# DD was punched by a boy, has a concussion



## pjrose (Mar 5, 2010)

Tuesday afternoon in study hall a boy punched my daughter in the face.  It was more of a stupid thing than a malicious attack; he said he was having a lousy day and wanted to punch her in the face, she said something along the lines of "yeah, I doubt you'd really do that," and he did.  The teacher was apparently otherwise occupied, so didn't see it.  DD reported the incident to the principal the next day.

She had a bad headache (centered in the middle of the forehead where he hit her) and was dizzy all Tuesday, saw the school nurse Wednesday still with the headache and dizziness plus blurred vision, and by Thursday night was also nauseated, weak, and staggering so I took her to the ER.  She passed out in the ER waiting room.  (I'm not recommending this, but the fast track from the waiting room to being seen is to faint on the waiting room floor.)  She has a history of recurrent syncope - fainting - apparently related to low BP, though this one doesn't seem connected to her low BP.

The ER diagnosed her with a concussion and said the symptoms might last for weeks.  Fortunately there is no school today, so she's got a three day weekend to rest.  

The ER asked if the assault (their word, though I guess it's technically correct) was reported to the police.  We said no, it was reported to the principal.  I don't know if the ER is mandated to follow up with the police.  

Apparently the boy who hit her does not have a good history (I'm being deliberately vague since I can't verify the various things I've heard).  He's in martial arts - I am too, and one of the things that's stressed is learning control.  He seems to have missed that one.  We also learn techniques and attacks that are more powerful than they may appear, which may have been the case here.

I've asked for her study hall to be switched, and alerted the school nurse to the concussion.  

I don't remember high school being like this when I went.


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## l2trade (Mar 5, 2010)

The boy should be reported to police.  High school should NOT be like this.


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## Rose Pink (Mar 5, 2010)

Sending prayers and hopeful thoughts your DD's way.  It was an assault.  The boy and his parents need to be notified.  Hopefully, your daughter will recover fully but his next victim may not.


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## Passepartout (Mar 5, 2010)

Absolutely report it to the school and the police. This is a bruise on her brain and when it happens to a soldier, it's called 'traumatic brain injury'. While I am not a medical professional of any kind, I am married to an attorney. And that part of me says to have a record of everything. 

The boy who caused this 'just because he wanted to hit her' should be held responsible. If, after some time period, she seems to have no lingering effects, you can tell the boy that he got off lucky, not before you know the outcome.

*Addition: The young man and his parents should be presented with your daughter's ER bill (whether or not covered) as a disincentive for his actions.*

Jim Ricks


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## Tia (Mar 5, 2010)

None of the other kids saw this either?
 Something happened to now graduated son in school parking lot last year, another student driving recklessly nearly hit him... had to jump and roll onto the oncoming vehicles hood. Other witnesses, kids, went with him to the office........ but NOTHING happened , we were not notified as he had just turned 18! School did not report it to police either.  Driver had bad rep and think my son may have been willing to let it go to prevent another incident... 



pjrose said:


> ...  The teacher was apparently otherwise occupied, so didn't see it.  DD reported the incident to the principal the next day.
> 
> .....


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## 1950bing (Mar 5, 2010)

Follow through with check-ups. Head trumas are not to be taken lightly and she should be rechecked again in a month, maybe by a specialist.


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## ace2000 (Mar 5, 2010)

This is a rough deal for sure... Has the school said or done anything helpful yet? Hopefully there was a witness to the attack. At the least, someone should be paying for these medical expenses.

I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this unfortunate event.


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## pjrose (Mar 5, 2010)

*Yes, at least one witness, who didn't think it was a big deal at the time*



Tia said:


> *None of the other kids saw this either?*
> Something happened to now graduated son in school parking lot last year, another student driving recklessly nearly hit him... had to jump and roll onto the oncoming vehicles hood. Other witnesses, kids, went with him to the office........ but NOTHING happened , we were not notified as he had just turned 18! School did not report it to police either.  Driver had bad rep and think my son may have been willing to let it go to prevent another incident...



Yes, at least one did - I talked to her - she thought it wasn't a big deal, and was putting blame on DD for remarking that she didn't think the boy would really hit her.  I told the girl that no matter what, there was no excuse for punching someone in the face.  She's seen DD get worse and knows about the concussion and blacking out, so knows now that DD wasn't making a big deal about nothing.  

And sorry to hear about your son - that's terrible, and I'm amazed at the school's lack of reaction


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## Tia (Mar 5, 2010)

Blaming the victim is never right and we all have to remember that sometimes. Ya I was pretty surprised our hs failed to react and report more myself. But then with other prior experiences in same district seems things are buried a lot, don't rock the boat theory?.




pjrose said:


> Yes, at least one did - I talked to her - she thought it wasn't a big deal, and was putting blame on DD for remarking that she didn't think the boy would really hit her.  I told the girl that no matter what, there was no excuse for punching someone in the face.  She's seen DD get worse and knows about the concussion and blacking out, so knows now that DD wasn't making a big deal about nothing.
> 
> And sorry to hear about your son - that's terrible, and I'm amazed at the school's lack of reaction


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## Kay H (Mar 5, 2010)

pjrose said:


> .
> 
> I'm amazed at the school's lack of reaction




I'm not.  I worked in a high school for 30 yrs and when I was assaulted by a student (pushed, not punched)  I reported to the principal and the police and my principal said to me "We decided it didn't happen" we meaning him and an assistant principal.  I came close to assaulting the principal.


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## geekette (Mar 5, 2010)

PJ, I am so sorry.  I'm relatively speechless but will certainly come back with something more supportive.


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## jlwquilter (Mar 5, 2010)

I am not sirprised at the school's lack of action either. This is akin to not saying "I'm sorry" at an accident... don't admit fault or it can get even worse. If the school does something before it absolutely has to, it's admitting something happened. And then it may (and in this case should be IMHO) be held responsible... liable. The child was in school, in a supposedly supervised room and was assulted. The school can be looking at a law suit. They will continue to hope it all goes away until forced to do otherwise.


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## itchyfeet (Mar 5, 2010)

You do not have to wait for the school to report this to police.  You can do it, and I'd do it ASAP.  My granddaughter (a 9th grader)  was being bullied and then physically assaulted on school property by another girl.  My son reported this to the sherrif (and school authorities, of course) and the girl was suspended.  It is important that this boy get some help if he can't control his actions before he injures someone else (or your daughter again).


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## brigechols (Mar 5, 2010)

I agree with previous posters - file a police report and present his parents with the ER bill.  In addition, follow-up with the school principal. I cannot fathom why the school administrators would not provide in-school suspension pending an investigation. They may be slow to react given the lack of supervision provided during study hall. Nevertheless, this kid needs to be separated from the school population and ultimately kicked out of school.


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## BevL (Mar 5, 2010)

I would definitely be filing a police report.  Who knows what may come of it, maybe nothing, but perhaps the young man will be forced to deal with what appears to be obvious aggression/anger issues.

As well, here in the province I live, there is government compensation that can be applied for by victims of crime.  Usually a police report is required.  Although we are all certainly hoping your daughter's symptoms are short term and heal up quickly, it that doesn't happen, you may need some assistance.  As well, she may need some counselling if the incident leaves her more emotionally shaken than what might seem to be the case now.  And if you decided to take some sort of action against the boy/parents/school board, correct reporting would be helpful.  Hopefully that won't be needed, but again, it's a bit early to tell.

I hope she is all right.  I'd guess that when most of us went to school, we felt it was a pretty safe place.  I guess it's a comment on the way the world is going.  

Bev


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## ricoba (Mar 5, 2010)

I am sorry this happened to your daughter.  

I am also very sorry that the school did not report this incident to the police.  Schools need to let the police figure out the legalities of the issue.  

I know horseplay happens in schools, but in my mind there is a thin line between horseplay and assault.  This is why, again in my view, schools need to become more diligent regarding any "hands on" horseplay.  It's too easy for horseplay to turn into an event like this.


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## gmarine (Mar 5, 2010)

Definitely take the advice and file a police report. Its assault pure and simple and he should be arrested. The student should also be expelled, and in most districts would be. Also report the incident to your school districts superintendent and school board. 

And I hate to say this but I would also contact an attorney. You never know what other sort of costs come up with an injury like this and you want to keep all your options open.


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 5, 2010)

You need to press *criminal charges *against the criminal who attacked your daughter.  Please accept my prayers for your daughter's speedy recovery.


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## pjrose (Mar 5, 2010)

I don't know that the school didn't or won't report it to the police.  I have almost always found the school's teachers and administration to be responsive, and I don't think they're blowing it off. 

DD initially reported it to one of the principals (big school - there are six) Wednesday afternoon, the day after it happened.  He told her to write out a report with "her" principal Thursday AM.  The second principal said he would deal with it.  She didn't see the boy Thursday, so either he was absent or removed. 

We didn't know about the concussion till Thursday night.  Today (Friday) there is no school.  It is quite possible that the shool filed or plans to file a report, but I won't know that till Monday.   

I'm not too sure how the police would look at the incident given that DD's comment could be seen as contributing to it.  I'd hope they wouldn't blame the victim, but ??


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## Jya-Ning (Mar 5, 2010)

Sorry about what happen to your DD.  You may want to talk to her to make sure she is mentally o.k. also.

just saw a news, apparently, Japanese princess (8 years old), also had similar situation happened at school, she did not tell the parents, but when tries go to school, she start feeling pain.  Only at that moment, the parent find out there is boy(s) that punchs serveral kids including the princess.  Sounds like they are still trying to figure out what is the best approach of it.

Jya-Ning


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## Patri (Mar 5, 2010)

pjrose said:


> I'm not too sure how the police would look at the incident given that DD's comment could be seen as contributing to it.  I'd hope they wouldn't blame the victim, but ??



I don't know why they would think she wanted to be hit. I believe they will handle it professionally.
In our school, he would be expelled and sent to an alternative school. The administrators and police work well together. Hope DD comes out just fine, but this boy needs help.


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## SueDonJ (Mar 5, 2010)

Oh how awful for your daughter - I'm sure she thought that she was just a part of some normal teenage goofy behavior and must be shocked at how things turned out. And scared about her injury, too!  You must be so worried, pj.

Does the school or your police department have a School Resource Officer?  (That's what we have, yours might use a different title ...)  If so, chances are that s/he will receive a report from the principal about this, although it may take a few days.  In the meantime, you could call first thing Monday morning and speak to the officer yourself.  They are there to help your daughter and want to know when these types of things happen, so you shouldn't be worried about stepping on the principal's toes or anything like that.

You also could call your local police now, the main number and not 911, and tell the officer who answers what's happened.  S/he'll be able to direct you to the school resource officer, if there is one, or an officer on duty to take your statement.  I think this is what I would be doing now, if I was in your shoes.  You want to be able to let go of stress related to a report sooner rather than later, so that you can focus on your daughter's health.  A 3-day weekend is a long time to wait when an interview with the principal is on the horizon. 

I wouldn't present the boy's parents with an ER bill or anything else right now, because sadly, a concussion can cause recurring issues.  You don't want to close any future doors that you may need to be open at some time.  You don't need to develop an adversarial relationship with his parents, either (although it doesn't sound like that's how you're leaning) - if the school and/or police are looking into this the way they should, you'll have an opportunity probably to see them face-to-face and judge their reaction.

All good thoughts for you and your daughter, pj, just all good thoughts ....


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## BevL (Mar 5, 2010)

pjrose said:


> I'm not too sure how the police would look at the incident given that DD's comment could be seen as contributing to it.  I'd hope they wouldn't blame the victim, but ??



I wouldn't think so.  I mean, if they were both five and she said, "I dare you," and he hit her, I could maybe understand that.  But at that age a time out and/or other consequences would handle it.

These are young adults.  I can't believe anyone would try to justify his response, especially since it seems from your initial account that your daughter wasn't the one responsible for his "lousy day," just happened to be the closest person when he decided he needed to hit somebody.


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## ricoba (Mar 5, 2010)

Patri said:


> I don't know why they would think she wanted to be hit. I believe they will handle it professionally..



I concur with this.  

That is unless you live in Mayberry and Barney Fife shows up.  

But I am sure most police departments consider the potentially serious ramifications of this issue and will deal with it professionally.


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## laurac260 (Mar 5, 2010)

I am so sorry to hear this happened to your daughter.  But I don't care if your daughter said, "go ahead, punch me, I dare you..."  That still doesn't give someone the right to punch her. (glad she DiDN'T say that, though!)  

I really do not have anything else to add that hasn't already been said.  Sounds like good advice has already been doled out.  But it can't be said enough, keep an eye on her and her symptoms, just in case.


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## DebBrown (Mar 5, 2010)

No... it doesn't matter a bit what your daughter said to the boy.  He is the one that assaulted her - actually it's battery.  I would go ahead and file a police report.  Get it out of the way and focus on your daughter's health.

Deb


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## JudyH (Mar 5, 2010)

I am so sorry this happened to your child.  She must feel sick and embarrassed.  Most schools have a zero tolerance policy.  This includes physical aggression, regardless of how it started.  The school may discipline the boy, but I would bet my tiger trader timeshare week they would not report it to the police.  As the parent, you need to report it, and probably get an order of protection for your daughter.

I am a health professional, I have worked as a mental health consultant to many many schools, I have seen situations like this escalate into further bullying, ostraciszm of the victem, social problems.  At some point later, your daughter may ask why you didn't protect her more and report it to the police.

Unreported, this boy may impulsively hurt someone else soon.

JMHO (sort of )


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## Rose Pink (Mar 5, 2010)

BevL said:


> I would definitely be filing a police report. Who knows what may come of it, maybe nothing, but perhaps the young man will be forced to deal with what appears to be obvious aggression/anger issues.
> 
> As well, here in the province I live, there is government compensation that can be applied for by victims of crime. Usually a police report is required. ....
> 
> Bev


Some states also have *crime victims reparation*.  A police report must be filed and if it is determined that a person is a victim of a crime, she can submit claims for reimbursement for medical care, etc that are related to the crime.  It's like filing an insurance claim. 

As I said earlier, I hope your daughter fully recovers.  It's time to consider the perp's next victim.  Get him some help before it occurs.  File a report.  If this was a first-time offense, I might just talk with the school and his parents but you indicated he'd had problems before.


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## ace2000 (Mar 5, 2010)

Yes, basically the way you've described the situtation... the boy is going to need some kind of help.  Can you imagine what else he could be capable of doing later in his life?  Obviously this guy is the result of a first cousin marriage (or something like that).


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## ricoba (Mar 5, 2010)

*from facebook....*

Here is a direct quote from my *adult nieces* posting on facebook this morning....

_"Please copy and paste this to your status, if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except a punch in the face._"

Now I am just surmising, but could this quote making it around the internet on sites like facebook and kids are taking it seriously?

It happened here locally, when kids started punching/hitting/kicking redheaded children, because they thought it was kick or hit a ginger day (redhead).  I guess this came from South Park and then onto facebook etc and kids took it literally.

BTW, my niece who posted this is the mother of 3 and a woman in her 30's, which is just sad in my view!


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## laurac260 (Mar 5, 2010)

ricoba said:


> Here is a direct quote from my *adult nieces* posting on facebook this morning....
> 
> _"Please copy and paste this to your status, if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except a punch in the face._"
> 
> ...



hmmm...not sure about you, but I'd be real tempted to take the OP's post, add a blurb about "I'm not exactly sure why this boy did what he did, but his friends said something about something going around on FB", and send it your niece.  I'd be willing to bet she'd think twice about what she puts on her FB page.


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## pjrose (Mar 5, 2010)

ricoba said:


> Here is a direct quote from my *adult nieces* posting on facebook this morning....
> 
> _"Please copy and paste this to your status, if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except a punch in the face._"
> 
> ...



I'm speechless.  I Googled it and it's all over the web.  It's probably considered a big Yuk, but DD has certainly not been laughing this week.  And yes, that's sad.   



laurac260 said:


> hmmm...not sure about you, but I'd be real tempted to take the OP's post, add a blurb about "I'm not exactly sure why this boy did what he did, but his friends said something about something going around on FB", and send it your niece.  I'd be willing to bet she'd think twice about what she puts on her FB page.



Great idea.


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## hvacrsteve (Mar 5, 2010)

I remember in school I had a few punks hit me!
I beat the tar out of all of them, after that no one ever touched me again.
In fact all the girls were all over me after that for protection.

It is never easy going through that, because yes I got in trouble for hitting back but I proved my point and was left alone.

The problem today is the parents and the schools in general, evryone blows everything out of proportion.

I wish you well with this, just remember to tackle it with strength and not weakness.

No one respects a weakling!


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## ricoba (Mar 5, 2010)

pjrose said:


> I'm speechless.  I Googled it and it's all over the web.  It's probably considered a big Yuk, but DD has certainly not been laughing this week.  And yes, that's sad.



I didn't realize it was all over the web.  I am sorry to hear that.  It is troubling think that our young people may be taking random advice from total strangers that they think is funny and then act on it.


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## Wonka (Mar 5, 2010)

I would also suggest reporting it to the police providing the name of the other girl that witnessed the situation, so they can speak to her.  If it's confirmed, file charges.  His family should be responsible for the medical bills, not your insurance company and the boy should be disciplined.

When I was in HS, I was in a wood shop class and another student whacked me across the face with a board.  He was in the tool cage, being teased and thought I was someone else.  I didn't report it to anyone, although he broke my glasses.  I could have lost an eye.  I felt sorry for him, but shouldn't have.  Folks need to learn to control their anger.


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## laurac260 (Mar 5, 2010)

pjrose said:


> I'm speechless.  I Googled it and it's all over the web.  It's probably considered a big Yuk, but DD has certainly not been laughing this week.  And yes, that's sad.   /QUOTE]
> 
> Yep, I did a very quick scan of my fb page and one of my 42 year old fb "friends" has it posted as well.  I quickly mentioned what happened to your DD.  About a half hour later I checked again and she had removed it.  I don't seriously think that she put it there to promote violence against anybody, however...


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## Liz Wolf-Spada (Mar 6, 2010)

I would hate to think that a stupid facebook post would actually encourage someone to punch someone else, but who knows? I agree, file a formal police report and also file a formal report with the school police or the district office to make sure it is not lost in the chaos of a large high school. I would ask the witness to write and sign a statement and include that also.
I hope you daughter feels better soon. What seems especially frightening is that if he knows martial arts, he, as you said, may have hit her with more force than he intended, what might have been goofiness turned into serious assault and battery.
Liz


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## Icc5 (Mar 6, 2010)

*Martial Arts*

Over the years I have found lots of people claim to be trained, maybe he was and maybe not.  I would find out by who and if real, talk to his instructor.
I taught for aprox. 10 years and some kids/adults need special training.
We concentrated on self defense and disipline and had ways to deal with people that lost their temper.  Usually long hard workouts can change the way a person acts or reacts.  Hopefully this person isn't already past that and has a long time to learn.
Bart


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## pjrose (Mar 6, 2010)

Liz Wolf-Spada said:


> I would hate to think that a stupid facebook post would actually encourage someone to punch someone else, but who knows?  . . . .
> 
> if he knows martial arts, he, as you said, may have hit her with more force than he intended, what might have been goofiness turned into serious assault and battery.
> Liz



I think facebook/web posts about punching (or other less-desirable behaviors), rather than directly encouraging, add to or reflect the culture of thinking such things are ok.

And regarding the hit - yes, I agree.  Even with very little force we learn to make punches more effective by angling or changing the shape of the fist, angle of the arm, and so forth.  

I found out a bit more from DD - seems that "punching" is part of this kid's vocabulary, and he has previously said he wants to punch her (and others) "but won't because you're a girl."  Well I guess this time his talk went too far.


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## elaine (Mar 6, 2010)

*you could also report it to the school board*

I would also report it the the School Board--to make sure that they are aware of it (in case the school is not being diligent).  A formal disciplinary hearing should occur re. this boy.  I would send a certified letter detailing the attack, and steps you took (notify school, school nurse, etc.) and a copy of the ER report, and the also follow up with a call to the Head person asking what action will be taken.  I would request a personal meeting if I did not get a satisfactory answer.
Kids do stupid things and there might be circumstances such that you don't really want to report it to the poilce--but there should be a documented suspension/expulsion on his school record. Elaine


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## Tia (Mar 6, 2010)

People need consequences or they continue to do what they want not what is correct, even then some don't learn.


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## Talent312 (Mar 6, 2010)

It sounds to me like this kid is "acting out" anger-impulse for some reason which should be explored with counselling, b4 he becomes a grown-up bully or spouse-abuser.

Perhaps his parents could be persuaded to "do the right thing," before he does it again to someone less willing to take-it and gets badly hurt himself. If they are the "our boy can do no wrong" sort, calling the police and running him thru the juvenile-deliquency system could be a mechanism to force counselling and teach other boundaries.


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## pjrose (Mar 6, 2010)

I think he's already in the "system", and his own parents may not be in the picture....at least from what I've heard.

He definitely needs consequences, I agree, and I'll try the School Resource Officer Monday morning.


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## geekette (Mar 6, 2010)

PJ, I hope your daughter is healing quickly and as expected.  I'm so very sorry.  

There have been some recent, very serious incidents of adolescent violence from escalated bullying and mob mentality around here.  I add my voice to those demanding investigation and punishment.  

Some of our local shock and horror stems from the fact that these things are happening at our better schools, in our better neighborhoods.  people like to assign violence to lower-income demographics, but that is not the case.  there can be no heads in the sand on this matter.  one incident is TOO LATE.

I think there are too many factors to consider as to how a child becomes an aggressive abuser, and certainly each of us can count up a handful.  Regardless, that boy needs help now.  Police report to record it and get the kid on the radar if he wasn't already.  He may need intensive counselling, or inpatient anger management or pharmaceutical assistance or removal from his home ... who the hell knows? I agree,talk to his martial arts instructor.  that should be enlightening.

I would file a restraining order against him, and if advised to do so, contact the boy's parents before doing so, as a courtesy.  I would try to keep lawyers out of it, keep in contact with the parents as to med bills and such.  you can always bring a lawyer in later.   

I would insist that this boy not be in any future classes with your daughter, not share lunch period, bus, etc., and get the school board/system administrator/court , whatever, to put it in writing.  I have no idea how many more years your daughter has at this school/in this system, the kid could return.

In second grade, I was in some sort of scuffle with a scary boy on the playground.  He was always big and rough.  I never wanted to play with him at recess.  I don't remember much, not what started it. I think he walloped me in the back, knocked the wind out of me.  I used my zippered jacket to try to fend him off and may have cut him.  I don't remember how long it went on, how it broke up ....  I know the teacher checked my back in the cloak hall, pulled up the back of my shirt to see if there was a bruise or cut.  must notta been.  I don't know if my parents were told.  Maybe I should ask my mom if she knew?  I don't really talk about this.  It's not near as horrible as things happening to others but was bad enuf for me.  

Anyway, in 4th grade, this same boy went after a teacher with a .... compass or protractor (i've never kept them straight but it's the stabby one! )   That's when he disappeared from our school.  I'd heard he went to 'special school', which I knew about because a boy 2 houses down was mentally retarded and boarded a special bus at his driveway to go to his special school.   I was waaay off!

I wonder what incidents occurred between those 2 that I never knew about??  I was a kid, if I knew about it, how could teachers/admins not do something about him before this more serious attack on a teacher?  dunno.  they should have been watching him closer as soon as our scuffle because he'd always played rough.  I don't think I was the only one.  

I don't remember how many years he was gone, then I'd see him on his bike in the neighborhood so I figured they still lived near, I never knew exactly where.  I think it was jr high when he came back?  coulda been hs.  He showed up as friends with some of my friends.  It was a little scary for a while.  But if he remembered me, he made no indication.  so I didn't either.  

I stayed away, I was wary, very wary.   we never really talked, never really hung out, only when in the big group.  The kid was alright, tho.  He was working, had a car, got decent grades, had a sense of humor, liked good music, was a regular guy.  He did the co-op deal we had back then, spending half days at vocational school, half at the hs.  A friend of mine took drafting, he must have gone tool and die, because ...

years later, after graduating college, I was back in town with my own little office doing business writing, and he came in for a resume package.  The guy was doing very well for himself, owned his own tool and die shop, needed an executive presentation to get a loan to expand.  And I was thrilled that he still did not remember me, made zero recognition when he glanced at my nameplate.  I of course did not let on that I knew him, either.  Whatever, you know?  

I did not get any negative vibe off of him so was not concerned about his being in my office.  I have always had a decent spidey sense about people (so far as I know), and had a small bat in the drawer ; )    Maybe I should have been scared of him because there was no one else around, but I just wasn't anymore.  I'd met scarier people at college.

The expensive leather jacket with matching belt and shoes, the jewelled watch, designer eyeglass frames....  during a recession!  ... I gouged him on price and he didn't say a word or blink as I passed over the contract for way more than I felt comfortable charging, fingers crossed under the desk.  he signed and paid cash, so I pocketed it (I was a starving artist exacting meager retribution for a long past wrong, I do not feel guilty for cheating the company, that's an entirely different matter).

it's always been happening, kids picking on kids, to bigger and bigger degrees, like it's a drug they are needing more and more of to get high.  we all know of some terrible things, past and present.

something has to be done in each and every incident and offenders need to be watched and put on notice that violence is not appropriate.  I don't thnk anyone wants to serve their time out in juvie.  communities must band together and not dismiss these things.

long boring story to say, sometimes, these kids can be helped, and there can be some kind of justice in the world.  In the case of [I will not post him publicly], he ended up being a productive member of society.  I assume he still is.  I have no desire to find him and would prefer to believe that he remains docile and hard-working.  I'm glad I got a bit of his cash when I really needed it and he had it to spare.   I got my closure on it.  

Do guard your daughter against a different outcome.  I would not have been at all comfortable had that kid been in any of my classes.  I was lucky, very lucky.  And send her a big hug, and much reassurance that this is not her fault.  No decent person would have so little self-control as to punch a girl in the face.  It is unacceptable.  

be vigilant forever more for signs in her that she thinks it's ok or she deserved it.  keep an eye on future boyfriends that seem to be the jealous type or that she seems to anxious to please.  I'm sure she's strong and smart, like you, but make sure she deals with this appropriately and does not live as a victim past the physical healing.  

sorry, didn't mean to get so windy, long and preachy.  these things upset me and I am very concerned about your daughter's injuries, physical and emotional.  I've known too many young women that got involved with men that batter after having been hit once and deciding that they deserved it.


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## pjrose (Mar 6, 2010)

Wow, Geekette, thanks for your long posting.  Interesting experiences for sure, especially with the one who seemed to have turned himself around.  

Too often that doesn't happen.....the jerk who was DD's first boyfriend back in middle school was definitely a problem, which she figured out after a few months (stealing her lunch money so he could buy cigarettes.....telling her to get in trouble so they could do detention together "because it's fun").  Several years later he again wanted to be her BF and she told me "he's changed!".  Yeah, right - within days she figured out THAT wasn't true.  Then a year later he contacted her again, dissed me and said she should drop out and move in with him. Again she reacted appropriately, and now we have him blocked from her Facebook and phone. 

Our school is good but big, and does have its mix of students.  I guess every school has some delinquents. One here, who was often in trouble for drugs and other issues, was held back twice, eventually dropped out in 10th grade, and was just arrested for burglary - no surprise there.  Another kid who threatened to build a bomb in the 4th grade and was later pretty well known as a pothead, died of an OD.  There are others whom I can predict we'll read about in the paper one day.  

Regarding the one who punched DD, now I'm hearing that he often talks about punching kids, and has told her before that he wanted to punch her but followed up that he "won't, because you're a girl."  

I'll post again after I talk to the school resource officer Monday.  One of my big questions is why, if he's already in "the system", is he even in a regular study hall, or if he is, why isn't there better supervision.  Grrrrrrr.

PS - she now has a nice boyfriend who is also her best friend - comes over here to hang out, no drama, calls me and DH Mom and Dad....


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## pjrose (Mar 8, 2010)

*follow up - not much info though*

Today, Monday, school was back in session.  I found out that the principal has not filed a police report because he has not yet talked to the boy, who was absent the last few days.  

DD has a smaller and quieter classroom to go to instead of that particular study hall.  (I know she isn't at fault and shouldn't have to move, but this is ok - I'd rather have her in a smaller quieter situation anyway.)  

DD and I talked to the SRO and said we wanted to file a police report.  She took down all the info and said she'd handle it and be in touch.

I took DD to the doctor for a follow-up; she is still kind of headachy and having some trouble focusing toward the end of the day, but better.  

That's it for now.


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## Rose Pink (Mar 8, 2010)

Glad to hear she is getting better.  Hope the recovery proceeds at a speedy rate.


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## SueDonJ (Mar 8, 2010)

Glad to hear things are progressing, pj, and that your daughter's needs are being taken care of.  Continued good wishes ....


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## Talent312 (Mar 8, 2010)

pjrose said:


> DD and I talked to the SRO and said we wanted to file a police report.  She took down all the info and said she'd handle it and be in touch.



If the SRO was serious about  following up, typically, this is what happens now...

--- The SRO or other LEO will investigate, take statements from witnesses, including the "suspect" if he cooperates, and send a report to the juvenile-delinquency agency and prosecutor's office.

-- They may arrest the kid and place him in pre-trial detention or more likely allow him to remain at home, awaiting the prosecutor's decision. The agency will send a report to the prosecutor recommending either prosecution or an alternative program.

-- The kid may be offered an opportunity to participate in a diversion program; otherwise, if the prosecutor files a charge, the kid will be given an arraignment date. A few weeks after arraignment, the case will either proceed to trial or, if the charge is admitted, be set for sentencing.

-- Your child may have to appear 2x, once for a deposition, once for a trial, and may be given an opportunity to have input at or before sentencing.

-- At sentencing, unless the kid will likely be placed on juvenile probation and ordered to keep a curfew, attend school or alternate education, do community service, write an apology letter, and attend any counselling recommended.

In the meantime, the school will have to address having one of its students charged with a crime, which often results in a suspension or transfer.


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## pjrose (Mar 8, 2010)

I found out that the "kid" is 18.  My bet is that he'll be handed a citation for a summary offense such as disorderly conduct.  We'll see.


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## DeniseM (Mar 8, 2010)

I would not let this go - an 18 year old who assaults someone does not belong in a conventional high school.

Did you ask for a copy of the SRO's report?

Have you made an appointment and formally met with the head principal?

Even if the student is not coming to school since the incident, the student should be suspended pending the investigation.  It's not reasonable not to take action, because the student is absent.

BTW - I'm a teacher and I have be assaulted twice by students.


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## Mosca (Mar 8, 2010)

Why are you waiting for the principal to file a police report? And, why, almost a week later, hasn't anyone interviewed this kid?

File a police report yourself, and include that the principal hasn't filed one. I can't believe it has festered and sat this long.


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## pjrose (Mar 8, 2010)

DeniseM said:


> I would not let this go - an 18 year old who assaults someone does not belong in a conventional high school.
> 
> Did you ask for a copy of the SRO's report?
> 
> ...



The school has an alternative education wing and if it were up to me that's where he'd be if he is in the building.  There isn't a report yet, because I just talked to the SRO this afternoon.  She didn't know about the incident (!). 

I have a good relationship with the head principal and spoke to him informally.  I will make an appointment with DD's principal. 

I'll ask the principal tomorrow about the no action / absence issue.

It's sad and scary when a teacher can't just teach and a student can't just be a student, and they also have to worry about being assaulted.  



Mosca said:


> Why are you waiting for the principal to file a police report? And, why, almost a week later, hasn't anyone interviewed this kid?
> 
> File a police report yourself, and include that the principal hasn't filed one. I can't believe it has festered and sat this long.



I am not waiting.  I talked to the School Resource Officer after school today.  I told her I wanted to file a report.  She took notes and said she'd get back to me, I assume with the paperwork to file a report.  I can/will go into the school tomorrow to deal with that.

Regarding the delay, though she was punched Tuesday, she didn't report it till Wednesday afternoon (afraid to ??), and didn't write out her statement with her principal till Thursday morning b/c Wednesday afternoon he was out of the building and she wanted to get back to class to work on a project.  The boy was absent Thursday, there was no school Friday, and the boy was absent Monday.  We didn't realize she had a concussion till Thursday night at the E.R. and the school may not have been treating it as seriously until knowing that (?), which they didn't find out till I emailed Friday morning.  Friday was an in-service day and I tried to call the head principal, DD's principal, and the SRO, but couldn't get ahold of any of them.


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## Tia (Mar 9, 2010)

I had to call a school principles boss once when felt he was not addressing a problem in a timely manner imo, seemed to be hiding out :ignore: . I got a phone call quickly then. Principle followed that up by  sending me a letter complaining and asking why I was so concerned...  to which I sent him one back  ... _probably should have sent it to his boss too but did not_. The bosses secretary called me to find out if I had heard from the principle yet, yes... but that was before I'd gotten principles letter.


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 9, 2010)

pjrose:

I hope your daughter is doing better.  It should now becoming apparent why I advised you to file ciminal charges against the criminal who attacked your daughter.  The principal and the school board are far more concerned about protecting the bad actors than they are about the safety of your daughter.  The principal's main concern is to cover up the incident as reporting the incident makes the school system look bad.


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## pjrose (Mar 10, 2010)

*DD blacked out again today*

She blacked out again today, in the elevator when changing classes, and was found unconscious by another student.  She does have a history of syncope (fainting) but generally when her heart rate is high or she's been standing a long time; this doesn't fit the pattern so may be related to the concussion and continuing headache.  

Another trip to the ER for lots of tests (all ok).  I'm keeping her home the rest of the week so she can have four days to take it easy.  

When the principal called to say she had blacked out I talked briefly to him about the punching incident; he wouldn't tell me exactly what was assigned in terms of school discipline (no details because of privacy).....but if I recall correctly, he used the word substantial (my mind was more on her condition than on the conversation).  He did tell me that the school filed a police report.


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## Rose Pink (Mar 10, 2010)

I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.


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## BevL (Mar 10, 2010)

What an awful thing for her and such a worry for your family.  I'm glad to hear that the tests were okay.  Probably good to just keep an eye on her for a few days and maybe try to explore a bit how she's feeling about being at school.

We'll be thinking of you - raising kids isn't easy, especially in this day and age, that's for sure.

Bev


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 10, 2010)

pjrose:

I am very sorry about your daughter's fainting episode.  I pray that she will be healthy. 

I was found beaten and unconcious at age 15 while in a high school music room.  I am currently 57 years old.  I remain very skeptical about the principal's concerns about protecting your daughter.  It does not sound like things have changed very much since I was in high school.  I strongly advise you to file the criminal complaint.  You might even entertain a suit against the school system for failing to provide a safe environment if you fail to get an adequate response.  It is the only language the principals and school boards understand.

Once again, I offer my prayers and best wishes for your daughter.


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## pjrose (Mar 10, 2010)

pianodinosaur said:


> . . .
> I was found beaten and unconcious at age 15 while in a high school music room.  I am currently 57 years old.  I remain very skeptical about the principal's concerns about protecting your daughter.  It does not sound like things have changed very much since I was in high school.  I strongly advise you to file the criminal complaint.  You might even entertain a suit against the school system for failing to provide a safe environment if you fail to get an adequate response.  It is the only language the principals and school boards understand....



OMG, how horrible.  Terribly scary, and I understand your posts better now.  I did tell the SRO - who is a real police officer - that I wanted to file a police report. I plan to follow up with her tomorrow.  The school also filed a police report.  Is that different than a criminal complaint?  

I HAVE found this school to be extremely responsive over the years, but I will certainly talk to the principal and SRO again tomorrow to find out just what has happened / will happen at this point.


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## Liz Wolf-Spada (Mar 10, 2010)

I would make sure you have a copy of the police report with the number and call and make double sure it has been filed and that the principal and district office be also informed by certified letter that you have filed a police report for battery against this student. Send all letters certified mail. I know it feels awful to have to be that way, but I think you have to. Your daughter was seriously injured, intentionally, by another student, in a school supervised study hall. I'm not saying that the teacher present could have prevented it, but that it did happen in the school setting.
Liz


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## Mosca (Mar 10, 2010)

I'd have to agree, that you should file a criminal complaint, get a lawyer, and file charges against the school; not because you want to gain, but because, if your account is correct (and I have no reason to doubt it), they are doing nothing. On purpose. File charges, call the newspaper, call the TV stations, say that your daughter was assaulted in class and no one cares. Light 'em up good, you'll get a response.


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## sstamm (Mar 10, 2010)

Liz Wolf-Spada said:


> I would make sure you have a copy of the police report with the number and call and make double sure it has been filed and that the principal and district office be also informed by certified letter that you have filed a police report for battery against this student. Send all letters certified mail. I know it feels awful to have to be that way, but I think you have to. Your daughter was seriously injured, intentionally, by another student, in a school supervised study hall. I'm not saying that the teacher present could have prevented it, but that it did happen in the school setting.
> Liz



I think this is good advice.  I know it's hard to think about these things when you are focused on your daughter's health, but you need to protect yourselves.  I'm glad your school has been responsive in the past, but this is obviously a very serious incident and it is perfectly reasonable for you to request written copies and documentation of reports, etc.

Best to your daughter.


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## pjrose (Mar 10, 2010)

Mosca said:


> I'd have to agree, that you should file a criminal complaint, get a lawyer, and file charges against the school; not because you want to gain, but because, if your account is correct (and I have no reason to doubt it), they are doing nothing. On purpose. File charges, call the newspaper, call the TV stations, say that your daughter was assaulted in class and no one cares. Light 'em up good, you'll get a response.



I don't think that they're doing nothing - they've disciplined the boy with at least suspension, though I don't know (yet) for how long, filed a police report, and, with my ok, moved DD's class.  I agree that the wheels turned slowly, but the timing was bad, given that DD didn't report it right away, didn't file a written complaint till two days later, the boy was absent, and there was a day off.  What am I missing here?  What else should they have done? 

I will file my own police report as well - I think that is in progress given that I spoke to the SRO, but I will double-check with that.  I was going to do that today, but spent half the day in the ER instead.


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## vacationhopeful (Mar 11, 2010)

Filing a police report is a incident report (a note on a computer system).

Filing a complaint with the police (also called signing a complaint) is a criminal charge against someone which involves legal action - judges, lawyers, witnesses, and a disposition.

Filing a complaint with the school is a letter saying their customer service was not up to your expectations.

Consult a lawyer. Your minor daughter needs protection; it is your job. You are not an expert. The principals are much more interested in their jobs than your daughter as she "cycles' through the HS. Your daughter needs your care for her injuries and recovery; you took her to the hospital in a timely manner but the law also works on a time table and actions & words act like the drugs & medical tests.  The wrong words/actions by YOU (her legal spokesman due to her age) can destroy her rights against the boy and the school system.

JMHO (as I am not a lawyer),


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## geekette (Mar 11, 2010)

DeniseM said:


> Even if the student is not coming to school since the incident, the student should be suspended pending the investigation.  It's not reasonable not to take action, because the student is absent.


AGREE.  Talking to the student is a job for the cops.

and, Denise, OMG, I am so sorry!


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## geekette (Mar 11, 2010)

pjrose said:


> She blacked out again today, in the elevator when changing classes, and was found unconscious by another student.  She does have a history of syncope (fainting) but generally when her heart rate is high or she's been standing a long time; this doesn't fit the pattern so may be related to the concussion and continuing headache.
> 
> Another trip to the ER for lots of tests (all ok).  I'm keeping her home the rest of the week so she can have four days to take it easy.



oh no.  the poor kid.  Definitely a good idea to keep her home.  sending healing wishes.


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 11, 2010)

pjrose:

A criminal comlaint is different from what has taken place.  Has the thug who attacked your daughter been arrested?  A criminal arrest would be posted in the public press for everyone to see.  There would be no confidentiality about it.

Subsequent to my experience the parents of the perpetrators pleaded with my parents not to press charges.  They did not want their children to have a criminal record. My parents were so moved by the pleas that they did not press criminal charges.  *Big Mistake!!!!*


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## Stricky (Mar 11, 2010)

Mosca said:


> I'd have to agree, that you should file a criminal complaint, get a lawyer, and file charges against the school; not because you want to gain, but because, if your account is correct (and I have no reason to doubt it), they are doing nothing. On purpose. File charges, call the newspaper, call the TV stations, say that your daughter was assaulted in class and no one cares. Light 'em up good, you'll get a response.



I disagree. I think you are doing all the right steps. If you do not think you are getting a response I would take it to the superintendents’ office and then to the school board. Paying money out of your pocket for a lawyer just to have tax payer money used to hire a school attorney should not be the next step.


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 11, 2010)

Stricky said:


> I disagree. I think you are doing all the right steps. If you do not think you are getting a response I would take it to the superintendents’ office and then to the school board. Paying money out of your pocket for a lawyer just to have tax payer money used to hire a school attorney should not be the next step.



I would agree that paying money for an expensive lawyer would be the last resort.  A lawyer is not required to have that thug arrested and hopefully incarcerated.  The point is that the superindent and the school board don't care.  Once these kids graduate they are out of sight and out of mind.


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## Patri (Mar 11, 2010)

Mosca said:


> I'd have to agree, that you should file a criminal complaint, get a lawyer, and file charges against the school; not because you want to gain, but because, if your account is correct (and I have no reason to doubt it), they are doing nothing. On purpose. File charges, call the newspaper, call the TV stations, say that your daughter was assaulted in class and no one cares. Light 'em up good, you'll get a response.



Calm down. If the student is suspended, it can take a while to determine that is the final punishment. The police will do their thing, but the school has to follow a legal procedure with a student hearing and then the board votes on the final action. He may be expelled or sent to an alternative school. 
You don't know anyone involved (neither do I) but it sounds like stuff is happening in the right direction. I daresay the authority figures involved do care.


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## beejaybeeohio (Mar 11, 2010)

*Your rights*

Regardless of the action taken by the school, you have the right to talk to a police officer yourself to discuss what options are available to you and your daughter.  Please consider that this young man committed an assault and that our society has consequences for such actions.  If he doesn't face those legal consequences he is being "enabled" and there may well be a future victim who suffers even more than your daughter.  And from what I have read, your daughter has been _extremely severely_ impacted by his punch. 

He should be charged with felonious assualt- disorderly conduct doesn't even begin to indicate what he did to your child!


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## pjrose (Mar 11, 2010)

beejaybeeohio said:


> *Regardless of the action taken by the school, you have the right to talk to a police officer yourself to discuss what options are available to you and your daughter. * Please consider that this young man committed an assault and that our society has consequences for such actions.  If he doesn't face those legal consequences he is being "enabled" and there may well be a future victim who suffers even more than your daughter.  And from what I have read, your daughter has been _extremely severely_ impacted by his punch.
> 
> *He should be charged with felonious assualt- disorderly conduct doesn't even begin to indicate what he did to your child!*



Yes I do have that right, and I did talk to the police officer myself.  Though she is assigned to the school, she is a full-time officer with the local municipality's police force, with something like 20 years experience, and previously was an MP.  In other words, she's not just a security guard.  

Regarding the charges, isn't that up to the police department, not me?


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## Mosca (Mar 11, 2010)

An 18 year old is an adult. AN ADULT punched a teen aged girl. I wouldn't be interested at all in what the school  punishment was. I'd be interested in sending him to jail.

Would he go? Probably not. But he probably wouldn't punch someone again just because he felt like it.


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## pjrose (Mar 11, 2010)

Mosca said:


> *An 18 year old is an adult. AN ADULT punched a teen aged girl. *I wouldn't be interested at all in what the school  punishment was. I'd be interested in sending him to jail.
> 
> Would he go? Probably not. But he probably wouldn't punch someone again just because he felt like it.



Good point.  And I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but she was *sitting at her desk* when he walked over to her, said he felt like punching her, and did it.


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## Passepartout (Mar 11, 2010)

pjrose said:


> Good point.  And I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but she was *sitting at her desk* when he walked over to her, said he felt like punching her, and did it.



The more I hear about this, the more disturbed I am by it. This young man deserves charges to be filed against him. I hope the police take this person seriously. He needs to be put someplace where there just can't be a 'next time'. 

Best wishes to your DD, PJ.

Jim Ricks


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## Tia (Mar 11, 2010)

Oh now that is even painting a worse picture for me that before....


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## vacationhopeful (Mar 11, 2010)

It might go to a Grand Jury.  A felony in NJ would go to the county proscueter. It could be return to the local municipal court if the county prosceuter felt that it was not indictable and should be tried in the muncipal court under a lesser charge. Or if the Grand Jury refused to indict at that felony charge.

If it is kept at the county level (which is a state run court), the county detectives investigate and decide with the proscueter whether to go PTI (pretrial intervention - no Grand Jury, defendant pleas out, completes probation, and then if successfully completes sentence - record is sealed - ONE time only) or Grand Jury, indictment, trial, and sentencing.  This is a very costly and long process for the state. If the victim is not cooperating or doesn't have the stomach to follow through, it wastes the limited resources of the "court" (lawyers, judges, detectives, jail space).

Your daughter has injuries - severe and involving the brain. It was basicly unprovoked by her. It was witnessed by others. She is a victim. So maybe the question is, can you and your daughter handle the stress?  Is it worth it?

 As a former victim (I was haunted and stalked by an addict for 3+ years), *it was worth it*. It took hundreds of police calls, 4 house moves, my professional job lost, 2 different states, dozens of breakins, 15+ court appearances and finally, the indictment. That was 26 years ago but last month, I was again calling the police about my GF's uninvited BF knocking on my TS door at 9:45PM 3 days after taking a cab 10 miles at 1AM fleeing his tirade. Another GF's told her straight up, he had called her cell 20+ times trying to find her - she could NOT STAY at her apartment. Refusing to file a complaint will have him continue his actions; he did NOT reappear on my doorstep during the next 10 days. He learned I called the people with guns immediately.

PS Domestic violence laws were so different then (like there were _NONE_). The cops were all men who also slapped their wives around, keeping them in line and did whatever they wanted with their money and hers. I worked a very good job and own my house. In their eyes, I was the problem. And my father, who worked for the town, was just as disgusted after awhile (and it took awhile, as he believed that cops were there to protect & serve); he learned not to tell them when he took vacations or where I moved to.


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## pjrose (Mar 11, 2010)

Oh Linda, how absolutely horrible.  What a terrible experience you went through.  It's just amazing how many calls, court appearances, etc you had to endure. I can certainly understand why you were upset about the GF's uninvited BF.  Hugs.

In DD's case the young man has already admitted to what he did - his report/interview with the principal was consistent with hers.


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## Talent312 (Mar 12, 2010)

I didn't realize that the kid was an adult, so the juvenile agency will not get involved.
As for this being a felony... not likely from a single punch. More likely, a misdemeanor battery.

About "filing charges:" In most jurisdictions, all complaints are filtered thru a police investigation. They file a report with the prosecutor's office. Grand Juries are rarely required for misdemeanors. If either the cops or the prosecutor appears to be lax, the complainant (victim) can push it along by going directly to the prosecutor. Sometimes the prosecutor will also investigate and subpoena witnesses for testimony, but usually, they refer the case back to the police.

As for jail time: If this is the guy's first criminal charge, he will likely  be offered a diversion program or probation with a requirement for anger management counselling. If he has "priors," there may be a short stint in jail. Many states now have "victim's rights" statutes that require you to be informed of all significant actions and to make a statement at sentencing.

As for a lawsuit against the school system, you'd likely have to show that this guy's behavior was forseeable based on prior conduct and that they neglected to do something about him.

An Aside: "Anger Management" was a 2003 movie with Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler & Marisa Tomei.


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## beejaybeeohio (Mar 12, 2010)

*In my former career*

as director of an separate school for teens with the special education label of emotional/severely behavior disordered, I was able to file charges on students for serious violations such as vandalism, theft and assault by contacting the police department of the city where the school was located. An officer would then take my statement and file the appropriate charge and the student would have to appear in court to answer to those charges.

I believe that you would have the same right to formalize an action against this young man, similar to domestic violence case in which the victim is asked if she/he wishes to press charges (and, too often, the answer is no .)

With charges against him, at the very least, he would have to appear in court to face the charge- which in and of itself would, hopefully, make a statement to him as to the seriousness of his actions.

I wish you and your daughter well.


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## pjrose (Mar 12, 2010)

beejaybeeohio said:


> In my former career as director of an separate school for teens with the special education label of emotional/severely behavior disordered



Thank you for helping / trying to help these kids.


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## Pit (Mar 12, 2010)

pjrose said:


> In DD's case the young man has already admitted to what he did - his report/interview with the principal was consistent with hers.



In that case, why hasn't this man that assaulted your daughter been arrested? (rhetorical question). That's what I would be asking the police.


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## pjrose (Mar 13, 2010)

*He was at the mall today*

I hadn't seen the young man before, but while we were at the mall today DD spotted him and pointed him out to me.   Let's see......long dreads, pants on the ground.....honestly, even if DD hadn't pointed him out as her assailant, I would have steered a cautious path around him and his group. (And yes, maybe I would have stereotyped him based on his dress and hair, maybe he would have been an Eagle Scout Honor Student etc.....but in this case I know he wasn't.)  I don't know if he saw DD or not, but we made sure to go in the opposite direction.  

When we were ready to leave, guess whose group was hanging out right outside of the last store we visited.  To avoid a possible confrontation we just waited in the store, but when they didn't leave for at least 5-10 minutes I called security to escort us to our car.  Maybe there wouldn't have been a problem, but we didn't want to take a chance of him walking up to her or making any comments.  I'm so glad that I was at the mall WITH her.


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## Rose Pink (Mar 13, 2010)

It is so sad the you, the victims, have to make the accomodation to change your route (rather than the perp and his friends having to be the ones to be inconvenienced).  Do you think they knew you were there and were deliberately trying to intimidate you?


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## pjrose (Mar 14, 2010)

Rose Pink said:


> It is so sad that you, the victims, have to make the accomodation to change your route (rather than the perp and his friends having to be the ones to be inconvenienced).  Do you think they knew you were there and were deliberately trying to intimidate you?



They (or just he) may have seen her, but I really don't think they were trying to intimidate her (us) - they were outside of a store across the aisle, and not in any way looking toward the store where we were - no looks, no gestures, no posturing, etc.  When we walked right past them with security, then he likely noticed her, but we didn't look.

And you're right, we shouldn't have had to do anything, but I just didn't want to take a chance, especially since there were about six of them.


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## pjrose (Mar 16, 2010)

*Update*

School Resource Officer is charging Assault and Harassment - PA doesn't have a separate Battery charge, and Disorderly Conduct doesn't fit as well as Harassment.  She is also advising him to have absolutely no contact with DD.  DD's classes have been moved (even though technically she should have to be the one to switch classes, it was practical, and at my request).

Now we'll see how the wheels of justice turn in our little rural PA area.


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## DeniseM (Mar 16, 2010)

I can't believe he is still in school - in our Dist. he would be gone...


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## Rose Pink (Mar 16, 2010)

pjrose said:


> School Resource Officer is charging Assault and Harassment - PA doesn't have a separate Battery charge, and Disorderly Conduct doesn't fit as well as Harassment. She is also advising him to have absolutely no contact with DD. DD's classes have been moved (even though technically she should have to be the one to switch classes, it was practical, and at my request).
> 
> Now we'll see how the wheels of justice turn in our little rural PA area.


Hope it works out to everyone's best interests.  Hugs to your dd.


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## pjrose (Mar 16, 2010)

DeniseM said:


> I can't believe he is still in school - in our Dist. he would be gone...



He was out for four days - don't know it was In School or Out of School Suspension or if he was just absent.


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## pianodinosaur (Mar 17, 2010)

pjrose:

How is your daughter doing?  Is her brain OK?  Is her face OK?  How is she doing emotionally?  This may be a good excuse for a nice trip to Sint Maarten when school is out.


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## pjrose (Mar 17, 2010)

pianodinosaur said:


> pjrose:
> 
> How is your daughter doing?  Is her brain OK?  Is her face OK?  How is she doing emotionally?  This may be a good excuse for a nice trip to Sint Maarten when school is out.



She is afraid of him, has occasional dizziness, and continuing headache - not a "regular" headache, but specifically in the area where he punched her.

Yes, I agree - a nice warm vacation is in order!


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## scrapngen (Mar 21, 2010)

pjrose said:


> She is afraid of him, has occasional dizziness, and continuing headache - not a "regular" headache, but specifically in the area where he punched her.
> 
> Yes, I agree - a nice warm vacation is in order!



A little personal note about concussions...

I fell off a moped in Greece when I was in my early 20's. Bad concussion (no helmets were available at the rental place) Had a rough couple weeks after the accident, but eventually made my way back to my AF Base in Italy and felt totally recovered - went back to my 12 hour shifts, etc. 

About 4 *months* later, we had our annual PT exam. Had to run 1 1/2 miles within a certain amount of time. No big deal, or so I thought (!) I made it around the track once. By the second lap, my head was pounding with every footstep. By the fifth lap I gave up. The pain was frighteningly intense. Mind you, there are all kinds of consequences for not being able to complete the run. However, I could not force myself to keep going with just one lap to go. 

Went straight to the doctor, and once he looked at my records, said that a concussion basically loosens/detaches the brain from the skull to a certain degree and can take a long time to fully get back to normal. I had that pounding in my head for days after the running. I think it was worse than the initial pain right after the accident. It took a couple more months before I could finally run without my head throbbing. So about a year after the accident by the time I stopped having any associated headaches or pain. 

 Not trying to scare you or anything, just want you and your daughter to realise that she may still run up against problems relating to this concussion long after she thinks everything has healed and she feels fine. 

I wish her well and am glad she has a great family to help her get through the physical and emotional pain caused by this boy.


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## pgnewarkboy (Mar 21, 2010)

gmarine said:


> Definitely take the advice and file a police report. Its assault pure and simple and he should be arrested. The student should also be expelled, and in most districts would be. Also report the incident to your school districts superintendent and school board.
> 
> And I hate to say this but I would also contact an attorney. You never know what other sort of costs come up with an injury like this and you want to keep all your options open.



Ditto in triplicate!  Time is not on your side.  Get the police involved now. They know how to investigate a criminal matter.  Get a lawyer and begin action against the school as soon as possible.  Go to the local media.  Tjhe more time passes before a police report is filed the easier it will be for this jerk to get away with his crime. 

I hope your daughter fully recovers from this vicious attack.  She needs to know that the person who did this is being prosecuted.


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## JoeP (Mar 21, 2010)

It very probably is already known to you but, since it's important, it's worth saying: This is the kind of case that lawyers with experience in these matters will take on a contingency basis.  Any violence or instability in the assailant's background, and the degree to which it was known by, and reported to, the relevant responsible parties should be independently investigated.  Official police, court, and school records should be assumed to be incomplete by the attorney taking this case.


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## Talent312 (Mar 21, 2010)

I'm gonn'a change my knee-jerk reaction and endorse consulting an attorney.
Given DD's on-going medical issues, it seems to me that there are some $$-damages for which some recompense should be considered.

Its the school system that has deep-pockets here. It may be difficut to establish liability in court. HOWEVER, an attorney might well take the case on contingency, 'cuz quite often a school board's insurance carrier will offer to settle to avoid the "headaches" (sorry). Lest you worry about taking money out of the school system, these sorts of claims are already built into the liability-policy premiums.


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