# Some interesting Flight Attendant commentary



## ouaifer (Apr 10, 2006)

As always, the best is last....


 Rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some examples that have been heard or reported: 

1.   On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" 

2.   On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." 

3.   On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. 

4.   "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane." 

5.   "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." 

6.    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" 

7.    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." 

8.    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." 

9.    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite." 

10.    "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." 

11.    "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments." 

12.    "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." 

13.     And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!" 

14.    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt." 

15.    Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" 

16.    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." 

17.     An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?" 

18.    After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal." 

19.    Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways." 

20.    Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em." 

21.    A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"


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## caribbean (Apr 10, 2006)

Thanks for the laughs. I needed it first thing Monday morning.


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## geoffb (Apr 10, 2006)

The comments by the cabin crew on Southwest are almost always worth the price of admission.


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## arlene22 (Apr 10, 2006)

The flight crew from the Delta Song flight we took to Nassau in February used a couple of those lines. They must be making their way around...


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## Patri (Apr 10, 2006)

I wish I heard more of this while flying. We don't need sober, uninteresting flight attendants. Well, they have to be sober as far as alcohol is concerned. But if they have fun in their jobs, we'll have fun on our flights.


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## jmatias (Apr 10, 2006)

We had a great announcer on our Southwest flight two weeks ago from Phoenix to Reno.

While in the air the fasten seat belt sign came on and the attendant said " Ladies and Gentleman, my boyfriend...umm the Captain...had turned on the fasten seat belt sign"

When we had landed the attendant started the usual speech and then " ladies and gentlemen we have a birthday on board today....he's 102 years old and its his first time flying..( everyone is clapping) ...please say Happy Birthday to the Captain!"

And finally....." please remember to check the seat backs for all your belongings...otherwise you'll find them on ebay next week"  

We all had a good laugh!


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## Fisch (Apr 10, 2006)

Several years ago we landed in Sacramento.  It was a very hard landing.

The annoucement was:
" Ladies and Gentlemen we just ran into Sacramento, enjoy your stay"


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## nana7 (Apr 10, 2006)

We were on a C ontinental flight from Houston to Cancun.  It was a great flight and the captian had talk along the way.  As we approach Cancun he told the weather and the sun was shining etc....and WHEN WERE READY TO GO HOME....JUST GIVE HIM A CALL AND HE WOULD COME BACK AND GET US.  The plane load loved it.


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## Banker (Apr 10, 2006)

These were great!!!  Thanks..it reminds me of when I used to work onboard Amtrak's Autotrain from 1984-1986.  When going southbound from Lorton, Va to Sanford, Fl...if I was working the coaches that trip, I would get on the PA system and make some comments about the weather we were heading towards and what many passengers were coming from. Going south we picked up USA Today papers for the sleeper cars.  I would read the temps in various ciities around the US..    Since that was 20 years ago, I don't remember exactly what I would say, but we had fun with it.!!!!  ...If anyone has other tidbits they remember from flights, I would love to have someone post some more.  I love a laugh after a hard day at work.  Sue


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## shagnut (Apr 10, 2006)

I was on SWA when the pilot did the whoa horsey thingy. It was a hoot. When we were entering the plane the reservationist was singing to us. They are fun.  shaggy


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## BILLVACK (Apr 11, 2006)

This was at the gate at DFW.  The gate attendant was discussing carry on baggage and that it must fit in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you.  
She went on to say 'Just because it has wheels doesn't make it carry-on.  My refrigerator at home has wheels, and it's certainly not going in the overhead bin!'

Great to see a sense of humor....


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## Sunny4me (Apr 11, 2006)

When we were flying Southwest at the end of the flight the attendant got on and sang

(to the tune of the I Love You Barney song)

We love you, 
You love us,
Isn't this better than
taking the bus
.....(some more lines I don't recall)....
..........
Marry one of us and
you'll fly for free!


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## Htoo0 (Apr 12, 2006)

Yesterday, on American from the Big Apple to the big D, the attendant announced, "Attention, if you're on your cell phone, it is now time to say I love you, goodbye, hang up and turn it off.  Also, turn off any PDA's, Blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, and any other kind of berries (including raspberries) along with any and all other electronic devices."


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## uncletupelo83 (Apr 12, 2006)

God this is so funny.


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## philemer (Apr 12, 2006)

On a flight from Seattle to Port Angeles the FA said "if this flt. turns into a *cruise* please grab your seat cushion..."


Phil


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## T_R_Oglodyte (Apr 12, 2006)

Alaska Airlines, during the instructions for putting on an oxygen mask in case of cabin depressurization:

If you're traveling with an infant, or a grown person who acts like an infant, put your mask on first then assist the other person with their mask.


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## irish (Apr 13, 2006)

also heard on southwest air
"the flight attendants will now make their way thru the cabin to check that your seatbelts are buckled and your shoes match your outfit"


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