# [2007] Close Encounters Of The Doofus Kind.



## AwayWeGo (Aug 19, 2007)

My standards of behavior for myself are not high -- stay out of jail, live clean & sober, not get into fistfights, pay my bills, not run around on my wife, treat people decently, not swear obscenely, wash my face, comb my hair, shave, trim my nails, etc.  In short, I strive to do more good than harm each day.  Sometimes that doesn't exactly work out. 

In trying to straighten up & clean as I go & put things back where they belong, I accidentally knocked over & broke The Chief Of Staff's decorative cut-glass decanter.  An attempted repair with Crazy Glue was no good. 

In making sure our 4½-year-old grandson stayed safe in the 3½-foot-deep (i.e., shallow) end of the community pool, I waded right in -- completely forgetting I had the car key (with remote control) in my swimtrunks pocket.  The electronic remote-control unit got a good 30-minute soak. 

In trying to save a few bucks on airplane tickets for The Chief Of Staff & me to go to Indiana for (a) interment of my cousin's ashes & (b) visiting an aunt & uncle & more cousins on the other side of the family, I goofed up the non-changeable PriceLine return-flight date.  As a result The Chief Of Staff & I will be spending an extra day in the American Heartland together.  Not only that, our return flight takes off at 6AM -- so we'll have to get up superduper early to drive to the airport & return the (PriceLine) rental car & check in for our flight by 5AM or so. 

Slipping into my terry robe after showering down yesterday, I carelessly extended my left arm upward & directly into the chandelier hanging over the jacuzzi, ramming 2 fingers into some sharp places & getting nasty cuts on the tips of my middle finger & my ring finger. 

In horn-player parlance, the injured digits are my 2nd-valve finger & my 3rd-valve finger.   That's because, unlike valve buttons on trumpets, cornets, tubas, etc., valve levers on horns are operated by the fingers of the left hand.  Not everybody is aware of that (BTW).  For instance, I got a nice greeting card illustrated by a beautiful photo of a top-quality horn.  The art director printed the photo so that the picture shows a mirror-image horn which, if it existed, would have to be operated by the right hand -- i.e., nobody at HallMark realized the photo negative had been flipflopped.  So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Kona Lovers (Aug 19, 2007)

Alan,

Some might say you're having a run of bad fortune.  I'd say you're living life to its fullest, taking things as they come.  

Thanks for the posting.

Marty


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## nightnurse613 (Aug 20, 2007)

I always enjoy reading the little snippets from the Chief of Staff.  First off, don't feel bad, all those things can be fixed or replaced (my OM has gone swimming with car remotes and recently, his new cell phone)-check ebay.  I would say that unless you are contemplating homicide, you might move that chandelier from over the jacuzzi (or at least make sure it's on a GFCI line)!  My husband tries to live by the same rules-must be your boy scout training. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.


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## taffy19 (Aug 20, 2007)

martygeorge79 said:


> Alan,
> 
> Some might say you're having a run of bad fortune. I'd say you're living life to its fullest, taking things as they come.
> 
> ...


My feelings too as they put things back into perspective.  Don't take life too seriously but live each day as it comes along.  Thanks for your little stories.


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## grest (Aug 20, 2007)

I have to admit that I'm smiling at your misfortunes...sorry...you just sound so human!!
Connie


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## barndweller (Aug 20, 2007)

Alan
Another golden nugget from the Chief!! :rofl: Your way with words is such a delight. Thank you for sharing your humorous perspective on life with us. Your posts here on TUG are my favorites.


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## falmouth3 (Aug 20, 2007)

*sympathy and a tip*

Sorry to hear about your run of bad luck.

One trick that I've used over the years if I have a morning flight is to stay as close to the airport as possible the night before.  I return my car, take the airport shuttle to hotel and relax that night and take the shuttle in the next morning.  It really reduces the stress factor.

Good luck.

Sue


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## Kittykatz (Aug 20, 2007)

*close encounters*

I guess misery loves company.. in this case clustsyness (even making up new words).. 

While warming up for a (usta) tennis match recently I was practicing my forehand but somehow missed my shoulder (racquet goes over the shoulder in a follow through) and hit my front tooth. I hit it so hard that I knew I did damage. After my lip stopped bleeding and the other team forfeited (never even played the damn match) I went home only to discover I cracked my front tooth. While it's still holding together I'm sure it's waiting to break off while I'm in Hilton Head next week. More recently I was taking many packages out of my mini van and somehow managed to close the back door on my forearm leaving a big black/blue. I also got out of the passenger side of my husbands car as we were going to a movie and trying not to touch the persons car parked next to us I scraped my arm on his mirror, leaving me a deep gauge on my arm. Oh did I mention that I'm right handed and all this was on my right arm! Remember I said I'm an avid tennis player! Not to mention the tennis elbow, shoulder and knee pain. A couple of alieve do the trick right before playing.

Ok and now for the plane goof.. which of course has an injury story that goes along with it...

Two years ago while (what else) playing tennis, I fell on the tennis courts wrist first (this time my left). On my way to the hospital I couldn't think how much I wanted to die because the pain was so incredible. After the x - rays and the morning in the hospital and in the orthopedists office I broke my wrist in at least 5 places. Good news of the day was that they were clean breaks so no surgery.  Now the plane story, all of this took place a week before we were to go to Hilton Head Island. This particular year we decided to fly instead of drive (14+ hours). I made the arrangements through American Express miles. We took my husbands car (4 runner) with the three kids in the back (18,15 and 12) to Newark airport. Figuring if we had to leave a car for a week at the airport it should be his.. We park in long term parking and shelp all the luggage (remember my arm is in a cast and I'm still taking oxy cotin for pain). We get to the ticket counter at Continental and I show them the piece of paper I printed way back when I arranged for the trip and.... not only had the flight been canceled but they have no records of my reservations. After much going back and forth and being inexperience with redeeming air miles, I didn't make a phone call or something and plans were all messed up. Needless to say here we are at Newark airport no tickets, 3 kids, small car, in a cast, taking pain killers etc.. we decided what the hey we're already an hour and half south we'll just keep going. While I didn't get to play any tennis that year, we did have a relaxing time on the beach. 

I'm going to be playing tennis this morning and we are leaving for HHI on Thursday...  Wish me luck!!! or pray for rain!!! lol

Oh yeah, leaving the house last year for our cruise to Alaska (got the air miles thing right, but was incredibly nervous and stressed about it) I stepped off our front step the wrong way and pulled something across my upper back.. took days to feel better, but went on every adventure and had a great time... 

ok, come on tuggers we can't be the only two! 

Life is full on many bumps and bruises along the way, think how boring life would be without them...  let's just hope they are all minor.

Lisa


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## AwayWeGo (Aug 27, 2007)

*Doofus Update.*

My fingers are OK now -- & after that doofus chandelier eposide I'm more careful getting into my terry robe after I shower down. 

The Chief Of Staff & I had a nice time during our accidental extra day in the American Heartland -- slept late, had a nice visit with relatives we have affectionate feelings for, shopped, relaxed, turned in early, & had no trouble catching our early-early Sunday morning flight home. 

The remote control for the car door locks works OK now that the key has dried out. 

I think I know where I can get an acceptable replacement for The Chief Of Staff's glass decanter I accidentally destroyed. 

All's well that ends well -- even for doofuses (doofi ?) (doofae ?)  (doofices ?).  

What's the plural of _doofus_ anyway ? 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## DaveNV (Aug 27, 2007)

AwayWeGo said:


> What's the plural of _doofus_ anyway ?




Threefus?  

Dave


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## Pat H (Aug 27, 2007)

As embarrassing as it is, I will add my doofus/clutz stories or 2 of them anyway. While walking from my car to a meeting at a Police Dept, I tripped on the sidewalk and broke my right elbow. That was 3 days before a LOV trip to Cancun and I'm right handed. Orthopedist said I could go on the trip, so I did. Had to give up my exit row seat when the FA noticed the sling on my arm. The LOV ladies were wonderful - cut my food, got me drinks, helped me get dressed, etc. Boy, did I milk that one. 

Have you ever met someone who got a concussion while bowling? You have now. I don't even want to explain that one!


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## happymum (Aug 28, 2007)

Thanks for the smiles! (and the nods of recognition)


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 23, 2008)

*Doofus Is As Doofus Does.*





-- hotlinked --​
-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA. ​


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## pjrose (Jul 24, 2008)

*Doofus Moment*

ok, since you've revived the post......

After visiting NYC our light colored car was filthy with all the soot and so forth.   On the way home to PA we drove through an automatic car wash.  Only problem was, we didn't consider the fact that it was January and well below freezing.....

As we rolled out of the car wash, our clean car was covered with a thick layer of ice!

Does this count as a doofus moment?


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## casey2 (Jul 24, 2008)

AwayWeGo said:


> In horn-player parlance, the injured digits are my 2nd-valve finger & my 3rd-valve finger.   That's because, unlike valve buttons on trumpets, cornets, tubas, etc., valve levers on horns are operated by the fingers of the left hand.  Not everybody is aware of that (BTW).  For instance, I got a nice greeting card illustrated by a beautiful photo of a top-quality horn.  The art director printed the photo so that the picture shows a mirror-image horn which, if it existed, would have to be operated by the right hand -- i.e., nobody at HallMark realized the photo negative had been flipflopped.  So it goes.
> 
> -- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​



Back in my Horn playing days, I had a bicycle accident, you know thowing on the front brake of a 10 speed while going really fast - and flipping over handle bars.
I had a severe skin affected injury to my right leg from the knee up  - now - where do you prop that horn.... I could have really used that right handed horn then.
Also - We marched with bell front horns that played like a trumpet with your right hand.... That was alway confusing.

I'm glad your fingers are better.


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## applegirl (Jul 24, 2008)

Alan,

You always make me laugh! Thank you.  I even got the spelling of your name right this time. 

Janna


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## Dori (Jul 24, 2008)

Alan, just remember, you are our very own entertaining , clever, and wildly popular TUG Doofus!  We all immensely enjoy your posts.

Try to stay out of trouble today!  

Dori


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 24, 2008)

*Fingers & Chops & Arms & Legs & Horns.*




casey2 said:


> Back in my Horn playing days, I had a bicycle accident, you know thowing on the front brake of a 10 speed while going really fast - and flipping over handle bars.
> I had a severe skin affected injury to my right leg from the knee up  - now - where do you prop that horn.... I could have really used that right handed horn then.
> Also - We marched with bell front horns that played like a trumpet with your right hand.... That was alway confusing.
> 
> I'm glad your fingers are better.


Thanks. 

The really good horn players -- i.e., virtually all the professionals & most of the highly skilled dilettantes (& I mean that in a _good_ way) -- don't prop the edge of the bell flare on the right leg.  They position the right hand inside the bell with the fingertips up near the bell throat in such a way that the horn is lifted up off the leg.  Doing that puts a load on the right arm & right shoulder, so lazier players (like me) are inclined to rest the bell rim on the leg anyhow.  So it goes. 

However that may be, I can play off-leg when required, e.g., when I'm playing in an ensemble that's performing while standing, when I played an off-stage obbligato while standing, when I'm showing off, etc.  

Since Day One with the horn, I had always propped it right there on my right leg.  That ended (temporarily) only when I took lessons (at age 40) from Dan Carter, who was 4th horn in the National Symphony Orchestra at the time.  He insisted on having all his students play off leg.  

The high point in my musical advancement was at 1 lesson with Dan Carter, when he held up a thumb & forefinger about an inch apart & said, "Alan, you're about _that close_ to being a good horn player."  That had me grinning ear to ear. 

The high point before that was when the late Bruce Nelson (formerly of the U.S. Air Force Band _Airmen Of Note_ ) was guest-soloing on trumpet with Fairfax Band.  The solo number he performed was _La Virgen De La Macarena_ (a flashy & razzle-dazzle bullfight fanfare tune) backed up by small brass ensemble rather than full band.  After his solo, Bruce told me, "Alan, you are the _loudest_ damned French horn player I have _ever_ heard." 

"Thanks, Bruce," I replied.  "Coming from you, I'm taking that as a compliment." 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Jul 24, 2008)

*Thank You.*




Dori said:


> Alan, just remember, you are our very own entertaining , clever, and wildly popular TUG Doofus!  We all immensely enjoy your posts.
> 
> Try to stay out of trouble today!
> 
> Dori


Nice of you to say, Dori.  I try to have fun with timeshares & timesharing & so also with TUG-BBS. 

As to wild popularity, that's subjective.  I mean, it's nice to have a TUG-BBS fan club, but not everybody is in it. 

Sometimes The Devil makes me send in stuff that's semi-pointed, & then I feel bad later when it gets people grumped off.  Nobody's perfect, etc., but I really need to learn how to dial it back a notch before I get people steamed unnecessarily.  

Shux, 1 time somebody on TUG-BBS got so seriously honked off at my Las Vegas "compound freebies" entry that he or she replied in terms so harsh that the Grand Pro erased the whole thing without a trace -- didn't "edit" it, mind you, to clean it up or tone it down, just caused the whole scathing reply to disappear as though it had never even been on TUG-BBS. 

So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## shagnut (Jul 24, 2008)

Lisa & Alan you are not the only ones. I am the Queen of Doofiness!! I'm so clutzy that oy if you get a boo boo or get hurt, etc, it's called a "shaggy" or shaggymoment or having a shaggy day.  BTW. Alan I love your tales.  Hugs, shaggy


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## AwayWeGo (Sep 23, 2008)

*The Doofus Moves Keep On A-Coming.*

I inherited a few shares of stock 6 years ago in a small company that got swallowed up last year by a medium-size company.  I received a notice saying where to send the old company stock certificate so I could receive equivalent shares in the new company. 

I knew that certificate was around here somewhere, but I couldn't like, uh -- er, ah, you know *. . .* _find_ the stock certificate.  

So I gave up & sent in a _Lost Certificate_ affidavit along with a nuisance fee for processing the stock transfer in the absence of the original stock certificate. 

Pretty soon the new shares showed up in the mail. 

Case closed ?

Not exactly. 

Today the old stock certificate showed up in a computer desk cubbyhole right next to the computer printer -- hiding in plain sight the whole time. 

What a _doofus !_ 

(Me, not you.) 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Nov 5, 2008)

*Hospital Doofus.*

The little box used for changing TV channels & for buzzing the Nurse Station was stuck just out of reach.  The wire I was pulling on to try getting it unstuck was actually a wire that is part of the hospital bed.  (Who knew?) 

After I discovered my mistake, the hospital bed would no longer elevate at the head end.  

The NIH maintenance guy who showed up couldn't get it working.  After a while somebody else showed up with a working hospital bed that they moved in & hooked up.  

I was not expecting to pull any doofus moves while I'm at NIH.  It just worked out that way.  Sheesh. 

-- Alan Cole. McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Oct 22, 2009)

*Sheet Music Doofus.*

I was trying to tidy up my combination music room & den upstairs when I realized that my green Super Giant mesh bag containing all my brass quintet music horn parts was nowhere to be found. 

Some musicians can memorize the tunes & play just fine without looking at printed music.  Others can improvise -- i.e., make up tunes on the spot & play by ear as they go along.  Not me.  I can't even play _Happy Birthday To You_ in the Key Of C without looking at the sheet music. 

So without that bag & its contents of 2 large 3-ring binders of horn music, I was in deep sludge.  

Thinking back to the last time I knew I had the music with me, I remembered a quintet rehearsal held in a regular classroom right before band rehearsal held in the high school band room.  

After quintet rehearsal, I was pretty sure I had taken my horn & my music bag & the school music stand I was using down to the band room.  All I could figure was that after band rehearsal, I forgot all about the bag of quintet music & went home without it. 

Recalling further the broken music stand I took home from the band room that night for flxa-fixa-fixa, I decided that loading up the music stand completely drove the bag of music out of my awareness.  What a _doofus!_  (Me, not you.) 

Even though most of 2 weeks had gone by before I thought of the left-behind music, I got in touch with the school's community activities person & explained my bonehead blunder with the forgotten music.  Next day, the coordinator called with the good news that the music had been found right where I suggested it might be.  I picked it up that afternoon, with much thanks to the community activities person for getting me out of a major serious jam. 

The amazing thing is not the number of doofus moves I pull by various acts of commission & omission.  What's amazing is how frequently I recover, thanks frequently (as in this case) to outside help. 

Thanks, friends. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## laurac260 (Oct 22, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> My standards of behavior for myself are not high -- stay out of jail, live clean & sober, not get into fistfights, pay my bills, not run around on my wife, treat people decently, not swear obscenely, wash my face, comb my hair, shave, trim my nails, etc.  In short, I strive to do more good than harm each day.  Sometimes that doesn't exactly work out.
> 
> In trying to straighten up & clean as I go & put things back where they belong, I accidentally knocked over & broke The Chief Of Staff's decorative cut-glass decanter.  An attempted repair with Crazy Glue was no good.
> 
> ...



Alan, I've been reading your posts, and I must say, your wife must be one lucky chick!  Nevermind your dufus moments.


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## AwayWeGo (Oct 22, 2009)

*The Other Way Round.*




laurac260 said:


> Alan, I've been reading your posts, and I must say, your wife must be one lucky chick!


Thanks for the kind words.  Much appreciated.

But the whole truth is that I'm the lucky one. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## ScoopKona (Oct 22, 2009)

I woke up once in Africa, and stretched and rammed my hand right into a metal ceiling fan going full-speed. I cut my index finger clear to the bone.

Nice scar for that one. I had to stitch it myself -- there was no doctor in town.

For every Linus Pauling or Neil deGrasse Tyson out there, there's about 500,000 of "us."


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 10, 2009)

*Doofus Moves Keep On A-Coming -- Even On Timeshare Vacation.*

When we checked in to our nice 2BR timeshare unit last Saturday, the freezer bin under the ice maker was full.  Preferring to start out fresh with new ice, we dumped all the old cubes into the sink.  Next morning, the kitchen sink had about 3 inches of standing water from the melted ice.  That afternoon, the water was still there, so I phoned maintenance to get the blocked sink drain cleared.  In a jiffy, 2 clean-cut maintenance guys were at the door, responding to the call.  They came in & took a look.  One guy reached through the water & took out the (black) stopper.  All the water ran right down the drain.  I just assumed the sink drain was open & never thought a stopper might be in place.  What a doofus !  (Me, not the maintenance guys.) 

Yesterday, after showering down following a pleasant swim in the resort pool plus floating 1 circuit through the resort lazy river & zooming down the resort water slide, I couldn't find my eyeglasses anywhere.  Looked all over the whole timeshare condo, in & under everything, tidying up as I went to make sure I didn't overlook any potential hiding places for a pair of specs.  Pretty soon there was nowhere left to look.  Even though I was pretty sure I had not worn my glasses to the pool, The Chief Of Staff suggested going back down to see if I was wrong about that.  A lifeguard said somebody turned in a set of glasses that a resort guest had found at the bottom of the pool, & those had been taken to the front desk.  The front desk person asked what kind of glasses I had lost, & promptly handed them over when I said a pair of man's trifocals.  What a doofus !  (Me, not the lifeguard or The Chief Of Staff or the front desk person.) 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## tchr54 (Dec 10, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> Thanks for the kind words.  Much appreciated.
> 
> But the whole truth is that I'm the lucky one.
> 
> -- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​



I have to second that remark!!  Each day I thank God for my DW!!!
Ed of Ed and Kay
Clinton, Mo


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 30, 2009)

*Doofus Move Of The Day.*

This morning, as usual, I loaded up the coffee maker with fresh, cold water & a fresh new paper filter & just the right number of scoops of ground coffee.  

I pushed the button, as usual.  

Coffee started brewing, as usual.  

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to place the glass coffee pot under the spout where the fresh-brewed coffee streams out. 

I discovered that omission when I saw an ocean of coffee flowing all over the kitchen counter & the floor & everything. 

What makes it worse is that I'm sure I am the ONLY person on Tug Two Dot Net or Tugbbs Dot Com who has EVER done that. 

What a _doofus_ ! 

( Me, not you. )

Sheesh. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Rose Pink (Dec 30, 2009)

Good morning, Alan!


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## Kay H (Dec 30, 2009)

Alan, it must be age.  I think we're pretty close in that area.  I don't drink coffee, so I haven't exactly mimicked your deed but I have done plenty of other things that equal your (your word) doofus.  As long as we can laugh at it, I guess we're safe.  I hope the day doesn't come when I no longer see te humor in it.


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 30, 2009)

*The Home For The Terminally Doofus.*




Kay H said:


> Alan, it must be age.


I've told The Chief Of Staff that when the time comes, she can just drop me off at the home. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Passepartout (Dec 30, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> I had forgotten to place the glass coffee pot under the spout where the fresh-brewed coffee streams out.
> 
> I discovered that omission when I saw an ocean of coffee flowing all over the kitchen counter & the floor & everything.
> 
> ...



I have not only done _that_ at least once, but on multiple occasions I've forgotten to dump the previous dregs from the carafe before instigating a max-fill fresh load. Same result. Same doofus. Different day.

Jim Ricks


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 30, 2009)

*Varieties Of Mr. Coffee Doofus Experience.*




Passepartout said:


> I have not only done _that_ at least once, but on multiple occasions I've forgotten to dump the previous dregs from the carafe before instigating a max-fill fresh load.


I usually finish off the last coffee in the pot every day.  

Plus, I am in the habit of swishing out the pot thoroughly after the coffee is gone, then using the pot to measure the water for the next batch of coffee.  (I don't trust the gradations inscribed on the water reservoir.)

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Passepartout (Dec 30, 2009)

AwayWeGo said:


> I usually finish off the last coffee in the pot every day.  Plus, I am in the habit of swishing out the pot thoroughly after the coffee is gone, then using the pot to measure the water for the next batch of coffee.-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​



I get into trouble when I brew a second pot in a day and don't finish it, and I don't have enough clearance above the trusty Capresso for it's own pot of water, so I have to use a stainless foaming pot ala high class coffee shoppe's to fill. 

We doofuses have found ways to mask our doofusisms. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.... Jim


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## AwayWeGo (Sep 8, 2010)

*Doofus Redemption.*

My pocket calendar that I seriously misplaced last month -- that I had given up on finding -- turned up this morning when I was not even looking for it.  

I know I had it at the knee doctor's office on August 17 -- even folded up a prescription slip & tucked that inside the cover -- but after I got home I couldn't find the calendar anywhere & I soon ran out of places to go look for it using the _Think System_.  I even phoned the 2 places I stopped for errands on the way home from the knee doctor.  What a doofus.  (Me, not you.) 

Oddly (or not), the calendar was in the deepest recess of a top drawer where I sometimes store the calendar for safekeeping when it's not in my pocket, but it was hidden under some other stuff way in a back corner.  That's why I didn't notice it there when I looked for it in that drawer right after it went lost.

So now once again I have all the stuff I had just resigned myself to living without -- phone numbers, addresses, dates where I'm supposed to go places & do things, various cards & slips of paper, photo of my grandson, TKR card, $50 emergency cash, copy of Medicare card, etc.

This is not the 1st time something that was "lost" turned up later.  I discovered a few years ago that in the overload of horns around here, I could no longer find a Conn 6D that The Hazardous Wind Ensemble lent me & would not let me return even after I retired from the Interior Department.  

Many months later the 6D turned up at my brother's house.  I had completely forgotten that he borrowed it, just for some tentative & experimental tooting, not with the idea in mind of changing permanently from tuba to horn.  When the 6D reappeared at my brother's house, he asked me to take it back because he had been done with it a long time.  That horn is now in the hands of a high school student we know,
although I don't know whether he stuck with horn & may still be playing.  So it goes.  (There are still too many French horns around here, but they're all accounted for & 1 "valvectomy" horn -- a modern horn with its valve & valve-slide cluster removed to simulate a classical-era "natural" horn -- is on eBay.  But that's another story.)

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Rose Pink (Sep 8, 2010)

My memory is slipping, too.  I get so frustrated looking for something that I know I see everyday but when I go to get it, I can't find it.


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 1, 2011)

*Doofus Adventures -- Automotive Division.*

We recently bought a near-new (i.e., used) car.  

One nice feature about buying a car that's used is that everything it's equipped with comes standard.  What it already has on it is everything that it's going to have.  What's not already there it's not going to have.  No options.  No problem.

We couldn't find an owner manual anywhere in the newish car, so I cleverly ordered an official replacement via eBay for $22 (including shipping), _Buy It Now_. 

Right after that, I noticed a special cubbyhole hidden away inside the glove compartment opening where the owner manual was stowed, out of the way but convenient & right at hand (if you know where it is). 

So the $22 with which I sprang for the eBay replacement owner manual is a needless expenditure that I could have used for some other productive purpose -- e.g., PowerBall tickets or some such. 

Now The Chief Of Staff & I will have His & Hers car owner manuals -- which we need like a frog needs a hair net. 

_What a doofus !_  (Me, not you.) 

So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## UWSurfer (Mar 2, 2011)

You could always re-list it on e-bay.


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 2, 2011)

*Doofus Redemption.*




UWSurfer said:


> You could always re-list it on e-bay.


Good idea. 

I expect that's what we'll do. 

No need around here for separate His & Hers dueling car owner manuals. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Mar 4, 2011)

*I Am Not The Only One.*

Click here for a selection of other people's adventures in doofus land. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (May 5, 2011)

*Doofus Blunder That's Instantly Self-Punishing.*

While demolishing an unneeded storage cabinet, using a maul, so that the wooden panels could be stacked in a large construction-style dumpster that was available, I quickly got the thing reduced to just 3 panels -- 2 ends & 1 middle. 

Standing what was left of the cabinet on 1 end, I noticed I could separate the other end piece just by pulling up on it, just so something was holding down the bottom end.  Otherwise the whole thing would just tip when I lifted up.

So, to hold the bottom down while I tore off the top, without looking down & noticing the sharp nail sticking up at the edge, I stepped right down on that edge with the protruding nail.  _Ow!_

Dang.  That nail stuck right through the rubber-sole shoe I had on & jabbed right into the meaty part of my foot in back of my 4th toe.  

I tried to shake off the hurt while completing the cabinet demolition & disposal job.  After a while it wasn't too bad.  I washed & dried the affected area & applied antiseptic ointment plus a band-aid, knowing I would still have to go in for a tetanus shot & possibly for treatment of the puncture wound if it didn't heal up pretty quick.  

Following total knee replacement surgery last year, I am under strict instruction from my orthopedic surgeon to guard against possible sources of infection.  I can't even go to the dentist unless I have a bunch of antibiotic medicine on board an hour ahead of the appointment.  

I called the orthopedic office to fess up about my doofus move.  The knee doctor said to go to my local family doctor, so I did.  

Noticing the hideous purple scar on my left knee, where the prosthetic joint had been installed surgically, the family doctor said, "Please tell me it's not your left foot that got hurt."  

Unfortunately, it _is_ my left foot.  The doctor poked around a bit to see if the wound site was swollen or reddened or tender (possible signs of infection).  Fortunately, it wasn't bad although it still hurt.   He shook his head & prescribed 500 mg of cephalexin to take 3 times daily for 10 days.  I escaped getting a tetanus shot because my most recent booster was less than 10 years ago & the doctor said those shots last for 10 years. 

Macho man that I sometimes pretend to be, I went ahead with my exercise routines on the day of the accident & the following day (wimpy workout 1 day, wimpy weights the next).  But yesterday I skipped it, thinking it just might be a good idea to take it easy on my hurt foot.  That paid off. It's so much better that now I hardly notice it at all -- even resumed wimpy workout this afternoon with no foot pain & no ill effects. 

I pretty much go round with an attitude of gratitude all the time anyway, because of the abundant life I have been given to live.  (Gratitude is the only honest & appropriate response.)  Today, because of so quick a recovery after such a doofus move Monday morning, every step has been an answered prayer. 

_Full Disclosure*:*_  That wasn't the 1st time I stepped on a nail.  When this house was under construction back in the mid-1980s, while walking around the site I got a real bad puncture wound from stepping on a nail when I had rubber-sole hush-puppy shoes on.  What made that a double-doofus move was the fact that I owned a pair of steel-shank & steel-toe work shoes but I didn't think to put those on before tromping around the new construction on our house in hushpuppies.  What a _doofus!_  (Me, not you.)   

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 28, 2011)

*How Many Doofuses Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb ?*

Only 1, but it took me all morning & part of the afternoon. 

The burnt-out bulb was on the underside of the over-the-stove microwave, strategically positioned to light up whatever is cooking on the range top. 

The bulb socket was behind a glass cover inside a tiny compartment on the underside of the microwave -- no problem, except that the glass part of the bulb separated from the screw base, leaving the base stuck in the bulb socket. 

Getting the broken-off base out of the bulb socket might not have been much toruble if _-- if --_ it had been possible to poke long-nose pliers or something similar into the base in a more or less straight-ahead way, so as to be able to unscrew the stuck base.  No such luck. 

Eventually I was able to bend all the metal edges of the bulb base inward so that I could start unscrewing the twisted wreckage using tiny long-nose pliers with their points poked into the center of the mass, without damaging the bulb socket.  

The replacement bulb works OK.  

All's well that ends well. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Patri (Dec 28, 2011)

Never tried it, but one suggestion is to stick a potato in the socket to twist it out.


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 28, 2011)

*Let There Be Light.*




Patri said:


> Never tried it, but one suggestion is to stick a potato in the socket to twist it out.


Short piece of carrot, maybe.  

Potato, doubtful in this instance.  

I think the veggie trick might work great when the glass is broken.  The jagged edge could dig into the potato or carrot, etc., & what's left of the light bulb might unscrew semi-easily by twisting the chunk of vegetable.  

The microwave light bulb did not break.  The glass part separated cleanly from the screw-in base.   Plus, the base is an odd intermediate size -- smaller than a refrigerator-type appliance bulb & larger than a night-light bulb.  

Main problem was getting at the socket containing the broken off bulb base, because of the bulb's recessed location.   

The lamp enclosure had practically no room to spare -- not a problem for removing & installing intact bulbs, but big problem when the glass part separates from the metal base.  

At least I had the presence of mind (this time) to disconnect the microwave from power before starting on the broken bulb removal project. 

No blood was shed.  No property was damaged.  No one experienced electrical shock.  Nothing, really, to complain about -- other than the effort it to remain patient & calm.  

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 30, 2011)

*Doofus Car Horn Transplant.*

We decided the standard-equipment horn on our small car is too feeble -- makes too little noise to warn anybody of anything, & is more likely to make people laugh than get out of the way.

So we ordered a set of auto horns designed to make the Nissan Cube honk more like a Buick Lucerne.

Ordering loud horns is the easy part.  Getting'm installed is the not-easy part. 

Fortunately, we found U-Tube video showing how to install car horns step by step -- same kind of car as ours, same kind of horns as the set we bought. 

Easy as pie.  Piece of cake. 

Unfortunately, the actual installation job didn't go just exactly as smooth as shown in the video.  Plus, the video leaves out or speeds over some of the key steps -- such as physically mounting the horns, what size fuse to install in the in-line fuse holder, where & how to mount the horn relay, etc.  Lacking that how-to information, we just improvised. 

Doofus that I am, I managed to fumble away 3 plastic clips needed for reattaching the grille, which had to be taken off not only to get at the old horn for de-installation, but also to provide access to the space for the new horns.  The clips are gone -- disappeared invisibly when I clumsily lost hold & they fell down into the lower recesses of the front of the car, somewhere below the radiator & completely out of sight.  

The car is back together now, new horn & all, except for those 3 clips.  I plan on buying 1 replacement clip from the car dealer.  The other 2 I'm not sure I can figure out how to install correctly anyway, so I'll see what happens by just doing without those.

Meanwhile, the car's original little apologetic _meep-meep_ horn is gone.  In its place now is an energetic & authoritative dual-done horn that blows with a major serious *HONK-HONK* that's more apt to get people's attention.  

Finished the job before it got dark outside.  No blood was shed, although the backs of both hands got scraped slightly while working in tight spots . No property was damaged, unless you count the loss of those 3 little grille-mounting clips.  No swear words or vulgarities were uttered.  In all, I can't complain. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Jan 3, 2012)

*Doofus Expired Safety Inspection Sticker.*




AwayWeGo said:


> Meanwhile, the car's original little apologetic _meep-meep_ horn is gone.  In its place now is an energetic & authoritative dual-done horn that blows with a major serious *HONK-HONK* that's more apt to get people's attention.


State safety inspection sticker on the car expired 12-31-2011, so we did not drive it on January 1, 2012. 

But bright & early on January 2, I drove to the end of the waiting line at an official inspection station, waiting my turn & moving a car-length ahead as each of the 2 cars ahead of me got driven into the inspection bay.

When it was my turn, the safety inspector got behind the wheel.  He tooted the aftermarket horn as he drove into the garage.  It blared nice & loud. 

The car passed inspection, new horn & all, so it is officially good to go for another year. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## UWSurfer (Jan 3, 2012)

I did the same with a Mitsubishi built Dodge D-50 pickup years ago, stopping by a junk yard & purchased a salvaged horn from a larger, american vehicle.   Fortunately it swapped out one for one with the horn just mounting under the hood on a fender.   

It made a significant difference when needed.


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## Passepartout (Jan 3, 2012)

Alan, has anyone else caught on that you have a bit of a horn fetish?

Jim


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## AwayWeGo (Jan 3, 2012)

*It's Not Just The Horn -- It's The Way That You Honk It.*



Passepartout said:


> Alan, has anyone else caught on that you have a bit of a horn fetish?


Click here & here for some TUG-BBS reading material about car horns & musical horns. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## spirits (Jan 3, 2012)

*Courtesy of my DH*

Have you ever met someone who got a concussion while bowling? You have now. I don't even want to explain that one! 


You need to let go of the ball!!!


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## AwayWeGo (Jan 26, 2012)

*Doofus Car Safety Inspection.*




AwayWeGo said:


> The car passed inspection, new horn & all, so it is officially good to go for another year.


On the windshield sticker showing that the car passed safety inspection, the official inspector wrote "Scion" in the space for the make of the automobile. 

It's a Nissan. 

I didn't notice till we were timeshare vacationing in Florida a couple of weeks later. 

So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Feb 3, 2012)

*Double Dose Of Doofus Appliance Repair.*

The Chief Of Staff noticed that the washing machine would not fill with hot water or warm water, only cold.  That made it my duty to figure out the problem & get it fixed, preferably pronto. 

Fortunately I did not start off by tearing into the washing machine.  Before trying that, I wanted to make sure the water hose connected to hot was actually supplying a steady flow. 

So I disconnected the hot water hose at the washing machine end, inserted the loose end into a 1/2 gallon container, & turned on the water.  

At 1st a little came out, then more, then nothing.  It acted as if something was stuck inside the hose.  While I went to the basement for a replacement, The Chief Of Staff went outside & connected the faulty hose to the garden hose spigot & turned it on.  Nothing happened, she reported. 

l went out & screwed the other end of the hose onto the spigot & turned on the water.  Plenty flowed through that way.  Apparently the hose is equipped with some kind of tricky internal auto-stop anti-flood feature that only works in 1 direction.  (A tag stuck on the hose -- that I never read before -- says something about that.  Who knew?)

So I reconnected the formerly faulty hose to the washing machine, with the water flowing through the same direction as when it tested OK outside.  

So far, so good. 

Why the hose worked OK for as long as it did while hooked up backwards cannot be explained.  So it goes.  

Meanwhile, our niece's clothes dryer quit heating.  No problem.  We are experienced at zombie dryer repair, bringing deadsters back to life more times than we can recount.  

From the basement miscellaneous box, I brought up a selection of likely parts -- heater element, thermistor, thermostat, etc.  With that stuff plus a bunch of tools & testers packed in the car, we drove on over to our niece's house. 

With the front off the dryer & the top panel loose, I used a circuit tester on the heater element (OK), the safety thermostat (OK), & the thermistor (OK). I also checked the centrifugal switch on the drive motor (OK).  All those parts tested good & the heat still did not come on.  Shux. 

Next I managed to open up the control panel for a look at the heat control & main timer switch, which were surrounded by a formidable-looking array of wires & switches & 1 imposing electronic circuit board.

The circuit board was a red flag.  I understand electricity (more or less) -- either it's on or it's off.  Electronics are something else again that I don't pretend to understand 1 bit.  

Fortunately some folded-up sheets of paper tucked inside the control panel contained a check-list for various operational problems, including no heat.  Most of the things on the list I had already tested.  The remaining untested items were (a) the electronic control & (b) the heater relay.  

I decided to take a chance on the heater relay.  For only $33 (including tax) I got an OEM replacement from the nearby Trible's store.  If that took care of the problem, fine.  If replacing the relay did not fix it, then I was out of luck.  No way I would spring for a costly replacement electronic control without having a lots better idea of what I was doing. 

Connecting the new heater relay involved 2 screws + 4 wires on quick-connect push-on terminals.  After putting that on, I tried out the dryer before putting it all back together.  Within seconds, the heat element warmed up & started to glow, so I declared the heat problem fixed & went about reinstalling the drum & the belt & the top panel & the front panel & the control panel & all that.  The dryer is once again good to go -- for now. 

None of that stuff was on my Secret Agenda for today, which mainly envisioned just drinking coffee & typing on the electric computer & maybe practicing horn a little & going to Planet Fitness for a routine session on the hamster wheel.  But with help from The Chief Of Staff, both unplanned non-agenda items got taken care of without much fuss or trouble. 

Is this a great country or what ? 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Passepartout (Feb 3, 2012)

Good Job, Alan!    You are my hero on more than one level.

I consider myself fairly handy and have a workbench to prove it. (no job worth doing is not worth buying a new tool or two) However, tearing into the bowels of household appliances is pretty much the domain of the appliance repair guy. Maybe when I'm your age,   enough of your confidence will have rubbed off for me to attack these, but I'm afraid that age-wise I'm already nipping at your heels and I detect no rubbing.

Looking forward to the continuing adventures! 

Jim


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## Talent312 (Feb 3, 2012)

I stopped patting myself on the back on the day when (a few years ago), I tried to to change out a shower valve w/o shutting off the water supply, and had to call the city out to cut off the master valve while we bailed water out of the tub thru a window. It made the time I shorted out the stove becuz I forgot  to trip the circuit breaker seem like small potatoes.


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## AwayWeGo (Sep 24, 2012)

*Anopther Doofus Move -- I Spilled Coffee Onto The Computer Keyboard.*

I was typing away on a new eBay listing -- just a miscellaneous item, not a French horn -- & a careless hand gesture dumped my steaming mug of fresh-brewed decaf all over my USB keyboard. 

The careless gesture was not the problem. 

The problem was carelessly setting the mug on the computer desk right next to the keyboard, where it created a spill hazard no matter how carefully I thought I was handling it.  

Fortunately, I had a spare USB keyboard stashed in an upstairs closet, just in case something unfortunate happened to the keyboard that was connected to the computer.  That's because I am not the 1st person around here to spill a beverage on the keyboard while computing.  After it happened the other time, I made sure we had a spare keyboard on hand in just in case. 

What makes this episode even worse is that it's exactly the kind of thing I have cautioned others against time & again -- & now I go & do it myself.  

What a doofus !  

(Me, not you.)

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Patri (Sep 24, 2012)

Did you put the wet one in a bag of rice?


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## AwayWeGo (Sep 24, 2012)

*At Least It Was Just A Keyboard & Not A Folding Portable Computer.*




Patri said:


> Did you put the wet one in a bag of rice?


Keyboard that got coffee spilled all over it is disconnected & air-drying in an upside-down position. 

In 6 months or a year, after it's had plenty of time to dry, maybe I'll hook it up & see whether it works. 

I'm assuming it won't. 

So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## tuc (Sep 25, 2012)

AwayWeGo said:


> Keyboard that got coffee spilled all over it is disconnected & air-drying in an upside-down position.
> 
> In 6 months or a year, after it's had plenty of time to dry, maybe I'll hook it up & see whether it works.
> 
> ...



You may want to rinse it with clean water before hanging it to dry. Not only might it wash away some crud (which, unless it's conductive crud, I guess wouldn't matter much) but it should smell less like coffee when it's dry.

It shouldn't take anywhere near six months to dry and, though it's not a sure thing, it is likely to work again.


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## AwayWeGo (Oct 10, 2012)

*Coffee-Showered Keyboard Working Again -- Mostly.*




tuc said:


> It shouldn't take anywhere near six months to dry and, though it's not a sure thing, it is likely to work again.


Keyboard that coffee spilled onto is dried out & reconnected -- works OK, except sometimes letter "v" doesn't type.  

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Oct 11, 2012)

*Flying Orange Juice Doofus.*

Got aboard an AirTran Boeing 717 for a 6:30 AM flight from DCA to MCO -- didn't need to be in Orlando that early, just took advantage of a low fare.  

Only mishap was spilling complimentary orange juice all over myself & the unfortunate passenger seated next to me.

At my advanced age, I should be able to drink unadulterated orange juice without any trouble.  Lamentably, that was not the case today.

What a doofus!  (Me, not you -- and not the guy I spilled juice on.)

Then again, if that's the worst thing that happens all week, I can gratefully live with it.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 4, 2012)

*What Goes Round Comes Round.*




AwayWeGo said:


> Got aboard an AirTran Boeing 717 for a 6:30 AM flight from DCA to MCO -- didn't need to be in Orlando that early, just took advantage of a low fare.
> 
> Only mishap was spilling complimentary orange juice all over myself & the unfortunate passenger seated next to me.


When that October juice spill happened, I was in an AirTran aisle seat & the guy who got spilled on was in the middle seat to my right. 

Yesterday, on an AirTran flight from Atlanta to DCA, I was in a middle seat next to another passenger in an aisle seat to my left.  I ordered orange juice & drank it without spilling any.  The passenger to my left spilled her hot coffee, with most of it soaking my left leg.  

Fortunately, the liquid was not not scalding hot, just plenty warm.  No injuries, not even any pain.  

The lady who spilled her coffee on me was terribly embarrassed, just as I was when I was in her position & spilled orange juice on somebody.  I mentioned my doofus orange juice spill on that prior flight, adding, "I know just how you feel -- & in fact, in a way it's poetic justice." 

No harm.  No foul.  The score is even. 

Meanwhile, several keys that were working for a while on the dried out coffee-spilled computer keyboard are working no longer.  It's tricky trying to complete E-Mail messages, etc., without being able to type the number _1_ or the letter _v_.  Fortunately I had a spare USB keyboard in storage, so The Chief Of Staff hooked that up (because she's more deft at it than I am) & now we're typing on all keys once again. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Passepartout (Dec 4, 2012)

Hard to beat poetic justice ain't it? Payback is a female dog.

Now, I don't know where I heard or read this, but once upon a time, I heard you could run a keyboard through the dishwasher. Just allow it to dry thoroughly afterwards. It was said to work fine, and if you have nothing to lose with one that's experienced a spill, give it a go.

Jim


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 13, 2012)

*Double Booked For Brass Quintet Gigs.  What A Doofus!  (Me, Not You.)*

Potomac Brass Quintet has a 2-hour performance engagement this evening in Fairfax VA. 

Legacy Brass Quintet has a 1-hour performance engagement starting at the same time out in Manassas VA. 

Unfortunately (for me), I didn't find out about the Legacy gig till last week.  I am assured that it's been on the books for weeks.  _Mox nix_, I had the Potomac Brass gig on the calendar but not the Legacy Brass gig. 

Fortunately, a good horn-playing friend (who plays rings around me) came through to fill in for me with Legacy Brass.  He showed up for rehearsal in my place Tuesday & is all set to cover the Legacy performance tonight. 

I don't know whether to ascribe my missing the Legacy date to inattention or to hearing loss.  Either way, it's on me to keep track of when I'm spozed to be playing & where & with whom.  No excuses.  

Flubbing the dates is a big embarrassment that I hope not to repeat. 

What a doofus !

(Me.  Not you.)

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## shagnut (Dec 13, 2012)

I love your posts. Some of my crazeyness, Stepped on a sea urchin in St Johns , lost my drivers license (same trip) Couldn't walk, when I got home it took hours to get the needles out of my foot. 

Got a cuncusion in San Franciso when my rental scooter turned over backwards and hit my head on the tarmack. 

 I've had two accidents at 2 water parks, one in Las Vegas & once in Daytona. Both with trips to ER & both while on vacation. 

Stepped in a pothole at Bandelier Nat'l Monument & almost broke my 
bad ankle but thank goodness I was wearing my leg brace so it didn't break. 

There are plenty more but here is the best one , and it is so bad I've never told it before: Are you ready????

I dislocated my elbow wiping my butt on the toilet!!   :annoyed: I had to go to the emergency room to have it put back in.  
It was the same day I came back from vacation.  

I think I win!!  shaggy


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## AwayWeGo (Dec 27, 2012)

*Gave Up On Coffee-Spilled Keyboard.*




AwayWeGo said:


> Keyboard that coffee spilled onto is dried out & reconnected -- works OK, except sometimes letter "v" doesn't type.


Letter "v" that quit typing did not come back.  

Fully functional replacement keyboard from Amazon Dot Com is now installed where its coffee-damaged predecessor used to be.

Old keyboard is out of here.

So it goes. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## AwayWeGo (Apr 26, 2015)

*Delaware Doofus.*




AwayWeGo said:


> What a doofus !
> 
> (Me, not you.)


Out in back of our dinky non-traveling travel trailer this afternoon, I was cutting back some heavy growth behind our site at the little campground near Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. 

Unfortunately I did not remember to be careful of the satellite TV cable till right after I snipped through it with the pruning shears.   

What a doofus !

( Me, not you. ) 

Fortunately, The Chief Of Staff quickly located a suitable length of appropriate coaxial cable, with end-connectors already installed.  

It didn't take long to get the damaged cable out & the replacement cable placed & connected.  The TV works. 

I'll be more careful next time I'm doing anything with pruning shears. 

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## MuranoJo (Apr 27, 2015)

Where would you be without your 'Chief of Staff?'  Sounds like she's a keeper.


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## AwayWeGo (Apr 28, 2015)

*A Keeper For Sure.*




MuranoJo said:


> Where would you be without your 'Chief of Staff?'  Sounds like she's a keeper.


I would be in deep sludge without her.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​


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## Talent312 (Apr 28, 2015)

I am in awe of your achievements in doofusness and doubt I could come close.

Recently, when changing a shower-valve trim, I pulled the valve off the pipes.
The "dome-cover" was sticking and I wrenched the whole assembly apart.
The plumber only charged me ~$500 for what started out as a $50 update.

_Ces la vie... It's only $$..._
.


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