# Gravely Ill Husband  (IcyDog)



## icydog (Feb 1, 2010)

My husband passed on Saturday. I am devastated. I'll write more later. Thanks to everyone here for your wonderful advice.


----------



## jerseygirl (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn -- I am so very sorry for your loss.  Please know you are both in my thoughts and prayers.







*{moderator's note:   I moved this subject to a new thread since discussion of the TS purchase on the same thread as Mayilyn's loss didn't seem right}/Bill4728  *

original thread  _ " Sad Story with Gravely Ill husband and a timeshare that never closes.."_


----------



## GrayFal (Feb 1, 2010)

My condolences to you and your family.


----------



## scrapngen (Feb 1, 2010)

Oh Marilyn, 

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.


----------



## Tia (Feb 1, 2010)

Sincere sympathy and hope that you have good memories, friends and family to help you through this time.


----------



## AnnaS (Feb 1, 2010)

icydog said:


> My husband passed on Saturday. I am devastated. I'll write more later. Thanks to everyone here for your wonderful advice.



Marilyn - I am so sorry for your loss.  Please hang in there and we are all here for you.


----------



## Passepartout (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn, our deepest sympathy to you and your family. May you have the strength and support of friends and loved ones to help you through this time. Thanks for letting us share in your grief.

Jim Ricks


----------



## SueDonJ (Feb 1, 2010)

Oh Marilyn, peace to you and your family and friends.  I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## Karen G (Feb 1, 2010)

I'm adding my condolences and sympathy to all the others. So, so sorry to hear the news.


----------



## erm (Feb 1, 2010)

Marilyn, I've been following your story since the beginning.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope you find comfort in the fact that so many in your TUG family really care.


----------



## Nancy (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn,

So sorry for your loss.  Please keep us posted about the Holiday situation.

Nancy


----------



## BevL (Feb 1, 2010)

Please know you are in my thoughts.  Please know we're here when you're up to coming back.


----------



## Merilyn (Feb 1, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. You are all in my prayers


----------



## Hophop4 (Feb 1, 2010)

Sorry for your loss.  Our prayers to you and your family.


----------



## TUGBrian (Feb 1, 2010)

Very sorry for your loss


----------



## ricoba (Feb 1, 2010)

I too wish to add my condolences.  I trust you will find the needed strength to carry on during this very difficult time.


----------



## stevedmatt (Feb 1, 2010)

May the many wonderful memories of your husband help you through this troubling time.


----------



## wackymother (Feb 1, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## stugy (Feb 1, 2010)

So sorry for your loss.  May God give you peace and comfort at this difficult time.
Pat


----------



## FlyerBobcat (Feb 1, 2010)

My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time...


----------



## pranas (Feb 1, 2010)

Just wanted to add my condolences to you and your family.


----------



## Ann in CA (Feb 1, 2010)

We are so very sorry to hear about your husband.  Sorry I had no advice to offer, but we will be thinking of you.


----------



## yumdrey (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn, I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.


----------



## Gramma5 (Feb 1, 2010)

May the love you shared give you comfort and wonderful memories. So sorry for your loss.


----------



## aliikai2 (Feb 1, 2010)

*I am so very sorry*

please accept my condolences, Greg


----------



## Jestjoan (Feb 1, 2010)

I am so very sorry to hear that very sad news. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

TUG hug,
Joan


----------



## sml2181 (Feb 1, 2010)

Please accept my condolences too; I am so sorry for your loss.
My thoughts are with you and yours.


----------



## kmij (Feb 1, 2010)

*condolences to you*

hello marylyn,

i was sorry to read your post about the death of your dear husband this past saturday.  i have been following this story since the beginning.
hopefully the love and support from your family and friends will help you through the difficult days ahead. i will keep you in my prayers. please stay in touch and let us all know how you are doing (when you feel up to that)
sincerely,  jean


----------



## Pat H (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.


----------



## Blondie (Feb 1, 2010)

You are in the prayers of eveyone on this board. I, too, am so very sorry for your loss. Lynda


----------



## cindi (Feb 1, 2010)

I am so sorry.


----------



## billymach4 (Feb 1, 2010)

Please accept my sympathy for you and your family.


----------



## Cathyb (Feb 1, 2010)

*Better place*



icydog said:


> My husband passed on Saturday. I am devastated. I'll write more later. Thanks to everyone here for your wonderful advice.



icydog:  I am so sorry for your loss.  He now is out of pain.  You have the prayers of all us Tuggers.


----------



## dougp26364 (Feb 1, 2010)

I'm am very sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.


----------



## Zac495 (Feb 1, 2010)

Oh my gosh, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. All my love.


----------



## g4fishing (Feb 1, 2010)

I am very sorry for your loss.


----------



## Timeshare Von (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn,

You're in my thoughts and prayers as well.


----------



## Bill4728 (Feb 1, 2010)

I don't know where to start to tell you how sorry I am to hear of your loss.  I know we only know each other thru this BBS but I feel I loss a friend also.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Amy (Feb 1, 2010)

I, too, am very sorry to learn of your loss.  My deepest sympathies and condolences for you and your family.


----------



## IreneLF (Feb 1, 2010)

Marylyn,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Irene


----------



## ciscogizmo1 (Feb 1, 2010)

I'm so sorry for you loss.    My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.  (((HUGS)))...


----------



## brigechols (Feb 1, 2010)

You have my deepest sympathy.


----------



## SBK (Feb 1, 2010)

Our thoughts are with you.  Your great love for him was so obvious in your messages.  He was blessed to have you.


----------



## Jaybee (Feb 1, 2010)

I'd like to add my thoughts and condolences.  I am praying for you and your families to find solace and healing from your grief.  May the memores of all the good times help your healing.  Jean


----------



## taffy19 (Feb 2, 2010)

So sorry for your loss and I want to add my sincere condolences to you too, Marylyn.


----------



## LisaH (Feb 2, 2010)

My deepest sympathies during your time of loss. Please know that your TUG friends are here for you.


----------



## ira g (Feb 2, 2010)

Our condolences to you and your family.


----------



## Jennie (Feb 2, 2010)

So very sorry, Marilyn.

You have reminded us all of what we will face in the future. I have become a lot closer to my husband since reading your posts. It's too easy to let insignificant everyday things distract from what is really important in life. 

Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings with your TUG brothers and sisters. We are here for you in any way you may need us.


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Feb 2, 2010)

Jennie, you put into words what I have been feeling.  I have also been reminded by Marylyn's posts at how short life is.  

Marylyn, I am so sorry for your loss.  I will be praying.


----------



## Stricky (Feb 2, 2010)

Marylyn,
So sorry for your loss. 

PJ


----------



## Kay H (Feb 2, 2010)

Marilyn,
You have my condolences on the loss of your husband.


----------



## riverdees05 (Feb 2, 2010)

So sorry to hear of your loss.  Our prayers are with you and your family.


----------



## thinze3 (Feb 2, 2010)

Marilyn, may God bless you and your family. I said a prayer for you all.


----------



## Happytravels (Feb 2, 2010)

*thinking of you.........*

I have been keeping up with your story.........I am truly sorry for your lose........my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time.  I too cherish the moments and memories we are still creating.


----------



## Fern Modena (Feb 2, 2010)

Marylyn,
Our condolences to you in the loss of your husband.  May wonderful memories bring comfort to you in the coming days.

Fern and Jerry Modena


----------



## mpizza (Feb 2, 2010)

I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Maria


----------



## cdziuba (Feb 2, 2010)

Marylyn, I am deeply sorry for your tremendous loss.   Such utter heartache, it brings me to tears.   Carol


----------



## linmcginn (Feb 2, 2010)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. He will always be with you,in your thoughts, memories and that special place in your heart.


----------



## DVB42 (Feb 2, 2010)

I pray for the Lords blessings and comfort to be with you and your family.


----------



## Whirl (Feb 2, 2010)

So very sorry, Marilyn. My deepest condolences. 

Whirl


----------



## Carol C (Feb 2, 2010)

My heart is heavy having just read this sad updated news. You have my very deepest sympathies, Marylyn. Your friends truly care and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## MULTIZ321 (Feb 2, 2010)

Marylyn,

My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your husband.  I think you know you have many friends in the Tug community.  When you're ready to share more,
we're here for you.

You and your family are in my prayers.


Richard


----------



## Liz Wolf-Spada (Feb 2, 2010)

I am so sorry, Marilyn. May God's peace help you through this time and surround you so that you can get through the first few weeks. I know you will be grieving for many years to come, but sometimes just getting through the first few weeks can be an accomplishment.
Liz


----------



## MuranoJo (Feb 2, 2010)

My sincerest sympathy, Marylyn.  May your precious memories always be with you and comfort you.


----------



## Stefa (Feb 3, 2010)

So sorry to hear of your loss.  My deepest sympathies are with you and your family.


----------



## luvsvacation22 (Feb 3, 2010)

Praying for you Marylyn. May God comfort you and give you peace during this difficult time.


----------



## rhonda (Feb 3, 2010)

Marylyn,

I'm so sad to learn of Bob's passing.  Praying for your comfort and peace.  As you find energy/interest, let us know how _you_ are doing.  You have many caring friends here. {{HUGS}}
- rhonda


----------



## DanCali (Feb 3, 2010)

I was sorry to hear the terrible news. My deepest sympathies for your loss.


----------



## m61376 (Feb 3, 2010)

So very sorry for your loss....


----------



## Rose Pink (Feb 3, 2010)

I just stumbled across this thread.  I am so sorry.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Bill4728 (Feb 4, 2010)

I moved this subject to a new thread since discussion of the TS purchase on the same thread as Mayilyn's loss didn't seem right


----------



## Dori (Feb 4, 2010)

Marilyn, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that all of your TUG friends are keeping you and your family in our hearts and in our prayers.

Dori


----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan (Feb 4, 2010)

God Bless !!

Pat


----------



## JanT (Feb 4, 2010)

Marilyn (aka Icydog),

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I know you are devastated.  Please know that all your friends here at TUG are praying for you and your family.  Losing a loved one is incredibly hard but try to take some comfort in knowing that your husband is at peace.

Love and prayers,
Jan


----------



## pianodinosaur (Feb 4, 2010)

icydog:

I am very sorry about your recent loss.  Try to think about the good times you and your husband had together.


----------



## tinkerbell2 (Feb 4, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss   ...

Rina


----------



## luv2vacation (Feb 4, 2010)

Marilyn - I am so very sorry for the devastating loss of your beloved husband.  Please know that you are in my thoughts.  My deepest sympathies to you and your family.


Thank you to Bill for moving this message to a new thread.  I would not have seen it otherwise.


----------



## andrea t (Feb 4, 2010)

Marylyn,

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband's passing.  I'm glad you have so many wonderful vacation memories to help you through the difficult time ahead.  You will remain in my prayers.

                              Andrea


----------



## laurac260 (Feb 4, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.


----------



## bass (Feb 4, 2010)

Marilyn,
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.   May all of your beautiful memories comfort you.

With sympathy,
Nancy


----------



## mo1950 (Feb 5, 2010)

*I just saw this thread.*

I am so sorry for your loss.  I will keep you in my prayers.


mo1950


----------



## Nickfromct (Feb 5, 2010)

My condolences, Marilyn.  God Bless you.


----------



## normab (Feb 5, 2010)

I am so sad for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Norma


----------



## froggy1944 (Feb 5, 2010)

Sorry to hear of your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. Amy


----------



## BocaBum99 (Feb 5, 2010)

Marylyn,

My thoughts are prayers out to your and your family.

Jim


----------



## Twinkstarr (Feb 5, 2010)

Marylyn,

My deepest sympathies are with you and your family.

Starr


----------



## LAX Mom (Feb 5, 2010)

Marylyn,
I'm so sorry to read about the passing of your husband. May the memories of good times together sustain you in this difficult time.
Lisa


----------



## LLW (Feb 5, 2010)

icydog said:


> My husband passed on Saturday. I am devastated. I'll write more later. Thanks to everyone here for your wonderful advice.




Sorry, Marylyn. May God give you a little more peace and comfort every day.


----------



## pittle (Feb 5, 2010)

Marilyn, I too, am sorry to hear about your loss.


----------



## Aussiedog (Feb 5, 2010)

*Oh My*

I am so sorry I missed this thread earlier.  

You are in my thoughts during this very difficult time.  May you find some peace in your memories of your time together and some comfort in knowing how many of us care for you and your family.

Ann


----------



## suzanne (Feb 5, 2010)

I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your you husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you in the difficult days ahead.

Suzanne


----------



## tlwmkw (Feb 5, 2010)

Marylyn,

So sorry to hear your news.  Just know that many people are sending good thoughts and prayers your way in this difficult time.

tlwmkw


----------



## barras31063 (Feb 5, 2010)

I am sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies during this diffucult time.

Silvia


----------



## Egret1986 (Feb 5, 2010)

*I am sorry for the loss of your "hubby" Bob*

I have followed your postings.  I wish you peace and serenity in the days, weeks and months ahead.  Peace be with you and your family.  Thank you for taking the time to share your sad news with those who care.


----------



## Debbyd57 (Feb 5, 2010)

We are so sorry.  Our prayers and thoughts are with you.


----------



## JackieD (Feb 5, 2010)

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband.  May you and your family find peace during this very difficult time.  God Bless.

jackie


----------



## ausman (Feb 6, 2010)

Marylyn,


So sad, words are not my friends for such times, it has been expressed better than I ever could. 


I have followed your postings. I wish you peace and serenity in the days, weeks and months ahead. Peace be with you and your family. Thank you for taking the time to share your sad news with those who care


----------



## Cathyb (Feb 6, 2010)

icydog:  TUG people are here when you need to vent.  Sometimes just pouring out your feelings and frustrations will help.


----------



## suesam (Feb 6, 2010)

I too am so sorry for the loss of your husband. 

Sue


----------



## mas (Feb 6, 2010)

Sorry to hear of your loss. May God be with you.


----------



## GregT (Feb 6, 2010)

Marilyn, I'm so sorry, my deepest condolences -- I'll say a prayer for your family during these difficult times.


----------



## pwrshift (Feb 6, 2010)

Hi Marilyn - I just saw this thread and have a heavy heart for you.  So sorry for your loss.

Brian


----------



## stmartinfan (Feb 7, 2010)

My sympathy to you, Marilyn, in your loss.  May you be comforted to know that the TUG community has you in our thoughts.


----------



## ownsmany (Feb 7, 2010)

Dear Marilyn,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.   You have all of our deepest sympathies.

You are in our thoughts and prayers.


----------



## Glynda (Feb 8, 2010)

*Prayers*

I'm so sorry, Marilyn.  Prayers for all concerned.


----------



## Born2Travel (Feb 8, 2010)

Our thoughts are with you Marilyn


----------



## Phill12 (Feb 8, 2010)

Sorry to hear of your loss.

 I want to send my families deepest sympathy to you and your family.


 PHILL12


----------



## shagnut (Feb 9, 2010)

Marilyn, I don't know how I missed this thread. Condolences to you and hope that prayers and good wishes will help to give you strength to make it easier for you in the coming days.  Hugs, Shaggy


----------



## pcgirl54 (Feb 10, 2010)

I also just found this thread. I am so sorry for this terrible loss. We are all sending our prayers and love to you.


----------



## bigrick (Feb 10, 2010)

Dittos too for missing this thread.  Marilyn, our prayers and thoughts for your loss.  God bless you.


----------



## CarolF (Feb 11, 2010)

Marilyn, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news, my deepest condolences.


----------



## icydog (Feb 20, 2010)

What can I say.  The outpouring of love from all my TUG friends has touched me deeply.  It took me a long time to get up the courage to read this thread, and now having just read it, I wonder why I waited so long.  

I read post after post, from people I have gotten to know, and for whom I have the greatest respect, giving me the will to move ahead.  

My husband Bob was a big supporter of TUG through me. We learnd so much on these boards and through you we had some of the most marvelous adventures. At his memorial so much was mentioned about our travels. We had such a great time together and we could have never afforded these types of vacations without our timeshares.  

And how did ever get so smart about timesharing and vacationing on a shoestring?  From all of you of course. I thank you all for that.  

Anyone who does not know about the relationships that can form from a good website has not visited TUG.  I love all of you, not only those that I really have gotten to know throughout the years I've spent on TUG but the newcomers as well.   Thank you all so very much. Words cannot express my gratitude for your kind and sweet words!!

Love
Marylyn Carlyle


----------



## falmouth3 (Feb 20, 2010)

We love you too, Marylyn.

Sue


----------



## Linda74 (Feb 23, 2010)

Marilyn, I am so very sorry.  I do understand.  I have been widowed a little over a year.  I have found much comfort in this site:  www.widownet.com
Remember that Love and Memories live forever.


----------



## icydog (Feb 24, 2010)

Linda74 said:


> Marilyn, I am so very sorry.  I do understand.  I have been widowed a little over a year.  I have found much comfort in this site:  www.widownet.com
> Remember that Love and Memories live forever.



Thanks for that advice. I appreciate it but I cannot open the URL you provided. Thanks again. I wish there was some way to make it less painful so any advice you have is welcome.


----------



## ricoba (Feb 24, 2010)

icydog said:


> Thanks for that advice. I appreciate it but I cannot open the URL you provided. Thanks again. I wish there was some way to make it less painful so any advice you have is welcome.




Try this link instead.


----------



## Carol C (Feb 24, 2010)

Marylyn, so good to see you back on TUG. Your posting lets us know you realize how much your TUG family cares about you. Your posting makes us feel good in return. I wish TUG had a nice big "group hug" smiley...but this will have to do:


----------



## icydog (Feb 28, 2010)

Carol C said:


> Marylyn, so good to see you back on TUG. Your posting lets us know you realize how much your TUG family cares about you. Your posting makes us feel good in return. I wish TUG had a nice big "group hug" smiley...but this will have to do:



Thanks Carol. I look around but usually don't post. I just don't feel like it yet..



ricoba said:


> Try this link instead.


 Thank you for that link. It gave me an idea for a thread.


----------



## icydog (Feb 28, 2010)

One of the subtopics http://www.widownet.org/ on this website was stupid things people say when they find out you have lost your spouse on the website you mentioned was stupid insensitive things people say to you. 

I have several examples that were said to me when my husband died--- but one takes the cake. 

I was in his hospital room when he died. My in-laws were in there too. It was his brother and sister in law, his sister, and his nephew. 
When his sister saw that he had passed she immediately got on the phone to call her other sister to see if she could come for a visit. She figured that as long as she was in the neighborhood, and there was nothing else to do, she would go and have a visit with someone who was alive.

Her incessant yammering on the phone drove me crazy. I wanted to say goodbye to my husband, who was lying in the hospital bed in the room, and there she was getting directions to the other sister's house. I asked her to leave. I asked her again. I asked her the third time and finally I gently pushed her outside by her shoulders. I told her I couldn't take the small talk when I needed time with Bob. She replied " this isn't small talk.. I'm getting directions.. I said " I don't care what kind of talk it is.. I need quiet..

Then my husband's brother's wife pipes up with this remark, now remember my husband was only pronounced minutes before, she says, loudly and clearly, _"you are not the only one who lost someone here today." _

Then they proceeded to stay in the room and wait for my kids to show up so they could see them. I couldn't get them out. I wanted time with my husband and they just hogged up the room and didn't let me sit with my husband.Now mind you I had begged them to come sooner, and the fact that they showed up on the day he died was super-surreal.  It was horrible. 

After the funeral my same sister in law said in a loud voice  in my home "the food isn't uncovered yet.. this is ridiculous.. I'm not waiting for all those people to get here so I can eat.. I'm leaving" ... but she stayed. 

My stepdaughter was mad I didn't talk about her departed mother during my eulogy. I didn't know her, how could I speak about her. I only talked about my life with my husband. She was so mad that she stayed in the upstairs bedroom for the entire time everyone visited during the funeral. That was bizarre too.


----------



## joyzilli (Feb 28, 2010)

Marylyn,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband.  Time is a healer.....


----------



## Rose Pink (Feb 28, 2010)

I can only hope your in-laws behaved so badly because of their own grief--people can behave in bizarre ways when they are overcome with any kind of emotion. However, it was insensitive and distressing to you and they should have done as you asked them. (That's something for me to remember if I am in that situation. Thanks for reminding us to be more sensitive.)

As for your step-daughter, it must be very difficult for her to have lost both of her birth parents.  She may have taken out her grief and anger against you because she felt you were a safe target to vent on--because she trusts you.  That is a kind of compliment in an odd way.  My children behaved worse at home than they did in public, because home is a safe place to fall apart.  Just something to think about.


----------



## scrapngen (Feb 28, 2010)

Oh, Marilyn, 

I just had to shake my head in part laughter/horror part agreement about some of the odd things that happen among the living when people die.

We had some doosies in my disfunctional family over the last couple years as my brother committed suicide in 2000, then my dad died in 2002, and my mom just passed away a year ago fall.

Someone came up to me and asked "How my brother did it.." at the funeral. 

But the worst thing was sitting through my niece's "eulogy" at my Mom's funeral. Background:  My sister moved in w/my Mom right after she had a baby and they nevefr moved back out. My niece (still living w/her mom and grandma) was now 28. She had bought a dog(!) about 6 months before my mom died and it had some issue that caused it's death about a week before. You can see where this is headed. My niece who was raised by her grandmother and mother talked about sitting in the hospital room as her grandmother struggled through her last days with a handmade quilt made by her grandmother (everything lovingly pieced and sewn by hand) over her lap crying and being grateful that the quilt helped her get over the loss of her -  wait for it...  DOG...  She had all kinds of quotes about dogs and their relationships with humans. and it went on and on....Not a word about my mother and all she did for her, but lots about that d*** dog. :annoyed: Mind you, I have had amazing relationships w/dogs and cats, too, but 1) she had the thing for less than a year and 2) this was the grandmother who gave everything to her and ignored all the other nieces and nephews. She was put through college and given $500 birthday cash gifts, and she and her mother inherited near everything - including the house - that my mother had. (not that it was a lot, but still..) and all she could say was - "I miss my dog" 

Sheesh!!!

Marilyn, I have heard that you should give people a "pass" for bad behavior at the time of someone's death, and I think it's a good thing for your OWN sanity and well being...These people did show up, and thought they were doing the right thing and were there for you. I'm sure they have not a thought in their minds that they were in any way more of a burden than a help. 
I also hope I get a "pass" for any stupid things I've ever said and done that was out of line. 

Meanwhile, please accept my sincere sympathy for your loss. HOpefully you have a network of friends/family who do give you comfort and support and/or can utilize the circles of support that are out there such as the link in the other posts. Please take care.


----------



## icydog (Feb 28, 2010)

scrapngen said:


> Oh, Marilyn,
> 
> I just had to shake my head in part laughter/horror part agreement about some of the odd things that happen among the living when people die.
> 
> ...




The remark about your brother I think tops my sil's. The dog story is too crazy to be true yet I know it is. I had someone tell me that they understood where I was coming from since they had lost their dog a year earlier. I too lost a dog and know how destroyed I was but I would never compare a dog to a beloved spouse. 

Thank you for your insight. It was greatly appreciated. (and it made me smile in an ironic kind of way too!!)


----------



## icydog (Feb 28, 2010)

Rose Pink said:


> I can only hope your in-laws behaved so badly because of their own grief--people can behave in bizarre ways when they are overcome with any kind of emotion. However, it was insensitive and distressing to you and they should have done as you asked them. (That's something for me to remember if I am in that situation. Thanks for reminding us to be more sensitive.)
> 
> As for your step-daughter, it must be very difficult for her to have lost both of her birth parents.  She may have taken out her grief and anger against you because she felt you were a safe target to vent on--because she trusts you.  That is a kind of compliment in an odd way.  My children behaved worse at home than they did in public, because home is a safe place to fall apart.  Just something to think about.



I figured that it was the last time I would see them anyway. My in-laws that is. My husband's brother's wife is persona non-grata in my home now. She has always been this way but now I don't have to listen to her anymore. What an awful shrew she is anyway.  I will, of course, continue loving and caring for my stepkids. I just was a little taken aback by her behavior. We have talked since then and I guess we are all fine again. 

They, the stepkids and real kids, don't realize how torn up I really am. Its the first time I have been truly alone in my life. I lost my best friend and the love of my life but when they get older they will realize that. Of course, they are all grown up and in their 50's, 40's (stepkids) and 30's (real kids) now. My husband was 15 years older than me so that will explain the vast age differences between the sets of kids.


----------



## scrapngen (Feb 28, 2010)

icydog said:


> The remark about your brother I think tops my sil's. The dog story is too crazy to be true yet I know it is. I had someone tell me that they understood where I was coming from since they had lost their dog a year earlier. I too lost a dog and know how destroyed I was but I would never compare a dog to a beloved spouse.
> 
> Thank you for your insight. It was greatly appreciated. (and it made me smile in an ironic kind of way too!!)



Glad you are able to smile - that's what I hoped for! Truly did not make this up. I have another brother and a couple sisters who can verify the dog story as we all had quite a time w/it! Sometimes I think I should write a book...but know that people would never buy it as too unrealistic:rofl: 

What's really crazy is I didn't even fully realise how rude the remark about my brother was until I told someone else in my family and he went ballistic and was ready to call the guy out!! I was just too much in shell-shock at that time.

[/QUOTE]Then my husband's brother's wife pipes up with this remark, now remember my husband was only pronounced minutes before, she says, loudly and clearly, "you are not the only one who lost someone here today." [/QUOTE]

Had this same thing happen as well at my dad's...I was extremely close to my Dad, especially after my parents' divorce when I was 10-11. My dad remarried after I was in college to a great lady with grown-up kids of her own. One of these came up to me and talked about her huge loss of my dad and how upset she was as he was "like a father to her." How was she going to get along without him, yada, yada! I told her "Gee, I'm so sorry for your loss!" 

Marilyn, I was fortunate enough not to have these said as I sat holding my spouse's hand trying to cope. I lost loved ones, but the bond of a spouse is the only truly *chosen* one in a family. I know how these things made me feel, and my heart just goes out to you!! I'm glad if I can help you laugh and move on. Just being able to post these inane things will probably help you. I know telling sympathetic people my wild stories has been therapeutic for me And if it has made you smile all the better! 

I've also had people say I must be blowing it all out of proportion, or I heard it wrong, or I made it up, and you might have some people say that in response to your horrors - all I can say is - I believe everything you said, and I bet you even left out some things!! 
I agree that we can be more apt to overreact or be sensitive in our times of grief, but I also know that people really can be this rude - and they wouldn't believe it was about them if they read these posts


----------



## rickandcindy23 (Feb 28, 2010)

Marylyn, you just remind me of how precious every minute is with my own husband.  I think of the times we have argued, over silly things, and I have found over the years that little things don't really warrant an argument.  I don't want to be at the end of my life, or worse yet, at the end of his, remembering the little things that caused us to be angry at one another.  

We have been married 37 years, married at 18, high school sweethearts.  They all said the marriage would never last, but we proved them all wrong.  Our kids are all in their late 20's, early 30's, and we are so grateful for God and the love of our family.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  I felt it deep within me, truly I did.  Words cannot express how sorry we all are at your loss, and it was so sudden, from the diagnosis to his passing.  It's so much for you right now, and your relatives, now distant, should be ashamed, especially the sister-in-law.  The audacity of some people!  I kind of understand the step-daughter, because she did lose another birth parent, and that is very difficult, no matter how old you are.  

Rick and I have both lost our birth parents.  Not one of them lived past 72, and all of them smoked cigarettes much of their lives (my dad and Rick's dad smoked until the day they died).  My mom quit in about 1988 and all thought she would live to an old age.  She died of lung cancer at 65, in 2003, and she lived six years after diagnosis, although most of those years were bereft of the quality of life we all hope to have at the end.  My dad died at 62 of emphysema.  He died a long time ago, in 1987.  My grandmother never smoked a day in her life, and she is now 92 years old and still going strong.  

I hate cigarettes and the immoral tobacco companies, who all lied about cigarettes and their ill effects on the human body for those many years.  

The mom we travel with to Hawaii is Rick's stepmom, and we love her dearly.  She is truly the nicest lady, and she loves her stepsons very much.  She deserves a trip to Hawaii every year.  My stepdad is sitting here in our living room right now, watching the Olympics with Rick.  He and mom moved less than a mile from our house in 1980, and we see my stepdad every single day, when we aren't on vacation.  He takes care of our cats when we travel, and we take care of his cat, when he, the dog and the motorhome head to Georgia for a long visit with his own 3 daughters.  

My mom had three girls, he had three girls, and all of us have known one another forever, because, and this may put a smile on your face, we are all step-cousins, as well as step-sisters.  My mom married my dad's step-brother back in 1976.  It's a long story, and very soap opera-like.  Anyway, his oldest daughter is my age, and we are great friends, and his middle daughter is a very close friend of my youngest sister (they are now 50 years old).


----------



## Ginny (Mar 3, 2010)

Dear Marilyn, please add my condolences to the others, and join in on the TUG group hug as you move through the next year of finding yourself. In a way, your posts help us all, as you share how you are coping with your devastating loss, since we all may be there at some point in our lives. Love is a great mystery, and it sounds like you had a beautiful life together. I'm sorry your plans changed so unexpectedly. Cheers to the next phase!


----------



## DeniseM (Mar 3, 2010)

rickandcindy23 said:


> we are all step-cousins, as well as step-sisters.  My mom married my dad's step-brother back in 1976.  It's a long story, and very soap opera-like.



Sounds like my in-laws.  DH's mom and dad got a divorce and they married a divorced husband and wife.  So the kids are all step-brothers and sisters twice over, because step-mom and step-dad used to be married to each other!  You can imagine the drama!  At this point, almost no one speaks to anyone else!


----------

