'm still in Florida... N. Florida, where we have seasons and hills.
> As for those who don't want to live here, you're welcome to not to. As Jimmy Buffett said:
> 
> Most of the people who retire in Florida
> ...



Pretty strong words from a guy born and raised in Mississippi, who himself is a Florida transplant. "My Keys?"  Hypocrite much, Mr. Buffet? Instead of blaming those who have moved in, maybe blame the developers who built those mobile home parks, and enticed retirees to move there. Blame the City Councils who approved the development of all those mobile home parks, rather than the retirees who just want a place in the sun.

I lived in Washington state's incredible San Juan Islands for nine years, where nature and scenic beauty is beyond description. There were so many stories of people who would move in from out of state, buy a parcel of land, cut down all the trees, fence the property, and build a McMansion. Then they'd complain that the deer were eating their flowers, that it rained all the time, that they couldn't get the immediate services like they had back home.  They'd whine that "things here are changing, and it doesn't feel like it used to." They wanted to stop any further development, but only after they'd gotten their projects done.  These were the same people who would demand ATM machines and fast food restaurants and 24-hour grocery stores.  Yes, it was changing, and it was their own fault. Instead of integrating into life as it was, they wanted life to change to their version of what it should be.  A self-fulfilling problem.

If someone wants to retire in Florida, I say go for it. It's a great place, for those who want to live there. It's not for everyone, and that's probably a good thing.  If everyone lived there, the country would start to dip into the ocean on that corner of the continent.  

Dave


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## pianodinosaur (Jul 25, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> It's MI that I'm looking for a new house.
> 
> I don't know if I told everyone my story, but I worked for an automotive company in Detroit for over 20 years, I had a pension and because of this the company did not offer a 401K plan... Fast forward to 2007 - the Great Recession.  This Great Recession hit the automotive sector very hard during this time. My company went bankrupt and because the company was more concerned with lining the pockets of the CEO and executive team our pension in bankruptcy was turned over to the PBGC.  Once the PBGC got it they notified us that it was severely underfunded to the point that the most we would get would be 10% of our original amount.  Now fast forward to about 3 years ago and since I was the youngest in the bunch and since most of my former colleagues are long since retired and collecting their 10% of their pension, I was notified that when I turn 65 (the year that I automatically begin to receive the pension funds) I should plan on only about 5% of my original amount. So since now I will only be getting about $110 a month in pension my accountant told me I needed to take drastic action.
> 
> ...



The ENRON scandal (2001) destroyed the pensions many people here in the Houston area.  The perpetrators of the disaster were held criminally liable.  Jeffrey Skilling died shortly into his sentence.   Andrew Fastow went to prison.  However, this did not help the many people who lost so much.   The Sarbanes-Oxley Act (2002) was suppose to prevent CEOs from getting away with what happened to you.  Did the corporate executives at your place of employment get their golden parachutes?  Madoff went to prison after his Ponzi scheme collapsed in 2007.  He too left numerous pensioners in a state of financial devastation.  There will always be wicked people to bring suffering upon the innocent.  Many blessings upon you.


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## Ralph Sir Edward (Jul 25, 2020)

geekette said:


> Yes, but only for the unemployed.   Plenty of remote working continues, and retirees are not unemployed, they are retired.  I think many people just changed their own status and will not go back, figuring it is close enough to retirement age...



That's me. I was 4 to 10 months ahead of my target retirement date. . . Not going back. (Unless a really good deal came along.)


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## pedro47 (Jul 25, 2020)

DaveNV, your post sounds like me some months ago. I moved to a rural area to escape city life, four lane highways, traffic, street lights, sidewalks, crime and Seven-Eleven on every corner.

We had open land space, trees, nature, wetlands and the scenic beauty in our backyard was awesome. After about 20 years some developers discovery our untouch world of the state. It took another 6 years get everything started and now development in North Suffolk, VA is a City of its on. We now have two (2) hospitals, banks, a Walmart, Kohols, a shopping center, two golf courses, private & public schools, restaurants, supermarkets, traffic, traffic lights, a fire and a police stations, physician offices. You name it and we have it. Now.

Sorry for my comments; we do not have a Publix, a Trader Joe's or a Fresh Market store.

We do have two (2) ABC's state liquor stores in North Suffolk .

Is it still  a very nice area  to retire. Yes! it is..   Just ask the heavy retired military & government population in HarbourView in North Suffolk. LOL.


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## lockewong (Jul 25, 2020)

Panina said:


> I never thought I would be here now, starting a new beginning at 60.  Seems unreal as my age does too.  I look and feel younger but the reality is I am still starting over at 60.
> 
> I know this new journey is necessary.  I always hope the best is yet to come and with the unknown ahead I realize all my emotions are ok and I just need to venture, feel and emerge happier and better off.
> 
> ...


Been a busy week.  Just logged on.  I am right with you on this journey.  Wish I could be closer to help.  Nora


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## Beachclubmum (Jul 25, 2020)

The development stories reminds me of a local story.

Years and years ago a local doctor bought a bunch of land away from the city out in the middle of nowhere. He bought it because he liked to shoot guns at targets. No neighbors, no problem. Then development came, and a big expensive housing tract was put up next to the edge of his land, and so many people came with the development that they also added schools. Next thing you know the people in the development are suing because of the shotgun noises. The doctor was mad because he was there first. At the end of the day he won the lawsuit. The only concession he did end up making was not to shoot during school hours because every time he did it would cause the school to go on lockdown. Lol.


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## DaveNV (Jul 25, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> DaveNV, your post sounds like me some months ago. I moved to a rural area to escape city life, four lane highways, traffic, street lights, sidewalks, crime and Seven-Eleven on every corner.
> 
> We had open land space, trees, nature, wetlands and the scenic beauty in our backyard was awesome. After about 20 years some developers discovery our untouch world of the state. It took another 6 years get everything started and now development in North Suffolk, VA is a City of its on. We now have two (2) hospitals, banks, a Walmart, Kohols, a shopping center, two golf courses, private & public schools, restaurants, supermarkets, traffic, traffic lights, a fire and a police stations, physician offices. You name it and we have it. Now.
> 
> ...




I was stationed in Norfolk for three years of my Navy time, and I know the Suffolk area. I always liked the quiet rural-ness of the place. It's not really a surprise to hear of the development.  But the entire greater Tidewater area has also gone through tremendous growth over the years.  Last time I was there visiting old friends, it amazed me how much even Virginia Beach has grown - I thought it was as big as it was going to get, but I was wrong. Even quiet little Chesapeake has become a busy area.  What can you do?  People need to live someplace, right?  

Dave


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## WinniWoman (Jul 25, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I’m so sorry, family is trying to tell you what they want you to do vs supporting you in your decision.  I’ve learned family does not always know best.
> 
> I’m so happy that you are starting the packing process.   Every time I look to see what I want to keep vs toss or donate, I swear it multiples.  I hope you get to keep the TS’s that brings you the most joy.  Don’t let your family or friends try to tell you what they would do, only you know what’s best for you.  I so admire your ability to take the high road thru this division of property and divorce.



So agree with this. Best to avoid talking with the family.

And beginning the packing process is the key to moving forward towards the new life.


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## DaveNV (Jul 25, 2020)

Beachclubmum said:


> The development stories reminds me of a local story.
> 
> Years and years ago a local doctor bought a bunch of land away from the city out in the middle of nowhere. He bought it because he liked to shoot guns at targets. No neighbors, no problem. Then development came, and a big expensive housing tract was put up next to the edge of his land, and so many people came with the development that they also added schools. Next thing you know the people in the development are suing because of the shotgun noises. The doctor was mad because he was there first. At the end of the day he won the lawsuit. The only concession he did end up making was not to shoot during school hours because every time he did it would cause the school to go on lockdown. Lol.



Yep. Sounds familiar.  Good for your doctor.  In Washington state, on Whidbey Island, the Navy has had a Naval Air Station for decades.  It is a major air base in the Pacific Northwest.  Squadrons of jets stationed there are deployed on aircraft carriers to various places around the world, and it is a very important part of the Navy's program.  When not deployed, the pilots in those squadrons need to keep up their training skills, so they do lots of flights around the area, doing touch-and-go landings at the base's airstrips, and generally doing what military pilots are supposed to do.  It's been that way for as long as I've been aware of the place, which is about fifty years.

In recent years there has been a lot of development around Whidbey Island, as people want to live in the rural area.  Land is cheaper than on the mainland areas of Puget Sound, and a lot of people who commute by ferry to Seattle want to live on the island.  Many homesites are on the long beaches and rocky coastline of the island.  A lot of interior farmland has been converted to housing developments, and the demand for housing has increased, with no end in sight.  Lately, there has been a lot of complaints being made in council meetings and public forums by these new residents that the Navy jets are too loud, and how it's bothering them.  They want the Navy to stop flying around the area, and for things to get quiet.

Sorry, but you can't move next door to a busy airport, and then complain about the noise the aircraft make.  But these people are making all sorts of noise about it.  I don't understand the logic.  But after living in Hawaii and the San Juan islands, maybe I should.  

Dave


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## Sugarcubesea (Jul 25, 2020)

pianodinosaur said:


> The ENRON scandal (2001) destroyed the pensions many people here in the Houston area.  The perpetrators of the disaster were held criminally liable.  Jeffrey Skilling died shortly into his sentence.   Andrew Fastow went to prison.  However, this did not help the many people who lost so much.   The Sarbanes-Oxley Act (2002) was suppose to prevent CEOs from getting away with what happened to you.  Did the corporate executives at your place of employment get their golden parachutes?  Madoff went to prison after his Ponzi scheme collapsed in 2007.  He too left numerous pensioners in a state of financial devastation.  There will always be wicked people to bring suffering upon the innocent.  Many blessings upon you.



Yes, the Sarbanes-Oxley Act  was suppose to fix these issues but unfortunately as everthing in life there was enough loopholes in that law that my previous company was able to consistently underfund the pension year after year. Quite honestly because I was in finance, and the govt was cracking down on these companies because the PBGC could not handle all of the defunct pensions, suddenly we went into bankruptcy. We had enough cash in reserve to keep us going thru the next 8 months and our biggest customer told us they would loan us money because we were the only supplier that made one of their parts for their top selling vehicle.  All 7 of the top executives of my previous company had golden parachutes and the CEO who with his wild spending helped to put us into bankruptcy received a 10 million bonus for getting us out...This same CEO about 4 years after I left the company and he himself had been fired from the previous company, he became CEO of another company and had one of his henchmen call me for an opportunity at his new company.  When I said not to that offer, he called me himself. Let's just say that he will never be calling me again as I laid into him.


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## geekette (Jul 25, 2020)

I'm not sure I would blame the residents moving to rural areas for all the ... "neon progress"  ...  Developers follow roads built, and build along them.  Then the retailers smell it and get their brand there first.  

Once there are more than a few cars along a road, someone notices and senses opportunitie$.

I don't think those that move farther out then contact companies and ask them to locate nearby.  But I could certainly see large development companies getting those deals in place prior to breaking ground on homes for future customers of their customers.

What I can control is my own wallet.  I don't support businesses that for whatever reason, I don't like.   

My friend has 30+ acres and a neighbor with an adjoining plot of 5 acres wants to sell at very high price, dividing into 2 lots and plopping mobile homes on them.   I "did some Zillowing" and think he's out of his mind on price, so, hopefully, will wait him out and absorb a cleared 5 that would make my farming exploits much easier.  It's also possible that he floated a dream price hoping that she was Ms Moneybags and would do anything to have those 5.   Sometimes people think women are stupid with money.   I'm not sure that's his deal but she had mentioned previously that he had a really big ego.  

If anything other than home tradespeople, ag or residential buyer showed up, that'd be a problem for me.   Like most anyone else, if I move away from lights and sounds, I don't want them to follow me.   But, I cannot stop "progress" until such time as I can buy up all the land that I don't want developed.

I went through that here, actually.  The lady that owns the woods behind me died and her son wanted to part it out.  There would have been a street and houses between me and the horse farm that's on the other side of the slender strip of woods.   I have very active neighbors, they got zoning changed to require 3 ac min homesite, which made it impossible for him to build the road.   They were at it again when someone wanted to build a school on the corner heading into our neighborhood.  Kids don't live back here, it's been over a decade since there was a school bus.   My gut is don't build a school that no one can walk to, in addition to the natural "not in my back yard!"   So a neighbor quickly bought the land and put up an organic farm and llama yard. 

Potentially, a Jimmy Buffet wallet could buy each mobile home as it is vacated and remove it and make the land what he likes.   heck, beautiful gardens with eclectic tiny homes  hidden in the back of the lot.  what'ev.  

Panina said the yard was very important to her, so I am imaging various tropical paradises and outdoor comfy living.  and, yeah, a home in there, too...  equally comfortable and suitable for our dear Panina in navigating her new chapter.


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## pedro47 (Jul 25, 2020)

DaveNV, we have been spoil for the first thirty (30) years in North Suffolk. The big surprise when interstate 664 was open and Route 17 became a four (4) lane highway. Progress is good and people must live somewhere. LOL.


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## dayooper (Jul 25, 2020)

In a neighboring small town, there’s a long standing dairy farm. Huge in the community, employs many residents and, quite frankly has the best ice cream I have ever had. Very well loved and respected. 

Long story short, as suburban crawl moved up I-75 away from the high prices of suburban metro Detroit, many people started building there. Those that owned property that bordered the farm sold to individuals who were looking for acreage to build their high priced homes. Many finished in fall and moved in during the winter. When spring hit, the smell was rather strong. They complained to the township board of trustees demanding they do something about it. Some even wanted to have the farm closed! They were laughed out of the meeting.


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## bbodb1 (Jul 25, 2020)

dayooper said:


> In a neighboring small town, there’s a long standing dairy farm. Huge in the community, employs many residents and, quite frankly has the best ice cream I have ever had. Very well loved and respected.
> 
> Long story short, as suburban crawl moved up I-75 away from the high prices of suburban metro Detroit, many people started building there. Those that owned property that bordered the farm sold to individuals who were looking for acreage to build their high priced homes. Many finished in fall and moved in during the winter. When spring hit, the smell was rather strong. They complained to the township board of trustees demanding they do something about it. Some even wanted to have the farm closed! *They were laughed out of the meeting*.



As it should be.


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## geekette (Jul 25, 2020)

dayooper said:


> In a neighboring small town, there’s a long standing dairy farm. Huge in the community, employs many residents and, quite frankly has the best ice cream I have ever had. Very well loved and respected.
> 
> Long story short, as suburban crawl moved up I-75 away from the high prices of suburban metro Detroit, many people started building there. Those that owned property that bordered the farm sold to individuals who were looking for acreage to build their high priced homes. Many finished in fall and moved in during the winter. When spring hit, the smell was rather strong. They complained to the township board of trustees demanding they do something about it. Some even wanted to have the farm closed! They were laughed out of the meeting.


That's just embarrassing!

I live in old farmland, dairy 4 doors down.  It had just started out when I got here, it is a massive business now.   I'm more annoyed by the littering traffic they have brought than any random smell or cows in my driveway or chickens in the road.

Sure, sometimes there are aromas.   There is an amazing innovation I have discovered - the window.  It seems that when it is closed, no extra smells come in!

Actually, I don't have a problem with the periodic ... scents of fertilizer.  I understand pig farms can be tremendously smelly but I have no problem with the cows and chickens and goats.  The baby goats are so darned cute, I'd hold my nose and watch them frolic if they were...  overly aromatic...


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## mav (Jul 26, 2020)

Panina, with your lovely nature with  not harboring  bitterness , you will always have a beautiful, peaceful  life full of friends and love. He was just a pebble in the road. The sadness for what could have been  will pass.


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## pedro47 (Jul 26, 2020)

geekette said:


> That's just embarrassing!
> 
> I live in old farmland, dairy 4 doors down.  It had just started out when I got here, it is a massive business now.   I'm more annoyed by the littering traffic they have brought than any random smell or cows in my driveway or chickens in the road.
> 
> ...



LOL, sometimes city folks don't understand that farming requires crop dusting planes flying over farm land, flying low over your home early in the morning and late in the evening, chickens, pigs goats, and large John Dere tractors on the roads, strange smells or aromas in the air depending on how the wind is blowing.

Dirt roads with no street lights or signs and no sidewalk.

Do you feel city folks do not understand these strange things are required to feed them and to get food on their kitchen tables. LOL.


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## SmithOp (Jul 26, 2020)

geekette said:


> That's just embarrassing!
> 
> I live in old farmland, dairy 4 doors down. It had just started out when I got here, it is a massive business now. I'm more annoyed by the littering traffic they have brought than any random smell or cows in my driveway or chickens in the road.
> 
> ...



My inlaws live in a small farming town in southern AZ, over the last 10 years its been surrounded by cattle feed lots, in fields that once grew cotton.

The amonia smell is horrible but the worst thing is FLIES! Do you not have a fly problem?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Brett (Jul 26, 2020)

geekette said:


> That's just embarrassing!
> 
> I live in old farmland, dairy 4 doors down.  It had just started out when I got here, it is a massive business now.   I'm more annoyed by the littering traffic they have brought than any random smell or cows in my driveway or chickens in the road.
> 
> ...





My mother grew up on a dairy farm.  That land (which her family does not currently own)  recently sold for many millions of $$
the smell of money !


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 26, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> Yep. Sounds familiar. Good for your doctor. In Washington state, on Whidbey Island, the Navy has had a Naval Air Station for decades. It is a major air base in the Pacific Northwest. Squadrons of jets stationed there are deployed on aircraft carriers to various places around the world, and it is a very important part of the Navy's program. When not deployed, the pilots in those squadrons need to keep up their training skills, so they do lots of flights around the area, doing touch-and-go landings at the base's airstrips, and generally doing what military pilots are supposed to do. It's been that way for as long as I've been aware of the place, which is about fifty years.
> 
> In recent years there has been a lot of development around Whidbey Island, as people want to live in the rural area. Land is cheaper than on the mainland areas of Puget Sound, and a lot of people who commute by ferry to Seattle want to live on the island. Many homesites are on the long beaches and rocky coastline of the island. A lot of interior farmland has been converted to housing developments, and the demand for housing has increased, with no end in sight. Lately, there has been a lot of complaints being made in council meetings and public forums by these new residents that the Navy jets are too loud, and how it's bothering them. They want the Navy to stop flying around the area, and for things to get quiet.
> 
> ...



Funny you mention people complain about everything in very beautiful areas. I was guilty of that. I live in Alberta and sometimes the winters can get cold. However, where I live, we get Chinooks. These are warm winds that come over the Mountains. So, temperatures can go from -20 f to 55 f in a matter of hours. Thus, winters here can be not too bad. I must say, the Summers here are great. Not to hot. Also, I am near the best scenery one could imagine.

Anyway, I was complaining one time about the cold here in Las Vegas to a fellow who lived here. He says, “you complain about the cold. Just try Vegas in July and you will complain about the heat. No place is perfect. Just assess the advantages and disadvantages and go from there.”

He’s right. I don’t complain anymore.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## geekette (Jul 26, 2020)

SmithOp said:


> My inlaws live in a small farming town in southern AZ, over the last 10 years its been surrounded by cattle feed lots, in fields that once grew cotton.
> 
> The amonia smell is horrible but the worst thing is FLIES! Do you not have a fly problem?
> 
> ...


The farm might have a fly problem, but I don't.


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## TravelTime (Jul 26, 2020)

I grew up in South Florida. I never appreciated it when I was growing up but now I do. It is one of the best states in terms of beauty for the ocean and beaches as well as low cost of living. The beaches in Florida beat California hands down. There is no comparing the cost of living. If my DH would move, we would be there. Unfortunately my DH is attached to California and does not like the humidity in Florida.


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## DaveNV (Jul 26, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Anyway, I was complaining one time about the cold here in Las Vegas to a fellow who lived here. He says, “you complain about the cold. Just try Vegas in July and you will complain about the heat. No place is perfect. Just assess the advantages and disadvantages and go from there.”
> 
> He’s right. I don’t complain anymore.



It's all relative, I think.  People who travel to busy vacation locations have no cause to complain about crowding.  I think Yogi Berra is quoted as saying, "Nobody goes to Coney Island anymore.  It's too crowded."  

Dave


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 26, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> It's all relative, I think. People who travel to busy vacation locations have no cause to complain about crowding. I think Yogi Berra is quoted as saying, "Nobody goes to Coney Island anymore. It's too crowded."
> 
> Dave



. That’s why the place is crowded in the first place. Great minds think alike.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## dayooper (Jul 26, 2020)

TravelTime said:


> I grew up in South Florida. I never appreciated it when I was growing up but now I do. It is one of the best states in terms of beauty for the ocean and beaches as well as low cost of living. The beaches in Florida beat California hands down. There is no comparing the cost of living. If my DH would move, we would be there. Unfortunately my DH is attached to California and does not like the humidity in Florida.



While I would not enjoy living in Florida, I agree that the beaches there are fantastic. The Treasure Island Beach is incredible. The only beaches that even comes close are the Grand Haven and Holland beaches off of a Lake Michigan. 

Florida is great to visit, but I would not want to live there. My ideal weather is mid 60’s and I can tolerate extreme cold more than extreme heat and humidity.


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## pedro47 (Jul 26, 2020)

SmithOp said:


> My inlaws live in a small farming town in southern AZ, over the last 10 years its been surrounded by cattle feed lots, in fields that once grew cotton.
> 
> The amonia smell is horrible but the worst thing is FLIES! Do you not have a fly problem?
> 
> ...



Did you say *Flies* , *suppose you lived next door to a chicken farm that had thousands, thousands and thousands of chickens and pilies of chicken manure everywhere....Now let add this to the story that farmer did not and had refuse to clean his chicken farms buildings for decades.  You could not leave your automobile outside, windows open or wash clothes; unless you wanted to see brown spots all over your automobile, in your house or clothes.  Well us new city folks took him to circuit court and force him to clean up his chicken farms & buildings. end of story no. He sold his chicken farm to some land developers .  Who has now built upscale homes and condos on the farm site and water front site. They have added street signs, traffic lights,  street lights, and sidewalks. 

Next door is about a 3/4 to a mile away from the chicken farm site.*


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## bluehende (Jul 26, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Did you say *Flies* , *suppose you lived next door to a chicken farm that had thousands, thousands and thousands of chickens and pilies of chicken manure everywhere....Now let add this to the story that farmer did not and had refuse to clean his chicken farms buildings for decades.  You could not leave your automobile outside, windows open or wash clothes; unless you wanted to see brown spots all over your automobile, in your house or clothes.  Well us new city folks took him to circuit court and force him to clean up his chicken farms & buildings. end of story no. He sold his chicken farm to some land developers .  Who has now built upscale homes and condos on the farm site and water front site. They have added street signs, traffic lights,  street lights, and sidewalks.
> 
> Next door is about a 3/4 to a mile away from the chicken farm site.*


Our "beach house" was a few miles inland.  We were about 100 yds from the chicken houses.  Almost all of the time the smell was unpleasant but you did get used to it.  It was those few days in the summer after the owner walked the houses finding the deceased chickens on those 95 degree days.  Now that was something you could not get used to.  Also if you have ever been behind one of the chicken trucks going to the processor you will understand why we used to say the roads were not paved.  They were tarred and feathered.


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## Panina (Jul 28, 2020)

So finally got him to sit down to decide on the timeshares.  We have a total of 22.  Three are bluegreen which Bluegreen will take back.  One has already transferred to them, the second just got the papers to notarize from them, the third is the one with the deed issue and the person who sold it to me is working on getting it fixed.  Hopefully she does so I don’t have to take legal action.

He is Taking 8 weeks, I am taking 7.  I might sell some later on but I will wait at least a year.  He wanted all five Key West weeks and I told him they are worth $ and he needs to share, so I took the two winter weeks and he took the three late fall weeks all along mumbling he wanted all 5.

So I kept two January Key West weeks, two Marco Island March weeks at Sunrise that I love, plus two winter flex weeks at HGVC Marco and one in Myrtle Beach.

In addition to his 3 key west weeks he took two late December weeks in Marco Island, one at hgvc Surf Club, the other at Sunrise.  Considering he always said Marco wasn’t his favorite that surprised me.  He took the spring week at Jade Tree in Myrtle Beach and two weeks at Chetola in NC, one of my favorites.

All in all I think we are both happy.  So that leaves 4 weeks to give away 3 flex hgvc Marco Island and one hgvc New Year Hutchinson after he gives me the final ok.


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## Fredflintstone (Jul 28, 2020)

Panina said:


> So finally got him to sit down to decide on the timeshares. We have a total of 22. Three are bluegreen which Bluegreen will take back. One has already transferred to them, the second just got the papers to notarize from them, the third is the one with the deed issue and the person who sold it to me is working on getting it fixed. Hopefully she does so I don’t have to take legal action.
> 
> He is Taking 8 weeks, I am taking 7. I might sell some later on but I will wait at least a year. He wanted all five Key West weeks and I told him they are worth $ and he needs to share, so I took the two winter weeks and he took the three late fall weeks all along mumbling he wanted all 5.
> 
> ...



Nice! sounds amicable. 22 weeks? Sheesh, I shutter to think of the MF bills coming in at end of year. That’s a plus for you. Your MF costs are going down significantly. That will free up extra dollars for more travel. Heck, you can just book a rental at your favourite times with the saved MF money.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## WalnutBaron (Jul 28, 2020)

Panina said:


> So finally got him to sit down to decide on the timeshares.  We have a total of 22.  Three are bluegreen which Bluegreen will take back.  One has already transferred to them, the second just got the papers to notarize from them, the third is the one with the deed issue and the person who sold it to me is working on getting it fixed.  Hopefully she does so I don’t have to take legal action.
> 
> He is Taking 8 weeks, I am taking 7.  I might sell some later on but I will wait at least a year.  He wanted all five Key West weeks and I told him they are worth $ and he needs to share, so I took the two winter weeks and he took the three late fall weeks all along mumbling he wanted all 5.
> 
> ...


Nice going, @Panina. The best part of what happened is this: "I think we are both happy." Unraveling a life together and dividing assets is hard work, but you did it. And he did it. And together, you came to an amicable agreement. I hope the rest of the work ahead goes as smoothly. You have certainly established a pattern that can be built upon. By the way, I really admire the positive spirit, energy, and purpose you have put into this since you made the decision to split. Thumbs up!


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## Glynda (Jul 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> So finally got him to sit down to decide on the timeshares.  We have a total of 22.  Three are bluegreen which Bluegreen will take back.  One has already transferred to them, the second just got the papers to notarize from them, the third is the one with the deed issue and the person who sold it to me is working on getting it fixed.  Hopefully she does so I don’t have to take legal action.
> 
> He is Taking 8 weeks, I am taking 7.  I might sell some later on but I will wait at least a year.  He wanted all five Key West weeks and I told him they are worth $ and he needs to share, so I took the two winter weeks and he took the three late fall weeks all along mumbling he wanted all 5.
> 
> ...



I'm surprised to learn that Bluegreen took back!


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## elaine (Aug 1, 2020)

hi. Panina, I haven't been following this thread recently. Hugs to you. Elaine


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## Panina (Aug 1, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Nice! sounds amicable. 22 weeks? Sheesh, I shutter to think of the MF bills coming in at end of year. That’s a plus for you. Your MF costs are going down significantly. That will free up extra dollars for more travel. Heck, you can just book a rental at your favourite times with the saved MF money.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Will just take advantage of last minute offerings on rci and II.


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## mentalbreak (Aug 1, 2020)

I admire your practical approach to the discussion and resolution.
And now you just need to note which weeks to remember not to go to your favorite resorts if you do not want to run into each other.
Best wishes on your journey!


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## Panina (Aug 1, 2020)

mentalbreak said:


> I admire your practical approach to the discussion and resolution.
> And now you just need to note which weeks to remember not to go to your favorite resorts if you do not want to run into each other.
> Best wishes on your journey!


I doubt he will ever trade.  He will go or rent them.  The weeks he chose I won’t be traveling those weeks.


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## Panina (Aug 1, 2020)

So finally listed 3 of the 4 weeks I need to find new homes for.  The 4th a fellow long time tugger is taking.  Love gifting to long time tuggers!

Gathered all the weeks we each are keeping and started the transfer process.

My moving boxes came and I packed 2 boxes already.  Lol.  I am actually sorting, what I want, what I have moved 3 times and don’t need....sell on eBay, give to him, donate.  I am only taking what I truly love and use.

I got new tires this week and had my car checked by the dealer and it is in excellent condition.  

Saw my doctor and do not have antibodies.  She wants me to wait until the numbers get better to go to Florida.  She thinks I will still be here for months.  

Meanwhile all is good with us sharing the house and being room mates.  Hopefully he stays on the higher road with me.

Best, seeing my step daughter tomorrow before she goes off to college.


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## Glynda (Aug 1, 2020)

You are a great organizer!


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

The week has been busy.  I feel like I have a full time job with lots of overtime.

The best I saw my step daughter.  It was a great visit.  She went to college dorm yesterday and has already text me yesterday and today.  She is definitely making an effort.  She is kind and loving.

I finally went through my financials and I can breathe.  With the pandemic I was afraid.  I faired well and moved to safety what I might need for the move. I have choice which is a big relief.

I have been doing a lot of research on communities and have quite a few I will visit before I decide which one.  One on top of my  list, a little further north then my original list, while talking to a friend I was telling him I am not familiar with the area.  Seems a friend of his owns in that area and I just found out it is in the community I like so I will talk to her.

All my timeshare paperwork for timeshare transfers are in.  Now I have to wait 4 weeks for LTT to get to it all.  

I packed a few more boxes plus sorted out what I will get in the kitchen and what he will get. 

All my papers are now organized as are his.  Yes I did it for him so he can find his stuff as I really don’t want calls where is ....?

Need to inventory furniture and decide what I want, if any.  He told me he would buy me out if I don’t want the furniture.  Most of the good stuff was mine but contemplating a change To more modern. If he give me enough I will leave it, if not I will take it and use it until I get what I really want and then donate it.

Had some sadness and anger this week.  He spilled coffee in my office and wanted me to clean up his mess.  Really?  No I didn’t and let him know how I felt.   I felt sad for what I never had.  My hopes and dreams of what this relationship would be never happened. 

Meanwhile trying to stay focused and not listen to the naysayers.  Things I heard most often is your not getting younger, you will probably be alone the rest of you life, maybe you can work it out and stay with him.  Really?  To them I say I am fine being alone but I am a young looking, young acting 60 year old.  I have no doubt I will meet other eligible singles.  The difference is this time I will have my eyes open, boyfriend yes.  To live with you, to commit to you, the dynamics on all levels will need to be there.  This split was a long time in coming.  I am so ready to meet new people but will be respectful as long as I am in the same house as him.  One day closer to a new beginning......


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## rapmarks (Aug 8, 2020)

God bless you for your wonderful attitude


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## WinniWoman (Aug 8, 2020)

You are doing great! Keep at it!


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## sue1947 (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> Things I heard most often is your not getting younger, you will probably be alone the rest of you life,



You aren't getting any younger so grab the best you can for your future.  You have probably 30 more years to go, so with probably 20 of those at least in the active category, you might as well live your life as YOU want.  You aren't letting fear of the unknown hold you back; go for it.   When we were young, 60-70 seemed old.  Now I know lots of 80 year olds out hiking/biking or volunteering or living their lives to the fullest.   
  Being alone is not a bad thing.  So many are afraid of it and let it hold them back.  You will meet new friends and create new relationships because of the type of person you are.  Shake off the naysayers; perhaps a statement like: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm looking forward to it.  A lot who stayed married ended up alone after their spouse died and had to figure out how to go forward alone; not easy for some.  Different people, different lives...
 Onward to new adventures!


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## rapmarks (Aug 8, 2020)

I have had many friends become widows in the last few years.  It is interesting to see how many adjusted, kept themselves active , got involved in everything, and  are busy and happy as singles.  Others could not be alone.  One actually paid $5000 to a dating service, hoping to get a higher class mate.  She and her eighty year old boyfriend sold their houses, purchased a very large one and moved in together. Then he got sick, about ten months of him in and out of the hospital


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## TravelTime (Aug 8, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I have had many friends become widows in the last few years.  It is interesting to see how many adjusted, kept themselves active , got involved in everything, and  are busy and happy as singles.  Others could not be alone.  One actually paid $5000 to a dating service, hoping to get a higher class mate.  She and her eighty year old boyfriend sold their houses, purchased a very large one and moved in together.



After her husband died, my 70+ year old mother went on a Catholic dating site and hooked up with the first man she found. They started living together waiting for an annulment so they could remarry in the Catholic Church. She was not granted an annulment for many reasons I won’t get into. They then got married outside the church. She is one of those women who can’t be alone. My brother was happy bc she stopped calling him so much after she met this man. My brother became a surrogate husband until she found her next person.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

sue1947 said:


> You aren't getting any younger so grab the best you can for your future.  You have probably 30 more years to go, so with probably 20 of those at least in the active category, you might as well live your life as YOU want.  You aren't letting fear of the unknown hold you back; go for it.   When we were young, 60-70 seemed old.  Now I know lots of 80 year olds out hiking/biking or volunteering or living their lives to the fullest.
> Being alone is not a bad thing.  So many are afraid of it and let it hold them back.  You will meet new friends and create new relationships because of the type of person you are.  Shake off the naysayers; perhaps a statement like: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm looking forward to it.  A lot who stayed married ended up alone after their spouse died and had to figure out how to go forward alone; not easy for some.  Different people, different lives...
> Onward to new adventures!


Nothing could be as bad for me as when I suddenly lost my husband to a brain aneurism.  I was 48.  I survived on my own, even purchased a new home and renovated it.  Even though this relationship did not work out I am happy he is alive and can go on to a live a life of his choosing And be a father to my step daughter.  Going your separate ways because it didn’t work out is better then if they passed away.


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> The week has been busy.  I feel like I have a full time job with lots of overtime.
> 
> The best I saw my step daughter.  It was a great visit.  She went to college dorm yesterday and has already text me yesterday and today.  She is definitely making an effort.  She is kind and loving.
> 
> ...


You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving.  I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging.  Bad week and bad day for me.   I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving.  I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging.  Bad week and bad day for me.   I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me


How old are you kids?  There comes a point they need to take responsibility.  I can understand you being upset.  

I am forgiving because being angry at him will serve me no purpose.  It will eat away at me.  

I will move on, disappointment in him  is more of what I feel.  He never has appreciated all I gave up for him and his daughter, she does but he never will.  I concluded he is just not capable of appreciating what others do nor does he have empathy for others.  We are complete opposites with lots that  was missing in between.


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## WinniWoman (Aug 8, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving.  I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging.  Bad week and bad day for me.   I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me



Sometimes you just have to do the tough love thing. hang in there.


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> How old are you kids?  There comes a point they need to take responsibility.  I can understand you being upset.
> 
> I am forgiving because being angry at him will serve me no purpose.  It will eat away at me.
> 
> I will move on, disappointment in him  is more of what I feel.  He never has appreciated all I gave up for him and his daughter, she does but he never will.  I concluded he is just not capable of appreciating what others do nor does he have empathy for others.  We are complete opposites with lots that  was missing in between.


The two adult kids that live with me are my 21 year old daughter and 25 year and old son. The son actually came home shortly after my text rant and me posting here and he’s been helping me move a bunch of stuff and emptied the trash in every bathroom and kitchen.


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## nerodog (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> The week has been busy.  I feel like I have a full time job with lots of overtime.
> 
> The best I saw my step daughter.  It was a great visit.  She went to college dorm yesterday and has already text me yesterday and today.  She is definitely making an effort.  She is kind and loving.
> 
> ...


Dont settle !!! Being alone is time to really know yourself. I've been there and although  its  easier  most of the time with a  partner, its gotta  be the right partner or forget it !! Oftentimes  life happens when you're busy making other plans as our dear John Lennon said in a song.  Take your time
 You'll know if and when it's right.  In the meantime,  enjoy the journey.

I have friends married 30 plus years and sure they  are settled financially  but not emotionally.  Thus,  lacking a partner in many cases.  They gravitate  towards friends to fill the void  and to share with....


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## Glynda (Aug 8, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The two adult kids that live with me are my 21 year old daughter and 25 year and old son. The son actually came home shortly after my text rant and me posting here and he’s been helping me move a bunch of stuff and emptied the trash in every bathroom and kitchen.



With his phone shut off. no doubt.  But for how long? Don’t give in!  Tough love!


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## geekette (Aug 8, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> You have the most wonderful attitude and I wish I was more forgiving.  I’m pissed at my two adult kids that live with me, they keep telling me they will help me and then they take off. Today I had it, after asking them for weeks to help me today with moving odd furniture pieces to the basement I turned off their cell phones and called the insurance company and them taken off my car insurance plan. I have not charged them rent because they said they would help me out the around the house and what little dribbles of help I get is after yelling and begging.  Bad week and bad day for me.   I really admire you and wish I didn’t let my anger and temper get the better of me


Sounds to me like this was not sudden anger, it's been brewing.   You granted leniency and your generosity was taken advantage of.   Sounds right to me to cut services.   Nothing got the better of you, you followed your process.

Good on you!   Nobody can treat you like a doormat if you don't give them permission.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

So I just got so mad at him.  He went for his walk and was gone longer then usual.  Hours later he tells me he stopped to talk with a neighbor who has a muscle car, no mask, tells me he stood 6 ft.  I know his 6 ft is 2ft.

I told him he just put us both in jeopardy.  He says the neighbor wasn’t sick.  Unbelievable, this is how it spreads. I told him he needs to move out as I can tolerate anything except him not being smart about the virus.  He got real angry and told me he is going nowhere. You can leave.  I told him I was being amicable and that can easily  change, don’t test me.  He goes on to say for months he followed the rules, this was the first time he talked to someone in months. We won’t get sick from one time.   

He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work.  Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him.  

 He now says he will take a mask on his walks.

What I do know is I have to get out of here as soon as possible.  Just have to figure out how.

Half hour later he is acting like everything is ok, it’s not with me, even though I am being civil.  So you see I do get angry even though it is rare.


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## slip (Aug 8, 2020)

I would definitely pack, put your stuff in storage and go to the areas you are looking at so you can find a place to live. It can be done safely. Just my two cents.


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## Luanne (Aug 8, 2020)

@Panina  I agree with Slip.  Maybe this behavior (I was going to use another word but decided not to) will accelerate your plans to get out of there.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

slip said:


> I would definitely pack, put your stuff in storage and go to the areas you are looking at so you can find a place to live. It can be done safely. Just my two cents.





Luanne said:


> @Panina  I agree with Slip.  Maybe this behavior (I was going to use another word but decided not to) will accelerate your plans to get out of there.


His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.   

I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on.  Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval.  Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while  I find a new home.


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## slip (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.
> 
> I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on.  Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval.  Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while  I find a new home.



Sounds like you are moving forward, just a couple things that make it take a little longer. Good luck!!


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## geekette (Aug 8, 2020)

".... He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work.  Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him.   "

I am so glad that you know this is BS.  Too many people get crushed by nasty crap like that.  

Yes, reaffirmed.

It is impressive how very much homework and actual work you have done so far.   You are very close to being out and done.   Hang in there.   fwiw, I don't think I have ever seen anything from you negative.  If anything, I read you right at calm and matter of fact.   you have not spewed venom and anger about him.  A negative sort would have done a lot of that.

I'm glad your stepdaughter actually Sees You.  She knows who you are, and probably knows her dad is being a blockhead.


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## sue1947 (Aug 8, 2020)

Is there a timeshare near by, either where you live now or where you want to live, that you can use as a break to give you some space?   I have a couple AC I won't use.  
A smaller timeshare away from the main areas can be a safe option.  I've made 3 short 2 night trips to one for a break this summer.  They are doing a good job of cleaning and everybody wearing a mask.  The beach nearby is 5-6 miles away from the nearest motel and the only way to access is by walking.  People congregate elsewhere so I can go out for walk and be 60 feet or more away with the breeze off the ocean.   The first time we went, we weren't sure but thought, if nothing else, we would enjoy sitting and watching the ocean from the room.  It turned out to be a really good option.  

Sue


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## Talent312 (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina -- Don't let your s2bx (soon-to-be-ex) yank your chain.
Just focus on the steps you need to take to get this clown out of your life.

===============
Adult Children in the House:
I have 2 stepsons... I called 'em "blood suckers" for a while.  They were late bloomers.
One is an accountant at a Tampa hospital; the other a cook at bakery/sandwich place.
The second one lives nearby in a house that we bought so he _wouldn't_ live with us.
He has, however, paid us rent regularly, and now that we "sold" it to him, a mortgage.

My advice: "Keep your adult children close, but keep 'em out of the house."
Letting them live with you says it's okay to sponge for as long as the gravy train runs.
Admittedly, we did help 'em out occasionally, but said, "The candy store has closed."

.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

geekette said:


> ".... He goes on to tell me how horrible I am , that I am a negative person and he tried hard to make it work.  Just totally reaffirmed I made the right decision to get away from him.   "
> 
> I am so glad that you know this is BS.  Too many people get crushed by nasty crap like that.
> 
> ...


I definitely am not a negative person.  We went to two different couple therapists, his pick.  They both told him he looks at things negatively.  He complained they sided with me. 

Looking back I first fell in love with his mother and daughter.  His mother now gone was a mother to me like I never had.  My mom is only what you can do for her and is abusive in nature.  His mom loved me unconditionally.  She died in my arms.  I will always have a picture of us out on display.  His daughter was the child I never had.  I loved him but it never was right.  My fault, not his I stayed so long and dealt with his issues.

I still wish him well and hope he finds happiness that I could not provide.  It will be easier for my step daughter if he can be happy.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

sue1947 said:


> Is there a timeshare near by, either where you live now or where you want to live, that you can use as a break to give you some space?   I have a couple AC I won't use.
> A smaller timeshare away from the main areas can be a safe option.  I've made 3 short 2 night trips to one for a break this summer.  They are doing a good job of cleaning and everybody wearing a mask.  The beach nearby is 5-6 miles away from the nearest motel and the only way to access is by walking.  People congregate elsewhere so I can go out for walk and be 60 feet or more away with the breeze off the ocean.   The first time we went, we weren't sure but thought, if nothing else, we would enjoy sitting and watching the ocean from the room.  It turned out to be a really good option.
> 
> Sue


You gave me a good idea to try and string together many weeks of timeshares  near where I want to Move. Thank you for your ac offer but I have so many weeks available I should have enough.

I will not leave until all my stuff is packed and in storage and I have the legal stuff done.  I figure 6-9 weeks  it can all be done, mortgage, storage, place to go, transfer of timeshares , real estate, etc.  When I walk out the door I don’t want to walk back in.

Giving myself space right now gives it to him too, no incentive for him to do things quickly.


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## geekette (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> His bad behavior and anger issues I have dealt with a long time. He is such a negative person but sees everyone else that way.
> 
> I need half of the money from our house prior to leaving or he will drag it on.  Will accelerate packing and talk to an attorney next week on getting things moving with deed transfer and transfer of funds from him. Also will start a mortgage approval.  Once agreement and mortgage approval I can store my stuff and hopefully find a short term rental while  I find a new home.


I might suggest leaving furniture you aren't in love with behind because it will make your move less expensive.   I have looked into some of the pod-type storage dealies, and it can be helpful on a 'not sure where I'm going' situation.  Shop around, though, prices vary widely.


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## geekette (Aug 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> I definitely am not a negative person.  We went to two different couple therapists, his pick.  They both told him he looks at things negatively.  He complained they sided with me.
> 
> Looking back I first fell in love with his mother and daughter.  His mother now gone was a mother to me like I never had.  My mom is only what you can do for her and is abusive in nature.  His mom loved me unconditionally.  She died in my arms.  I will always have a picture of us out on display.  His daughter was the child I never had.  I loved him but it never was right.  My fault, not his I stayed so long and dealt with his issues.
> 
> I still wish him well and hope he finds happiness that I could not provide.  It will be easier for my step daughter if he can be happy.


You have a big heart, in case you don't know that, or no one has said it to you.


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## Panina (Aug 8, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Panina -- Don't let your s2bx (soon-to-be-ex) yank your chain.
> Just focus on the steps you need to take to get this clown out of your life.


It is so past that.  I am focused and where I want to move forward ASAP not at the risk of making bad decisions.

Now, tonight he is acting all nice, just crazy.

My favorite quotes....

At some point, the pain of not doing it becomes greater than the pain of doing it.”  That is what finally motivated me to take care of me.

Motivation is often the result of action, not the cause of it. Getting started, even in very small ways, is a form of active inspiration that naturally produces momentum.


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## geist1223 (Aug 9, 2020)

Apparently he does not understand or does not care that 30% to 60% of contaigious people are totally asymtomatic. They have no symptoms but they are still spreaders. His attitudes really fits into the Southern general mind set. Patti's sister and BIL live in Melbourne Beach, Florida. Their neighbors (mostly in their 60's and 70's) are constantly having Beach Parties and neighborhood parties. It drives them nuts.


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## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Apparently he does not understand or does not care that 30% to 60% of contaigious people are totally asymtomatic. They have no symptoms but they are still spreaders. His attitudes really fits into the Southern general mind set. Patti's sister and BIL live in Melbourne Beach, Florida. Their neighbors (mostly in their 60's and 70's) are constantly having Beach Parties and neighborhood parties. It drives them nuts.


The same is going on in the 55+ community I live in now.  Hardly anyone here in the community wears a mask.  

My cousin who lives in NYC and had been diligent in wearing a mask but  this past weekend had a lapse.  She met her nephew and niece and friends for lunch with all of them having the intention of wearing their mask except for eating.  They all took their masks off the whole time, hugging and kissing too.  The pictures I saw on Facebook also showed a packed outdoor cafe with loads of people, no one wearing masks.  My cousin said she took the chance, she had enough and needed the break.


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## nerodog (Aug 9, 2020)

geekette said:


> Sounds to me like this was not sudden anger, it's been brewing.   You granted leniency and your generosity was taken advantage of.   Sounds right to me to cut services.   Nothing got the better of you, you followed your process.
> 
> Good on you!   Nobody can treat you like a doormat if you don't give them permission.


And taking advantage.  Dont enable  their behavior. In this case, they won't change  so that means you have to change your behavior  to have the outcome  you want.  I have  an elderly  relative experiencing this with an adult   daughter.  The  daughter  doesn't buy what is on her grocery  list,  adds her own pricey items to list  and says nothing, takes the charge card and buys...sounds like a teen out of control in my relatives case. I told her to vit off access to cards  , send her back to store to buy what she asked for  and.......to move out. It's a toxic situation.


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## nerodog (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> The same is going on in the 55+ community I live in now.  Hardly anyone here in the community wears a mask.
> 
> My cousin who lives in NYC and had been diligent in wearing a mask but  this past weekend had a lapse.  She met her nephew and niece and friends for lunch with all of them having the intention of wearing their mask except for eating.  They all took their masks off the whole time, hugging and kissing too.  The pictures I saw on Facebook also showed a packed outdoor cafe with loads of people, no one wearing masks.  My cousin said she took the chance, she had enough and needed the break.


I'm sure people are tired if this new normal..but without the masks and social  distancing,  nothing will change for the better. I think it's a pity that the virus has become  political.


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## Talent312 (Aug 9, 2020)

Many people seem to think that not wearing a mask is some sort of liberty.
In reality, it represents nothing more than the "liberty" to infect other people.
IMHO, it's malicious.
.


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## ilene13 (Aug 9, 2020)

Look into the GL Homes communities.  They are terrific also Kolter is building a new 55+ community called Cresswinds near Wellington.


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## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

ilene13 said:


> Look into the GL Homes communities.  They are terrific also Kolter is building a new 55+ community called Cresswinds near Wellington.


Crosswinds is too far up north for me.  GL communities are very nice.  Actually their built out communities where I would buy resale are on my list.  Their new communities are priced higher then I want to spend.


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## pedro47 (Aug 9, 2020)

I still feel it is my civil duty to wear a mask, to wash my hands and to do social distancing to protect my spouse,  family members and friends.


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## b2bailey (Aug 9, 2020)

Fredflintstone said:


> Why not start fresh? Give your ex all the timeshares and either get some free through Tug or simply hold off and try renting timeshares for awhile.
> 
> When I went through my divorce, I literally started fresh. That way, everything was a new memory, new experiences and new life. It worked well for me. No baggage just a new compass to a new life.
> 
> ...


Apparently you missed the chapter where Panina patiently and strategically put together her timeshare portfolio. I think she deserves to have first choice, and all that she wants to keep.


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## b2bailey (Aug 9, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> I am not so sure that is the case.  Unemployment is at _*temporary*_ highs because of the availability of an additional $600 per week on top of unemployment benefits.  When people can choose to _*not*_ work and make more money than they would have if employed, that has to be factored into the equation.  We cannot know the actual unemployment numbers until a few months pass after the end of the additional unemployment payments.  Will businesses return after not being able to open their doors after such an extended period?
> 
> I would submit an equally insightful measure will be the number of jobs - and that number is likely to continue decreasing for some time.


I understand this point of view. However, young friends of mine live in Las Vegas. They are both employed as managers of apartment buildings. They are now making plans to move back home with his parents. They cannot bear to face the number of tenant evictions that will be coming down the pipeline. Got me to thinking about the entire entertainment industry in Law Vegas -- the performers as well as support people. They would love to go back to work, but can't. They will not survive on standard Nevada unemployment.


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## CalGalTraveler (Aug 9, 2020)

@Panina I apologize for a late response. I have been really busy at work the past few weeks and see already an 8 page (!) thread.

I want to send my support for your decision. You are a rational, strong person. I know it was difficult, and only you can decide if the view is worth the hike. (In this case you decided it wasn't). You only live once and staying in a miserable situation is not good for the psyche, but also can affect your overall health.

I remember being upset after I had set up close friends on blind dates when I was in my 20s  - believing the perfect match had been made - only to find out later that the blind date was a disaster. I learned at that time that others cannot know what is deep inside you and what you really want. In one case my girlfriend was spooked because her blind date wanted to enjoy a few glasses of wine while wine tasting. I learned later that her father was an alcoholic so the thought of potentially being with someone who liked to drink - even if just two glasses - was scary to her. It made sense that my friend decided that guy was not who she wanted to spend 24/7 with, and I did not have visibility to that.

In terms of commitment - you are the bacon, your family and friends are the eggs. So only you can decide what's right for you in a 24/7 relationship. Stay strong.


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## nerodog (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> So I just got so mad at him.  He went for his walk and was gone longer then usual.  Hours later he tells me he stopped to talk with a neighbor who has a muscle car, no mask, tells me he stood 6 ft.  I know his 6 ft is 2ft.
> 
> I told him he just put us both in jeopardy.  He says the neighbor wasn’t sick.  Unbelievable, this is how it spreads. I told him he needs to move out as I can tolerate anything except him not being smart about the virus.  He got real angry and told me he is going nowhere. You can leave.  I told him I was being amicable and that can easily  change, don’t test me.  He goes on to say for months he followed the rules, this was the first time he talked to someone in months. We won’t get sick from one time.
> 
> ...


Looks like some passive aggressive behavior  on his part.  Do you think hes trying to pick a fight  to make you move sooner ? It sounds like reality is setting in that you have decided  on a new direction minus him. This could be his way of acting out and looking for any kind of reaction.  Hold tight and keep to your plan if possible.  The less contact the better which is very difficult  in the same house. Is he in agreement  with your choices? It sounds like it's time to place blame.  It's not him,  it's you as the saying goes. He is in strong denial  of any wrongdoing.  Much easier to place blame on you, that way he doesn't  have to do anything..its all on you. Good luck..you are doing great...keep going.


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## b2bailey (Aug 9, 2020)

mav said:


> Panina, with your lovely nature with  not harboring  bitterness , you will always have a beautiful, peaceful  life full of friends and love. He was just a pebble in the road. The sadness for what could have been  will pass.


I was expecting this to say:
He was just a pebble in your shoe. 
(An irritation you can handle for awhile, but finally have to sit down, take off your shoe, and fix it.)


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## geekette (Aug 9, 2020)

...Much easier to place blame on you, that esy he doesn't  have to do anything..its all on you. 

this was my situation, too.   He decided a reality that was not true, had zero interest in my perspective, and went around trash talking me.  Yes, it was easier to believe himself a saint and me a villain.  Reality is that it takes 2 people to create and maintain a relationship, and all human are flawed.


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## b2bailey (Aug 9, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> I have had many friends become widows in the last few years.  It is interesting to see how many adjusted, kept themselves active , got involved in everything, and  are busy and happy as singles.  Others could not be alone.  One actually paid $5000 to a dating service, hoping to get a higher class mate.  She and her eighty year old boyfriend sold their houses, purchased a very large one and moved in together. Then he got sick, about ten months of him in and out of the hospital


Soon after my husband passed, I took a solo trip to Europe. While eating late night in the hotel bar, I was joined by another recent widow from USA. I'll never forget her words... "At our age, men are either looking for a nurse or a purse." 
But not true for you, Panina, you're 10 years younger.


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## nerodog (Aug 9, 2020)

geekette said:


> ...Much easier to place blame on you, that esy he doesn't  have to do anything..its all on you.
> 
> this was my situation, too.   He decided a reality that was not true, had zero interest in my perspective, and went around trash talking me.  Yes, it was easier to believe himself a saint and me a villain.  Reality is that it takes 2 people to create and maintain a relationship, and all human are flawed.


So many people take no responsibility  for their behavior.  Blame the victim.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 9, 2020)

It's obvious the two of you are on different paths and have different opinons.  I am so sorry you are going through this.


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## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

nerodog said:


> Looks like some passive aggressive behavior  on his part.  Do you think hes trying to pick a fight  to make you move sooner ? It sounds like reality is setting in that you have decided  on a new direction minus him. This could be his way of acting out and looking for any kind of reaction.  Hold tight and keep to your plan if possible.  The less contact the better which is very difficult  in the same house. Is he in agreement  with your choices? It sounds like it's time to place blame.  It's not him,  it's you as the saying goes. He is in strong denial  of any wrongdoing.  Much easier to place blame on you, that way he doesn't  have to do anything..its all on you. Good luck..you are doing great...keep going.


It took me awhile for him to see that this relationship was bad and we should each go our own way.  By the time he agreed he thought he initiated it which makes it much better for me.  When he told me he did everything to try to make this relationship work I held myself back and didn’t say what have you ever done?  The only thing he did was move when he didn’t want to and never let me forget it and told me how much he hated our new community.  Ironically he is staying and going to live here, now the community is great.  Alway his way, needs to be right, not able to express my thoughts if not in agreement with his, etc.  

Yes, now he wants me out ASAP and his behavior is geared towards that but I will not allow him to push me to move before I am ready.  I stood my ground and will.  Today he is all nice so I should have a few weeks, I hope, of quietness based on past behavior.


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## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

geekette said:


> ...Much easier to place blame on you, that esy he doesn't  have to do anything..its all on you.
> 
> this was my situation, too.   He decided a reality that was not true, had zero interest in my perspective, and went around trash talking me.  Yes, it was easier to believe himself a saint and me a villain.  Reality is that it takes 2 people to create and maintain a relationship, and all human are flawed.


Let it be all on me.  I know I gave everything I had.  Nothing more I could do except stay miserable which was not an option anymore.

His mom once told me he had magic glasses, he sees what everyone else does wrong but not himself.  She also told me I will never be able to make him happy and   that I was a saint to put up with him.  Mother knew best.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> Let it be all on me.  I know I gave everything I had.  Nothing more I could do except stay miserable which was not an option anymore.
> 
> His mom once told me he had magic glasses, he sees what everyone else does wrong but not himself.  She also told me I will never be able to make him happy and   that I was a saint to put up with him.  Mother knew best.


Coming from his mom, yes, moms know their sons.  She knew him well, alright.  Again, so sorry you are dealing with this.  

I know my sons, both very different, and I did warn my DIL about my second son.  She totally understood that I love that kid, but I know how driven he is.  My other son is passive, too passive, and thus the alcoholism.  He retreats into himself.  He has two small kids, so it's a terrible thing for his wife.  I didn't know he had a problem when they married, but she already knew and told me she almost backed out of the relationship.


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## nerodog (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> It took me awhile for him to see that this relationship was bad and we should each go our own way.  By the time he agreed he thought he initiated it which makes it much better for me.  When he told me he did everything to try to make this relationship work I held myself back and didn’t say what have you ever done?  The only thing he did was move when he didn’t want to and never let me forget it and told me how much he hated our new community.  Ironically he is staying and going to live here, now the community is great.  Alway his way, needs to be right, not able to express my thoughts if not in agreement with his, etc.
> 
> Yes, now he wants me out ASAP and his behavior is geared towards that but I will not allow him to push me to move before I am ready.  I stood my ground and will.  Today he is all nice so I should have a few weeks, I hope, of quietness based on past behavior.


Sounds like a good decision  on your part. You may even notice  less stress when you are alone. Sometimes these kind of relationships  can raise havoc on our general health and emotional  well being. You sound too nice  for this type of guy.  It's never too late in my book ⛱


----------



## Talent312 (Aug 9, 2020)

b2bailey said:


> Soon after my husband passed, I took a solo trip to Europe. While eating late night in the hotel bar, I was joined by another recent widow from USA. I'll never forget her words... "At our age, men are either looking for a nurse or a purse."



My ex (from a former lifetime) and I were dining at a hotel in Salzburg, Austria.
A recent widow from the U.S. was seated at the table next to us. She said:
"My husband was supposed to handle our luggage. Now that he's dead, I have
to do it all myself. But since he paid for this trip, I'm going to enjoy it, anyway."

.


----------



## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

nerodog said:


> Sounds like a good decision  on your part. You may even notice  less stress when you are alone. Sometimes these kind of relationships  can raise havoc on our general health and emotional  well being. You sound too nice  for this type of guy.  It's never too late in my book ⛱


I am looking so forward to my own place, peace and quiet, no drama and a safe environment for me.


----------



## ilene13 (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> Crosswinds is too far up north for me.  GL communities are very nice.  Actually their built out communities where I would buy resale are on my list.  Their new communities are priced higher then I want to spend.


We used to own a large villa at Huntington Lakes in Delray Beach.  We had bought it for my parents.  It"s a nice community--look at resales there.  Also, I would sell him all of the furniture.  Most people who bring furniture from anyplace north of here usually ends up dumping it here.  If you want new contemporary furniture go to LaRue Furniture on Atlantic Avenue in Delray.  I actually furnished our home here in Sarasota 4 years ago and they did the Huntinton Pt villa years ago.  Ask for Marvin.


----------



## bogey21 (Aug 9, 2020)

One of the most noteworthy things I ran into regarding relationships (other than my own of course) is when my wife and I were at a fancy tent party the night before the horse races in Camden, SC.  While talking with a courtly gentleman all decked out in his tux and red cummerbund he introduced the young woman standing next to him as "my current wife".  That was some 50 or 60 years ago and I have never forgotten it...

George


----------



## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

ilene13 said:


> We used to own a large villa at Huntington Lakes in Delray Beach.  We had bought it for my parents.  It"s a nice community--look at resales there.  Also, I would sell him all of the furniture.  Most people who bring furniture from anyplace north of here usually ends up dumping it here.  If you want new contemporary furniture go to LaRue Furniture on Atlantic Avenue in Delray.  I actually furnished our home here in Sarasota 4 years ago and they did the Huntinton Pt villa years ago.  Ask for Marvin.


I am looking for a detached home versus an attached condo.  I looked online at LaRue.  Their website shows no prices thus no idea what buying from them would cost.  My furniture is great quality that I like  but trying not to have the hassle of moving it plus thinking of going a bit more modern.   If he gives me nothing for it I am not leaving it.  It will do for awhile.


----------



## ilene13 (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am looking for a detached home versus an attached condo.  I looked online at LaRue.  Their website shows no prices thus no idea what buying from them would cost.  My furniture is great quality that I like  but trying not to have the hassle of moving it plus thinking of going a bit more modern.   If he gives me nothing for it I am not leaving it.  It will do for awhile.


LaRue isn’t inexpensive.  They do give you breaks on some stuff.  I got a great price on our dining room set but my wall unit was custom made and 5 figures. You have to go in there!


----------



## Panina (Aug 9, 2020)

So in follow up to my previous post
“ I have been doing a lot of research on communities and have quite a few I will visit before I decide which one. One on top of my list, a little further north then my original list, while talking to a friend I was telling him I am not familiar with the area. Seems a friend of his owns in that area and I just found out it is in the community I like so I will talk to her.”

Spoke with her today and we hit it off. So I now know another person. We have lots in common.   

I found out a-lot about the area and community all to my liking.  I also found out she knew my deceased husband in high school, same age.  It is a small world.  As I always say life takes you where you need to go.


----------



## geekette (Aug 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> Let it be all on me.  I know I gave everything I had.  Nothing more I could do except stay miserable which was not an option anymore.
> 
> His mom once told me he had magic glasses, he sees what everyone else does wrong but not himself.  She also told me I will never be able to make him happy and   that I was a saint to put up with him.  Mother knew best.


Wow!   Mama knew.   Seems she must have cared for you a great deal to tell you this kind of big negative about him.  

I also decided that it was fine if ex decided I was the problem if it helped him heal.  I certainly wasn't going to bother defending myself against strange and baseless allegations.  High roads have a better view.


----------



## Panina (Aug 16, 2020)

Surprise, I did it!


----------



## slip (Aug 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> Surprise, I did it!
> View attachment 25025



Where are you at?


----------



## Luanne (Aug 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> Surprise, I did it!
> View attachment 25025


Did you buy this?


----------



## Fredflintstone (Aug 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> Surprise, I did it!
> View attachment 25025



@Panina, what a cute place! It truly matches your good taste. Ahhh yes, I can see that nice patio in the back with some beautiful scrubs, flowers, herbs and a few veggies.

I am so happy for you!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Talent312 (Aug 17, 2020)

Will you be changing your member info for Location?
.


----------



## AnnaS (Aug 17, 2020)

Lovely 

Are you renting?  Did you buy?  Where is this?  Inquiring minds want to know 

Enjoy & Best Wishes!!


----------



## bbodb1 (Aug 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Surprise, I did it!
> View attachment 25025


I'd say we can rule out Alaska....


----------



## Beachclubmum (Aug 17, 2020)

Exciting!!!!!


----------



## geekette (Aug 17, 2020)

Congratulations!!!


----------



## elaine (Aug 17, 2020)

which community did you decide? congrats!


----------



## silentg (Aug 17, 2020)

Let me guess, The Villages?


----------



## missyrcrews (Aug 17, 2020)

Living vicariously through you!  What a cute house!  We'll of course have to see more pictures....


----------



## TravelTime (Aug 17, 2020)

silentg said:


> Let me guess, The Villages?



I doubt it is the Villages bc it is northeast of Orlando. I believe @Panina wanted to stay near Palm Beach where her friends lives. But who knows, she could surprise us again!


----------



## nerodog (Aug 17, 2020)

bbodb1 said:


> I'd say we can rule out Alaska....


And New England...palm trees !! What  an adorable  place...I love it!!!


----------



## WinniWoman (Aug 17, 2020)

nerodog said:


> And New England...palm trees !! What  an adorable  place...I love it!!!




Hey- don’t put down New England! It’s awesome here!


----------



## WinniWoman (Aug 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Surprise, I did it!
> View attachment 25025



We that was fast!!! So happy for you! Congrats and tell us more!


----------



## nerodog (Aug 17, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Hey- don’t put down New England! It’s awesome here!


Oh no Winniwoman...!!!!!! I  am a New Englander  by birth and majority of adult life  until retirement...I return every year, sometimes 2x...but usually not the winter .  I agree... no put down intended...just no palm trees !!!


----------



## WinniWoman (Aug 17, 2020)

nerodog said:


> Oh no Winniwoman...!!!!!! I  am a New Englander  by birth and majority of adult life  until retirement...I return every year, sometimes 2x...but usually not the winter .  I agree... no put down intended...just no palm trees !!!



Lol! But we have gorgeous birch tree groves on awesome lakes.  And we embrace winter! Snow, nice hot fire, breaks up the monotony!


----------



## nerodog (Aug 17, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Lol! But we have gorgeous birch tree groves on awesome lakes.  And we embrace winter! Snow, nice hot fire, breaks up the monotony!


You are right. It is pretty. With the birches. I have made a habit  of returning to see the autumn  as  there isnt one here.I have to admit I dont miss the winters  because of the cold and snow yet oddly,  I miss the thunderstorms   and that fresh air afterwards. Certainly  all kinds of weather ...here its pretty  much the same...lots of sun..and rainy  mild winters.


----------



## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

What a week.  So much has happened.  Each night I went to bed exhausted.

I had been looking at resales online in Boynton Beach and Lake Worth but it never felt right...houses dated, have to drive for anything always, amenities I would never use and function pictures I saw told me not for me. My cousin from California who is moving too love these  communities because of the excessive amenities.  Lifestyle is the biggest for her, then size of home.  For me location has a bigger pull as well as buying something that will hold its value. Of course lifestyle is important but that is number three. 

I decided to venture to Delray.  I almost gave up as what I wanted was out of my price range.  I have champagne taste and a wine cooler budget.  I am attracted to new or almost new construction with a contemporary or modern feel, 55+ community.  A renovated home would do.  I have renovated a few and loved doing it but this time I just preferred not to.

My alternative, I was going to move in and room mate with a friend at her Delray home. She was kind enough to offer and I really though a few days ago that is what would be.  Staying put in my current home was not a healthy option. This pandemic will be around for awhile and I need to move forward and not stay stuck.

My other half, soon not to be, has been actually pleasant and civil.  Kind of reminds me of how nice he was in the beginning and why I fell in love with him.  Don’t worry I will always remember the rest, no going back. 

We seem to get along much better as friends and parents.  Time will tell if that continues but meanwhile he has offered to help me with the move and to make sure I am set up.  He is willing to hang the fixtures, pictures, unpack, etc as he feels I need the help.  Still deciding whether to actually take him up on his offer but leaning towards yes as it will be good for my step daughter to see this and be easier on me.  Bottom line is I want to maintain a decent relationship with my ex so my step daughter never feels her connection to me is disloyal to her dad.

Meanwhile while looking I decided to qualify for a mortgage.  I went though two different mortgage brokers.  One where I have my investments which was a horror.  The other elsewhere which has been a pleasure to deal with.  I was in the real estate business for years dealing with mortgages and the walls my financial institution put up didn’t make any sense, formulas, conditions, etc above what the law requires.  As with anything else it pays to shop around.

I have always believed life takes you where you have to go....and then a bright light shined on me.  I found a new 55+ community where I want to be.  I had looked at so many communities and homes, searched and searched and it took 6 weeks for me to find what I did.  They started selling late February and then then the pandemic.  Obviously no advertising, they held off.  I found it because I went directly to a builders sites to see if they were building anything new where I was interested. I never really  though I would find something in new construction in my pIce point but I did.  A diamond in a haystack, good area, good price, finishing touches included in colors that I love, water view, I can walk to a store.  It is me.

Need to go make a ton of phone calls.  I will answer everyone’s questions later.  To be continued ...


----------



## TravelTime (Aug 17, 2020)

@Panina You are keeping us in suspense! Our #1 question right now is what town you decided on. I can’t wait to here more about your adventures!


----------



## AnnaS (Aug 17, 2020)

Thank you for the update.  You have done quiet a bit of work/research.  You might have done some homework for many.  So I am assuming this is in Delray?  Would love to know town/area too.  You are close to the water & can walk to a store too - sounds awesome..


----------



## lynne (Aug 17, 2020)

Avalon Trails, Delray Beach?  Congratulations!!!!


----------



## isisdave (Aug 17, 2020)

This is amazing. Panina began this thread only 25 days ago!


----------



## slip (Aug 17, 2020)

I am so glad you were able to move on. Waiting for the virus was just too uncertain and could have dragged this out, who knows how long. So happy things worked out for you.

Many happy moves here on TUG recently. Maybe the key is to post about your move.


----------



## WinniWoman (Aug 17, 2020)

I am so glad Panina went fast forward with this. I just couldn't see her hanging at her home with her ex and waiting for the virus situation to get  "better". Being stuck like that would have been awful.

No time like the present I always say. Better to take action and move forward rather than wait around waiting for the world to change. She needs postive vibes not negative. This will be great! I cannot wait to hear more of the details!


----------



## bbodb1 (Aug 17, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Hey- don’t put down New England! It’s awesome here!


I don't think palm trees are a New England thing either....scratch another area!
Definitely NOT Minnesota either!


----------



## pedro47 (Aug 17, 2020)

Personally,  I feel she sure keep her location a secret for at least a year.  We need to give her a chance to settle into her new home. IMHO.


----------



## geekette (Aug 17, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Personally,  I feel she sure keep her location a secret for at least a year.  We need to give her a chance to settle into her new home. IMHO.


Not like I'm on my way with a plate of brownies and a sleeping bag!   Nobody is asking for street address.


----------



## clifffaith (Aug 17, 2020)

geekette said:


> Not like I'm on my way with a plate of brownies and a sleeping bag!   Nobody is asking for street address.



I'll give you my address!


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## bbodb1 (Aug 17, 2020)

geekette said:


> Not like I'm on my way with a plate of brownies and a sleeping bag!   Nobody is asking for street address.


_Barney Miller _brownies???!???!


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

slip said:


> Where are you at?





AnnaS said:


> Lovely
> 
> Are you renting?  Did you buy?  Where is this?  Inquiring minds want to know
> 
> Enjoy & Best Wishes!!





Luanne said:


> Did you buy this?





bbodb1 said:


> I'd say we can rule out Alaska....





silentg said:


> Let me guess, The Villages?





lynne said:


> Avalon Trails, Delray Beach?  Congratulations!!!!


@lynne you guessed right, Avalon Trails.  Price point was just too good to pass up for new construction.  It has already gone up in price in just a few days.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Will you be changing your member info for Location?
> .


Eventually when I get there.  I am still in SC for a few more weeks.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

missyrcrews said:


> Living vicariously through you!  What a cute house!  We'll of course have to see more pictures....


I need to get more pictures.  When I do I will post.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

AnnaS said:


> Thank you for the update.  You have done quiet a bit of work/research.  You might have done some homework for many.  So I am assuming this is in Delray?  Would love to know town/area too.  You are close to the water & can walk to a store too - sounds awesome..


Water is a beautiful pond which will have a water feature.  I believe I am a 7 minute ride to the beach.  I decided on going more inland to avoid waterfront problems plus not in my price range.  As I posted It is Avalon Trails in Delray.  It is a 55+ community with detached homes and attached homes.  There are fewer detached being built by Lennar and the attached are built by 13 homes.  To me it was a no brainer to get the detached home as prices were similar. I believe the detached will sell quickly.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

isisdave said:


> This is amazing. Panina began this thread only 25 days ago!


Actually in a different post I let you all know July 5 of the change in my life but it actually happened earlier.   It took me a little over 7 weeks to get here.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

slip said:


> I am so glad you were able to move on. Waiting for the virus was just too uncertain and could have dragged this out, who knows how long. So happy things worked out for you.
> 
> Many happy moves here on TUG recently. Maybe the key is to post about your move.





WinniWoman said:


> I am so glad Panina went fast forward with this. I just couldn't see her hanging at her home with her ex and waiting for the virus situation to get  "better". Being stuck like that would have been awful.
> 
> No time like the present I always say. Better to take action and move forward rather than wait around waiting for the world to change. She needs postive vibes not negative. This will be great! I cannot wait to hear more of the details!


Moving on is a must for me.  I just wanted to take the time to make the best decision I could.  I feel good about my choice.


----------



## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Personally,  I feel she sure keep her location a secret for at least a year.  We need to give her a chance to settle into her new home. IMHO.


When I moved to my 55+ community in SC I shared the details.  This time I feel it is even more important to share my journey.  It is good for me and just might help someone else.


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## Panina (Aug 17, 2020)

I got the Jacaranda floor plan.




__





						Avalon Trails New Home Community - Delray Beach - Palm Beach, FL | Lennar
					

See the newest homes for sale in Avalon Trails. Everything’s Included by Lennar, the leading homebuilder of new homes in Palm Beach, FL.




					www.lennar.com


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## Panina (Aug 18, 2020)

Busy day...and so many more will be.  Moving  is scheduled for the end of September.  Everything is in motion the legalities are pretty simple as we are both in agreement, packing is ongoing.  

The surprise from my soon to be ex was he wanted to buy the two Key West weeks that I got and I did sell them to him.  I asked for them because they had value and I didn’t feel it was fair for him to get them all.  I was right they had value.  I will use the proceeds to get the extras in my new home that I was going to put off for awhile.  A win win for both of us.  He is thrilled and so am I.


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## lynne (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> @lynne you guessed right, Avalon Trails.  Price point was just too good to pass up for new construction.  It has already gone up in price in just a few days.


So glad you found your perfect home in Delray Beach!  Since moving in 2006, we have not been back to Florida, but the town of Delray was our favorite east coast location.  It is going back quite a few years, but I got the best haircut in town as a walk-in and wonderful restaurants.


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## pedro47 (Aug 18, 2020)

It is good you can talk about it and Express your feelings. IMHO. 
You have the support of the Tug community. IMHO.
I wish you peace, happiness and joy in your journey.


----------



## Beachclubmum (Aug 18, 2020)

Edited


----------



## geist1223 (Aug 18, 2020)

Congrats Panina. Best wishes.


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## WalnutBaron (Aug 18, 2020)

Congratulations! I'm so happy you've found something in the right location with the right amenities and surroundings and services you were looking for. It will be a new and exciting adventure, and you'll have a place you can decorate and fashion into your own home sweet home.


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## Glynda (Aug 18, 2020)

Can I assume that the photo is the model home?  If so, is the one you would purchase already under construction or completed? I like the floor plan a lot. I’d make a couple of changes per my own preferences like no carpet.  Amazed at how organized you are and how fast and amicably you have been able to move along! Impressive. Congrats!


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## amycurl (Aug 18, 2020)

Hee! As soon as you posted the name of the community, I Googled and found the floorplan based on your picture. I could have saved some time and scrolled down to where you posted the link and the name of the model. (At least I was right, LOL!)
Perfect floorplan for you, and I'm glad that you're a little further inland (as I watched The Weather Channel this morning, and the tropical systems that are headed for Florida in the next week or so.) So happy that you got what you want, in a community you like, in the town you wanted, at a price point that you are comfortable with! WOO-HOO!


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## Glenn2 (Aug 18, 2020)

Congratulations!


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## WinniWoman (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> I got the Jacaranda floor plan.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I love it! And exactly where you wanted to live! Perfect for you! So the home is already built as in the photo? Fantastic!


----------



## WinniWoman (Aug 18, 2020)

Gosh- so you are moving in Sept. and I was just thinking how last year at that time you were in the midst of selling your other house and trying to buy into what will now be your ex's house. Funny how so much has happened and it has been one year already.


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## bogey21 (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Actually in a different post I let you all know July 5 of the change in my life but it actually happened earlier.   It took me a little over 7 weeks to get here.


I admire decisiveness and you sure fit the mold....

George


----------



## AnnieBets (Aug 18, 2020)

Congratulations Panina!


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## silentg (Aug 18, 2020)

Your new house looks so nice. We have lived in  Central Florida over 30 years and love it. Except for the Covid restrictions but hoping will be over soon. I had guessed the Villages because it sounded like the place you were describing. Glad you sold your Timeshares, to invest in things for your house. It will feel like a vacation place anyhow!
Delray Beach looks nice, we haven’t been there, but know people who love it there. Good Luck on your move.
Welcome to Florida


----------



## Panina (Aug 18, 2020)

Glynda said:


> Can I assume that the photo is the model home?  If so, is the one you would purchase already under construction or completed? I like the floor plan a lot. I’d make a couple of changes per my own preferences like no carpet.  Amazed at how organized you are and how fast and amicably you have been able to move along! Impressive. Congrats!


The picture of the outside of the house I posted is the actual one.  The link of the interior is a model.  The one I purchased is almost complete, cannot make any changes but most is what I like.  I too prefer no carpet, already looking how much to change the carpet out in the bedrooms will cost.  The rest of the house is tiled.


----------



## jackio (Aug 18, 2020)

Congratulations! Best wishes for happiness in your new home.


----------



## Glynda (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> The picture of the outside of the house I posted is the actual one.  The link of the interior is a model.  The one I purchased is almost complete, cannot make any changes but most is what I like.  I too prefer no carpet, already looking how much to change the carpet out in the bedrooms will cost.  The rest of the house is tiled.



Which color collection is the one you got? Tile is good in Florida. Unless you get a cold winter. I hope its big tile though for less grout. You could do it later but then the tile might be discontinued by then. Inland is good too and new homes should have better building regulations for storms and flooding. Did you set out to find a community with homes built by Lennar?


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## VacationForever (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> I got the Jacaranda floor plan.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You have done well!  I love new homes and I love Lennar homes.   Love the layout!  Congratulations!


----------



## Panina (Aug 18, 2020)

Glynda said:


> Which color collection is the one you got? Tile is good in Florida. Unless you get a cold winter. I hope its big tile though for less grout. You could do it later but then the tile might be discontinued by then. Inland is good too and new homes should have better building regulations for storms and flooding. Did you set out to find a community with homes built by Lennar?


Grey collection.  I am going to change the carpet in the bedrooms before I move in.  Have to decide on same tile, laminate or wood.  

Lennar my last thought.  I love my current Lennar home but it took me all these weeks to go look at their Website. I was looking on multiple listings.


----------



## Luanne (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Grey collection.  I am going to change the carpet in the bedrooms before I move in.  Have to decide on same tile, laminate or wood.
> 
> Lennar my last thought.  I love my current Lennar home but it took me all these weeks to go look at their Website. I was looking on multiple listings.


Will you have the option to change out the floors before you move?  Some friends moved into a new build in Maryland recently.  Although the floors had not been installed they had to have the carpets installed.  Then they had to pay to have the carpets removed and the hardwood floors they wanted installed. Seemed like a huge waste.


----------



## Glynda (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Grey collection.  I am going to change the carpet in the bedrooms before I move in.  Have to decide on same tile, laminate or wood.
> 
> Lennar my last thought.  I love my current Lennar home but it took me all these weeks to go look at their Website. I was looking on multiple listings.



Personally, I would like all the same rather than have that break at the doors that might make the rooms look smaller. I’m not familiar with Lennar so wondered if you had lived in one before.  I’ve been looking the last few days at homes in non touristy areas of Italy. Bored or what?


----------



## VacationForever (Aug 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Grey collection.  I am going to change the carpet in the bedrooms before I move in.  Have to decide on same tile, laminate or wood.
> 
> Lennar my last thought.  I love my current Lennar home but it took me all these weeks to go look at their Website. I was looking on multiple listings.


I love wood or laminate in bedrooms although ours are carpeted.


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## WinniWoman (Aug 18, 2020)

We stayed with the carpet in the bedrooms because the builder wanted outrageous money to carry the wood into them. We figured we will keep it for now and then replace it down the road depending on how it wears. The carpet was included so we figured we paid for it so might as well use it. Same with the cream color wall paint. (And the same with our furniture from our other house which does not really go in this house. But again, making it work as not to waste money.)

It does grow on you after a while. Lol!

But we live in a cold climate so carpet can be nice under the feet. Much different than in Florida. I don’t think I’d want it there.


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## AnnaS (Aug 19, 2020)

Congratulations and best wishes.  Inland sound good - less worry about storms/hurricanes.  I will take a view of the pond .


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 19, 2020)

@Panina, I’m so excited and happy for you.  I’m glad you got exactly what you wanted.  

I also believe that life takes you where you need to go. 
So happy and excited for yu


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## mav (Aug 19, 2020)

Congrats, Panina, your house looks lovely!!! I wish you SO MUCH, peace, happiness, and love in your life!


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 19, 2020)

Panina said:


> I got the Jacaranda floor plan.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I love this floor plan. It’s beautiful and I’m so very happy for you.


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Aug 19, 2020)

Which community in Delray?  Our daughter-in-law's parents had a home in Delray.  They invited us several times.  We should have gone to visit.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 19, 2020)

Oh, well I just saw which community.  I didn't look at every post yet.


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## Panina (Aug 19, 2020)

With moving forward I initially asked myself why I stayed so long and how such a smart person like myself didn’t see what was right in front of me? Just a bit of my thoughts.


Sometimes to move forward it has to be more painful to stay then to go.



My poetic side came out....


A shiny package

I had found

Elated, my age, handsome

He seemed so sound



As time went on

I saw it all

The inner workings 

Were rusty, shirking and stalled



What did I take

Why did I  not look

He was so shiny

He just overtook



Forget the glimmer

Forget the old

I will find good inner workings

As it is what is gold.


----------



## WalnutBaron (Aug 19, 2020)

Panina said:


> With moving forward I initially asked myself why I stayed so long and how such a smart person like myself didn’t see what was right in front of me? Just a bit of my thoughts.
> 
> 
> Sometimes to move forward it has to be more painful to stay then to go.
> ...


I've always been drawn to the haunting lyrics of The Eagles' signature song "Desperado". One particular phrase echoes your sentiments:

_*Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able*_

_*You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.*_

When we're young, we look at what sparkles and shines, so the diamonds can mean someone with money, someone with good looks, someone who has it all going on--on the outside. The Eagles advise us to look within, to the heart. That's where the real person is--and the heart must sparkle and shine to make for the real and lasting life's companion.


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## Panina (Aug 19, 2020)

WalnutBaron said:


> I've always been drawn to the haunting lyrics of The Eagles' signature song "Desperado". One particular phrase echoes your sentiments:
> 
> _*Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able*_
> 
> ...


I was lucky to have the lasting life’s companion who had a huge heart and always was emotionally with me.  The Lord took him unexpectedly from me.


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## WinniWoman (Aug 19, 2020)

WalnutBaron said:


> I've always been drawn to the haunting lyrics of The Eagles' signature song "Desperado". One particular phrase echoes your sentiments:
> 
> _*Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able
> 
> ...



That’s one of my favorite songs.


----------



## Panina (Aug 21, 2020)

silentg said:


> Your new house looks so nice. We have lived in  Central Florida over 30 years and love it. Except for the Covid restrictions but hoping will be over soon. I had guessed the Villages because it sounded like the place you were describing. Glad you sold your Timeshares, to invest in things for your house. It will feel like a vacation place anyhow!
> Delray Beach looks nice, we haven’t been there, but know people who love it there. Good Luck on your move.
> Welcome to Florida


Found out you were kind of right.  The villages was originally built around a golf course that went out of business.  This new developement is where the golf course was so techininally you are right.


----------



## pedro47 (Aug 21, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> We stayed with the carpet in the bedrooms because the builder wanted outrageous money to carry the wood into them. We figured we will keep it for now and then replace it down the road depending on how it wears. The carpet was included so we figured we paid for it so might as well use it. Same with the cream color wall paint. (And the same with our furniture from our other house which does not really go in this house. But again, making it work as not to waste money.)
> 
> It does grow on you after a while. Lol!
> 
> But we live in a cold climate so carpet can be nice under the feet. Much different than in Florida. I don’t think I’d want it there.


What kind of sub flooring do you have on top of your carpet ?


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## WinniWoman (Aug 21, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> What kind of sub flooring do you have on top of your carpet ?



I don’t know. I guess it’s plywood.


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## pedro47 (Aug 22, 2020)

I was asking because some contractors will glue the carpet down on the subflooring or on top of cement.


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## Panina (Aug 24, 2020)

I am starting to get very excited.  In five weeks I am supposed to close.  I wish it was sooner and hope the builder doesn’t delay it.  With this virus hoping My certificate of occupancy will not be delayed.

Once again a very busy week.  

I finished sending in mortgage documents needed, sent the lawyer what we agreed to so we can get my current home off my name, got utilities off my name into his, notarized papers for three timeshares for transfers to either me or him, applied for a pension and packed, packed, packed, probably 70% done.

Most importantly connected with new homeowners where I am going.  There is a private Facebook group.  Only 5 of us but it is a start.  The first closing occurred in the community this week.  It is so much easier meeting friends when a community is just starting.  

I decided to leave lots of “things” behind.  If I haven’t used it recently I decided I don’t need it.  Also leaving him lots of furniture too, only taking the pieces I love.  Of course he says if you don’t want it I will take it. I have lived in his clutter so long that less will be more for me.

Waiting for estimates on flooring for my bedrooms.  Never liked carpet in my bedroom because of allergies but he did so we had carpet.  Now I can have what I want.  

Looking at closet organizers, more replacing the wired shelving with solid pieces, nothing fancy, just more functional.  

Also pricing a shower door as I don’t like what is installed but most probably will wait.  

Looking at light fixtures, dining room set, counter stools and a bedroom set.  All can wait but started seeing what is out there.  I have everything for my living room, office and guest room from my current home.

Today I did nothing related to either house, no calls, no packing, etc.  Just went to Homegoods with my two masks and goggles for 10 minutes.   Walked out with two great pillows and a thick beechwood cutting board.


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## slip (Aug 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am starting to get very excited.  In five weeks I am supposed to close.  I wish it was sooner and hope the builder doesn’t delay it.  With this virus hoping My certificate of occupancy will not be delayed.
> 
> Once again a very busy week.
> 
> ...



It’s a lot of work. Glad you got started now. This sound like they are moving along well.


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## pianodinosaur (Aug 28, 2020)




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## Panina (Aug 28, 2020)

When your eyes are open
and the love is gone
you see everything
no excuses
(love is blind)

One month away from closing, if things fall in place sooner I am ready to go.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 28, 2020)

Panina said:


> When your eyes are open
> and the love is gone
> you see everything
> no excuses
> ...


Is that a song or poem?  So sorry about the loss of your relationship.  Wishing you well, my prayers are with you as you begin this new journey.  I am excited for you--new home and new life.


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## Panina (Aug 28, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Is that a song or poem?  So sorry about the loss of your relationship.  Wishing you well, my prayers are with you as you begin this new journey.  I am excited for you--new home and new life.


Not a song or poem just my reflection, my words.  

I don’t really look at this as a loss, there wasn’t anything to lose that had meaning.  People always looked at me as being lucky and having everything.  Maybe financially I did but I didn’t have what was the most important.  I was still alone.  Already I am happier just knowing I am letting go of the insanity and will have a more peaceful normal life. 

So don’t be sorry about a loss.  Be happy that I figured out how to pursue my happiness.  I am excited.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 28, 2020)

I am excited for you, Panina.


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## nerodog (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> Not a song or poem just my reflection, my words.
> 
> I don’t really look at this as a loss, there wasn’t anything to lose that had meaning.  People always looked at me as being lucky and having everything.  Maybe financially I did but I didn’t have what was the most important.  I was still alone.  Already I am happier just knowing I am letting go of the insanity and will have a more peaceful normal life.
> 
> So don’t be sorry about a loss.  Be happy that I figured out how to pursue my happiness.  I am excited.


You are an inspiration  in strength, hope and  organization!!! A  great narrative  and helpful as a guide for others in similar  situations!!! I'm happy that you have found a new place, new start, new life. Its exciting!!!!!


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## mav (Aug 29, 2020)

Untold joy to you and your new life!


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## ilene13 (Aug 29, 2020)

Congratulations on your new home.  The furniture store that I told you about, LaRue is literally around the corner from you.  It's on the opposite side of Atlantic from you,  across from 3 G's!  I love that area, we owned a place in Huntington Pointe for about 15 years. The shopping is fabulous near there.  On Military Trail there is a store called The Boys--fantastic groceries and meats.  If you need a special outfit for anything there is a store on Jog called Infinity.  In fact I bought the dress for my son's wedding there.  The wedding has been postponed 3 times and I have not gotten back over there for my last fitting yet!!  Soon I hope. We were actually going to build at one of the Valencias in 2015, but my husband got a fabulous job offer in Sarasota and he did not want to retire.  So the rest is history and we moved to Lakewood Ranch in a new build community.  Our community is a country club with golf, restaurants, pools, gyms etc.  During this COVID crisis I am freaked about using the amenities, so I don't.  We are in the process of building a pool!!


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## Panina (Aug 29, 2020)

Looks like my place is almost ready to go.  The on site agent was kind enough to give me a walk thru today and send pics.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 29, 2020)

I love the gray cabinets!  What a great view of the lake.


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## WinniWoman (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> Looks like my place is almost ready to go.  The on site agent was kind enough to give me a walk thru today and send pics.View attachment 25608View attachment 25609View attachment 25610View attachment 25611View attachment 25612View attachment 25613



I love it! And it reminds me a lot of our current house! So exciting!


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## Panina (Aug 29, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I love it! And it reminds me a lot of our current house! So exciting!


We both went from big to what we have now.  Yes similar to your type of house.  

I will show my before and after pictures when I am done decorating.  It won’t be as exciting as my before and after pictures when I tore apart the coop but still will be very different.


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## Panina (Aug 29, 2020)

This my Brooklyn coop renovation I did a few years back.  Almost went that route this time but gladly didn’t have to.  

This is just a reminder  to me of what I am capable of doing on my own.  I look forward to decorating my new place.

BEFORE












AFTER


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## dsmrp (Aug 29, 2020)

Congrats on your new place @Panina. I'm sure you'll fit right in with the community. Best wishes for an easy and smooth actual move.


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am starting to get very excited.  In five weeks I am supposed to close.  I wish it was sooner and hope the builder doesn’t delay it.  With this virus hoping My certificate of occupancy will not be delayed.
> 
> Once again a very busy week.
> 
> ...


Wow, I’m so excited to hear your only 5 weeks away from moving to FL.  

I’m looking forward to the day that I can move to FL


----------



## Sugarcubesea (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> Looks like my place is almost ready to go.  The on site agent was kind enough to give me a walk thru today and send pics.View attachment 25608View attachment 25609View attachment 25610View attachment 25611View attachment 25612View attachment 25613


I love it, the view is fabulous and  those grey cabinets are stunning


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## WinniWoman (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> This my Brooklyn coop renovation I did a few years back.  Almost went that route this time but gladly didn’t have to.
> 
> This is just a reminder  to me of what I am capable of doing on my own.  I look forward to decorating my new place.
> 
> ...




Wow! This is like HGTV! Stunning transformation!


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## elaine (Aug 29, 2020)

love your place. IMHO for the space between 4" counter backsplash and cabinet, I'd definitely just paint. It'll look great. Depending on furnishings/color in adjacent room, you can do a blue, grey with blue undertones, green or gray with green undertone, or something like edgecomb gray (BM HC-173) if you want a warm gray that mixes well with beige (and can look beige, but go with gray). Congrats!


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## amycurl (Aug 29, 2020)

Love the tile, and the kitchen layout of the new place. Kitchen layout is always the most important thing for me in any house. You did a great job with the co-op redesign but that kitchen would have still driven me batty, LOL!  

I can totally understand why you'd want to screen in that back patio.That will be a delightful place to enjoy a bevvie or two--what a wonderful view! Which direction does it face?


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## Panina (Aug 29, 2020)

amycurl said:


> Love the tile, and the kitchen layout of the new place. Kitchen layout is always the most important thing for me in any house. You did a great job with the co-op redesign but that kitchen would have still driven me batty, LOL!
> 
> I can totally understand why you'd want to screen in that back patio.That will be a delightful place to enjoy a bevvie or two--what a wonderful view! Which direction does it face?


South, it will be hot


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## amycurl (Aug 29, 2020)

But in the evenings, esp. in the fall and spring, it will be lovely, esp. with the ceiling fan.


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## WinniWoman (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina said:


> South, it will be hot



I had to buy some porch shades for our front porch because the western exposure is intense in the afternoon.


----------



## dago (Aug 29, 2020)

Panina - I don't know anything about you, but to me you show a lot of courage. You are a strong woman. I would never recommend staying in a bad relationship, especially at your age.

As Rick Nelson said in GARDEN PARTY  ... "you see you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself".

Good Luck



Paul


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 29, 2020)

dago said:


> Panina - I don't know anything about you, but to me you show a lot of courage. You are a strong woman. I would never recommend staying in a bad relationship, especially at your age.
> 
> As Rick Nelson said in GARDEN PARTY  ... "you see you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself".
> 
> ...


Love that song and loved Ricky Nelson.


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## dago (Aug 29, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Love that song and loved Ricky Nelson.


I admire Rick for writing that song. Turned a negative into a positive.  Rick got a bad rap on his untimely death.


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## pedro47 (Aug 30, 2020)

I Am A Traveling Man was my favorite Rick  Nelson song.


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## mav (Aug 30, 2020)

Oh, Panina, your new paradise looks wonderful, and the VIEW!! I Love it and am VERY excited for you!!


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## Sugarcubesea (Aug 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> This my Brooklyn coop renovation I did a few years back.  Almost went that route this time but gladly didn’t have to.
> 
> This is just a reminder  to me of what I am capable of doing on my own.  I look forward to decorating my new place.
> 
> ...




I'm so impressed, you are an outstanding decorator and your renovations are so beautiful and elegant.  I'm going to have you over when we move to FL, maybe you can give me some tips...I'm horrible with picking out stuff and making it all work...You've got this and you are going to have a fabulous life in FL


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## Panina (Aug 30, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I'm so impressed, you are an outstanding decorator and your renovations are so beautiful and elegant.  I'm going to have you over when we move to FL, maybe you can give me some tips...I'm horrible with picking out stuff and making it all work...You've got his and you are going to have a fabulous life in FL


I love decorating and not spending a lot of money doing it but making it look like I did.  I would be happy to help you.  It would be fun.

I had two wonderful careers but if I had to do it again I would have pursued a decorator career.


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## dayooper (Aug 30, 2020)

Love that’s place! You are rocking this life change!


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## AnnaS (Aug 30, 2020)

Your new home is beautiful! Love the view too.  You did an excellent job renovating your co-op in Brooklyn.  Is it near your mom?  I lived in Brooklyn for many years (Windsor Terrace/Park Slope).  Curious where you have it - but not biggie  - this is a public forum.  I miss it sometimes.  I also miss Italy.  Have many wonderful memories of both.


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## ilene13 (Aug 30, 2020)

Your view is lovely.  It looks as though you face Huntington Lakes--the tall building.  We owned there before Huntington Pointe. We owned in the 80's and 90's!!!  I don't remember any vacant land between Oriole and and Huntington Lakes.  I wonder if the developer bought land that had stuff on it and knocked it down.  The Oriole Plaza is near you.  There used to be a Kosher grocery store in there- is it still there?  Also deletes was in that plaza--excellent diet ice cream.  It's a great area to live in.  Are you allowed to extend the lanai?  Instead of screening it you can add storm chaser screens that you can put up and down.  They make the room hurricane proof.  We have them on the covered part of the lanai and we lower them whenever it  rains and we can still enjoy the lanai.   Enjoy the next page of your life.


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## Panina (Aug 30, 2020)

AnnaS said:


> Your new home is beautiful! Love the view too.  You did an excellent job renovating your co-op in Brooklyn.  Is it near your mom?  I lived in Brooklyn for many years (Windsor Terrace/Park Slope).  Curious where you have it - but not biggie  - this is a public forum.  I miss it sometimes.  I also miss Italy.  Have many wonderful memories of both.


Brooklyn has changed a lot, not to my liking.  I have the coop being it is close to mom about 20 minutes away.  I chose the Kings Highway area, good transportation and shopping.


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## Glynda (Aug 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am starting to get very excited.  In five weeks I am supposed to close.  I wish it was sooner and hope the builder doesn’t delay it.  With this virus hoping My certificate of occupancy will not be delayed.
> 
> Once again a very busy week.
> 
> ...



Can you come help me get organized?  

You are amazing and I love reading of your journey!


----------



## Glynda (Aug 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> Looks like my place is almost ready to go.  The on site agent was kind enough to give me a walk thru today and send pics.View attachment 25608View attachment 25609View attachment 25610View attachment 25611View attachment 25612View attachment 25613



Nice view and I see why you'd like to screen in your patio!  Looks like it's ready!  It even has blinds! I guess the five weeks is because the mortgage company has to get their end ready.


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## Panina (Aug 30, 2020)

ilene13 said:


> Your view is lovely.  It looks as though you face Huntington Lakes--the tall building.  We owned there before Huntington Pointe. We owned in the 80's and 90's!!!  I don't remember any vacant land between Oriole and and Huntington Lakes.  I wonder if the developer bought land that had stuff on it and knocked it down.  The Oriole Plaza is near you.  There used to be a Kosher grocery store in there- is it still there?  Also deletes was in that plaza--excellent diet ice cream.  It's a great area to live in.  Are you allowed to extend the lanai?  Instead of screening it you can add storm chaser screens that you can put up and down.  They make the room hurricane proof.  We have them on the covered part of the lanai and we lower them whenever it  rains and we can still enjoy the lanai.   Enjoy the next page of your life.


You are right. There was no vacant land.  It was a golf course that all the Oriole communities were around.  The golf course went out of business and for years nothing was done.  The surrounding communities had to vote on whether this new construction could happen and the vote was overwhelmingly yes.  The developer create the ponds, distance, fewer units then originally planned, walking trail so the surrounding communities would have nice visuals and be happy.

Yes, the kosher grocery store is still there.

The lanai is big enough for me but I will look into the better screens as you suggested.


----------



## Panina (Aug 30, 2020)

Glynda said:


> Nice view and I see why you'd like to screen in your patio!  Looks like it's ready!  It even has blinds! I guess the five weeks is because the mortgage company has to get their end ready.


I am hoping it is sooner, now it is 4 as a week has passed.  

I did get my conditional mortgage approval late Friday.  They need proof the house I am in is transferred out of my name.  That should happen in another week or two.  They also need award letters of my pensions.  Monday I will find out if anything else.


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## ilene13 (Aug 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> You are right. There was no vacant land.  It was a golf course that all the Oriole communities were around.  The golf course went out of business and for years nothing was done.  The surrounding communities had to vote on whether this new construction could happen and the vote was overwhelmingly yes.  The developer create the ponds, distance, fewer units then originally planned, walking trail so the surrounding communities would have nice visuals and be happy.
> 
> Yes, the kosher grocery store is still there.
> 
> The lanai is big enough for me but I will look into the better screens as you suggested.


I knew I wasn’t crazy!  I remember the Oriole Golf Course.  There seems to be a lot of courses on the East Coast of Florida that went bankrupt!  We are in a golf course community but they fund them differently on this coast.  There is no equity payment required.  Our community was turned over by the developers to our HOA in January.  We own the course and the good news is is that it’s making a profit even with COVID! The screens are manufactured by a company in Ft. Myers called Storm Smart.  They may have distributors on your coast.   Enjoy your new home!


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## rapmarks (Aug 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am hoping it is sooner, now it is 4 as a week has passed.
> 
> I did get my conditional mortgage approval late Friday.  They need proof the house I am in is transferred out of my name.  That should happen in another week or two.  They also need award letters of my pensions.  Monday I will find out if anything else.


The hassle of getting a mortgage now!  I hope I never have to do it again


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## Panina (Aug 30, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> The hassle of getting a mortgage now!  I hope I never have to do it again


Actually with the company I am working with not a hassle.  Using my financial institution was a nightmare that I stopped the process with them.  Rates are so low that it was worth going for a mortgage.


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## pedro47 (Aug 30, 2020)

I love the photos of your new home and your rooms layout.  I feel you need a screen in porch. You are really close to that pond.
Good luck.


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## silentg (Aug 30, 2020)

You are going to love Florida. Your new home looks so nice. Good Luck with the move.


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## nerodog (Aug 31, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I had to buy some porch shades for our front porch because the western exposure is intense in the afternoon.


I had the bamboo  shades which I loved!


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## DancingWaters (Sep 3, 2020)

Panini, life can take some difficult turns and it sounds like you are rebounding the best you can.  A whole new adventure will be exciting and peaceful with the beautiful home and location you have chosen.


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 3, 2020)

If we didn't have grandkids, we would be right there with you in a big move to Florida, specifically to a retirement community.  I would love it, and we do have friends, a retired Denver firefighter, who moved to The Villages about 10 years ago.  They are ecstatically happy, playing golf multiple times a day, and I believe he is still playing guitar with a band that performs in one of the clubs onsite.   

His 3 kids were treating his second wife like garbage, even though she was buying them most of their clothes as they were growing up.  He decided to retire early and move to Florida after visiting another DFD retiree who's lived there for several years.  

They have been married for 37 years.  His kids were old enough to know better.


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> Actually with the company I am working with not a hassle.  Using my financial institution was a nightmare that I stopped the process with them.  Rates are so low that it was worth going for a mortgage.


That is good.  We went through a company that kept asking for the same things over and over again.  I was getting frustrated.  It's like they didn't keep whatever we scanned and sent over.  But really, they wanted to know everything up to date, and so they asked for bank statements every couple of weeks.  

We had to finance the townhouse to help our son with opening his business. We paid it off years ago with our home mortgage, and so our home mortgage we paid in 5 years. We had the townhouse fully paid for at one time. 

Our son couldn't get a small business loan, so we said we could borrow on that.  He pays the payments and was very grateful for the loan.  His business has been crawling since Covid.  He took a risk opening it 3 years ago, and it was just starting to make money, then the virus.


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## Panina (Sep 3, 2020)

This week was the first time I felt overwhelmed, even a few tears.  

The mortgage process wore me down.  Initially it was so smooth.  The ridiculous stuff they ask for after giving me a conditional approval.  I was afraid the process would take me well into October but I found out they had another way, time will tell.

Today I get an email that my first walk is next Thursday, Really?  I was asking for weeks and they hardly give me notice.  Can’t do as the property I live in now I am signing over to my soon to be ex at the lawyers office.  

Asked for the following week, waiting for an answer.  Closing was set for the 17th, when did that happen?  My contract says the 28th and their mortgage company still hasn’t given me final approval.

In addition, I have an inflammation on my ear that my skin doctor took care of a few weeks ago that seems worse now.  Going to my internist tomorrow for another opinion.  Hoping It isn’t anything major as that could keep me here longer.  

My energy is now low, I have been going to sleep every night exhausted.  I remember when I moved  last time, I never want to move again, as it was exhausting and here I go again.  At least my lists are getting smaller.  Progress is definitely being made even though it seems never ending.

I keep thinking next month I will be where I need to be and be able to rest.


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## Luanne (Sep 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> This week was the first time I felt overwhelmed, even a few tears.
> 
> The mortgage process wore me down.  Initially it was so smooth.  The ridiculous stuff they ask for after giving me a conditional approval.  I was afraid the process would take me well into October but I found out they had another way, time will tell.
> 
> ...


----------



## WinniWoman (Sep 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> This week was the first time I felt overwhelmed, even a few tears.
> 
> The mortgage process wore me down.  Initially it was so smooth.  The ridiculous stuff they ask for after giving me a conditional approval.  I was afraid the process would take me well into October but I found out they had another way, time will tell.
> 
> ...



Yikes. Hang in there. There’s bound to be a few upsets or kinks. Try as best you can to get rest and keep your immune system healthy. I know easier said than done but You need all the strength you can muster up to finish this move.

You have been through a lot and have done an incredible amount of work and it’s probably catching up with you. So slow it down as much as possible and take care of your health first.

Hoping the best for you. Prayers....


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## geist1223 (Sep 3, 2020)

Hang in there Panina. You are a strong and couregeous woman. And if you are of the type have a couple sips of chilled Tequila.


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Sep 3, 2020)

Look at the bright side of moving.  You don't have his stuff to deal with, which is a positive, and you are leaving a lot of the furniture to get new things, so moving won't be quite like last time.  

I hope all goes well with your doctor.


----------



## sue1947 (Sep 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> This week was the first time I felt overwhelmed, even a few tears.
> 
> The mortgage process wore me down.  Initially it was so smooth.  The ridiculous stuff they ask for after giving me a conditional approval.  I was afraid the process would take me well into October but I found out they had another way, time will tell.
> 
> ...



My prescription:  stress reduction; whatever works for you.   A good fast walk, deep breathing, yoga (blowing off steam on tug) etc.  You've had a lot piled on in a short amount of time.  I'd be surprised if the stress involved didn't pop up in something like a skin inflammation or low energy.   Make time to take care of yourself along the way.   

Sue


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## AnnaS (Sep 5, 2020)

So many details - they are and can be stressful.  Just tell them the date/s don't work for you.  I don't think you have to accept their dates.  They should be able to work with you.  Take some deep breaths.  I don't like things rushed.  Good luck with the dates.


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## Panina (Sep 5, 2020)

So I felt yesterday I had my stress under control.  Woke up today feeling good too..... unfortunately when it rains it pours.


Today I ended up in the emergency at the hospital.  I have a skin condition that my internist decided yesterday to give me cephalexin as a precaution until I could get to the skin doctor.

This morning I decided to call the office before I took it as it said if allergic to penicillin you could be allergic to it.  Back in February I was given amoxicillin for a sinus infection and after two pills I had severe diarrhea and headaches.  I stopped taking.  So I tell the nurse my concerns and she tell me the diarrhea is a side affect of many antibiotics and it is ok to take this. I take it at 12 noon and by 1 I am having palpitations and a heart rate of 190.  I go to the hospital.  I had a svt episode that they had to inject Adenisone to reduce.  In addition my ekg heart rhythm was not good.

What a weird feeling when they put the medicine in my vein.  They told me I might feel like my heart stops for a second.  I only experienced a hot pain in my other arm.  After the medicine, immediately all went back to normal. Ekg was good, heart xray was good, heart rate down to normal, blood good, blood pressure good.

The hospital doctor doesn’t  believe cephalexin caused this as it is not a common reaction.   Not sure I agree, maybe I had a rare reaction.  I am very sensitive to medication and foods and when something doesn’t agree with me I get immediate reactions.

They called the heart doctors office for consultation  I dealt with last year for an auto immune reaction I had with gluten.  I had major testing.  He said send her home, No medicine, isolated incident, will see her in a few days.  Was told if heart rate goes to 110 come back to the hospital.

Doctor and nurses at hospital were great.  Have to hope no covid anywhere. Doctor said I will be tired like I  had an high intensive workout. I am happy I lost 44 lbs this year.  I Can just imagine it being worse with the weight.

I should have gone with my gut. I had a bad feeling about the medicine.  I told my soon to be ex to please keep an eye on me as I am taking a new medicine.  His reaction what if you were living alone.  He disappeared.  When the symptoms appeared I called him to take me to the hospital.  If I was alone I would have called 911.  They didn’t allow him in emergency.  He picked me up and now asleep on the couch next to my recliner.


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## rapmarks (Sep 5, 2020)

I feel so badly for you, virtual hugs


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 5, 2020)

Oh my!  I hope you feel better soon.  That's all you need on top of everything else you are going through.


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## TravelTime (Sep 5, 2020)

Panina said:


> So I felt yesterday I had my stress under control.  Woke up today feeling good too..... unfortunately when it rains it pours.
> 
> 
> Today I ended up in the emergency at the hospital.  I have a skin condition that my internist decided yesterday to give me cephalexin as a precaution until I could get to the skin doctor.
> ...



Glad you are okay.


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## b2bailey (Sep 5, 2020)

Panina said:


> I am starting to get very excited.  In five weeks I am supposed to close.  I wish it was sooner and hope the builder doesn’t delay it.  With this virus hoping My certificate of occupancy will not be delayed.
> 
> Once again a very busy week.
> 
> ...


Home Goods is one of my favorite places to browse.


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## JanT (Sep 5, 2020)

Panina, my goodness!  I am so sorry you had to endure that!  I’m so glad you are ok.  That must have been very frightening.  I will keep you in my prayers!


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## Lydlady (Sep 5, 2020)

What is it about antibiotics and allergic reactions? I am also allergic to penicillin but have taken cephalexin in the past with no problem. Good to know. Glad you are doing okay now.


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## lockewong (Sep 5, 2020)

My son is allergic to penicillin.  I write in bold everywhere -camp, school, sleepaways.  I never let them give him anything in -in in the medication.  Amoxicillin...etc.  But, it could be your stress levels are through the roof.  When I am there, every part of me breaks down.  Digestion, skin rashes, a cold shows up.  So very sorry you are going through this.  Keep your chin up and you are so strong that you will prevail.


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## Panina (Sep 5, 2020)

lockewong said:


> My son is allergic to penicillin.  I write in bold everywhere -camp, school, sleepaways.  I never let them give him anything in -in in the medication.  Amoxicillin...etc.  But, it could be your stress levels are through the roof.  When I am there, every part of me breaks down.  Digestion, skin rashes, a cold shows up.  So very sorry you are going through this.  Keep your chin up and you are so strong that you will prevail.


It could definitely be a combo, stress levels and then the medicine that my body didn’t like put me over the edge.

I consider myself lucky, they got it in control quickly.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 5, 2020)

I’m so sorry you’ve been sick.  I’m also allergic to Penicillin and I’m always worried about taking new meds.  
I think moving is so stressful and I hate jumping thru all the hoops to get to the the end result of moving.   I hope all goes well for you moving to FL.   To me it’s a a way to start fresh and start anew.


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## TravelTime (Sep 5, 2020)

Panina said:


> It could definitely be a combo, stress levels and then the medicine that my body didn’t like put me over the edge.
> 
> I consider myself lucky, they got it in control quickly.



I am so sorry this happened but so glad you went to the ER and got it under control. This is so scary.


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## Talent312 (Sep 5, 2020)

This is another example of docs not being the geniuses they would have us think they are.
They think meds are the answer to anything abnormal, whether lab results or a complaint.
I've broken out in hives and had my kidneys threatened by some of their prescriptions.
I've learned to listen to my inner voice (and WebMD) about their efficacy and effects.
.
.


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## jackio (Sep 5, 2020)

Wow, so sorry this happened to you!  Hope you are recovering nicely.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 6, 2020)

OMG! So sorry to hear you went through this, but glad you are doing ok now. Onward and upward to infinity and beyond!


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## Beachclubmum (Sep 6, 2020)

Oh my goodness, glad you are ok!!

Speaking of bar stools: the Frontgate Outlet has great ones at rock bottom prices. Try browsing the Frontgate and Grandin Road websites and see if there’s anything you like. Then pop into the Outlet and chances are you can get it there. (at least that’s been my experience).


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## turkel (Sep 6, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> This is another example of docs not being the geniuses they would have us think they are.
> They think meds are the answer to anything abnormal, whether lab results or a complaint.
> I've broken out in hives and had my kidneys threatened by some of their prescriptions.
> I've learned to listen to my inner voice (and WebMD) about their efficacy and effects.
> ...


Yes I am sure the internet is much smarter than your doctor,


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 6, 2020)

I woke up this morning thinking, wow, this time next month you will be in your new home...I'm so very happy and excited for you...


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## AnnaS (Sep 6, 2020)

How are you feeling today?  Hoping all is smooth sailing from here on.


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## Panina (Sep 6, 2020)

AnnaS said:


> How are you feeling today?  Hoping all is smooth sailing from here on.


I was very tired this morning.  Mom woke me very early as she was concerned I was ok.  After eating I felt better.  Overall felt good.  Thank you for asking.


----------



## Talent312 (Sep 6, 2020)

Misery loves company. My DW's injury is not life-threatening, but...
Last week, she managed to twist her knee in the surf off Marco Island.
No breaks, but she's using a brace, crutches, and keeping it iced.
Tuesday, she sees an Orthopedist.
.


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## silentg (Sep 6, 2020)

Hope she feels better soon


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## WinniWoman (Sep 6, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Misery loves company. DW injury is not life-threatening, but...
> Last week, she managed to twist her knee in the surf off Marco Island.
> There's no breaks, but she's using a brace, crutches, and keeping it iced.
> Tuesday, she sees an Orthopedist.
> .



Thank stinks. Hope all turns out to be ok.


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## Quilter (Sep 6, 2020)

So sorry to read you went through this Panina.


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## elaine (Sep 6, 2020)

Hmmm. Mayo Clinic lists fast heart rate as a side effect. Might be uncommon, but It’s listed. DH in medical field usually Says look at most logical thing-you took the meds an hour earlier and developed weird symptoms-good chance it’s the med.
I had a systemic reaction to cipro-my dr completely discounted it. Got a new dr who realized I wasn’t making stuff up. I can’t take certain meds either. Glad you’re better.


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## AnnaS (Sep 7, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Misery loves company. My DW's injury is not life-threatening, but...
> Last week, she managed to twist her knee in the surf off Marco Island.
> No breaks, but she's using a brace, crutches, and keeping it iced.
> Tuesday, she sees an Orthopedist.
> .



Hope she is feeling okay/better.


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## DancingWaters (Sep 7, 2020)

Panani, you need to continue being your own health advocate.  We know our symptoms and bodies better than any one.  Glad you went to get checked out and are safely home!


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## nerodog (Sep 7, 2020)

So sorry to read these new developments.  I'm glad to know everything  is back  on course and you received  immediate care and interventions.  Choose your own dates, nothing is written in stone. You have to do what's best for you. I remember  selling my house and the seller asked for me to move the closing date up so she could be in the home for her birthday.  It was not possible  for me to do so with all my plans made, flights, dog, new country etc  so I said no and kept the original  date I set. Deep breaths ...you're at the final stretch.


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## pianodinosaur (Sep 7, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Misery loves company. My DW's injury is not life-threatening, but...
> Last week, she managed to twist her knee in the surf off Marco Island.
> No breaks, but she's using a brace, crutches, and keeping it iced.
> Tuesday, she sees an Orthopedist.
> .


Not much fun.   Hope DW gets well soon.


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## amycurl (Sep 7, 2020)

Ugh. Just what you didn't need. Please take your time and don't let the stress allow the health issues to creep back in. 
Hope all of the dates/closing/mortgage stuff works out, too...

And, once you move, I am *sure* you will quickly make friends that would take you to the ER, or stay in your guest room to watch out for you if you need it.


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## Talent312 (Sep 8, 2020)

amycurl said:


> And, once you move, I am *sure* you will quickly make friends that would take you to the ER, or stay in your guest room to watch out for you if you need it.



In this time of COVID when many are staying close to home, we've talked more to our neighbors than we have in the 20+ years that we've lived here. We see them walking in the street or working in their yards. It turns out that they're actually quite friendly. The four in closest proximity offered their assistance after my DW's injury. I thought, "How neighborly."
,


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 8, 2020)

Panina said:


> I was very tired this morning.  Mom woke me very early as she was concerned I was ok.  After eating I felt better.  Overall felt good.  Thank you for asking.



I hope your feeling better today....Hopefully all goes smoothly from this point on with your new home...


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## Panina (Sep 8, 2020)

I finally got good dates for my walk thru and closing date 9/21 and 9/25.  Closing might even be sooner.  I actually wanted to go down this Saturday but realize taking it easy for awhile after my medical ordeal would be wise. I also locked in my mortgage rates 2.625%, amazed how low.  Also today went and got 12 timeshare deeds notarized and ready for FedEx tomorrow.

The cardiologist office called me this morning, actually woke me at 8:30.  They wanted to see me within 30 days.  I asked if they have any cancellation this week and am going in at 10 am tomorrow morning and right after seeing the cardiologist will see my regular doctor.  As far as I am concerned the sooner the better, why wait.  Let them torture me with tests and let’s deal with whatever has to be dealt with.  I still believe the medicine caused it all but now the question is did any other damage occur?

Until this afternoon I was still so tired.  This morning I did the slowest 1/2 mile walk I ever did and it was an effort.  By this afternoon it was easy to do a mile.  Hoping I wake up feeling as good as I did this afternoon.


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## Panina (Sep 9, 2020)

Today I saw the cardiologist.  Bottom line is I was born with an extra path in my heart that can cause the erratic and high beat per minutes problem I experienced on Saturday.  He told me it might never happen again, could happen today, 5 years from now, etc.  Wait and see is what needs to happen.  If it does continue there are beta blockers or an heart ablation procedure that can shut down the extra path.    He does not believe the antibiotic caused it or at least from a medical standpoint it shouldn’t.  He also feels this condition is not life threatening.  It sure feels like it while it is happening.



Off to my internist I went down the hall.  She decided to take thyroid tests as that can cause this problem.  She also said on Saturday my white blood count was slightly elevated and since my temperature has been running between 98.1 and 99 I possibly have a virus.  I normally run about 97.  She also decided to send me for a Covid test tomorrow afternoon just to rule it out.  Her personal opinion is the antibiotic could have caused my problem as over the years she has seen reactions with me no one else gets.  Her opinion if the condition comes back and continues to  get the procedure, she feels betas would exhaust me.



During  all this I started sweating, feeling extremely hot, kind of feeling like I was having a panic attack.  Luckily the doc was there and listened to my heart and all was good.  I actually went into a room myself took my mask off to do deep breathing with an ice pack on me.  It took about 10 minutes to pass and I took my blood test.  



I must admit I feel nervous about not knowing if this will ever happen again. The unknown sucks.  It can happen anywhere, I can only imagine if it happens when I am on a plane or overnight train.  Having  to go alone to an emergency room in a town I am unfamiliar with and then figuring out where to stay , the thought is overwhelming.  It is kind of like an eye condition I have, never knowing when it can bleed but at least I have 24 hours to see a doctor, this would be more immediate.  Will just have to adjust to what will be will be.  I am grateful at least there are treatment options.


The good news is closing on my current home signing over the house over to my other half is tomorrow.  He already transferred the money to the lawyers office.


The Mortgage company called me today.  They only need a few more things, one current bank statement, my settlement statement with proof of funds on my current home and a homeowners insurance policy.  Was too exhausted today but hopefully will get all done by Friday morning.


I ordered some stools for the kitchen counter area.  I went the cheap way and spent a total $240 for three stools from Wayfair.  My current home has Frontgate stools but it won’t match my decor so I am leaving them for him.  The new stools came and he was nice and put them together.  I am shocked how nice they are for the money.  The quality surpassed my expectations.


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## Talent312 (Sep 9, 2020)

Those stools look great!
I'm grateful that you were referring to real stools and not stool samples.

Ah, the joys of real estate closings...
We bought a house that had two addresses... one for 911, and another for mail.
It wasn't disclosed until closing which was delayed for hours. The post office won.
.
.


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## isisdave (Sep 9, 2020)

DW and I have a notice, on a sticker on some old library card, with doctors' names and numbers, meds being taken, and "no allergies."

If I were you, I'd put a similar sticker or note in my wallet, next to my medical insurance card, with the cardiologist's name and number, the name of the condition, and what the successful intervention was. That could help in the case of the unexpected problem away from home.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 10, 2020)

Panina said:


> Today I saw the cardiologist.  Bottom line is I was born with an extra path in my heart that can cause the erratic and high beat per minutes problem I experienced on Saturday.  He told me it might never happen again, could happen today, 5 years from now, etc.  Wait and see is what needs to happen.  If it does continue there are beta blockers or an heart ablation procedure that can shut down the extra path.    He does not believe the antibiotic caused it or at least from a medical standpoint it shouldn’t.  He also feels this condition is not life threatening.  It sure feels like it while it is happening.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




First off, love the stools! There really is no need to spend a ton of money on stools. In our former home I bought ours at Walmart.com and they were perfect. The buyers of our home even purchased them from us.

Second, glad your medical issues were addressed and you are ok. Try not to worry about it too much. Anything can happen to any of us at any time.

Third- happy to hear about the closing on your current house! 

All falling into place!


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 10, 2020)

Love the barstools.  

I should have thought of thyroid issues with your symptoms.  Rapid heartbeat, faint, weakness, etc., all symptoms of Graves' Disease.  I no longer have a functioning thyroid for that reason.  The doc zapped it with radioactive iodine.  That was just a freaky experience.


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## DancingWaters (Sep 10, 2020)

Graves’ disease here too 20 years ago and my granddaughter got it at 5 years old


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## Panina (Sep 10, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Love the barstools.
> 
> I should have thought of thyroid issues with your symptoms.  Rapid heartbeat, faint, weakness, etc., all symptoms of Graves' Disease.  I no longer have a functioning thyroid for that reason.  The doc zapped it with radioactive iodine.  That was just a freaky experience.


My thyroid test came back ok.  Not that that means much in my family.  My mom, sister and niece all experienced low thyroid symptoms for years yet tested negative.  They are all on thyroid medication now.


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## bogey21 (Sep 11, 2020)

duplicate deleted


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## bogey21 (Sep 11, 2020)

Panina said:


> If it does continue there are beta blockers or an heart ablation procedure that can shut down the extra path.



If this is the same ablation procedure used for A-fib, research it carefully.  My Cardiologist wanted to perform one on me about 6 or 7 years ago.  My research at the time revealed that  it was effective only about 50% or the time and that when effective  lasted less than 3 years 50% of the time.  I chose not to have it done.  I hasten to add that I am talking 6 or 7 years ago and that today's procedure my produce better results...

George


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## dayooper (Sep 11, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> If this is the same ablation procedure used for A-fib, research it carefully.  My Cardiologist wanted to perform one on me about 6 or 7 years ago.  My research at the time revealed that  it was effective only about 50% or the time and that when effective  lasted less than 3 years 50% of the time.  I chose not to have it done.  I hasten to add that I am talking 6 or 7 years ago and that today's procedure my produce better results...
> 
> George



I had an ablation done 3.5 years ago for a-fib. It has worked great. I have a loop recorder and my cardiologist told me I have had one 30 second episode since the procedure. It was self induced (I was on a guys weekend and had a little too much fun) and haven’t had any since. Before the ablation, I was in a-fib for up 36-48 hours at a time.

It worked very well for me, but I have known people who have had 2 and it’s still not working for them. It was a very long procedure (I was on the table for 6 hours as they mapped my atrium before they started burning), but was up and around a few days later.


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## Panina (Sep 11, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> If this is the same ablation procedure used for A-fib, research it carefully.  My Cardiologist wanted to perform one on me about 6 or 7 years ago.  My research at the time revealed that  it was effective only about 50% or the time and that when effective  lasted less than 3 years 50% of the time.  I chose not to have it done.  I hasten to add that I am talking 6 or 7 years ago and that today's procedure my produce better results...
> 
> George


I was told this procedure is 98% successful.  It took 60 years for this to happen with a condition I was born with.  Maybe I will get lucky and won’t get it again.  Wishful thinking.


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## SmithOp (Sep 11, 2020)

I have afib also, in fact all 4 of my cousins have it, must be a family trait. None of us have had ablation all controlled with meds, I take metoprolol. I’ve had cardioversion 3 times and it came back every time. I’m also on xarelto to guard against blood clots or stroke.

I have a friend that tried ablation, his afib came back 3 months later. He’s going to try again because he hates that feeling when it comes on strong, the rapid heatbeat, flushed sweaty nervous.




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## pianodinosaur (Sep 11, 2020)

Dear Panina:

Sorry that you are having cardiac health problems.  I am not a cardiologist.  I am unfamiliar with your medical history.  I have not examined you nor Have I seen the results of any of your tests.  Therefore, I cannot offer you any meaning advice.  However, we can all offer you our prayers.


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## dayooper (Sep 11, 2020)

SmithOp said:


> I have afib also, in fact all 4 of my cousins have it, must be a family trait. None of us have had ablation all controlled with meds, I take metoprolol. I’ve had cardioversion 3 times and it came back every time. I’m also on xarelto to guard against blood clots or stroke.
> 
> I have a friend that tried ablation, his afib came back 3 months later. He’s going to try again because he hates that feeling when it comes on strong, the rapid heatbeat, flushed sweaty nervous.
> 
> ...



It‘s a family thing for me, too. My uncle has A-Fib. I am also on a CPAP and that helps as well. My wife also love the fact I don’t snore anymore either.

Mine was caught in a routine physical. I was sent to a cardiologist and was put on beta blockers and xarelto. He was hoping to keep it down with meds. After first reading of the loop, that went out the window.

I was 42 when I was diagnosed and in otherwise good health.  It was a surprise to all of use that I had this condition. Was very lucky I didn’t have a massive stroke from the blood pooling in my atrium.


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## Panina (Sep 11, 2020)

So I ordered my bedroom floors to replace the carpet, a dining room table and chairs, a bed frame, nightstands and a daybed for the guest room.  The rest of the furniture will come from my current home.  The picture of the dining room, I picked the dark grey chair,  the daybed -the grey swatch is my chosen color with black legs.


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## dayooper (Sep 11, 2020)

Love the flooring!


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## JudyH (Sep 11, 2020)

Nice!


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## geekette (Sep 11, 2020)

how exciting!!


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## Talent312 (Sep 11, 2020)

The furniture seems similar to that of the Jetsons....
I like it.
,


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## Panina (Sep 11, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> The furniture seems similar to that of the Jetsons....
> I like it.
> ,


The furniture setup never ends up looking how  the individual pieces are pictured.  It is fun to take pieces with a modern edge and mix them up with other styles.   I will post pictures when done.


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## pedro47 (Sep 12, 2020)

Your home is going to be beautiful.

Love you selection of your floor patterns and color.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 12, 2020)

Panina said:


> So I ordered my bedroom floors to replace the carpet, a dining room table and chairs, a bed frame, nightstands and a daybed for the guest room.  The rest of the furniture will come from my current home.  The picture of the dining room, I picked the dark grey chair,  the daybed -the grey swatch is my chosen color with black legs.
> View attachment 26466
> View attachment 26461View attachment 26462
> View attachment 26463View attachment 26464View attachment 26465




All beautiful! Especially love the flooring! It's all going to look great!


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## Glynda (Sep 12, 2020)

The daybed is gorgeous. I also love the dining chair. I would have trouble getting in and out of a bed with that much frame sticking out around the bottom. My daughter's bed is like that and when I stay over and sleep in it, it's awkward for me, even though padded.  The nightstand is a little too modern for me but interesting and very sleek. I can't wait to see it when finished. I'm sure it will be gorgeous.


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## lockewong (Sep 12, 2020)

Gorgeous furniture.  I am interested in how you like the two-level bed.  The daybed is stunning.  Lots of natural light so that should be great to lounge and read on the daybed.  So excited for you that the pieces are coming together.  Be gentle with the errands and chores, you are still recovering.


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## Panina (Sep 12, 2020)

lockewong said:


> Gorgeous furniture.  I am interested in how you like the two-level bed.  The daybed is stunning.  Lots of natural light so that should be great to lounge and read on the daybed.  So excited for you that the pieces are coming together.  Be gentle with the errands and chores, you are still recovering.


I did all this shopping from the comfort of my recliner and desk.  The daybed I already had but am leaving it for my other half and getting it in the color I want.  The rest of the furniture I saw online and then the store decorator sent me additional photos.  These pieces I can say no to if I don’t like them on delivery.  As far as the bed edge, I started worrying with the few comments.  Then I took a good look at my current frame which is wood on all sides.  The spacing in similar so the sit down will be similar  too thus I don’t think it will be a problem.  Somewhere to put my remotes Instead of them falling inside the wood frame and having to crawl to get them.


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## Panina (Sep 16, 2020)

So what a week.  

The mortgage company needs  a statement or 30 day history to show the money I got from “selling” my half of the house  cleared the bank.  It wasn’t enough to show the settlement statement, the check, the electronic deposit and that it was available as cash in the account, they needed a statement which my bank could not provide.  Spoke with many people at the bank and the only alternative is to wait for the statement to be produced which won’t be until next week.  Not sure I will close as scheduled.  My first walk thru is Monday and my closing was supposed to be next Friday.  I really do not want to travel and do the walk if they cannot close me in time. This whole mortgage process put me in tears this week, never again a mortgage.  The process is frustrating.

 My bedroom vinyl floors are delayed. Once I hear delayed that to means you never know how long.  It adds difficulty and increased cost to the price  as  my furniture will be moved in.  I just asked if the tile is in stock and if I can switch.  Whereas I preferred the vinyl I would have been happy if the whole house was tiled when I purchased it and would not have changed it.

The furniture order I placed has a problem too.  The dining table I ordered I am now told is not in stock and won’t be available until November.  Come November will they tell me they cannot get it?  I feel I was baited with a lie it was all in stock.  I would not have put the order in if it wasn’t in stock. 

Movers, they must be very busy.   Most do not return calls.  I finally found two that will give me estimates later this week.  

The process to become a resident in Florida has issues too.  You have to wait many weeks to get an appointment for a drivers license thus delaying residency and homestead rebate application which also delays car registration. Seems I will be living there and still be a resident of SC for awhile.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> So what a week.
> 
> The mortgage company needs  a statement or 30 day history to show the money I got from “selling” my half of the house  cleared the bank.  It wasn’t enough to show the settlement statement, the check, the electronic deposit and that it was available as cash in the account, they needed a statement which my bank could not provide.  Spoke with many people at the bank and the only alternative is to wait for the statement to be produced which won’t be until next week.  Not sure I will close as scheduled.  My first walk thru is Monday and my closing was supposed to be next Friday.  I really do not want to travel and do the walk if they cannot close me in time. This whole mortgage process put me in tears this week, never again a mortgage.  The process is frustrating.
> 
> ...




Geez. what a hassle!  The bank thing is really ridiculous. I would be livid!

As for your floor, so are you just going with the tile then? That's what I would do. It;s not worth the aggravation. The tile was nice, too. 

I would also try to find a different table unless you can make due with something else you already have in the meantime.

As for the movers, I bet they are really busy and also have a tough time getting employees. Get references. I got around 3 quotes, but I also kept getting these scam calls regarding moving companies. Many had the same name- United- and it made it confusing as to whether or not they were legitimate. But I was on to them.

I remember when my brother went through becoming a resident when he moved from NY. He had to wait, but once at the DMV he said they were very nonchalant and friendly - place was empty- -and he was in and out in no time flat. (small DMV). 

Good luck with it all. Why does everything have to be so hard?


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Sep 16, 2020)

Mortgages are tougher to get than they used to be.  Our refinancing of our townhouse was so ridiculous, statements resent every week or two, lots of information asked for again and again.  I was so sick of the constant emails and phone calls.  I vowed to never do it again.  We did it for our son.  We didn't even have a mortgage on our house or on the townhouse at the time.  Income wasn't a problem, nor was our credit, but it was aggravating.  

I love your choices for furniture and flooring.  Our granddaughter just turned 3 in May, and so they decided to get her a full-sized bed and bedroom furniture for her room.  The furniture is backordered until November 1st.  They ordered it in August.  Covid is to blame.

Our son also has a fireplace store, and the manufacturing has been slow due to Covid.  People tend to understand, but it could hurt his business, not being able to get fireplaces that people want. 

Our timeshare in Frisco, CO, has hot tubs on the deck.  One broke, and it's backordered.  We haven't had a hot tub since May.  We ordered from Costco.  It won't be in until October.  Usually it's a week or two.  Owners expect a hot tub.  Covid again.  

My understanding is distancing on assembly lines for some, materials for some issues, and of course there is always a higher demand for things like hot tubs, when people are staying home?  Could that be true?  I have no idea.  I just cannot believe the supply is not meeting demand.


----------



## bogey21 (Sep 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> So what a week.
> 
> The mortgage company needs  a statement or 30 day history to show the money I got from “selling” my half of the house  cleared the bank.  It wasn’t enough to show the settlement statement, the check, the electronic deposit and that it was available as cash in the account, they needed a statement which my bank could not provide.  Spoke with many people at the bank and the only alternative is to wait for the statement to be produced which won’t be until next week.



Are you set up to access your Bank Account online?  If you are, you should be able to print out your current transactions.  That would be all transactions since your last statement.  Between my Son and I we have accounts with Wells Fargo, Chase, Bank of America and Frost Bank and can do this for all four.  If you can, print out Current Transactions and a copy of your last Statement and send both to your Mortgage Company.  The combination of the two should show the transactions you need and continuity between your last Statement and Current Transactions and may be acceptable to your Mortgage Company...

George


----------



## AnnaS (Sep 16, 2020)

Too bad things don't always go smooth....being in another state does not help matters. 

We went through so many issues when we helped my dd buy her home.  Being in another state did not help matters.  Same with furniture delivery.  After all was ordered, only half would be delivered.  Tables back order.  It meant another trip for my husband and I to be at the house out of state to accept delivery, etc. etc.  We were constantly taking a ride. 

My son just had a deck built around his above ground pool.  A three day job took about six weeks  

Now they are almost done with his complete kitchen reno - took down walls too.  No one shows up the day or time they are supposed to show up.  Nothing is delivered on the day they say.  Being that my son and dil both work, my husband has had to go to the house and "wait" for everyone almost daily.  It's all frustrating.

I do remember hearing recently how moving companies are all booked right and have never been so busy.  So many people moving (COVD related). 

Sorry about all the hassles.  I would also sign up for on-line banking even if it's just to check your account.  You will see it clear before you get your statement and can print it out like George said.  Not sure if it would help with having a closing date earlier.  See if the mortgage company will accept that before setting up a new date. 

All reasons why I hate to have any major projects done anymore.

I like tiles  - sounds good to me. 

Hoping things all aways moving along smooth for you.  Breathe.


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## kckaren21 (Sep 16, 2020)

Panina said:


> On a side note, amazes me how many people I know have tried to talk me out of moving on. They believe me staying in a very bad relationship is better. I take a deep breathe and realize they are afraid for me, maybe their inner fears for themselves. I just wish they could understand they should be afraid if I stood and support me with what is ahead.



Yes, people project their fears on you, and you don't have to adopt them. I'm so glad you are forging ahead, even with the challenges you are on your way to a wonderful new start! A friend of mine recently told me she divorced her 2nd husband 2 yrs ago and has never been happier! She moved out of state, stopped drinking and did a diet program and has more energy and joy than ever, at 59 yrs old. Name it and claim it! Your TUG community supports you!


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## Panina (Sep 16, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> Are you set up to access your Bank Account online?  If you are, you should be able to print out your current transactions.  That would be all transactions since your last statement.  Between my Son and I we have accounts with Wells Fargo, Chase, Bank of America and Frost Bank and can do this for all four.  If you can, print out Current Transactions and a copy of your last Statement and send both to your Mortgage Company.  The combination of the two should show the transactions you need and continuity between your last Statement and Current Transactions and may be acceptable to your Mortgage Company...
> 
> George


Tried that, not accepted as not official.  I finally got someone official to send it over.  Let’s see if that is good enough.


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## Talent312 (Sep 16, 2020)

I hope that works. A branch manager may be able to help with this.
I had to talk to one when a teller said there was a hold on wired funds.
I talked them into releasing the hold and issuing a certified check.

.


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## geist1223 (Sep 16, 2020)

Sorry for all your troubles. As we all know a large part of all of these delays is a side effect of Covid19.  Just think in a year or two when all of this is over you will look back on the troubles and curse, scream,  beat your head against the wall, etc.


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## geekette (Sep 16, 2020)

geist1223 said:


> Sorry for all your troubles. As we all know a large part of all of these delays is a side effect of Covid19.  Just think in a year or two when all of this is over you will look back on the troubles and curse, scream,  beat your head against the wall, etc.


and then enjoy a glass of your favorite wine in your favorite place in the house and think "all the hassle was soooo worth it...."

eventually the people that think you have  no idea what you are doing will figure out that you were in fact the best judge of what is right for you.   I have found that people sometimes forget we are actually smart, and knowledgeable about ourselves, when things get tough.   The only thing to do in that situation is live your best life, no matter what they say.

You so totally have this!  Go Girl!


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## WinniWoman (Sep 16, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Mortgages are tougher to get than they used to be.  Our refinancing of our townhouse was so ridiculous, statements resent every week or two, lots of information asked for again and again.  I was so sick of the constant emails and phone calls.  I vowed to never do it again.  We did it for our son.  We didn't even have a mortgage on our house or on the townhouse at the time.  Income wasn't a problem, nor was our credit, but it was aggravating.
> 
> I love your choices for furniture and flooring.  Our granddaughter just turned 3 in May, and so they decided to get her a full-sized bed and bedroom furniture for her room.  The furniture is backordered until November 1st.  They ordered it in August.  Covid is to blame.
> 
> ...



Neither of our timeshares have opened the hot tubs Or sauna due to COVID


----------



## Panina (Sep 16, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Neither of our timeshares have opened the hot tubs Or sauna due to COVID


Today I spoke to the timeshare that I will be staying at between walk thru and closing.  They called me, no direct contact with anyone.  Had to pay the security, lockbox to get into unit, whatever you need you text them for.  The good news is I had two weeks In a row that seemed like different hoas   and  they can keep me in one unit which means I only have to sanitize one unit.


----------



## Sugarcubesea (Sep 17, 2020)

@Panina,

I love everything you picked out...its going to be beautiful... I'm so excited for you and I can not wait till I'm down in FL at that same time you are so we can maybe connect up...


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## DaveNV (Sep 17, 2020)

Just catching up with your thread.  You've been busy! 

I can completely identify with the mortgage hassles.  I had some similar things happen.  The Lender kept asking me for things I had given them previously.  They had a website dashboard where I could see what had been uploaded to them.  I'd be talking on the phone with an ever-changing worker-bee person at the other end, and I'd say, "Ok, now on the list on your website, the fifth entry down is what you're asking for."  And they'd say, "Oh, yes. I see it now. Thanks for submitting that."  Frustrating, because they weren't even looking, just asking for it again.  They wanted to be spoon-fed everything.  I had to show them three different times that they already had the Final Closing Disclosure statement from the sale of my previous home, including the day after the new mortgage had been funded and the escrow closed.  Agonizing.

I also now understand what you meant in the other thread about gray walls and flooring and such.  Your place is going to be really nice.  

I can completely relate to the delay in ordered furniture and flooring.  I literally just got off the phone with my flooring people, who have finally given me an arrival date for the flooring they've had on order for nearly a month.  The delay was worth it, as we're getting the specific color we wanted.  If it had been completely unavailable, as it first appeared, we'd have had to accept a second choice color.  It would have been okay, but not what we wanted. So it's worth it in the end, but what a pain.  Same with appliances - they've been on order over a month, and will finally arrive in two deliveries over the next two weeks.  Patio furniture I ordered online on July 31st has been delayed numerous times, and the latest change in shipping says it will be here sometime in October.  I sure hope it's worth it. Window coverings won't arrive till November.  So yeah, there's that.   

Keep telling yourself that it will all be worth it in the end. Yes, a royal pain right now.  But in a year? Only a distant memory.

Good luck.  You're worth it. 

Dave


----------



## Panina (Sep 17, 2020)

Just wanted to say Hi, 

You have all been so supportive, thank you.


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 17, 2020)

Hi Panina!  You look so young.


----------



## Panina (Sep 17, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Hi Panina!  You look so young.


Thank you but since I lost the weight I look 10 years older then I did before.  The fat use to fill my face more, less wrinkles. I took that picture yesterday.


----------



## Luanne (Sep 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Thank you but since I lost the weight I look 10 years older then I did before.  The fat use to fill my face more, less wrinkles. I took that picture yesterday.


But you look happy.


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## Panina (Sep 17, 2020)

Luanne said:


> But you look happy.


I am getting back to who I was.  Yesterday just put some makeup on for the heck of it, just for fun and took some pics.  I don’t look much different without makeup, I’m lucky.  I can’t remember the last time I put makeup on since the pandemic.  Step by step I am emerging.


----------



## TravelTime (Sep 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Thank you but since I lost the weight I look 10 years older then I did before.  The fat use to fill my face more, less wrinkles. I took that picture yesterday.



You look great. Nice smile and cheek bones. I do not see wrinkles. We are always are harshest critic!


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Sep 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Thank you but since I lost the weight I look 10 years older then I did before.  The fat use to fill my face more, less wrinkles. I took that picture yesterday.


I have lost 78 pounds since 9/3/2019.  You can just imagine what my skin is looking like.  But I love feeling this good.  I don't care that my skin is sagging around my eyes.  I don't usually wear makeup and I might put some on and actually take a selfie!  

I am really just 2 pounds from goal, maybe less. I stopped weighing myself every week. I am going to weigh in next on 10/11, the morning we leave for Orlando. I am just continuing the program, hoping to get a surprise on the scale. It takes forever to lose weight at the end of the journey. I don't know why. 

I did buy the Built Bars, and oh my goodness.  I love those things.  130 calories.  I eat just one a day and an 80 calorie yogurt each day, too.  So I am replacing a few of my meals.


----------



## WinniWoman (Sep 17, 2020)

Panina said:


> Just wanted to say Hi,
> 
> You have all been so supportive, thank you.View attachment 26639



Hi! We’re with you!  Keep it going! Nice to see your smiling face!


----------



## Cornell (Sep 17, 2020)

@Panina  I haven't been on TUG much lately but I just saw your post / picture and it made me happy. Keep on, keep on.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 18, 2020)

@Panina, I'm so excited to actually see you ( I know that sounds weird). Your post made me so happy because I can see that you are happy to be moving on in your life


----------



## nerodog (Sep 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Just wanted to say Hi,
> 
> You have all been so supportive, thank you.View attachment 26639


A beautiful  woman with a heart of gold !!!


----------



## TTSDavid (Sep 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> So I ordered my bedroom floors to replace the carpet, a dining room table and chairs, a bed frame, nightstands and a daybed for the guest room.  The rest of the furniture will come from my current home.  The picture of the dining room, I picked the dark grey chair,  the daybed -the grey swatch is my chosen color with black legs.
> View attachment 26466
> View attachment 26461View attachment 26462
> View attachment 26463View attachment 26464View attachment 26465


I really like this style!


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## AnnaS (Sep 18, 2020)

Beautiful Panina!!! Great to see you


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## pedro47 (Sep 18, 2020)

You are beautiful thanks for sharing that Glamour Shot, Must be the water you are drinking, You look Happy and that is the Key.


----------



## Glynda (Sep 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Just wanted to say Hi,
> 
> You have all been so supportive, thank you.View attachment 26639



Well hello pretty lady!  You do look like your avatar! Nice to see you!


----------



## Panina (Sep 18, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> You are beautiful thanks for sharing that Glamour Shot, Must be the water you are drinking, You look Happy and that is the Key.


Thanks, Glamour shot not, just me.  Too shy to post my glamour shot.


----------



## Panina (Sep 18, 2020)

Finally today Mortgage didn’t ask for any more documentation.  I have my first walk on Monday and am supposed to close Friday.  I do not have final confirmation I will close.  I have two weeks at a timeshare, one room so I can wait it out.  I actually have a third week but not sure I would wait it out so long. Not sure if I will start traveling tomorrow or Sunday.

I had mover price  shock this week .  Some never called back.  Yesterday I finally got an estimate and was shocked, over $7000.  Today I had additional appointments and from a national mover I got the best price $3600.  The only difference is I have to wait a few extra days to get my stuff.  Interesting how they work.  This end loads, the driver is from this end and at the other end the local office provides the staff to unload.  My final move will probably happen the third week of October.

Still no word on when my floors will get installed and whether the tile can be gotten sooner.  Not happy about the lack of communication.  Will deal with it on Monday.  I will probably delay the new furniture delivery too until they have the dining table I ordered.  

I set up my electric account, can’t set up water and sewer until I close, have an appointment set for my license and registration in a few weeks and still have to find out how to apply for homestead tax savings.  Can’t make a decision about my cable/internet service.  The cost is high.  I have appointments set in a few weeks with a doctor  and eye doctor that I chose.  

I don’t feel the excitement now, kind of holding back.  With my happiness is some sadness, normal I am told.   Almost at the finish line and then it begins.


----------



## WinniWoman (Sep 18, 2020)

Panina said:


> Finally today Mortgage didn’t ask for any more documentation.  I have my first walk on Monday and am supposed to close Friday.  I do not have final confirmation I will close.  I have two weeks at a timeshare, one room so I can wait it out.  I actually have a third week but not sure I would wait it out so long. Not sure if I will start traveling tomorrow or Sunday.
> 
> I had mover price  shock this week .  Some never called back.  Yesterday I finally got an estimate and was shocked, over $7000.  Today I had additional appointments and from a national mover I got the best price $3600.  The only difference is I have to wait a few extra days to get my stuff.  Interesting how they work.  This end loads, the driver is from this end and at the other end the local office provides the staff to unload.  My final move will probably happen the third week of October.
> 
> ...



It’s the stress now again. Just hang in there and take a day at a time. Watch your health. It will be hard again and then once you’re in you can breathe a sigh of relief.  I actually went through that a bit myself with the sadness because our new home closing was very stressful with the problems with the builder on top of everything else. Zapped the joy out of the whole thing! 

But everything passes. You will get through it!


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## rapmarks (Sep 18, 2020)

I am trying to remember what we did for homestead registration. Once you have  the Drivers license   And car registration I believe We got a checking account and a library card and had our mail held and changed all our addresses before we closed on the house but I can’t remember if it was paperwork or an in person visit


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## Panina (Sep 19, 2020)

Decided to leave Sunday morning.  Leaving today would have made me rush.  I do not need the extra pressure or to forget what I need.

The mortgage company sent me a notice this morning for more statements which I already uploaded last week.  I went to verify I did send them before and then sent them again also sending an email to all involved. UGH.

The weather here in SC is in the 60’s so rare for this time of year.  Today Delray Beach is in the 90’s and feels like 105, ouch.  I hope I get use to the extreme heat living.  Happy I have my studio coop in NY so I know I can somewhere to escape to.


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 19, 2020)

I hope I never have to ever get another mortgage.  I am 65, so chances are I never will.  Frustrating . 

The heat is crazy in Florida in September.  Those are the days to stay indoors for me.  This is why we do not go to Orlando in September, and even October is going to be hot with masks.  Not looking forward to wearing a mask at Disney next month.


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## Panina (Sep 19, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> I hope I never have to ever get another mortgage.  I am 65, so chances are I never will.  Frustrating .
> 
> The heat is crazy in Florida in September.  Those are the days to stay indoors for me.  This is why we do not go to Orlando in September, and even October is going to be hot with masks.  Not looking forward to wearing a mask at Disney next month.


 If my Mortgage wasn’t tied to a generous incentive I would have stopped the process and just pay cash.  It was an offer too good to pass up.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 19, 2020)

Panina said:


> Decided to leave Sunday morning.  Leaving today would have made me rush.  I do not need the extra pressure or to forget what I need.
> 
> The mortgage company sent me a notice this morning for more statements which I already uploaded last week.  I went to verify I did send them before and then sent them again also sending an email to all involved. UGH.
> 
> The weather here in SC is in the 60’s so rare for this time of year.  Today Delray Beach is in the 90’s and feels like 105, ouch.  I hope I get use to the extreme heat living.  Happy I have my studio coop in NY so I know I can somewhere to escape to.




Safe Travels and I'm so happy you will be in your new place for the holidays...


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## silentg (Sep 19, 2020)

Safe trip and welcome to Florida


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## mentalbreak (Sep 19, 2020)

Safe travels. Be kind to yourself and remember to take cake of yourself during these next few weeks. Soon you will be sitting on your new patio and enjoying the benefits of all your hard work in peace.


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## Talent312 (Sep 19, 2020)

mentalbreak said:


> Be kind to yourself and remember to take cake...



I recommend Publix Chocolate Ganache in the Deli...





.


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## Panina (Sep 19, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> I recommend Publix Chocolate Ganache in the Deli...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If only I could.  I have to eat gluten free and the sugar in cake would drug me with a bad Hangover.


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## Talent312 (Sep 19, 2020)

A possible gluten-free alternative (also from Publix)...
Inspired - Dreamin' of Chocolate - Gluten Free, Dark & White Chocolate Layer. 




__





						Product Details
					






					www.publix.com
				




.


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## Panina (Sep 19, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> A possible gluten-free alternative (also from Publix)...
> Inspired - Dreamin' of Chocolate - Gluten Free, Dark & White Chocolate Layer.
> 
> 
> ...


I have had it, delicious and they have a strawberry and cream cake too that I like more.  A piece and I am sleeping from the sugar.


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## Glynda (Sep 19, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> I recommend Publix Chocolate Ganache in the Deli...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



My granddaughter is 18 and has almost always had Publix birthday cakes.  She loves them so much that she says when she gets married she wants a Publix wedding cake!


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## Glynda (Sep 19, 2020)

Panina said:


> Decided to leave Sunday morning.  Leaving today would have made me rush.  I do not need the extra pressure or to forget what I need.
> 
> The mortgage company sent me a notice this morning for more statements which I already uploaded last week.  I went to verify I did send them before and then sent them again also sending an email to all involved. UGH.
> 
> The weather here in SC is in the 60’s so rare for this time of year.  Today Delray Beach is in the 90’s and feels like 105, ouch.  I hope I get use to the extreme heat living.  Happy I have my studio coop in NY so I know I can somewhere to escape to.



Looking forward to reading of more of your new adventures!  Safe travels!


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## WinniWoman (Sep 20, 2020)

Very excited for you!


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## JanT (Sep 20, 2020)

Look at you!!  So very pretty!  You look like you're at peace, Panina and that can be so hard to come by in the best of times.   I don't know you at all but I remember your post about your soon-to-be ex and how careless you felt he was being when COVID-19 came into play.  It was deeply troubling to you and it seemed as if he didn't care.  I also remember telling you that I felt he was acting like a passive aggressive a--.  I'm so relieved to know that you will be stepping away from that and are taking a wonderful journey to a time in your life that's going to bring a freedom and peace you haven't known for awhile it sounds like.  And I expect that smile on your face in the photo will be ever present.  Not that life won't be without some challenges but you won't be carrying around baggage you are better off without.

I am truly happy for you, my fellow TUGGER and if we ever get down your way, I would love to meet up.  Good luck with your new journey and keep posting about your progress!



Panina said:


> Just wanted to say Hi,
> 
> You have all been so supportive, thank you.View attachment 26639


----------



## pedro47 (Sep 20, 2020)

Panina, just be safe OK.


----------



## slip (Sep 20, 2020)

Awesome how you pulled this together. Glad you moved forward. So Happy for you!!


----------



## Panina (Sep 20, 2020)

JanT said:


> Look at you!!  So very pretty!  You look like you're at peace, Panina and that can be so hard to come by in the best of times.   I don't know you at all but I remember your post about your soon-to-be ex and how careless you felt he was being when COVID-19 came into play.  It was deeply troubling to you and it seemed as if he didn't care.  I also remember telling you that I felt he was acting like a passive aggressive a--.  I'm so relieved to know that you will be stepping away from that and are taking a wonderful journey to a time in your life that's going to bring a freedom and peace you haven't known for awhile it sounds like.  And I expect that smile on your face in the photo will be ever present.  Not that life won't be without some challenges but you won't be carrying around baggage you are better off without.
> 
> I am truly happy for you, my fellow TUGGER and if we ever get down your way, I would love to meet up.  Good luck with your new journey and keep posting about your progress!


Thank you.  I am trying to take it a day at a time.  Feeling relieved but also sad.  No one wants a relationship to fail.  My first marriage was wonderful.  He always cared and made decisions with me.  We were a great team.  I was alone in this relationship.  He is really not passive aggressive, that I could have dealt with.  Confrontational and irrational to things that do not matter.  Bad temper too.


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## Panina (Sep 20, 2020)

I took my soon to be ex on this trip with me.  He was eager to help.  I was more inclined to go myself but my therapist suggested including him two fold, so he won’t have a chance to miss me before I do the final move and to know where he is so I am safe when I get back (Covid).  

My intention was to get a good night sleep, to be asleep at 10, up at 6, out at 6:15.  At 9 pm I asked my ex if he wants to load the car. He said he was busy and not to worry he would load later.  So off to be I went and must admit I was a bit winded up and had a hard time falling asleep.  It took me about an hour and at about 12 midnight he is screaming my name to help him load.  Easier to get up then argue.  Took a few minutes and once again could not fall asleep but did and then  He comes in to take a Shower and I wake again.  I can go on and tell the additional two time I got woken by him but you get the drift.  I ended up getting 4 hours of broken sleep.

At 6 am he wakes me.  I am exhausted but I get up.  I realize my heart is racing, not like last time but high for a slow morning rise.  I told him we are not leaving unless my heart rate settles.  I immediately take my b12 vitamin as I feel it helps, put myself in my recliner and it settles in about an hour so off we went.  It has been good all day.  

He did half the driving, I did the other with 3 Starbuck stops for him, plus we had a rest area stop with lunch that I packed.  At least he followed protocol for safety.

So we are at Dover House, a small one bedroom.  It is okay, not the best but not the worse I have been too.  It is in a great location.  Weird there are two small refrigerators in the unit instead of one bigger one, each having very small freezer space.  The bathroom really needs to be redone, peeling tub paint, broken vanity and no storage.  His toiletries are on the floor, mine are on a chair.  The rest of the unit is better and thank goodness the bed seems comfortable.  Exhausted I had to clean all the surfaces As soon as we arrived.  I don’t trust it was cleaned correctly.  Meanwhile he brought everything in.  I had packed some dinner for me so I ate and am writing this relaxing in bed.  I had packed dinner for him instead He order a medium Dominos pizza.  I hear him on the phone say I don’t care what the specials are I want what I want.  A medium pizza was $20 without tip and he said it wasn’t good. My dinner was delicious.


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## pedro47 (Sep 21, 2020)

Please try to relax and I am praying you arrive safely. Thinking about you and your journey.


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## pedro47 (Sep 21, 2020)

Good morning,  what time will you arrive at your destination today?


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 21, 2020)

I wish there was a hug button, that is so much to go thru on moving day.... After hearing your story I'm so happy you are departing this relationship and moving on...


----------



## pedro47 (Sep 21, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I wish there was a hug button, that is so much to go thru on moving day.... After hearing your story I'm so happy you are departing this relationship and moving on...



Ditto and Ditto.


----------



## b2bailey (Sep 21, 2020)

How long until your driving companion returns home?
Will he fly?
Sounds to me like he is working to keep up his "good guy" image for outsiders to see.
Sorry you have had to experience this situation. Do allow yourself to grieve the loss. (After he is gone.)
You're not "home" yet. But getting very close.
Best wishes for your next chapter.


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## Panina (Sep 21, 2020)

Looking up to new things and the future...my ex took this of me today, right before we left to walk my house, told me I looked like a Barbie (because of the pony tail you can’t see)  and was gorgeous.  Unbelievable, hasn’t said a nice thing to me in a long long time.




Being I purchased this home not in person, I was a little concerned, did I make the right choice?  I am so happy with the area and downtown Delray is a quick ride and is fabulous.  The area I bought is a older, more established and I am very happy.  The house surpassed my expectations.

I thought I wanted white cabinets and settled for the gray.  I love the gray so much more then the white.  The pictures do not do the cabinet color justice.  My backyard also looked so much better in person,  will definitely invest extending to a bigger lanai.  I could only complain about one thing, the second bathroom has one high hat in it and seems dark to me.  I will probably at some point get an electrician to add another. Only real downside of the community is it will probably take at least another 2-3 years to build out.  Amenities will be completed the end of next year.  Good news Lennar took over the whole development from 13 Homes.  That made me feel so much better as I love the Lennar community I am leaving.  

More good news, got an email from the floor company, seems they will have my vinyl in time to install when I wanted.  The tile floors really look nice so I might have spent extra money to do the bedrooms in vinyl versus tile that I didn’t need to.  Once they are in I will let you know if they were worth the extra money.

Tomorrow will explore the area more and now that I have been physically in the home, ready to order light fixture.


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## pedro47 (Sep 21, 2020)

All your choices have been correct so far. Just stay focus. Selecting light fixture is a job; you can have.  There are just too many choices to chose from. IMHO.


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## silentg (Sep 21, 2020)

How long will your ex be staying? You will feel more at home once he leaves. Then you can really start your new life in Florida. I wish you the best in your new home.


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## rapmarks (Sep 21, 2020)

You look great


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## Panina (Sep 21, 2020)

silentg said:


> How long will your ex be staying? You will feel more at home once he leaves. Then you can really start your new life in Florida. I wish you the best in your new home.


He is with me this whole trip and then is coming to unpack me, so about another 3-4 weeks until he is no longer with me.  He is already talking about visiting with my step daughter.  The amicable way was the only way to go because of her.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> Looking up to new things and the future...my ex took this of me today, right before we left to walk my house, told me I looked like a Barbie (because of the pony tail you can’t see)  and was gorgeous.  Unbelievable, hasn’t said a nice thing to me in a long long time.
> View attachment 26798
> 
> Being I purchased this home not in person, I was a little concerned, did I make the right choice?  I am so happy with the area and downtown Delray is a quick ride and is fabulous.  The area I bought is a older, more established and I am very happy.  The house surpassed my expectations.
> ...



I'm so very happy for you and it sounds like the community is perfect for you meeting your needs and wants....


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> He is with me this whole trip and then is coming to unpack me, so about another 3-4 weeks until he is no longer with me.  He is already talking about visiting with my step daughter.  The amicable way was the only way to go because of her.



I so admire you always taking the high road, I keep trying to do that with my oldest son and daughter in law. My daughter in law has disliked us from the day they got married and it's been downhill since then.... I've now just given up as she uses our grandchildren as a means to get things that she wants from us monetarily, and I've decided I'm done being used as a doormat...

You really inspire me and I'm sure you inspire so many others....I hope this week in your new area goes well and your move is pain free...


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## WinniWoman (Sep 22, 2020)

Despite the blips with your ex, it now seems things are moving in a positive direction with your new house and you are happy! Love the photo! It says it all! I am looking forward to reading about more of your progress!


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## Panina (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so admire you always taking the high road, I keep trying to do that with my oldest son and daughter in law. My daughter in law has disliked us from the day they got married and it's been downhill since then.... I've now just given up as she uses our grandchildren as a means to get things that she wants from us monetarily, and I've decided I'm done being used as a doormat...
> 
> You really inspire me and I'm sure you inspire so many others....I hope this week in your new area goes well and your move is pain free...


I don’t know your daughter in law but it is more likely she is a difficult person  and selfish then disliking you.

We assume people dislike us when they treat us badly but usually it is them and their issues.  Nothing makes them happy.  

I have that with my mom.  What I do, is do what I want and is right, be kind to her and myself because dealing with her is mostly negative thus blocking  out the negativity and think isn’t it sad she wakes up everyday so negative and lives like that.  My sister has minimal contact with her and that works for her.  

Because of your grandkids my approach might be better.  I practice what I am saying with my ex because of my step daughter.  Keeping the focus on her makes his behavior irrelevant.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> I don’t know your daughter in law but it is more likely she is a difficult person  and selfish then disliking you.
> 
> We assume people dislike us when they treat us badly but usually it is them and their issues.  Nothing makes them happy.
> 
> ...



I so agree with your statement and thank you for the kind words in the midst of your big move... I keep trying to keep the focus on my grandsons and hope that one day we get to see them more then once every 4 to 5 months...

I had an especially bad day yesterday as my grandson got a hold of my sons phone and called me up, (he does this a lot) and as I always do I asked if his dad knew he was calling me and he said yes (he's 4.5 years old) and we talked for an hour, he keeps asking when I can come to visit or he can come over. ( our daughter in law has stated that we can only do drive by's and not visit with them due to COVID-19 since March of this year and I totally understand and respect that) He told me that mommy has had her friends over and his great grandma has cover over lots of time to visit so why can't I and grandpa come over... I told him I would chat with his mom and dad.

I got a lengthy text from my daughter in law late last night stating she was mad that I spoke to our oldest grandson and going forward she listed out 20 rules that we now need to follow, with the first being that we have to immediately hang up if he calls us ever again and we would then need to call them immediately to gain permission to speak to him...  so it was a bad day for me and I should not have clogged up this tread with my sadness...

Much love to you and I really appreciate how you handle things and I'm trying so hard to keep the focus on the grandkids.


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## rapmarks (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> I don’t know your daughter in law but it is more likely she is a difficult person  and selfish then disliking you.
> 
> We assume people dislike us when they treat us badly but usually it is them and their issues.  Nothing makes them happy.
> 
> ...


Well my daughter in law has been with my son for twenty years. She has never spoken to me on the phone.  When my son FaceTimes us she is never in the room. Last night was my sisters birthday.  as a surprise we had a family zoom meeting. My son’s family goes to that sisters every holiday. She would not get on the zoom meeting even to say hello


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so agree with your statement and thank you for the kind words in the midst of your big move... I keep trying to keep the focus on my grandsons and hope that one day we get to see them more then once every 4 to 5 months...
> 
> I had an especially bad day yesterday as my grandson got a hold of my sons phone and called me up, (he does this a lot) and as I always do I asked if his dad knew he was calling me and he said yes (he's 4.5 years old) and we talked for an hour, he keeps asking when I can come to visit or he can come over. ( our daughter in law has stated that we can only do drive by's and not visit with them due to COVID-19 since March of this year and I totally understand and respect that) He told me that mommy has had her friends over and his great grandma has cover over lots of time to visit so why can't I and grandpa come over... I told him I would chat with his mom and dad.
> 
> ...


So sorry you are dealing with all of that.  Sounds just terrible.  I am so sad for you.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Well my daughter in law has been with my son for twenty years. She has never spoken to me on the phone.  When my son FaceTimes us she is never in the room. Last night was my sisters birthday.  as a surprise we had a family zoom meeting. My son’s family goes to that sisters every holiday. She would not get on the zoom meeting even to say hello


I so understand.  My son keeps telling us he loves us but he has to keep the peace so we try so hard to follow all of his wife’s rules.  However I will not hang up on my grandson that is just cruel.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> So sorry you are dealing with all of that.  Sounds just terrible.  I am so sad for you.


Thank you so much, normally I can just roll with it but it breaks my heart that my grandson is begging us to come over and we are not allowed, but everyone else seems to be able to come over as she posts non stop on Facebook and we can see the pics of our oldest grandson with members of her family.


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## Talent312 (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> ... I got a lengthy text from my daughter in law late last night stating she was mad that I spoke to our oldest grandson and going forward she listed out 20 rules that we now need to follow, with the first being that we have to immediately hang up if he calls us ever again and we would then need to call them immediately to gain permission to speak to him...  so it was a bad day for me and I should not have clogged up this tread with my sadness...



So sorry that you are having to deal with this b*tch.
Look at it this way: Staying away protects you from infection from her attitude.
,


----------



## b2bailey (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so agree with your statement and thank you for the kind words in the midst of your big move... I keep trying to keep the focus on my grandsons and hope that one day we get to see them more then once every 4 to 5 months...
> 
> I had an especially bad day yesterday as my grandson got a hold of my sons phone and called me up, (he does this a lot) and as I always do I asked if his dad knew he was calling me and he said yes (he's 4.5 years old) and we talked for an hour, he keeps asking when I can come to visit or he can come over. ( our daughter in law has stated that we can only do drive by's and not visit with them due to COVID-19 since March of this year and I totally understand and respect that) He told me that mommy has had her friends over and his great grandma has cover over lots of time to visit so why can't I and grandpa come over... I told him I would chat with his mom and dad.
> 
> ...


Oh my. That makes my heart hurt to read this. I'm sorry this woman is so difficult.


----------



## Panina (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so agree with your statement and thank you for the kind words in the midst of your big move... I keep trying to keep the focus on my grandsons and hope that one day we get to see them more then once every 4 to 5 months...
> 
> I had an especially bad day yesterday as my grandson got a hold of my sons phone and called me up, (he does this a lot) and as I always do I asked if his dad knew he was calling me and he said yes (he's 4.5 years old) and we talked for an hour, he keeps asking when I can come to visit or he can come over. ( our daughter in law has stated that we can only do drive by's and not visit with them due to COVID-19 since March of this year and I totally understand and respect that) He told me that mommy has had her friends over and his great grandma has cover over lots of time to visit so why can't I and grandpa come over... I told him I would chat with his mom and dad.
> 
> ...


I understand your son is giving into his wife because he wants to have peace.  Have you had a heart to heart with your son?  If he truly loves her that is one thing but if he gives in because of the kids and would leave her if he wasn’t afraid of losing access to his kids that is different.   I just cannot imagine her being good to your son with this type of attitude and ultimately if he is staying for the wrong reasons that does more damage to the kids then divorce.   She will never change unfortunately.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

b2bailey said:


> Oh my. That makes my heart hurt to read this. I'm sorry this woman is so difficult.


The wild thing is she was so sweet and kind before they got married and literally as soon as they said “I do“she started with all these rules.  Her first being that every holiday would be spent with her family only and for Christmas she would arrange an exchange of gifts usually in January.  
We also blame our son because he just goes along with whatever she says


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## rapmarks (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The wild thing is she was so sweet and kind before they got married and literally as soon as they said “I do“she started with all these rules.  Her first being that every holiday would be spent with her family only and for Christmas she would arrange an exchange of gifts usually in January.
> We also blame our son because he just goes along with whatever she says


So aggravating and your son needs to tell her her rules have gone so far. My grandsons all FaceTime me all the time. Have you talked to your son about these rules do her parents have the same rules?


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> So aggravating and your son needs to tell her her rules have gone so far. My grandsons all FaceTime me all the time. Have you talked to your son about these rules do her parents have the same rules?



These new rules just went into play last night when I got the text from her. I knew that I had to take a day before I could speak to our son because I was so angry and hurt.  I will be having a chat with him, I sent him a text today saying I know your currently at work, but I would like you to let me know when you have time to phone me to chat about these new rules?


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## bogey21 (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> The amicable way was the only way to go because of her.



I have two exes, one from about 40 years ago and the second from 20 years ago.  Amicable is the only way to go if possible.  I still talk to both periodically, more with the most recent one.  When my first ex remarried she called and asked (she probably didn't legally have to) if she could use my last name as her remarried middle name...

George


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## Glynda (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so agree with your statement and thank you for the kind words in the midst of your big move... I keep trying to keep the focus on my grandsons and hope that one day we get to see them more then once every 4 to 5 months...
> 
> I had an especially bad day yesterday as my grandson got a hold of my sons phone and called me up, (he does this a lot) and as I always do I asked if his dad knew he was calling me and he said yes (he's 4.5 years old) and we talked for an hour, he keeps asking when I can come to visit or he can come over. ( our daughter in law has stated that we can only do drive by's and not visit with them due to COVID-19 since March of this year and I totally understand and respect that) He told me that mommy has had her friends over and his great grandma has cover over lots of time to visit so why can't I and grandpa come over... I told him I would chat with his mom and dad.
> 
> ...



What a........  That's just awful!  And your son?  Will he not step in?


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 22, 2020)

Glynda said:


> What a........  That's just awful!  And your son?  Will he not step in?



He just goes along with whatever she says as he wants to keep the peace.


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## Talent312 (Sep 22, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> I have two exes, one from about 40 years ago and the second from 20 years ago.  Amicable is the only way to go if possible.  I still talk to both periodically, more with the most recent one.



I have one ex from 20 years ago.  I've had no contact with her in about 18 years.
The divorce itself was amicable. I even went to her parents funerals. Nice people.
But to me, she was a thief of time, having trashed 22 years of my life.
<So it goes.>



Sugarcubesea said:


> He just goes along with whatever she says as he wants to keep the peace.



I would show him the text, (or send it to him) and ask if he approved it.  Then tell him that he needs to decide if he wants a relationship with his mother and for his kids to have a relationship with their grandmother... not as a threat or ultimatum, just some baggage that he needs to carry, for a change..
,



.


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## Glynda (Sep 22, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> He just goes along with whatever she says as he wants to keep the peace.



That's what many mothers of married sons say.  That's a shame.


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## silentg (Sep 22, 2020)

Glynda said:


> That's what many mothers of married sons say.  That's a shame.


I had the opposite problem with my MIL. She showed no interest in our children. She was very negative and unfriendly. As a result our kids didn’t have a good relationship with her. She passed away a year and a half ago never having any fond memories of her. We did our best to include her but she just wasn’t interested. Broke my husband’s heart, but he always focused on his good memories of her, must have been years before we were married because I nor my kids ever saw any.


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## Panina (Sep 22, 2020)

So this journey now has me posing another question.  Should I keep the timeshares that are now deeded in my name or sell some.  I never thought having so few I would considering even having fewer.

I always loved Florida and spent many weeks in Florida timeshares.  Living in Florida the need to escape is not there.  I know on occasion I will want to go to Marco Island.  I also have many points in RCI waiting to be used and know last minute Florida traveling will be easy to Disney, Marco and Key West.  I  have a few years of points Between my regular RCI account and my hgvc account has so many points that next year I will roll over many to RCI.  I also  have a few II weeks to trade.  Ultimately the weeks I own on top of what is backlogged is too much. Plus I have my coop up north that I will use more often.  My ex never liked going there.

I now own a winter flex week in Eagles Nest, Marco Island, a winter flex week in Surf Club, Marco Island both that I can select weeks to get 7000 hgvc points,  July 4th week guaranteed week at Anderson, Myrtle Beach that is worth 8400 points that I would only use as points and my two beloved weeks at Sunrise Bay, Marco Island weeks 12 and 14.

Eagles Nest, Surf Club, and Anderson would have good resale value.  Sunrise Bay is my favorite but probably would only use week 12. 

For hgvc Anderson would be the best maintenance fee for points and then I can use them to take Midweek trips to Marco to maximize points but Surf and Eagle I can actually get great weeks to go.

I am leaning towards eliminating Surf and Eagle from my portfolio and then am thinking am I making the right decision


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## mentalbreak (Sep 22, 2020)

Panina said:


> So this journey now has me posing another question.  Should I keep the timeshares that are now deeded in my name or sell some.  I never thought having so few I would considering even having fewer.
> 
> I always loved Florida and spent many weeks in Florida timeshares.  Living in Florida the need to escape is not there.  I know on occasion I will want to go to Marco Island.  I also have many points in RCI waiting to be used and know last minute Florida traveling will be easy to Disney, Marco and Key West.  I  have a few years of points Between my regular RCI account and my hgvc account has so many points that next year I will roll over many to RCI.  I also  have a few II weeks to trade.  Ultimately the weeks I own on top of what is backlogged is too much. Plus I have my coop up north that I will use more often.  My ex never liked going there.
> 
> ...



Sounds like you have thought through your usage very well, but I would probably wait and have a year or so to see if “living in Florida the need to escape is not there” becomes reality.


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## amycurl (Sep 22, 2020)

If the MF burden is okay with your now-single finances, I would wait until you are settled and more in a routine to know what you will really use going forward. In the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of a huge life change--there is no way you can predict that future now. So no need to rush the decision, UNLESS the MF are a significant financial burden right now.


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## b2bailey (Sep 22, 2020)

amycurl said:


> If the MF burden is okay with your now-single finances, I would wait until you are settled and more in a routine to know what you will really use going forward. In the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of a huge life change--there is no way you can predict that future now. So no need to rush the decision, UNLESS the MF are a significant financial burden right now.


Can you rent them?


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## pedro47 (Sep 23, 2020)

What are the driving distance to your timeshares in Florida? Keep the timeshare , where you could drive to under 2 to 3 hours.  Suggestion only, you could then used them as your getaway destinations.


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## dayooper (Sep 23, 2020)

I agree with those that say wait to sell. If you can afford them, see if you will want to use them.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> So this journey now has me posing another question.  Should I keep the timeshares that are now deeded in my name or sell some.  I never thought having so few I would considering even having fewer.
> 
> I always loved Florida and spent many weeks in Florida timeshares.  Living in Florida the need to escape is not there.  I know on occasion I will want to go to Marco Island.  I also have many points in RCI waiting to be used and know last minute Florida traveling will be easy to Disney, Marco and Key West.  I  have a few years of points Between my regular RCI account and my hgvc account has so many points that next year I will roll over many to RCI.  I also  have a few II weeks to trade.  Ultimately the weeks I own on top of what is backlogged is too much. Plus I have my coop up north that I will use more often.  My ex never liked going there.
> 
> ...




I am not sure what you should do specifically in terms of which resorts (I know nothing about them or about points usage) but I do think you should downsize somewhat at the very least.

I sit here right now in our VT timeshare and I know how you feel. We love it here, but we are getting older and the resort has a take back program where 2021 could be the last year they offer it. We had put our names on the waiting list and we should hear something this Fall but who knows with this darn COVID thing? We kind of somewhat made this decision 2 years ago but only when we knew we were moving to NH -and also that our friends who also own at the resort the week we do were actually accepted into the Farewell Program -  did we definitely decide to put our names on the waiting list. I also want to make life easy for our son when we pass, though right now he is upset we are trying to divest of it. He is coming up tomorrow for a day as he knows this could be the last time here in our unit. 21 years we have been coming here and staying in this unit. Like our second home. Actually feels more like home right now than our actual home in NH we have only been in for 6 months.

We own 2 weeks, but we also know we could rent here if we want to in the future. The resort is only 3 hours from our home now that we live in NH. My main concern would be getting a unit where we own now in West Hill so I would have use of the pool here which I love. I don't care if it would be off season either. I kind of like the quiet. Getting week 30- the main week we own and when we know other people who come the same week- would be hard for a reasonable rent because people usually want twice the maintenance fee and I refuse to pay that much.

But I do have a friend who owns 13 weeks and could rent me other summer weeks for a lot less. (She does not own week 30 unfortunately).

Trip Beat usually has great bargains for off season weeks here but I don't see how you can know what building you are in and again, this is important to me so we have use of the outdoor pool in West Hill, which is open year round. The public pools you can use if staying in the village you have buy a pass and I don't like those anyway. I would consider the Aspens building, though, as it has a private pool.

I also want to stay in other parts of VT to continue with my VT251 club town exploration and the maintenance fee money I would have spend at the timeshare  ($2000 for the two weeks) can go towards that or any other vacation. or we can also simply stay home if we can't afford it in the future.

Our other timeshare is an hour from our home and we will keep that one for now as it offers day use. Might be nice in the winter when I need a change and can swim in the indoor pool and maybe do an activity the resort offers or even use the gym. That one will be harder to give away I assume and the resort does not have a take back program.

We could occassionally try to exchange it through an independent company like Trading Places since we do not belong to RCI. Could even change it for another quieter week at the same resort. But it is also nice to have the use of week 31 to stay up in the mountains.

VT (my first love) and NH were always a yearly vacation destination. Our community in NH is like being on vacation. Would be more so if not for COVID, though they do not have the activities like your place probably has. But good enough for us. And we are close to VT so can drive there whenever we want.

Good luck with your decision! You'll figure it out and knowing you, you will make the right one!


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> So this journey now has me posing another question.  Should I keep the timeshares that are now deeded in my name or sell some.  I never thought having so few I would considering even having fewer.
> 
> I always loved Florida and spent many weeks in Florida timeshares.  Living in Florida the need to escape is not there.  I know on occasion I will want to go to Marco Island.  I also have many points in RCI waiting to be used and know last minute Florida traveling will be easy to Disney, Marco and Key West.  I  have a few years of points Between my regular RCI account and my hgvc account has so many points that next year I will roll over many to RCI.  I also  have a few II weeks to trade.  Ultimately the weeks I own on top of what is backlogged is too much. Plus I have my coop up north that I will use more often.  My ex never liked going there.
> 
> ...


Since your now living in FL, I would see some of your FL TS's and that way the ones you keep you can always exchange into a different location if so desire?  Just my 2 cents


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## nerodog (Sep 23, 2020)

Panina said:


> Looking up to new things and the future...my ex took this of me today, right before we left to walk my house, told me I looked like a Barbie (because of the pony tail you can’t see)  and was gorgeous.  Unbelievable, hasn’t said a nice thing to me in a long long time.
> View attachment 26798
> 
> Being I purchased this home not in person, I was a little concerned, did I make the right choice?  I am so happy with the area and downtown Delray is a quick ride and is fabulous.  The area I bought is a older, more established and I am very happy.  The house surpassed my expectations.
> ...


You did it  Panina !!! Looking good and  no stress but a happy  relief  !!! Sounds wonderful  and in a matter of months you will look back with satisfaction.  You moved swiftly and efficiently. Perhaps wait on timeshare decision till you are more settled and see how the units work for your life in Florida.


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## rapmarks (Sep 23, 2020)

Give it some time and then decide. Will you fly to your Manhattan coop?  If you drive you can make stops on the way. That is what we did for years but now that we fly we do not want as many timeshare weeks


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## TTSDavid (Sep 24, 2020)

I think you made a very good decision in choosing Florida. It is a very well located state in terms of transportation and is perfect for shopping, walking on the beaches, and for enjoying a good atmosphere... About the decoration, it's incredible! I hope your journey continues in the best way!


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 24, 2020)

Gee, we will have to come and visit you sometime (maybe meet somewhere).  I would like to meet with you in person.


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## Panina (Sep 24, 2020)

rapmarks said:


> Give it some time and then decide. Will you fly to your Manhattan coop?  If you drive you can make stops on the way. That is what we did for years but now that we fly we do not want as many timeshare weeks


Most probably will take the overnight Amtrak train.


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## amycurl (Sep 24, 2020)

I think that both @Panina and @DaveNV need to hold TUG Open Houses #whenallthisisover.


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## DaveNV (Sep 24, 2020)

amycurl said:


> I think that both @Panina and @DaveNV need to hold TUG Open Houses #whenallthisisover.



Ah, heck.  Why wait?  Come on down!  Bring money.  

Dave


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## pedro47 (Sep 24, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> Ah, heck.  Why wait?  Come on down!  Bring money.
> 
> Dave


Sound liked you are charging an admission cost$$.


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## DaveNV (Sep 24, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Sound liked you are charging an admission cost$$.



Home remodeling is expensive. 

Dave


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## amycurl (Sep 24, 2020)

If you did it as a fundraiser for the nonprofit of your choice, I would be just fine with that.


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## Luanne (Sep 24, 2020)

amycurl said:


> If you did it as a fundraiser for the nonprofit of your choice, I would be just fine with that.


Would that be the nonprofit, or the casino, of his choice.


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## DaveNV (Sep 24, 2020)

amycurl said:


> If you did it as a fundraiser for the nonprofit of your choice, I would be just fine with that.





Luanne said:


> Would that be the nonprofit, or the casino, of his choice.



I don't gamble very often, and I'm definitely not making a profit.  Maybe you're on to something.  LOL! 

Dave


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## Talent312 (Sep 25, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Sound liked you are charging an admission cost$$.



Our local builders association has an annual tour-of-homes (new construction).
They used to charge $5.00 for the set, but stopped when they discovered that...
People were willing to pay $300-600K to own a house, but not $5 to see them.
.


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## amycurl (Sep 25, 2020)

Really? Well, down here people are still willing to pay for those kinds of experiences; at least they did, pre-COVID. Usually not sponsored by the builders, but by the actual, benefitting nonprofits, and usually not of new construction, but of homes in historic neighborhoods (which might include new, significant remodels, like the mansion here that was on a relatively-recent episode of Hoarders....)


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## Panina (Sep 25, 2020)

I closed on my home today.


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## Talent312 (Sep 25, 2020)

Congrats! Now you get to begin a new life of maintenance+repair.
_... just looking on the bright side ...

._


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## DaveNV (Sep 25, 2020)

Panina said:


> View attachment 26991
> I closed on my home today.



Way to go! Congratulations!! Now I'm not the only one who is setting up a new house.  

Have fun!

Dave


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## dayooper (Sep 26, 2020)

Panina said:


> View attachment 26991
> I closed on my home today.



Awesome! So happy for you! Starting your new path in your new community must be so exciting! Make sure to take the time to appreciate what you’ve done. It took strength and conviction to do what you did, especially with those around you telling you not to.


----------



## Sugarcubesea (Sep 26, 2020)

@Panina , congrats on closing on your new home....I'm so happy for you...I love your view and would be sitting out there all day...enjoy this adventure


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## nerodog (Sep 26, 2020)

b2bailey said:


> Oh my. That makes my heart hurt to read this. I'm sorry


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## Glynda (Sep 26, 2020)

YAY!  Can't wait to hear the rest of the adventure play out! Congrats!


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## WinniWoman (Sep 26, 2020)

Panina said:


> View attachment 26991
> I closed on my home today.




CONGRATS! Best wishes and much happiness! You deserve it!


----------



## pedro47 (Sep 26, 2020)

Panina, IMHO, your journey is just starting. You are in a different state (but not a new state to you) with total new things, surroundings and people.  Wishing you a good journey and adventure in the sunshine state.


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## Panina (Sep 26, 2020)

Getting to closing almost didn’t happen on time.  I have many years experience working in Real Estate for a luxury builder as a Sale Manager.  Never did I see the laziness and procrastination of mortgage processors.  It was evident that they didn’t compile my file for underwriting until the last minute.  Things that became issues never should have been. 


I had to keep calling.  For example two days before closing I called in the morning 9:30 was told underwriting needs something else, I am working on something else and will call you back.  2:30, never did.  I had to call again. Sweetness and apologies but that was becoming very old. 

Day before closing, no call to say if underwriting approved me.  I call 12, told oh I thought xxxx told you everything is good. 

Needed closing figures so I could wire money.  Never got it after many calls.  Being in the business I backed into the figure myself and wired it.  At this point I realized they were trying to push my closing into next week.   12:30 am day of closing, you see time right, I get an email we got your wire but have to move your closing to the afternoon.  I had an early morning closing originally.

I pushed hard because I have my floor installation Monday and Tuesday and some new furniture scheduled to be delivered Wednesday. 

I also decided to buy Lowe’s and Home Depot light fixtures.  I was planning to order higher end fixtures from a local store but was told they would provide names of electricians and they only sell the fixtures.  Just didn’t want to deal with that and my ex offered to put them up this trip and being I am dealing with him this trip anyway decided to take him up on him offer.  I will save a significant amount which I can put instead into my lanai.

My list at the first walk thru was not done the morning of the closing plus the house was filthy.  By the time I returned the house was clean but most items were not done, small things but still need to get done.  Disappointed as I didn’t experience any of this on my SC home.

I still love my house.


----------



## amycurl (Sep 26, 2020)

Still loving your house is key. Just be persistent with the builder, and it'll get to the point where it will be less hassle for them to fix the issues than to deal with you. 

You'll have to post pics once the floors and furniture are in.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 26, 2020)

Panina said:


> Getting to closing almost didn’t happen on time.  I have many years experience working in Real Estate for a luxury builder as a Sale Manager.  Never did I see the laziness and procrastination of mortgage processors.  It was evident that they didn’t compile my file for underwriting until the last minute.  Things that became issues never should have been.
> 
> 
> I had to keep calling.  For example two days before closing I called in the morning 9:30 was told underwriting needs something else, I am working on something else and will call you back.  2:30, never did.  I had to call again. Sweetness and apologies but that was becoming very old.
> ...



I could be wrong but I always got the impression people were too laid back in Florida. Maybe it’s the heat. Lol!

How frustrating with the mortgage company! Ugh! Like you needed more stress in an already stressful time.

I have always gotten my light fixtures in the big box stores or Amazon and been happy with them. They have a decent selection. And all price ranges.

I totally relate to your walk through situation. That is almost what happened with us. Except the builder wanted to do the one and only walk through the morning of the closing! We instead snuck into the house two days before (we knew where they hid the key) and we were horrified of the condition. Dirty. Tons of things not done, etc.

I literally cried and fought with the realtor and builder that weekend. I thought we might not even close. Did the second walk through the morning of the closing and it was cleaned up ( not to my standards, of course) and some things had been done, but most not.

Still had a big punch list and as we were living there more problems were added to it and only last month finally got it taken care of, though we did do some things ourselves and for our sanity we did let some things slide and will live with the imperfections.

So glad you love your new home! That’s what counts! You did a terrific job!


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## pedro47 (Sep 26, 2020)

Suggestion only. please have those little things taking care of. You are a winner and a planner. Good Luck and enjoy your new home..


----------



## Talent312 (Sep 26, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I could be wrong but I always got the impression people were too laid back in Florida. Maybe it’s the heat. Lol!...



I like to think its more the degenerate influence of The Keys and "island time."
.
.


----------



## Panina (Sep 27, 2020)




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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 27, 2020)

Love that faucet and the light fixture is so cool...


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## rapmarks (Sep 27, 2020)

My daughter has that faucet and I like it and wish  I had chosen that


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## pedro47 (Sep 27, 2020)

Panina said:


> View attachment 27030View attachment 27031


I liked that faucet and those lights. That faucet gives you a relaxing and cooling feeling.


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## easyrider (Sep 27, 2020)

Wow, that was a read but I finally caught up. I thought this was the weight loss thread so I skipped it until now.

Good Luck Panina ! I doubt you need it as it seems that you know what you are doing.

Bill


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## Panina (Sep 27, 2020)




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## WinniWoman (Sep 27, 2020)

Really cool stuff! Love them all!


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## pedro47 (Sep 27, 2020)

You must be a romantic . That is a cool light.


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## Talent312 (Sep 27, 2020)

It looks kinda like a flying saucer (rectangle)... which is cool.
It's in keeping with the mid-century modern (Jetsons) decor.
,


----------



## turkel (Sep 28, 2020)

It may just be the picture but I am not a fan of the electrical looking box on the ceiling,it looks unfinished. The light itself does look very romantic though. 

Your well on your way to creating a new life for yourself, congratulations! I have enjoyed following your journey.


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## Panina (Sep 29, 2020)

This ended up my favorite fixture.  Three pendants over the kitchen counter.  I pieced it together buying each piece seperately, the pendant, the shade and the fancier bulb. All 3 fixtures, total cost under $150. A bargain! I like things that are different then the norm.


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## WinniWoman (Sep 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> This ended up my favorite fixture.  Three pendants over the kitchen counter.  I pieced it together buying each piece seperately, the pendant, the shade and the fancier bulb. All 3 fixtures, total cost under $150. A bargain! I like things that are different then the norm.
> View attachment 27112



Very nice! And creative!


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## Jan M. (Sep 30, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The wild thing is she was so sweet and kind before they got married and literally as soon as they said “I do“she started with all these rules.  Her first being that every holiday would be spent with her family only and for Christmas she would arrange an exchange of gifts usually in January.
> We also blame our son because he just goes along with whatever she says



I always hope that someone who needs to hear stories like yours will read this and learn a lesson sooner rather than later.

As soon as they were married your DIL started out like she meant to continue. Unfortunately your son didn't see that she was establishing that their marriage would be about her and what she wants. Some people have issues, are controlling, are just selfish. He also still doesn't see that this demonstrates a lack of respect and healthy love for him. 

Your DIL is a fool not to realize that most kids eventually figure things out for themselves. As my SIL and sister both said when their kids were growing up "What goes around comes around.  Be careful how you treat and speak of family because it will come back to haunt you." She's setting herself up to be excluded from her son's life down the road.


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## Talent312 (Sep 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> This ended up my favorite fixture.  Three pendants over the kitchen counter.  I pieced it together buying each piece separately, the pendant, the shade and the fancier bulb. All 3 fixtures, total cost under $150. A bargain! I like things that are different then the norm.



Martha Stewart, stand aside...
.


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## rapmarks (Sep 30, 2020)

Panina said:


> This ended up my favorite fixture.  Three pendants over the kitchen counter.  I pieced it together buying each piece seperately, the pendant, the shade and the fancier bulb. All 3 fixtures, total cost under $150. A bargain! I like things that are different then the norm.
> View attachment 27112


That would be great in my Wisconsin kitchen


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 30, 2020)

I love the pendants that you picked for over your kitchen counter. I really love everything you have picked out...


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 30, 2020)

Jan M. said:


> I always hope that someone who needs to hear stories like yours will read this and learn a lesson sooner rather than later.
> 
> As soon as they were married your DIL started out like she meant to continue. Unfortunately your son didn't see that she was establishing that their marriage would be about her and what she wants. Some people have issues, are controlling, are just selfish. He also still doesn't see that this demonstrates a lack of respect and healthy love for him.
> 
> Your DIL is a fool not to realize that most kids eventually figure things out for themselves. As my SIL and sister both said when their kids were growing up "What goes around comes around.  Be careful how you treat and speak of family because it will come back to haunt you." She's setting herself up to be excluded from her son's life down the road.




I am also a believer in Karma and at some point this will come back to bite her...


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## rickandcindy23 (Sep 30, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I am also a believer in Karma and at some point this will come back to bite her...


Like when your daughter-in-law's daughter-in-law does the same thing and her son decides that it is okay because his mom did that to his Paternal grandma.  That is going to wake her up, but it will be too late.  True karma.


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## Sugarcubesea (Sep 30, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> Like when your daughter-in-law's daughter-in-law does the same thing and her son decides that it is okay because his mom did that to his Paternal grandma.  That is going to wake her up, but it will be too late.  True karma.



I just have to say I love you guys on TUG so much... Thanks RickandCindy, it's a bummer for me to deal with her manipulative ways, but I'm trying hard to take the high road.


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## Talent312 (Sep 30, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> ... I'm trying hard to take the high road.



To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make
you something else is the greatest accomplishment. 
_-- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance" (1841)_

OTOH...
While there's heather on the hill shall my vengeance ne'er be still,
While a bush hides the glint o' a gun, lad;
Wi' the men o' Sergeant Môr shall I work to pay the score,
Till I wither on the wuddy in the sun, lad! 
_-- a Scottish poem by Andrew Lang (1876)
._


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## Panina (Oct 1, 2020)

Interesting article.  Seems my moving and breakup are the 
 two Highest stresses to most.









						Americans say moving is more stressful than divorce, having children, survey claims
					

When was the last time you moved?




					www.foxnews.com


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## Panina (Oct 1, 2020)

The floors, using the company I did was a disaster.  This company does this as a courtesy to home buyers. I was told the floors were finished and when I arrived no baseboards were up and the whole house was covered in dust, filthy, the top of my black stovetop was white.  



I just started crying. I called and was told your contract did not say we would put back the baseboards.  I asked why did you take them down.  I would have added quarter molding an easy add.  The head installer lied to his boss that I chose to have them removed.



So for the additional price of $250 the sub contractor agreed to come back and install them but the spackle  and paint touch up not.  They  agreed to send a cleaning crew free.  



My floors are beautiful but this added aggravation was not needed.  My heart rate went up and I am fortunate I was able to breathe and relax and get it down.



I got lucky, one of the workers I met does side jobs and came with two of his friends and made my baseboards look new last night after working a full day, filling in and painting.  Of course more money but it is what it is.  He was a find as he can do a few of my side jobs I need. I actually gave him and his friends more then they asked for as they deserved more and the job was great.



Then my bedroom furniture and table and chairs were delivered. The base of the bed was cream and the headboard was white. Was supposed to be all white.  They wanted me to keep it until they could delivery a new one and I made them take it out and the side tables too. 

My feeling is I don’t want to keep the wrong item and if it gets damaged it is on me.  If for some reason I have to pick something else then I might want different tables.



My dining room chairs I like and the table I purchased is on backorder until November so they lent me another table.  Must say I like it lots. It is a white tulip table but I know it wouldn’t wear well.

So the $$$ question.  Was paying extra money for the vinyl vs tile in the bedrooms worth it?  Yes, definitely.


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## AnnaS (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina said:


> Interesting article.  Seems my moving and breakup are the
> two Highest stresses to most.
> 
> 
> ...



It is very stressful.  Not too surprised.  

When I got married, I/we moved upstairs/apartment in my parent's home in Brooklyn.  I do not count this as moving.  We lived there for three years/bought our home and moved.  I had a full apartment with furniture (BDR, LR, DR, son's BDR).  It was so much work.  We did all the packing ourselves but hired a moving company.  I remember saying, "I hope we never have to do this again".  We bought a small ranch home.  Worked on it for about two months before we moved in.  We thought it was a great starter home.  It's really on the small side.  Three kids - we were going to move or build up.  It never happened.  Paying for private school and colleges, it was not our priority.  We could have done it and probably should have - but we were fine with it or just got used to it.  

Now we are empty nesters and I love my little "retirement home"   - I know people that have moved every 5 years or so.  I don't think I could do it.

But we have done projects in the house.  I dread them all.  One thing leads to another.  Hate the mess.  Nothing is on time, things are ordered wrong, come in wrong/damaged.  I have less tolerance for everything as I get older.  We would love to put in a new kitchen (and it's tiny) - but not sure I can handle the disaster for a month.  I think we are also tired of helping renovate each of my kids' homes.

It will all be worth it in the end of course.  Breathe.


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## WinniWoman (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina said:


> Interesting article.  Seems my moving and breakup are the
> two Highest stresses to most.
> 
> 
> ...



I have thankfully never been through a divorce, but I'll vouch for this! Average moving cost $1500??!! Ummm....How about moving twice until we could get to our permanent location - 5 months after the first move-out of state- for like around $7000+?!!!! And add to that moving stress list stopping everything you have had in place in your former home and starting them all up in your new home. Change of address, phone, drivers licenses, car registration, health insurance (the worst part!), utilities, doctors and dentists, contractors, having to meet people and learning the lay of the land, etc. Every.....single.......thing.....


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## WinniWoman (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina said:


> The floors, using the company I did was a disaster.  This company does this as a courtesy to home buyers. I was told the floors were finished and when I arrived no baseboards were up and the whole house was covered in dust, filthy, the top of my black stovetop was white.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




UGH! I can relate. You know how I cried after our walk through and the pressure by the builder to close with our house in the shape it was. And living in it things kept popping up one after the other- stuff we didn't notice at the walk through. And like you having to do some things ourselves or else we would go crazy.

I just don't get these contractors and builders. Don't they realize this is a persons' life- their home? Would they like their own house to be left like that? SMH....

I'm glad you are loving your floors and it all worked out.  I hope you get your bedroom furniture pronto. What are you sleeping on?

Hopefully the rest of your stuff will get to you earlier than promised.

Unfortunately, this is how it is these days. Very frustrating but everything will calm down eventually.

Hang in there!


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## sue1947 (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina said:


> I got lucky, one of the workers I met does side jobs and came with two of his friends and made my baseboards look new last night after working a full day, filling in and painting. Of course more money but it is what it is. He was a find as he can do a few of my side jobs I need. I actually gave him and his friends more then they asked for as they deserved more and the job was great.



Finding a good handyman is the silver lining to all the stress.  Knowing who to call for odd jobs or recommendations is a huge plus.


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## Talent312 (Oct 1, 2020)

AnnaS said:


> ...We would love to put in a new kitchen (and it's tiny) - but not sure I can handle the disaster for a month.



A month? A piece of cake.
Try five months with appliances in the LR, kitchenware in boxes and microwave food.
... Then we did the lighting ourselves, so it be how we wanted.

.


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## bogey21 (Oct 1, 2020)

One of the smartest decisions I ever made was when I graduated from college (I was 32 at the time) and rented a nice 2 bedroom apartment in St Louis.  I had no furniture at all.  I was starting a new job and didn't have a lot of time on my hands.  What I did was go to a local furniture store and talk to the owner, a man named Ed Dolnick.  I asked him if he could furnish the entire apartment for $10,000.  He agreed and did a masterful job.  I even got $2 or $3 back.  Would I do that in today's world?  Not on your life... 

George


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## Panina (Oct 1, 2020)

AnnaS said:


> It is very stressful.  Not too surprised.
> 
> When I got married, I/we moved upstairs/apartment in my parent's home in Brooklyn.  I do not count this as moving.  We lived there for three years/bought our home and moved.  I had a full apartment with furniture (BDR, LR, DR, son's BDR).  It was so much work.  We did all the packing ourselves but hired a moving company.  I remember saying, "I hope we never have to do this again".  We bought a small ranch home.  Worked on it for about two months before we moved in.  We thought it was a great starter home.  It's really on the small side.  Three kids - we were going to move or build up.  It never happened.  Paying for private school and colleges, it was not our priority.  We could have done it and probably should have - but we were fine with it or just got used to it.
> 
> ...


Brooklyn, where I was born and still go. Are you still in Brooklyn?


----------



## Panina (Oct 1, 2020)




----------



## WinniWoman (Oct 1, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> One of the smartest decisions I ever made was when I graduated from college (I was 32 at the time) and rented a nice 2 bedroom apartment in St Louis.  I had no furniture at all.  I was starting a new job and didn't have a lot of time on my hands.  What I did was go to a local furniture store and talk to the owner, a man named Ed Dolnick.  I asked him if he could furnish the entire apartment for $10,000.  He agreed and did a masterful job.  I even got $2 or $3 back.  Would I do that in today's world?  Not on your life...
> 
> George



You had $10,000 right after college at age 32? Wow!


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## Talent312 (Oct 1, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> ... [W]hen I graduated from college (I was 32 at the time)... What I did was go to a local furniture store and talk to the owner, a man named Ed Dolnick.  I asked him if he could furnish the entire apartment for $10,000.



That shows an awful lot of trust.
My first piece of furniture (after a mattress on the floor), was a $600 couch for which I made payments.

.


----------



## dayooper (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina said:


> Interesting article.  Seems my moving and breakup are the
> two Highest stresses to most.
> 
> 
> ...



Couldn’t tell by your posts here. You have handled it so well. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

I worked as mover during my college summer breaks and I saw some stress induced arguments. Also saw divorcees fighting as we were moving.


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## bogey21 (Oct 1, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> You had $10,000 right after college at age 32? Wow!


I quit work after 8 years with Nabisco in order to return to school and had saved some of my money....

George


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## jules54 (Oct 1, 2020)

Love the floor


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## pedro47 (Oct 1, 2020)

Panina , you are one touch cookie, I liked your new floors and your new base boards.
Remember,  your journey have started in the sunshine state.


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## pedro47 (Oct 1, 2020)

dayooper said:


> Couldn’t tell by your posts here. You have handled it so well. I can’t imagine what you are going through.
> 
> I worked as mover during my college summer breaks and I saw some stress induced arguments. Also saw divorcees fighting as we were moving.


Building and Moving into a new  home is a pain in the butt. Two individuals (really three individuals,  the builder ) must agree on inside or outside measurements of rooms, color & style of brick, paint colors, light fixtures, appliances,  carpet, windows, flooring, entry doors, back doors, garage door size, drapes,  curtains , wall cabinets,  kitchen table and chairs,  family room,  sofa or  love sofa,  patio furniture,  television sizes and location, . Etc. If  the two can agree on some of these simple choices, your  marriage might survive. LOL.
Saying Yes, is not always the


----------



## mentalbreak (Oct 1, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Building and Moving into a new  home is a pain in the butt. Two individuals (really three individuals,  the builder ) must agree on inside or outside measurements of rooms, color & style of brick, paint colors, light fixtures, appliances,  carpet, windows, flooring, entry doors, back doors, garage door size, drapes,  curtains , wall cabinets,  kitchen table and chairs,  family room,  sofa or  love sofa,  patio furniture,  television sizes and location, . Etc. If  the two can agree on some of these simple choices, your  marriage might survive. LOL.
> Saying Yes, is not always the  correct answer.



I don’t think I could ever go through the house-building process with my spouse. Our biggest fight to date was over choosing a can opener on the wedding registry.  Funny thing is, I have no idea who “won” on the can opener (and we still have it today).  But the only other thing added to our registry during that fight was our wine glasses and I really dislike them to this day. (Hmmm, I must have won on the can opener.)
We’ll be celebrating our 21st anniversary in a few weeks, so I guess I’ll take it.
And when we ever move, we will be buying resale...


----------



## pedro47 (Oct 1, 2020)

mentalbreak said:


> I don’t think I could ever go through the house-building process with my spouse. Our biggest fight to date was over choosing a can opener on the wedding registry.  Funny thing is, I have no idea who “won” on the can opener (and we still have it today).  But the only other thing added to our registry during that fight was our wine glasses and I really dislike them to this day. (Hmmm, I must have won on the can opener.)
> We’ll be celebrating our 21st anniversary in a few weeks, so I guess I’ll take it.
> And when we ever move, we will be buying resale...



FIFTY THREE YEARS plus of marriage life and we still do not agree on everything.
LOL


----------



## WinniWoman (Oct 1, 2020)

mentalbreak said:


> I don’t think I could ever go through the house-building process with my spouse. Our biggest fight to date was over choosing a can opener on the wedding registry.  Funny thing is, I have no idea who “won” on the can opener (and we still have it today).  But the only other thing added to our registry during that fight was our wine glasses and I really dislike them to this day. (Hmmm, I must have won on the can opener.)
> We’ll be celebrating our 21st anniversary in a few weeks, so I guess I’ll take it.
> And when we ever move, we will be buying resale...



I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!

Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


----------



## Karen G (Oct 1, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


Happy Anniversary!
We celebrated our 43rd in January.


----------



## mentalbreak (Oct 1, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.



Happy Anniversary!


----------



## Talent312 (Oct 1, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> ... Saying "Yes," is not always the correct answer.



Yeah, sometimes, one needs to add: "... That looks great!"
If she says, "That's not what I asked," you're in trouble.
.





.


----------



## Panina (Oct 1, 2020)

I was planning on heading back today to finish my packing but stood an extra day so they could fix some minor issues.  Went to the house this evening to put my food left over from the timeshare in the refrigerator.  Walked the house and Droplets of water were dripping from my air vent to my floor in my master br closet.

I called the urgent customer care number and they told me they can take up to 24 hrs to call me.  It was pouring and they said until it is dry the roofer will not come.  I could only think what if the water was pouring in my home.  I had a big Rubbermaid container that I place under it.

It could be a roof leak but I am thinking the timing was only a coincidence.  One of my air vents was hardly giving air and they were going to look at it when I came  back.  The one leaking is on the wall behind this.  Possible air condition cold air leaking in my attic causing the condensation.

I was able to get the construction manager and he said he will do his best to get both the air conditioner and roofer tomorrow but can’t guarantee it. He said not that this will make you feel better but any damage caused by it we pay for and fix.    I decided to stay as they cannot enter my house without me or someone else answering the door.  My friend and cousin are coming back on the 3rd so will need to get them a key, hopefully they are not delayed.


----------



## mentalbreak (Oct 1, 2020)

So glad you stopped by and happened to notice it! I hope there was no ancillary damage to your personal items.
Hopefully it is a quick (and complete) fix. And thank goodness you were able to reach the construction manager.


----------



## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

dayooper said:


> Couldn’t tell by your posts here. You have handled it so well. I can’t imagine what you are going through.
> 
> I worked as mover during my college summer breaks and I saw some stress induced arguments. Also saw divorcees fighting as we were moving.


I have moved 18 times over the years. Very Stressful were  my first two  moves when I was 9 and 10. So young and leaving friends and having to make new ones did made it hard.  My last move prior to this one was also stressful.  Being older it was harder dealing with it.  

This one as a whole has a little stress here, a little stress there which when added together accumulative probably has the highest stress even if at a  moment it doesn’t seem it does.  Dealing with the breakup, do I move does he move, where to move, what to buy and all the other stuff it is ongoing.

I just keep saying to myself I am one day closer to being where I need to be.


----------



## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


Happy Anniversary with Love my friend


----------



## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

Karen G said:


> Happy Anniversary!
> We celebrated our 43rd in January.


Your almost at 44.  How wonderful!


----------



## WinniWoman (Oct 2, 2020)

Panina said:


> Happy Anniversary with Love my friend



Thanks.

It is good you discovered the leak early on. Even in this development where we live, some neighbors had issues with dishwasher or washing machine hoses never hooked up and when they went to use them- well- you know what happened.

You would think they would test/inspect this stuff before a home is closed on. I still don't get how these builders operate but it is what it is I guess. 

I am having a second home inspection done next month (11 months in)- before our 1 year warranty expires just in case we missed something.


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Oct 2, 2020)

Our daughter moved in her brand new house, and the first rain, the fan vent in the bathroom, water was pouring down onto her wood floors.  That was a disaster.


----------



## pedro47 (Oct 2, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


Wishing you a *Happy Anniversary and many more. Enjoy your day. *


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## Talent312 (Oct 2, 2020)

After a rental house was re-roofed, we found wet spots & stains in the ceiling.
The roofing company came back and replaced the ridge vent.

We then opened the ceiling and found it was from condensation on the AC pipe.
Apparently, the pipe had not been insulated and was sweating profusely.
.


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## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> After a rental house was re-roofed, we found wet spots & stains in the ceiling.
> The roofing company came back and replaced the ridge vent.
> 
> We then opened the ceiling and found it was from condensation on the AC pipe.
> ...


Air conditioning guy here right now.  No additional water on the floor today and it rained hard last night but wet on the vent thus almost certain it is condensation.  Now let’s see what they do.


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## pianodinosaur (Oct 2, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


Happy anniversary!!


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Oct 2, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


Happy Anniversary to you and your husband.


----------



## amycurl (Oct 2, 2020)

I forgot that Mary Ann and I share an anniversary! @mentalbreak, we celebrated our 21st yesterday....sharing fondue with our daughter, using the fondue pot we registered for all those years ago.

We found building the house easy (the last five weeks of it, we were actually in Europe); the decision on the fridge (the *only* appliance we had to buy) was darn near impossible. We ate out for about two weeks until we finally bit the bullet and just paid for the one we both really loved (the first generation of the LG french door models, when those were new and *way* more expensive than any other model.) That one lasted us until about three months ago, so I guess it worked out. The rest of the house stuff was easy in comparison, LOL!



> some neighbors had issues with dishwasher or washing machine hoses never hooked up and when they went to use them- well- you know what happened.



This was us. We moved into our first house--a newly-built townhome--the weekend before we got married. We used very kind, generous friends to move us from our apartment. Once they left, having moved all the big stuff, we left to return the moving van, clean out the apartment, make a few last-minute runs with just the car, etc. My mother put a load of wash into the washer and dryer before we all headed out.....came home, and found water pouring through our dining room fixture (washer and dryer were upstairs.) But it was clearly their fault, because we were all there when my mother very clearly had asked them as we had done the walkthrough/punch list creation that morning, if the washer and dryer were good to go and fully connected. So they had to come back and fix it. Unfortunately, some of the boxes we had unloaded onto the dining room table--under the fixture--had some significant damage. They were mostly books, so no huge loss, but it was definitely stressful....five days before our wedding in another part of the state.


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## Panina (Oct 2, 2020)

Well good news all around.  The issue is fixed.  It was related to the air conditioner.  

Plus for those of you that were following, that last Bluegreen Timeshare I had a title issue with is fixed.  The person who sold it to me got it fixed.  I believe I will have to sign another deed for Bluegreen with my ex.  By the time I get it I will be in Florida so will have to deal with him and the mail but all my timeshares now are either in my name, his name or have found new homes.  

Good day Today.  Tomorrow heading back to SC to finish packing.


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## WinniWoman (Oct 2, 2020)

amycurl said:


> I forgot that Mary Ann and I share an anniversary! @mentalbreak, we celebrated our 21st yesterday....sharing fondue with our daughter, using the fondue pot we registered for all those years ago.
> 
> We found building the house easy (the last five weeks of it, we were actually in Europe); the decision on the fridge (the *only* appliance we had to buy) was darn near impossible. We ate out for about two weeks until we finally bit the bullet and just paid for the one we both really loved (the first generation of the LG french door models, when those were new and *way* more expensive than any other model.) That one lasted us until about three months ago, so I guess it worked out. The rest of the house stuff was easy in comparison, LOL!
> 
> ...



Happy Anniversary to you also! 

Yeah- moving is so stressful but somehow we survive it!


----------



## lockewong (Oct 3, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I so understand.  My son keeps telling us he loves us but he has to keep the peace so we try so hard to follow all of his wife’s rules.  However I will not hang up on my grandson that is just cruel.


I have not met you but, I would have a private conversation with your son about the COVID bubble to find out if the "friends" are safe and how many and how frequently they visit.  Something is wrong, your oldest grandson clearly understands the disparity between visits from his maternal grandparents and his paternal grandparents.  DO NOT hang up on him; that would emotionally shatter him.  Your daughter-in-law cannot control your natural bond with your grandson.  She is trying to limit and manipulate.  Go with your instincts; but, I wonder if your son is unhappy with this situation.  Bite your tongue but keep the doors open and the communication open.  I am sorry you are going through this.  She is a bully.


----------



## rapmarks (Oct 3, 2020)

I think back to how easy our move to Florida was. When we found the house our realtor told the owners  we would pay 1000 for the furniture. It was nicely furnished and fairly new. We emptied our van and put it all in the realtors storage unit and drove north and were able to fill it with personal items. realtor handled the closing and we returned after Christmas to settle in. 
Our biggest problem was we were used to timeshares and didn’t pack soap
Two days after we settled in my husband got a hole in one in men’s league with around 120 men playing. The really good news was the league bought drinks for all the men


----------



## lockewong (Oct 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> Well good news all around.  The issue is fixed.  It was related to the air conditioner.
> 
> Plus for those of you that were following, that last Bluegreen Timeshare I had a title issue with is fixed.  The person who sold it to me got it fixed.  I believe I will have to sign another deed for Bluegreen with my ex.  By the time I get it I will be in Florida so will have to deal with him and the mail but all my timeshares now are either in my name, his name or have found new homes.
> 
> Good day Today.  Tomorrow heading back to SC to finish packing.


I am responding to your question about your timeshares, you should not make any moves until you have settled in for a year or two.  You love your Marco island time "something fierce" from reading your posts.  Stay flexible and wait.  As to your pictures of yourself, you are really lovely and the light in your eyes is wonderful to see.  I am so happy that you are nearing the end of this journey to find you--your inner you again.  Stay strong.  Keep your focus on your reasons.  We are with you.


----------



## Sugarcubesea (Oct 3, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.




I missed this post and just wanted to say Happy Anniversary Winni and I hope you and your hubby have a great day...love and hugs...


----------



## Snazzylass (Oct 3, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> It is good you discovered the leak early on. Even in this development where we live, some neighbors had issues with dishwasher or washing machine hoses never hooked up and when they went to use them- well- you know what happened.
> 
> You would think they would test/inspect this stuff before a home is closed on. I still don't get how these builders operate but it is what it is I guess.



The problem is, even if an appliance is tested upon installation, it might work! Once when I replaced my dishwasher, it worked fine for maybe a year? Then one day, the connection failed and I had a huge flood into my basement where my desk and office area were below. Turns out, the connection was installed backwards initially.

Lowe's was where I bought it. They stepped up and reimbursed me - even though it was the fault of their third-part installer, it was Lowe's reputation.


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## Panina (Oct 3, 2020)

This trip with my ex solidified I am 100% certain I have made the right decision with the split.  No doubts at all.

Whereas he has been very helpful and supportive to the point I am surprised, (shopping, hanging fixtures, installing faucets, saying he wants me to be happy in my new home, telling me I made a good decision in area, etc] let me just say the good in him just cannot outweigh the bad. Dealing with him this trip was challenging at times.  I just kept smiling and kept quiet.  I am counting the days I do not have to deal with him on a daily basis. 

I believe he is helpful because we did this amicably (I didn’t go after him financially) and because he realizes his daughter needs me in her life.  I do wish him well.  

I am excited now.  Heading back to SC now and on the 9th the movers are picking up all my belongings.  Still waiting to find out where within the 12th and 17th they will delivery.  

Have booked a timeshare.  My ex is still coming to help me unpack and hang pictures. He should only be with me a few days this time.  This past trip was two weeks.   It will definitely help me as when he leaves I will be totally unpacked and it will be good for my stepdaughter too.  She will know her dad helped me and we stood friends and she will not feel torn.  I love her so much and never want her to negatively be affected by our split.


----------



## pianodinosaur (Oct 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> This trip with my ex solidified I am 100% certain I have made the right decision with the split.  No doubts at all.
> 
> Whereas he has been very helpful and supportive to the point I am surprised, (shopping, hanging fixtures, installing faucets, saying he wants me to be happy in my new home, telling me I made a good decision in area, etc] let me just say the good in him just cannot outweigh the bad. Dealing with him this trip was challenging at times.  I just kept smiling and kept quiet.  I am counting the days I do not have to deal with him on a daily basis.
> 
> ...



I have seen several divorces where the couple become best friends after the divorce.  However, they just cannot live with each other.  They maintain excellent relations with their children and families.  Blessings upon both of you.


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## VacationForever (Oct 3, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I can’t even imagine my husband caring about wine glasses or a can opener. Lol!
> 
> Anyway, today is our 43rd wedding anniversary.


That's why you are married for 43 years.  Congratulations to both of you!


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## Talent312 (Oct 3, 2020)

Panina said:


> ... Tomorrow heading back to SC to finish packing.



My sympathies to SC over the Gamecocks' loss to the Florida Gators
_... but not really._


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## Panina (Oct 3, 2020)

pianodinosaur said:


> I have seen several divorces where the couple become best friends after the divorce.  However, they just cannot live with each other.  They maintain excellent relations with their children and families.  Blessings upon both of you.


We will never be best friends.  The relationship will be good for his daughter.


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## KeyWestSuz (Oct 6, 2020)

Panina said:


> So this journey now has me posing another question.  Should I keep the timeshares that are now deeded in my name or sell some.  I never thought having so few I would considering even having fewer.
> 
> I always loved Florida and spent many weeks in Florida timeshares.  Living in Florida the need to escape is not there.  I know on occasion I will want to go to Marco Island.  I also have many points in RCI waiting to be used and know last minute Florida traveling will be easy to Disney, Marco and Key West.  I  have a few years of points Between my regular RCI account and my hgvc account has so many points that next year I will roll over many to RCI.  I also  have a few II weeks to trade.  Ultimately the weeks I own on top of what is backlogged is too much. Plus I have my coop up north that I will use more often.  My ex never liked going there.
> 
> ...


Panina,

Did your soon-to-be ex take the Banyan weeks or did you sell them?


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## joestein (Oct 6, 2020)

All these comments I have been reading is just one of the many reasons I never want to buy a new construction.


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## Panina (Oct 6, 2020)

KeyWestSuz said:


> Panina,
> 
> Did your soon-to-be ex take the Banyan weeks or did you sell them?


We split the four we had and then he purchased the two I got from me.


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## Panina (Oct 6, 2020)

joestein said:


> All these comments I have been reading is just one of the many reasons I never want to buy a new construction.


This was my fourth new construction home.  Whereas the initial headaches are a pain, ultimately it is easier after.


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## KeyWestSuz (Oct 6, 2020)

Panina said:


> We split the four we had and then he purchased the two I got from me.



Darn!  I was hoping to meet you one day.  You were the reason I finally took the plunge and bought my 2 weeks.


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## Panina (Oct 6, 2020)

KeyWestSuz said:


> Darn!  I was hoping to meet you one day.  You were the reason I finally took the plunge and bought my 2 weeks.


We still might meet.  My ex actually told me if he doesn’t have someone else, I am always welcome to come his weeks.  Also living in Fl will make it easy to get those last minute weeks that become available on II and RCI.


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## pedro47 (Oct 6, 2020)

Panina said:


> We still might meet.  My ex actually told me if he doesn’t have someone else, I am always welcome to come his weeks.  Also living in Fl will make it easy to get those last minute weeks that become available on II and RCI.


I agree, there are always some very nice Florida specials in II. Plus, now that you are living in the sunshine state.  You will be able to drive to them in under four (4) hours in many cases. Wishing you Happiness and Peace.


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## Panina (Oct 9, 2020)

So the movers picked up everything today and it should be to me in Florida on Tuesday.  I also have a bunch of contractors coming to fix the few issues I have the same day.  Would have preferred on different days but this is how it fell out.  Cable, internet and phone installed on Wednesday and my alarm system on Thursday.  

I booked a timeshare for this coming week and the next, one in Delray and the other in Deerfield.  Not sure if I really need the one in Deerfield but always wanted to go to it so I will go for a few days at the least. Plus if my other half is still helping me at that point I prefer he not stay at the house.  

There is still sadness and excitement at the same time.  Kept wondering why and did some reading on it.  Even when a relationship ends that is not good and you wanted it to end there is a sense of loss, the loss of it never being what you hoped for.  

So tomorrow early  morning I will say goodbye to a home I loved as I start my one way journey to my new home, my new life.


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## elaine (Oct 9, 2020)

best wishes on the next chapter in your life...and so good that  you can maintain a great relationship with DSD. Elaine


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## WinniWoman (Oct 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> So the movers picked up everything today and it should be to me in Florida on Tuesday.  I also have a bunch of contractors coming to fix the few issues I have the same day.  Would have preferred on different days but this is how it fell out.  Cable, internet and phone installed on Wednesday and my alarm system on Thursday.
> 
> I booked a timeshare for this coming week and the next, one in Delray and the other in Deerfield.  Not sure if I really need the one in Deerfield but always wanted to go to it so I will go for a few days at the least. Plus if my other half is still helping me at that point I prefer he not stay at the house.
> 
> ...



It’s going to be great! It’s perfectly normal to feel as you do. Even today, though I don’t have the relationship component that you do,  I find myself thinking about our former home and how I miss the land and the views and the quiet and the wildlife, especially in Fall, which is a melancholy time of year anyway.

Then I have to catch myself and convince myself all over again saying, “ but... you couldn’t stay there or age there. It would be lonely. What would you do? No social life as hardly ever saw our friends or relatives anyway. Then the local issue we had going on. Being far from our son. Hating the politics in the state. Then COVID would have made it all worse.” Blah, blah, blah...

We have been here since February and still I go through this daily. I even toy with maybe we should have moved to VT where my heart is. But my brain keeps me in check each time.

So best of luck. When do you actually move into your home? Once in and settled it will all work itself out I’m sure.


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## Panina (Oct 9, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> It’s going to be great! It’s perfectly normal to feel as you do. Even today, though I don’t have the relationship component that you do,  I find myself thinking about our former home and how I miss the land and the views and the quiet and the wildlife, especially in Fall, which is a melancholy time of year anyway.
> 
> Then I have to catch myself and convince myself all over again saying, “ but... you couldn’t stay there or age there. It would be lonely. What would you do? No social life as hardly ever saw our friends or relatives anyway. Then the local issue we had going on. Being far from our son. Hating the politics in the state. Then COVID would have made it all worse.” Blah, blah, blah...
> 
> ...


I will stay in my new home when it is unpacked and all the services needed are installed as I have the timeshares to go to relax in without all the clutter.


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## pedro47 (Oct 9, 2020)

Never say good bye. Say, Maybe, I will see you later. .


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## Panina (Oct 9, 2020)

pedro47 said:


> Never say good bye. Say, Maybe, I will see you later. .


I will see him later but not ever as a mate.  People don’t change nor should we try to change them.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> So the movers picked up everything today and it should be to me in Florida on Tuesday.  I also have a bunch of contractors coming to fix the few issues I have the same day.  Would have preferred on different days but this is how it fell out.  Cable, internet and phone installed on Wednesday and my alarm system on Thursday.
> 
> I booked a timeshare for this coming week and the next, one in Delray and the other in Deerfield.  Not sure if I really need the one in Deerfield but always wanted to go to it so I will go for a few days at the least. Plus if my other half is still helping me at that point I prefer he not stay at the house.
> 
> ...




I'm so happy for your new adventure... You are going to love your new place and your new life... I'm so happy that you did what was right for you vs what was right for your family or your ex...


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## Panina (Oct 9, 2020)

Sugarcubesea said:


> I'm so happy for your new adventure... You are going to love your new place and your new life... I'm so happy that you did what was right for you vs what was right for your family or your ex...


Thank you.  I think I said this before....there comes a time it is more painful to stay then it is to go.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 9, 2020)

Panina said:


> Thank you.  I think I said this before....there comes a time it is more painful to stay then it is to go.


I love that statement so much, and a good mantra to follow


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## Panina (Oct 10, 2020)

On the road to Florida 

Leaving, Good bye
I look around With a heavy heart
The sadness is felt
I say to myself No choice
The pain endured could not continue
From within I remember I have been through so much worse
The death of a husband
I survived,  I had strength, I still do
It takes rain and sunshine to make a rainbow
I believe the best for me is still to come
The sadness will pass and I will find my rainbow


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## DaveNV (Oct 10, 2020)

You've come a very long way in a really short time.  Lots of changes.  I am hoping the new home and location will become the kind of place you want it to be, and that you can let the past become only a distant memory.  Your comment about it being less painful to go than to stay is a very real emotion.  Whenever a relationship ends, there is a natural period of mourning, for the loss of what was, as well as the loss of what could have been. 

Your feelings right now, good and bad, are completely valid.  Accept them for what they are, cherish the good times you've had, then turn and face the new day with a clear head and an open heart.  Life, as you know, is most definitely a journey, not a destination.

Best,
Dave


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## lockewong (Oct 10, 2020)

Resonating the thoughts of @DaveNV, you reflected for a long time about what emotional burdens you could endure.  Hope and expectations that did not come to fruition need to be processed through the feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment.  It is hard to leave a relationship.  However, you said it best,  the good does not outweigh the bad.  You are leaving behind a situation that hurt you.  Your strength in forging forward is amazing.  Keep taking those steps to a better life and personal peace.  When you get to feel safe and secure in your new home that you furnished and decorated for YOU, you can breathe a sigh of relief and realize it was the right decision.  Congratulations on doing something for you.


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## silentg (Oct 10, 2020)

Welcome to Florida!


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## rickandcindy23 (Oct 10, 2020)

So poetic.  Maybe it's my English degree, but that was just so heartfelt that it brought tears to my eyes.  

I am sure it's tough to leave a beautiful home that you bought new and decorated and loved.  Florida is the perfect place to start fresh.  

The loss of your first husband, I feel the pain of that and the expectation of something very hopeful in your future.  Maybe not as special, but certainly staying where you were, you were not going to find it.  

You had to move on.  So sorry that it hurts right now.


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## HitchHiker71 (Oct 10, 2020)

Panina said:


> Thank you. I think I said this before....there comes a time it is more painful to stay then it is to go.



Your statement reminded me of a book I read a long time ago now called Passionate Marriage by Dr David Schnarch. He wrote about a process called differentiation, which is essentially the change process we endure as we expand our personhood. Humans resist this type of change as a general rule - because this type of change gets us well outside of our comfort zone - and introduces adversity and uncertainty into our life. We usually resist this change until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the uncertainty we face when we embrace the differentiation process. I’m glossing over a ton of details from his book, but what you said is spot on. I’m happy that you have embraced the uncertainty that lies ahead. While it’s not easy - it’s almost always well worth the journey. 

Way to go Panina! We are all cheering for you! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WalnutBaron (Oct 10, 2020)

Thank you for letting us in on this huge life change for you, Panina. Today is a big day, and one you'll hopefully look back on as a beautiful fresh beginning.

Here's wishing you:

A new home filled with peace and joy
A new community filled with friends who encourage and uplift
A new hometown filled with new places to discover and new things to explore
A new heart filled with hope, no longer burdened by the sadness of the past or the tension of the present--but with effervescent gladness for the future
A new journey filled with wonder, and curiosity, and new revelations that will surprise and delight you
That's my blessing for you as you go forward bravely into this new chapter in your life.


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

DaveNV said:


> You've come a very long way in a really short time.  Lots of changes.  I am hoping the new home and location will become the kind of place you want it to be, and that you can let the past become only a distant memory.  Your comment about it being less painful to go than to stay is a very real emotion.  Whenever a relationship ends, there is a natural period of mourning, for the loss of what was, as well as the loss of what could have been.
> 
> Your feelings right now, good and bad, are completely valid.  Accept them for what they are, cherish the good times you've had, then turn and face the new day with a clear head and an open heart.  Life, as you know, is most definitely a journey, not a destination.
> 
> ...


Even though it is a short time it really seems like a long time.  It isn’t as heartbreaking as I though it would be, at least not yet.  After losing my husband unexpectedly, instantly, nothing can come close.    I will know my true emotions once my other half leaves as he is here now with me to help me get the house to a live in state.  He has gone into friend mode.  He is actually more helpful as a friend then he ever was as a mate which I never expected.


----------



## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> So poetic.  Maybe it's my English degree, but that was just so heartfelt that it brought tears to my eyes.
> 
> I am sure it's tough to leave a beautiful home that you bought new and decorated and loved.  Florida is the perfect place to start fresh.
> 
> ...


Writing  in proper English format was never my strong point.  I love writing, just from my heart especially in a non proper poetic way.  I am not a journal type of person but my writings help me express my self to me in an artistic way.  I can read back and reflect.


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

HitchHiker71 said:


> Your statement reminded me of a book I read a long time ago now called Passionate Marriage by Dr David Schnarch. He wrote about a process called differentiation, which is essentially the change process we endure as we expand our personhood. Humans resist this type of change as a general rule - because this type of change gets us well outside of our comfort zone - and introduces adversity and uncertainty into our life. We usually resist this change until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the uncertainty we face when we embrace the differentiation process. I’m glossing over a ton of details from his book, but what you said is spot on. I’m happy that you have embraced the uncertainty that lies ahead. While it’s not easy - it’s almost always well worth the journey.
> 
> Way to go Panina! We are all cheering for you!
> 
> ...


I will need to read that book.   I have done lots of personal work in the past two years, that I am very proud of,  to break through my past horrors that really kept me stuck.  It was not easy but there is now an understanding of why I accepted bad behavior from others.


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

WalnutBaron said:


> Thank you for letting us in on this huge life change for you, Panina. Today is a big day, and one you'll hopefully look back on as a beautiful fresh beginning.
> 
> Here's wishing you:
> 
> ...


Your well wishes are my hope!   

I decided to share as I felt if it even helped one person it was worth it to expose myself.  Many go through life, hiding the negativity in their life, on many levels, afraid of changing it.  I have had some friends try to convince me to stay and fix this relationship at all costs because it could end up being worse when I leave.  I look at them and know how unhappy they are in their relationships and now understand their logic in why they stay.

Starting over later in life is not easy but being in a bad relationship  is harder.  I know the difference.  I know what a caring, respectful relationship is.  I had it with my deceased husband.  I didn’t have it with this relationship.  That gift of experiencing the difference is what makes me know for sure what I am doing is right. I deserve to be treated right as does everyone else.


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## bogey21 (Oct 11, 2020)

Panina said:


> He has gone into friend mode.  He is actually more helpful as a friend then he ever was as a mate which I never expected.



I am the survivor of two divorces, one about 40 years ago, the other about 20 years ago.  I remain in contact and friends with both ex-wives.  I have found that as time passes the issues, difficulties or whatever you call them fade away and if you allow it, it is easy to morph into a decent continuing relationship...

George


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## pedro47 (Oct 11, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> I am the survivor of two divorces, one about 40 years ago, the other about 20 years ago.  I remain in contact and friends with both ex-wives.  I have found that as time passes the issues, difficulties or whatever you call them fade away and if you allow it, it is easy to morph into a decent continuing relationship...
> 
> George


Bogey21 and Panina, I enjoyed reading your posts because you both speak from the heart and with life true experiences. I thanks you both for being honest.


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## HitchHiker71 (Oct 11, 2020)

Panina said:


> I will need to read that book. I have done lots of personal work in the past two years, that I am very proud of, to break through my past horrors that really kept me stuck. It was not easy but there is now an understanding of why I accepted bad behavior from others.



It’s definitely worthy of adding to your reading list. It’s not the easiest read for sure. I had to re-read several sections and chapters to really “get it” and absorb the material. 

DW and I had a very rocky marriage early on. I became a big fan of the Marriagebuilders approach to healing and recovery. On top of that I probably read upwards of 50 books on relationships over the years.  Only a few have stood the test of time conceptually over the long term and really been of any practical use.  

Passionate Marriage was one of them. I actually resisted reading it for a while because it’s written primarily for couples that struggle with sexual intimacy, which thankfully isn’t an area we ever really had a problem, but the concepts in the book really apply to all relationships on multiple levels IMHO. Happy reading! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

Today I went to the furniture store where I ordered some pieces of furniture. Supposedly it was all in stock when I ordered.  As a reminder they delivered my dining room chairs but my table was on backorder so they substituted a brand new dining table, different style.  My bed frame color was off and I refused delivery and also sent back the side tables as if I didn‘t end up getting  the bed, I would not want that style. 

I was called this week and told my dining table and bed should be in by the end of the month to mid November.   I asked in the call if I can change my order as my only reason for ordering what I did was because  it was in stock.  I always believe reevaluate when things don’t go right.

Today I ordered a different bed and different side tables.  I saw the dining table I originally ordered  in a larger size on display in the store and I actually like what they loaned me better so decided to keep it instead.  So the only thing I will have from my original order is my dining chairs.

The bed frame is custom made in Orlando and my side table are made by the Amish.  Estimate for bed frame is about a month, side tables up to two months. Love it is USA made, so worth the wait.  I actually love what I ordered.  I chose a white textured pearlized material for the bed and a dark gray with chrome accents for the tables.  I will post pictures once I get it and will take a picture of my dining table tomorrow.


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

I always hate the wasted space in the laundry room between/surrounding the washer and dryer.  I had a total of 12 inches wasted space so I separated them and got this stainless table.   So happy with it.


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## rapmarks (Oct 11, 2020)

bogey21 said:


> I am the survivor of two divorces, one about 40 years ago, the other about 20 years ago.  I remain in contact and friends with both ex-wives.  I have found that as time passes the issues, difficulties or whatever you call them fade away and if you allow it, it is easy to morph into a decent continuing relationship...
> 
> George


George I have to hand it to you for finding joy in assisted living.  My husband can’t stand it there. He spends the entire porch visit complaining


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## mentalbreak (Oct 11, 2020)

Panina said:


> I always hate the wasted space in the laundry room between/surrounding the washer and dryer.  I had a total of 12 inches wasted space so I separated them and got this stainless table.   So happy with it.
> View attachment 27449


Could you share where you found that table?  I love it!


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## Panina (Oct 11, 2020)

mentalbreak said:


> Could you share where you found that table?  I love it!











						Regency 30" x 12" 18-Gauge 304 Stainless Steel Equipment Filler Table with Backsplash and Galvanized Undershelf
					

This stainless steel commercial 30" x 12" equipment filler table with a 4" high backsplash and undershelf is designed to help you maximize the space in your kitchen. The top shelf is made of durable and easy-to-clean 18-gauge type 304 stainless steel, offering excellent durability and a...




					www.webstaurantstore.com


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## Talent312 (Oct 12, 2020)

That filler table is a great idea.
When I redid our laundry room,  I measured carefully and found a base cabinet which left 1" on Wayfair.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 20, 2020)

Hi @Panina,

I hope you are doing well and your new place is looking great... I'm so happy for you


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## Panina (Oct 23, 2020)

Just a quick note to let you all know I am ok. I am all moved in.  I will follow up this weekend with more plus pics.


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## Panina (Oct 24, 2020)

I was afraid adjusting to being alone again would take some time.  Initially after my ex left, after helping me move, I cried but just for 4 minutes. Not really sure why, a relief? A sadness?  Not a tear or doubt since.  I have slept good and since have felt peaceful. The insanity no longer exists and there is a calmness that I now have.  Plus no need to clean constantly  after an untidy person.  

I love my home.  I now know  the surrounding areas well and know with 100% certainty that I picked the right community and home.

If you remember I wasn’t certain if spending the extra money for vinyl floors in the bedrooms were worth it.  It definitely was, I love them.  

Moving some of my furniture was worth it too.  It looks good and I also have some of my favorite things.  I was lucky the few pieces I still needed in my great room were found at homegoods.  They were just there waiting for me which was amazing.

My master bedroom furniture will hopefully arrive by December.  The second bedroom daybed not until January. 

One thing I disliked tremendously in the house was my stove.  I just got myself a housewarming gift, an induction oven with air fryer.  It should be delivered Monday.  All the other appliances that came with the house are good.

I installed a security system.  I probably over did it.

Now have to decide if I screen in my porch or extend with a lanai.  I keep going back and forth but leaning towards just screening.

In the midst of my move, I had two small eye bleeders. I already had a retina doctor appointment set for this week for him to get to know my case.  Meanwhile he was able to see where the blood came from, he saw the scab.  I was told stop lifting heavy for awhile.   Also saw an Internist this week to establish a doctor.  I was very happy with both doctors.  Usually I go to a few prior to finding one I like.  No need to now.

I also purchased a used Adult Tricycle.  I met someone who was riding one with others and decided to join in.  To my surprise I find riding a two wheel bicycle easier.  This will take some time to get use to as how you lean and steer has a totally different feel.

I joined eharmony the other day and must say nothing is much different then when I dating years ago after my husband passed.  The lunacy is the same.  Difference this time is nothing surprises me.  I always thought and still do that finding the needle in the haystack takes time and patience.   I can write a book....unbelievable stories, maybe one day I will.

The moving chapter is finally completed, now the rest begins.


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## Panina (Oct 24, 2020)




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## b2bailey (Oct 24, 2020)

Every part is lovely. If the time stamp is correct on my end, you were up very late when you posted this. The nice part of living alone is that you can keep whatever hours suit you. You can eat whatever you want, when you choose. No picking up after someone else. (I'm starting to think this reminds me of a country song that's been sung a few times.)

Also thinking it's time for you to begin a new topic -- shall we submit ideas for what to name it? Something like "I have arrived" or "settling in" ? Thinking back to journeys we have vicariously shared here on TUG -- most recently with Dave -- it's like we want/need to know how you are doing.

I hope you will continue to post, until you put down roots.

Blessings,
Bonnie


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## pedro47 (Oct 24, 2020)

All your photos are so beautiful just liked the woman who posted them at 2:45 AM on a Saturday morning.

Wishing you Happiness and Joy in your new Journey.


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## Sugarcubesea (Oct 24, 2020)

Your new place is just beautiful... I'm so happy for you


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## Glynda (Oct 24, 2020)

Amazing how quickly your lovely new house and life have come together! Now it's time to take that deep breath, relax and enjoy your newly found peace and community.  I'm looking forward to reading more about your new adventure!


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## Beachclubmum (Oct 24, 2020)

It’s all lovely, you and the house, inside and out. May joy abound in your new life.


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## WinniWoman (Oct 24, 2020)

The house looks great! You did a fantastic job! I love the mirrors in the hallway. The house looks so much bigger inside!


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## Panina (Oct 24, 2020)

b2bailey said:


> Every part is lovely. If the time stamp is correct on my end, you were up very late when you posted this. The nice part of living alone is that you can keep whatever hours suit you. You can eat whatever you want, when you choose. No picking up after someone else. (I'm starting to think this reminds me of a country song that's been sung a few times.)
> 
> Also thinking it's time for you to begin a new topic -- shall we submit ideas for what to name it? Something like "I have arrived" or "settling in" ? Thinking back to journeys we have vicariously shared here on TUG -- most recently with Dave -- it's like we want/need to know how you are doing.
> 
> ...


I wonder what others think about me starting a new topic or keep this one going.  I started this thread and shared a difficult time to possibly help someone else if they feel stuck later in life.  My journey is now entering a new phase, adjusting to single life during a pandemic, pursuing new interests, finding me, online dating, etc.  There will be more stories to tell. If I start  new thread it might not make sense to someone who never saw this thread.  As long as this thread is, I have had a few That I know of who started reading it all later and are following.

Plus I still will post as each room and the patio gets completed.


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## Panina (Oct 24, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> The house looks great! You did a fantastic job! I love the mirrors in the hallway. The house looks so much bigger inside!


They aren’t mirrors.  They are pictures but they do look like mirrors in the photo.   I rearranged the furniture a few times each time opening the room up more.  The first set up made the room look so small.


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## Talent312 (Oct 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> ... Plus I still will post as each room and the patio gets completed.



Which one is hiding your wall safe?

I'd suggest not posting a photo showing the contents of your fridge...
unless you want comments on your diet,  
.


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## WinniWoman (Oct 24, 2020)

Panina said:


> They aren’t mirrors.  They are pictures but they do look like mirrors in the photo.   I rearranged the furniture a few times each time opening the room up more.  The first set up made the room look so small.
> View attachment 27911View attachment 27912



Lol! Well they’re lovely!


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## Panina (Oct 25, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Which one is hiding your wall safe?
> 
> I'd suggest not posting a photo showing the contents of your fridge...
> unless you want comments on your diet,
> .


It is pretty bare.  In my former home it was stuffed with my ex’s stuff.  A interesting new thread, your refrigerator with the door open, hmm


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## DaveNV (Oct 25, 2020)

Panina said:


> I wonder what others think about me starting a new topic or keep this one going.



You're 26 pages into this thread.  I'd say retire it and start a new one with the new topic.  That's what I did.  The Mods put a link at the end of the last post to send readers to the new thread.  Then in the first post in the new thread is the link to the previous one.  Works pretty well.

Your house looks awesome. You're doing it the way you want it, which is exactly why you're there.  Good for you.

Dave


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## rapmarks (Oct 25, 2020)

Your home looks lovely


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## turkel (Oct 25, 2020)

There is an option to jump to new on the thread. Easy peasy but if you start a new thread I would read that one too!

Your place looks great!

You’ll have to tell us how the online dating goes. I tried it for about 5 seconds 10 years ago and ick never again. I did go on a few dates and I hate to sound like a prude but I found the men far too forward Immediately.


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## lockewong (Oct 25, 2020)

Gorgeous home, Panina.  It looks very peaceful and restful.  I hope you find your serenity.  Thank you for sharing your journey and your challenges with us.  Be happy in your new community and in your new space.


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## Talent312 (Oct 25, 2020)

turkel said:


> You’ll have to tell us how the online dating goes. I tried it for about 5 seconds 10 years ago and ick never again. I did go on a few dates and I hate to sound like a prude but I found the men far too forward Immediately.



DW tried it and tossed a few duds... b4 she met me (~20 years ago).
She said she had to work to land me as I didn't seem interested in moving things along.

.


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## pedro47 (Oct 25, 2020)

I have one advice for anyone internet dating. Do not allow the person to move in or to bring a change of clothes to your residence.  Last advice do not, do not give that person a key or the security code to your home.

I am not LOL.

I have hear some nightmare stories .


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## VacationForever (Oct 25, 2020)

@Panina Your home looks lovely and very much lived-in, i.e feels like home.  Light color cabinets!  My taste too!


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## silentg (Oct 25, 2020)

Your house looks so nice


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## sail27bill (Oct 25, 2020)

Panina your house is beautiful.  Congratulations. It was worth it.

I am very happy for you and your new life. 
All the best....


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## nerodog (Oct 26, 2020)

Panina said:


> I wonder what others think about me starting a new topic or keep this one going.  I started this thread and shared a difficult time to possibly help someone else if they feel stuck later in life.  My journey is now entering a new phase, adjusting to single life during a pandemic, pursuing new interests, finding me, online dating, etc.  There will be more stories to tell. If I start  new thread it might not make sense to someone who never saw this thread.  As long as this thread is, I have had a few That I know of who started reading it all later and are following.
> 
> Plus I still will post as each room and the patio gets completed.


Hi Panina,  well a job well done and in record time !! Wow... you are a special person  with lots of great ideas and  motivation  to get it done!!!! Admirable . The house looks beautiful  and cozy.   I've enjoyed  reading your  journey and I hope you can even consider  this a diary to look back on . The strength and determination  , direction and the will to go forward.  You will look back in a year from now and marvel at all you've accomplished dont you think ?! Anyways,  time to enjoy this new home  and relax a bit. Take good care.


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## Panina (Nov 6, 2020)

I have been low key here on tug to spend time adjusting to my new life.  I did answer a post if someone asked me something but limited it  to that.

Initially the solitude sometimes was deafening but gave me time to analyzed the decisions that got me to now.

I am surprised how much I like my space and being alone.  There is no daily insanity.  I love my house, still much to do and it’s me.

I started dabbling in online dating using eharmony.  So far I connected with 13 people and it is not much different then it was when I started dating after my husbands death. Just I am older.  It amazes me those in their 60’s are still game players.  

I can’t make this stuff up.  Seems the new line is let’s start texting and send pictures.  Eharmony allow back and forth contact within its parameter.  I posted 13 pictures so what do you think they mean when they want to go outside of the communication feature of eharmony and text and send pictures.  I assume nudies, unbelievable.  

Another was communicating with me for two evening and sometimes 10-15 minutes could happens between responses.  I got tired and said goodnight and will talk with you tomorrow.  The next day I get a goodnight message back and then a few minutes later, reaming me out I did not have the courtesy to wait for him to say goodnight.  I will not even repeat what was said, it was off the edge and off the wall to say the least.  

Another seemed normal and I communicated for over 10 days.  He realized we are  an hour and 20 minutes away from each other and started obsessing with the distance and wanted to make sure I would meet him 1/2 way.  During this 2 day obsession he never ask me anything other then sending me gps travel times.  I did tell him if that distance is a problem before we meet then it is best we not meet.  I got a lengthy response that was a pointed debate on why I was wrong and his response was very nasty. 

 I did meet a very nice man from Kentucky.  I did tell him I have no interest in a long distance relationship but if he wanted to be friends we can pursue that which we are.   

There has been one gentlemen that I am talking to on the phone that physically is not my type.  I decided to pursue as I had the shiny package before and the rotten core so I am looking for the inner goodness now.  I must say it has been a pleasure talking to an intelligent individual who makes me laugh.

My ex has called me a few times about nothing.  Whereas he was planning to live in the house he kept for  at least a year, he told me he will start looking for a new place next week, hmm interesting, kind of think the memories are too much.  He sent me a video that Facebook creates that showed us on vacation last year, little emails and text messages too.  I have being nice as I understand he needs to adjust as I do. He has been so nice it reminds me of when we first dated and why I fell in love.  No I will never go back.  It is just somewhat sad that now he can be nice, yet before he couldn’t.

The guy I dated before my ex I have been friends with over the years.  We broke up because he told me he wasn’t in love with me and never wanted to marry again.  I actually respected him all these years because he told me the truth and did not string me along.    He is now married.  Our friendship has been only in text.  The other day I get a phone call from him.  He told me he lied to me years ago, he actually loved me then but didn’t feel he was good enough for me and left because he felt it was best for me.  I must say I felt angry and I lost the respect I had for him.  Now add he almost immediately married someone within a few months, now telling me it was a rebound because he was miserable without me.  He is still married to her and loves her but is not in love with her.  No I would never go back to him even if he left his wife.  He was right he wasn’t good enough for me, not for his reasons.  If someone could do to me what he did and loved me, he didn’t deserve me.  I now realize he still loves me.  It is also sad as he changed the direction  of four lives, his, mine, my ex and his wife.  I feel bad for his wife as how horrible for your husband to not be in love with you.

The bottom line is I am good, at peace, healing and not miserable anymore.  My inner strength is with me, it actual was always with me I just forgot I had it.  The hardest part is this pandemic and having to be careful and limit what I do.  

Oh did I tell you I purchased a used Tricycle.  I made a new friend and she and others ride so I decided to join in.  Great activity to join in during this pandemic.

So my journey continues.

PS finally got my bed frame and love the new stove I got, here are the pics, my tricycle too.


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## elaine (Nov 6, 2020)

love the trike!  I bet you'll make lots more friends in no time on that trike! I don't golf and knees cannot take tennis, but I love biking around my NC retirement neighborhood and will also get a trike when my balance precludes the bike anymore.


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## DaveNV (Nov 6, 2020)

Panina, you're doing excellent.  I like the new place, the furniture, and the trike.  Making friends is how you'll meet other new friends. You're not in a race to meet anyone to date, so give yourself time.  You're becoming a different person, and as you change, your wishes may also change.  Patience right now is something I think you need to hold onto.

The online dating thing allows people to be much more direct, demanding, and forward than in-person dating ever did. In the old days you might have to meet and date for a long time before discovering the bad apples out there. These days, those people make themselves known pretty quickly.  As long as you don't allow anyone into your "inner sanctum" of self until they've earned that option, you have the ability to say "No thanks" and you can move on. Keep it light, friendly, and direct.  Don't overshare with people who don't deserve to know the whole story.

The biggest thing online dating immediately gives you is a much wider pool of people from whom to choose.  I'd suggest not ruling out long-distance dating, because people can and do move.  You just did that.  Limiting yourself to only someone who is right in your area may exclude the perfect person who happens to currently live a bit further away.

My Mom was a very progressive, very sexual woman (liberated well before her time) who also had a "type."  She liked strong, virile, handsome, blue collar men.  She dated a lot, and if a guy hung around long enough, she married him.  She was married six times, because her marriages didn't work out - mainly because her "type" brought a lot of excess baggage.  In her time, she married a logger, a military career sailor, a heavy equipment operator, a railroad brakeman, and a longshoreman.  None of those marriages worked out.  Her sixth marriage was to a bookkeeper.  He was the complete opposite of her 'type." He lacked the virility of her first five husbands, but he did the one thing they didn't - he made her laugh, a lot.  He had a golden personality, treated her with respect, wasn't abusive, and supported her in everything she wanted to do.  She was married to him for the last twenty years of her life. I have every belief that if she hadn't passed at a premature age from illness, she'd have stayed married to him.  He was a wonderful man.

I offer the above to suggest that you keep your options open, and don't limit yourself to only a certain type of person.  Having a list of requirements of what you will and won't accept (within reason, of course), may limit the dating pool to only certain types of people.  But within that list, online dating gives you choices.  Keep an open mind, and let the people you're meeting become the people you want in your life.  It's an exciting time for you.

Good luck!
Dave


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## Talent312 (Nov 6, 2020)

Is that an adjustable bed (hence the retaining bar)?
We're in the process of getting a split king, as our bed is ~16 yrs old.
I find the prices on quality mattresses hard to believe.

BTW, there's plenty of fish in the sea... and all that glitters is not gold,
... or so I was told in my youth. Meaning, you can afford to be choosy.
.


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## AnnaS (Nov 6, 2020)

You have a beautiful home!!! I love it!! God Bless and wish you great health and happiness.  Let the new memories begin!!!

Relax, breath, observe, absorb, the world is yours.


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## Panina (Nov 6, 2020)

Talent312 said:


> Is that an adjustable bed (hence the retaining bar)?
> We're in the process of getting a split king, as our bed is ~16 yrs old.
> I find the prices on quality mattresses hard to believe.
> 
> ...


Yes it is adjustable.  I moved it from my other home as my ex always complained the mattress wasn’t soft enough and he chose it.  The split mattress sets are ridiculously expensive, getting just a king is so much cheaper but then the adjustable happens to both of you, thus they know they can charge much more for the split king. Imo the adjustable is the best and worth the extra Expense.


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## Sugarcubesea (Nov 6, 2020)

@Panina,  Your home and outlook is just beautiful... I love love your trike bike.  I'm so glad you are taking time for yourself...Take good care and just keep enjoying life.


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## Glynda (Nov 6, 2020)

So good to hear from you! You’ve been busy!  As others have said, I wouldn’t rush into dating right now. Just settle in, meet your neighbors, visit places in town and you never know what will transpire. A friend of mine, as a senior, tried online dating and ran into a lot of what you described. Go figure!


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## WinniWoman (Nov 6, 2020)

Love the stove and bike.That stove reminds of the one I had in the other house. I loved it. ( mine was a GE). It was a convection oven and a double oven also. I miss having the smaller oven as we used that most of the time and less electricity. I spent a lot of money on it but when we moved I settled for a less expensive one with knobs and the one bigger oven. Not a convection either. Oh well..

Trike is nice. A couple in my development have the big electric ones. The husband is in his late 70’s. They figure better than golf carts so they get some exercise.

We thought about getting a split adjustable king but- yeah- a lot of money and we didn’t like that seam in the middle. I don’t know much about them but I thought once we adjusted the two sides they would more than likely stay in the one position so might not be worth having an adjustable. Looks comfy, though.

I am with Dave. Take your time. Don’t rush. Be open. It’s all good!


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## Brett (Nov 6, 2020)

elaine said:


> love the trike!  I bet you'll make lots more friends in no time on that trike! I don't golf and knees cannot take tennis, but I love biking around my NC retirement neighborhood and will also get a trike when my balance precludes the bike anymore.



If (or when) I can't bike then I will also get a trike .... make that an *e*trike


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## pedro47 (Nov 7, 2020)

Take your time, relax, enjoy some quiet  time along; wishing you joy and happiness. Love that bike .


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## WinniWoman (Nov 7, 2020)

I want to add that going through a lot of life changes close together is extremely stressful no matter how strong you are. You moved last year and then the marriage issues. You have your mom back in NY and everything that entails. Now you have moved again. Give yourself breathing room. I know you are 60 but take a while to let things settle before you try to rush into another relationship or even to date. 

The quiet is meditation that will eventually lead to more revelations.


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## bogey21 (Nov 7, 2020)

After my second divorce at age 65 (I was married 10 years with Number One and 20 with Number Two) I made the conscious decision to avoid future relationships.  This decision has served me well...

George


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## rickandcindy23 (Nov 7, 2020)

I would bet you will meet someone great quite accidentally.  There have to be eligible men right in the neighborhood.  Are there single meet-ups in your neighborhood? 

Our son tried one of those speed dating deals, where you pay an organization and they get a restaurant for an afternoon, you go from table to table, it's timed, and he said it was obvious to him that this could work, but it didn't for him.

 He was guarded in what he would divulge, and I told him that was not the intention of the timed meetings.  He should be as open as he can be.  He thought the women were way too forthcoming.  Some would blurt out things that made him count the minutes before the timer went off.  The point was to find an attraction first, not hear their entire life stories.  

Finally, our son was driving his car up the Pacific Coast Highway and stopped to pick up his friends, one of which broke up with this young woman that Josh always stayed friends with.  She and our son hit it off, married 4.5 years ago, and now we have a granddaughter that is 3 1/2, he has a thriving business, and they moved into a nice home in Parker, unfortunately that granddaughter is nearly an hour's drive from us.  Life is good for the three of them.  

The point of the story is that all of the contrived meetings, all of the friends who were trying to "fix him up" with someone "great," and then right under his nose, there is the person he was meant to be with all along.


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## Panina (Nov 7, 2020)

WinniWoman said:


> I want to add that going through a lot of life changes close together is extremely stressful no matter how strong you are. You moved last year and then the marriage issues. You have your mom back in NY and everything that entails. Now you have moved again. Give yourself breathing room. I know you are 60 but take a while to let things settle before you try to rush into another relationship or even to date.
> 
> The quiet is meditation that will eventually lead to more revelations.


I feel you love.  It is amazing the relief I have now, and the minimal stress except for mom.

There is no rush into another relationship or even to date but exploring just lets me have more revelations.  I have been through so much worse when my husband passed.  The reality is life must go on.

My relationship with my ex was platonic for a long time and was much more complex then I have told thus any exploring for friendships and dating is not a rebound.

Many people rebound because they cannot be on their own.  They connect 
their worth to being with someone.  I am fine being on my own and now I have learned someone has to be worthy of being with me as self centered as that sounds.   

I have also been in therapy with my long time therapist that was with me throughout my issues with my ex thus I  have great guidance.

I am not a poor me, look what happened to me person.  It happened, nothing I can do and I move on.  I don’t believe complete solitude with long length revelations is healthy.  Exploring, feeling, moving on with clear parameters of what is acceptable is different for each if us as we go through transitions in life.


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## Panina (Nov 7, 2020)

rickandcindy23 said:


> I would bet you will meet someone great quite accidentally.  There have to be eligible men right in the neighborhood.  Are there single meet-ups in your neighborhood?
> 
> Our son tried one of those speed dating deals, where you pay an organization and they get a restaurant for an afternoon, you go from table to table, it's timed, and he said it was obvious to him that this could work, but it didn't for him.
> 
> ...


In person meetups are the best.  Nothing to go to because of the pandemic.  

I did meet in ex in that 8 minute dating sit and talk scenario, my prior on eharmony and my husband at a dance.  Lots of places to meet, lots of people.  

A serviceman at my home yesterday had interest in me.  I told him I had a boyfriend.  Finding a boyfriend is easy, even now.  Finding an inner quality person with intelligence which I seek is not as easy.


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## pedro47 (Nov 8, 2020)

Good morning.
LOL, the younger generations do not have boyfriend or girlfriend,  they just have friends or associates. I have forgotten their new terminology name..

Head up keep on marching Upward.  Remember to Relax, and just enjoy Panina first and always. IMHO.


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## Panina (Nov 21, 2020)

Hi all my friends.  

This will be my last post on this thread.  Time to move on.   I will post a new thread  once I get my bedroom furniture.  It is being handmade by the Amish and I am looking forward to its arrival in a few weeks and want to share it with you.

My journey continued these past two weeks being peaceful with lots of self reflection.  I am learning more each day about myself.  I am getting more comfortable with me, myself and I. Even the silence is golden. 

I have been continuing to engage in e-harmony.  I even had my first in person date today.  Yes, masks and distance.   The guy brought me lovely flowers and is very nice but not sure if I feel any chemistry or maybe I am just not ready.  

I will take the next few months  for more reflection, just for myself.  One thing I do know for sure is the breakup and move was the right thing for me.  What I don’t want to do is rush into a new relationship that is wrong for me or hurt someone because I wasn’t truly ready.

My cousin is moving here to Florida December 11 so I am excited.  It will be fun spending time together to catch up. 

With the holidays coming up and the anniversary death of my husband right after, I might have difficult days.  Time will tell.

I once again want to thank everyone for all the love and support I have felt.  You all truly helped me through an extremely difficult time.  I never felt alone.

Everyone should remember you are never alone.  Our Tug family is always here when you need them.

So I leave you with some of my favorite quotes that reflect my journey:

“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.” – Iyanla Vanzant

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” – Dalai Lama

“Avoid the great temptation, settling for too little in your life.” Unknown

“Forgive and move on, holding anger only hurts you.”  Panina


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## Talent312 (Nov 21, 2020)

One of my favorites:
I do not wish to kill nor to be killed, but I can foresee circumstances in which these things would be unavoidable.
-- Henry David Thoreau


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## clifffaith (Nov 21, 2020)

"Don't look forward in fear. Don't look back with regret. Look around you with awareness".

I caught the last few minutes of an Elayne Boosler performance on a cable channel, I think more than 30 years ago, and maybe even on New Year's Eve (because I know it was way past my bedtime). She said this at the end of her performance, don't know if it is original to her or not.


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## Talent312 (Nov 21, 2020)

The Original:
"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness." (1983)
-- James Thurber, author of "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"

Source: www.azquotes.com


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## dago (Mar 12, 2022)

Sugarcubesea said:


> The housing market right now is insane.... I have made 7 offers on properties and have offered full price or over asking price and have lost out on all properties


Yep I sold my house in Ohio in Sep in 2 days for 25k over asking price


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## Sugarcubesea (Mar 21, 2022)

dago said:


> Yep I sold my house in Ohio in Sep in 2 days for 25k over asking price



In MI, the housing market seems to have slowed a bit, we are hopefully going to put our house up for sale in April


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