# Cremation or Burial



## spirits (Oct 3, 2013)

When my father passed away 8 years ago I was very grateful that he had made arrangements beforehand.    He had picked out his casket,and was already arranged to be placed beside my mother who predeceased him by 7 years.
Everything was paid for except the honorarium for the priest and the funeral supper.  And flowers of course. I was very grateful that he had decided before hand sparing me making arrangement at a stressful time.

Wanting to spare our children the burden of deciding after the fact, my husband and I prepaid the burial part.  (Hopefully we are still married to each other by the time either of us go...we have the memorial already inscribed with our birthdates (;
Last week we made final arrangements for my MIL.  I was very glad we had arranged for her while she was still capable.  Again all that was left was, as our funeral director put it, the COFF (casket, obituary, flowers and food)

And so while we were at it,we paid the other 1/2 which is the ceremony part.  Later on, we were discussing the costs and it will cost us at least $40000( in today's dollars) to put us into the ground.  That is a lot of money and so we decided to ask around.

Of 4 close couples, 3 are definitely being cremated and the other couple is undecided.  We of course have chosen burial since that was the method we are comfortable with. 

However, it has gotten us thinking....we believe that life is for the living.  We have provided a good home and education for our children.  They are both fine and established in their lives.  Although we plan on living for another 30 years at least, we feel that we need to live our lives fully and the children get whatever is left after we are gone and they pay our COFF with the money they will receive from our estate.

At the time we had heard informally, that the costs of cremation were not that much less than burial.  Not wanting to get a sales speech I thought I would go to the wisest counsel I know of.  Tuggers.

So here is my question.....how much money do you save if you choose cremation over a burial? Assuming the COFF is kept out of the calculation.


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## nightnurse613 (Oct 3, 2013)

Cremation at several local places here run under $1000 for a normal sized person. Cardboard box included.   There are online websites where you can get a stone box (engraved) for about $150. A vault in a crematorium cannot be as expensive as a burial plot with the trimmings. While it is POSSIBLE that a cremation might run as much as a casket burial (there are excesses always available)- I am sure a reasonable cost might run as high as $3500 - a burial at least twice as much. I find in distasteful when funeral homes play on the emotional elements of relatives of the deceased but, then again, I bought my timeshares on the resale market.


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## DaveNV (Oct 3, 2013)

My Mother was cremated, (her choice), her cremains sealed in a favorite ceramic container she cherished, and then buried in a vault on her Grandfather's gravesite. (Local burial codes allow up to four deceased to be buried in the same plot.) It was a tasteful service, made even more special due to the intimacy of the process.

Our out-of-pocket cost for her final expenses was only about $1500. Mom was frugal to the end, and our family feels she would have absolutely approved.

Dave


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## Passepartout (Oct 3, 2013)

Cremation is a fraction of burial. It varies by laws. Some places (like where I live) require embalming and a (cardboard) casket. Some do not. In the USA, a burial averaged about $15,000 USD. A cremation can be had for $1,000-$1500. Urn or mausoleum or scattering of ashes at some favorite spot are extra, and as you can imagine can be fairly spendy if the deceased has specified it.

You have been thoughtful to pre-arrange. Your kids will thank you. When a parent passes, it is darn easy for the funeral home to upsell all kinds of services and products. "Oh, Mom would like this $15,000 bronze casket better than the $3,000 wooden one." I have a secret for you. Mom doesn't care.

I have left instructions to write a NSF funds check on my account for the cheapest cremation they can find, cater a darn good wake with BBQ and craft beer, and scatter my ashes in a blue-ribbon trout stream in the mountains. 

All TUGgers are invited, but don't put it on your calendars yet. I'll let you know.

Jim


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## puppymommo (Oct 3, 2013)

The cost for cremation can be close to the cost of burial depending on what services are involved.  A "direct cremation" is less expensive than a cremation that follows embalming.  There is no need (in my state, MO) to embalm a body that is to be cremated unless a viewing is desired. If a viewing is desired you must have all the "frills" that go with a burial except for the actual burial: a casket, rental of viewing room, etc.  A direct cremation can involve a very simple wooden casket.  A group of Trappist monks in Iowa make beautiful wooden caskets that start at $1000.  They also sell wooden and ceramic urns for ashes.

Direct cremation can bypass a funeral home all together.  The crematory can pick up the body directly from the home or hospital or SNF.  Everything the funeral home does is "value-added" (thus cost added).  Not to demonize funeral directors by any means.  Most do a wonderful and compassionate job.

After cremation, ashes can be buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche in a mausoleum, scattered, or kept on the mantle or in a closet.  (Not my personal choice, but I know of cases).

Cremation is my own personal choice.  I have informed my family, but I haven't yet made arrangements.  Our current plan (if anything should happen in the near future, God forbid) is inurnment (permanent placing of an urn) at our local military ceremony. Very low cost option which is of course, not available to everyone. But if we move from this area when we retire, or if our daughter moves, that might not be practical.  My mother died in 1968 and none of her three children even live in the same state.  My dad lives about 2 1/2 hours away but no longer drives.  I haven't been to my mother's niche (she was cremated) in decades.  Very sad.  My stepmother chose to be scattered.  

This is all a very personal choice, and I agree it is a gift to our survivors to have planned ahead as much as possible.


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## snickers104 (Oct 3, 2013)

Just buried my Mother a year ago last month, my mother in law March of this year, and my stepfather May of this year.  MIL had everything planned in advance, Mom didnt have anything planned and was about $10,000,  Stepfather didnt have anything planned either and was about $13,000.  After all of that my plans are to be cremated.  And talking it over with the Wife have decided to get everything planned in advance so the kids dont have to make decisions at that time, can be very difficult.

Just dont want to have another year like we have had this last year.


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## Timeshare Von (Oct 3, 2013)

Funerals aren't expensive . . . it is the disposition of the remains.

A traditional burial typically includes the gravesite, liner of the site and casket.  With the typical burial, most will opt for embalming and if open casket, some restorative services.  Most cemeteries will also charge an "opening" fee which I've seen run as high as $1,500.

A traditional cremation (without burial) it is just the cremation.

Recently my BIL had to make arrangements for his beloved wife of 35 years and while they did a cremation, they also had her remains buried in the cemetery next to a deceased child. While they saved on the casket, they also had the added expense of the cremation.  I think he estimated they saved a net of around $3,000.

In the USA, there is a FTC regulation called the "Funeral Rule" that requires that a funeral home provide all clients at intake a "General Price List" with the specific details and precise costs for all services proposed.  The FTC regularly "mystery shop" funeral homes and they are sometimes out of compliance.

Since the Federal government is closed, I cannot list/quote their info.  Having worked for the Nat'l Funeral Directors Assoc, however, I am aware of their consumer resources on the subject.   LINK HERE

When going into a funeral home, you should immediately ask to be given the GPL.

As an aside . . .

>>>"Oh, Mom would like this $15,000 bronze casket better than the $3,000 wooden one." I have a secret for you. Mom doesn't care.<<<

Actually, that was my mom's worst fear that her cheap then husband would bury her in a "damn pine box" so she was very clear with me that she wanted at least an 18ga casket.  Fortunately, she left rather specific instructions and the funds necessary to meet her wishes.

Her funeral in 1995 was about $9,000.  That did not include the gravesite (she went in the double stacked site w/ my father) nor the grave liner (already there from when we buried him) or headmarker (also a double with my dad).  We did have to pay for the "opening" services plus everything else that goes into a pretty traditional funeral home services (viewing, service, casket, obits listing and funeral prayer cards).


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## DaveNV (Oct 4, 2013)

I mentioned above about my Mom's cremation, and how we believe we served her wishes well.  She passed quickly, and didn't pre-plan anything. We had to guess what she would have wanted.

My father and step-mother were much more farsighted. They bought and paid for a burial plan at their preferred cemetery years ahead of time, selected their caskets, and laid out everything well in advance.  It wasn't overpriced, and when the time came, it went without a hitch.  The funeral home did a great job meeting their wishes, and I'm satisfied they'd have been pleased with how things went.  As it happened, they passed eleven months apart, after more than 40 years of marriage, and I take comfort that they were laid to rest as they both wished.

The biggest surprise came after the second funeral, when I received a refund check from the funeral home. They explained the burial policy had earned enough interest to cover the inflated cost of the service, and the difference came to me as the designated heir.  They could have kept the money, and I'd never have known the difference.  Honest folks who deserved my heartfelt thanks.

Dave


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## Passepartout (Oct 4, 2013)

Here's a thought: Caskets, urns and floral sprays from Costco: http://www.costco.com/funeral.html?srchKeyword=casket&ddkey=http:CatalogSearch

That's a way to prepare!

Jim


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## DaveNV (Oct 4, 2013)

Passepartout said:


> Here's a thought: Caskets, urns and floral sprays from Costco: http://www.costco.com/funeral.html?srchKeyword=casket&ddkey=http:CatalogSearch
> 
> That's a way to prepare!
> 
> Jim




Do the caskets come in a three-pack? LOL! :hysterical:

Dave


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## Patri (Oct 4, 2013)

Costs vary with cemetery too. In my town, they no longer allow more than one person per plot, because of the increase in cremations. I understand, because people do not realize the expense of maintaining a cemetery. It is unsung hero work, but everyone wants it to look nice. One plot is $700. 
I saw an ad for a different cemetery, but costs are probably about the same. Someone was selling their plot and plan, which included opening and closing grave, for over $4,000.
Even here, the funeral director has to bury an urn. In my home state, and this again may vary by town, my cousins dug the hole and put the urn in during a memorial service this summer. It was very nice.
My church happens to have a memorial garden for cremated remains, so now I think that is where they can dump us, but I would like a flat marker at the cemetery (for easy mowing) with our names and dates, etc. There is still something for closure and generations going forward finding graves of relatives. Even for the town history, as both DH and I have made our mark here.


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## wackymother (Oct 4, 2013)

Just wanted to say that the costs can vary wildly even within one area, so even though it seems weird, call around to discuss exactly what you want with your local funeral homes. 

My mother died in 2011, no preplanning, and my sister called three different funeral homes in the area. 

Two estimated about $10-12,000 for the simplest burial (without plot); the third said it would be about $4,000. We went with the inexpensive funeral home and the director was lovely and everything was very nicely done.


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## Timeshare Von (Oct 4, 2013)

Patri said:


> Costs vary with cemetery too. In my town, they no longer allow more than one person per plot, because of the increase in cremations. I understand, because people do not realize the expense of maintaining a cemetery. It is unsung hero work, but everyone wants it to look nice. One plot is $700.
> I saw an ad for a different cemetery, but costs are probably about the same. Someone was selling their plot and plan, which included opening and closing grave, for over $4,000.
> Even here, the funeral director has to bury an urn. In my home state, and this again may vary by town, my cousins dug the hole and put the urn in during a memorial service this summer. It was very nice.
> My church happens to have a memorial garden for cremated remains, so now I think that is where they can dump us, but I would like a flat marker at the cemetery (for easy mowing) with our names and dates, etc. There is still something for closure and generations going forward finding graves of relatives. Even for the town history, as both DH and I have made our mark here.



That's interesting.  My folks' cemetery plot they're in is deeded, as is the adjacent plot they bought when they purchased theirs (in 1962).  The deed to the other plot was transferred into my name by my Mom before her death, so I still own it although I am not going to be taken back to NoVA for burial.

My DH and I are both going to become LifeGem diamonds.


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## rapmarks (Oct 4, 2013)

my mother died in January, she had a burial plot already (next to my father), her funeral cost $18,000 (21 people attended) and the gravestone was 800, and flowers were exta.
My aunt died in April, she was cremated, cost 1000, shipped to Chicago, buried across from my parents, 1000 to open the gave she already had, 500 for the church, she already had a gravestone (shared with parents) and it cost 360 to engrave her name and dates on it.
when other aunt dies she will do the same, and her gravestone is already engraved with her name and date of birth next to her husband and it will be 180 to inscribe her date of death on it.  it will also cost 180 t raise and clean the tombstone.   they wanted 600 to raise and clean my other ant's tombstone.  
one additional cost will be to order a triple H vault for 99 from crematorium, the cemetery wants 300 for it.  the cremation comes with a urn, not a vault.

one other thing, when my mother died, 9 of us had to fly in, at great cost.  when my aunt died, we waited til the family could more conveniently get together.   so that is why I think we will go with cremation.


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## bogey21 (Oct 4, 2013)

Passepartout said:


> I have left instructions to write a NSF funds check on my account for the cheapest cremation they can find, cater a darn good wake with BBQ and craft beer, and scatter my ashes in a blue-ribbon trout stream in the mountains.



My instructions are similar.  Cremate (cost already set with funeral home at $725).  No Service.  Scatter ashes.  In addition I have provided $10,000 for my Daughter to pay for a party at a convenient time after my death for friends and relatives to celebrate my life.

George


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## spirits (Oct 4, 2013)

*WOW.  I don't think so*

My DH and I are both going to become LifeGem diamonds. 
This was in a previous post and I just had to check it out  As some of you know I spent this summer looking for a diamond ring upgrade and I found a beautiful 1.5 carot diamond ring with matching band for 5 1/2 thousand dollars.  I spent a long time looking and educating myself and felt I got a great deal.
Whoop I hollered to my DH in the other room.  "I can have you turned into a diamond ring......when you go....and if you don't behave it will be sooner than later!!!!!"  Then I found out it would cost me 15 thousand for that diamond.  Might have to keep him around a bit longer....especially since our funeral is already paid for 
Thanks for the laugh of the the weekend.


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## laurac260 (Oct 4, 2013)

Two family members (husband and wife) in our family (I'm being intentionally vague about who, since this is a public forum) decided 15 years apart, to be cremated.  Both are in urns and are on a mantel in one of their adult children's homes.  The first to pass had made the decision that visiting cemeteries was too sad, and he didn't want the children to have to visit one.  His wife chose same.  

Recently, a family gathering culminated in a trip to the local cemetery to visit family plots.  Several family members are buried there, grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family.   The siblings discussed the possibility of purchasing a plot, and having their mom and dad's ashes buried there, with their family members.  The adult children felt they were missing something by not having "somewhere to visit" their parents.  

I get why folks want to be cremated, and the children respected their parents wishes.  But they are now left with a sense of something missing for them.  I actually think it's a nice idea and am wondering about what others here think?


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## Rose Pink (Oct 4, 2013)

I don't know what to think.  When I was growing up, Memorial Day was a time to go with my parents to put flowers on the relative's graves and to meet up with other family members.  My DH has never been interested in any of that and so we did not keep that tradition with our children.  

As we move around the country, we no longer have one place (or close places) to visit.  While I have a sense of family knowing where some of them are buried, I don't go there to visit very often.

I don't want to be kept in someone's closet, however.  My brother's sister-in-law's ashes are riding around in her husband's car.

DH wants to be cremated and have his ashes scattered over Dead Horse Point.

I am not sure what I want.  Wouldn't mind having my ashes (if I am cremated) scattered under a lovely memorial tree.


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## MRSFUSSY (Oct 4, 2013)

*To take this one step further..................*

Friends of our friends recently retired.  Hubby is an avid woodworker keeping busy and loving it.  They decided that he would make their caskets, custom and perfect.  All went well but Mrs. C. decided she would like to have a window in hers.  Didn't mention a curtain!


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## Free2Roam (Oct 4, 2013)

bogey21 said:


> My instructions are similar.  Cremate (cost already set with funeral home at $725).  No Service.  Scatter ashes.  In addition I have provided $10,000 for my Daughter to pay for a party at a convenient time after my death for friends and relatives to celebrate my life.
> 
> George



My oldest Aunt was cremated 20+ years ago and her remains were kept in an urn at her sister’s house with a nice picture of her beside it. Whenever we visited we were instructed to say "Hi" to Aunt Janet.  I decided I wanted to be cremated and sent home with my daughter. And I want the "Aunt Janet" treatment from all visitors! 

Recently a coworker died and, instead of a funeral, they had a gathering at a local restaurant to celebrate her life. That has now been added to my "after life instructions". 

I try to live life to the fullest and when I'm gone I don't want a church full of folks crying over me.


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## kwindham (Oct 5, 2013)

Yes, before you ask, I realize this will sound absolutely ridiculous!  As much as I would like to be scattered on a hawaiin beach somewhere, I cannot get over the fear that cremation will HURT!  Yes I know, cremation is for dead people that don't feel pain, so, therefore I cannot give a rational explanation for this fear, yet it still exists! . Very weird, I know!

I have a friend that wants to be cremated.  She doesn't care where her ashes are scattered, only that they are scattered when its windy.  She says that way when the wind blows her 2 boys will know she is still there in their hearts, & the wind on their skin will serve as reminders to them of her never ending love!  I think that's a very thoughtful plan for her kids, I just cannot get over the burning thing!


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## rapmarks (Oct 5, 2013)

kwindham,   I understand what you are saying.
My aunt suddenly got very ill, I had to decide whether to put in a feeding tube,  I flew out there and she was totally unresponsive, I moved her to hospice, she finally passed away during the night, and the funeral parlor picked her up for cremation. the whole thing really bothered me, but knowing what was happening jut freaked me out.


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## Passepartout (Oct 5, 2013)

We were traveling in Thailand some 15 years ago- and encountered a Buddhist funeral procession in a small town. It must have been for a notable person, as the whole town turned out. Hundreds of people marching and celebrating with colored banners and such. We (there were a dozen of us 'foreigners') were invited to join in. It was a joyous event- nothing somber about it. We couldn't get past the procession, so we did. Through the town we went until we got to a well used and purpose prepared concrete crematory. There, out in the open, was a raised dais with wood- some of it great logs- piled up under and around it. All the participants (family and townspeople) in the ceremony had brought offerings of wood and flowers to this place. When the procession got there, the deceased, who had been carried on a litter on the shoulders of the stout pallbearers was placed on the funeral pyre, and the widow and his children took turns lighting the small kindling at the bottom and surrounding the pyre.

A traditional feast was laid out fairly nearby and the community came together for food and music while the flames consumed the departed.

Buddhist funerals, we were told, are like that.

Jim


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## WinniWoman (Oct 5, 2013)

I want to be cremated the cheapest way and my ashes thrown by or over Lake Champlain, VT, my favorite place. Does this have to be done "on the sly"- is there some law against it?


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## DaveNV (Oct 5, 2013)

laurac260 said:


> I get why folks want to be cremated, and the children respected their parents wishes.  But they are now left with a sense of something missing for them.  I actually think it's a nice idea and am wondering about what others here think?



Laura, see my reply in #2 above. My Mother asked to be buried with her Grandparents, to whom she was very close. She had a terrifying fear of water, and didn't want her buried casket to be wet. Cremation and burial in a sealed vault was what she wanted, and received. She has a nice marker on the gravesite, adjacent to her Grandparents' markers.

In the case of your cremated relatives, you may want to do something like that.

As for me, I want to be cremated, and half my ashes spread at sea off the Napali Coast of Kauai. The other half I want scattered into the wind beneath Rainbow Bridge at Lake Powell in Utah. Two of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. And in the case of Rainbow Bridge, my ashes will join those of several very dear friends who have already been scattered there. 

Dave


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## vacationhopeful (Oct 5, 2013)

When you ask my older brother and my next youngest sister about cemeteries - we have very vivid memories of the first years of our lives. Us older 3 siblings had a brother born after us. He passed away suddenly at 3 months of age - SIDS. For the next decade, after church on Sunday was the visit to the cemetery in our good "go to church" clothes. Visits lasting for HOURS.

Despite YEARS now between visits, my older brother and I can find that plot on the darkest of nights. 

In August we buried an aunt in the same cemetery. My sister (10 years younger than I) and I visited our brother's (and now parents') gravesite. We ONLY talked about our youth and all those Sunday visits -- seems our mother returned to visiting the infant brother's grave as us older ones left home for college.

All my siblings has decided to be cremated ... graveyards don't bring up good memories. It was our most dreaded part of your childhood.


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## susieq (Oct 5, 2013)

mpumilia said:


> I want to be cremated the cheapest way and my ashes thrown by or over Lake Champlain, VT, my favorite place. Does this have to be done "on the sly"- is there some law against it?




We were told ~ by a Funeral Home in VT ~ that in VT this is legal.


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## FL Guy (Oct 5, 2013)

I had a dear friend whose husband died and was cremated.  She didn't like the fact his ashes were in a "cold wooden box", so she bought a big stuffed teddy bear, took the stuffing out of the body, and put his ashes (wrapped in heavy plastic) inside the teddy bear and sewed it back up.  She then would take the teddy bear with her in the car or on a train when she traveled "to keep her company".  (She said it also was effective in getting people on the train to leave her alone, after she told them what was inside the teddy bear.)  After she passed away two years ago, her children had her cremated, took their father's ashes out of the bear, then scattered both their ashes together off the coast of Rhode Island; a place they both loved.


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## WinniWoman (Oct 5, 2013)

susieq said:


> We were told ~ by a Funeral Home in VT ~ that in VT this is legal.



Great! No worries for me, then! Thanks!


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## T_R_Oglodyte (Oct 5, 2013)

Last summer, when DW were hiking along the Maha'ulepu Coast on Kaua'i I told DW that if she wanted, she could dispose of my ashes there.  Except she would need to be careful.  Since there's almost always a very strong onshore wind in that area without proper forethought it could be a Big Lebowski moment.


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## laurac260 (Oct 5, 2013)

vacationhopeful said:


> When you ask my older brother and my next youngest sister about cemeteries - we have very vivid memories of the first years of our lives. Us older 3 siblings had a brother born after us. He passed away suddenly at 3 months of age - SIDS. For the next decade, after church on Sunday was the visit to the cemetery in our good "go to church" clothes. Visits lasting for HOURS.
> 
> Despite YEARS now between visits, my older brother and I can find that plot on the darkest of nights.
> 
> ...



The family member who first chose cremation (and it is considered against the religion), did so because of a similar situation.  He buried his father as a small child back in the early 30's, and his mother before he started his family.  

He was "done" with cemeteries too.


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## Quiet Pine (Oct 5, 2013)

BMWguynw said:


> ...her cremains sealed in a favorite ceramic container she cherished...



I've told my family that I want my cremains put in my favorite cookie jar. A brownie and a couple of chocolate chip cookies at the bottom would be a nice touch. I'll let them decide whether/where to scatter. I've inherited a family plot in VT (Green Mount in Montpelier) with 7 gravesites remaining. Family members have moved away and made other arrangements, so the cookie jar could be buried there near my grandparents, parents and sister, or I could just buy a marker with my name & dates to help future genealogists.


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## DaveNV (Oct 5, 2013)

Quiet Pine said:


> I've told my family that I want my cremains put in my favorite cookie jar.




Similar story to my Mom. The ceramic container we used was a very detailed Eastlake-style "Painted Lady" Victorian house cookie jar I had made for her about 15 years earlier, at the height of my short-lived hobby of making ceramics. I spent untold hours painting it in a very complex way, and I was pretty proud of myself.  It would have rivaled anything in San Francisco. Mom had always dreamed of owning a Victorian house, but could never afford one. She absolutely loved the one I made for her, and it became a prized personal possession for her.  After she died, and we knew we'd be burying her ashes, using that house as the container was the only logical thing to do.  See it however you will, but as far as I'm concerned, my Mom finally has her Victorian house. (Gosh, it's been nearly 20 years, and I still tear up thinking about that time.  )

Dave


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## Dori (Oct 5, 2013)

When my dear mom passed away in 2008, she had already prepaid for her plot next to my dad. The funeral, although very nice, was not extravagant, and still wound up costing almost $10,000. We respected her wishes in every aspect of her final farewell. 

DH and I have stipulated that we want to be cremated. The money saved on funeral expenses is to be used for the kids to take us "on a trip" to somewhere warm and our ashes scattered. I have always hated the cold and would dread lying in the frozen Canadian ground.

Dori


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## puppymommo (Oct 5, 2013)

Quiet Pine said:


> I've told my family that I want my cremains put in my favorite cookie jar. A brownie and a couple of chocolate chip cookies at the bottom would be a nice touch. I'll let them decide whether/where to scatter. I've inherited a family plot in VT (Green Mount in Montpelier) with 7 gravesites remaining. Family members have moved away and made other arrangements, so the cookie jar could be buried there near my grandparents, parents and sister, or I could just buy a marker with my name & dates to help future genealogists.



Genealogy is precisely why I would like to have some kind of marker for future generations.  I have found cemeteries to be quite helpful doing my own family history.  But this doesn't have to be a plot in a cemetery or a niche in a mausoleum, but it could. I'm sure there are creative ways to achieve this goal.


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## Patri (Oct 5, 2013)

This has been such a pleasant thread - touching and informative and funny and respectful.


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## AKE (Oct 5, 2013)

For those who want to be buried, be glad that you don't live in Sweden as the custom there is to reuse burial plots after 25 years if the family doesn't come up with funds to maintain it. As this custom has been in place for over 100 years, it is rare to find old tombstones as the cost of continuously paying rent has resulted in a large percentage of graves being abandoned and as such the remains dug up and put into an ossuary and the gravesite re-rented.


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## DaveNV (Oct 5, 2013)

puppymommo said:


> Genealogy is precisely why I would like to have some kind of marker for future generations.  I have found cemeteries to be quite helpful doing my own family history.  But this doesn't have to be a plot in a cemetery or a niche in a mausoleum, but it could. I'm sure there are creative ways to achieve this goal.



My Dad was always proud of his family roots, and the things they achieved after moving to California back around the Gold Rush days. They're buried from Sacramento to Redding, some as singles, and some in extensive family plots. Back in the late '80's my Dad and Step-Mother took a "Cemetery Vacation" and tracked down as many gravesites as they could. They took photos of the plots, and put together a photo album with anecdotes about each person. It was weird being given a photo album of cemetery headstones, but now that my Folks are gone, it's a great remembrance.  

Dave


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## mecllap (Oct 5, 2013)

Our family plan is similar to others here:  cremation in the cheapest way possible, throw a party/wake, then head to our timeshare in Grand Cayman and scatter the ashes in the ocean (off Cemetery Beach, one of our favorite places; altho my daughter kind of favors over Stingray sandbar (not sure that's a good idea, tho)).  

I've got the genealogy already done for the family, and copies around to other branches of the family; I did enjoy the trips I made to various homeplaces, cemeteries, and libraries to do that.  The memories in my heart and mind are what count for me -- don't need to visit the cemeteries for that (once for each for the photos and info was enough). 

(And "Auntie Mame" is one of my top ten favories all-time movies:  Live, Live, Live!)


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## rapmarks (Oct 6, 2013)

my mom was born on oct 27 and always celebrated Halloween by getting in costume and having a party.   she loved this holiday and was able to have a party til she was 92.  she died at 94 and asked for a ceramic pumpkin and a picture of her daughters in the casket with her.   I can't see Halloween decorations without thinking of my mom.


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## kwindham (Oct 6, 2013)

FL Guy said:


> I had a dear friend whose husband died and was cremated.  She didn't like the fact his ashes were in a "cold wooden box", so she bought a big stuffed teddy bear, took the stuffing out of the body, and put his ashes (wrapped in heavy plastic) inside the teddy bear and sewed it back up.  She then would take the teddy bear with her in the car or on a train when she traveled "to keep her company".  (She said it also was effective in getting people on the train to leave her alone, after she told them what was inside the teddy bear.)  After she passed away two years ago, her children had her cremated, took their father's ashes out of the bear, then scattered both their ashes together off the coast of Rhode Island; a place they both loved.



I actually love her idea!  What a nice way to "symbollically" travel & keep your beloved company!


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## wiphye (Oct 6, 2013)

*Spread em Everywhere*



susieq said:


> We were told ~ by a Funeral Home in VT ~ that in VT this is legal.



I work with a cremation service in ohio and we get request to scatter ashes over Lake Erie from time to time. As for the federal government there is no law against it. Sometimes there is a town or city ordinance. So check with them.

Most of the funeral homes around here will tell you not to do it to either upsell you or avoid liability, but as far as the law goes it is pretty much don't ask don't tell.

As for me, I'm going to be released from a weather ballon in the jet stream. Hopefully I'll end up everywhere in the end.


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## HatTrick (Oct 6, 2013)

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Last summer, when DW were hiking along the Maha'ulepu Coast on Kaua'i I told DW that if she wanted, she could dispose of my ashes there.



Then out of nowhere, PUSH! 

"I said my ashesssss....." THUD!


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## susieq (Oct 7, 2013)

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:


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## pittle (Oct 7, 2013)

*Neither!*

We have decided that we do not want to spend thousands of dollars for funerals.  We have moved several times in the 45 years we have been married and have are not big fans of going to a cemetery. We feel memories are in our hearts.  So we have chosen to donate our bodies to science.  Why they would want them, I do not know, but the place accepted our applications.  When we die, they pick up the body and it is theirs at no cost to the family.  We have told our family that the money that would have been spent for a funeral should pay for them to go to Puerto Vallarta (our favorite vacation spot) where they can celebrate our lives for a week.

This is just a mortal body and I have a better one where I am going!


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## easyrider (Oct 7, 2013)

Im planning on being ashed someday. I can't figure out where I would want to be set loose because of all of the favorite places I have. Is the right place the spot I liked when I was younger or older. Maybe let the wife or kids decide. If its up to me it would be on the couch in front of the big screen but thats not happening I bet. 

It might depend on the way I croak. If I drown I wouldn't necessarily want to be tossed in the water. It seems ironic. This actually happened to my best friend.

I guess I'll never really know and I don't think I really care.


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## hypnotiq (Oct 7, 2013)

pittle said:


> We have decided that we do not want to spend thousands of dollars for funerals.  We have moved several times in the 45 years we have been married and have are not big fans of going to a cemetery. We feel memories are in our hearts.  So we have chosen to donate our bodies to science.  Why they would want them, I do not know, but the place accepted our applications.  When we die, they pick up the body and it is theirs at no cost to the family.  We have told our family that the money that would have been spent for a funeral should pay for them to go to Puerto Vallarta (our favorite vacation spot) where they can celebrate our lives for a week.
> 
> This is just a mortal body and I have a better one where I am going!



My wife and I plan the very same. We are both organ donors as well as have the wallet cards that indicate that our bodies are to go to the UW School of Medicine (as that is who we have registered our bodies with.


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## Patri (Oct 8, 2013)

hypnotiq said:


> My wife and I plan the very same. We are both organ donors as well as have the wallet cards that indicate that our bodies are to go to the UW School of Medicine (as that is who we have registered our bodies with.



I wonder about this, especially if survivors are still young children. Maybe if it is the only way they see death handled it won't matter. But how people deal with grief and loss remains, and has been studied by the social sciences. For all of us pondering how we handle our demise, we have to remember it is not just about us, but how the people we leave behind carry on. They won't soon forget us, despite our wishes that they party to celebrate our lives and then go on with life. Closure can take years. I certainly don't have the answers, and even cremation for us may not sit well with our kids. We must all remember though, not to be cavalier about death. It is real and painful for those left behind, and we should be helpful in our efforts to make it easier for them to cope. For some, it may be a place they can go, something tangible they can see, something they can touch. Memories are the most valuable, but other things can help ease the sorrow.


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## FL Guy (Oct 8, 2013)

Patri said:


> I wonder about this, especially if survivors are still young children. Maybe if it is the only way they see death handled it won't matter. But how people deal with grief and loss remains, and has been studied by the social sciences. For all of us pondering how we handle our demise, we have to remember it is not just about us, but how the people we leave behind carry on. They won't soon forget us, despite our wishes that they party to celebrate our lives and then go on with life. Closure can take years. I certainly don't have the answers, and even cremation for us may not sit well with our kids. We must all remember though, not to be cavalier about death. It is real and painful for those left behind, and we should be helpful in our efforts to make it easier for them to cope. For some, it may be a place they can go, something tangible they can see, something they can touch. Memories are the most valuable, but other things can help ease the sorrow.



Agree!  I've heard it said that the greatest measure of the lives we've lived is the love we leave behind when we're gone.


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## kwindham (Oct 8, 2013)

Patri said:


> I wonder about this, especially if survivors are still young children. Maybe if it is the only way they see death handled it won't matter. But how people deal with grief and loss remains, and has been studied by the social sciences. For all of us pondering how we handle our demise, we have to remember it is not just about us, but how the people we leave behind carry on. They won't soon forget us, despite our wishes that they party to celebrate our lives and then go on with life. Closure can take years. I certainly don't have the answers, and even cremation for us may not sit well with our kids. We must all remember though, not to be cavalier about death. It is real and painful for those left behind, and we should be helpful in our efforts to make it easier for them to cope. For some, it may be a place they can go, something tangible they can see, something they can touch. Memories are the most valuable, but other things can help ease the sorrow.



Very well said!


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## snickers104 (Oct 8, 2013)

*Agree*



Patri said:


> I wonder about this, especially if survivors are still young children. Maybe if it is the only way they see death handled it won't matter. But how people deal with grief and loss remains, and has been studied by the social sciences. For all of us pondering how we handle our demise, we have to remember it is not just about us, but how the people we leave behind carry on. They won't soon forget us, despite our wishes that they party to celebrate our lives and then go on with life. Closure can take years. I certainly don't have the answers, and even cremation for us may not sit well with our kids. We must all remember though, not to be cavalier about death. It is real and painful for those left behind, and we should be helpful in our efforts to make it easier for them to cope. For some, it may be a place they can go, something tangible they can see, something they can touch. Memories are the most valuable, but other things can help ease the sorrow.



This is so true...I have dealt with my Mom's passing everyday for the past year...doesnt seem to get any easier.  My Aunt said it best...you never get over the loss you just learn how to live without them.


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## Jaybee (Oct 8, 2013)

Isn't it funny how sometimes something we hear, or read, or do causes us to take a different path?
My DH & I, along with my mom, bought contracts with the Neptune Society  back in the 80's.  My mom passed away in 1995, and it all went so smoothly, and was all handled well.
In April of last year, my sweet husband passed away, and that, too was handled by the Neptune Society. Our only expense, both times, was the cost of the death certificates.  
I planned to follow on the same path, but when I was reading this thread, I was struck with the beauty of donating one's body to a Medical School. Why had I never thought of that? Now that's what I want to do, and I've been lost in "Google-Land" for the last hour, trying to sort things out. There are so many websites, and I'm sure a lot of them charge fees to the schools for handling the process, and maybe that's OK, but one gov't website cautioned against that, because one might go out of business.  Is that a problem? What could you lose, unless you didn't keep track?  I guess I'll start making phone calls tomorrow morning.  
Thanks to you all for your insights and different aspects on the death experience. 
Jean


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## MRSFUSSY (Oct 9, 2013)

Could you give me details on the Neptune Society.

I've heard of the Hemlock Society.  Break off a few small branches of a hemlock tree, place them in a small pan, add water, make "hemlock tea", drink it and that will be the end.


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## Jaybee (Oct 10, 2013)

I'm not quite ready to embrace "The Hemlock Plan" 

The Neptune Society (An easy look-up) is a prepaid cremation plan. When one dies, the Society is notified, and they make arrangements for pickup and delivery to a funeral home, and they handle everything. The only thing I had to pay for (in 2012) was the cost of the death certificates (Which they ordered), and less than $20 in fees for disposition. 





MRSFUSSY said:


> Could you give me details on the Neptune Society.
> 
> I've heard of the Hemlock Society.  Break off a few small branches of a hemlock tree, place them in a small pan, add water, make "hemlock tea", drink it and that will be the end.


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