# Phillips Exeter Academy



## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

My oldest son just got an invitation to apply for Phillips Exeter Academy for admission in the Fall of 2010. He was invited due to his test scores on the AMC-12. After doing some preliminary research, it looks like a fabulous academic opportunity. 

When I think of Exeter, I think of Dead Poet's Society, Trading Places and Louis Winthorpe III. Boarding school was the furthest thing from our minds. But, we are wondering if this is something that we should actively pursue.

Does anyone have any experiences they can share?


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## Patri (Aug 29, 2009)

Congratulations. Is the academy far from where you live? How does everyone feel about being separated during high school years, if that was not your plan? Will what you gain compensate for what you will lose?


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

Patri said:


> Congratulations. Is the academy far from where you live? How does everyone feel about being separated during high school years, if that was not your plan? Will what you gain compensate for what you will lose?



Yes, it's extremely far from where we live.  It's not easy to get there even by airplane.

Those are all great questions for which we don't have answers.  That's why the thread.  On the one hand, we are enthralled with the opportunity.  But, we are terrified of our son leaving home in a year.

My son is very talented in math.  He could really use such an environment to nurture his knowledge and skills.  

Does the benefit outweigh the cost?  I don't know.  I don't care about the money.  It's just money.  It's the time with us cut short that would be the hardest to take.  But, this could be a springboard to much greater things for him.


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## rickandcindy23 (Aug 29, 2009)

Boca, how old is your son?  He couldn't be more than 12 or so, if I remember correctly.  

I think you should ask your son how he would feel about being away from you for so long.  Some kids are very independent, while others, even though very bright, can be very attached to home.  

Are there long Christmas/ Thanksgiving/ Spring/ Summer breaks?


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## Karen G (Aug 29, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> It's the time with us cut short that would be the hardest to take.  But, this could be a springboard to much greater things for him.


Speaking as the mother of three young adults, I would just hate to have missed their high school years. That time can never be replaced nor can your parental influence. 

IMHO, there will be ample opportunities at great universities to improve your son's math skills after high school. But, you get just this one opportunity to spend time with him and share your knowlege and life skills with him at this critical time in his life as he is becoming a man.


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## vacationhopeful (Aug 29, 2009)

The New England boarding schools are a style of living that many outside of the fabled "old money" are unaware of.  My very limited knowledge of them comes from by best girlfriend from HS era whose very talented football playing brother wanted to go to West Point (Army).  His HS was not acedemically focus enough (pig farming from city garbage was a big business) for West Point, but West Point alumni arranged for him to go for HS grade 13 at one of these schools (he paid nothing).  He then was accepted and enrolled into West Point.  Following an injury during a January ice storm, he was accepted into U of Penn (Ivy League) for his final college years and his graduate degree.  He then taught for 15+ years at his former boarding school and he & wife, eventually his young children also, lived ALL those years as house parents to 6-10 student charges.  I know this was expected as part of his duties as a teacher there.

About 7+ years ago, his life's decision was to "come home to NJ" as his mother was aging, his siblings also had children who he wanted his children to know, and to own his own home.  He was also turning down an administration position at the boarding school.  He got feelers from his local HS to come back and coach the HS's disgraced football program (scandal involving underage sex, a murder, missing $$ centered on the longtime coach and his son).

He accepted the Head Football coach position (a PT job in our area) with a regular teaching job in History (not physical education).  He and his wife brought a house within the school district and the town, unlike most of the teaching staff. His first "act" was to demand no more "passes" on courses to football players.  He demanded and removed players who would not accept a civil mode of operations both on and off the field, true passing grades, etc.  This was a change most felt within the school, neighborhood, and sports league was sure would fail, with no players on the team.  It did not.  

This man was not an ethic minority (as the prior coach), was not playing to ANY crowd, had a core of beliefs and acted as a leader with the sports team, but even more so, with the teaching staff thru out the high school and district.  His father was a union truck driver - his professionalism and focus was from the years at his New England boarding school, IMO.  He had been gone so long and the population had grown to where he was unknown to most.  The team became a winner on the field as did the kids become winners in life.

If your son finds/learns even half of what Alfonso did about life, himself, and character, I believe you would be proud of him.


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## Passepartout (Aug 29, 2009)

If he gets selected to Gryffindor it's OK, but no Slytherns!

Just kidding , I have no dog in this fight, and no kids- or grandurchins in a similar situation, so any misplaced 'wisdom' can be ignored.

Jim Ricks


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## Linda74 (Aug 29, 2009)

It is a long way from home....were it two or three hours, I might say "Go  for it."  What is his maturity level?  There is so much more to life than being academically gifted....in fact, social IQ and work ethic will take you further.  Is there another high calibre school closer to home???  Those 4 HS years are precious ones.  Once my kids left home for college, they never returned to live at home.  I am so glad that my late husband and I were able to impart our values to them on a day to day basis during those years.  They often now comment on our influence.  Being a teacher, I was tough on academics but fully realized life is all about balance.  Is your son driven?  Would he be miserable not getting an Ivy League education??  How comfortable is he with "old money" people who may or may not have a sense of entitlement??
All good questions to consider........


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## Twinkstarr (Aug 29, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> Yes, it's extremely far from where we live.  It's not easy to get there even by airplane.
> 
> Those are all great questions for which we don't have answers.  That's why the thread.  On the one hand, we are enthralled with the opportunity.  But, we are terrified of our son leaving home in a year.
> 
> ...




I think it all depends on the kid. What does he think about it? 

You live in FL? It would be a big cultural and climate change for him.

I spent the last couple of years in HS, with a couple of guys(old Toledo money from glass industry) who did the Eastern boarding schools. Both were kicked out of a list of various "top drawer" schools. I think they felt like their parents were trying to "get rid of them", no matter how much telling a child that it's a great opportunity for bigger and better things, some kids are not that mature enough to figure that out. 

My parents thought about sending my sister and I to the local "Country Day school".  Dad thought I would turn into a even bigger snob than I was, so public school for us. My cousins went there, and yes they did turn out to be huge snobs. Still are 20+yrs later.


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## Liz Wolf-Spada (Aug 29, 2009)

My best friend's nephew went there and it was a fantastic opportunity. He had a scholarship and flew from California. He has had a very successful career and it was definitely an entry into a top tier college, I think it was either Cal Tech or MIT.
Liz


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## xzhan02 (Aug 29, 2009)

Check out this site, http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-college-issues/, especially the admission forum.   There are lots of discussions about the pro/con of boarding. 

Last year, we seriously considered Philips Exeter  as a HS choice for my daughter.  She had perfect SSAT score (with no prior test experience and little preparation as she was in a Montessori school), did sports, and was state debate and piano champion.  Also, my brother's family live in Exeter, a big plus.  However, I couldn't persuade her to even think of applying a boarding school.  She wasn't ready, so we weren't ready either.  

I do think it might have been a great opportunity for my daughter due to her aspiration in policy debate, especially the social connection such prestigious school provides.  Math, though, is kind of different. Boarding school does not seem to provide additional advantage over other good school.  On the down side, boarding school can be a horrible experience for some kids, so the kid must be ready for it.

Financial wise, Philips Exeter could be cheaper than our local private school as it provides much more generous financial aid, just like Harvard does.


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## Holly (Aug 29, 2009)

*PE is one of the oldest schools in the country*

They know what they are doing.  They know what they are looking for and the kind of kid that will succeed there.  They won't admit your son without interviews with the entire family, making sure that he can cut it academically, etc.  If he gets in and he wants to go, then you gotta let him go for it. Heck, you moved to Hawaii, the moving van can move you back East just as easily if you want to be closer to him!
Our job as parents is to prepare our kids and help them reach their potential.  I really believe that if your son is meant to go to PE then he will get in...and if it's not right for him, then your son will know and the school will probably know too.  
I would talk to some alums...I'll bet, and this is just a hunch, that you won't find too many that will tell you to not take advantage of it.  I know that my boss told me that doors fly open for him and that he made friends for life.
PE Academy is just not your run of the mill boarding school either.  Maybe some boarding schools have kids with parents who don't know what else to do with them but I don't think that's the case here.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

Thanks for the feedback so far.  It's amazing how much a simple letter can get your mind thinking about ideas you never before considered.  I have no idea what we are going to do.  But, I do think the process will help my son enhance his planning toward college.   So, this is a good thing.

Here is one clarifying note.  My son goes to school in Hawaii.  So, New Hampshire is very very far away.  He attends a private prep school now which is known for its academics.  It's called the Iolani School.  He fits in really well, he loves it and it is already a great place for him to be.  So, if he doesn't get accepted or decides not to attend Exeter, he's still in a fantastic situation.

Ultimately, we enrolled him at Iolani because it had the best math program in the state.  They are the only high school that offered multi-variable calculus as an option.  Punahou didn't.  As a freshman, he was the only regular 9th grader on the high school math team and got the highest score in the state for his grade on the AMC-12 test.  The AMC test is the first qualifying test for the math olympiad.  That's how he got noticed by Exeter.

Anyway, my son is very bright.  You can tell just by talking to him that his wisdom is beyond his years.  His problem has always been his lack of confidence.  His grades are average.  But, his test scores are excellent.

Is he ready?  I don't know.  But, it's going to be fun finding out.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

Holly said:


> They know what they are doing.  They know what they are looking for and the kind of kid that will succeed there.  They won't admit your son without interviews with the entire family, making sure that he can cut it academically, etc.  If he gets in and he wants to go, then you gotta let him go for it. Heck, you moved to Hawaii, the moving van can move you back East just as easily if you want to be closer to him!
> Our job as parents is to prepare our kids and help them reach their potential.  I really believe that if your son is meant to go to PE then he will get in...and if it's not right for him, then your son will know and the school will probably know too.
> I would talk to some alums...I'll bet, and this is just a hunch, that you won't find too many that will tell you to not take advantage of it.  I know that my boss told me that doors fly open for him and that he made friends for life.
> PE Academy is just not your run of the mill boarding school either.  Maybe some boarding schools have kids with parents who don't know what else to do with them but I don't think that's the case here.



Holly,

You bring up some great points.  If it's right for him, it will probably be obvious.  New Hampshire?  Man, I hate the cold.


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## pcgirl54 (Aug 29, 2009)

I was reading the Florida location not thinking Hawaii. If I was in Hawaii I would not think of coming to New England. 

I live in the cold and love the heat go figure.  Last year our flight was 14 hours from Logan to Maui.

I would expect no matter the decision that top colleges will recruit a bright student from Hawaii.

 So should you decide to visit Mass do so when it's cold and that will help along with an overnight school visit. You can fly into Manchester NH or Logan in Boston.

I know what my personal feelings are about guiding ours sons through the teen years and  how those years do so fly by. I loved watching them grow from boys to young men. I loved the heart to heart talks in the car when I picked them up from school.

But this is a fantastic opportunity worth exploring. If you do visit Phillips you will feel more settled with your choice.  I bet your head is indeed spinning.


Good luck to you all you must be so proud of him.


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## ricoba (Aug 29, 2009)

As a dad who just had a son finish high school and now moved out and with a daughter who is in her last year of high school, I am with Karen, I just can't imagine not having my children around when they are in high school, especially since you are thousands of miles away.  

It's hard enough not having my son here now, I can't put my mind around what it would have been like if he had not been here the last few years.  While we have had our ups and downs, I guess I love my kids too much to give them over to the care of others in their still very formative years.  I guess as well we have a very strong sense of the vital importance of Ohana.

Just my two cents.


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## suskey (Aug 29, 2009)

My son is a bright one, also. He had many similar opportunities when thinking of high schools, but decided he wanted to stay close to home.

He attended an average Catholic high school. Did really well, was accepted to Stanford University. Graduated with 2 degrees and landed a fantastic job.

During his high school years he traveled to 6 countries in Europe as a Student Ambassador and was selected as one of the top 29 HS students in NJ for a summer program called NJ Scholars at Lawrenceville. There are many programs for gifted students.

Good luck..its an exciting time.

Susan


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

suskey said:


> My son is a bright one, also. He had many similar opportunities when thinking of high schools, but decided he wanted to stay close to home.
> 
> He attended an average Catholic high school. Did really well, was accepted to Stanford University. Graduated with 2 degrees and landed a fantastic job.
> 
> ...



Wow.  That's great.  Anyone who can get accepted to Stanford is impressive in many ways.


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## Holly (Aug 29, 2009)

You know, it's not just about getting into a good school.  It's about being challenged and being in the right environment.  I believe that you just have to do the footwork and let fate/God/the universe take care of the rest.  Just explore all the opportunities and go with your gut.  I hear everyone, it is tough to let your kids go and I can't imagine sending my daughter to Hawaii to go to school...I'd have to move closer!  

Again, these people know what they are doing....thousands of kids have graduated from that school over the past 200 years or so...your job is to fill out the applications.


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## csalter2 (Aug 29, 2009)

*If you want the education, it can be in many places*

I work in a public school.  Our students annually attend MIT, Stanford, Harvard, Berkeley, UCLA and the military academies just to give you an idea of the caliber of schools they gain entrance into. That's right,* a public school*. Our students consistently tell us how when they are not having problems in math and physics that their counterparts from the expensive private schools do. People cannot believe they went to a public school. 

My point is this. You may have a private or public school right there in Florida that could offer your child a great education. The high school years are a period of time in which your values can be reinforced and when they come into question for your teenager you can help to guide them. This will be very important for them, because when they go to college, they will  need to be well grounded for all that will be confronting them. I can't imagine not being at my sons and daughters athletic contests and guiding them and helping them with homework. (until it got too hard for me to help them. 

Don't get overwhelmed because of the name and reputation. As long as your child has a strong desire and work ethic and is in an environment that can offer him the academic curriculum that has high expectations and a supportive faculty, they will be successful. This I can guarantee. 

We have one of those private schools that have a great reputation like yours in our area. The parents pay nearly $30,000 per year. On their faculty are two teachers that were fired from the public schools and they were not good teachers. Don't get caught up in the "status". Get caught in the substance.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 29, 2009)

csalter2 said:


> I work in a public school.  Our students annually attend MIT, Stanford, Harvard, Berkeley, UCLA and the military academies just to give you an idea of the caliber of schools they gain entrance into. That's right,* a public school*. Our students consistently tell us how when they are not having problems in math and physics that their counterparts from the expensive private schools do. People cannot believe they went to a public school.
> 
> My point is this. You may have a private or public school right there in Florida that could offer your child a great education. The high school years are a period of time in which your values can be reinforced and when they come into question for your teenager you can help to guide them. This will be very important for them, because when they go to college, they will  need to be well grounded for all that will be confronting them. I can't imagine not being at my sons and daughters athletic contests and guiding them and helping them with homework. (until it got too hard for me to help them.
> 
> ...



I hear what you are saying.  I am a product of public schools and I never would have considered private schools if the public options where I live were decent.

When I lived in Florida, we were fortunate enough to take advantage of the gifted education program in elementary school.  It was really good.  When my son got to Iolani, however, the education ramped up an order of magnitude.  He is finally challenged now in most subjects except for math.  They had to hold him back a year, otherwise he would have finished calculus last year with 3 years to go.

Just take a look at this math curriculum.  I have NEVER seen this much math in any high school anywhere.  http://www.exeter.edu/documents/COI/MathematicsCOI09.pdf

Most high schools end at AP calculus AB or BC.  Then, you have to go to junior colleges or  local Universities to get higher level math.

This curriculum has multivariable calculus, statistics, linear algebra, abstract math, discrete math and selected topics course in advanced math including number theory, topology, combinatorics, differential equations, fractals and game theory.  This IS University level math.  I know.  I took these courses for my undergraduate degree in math.  Add differential geometry and analysis and you've got an undergraduate degree in math.

One of their instuctors is the leader of the US Math Olympiad team.  PEA has had USA Math Olympiad winners in each of the last 7 years.  If this is not the most advanced mathematics program in the country, I'd like to see who beats them.  They must be impressive.

For me, this is the math equivalent of Nick Bollettieri coming to my son's high school and asking him to try out for the Nick Boletieri tennis academy.  That doesn't happen unless you have great potential.  Time will tell.


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## csalter2 (Aug 29, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> I hear what you are saying.  I am a product of public schools and I never would have considered private schools if the public options where I live were decent.
> 
> When I lived in Florida, we were fortunate enough to take advantage of the gifted education program in elementary school.  It was really good.  When my son got to Iolani, however, the education ramped up an order of magnitude.  He is finally challenged now in most subjects except for math.  They had to hold him back a year, otherwise he would have finished calculus last year with 3 years to go.
> 
> ...



It seems that they do offer a high caliber math program. However, it also seems to me that they don't really have much more than any other school from the standpoint that the offer both AP Calculus courses I think they offer the AP Statistics too. The addition they offer is an opportunity for what I believe is an independent study course for levels that are higher. This is indeed unique, but you pay an arm and a leg to go there too. I had a freshman this year who has been with us for a few years. He started with AP Calculus BC as a freshman. He will do the AP Stats this year. He is special. He travels the international math circuit too. We will have to offer something independent as a junior or he will have the option of going to one of the local universities.  I get a few of these every couple of years. I am sure that Philip's Exeter would too. However, I can tell from the fact that they want you to be able to read from the math text, that they don't get too many that go that far. If they did they would just add another whole class section. 

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that this academy is not a good school. It is probably a great one. I would just look in my own backyard first to see if your child's needs could be met with you still in the picture.


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## pjrose (Aug 29, 2009)

It's a lovely campus in a great area. We lived nearby for about 8 years.  It has a super reputation and will open doors to excellent colleges and universities.  

The question is, whether he has the maturity to live away from home and handle a school like that.  Also, many of the students will be from families that are accustomed to elite boarding schools, and students who are seen as from different backgrounds may be eaten alive.  I think a Fall visit to New England would be a great idea!

PS - regarding the cold - Southern NH winters are gorgeous.  Cold compared to Hawai'i and Florida?  Of course!  But that's why we have down parkas and Under Armor and central heat.    When we moved "south" to Ithaca NY we thought it would be warmer.  Ha!  It was colder, and not unusual for icy rain to fall on top of the snow.  I'd rather have a New Hampshire Winter!


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## CatLovers (Aug 29, 2009)

*I lived it!*

I'll start by saying that I know nothing specifically about PE.  But I can comment from the perspective of someone who attended an "exclusive" girls boarding school for six years.  

Without getting into the details, my parents worked overseas and sent me for six years to a highly-regarded (in academics, athletics, just about everything) boarding school.  I went to school for nine months of the year, and for three months, I joined my parents wherever they were in the world.  At the time, I missed them dreadfully, particularly during the first week of school (after the first week, I settled right in).  In hindsight, I know that it was the best gift they could have ever given me.  It hurt them a lot (I didn't even realize how much until many years later) to send me away to school, their only daughter, but they knew that they were setting me up for life.  And that's what parents do - selfless things to benefit their kids!  They knew that I needed the high-calibre of education offered at this school in order to capitalize on the talents that I had.  I will always be grateful for them making the tough decision.  It never jeopardized my relationship with them (I am very close to both my folks); in fact, in many ways I think I have a better relationship with them because I was away during my difficult "teen" years  !

Bottom line: hindsight being 20-20; as much as it hurt at the time, it was the right thing to do.  My education in those early years allowed me to develop my natural talents and set me up not only for future university success, but also for future career success.

Just my two cents worth from someone who lived it!


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## Patri (Aug 29, 2009)

That's great that it was a good move for you catlover. But it's not to say your talents wouldn't have been developed somewhere else too. It's pretty hard to quash natural talents. People succeed everywhere.
Tough decision all around. Glad we are not in that position. My friends sent all three of their kids off to boarding school as freshmen. Mine stayed here. Probably each decision was right for each family.


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## SCMom (Aug 30, 2009)

*Like everything in life, pros and cons...*

I attended my last two years of high school at Deerfield Academy in western Mass.  My decision was between Deerfield and Exeter and they are both amazing schools, and of a similar academic level, so I believe my experience to be quite pertinent.  If you are interested in a rich academic experience, it is hard to go wrong with Exeter.  Small classes (usually about 12 students) and extremely committed teachers are matched with really unique cultural experiences.  At Deerfield, my graduation speaker (in 1992) was Tip O'Neill.  Not a lot of places that you will get that.  If your goal is an Ivy League school, it is hard to beat the cache of Exeter.  The top college picks my year for my classmates were Yale and Duke.  A California girl, I decided to return and attend UCLA, which was considered scandalous in its lack of prestige!

A couple of things for you to think about....

Exeter and New England in general are much more formal than Hawaii or Florida.  There was a strict dress code at Exeter, and judging from their web site, boys are still coat and tie daily.  Many of the students are from very wealthy families.  I was from a middle class Air Force family and was quite out of my element socially.  It was hard to fit in with the clothes and the vacations and the like.  

Once you send your son that far away to school, you lose your primacy in directing his life.  There are lots of great teachers there, but he will be under their instruction much more than yours in the future.  You have relinquished many of your parental rights to people that you do not know.  13 is quite young for that, in my opinion.

I am enormously grateful for my Deerfield experience.  It was a wonderful education.  However, I am not interested in sending any of my four boys there.  I want to continue to shape and guide their lives and character through their high school years.  The best education in the world won't help you if you don't have a strong character foundation.  

I hope that my rambling late-night thoughts will be of some help to you!

Emily:zzz:


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## Icarus (Aug 30, 2009)

What does your son think about it?

-David


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## calgal (Aug 30, 2009)

There are two sets of opportunities to consider. One, the opportunity to gain a superior education. Two, the opportunity to get into top colleges. For the first, sounds like your son is in an excellent school and thriving/happy. I never like to mess with happy. I would speak with the current school about how they envision the next two years of math instruction for him if he is using up the school offerings. Independent on-line instruction? Community college courses? See if you are satisfied with the answers. As for the second, your son will get a geographical boost in admissions from being from Hawaii, so he doesn't "have" to go to Exeter to get into top universities, as long as he excels in high school. However, doing well at Exeter would be an obvious path to top college admissions. I think it is worth some thought re why this exceptional child is getting average grades in his current school, if you really meant average as in Bs and Cs. You mention lack of self-confidence. How would that play into his comfort level at Exeter? Lots to consider...


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## Twinkstarr (Aug 30, 2009)

SCMom said:


> I attended my last two years of high school at Deerfield Academy in western Mass.  My decision was between Deerfield and Exeter and they are both amazing schools, and of a similar academic level, so I believe my experience to be quite pertinent.  If you are interested in a rich academic experience, it is hard to go wrong with Exeter.  Small classes (usually about 12 students) and extremely committed teachers are matched with really unique cultural experiences.  At Deerfield, my graduation speaker (in 1992) was Tip O'Neill.  Not a lot of places that you will get that.  If your goal is an Ivy League school, it is hard to beat the cache of Exeter.  The top college picks my year for my classmates were Yale and Duke.  A California girl, I decided to return and attend UCLA, which was considered scandalous in its lack of prestige!
> 
> A couple of things for you to think about....
> 
> ...




Excellent comments for a "late-night" rambling, Emily.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

calgal said:


> There are two sets of opportunities to consider. One, the opportunity to gain a superior education. Two, the opportunity to get into top colleges. For the first, sounds like your son is in an excellent school and thriving/happy. I never like to mess with happy. I would speak with the current school about how they envision the next two years of math instruction for him if he is using up the school offerings. Independent on-line instruction? Community college courses? See if you are satisfied with the answers. As for the second, your son will get a geographical boost in admissions from being from Hawaii, so he doesn't "have" to go to Exeter to get into top universities, as long as he excels in high school. However, doing well at Exeter would be an obvious path to top college admissions. I think it is worth some thought re why this exceptional child is getting average grades in his current school, if you really meant average as in Bs and Cs. You mention lack of self-confidence. How would that play into his comfort level at Exeter? Lots to consider...



My son has had to live a somewhat sheltered life due to his extreme food allergies.  He is allergic to almost everything.... dairy, wheat, peanuts, soy, chicken, beef, etc.  He must carry an epipen with him wherever he goes to prevent anaphylaxis from suffocating him.  And, almost all of his food must be prepared by us.  That fear has made him extremely conservative and not as willing as normal to cross boundaries and take chances like many kids his age.

When I say average grades, what I mean is around 3.4.  A's and B's, but more B's than A's.  Most of his friends (he is in the group known as the nerds in a school filled with nerds)  have gpas of 3.8 and higher.  So, he feels inadequately performing.  The primary reason he hasn't gotten better grades is for things like failing to turn in homework.  He is just an absent minded kid.  For example, he got a B+ in Geometry last year because he had less than a 50% turn in rate for homework and he did most of it.  I had to ground him from video games for the whole next semester for that goof up.  He constantly puts himself into the position of having to score a 97 or 98 on the final to get an A in a class.  Often times, he will get close, but just miss it.  I am really not worried about his grades because the reasons he is not getting them are all relatively minor things that can be fixed.  

Interestingly, the beginning of this school year has been different than in the past.  My son seems to be more serious about doing well.  He wakes up early, goes to the library in the afternoon to do homework and is participating more in class than normal.  I believe that is due to some level of maturity he gained from going away to a Boy Scout leadership camp in Indiana this summer.  We'll see if he can keep it up.  He has so many honors courses this term that this year could make him or break him.  I think he knows it and is intent on figuring it out.  Time will tell.

I agree with what others have said on this thread.  It's not public vs. private school that matters.  At the end of the day, great people will do great things no matter the environment.  And, the point about shaping a child's character is extremely important, too.  He's almost 16, so I think we have done a good job at that to date.  He is a great kid with a great heart who is very community service oriented. His Boy Scout Eagle project is taking on a challenge of helping a quadriplegic soldier injured in combat to set up his home so that he can function more normally.  That is a whopper project that goes way beyond the norm.

At the end of the day, I just want what's right for my son.  We have decided that we will pursue this to see where it goes.  If it's a fit, we will find a way to do it even if it means moving to New Hampshire or getting an apartment there.  If it's not a fit, we won't force it.  This really isn't as much about prestige for us or getting into a top University.  Those are nice side benefits, but not the driving factor for us.  We want our son to be able to interact with world class people in an environment that will nuture and bring out his natural talent so that it doesn't languish or fail to get fully developed.   

I truly don't know where this will end up.  But, I do know this.  It will be fun figuring it out.

Thanks for the feedback.

Jim


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## 3kids4me (Aug 30, 2009)

BTW, if you haven't already discovered it, College Confidential has a boarding school section specifically devoted to P-E.  I'm sure the folks there can answer a lot of questions about rigor and the kind of kid that succeed there academically and socially.


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## pcgirl54 (Aug 30, 2009)

Boca

When he achieves Eagle Scout that will also open many doors to colleges and employers. In my line of work I have seen interviews happen soley because of it.


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## mamiecarter (Aug 30, 2009)

*Think Money*

Can you afford it? Can you afford the flights? Do they offer scalorships? Money can tip the scales one way or the other.

What does your son want to do?  I have known lots of Math whizes with undevelped social skills. Is this school co ed? An all male enviroment can be hard on a boys social develpment.


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## CatLovers (Aug 30, 2009)

I find this whole thread very interesting because of my background and past experience in a boarding school for six years.  This sentence of yours BocaBum really sums it up for me.



BocaBum99 said:


> We want our son to be able to interact with world class people in an environment that will nuture and bring out his natural talent so that it doesn't languish or fail to get fully developed.



If I was to try to put it in one sentence, this would be it.  Yes, I got the great set-up for university and a future career, but it was the environment that did it for me - not one single component, but the overall combination - what it did was raise the bar in a productive and positive way, in a way that I don't believe would have happened elsewhere.

I said in an earlier post that I will always be grateful to my parents for making this huge sacrifice for me -- I was talking to my mom this morning and I brought this topic up.  She said again that it split her heart in two every time she had to send me off to school (I never fully realized how hard it was for them!), but they knew that it was the right decision each time.  It gave me an opportunity to thank her once again, so thank you for bringing up this topic BocaBum.


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## pjrose (Aug 30, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> My son has had to live a somewhat sheltered life due to his extreme food allergies.  He is allergic to almost everything.... dairy, wheat, peanuts, soy, chicken, beef, etc.  He must carry an epipen with him wherever he goes to prevent anaphylaxis from suffocating him.  And, almost all of his food must be prepared by us.  That fear has made him extremely conservative and not as willing as normal to cross boundaries and take chances like many kids his age.



That would keep me from sending him to a boarding school.


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## ricoba (Aug 30, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> Interestingly, the beginning of this school year has been different than in the past.  My son seems to be more serious about doing well.  He wakes up early, goes to the library in the afternoon to do homework and is participating more in class than normal.



Could this possibly be his way of telling you he wants to stay where he is?


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

pjrose said:


> That would keep me from sending him to a boarding school.



If my son qualifies and wants to go, my wife is ready to move to New Hampshire.  She just told me this on the phone this morning.  We have never let geography or money stop us from doing what was right for the family.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

ricoba said:


> Could this possibly be his way of telling you he wants to stay where he is?



No, he started school before he got the letter.  If anything, the letter is boosting his confidence.

I asked him what changed.  What's different and why is it different?  He told me that he had a bad year academically and he wanted to do better, so it was time for him to get his act together.


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## vacationhopeful (Aug 30, 2009)

Children mature at different times and places and ways.  The Boy Scout leadership trip and class?  A book read during the summer?  Glazing up at the sky? His Eagle Scout project?  At least this might be clicking in now instead of 10 years from now.

I agree food allergies are what your son has, like some kids have blond hair and others are blind. Your job has always been to help and guide him; to grow him up; to provide the best opportunities for him.

Does this PE letter mention an enrollment date?  As the term is just starting, is it ASAP, January 2010, or next Fall 2010?  September and early October is a lovely time in NH whereas it gets frosty cold in November and the ski slopes are open in December.

As to the seriousness of food allergies:  I know another family where their 14 yo son has a similiar long list, a younger sister with even more allergies and the father retired early to do the best that he and his wife can for their kids.  The boy is also gifted in math ... do you have relatives in Maryland?


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## ausman (Aug 30, 2009)

He must carry an epipen with him wherever he goes to prevent anaphylaxis from suffocating him. And, almost all of his food must be prepared by us.

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Doesn't sound like he is a good border prospect for any school. Likely best to be a day student simply from the health issue. 

Don't know anything about Phillips Exeter, or if indeed they are only a boarding school, most aren't.

I wouldn't send a son of mine with such a condition to board. 

Then, it could mean taking the entire family and relocating so he could attend day school and still have his meals prepared at home.

Sounds like you are willing to do that, if he is an only son then that may be fine. If there are other children involved then there are many other issues. 

With other kids involved it is a balancing act and I haven't always got it right, but they need considering too to what is the greater good.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

vacationhopeful said:


> Children mature at different times and places and ways.  The Boy Scout leadership trip and class?  A book read during the summer?  Glazing up at the sky? His Eagle Scout project?  At least this might be clicking in now instead of 10 years from now.
> 
> I agree food allergies are what your son has, like some kids have blond hair and others are blind. Your job has always been to help and guide him; to grow him up; to provide the best opportunities for him.
> 
> ...



They are recruiting for Fall 2010.

No relatives in Maryland, but my son was a case study for Johns Hopkins.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

basham said:


> He must carry an epipen with him wherever he goes to prevent anaphylaxis from suffocating him. And, almost all of his food must be prepared by us.
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> ...



A handicap is a handicap only if you let it prevent you from doing things other kids can do.  My son can prepare his own food and dorms are amazingly accommodative.  They were at the University of Indiana this summer.

My son may not be accepted or he may not want to go, but I can assure you that it won't be his food allergies or money that prevents him from going.


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## pjrose (Aug 30, 2009)

BocaBum99 said:


> A handicap is a handicap only if you let it prevent you from doing things other kids can do.  My son can prepare his own food and dorms are amazingly accommodative.  They were at the University of Indiana this summer.
> 
> My son may not be accepted or he may not want to go, but I can assure you that it won't be his food allergies or money that prevents him from going.



Awesome attitude


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 30, 2009)

3kids4me said:


> BTW, if you haven't already discovered it, College Confidential has a boarding school section specifically devoted to P-E.  I'm sure the folks there can answer a lot of questions about rigor and the kind of kid that succeed there academically and socially.



Sharon,

My wife just sent me a text today about College Confidential.  That you believe it's a good source of info is very comforting.


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## Icarus (Aug 31, 2009)

I don't think you ever answered my question. How does your son feel about it?

When I was a kid, my mother wanted me to apply to one of those schools. I didn't want to go.

-David


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## Lee B (Aug 31, 2009)

For fun, literally in come cases, read John Irving.  He attended PEA and wrote about it a lot in some of his novels.  I haven't read most of them, but loved the ones I did.  The _World According to Garp_ is LOL funny, as is _A Prayer for Owen Meany_, which I haven't finished yet.  Both are fiction that involve "a boarding school."  I anticipate a tough ending to that one, as Irving can really pull emotional strings and he has foreshadowed a little, but the academy is a major part of it.  Owen is a local genius in a poor family who gets a full scholarship to the school.

I went to a public school that happened to have a dedicated math teacher.  She was able to teach "Special Math" to selected students that showed aptitude AND whose parents signed a form that said they expect the student to be able to stay in the school for three years.  This was because she used the PEA textbooks and curriculum which mixed Geometry and Algebra II in bursts for two years instead of one each for a whole year, then loaded us with Calculus.  This was back in the late 50s-early 60s and G*d knows what they teach now.  I didn't recognize some of the terms you used.

I endorse your careful investigation.


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## BocaBum99 (Aug 31, 2009)

Icarus said:


> I don't think you ever answered my question. How does your son feel about it?
> 
> When I was a kid, my mother wanted me to apply to one of those schools. I didn't want to go.
> 
> -David



David,

My son is very excited and at this time he wants to go.  That may change later, but for now, he is intrigued.  I am just not sure if it is for the right reasons yet.  He could just be happy that someone is acknowledging his accomplishments.  But, I will find out for sure in the process.  

Here are three reasons I believe him when he says he wants to go:

First, my son has not been a very decisive kid.  The only time he makes a quick decision is when he has already thought things through or if something is such a no brainer that the decision is easy for him.  It surprised me that he said he wanted to go so quickly.

Second, when we told him that we would be willing to move to New Hampshire to support him and that if everything worked out, his younger brother could apply and they both could go together, he had a very interesting reaction.  He said, "no, you guys stay in Hawaii.  I need a place to come back to when I am not in school."  And then, the real reason came out.  He vehement objected to his younger brother going to Exeter because he would only be getting in due to his performance.  In other words, he wouldn't have to earn it or it would somehow diminish his achievement.  And, he enumerated a list of things including getting into Iolani that were due to him (but, of course, it wasn't.  His brother got the top score in the state on the AMC-8).  I hate to admit this problem, since it is not becoming.  I clearly have more to do as a parent in this area.  LOL.

Third, when asked about missing his friends, he said this.  "My friends will be scattered to the winds in a couple of years anyway.  Being away from them will be just something I have to deal with."  Wow!  That is something I was not expecting.  Maybe my son is about ready to venture out into the real world and I didn't see it coming.

So, at this time, the motivation is there for everyone.  I don't want this to turn into a big disappointment by getting too excited about the opportunity.  My son may get rejected right after the initial application and he might not qualify for admission.  For me, it's the journey of finding out whether or not this is a fit that will be the great life lesson for my son.  I believe it will put a spotlight right onto the problem he will face in the next few years which is what do you want to do with the rest of your life.  That's a problem worth focusing attention on right now.


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