# Snow in Hilton Head in January?



## icydog (Aug 13, 2013)

I wanted to take my sister in law to Disney's Hilton Head Island Resort in January because I could afford the points of a grand villa then. Her boyfriend won't drive up from West Palm Beach because he's afraid of snow.  He claimed it snowed last year because he had friends who told him so.  He claims that when he worked in Beaufort for 20 years he saw snow quite a bit. 

He's a royal pita but I really wanted my sister in law to enjoy the week with me and another another couple who she knows and likes. He is not related to me thank God.  He's the 2nd marriage after my brother and she divorced.


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## Pat H (Aug 13, 2013)

He's full of you know what. I've lived here 3 yrs and have yet to see snow or ice. We have had a few flurries and a few times I heard there was even a little ground covering. However, that was early mornig and I never saw it because I get up late.


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## cory30 (Aug 13, 2013)

We were at Surfwatch the week after Christmas two years ago and it was blowing snow the first night we were there. It was not sticking to the ground at all and the person checking us in at the front desk said it was the first time she had ever seen it snow there (don't know how long she had been there). Two days later it was 70 degrees.


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## geekette (Aug 13, 2013)

Wow, what a weird way to try to get out of a VACATION!

I wouldn't put any time into entertaining that.  he can check historic weather info on his own but it doesn't seem that it will matter.  Try to do something nice for someone ...

From how you worded the post, you would be taking your SIL, not him.  Since they are married, it seems to be a package deal but he's the Plus 1.  I'd let her wrestle him.  If she likes the plan, go with it.  She can do the driving in the snow covered Southeast with or without a co-pilot.

really, Weather Happens.  If Beaufort got snow REPEATEDLY over his 20 years there, why does he feel so safe and smug in FL??   No one can promise NO SNOW.  

Do you believe that is his real problem with the plan or maybe plain doesn't want to go anywhere, or is angling to go somewhere Guaranteed Snowless?


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## vacationhopeful (Aug 13, 2013)

geekette said:


> .....
> Do you believe that is his real problem with the plan or maybe plain doesn't want to go anywhere, or is angling to go somewhere Guaranteed Snowless?



I would bet "it ain't HIS PLAN!"

And I would further bet, she will not show up no matter what promises she makes before the vacation starts.  Irrational is usually irrational and controlling to "his" particular needs and wants.


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## pedro47 (Aug 13, 2013)

That is a lame excuse coming fom the royal pita. Now here could be a problem. It could be snowing alone the east coast in January and you could be stuck in NJ.


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## jme (Aug 13, 2013)

snow is very rare at HH at any time. I've NEVER seen snow at HH, and we go all the time, and have been going for the last 40+ years. Not saying it hasn't snowed, but it's very unusual, and I've never seen it. We're there a week in January and February using bonus weeks or cheap owner discount rentals.

That's like saying I wouldn't go to Florida in February because of hurricanes....(well, that's not hurricane season, right?) whatever he wants to believe is his business, but frequent snow? no. 

If it does have a dusting, it's gone the next day, and it's absolutely just a fleeting thrill, so to speak.


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## icydog (Aug 13, 2013)

I can't wait to read this thread to my SIL.  I'm laughing because he's is such a royal pita.  

She's my best friend.  I've known her since we were in the 7th grade together.  She met my brother in my house.  They were married for 20+ years.  She divorced him and moved to Royal Palm Beach, FL a long time ago.  She remarried a nice man but that guy died (unfortunately my brother died in 2010 as well) 

The man who we're talking about now --you know the one who's a pita, is really her boyfriend.  I said husband to make things easier to type. 

She can't drive herself  but she may be able to fly. Unfortunately, she still holds out hope he'll change his mind.  This flying entails having her son drive her to Ft Lauderdale where she'll catch a plane to Charlotte  and then change planes in Charlotte and then fly to Savannah.  It takes 5+ hours of travel time plus the drive to FLL from her house. 

Maybe I should just give this up? Maybe I'm trying too hard to make it happen   She said she'd call me tonight and I want to read this thread to her.  
Could it just be irrational fear on his part? If so there will probably be no reasoning with him. I am trying too hard aren't I?


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## geekette (Aug 13, 2013)

icydog said:


> I can't wait to read this thread to my SIL.  I'm laughing because he's is such a royal pita.
> 
> She's my best friend.  I've known her since we were in the 7th grade together.  She met my brother in my house.  They were married for 20+ years.  She divorced him and moved to Royal Palm Beach, FL a long time ago.  She remarried a nice man but that guy died (unfortunately my brother died in 2010 as well)
> 
> ...



Skip him, work it out with her!!  If they aren't married, then that makes things EASIER.

Is Amtrak possible??   

Alternatively, is it at all feasible for you to fly to her location and drive up together?


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## vacationhopeful (Aug 13, 2013)

icydog said:


> I can't wait to read this thread to my SIL.  I'm laughing because he's is such a royal pita.
> 
> ....*Could it just be irrational fear on his part? *.....



My use of the term "irrational" reflects controlling, self-centered, narrisstic, jerks, PITAs .... people usually happy ONLY when they get everyone else jumping thru hoops to accommodate them --- AND then complain about the results as they would NEVER have done it that way at all. They were just accommodating EVERYONE else which is why they still did NOT have a good time. They are NEVER happy ... their goal is to make sure NO ONE ELSE IS HAPPY either.


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## Poette (Aug 14, 2013)

There are flights available from West Palm Beach to Savannah on Delta, connecting in Atlanta, and less than 5 hours travel time.  Not cheap, but an option.


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## NKN (Aug 14, 2013)

You don't say how old she is.  Maybe she has issues with traveling.


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## geekette (Aug 14, 2013)

vacationhopeful said:


> My use of the term "irrational" reflects controlling, self-centered, narrisstic, jerks, PITAs .... people usually happy ONLY when they get everyone else jumping thru hoops to accommodate them --- AND then complain about the results as they would NEVER have done it that way at all. They were just accommodating EVERYONE else which is why they still did NOT have a good time. They are NEVER happy ... their goal is to make sure NO ONE ELSE IS HAPPY either.



oh, sheesh, "One Of Those".   I am far happier without the x-dramatist.  

Your use of caps was Perfect; I sooo got your meaning that it slammed me back a few years to where eye rolling was not just sport, but a way of life ...

Reminding me that possibly the pocket phrase is "This is not about you, HeTurd, this is two best girlfriends getting together ..."


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## icydog (Aug 15, 2013)

geekette said:


> oh, sheesh, "One Of Those".   I am far happier without the x-dramatist.
> 
> Your use of caps was Perfect; I sooo got your meaning that it slammed me back a few years to where eye rolling was not just sport, but a way of life ...
> 
> Reminding me that possibly the pocket phrase is "This is not about you, HeTurd, this is two best girlfriends getting together ..."




My SIL called me back yesterday.  She can't go because he got so mad at her for not believing that it snows in Hilton Head!  She's coming up to Jersey in December to spend Christmas with me and my daughter, her niece. My SIL's mother and her therapist both told her she shouldn't go to Hilton Head with me because that would be two trips to see me in two months. 

My SIL, her name is Vinnie, even stated that my dear departed husband would not have liked it if I traveled twice in two months to be with her.  I answered that he would not have balked at all.  He would have been happy that I was having fun! I often went on trips with my sister in those days and he was always happy I was doing fun things while he got some quiet time in the house to fool around with his projects. 

My SIL is 67 as am I. We're not getting any younger and I want to spoil her a bit.  My friends and I are flying into SAV on UA.   I suggested using my miles to fly her to SAV on US Air from Ft Lauderdale; but she just said no, she can't go.  

She sounded defeated on the phone. Like a beaten dog. It was difficult to listen to her.


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## NKN (Aug 15, 2013)

So sorry...that your treat to her was turned down and that she ft she had to turn it down.


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## geekette (Aug 15, 2013)

I don't understand why this guy got all hot and bothered about snow in HHI to start with, but taking the anger route is childish.  I hope he is usually less of a PITA, for her sake.

I also do not understand what anyone's heartburn is about FRIENDS FROM CHILDHOOD getting together as frequently as possible.

I hope you 2 manage to ignore everyone else and do as you please.  When you are together, you can laugh about the attempts to prevent that.


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## amycurl (Aug 15, 2013)

Wow, that is some really controlling behavior and, in my experience, is often a precursor/indicator of either mental or physical abuse. 

Please be supportive of your SIL, because I fear that this will not end well.


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## Ann-Marie (Aug 15, 2013)

If he knows how to use a computer, tell him to check accuweather.  Maybe he will learn a few tidbits.


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## vacationhopeful (Aug 15, 2013)

It is NOT nor EVER been the issue that there is or is not snow in Hilton Head in January ... the SIL's BF is a controlling personality and most likely has other issues. It is NOT a quirk. It is NOT cute. It is NOT love. It is NOT going to get any better with time - rather, his behavior will get WORSE.


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## icydog (Aug 21, 2013)

I'm sorry I let this thread go unattended for so long but I was too upset to face that she is so much the victim. It is disheartening to me to see her mental health deteriorate because he is such a emotional bully. But I have to face this: she sees herself as a victim and as a victim she has no rights or needs. 
So sad too because we would have so much fun. 

A little back story. Her stepdad just died in July. Her mother is now in assisted living. Her son, my nephew, (my brother's son) moved back home to stay with her after he and his wife split up.  He doesn't work; he is in some kind of program that should teach him to be a carpenter. He also has mental issues and he made a poor attempt at suicide two years ago. He, as far as I know, doesn't do anything to help her and last week he swiped $5 from her wallet when she was asleep to buy coffee-- because she didn't make him any!! Her boyfriend also doesn't work. He lives off his mother's money and as far as I know she owns the house he lives in. Ok he is older, 69, and maybe work is not appropriate but come on who lives off their mommy??

I am getting so sick and tired of hearing about this stuff because it makes me mad and because she will not do anything about it. I told her to kick the son out. I told her to stop allowing her mother to say mean things to her. I told her to kick the boyfriend to the curb. She will do none of these things. So sad because she is wasting her life. She thinks because the boyfriend takes her to dinner all the time, and she carries as much food home from dinner as she can carry, that he is taking care of her. I think the only reason she is with him is because he feeds her. 

Which leads to the next issue. She is broke. She is living on credit cards and only has $30,000 in stocks between her and the end of the world. She owns her home but it is mortgaged because she needed tiles or something like that. Her credit cards are maxed out. 

I sent her a check and she paid off Home Depot's cc. Okay, I told her to spend it as she liked, but I thought she would do something fun for herself with the money. I would send her more $$ if I knew her boyfriend and son were not getting any of it. Since I cannot be sure of that I won't send her any more money. I do send her gifts when she hints for things though. 

I never intended to write so much. Obviously this is really bothering me. She is like a sister to me. We have known each other for 53 years. I love her very much but I can't watch this go on year after year. I wind up yelling at her out of frustration but I don't want to do that. I think the helplessness drives me the most crazy. The victimization when none is necessary makes me nuts too. I wish I could go back and grab that lively girl and drag her back and have some fun with her. I am in a position to travel with her and take her places but she is so downtrodden by all this stuff she remains mired in quicksand that she cannot seem to remove herself from. 

Ok, I have vented for a long time. Please excuse me.


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## geekette (Aug 21, 2013)

icydog said:


> I'm sorry I let this thread go unattended for so long but I was too upset to face that she is so much the victim. It is disheartening to me to see her mental health deteriorate because he is such a emotional bully. But I have to face this: she sees herself as a victim and as a victim she has no rights or needs.
> So sad too because we would have so much fun.
> 
> A little back story. Her stepdad just died in July. Her mother is now in assisted living. Her son, my nephew, (my brother's son) moved back home to stay with her after he and his wife split up.  He doesn't work; he is in some kind of program that should teach him to be a carpenter. He also has mental issues and he made a poor attempt at suicide two years ago. He, as far as I know, doesn't do anything to help her and last week he swiped $5 from her wallet when she was asleep to buy coffee-- because she didn't make him any!! Her boyfriend also doesn't work. He lives off his mother's money and as far as I know she owns the house he lives in. Ok he is older, 69, and maybe work is not appropriate but come on who lives off their mommy??
> ...



She doesn't deserve what she is living.  If she really doesn't have anything good going on down there, why not just move and leave the lifesuckers behind??

It does seem, however, that you are closer to having to say "Look, Susie, you know I love you and would do anything in the world for you, but I simply cannot stand back and watch this any longer.  If you need help, if you become ready to make changes, I am there for you, I will help you.  But I can't listen to stories about how bad he is, your son is, your life is.  The way I see it, by not leaving, you are CHOOSING this life."  and you may have to repeat this whenever she wants to talk about Poor Me.  

Tough Love, Sister.  It has clearly crossed into being hurtful for you to be able to Do Nothing.  There is no reason why you cannot tell her that.

If you have always been diplomatic about this is the past, tell her that.  "I held my tongue because I thought you loved him and that he was good for you, but I no longer feel that way and want to tell you what it looks like to me, not to hurt you, but to help you begin to see this as an outsider would.  Honey, you're a doormat and you are continuing to choose to be walked on and disregarded.  At some point you will realize that you only go around once and I hope you will choose happiness  ..."   

I dunno.  There has to be a breaking point, but I generally choose to not find those extremes.  I hope she also chooses to be without a man vs with a man that is not good for her.  I would always rather be alone than with the wrong person.  

I wish her well.  And you, too.  It's clear that You Really Care, which makes it even harder to watch her continue on this course.


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## icydog (Aug 21, 2013)

geekette said:


> She doesn't deserve what she is living.  If she really doesn't have anything good going on down there, why not just move and leave the lifesuckers behind??
> 
> It does seem, however, that you are closer to having to say "Look, Susie, you know I love you and would do anything in the world for you, but I simply cannot stand back and watch this any longer.  If you need help, if you become ready to make changes, I am there for you, I will help you.  But I can't listen to stories about how bad he is, your son is, your life is.  The way I see it, by not leaving, you are CHOOSING this life."  and you may have to repeat this whenever she wants to talk about Poor Me.
> 
> ...



Thank you Geekette, 

That was great. I am so afraid of hurting her feelings that I don't say anything. I wonder if it is even my place to point this stuff out. I am not perfect myself by a mile. We've been friends too long to have it come to this but I am losing my patience. She is coming for a visit in Dec. I guess I will have to hold off until then, if I can. I think what you said about hearing this over and over is very valid. Every time I hear about her mom, her son, her crazy boyfriend I want to reach into the phone and shake her. 
I wonder if she believes she has a good life and that things just keep happening to her. All I know is this is not getting better and something will have to give soon.


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## amycurl (Aug 21, 2013)

True friends tell each other the truth about the big stuff, even if it hurts. She probably needs some professional mental health counseling, too, to work out the root issues of why she has allowed this situation to go on for as long as it has. 

She may not listen. She may freeze you out. As some point, you have to make the call of whether the friendship is more important, or the friend.


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## geekette (Aug 22, 2013)

icydog said:


> Thank you Geekette,
> 
> That was great. I am so afraid of hurting her feelings that I don't say anything. I wonder if it is even my place to point this stuff out. I am not perfect myself by a mile. We've been friends too long to have it come to this but I am losing my patience. She is coming for a visit in Dec. I guess I will have to hold off until then, if I can. I think what you said about hearing this over and over is very valid. Every time I hear about her mom, her son, her crazy boyfriend I want to reach into the phone and shake her.
> I wonder if she believes she has a good life and that things just keep happening to her. All I know is this is not getting better and something will have to give soon.



I'm glad to have helped.  It's a bit of saying to you, save yourself, don't make Her Drama into Your Drama.  But there are ways to let her know that You Care and that this is not about judging how she lives.  She just seems to be in trouble and you're willing to help if she wants Change.  

In this particular case, I think she is probably plenty used to having her feelings hurt.  You will be gentle, I know.   

You can always do the "Is this working for you?"  and one that a friend gave me that can maybe help her process information in a different way, "What does this mean To Me?"  Females, in particular, seem too frequently to forget that they have needs that they can neglect in making sure that everyone else has their  needs met.  To hell with that!!  She's a grown lady - is she happy?  is she getting her needs met?  how can they be met?  basics are very helpful.  

I have had a few energy vampires in my life and they are draining, but since I care, I let it tax me until I can't let their unhappiness shade my sunny disposition.  But the bottom line is that some people do not want to be helped.  I'm sure you are aware that this can harm the friendship.  If I were you, I would actually get the ball rolling when you start vacation in December with wine on the balcony or something.  The process of unwinding and "catching up" can (wink) Naturally lead to these questions you ask...

Get her talking.  Steer to constructive questions - "I'm sorry, I don't understand why sonny boy doesn't have his own place...?"    "wait, back up, SnowPhobe said what to you?  Does he always speak to you with disrespect?"   (you will practice the shocked inquisitive eyebrow, because of course, you also think the world of these men in her life and couldn't believe either would ever be the least bit rude to her) 

Little innocent forays into larger conversations.  Perhaps you can help her to discover for herself where she is and where she wants to be.  

Good luck, dear, it ain't easy being a friend.


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