# Famous TV One-liners



## MULTIZ321 (Mar 21, 2009)

-Original Cast of 'Dallas'

 "Would you believe?" 

"Who was that masked man?"

 "Who loves ya, baby?"

 "How YOU doin'?"

 "Can we talk?"

 "Seriously?" 

Recognize these questions? They're all TV catch phrases. They come from: 
Get Smart (by bumbling agent Maxwell Smart), 
The Lone Ranger (asked by various people whom the Lone Ranger had helped), 
Kojak (Lt. Theo Kojak, played by Telly Savalas), 
Friends (Joey Tribbiani's favorite pick-up line), 
talk show host Joan Rivers 
and Grey's Anatomy (asked and declared in conversations between the residents). 

One of the most famous TV questions came to be on this date in 1980 when an episode of Dallas posed the question, "Who shot J.R?." 

Quote: "Is that your final answer?" — Regis Philbin, Who Wants to be a Millionaire 

Richard


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## Kona Lovers (Mar 21, 2009)

I remember the cartoon lines as well:

"What's up, Doc?"      Bugs Bunny

"That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more!"     Popeye



Marty


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*Memorable Lines From The Small Screen.*

"Don't you want to get me stirred up first?" (NYPD Blue). 

"Help me to be a nice person." (NYPD Blue). 

"Get some help, J.D.!" (Hill Street Blues).

"Hello, J.D." (Hill Street Blues). 

"Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Seinfeld). 

"Mad cow." (Boston Legal). 

"Bygones." (Allie McBeal). 

"Plan B." (The Practice). 

"Holy crap!" (Everybody Loves Raymond).

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## calgarygary (Mar 21, 2009)

"Honey, you won't believe the dream I just had."


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## Jestjoan (Mar 21, 2009)

*Alan*

I'm crushed, I thought that was you not Seinfeld................


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## MULTIZ321 (Mar 21, 2009)

Jestjoan said:


> I'm crushed, I thought that was you not Seinfeld................




Me too. I thought that was an Alanism.


Richard


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*Everything I Know I Learned From T. V. Or From T. U. G. - B. B. S.*




Jestjoan said:


> I'm crushed, I thought that was you not Seinfeld.


I don't have an original idea in my head -- not that there's anything wrong with that. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## rosebud5 (Mar 21, 2009)

I think the "Godfather" has the best lines

1. I'm going to make him an offer he cant refuse
2. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer
3. Never tell people outside the family what you are thinking


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## chap7 (Mar 21, 2009)

"Norm!" -Cheers


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## MULTIZ321 (Mar 21, 2009)

American Film Institute's 100 Top Movie Quotations


Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. -
Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca.



Richard


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## CMF (Mar 21, 2009)

*My favorite, I think.*

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

Charles


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## pjrose (Mar 21, 2009)

I can't believe I ate the WHOLE thing (AlkaSeltzer)
That was some SPICY meatball (AlkaSeltzer)
The Devil made me do it.  (Flip Wilson)


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*Where's The Beef ?*




pjrose said:


> The Devil made me do it.  (Flip Wilson)


That was in a commercial for a hamburger stand -- Wendy's. 

Click here for a re-run via U-Tube. 

BTW, _The Devil_ makes me do stuff sometimes, too. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## LLW (Mar 21, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> I don't have an original idea in my head -- not that there's anything wrong with that.
> 
> -- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​




Next you are going to tell us "So it goes." came from somebody else?  

"I know nothing." (Hogan's Heroes)


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*The Phrase Wasn't Original With Him, Either.*




LLW said:


> Next you are going to tell us "So it goes." came from somebody else?


Using that as a catchphrase in _Slaughterhouse-5_ as he did doesn't give Kurt Vonnegut any exclusive rights. 

So it's OK for us to say that on TUG-BBS & other places. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## HatTrick (Mar 21, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> Using that as a catchphrase in _Slaughterhouse-5_ as he did doesn't give Kurt Vonnegut any exclusive rights.
> 
> So it's OK for us to say that on TUG-BBS & other places.
> 
> -- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​



An obvious one for you, Alan:

And away we go! - Jackie Gleason Show


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*You Zeroed In On The Good One.*




HatTrick said:


> And away we go! - Jackie Gleason Show


Fine an entertainer as The Great One was, Jackie Gleason still had some stuff on his TV show -- & the spinoff series -- that was too edgy & too mean to be funny, such as *. . .* 

"One of these days, Alice.  One of these days.  _POW !_ -- right in the kisser."

*. . .*  and *. . .*

"To the moon, Alice.  To the moon!" 

I mean, what's funny about angry meanness like that ? 

Meanwhile, back at the Orlando FL timeshare scene, Cypress Pointe Resort recently completed its new R-A-L-P-H building on site -- _Repairs And Laundry Plus Housekeeping. _

Over at Cypress Pointe Phase Two, they also recently installed an on-site utility building.  I am alone, I think, in agitating for them to name it the A-L-I-C-E building -- _All Laundry Items Cleaned Efficiently._ 

Nobody else gets the Gleason show reference.  So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 21, 2009)

*This Goes Way Back To The Days Of Black & White T. V. (Pre-Color).*

The weekly NBC Colgate Comedy Hour had a recurring bit called _The Soldiers_ played by Tom D'Andrea & Hal March.  Hal was the sergeant & Tom was the private.  Or maybe Hal was the private & Tom was the sergeant, I don't remember after all these years. 

Each week's "Soldiers" skit was new, but each one ended up with the sergeant saying right up in the private's face, "I got a job to do and you got a job to do.  And it's _my_ job to see that you do _your_ job.  And together, we'll get the job done together." 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Kal (Mar 21, 2009)

General Jack Ripper - P.O.E. (Purity of Essence): I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol.


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 22, 2009)

*Catch-22.*




Kal said:


> General Jack Ripper - P.O.E. (Purity of Essence): I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol.


"You can't fight in here.  This is the War Room!"

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Kevin (Mar 22, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> That was in a commercial for a hamburger stand -- Wendy's.
> 
> Click here for a re-run via U-Tube.
> 
> ...




"The devil made me buy this dress"  and "the devil made me do it" were Flip Wilson.

"Where's the beef" was the Wendy's commercial




Flip Wilson


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## Ubil (Mar 22, 2009)

Well!  - Jack Benny


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## Kal (Mar 22, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> "You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"
> 
> -- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA. ​


 
An incredible cast of characters and endless quotes:

President Merkin Muffley
General Jack D. Ripper
General “Buck” Turgidson
Ambassador de Sadesky
Group Captain Lionel Mandrake
Col. "Bat" Guano
Premier Dmitri Kissof
Maj. T.J. "King" Kong
The Bombs: Inscribed with _"Dear John"_ and _"Hi There"_
Burpelson Air Force Base
Dr. Strange-love

Major T.J. "King" Kong: 
_"Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. _

_Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff._


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## Jestjoan (Mar 22, 2009)

Okay, here's the thing.


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## calgarygary (Mar 22, 2009)

I thought that the thread was famous TV one liners.  Movies should have their own thread.  And that thought was "fully baked"


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 22, 2009)

*Merja-Meja & Splitta-Splitta.*




calgarygary said:


> Movies should have their own thread.


The Grand Pro has the power to merge or split TUG-BBS discussion topics. 

The ball is in your court, Grand Pro.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Kal (Mar 22, 2009)

As I recall, over the last 40-50 years, there may have been a couple of movies that appeared on TV.  At least one or two.


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## jlwquilter (Mar 22, 2009)

A few my DH and I toss at each other on a regular basis:

"Badges?? We don't need no stinking badges!"... Blazing Saddles. We routinely change badges for whatever fits the situation. "Maps?? We don't need no stinking maps!". "Where's the ketchup?" "Ketchup?? We don't need no stinking ketchup!"

"Oh yeah, you blend"... My Cousin Vinny. Answer to "how do I look" "does this go together", etc.

"Snokel. Albuquerque. I can do it too"... National Treasure. Any time someone makes a nonsense answer or statement.


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## NWL (Mar 22, 2009)

calgarygary said:


> "Honey, you won't believe the dream I just had."



The funniest finale of all time!


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## djs (Mar 22, 2009)

I was always a fan of "Elizabeth, this is the big one!"  (Sanford and Son).  Is it me or did it seem like that line was used in every episode?


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## djs (Mar 22, 2009)

MULTIZ321 said:


> American Film Institute's 100 Top Movie Quotations
> 
> 
> Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. -
> ...



I'm VERY disappointed, the following line wasn't on that list:

Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn't even have a head!


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## irishween (Mar 22, 2009)

DY - NO - MITE
JJ from Good Times


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## calgarygary (Mar 22, 2009)

NWL said:


> The funniest finale of all time!



I agree, that's why I included it.


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## calgarygary (Mar 22, 2009)

So if we are going to include movies (as I did with fully baked) is there a funnier scene than "I like to watch"?


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## dougp26364 (Mar 22, 2009)

"One of these days Alice" The Honeymooners


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## Kona Lovers (Mar 22, 2009)

"Book 'em, DanO, murder one!"  Steve McGarrett  (Jack Lord on Hawaii 5-0")


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## Passepartout (Mar 22, 2009)

"I'll have what SHE's having"

Jim


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## mecllap (Mar 22, 2009)

*Star Trek TOS*

"Live Long and Prosper"

"Peace and Long Life"

(And since movies are being are included:  "I have been, and always shall be, your friend.")

And of course:  "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer!"

Oh, don't get me started -- I could go on and on. . . . . .


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## Empty Nest (Mar 22, 2009)

"It's NOT a too-mah."  Arnold Schwartzenager in Kindergarten Cop

We use that whenever someone has a headache.


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## PigsDad (Mar 22, 2009)

A few that haven't been mentioned yet:

"Whatcha talkin' about, Willis?"
"Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl"
"I love it when a plan comes together"

Kurt


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## rosebud5 (Mar 22, 2009)

"I know nothing." (Hogan's Heroes)[/QUOTE]

If i remember correctly, it was

"I know nussing"


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## djs (Mar 22, 2009)

rosebud5 said:


> "I know nothing." (Hogan's Heroes)
> 
> If i remember correctly, it was
> 
> "I know nussing"



Probably more to do with how we remember it being said; I remembered it as "I know nothiiinnnng"  Wikipedia has it as "nothing" but with Shultz' accent I can certainly hear it as "nussing"  

Now, back to a movie I already referenced:

"That John Denver's full of ......"


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## Janis (Mar 23, 2009)

"Newman" (snidely snarled by Jerry)
"Jerry" (said snidely by Newman)

Boutros Boutros Golly! (Seinfeld, at the beach when a voluptuous woman walked by)

And , of course, from George on the same beach trip, during which, presumably, the ocean water was chilly:
"There's SHRINKAGE!!"

"Da plane, boss, da plane" Fantasy Island

"Oh Lucy! YOu got some splainin' to do" I Love Lucy


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## YeongWoo (Mar 23, 2009)

*I'm out there, Jerry, and loving every minute of it.*

I can't believe the Seinfield fans haven't mentioned this Kramer line.


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## Htoo0 (Mar 23, 2009)

Oh, it's twoo, it's twoo!


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## cdn_traveler (Mar 23, 2009)

*another Seinfeld one..*

Is he sponge worthy?


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## gorevs9 (Mar 23, 2009)

*A couple more from Seinfeld*

"The master of my domain"
&
"NO SOUP FOR YOU"


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## Kal (Mar 23, 2009)

"Serenity now! Serenity now!"


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## CMF (Mar 23, 2009)

Bart: "Oh, this is the worst day of my life!"
Homer: "The worst day of your life so far!"

Charles


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## jlr10 (Mar 23, 2009)

"....Could it be SATAN?" Dana Carvey/Church Lady SNL


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## Transit (Mar 23, 2009)

Clemenza- "Leave the gun take the cannolies".


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## gorevs9 (Mar 24, 2009)

calgarygary said:


> "Honey, you won't believe the dream I just had."





NWL said:


> The funniest finale of all time!



And the follow-up...

"You should start wearing sweaters"


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## Jestjoan (Mar 24, 2009)

Yes, that's the ticket.


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## Kal (Mar 24, 2009)

"Let's *Be Careful Out There*,"


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## Ubil (Jun 28, 2009)

I have a cunning plan.  Baldrick, Blackadder


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## JudyH (Jun 29, 2009)

Edward R Murrow

"Good night and good luck"


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## teachingmyown (Jun 30, 2009)

*Undoubtedly destined for immortality...*

"...squirrel..."


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## njdoofus (Jun 30, 2009)

You are a meathead - dead from the neck up.


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## DJensen (Jun 30, 2009)

"Higgins!!" - Magnum PI
"Book 'em Dan-O" - Hawaii 5-0


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## ecwinch (Jun 30, 2009)

I think we are talking more about catch-phrases here, rather than one-liners.

In terms of one-liners here is my favorite, from the "Bet Your Life" show hosted by Groucho Marx:

One often-told story recounts the appearance of a female contestant who spoke in broken English, and who was clearly an easy mark for the quick-thinking Marx. In the course of the usual pre-game interview, Groucho was putting her at ease by asking questions about her life. The contestant offered that she had borne eleven children, to which Groucho remarked "Eleven children!" The contestant innocently replied "I love my husband," to which Groucho responded with the now famous "I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while!"


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## thinze3 (Jun 30, 2009)

_*"One of these days... POW right in the kisser."*_ 

copy and pate link below to listen (or you will be redirected)

wavsource.com/snds_2009-06-27_354866371766528/tv/honeymooners/one_day.wav


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## DonM (Jun 30, 2009)

*A couple we use at home*

"Round up the usual suspects"  _Casa Blanca_


..."we are protected by the enormity of your stupidity..."  _Notorious_


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## CSB (Jul 1, 2009)

" I taut I saw a putty cat..."

"Always remember and don't ever forget..."  (One Day At A Time)

"Oh,  Rob"  (Dick Van Dyke show)

A previous post listed the quote "Badges, I don't need no stinken badges" and said that it was from Blazing Saddles but it was originally from the movie The Treasure of the Sierra Madre


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## T_R_Oglodyte (Jul 2, 2009)

"Lucyyyyyyyyy"


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## tfh13 (Jul 3, 2009)

Just the facts, Maam. -Sgt Friday

And the coolest of all is...

Aaaayyy. -Arthur Fonzerelli


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## Redrosesix (Jul 3, 2009)

Kal said:


> "Let's *Be Careful Out There*,"



That was the first one I thought of.  I just love saying that to my SIL on her way to work (year 2 of being a police officer)

One more: "Aaaayyyyy" Only Fonzie could make that sound cool (although all the boys in my class tried to)

My favourite movie line (actually the only one I can remember at a moment's notice):  "Life is like a box of chocolates..."


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## calgarygary (Aug 5, 2009)

Thought I would bring this back as there is a special on tonight about TV's funniest phrases.


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