# What To Do With Ashes after Cremation??



## KCI (Jul 11, 2008)

My husband, my Mom, our daughter and myself have all chosen cremation over traditional burial when we die.  The one thing none of us has ever decided or discussed is what is to be done with the ashes after cremation.  Currently our daughter is on life support and we have arranged for cremation upon her death but she can't tell us what her choice is for disposal of her ashes and it has suddenly occurred to us that we have no idea what we want done with our ashes either.  Have any of our fellow Tuggers had to face this and if so, what did you do with the ashes.  Thanks for any ideas or suggestions.  Linda


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## DonM (Jul 11, 2008)

First off I'm sorry about your daughter. Children should outlive their parents, but there are no guarantees, and again I am sorry.

I've had aunts die and they had their ashes buried in the cemetary. My sister had a friend die, and I don't know if it was the deceased's wish or if someone else decided to spread the ashes in a particular public place. My sister told me from this experience that the ashes are not always powdery. I think she said some teeth were clearly visible. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I think one should know about this if you decide to spread the ashes somewhere.

My feelings are that the deceased's family should make this decision. It's the living that are really effected by this decision, and unless it was a specific desire of the deceased, the family should make the decision. JMHO

Don


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## Jestjoan (Jul 11, 2008)

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. A BIG TUG hug.

I think my cousin spread her Mom's ashes in a park. I have no idea if it legal or not.


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## stmartinfan (Jul 11, 2008)

My sympathies to you and your family as you deal with this difficult time.

My husband and I have not had a serious discussion on this topic, but every year when we go to St. Maarten he somewhat jokingly reminds us that when we dies he wants his ashes spread in the water there.  We have spent some wonderful times together there, so I think I would find it comforting to dispose of his ashes in this way.  It would seem fitting to return him to a place we have all been so happy.

Our church has just started construction of a columbarium on its grounds designed for the purpose of storing urns.  If I were unable to travel, or later feel that I would like the idea keeping the ashes, I would also find this a nice option.


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## ricoba (Jul 11, 2008)

I too want to wish all the best to you and your family.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

My parents have a pre-arranged funeral plan and they will be cremated.  Their ashes will be kept/stored in a pre paid crypt in the cemetery mausoleum.  My assumption is that their ashes will be stored in a vase and then placed in the crypt and sealed with a plaque on the front of the crypt space.  It will be the place where we will be able to go to visit them and show our respect.

I have also known people who choose to keep the ashes at home as a remembrance of their loved one.

There are also agencies that assist in the spreading of ashes.

I believe you will need to check local laws regarding spreading of the ashes, but I may be wrong.

Again, all the best.


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 11, 2008)

*Final Resting Places.*

My parents' ashes were laid to rest in adjoining burial sites at a small private cemetery not far from the church where they were both active from 1949 on as long as they lived.  Dad lived another 20 years after Mom passed away.  Their tombstones are side by side. 

After Dad died, his 2nd wife lived on another 4 years or so -- if you can call severe Alzheimer's dementia like hers "living."   Her remains were buried next to her 1st husband's grave at a private cemetery in Arlington VA. 

Both parents of my good old friend from high school days (who I'm still in touch with) left instructions for their ashes to be interred in a specially designated burial garden on the grounds of the church near here where they were long-time active members.  A plaque inside the church lists the names of those whose ashes were placed in the garden.  No separate, individual burial sites are identified. 

A guy I hired away from the Navy Department kept on working in my old office for another 5 years or so after I retired  before he blew out an aneurysm & dropped dead at age 55, right before he was going to retire -- never knew what hit him.  His ashes are in repose at the Columbarium of Arlington Cemetery.  He was a U.S. Navy veteran. 

Click here for a brief account of the military honors rendered at the burial of my cousin's ashes last year. 

The father-in-law of a good friend I've known since before any of us had kids was a PFC in the U.S. Marine Corps in 1939 -- a "China Marine" (not my friend, his late father-in-law).  When the old guy passed away last year, his daughters arranged for burial of his ashes in the Arlington Cemetery Columbarium.  Even though the deceased was just a PFC from before WW2, the Marines put on the snappiest, most solemn, most militarily precise burial ceremony anybody could ever want -- with a Navy chaplain, pall bearers, a Gunnery Sergeant, a firing squad for the final salute, a real live bugler, a triangle-folded U.S. flag, & everything.  It was an extremely moving moving tribute by today's Marines to a fallen veteran from way back. 

The Chief Of Staff's mother was friends with a woman her age whose grown daughter was plagued with mental health troubles that led to various periods of hospitalization.  After the older women died, The Chief Of Staff "inherited" the mentally troubled woman -- in the sense of looking out for her & providing hands-on help in various ways, just as The Chief Of Staff's mom used to do after the mentally ill woman's mother died.  As it happened, the mentally ill woman -- who was about our age -- got hit with some terrible massive infection & died about 5 years ago.  Her financial guardian accepted The Chief Of Staff's offer to deal with & dispose of the woman's belongings, which had been tucked away in a mini-storage bin so long that the storage fees paid easily overtopped the combined value of everything that had been in the storage locker.  One tarnished metal container retrieved from mini-storage turned out to hold the woman's mother's ashes.  The Chief Of Staff agreed, at the guardian's request, to accept the mentally ill woman's ashes also.  So there they were -- mother & daughter -- side by side in separate funerary containers till The Chief Of Staff decided on an appropriate final resting place.  When nobody was looking, The Chief Of Staff spread the ashes of both women in a small tract of undeveloped parkland near here.  

It's a highly personal choice, and if ideas for the most fitting final resting place are slow in coming, there certainly is no rush.  By & by you'll know the right place & will be able to proceed confidently. 

BTW, 2 cop shows on TV -- both from the same producers & directors, I believe -- wove disposal of ashes into prime-time episodes.  On Hill Street Blues, Sgt. Phil Esterhaus died while in bed with a hot babe -- earning profound posthumous respect & admiration from the rest of the cops in the precinct.  They decided Sgt. Esterhaus would have wanted his ashes spread right there on Hill Street, so 1 night very late, the captain & the lieutenants & several of the officers & detectives went out on Hill Street, surreptitiously spread the ashes, said a few appropriate words of remembrance, & went on their separate ways.  The closing scene of the episode showed the street sweeper truck on its scheduled rounds unceremoniously sweeping up the remains of Sgt. Esterhaus. 

On NYPD Blue 10 or 15 years later, the widow of a retired ex-cop came into the squad room with a funerary urn containing her late husband's ashes.  It was his final wish to have his ashes laid to rest somewhere in the station house, she said, and she earnestly entreated Andy Sipowicz & the other cops to make that happen somehow.  They all said how sorry they felt that there was no way that could be done -- against regulations & couldn't be done without somebody noticing & removing the urn, etc.  Sorry.  Then Andy Sipowicz had a brilliant flash.  A night maintenance crew was retiling the men's room floor.  Would the widow mind if her husband's ashes were laid to rest in there?  Not at all, she said.  So, problem solved.  The closing scene showed the floor workers setting the new tiles with mortar into which the deceased cop's ashes had been blended.  

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Kona Lovers (Jul 12, 2008)

Our sympathies and prayers are with you and your family.

The clan of my in-laws are heavily into cremation, my family isn't, so it was an adjustment to get used to for me.  They've done a number of things with family members' ashes over the years.  Other than places in the home or at memorial parks, I would agree with Ricoba as far as checking local ordinances as far as what can be done with ashes.

All the best.

Marty


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## laura1957 (Jul 12, 2008)

My mother has my father's ashes at home.  When she passes she wants them both together - preferably scattered somewhere in the mountains where they used to vacation together.  She has told all of her children about this so that there is no confusion about what she wanted.  My mom is one of those people who NEVER ask for anything for themselves - so none of us "kids" would think of not doing as she asks.


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## Keitht (Jul 12, 2008)

There is no right or wrong thing to do with the ashes.  In the absence of direct instruction or request from the person in question, all you can do is what you think is right.  I certainly agree that it's a difficult decision and one that I am still trying to make some 3 years after my mother's death.
My father was cremated and his ashes scattered in the gardens of remembrance adjoining the local crematorium.  What I can't decide is whether to scatter mum's ashes in the same place or to return them to her birth place and scatter them near her own family.  That question is all the harder because she always hated the area we live in despite living there for over 40 years.  Whenever she travelled back to her home area on holiday the change in her was obvious, both physically and psychologically.
I'm swayed towards her ancestral home but that would mean scattering them without my brother present and that's a difficult scenario to broach with him.
When my best friend died at the age of 43 his wife scattered his ashes at their favourite holiday spot.
I suppose it all comes down to whether the surviving family feel the need to have the ashes close to, or if the memories alone will suffice.  For me it's all about the memories and I'll always have those.  The ashes, once scattered, are just that - scattered.


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## Aussiedog (Jul 12, 2008)

As everyone has suggested so far, there is no one best place to scatter ashes.  The possibilities are endless.

In our family we scattered our dad's ashes at sea, just off the coast of San Diego, because he loved the ocean and loved to fish.  When my mom died 20 years later we scattered her ashes at the same location at sea.  It was beautiful both times - we threw lots of flowers in the water to mark the spot and have wonderful pictures.

I have also scattered a loved one's ashes over the graves of his parents (probably not legal but oh well).

I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope that your post will encourage everyone who wants to be cremated to finish the sentence with their family that starts with "I want to be cremated and my ashes......".

Ann


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## 3kids4me (Jul 12, 2008)

I don't have any suggestions for you but wanted to add my sympathies.

Sharon


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## Timeshare Von (Jul 12, 2008)

My deepest sympathies for your daughter's failing health and anticipated death.  The choices you must make now for her may not be easy, or without potential for family conflict, but I wish you peace in doing what you believe she would want.

In addition to all of the great suggestions regardng scattering the ashes, I wanted to let you know that there are very nice trinkets used for storing ashes of loved ones.  I'm sorry for the word "trinket" but I really don't know what other word to use.

The storage options include not only the traditional urns, but also pieces of jewelry, picture frames (small like table top sized . . . to large wall sized), and other very pretty things like vases or other similar decorative home assessories.

One thing that my husband and I have discussed is a process done through creamation called "Life Gems" that results in a "gem" similar to a diamond.  It uses the carbon in the human body to create the stone.  I think if you GOOGLE life gem you'll hopefully find out more.

God bless you as your family prepares to lose your daughter.  You are in my prayers.


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## Icc5 (Jul 12, 2008)

*Sorry to hear the circumstances*



KCI said:


> My husband, my Mom, our daughter and myself have all chosen cremation over traditional burial when we die.  The one thing none of us has ever decided or discussed is what is to be done with the ashes after cremation.  Currently our daughter is on life support and we have arranged for cremation upon her death but she can't tell us what her choice is for disposal of her ashes and it has suddenly occurred to us that we have no idea what we want done with our ashes either.  Have any of our fellow Tuggers had to face this and if so, what did you do with the ashes.  Thanks for any ideas or suggestions.  Linda



Again, nobody should have to deal with a child not outliving the parents.  In our family my dad was in the Coast Guard and wanted his ashes scattered over the ocean which we did through the Neptune Society.  
My mother n law was afraid of cremation and is buried locally and when my father n law passed away his creamated remains were put in an urn and buried on top of the mother n law's casket.
We also know some people that wear a small amount of the ashes in a charm so they can always have their loved ones with them.
My own opionion is do what feels right to you and yours.  Your situation is rough enough that giving it the thought now will ease the burden when it happens.
Bart


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 12, 2008)

*Urns.*




Timeshare Von said:


> In addition to all of the great suggestions regardng scattering the ashes, I wanted to let you know that there are very nice trinkets used for storing ashes of loved ones.  I'm sorry for the word "trinket" but I really don't know what other word to use.


For Dad's ashes, I bought a handsome treasure-chest style box at T.J. Maxx or some such for $14*.*99. 

T.J. Maxx I'm sure had no thought that customers would use that item for funerary purposes, but I'm also sure that the customers' purposes are _mox nix_ to T.J. Maxx. 

The closest equivalent available from the funeral director would have cost 10 times that but would not have been 10 times more fitting, more appropriate, or more suitable -- nor would it have been 10 times more "respectful" to the departed.  So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Rose Pink (Jul 12, 2008)

KCI, my heart goes out to you at this difficult time.  You will be in my prayers.


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## Gramma5 (Jul 12, 2008)

Our  heartfelt thoughts are with you during this very difficult time.
 My mom died in 1999 and was cremated per her wishes. We kept her ashes in a beautiful cherrywood box. Her wishes were to have her ashes mixed with my dad's when he passed away, and then buried together after we put a few mixed ashes in a garden, in Fl. where they had retired and where they loved. My dad died in 2007 and we did just that. Their ashes were mixed, spread alittle in Fl. and then sealed and returned to Michigan to the old family cemetery.

Our twin granddaughter died before her birth (her sister survived) and Abby's parents wanted her ashes to be kept in a beautiful little Lenox box with an angel figurine on the top of it. The funeral home did just that and then it was sealed. They have choosen to keep her in a special place in their home. 
Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for your family. May God give you comfort during this heartbreaking time.


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## pcgirl54 (Jul 12, 2008)

KCI , My heart goes out to you as a mother.

 My husband's family believes in cremation where my family is more traditional. 

When my husband's Dad died quite suddenly the kids who lived all over the US including Africa scattered ashes where they lived or someplace they visited with their father. Each of the children received a small enamel decorative container with some of the ashes.

 My BIL who lives in Africa scattered some of the ashes in the Nile river. It seemed fitting and comforting since his Dad visited him in Africa a few years before. 

 My MIL buried the urn with the remainder of the ashes in a cemetary near her church in Florida where he moved to a year earlier. Later her mother and my BIL who died in his 30's were cremated and buried along side my FIL.

My SIL planted a memorial tree in the yard of the house and town her father loved and then scattered some ashes in the soil around the tree.

  When my nephew died at birth his parents intended to bury his ashes on Martha's Vineyard where they also planted a memorial tree. Even though we attended the service I don't think that my SIL ever buried the box. I understand as a mother. I also would find a special place in my home.

I know it was a great comfort for a co worker to have her mother's funeral flowers made into bracelets and she has extras made for her niece. I had never heard of this before. She brought one in to show me. She read about it online. Depending on one's faith you can have flower petals made into a rosary. I am sorry to say I do not recall the website but it was someplace in New England.

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Whatever you decide will be the right thing. Each of us has to honor our loved ones in our own way.


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## Twinkstarr (Jul 12, 2008)

My deepest sympathies are with you.

Both of my parents were cremated and we picked out containers at the funeral home. I have both of my parents, Dad is in a wooden box(he was in the forest products industry for over 50 yrs.) and Mom is in a china vase.

They sit in my china cabinet.


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## IreneLF (Jul 12, 2008)

I am so sorry to read of your difficult decision.

My closest friend was cremated 6 years ago.
Her DH and DS buried part of the ashes in a cemetary that had a separate section for 'cremains'.  Friends and other loved ones are able to periodically visit this way.  
Part of her remained at home for DS  to keep and part were brought to Israel to be scattered at a place she loved .
I guess there are as many options as there are people to think of them, and sometimes multiple options for one person as shown here. 

I will keep you in my thoughts during this difficult time.
Irene


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## swift (Jul 12, 2008)

KCI- My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I can not even imagine what you must be going through right now.

As far as the ashes go. My in-laws are also big on cremation. We lost two family members last year and they were cremated. My husband is the executor for his brother. Like someone said earlier you don't have to use the containers that they sell you at the funeral home. They can be VERY expensive. My brother-in-law lived on his boat and was very much a sea man so I went out and found a nice ceramic container that had nautical decor on it and we had the home put half of his ashes in a "free" container for spreading in the sea and the other half was sealed in the container I purchased (the funeral home will do this for you) and given to his niece. He had never married or had children his niece was as close to him as any daughter could be.


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## eoneguru (Jul 12, 2008)

My prayers are with you.

I have asked to be cremated, but my wife prefers a traditional burial. Because of the difference in our ages, I am most likely to go first. She would like to keep the ashes in a suitable container and have it buried with her. I like the sound of that. ... Ray


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## Fern Modena (Jul 12, 2008)

Linda,
Sorry to hear about the difficult times you and your husband are having.  

Awhile ago I thought I'd need an urn (but didn't) so I started Googling.  I found this place, which not only has more types of urns than I ever imagined, but also has pages and pages of memorial jewelry which can hold part of the ashes.  

One thing that intrigued me, but would be more for a parent's death than a child's is that you can purchase a set of small matching urns so that several people can share in having a part of the ashes.

Fern


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## BSQ (Jul 12, 2008)

My advice would be to think about where your daughter has always seemed the happiest.  That will give you your answer, whether is a small bit of her ashes or the whole box, will depend on the location.


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 12, 2008)

*Advance Instructions.*

I have told The Chief Of Staff that when I assume room temperature, she can load me into the minivan, drop me off at the funeral parlor, & tell'm she wants "the usual." 

As for what happens after that, it will be a matter of major serious indifference to me when it actually occurs.  But I can't help thinking 1 of those Arlington Cemetery Columbarium military ceremonies would be about the best my survivors could expect. 

Here's hoping that event is still a few decades off in the future. 

With all the funerals of relatives & friends we've arranged through those folks in recent years, the staff has reached the point where they greet me by name any time I show up.  

Shux, Cheers was supposed to be the place where everybody knows your name. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Karen G (Jul 12, 2008)

Icc5 said:


> My own opinion is do what feels right to you and yours.  Your situation is rough enough that giving it the thought now will ease the burden when it happens.


I think this is very good advice.  One good thing about cremation is that you really don't have to decide immediately about what to do with the ashes of your loved one.  The ashes of my husband's father and mother are in boxes in our garage.  My husband and his brother really couldn't decide where to scatter the ashes so some time in the future they can make that decision when it feels right.


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## jlwquilter (Jul 12, 2008)

I too am so sorry to hear of your situation. My thoughts are with you.

When my mom died a few years ago she was cremated. Per her request we spread her ashes over my brother's grave (he died before I was born). A few months later my grandmother, my mom's mom, died as well. Her ashes also went on top of my brother's grave. I have no doubt that that is where my father, when his time comes, will choose to go to. We did take the "don't ask, don't tell" approach with the cemetary but it's very unlikely the man on duty didn't know exactly what was happening either.

Please do know - otherwise it can be quite a shock - that the ashes are not exactly ashes and there's quite an amount of them to deal with.

When my father-in-law died, also a few years back, the family decided to more or less float the container containing his ashes out to the ocean off of a small point near a palce where they'd all vacationed many times as a young family. The thought was good but well, I strongly suggest doing something like that while in a boat in deep water instead.

Generally, it is against the law to dispose of remains outside a designated area (ie: cemetary). You really do need to take a "don't ask, don't tell" approach but also know that if you are respectful and thinking about what you are doing  and where you are, poeple will tend to look the other way out of respect as well.

One last thing, you need not rush into anything right now, either for your daughter or yourselves. If cremation is the choice, then have it done and then take whatever time you need to decided exactly what you'd like to do to honor your daughter's life.


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 12, 2008)

*That Goes For Me, Too.*




jlwquilter said:


> I too am so sorry to hear of your situation. My thoughts are with you.


I hope you aren't put off too badly by my irreverent tone, which is only a mask I hide behind to shield me from having to deal with the awful finality of the end of life. 

In time, our fond recollections of loved ones while they were still living will come to overpower the sorrow of losing them.  The pain will not leave us, but we will grow accustomed to living with it & letting the power of memory remind us of the times we shared with them while they lived.  

God bless you.  And God bless your family. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## cerralee (Jul 12, 2008)

My daughter suggested that her ashes be made into some type of art project that represents her.  I told her she needs to devise it and leave instructions to whoever is left as how to accomplish this goal.  All I want someone to do is to have to carry out the last step, whatever it may be.  I don't know if she is thinking picture to hang on wall, sculpture, mixing in with ingredients for a home made paper to manipulate into a hanging or what- but she doesn't want it to scream ashes, just something only certain close individuals will know about.  I kind of like the idea too.  Since hopefully I will go before her I think i will have her create it and keep it.


Lee


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## Dori (Jul 12, 2008)

My heart goes out to you.  My thoughts are with you.

Dori


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## isisdave (Jul 12, 2008)

Keitht, I have heard of dilemmas like yours being solved by scattering in more than one place. 

In some families, this would make both "sides" happy; in others, I suppose it would make them both mad.


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## Passepartout (Jul 12, 2008)

I made a pact with DW. If I go first, she'll toast me and toss me into a gorgeous spot where a major river just gushes up from the ground and huge trout abound.  If she goes first - well there are other plans, because I'm going first! Hopefully not soon.

Then there is a friend (funeral director) who helps out his airplane expense by scattering folks 'cremains' from the air. 

Any way one decides to dispose of their earthly remains is pretty personal, and I think it's important to open a dialog with loved ones so they aren't burdened with the decision.

To the OP: Our heart goes out to you for your loss. This is not the way it's supposed to be.

Jim Ricks


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## Elan (Jul 12, 2008)

I don't have anything meaningful to say about what to do with the ashes, but I do want to express my deepest sympathy to you and all of those that know and love your daughter.  May God bless you and your family.

                                  Jim


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## Jaybee (Jul 12, 2008)

*A Wearable Memorial?*

We have cremation plans in place, and I recently heard about having diamonds made from the ashes, and I think they can also do something with locks of hair. Ashes are carbon, basically, and there is a process whereby beautiful stones can be created from them.  Each one has a serial number embedded, and can be made into a ring, or a pendant .  They are expensive, but maybe not as expensive as a funeral.  I love the idea of being able to keep a loved one with you in that way.  If you type something like ashes into jewelry on google, there are many websites.  One I found is.
http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/whatisLG2006.aspx

I would like to add my sympathy to you, and prayers for your daughter. Maybe she would like to "shine" in the afterlife.  I hope this isn't offensive to anyone. I can't imagine how your hearts are hurting.  Jean


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## Janette (Jul 12, 2008)

Linda, We just got back from Tommy's moms and I turned on the computer. I called your house but knew you wouldn't be there. Our prayers are with you and Bob. We'll be at GO starting tomorrow but can run out here if there is anything you need. St. Lukes Methodist is building a columberium right out the back door of Sun City. Our arms are around you!!


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## KCI (Jul 12, 2008)

Thank you everyone for the love, prayers, support and suggestions.  I didn't think about the fact that no decision has to be made right away so I think for now we will concentrate on today and worry about everything else tomorrow.  Our daughter is still hanging on but life support has been discontinued so it is only a matter of time.  Linda


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## Lawlar (Jul 12, 2008)

*Kept Brother At Home - Then at Sea*

A few years ago my brother took his own life.  It was a deep hurt.  He left a note that he wanted to be cremated.  I honored his wishes but I had a hard time dealing with the loss.  

A friend suggested I keep his ashes at home.  So I put him on the corner of our fireplace.  It was comforting to have him there with us.  In a year I was ready to let him go and we had the Neptune Society spread his ashes at sea.  They were very kind and reasonable.  I recommend them highly.

Good luck.


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## Pat H (Jul 12, 2008)

Oh, Linda, I am so sorry about your daughter. I can't even imagine the pain you must be in.

I want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a nice warm beach.


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## pambroselli86 (Jul 12, 2008)

*I am truly sorry,*

I have been a funeral director for 15 years.  I have attempted to assist many families with similar situations.  Two circumstances can be similar but are never the same.  I always tell families that many people will have advice, you can be appreciative of advice but be careful what you do with that advice.  

In the situation of a family that chooses cremation time is on your side.  After the cremation is completed there is really no set point in time for you to make a decision as to how to proceed with the cremated remains.  Do your research, listen to your conscience you will come up with the perfect solution in time.  

If you choose to take the cremated remains home for any period of time the best advice I can offer is this.  I would recommend making sure the cremated remains are in a secure vessel (urn)  many times a family will take cremated remains home in the temporary container  (cardboard or plastic) that is provided by the crematory.  I do not wish for you to spend an exorbitant amount of money on an urn but life (accidents) happen.  An urn made of natural stone or substantial material should be able to hold up to an accidental nudge from a shelf or worse a fire in your home.  Plastic and cardboard will not hold up and the cremated remains will not be discernable from the ashes of a fire or completely removed from carpet.

If you would like to send me a pm I would be happy to talk with you.  

Paul


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## pambroselli86 (Jul 12, 2008)

Here is a website i came across.  It may help with ideas.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/


Paul


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## LisaH (Jul 13, 2008)

KCI,

So sorry to hear about your daughter.  My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## catwgirl (Jul 13, 2008)

I am very sorry to hear about your daughter.  My thoughts are with you.


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## riverdees05 (Jul 13, 2008)

Very sorry to hear about your daughter, our prayers and thoughts are with her and your family.


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## sfwilshire (Jul 13, 2008)

My husband plays in a band. A year or so ago they were hired to play at a big party. It turned out that the party was to celebrate the life of a recently deceased fan. At the end, the hostess used some sort of small cannon to shoot his ashes out into the woods behind their home.

I went along to the party, but was afraid the darn home grown cannon would explode, so I cleared the area and made husband go along during the actual ceremony.

Sheila


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## dicar123 (Jul 14, 2008)

-KCI

 I am so sorry about your daughter.

  My husband and I lost our older son just over a year and a half ago.  We are transplants to this area, and so were afraid if we went with a traditional burial, we'd feel compelled to remain here, even if our circumstances warranted a move.

  We chose cremation as a default and then wondered what the heck to do with the urn!  I was creeped out by the thought of having it in our home. I was sure it would "haunt" me. The funeral home was more than willing to keep the urn until we made further decisions.

  Our younger son was wanting his brother at home and after a few months, I came to terms with it.  By then my husband had an issue he was unwilling to really discuss, so the urn stayed at the funeral home awhile longer.  

  The issue my husband was concerned over was what would happen if there were a fire?  So, we purchased a heavy duty safe. All in all, it was nearly 8 months before we brought our son home.

  And now we joke about the surprise a burgler will get if he takes the trouble to break into our safe. Jokes happen again. So do laughs.  They will return for you too, one day.

  So, take your time making these decisions.  Do what feels right, and to heck with any concern about what "outsiders" might think.  Be kind to yourselves.  It all takes time.


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## geekette (Jul 14, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.  

Dad was cremated and sits in a lovely flower pot that Mom picked up.  She will periodically take a ziploc of Dad on a trip.  They travelled together extensively before his death.  It comforts her to travel 'with him' still.  Mom wants to be scattered over the Caribbean.  

A friend of mine that lost to pancreatic cancer was put into hundreds of vials.  I take Craig on every trip and sprinkle a bit out.  He's been many places by now.  Apparently many people were not comfortable with the vials so I took plenty, promising to take him a lot of places.

I like the vials.  It's what I want for myself.  Every time I pack a vial I think of Craig and each time I sprinkle some out, I say a prayer for him.  To me, this is what it's about - continuing to remember the person.


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## Timeshare Von (Jul 14, 2008)

Jaybee said:


> We have cremation plans in place, and I recently heard about having diamonds made from the ashes, and I think they can also do something with locks of hair. Ashes are carbon, basically, and there is a process whereby beautiful stones can be created from them.  Each one has a serial number embedded, and can be made into a ring, or a pendant .  They are expensive, but maybe not as expensive as a funeral.  I love the idea of being able to keep a loved one with you in that way.  If you type something like ashes into jewelry on google, there are many websites.  One I found is.
> http://www.lifegem.com/secondary/whatisLG2006.aspx
> 
> I would like to add my sympathy to you, and prayers for your daughter. Maybe she would like to "shine" in the afterlife.  I hope this isn't offensive to anyone. I can't imagine how your hearts are hurting.  Jean



Yes LifeGems is the company that does the diamonds from the remains.


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 14, 2008)

*Where To Deposit A Timeshare Owner's Ashes.*

Maybe in the gardens of the deceased's timeshare resort ? 

(When nobody is looking, of course.  The HOA-BOD might take a dim view.) 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## jlr10 (Jul 15, 2008)

I knew what I wanted to happen with my remains. I want to be scattered on the North Shore of Kauai and throughout various parts of the rest of the islands.  Turns out my husband knew this even before I told him.  He knew I would want my final earthly resting place to be the place where I have experienced so much peace.  But to be on the safe side I told my son also.  Our joke is 'rent a Jeep, take off the top of the jeep and the urn and drive really fast until everything is gone, while playing "White Sandy Beach".'

This is not meant to make light of your situation.  Only to let you know that chosing a place that your daughter loved would be the best place.  Hopefully it will provide you with a sense of peace also.

I am sorry for what you are going through.  Thoughts and prayers are headed your way.


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## nydvc (Jul 15, 2008)

KCI said:


> My husband, my Mom, our daughter and myself have all chosen cremation over traditional burial when we die.  The one thing none of us has ever decided or discussed is what is to be done with the ashes after cremation.  Currently our daughter is on life support and we have arranged for cremation upon her death but she can't tell us what her choice is for disposal of her ashes and it has suddenly occurred to us that we have no idea what we want done with our ashes either.  Have any of our fellow Tuggers had to face this and if so, what did you do with the ashes.  Thanks for any ideas or suggestions.  Linda



I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. Your funeral director should provide you with options also. I have my parents in their apartment in urns until our familly makes a decision on the final resting place. 

spreading in a park is illegal....but is done. I am sure it is done many times at places like disney world. 

my prayers will be with you.


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## KCI (Jul 16, 2008)

Our daughter passed away on Mon, July 14, peacefully with those who cared most about her with her.  We want to thank all of you who offered your sympathy, prayers, suggestions regarding the cremains and most of all for caring.  Thank you.  Bob and Linda


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## Rose Pink (Jul 16, 2008)

Thank you for updating us.  My prayers will continue for you and your family.


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## Karen G (Jul 16, 2008)

So sorry to hear of your loss. Praying for you.


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## linpat (Jul 16, 2008)

*Recent coversation*

My heartfelt sympathies to you and to your family.
My daughter and I had a recent conversation about this very topic. She feels no connection to the place where we now live or to her birthplace or to mine. So I know that, after I am gone, she will not probably come back to visit my grave wherever it would be. Considering that I am claustrophobic even the thought of a box in the ground gives me the willies so I am opting for cremation. We  have the ashes of a dear darling dog who died several years ago and was cremated. It might sound weird but I've asked my daughter to mix his ashes with mine and spread them somewhere that I enjoyed and that she will visit over her lifetime - preferably some mountains. 
I always liked the scene in "Chocolat" where the ashes of the lead character's mother just blew away on the wind. That's what I want - in the mountains.


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## Fern Modena (Jul 17, 2008)

Linda and Bob,
Our hearts go out to you.

Jerry & Fern Modena


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## taffy19 (Jul 17, 2008)

My sincere condolences to you and your husband on your tragic loss.


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## nydvc (Jul 17, 2008)

Will be praying for you guys. I cant imagine the pain you are going through. I am so sorry. God is there.


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## merio (Jul 17, 2008)

Both my mother and father were cremated and buried next to each other in a cemetary. This is not what my father has wished... he wished to have his ashes scattered over the Columbia Gorge area where we lived. But, we were overruled by a dominating Aunt and Uncle (Father's brother) who wanted a place to visit to grieve. I guess in the end, it really doesn't matter. 

A close friend of mine had her husband's ashes put into a glass baseball bat which she keeps on a mantle. He was a semi-pro baseball player in his 20's.
She wanted to feel that he was still close.

MeriO

Be good to yourself - Travel!


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## Janette (Jul 18, 2008)

We are out at GO. We'll contact you soon.


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## Kay H (Jul 18, 2008)

Linda,
So so sorry for you loss.  I can't even imagine.  You and uour family are in my prayers.


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## Kay H (Jul 18, 2008)

merio said:


> Both my mother and father were cremated and buried next to each other in a cemetary. This is not what my father has wished... he wished to have his ashes scattered over the Columbia Gorge area where we lived. But, we were overruled by a dominating Aunt and Uncle (Father's brother) who wanted a place to visit to grieve. I guess in the end, it really doesn't matter.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





I probably would have discretely taken some of the ashes and spread them where your father wanted them.  It would have given me peace of mind to please both of them.  But that's just me.


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## Jaybee (Jul 18, 2008)

*Linda, Thank you for sharing the news of your daughter's passing.  I can't even pretend to comprehend what a hole she has left in your life.  May you heal, and come to terms with your loss.  Hugs and prayers....  Jean*


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## swift (Jul 18, 2008)

My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you both.


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## wackymother (Jul 18, 2008)

Thank you for updating us. I'll be thinking of you during this sad, difficult time.


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## bass (Jul 20, 2008)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Nancy


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## jmatias (Jul 21, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss.  May you find peace to know that your daughter is in a better place.

Aloha,
Jen


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## neash (Jul 21, 2008)

Linda,

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May God give you the strength to go through this trying time in your lives.

Neash


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## Nancy (Jul 21, 2008)

*Sorry*

I am very sorry about your daughter.

Nancy


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## Makai Guy (May 11, 2012)

Closing this thread.  It has run its course, but since then it has collected numerous spam posts that must be deleted.


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