# Stay At Home Humor



## Ken555

Post your humorous SAH memes, messages, posts, videos here! Anything serious gets booed. 

I’ll start off with this video I found on my FB feed this morning. Enjoy!







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## Luanne

I've posted this before, but still love it.


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## turkel

Already posted off color song it disappeared  real quick. Apparently mods have delicate ears.


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## Luanne




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## DrQ

turkel said:


> Already posted off color song it disappeared  real quick. Apparently mods have delicate ears.


Were you really surprised?


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## Ken555

I think this is my current favorite song on C19. Queen fans, enjoy!


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## rapmarks




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Ken555

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## turkel

DrQ said:


> Were you really surprised?


Nope, to my credit I did state it was off color


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## Brett

turkel said:


> Nope, to my credit I did state it was off color




here 'ya go -----  on color pandemic parody


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## bluehende




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## turkel

Brett said:


> here 'ya go -----  on color pandemic parody


Enjoyed it immensely !


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## SandyPGravel

Parody of Stayin' Alive










						New video by Gina G*******
					






					photos.app.goo.gl
				





(Someone please let me know if the link works)


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## SandyPGravel

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## DaveNV

I've posted a fair number of similar humorous things in this thread: https://tugbbs.com/forums/threads/the-bright-side-of-covid-19.303122/page-4#post-2419428

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10215489016211476


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## SandyPGravel

plpgma said:


> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10215489016211476


I tried to post one from FB, it wouldn't work. Kept giving me a failed link error. How'd ya do it?

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## plpgma

SandyPGravel said:


> I tried to post one from FB, it wouldn't work. Kept giving me a failed link error. How'd ya do it?
> 
> I just right-clicked on the video, copied the video URL and then pasted into the TUG box -- it worked for me!


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## plpgma

SandyPGravel said:


> I tried to post one from FB, it wouldn't work. Kept giving me a failed link error. How'd ya do it?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


I just right-clicked on the video, copied the video URL and then pasted into the TUG box -- it worked for me!


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## plpgma




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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## moonstone




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## b2bailey

turkel said:


> Nope, to my credit I did state it was off color


Was it the British woman singing "I will survive" ?
If yes, I won't repost -- but definitely good for a laugh.


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## klpca




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## b2bailey

Brett said:


> here 'ya go -----  on color pandemic parody


These two are so cute.


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## turkel

b2bailey said:


> Was it the British woman singing "I will survive" ?
> If yes, I won't repost -- but definitely good for a laugh.



Nope it was an original “Stay the * at home” 

My brother shared it on our group/family text . We all enjoyed the humor of it including my 78 yo mother. But our Father was a sailor soooooo.....


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## pedro47

I can remember when you could have breakfast, lunch and dinner in a restaurant. You could sit down and relax.  Then you would go shopping in a shopping mall with people holding hands and spending your money. LOL

Now they are all closed because of the Coronavirus .

Does anyone miss that touching of hands feeling.? LOL

Sorry, that is eligible: No Touching.... you must.......... be....... ................... ............. S I X ........        F E E T   ..........       A P A R T.


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## Luanne

Another recommendation:


I heard a doctor on TV saying we should focus on inner peace while we are home. To achieve this we should finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through the house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!


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## b2bailey

Luanne said:


> Another recommendation:
> 
> 
> I heard a doctor on TV saying we should focus on inner peace while we are home. To achieve this we should finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through the house to find things i'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!


I only wish I had all that unfinished. 
(Although it doesn't fit in my 'almost ready to start Keto' world ...)


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## b2bailey

https://m.facebook.com/bonnie.bailey.927#!/photo.php?fbid=10223033003881653&id=1476773185&set=a.1130370747586&source=48&_ft_=mf_story_key.3904100499600864%3Atop_level_post_id.3904100499600864%3Atl_objid.3904100499600864%3Acontent_owner_id_new.100000028584638%3Aoriginal_content_id.10223033004201661%3Aoriginal_content_owner_id.1476773185%3Athrowback_story_fbid.3904100499600864%3Aphoto_id.10223033003881653%3Astory_location.4%3Aattached_story_attachment_style.photo%3Athid.100000028584638%3A306061129499414%3A2%3A0%3A1585724399%3A1205928658344195131&__tn__=EHH-R


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## Sandy VDH

This was cute.... dating during Covid-19









						A Guy From Brooklyn Sees A Girl Dancing On A Roof, Sends Her A Drone With His Number On It
					

Almost all of us have been quarantined for the past couple of weeks. For single people, it's a real date stopper. Well, this guy found a perfect solution for that.




					www.boredpanda.com


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## DaveNV

That moment when a quarantined parent is pretty much done teaching her children...





 Dave


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## mentalbreak




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## PigsDad

Kurt


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## Goldi




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## DaveNV

Has this one been posted?  Somebody is really, really clever!






Dave


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## Goldi




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## Jan M.

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1080043155713889


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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.

The government has called on retired nuns to help enforce social distancing.


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## Jan M.

You might not get this one if you aren't a parent or grandparent of young kids.


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## Jan M.

This one may be my favorite.





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10156804329736533


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## Ken555

DaveNW said:


> Has this one been posted? Somebody is really, really clever!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dave



LOL

scroll allllllllll the way up, Dave!


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## Jan M.




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## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> LOL
> 
> scroll allllllllll the way up, Dave!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk




Thanks. Somehow I overlooked it.  I knew it was too clever not to be here.

The song ran through my head all night long. 

Dave


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## MULTIZ321

25 Funny Tweets About Coronavirus Cooking Struggles.










						25 Funny Tweets About Coronavirus Cooking Struggles
					

"It's like we're all on the Food Network show 'Chopped' cooking meals with random crap that's left in the pantry."




					www.huffpost.com
				



.


Richard


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## klpca

To help with our trip planning to nowhere


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## DaveNV

Saw this on Facebook today,  Laughed out loud. 





 Dave


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## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> Saw this on Facebook today,  Laughed out loud.
> 
> View attachment 18426
> 
> Dave


How about my pony tail !


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## DaveNV

And then this happened:





 Dave


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## Karen G

Here's a talented English family singing:  https://grownandflown.com/les-miser...8JzfReUg-j96823ZGOsSK9yaImlXdUD9ew6rGBtpbpe1k


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## Karen G

Easter dresses for online church services:


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## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> And then this happened:
> 
> View attachment 18427
> 
> Dave


I was just going to come and post this, then saw you already had.


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## Luanne

*Survival Tip #138 :*
* 
If you have a glass of wine in each hand, you won't touch your face.*
*
You're welcome!  *


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## VacationForever

Jan M. said:


> This one may be my favorite.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10156804329736533


This is the longer version:




__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10157857847400202


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## VacationForever

Karen G said:


> Here's a talented English family singing:  https://grownandflown.com/les-miser...8JzfReUg-j96823ZGOsSK9yaImlXdUD9ew6rGBtpbpe1k


Wow!  Les Miserables is my favorite Broadway musical of all time.  I have watched it three times, twice in Singapore and once in the US.


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## DaveNV

So that's what it is!





 Dave


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## nerodog




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## nerodog




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## plpgma

Jan M. said:


> The government has called on retired nuns to help enforce social distancing.
> 
> View attachment 18417


Ha ha -- I lived my childhood getting my hands rapped with those rulers!


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## DaveNV

For the Music Lovers!





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Sing along with Abba-ish!





 Dave


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## DaveNV

And one more:





 Dave


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## chellej

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2202501913384760


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## VacationForever




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## Ken555

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## Talent312

The real movie poster:


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## Jan M.




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## Gypsy65




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## PrairieGirl




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## VacationForever

Not humorous but heartwarming:


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## mentalbreak

In the spirit of decorum for TUG, that is F as in Fudge.


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## clifffaith




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## DaveNV

We'll all miss them!





 Dave


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## DaveNV

This is sure true at my house!





 Dave


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## VacationForever

DaveNW said:


> We'll all miss them!
> 
> View attachment 18454
> 
> Dave


...and they no longer have fun.


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## DaveNV

Self-Quarantine, Day 18...





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Then there's this:





This happened at my house yesterday.  It was terrifying!  The worst 23 minutes of my life! 

 Dave


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## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> Then there's this:
> 
> View attachment 18457
> 
> This happened at my house yesterday.  It was terrifying!  The worst 23 minutes of my life!
> 
> Dave


Don't even joke about that!  We were without internet for about a month in December.  Have a new provider now, but still.....................


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## Jan M.




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## Luanne




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## clifffaith




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## mentalbreak

DaveNW said:


> We'll all miss them!
> 
> View attachment 18454
> 
> Dave



I should not admit this, but this took me a while to “get”. And my blonde is natural. Darker than the white-blonde of my youth, but still blonde.


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## DaveNV

mentalbreak said:


> I should not admit this, but this took me a while to “get”. And my blonde is natural. Darker than the white-blonde of my youth, but still blonde.



A friend of mine owns a hair salon.  He was all over Facebook telling his clients not to try to dye their hair themselves.  So when I saw this, it just kind of clicked for me.  

Dave


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## DaveNV

This is happening at our house:





 Dave


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## VacationForever

mentalbreak said:


> I should not admit this, but this took me a while to “get”. And my blonde is natural. Darker than the white-blonde of my youth, but still blonde.


Maybe that is why it took you a while to "get" it.


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## Goldi




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## Goldi




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## Luanne




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## PrairieGirl




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## PrairieGirl




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## PrairieGirl




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## PrairieGirl




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## mentalbreak

Reminds me of this one:


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## Ken555

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## plpgma

mentalbreak said:


> I should not admit this, but this took me a while to “get”. And my blonde is natural. Darker than the white-blonde of my youth, but still blonde.


Ha ha -- a Blonde is always a blonde!  (I think I have authority to say that because I am married to a blonde!)


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## clifffaith




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## Goldi




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## T_R_Oglodyte

clifffaith said:


> View attachment 18507


This is excellent!!!


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## T_R_Oglodyte

If Jesus and his disciples were celebrating Passover in 2020 .....


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## bluehende




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## DaveNV

Today's newsworthy event:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Quarantine getting a bit out of hand:





 Dave


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## TravelTime

DaveNW said:


> Then there's this:
> 
> View attachment 18457
> 
> This happened at my house yesterday.  It was terrifying!  The worst 23 minutes of my life!
> 
> Dave



This would be terrifying. It is my only link to civilization as I once knew it! I am sure glad that we upgraded our internet service a few months ago. Technically, we have two internet service providers so if one does down, we can switch to the other.


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## TravelTime

DaveNW said:


> A friend of mine owns a hair salon.  He was all over Facebook telling his clients not to try to dye their hair themselves.  So when I saw this, it just kind of clicked for me.
> 
> Dave



This is a time when my gray hairs are helpful. They blend with the remaining blonde. LOL


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## T_R_Oglodyte

TravelTime said:


> This is a time when my gray hairs are helpful. They blend with the remaining blonde. LOL


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## Ken555

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## b2bailey

DaveNW said:


> Today's newsworthy event:
> 
> View attachment 18518
> 
> Dave


I can probably do it faster, but our high temp today was 85 degrees.


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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## bluehende

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=291968461787067
			




We lived this last night trying to facetime with our 2 yr old grandson.


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## Jan M.

I'm sitting at the computer laughing my .... um head off and DH Jim asks what's on TUG now so I caught him up on what's been posted on this thread since we went to bed last night. After we were both done laughing it hit me just how much I'm going to miss these doses of humor when this is over.

In 10, 15, 20 years from now we will be telling younger people who don't see the humor that you had to be there.

You guys are the best!


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## Ken555

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## IngridN

I was talking to my brother yesterday. He lives on the western part of Long Island and goes shopping for the family during old people hours.

Y'all remember your teenage years when they would be outside the store looking for a sympathetic adult to buy them beer? Bro says that 30 somethings are waiting in the parking lot and asking the old folks to buy toilet paper and other hard to get items for them during old people hours. Paying them to do so! I kid you not, this is happening in his hood . These are strange times we live in...

Ingrid


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## Jan M.




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## Luvtoride

IngridN said:


> I was talking to my brother yesterday. He lives on the western part of Long Island and goes shopping for the family during old people hours.
> 
> Y'all remember your teenage years when they would be outside the store looking for a sympathetic adult to buy them beer? Bro says that 30 somethings are waiting in the parking lot and asking the old folks to buy toilet paper and other hard to get items for them during old people hours. Paying them to do so! I kid you not, this is happening in his hood . These are strange times we live in...
> 
> Ingrid



I was just joking about this situation happening eventually and apparently it has! Lol ! Amazing! 


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## DaveNV

IngridN said:


> I was talking to my brother yesterday. He lives on the western part of Long Island and goes shopping for the family during old people hours.
> 
> Y'all remember your teenage years when they would be outside the store looking for a sympathetic adult to buy them beer? Bro says that 30 somethings are waiting in the parking lot and asking the old folks to buy toilet paper and other hard to get items for them during old people hours. Paying them to do so! I kid you not, this is happening in his hood . These are strange times we live in...
> 
> Ingrid



Ok, that's awesome.  Suddenly, shouting "OK, BOOMER!" isn't quite so funny.  Can you imagine the tales they'll tell their grandkids?  "It was terrible - all these old people were coming and going, just ignoring us.  They were SO mean to us!"  

Dave


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## Jan M.

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=3433258226689914


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## Jan M.

OF ALL THE THINGS I LEARNED IN GRADE SCHOOL, HOW TO AVOID COOTIES WAS THE LAST ONE I EXPECTED TO USE


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## DaveNV

Today's lesson:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

For the gamblers among us:





 Dave


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## PrairieGirl




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## T_R_Oglodyte

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 18541


Excellent!


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## Ken555

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## T_R_Oglodyte

And the only prescription is more cowbell!  Is this the cure all of the scientists have been missing?



Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## IngridN

What the fashionista hunter-gatherer wears on her foray out into the big bad world to score that elusive roll of TP...


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## DaveNV

IngridN said:


> What the fashionista hunter-gatherer wears on her foray out into the big bad world to score that elusive roll of TP...



It looks just like you!  

Have you seen the vacation picture my friends sent?





 Dave


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## IngridN

DaveNW said:


> It looks just like you!
> 
> Have you seen the vacation picture my friends sent?
> 
> View attachment 18547
> 
> Dave



Yes, loved it.

And, they actually let me into the bank earlier this week looking like that. Another customer was wearing a surgical mask.


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## Ken555

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> And the only prescription is more cowbell! Is this the cure all of the scientists have been missing?



For those who don’t know... 





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## DaveNV

This is how we're all going to be when they let us out of quarantine:






 Dave


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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## PrairieGirl




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## CO skier

This is what you get when they close the schools.  (or maybe they just ran out of room for the extra "O").  There might be a couple of missing commas, too -- not sure.


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## DaveNV

CO skier said:


> This is what you get when they close the schools.  (or maybe they just ran out of room for the extra "O").  There might be a couple of missing commas, too -- not sure.



I'm sure this is the same people:





 Dave


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## CO skier

DaveNW said:


> I'm sure this is the same people:


Or "these are" the same people.


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## DaveNV

CO skier said:


> Or "these are" the same people.



Or "these is."  LOL!  

Dave


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## Ken555

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## Ken555

Not humor, but very appropriate. Please watch.







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## nerodog




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## bluehende




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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## Rolltydr




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## klpca

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together.


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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## DannyTS




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## Jan M.




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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## PrairieGirl




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## Brett




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## clifffaith

DaveNW said:


> This is how we're all going to be when they let us out of quarantine:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dave



Who knew this was a thing? Not this suburban girl!


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## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> Who knew this was a thing? Not this suburban girl!



Not me.  I grew up around dairy cows in the Pacific Northwest, and I've never seen anything like this.  I guess in areas with more severe winters, they keep the cows indoors till the weather breaks?  It's a pretty cool video, though.

Dave


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## DaveNV

Quarantine decisions...





 Dave


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## clifffaith




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## clifffaith

An engineer down near our Port of Los Angeles docks lost it a few days ago and claimed the Mercy was in town for nefarious reasons.  He rammed a train engine off the end of the tracks and its momentum carried it several yards through a fence and into the dirt. He was still at least a block from the water. Someone on our local San Pedro Facebook cobbled this together as to what his "vision" must have been.


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## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> An engineer down near our Port of Los Angeles docks lost it a few days ago and claimed the Mercy was in town for nefarious reasons.  He rammed a train engine off the end of the tracks and its momentum carried it several yards through a fence and into the dirt. He was still at least a block from the water. Someone on our local San Pedro Facebook cobbled this together as to what his "vision" must have been.
> 
> View attachment 18623



Not sure what's worse:  Thinking the Mercy was up to something nefarious, or having somebody that unstable in charge of running a locomotive. Hope nobody was hurt.

Dave


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## Free2Roam

I no longer have to explain to my married friends why I'm the lucky one.


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## mentalbreak




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## Ken555

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## Jan M.




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## PrairieGirl




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## DaveNV

I've figured out the "19" in Covid-19 is the number of pounds everyone will gain during quarantine.  If that's true, we're soon going to have to be on the lookout for Covid-25...  

 Dave


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## Ken555

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## mentalbreak

Already living this one:


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## bluehende




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## clifffaith

Taunting us, they are.


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## Passepartout

Went to Panera Bread (drive through) for a loaf of bread. They wouldn't sell it to me! Really!


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## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Went to Panera Bread (drive through) for a loaf of bread. They wouldn't sell it to me! Really!



You should have asked them for a dozen slices of sandwich bread - unsliced.  

I've only had a soup and sandwich thing at Panera.  Do they even sell loaves of bread?

Dave


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## Passepartout

DaveNW said:


> You should have asked them for a dozen slices of sandwich bread - unsliced.
> 
> I've only had a soup and sandwich thing at Panera.  Do they even sell loaves of bread?


Well, yeah. I mean, it's their NAME!! And yes, go to their website, and loafs of bread are among the offering. Several varieties! It's kinda spendy, but if I could've scored it there (1/2 block from the condo) it would keep me out of TJ's or Albertsons.  As it was, we wanted it to avocado toast, so I bought 2 everything bagels to toast and schmear tomorrow morning before we head home.


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## T_R_Oglodyte

For some people corona virus means less pain - and they don't like it.









						This dominatrix is in a financial bind because of the coronavirus
					

Aviva Diamond, 33, has worked as a dominatrix in New York City for more than six years, specializing in slave training, humiliation, foot fetishes and more. But after pivoting to online sessions on…




					nypost.com


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## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> For some people corona virus means less pain - and they don't like it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This dominatrix is in a financial bind because of the coronavirus
> 
> 
> Aviva Diamond, 33, has worked as a dominatrix in New York City for more than six years, specializing in slave training, humiliation, foot fetishes and more. But after pivoting to online sessions on…
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nypost.com



Reminds me of the old joke:

What does the Masochist say? "Hurt me."

What does the Sadist reply? "No."

 Dave


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## fillde




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## Ken555

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## DaveNV

More frivolity found on the web:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

For the crafty Tuggers:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Smart advice:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

In case you need assistance:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Young folks, beware:





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Fine art that reflects current news:





 Dave


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## Karen G

From Facebook:

I’ve discovered I had three hobbies:
1.  Eating out in restaurants 
2.  Shopping in non-essential stores
3.  Touching my face


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## fillde




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## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNW said:


> Fine art that reflects current news:
> 
> View attachment 18673
> 
> Dave


Totally excellent!!!!


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## DaveNV

It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature...





 Dave


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## Gypsy65




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## DaveNV

McDonald's is practicing social distancing.





 Dave


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## Ken555

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## Ken555

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## Jan M.

This one is supposed to be funny but there's a huge element of truth in it.


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## Jan M.




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## PrairieGirl




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## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl

Another demonstration of how we do it in Saskatchewan!


----------



## DaveNV

This one made me spit coffee across the room. 





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 18695


You can accomplish the same thing by chopping chiles, and that has the benefit of adding to taste. 

I speak from experience.  About six months ago I was chopping some serranos for a spicy Pad Thai I was preparing.  About an hour later, during dinner, I touched the corner of my eye.  I was blind in that eye for about 20 minutes.


----------



## Talent312

"Stay at herm." -- Inspector Cleausau

The Pink Panther movies were among my favorites.
---------------------------
Inspector Clouseau: Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
Dreyfus: YES! I wish you were DEAD!
Inspector Clouseau: Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.
-- Return of the Pink Panther (1975)


----------



## DaveNV

Ok, I admit I'm spending waaaay too much time indoors.  Saw this on Facebook this morning, and laugh-groaned out loud.  So of course, I had to share it here.  

Read this out loud, preferably asking someone else in the room:
.
.
.
.
*What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?*
.
.
.
.
*People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones*
.
.
.
.
*People in Abu Dhabi do.



 *Dave, with apologies.


----------



## clifffaith

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> You can accomplish the same thing by chopping chiles, and that has the benefit of adding to taste.
> 
> I speak from experience.  About six months ago I was chopping some serranos for a spicy Pad Thai I was preparing.  About an hour later, during dinner, I touched the corner of my eye.  I was blind in that eye for about 20 minutes.



Had the misfortune of having to pee an hour or so after chopping peppers. It would have been better had I drip dried that day.


----------



## Jan M.

clifffaith said:


> Had the misfortune of having to pee an hour or so after chopping peppers. It would have been better had I drip dried that day.



I'm really sorry for laughing. Unpleasant doesn't even come close to describing your situation.

I once made the genius decision to taste a fresh banana pepper to determine if it was a hot or mild one. In spite of quickly drinking some milk I still had blisters on my tongue and the roof of my mouth.


----------



## VacationForever

I always wear gloves when preparing meals and avoid getting hot fingers after chopping hot peppers.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

VacationForever said:


> I always wear gloves when preparing meals and avoid getting hot fingers after chopping hot peppers.


I try to make a point of washing my hands after chopping hot peppers.  Use liquid hand soap with no added water and scrub for 15-seconds.  Identical for what I'm doing now for corona-virus protection, except I now make a point to scrub longer.  That's a good way to remove anything oily or greasy from your hands.  It's also instantly lethal to viruses, since the soap dissolves their outer structure.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## VacationForever




----------



## mentalbreak

DaveNW said:


> This one made me spit coffee across the room.
> 
> View attachment 18697
> 
> Dave


It is day 24 alone with my husband and teen boys. (At least the dog is female.) I think I might break this one out on them.  Just need to figure out the actual logistics to make it work.


----------



## geist1223

Jan M. said:


> I'm really sorry for laughing. Unpleasant doesn't even come close to describing your situation.
> 
> I once made the genius decision to taste a fresh banana pepper to determine if it was a hot or mild one. In spite of quickly drinking some milk I still had blisters on my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
> 
> View attachment 18700




If you ever eat something too pepper/chili hot immediately consume a teaspoon of granulated sugar. Milk does not really work.


----------



## Talent312

Squirrels:


			https://tugbbs.com/forums/attachments/1586202714107-png.18704/
		


The caption should read: "Limit two per customer."
.


----------



## Makai Guy

DaveNW said:


> *What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
> People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones
> People in Abu Dhabi do.*


----------



## Jan M.

geist1223 said:


> If you ever eat something too pepper/chili hot immediately consume a teaspoon of granulated sugar. Milk does not really work.



Thanks! I didn't know that.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 18716


I sent this to our realtor, who is also a good friend.  Hope she finds it as funny as I did.


----------



## VacationForever




----------



## VacationForever

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mdurette




----------



## Jan M.

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=203089344318179


----------



## Jan M.

#ColumbusIndiana KROGER got Jokes!! They put this in the Middle of the Toilet Paper aisle..#PhotoCredit : Tanya Lawson


----------



## Jan M.

Even though we haven't watched Tiger King we know it's the thing to watch now. I wonder how many of you remember Calvin and Hobbes. We both liked that comic strip so much we still have several of the books. I should get them out for a re-read.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## dagger1




----------



## Luanne

Jan M. said:


> Even though we haven't watched Tiger King we know it's the thing to watch now. I wonder how many of you remember Calvin and Hobbes. We both liked that comic strip so much we still have several of the books. I should get them out for a re-read.
> 
> View attachment 18732


Calvin and Hobbs is dh's favorite.  We also have several books.


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=203089344318179



That was awesome!  I resemble some of those people.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Smart!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For those of you multitasking from home - watching old TV and Zooming for work...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Things you learn about your family while you're on quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## bluehende

DaveNW said:


> For those of you multitasking from home - watching old TV and Zooming for work...
> 
> View attachment 18738
> 
> Dave



So funny as that was us trying to set up zoom for grand daughters zoom birthday party.


----------



## clifffaith

This showed up on our San Pedro Facebook -- woman says she works at our Smart & Final and they are available for sale today.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

Good for the soul:
A little tomato soup.
Cold. Over ice.
With a celery stalk.
And vodka.


----------



## DaveNV

Things we learn during quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'm starting to understand the pandemic infection charts and Amazon delivery schedule:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine ponderings..





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

This is me today:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I laughed out loud at this one:





 Dave


----------



## fillde




----------



## PigsDad

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. 
Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

Kurt


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Talent312

PigsDad said:


> I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.
> Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.



From Conan:
You can use a hand-held shower head as a bidet-like device.
Just step over into your shower.
.


----------



## chellej




----------



## DaveNV

I'll have what she's having...





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Luanne




----------



## rapmarks




----------



## Luanne

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

clifffaith said:


> View attachment 18839


If this one doesn't work either, will Costco allow her to return him and try another?


----------



## Luanne

My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary 
 Day 1 – I Can Do This!!  Got enough food and wine to last a month!
 Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine.  I fear wine supplies might not last!
 Day 3 – Strawberries:  Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds.  Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidently touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?”
Day 16 - taking long drive in the car back and forth back and forth in my driveway
Day 17- just saw for a second another human which turned out to be my neighbor....could not recall her name.
Day 18- watched Tiger Woods play golf again ... he was about three years old
Day 19 -had the same old conversation with the dogs “it is too early for your supper”.
Day 20- had the same conversation with them again.
Day 21 - fed the dogs early...no conversation the whole day.
 Day 22- ………………


----------



## DaveNV

rapmarks said:


> View attachment 18838



Shoe's on the other foot
Kick the bucket
Silver spoon in his mouth
Time's flying
Wears his heart on his sleeve
Ace up his sleeve
Piece of cake
Running himself ragged

I'm sure there are others. 

Dave


----------



## Free2Roam

DaveNW said:


> Shoe's on the other foot
> Kick the bucket
> Silver spoon in his mouth
> Time's flying
> Wears his heart on his sleeve
> Ace up his sleeve
> Piece of cake
> Running himself ragged
> 
> I'm sure there are others.
> 
> Dave



Spilled the beans
Red herring 
On a silver platter? 
A screw loose (on his head)
Keep your cards close to your chest
In a nutshell
Grab the cat by its tail


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## RX8




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Lessons, Day 24:





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk




I read this while shoving a cannoli into my mouth, shortly followed by a raspberry jam cookie. SIGH.


----------



## VacationForever

clifffaith said:


> I read this while shoving a cannoli into my mouth, shortly followed by a raspberry jam cookie. SIGH.


Are you sure you are not my mirror image?


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## PamMo

I LOVE this thread - thanks to all of you for posting!!! It's become my "must read" TUG content, and never fails to make me laugh out loud. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


----------



## isisdave

<iframe width="1280" height="721" src="



" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>


----------



## DaveNV

PamMo said:


> I LOVE this thread - thanks to all of you for posting!!! It's become my "must read" TUG content, and never fails to make me laugh out loud. Thank you, thank you, thank you!



Since I can't fix any of this mess, I'm glad to do my part of bringing a chuckle to those who can seriously use it right now.  (And I apologize if some of the words are a bit off-color.  It's all in the name of comic art.  )

Dave


----------



## Karen G

Some family fun:


----------



## Bucky

Read one of my neighbors posts on Nextdoor this morning and thought I would share.

”Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. (My buddy Jeff). The other half will come out with a drinking problem. (Me) I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe. (Both) I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. (Both) Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room (Me) or The Bathroom (My buddy Jeff) PSA: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. (Jeff). Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. (Me) Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job. (Some of you guys) I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came home, told my cat and we both laughed a lot. So, after this quarantine … will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me or do I find them? (Walmart shoppers) Quarantine Day 5: I went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business. Mine says closed for business 5 days a week and the other 2 days, the food tastes like sht.. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. (Not mine. Rings are still there) Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat. (Jeff) I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage and check the mailbox. What should I wear? (My X, Rita) I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom. (Me) Classified Ad: Single man without toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. (Me) Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”. I’m offended. (Jeff) Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under. (Almost Everyone) Please don't report me to the Nextdoor police. They will suspend me for life.... But maybe Hollywood will make a new TV show about it and I'll get rich?”


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Talent312

Bucky said:


> Read one of my neighbors posts on Nextdoor this morning and thought I would share...


Sorry, I refuse to read such a big blob of letters.
Your neighbor needs to use paragraphs.


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Makai Guy

Talent312 said:


> Sorry, I refuse to read such a big blob of letters.
> Your neighbor needs to use paragraphs.


They were mostly snippets of stuff we've had posted here already anyway.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Day 6 Million:





 Dave


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Panina




----------



## Panina

Bucky said:


> Read one of my neighbors posts on Nextdoor this morning and thought I would share.
> 
> ”Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. (My buddy Jeff). The other half will come out with a drinking problem. (Me) I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe. (Both) I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. (Both) Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room (Me) or The Bathroom (My buddy Jeff) PSA: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. (Jeff). Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. (Me) Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job. (Some of you guys) I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came home, told my cat and we both laughed a lot. So, after this quarantine … will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me or do I find them? (Walmart shoppers) Quarantine Day 5: I went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business. Mine says closed for business 5 days a week and the other 2 days, the food tastes like sht.. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. (Not mine. Rings are still there) Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat. (Jeff) I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage and check the mailbox. What should I wear? (My X, Rita) I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom. (Me) Classified Ad: Single man without toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. (Me) Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”. I’m offended. (Jeff) Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under. (Almost Everyone) Please don't report me to the Nextdoor police. They will suspend me for life.... But maybe Hollywood will make a new TV show about it and I'll get rich?”


I wonder if you live my area, as I saw it too or maybe circulating around


----------



## clifffaith

Talent312 said:


> Sorry, I refuse to read such a big blob of letters.
> Your neighbor needs to use paragraphs.



So what else is on your schedule today that you don't have time to read a wall of words?


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PcflEZFlng




----------



## DaveNV

It's the little things...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Exercise during quarantine can be dangerous.





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

LOL, the first thing Mom wanted in the crisis was Spam. We found it at the 5th or 6th store we went to in two days as we shopped for other items. By the time we found it, I also had a taste for Spam. That taste has now been satisfied for another three years!


----------



## VacationForever

clifffaith said:


> View attachment 18915
> 
> LOL, the first thing Mom wanted in the crisis was Spam. We found it at the 5th or 6th store we went to in two days as we shopped for other items. By the time we found it, I also had a taste for Spam. That taste has now been satisfied for another three years!


We love our SPAM Lite.  We have eaten 2 cans since SIP/SAH and we still have another 11 cans or so.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PcflEZFlng

PrairieGirl said:


> Another demonstration of how we do it in Saskatchewan!


How it's done here in San Diego!


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## mdurette

Men changing diapers.....I seriously have tears all the way down my face.   





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=4204988459515120


----------



## Passepartout

87% of gym members don't even know their gym is closed!


----------



## clifffaith

mdurette said:


> Men changing diapers.....I seriously have tears all the way down my face.



Hilarious! But I have to admit to having days I gag over cat urp or poop where Cliff has to step in, and days I don't. I occasionally have the same issue swallowing pills -- and once I gag on one I have to set the rest aside for an hour.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65

mdurette said:


> Men changing diapers.....I seriously have tears all the way down my face.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=4204988459515120



That’s pretty funny
I had 4 kids with my ex
My new wife had 2 when we met and then we had 1
I would not change a dirty diaper as if I did we would have other issues
One day my wife had to run up to the store and our son who was about 1 blew up. I mean up his back etc

She comes home about 10 minutes later to a pair of tongs and dirty diaper on the lawn and I have the kid in the front yard spraying him down with the garden hose

And this was not a home with wheels under it. Most all of the neighbors were either Doctors or business owners

I’m sure if any seen the show they must have thought we won the house I’m a giveaway or something


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## b2bailey

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 18917


I've played this myself -- and it wasn't during SIP.


----------



## Brett




----------



## PamMo




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine boredom fun:

Funniest thing I've read online in awhile. I actually laughed out loud at this:


*The definition of "PROPAGANDA" --

It's when a British person takes a really good look at something.*


(Hint:  Try saying the word out loud, but with an English accent.)

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine boredom fun:
> 
> Funniest thing I've read online in awhile. I actually laughed out loud at this:
> 
> 
> *The definition of "PROPAGANDA" --
> 
> It's when a British person takes a really good look at something.*
> 
> 
> (Hint:  Try saying the word out loud, but with an English accent.)
> 
> Dave


The same thing is true in Massachusetts.  Except there it also refers to well-dressed male goose.


----------



## Maple_Leaf

"Baby, it's COVID outside..."


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PcflEZFlng said:


> How it's done here in San Diego!
> View attachment 18922


DW in Encinitas enjoyed this.  But she did question the fish taco dimensions.


----------



## SmithOp

Tova Leigh.








Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## clifffaith

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 19010



I am right handed. My right hand won't do the Live Long & Prosper salute, even with lots of effort.  My left hand takes a two step process (index and middle, then bring pinkie up to ring finger. No, I don't have anything better to do (and I'm avoiding the piles of photos on the dining room table).


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Ahh - but the problem is that there is a finite limit to the amount of time that can be spent looking at exponential graphs (24/7/365). So while it might be exponential to start, the exponential rise isn't sustainable, leading to a sigmoid curve:





Which is similar to the uncontrolled COVID-19 case curve. It starts exponential, but has to level as the virus runs out of people to infect.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine issues:





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 19049



DW and I have some fundamental differences in life outlook.  Perhaps why we fit together so well.

Not just whether the glass of wine is half-full or half-empty.  She will look at at a full glass and think that it will soon be empty and that will be sad.  I look at the same glass and think that it will be soon be empty, so then it can be refilled.


----------



## Ken555

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Ahh - but the problem is that there is a finite limit to the amount of time that can be spent looking at exponential graphs (24/7/365). So while it might be exponential to start, the exponential rise isn't sustainable, leading to a sigmoid curve:
> 
> View attachment 19037
> 
> Which is similar to the uncontrolled COVID-19 case curve. It starts exponential, but has to level as the virus runs out of people to infect.



Really? I mean, really? /smh

As promised in post #1.

Boo.

Hiss.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Blues

Deleted.  Decided subject of the post wouldn't appreciate it.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

for the nerds among us, XKCD is on top of things ....


----------



## Ken555

For all the sport fans... (be sure to read the news updates at bottom of screen):







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

These ^^^ are awesome!

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Czech nudists told to wear face masks by police
					

At the recent height of Czech concerns over the spread of coronavirus, police were called in to insist nudists cover their mouths while letting everything else hang out.




					www.cnn.com


----------



## Ken555

DaveNW said:


> These ^^^ are awesome!
> 
> Dave



Yup! I have a few more but they are borderline for this board... are we okay with a few that have profanity? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mdurette




----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Yup! I have a few more but they are borderline for this board... are we okay with a few that have profanity?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



I guess it depends on the level of profanity.  I've posted a few in this thread that had an odd word or two.  We're all adults.


----------



## DaveNV

This made me laugh out loud:





 Dave


----------



## Tank

The Ohio one
Wine with DeWine @ 2pm everyday.

I truly enjoyed all of these , thanks , I needed that !
Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Boredom Part 1:

Some Facebook memes that remind me of the "good old days"

















 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Boredom Part 2:

Some Facebook memes that remind me of the "good old days"

















 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Boredom Part 3:

Some Facebook memes that remind me of the "good old days"

















 Dave


----------



## Fredflintstone

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

DaveNW said:


> I guess it depends on the level of profanity. I've posted a few in this thread that had an odd word or two. We're all adults.



Guess we are not, since my post is now deleted.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Guess we are not, since my post is now deleted.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Well, you tried.  

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Day 504:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Later that same day:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This says it all:





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

And then this happened:





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Amusing. 





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1317938371733880


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Day 927:

When you've been called by your neighbors one too many times.





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Quilter

i just went through all 16 pages of this thread.  Again.

Thanks.


----------



## mdurette




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## presley

Don't know if this was already posted. SNL Zoom work call.


----------



## Ken555

Just in case your Zoom meeting doesn’t already have enough distractions.

Bring farm animals (like llamas!) to your Zoom calls with Goat 2 Meeting
Boring meeting? Add an animal!









						Bring farm animals (like llamas!) to your Zoom calls with Goat 2 Meeting — Mashable
					

Boring meeting? Add an animal!




					apple.news
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

It was bound to happen eventually:





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

I sense a theme today.







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## b2bailey

Brett said:


> View attachment 19138
> 
> 
> .


First I have seen this -- surprised it's not a break-out item.


----------



## Passepartout

88% of blondes will disappear from the face of the earth this month.


----------



## DaveNV

Social distancing at a funeral.





Dave


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Brett

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 19168



$3.65 gal gas   ..


----------



## Passepartout

Brett said:


> $3.65 gal gas   ..


The 'Good 'ol' days.


----------



## Ken555

Read the titles in order.






Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mdurette




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## b2bailey

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 19140


Last night I didn't 'get' this one. I guess it required the fresh brain of the morning. Ha!


----------



## plpgma

This is definitely how my wife does it!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## PrairieGirl

plpgma said:


> This is definitely how my wife does it!
> 
> View attachment 19193




OMG, that is SO me too!


----------



## VacationForever




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Day 912:

Dirty Dancing, with Alligators...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you know you've been in quarantine too long:

When things like this cross your mind...





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

mentalbreak said:


> Haven't heard "I'm so blessed" etc.



And that's because in quarantine this is true:





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dietary Issues? You're not alone...





 Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. I have been walking 2.5 miles a day around my neighborhood, increased my water, no meat, sugar, dairy or flour. The change has been fantastic! I feel great! Zero alcohol! A healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day! Lost 17 pounds of fat and see muscle definition.

I have no idea whose post this is, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!


----------



## jehb2




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Pandemics in times of yore .....


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## VacationForever




----------



## alwysonvac

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10100216003051553


----------



## Quilter




----------



## DaveNV

If this applies to you, here's your sign:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Day 298:





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Day 298:
> 
> View attachment 19284
> 
> Dave


My younger dd, who lives with us, decided that since she and I were going through more wine than usual that she'd better order more.


----------



## b2bailey

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 19268


Me.


----------



## Gypsy65

Luanne said:


> My younger dd, who lives with us, decided that since she and I were going through more wine than usual that she'd better order more.



If ordering 
This place is decent
I like the Rhubarb wine. Wife doesn’t but she only likes ones like Zinfandel and Rieslings 









						Red Ass Rhubarb - Prairie Berry Winery
					

Tart rhubarb and rich raspberries




					prairieberry.com


----------



## Luanne

Gypsy65 said:


> If ordering
> This place is decent
> I like the Rhubarb wine. Wife doesn’t but she only likes ones like Zinfandel and Rieslings
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Red Ass Rhubarb - Prairie Berry Winery
> 
> 
> Tart rhubarb and rich raspberries
> 
> 
> 
> 
> prairieberry.com


Thanks.  She ordered directly from a winery in Napa.  She used to be a member of their wine club.  Even though she dropped her membership they gave her club prices and a discount on shipping.  She is kicking herself for not taking advantage of an offer they had awhile ago of $1.00 shipping.  We opened one of the cabernets on Friday.

https://www.materrawines.com/


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Amusing





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10207413899261596


----------



## DaveNV

When the quarantine is over, we're all going to have to be retrained. 





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Panina

That’s it, I am putting a liquor bottle in every room and later tonight I am going bar hopping.


----------



## DaveNV

Just to brighten your day a little.  (Google them - they're real.)





Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

And then this happened...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My worst nightmare...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Funny, because it's true:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Public Service Announcement #43





 Dave


----------



## Talent312

OT: Some Alexa Humor...
When changing Baby Yoda, ask you must: "Doo or Doo not?"


----------



## Panina

I just saw this on my neighborhood next door, love it

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking tea and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to yes, you guessed it pull myself together


----------



## DaveNV

I know this applies to some of you:





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNW said:


> I know this applies to some of you:
> 
> View attachment 19499
> 
> Dave


In mine the pictures are reversed. The before is on the bottom & the after is the top one.

Jim


----------



## Luanne

Going back to  my 1950's haircut.


----------



## DaveNV

Luanne said:


> Going back to  my 1950's haircut.
> 
> View attachment 19503



Did you put a strip of Scotch tape across you bangs on your forehead, to give you a line to trim along? Asking for a friend... 

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Luanne said:


> Going back to  my 1950's haircut.
> 
> View attachment 19503


I bet you're the cute one.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Talent312 said:


> OT: Some Alexa Humor...
> When changing Baby Yoda, ask you must: "Doo or Doo not?"



There is no cry?


----------



## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> Did you put a strip of Scotch tape across you bangs on your forehead, to give you a line to trim along? Asking for a friend...
> 
> Dave


My mom did the cutting, I don't know if it was tape or a bowl.

I remember she let me cut my younger sister's hair one time, but the one part she wouldn't me touch was the bangs.  I still don't know what she was thinking.  I asked her one time and she said "Well you wanted to do it".  My poor sister.  I think she was about 5, I would have been 8.  I also remember Mom taking my sister somewhere to have the cut "fixed" and she ended up with one of those very short pixie cuts.


----------



## DaveNV

This Dog Park management wanted to make sure *ALL* visitors got the message.





 Dave


----------



## MULTIZ321

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=georgia%20aquarium%20and%20cats&epa=SEARCH_BOX
		


Click on the video - Episcopal Cats with Problems
Richard


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith

MULTIZ321 said:


> https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=georgia%20aquarium%20and%20cats&epa=SEARCH_BOX
> 
> 
> 
> Click on the video - Episcopal Cats with Problems
> Richard



Couldn't find that, so I googled it. Now I'm a member of the group!


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Public Service Announcement 412:





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl

Day 12          of the lock down and I STILL can’t find that missing          sock!!


----------



## Panina

I got a little tipsy last night ...I don't remember getting home from the kitchen.


----------



## geoand

Panina said:


> I got a little tipsy last night ...I don't remember getting home from the kitchen.


Now that is just plain funny!


----------



## CO skier

Luanne said:


> Going back to  my 1950's haircut.
> 
> View attachment 19503


As a 61-year-old male, I would give my left arm for the "bowl cut" to be relevant to my current situation.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

CO skier said:


> As a 61-year-old male, I would give my left arm for the "bowl cut" to be relevant to my current situation.



Just say you are the reincarnation of Moe! I will get a burr cut and say I am Curley. . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

CO skier said:


> As a 61-year-old male, I would give my left arm for the "bowl cut" to be relevant to my current situation.


As I commented in another thread, as men we are each granted our allotment of testosterone.  If other men choose to use theirs to grow hair, that is their prerogative.


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> As I commented in another thread, as men we are each granted our allotment of testosterone.  If other men choose to use theirs to grow hair, that is their prerogative.



Or as I like to say, "Grass doesn't grow in a busy street."  

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## nerodog

Love this thread...I check.it out every  morning  for a laugh


----------



## chapjim

DaveNW said:


> Or as I like to say, "Grass doesn't grow in a busy street."
> 
> Dave



Or, as my father (RIP) used to say, "They don't put marble tops on cheap furniture."


----------



## chapjim

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> As I commented in another thread, as men we are each granted our allotment of testosterone.  If other men choose to use theirs to grow hair, that is their prerogative.



Someone once said that testosterone is the best indication that evolution doesn't exist.  Anything as dangerous as testosterone should have evolved out of the species.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## jehb2

RE: calculate your next travel destination

I’m adding this to today’s homeschool math class.


----------



## DaveNV

When you've run out of board games, and it's turning into bored games...





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Gypsy65

Deleted

Realized I posted my own post twice

Must be covidiot disease


----------



## Fredflintstone

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



 where’s his eye protection?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## MrockStar

Brett said:


> View attachment 19474


She was trying to get to Austria because they where reopening this spring


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## PrairieGirl

Who is Jack Schitt?

A little humor to help in our troubled times.

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious coupleproduced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happensbrothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.

REMEMBER:  IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO FULLA SCHITT

Hey, do you think any of this clan lives up Schitt's Creek?


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19574



My sister uses this ALL the time - like EVERY DAY.  Oh, did I mention my sister is staying with us right now?   

 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma

PrairieGirl said:


> Who is Jack Schitt?
> 
> A little humor to help in our troubled times.
> 
> For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
> 
> We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
> 
> Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
> 
> Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
> 
> Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
> 
> In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious coupleproduced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
> 
> Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
> 
> After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
> 
> Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
> 
> Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happensbrothers in a dual ceremony.
> 
> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
> 
> The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
> 
> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
> 
> He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
> 
> Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Crock O. Schitt
> 
> NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.
> 
> REMEMBER:  IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO FULLA SCHITT
> 
> Hey, do you think any of this clan lives up Schitt's Creek?


My wife and I couldn't get through this without rolling all over the floor!  Priceless!!!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Panina

Went to the grocery store with my hubby. Came home and took off our masks.  Turns out,  it wasn't my hubby.  Women: BE ATTENTIVE!


----------



## clifffaith

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19574



Our insurance policy gives us $75 of free stuff from CVS every quarter. Last month I actually ordered a little jar of Vick's in case one of us had trouble breathing. Between the Vick's, the can of Spam and the boxes of childhood photos with me in crooked bangs, stay-at-home has been a real blast from the past!


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals:





 Dave


----------



## b2bailey

DaveNW said:


> My sister uses this ALL the time - like EVERY DAY.  Oh, did I mention my sister is staying with us right now?
> 
> Dave


I like the scent. I buy tissues that are Vapor Rub infused.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## presley




----------



## Quilter

__ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1252595388244275201


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## geoand

Panina said:


> Went to the grocery store with my hubby. Came home and took off our masks.  Turns out,  it wasn't my hubby.  Women: BE ATTENTIVE!


Hey, this was why I have done all the grocery shopping for past 41 years until DW took over due to this virus. I ALWAYS TOLD HER IT WAS A GREAT WAY TO MEET CHICKS


----------



## geoand

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19624


Glad I am still losing weight


----------



## VacationForever




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Duplicate 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

Hats off!


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Quilter

Can't make this up. . .


----------



## jehb2

To get around stay-at-home orders, Spaniards have been walking some unusual 'pets' | CNN
					

The Spanish government's strict stay-at-home order allows people to leave their homes to walk their pets.




					www.cnn.com


----------



## Karen G

For those of you who want to make facemasks at home, here's a little tutorial:


----------



## DaveNV

Karen G said:


> For those of you who want to make facemasks at home, here's a little tutorial:



Oh, man.  Thanks for the laugh.  I just spit coffee across the room.  

Dave


----------



## VacationForever

Karen G said:


> For those of you who want to make facemasks at home, here's a little tutorial:


That was so painful to watch that I had to stop it several times.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## clifffaith

VacationForever said:


> That was so painful to watch that I had to stop it several times.



I had to avert my eyes because I got the willies with her cutting and sticking her finger. I'll be last in line for any corona test that involves a finger prick; sure hope they'd agree to poke me in a back-of-the-hand vein.


----------



## Luanne

At this point I have no remembrance if this has already been posted.


----------



## Makai Guy

Quilter said:


> Can't make this up. . .


Sorry, this scares the crap out of me.  Not what I'd call "Stay At Home Humor" (title of this thread).


----------



## Ken555

Makai Guy said:


> Sorry, this scares the crap out of me. Not what I'd call "Stay At Home Humor" (title of this thread).



Yes exactly. This post is important to see, but to the poster I say...


Booooooo. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## chellej

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="



" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luvtoride

Rofl 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## rapmarks




----------



## VacationForever

John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the 1st morning of the visit John's grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film like substance on this plate and asked, “Are these plates clean?” His grandpa replied, “They are as clean as cold water can get them, just go ahead and finish your meal.”

For lunch grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as they appeared to have specks of dried egg on them. John asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!”

Later as John was leaving, grandpa's dog started to growl and wouldn't let John pass.
John said, “Grandpa, your dog won't let me get by!”
Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!


----------



## Ken555

Watch out for those wearing bananas!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Makai Guy

Ken555 said:


> Watch out for those wearing bananas!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Watch out for those wearing bananas!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


sent to family members in Houston, with a question as to which choice they have made.


----------



## Tank

Just about says it all


----------



## Luvtoride

How can you tell a Different Day??? LOL


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## mdurette




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Go back 5 more years and there was no Netflix. JSMN


----------



## b2bailey

Wife: Did I get fat during SIP?

Husband: Well, you were never really skinny.

Time of Death: 9 am April 26, 2020

Cause of Death: Covid-19


----------



## Panina

It's been such a joy being alone with my husband for the past 6 weeks . We've caught up on all the things I've done wrong for the past 20 years.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Quilter

Ken555 said:


> Yes exactly. This post is important to see, but to the poster I say...
> 
> 
> Booooooo.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



To me it’s like The Far Side come to life.  

Kinda like watching the humor promoting drinking, overeating, family dysfunction and murder.


----------



## Talent312

This whole thread will be historic and should be memorialized in some fashion.


----------



## plpgma

Quilter said:


> To me it’s like The Far Side come to life.
> 
> Kinda like watching the humor promoting drinking, overeating, family dysfunction and murder.


Don't forget to mention nudity!


----------



## plpgma

Talent312 said:


> This whole thread will be historic and should be memorialized in some fashion.


Agree -- an historic collection of funnies!


----------



## Quilter

plpgma said:


> Don't forget to mention nudity!



Sloth too.    
Any others?


----------



## b2bailey

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19686


What am I missing?


----------



## b2bailey

Panina said:


> It's been such a joy being alone with my husband for the past 6 weeks . We've caught up on all the things I've done wrong for the past 20 years.


Trying to decipher whether this is tongue-in-cheek humor?


----------



## Tank

If this was a  University  bbs starting a 

What you lounging around in thread 
could get interesting  


This has been fun , thanks, , stay safe!
Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> If this was a  University  bbs starting a
> 
> What you lounging around in thread
> could get interesting
> 
> 
> This has been fun , thanks, , stay safe!
> Dave



This being Tug, and a (presumably) more mature demographic, I'm guessing a "What are You Wearing in Quarantine?" Reader Poll would overwhelmingly return "Sweats" as the Number One answer.  

Well, at least it would for me. The only time I've put on pants in the last seven weeks is when I had to go to the grocery store... 

Dave


----------



## Panina

b2bailey said:


> Trying to decipher whether this is tongue-in-cheek humor?


No, just humor, not about me


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## VacationForever

DaveNW said:


> This being Tug, and a (presumably) more mature demographic, I'm guessing a "What are You Wearing in Quarantine?" Reader Poll would overwhelmingly return "Sweats" as the Number One answer.
> 
> Well, at least it would for me. The only time I've put on pants in the last seven weeks is when I had to go to the grocery store...
> 
> Dave


Not for us.  We are fully dressed in long sleeves and long pants because we go on walks and want to block out the UV rays.  Although it is getting hot enough that I ditched my long pants for golf shorts today.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



The last piece of a Married.. With Children episode.


----------



## Makai Guy

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19686





b2bailey said:


> What am I missing?


Sort of ironic ambiguity.  Does the sign mean:
"The production of yardsticks will cease"
or
"Yardsticks will not be lengthened"


----------



## Tank

Will be a market for well designed “vails” going forward


----------



## plpgma

Makai Guy said:


> Sort of ironic ambiguity.  Does the sign mean:
> "The production of yardsticks will cease"
> or
> "Yardsticks will not be lengthened"


We may never know!


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Talent312

My DW complained that, it had been so long since her hair was colored,
that her dark roots were showing.

I suggested that she try using one of our yellow highlighters.

<True Story>

-- Time of Death: 8:25 pm, April 26, 2020.
-- Cause of Death: Coronavirus.
,


----------



## Ken555

Impressive 









						Family in Isolation Recreates Journey's Separate Ways Video Shot by Shot and It Is the Most Perfect Thing
					

Over the last month, most of the world has been in self isolation due COVID-19. We try to keep our news on Geek Girl Authority joyful and one thing that




					www.geekgirlauthority.com
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.

Makai Guy said:


> Sort of ironic ambiguity.  Does the sign mean:
> "The production of yardsticks will cease"
> or
> "Yardsticks will not be lengthened"



Yardsticks cannot be made any longer or they wouldn't be yardsticks therefore they aren't going to make them any longer. Makes me wonder who asked for a longer yardstick and what one would be called. Lol


----------



## PcflEZFlng




----------



## Panina

Drinking at home compared to the bar isn't working out.  I almost asked my wife for her phone number


----------



## Panina

I hope they give us a 2 week notice before sending us back into the world. I think we all need time to become ourselves again.  And by"ourselves" I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9 am.    Make that a month notice - !


----------



## Panina

No, you haven't gained that much weight during the quarantine.         Come on......... chin up.    No, the other one!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## bluehende

Not stay at home but too funny not to post


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> Yardsticks cannot be made any longer or they wouldn't be yardsticks therefore they aren't going to make them any longer. Makes me wonder who asked for a longer yardstick and what one would be called. Lol



I'm inching to get my foot in it while yardsticks are 66% off...  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantined Grandma goals...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you're out quarantine shopping...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Homeschooling 101...







 Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Tank

Take the wheel ,,,


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine cooking skills...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine PSA for Men...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Homeschool Math Skills...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Pet Issues...





 Dave


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Essential Business...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Employment Opportunity!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine issues...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Overheard during quarantine...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Snoopy checks on his Economic Impact Payment...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

After two months at home, quarantine Grandma goes shopping...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Home Employment...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Pet Grooming...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine sign from above...





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

I didn't notice the "pod" olive at first -- some people or so creative!


----------



## Panina

I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny...That was ME!


----------



## Panina

I finally did. I bought a new pair of shoes with memory foam insoles. No more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen


----------



## Panina

My thoughts go out for all those poor married men who have spent months telling the wife "I'll do that when I have time"


----------



## Panina




----------



## Panina

I burned 1200 calories today
I left the pizza in the oven too long


----------



## Tank

One for Webster 2020 new words


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine shopping with your cat...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you want to try your new makeup, but can't find your mirror...





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

I need one of these.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Bunk




----------



## T-Dot-Traveller

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 19686


<“ their not going to make yardsticks any longer “>

Kinda / maybe - in Canada .

We have been given guidelines : - to keep 6 feet or 2 metres apart .

*******
A metre is roughly 39 inches - so 2 metres = 6 foot 6 inches .
SO OUR “ YARDSTICKS “ DID GROW .
lol
*******
Canada went (semi) metric in the mid 1970’s . To this day there remains a mixture of
Imperial and metric in real life . I am sure homebuilding carpenters know both

The school systems moved towards teaching metric only fairly quickly . So if you graduated grade 8 around 1980 you probably learned both / after that - not so much .
That means if your under 50 you could be more comfortable in metric and over 50 in Imperial measurements.

Back in the mid 90’s - A customer who was “ between husbands” - told me - when she was in a singles bar ;
her personal rule was “if the guy only knew metric  - he was too young .”


----------



## DaveNV

T-Dot-Traveller said:


> Canada went (semi) metric in the mid 1970’s . To this day there remains a mixture of
> Imperial and metric in real life . I am sure homebuilding carpenters know both
> 
> The school systems moved towards teaching metric only fairly quickly . So if you graduated grade 8 around 1980 you probably learned both / after that - not so much .
> That means if your under 50 you could be more comfortable in metric and over 50 in Imperial measurements.



I was in middle school in the 60s in extreme northwest Washington state, really, really close to the Canadian Border.  In grade school music class we sang America The Beautiful followed by Oh, Canada.  (With "Roll On Columbia" thrown in for good measure, just to keep the state happy.) So things were pretty blended. I learned both metric and Imperial in school, before Canada went metric.  No idea why they taught both, except I remember them saying the USA was going to be using metric, too, like "the rest of the world."  Didn't quite happen like that for us.  But metric doesn't scare me, and as long as I can convert between feet and meters, even mentally, I'm good to go. 

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNW said:


> No idea why they taught both, except I remember them saying the USA was going to be using metric, too, like "the rest of the world."  Didn't quite happen like that for us.  But metric doesn't scare me, and as long as I can convert between feet and meters, even mentally, I'm good to go.


I was in elementary / middle school during the Carter administration, and that was when there was a big push to go metric in the US.  I remember having specific lessons being taught, and it seemed to be a popular topic in the "Weekly Reader" most weeks.  However, it just faded away after a few years, as I don't recall anything in high school about it (I started HS in 1980).

Kurt


----------



## Panina

Some simple humor 


*Why was 6 afraid of 7? *

Because 7, 8, 9


*What did the little corn say to the mama corn?*

Where is pop corn?


*Can February March?*

No, but April May.


*What did the traffic light say to the truck?*

Don't look, I'm changing.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Tank

Funny


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

When they reopen the public parks in your town:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Home Shopping:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you finally leave quarantine and decide to go shopping...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When quarantined chefs run out of recipes...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Planning your next vacation:





 Dave


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65

DaveNW said:


> When quarantined chefs run out of recipes...
> 
> View attachment 19813
> 
> Dave



Try it
Might actually be good. Like the popcorn and M&Ms combo


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

Gypsy65 said:


> Try it
> Might actually be good. Like the popcorn and M&Ms combo



Actually, I like mixing Plain M&Ms and Starburst Jelly Beans.  Great movie snack.

Dave


----------



## Tank

Cheers


----------



## Monykalyn

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Whomever made this was channeling me LOL! I think I've said half of this but add "Is the damn chicken in the house again?" -we have one who gets in then squawks loudly for someone to hold her!


----------



## Panina

Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call"


----------



## Panina

The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!


----------



## DaveNV

Monykalyn said:


> Whomever made this was channeling me LOL! I think I've said half of this but add "Is the damn chicken in the house again?" -we have one who gets in then squawks loudly for someone to hold her!




If I ever have a pet chicken I'm going to name her Repecka. 

Dave


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNW said:


> When quarantined chefs run out of recipes...
> 
> View attachment 19813
> 
> Dave



Gotta drop that Snickers stuffed pickle in batter and deep fry it -- they are cancelling county fairs in our area.


----------



## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> Gotta drop that Snickers stuffed pickle in batter and deep fry it -- they are cancelling county fairs in our area.



I hear you, and I get it, but sorry - that's a big ICK!!! from me.  Just the idea of pickles and chocolate doesn't work for me.  I couldn't get past the idea of chocolate-dipped bacon, a "delicacy" served at the wedding reception of friends a few years ago.  Sorry, some things just don't belong together, and for as much as I like chocolate, pickles, Snickers, and bacon, they need to stay separate. 

Dave


----------



## Monykalyn

clifffaith said:


> Gotta drop that Snickers stuffed pickle in batter and deep fry it -- they are cancelling county fairs in our area.


I actually think that might be kinda good LOL!! Deep fried oreos and snickers(non stuffed) are great!


----------



## Jan M.

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1f7OwFqTnco%26feature%3Dshare%26fbclid%3DIwAR1WMTvSnPkvDatDMMvZmmAEC9j5CRKg4A1HSfKVYHUooTkB8HqbnpPLTD4&h=AT2lbBU_phRb9dVa3jGLEv9jH2SynhyUgUgZdHKt4YBhOexe-RIFT58nkUapy3w7xgdF428g-O-6whgZLMQz0NoPOzs74ABYcfISZU57hodzBrb8HiPWqU7YUtsHB3vmNhWaLYZmF9O3eC4mPjpM


----------



## Gypsy65

The following meme is NOT a recipe 
So to all the doorknob lickers. Do NOT try this at home


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

We'll need to be retrained when we can finally leave the house...





 Dave


----------



## Quilter




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## moonstone




----------



## DaveNV

In today's quarantine news...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Made a quarantine shopping list.  This wasn't on it.





 Dave


----------



## Brett

work at home


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.

Austin, TX


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Karen G

Apparently it's only appropriate to say "Look at you! You've gotten so big!"
to children...

Adults tend to take offense...


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne

From a local Native American cartoonist (Ricard Cate of Without Reservations).  His comment to the protestors:


----------



## DaveNV

A Little Golden Quarantine Reading.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Time to get busy.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine shopping.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Yes.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Too true!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For those with jobs...





 Dave


----------



## Brett

DaveNW said:


> For those with jobs...
> 
> View attachment 19889
> 
> Dave




Parks and Rec -  special one time "pandemic quarantine" episode tonight !


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The hazards of news personalities doing live television from home during a corona virus lockdown:









						Naked Woman Walks Through Background of Spanish Reporter’s Apartment During Live Interview
					

Talk about going viral for all the wrong reasons.




					decider.com


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> The hazards of news personalities doing live television from home during a corona virus lockdown:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Naked Woman Walks Through Background of Spanish Reporter’s Apartment During Live Interview
> 
> 
> Talk about going viral for all the wrong reasons.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> decider.com



Oopsie!  

Dave


----------



## Quilter

DaveNW said:


> Made a quarantine shopping list.  This wasn't on it.
> 
> View attachment 19860
> 
> Dave


This is soooo my cat.  

My DD loves this because I keep reminding her to get organic and pasture raised.


----------



## DaveNV

Quilter said:


> This is soooo my cat.
> 
> My DD loves this because I keep reminding her to get organic and pasture raised.



Remind her that if the Zombie Apocalypse ever happens, eat the Vegans first - it's the closest we have to Grass Fed.  

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DannyTS




----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> The hazards of news personalities doing live television from home during a corona virus lockdown:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Naked Woman Walks Through Background of Spanish Reporter’s Apartment During Live Interview
> 
> 
> Talk about going viral for all the wrong reasons.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> decider.com


And yet another Bozo gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar!


----------



## DaveNV

Things I learned in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dog Grooming.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine dietary lesson.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Deep quarantine thoughts.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine OCD Hell...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

First doctor visit post-quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Life in a quarantine world...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Online quarantine shopping, WTH? Edition:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

During quarantine my cousin took a correspondence tattoo artist class...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The quarantine truth of life:





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Jan M.

Luanne said:


> View attachment 19943



Thanks, NOT, Luanne! Sweets are my downfall and I was doing okay until my husband saw the recipe on Facebook for DoubleTree's chocolate chip cookies and made them this week. Now it's "Hi, my name is Jan and I'm an addict." Btw payback's a bitch. Lol.

*DoubleTree Signature Cookie Recipe*
Makes 26 cookies

*Ingredients*

½ pound butter, softened (2 sticks)
¾ cup + 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
¾ cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 ¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 ¼ cups flour
½ cup rolled oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
Pinch cinnamon
2 ⅔ cups Nestle Tollhouse semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 ¾ cups chopped walnuts
*How to make them*
Cream butter, sugar and brown sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed for about 2 minutes.

Add eggs, vanilla and lemon juice, blending with mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, then medium speed for about 2 minutes, or until light and fluffy, scraping down bowl.

With mixer on low speed, add flour, oats, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, blending for about 45 seconds. Don’t overmix.

Remove bowl from mixer and stir in chocolate chips and walnuts.

Portion dough with a scoop (about 3 tablespoons) onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Space about 2 inches apart.

Preheat oven to 300°F. Bake for 20 to 23 minutes, or until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.

Remove from oven and cool on baking sheet for about 1 hour.

Cook’s note: You can freeze the unbaked cookies, and there’s no need to thaw. Preheat oven to 300°F and place frozen cookies on parchment paper-lined baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.


----------



## Luanne

Jan M. said:


> Thanks, NOT, Luanne! Sweets are my downfall and I was doing okay until my husband saw the recipe on Facebook for DoubleTree's chocolate chip cookies and made them. Now it;s "Hi, my name is Jan and I'm an addict." Btw payback's a bitch. Lol.
> 
> *DoubleTree Signature Cookie Recipe*
> Makes 26 cookies
> 
> *Ingredients*
> 
> ½ pound butter, softened (2 sticks)
> ¾ cup + 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
> ¾ cup packed light brown sugar
> 2 large eggs
> 1 ¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
> ¼ teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
> 2 ¼ cups flour
> ½ cup rolled oats
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 teaspoon salt
> Pinch cinnamon
> 2 ⅔ cups Nestle Tollhouse semi-sweet chocolate chips
> 1 ¾ cups chopped walnuts
> *How to make them*
> Cream butter, sugar and brown sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed for about 2 minutes.
> 
> Add eggs, vanilla and lemon juice, blending with mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, then medium speed for about 2 minutes, or until light and fluffy, scraping down bowl.
> 
> With mixer on low speed, add flour, oats, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, blending for about 45 seconds. Don’t overmix.
> 
> Remove bowl from mixer and stir in chocolate chips and walnuts.
> 
> Portion dough with a scoop (about 3 tablespoons) onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Space about 2 inches apart.
> 
> Preheat oven to 300°F. Bake for 20 to 23 minutes, or until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.
> 
> Remove from oven and cool on baking sheet for about 1 hour.
> 
> Cook’s note: You can freeze the unbaked cookies, and there’s no need to thaw. Preheat oven to 300°F and place frozen cookies on parchment paper-lined baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.


One of the very, very good bakeries in our area announced they are selling their chocolate chip cookie dough.


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.

Luanne said:


> One of the very, very good bakeries in our area announced they are selling their chocolate chip cookie dough.



My husband used to travel for his job and when he saw the recipe was telling me how good the DoubleTree cookies are. I wouldn't know but I can for sure tell you that his are excellent!


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> My husband used to travel for his job and when he saw the recipe was telling me how good the DoubleTree cookies are. I wouldn't know but I can for sure tell you that his are excellent!



My sister is staying with us.  She's an amazing cook and baker.  She's been trying out her favorite recipes on us.  Many are clearly home runs. I've printed this cookie recipe for her to check out.  I fully expect she'll make them, and ask me to try "just one" with a big glass of cold milk to see what I think.  And of course, "just one" will turn into a handful, like always, because everybody knows you can never have leftover milk without cookies to go with it, right?  

Thanks in advance for nothing.  My waistline hates you.  LOL!    

Dave


----------



## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> My sister is staying with us.  She's an amazing cook and baker.  She's been trying out her favorite recipes on us.  Many are clearly home runs. I've printed this cookie recipe for her to check out.  I fully expect she'll make them, and ask me to try "just one" with a big glass of cold milk to see what I think.  And of course, "just one" will turn into a handful, like always, because everybody knows you can never have leftover milk without cookies to go with it, right?
> 
> Thanks in advance for nothing.  My waistline hates you.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


Everyone knows there is no such thing as just one cookie.   Dh made chocolate chip cookies about a week ago. I had one. It was right out of the oven. As dh gave it to me he told me he had put the cookies back into the oven to cook them longer. I told him they didn't need it, they were already crispy around the edges and browned on the bottom. Well, he cooked the heck out of them and I didn't eat another one.  I'm trying to only eat stuff like cookies if I know I'll really enjoy it.


----------



## DaveNV

Luanne said:


> Everyone knows there is no such thing as just one cookie.   Dh made chocolate chip cookies about a week ago. I had one. It was right out of the oven. As dh gave it to me he told me he had put the cookies back into the oven to cook them longer. I told him they didn't need it, they were already crispy around the edges and browned on the bottom. Well, he cooked the heck out of them and I didn't eat another one.  I'm trying to only eat stuff like cookies if I know I'll really enjoy it.



Did he maybe do that on purpose, to make sure there would be some left when he wanted one?  If it's like my sister's cookies, they're gone in a flash. Sometimes in half a flash... 

Dave


----------



## VacationForever

DaveNW said:


> My sister is staying with us.  She's an amazing cook and baker.  She's been trying out her favorite recipes on us.  Many are clearly home runs. I've printed this cookie recipe for her to check out.  I fully expect she'll make them, and ask me to try "just one" with a big glass of cold milk to see what I think.  And of course, "just one" will turn into a handful, like always, because everybody knows you can never have leftover milk without cookies to go with it, right?
> 
> Thanks in advance for nothing.  My waistline hates you.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


... and then you need more milk because there are cookies left...


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Calling all quarantine homeschoolers:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homeschooling:  This woman's kid found "stickers" in the bathroom.  





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNW said:


> First doctor visit post-quarantine:
> 
> View attachment 19936
> 
> Dave



I used to drink real Pepsi (not diet) for medicinal purposes -- the caffeine worked wonders on headaches. Ten or more years ago I gave up sweets, that didn't last long but for some reason never went back to treating (in both senses of the word) myself with Pepsi.


----------



## clifffaith

Jan M. said:


> Thanks, NOT, Luanne! Sweets are my downfall and I was doing okay until my husband saw the recipe on Facebook for DoubleTree's chocolate chip cookies and made them this week. Now it's "Hi, my name is Jan and I'm an addict." Btw payback's a bitch. Lol.
> 
> *DoubleTree Signature Cookie Recipe*
> Makes 26 cookies
> 
> *Ingredients*
> 
> ½ pound butter, softened (2 sticks)
> ¾ cup + 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
> ¾ cup packed light brown sugar
> 2 large eggs
> 1 ¼ teaspoons vanilla extract
> ¼ teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
> 2 ¼ cups flour
> ½ cup rolled oats
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 teaspoon salt
> Pinch cinnamon
> 2 ⅔ cups Nestle Tollhouse semi-sweet chocolate chips
> 1 ¾ cups chopped walnuts
> *How to make them*
> Cream butter, sugar and brown sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed for about 2 minutes.
> 
> Add eggs, vanilla and lemon juice, blending with mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, then medium speed for about 2 minutes, or until light and fluffy, scraping down bowl.
> 
> With mixer on low speed, add flour, oats, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, blending for about 45 seconds. Don’t overmix.
> 
> Remove bowl from mixer and stir in chocolate chips and walnuts.
> 
> Portion dough with a scoop (about 3 tablespoons) onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Space about 2 inches apart.
> 
> Preheat oven to 300°F. Bake for 20 to 23 minutes, or until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.
> 
> Remove from oven and cool on baking sheet for about 1 hour.
> 
> Cook’s note: You can freeze the unbaked cookies, and there’s no need to thaw. Preheat oven to 300°F and place frozen cookies on parchment paper-lined baking sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.



My inquiring mind wanted to know:
In *recipes* that call for *oats*, *rolled oats* provide a chewy, nutty texture and flavor, while *quick*-cooking *oats* supply a softer, moister finished product. Both *can* be used interchangeably in many *recipes*, and *you* may even *substitute oats* for up to one-third of the flour in most *baked* goods. 

My BS meter went off at "1/4 Teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice". I can't imagine anyone would know whether the lemon juice was actually added or not in a side by side looks and/or taste test! And whether it was juice from a freshly squeezed lemon or a squirt from a bottle of Real Lemon.

I have two bags of chocolate chips in the cupboard just because they jumped out at me one day in the last six weeks of hoarding buying, so I'll have to print the recipe and try it out (without lemon juice, with quick oats).


----------



## Ken555

Please take the food discussion to a different thread! Thanks.


----------



## MULTIZ321

DaveNW said:


> During quarantine my cousin took a correspondence tattoo artist class...
> 
> View attachment 19939
> 
> Dave


----------



## geoand

Luanne said:


> View attachment 19954


It is difficult not to like a post that ends with n...d b...s


----------



## geoand

Nuts!  Just realized that the only post that ended as I said WAS MINE!!!


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

This company in Texas has the best signs!

Quarantine exercise routine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

And another sign:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Get-Rich Plans:





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homeschool Science Project:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Cool Picture Stuff:





(Yes, there really is a camel there somewhere.)

Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Quiet Pine

Jan M. said:


> *DoubleTree Signature Cookie Recipe*


In our house DH usually bakes the cookies, but I made this recipe a week or so ago and they are delicious. Used my cookie scoop on leftover dough & froze it. Just as good as the original batch.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Quilter

Saw this on our walk today


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## CO skier

Luanne said:


> View attachment 19954


... lying around ...

... lying around ...

Can we, PLEASE!, open the schools again?


----------



## CO skier

DaveNW said:


> Calling all quarantine homeschoolers:
> 
> View attachment 19958
> 
> Dave


A+


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Panina

.....Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome....
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:
"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him
And one of the students said to him,
"We're medical students and couldn't help
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,
"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said,

"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!”


----------



## Panina

This is a classic story of marital conflict over money.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife. They carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
That's him in Aisle 5


----------



## Panina

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

Wrinkles don't hurt.

Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts 

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground... 

Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..
Smile & hearts 

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: Is 
1) You believe in Santa Claus. 
2) You don't believe in
Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not pe*ing in your pants. 
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends. 
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license. 
At age 35 success is .. . ... ..Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money....
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license. 
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends. 
At age 80 success is . . .. Not pe*ing in your pants.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; 
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a
Wonderful day with many *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.


----------



## Panina

His request approved, the News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for The News' he responded, 'and I need to get some close-up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'


----------



## Panina

These are some classic "one liners".

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.. 
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. 
- Jimmy Durante 

I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
- Zsa Zsa Gabor 

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. 
- Spike Milligan 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. 
- Bob Hope 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation   As you grow older, it will avoid you. 
- Winston Churchill  

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 
- Phyllis Diller 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal


----------



## Panina




----------



## Panina




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Pictures from my Quarantine vacation!





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## clifffaith

Luanne said:


> View attachment 20071



Every morning when we go into the living room there are puzzle pieces on the floor. Mocha has for years checked out what's "up". She never gets on the counter, shows no interest during the day, but we regularly find evidence she's been up on tables during the night.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




----------



## Jan M.

Probably got the C because of our COVID-19. Lol.


----------



## Tank

Got to get this Classic day in


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Things you learn about your quarantined neighbors:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Social distancing made easy:





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When restaurants reopen after quarantine:

79513889_2525913104190305_224967359012536320_n.mp4

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Definitely NOT a quarantine goal!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Uh oh.  Tomorrow is May 5th!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you let your kids help with dinner...





 Dave


----------



## RX8




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine wardrobe.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

What I've learned in quarantine.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Tiny House people recreation:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine calendar discoveries:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine thieves!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Ok, I admit, this is like me.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This happens at our house. Often.





 Dave


----------



## Quilter




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> Tiny House people recreation:
> 
> View attachment 20133
> 
> Dave


Only fishing boats allowed in Michigan for the last two weeks.


----------



## MrockStar

Quilter said:


> View attachment 20139View attachment 20140


I was just talking to my wife about this and look what she did about it


----------



## Tank

Elbow room please


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## PcflEZFlng

Welp, when all other countries are closed, this is what happens...


----------



## Panina

So my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching TV yesterday.  Suddenly I hear I got a text on my phone that I left in the kitchen.  I go into the kitchen to check, and it's a text from my husband. "Please bring the chips on your way back!"


----------



## Panina

The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!


----------



## Panina

I never thought the comment "I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6 foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!


----------



## Panina

Quarantine has given us habits our dogs have.  We roam the house all day looking for food.  We are told "no"  if we get too close to strangers.  And we get really excited about car rides.


----------



## Makai Guy

Latest tee shirt design at Woot


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## nerodog




----------



## Passepartout

Not necessarily 'Stay at Home' humor: In fact- not necessarily 'humor' at all.

CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne




----------



## JanT

I'm laughing so hard at this my husband just wandered over to see what was so funny.



Panina said:


> I never thought the comment "I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6 foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!


----------



## Luanne

A plague mask and social distancing skirt.


----------



## DaveNV

After my state reopened...





 Dave


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Luanne said:


> A plague mask and social distancing skirt.



For The MAD Quarantine SPY vs SPY

BLACK SPY - 






WHITE SPY - 

 

Alfie, where are you when we need you!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## MrockStar

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Are those Michigan Fish?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## MrockStar

Thanks Ken555, i needed a good laugh today. AL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 20248



Two can play that game. 





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine problems.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine haircut.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine discoveries.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine doctor visit.





 Dave


----------



## b2bailey

DaveNW said:


> Two can play that game.
> 
> View attachment 20254
> 
> Dave


I suppose I haven't had enough coffee to get the punch-line here. I'll check back later.


----------



## DaveNV

b2bailey said:


> I suppose I haven't had enough coffee to get the punch-line here. I'll check back later.



Five jars of mayonnaise = Cinco de mayo.  Just like the ship right above it. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine letter from Marine Corps recruit in Basic Training:

******************************************

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 AM. But I’m getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer that before breakfast, you just need to smooth your bed and make some things shine. No pigs to drag, bad luck feed, porridge to mix, wood to split, or fire to lay. Virtually nothing.

Men got to shave but it isn’t so bad, there’s warm water here. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He complains a lot. The captain is like the school board. The majors and the colonels are content to roll around and frown. They don’t bother you.

This next will k…i…l…l Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bullseye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you have to do is lie down comfortably and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6” and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8” and nearly 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

******************************************

 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Talent312

Humor from my sister-in-law...

Grandma is 88 and has retired to Florida. She still drives. This is what she wrote me:

Dear ----,
The other day, after picking up Jack, I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker in the front window of local Christian bookstore.  I was feeling sassy as I had just come from choir practice and a prayer meeting.  So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper right away.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed as I was on my way home.  I  stopped at a red light, and just got lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, so I didn't notice that the light had changed.  It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.  I found that lots of people love Jesus that day! 

While I was sitting there, the guy started honking like crazy.  He then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'' What an exuberant cheerleader for Jesus! Soon, everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those people who loved Jesus.. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There was a guy who must be from Florida.  He yelled something about a Sunny Beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked Jack what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. Jack burst out laughing. So even he was enjoying this religious experience!!  A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.  I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.  So, I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! I wish they were all like this in Florida.
Love,
Grandma


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## plpgma

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine letter from Marine Corps recruit in Basic Training:
> 
> ******************************************
> 
> Dear Ma and Pa,
> 
> I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.
> 
> I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 AM. But I’m getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer that before breakfast, you just need to smooth your bed and make some things shine. No pigs to drag, bad luck feed, porridge to mix, wood to split, or fire to lay. Virtually nothing.
> 
> Men got to shave but it isn’t so bad, there’s warm water here. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
> 
> We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
> 
> The sergeant is like a school teacher. He complains a lot. The captain is like the school board. The majors and the colonels are content to roll around and frown. They don’t bother you.
> 
> This next will k…i…l…l Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bullseye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you have to do is lie down comfortably and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
> 
> Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6” and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8” and nearly 300 pounds dry.
> 
> Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
> 
> Your loving daughter,
> Alice
> 
> ******************************************
> 
> Dave


Ha ha -- Priceless!


----------



## Jan M.

As you wish...... Major shout out to the Weinberg!


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## plpgma

Jan M. said:


> As you wish...... Major shout out to the Weinberg!
> 
> View attachment 20305


Ha - The Weinberg isn't terribly far from where we live -- they've been changing their marquee routinely during the quarantine with witty and pithy sayings!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

When you try to get some exercise during quarantine...





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout

Due to the current upset situation caused by the Corona Virus in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.


This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). 

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). 

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). 

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. 

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). 

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. 

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. 

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your government who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. ] 

Sincerely, 

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) 



PS - Due to recent budget cuts as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl

This guy is pretty good!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

And in a rising story...

**************************************

*Sad news from Minnesota*

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 75.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with many flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

**************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Things I learned in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Further quarantine goals:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Home Study:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

It never ends:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you think about it...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

After quarantine goals:





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## mdurette




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Quilter

Magnet on my daughter’s refrigerator.  My sister found it for her.


----------



## Quilter

SIP for 5 weeks with DD in her home with new baby has been a “growing “ experience for both of us.  
She has sent me to my room to pack but found me sitting in bed with a cup of coffee.


----------



## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Home Study:
> 
> View attachment 20324
> 
> Dave


I need share this with my wife.


----------



## MrockStar

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 20331


I know i have ridden in that station wagon once or twice.


----------



## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> It never ends:
> 
> View attachment 20325
> 
> Dave


Is that Ted Nugent ?


----------



## Tank

Anybody ?


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

When quarantine gets you out of practice from seeing people...





 Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNW said:


> When quarantine gets you out of practice from seeing people...
> 
> View attachment 20364
> 
> Dave


I had to stare at this for the longest time before I finally saw the illusion!


----------



## DaveNV

I've been practicing my cooking skills.  How am I doing?





 Dave


----------



## VacationForever

Bear taking a bath in Oregon zoo.
You have to get through the ad first... 









						Stop what you're doing and watch this bear take a bath - CNN Video
					

Staff at the Oregon Zoo released the video we all needed -- a black bear having the best time taking a bath.




					www.cnn.com


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

I know better!





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Quilter




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne

Not COVID related, but.............


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Portland, OR


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## susieq




----------



## cman

I'm stealing all of you guy's memes. Not giving you any mentions either. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

cman said:


> I'm stealing all of you guy's memes. Not giving you any mentions either. LOL



That's fine.  We swiped them in the first place. 

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Don't fall for that really cheap Mail Order funeral plan...    





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I know this is true at my house!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine paybacks.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine moods. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Mother's Day.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality.





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Introducing!!  The all new "Quarantine-Sized Barbie" dream car!





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.

I hope all you ladies had a great Mother's Day. Btw the following is meant as a joke.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, a quarantine Bigfoot sighting in the Pacific Northwest...





 Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNW said:


> Meanwhile, a quarantine Bigfoot sighting in the Pacific Northwest...
> 
> View attachment 20480
> 
> Dave


Is that Darrell?


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Is that Darrell?



I think so.  Sure looks like him. When I see him next I'll ask. 

Dave


----------



## Jan M.

I'm so impressed with the creative minds that came up with all the stuff we've posted. And their sense of humor too.

Well Hell... Didn't see that coming


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine lessons.





 Dave


----------



## mdurette




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine sad news.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality.





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Jan M. said:


> I'm so impressed with the creative minds that came up with all the stuff we've posted. And their sense of humor too.
> 
> Well Hell... Didn't see that coming
> View attachment 20485



I wonder how they barbeque?


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20504



You tried to squeeze in with non-humor and as promised in post 1... booooooooooo!

Worse, this post is wrong.









						Misleading claim: Woodstock took place in the middle of a pandemic
					

Correction 2: Reuters Fact Check team initially rated this claim as True, and later revised that to Partly True. After listening carefully to feedback from readers and reviewing the timeline of the Hong Kong flu pandemic that started in 1968, we are correcting this verdict...




					www.reuters.com
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

What I learned in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20504


Friends don't tell friends that Woodstock was 51 years ago! (Time flies when you're having fun!)


----------



## Gypsy65

Ken555 said:


> You tried to squeeze in with non-humor and as promised in post 1... booooooooooo!
> 
> Worse, this post is wrong.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Misleading claim: Woodstock took place in the middle of a pandemic
> 
> 
> Correction 2: Reuters Fact Check team initially rated this claim as True, and later revised that to Partly True. After listening carefully to feedback from readers and reviewing the timeline of the Hong Kong flu pandemic that started in 1968, we are correcting this verdict...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.reuters.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Just a repost like all the others here
Didn’t search if it was fact. Didn’t care if it was or not
Wasn’t posted as a news story

Some people suck


----------



## DaveNV

Released from quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## vacationtime1

Gypsy65 said:


> Just a repost like all the others here
> Didn’t search if it was fact. Didn’t care if it was or not
> Wasn’t posted as a news story
> 
> Some people suck



The truth matters to some people.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Friends don't tell friends that Woodstock was 51 years ago! (Time flies when you're having fun!)


Wow!! Woodstock was 51 years ago. I feel it must have been fun with all those strange peace signs, love songs, Jimmy Hendericks  and slogans. Before my time LOL. Right


----------



## Passepartout

pedro47 said:


> Wow!! Woodstock was 51 years ago. I feel it must have been fun with all those strange peace signs. love songs  and slogans. Before my time LOL. Right


Yes indeedie. By then I'd grown up, gotten as much education as I was going to get- hard knocks excluded- lived in Europe a couple of years, been to war- come home, been screamed and spit at, and fallen in love. It didn't exactly feel like FUN at the time. But the music was the BEST EVER!


----------



## CanuckTravlr

Gypsy65 said:


> Just a repost like all the others here
> Didn’t search if it was fact. Didn’t care if it was or not
> Wasn’t posted as a news story
> 
> Some people suck



Sorry,  IMO, the last statement was uncalled for and the part before that was a cop out excuse!  We all should take some responsibility for what we post.  You repeated an inaccurate set of facts and now are trying to pass it off as just innocent humour.  The Hong Kong flu was seasonal and was not an issue at Woodstock.  I was there.  Were you?


----------



## Karen G

*Virus reflections:

Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use.

People keep asking “is corona virus really that serious?”  Listen up! Casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious!

Now that teachers finally have a chance to use the restroom, there’s no toilet paper.

Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little monsters!!!

The longer this goes on the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.

Cops these days will be like…”come out with your hands washed!”

Day 31 of quarantine…ate all the snacks and food…clothes no longer fit… but I’m still wearing gloves and mask for my protection.

Never in my whole life would I imagine my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth!

And just like that…having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.

Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but ask what staying home on the couch can do for your country.

Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid corona virus outbreak.

Ladies…time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.

I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!

Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!

With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship…It’s on Paper-View.

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past 21 days!

Sitting at the bar in the kitchen at night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. WTH…

It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for fifteen years.

Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.* *Not so much to prevent corona virus, but to stop eating.*


----------



## Gypsy65

CanuckTravlr said:


> Sorry,  IMO, the last statement was uncalled for and the part before that was a cop out excuse!  We all should take some responsibility for what we post.  You repeated an inaccurate set of facts and now are trying to pass it off as just innocent humour.  The Hong Kong flu was seasonal and was not an issue at Woodstock.  I was there.  Were you?



Nope
Not that old sorry

It’s a humor thread. I’m not doing fact finding for that sorry again

I have real things to do besides pick out crap on the net

You and a few others evidently are the neighborhood police

Amazing!!!


----------



## Tank

Bet you sung it


----------



## Brett

Gypsy65 said:


> Nope
> Not that old sorry
> 
> It’s a humor thread. I’m not doing fact finding for that sorry again
> 
> I have real things to do besides pick out crap on the net
> 
> You and a few others evidently are the neighborhood police
> 
> Amazing!!!



yeah, that's not really "humor" but I suppose if that's how you feel are the "facts'  .....


----------



## Karen G

OK, folks. Here's an idea:  Go back to post #1 in this thread and read the instructions:  Post your humorous SAH memes, messages, posts, videos here! Anything serious gets booed. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




If there's something you disagree with, why don't you just "boo" it and move along.  No need to argue about it or lecture one another.  Just "boo" . . .


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank

If you have that certain person that needs paid back who has kids ,,, 

Karma 









						Portable Mini Pocket Sax!! - Buy 2 Free Shipping
					

Click the "ADD TO CART" Now! [Limited Quantity] - Will sell out fast! If out of stock! We guarantee any quality problems for 30 days, free return 98.8% Of Customers Buy 2 Or More(Free shipping) Handling time>> within 24 hours after payment Delivery time>>Worldwide 3-12 days WE HAVE VERY LIMITED...



					bit.ly


----------



## Tank




----------



## geist1223

> *An old Farmer's Words of Wisdom we could all live by. . .*
> 
> *Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight
> and bull-strong.
> 
> Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
> 
> Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
> 
> A bumble bee is considerably faster than a
> John Deere tractor.
> 
> Words that soak into your ears are whispered....not yelled.
> 
> Meanness don't just happen overnight.
> 
> Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
> 
> Do not corner something that you know is
> meaner than you.
> 
> It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
> 
> You cannot unsay a cruel word.
> 
> Every path has a few puddles.
> 
> When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
> 
> The best sermons are lived, not preached.
> 
> Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't
> never gonna happen anyway.
> 
> Don't judge folks by their relatives.
> 
> Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
> 
> Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older
> and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
> 
> Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't
> bothering you none.
> 
> Timin' has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
> 
> If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing
> to do is stop diggin'.
> 
> Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
> 
> The biggest troublemaker you'll probably
> ever have to deal with, watches you from
> the mirror every mornin'.
> 
> Always drink upstream from the herd.
> 
> Good judgment comes from experience, and a
> lotta that comes from bad judgment.
> 
> Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier
> than puttin' it back in.
> 
> If you get to thinkin' you're a person of
> some influence, try orderin' somebody
> else's dog around.
> 
> Live simply, love generously, care deeply,
> Speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.*
> 
> *Don't pick a fight with an old man.
> If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.* *
> *​
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak

Tank said:


> If you have that certain person that needs paid back who has kids ,,,
> 
> Karma
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Portable Mini Pocket Sax!! - Buy 2 Free Shipping
> 
> 
> Click the "ADD TO CART" Now! [Limited Quantity] - Will sell out fast! If out of stock! We guarantee any quality problems for 30 days, free return 98.8% Of Customers Buy 2 Or More(Free shipping) Handling time>> within 24 hours after payment Delivery time>>Worldwide 3-12 days WE HAVE VERY LIMITED...
> 
> 
> 
> bit.ly



A few years back the “Amazon fairy” delivered a recorder (remember grade 3 music class?) with music and instruction for songs from Frozen to my brother’s daughter. My niece loved it and actually got pretty good.
I’m still bracing for payback.


----------



## DaveNV

Life in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Looking for a life after quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine missing person:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine parenting goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Social distancing issues.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you're on a low budget but binge watched too many Dukes episodes:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When the restaurants reopen after quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

What my kids taught me in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## MrockStar

Passepartout said:


> Yes indeedie. By then I'd grown up, gotten as much education as I was going to get- hard knocks excluded- lived in Europe a couple of years, been to war- come home, been screamed and spit at, and fallen in love. It didn't exactly feel like FUN at the time. But the music was the BEST EVER!


Glad you made it back.


----------



## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> When you're on a low budget but binge watched too many Dukes episodes:
> 
> View attachment 20551
> 
> Dave


Ok, being a one time orange chevette driver i would have loved this version.


----------



## Passepartout

MrockStar said:


> Ok, being a one time orange chevette driver i would have loved this version.


Driving a Chevette is about as close to walking as you're likely to get. With the possible exception as a Citroen 2CV.


----------



## MrockStar

pedro47 said:


> Wow!! Woodstock was 51 years ago. I feel it must have been fun with all those strange peace signs, love songs, Jimmy Hendericks  and slogans. Before my time LOL. Right


I was 9 yrs old then, my parents said no you cant ride your bike there.


----------



## MrockStar

Passepartout said:


> Driving a Chevette is about as close to walking as you're likely to get. With the possible exception as a Citroen 2CV.


Right it topped out at about 70 mph, the squirrels ran out of steam after That.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

After quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

More quarantine reality.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine marriage goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine haircut issues.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine fine art.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine ID Check.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

MrockStar said:


> Right it topped out at about 70 mph, the squirrels ran out of steam after That.


A friend of mine put a turbo on his - he could put two squirrels in every treadmill cage.  And then he figured it worked even better if he put females in the lead cage, with the males in the cage directly behind the first one.


----------



## Jan M.

A new acronym


----------



## Jan M.

In the trunk or on top of the car too.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Post-quarantine travel plans.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Things in quarantine that make you say "Aaaww!"





 Dave


----------



## Rjbeach2003

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20504


I just checked.  The Hong Kong Flu was truly seasonal and there weren't any outbreaks in the US in August 1969.  It did kill over 100,000 in America over 18 months.  COVID 19 has killed 83,000+ in about 3 months.  Let's revisit this in the late summer of 2021 and see what the death toll was, unless of course we are dead.


----------



## nerodog

DaveNW said:


> Things in quarantine that make you say "Aaaww!"
> 
> View attachment 20592
> 
> Dave


So cute!!


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine education:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

More quarantine lessons:





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65

DaveNW said:


> More quarantine lessons:
> 
> View attachment 20603
> 
> Dave



That just isn’t right!!

Being an owner of Harley's and Indians I had to steel this and post it on the Indian biker forum


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## T-Dot-Traveller

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20605



BOTH WORK -

you just need big mosquitoes- like the ones that live in my neighbourhood !
LOL


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Passepartout

Is it OK to take the bag out of a box of wine and stab it with a straw like a giant adult Capri Sun?
Asking for a friend.


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## geist1223

Passepartout said:


> Is it OK to take the bag out of a box of wine and stab it with a straw like a giant adult Capri Sun?
> Asking for a friend.



Better if you stab 2 straws and share.


----------



## pedro47

T-Dot-Traveller said:


> BOTH WORK -
> 
> you just need big mosquitoes- like the ones that live in my neighbourhood !
> LOL


How about the ones that lived next door. LOL


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## VacationForever

I just realized why this month is called May.
... It may rain, it may snow, it may be 90 degrees, it may be 40 degrees... 
... We may go back to work or we may not...


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne

Social distancing at a German restaurant.  This is true.


----------



## Tank

These masks are for kids
But
I like it too -


----------



## b2bailey

Passepartout said:


> Is it OK to take the bag out of a box of wine and stab it with a straw like a giant adult Capri Sun?
> Asking for a friend.


Only when it's almost all gone.


----------



## b2bailey

Tank said:


> These masks are for kids
> But
> I like it too -
> 
> View attachment 20640


Do you know where to buy?


----------



## Tank

b2bailey said:


> Do you know where to buy?



No
The disclaimer was they did not know where to get it
Look homemade 
A good idea


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine economics lesson.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Making the most of quarantine opportunities.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine breakout





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine lessons learned.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

What I learned in quarantine:





 Dave


----------



## MrockStar

Luanne said:


> Social distancing at a German restaurant.  This is true.
> 
> View attachment 20639


Cant be, i dont see any dogs or Beer steins


----------



## Ken555

Thanks to all for keeping this thread alive! 1000 posts and counting! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## MrockStar

Here's is one more for you. I   today.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Still short of the Fairmont / Sunchaser / Northwynd thread - 5534 posts and ~1 million page views.


----------



## Ken555

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Still short of the Fairmont / Sunchaser / Northwynd thread - 5534 posts and ~1 million page views.



Hmm, well, I hadn’t had such lofty goals but at this rate we may make it. We are sadly still at the beginning of this mess, so I predict lots more humor to come! Humor is good and we need to encourage it, regardless of what else we are dealing with IRL.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## nerodog




----------



## nerodog




----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Hmm, well, I hadn’t had such lofty goals but at this rate we may make it. We are sadly still at the beginning of this mess, so I predict lots more humor to come! Humor is good and we need to encourage it, regardless of what else we are dealing with IRL.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk




I'm happy to do my part.  Real life kind of bites right now, so why not chuckle or groan or even laugh out loud a little?  TV is boring, and I can't take another cleverly-staged "stay at home newscast" repeating the same doom and gloom they've been going on and on and on about for months.  I've already waxed the driveway, and polished the inside of the curtain rods - there isn't anything else left in the house to clean.  So I'm afraid Tuggers are getting the product of my web surfing.  I've tried to make sure everything I've posted here is at least mildly amusing, at least to me, Some of it is freaking hilarious.  Somebody said "laughter is good for the soul."  And everyone needs a bit of distraction right now, especially me. 

 to everyone who has contributed to this thread. You folks rock.  Keep it going.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

9 months after quarantine...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

After quarantine is lifted, School Bus Drivers are going to need retraining...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine cooking skills.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine grammar lesson.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Don't take a Correspondence Course in Home Improvement.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When your Grandma gets bored during quarantine...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine trivia.





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> 9 months after quarantine...
> 
> View attachment 20669
> 
> Dave


DaveNW, wow the Commander in Chief liked your post.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Don't take a Correspondence Course in Home Improvement.
> 
> View attachment 20673
> 
> Dave


But DaveNW, this house passed that city home  inspection. There is a gas meter hook up to this house. LOL.


----------



## Gypsy65

DaveNW said:


> 9 months after quarantine...
> 
> View attachment 20669
> 
> Dave



Been there. Done that

My twins were actually way easier to  raise than any of the other single children


----------



## PcflEZFlng

DaveNW said:


> I've already waxed the driveway, and polished the inside of the curtain rods - there isn't anything else left in the house to clean.


You still have to wash the cat and floss the tires. Get back to work!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PcflEZFlng said:


> You still have to wash the cat and floss the tires. Get back to work!


And after that, floss the cat.


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> DaveNW, wow the Commander in Chief liked your post.



That's awesome.    The image actually made me laugh out loud.  I think it was the barcodes. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> But DaveNW, this house passed that city home  inspection. There is a gas meter hook up to this house. LOL.



I know, right?  It's like the house slipped, or something.  But the steps don't look new, and the ground to the left isn't disturbed, so what the heck is going on here?   

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

PcflEZFlng said:


> You still have to wash the cat and floss the tires. Get back to work!





T_R_Oglodyte said:


> And after that, floss the cat.





Yikes!!!

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNW said:


> I know, right?  It's like the house slipped, or something.  But the steps don't look new, and the ground to the left isn't disturbed, so what the heck is going on here?
> 
> Dave


Photoshopping.


----------



## chapjim

CanuckTravlr said:


> Sorry,  IMO, the last statement was uncalled for and the part before that was a cop out excuse!  We all should take some responsibility for what we post.  You repeated an inaccurate set of facts and now are trying to pass it off as just innocent humour.  The Hong Kong flu was seasonal and was not an issue at Woodstock.  I was there.  Were you?



I was in the South China Sea.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I was working.  I was among the students for whom college wasn't an option if we didn't make enough money in the summer to meet our share of tuition obligations (even after student loans).


----------



## Brett




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

A little Quarantine Oops!





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## MrockStar

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20718


I could use one of those after this week.


----------



## Makai Guy

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20718


... and I'm out of Coke.  Oh, well ...


----------



## Gypsy65

Makai Guy said:


> ... and I'm out of Coke.  Oh, well ...



Don’t give up so easily 









						8 of the Best Rum Mixers
					

Rum can be a great neat, but most folks like it with mixers. From Coca-Cola & ginger beer to all types of water, these are the best rum mixers.




					vinepair.com


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Couples.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

More Quarantine Lessons.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine life lesson.





 Dave


----------



## MrockStar

Makai Guy said:


> ... and I'm out of Coke.  Oh, well ...


Better call the Wambulance.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine garage find.





To paraphrase the Capital One TV commercial:  "What's in your garage?"

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Home Repair project gone slightly wrong.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine discovery:





 Dave


----------



## jtp1947

@


DaveNW said:


> Quarantine garage find.
> 
> View attachment 20733
> 
> To paraphrase the Capital One TV commercial:  "What's in your garage?"
> 
> Dave


I still have one in my garage, haven't used it for 20 years.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Pharmacist Humor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine questions.





 Dave


----------



## Gypsy65

jtp1947 said:


> @
> 
> I still have one in my garage, haven't used it for 20 years.



20 years?

I bet it’s a few more than 20


----------



## DaveNV

Gypsy65 said:


> 20 years?
> 
> I bet it’s a few more than 20



I remember when they were everywhere.  At some point things changed, and I didn't notice.  I probably left mine in a phone booth someplace.  

Dave


----------



## Ken555

I wasn’t quite sure where to put this, but then thought this thread deserves it. Watch the video on and enjoy!







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNW said:


> I remember when they were everywhere.  At some point things changed, and I didn't notice.  I probably left mine in a phone booth someplace.


Changing out of your Clark Kent ID and didn't have room in the tights?


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Changing out of your Clark Kent ID and didn't have room in the tights?



It was kind of oily.  Ruined the look. LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## mdurette




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

The quarantine struggle is real.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Relative Love.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine drinking issue.





 Dave


----------



## Mizzenmast

Nice, just what I need during this stay at home order.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Good News:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Perfect cure for Quarantine Feet!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Language Study.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Parenting.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Post-Quarantine Guest Rule #1.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When your break Quarantine, be careful!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Social Distancing works.





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## VacationForever

DaveNW said:


> Perfect cure for Quarantine Feet!
> 
> View attachment 20760
> 
> Dave


EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine pest control.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Well the rainy season has now started here in southeast Florida so not ruling this out..


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## pedro47

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 20800


Staying at home with Coronavirus LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine news from Las Vegas:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dietary plans.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Dietary plans.


You know what it says on our license plates? 
FAMOUS POTATOES.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Occupation Change Win.

Can't drive a school bus because kids are at home?  Problem solved!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Aging Issues?





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## geist1223

Should say "Free to Good Home."


----------



## MrockStar

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Occupation Change Win.
> 
> Can't drive a school bus because kids are at home?  Problem solved!
> 
> View attachment 20828
> 
> Dave


I need to call them to the cottage and pump out the tank, The neighbors should get a real kick out  seeing this. Good


----------



## MrockStar

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## MrockStar

Italy?


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

*A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.
The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
This demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
I just thought you’d like to know.*


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Escape:

Ok, it's not humor, but it'll put a smile on your face.  Disney fans, Dole Plantation fans, here you go!





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Escape:
> 
> Ok, it's not humor, but it'll put a smile on your face.  Disney fans, Dole Plantation fans, here you go!
> 
> View attachment 20833
> 
> Dave


now that is only 25  calories. Sugar free.  LOL


----------



## pedro47

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 20836


That looks liked the guest in room 7777 on HHI staying @ Ocean Grand TownsHouse . LOL.


----------



## Gypsy65




----------



## Karen G

This isn't a joke but is really amazing to watch:


----------



## VacationForever

Karen G said:


> This isn't a joke but is really amazing to watch:


Poor fish were suffocating in the carbonated and sugary liquid andwere surfacing for air.


----------



## holdaer




----------



## easyrider

The State of Kansas

· May 14 · 



The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.

KDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah","Cah" not a single one could shout "Truck"!!!


wah wah 

Bill


----------



## MrockStar

holdaer said:


> View attachment 20843


It definitely gets your attention!


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Sundays.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Career Change.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Pretty much every day of the week right now.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Yep.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine appliance shopping.





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## plpgma

holdaer said:


> View attachment 20843


Yeah -- Texas!!!


----------



## plpgma

easyrider said:


> The State of Kansas
> 
> · May 14 ·
> 
> 
> 
> The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.
> 
> A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).
> 
> The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.
> 
> KDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
> 
> The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
> 
> They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah","Cah" not a single one could shout "Truck"!!!
> 
> 
> wah wah
> 
> Bill


How odd that New England crows were in Kansas!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you ALL my business!'

That's when she shot him.

********

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut


----------



## AwayWeGo




----------



## Quilter

Jan M. said:


> Well the rainy season has now started here in southeast Florida so not ruling this out..
> 
> View attachment 20798




someone help me have a laugh. . .

I get that there's a tropical storm off Florida and now it's been connected to a thriller movie Sharknado.   But please tell me the details of the guy and the white board full of disasters.   Where does that come from?


----------



## DaveNV

Discovering your brilliant pet in quarantine.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine exercise.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Social distancing may have helped.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine spirituality.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine education.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Sundays.
> 
> View attachment 20847
> 
> Dave


That really is a thing.
Detroit priest spraying holy water.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Kevin had been feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear a soothing small voice trying to reassure him: "Kevin, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you’re single. Let it go."

But invariably, another small voice would bring him back to reality: "My God, Kevin! You're a veterinarian......."


----------



## DaveNV

Not sure who'll need more training after quarantine:  Shopkeepers or drivers.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine job change...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check.




.
.
.
.
.
.
(That's all there is to it.  It's a tap.  On the screen. Get it?)  LOL!  Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Bunk

Do you think the thief that wasn't caught has enough sense to remove the watermelon from his head while the police are looking for him.

Imagine what the lineup would look like












						Cops: Virginia Booze Thieves Wore Watermelons On Head As Disguise
					

Two young men wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads stole alcohol from a Virginia convenience store, according to police who this weekend apprehended one of the masked bandits. The du




					www.thesmokinggun.com


----------



## DaveNV

Bunk said:


> Do you think the thief that wasn't caught has enough sense to remove the watermelon from his head while the police are looking for him.
> 
> Imagine what the lineup would look like
> View attachment 20958
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Cops: Virginia Booze Thieves Wore Watermelons On Head As Disguise
> 
> 
> Two young men wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads stole alcohol from a Virginia convenience store, according to police who this weekend apprehended one of the masked bandits. The du
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.thesmokinggun.com



There is a joke in there about being melon headed... 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 20951
> 
> View attachment 20952




I laughed at this, but it speaks directly to how I tend to think about many Impressionist and Modern Art images:  I freely admit I am certainly no expert.  But like these images show, what if the artist was just drunk/clumsy/really bad at it, and got away with it?  People are often too quick to assign some magical result to what (to me) is obviously a piece of junk, or a mistake.  Every home in the world with a refrigerator and a child in preschool has had a "masterpiece" hanging on it at one time or another.  

Don't get me wrong - I like art a lot, and will try to appreciate everything I see.  But sometimes I look at a museum piece and think, "Why?  Why is this art?"  The next thought is usually, "I could do this, maybe even better."  And then I shake my head and move on, giving full credit to the artist who made millions with this kind of stuff. 

Dave


----------



## "Roger"




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine doesn't change everyone.





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine wishes.


A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $19.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come in again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine, until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly, the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something. But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "So, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."



 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine health check.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine picnic.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My quarantine reality. It's the same out of quarantine, too. 






 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine exercise.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Homeschooled kids listen to their parents.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine cleaning goals.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne

You can't make these things up. The newest social distancing for bars and restaurants.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> You can't make these things up. The newest social distancing for bars and restaurants.
> 
> View attachment 20979


Why not just put everyone into bumper cars?  Create a patio with an electrified wire mesh roof, and when you enter you get strapped into your own bumper car.  You can tool around however you like.   There would be a drive spots where you could place and receive your orders.  And within the patio you go wherever you want, as long as you remain in your bumper car!!!!

Might get messy with drinks getting spilled though.  But it would be hilarious to see a bunch of inebriated and half-inebriated people navigating in the cars.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW, I love your humor from North of Seattle, Washington.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 20984


When I was in junior high school, the community were I lived opened a new swimming pool.  The student newspaper ran a story about the opening of the pool, the story announcing that the pool would be open for pubic use by June.  Junior high kids thought that was hilarious.


----------



## Jan M.

Now I kinda want one of these.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 20993


My wife's grandparents (both sides) were grape farmers in the San Joaquin.  Every year at harvest time, where they sold the grapes depended on how much the Gallo brothers were offering. If Ernest and Julio's prices were up, the grapes went to Modesto.  If E&J prices were down, they sold to the packing houses.


----------



## Luanne

Spelling counts.


----------



## plpgma

...got all my ducks in a row!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## mdurette




----------



## mdurette




----------



## dago

pedro47 said:


> I can remember when you could have breakfast, lunch and dinner in a restaurant. You could sit down and relax.  Then you would go shopping in a shopping mall with people holding hands and spending your money. LOL
> 
> Now they are all closed because of the Coronavirus .
> 
> Does anyone miss that touching of hands feeling.? LOL
> 
> Sorry, that is eligible: No Touching.... you must.......... be....... ................... ............. S I X ........        F E E T   ..........       A P A R T.


How did they determine that my germs will travel exactly 6 feet. Why not 5 ft or 7 ft


----------



## Luanne

dago said:


> How did they determine that my germs will travel exactly 6 feet. Why not 5 ft or 7 ft


Six feet was kind of arbitrary.  Here is an article that might help.  (And this probably doesn't belong on the humor thread).
https://qz.com/1831100/where-does-the-six-feet-social-distancing-guideline-come-from/


----------



## Rjbeach2003

Gypsy65 said:


> View attachment 20648View attachment 20649


I know this is a joke, and it's funny, but the masks aren't to protect the wearer, they are to protect others.  That's why trump isn't wearing one, but since some of his people tested positive they are required to wear masks around him.


----------



## Rjbeach2003

Fish Tails in Ocean City MD


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> DaveNW, I love your humor from North of Seattle, Washington.



Thank you!  I'm not responsible for any of these.  I've found them all in various places online, and if my twisted sense of humor can see a way to connect it to the Covid-19 situation, I'm sharing it here.  I figure everyone will take away the ones they like, groan over those they think are silly, and move along from the ones they don't care for.  It's a win-win for everyone.   

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> Now I kinda want one of these.
> 
> View attachment 20985



That's pretty cool.  And yes, somebody had a lot of time to spend on this. 

Dave


----------



## geist1223

Jan M. said:


> Now I kinda want one of these.
> 
> View attachment 20985



Several years ago at the Salem Art Fair (takes place in Bush Park across the Street from our House with artists from all around North America) one of the Metal/Iron Artists had a Metal Fire Breathing Dragon for sale.


----------



## dago

Luanne said:


> Six feet was kind of arbitrary.  Here is an article that might help.  (And this probably doesn't belong on the humor thread).
> https://qz.com/1831100/where-does-the-six-feet-social-distancing-guideline-come-from/


Thanks for the info; but I guess you didn't get my sarcasm


----------



## tombanjo

dago said:


> How did they determine that my germs will travel exactly 6 feet. Why not 5 ft or 7 ft



In Europe it is 2 meters, but in the US we are not able to figure out 78.7402" accurately when standing in a bar.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

dago said:


> How did they determine that my germs will travel exactly 6 feet. Why not 5 ft or 7 ft


I always thought it came from 6-feet under as a euphemism.  Take your pick - social death at 6-feet apart or physical death at 6-feet under.   (That's a product of my lame and retarded sense of humor, folks.)


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I always thought it came from 6-feet under as a euphemism.  Take you pick - social death at 6-feet apart of physical death at 6-feet under.   (That's a product of my lame and retarded sense of humor, folks.)



But it's funny, Steve.  

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine clothing issues.





 Dave


----------



## tompalm




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine recycling.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Couples Therapy.





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Who is the captain driving this bus?


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Anyone else remember this episode of _The Twilight Zone_?


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

48 pages of evidence right here!


----------



## dago

tombanjo said:


> In Europe it is 2 meters, but in the US we are not able to figure out 78.7402" accurately when standing in a bar.


LOL


----------



## dago

Ken555 said:


> Post your humorous SAH memes, messages, posts, videos here! Anything serious gets booed.
> 
> I’ll start off with this video I found on my FB feed this morning. Enjoy!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I know this is not humorous, but thought I would mention. DW and I actually met Maria in VT and got a signed autograph of her 2nd book. I believe it was about 1974 or 1975.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Jan M. said:


> Anyone else remember this episode of _The Twilight Zone_?
> 
> View attachment 21040


very well. I don't remember how old I was - probably junior high school.  I was captivated by the story and the reveal at the end. And how the notion of what is considered beautiful is arbitrary.  

A point illustrated differently by Chuck Jones (Looney Tunes) with Pepe le Pew.


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> Anyone else remember this episode of _The Twilight Zone_?
> 
> View attachment 21040



I do.  Where beautiful Donna Douglas (Ellie May Clampett from The Beverly Hillbillies) was the "ugly" one.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> 48 pages of evidence right here!
> 
> View attachment 21046



But if you find it on the Internet, it must be free, right?  

Dave


----------



## Makai Guy

Jan M. said:


> Anyone else remember this episode of _The Twilight Zone_?
> 
> View attachment 21040


Ahh... Donna Douglas.. yum!

[Edit]  Ah, nuts.  Might know Dave would beat me to the punch.


----------



## DaveNV

Makai Guy said:


> Ahh... Donna Douglas.. yum!
> 
> [Edit]  Ah, nuts.  Might know Dave would beat me to the punch.



Sorry, Doug. We can share.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

You know you've been in quarantine too long...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

New teacher in town.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine home improvement.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine weather forecaster.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 2.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 3.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 4.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 5.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 6.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 7.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 8.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 9.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 10.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 11.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 12.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 13.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Awkward quarantine conversation 14.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine neighbor chat.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Because you need to smile today.





Ok, I'll leave everyone with this.  Be happy today.

 Dave


----------



## dago

s 


DaveNW said:


> New teacher in town.
> 
> View attachment 21062
> 
> Dave


An oldie but goodie


----------



## DaveNV

Ok, here'a  few more.  

Quarantine home improvement goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine couple's therapy.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine dress code.





(Sorry, this one cracked me up.)

 Dave


----------



## GetawaysRus

This isn't related to Covid-19, but it was forwarded to me by a friend who has a very dry sense of humor.  It's a 10 minute video, but I'll wager that you've got plenty of time to watch it.  This is something we've all dreamed about doing...


----------



## isisdave

This isn't exactly humorous, but I found it very moving.


----------



## Ken555

Ikea’s Quarantine Campaign Offers 6 Ways to Make Furniture Forts









						Ikea Created Instructions for 6 Ways to Make Furniture Forts
					

A guide to keeping kids occupied from Russian agency Instinct.




					www.adweek.com
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma

A Touching Song Written by a Quarantined Music Teacher

This is a must watch!


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## PrairieGirl

Dave said "Well, I've never had to stand this far back before,
but I'll give it my best shot!"


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Luanne




----------



## amycurl

From The Onion. Especially appropriate for TUG. (I probably should have posted this in the Marriott forum, TBH...)








						Marriott CEO Tells Investors He’s Had A Good First Quarter In Terms Of His Personal Life
					

BETHESDA, MA—Addressing investors in a tense early morning teleconference call, Marriott International CEO Arne Sorenson reportedly told investors Thursday that he’s had a pretty good first quarter just in terms of his personal life. “Yeah, skipping past some of the financials for a second, I...




					www.theonion.com


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine community support.





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine community support.
> 
> View attachment 21171
> 
> Dave


DaveNW,  now that was just over the top. I hope you gave him a full glass of water.


----------



## SmithOp

Latest scientific Facebook evidence, lol.







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine business opportunity.





 Dave


----------



## Makai Guy

We seem to be straying from the intended humor focus.  I'm in the process of splitting the Golden Corral discussion off to its own thread.


----------



## Tank

Omg! This is funny! Must read.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.

Hahaha!   

★¨`*•♫.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ♫ ..•* ★


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Another quarantine employment opportunity.





 Dave


----------



## amycurl

These are pretty great....folks rate their SAH "accommodations"


			https://www.washingtonpost.com/travel/2020/05/15/your-quarantine-experience-reviewed-like-hotel/?utm_campaign=MMS_Newsletter_20200522&utm_content=&utm_medium=email&utm_source=sfmc_Loneliness%20is%20cleanliness


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Another quarantine employment opportunity.
> 
> View attachment 21200
> 
> Dave


Are they cruise ships going to the savage yard???. LOL
I know they are containers ships being recycled to be double deckers containers ships.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine couple's therapy.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Pre-Quarantine memories...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Smart Advice.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## beejaybeeohio

*Today I told my suitcase we are not going on vacation this year so now I'm dealing with emotional baggage!*


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## VacationForever




----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

plpgma said:


> A Touching Song Written by a Quarantined Music Teacher
> 
> This is a must watch!



It's interesting what is funny to some people and not others.

This one din't 'hit' me as funny---but the crew was sure laughing!!!!


----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

isisdave said:


> This isn't exactly humorous, but I found it very moving.



I thought it was definitely worth spending four minutes of my time.............


----------



## Luanne




----------



## cman




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## geekette

DaveNW said:


> Because you need to smile today.
> 
> View attachment 21080
> 
> Ok, I'll leave everyone with this.  Be happy today.
> 
> Dave


aw, I love baby elephants!


----------



## cman




----------



## Passepartout

*I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.*


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine home improvement.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine truth.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.

If we have any dedicated fishermen or women this is where you pat yourself on the back and say at least I'm not that obsessed.  And you should reward yourself for that with a new rod or maybe even a boat. Lol.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank

Letter writing becoming more popular these days , just have to smile ,,, 

Hillbilly Moms Letter

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.

Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.
We cremated him and he burned for three days. 

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.
One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down. 

Not much more news this time.
Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Mom

P.S. - I was going to send you some spending money, but I had already sealed the envelope and mailed it.


----------



## nerodog




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> Letter writing becoming more popular these days , just have to smile ,,,
> View attachment 21244
> Hillbilly Moms Letter
> 
> Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.
> 
> We don't live where we did when you left.
> Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved.
> 
> Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
> 
> This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
> 
> It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
> 
> The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
> 
> We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
> 
> About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or girls so dont know if you are an Aunt or Uncle???
> 
> Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned.
> We cremated him and he burned for three days.
> 
> Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup.
> One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
> The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.
> 
> Not much more news this time.
> Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
> Love, Mom
> 
> P.S. - I was going to send you some spending money, but I had already sealed the envelope and mailed it.


This is so funny.


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## bluehende




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## nerodog




----------



## Theiggy

nerodog said:


> View attachment 21257



Oh that one is sad actually.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## b2bailey

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 21235


I think it should say: NOT going well.


----------



## b2bailey

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 21249


I had that thought yesterday when I learned there was a car crash up the street from my place.


----------



## nerodog

Theiggy said:


> Oh that one is sad actually.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It is... it really shows  how everyone  is affected.


----------



## Luvtoride

DaveNW said:


> I do. Where beautiful Donna Douglas (Ellie May Clampett from The Beverly Hillbillies) was the "ugly" one.
> 
> Dave



“No Change...no change at all! “( to the horrified gasps of the grotesque Doctors and nurses!). A classic Twilight Zone ending reveal! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Luanne




----------



## jehb2

I think the teachers in our school district have done an awesome job. I only have a middle schooler and a high schooler.  I think home schooling with an elementary schooler would be more difficult.  That said, I have sympathy for this poor lady, but the video did make me laugh.









						See this mom's hilarious rant about homeschooling her children
					

The mother of four from Israel cracked on day two of quarantine.




					www.today.com


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine body image goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Beware quarantined pets.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine parenting goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine PSA.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine sad news.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine memories.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Global Changes.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Social Distance Neighbor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Sports Activity.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Chores.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Things I learned in quarantine.





 Dave


----------



## GetawaysRus

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine sad news.
> 
> View attachment 21268
> 
> Dave


That picture of the Tower of Pisa is a test of whether you've ever been there.

I'm glad my wife and I both got the mandatory photo before the tower toppled.


----------



## pedro47

Theiggy said:


> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I like those photos of your  vacation.  What a happy  group of photos difference shapes and sizes. Looked that Carolina blue  color.  LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Sports Activity.
> 
> View attachment 21273
> 
> Dave


My saddle must be too loose. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine sad news.
> 
> View attachment 21268
> 
> Dave


How many COVID-19 individuals does it takes to the hold The Towet of Pisa?
The correct answer will surprise you.


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## cman




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, back with the Quarantine Fashion Police...





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## clifffaith

Billy Jean/Quarantine


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted.  Non-humor comment.


----------



## Luanne

It's a groaner.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine git 'er done.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine auto shopping...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine bargain shopping Win!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine traffic jam.





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine git 'er done.
> 
> View attachment 21320
> 
> Dave



Carpenter Aunts would be the best name for a woman/sister's with kids owned construction business! HGTV should do some scouting around.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## mdurette

For all my Boston peeps......


----------



## billymach4

word up


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine wake up call.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Which line is your favorite this quarantine season?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine life lessons.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Sad things I learned in quarantine...





 Dave


----------



## cman




----------



## DaveNV

Facebook quarantine reality show.

(If you have facebook, this is freaking hilarious!)





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10158546389168856
			




       Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine pets are revolting.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine home improvement.





 Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Passepartout

*After seeing how some people wear masks, I understand how contraception fails.*


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine healthy breakfast.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homeschooling 101.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine parenting.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Good old days, before quarantine.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine slippery humor...





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine slippery humor...
> 
> View attachment 21347
> 
> Dave


Nope. It's margarinally punny.


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNW said:


> Facebook quarantine reality show.
> 
> (If you have facebook, this is freaking hilarious!)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10158546389168856
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dave



I want her kitty cat apron!


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Homeschooling 101.
> DaveNW, I, feel all these students have earn an “A.” LOL
> View attachment 21344
> 
> Dave


----------



## geoand

Passepartout said:


> *After seeing how some people wear masks, I understand how contraception fails.*


What should they do?  Do they need bigger or smaller masks?  Hehehe


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

geoand said:


> What should they do?  Do they need bigger or smaller masks?  Hehehe


Some good first steps would be to make sure it fits snugly, doesn't leak, and hasn't been used previously.


----------



## fillde

__ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1265378310890098694


----------



## Ken555

fillde said:


> __ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1265378310890098694



You think this is funny?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## fillde

Ken555 said:


> You think this is funny?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Funny in the fact he's shaming others but his own crew is part of the problem.

__ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1265324662369718272


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## amycurl

#Quarantimes recipe ideas:








						24 people share the most disgusting things they've eaten during quarantine.
					

Limited resources and the stress of living through a pandemic means people get creative with their cooking, and a lot of free time means that amateurs experiment with baking.  Corona-cooking and baking have been a defining feature of...




					www.someecards.com


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 21409


I thought that was a 2020 avocado!!!


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## geist1223

DaveNW said:


> Good old days, before quarantine.
> 
> View attachment 21346
> 
> Dave



Actually you can still do this in Bend Oregon today.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Jokes.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Whoopsie.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

geist1223 said:


> Actually you can still do this in Bend Oregon today.



I think I knew there was still a Blockbuster in Bend. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check.





 Dave


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor #1





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor #2





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor #3





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Breakfast Menu.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine dating lessons.





 Dave


----------



## presley




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## jehb2

One man band: Teacher records 22 parts of 'Pomp and Circumstance' to honor seniors
					

This band director used 22 different instruments to give his graduating seniors a memorable virtual sendoff.




					www.kvue.com
				




One man band: Teacher records 22 parts of 'Pomp and Circumstance' to honor seniors


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## dago

This may have already posted...  but


----------



## Passepartout

Postings to Quarantine Humor have slowed waaaay down. Not so funny now?


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine conspiracy theory fix.





 Dave


----------



## Tank

Passepartout said:


> Postings to Quarantine Humor have slowed waaaay down. Not so funny now?



My other half works at the Cleveland Clinic
My hero
it’s never been funny, just making the best of a bad situation and a smile a day keeps the doctor away!
Also back to work  less time.

Pray for our health care workers,they need it!

Still look to get my smile on, thanks for the humor posts


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Postings to Quarantine Humor have slowed waaaay down. Not so funny now?



Nope, just busy.  Stay tuned. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine housekeeping.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine math.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine social distancing.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine perceptions.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine "OMG" Moment.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Reality.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine deep "Eeeewww!!" questions.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine deeper "Eeeewww!!" questions.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine dilemma.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The day your quarantine world stood still.





 Dave (Please, please, please tell me you understand why this sign is absolutely brilliant.)


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine truth.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine creativity.





 Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

DaveNW said:


> The day your quarantine world stood still.
> 
> View attachment 21511
> 
> Dave (Please, please, please tell me you understand why this sign is absolutely brilliant.)


 Sorry Dave, before my time. But, since Mr. Google knows all I agree - someone in the roadworks dept has a great sense of humour!


----------



## DaveNV

PrairieGirl said:


> Sorry Dave, before my time. But, since Mr. Google knows all I agree - someone in the roadworks dept has a great sense of humour!



Thanks for taking time to check it out.  I remember the film from when I was a kid.  (Saturday morning movie theater reruns, actually.)  The reference is obscure, unless you know what it came from.  And with the world on lockdown, it kind of applies right now. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine chuckle.





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine "OMG" Moment.
> 
> View attachment 21505
> 
> Dave


I loved this Mickey and I have something in common less hair. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine creativity.
> 
> View attachment 21513
> 
> Dave


This is a piece of American art for that Public Service television show.
IMHO.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett

DaveNW said:


> The day your quarantine world stood still.
> 
> View attachment 21511
> 
> Dave (Please, please, please tell me you understand why this sign is absolutely brilliant.)



don't need to tell me


----------



## pedro47

Luanne said:


> View attachment 21526


Yes! A fat person in the window seat whose  leg is taken up the whole middle seat.


----------



## Jan M.

DaveNW said:


> Thanks for taking time to check it out.  I remember the film from when I was a kid.  (Saturday morning movie theater reruns, actually.)  The reference is obscure, unless you know what it came from.  And with the world on lockdown, it kind of applies right now.
> 
> Dave



Dave, you made my husband's day. It's one of his favorite movies.


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNW said:


> The day your quarantine world stood still.
> 
> 
> Dave (Please, please, please tell me you understand why this sign is absolutely brilliant.)


I had to Google it -- way before my time.

Kurt


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine garage sale.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## pedro47

That one in the middle looks liked my neighbor.  LOL.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine WTH?





I don't think that outlet works...

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Not PC ..... If easily offended by Mad Magazine humor, do not click through.

Don Martin - Star Trek II


----------



## DaveNV

Post-quarantine prediction: People will need to learn how to listen to voices other than their own.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Not PC ..... If easily offended by Mad Magazine humor, do not click through.
> 
> Don Martin - Star Trek II


Love Mad Magazine!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> Love Mad Magazine!


I have a fond memories of Mad Magazine, from the late 1950s (when my older brother surreptitiously passed on his copies to me) through about 1970 when I headed off to college.

I fondly remember Star Blechh, where Kirk ordered full power, with two squirrels in every treadmill.  Scottie complained - But Captain. You know what happened the last time we did that.  And Kirk replies - Yes, but this time put males with males and females with females. 

As well as Superduperman and Flesh Garden.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Botch Causally and the Sumdunce Kid . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Botch Causally and the Sumdunce Kid . . .


Voyage to See What's on the Bottom


----------



## plpgma

DaveNW said:


> The day your quarantine world stood still.
> 
> View attachment 21511
> 
> Dave (Please, please, please tell me you understand why this sign is absolutely brilliant.)


I understand it!


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Vacation Discovery.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Successful Business.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Birthday Wish.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Great Idea.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Random Thoughts.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Congratulations to the Astronauts that just left Earth.
GOOD CHOICE!​


----------



## Passepartout

Opinions are like Orgasms. Only MINE are Important. I don't care if you have one or not.
(Don't take it personally. I stole the text)


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

My class cartoonist!    

Say hi to Rabies for me. . . .


----------



## Passepartout

Opus is my alter ego. My muse. My hero in pen and ink.


----------



## bluehende

Passepartout said:


> Opus is my alter ego. My muse. My hero in pen and ink.



I could use a field of daisies at this moment.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine mysteries explained.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> Opus is my alter ego. My muse. My hero in pen and ink.


Growing up in an evangelical church, the pastors would often expound on presenting our bodies to the Lord as a living sacrifice. I almost burst out loud in the middle of a sermon when I overhead our absolutely awesome volunteer youth leader whisper to his wife - "well, there goes my altar ego."


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Nature Discoveries.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Age Check.





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

You forgot to remember sonic booms. . . . (Yes, I lived in San Antonio,Texas, and there was the occasional sonic boom overhead. . .)


----------



## bluehende

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Age Check.
> 
> View attachment 21629
> 
> Dave


I can add one.  Picking up the phone to see if your neighbors were using the party line.


----------



## SmithOp

Not exactly covid but current events and funny!







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine fact.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

bluehende said:


> I can add one.  Picking up the phone to see if your neighbors were using the party line.


I'm so old that I can remember when getting a tattoo was a sign of rebellion, not conformity.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine fact.
> 
> View attachment 21643
> 
> Dave


I love it. I have a doctor's appointment coming up and I am going to use this as an excuse for my weight gain. LOL.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A man asked his wife, "If you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"

"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine OMG moment.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Greeting Card shopping.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Community Service.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine hiking uh-oh.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homeschooling Lesson.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine OMG moment.
> 
> View attachment 21692
> 
> Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Luanne




----------



## vacationtime1




----------



## IngridN

vacationtime1 said:


> View attachment 21771


Too funny...DH was annoying me with this routine just the other day!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

vacationtime1 said:


> View attachment 21771



Here's my addendum to the Abbot an Costello routine.

C: "Forget about the infield for a minute."
A: "Fine."

C: "You've got an outfield, right?"
A: "Do we have an outfield! The best in the League!"

C: "They have names, don't they?"
A: "Certainly."

C: "Let's start with the Left Fielder."
A: "That's Nobody."

C: "Nobody's in left?"
A: "Of course. Great fielder."

C: "How can Nobody be a fielder? The ball will never be caught!"
A; "Nobody catches lots of balls."

C: Getting agitated. "How can anybody catch a ball when Nobody's in left field!"
A: "Nobody can catch his own balls. There's no need for Anybody to catch them for him."

C: "But there's nobody in left to catch the ball!"
A: "Of course! He's the left fielder."

C: Extremely agitiated..."Isn't <somebody> going to catch a ball hit to left field?"
A: "Of course not. Why would he be over in left field?"

C: Befuddled..."I just thought somebody would want to catch the ball."
A: "Only when he's playing his position. There he catches lots of balls."

C: "His position?"
A: "Yes. He's our right fielder. You can't have an outfield without a right fielder."

C: "But you have an outfield with nobody in left!"
A: "Why not? He's a great fielder."

C: "Why don't you have somebody in both left and right fields?"
A; "One man can't play both positions, that's impossible!"

C: (Pulling himself together.) "Is there a center fielder?"
A: "One of the best! Anybody."

C: "Anybody can play center field?"
A: "He could play center field on any team!"

C: "How did he get on your team?"
A: "We traded six players to get him."

C: "Your team was willing to trade 6 players for anybody?"
A: "In a heartbeat. We suckered the other team!"

C: “Can anybody hit a home run?”
A: “Lots of them. Nobody has a higher batting average, though.”

C: “What kind of outfield do you have when everybody’s batting average is below nobody’s?”
A: “You’ve been looking at our bench roster. . . “


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Online Shopping Dilemma.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Inexpensive no-battery required smoke detector.  Replacement units available at almost any grocery store.


----------



## moonstone




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Joanna was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. The water had just reached boiling when her darling husband Rick walked in. She turned to him, and said, "Rick, you've got to make love to me -- This very moment."

Rick's eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then made love to her, right there in the kitchen.

As he finished, Joanna said, "Thanks,", straightened her clothes and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, Rick asked, "What was that all about?"  Joanna explained, "The egg timer's broken!"


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Uh-Oh...





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine patience has run out...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine "Summer's a'comic'!"





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine oops.

[Duplicate meme posted]


 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Bet this was said way more than normal,,,


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine reality check.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homeschooling Lesson.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Back-to-Work Dress Code.

When you hope nobody will notice...





 Dave


----------



## vacationtime1




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted.  Did not have anything political in mind when posting, but susceptible to other interpretations.


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> You'll date yourself if you get this .........
> 
> What's the more common name for the National Association for the Preservation of Wooden Toilet Seats?




Nope.  Too young.  

But it's clever, for sure.

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank

I see a wish ,,,


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted - not humor


----------



## mentalbreak

Prince was a big part of the soundtrack of my life. My first unchaperoned date was dinner and driving to Graffiti Bridge in Eden Prairie, MN.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> You'll date yourself if you get this .........
> 
> What's the more common name for the National Association for the Preservation of Wooden Toilet Seats?
> _[Kudos if you don't need to scroll down for the answer..]_
> .
> .
> .
> The Birch John Society.


I have no idea why this is meant to be funny.  I'm not that young but I don't recognize the connection that you're trying to make.  Perhaps you could explain for some of us "slower" people.


----------



## geist1223

BJRSanDiego said:


> I have no idea why this is meant to be funny.  I'm not that young but I don't recognize the connection that you're trying to make.  Perhaps you could explain for some of us "slower" people.





TravelTime said:


> Is there a Costco in Mesquite?



Birch is a type of wood. John is slang for bathroom.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A buddy of mine called me up yesterday for help on something that was stumping him. I couldn't figure it out either so I thought maybe someone here could help.

He was out golfing and came home to an empty house. But his wife had left a note on the fridge: "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother."

He opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold......... so can anyone help us figure out what the note is about??


----------



## pedro47

Happy Days Are Here Again, LOL.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

BJRSanDiego said:


> I have no idea why this is meant to be funny.  I'm not that young but I don't recognize the connection that you're trying to make.  Perhaps you could explain for some of us "slower" people.



It's a political joke. Swap birch and john around. Look that up in Google. Then connect toilet to the results.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma

geist1223 said:


> Birch is a type of wood. John is slang for bathroom.


It's also a play on the original name -- the correct name is 'The John Birch Society'


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Paybacks, Mr. Retailer.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Laundry Tip.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## geist1223

DaveNW said:


> Quarantine Laundry Tip.
> 
> View attachment 21881
> 
> Dave



This reminds of of our Cat Yang (who passed on a little over 2 years ago) when he was a kitten. Whenever my then high school aged son would come over he would take his shoes off and leave them just inside that back door. Yang loved his teenage Boy's shoes. He would go over and stick his head inside a shoe. Then reach up with his 2 front paws and firmly grab the toe of the shoe and pull his head in further and purr.


----------



## Rjbeach2003




----------



## dago

IngridN said:


> Too funny...DH was annoying me with this routine just the other day!


Who's on first


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Shopping Infraction.





 Dave


----------



## BJRSanDiego

geist1223 said:


> Birch is a type of wood. John is slang for bathroom.


Oh....  I guess that I'm really slow or have dyslexia -- when I read it originally I read "John Birch" society, which is a very conservative organization.  They are strong Constitutionalists.   That is why I had a brain freeze.  Thanks for helping me understand.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> It's a political joke. Swap birch and john around. Look that up in Google. Then connect toilet to the results.


Thanks.  Duh on my part.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Good News!





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted. - thought some people might be offended.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Life Lessons.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Lifted Lessons.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Jan M.

I don't want to be greedy or unrealistic so how about no island and change it to a lot of wine.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 22111


I liked it. But are they still squeezing the produces for softness. LOL


----------



## jjking42

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

World Religions - Simplified

    Taoism = *#^! Happens.

    Confucianism = Confucius say, "*#^! Happens."

    Buddhism = If *#^! happens, it isn't really *#^! .

    Zen = What is the sound of *#^! happening?

    Hinduism = This *#^! happened before.

    Islam = If *#^! happens, it is the will of Allah.

    Protestantism = Let *#^! happen to someone else.

    Catholicism = If *#^! happens, you deserved it.

    Judaism = Why does *#^! always happen to us?

    Year 2020 Post-modernism = Visualize world *#^!.


----------



## jjking42

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the satellite dish, and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Talent312

The God-Suing-the-Devil joke varies depending on your vocation.

Heaven & Hell occupy adjoining space and a fence divides them.
God notices that parts of the fence has fallen over onto Heaven.
He calls the Devil and tells him that he needs to fix his fence.
The Devil says: "It's your fence and there's no way 'in hell' I'll fix it."
God says he'll sue. The Devil laughs. "Where will you find a lawyer?"


----------



## PrairieGirl

(quote the produce dept joke)

OMG, this is SO true!!


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett




----------



## b2bailey

Tank said:


> View attachment 22111


Yes, especially while wearing a mask.


----------



## Tank

Sitting here envois of this gal on the move from one lake to another with no worries at all ,,,


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Post-Quarantine Entertainment Learning Curve.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Home-Haircut Challenge.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Nut Job.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Public Service.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Sophistication.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Quarantine Dad Humor.
> 
> View attachment 22186
> 
> Dave


How will the World feel when the coronavirus will be finally over?.
*Relived. *


----------



## DaveNV

More Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Space Cadet.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*I had a date last night.*
*I really enjoyed it.*
*Tonight I think I'll try a peach.*


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Deep Thoughts:

If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name?
Some people are like Slinkies.  They don't have any purpose except to bring a smile to other people when they're pushed down the stairs.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
It could be that the purpose of your life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it isn't incredibly stupid.
If you require additional admiration, get a puppy.
Never stop trying to exceed your limits.  Other people need entertainment.
If your family and friends have come to accept you as you are, don't think they've abandoned hope that someday you might amount to something.  
Perseverance is the dogged insistence in carrying on when it's obvious that you should give up and do something that might actually work.
Mediocrity takes a lot less time, and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
Those who say "It cannot be done" shouldn't interrupt the people who are proving them right.
Never underestimate the power of large groups of stupid people.
After you're dead, people won't care how much money was in your bank account, what kind of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove.   But if you do something incredibly stupid, your ruins could become a tourist attraction for generations to come.
Minds are like parachutes.  Just because you've lost yours, it doesn't mean I should share mine.
Hard work often pays off in time, but procrastination always pays off now.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## PcflEZFlng

*What happens when you set the flux capacitor to 2020*


----------



## DaveNV

Even More Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

And Even More Quarantine Dad Humor.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Science Question.





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Talent312

Have we been reduced to Alexa-jokes?

"Why does Waldo always wear stripes?"
"Because he doesn't want to be spotted."


----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 22252


Looks like my handy man brother-in-law. LOL.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Music always evolves, as it should, but the classics live forever.


----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00. I got my test results and I'm COVID-free.  But there's one condition.'

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

She considered his proposition, and as she did her face and neck began to redden and flush. She slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse. She gazed at him intently, as she took his hand in hers. She pressed the money into the man's hand.

Keeping her eyes locked on his, she pulled him in close to her with one hand while she lowered her face mask with the other.  As his face neared hers she turned his head and cocked hers, bringing her lips right next his ear. She pursed her lips and blew gently, and he quivered. Finally, moving in even closer, in a soft and husky voice she said .... "Clean my house."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*The story of Sam, the Colon Cleanse Salesman      * 

Sam, was a Colon Cleanse salesperson. Not just a sales person but a zealot.  He had been colon-cleansed, and was completely converted.  And he thought that becoming a Colon Cleanse sales person was the ideal job for him, because his enthusiasm would simply sell the product and he could testify personally to the benefits.  But, alas, many people just weren't that interested in his message, and his non-stop extolling of the virtues of Colon Cleanse had exhausted all traces of goodwill with his family, friends, and acquaintances. They were so sick of him and his Colon Cleanse messages and proselytizing that Sam knew it was best that he get away and start over.

At first Sam couldn't decide where he should relocate because he knew that no matter where he went people might be tired of hearing about Colon Cleanse. Finally it came to him - the place for him was the middle of the Amazon rain forest, where the indigenous people had no phones, no computers, no internet, and no television or radio, and thus had never heard of the wonders of Colon Cleanse.

So Sam packed up his clothes, his marketing materials, and his samples and moved to a remote village in the depths of the Amazon that seldom had any contact with outsiders. To Sam's amazement, though, he found that some of the people in the village spoke a bit of English. So Sam went right to work, touting the benefits of Colon Cleanse to anyone who would listen (and quite a few who didn’t).

After three days, the villagers had enough. One of the village elders who spoke English told Sam to come with him; they were going to take a little walk in the jungle. Suspecting that the villagers were fed up with him and knowing the villagers’ main source of business with the outside world was sales of shrunken heads, Sam was fearful of what was going to happen. But figuring that he didn't have any choice, Sam reluctantly accompanied the man.

They journeyed deep into the jungle, across rivers and through mosquito infested swamps. Further and further they went, away from all traces of civilization. Sam's fears were growing deeper with each step.

Finally they reached a grotto in the jungle that was overgrown with the largest lushest ferns Sam had ever seen. The elder pushed apart some of the ferns near the entrance to the cave and retrieved a large vessel that had been stashed in the vines near cave entrance. The elder led Sam into the grotto and ordered Sam to fill the vessel with water from a pond in the floor of the grotto. As Sam filled the vessel, the elder broke off some of the fern leaves, scraped the spores off the bottoms of the leaves, and ground the spores into a paste. Then he told Sam to eat the paste.

The paste was vile and foul; it was all Sam could do to keep it in his mouth. But he chewed and swallowed anyway. About ten minutes after swallowing the paste, Sam felt as if all of the fluids were being drawn out of his body. He grabbed the vessel and drank and drank and drank. He would never have thought it humanly possible to drink as much water as he drank.

Suddenly Sam felt as if his abdomen was about to explode. He stumbled to the front of the cave, dropped his pants right there in the ferns, and squatted. And squatted. And squatted. His intestines gushed, poured, drained, guzzled, and gurgled. It continued for almost an hour, non-stop.

When the agony was over, Sam collapsed onto his side. While his insides ached, Sam suddenly realized that his entire body had been purged of all traces of all toxins that had accumulated in his body throughout the many years he had lived in "civilization". He had never really felt purer or healthier in his life than he did at that moment.

Sam rolled over and looked at the ferns hanging over the front of the cave. Suddenly, in a moment of complete and total clarity, he realized that with fronds like these, who needs enemas?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

The old monk sobs, "The word is celebrate."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*Apple's stock price soars with announcement of breakthrough product*

Continuing it's long history of outside the box product innovations, Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

In the tech world this is huge.  This is the first practical product that addresses the problem of men staring at womens' breasts but not listening to them..


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Continuing through an old folder I found ....  This one is a tad risque

*******************

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.' Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years.'

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36. Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.' 

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is perfect.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. 15% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

3. The remaining 70% say they don't care; they love him, he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The Swedish police were looking for a criminal whom they believed had fled to Norway.  So they sent a message to their Norwegian colleagues, demanding he be arrested and extradited back to Sweden to face justice.  They included mugshots of the man, taken from the left, the right, and face on. 

After a week or so, they followed up with the Oslo police to see how the hunt was progressing.  The Oslo police proudly reported that they had arrested the man to the left, and the man in the middle, and they expected to have the man in the right in custody in a few more days.

********

Re the above.  I come from a culture whose greatest contribution to world cuisine is Swedish meatballs.  But the members of that culture don't realize even that; they think their greatest contribution is pickled herring!

This is the culture that believes that Max van Sydow and Liv Ullman would have been much more popular if they had better controlled their impulses to overact, and that being directed by that crazy and wild man Ingmar Bergman didn't help matters.

When that is your background, you take your humor wherever you can find it.  And, as dense as we are, we still have enough sense to realize that lutefisk is something that only Norwegians get excited about. 

****************

OK, I admit.  That was a cheap shot.  I grew up in an integrated community, where almost all Lutheran churches didn't make any distinction between Snooses and Norgies, and schools were fully integrated.  L:ittle League, Pop Warner and Boy Scouts made no distinctions, and we ignored it when people still ended their last names in -sen instead of -son. 

So I know the Norwegians are very clever people.  After all, after Sir Thomas Crapper invented the modern flush toilet, the Norwegians improved it greatly by adding a seat.  Of course, it was the Swedes who immediately realized the seat would work better if it had a hole in it.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Question: How many Detroit Lions does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: No one knows, but 40,000 fans will show up every Sunday to see if the team will finally figure out how to turn things around.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

And one final one before I go to bed .....

**************

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Homecooking Results





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Science Lesson





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine Confessions





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine English Lessons





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

If you ever rinsed the worm guts
off your hands in the river
to eat a sandwich. . .


You're probably immune to Coronavirus.​


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

THIS IS A TRUE STORY - but go ahead and laugh. . . .

I just brought in the mail today:

3 Dividend checks for me
1 magazine for me
2 stock order executions for me

1 dividend check for my brother

and. . .

One invite to go see an orthopedic practice for pain control. . .

For my father. . .

Who never lived at my address -
Never lived in my town -
and who has been dead for 24 YEARS!!!!!

GOTTA LOVE THOSE PEOPLE WHO MAKE UP MAILING LISTS. . . .


----------



## Passepartout

*You know what's really uncomfortable?*
*Pants.
But I still wear them in public.
Not for me. For others.*

*#WearTheDamnMask*​


----------



## DaveNV

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> THIS IS A TRUE STORY - but go ahead and laugh. . . .
> 
> One invite to go see an orthopedic practice for pain control. . .
> 
> For my father. . .
> 
> Who never lived at my address -
> Never lived in my town -
> and who has been dead for 24 YEARS!!!!!
> 
> GOTTA LOVE THOSE PEOPLE WHO MAKE UP MAILING LISTS. . . .



I had this exact thing happen to me after my parents had both passed.  The kicker was when I got a phone call, a very businesslike man's voice,  asking to speak with my stepmother.  She had never lived in my house, or had my phone number. She hadn't even lived in my state. I explained to the caller that she wasn't available, and asked the nature of the call.  The man said he was calling from Omaha Steaks, and he was following up on her call of the previous week.  He said she'd wanted to place an order.

"Oh really?" I said.  "That must have been a very interesting call, considering she's been dead for five years!"

And just like that, the line went dead. He hung up on me.  He didn't even have the guts to excuse himself, or apologize for his blatant lie. I laughed about it for awhile, and then called the phone company and had the landline disconnected. 

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> *You know what's really uncomfortable?*
> *Pants.
> But I still wear them in public.
> Not for me. For others.*
> 
> *#WearTheDamnMask*​


For me it's shoes.


----------



## Luanne

I'm hoping I posted this so that you can click through and see all of them.  

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3322662874411692&set=pcb.3322665607744752&type=3&theater


----------



## Talent312

Luanne said:


> I'm hoping I posted this so that you can click through and see all of them.
> https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3322662874411692&set=pcb.3322665607744752&type=3&theater



Hysterical. ROFL.


----------



## Passepartout

Luanne said:


> I'm hoping I posted this so that you can click through and see all of them.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3322662874411692&set=pcb.3322665607744752&type=3&theater


I'm glad I saw this without a mouthful of ANYthing! My keyboard couldn't survive. Thanks, Luanne, I needed that!


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

a memorable Chapelle satire that hasn't lost a bit of relevance since it aired 16 years ago.  Uncensored - so NSFW.


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> a memorable Chapelle satire that hasn't lost a bit of relevance since it aired 16 years ago.  Uncensored - so NSFW.



*Cold and Cutting IMHO.*


----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


This person could be  infecting their eyes. IMO.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## clifffaith

*Nation’s cats begin moving to offices as more people permanently work from home*


----------



## isisdave

After looking around town for three months,
Donald finally got a job at the zoo. They
were short on gorillas, so he had to dress up
in a hairy gorilla suit. He really didn’t mind,
though; and actually he had a lot of fun. One
day he got a little carried away when, in front
of a large group of people, he took a running
jump for the trapeze at the end of his cage
and missed it, tumbling down into the lion’s
den. He didn’t know what to do except cry out
HELP! The lion said, “Shut up or we’ll both
be fired!”


----------



## Passepartout

*My Hobbies include: *
*Eating.*

*And Complaining about being Fat.*​


----------



## moonstone

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"
Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!


----------



## Passepartout

*Sure, Don't wear a Mask!*
*Just remember: The Next Group*
*of Interns Starts next Week.

And their last Semester of
Med School was online!*​


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*During the middle ages*
*they celebrated the end
of Plagues with Wine
and Orgies.

Anybody know if they
are planning this when*
*COVID-19 finally ends?*​ *(Asking for a friend)*


----------



## Karen G

Safety meeting at work:

They asked me "what steps would you take in the event of a fire?"

"Really big ones" was apparently not the right answer.


----------



## JanT

How ironic.



Tank said:


> View attachment 22552


----------



## pedro47

Ok folks where is DaveNV?


----------



## Tank

Might offend someone
changed it


other Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## geist1223

pedro47 said:


> Ok folks where is DaveNV?



I believe he is in transit between Washington and Mesquite NV.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

More Chapelle: goodness - Wu-Tang Financial.  (Uncensored and NSFW). Also backstory for the "diversify y'all bonds" line in the Racial Draft episode.


----------



## moonstone




----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## billymach4




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## geist1223

From a Friend.                                             


>


----------



## geist1223




----------



## Tank

The easiest way to enforce social distancing is to wear your underwear on your face. I don't even care if he washed them because I'm not getting anywhere near him  





I think I would utilize a chocolate “Streak” 
would smell good all day yet effective

Dave


----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> *During the middle ages*
> *they celebrated the end
> of Plagues with Wine
> and Orgies.
> 
> Anybody know if they
> are planning this when*
> *COVID-19 finally ends?*​ *(Asking for a friend)*


I've got a date on my calendar and have already bought the goodies -- so feel free to drop by at your pleasure (sorry if you don't have the details of when & where)!


----------



## plpgma

Theiggy said:


> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Much to the chagrin of his cat!


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## geist1223

Entitled “Karen” Mistakes Customer For An Employee, He Makes The Situation Hilarious For Himself
					

Even if this guy says he has a retailer's face, it doesn't make it okay for a rude lady to command him to get her the eyelash curlers. But the serial do you work here? recipient knows the game all too well.




					www.boredpanda.com


----------



## Tank

I got pulled over on I-44 for going 7 mph over the speed limit. 

As the officer started walking up to my car, i rolled my windows down ..... 

My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 4 yr old niece , started screaming from the backseat:

“It’s coming out!!!!!” 
“I can’t hold it any longer!!!!!”
“It’s almost here!!!!!!!!!!!”

Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this....
and he leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”

She looks him  DEAD IN THE FACE 

And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

He started laughing 
I looked like I was about to cry 

He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home. He told me to drive safe and get miss thang home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing

As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”

This kid,smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”‍‍‍‍

I said “So...... You're not pooping ?”
She said nope and you're not in trouble either.

OMG 
This kid is my hero ‍


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## bluehende




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

Just have fun!


----------



## Karen G

*Life After Quarantine* - I can relate to this:


----------



## Tank




----------



## isisdave

This isn't supposed to be funny, but in some tragic way it is:


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Cornell

“Hmmm,” Cypress Cove management mused in a recent Twitter post, “If you’re wearing a face mask, are you really nude?” 









						You Can Leave Your Mask On: Nudists Wear Just One Item in Covid Times
					

At some clothing-optional destinations, masks aren’t optional—presenting issues with tan lines and logistics. ‘We don’t have pockets.’




					www.wsj.com


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Maybe not, but you're a lot safer. . . .


----------



## amycurl




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Passepartout

It Took
"Ticket or Click It"
To Get People To Wear
A Seat Belt.

I Wonder if
"Mask It Or Casket"
Would Work?​


----------



## Passepartout

I Introduced Two Friends Yesterday. 
I told Each Of Them
That The Other One Was
Hard Of Hearing.
They Spent Half The Morning
Yelling At Each Other.

Then They Realized That
I'm An @$$h0le!​


----------



## mentalbreak

Premiering late November 2020
(Not me, but I already know of a few.)


----------



## Luanne




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Can anyone alter this to read ....about your timeshare? For those of us in the Medicare age group it could read ....about your Medicare supplement coverage.


----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 22896


Sorry, I need an explanation of this one....................


----------



## Jan M.

We still remember watching Sam Kinison's HBO special back in the early 80's and laughing so hard we cried.


----------



## Jan M.

A shout out to Dave and Happy 4th of July everyone!


----------



## Jan M.

#1 Cowboys Fan said:


> Sorry, I need an explanation of this one....................



Loses something when you have to explain 'em but here goes. A fake turd is a sham poo.

sham

NOUN

a thing that is not what it is purported to be.
"the proposed legislation is a farce and a sham"
ADJECTIVE

bogus; false.
"a clergyman who arranged a sham marriage"
synonyms:
fake · pretended · feigned · simulated · false · artificial · bogus · synthetic ·
[more]
VERB

falsely present something as the truth.
"was he ill or was he shamming?"
*poo*
*noun Informal.*
excrement.
*verb (used without object), pooed, poo·ing.*
to defecate.


----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

Jan M. said:


> Loses something when you have to explain 'em but here goes. A fake turd is a sham poo.
> 
> sham
> 
> NOUN
> 
> a thing that is not what it is purported to be.
> "the proposed legislation is a farce and a sham"
> ADJECTIVE
> 
> bogus; false.
> "a clergyman who arranged a sham marriage"
> synonyms:
> fake · pretended · feigned · simulated · false · artificial · bogus · synthetic ·
> [more]
> VERB
> 
> falsely present something as the truth.
> "was he ill or was he shamming?"
> *poo*
> *noun Informal.*
> excrement.
> *verb (used without object), pooed, poo·ing.*
> to defecate.


Ok, got it now---sorry I needed the clarification........


----------



## Jan M.

#1 Cowboys Fan said:


> Ok, got it now---sorry I needed the clarification........



Don't feel bad when I first saw it I had a huh moment, make that minute, before I got it.


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## bluehende

Not quite humor but I laughed.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Kinda think this works for all sides


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## SmithOp

An epidemiologist, ER Dr, and a scientist walk into a bar...

nevermind, it didn't happen.

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

memories of a pre-COVID lockdown event ...


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 23052



This triggers memories. 

***************************

I grew up in suburban Minneapolis in the 1960s, in a suburb consisting almost entirely of homes constructed soon after WWII for new families.  On the block where we lived, there were 16 houses, 12 of which had children born between 1945 and 1955, and almost all of the Dads had been military.  It seemed as if one of the expectations for the men in the neighborhood was to teach the children how to detonate fireworks safely.  Never mind that fireworks were illegal.  Before the Fourth, there were usually at least three or four houses that would make trips to South Dakota to get fireworks.  And as soon as kids starting setting off fireworks, the Dads would come out to check on what was going on.  

We were taught safety, and we were taught maximum dramatic effect.  During that era, building models of airplanes and cars was a big deal.  As was exploding said models with firecrackers in the lead-up to the Fourth.  

The houses in the neighborhood were all two-story, and one afternoon some of my friends and I decided to blow up a model airplane mid-air by putting a firecracker in it, lighting the fuse, and dropping it from an upstairs window.  On our first attempt the plane plummeted to the ground before the firecracker detonated, which completely obliterated the effect we were looking for.  So before blowing up a second plane we decided that we need to work out the drop before doing our next live run.  To slow the drop, we tried tying the ends of handkerchief to a second model plane to act as a parachute.  But when we did that, the handkerchief collapsed, and the plane plummeted to the ground again.  

Then a helpful Dad gave us some pointers for making sure the lines attaching the handkerchief to the model plane were the right length and were spaced properly.  He also pointed out that we needed to cut a vent hole in the center of the handkerchief to allow a controlled exit of air trapped inside the parachute to keep the 'chute from collapsing.  But not too large and not too small.  If the opening was too small or too large, the parachute would be ineffective.  After some tries incorporating his ideas, we realized that we should start with a small opening, then incrementally increase the opening until we reached the right size. That was after cutting one that was too large, and realizing that we had to throw that one out and start over because once the opening was made, we could always make it larger but we couldn't make it smaller.  After three or four tries incorporating his suggestions, we were able to get the drop to proceed nicely.  

We stuck a 2-inch Black-Cat in the cockpit and dropped the plane from my sister's upstairs bedroom window.  About five feet off the ground we were rewarded with an exquisite mid-air explosion.  
Such a great memory.  We learned a combination of problem-solving skills, combined with some hands-on physics lessons of the types that we seldom got in school.

***************

A related story - there was a crotchety old man in the neighborhood who made it clear that he didn't like the children  in the neighborhood.  He complained frequently to our parents about the noise we made while playing, he never had anything nice to say to us when he was outside and we were nearby - the only thing he ever said was to be sure to stay out of his yard and be quiet. 

When he heard fireworks going off in the neighborhood, he would call the police and they would do a fireworks patrol in the neighborhood.  So we punked him.  All of us had cap guns, and we learned that if we put a roll of caps (see below for an image of a roll of caps) on a concrete block or brick, and struck the roll with a hammer the effect was similar to setting off a small firecracker.





So we  would get about 50 rolls of caps.  They cost about $0.10 for a box of 25 rolls.  We would start out near the crotchety guys house, hammering caps and knowing he would call the police.  We knew all of the shortcuts through side yards and between fences and hedges so we could easily move from street within about a four-block radius.  

So we would position a couple of guys as lookouts, and they would signal when the police appeared.  Then we would use the shortcuts to head to a different area and start hammering.  So the police would head to that area, and we would decamp elsewhere.  Our goal was to see how long we could keep the police in play before they gave up.  And the beauty was that if they caught up to us (which they never did), there wasn't anything we had done wrong since cap rolls were not banned. 

**************

Postscript - the crotchety guy died and left his wife as a widow.  After he was gone, she started interacting with us, inviting us in for cookies and cocoa (winter) and lemonade in the summer. She loved having us around.  We started reciprocating by being sure that when there was snow, we took care of her driveway and sidewalk (which we never did when her husband was alive unless he paid us - and we charged him more because he would grumble and complain about having to pay us).  She would invite us in for cookies and cocoa, and we considered that a fair quid pro quo.  And in the summers she hired some of us to mow her lawn and occasionally take care of some other chores. 

As I got older and reflected on this, I've used this a lesson to realize that often things in life are more complex and nuanced than they might appear to be, and that it's important to understand deeply before arriving at conclusions.


----------



## geist1223

Smart Widow.


----------



## Tank

.
I remember caps well. Was a really neat gun setup, pretty dependable

Firecracker crabapple fights, bottle rocket fights
They were not easy to get back in the day we lived in Ohio
I remember my uncle came over and I Washed /waxed His car. He gave me a Whole brick of firecrackers for doing it, I was in heaven!!
Never forget that day.

we use to make our own smoke bombs. Lived next to the blue tip match company so we took foil and Broke off the blue tip Strike anywhere matches in a big ball tightlywrapped in foil. Throw it on any hard surface and the matches would strike and smolder a nice Smokey surfer ball of smoke.


----------



## geist1223

One day in 6th Grade I took a Roll of Caps to School. It was a Catholic School that went from 1st Grade through 8th Grade. A friend begged for a couple caps and I gave them to him. He open up his 3 Inch Metal Ring Binder and placed them on one side of the Loops and let them snap together. Teacher got mad. He ratted me out for giving them to him. I got sent to the Office not him. At the Office they made me call home. By chance my Dad was home that day and I explained to him why I was calling. He asked me to repeat the story. He could not believe I was the one in trouble. He got on the Telephone and told the Nun that he would take Care of it when I got home. I was worried. Nothing happened when I got Home. He never mentioned it ever again.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

geist1223 said:


> One day in 6th Grade I took a Roll of Caps to School. It was a Catholic School that went from 1st Grade through 8th Grade. A friend begged for a couple caps and I gave them to him. He open up his 3 Inch Metal Ring Binder and placed them on one side of the Loops and let them snap together. Teacher got mad. He ratted me out for giving them to him. I got sent to the Office not him. At the Office they made me call home. By chance my Dad was home that day and I explained to him why I was calling. He asked me to repeat the story. He could not believe I was the one in trouble. He got on the Telephone and told the Nun that he would take Care of it when I got home. I was worried. Nothing happened when I got Home. He never mentioned it ever again.


I remember in sixth grade.  There was one teacher in a classroom of 25-30 students.  No teacher's aide.  Teachers got about a 20-minute break time in the morning, when they would assign some work and leave the classroom unattended.  Some students did the assigned work diligently; others less diligently. 

A couple of kids had learned how to made darts using chewed and wadded paper and a stick pin.  You could use a large-diameter soda straw as a blow gun to shoot the dart.  Even at the time we knew these things were dangerous, and could take out an eye. We policed ourselves to be sure that nothing like that ever happened. 

One day, a couple of kids noticed there were a couple of spots in the ceiling that made good targets, so while the teacher was on break we would shoot darts at the marks.  To score you had to stick the dart on the mark.  Most darts hit the ceiling and fell to the ground, where they would be retrieved. A couple of kids got pretty good at making theirs stick.  

So one time the teacher came back after break and launched into her next lesson.  About fifteen minutes into the lesson, one of the darts detaches from the ceiling and drops onto her desk.  She stops, looks at the ceiling, and sees about fifteen darts stuck in the ceiling of her classroom.  Being who she was, she became enraged and demanded to know who was responsible.  

Nobody was ratting, so like Claude Rains she rounded up the usual suspects and sent them to the office as the guilty parties.  I concede that everyone she sent to the office had been involved.  But there were some that had been involved who didn't get sent and got off scot free (y compris moi).


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

geist1223 said:


> Smart Widow.


Not humorous response.

We recognized that she was being the subservient wife while he was alive.  When he was dead she could be herself.  Reflecting on this years later, as an adult, I realized he was abusing her, at minimum emotionally, if not physically.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DannyTS

*The American Medical Association debated whether the country should be re-opened. Here are the results by medical specialty:*



The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,

but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,

while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing

and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would

"put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,

and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.


----------



## "Roger"

A true story, but with a touch of light humor. Several weeks ago, the Barcelona Opera hosted a performance of Puccini's _Les Chrysanthemes_. Since gatherings of people were prohibited at the time, they filled the opera house seats with plants. Just prior to the performance, they announced (to the plants) please turn off your cell phones, do not take flash photos, and do not make noise during the performance. When the performance was over, they turned on fans in the seating area and the russle of leaves gave off a sound akin to the plants applauding.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 23176



This used to mean perfect clarity...how the world is upside down these days... 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Talent312

BTW, in dealing with other stay-at-home family members, I suggest using
the phrase "How nice" as a euphemism...
-----------------------
Three neighborly women were sitting in rockers on a front porch, sipping tea.
One says: "My husband loves me so much, he bought me that new Mercedes."
The others look it over and say, "How nice!"
The 2nd one says: "My husband loves me so much, he bought me this ring."
The others look it over and say, "How nice!"
The 3rd one is quiet, and the others ask her, "Doesn't your husband love you?"
The 3rd one says, "My husband loves so much, he sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" They exclaim. "How does that show he loves you?"
"Well, at charm school they teach you to say, 'How nice!' instead of 'F*ck you."

.


----------



## PigsDad

DannyTS said:


> *The American Medical Association debated whether the country should be re-opened. Here are the results by medical specialty:*
> 
> 
> 
> The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,
> 
> but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
> 
> The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
> 
> but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
> 
> Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,
> 
> while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
> 
> Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
> 
> Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”
> 
> Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
> 
> while the Radiologists could see right through it.
> 
> Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing
> 
> and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
> 
> The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would
> 
> "put a whole new face on the matter.”
> 
> The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
> 
> but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
> 
> Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,
> 
> and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.


I'd like to know what the Proctologist had to say!   

Kurt


----------



## Talent312

PigsDad said:


> I'd like to know what the Proctologist had to say!


They refused to participate, saying: "Stick it where the sun don't shine."
.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Luanne

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 23169


----------



## Cornell




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Ken555 said:


> View attachment 23215



On June 14th our DIL and two granddaughters flew down to Orlando and met us there for a two week stay. I hadn't been beyond our yard or been around anyone but DH in 3 months so it was wonderful to be out and see them but I had moments of what was I thinking to do this. DH, DIL and DS who didn't come weren't concerned nor were a lot of the people we saw and none that we talked to but I was even more than I let on. In just a few more days it will be 14 days after their stay and I will give an even bigger sigh of relief than I did at the 5 and 10 day marks.

In the summertime heat and humidity of Central Florida wearing a mask outside is miserable. Since I hadn't been anywhere I was a rookie mask wearer. I had my mask on and up before I got out of the car to walk through a big parking lot into the store. With the temperature hitting almost a hundred degrees and a hot asphalt parking lot with no shade I was sweating under that mask and panting by the time I got to the door of the store. I was ready to say just shoot me now. DH wondered why I had the mask up before we got to the doors but didn't think to suggest that I could wait to pull it up. Grrrr.

After that I truly felt sorry for the employees at the resorts who work outside and have to wear masks.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Karen G

Ken555 said:


>


My favorite channel on Sirius XM is Yacht Rock! Thanks for this video. Love it!

The guy who made this is great and he has a bunch of other videos along this same line.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.

oops


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett

https://www.theonion.com/dumbass-dog-wearing-face-mask-all-wrong-1844293343





"the dog brazenly broke social distancing guidelines by approaching a customer and licking her."


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TravelTime




----------



## mentalbreak

Ken555 said:


> View attachment 23215


I always wanted one of these rain poncho with plastic mask costumes. Instead my mom made beautiful hand-sewn costumes. I didn’t know how great I had it.
One of my many “I was such a brat” regrets.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Soon the fun will begin ,,,


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Ah, Despair.com


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Cornell




----------



## Ken555




----------



## amycurl




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Tank




----------



## PamMo

Pub owner in Cornwall installs electric fence to enforce social distancing!









						Afternoons on BBC Radio Cornwall - "..there's a fear factor and it works" - the west Cornwall pub using electric fencing to keep people away from the bar. - BBC Sounds
					

But is it switched on? Star Inn landlord Jonny McFadden refused to tell Tamsin Melville.




					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## Cornell

Study: Average American Now Complains More In A Week Than People Living Through The Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives
					

U.S.—Demonstrating just how bad modern life has gotten, surveys now show that the average American today complains more in a week than people living during the black plague complained throughout their entire 30-year life span.




					babylonbee.com


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Despair.com often provides succor in times of need.  You may have to zoom to read if, like me, sometimes reading glasses aren't quite enough..

*The Points of View Glass*


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## moonstone




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## jehb2




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Cornell




----------



## Cornell




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In  January,  Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran  . We might actually still be almost at war with them . I don’t know, because  Jen Aniston and  Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards  show and everyone flipped the crap out , but then there was this thing happening in   China, then  Prince Harry and Megan ✌ peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial ‍, and then corona virus  showed up in the US “officially,” but then  Kobe died and UK  peaced out of the European Union.

In February,  Iowa crapped  itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the‍Speaker of the House took ten. Whole. years. to rip up a speech , but then The‍ WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people  in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty‍, and  Americans started asking if Corona beer  was safe to drink ‍, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor ‍ who just knew the  flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, stuff hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust , but then Italy  shut its whole country down , and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in US  , but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu ‍, but then COVID Not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously?  I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, get y’all to close all of the schools so y’all can  appreciate teachers ‍ for once (because you can’t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen‍ ) close down all of salons so you can’t get your ‍ hair or your nails done , everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The  DOW took a crap  on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing  (I still don’t), We were then all introduced to  Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year , Carol totally killed her husband ..... whacked him! And then Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and were all searching for lotion now.

In  April, Bernie finally busted✌ himself out of the presidential race  , but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead  and we learned that no one has face masks , ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID , and by now our outgrowth is showing, so there’s a shortage on  box hair dye and all of our hair dressers are like ,  NO DONT DO IT!!! But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life … or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released  videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In  May, the biblical end times kicked off , historical locust swarms, we learned of murder hornets  and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games  however people forgot to let us know. people legit started to protest lockdown measures with  AR-15s, ️ sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city ,which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in  crowds of more than 10 and for sure closer than 6 foot away from each other . Those people must have forgotten about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media   struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale  was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest  after monkeys  stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab  and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid  narrowly missed the Earth.

In  June, science and common sense just got thrown  straight out the window and somehow  wearing masks became a political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a God given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution). then ‍scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like ‍‍DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind  was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe  that repeats itself every so many days  , and everyone was like  DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly .... not that great . All of the Karen’s came out at once, and people started tearing down  statues. Everyone is on Facebook arguing ‍ that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works , but then Florida  was like hold my beer  and let me show you how we’re number one  in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Coronavirus. Trump ‍decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court  to shut down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic ‍ , but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud  coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert  , which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the  ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then  learned of meth-gators  , and I'm like that is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card  can we use it as the free space??  Then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola  outbreak is over , and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever?  ....... and don’t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! , seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!!

So here comes July…. at this point we are over it , just tell us what’s next ....  Aliens? Zeus?  Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self aware? Can it just be something cool  or fun for once? Maybe even a good laugh , like hahaha  April Fools! We all actually wouldn’t mind that joke at this point.

Also, who knew about the whale in the Amazon?!


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## Ken555




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Luanne




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## chellej

Luanne said:


> View attachment 23731




My favorite kind of meeting


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## mentalbreak

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


“virtual camping” has really been a thing for BSA since April.


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## jehb2




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## jehb2




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## Cornell




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## Jan M.

Okay this is just genius. Says anyone who's ever had the AC in their car die in the heat of the summer and either couldn't afford to get it fixed or had to wait to get their car in or for a part to get in.


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## Talent312

Jan M. said:


> ... anyone who's ever had the AC in their car die in the heat of the summer...



This hits too close to home, as my mechanic's been working on one of our car's AC.
He had to completely disassemble the dash to get to the evaporator coil + heater core.
.... At least my monthly CC bill will close before it's done.
.


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## Luanne

Hope you can see these. Priceless.  Called something like "reasons you made your kid cry".

https://www.facebook.com/QuickTurtles/photos/pcb.769525283867300/769524913867337/?type=3&theater


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## Tank

It finally happened to me today, I knew it would eventually, but I was ready. I came out of Target with my mask on and keeping six feet distance to everyone, pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries into my car she says, "Let me guess - you're a liberal. Cause that mask ain't gonna do anything for you except make you look stupid ." In anticipation of this happening, because I figured it might someday, I already had a response ready. I said "Look, I woke up with a temperature of 102 this morning (I didn't) plus I work around hundreds of people in close quarters (I don’t) so this is for your protection, not mine. How about I take it off and we hug like old friends?" I stepped toward her and acted as if I was taking off my mask. She stepped back away from me and went across to the next row of cars. I followed her, she kept walking away, I chased her, she ran... She fell down. I grabbed her foot. I pulled on her leg.
Just as I’m pulling yours ...


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## Talent312

Tank said:


> It finally happened to me today, I knew it would eventually, but I was ready. I came out of Target with my mask on and keeping six feet distance to everyone, pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries into my car she says, "Let me guess..."



Good one!
BTW, Target (along with many other chain stores) is now requiring customers to wear masks.


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## mentalbreak




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## Tank

Truth!!


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## Jan M.

This one's from DH, one of the top nominees for this year's award for King of the Bad Dad Jokes.


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## nerodog

Talent312 said:


> Good one!
> BTW, Target (along with many other chain stores) is now requiring customers to wear masks.


I often think what took so long  to do this!! Over here masks in  any business  was required right from the get go!!!  I think having the option certainly  contributed  to higher  numbers!!


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## mentalbreak




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## Theiggy

A little back to school teacher humor...






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Theiggy

One more teacher funny..






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## PamMo

Wow. I just noticed there have been over 55,000 views of this thread!

A HUGE thanks to all who have posted ridiculous cartoons, puns, stories, memes, etc. This has been my ONLY _must read_ thread in TUG during these last months, and I really appreciate the sense of humor _most_ of you have!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Brett

.


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## Tank

We Are - We are - WATCHING


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## clifffaith

Tank said:


> View attachment 23904



3 out of 4 for me! And last time I got threatened with the wooden spoon, I told Mom, by then 4” shorter than me, that I’d take it from her and hit her back if she hit me with it!


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## Tank

clifffaith said:


> 3 out of 4 for me! And last time I got threatened with the wooden spoon, I told Mom, by then 4” shorter than me, that I’d take it from her and hit her back if she hit me with it!



3 out of 4 for me also, I remember a rubber hose on my brother once. 
I remember running up the steps to my mom smacking my butt with her hand When I turned the corner she was shaking her hand in pain and that put a smile on my face
Worse one was making you go get your own switch from a tree. 
you know the thought of getting a whack from one of the teachers kept me from doing a lot of stupid stuff, never got a whack at school and proud of it.

Consequence to an action- a lost lesson !


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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## mentalbreak




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## geist1223




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## Laurie




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## Tank




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## geist1223




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## Tank




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## Talent312

From the BBC... I thought this was funny, but maybe it's just sad...

There's a popular conspiracy theory that Bill Gates will use a vaccine to implant microchips in people.
The mask reads:  "Don't give Gates a chance. Don't pay the Bill."


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## Jan M.

I'm going to stay up on New Year's Eve this year. Not to see the New Year in, but to make sure this one leaves!


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Cornell




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank

Sorry for the string of what I thought was good ones, they just keep coming ,,,


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## Beachclubmum

My cousin forwarded this to me:


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## Tank




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## Cornell

@Tank Thanks for the much needed laughs today.  I audibly laughed at a few.  Feels good.


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## Tank




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## nerodog




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## clifffaith




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## Passepartout




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## Ken555

Yes, yes...this is for a select audience only.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Fredflintstone

I just drove by a gas station...

The sign says...

Free hand sanitizer, mask and roll of toilet paper with any 50 litre or better fill. 

Dang, should have snapped a pic...


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Passepartout

Seemed appropriate for TUG!

Jim


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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ralph Sir Edward

A little Ray Stevens


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Luanne




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## Tank

I’m good!


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## mentalbreak




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## Tank




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## Karen G

Feeling guilty about your kids watching too much tv these days?

Just mute it and put on the captions . . . Boom! Now they're reading!


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## PigsDad

Kurt


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## PigsDad

Kurt


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## T_R_Oglodyte

*Battle of the PBS Stars - Mr. Rogers vs. Julia Child*


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## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## plpgma

PigsDad said:


> View attachment 24352
> 
> Kurt


Hickory Smoked!


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## mentalbreak




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## clifffaith




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## mentalbreak




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ken555




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## geist1223




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## Luanne




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## Ken555

Let's try not to have overtly political humor here, ok? If we did these pages would be full of it, since it's just too easy. It's also against TUG policy, of course.


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## Ken555

Watch Alabama high school principal in “Can’t Touch This” parody video about COVID-19
					

The principal raps and dances around the school while telling students to wear their masks and santize.




					www.al.com
				










Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 24222


This is a must share. IMHO.


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## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 24097


Hi Steve, this is the other Rich.


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Talent312

Ken555 said:


> Let's try not to have overtly political humor here, ok?



Haven't seen any... More like a lot of idiocy humor
... which I 'spose some peep might resent ...
("I resemble that remark." - Three Stooges)
.


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## Ken555

Talent312 said:


> Haven't seen any... More like a lot of idiocy humor
> ... which I 'spose some peep might resent ...
> ("I resemble that remark." - Three Stooges)
> .



You missed it. A mod must have deleted it.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## T_R_Oglodyte

Time for some more despair.com


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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Ken555




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## Ken555

This guy is great.


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## Ken555




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## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## pedro47

Ken555, I maybe old in age; but I am still young in heart. LOL


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## Talent312

That pairing of Stairway to Heaven & Gilligan's Island...
Made me feel like I was on drugs (2020 couldn't get any stranger).
.


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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## jehb2

[duplicate]


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## jehb2

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



My middle schooler just had so much fun trying to figure this one out.


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## Tank




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## Passepartout

Just sayin'


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## mentalbreak




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## mentalbreak

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



@Ken555 here’s an anachronism from a Loop parking garage this week:


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## Luanne




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## Quiet Pine

Seen today at Fashion Square, Scottsdale.


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## Tank




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## clifffaith

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



This one posted above really cracked me up! Had to explain it to Cliff.


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## Theiggy

clifffaith said:


> This one posted above really cracked me up! Had to explain it to Cliff.



I see dead people! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Passepartout

*If I'd Known Last March*
* That It Was Going To Be My Last 
Restaurant Meal This Year, *
*I'd Have Ordered Dessert!*​


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## Luanne

Passepartout said:


> *If I'd Known Last March*
> * That It Was Going To Be My Last
> Restaurant Meal This Year, *
> *I'd Have Ordered Dessert!*​


Hmmm, my last restaurant meal was breakfast out. Wonder what would have been considered dessert.


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## Passepartout

Luanne said:


> Hmmm, my last restaurant meal was breakfast out. Wonder what would have been considered dessert.


Blintz?


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Passepartout

Not exactly 'Stay at Home' humor, but I suspect some of us have lived it. . .


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## PigsDad

Kurt


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## Luanne




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## mentalbreak




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## clifffaith

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=626879234906832


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## Jan M.

I'm pretty sure 2 accordions is more than enough for any household.


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## Country Roads

Elwood: *There's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses.*
Joliet Jake: *Hit it!*

Dan Aykroyd and John Landis: how we made The Blues Brothers









						Dan Aykroyd and John Landis: how we made The Blues Brothers
					

‘For some of the crew working nights on the film, cocaine was almost like coffee. I never liked it myself but I wasn’t going to police others’ behaviour’




					www.theguardian.com


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## PrairieGirl




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## plpgma

Country Roads said:


> View attachment 24622
> 
> Elwood: *There's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark out, and we're wearing sunglasses.*
> Joliet Jake: *Hit it!*
> 
> Dan Aykroyd and John Landis: how we made The Blues Brothers
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dan Aykroyd and John Landis: how we made The Blues Brothers
> 
> 
> ‘For some of the crew working nights on the film, cocaine was almost like coffee. I never liked it myself but I wasn’t going to police others’ behaviour’
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.theguardian.com


'Blues Brothers' - One of the classics and one of my absolute favorites!  Animal House, Blazing Saddles and Caddyshack almost complete the list.  (Of course, it's a pretty subjective list!)


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## jabberwocky

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 24606


LOL - this actually happened with a relative of ours. They were visiting from Germany and had never been to Costco before, so we took them along. They saw some pants they wanted to try on - and did right there. Needless to say, European attitudes towards partial public nudity are much more relaxed.


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## clifffaith




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## Tank




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## mentalbreak




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## Tank




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## clifffaith

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10217538175789506


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## Tank




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## Brett

Tank said:


> View attachment 24667



yep, another walmart ...


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## mentalbreak




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## Tank




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## Ken555




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## DeniseM

Ken - You NAILED it!


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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## clifffaith




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DeniseM

RE: Fish and Chips.  I once had a brother and sister in my class named Candy Cane and Lucky Strike - their true legal names.


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## DaveNV

DeniseM said:


> RE: Fish and Chips.  I once had a brother and sister in my class named Candy Cane and Lucky Strike - their true legal names.



That's great!

1. I was in grade school with a girl named Robin Hood.
2. A former coworker, Randy, had sisters named Candy and Sandy.
3. My aunt named her kids Sherry, Kerry, and Terry.

Not to be outdone:

In my own family, I am David, and I have a sister named Linda.  My parents divorced when I was eight, and few years later my Dad remarried.  His new wife had a son named David, and a daughter named (you guessed it) Linda.

We never lived in the same house, but for the rest of my parents' lives we were Big Dave and Little Dave (He was older than me, so was Big Dave, although I outweighed him by about forty pounds.)  My sisters were "Your Linda" and "My Linda," which worked okay, as long as you knew which side of the family was speaking.  

Dave (no longer Little)


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## slip

We had a guy at work named Rusty Gates.


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## T_R_Oglodyte

slip said:


> We had a guy at work named Rusty Gates.


I took a UC-Berkeley extension class on interpersonal relations that was taught by Shirley Nice.


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## chellej

our local weather girl is Majestic storm...not a stage name...that's what her parents named her


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## Tank




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## Luanne

chellej said:


> our local weather girl is Majestic storm...not a stage name...that's what her parents named her


Maybe her name influenced her career choice.


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## isisdave

I had childhood friends Cindy and Sandy, but I guess that's not too weird.  Worked with a Sandy Hill, but she married Mr Hill on purpose.

What about that Texas governor's daughter, Ima Hogg?


----------



## Rjbeach2003

When I was a kid I knew a family with the name Monk.  Naturally they called their son CHIP.  I have no idea what his given name was.


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## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> Maybe her name influenced her career choice.


With a name such as a Majestic Storm, the two logical career options would be weather forecasting/reporting and adult entertainment. So probably a good choice.


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## DaveNV

In the early 1960s we lived in Alaska.  Our next door neighbors' last name was Jewell. The dad of the family's given name was Edward, but everyone called him Red, because he had flaming red hair.  So he was Red Jewell.  If that wasn't funny enough, his wife's name (I swear I'm not making this up) was Ruby.

Yeah, Red and Ruby Jewell.  

Dave


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## vacationtime1

My former dentist's name (since retired) is Les Plack.

His office was on Merchant Street in downtown San Francisco, making him the Dentist of Merchant.


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Luanne




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## DeniseM

But Ken, 2021 seems so much better in the movie!


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## mentalbreak

DaveNV said:


> That's great!
> 
> 1. I was in grade school with a girl named Robin Hood.
> 2. A former coworker, Randy, had sisters named Candy and Sandy.
> 3. My aunt named her kids Sherry, Kerry, and Terry.
> 
> Not to be outdone:
> 
> In my own family, I am David, and I have a sister named Linda.  My parents divorced when I was eight, and few years later my Dad remarried.  His new wife had a son named David, and a daughter named (you guessed it) Linda.
> 
> We never lived in the same house, but for the rest of my parents' lives we were Big Dave and Little Dave (He was older than me, so was Big Dave, although I outweighed him by about forty pounds.)  My sisters were "Your Linda" and "My Linda," which worked okay, as long as you knew which side of the family was speaking.
> 
> Dave (no longer Little)



No joke (and verified) - I once ran across an individual named “Opeliah Dickey”.  That one stuck with me. Like others, it was a married name, but WHY???


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## mentalbreak

Duplicate


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Fredflintstone

Yup, Canadian phobia 






Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Cornell




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## presley

Cornell said:


> View attachment 24901


Aww, back in the olden days......


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## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Brett

Tank said:


> View attachment 24915



special year - special logo !


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## Tank




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## geoand

Cornell said:


> View attachment 24901


I red this as “Old people eating in a restaurant back in 2019”. Had to examine the post again. Then I laughed at myself.


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## pedro47

DeniseM said:


> Ken - You NAILED it!


Ken, you must be very special. You made DeniseM, happy. LOL.


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## Ken555

pedro47 said:


> Ken, you must be very special. You made DeniseM, happy. LOL.


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## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Not exactly 'Stay at Home' humor, but I suspect some of us have lived it. . .
> View attachment 24598


I truly Love this one.


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## Tank




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## T_R_Oglodyte

One of the greatest post-Johnny Carson late night television interviews:  Conan O'Brien hosts Courtney Thorne-Smith on promo tour for "Chairman of the Board" movie.  Norm MacDonald saves the interview. The interview is probably more widely known than that actual movie.


----------



## Ken555

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> One of the greatest post-Johnny Carson late night television interviews: Conan O'Brien hosts Courtney Thorne-Smith on promo tour for "Chairman of the Board" movie. Norm MacDonald saves the interview. A rare situation where this interview is probably more widely known than that actual movie.



That is always worth watching!

And you win the prize of our #2000th post!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## bluehende

Tank said:


> View attachment 25033


I object to this one.  We are mountain bikers and my youngest son would not be alive today if he was not wearing one on a nice WV day.  He imbedded a rock the size of a fig completely into the helmet.  He walked away with a lot of soreness and a headache.  Without a helmet I doubt he would have survived.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Talent312

I thought about using a fake name when asked at a restaurant or fast-food counter.
Something like, "Adonis" or "Jose Cuervo."
But I'm afraid that by the time they called it, I'd forgotten what I said.
.


----------



## PigsDad

Talent312 said:


> I thought about using a fake name when asked at a restaurant or fast-food counter.
> Something like, "Adonis" or "Jose Cuervo."
> But I'm afraid that by the time they called it, I'd forgotten what I said.


My friend and I would try some shenanigans at fast food places, and one time it worked out just perfect.  The counter had multiple cash registers, so we ordered at separate stations and gave our fake names so one cashier wouldn't catch on.  Our orders came out at the same time, and the announcement was made over the speaker:  "Bert, Ernie -- your orders are ready."

Several chuckles in the restaurant were heard.    

Kurt


----------



## b2bailey

Luanne said:


> View attachment 25022


Yep, that's what it would take for me. But only 3 hour drive at the max. (I'm not a good car traveler.)


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

When I order take-out, they ask, "Name?" and I say, "Paula".  Eyebrows raise. I say, "Look, there are millions of Jim's, and just a few 'Paula's. 'Nuff said.

Jim


----------



## SmithOp

This brings back some HS memories, Boones Farm too.







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----------



## SmithOp

Cute







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----------



## pedro47

SmithOp said:


> Cute
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


LOL.
Is that MD20 on your T- Shirt in favors. .


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 25055
> 
> Dave


That is so corny -- and funny!  A true 'dad' joke!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Two Quebecois  die and go to Hell.  Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing.  Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to their room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue.  Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth, colder than Hell, both literally and figuratively.  Soon Hell is covered a vast unbroken sheet of ice.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! Les Habs finally retook the Cup!"


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank

Worthy 
Not funny , but the truth!
pass on the good in you!


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Only in Texas!


----------



## plpgma

Only in Texas!


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Age Test, Ed Sullivan Edition...





 Dave


----------



## IngridN

DaveNV said:


> Age Test, Ed Sullivan Edition...
> 
> View attachment 25129
> 
> Dave


Took me a while...yes, I am too young!

Ingrid


----------



## nerodog

IngridN said:


> Took me a while...yes, I am too young!
> 
> Ingrid


I remember ..with Shari Lewis !!


----------



## Talent312

The Berkeley, California, food pyramid...


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## nerodog




----------



## nerodog

Turns out peppers are terrifying!!!


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank

Killing time ,,,


----------



## nerodog




----------



## nerodog




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted - too likely to go off the rails.

_[edited later to repost the link:]_  What the heck!  I'll put it up anyway.  One of my favorite SNL sketches of all time.  Black Jeopardy, with Tom Hanks as "Doug". Brilliant inversion of racial stereotypes, with an eloquent suggestion that culturally we might have more in common than we recognize.  

And at this point in time, this post is probably buried so deeply in the thread that few people will see it anyway.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

Home Schooling supplies. . . .


----------



## Ken555

Arkham Board of Health Feedback On Miskatonic University’s Draft Plan for a Safe Campus Reopening
					

To the Dean and Board of Trustees: Thank you for submitting Miskatonic University’s proposed COVID safety plan. We have a few brief comments and qu...




					www.mcsweeneys.net
				





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----------



## Luanne

Just got an email full of these from my neighbor, so there they come.


----------



## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Groaner. But amusing.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Living in 2020, Uh-Oh Department...





 Dave


----------



## Tank




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## Luanne




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## nerodog




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## DaveNV

Gets the decade mostly wrong, but the humor is still there. 





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Gets the decade mostly wrong, but the humor is still there.
> 
> View attachment 25272
> 
> Dave


Rolling Stones - (I Can't Get No) Bowel Action.


----------



## vacationtime1

Pete Seeger -- If I Could Still Hammer


----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> Living in 2020, Uh-Oh Department...
> 
> View attachment 25266
> 
> Dave



This is making the rounds in various forms...







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

vacationtime1 said:


> Pete Seeger -- If I Could Still Hammer


Bob Dylan - Can't Think Twice, Its ..umm - where was I?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, at the Zoo...





 Dave


----------



## Luanne

DaveNV said:


> Meanwhile, at the Zoo...
> 
> View attachment 25409
> 
> Dave


Groan.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

THIS IS YOUR UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT REMINDING YOU THAT YOU HAVE UNTIL SEPTEMBER 14TH TO INFECT SOMEONE IN OUR COLLEGE TOWN WITH COVID









						This Is Your University President Reminding You That You Have Until September 14th to Infect Someone in Our College Town With COVID
					

Dear Students, Due to our adjusted schedule this year, certain deadlines may have escaped your notice, so please consider the following changes fro...




					www.mcsweeneys.net
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TravelTime




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## nerodog




----------



## mentalbreak

Back to School Photo Caption:
“Just like that Spring Break is over”


----------



## DaveNV

Well, this is true. 





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.

DaveNV said:


> Well, this is true.
> 
> View attachment 25450
> 
> Dave



That's so bad it's worthy of my husband who I've dubbed King of the Bad Dad Jokes. Btw I just read it to him. He laughed and said: "Oh that's bad!" With a gleam in his eye that means he plans to remember it for future use. He's Facebook friends with a couple of people back from when our son was in Boy Scouts so I know he'll want to post it if I explain that he can copy and paste it to post on Facebook. I was debating with myself whether or not I love him enough to tell him and yes I do but only if he promises not to tell anyone that I aided and abetted him.


----------



## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> That's so bad it's worthy of my husband who I've dubbed King of the Bad Dad Jokes. Btw I just read it to him. He laughed and said: "Oh that's bad!" With a gleam in his eye that means he plans to remember it for future use. He's Facebook friends with a couple of people back from when our son was in Boy Scouts so I know he'll want to post it if I explain that he can copy and paste it to post on Facebook. I was debating with myself whether or not I love him enough to tell him and yes I do but only if he promises not to tell anyone that I aided and abetted him.



I take no credit or blame for any of these.  They're all found on other sites, so somebody's bad humor got there before me. 

Ask your husband if he remembers comic Stephen Wright's stand-up comedy routines from way back when.  He'd say things with a deadpan expression, and leave you to wonder what he meant, as he went on to another statement. 

One of the things he said:  "The circus came to town.  It was in intense."  (Say it out loud.)

 Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank

*

*


----------



## Rjbeach2003

nerodog said:


> View attachment 25271


I am reminded of someone who asked on the Trip Advisor Hawaii forum where they could get authentic Hawaiian Pizza when they were in Hawaii.  The replies were not merciful.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith

Rjbeach2003 said:


> I am reminded of someone who asked on the Trip Advisor Hawaii forum where they could get authentic Hawaiian Pizza when they were in Hawaii.  The replies were not merciful.



Don't get Cliff started on German Chocolate cake. He'll choke down a slice of German Chocolate pie from Marie Callendar's, but grumbles the whole while.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Rjbeach2003 said:


> I am reminded of someone who asked on the Trip Advisor Hawaii forum where they could get authentic Hawaiian Pizza when they were in Hawaii.  The replies were not merciful.



Noooo.  They didn't think that was actually a Hawaiian dish? That's hilarious!

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My sister just shared this:





 Dave


----------



## Cornell




----------



## DeniseM

@Brett - someone is stealing your shtick!

View attachment 25483


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

DaveNV said:


> I take no credit or blame for any of these.  They're all found on other sites, so somebody's bad humor got there before me.
> 
> Ask your husband if he remembers comic Stephen Wright's stand-up comedy routines from way back when.  He'd say things with a deadpan expression, and leave you to wonder what he meant, as he went on to another statement.
> 
> One of the things he said:  "The circus came to town.  It was in intense."  (Say it out loud.)
> 
> Dave



This was one of DH's several posts yesterday on Facebook. It's one of the ways he found to occupy himself in the three months we weren't going anywhere because of COVID and now it's become his thing. I wondered where he finds all the jokes he posts so I Googled dumb dad jokes. I was amazed at all the websites my search brought up. Apparently there are plenty of other people who share a similar sense of humor.


----------



## Tank

Ding ding ding
Ding 
Ding   ding
Ding     Ding        Ding


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

My wife and I think that it’s the best part ,,,


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## "Roger"

I haven't looked at all the posts, not sure if these have been posted or not...


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## isisdave




----------



## Jan M.

Know the feeling but have never seen it so elegantly expressed.


----------



## clifffaith

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=3063402887006175


----------



## DaveNV

The chuckles just keep on coming...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

But wait! There's more...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Um Hmm.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

It's fishy.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## jehb2

plpgma said:


> View attachment 25106



As a Texan all I can say is all these food items deserve to be the top part of the pyramid.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

Pennsylvania map #1


----------



## plpgma

Pennsylvania map #2 (which I think is the more accurate of the two!).


----------



## clifffaith

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 25560



DAvis 3-7658; my passwords are on a sheet of paper taped to the wall near my desk.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Quiet Pine

clifffaith said:


> DAvis 3-7658; my passwords are on a sheet of paper taped to the wall near my desk.



MAnhasset 7-2224. My passwords are on a sheet of paper in a file drawer by my chair.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak

@clifffaith and @Quiet Pine 
I’ve never seen a 5-digit phone number with preceding letters.  Did those correspond to the letters under the 2 through 9 on old school phones?


----------



## DaveNV

mentalbreak said:


> @clifffaith and @Quiet Pine
> I’ve never seen a 5-digit phone number with preceding letters.  Did those correspond to the letters under the 2 through 9 on old school phones?



Yes. Most phone exchanges started as a word, and the first two letters became the numbers you’re familiar with now. It started changing in the early 1960s, at least in my town.  REgent 4-3456 would have become 734-3456.

On old school dial or touch tone phones, there was no letters under the 1. The 2 had ABC, 3 had DEF., and so on.

it was around then that Postal Codes became Zip Codes on mailing addresses. 1964 comes to mind.

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Yes. Most phone exchanges started as a word, and the first two letters became the numbers you’re familiar with now. It started changing in the early 1960s, at least in my town.  REgent 4-3456 would have become 734-3456.
> 
> On old school dial or touch tone phones, there was no letters under the 1. The 2 had ABC, 3 had DEF., and so on.
> 
> it was around then that Postal Codes became Zip Codes on mailing addresses. 1964 comes to mind.
> 
> Dave


Yes!!!  I'm old enough to remember those two letter prefixes. 

I sometimes use them as passwords for some sites where high security isn't that critical.  Including the area code and dashes makes for string with letters (upper and lower case), digits, and special characters.  Having gone through Alzheimer's issues with elderly relatives, I have deliberately created passwords from my youth, where I might be able to pull up that password given some cluing.

****************

Screen shot from The Blues Brothers - with the two letter prefix:


----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I sometimes use them as passwords for some sites where high security isn't that critical.  Including the area code and dashes makes for string with letters (upper and lower case), digits, and special characters...



I sometimes use my wedding date. It helps me remember our anniversaries.
--------------------------------
Do you remember "party lines," where you could listen in on neighbors?

.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Morning smile !
I like to start my day with a smile, working with the public , it gets wiped off my face.
Thats why this thread has peaked my interest  
Dave


THIS IS WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

1) NUDITY  I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS  On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP  A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY   A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?

Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.

'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'

'Yes, that's right,' I told her.

'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP   A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH   While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL  A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY,GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.


----------



## vacationtime1

DaveNV said:


> Yes. Most phone exchanges started as a word, and the first two letters became the numbers you’re familiar with now. It started changing in the early 1960s, at least in my town.  REgent 4-3456 would have become 734-3456.
> 
> On old school dial or touch tone phones, there was no letters under the 1. The 2 had ABC, 3 had DEF., and so on.
> 
> it was around then that Postal Codes became Zip Codes on mailing addresses. 1964 comes to mind.
> 
> Dave



When our family moved to Santa Barbara in 1963, phone numbers were only five digits long (ours was 75736).  Progress came a few years later; we bypassed letters and went straight to seven numbers (now it's ten or eleven).


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## amycurl

As someone who grew up "from Philly", I find the second map more inaccurate, as my childhood home would appear to now be completely under the water in the "straits of disinterest."


----------



## isisdave

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 25592
> 
> Dave



This is actually the recipe for Irish Bean Soup....


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 25655
> 
> Dave



I’m not sure I would keep this one long-term, but also fitting for now:


----------



## Luanne




----------



## JanT

LMAO  Soooo funny!!!



plpgma said:


> View attachment 25507


----------



## JanT

I can’t remember my childhood phone number but for some reason I can remember my ex-in-laws phone number from 40 years ago.  That’s about how long it’s been since I had had any contact with them.  They are both deceased now.  Strange but true!



mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 25560


----------



## plpgma

amycurl said:


> As someone who grew up "from Philly", I find the second map more inaccurate, as my childhood home would appear to now be completely under the water in the "straits of disinterest."


Ha ha -- Unfortunately for you, the guy who posted the second map (me) is born and bred Pittsburgh -- hence my finding the second map most accurate!


----------



## amycurl

Well, there you have it.


----------



## Rjbeach2003

The first phone number I remember about, I can't remember the number was 5 digits.  Then came the prefix, FL, for Fleetwood.  If anyone remembers the Fleetwoods from the 1950's, they took their name from the phone number.  Olympia WA.  Then they switched to numbers. as more phones came on line.
But do any of you remember the farm lines.  My grandparents number was 7F3.  They were the 7th phone on the 3rd farm line.  It was a party line and my grandmother and everyone else would listen in on conversations.  I remember once when my Dad tried to call his parents, pre direct dial, operator needed.  The operator refused to believe 7F3 was really a number.


----------



## Rolltydr

This is hilarious, but only because it’s so true. Plus, she has a great voice.


----------



## DaveNV

This is how it goes.





 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## IngridN

Sounds sooooo familiar! 


DaveNV said:


> This is how it goes.
> 
> View attachment 25699
> 
> Dave



Ingrid


----------



## BJRSanDiego

mentalbreak said:


> @clifffaith and @Quiet Pine
> I’ve never seen a 5-digit phone number with preceding letters.  Did those correspond to the letters under the 2 through 9 on old school phones?


The first phone number that we had when I was a kid (in the '50's) was PArkway 7814.  You only dialed the letters PA, which represented 72.  So numerically our number was 72-7814.  Only six digits.  And it was in a moderately big city.  We were on a "two party line" which meant that while you had a unique number dialing in, you were actually sharing the line with someone else.  So if you lifted the handset and heard someone else talking, you quietly put the phone down and waited a while.  When I was 7 or 8, they added a digit, so our number became PA2-7814.  A few years later my folks "splurged" and got us a "private" line.  

In the rural areas, sometimes farmers would have 8 or 16-party lines.  I think that most of those were on really old phones without a dial, so you lifted the earpiece,  and waited for the operator.  When you were getting an incoming call, each home would have a distinctive ring.  Like "two longs and one short".  I remember being told that when the doctor or minister was called (people learned the ring pattern of those people) late at night, that so many people might listen in that it was hard to hear what was being said.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I have a vague memory of when I was younger, of visiting families in farm country in Minnesota, where there wasn't a dial phone.  You picked up the phone and a switchboard operator would answer, and you would give her (always female) the number to connect to. She would then make the connection by plugging cable for the line you were on to a connection for the other phone.  Below is a picture of a switchboard in action. 

Dusting further, I think that those two letter prefixes originally identified a particular exchange (switchboard location).  If you were calling inside the same exchange, you could be connected directly.  If you were calling outside the exchange, the local exchange would patch to the target exchange, and an operator at that exchange would complete the call.

Phone service was metered by the call.  The more calls you made, the more you paid - made sense since each call required a phone company employee action to complete the call.  And you paid more calls outside of your exchange.






When I was in grade school, in suburban Minneapolis in the early 1960's, I remember that we had a two-party phone line.  A private line was available, but it cost extra.  We were not the only family who had a party line.  I recall there was a kind of game to try to figure out where, if not who, the other party was that shared the line.


----------



## Luanne

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I have a vague memory of when I was younger, of visiting families in farm country in Minnesota, where there wasn't a dial phone.  You picked up the phone and a switchboard operator would answer, and you would give her (always female) the number to connect to. She would then make the connection by plugging cable for the line you were on to a connection for the other phone.  Below is a picture of a switchboard in action.
> 
> Dusting further, I think that those two letter prefixes originally identified a particular exchange (switchboard location).  If you were calling inside the same exchange, you could be connected directly.  If you were calling outside the exchange, the local exchange would patch to the target exchange, and an operator at that exchange would complete the call.
> 
> Phone service was metered by the call.  The more calls you made, the more you paid - made sense since each call required a phone company employee action to complete the call.  And you paid more calls outside of your exchange.
> 
> View attachment 25709
> 
> 
> When I was in grade school, in suburban Minneapolis in the early 1960's, I remember that we had a two-party phone line.  A private line was available, but it cost extra.  We were not the only family who had a party line.  I recall there was a kind of game to try to figure out where, if not who, the other party was that shared the line.


We had a party line and knew exactly who shared it.  It was one of our neighbors.  Bad kid that I was, I would listen in at times.


----------



## Ken555

Fun thread! Glad we are keeping it going... but, please take the phone history posts to another thread! Thanks.


----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## Rolltydr

Luanne said:


> View attachment 25705


What?


----------



## Rolltydr

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I have a vague memory of when I was younger, of visiting families in farm country in Minnesota, where there wasn't a dial phone.  You picked up the phone and a switchboard operator would answer, and you would give her (always female) the number to connect to. She would then make the connection by plugging cable for the line you were on to a connection for the other phone.  Below is a picture of a switchboard in action.
> 
> Dusting further, I think that those two letter prefixes originally identified a particular exchange (switchboard location).  If you were calling inside the same exchange, you could be connected directly.  If you were calling outside the exchange, the local exchange would patch to the target exchange, and an operator at that exchange would complete the call.
> 
> Phone service was metered by the call.  The more calls you made, the more you paid - made sense since each call required a phone company employee action to complete the call.  And you paid more calls outside of your exchange.
> 
> View attachment 25709
> 
> 
> When I was in grade school, in suburban Minneapolis in the early 1960's, I remember that we had a two-party phone line.  A private line was available, but it cost extra.  We were not the only family who had a party line.  I recall there was a kind of game to try to figure out where, if not who, the other party was that shared the line.


I grew up in a small town in Alabama of about 5,000 people in the 60’s. The earliest memory of a phone number that I have is 473R2. I think that was actually the number of my best friend who lived about 3 or 4 houses down but I guess it could have been ours. As you said, you would pick up the handset and the operator would come on and ask “number please”? When we actually got our first dial phone, everybody was converted to digits I believe, but we were on an 8 party line so it was not unusual to pick up the phone and hear neighbors talking. It’s funny, now we have cellphones that many of us use to do almost anything but talk to each other!


----------



## Rolltydr

Ken555 said:


> Fun thread! Glad we are keeping it going... but, please take the phone history posts to another thread! Thanks.


Sorry, posted before I read your request.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Fun thread! Glad we are keeping it going... but, please take the phone history posts to another thread! Thanks.


Trying to herd TUGgers, are you?? So did you manage that with cats, and now you think you're ready for the big time???


----------



## Ken555

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Trying to herd TUGgers, are you?? So did you manage that with cats, and now you think you're ready for the big time???



See post #1


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> See post #1
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Still trying to herd cats!!!   

*The Blues Brothers - "Think" with Aretha Franklin*


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Rjbeach2003

BJRSanDiego said:


> The first phone number that we had when I was a kid (in the '50's) was PArkway 7814.  You only dialed the letters PA, which represented 72.  So numerically our number was 72-7814.  Only six digits.  And it was in a moderately big city.  We were on a "two party line" which meant that while you had a unique number dialing in, you were actually sharing the line with someone else.  So if you lifted the handset and heard someone else talking, you quietly put the phone down and waited a while.  When I was 7 or 8, they added a digit, so our number became PA2-7814.  A few years later my folks "splurged" and got us a "private" line.
> 
> In the rural areas, sometimes farmers would have 8 or 16-party lines.  I think that most of those were on really old phones without a dial, so you lifted the earpiece,  and waited for the operator.  When you were getting an incoming call, each home would have a distinctive ring.  Like "two longs and one short".  I remember being told that when the doctor or minister was called (people learned the ring pattern of those people) late at night, that so many people might listen in that it was hard to hear what was being said.


Now that you said this about 4 digits, I remember that was what we had as well.


----------



## Tank




----------



## IngridN

How cruel...our girls always get their fresh water and food before DH gets his tea (or I get my coffee)!!!


Tank said:


> View attachment 25755


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 25795



Ok, now that I've stopped laughing, I don't trust you.  

Dave


----------



## Tank

Dave
I looked at it for 5 minutes myself trying for some kind of vision 
D


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> Dave
> I looked at it for 5 minutes myself trying for some kind of vision
> D



It's perfect, obviously. 

Kind of like the classic question and answer:  "How do you keep a Tug member in suspense?"

 Dave


----------



## Quilter

No, no, no.  That cant be the end of the thread for the night!   The answer.  I need to know now.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

RYDELL HIGH’S REOPENING PLAN









						Rydell High’s Reopening Plan
					

Dear Students of Rydell High, After much consideration, we have decided to open for the upcoming school year. We have laid out specific guidelines ...




					www.mcsweeneys.net
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Patri

Tank said:


> View attachment 25795


I can't. I'm using a PC.


----------



## Luanne

Patri said:


> I can't. I'm using a PC.


Stand on your head.


----------



## Oliverwilson1987




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## PigsDad

Luanne said:


> View attachment 26030


Yes, but which came first?


----------



## Talent312

Which came first -- chicken salad or egg salad?
A website called thenibble.com says that egg salad was created in the early 1800's.
Checkenscratch-blog.com says the chicken salad, as we know it, was created in 1863.

Thus, the egg salad came before the chicken salad.
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

Reminds me of the old days we
Make a kid hold his tongue and Then have him say “SHIP”
Than Run and tell his mom and dad they are cussing
“APPLE” is the other word
Had a lot of clean fun with these.
Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank

Had this argument with my bank
Someone wants to deposit money in my account no questions asked- no name needed 
let them!


----------



## nightnurse613

Tank!  Right on. I am sure many of us have been there. I used to try to deposit money in my kid's account but, it was such a hassle.


----------



## vacationtime1

Tank said:


> Had this argument with my bank
> Someone wants to deposit money in my account no questions asked- no name needed
> let them!
> 
> View attachment 26096



Same issue here.  I tried to deposit money into DD's account so she could buy a car; the bank required her to approve the transfer (she emailed her approval very quickly).


----------



## isisdave

It's because of money-laundering regulations, but you'd think they'd be able to permit occasional, small-amount deposits.


----------



## Talent312

I have in the past deposited checks into my SS's account... no questions asked.

BoA required me to show an ID to deposit a small amount of cash (not checks).
Money-laundering rules, they say. That's BS. It's them overreacting to being caught.
.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> View attachment 26030





PigsDad said:


> Yes, but which came first?


_[Redux of a post upthread]_

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Jan M.

Tank said:


> Had this argument with my bank
> Someone wants to deposit money in my account no questions asked- no name needed
> let them!
> 
> View attachment 26096



I used to have go rounds every time I called to make an extra payment to pay down the balance on our son's college loan. This was in spite of both our son and DH who co-signed having repeatedly authorized them to speak with me. As in they signed and returned the form authorizing it. Every stinking time I would have to go through a song and dance until I got fed up and not very politely told the person I was speaking with that I had made note of their name and the time of the call. That I would be letting someone in charge know he or she had refused to cooperate and accept a payment from someone they had been repeatedly authorized to speak with.

One of DH's major pet peeves is when he gets calls from banks, credit card companies, health care insurers, timeshares,, etc. and they immediately want him to prove who he is. He responds in a don't mess with me tone of voice saying "You called me. What do you want?" If it's a legitimate call he doesn't apologize he just moves forward with the call in pleasant tone of voice. Some people making legitimate calls should be coached to use appropriate business telephone etiquette. As in" Good morning I'm calling to speak with Mr. X. This is xxx from xxx calling about xxx. If you are Mr. X would you please confirm your address/email/date of birth so we can proceed with the call? If this isn't a good time to talk is there a better time to call back?"


----------



## Jan M.

I don't have any bothers but DH is one of 4 boys and I'm sure my SIL who is the baby of their family would post this. 

Edited: Oops should say brothers but if you have one you probably think bothers fits at times.


----------



## Jan M.

We've got good cause to be worried about some of you. Lol.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## isisdave

Looks like he's being lit from below.  Probably that flammable snow.


----------



## Tank

I can’t help it, this cracks me up.
Really does sum 2020 up.
Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 26231
> 
> Dave


GROAN


----------



## DaveNV

In case you were wondering...





 Dave


----------



## nerodog




----------



## clifffaith

LA Times had an article about pinata makers making Covid pinatas today. Seems like a really good idea until you start worrying how many people were invited to the party!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

When you're looking for a pot of gold - be careful...





 Dave


----------



## isisdave




----------



## DaveNV

You know you've been quarantined for too long when...





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett

Tank said:


> I can’t help it, this cracks me up.
> Really does sum 2020 up.
> Dave
> 
> 
> View attachment 26223


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

This one cracked me up.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Hmmm...





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Fearless Freep - Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam


----------



## Tank

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Fearless Freep - Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam



Those where the good old days! 
Made us get so out of hand shooting everyone up and jumping off of cliffs they had to take the guns away and put them in tutu’s.
Didn’t have to put warnings not to try this at home like today’s kids for a Utube rating.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Teachers rock. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Luanne said:


> View attachment 26490



A friend sent me this image last week and I replied, “I gave it to you.”


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 26509



My Mom's comment:  "Where do you think Bleu Cheese comes from?" 

Dave


----------



## SmithOp

And now we've lived through My Corona!
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## GetawaysRus




----------



## DaveNV

Now, where did I put my glasses?





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Dude, wheres my car?







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Talent312

SmithOp said:


> Dude, wheres my car?



You can press the alarm button on your remote.
But that means remembering which car you drove
... as I have learned.
.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 26563



You've no doubt read about his passing?

*********************************************************

*Larry LaPrise, author of 'The Hokey Pokey', dead at 93*

Sad news in the entertainment world. Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song and dance 
classic 'The Hokey Pokey' is dead at 93. His funeral went off with only one hitch: 
While transferring Larry to his coffin, they put his left leg in, and that's when the trouble began.

*********************************************************

 Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 26554



I resemble that remark!
.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Good help can be hard to find ,,,,


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Little known fact:  Baby Platypuses are called Puggles. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## presley

I took this picture yesterday at a UPS store. The blue boxes on the floor say to stand inside of the box for social distancing.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 26665
> 
> Dave


I am surprised. I thought having been in the military, you would not volunteer ever.


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> I am surprised. I thought having been in the military, you would not volunteer ever.



You know the term _NAVY_:  *N*ever *A*gain *V*olunteer *Y*ourself. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith

From my That Effin' Cat group. Still wiping away tears and blowing my nose because of Christina's "I can hear the ocean" comment. Absolutely priceless!


----------



## DeniseM

This is the actual birthday card I gave to my husband this week - we've had a little too much togetherness at times during the last 8 months, and he got a kick out of it:





Here's the funny thing - when I searched Amazon for "birthday card for husband," this was the first one that came up!  So it must be a popular sentiment these days!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

The Police...





Steely Dan...






Not so much funny, as fun to look at...

.


----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 26775
> 
> Dave



Must have been written by a fool of a Took.


----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Must have been written by a fool of a Took.



Or a Dickens fan who likes to cook. 

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma

Luanne said:


> View attachment 26819


Too true -- the difference between cats and dogs!


----------



## clifffaith

This cracked me up, we always called our dog's feet "taco paws" when we were growing up. I have a sneaking suspicion the smell is pee, and not corn chips, but it always made us laugh.


----------



## isisdave




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Rolltydr

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 26878
> 
> Dave


 Ain’t that the truth?!!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Quilter

DeniseM said:


> This is the actual birthday card I gave to my husband this week - we've had a little too much togetherness at times during the last 8 months, and he got a kick out of it:
> 
> View attachment 26771
> 
> Here's the funny thing - when I searched Amazon for "birthday card for husband," this was the first one that came up!  So it must be a popular sentiment these days!



According to the documentary in another thread Google searches are personally customised.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DeniseM

Quilter said:


> According to the documentary in another thread Google searches are personally customised.



It must be all the times I search for rat poison and do it yourself divorce kits.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 26902


Lessons on distribution are available on-line. 






And you got your marketing covered here .....


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

How did we live ,,,,
I found this funny ‍


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Doing my Christmas shopping ,,,


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## nerodog




----------



## Tank




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw

Because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
A COMMONTATER


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,



Boy, that was painful.  Thank you.  I'm stealing this.  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

I'm sending to these folks over in Blackfoot: https://idahopotatomuseum.com/


----------



## Tank

Passepartout said:


> I'm sending to these folks over in Blackfoot: https://idahopotatomuseum.com/



a potato museum - who would have thunk it
Might have to spud - er over 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> a potato museum - who would have thunk it
> Might have to spud - er over
> 
> Dave



Have you ever been to Idaho? It makes perfect sense.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne

Tank said:


> View attachment 27013


So how do men who watch cooking shows react?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> So how do men who watch cooking shows react?


Generally irrelevant.  Since men don't watch cooking shows much there is no such thing as a man's reaction.  We do enjoy ones that have some action, though.


----------



## Luanne

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Generally irrelevant, since men don't watch cooking shows much there is no such thing as a man's reaction.  We do enjoy ones that have some action  ....


Don't tell my dh.  He got quite fond of Guida, and also the British baking shows.   Since he does all of the cooking for the family...............................


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Luanne said:


> Don't tell my dh.  He got quite fond of Guida, and also the British baking shows.   Since he does all of the cooking for the family...............................


I do most of the cooking in our house, too.  When I need to figure something out I look for a YouTube video.  

But just watching a cooking show - doesn't do it for me.


----------



## Passepartout

Luanne said:


> Don't tell my dh.  He got quite fond of Guida, and also the British baking shows.   Since he does all of the cooking for the family...............................


Yup. Left to myself, I'd rather watch the likes of Ina Garten or Cook's Country or even classic Julia than some soapy serial. Want entertainment? recall those 'Galloping Gourmet' shows. I even have my trusty Graham Kerr bench scraper and the best aluminum grill from NPR's 'The Splendid Table' store.

Don't tell me guys don't watch cooking shows.  

JIm


----------



## PrairieGirl

"Beat Bobby Flay" is a staple in our household!


----------



## Luanne

PrairieGirl said:


> "Beat Bobby Flay" is a staple in our household!


I just had take out last night from someone who did Beat Bobby Flay.


----------



## DaveNV

You can often meet Graham Kerr at the Mount Vernon, Washington, Farmer's Market.  He lives in the area, and is a regular visitor there.  Nice guy.

Dave


----------



## Sandi Bo

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Generally irrelevant.  Since men don't watch cooking shows much there is no such thing as a man's reaction.  We do enjoy ones that have some action, though.


My husband, my daughter, and her husband, watch them. And then tell cooking channel jokes at dinner (which are competely over my head).


----------



## Tank

Luanne said:


> So how do men who watch cooking shows react?



I’d eat that
Or
I wouldn’t touch that with your tongue 
Come to mind


----------



## amycurl

Similarly, you can also run into Martha Stewart at the NE Harbor farmer's market in the summer. (My daughter, as a toddler, *literally* ran into her...we apologized and quickly stepped away before her security stepped forward....)


----------



## Beachclubmum

DaveNV said:


> You can often meet Graham Kerr at the Mount Vernon, Washington, Farmer's Market.  He lives in the area, and is a regular visitor there.  Nice guy.
> 
> Dave



I didn’t know he was still around! I grew up watching The Galloping Gourmet with my mom, then bought all the newer books he did with his series return a few years (a couple decades?) ago. Was saddened to hear when his wife passed away. Anyway, thanks for the nice update!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

And speaking of ghosts...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

\\]

 Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> You can often meet Graham Kerr at the Mount Vernon, Washington, Farmer's Market.  He lives in the area, and is a regular visitor there.  Nice guy.
> 
> Dave


I did not know that!  I might stroll down there at some point to see if I can spot him!


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> And speaking of ghosts...
> 
> View attachment 27034
> 
> Dave


I never knew that!  (Nor would I ever care -- not being a Richie Rich or Casper fan!)


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27053\\]
> 
> Dave



Manwich
40 years ago when it came out my dad brought some camping along with other food. We camp and fish and never caught enough fish to eat So always had to have a backup plan. We were hungry and ready for some manwich, opened that can and its only sauce 
Who would have thought you had to bring your own hamburg. Thought it was like spaghetti’os or ravioli 
We sopped up that sauce with the bread and called it a night. Great memories !
Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27035
> 
> Dave



Speaking of eclairs, I have unfortunately found through Nextdoor a French bakery in downtown LA  which delivers for free on orders over $30. $50 later I had eclairs, exquisite tarts, almond croissants, pain au chocolat and ham & cheese baguette sandwiches dropped on my doorstep by a French guy in a baker's outfit!


----------



## Rolltydr

My mouth is watering! Unfortunately, where I live, LA means Lower Alabama.


----------



## Ken555

clifffaith said:


> Speaking of eclairs, I have unfortunately found through Nextdoor a French bakery in downtown LA which delivers for free on orders over $30. $50 later I had eclairs, exquisite tarts, almond croissants, pain au chocolat and ham & cheese baguette sandwiches dropped on my doorstep by a French guy in a baker's outfit!



Noooo, I do not want to know which bakery you’re referring to....really, I don’t want to know. 


Well.


Maybe.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## isisdave

clifffaith said:


> Speaking of eclairs, I have unfortunately found through Nextdoor a French bakery in downtown LA  which delivers for free on orders over $30. $50 later I had eclairs, exquisite tarts, almond croissants, pain au chocolat and ham & cheese baguette sandwiches dropped on my doorstep by a French guy in a baker's outfit!



Faith:  I'm guessing you've found both of these already:






						Carlsbad French Pastry Cafe - Home
					

Welcome to Carlsbad French Pastry Cafe! We are located at 1005 Carlsbad Village Drive Suite B, Carlsbad, CA 92008. Our phone number is 760-729-2241. We look forward to seeing you soon!




					www.carlsbadfrenchpastrycafe.com
				












						Carlsbad Danish Bakery!
					

Carlsbad Danish Bakery, quality since it was established in 1984 by Denmark’s finest using the same original recipes.




					carlsbaddanishbakery.com
				




They're both walkable from your future home.

Also, http://www.lerendezvousfrenchbakery.com/ requires a drive but is worth it.


----------



## clifffaith

isisdave said:


> Faith:  I'm guessing you've found both of these already:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Carlsbad French Pastry Cafe - Home
> 
> 
> Welcome to Carlsbad French Pastry Cafe! We are located at 1005 Carlsbad Village Drive Suite B, Carlsbad, CA 92008. Our phone number is 760-729-2241. We look forward to seeing you soon!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.carlsbadfrenchpastrycafe.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Carlsbad Danish Bakery!
> 
> 
> Carlsbad Danish Bakery, quality since it was established in 1984 by Denmark’s finest using the same original recipes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> carlsbaddanishbakery.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They're both walkable from your future home.
> 
> Also, http://www.lerendezvousfrenchbakery.com/ requires a drive but is worth it.



Actually no -- we are addicted to Cafe Elysse's pastries, and also found two doughnut shops. We'll try both of your suggestions at the end of October. There is also a German market/restaurant further south and inland we want to try which I believe has a pastry counter. Without googling, my memory says it has a very non-German name, maybe Tip Top Market? We noticed two Italian grocery stores/sandwich shops as we were wandering around last year -- have to check to see if they have pastries. Lucky for me the See's has to be driven to!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27078
> 
> Dave



Me too!   Instead  I'm married to a retired Lottery employee!  

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Parenting life skill:  When the subway seats are too hard, you can always use your baby as a cushion.  





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Uh oh.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Lessons in moving.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This is funny if your a hunter
My Neighbor  after 15 years of hunting on our land just went thru this Saturday looking thru his trail cam and seen this buck for the first time. 
Below was his trophy Yesterday 




13 point Ohio Buck 9-29-20


----------



## Tank

I would like to thank everybody for keeping politics out of this BBS 
It has brought many smiles fallowing this feed

Hats off !

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

...
..


----------



## nerodog

L





DaveNV said:


> Parenting life skill:  When the subway seats are too hard, you can always use your baby as a cushion.
> 
> View attachment 27089
> 
> Dave


potential child abuse!


----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## babysteps

lol. And if you divide by its radius, you'll get 2 pumpkin pi!  As we used to say, pi r good


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank

I sure polished off my fare share
Went right over my head - sheesh


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

When you design things perfectly, and then let reality happen...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Good knowing I'm not the only one who pictured the band this way. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank

This is so true
Said it at least 100 times


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## mentalbreak

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27334
> 
> Dave



Takes me back to the pure exhaustion days after baby #2.  When you are really, really, really tired, balmex (diaper rash cream) looks a lot like toothpaste.  I only made that mistake once.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## nerodog




----------



## nerodog

nerodog said:


> View attachment 27347


And a big Happy 80th Birthday!!!  BBC radio 1 has an interesting  special with Sean and Julian, Elton and Paul McCartney.


----------



## Talent312

If anyone was wondering... Yes. there is a "Liverpool John Lennon Airport."
A 7 ft tall bronze statue overlooks the check-in hall. 
On the roof is painted the airport's motto, "Above us, only sky."
In 2005, a Yellow Submarine work of art was placed at the airport's entrance.
-- Source: Wikipedia





.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TTSDavid




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Makes sense to me!

***********************

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out 
a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you 
would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those." 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




***********************

 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## Passepartout

It looks like about 3 days' of posts to this thread were deleted. Am I missing something?

Jim


----------



## nerodog

Passepartout said:


> It looks like about 3 days' of posts to this thread were deleted. Am I missing something?
> 
> Jim


Yes I received a note that the ones I posted were deleted.  Not sure why?!


----------



## nerodog

Passepartout said:


> It looks like about 3 days' of posts to this thread were deleted. Am


----------



## Makai Guy

Passepartout said:


> It looks like about 3 days' of posts to this thread were deleted. Am I missing something?
> 
> Jim


Two posts were intentionally deleted.  But a whole bunch more were inadvertently bulk deleted at the same time.  Can't get bulk restore to work so working on restoring them one at a time.


----------



## Passepartout

2020 strikes again!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Dateline Sat Oct 10th 2020.

When you turn on a TV and see Profession Bowling on a major network, during prime time, you know just how bad 2020 has become . . . .


----------



## Makai Guy

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Dateline Sat Oct 10th 2020.
> 
> When you turn on a TV and see Profession Bowling on a major network, during prime time, you know just how bad 2020 as become . . . .


Hey.  A couple of months ago ESPN was reduced to carrying the Cornhole Championships -- and they were reruns, to boot!


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27469
> 
> Dave


Dave you can’t do this stuff. I sprayed hot chocolate over the table.


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> Dave you can’t do this stuff. I sprayed hot chocolate over the table.



Sorry.  The thread title says "Stay At Home Humor."  This is what happens when I'm at home too much.  

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

*RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE*

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".

 Dave


----------



## Rolltydr

DaveNV said:


> *RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE*
> 
> 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
> 
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
> 
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
> 
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
> 
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
> 
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
> 
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
> 
> 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
> 
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
> 
> 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
> 
> 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
> 
> 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
> 
> 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".
> 
> Dave



Thanks, Dave! I loved Red Skelton when I was a kid.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## chapjim

Tank said:


> View attachment 27452



Trail mix!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

How do you get down from
 an elephant?
You don't. You get down
from a duck.​


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27504
> 
> Dave


Congrats, DaveNV, on taking this thread over the 100 tab mark!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Congrats, DaveNV, on taking this thread over the 100 tab mark!



Wow!  I guess I should stop trying to be funny now?  

I should go back to Page 1 and see how many of my jokes are actually humorous.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Quilter

DaveNV said:


> Wow!  I guess I should stop trying to be funny now?
> 
> I should go back to Page 1 and see how many of my jokes are actually humorous.  LOL!
> 
> Dave



you don’t have to go through all 100 pages.  Simply put your screen name in an advanced search.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27527
> 
> Dave


And a window to empty it out from!


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

I’m from The Cleveland Area Soooo
This week this one I found funny ,,, 
Browns / Stealers week 
Going to be fun
Go Browns!!!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> *RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE*
> 
> 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
> 
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
> 
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
> 
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
> 
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
> 
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
> 
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
> 
> 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.
> 
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
> 
> 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
> 
> 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
> 
> 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don't like to interrupt her.
> 
> 13. The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".
> 
> Dave


Sourced where I have info ....

"My wife and I.  We sleep in different rooms.  We have dinner apart.  We take separate vacations.  We're doing everything we can to stay together. - Rodney Dangerfield

"Take my wife.  Please?" - Henny Youngman

"My wife was so wild.  One time I asked her to make French toast, and she stuck her tongue in the toaster." - Rodney Dangerfield

"Marriage is a wonderful institution.  But I'm not ready for an institution." - Mae West. 

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house" - Lewis Grizzard

"Love is blind, and marriage is a real eye-opener."

"The secret of a happy marriage is to tell your spouse everything but the essentials."

"All men make mistakes but married men find out about  them sooner." - Red Skelton

"Always get married early in the morning.  That way if it doesn't work out you haven't wasted a whole day." - Mickey Rooney

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years.  Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house.  I never slept alone until after I got married.' - Lewis Grizzard

"If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers."

"The reason husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they belong to different sexes." - Dorothy Dix

"Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening. So I said to her, 'What's the matter? You can't think of anybody either?'" - Rodney Dangerfield

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." - Rodney Dangerfield

"I've tried several varieties of sex.  The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw." - Tallulah Bankhead

"Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved."

"The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment" - Malcolm Muggeridge

"I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since." - Arturo Toscanini

"My mother-in-law broke up our marriage.  One day my wife came home early from work and found us in bed together." - Lenny Bruce

"For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.' - Quentin Crisp

"He who hesitates is a damned fool." - Mae west

"I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth." - Chico Marx

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

"It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up." - Joan Rivers

"It's easy to make a friend.  What's hard is to make a stranger."

"He's such a  hick he doesn't even have a trapeze in his bedroom."

"If you want to read about love and marriage you need to buy two different books." - Alan King

"A spouse lasts as long as the marriage, but an ex is forever."

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him." - Cher

"I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right." - Richard Pryor

"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried." - Mae West

"Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis." - Garrison Keillor

"I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns

"I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring in a shop window for a long time. You may love it when you get it home. but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house." _ Jean Kerr

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical that we don't have as much money.  That was a true but incomplete answer.  In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage." - Gloria Steinem

"I know what love is.  Tracy and Hepburn.  Bogart and Bacall. Romeo and Juliet.  Jackie and John and Marilyn ..." - Ian Shoales

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy." - Groucho Marx

"Men play the game. Women know the score." - Roger Woddis


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak

Truth.


----------



## amycurl




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith

@DaveNV I've told my story before about watching the contractor use geometry out loud and on paper to figure out what he was doing with the steps and driveway slope. I was astounded -- why didn't they use practical applications like this in class?! That being said, any time I had an arch or angled window treatment that needed figuring I went to Cliff. He hadn't "memorized" that sort of calculation (which is what I was forced to do, although I cheated and had it written down so I could price in the customer's house where exact numbers didn't affect the cost), he had a deep rooted understanding as to how the math works.


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 27590
> 
> Dave


 OMG, I was to the "Jolene please take my man" stage months ago!


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## bluehende




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> I’m from The Cleveland Area Soooo
> This week this one I found funny ,,,
> Browns / Stealers week
> Going to be fun
> Go Browns!!!View attachment 27541


I'm born and bred Pittsburgh -- This is a fantastic photo!  (I'm sorry about your birthplace!)


----------



## plpgma

Can you spot the hidden message?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave (with apologies)


----------



## Passepartout

Life is what you bake of it:


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> I’m from The Cleveland Area Soooo
> This week this one I found funny ,,,
> Browns / Stealers week
> Going to be fun
> Go Browns!!!View attachment 27541


Even worse, like this:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

I was at the bank yesterday before they closed and the teller was handing out these. The man in front of me smiled and winked and as he gave it back said “Oh I need a MUCH bigger one than this.” The teller said “No sir. It goes on your finger for the ATM.”
I died!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	









"


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## jehb2




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 27785


Yup. U.S. 95. The ONLY N/S highway in Idaho. This happened last Summer. There has been a detour constructed around it. More or less.


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

OK. Now, ^^^ THAT'S funny!

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## moonstone




----------



## Passepartout

The Older You Get
The less
'Life In Prison'
Is a deterent.​


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## clifffaith

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch...


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*I Was Just Tucking In My Shirt!*​


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ubil

The Turbo Encabulator





Here is the history of the Turbo Encabulator


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Quilter

DD is a nurse in post op.  When she works I send her screenshots from this thread.  She says it really helps her get through the shift.

She just called to say she’s in the last hours of 3 days in a row.  A bit of her nurse humor as another patient was on the way.   “Just saving lives here.  Putting in Foley catheters.”


----------



## Quilter

Here’s one of DD’s recent texts to me, woman to woman:

So I made a rookie marriage mistake tonight. You would think that after almost 6 years of marriage I would have learned by now. But apparently nope. (Husband) requested goulash for dinner tonight. GREAT! Very easy to make. He also said he would like to go the grocery store since he “enjoys shopping”. I said “Wonderful! You go! Enjoy that place.” Letting my guard down at this thinking “oh how wonderful, he’s going to the store and I can relax and I just will text him the list.” So easy, right? WRONG. He gets home. Sits next to me on the couch and goes “ did you need everything on that list?”  ummm what does that question mean? Did I place random unneccsary items on that grocery list as a game to see if he could tell what does and doesn’t belong in the dish? “Yes, I needed all the things on that list.” Is my response. To which he responds with “oh well I forgot to open up the text message so the first 4 lines that previewed on my home screen I though was all you needed....”. So as a SEASONED iPhone user, he missed the SEE MORE part of the notification and returned home with HALF Of the list.

So I am now currently playing maybe this does or doesn’t belong in my pantry BUT it’s going in the pot!!! For dinner tonight


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## isisdave

The above happens to me all the time and is my chief complaint about why there's so much work in "retirement."  I would have lost interest, enthusiasm, and energy at about the "take out the trash" stage, and ended up with three half-finished chores.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

I have looked all over for this, no luck yet, it’s a real thing. 
It will be a fun thing to do with family and friends sample the “ meal” together, I’m sure it’s gross.

Several years ago jones soda had a special holiday
6 pack thanksgiving dinner soda. I got shot glasses out and we tasted each coarse of dinner soda together. We laughed so hard, it was awful , yet so much fun. 
They even screwed up the pumpkin pie soda.


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> I have looked all over for this, no luck yet, it’s a real thing.
> It will be a fun thing to do with family and friends sample the “ meal” together, I’m sure it’s gross.
> 
> Several years ago jones soda had a special holiday
> 6 pack thanksgiving dinner soda. I got shot glasses out and we tasted each coarse of dinner soda together. We laughed so hard, it was awful , yet so much fun.
> They even screwed up the pumpkin pie soda.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 28003



According to Brach's website, you can buy it at Walgreens.  Yuck! 









						Turkey Dinner Candy Corn | Brach’s Candy
					

Turkey Dinner is back, but this time with dessert! This unique feast of flavors includes savory favorites like roasted turkey, green beans, stuffing and cranberry sauce followed by a delicious dessert of Apple Pie and Coffee




					www.brachs.com
				




Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My sister sent this to me.  I cracked up.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

A little something for your OCD friends:


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> A little something for your OCD friends:
> View attachment 28008



And apparently they're made wrong in more ways than the obvious one.  The second die from the top in the first picture has the two and five on adjacent sides.  The third one down is also wrong, as the three and four are on adjacent sides. The way I remember it, opposite sides of the dice should equal seven.  So 5 - 2 should be opposing each other, as does 6 - 1, and 3 - 4.

Color me definitely OCD.  This sort of thing makes my teeth ache.  

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNV said:


> And apparently they're made wrong in more ways than the obvious one.  The second die from the top in the first picture has the two and five on adjacent sides.  The third one down is also wrong, as the three and four are on adjacent sides. The way I remember it, opposite sides of the dice should equal seven.  So 5 - 2 should be opposing each other, as does 6 - 1, and 3 - 4.


Yes, and one of the reasons opposite sides all add up to 7 is so the dice can be perfectly balanced.

Kurt


----------



## Passepartout

PigsDad said:


> Yes, and one of the reasons opposite sides all add up to 7 is so the dice can be perfectly balanced.


And how is that OCD working out for ya?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Conan

Let’s Do The Time Warp Again


----------



## Passepartout

Tank said:


> View attachment 28018


Strip mall Anchor Store. 21st Century department store.. . .


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith

This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a blonde.

Jessica was sick and tired of the world; of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. 

Jessica drove her car into her garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best she could. She got back into her car and wound down all the windows, selected her favorite radio station and hit the cars ignition.  

Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through the garage window and saw her in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Jessica from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, she was in perfect condition, but her Tesla had a dead battery.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## vacationhopeful

People have been asking me for 35 years what I do.

My reply is the same ... *"I make people homeless"*. 

 And that is absolutely my main business, And my silent mantra for the daily sanity is "Make my day ..... don't pay YOUR rent!"


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28042
> 
> Dave


This is taking full advantage of working before it gets hot & taking advantage of the air conditioning.


----------



## Tank

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Words of wisdom ,,,
Listen to the “ gray hairs” I tell my kids all the time


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DrQ

*Thanksgiving 2020*


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake. The owner of the farm shouted: "Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars. The silence was deafening.

Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but with great luck he was unharmed. The owner announced: "We have a winner!!!".

After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room. The man tells his wife: "I did not jump in myself ... Someone pushed me !!!"

His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me!"

Moral of the story: "Behind every successful man, there is always a woman to give him a little push" ...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

For those who set out a bowl of goodies for the Trick Or Treaters:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

My new word for the day. Who knew I needed a t-shirt?





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.

DaveNV said:


> My new word for the day. Who knew I needed a t-shirt?
> 
> View attachment 28208
> 
> Dave



I definitely have this along with another condition called allergictostayinghome.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28100
> 
> Dave


That is so cute.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## jehb2




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## moonstone

along the cleaning theme,,,




~Diane


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Since the election voting is done, it seemed this is the time to post this. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

My Christmas wreath


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Quiet Pine

For a change of pace, here's a map showing where it's legal to keep a kangaroo in the United States.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine food:  When conventional desserts aren't enough.





This is a real dessert, available for $99 from a bakery in New York City.  They call it PieCaken.  (If you want to check them out, here's the link: 

https://www.goldbelly.com/the-pieca...QOA4fuIjahA2lZr5VDO5hyzmFxl2JAvxSgC37nWlM7R0U)

Now, everybody count the calories per slice with me.  1000, 4000, 6000...

  Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## chapjim

DaveNV said:


> Quarantine food:  When conventional desserts aren't enough.
> 
> View attachment 28327
> 
> This is a real dessert, available for $99 from a bakery in New York City.  They call it PieCaken.  (If you want to check them out, here's the link:
> 
> https://www.goldbelly.com/the-pieca...QOA4fuIjahA2lZr5VDO5hyzmFxl2JAvxSgC37nWlM7R0U)
> 
> Now, everybody count the calories per slice with me.  1000, 4000, 6000...
> 
> Dave



PieCaken sounds like it is taken from the New Orleans Thanksgiving specialty, turducken -- a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken.


----------



## DaveNV

chapjim said:


> PieCaken sounds like it is taken from the New Orleans Thanksgiving specialty, turducken -- a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken.



I think you're right, Jim.  If you click the link in my post, it has a description attached, that mentions turducken.  My whole take on this dessert is that it's either for people who want to have everything on one dessert plate, or who can't make up their minds which dessert to pick.  It looks like each part is well made, so I can only imagine the sugar overload from eating such a thing.  Leave it to Americans to find a way to take everything to excess.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Not really funny, but. . . .


----------



## b2bailey

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28330
> 
> Dave


This reminds me of a couple years back when I attended a property hosted Thanksgiving event when I didn't know anyone. I was seated alone at a table when another resident approached me to ask -- "is this seat taken?" When I replied "No" -- she picked up the chair and moved it away.


----------



## isisdave

I've had that happen too.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

isisdave said:


> I've had that happen too.



Raises hand


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

First I made cornbread (See post #2612 above)

Now this.  There's no stopping my culinary skills!!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## DaveNV

I read this on Abe Lincoln's Facebook page, so it must be true! 





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

It's Poll Time!  What is this?
(A) Turkey
(B) Turd on Fire


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 28462
> 
> It's Poll Time!  What is this?
> (A) Turkey
> (B) Turd on Fire



Initially I went with "Turkey." But then I saw the second choice.  Now I'm suddenly not sure which is more accurate.  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 28462
> 
> It's Poll Time!  What is this?
> (A) Turkey
> (B) Turd on Fire


Oh PLEASE! Let it be:  (A)!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 28469



I had no idea we spoke the same language! 

Dave


----------



## moonstone

Might help with the Covid situation...





~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Seems legit.  Wear your mask!





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp

I think they meant Waldo...







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Quiet Pine

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28480



My guess is Devil's food cookies.


----------



## Tank

Found this poor guy eating a dead deer on side of road. He has no collar and he's a little snippy. Barely got him in my car.
Please share this so we can find his owners!


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Seems legit.  Wear your mask!
> 
> View attachment 28484
> 
> Dave


I liked the horse mask better. It remained of an x coworker. LOL.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28513
> 
> Dave


That post started my day off with a huge grin and laugh on my face. Thanks you DaveNV.


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 28516


That was a great suggestion and that was very thoughtful idea of Grandpa, playing it safe.. LOL.IMHO.LOL.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Words you may not know, Covid-19 Edition:





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

Thanks you for those fourteen (14)  new COVID-19  Edition words and meaning. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Thank you so much for the neologisms.  For years I've thought Pokemon was just Rasta slang for a Hawaiian fishmonger.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## BJRSanDiego

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I'm  a technical person - - so I say the glass if completely full !  The lower half is liquid and the upper half is air.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Maybe funny, maybe not.




Wine, Friend Sex. You know where my mind is headed. . . . .


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28538
> 
> Dave


I think, Who da Hell is THAT ol' Fart!


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28538
> 
> Dave


Butter, vodka and sex.  I like where this is going...   

Kurt


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 28534


Your Grandmother really liked Country Rock containers. LOL.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Maybe funny, maybe not.
> 
> View attachment 28540


This must be the 2020 Edition of the Wheel of Fortune. LOL.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I've heard even the hummingbirds are bigger in Texas...





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

I have 8 to 10 of these hummingbirds everyday in my backyard.... . LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Some of these are from the 1960s or 70s, but the idea is the same:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii, 
or 
just a low ha?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## geoand

Tank said:


> Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii,
> or
> just a low ha?


Groaner


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 28666


Loved it,


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Luanne




----------



## pedro47

Luanne said:


> View attachment 28676


This I must share. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Now I finally get it!! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Think about it. 





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PigsDad said:


> Like Foghorn Leghorn would say, "It's a joke, son.  A joke!"
> 
> Kurt


speaking of Foghorn Leghorn ,,,,,


----------



## clifffaith

I always knew him as Foghorn J Leghorn, I wonder where I picked up the J?


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28710
> 
> Dave


LOL, DaveNV,  sounds liked you need to clean your eye glasses or order a phone book in large print. LOL.

Also, DaveNV,  who in the world are using a paper phone book in 2020.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Now I finally get it!!
> 
> View attachment 28711
> 
> Dave


Never! LOL.


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> LOL, DaveNV,  sounds liked you need to clean your eye glasses or order a phone book in large print. LOL.
> 
> Also, DaveNV,  who in the world are using a paper phone book in 2020.



I don't write 'em, I steals 'em from other people's webpages.  Probably a good thing, eh?  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I admit, this one is a bit weird, but I laughed out loud about it.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine

Government: Work from home
Lifeguard:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Questionable truths...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This made even me groan... 





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Well this wouldn't be DH. Years ago I told our then family doctor that if I let him get away with it DH would say "It's only the deadly Ebola virus but I'm getting better even as we speak". Our doctor laughed so hard he had to wipe his eyes because he knew what DH was like.


----------



## MULTIZ321

DaveNV said:


> Questionable truths...
> 
> View attachment 28761
> 
> Dave


Dave, that was torture trying to read those things,  definitely wrong color background.

Richard


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

MULTIZ321 said:


> Dave, that was torture trying to read those things,  definitely wrong color background.
> 
> Richard



Sorry.  I copied it from a friend's Facebook feed. It looked better there, for some reason.   

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

For the Star Trek fans out there.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Amazing what you can find "To Go" these days.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Redneck Thanksgiving Dessert.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Redneck Thanksgiving Dessert.
> 
> View attachment 28805
> 
> Dave


That must be a Ford F150 truck.


----------



## b2bailey

Luanne said:


> View attachment 28654


Not only finished shopping, but wrapping too.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

I can't believe I ate the whole thing.
American ingenuity triumphs again!

and, of course, for these times. . .

Don't squeeze the Charmin!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 28841



My two male Dachshunds would agree with this one.

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

I swear, I'm going to be SO skilled in the kitchen!





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## jehb2

he likes it hey mikey

pork chops, lamb chops, bake potato
meatballs, hamburger, stewed tomatoes 
come on...


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Passepartout

And while our minds are on food, Here's dessert:


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 28903
> 
> Dave


Ok, now you messing with the mind.


----------



## DaveNV

This is brilliant!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV, you have some FUNNY friends!  : )


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> DaveNV, you have some FUNNY friends!  : )



You have NO idea.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> You have NO idea.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


It's OK as long as you share my junk with them.


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> It's OK as long as you share my junk with them.



Trust me, this thread is the source of nearly everything I post on Facebook. You folks are freaking hilarious! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Talent312

Last week, my doc asked me if I had any hearing problems.
I said: "I don't think so, but my wife says that I don't hear her.
She asks, 'Are you listening to me?' and I'll say, 'Did you say something?"
-- Doc: "That sounds pretty normal to me."
_[True Story]
._


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

This could be serious. Or not. You be the judge.









						Metal monolith found by helicopter crew in Utah desert — BBC News
					

Wildlife officials spotted the "unusual" structure while counting sheep, leaving them baffled.




					apple.news
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

A 2020 snowman.




~Diane


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ubil

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 29004



This reminds be of the Christopher Walken Census Sketch.
https://www.moddb.com/members/moxbestro/videos/christopher-walken


----------



## isisdave

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29005


I've actually visited this guy!  He's the Headington Shark in Oxford UK and has his own Wikipedia page.


----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> I've actually visited this guy!  He's the Headington Shark in Oxford UK and has his own Wikipedia page.



So then this picture is NOT somehow connected with the Sharknado movies? 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This one is rather "egg"stitential. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'll be here all week.  Try the fish. 

  Dave


----------



## plpgma

Okay, Maybe it's not so funny -- but TRUTH!


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone




----------



## Passepartout

When you come to a fork in the road- take it: Yogi Berra


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine

View attachment 29055


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

AND wrapping!


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 29059
> AND wrapping!


Plus, they come individual gift wrapped. LOL.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Can’t read this without mimicking him
Big dummy


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Even if you don't inhale...





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith

Tank said:


> View attachment 29116



Can't tell you how many dogs I had to step over in thirty years of selling window coverings. Once even had to step over a peacock to get to the front door.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## pedro47

clifffaith said:


> Can't tell you how many dogs I had to step over in thirty years of selling window coverings. Once even had to step over a peacock to get to the front door.


To many to count on this website. LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29126



Ok, I don't get it. What am I missing?  Is this a joke, or a puzzle?  If it's a joke, how is it funny?  And if it's a puzzle, what's the answer? I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but I'm lost and confused.  Pretty much my normal state of being.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I've been in this class.





 Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Ok, I don't get it. What am I missing?  Is this a joke, or a puzzle?  If it's a joke, how is it funny?  And if it's a puzzle, what's the answer? I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but I'm lost and confused.  Pretty much my normal state of being.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


Sorry, DaveNV -- I knew I was pushing the edge of the envelope when I posted this one -- to quote a famous spy, 'Danger' is my middle name! The post isn't really funny -- it's just a puzzle.

Unfortunately, however, accuracy ISN'T my middle name -- I had to repost the image because I discovered I had cropped the ghost right out of the shot!  Knowing that, you should now have a clue where Sheet is located.  But (spoiler alert), if you still want to know where Sheet is, here's the answer:





Sheet is a few rabbits below the left-hand corner of the middle block of cheese.


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Sorry, DaveNV -- I knew I was pushing the edge of the envelope when I posted this one -- to quote a famous spy, 'Danger' is my middle name! The post isn't really funny -- it's just a puzzle.
> 
> Unfortunately, however, accuracy ISN'T my middle name -- I had to repost the image because I discovered I had cropped the ghost right out of the shot!



Thank you!  I studied it a lot (How do you keep a retired sailor in suspense? LOL!) but couldn't find anything.  I see him now.  Thanks for clarifying!  

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

It's that time of year!


----------



## Jan M.

A little late but it's still Thanksgiving weekend so...


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

At the risk of veering off the humor-line, I'm curious: In its eight months of existence, this thread has garnered 118 tabs (soon to be 119) and almost 3,000 posts (kudos to Ken555 for starting it!).

What's the TUG record for tabs and posts?

Only one accurate response is necessary (TUG Brian?) -- because it's important to keep the humor flowing!


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29159
> 
> Dave


Is that weed or just a tall slimmer grass  sprout?  LOL


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> Is that weed or just a tall slimmer grass  sprout?  LOL



Based on the picture caption, I presume it's marijuana.  I personally wouldn't know, and I never inhaled.  

 Dave


----------



## plpgma

From my dear wife...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## isisdave

plpgma said:


> Sorry, DaveNV -- I knew I was pushing the edge of the envelope when I posted this one -- to quote a famous spy, 'Danger' is my middle name! The post isn't really funny -- it's just a puzzle.
> 
> Unfortunately, however, accuracy ISN'T my middle name -- I had to repost the image because I discovered I had cropped the ghost right out of the shot!  Knowing that, you should now have a clue where Sheet is located.  But (spoiler alert), if you still want to know where Sheet is, here's the answer:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sheet is a few rabbits below the left-hand corner of the middle block of cheese.



Well, I'm glad to know that Sheet wasn't there.  My answer was "No Sheet, Sherlock" but I though I just couldn't find himm


----------



## moonstone




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Home improvement goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29216



Smart!  You could also use a Rod Stewart or Sheryl Crowe CD.  The first cut is the deepest.  

Dave


----------



## SmithOp




----------



## DaveNV

Pretty much how it works.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29239



Kinda looks like she is packing a big
package
Or stealing


----------



## plpgma

It's Puzzle Time again!  Since I messed up the last puzzle I posted, I decided to try my hand at another (don't worry -- this one has not been cropped!).

Puzzle: Can you find the Mouse hidden among the Squirrels?


----------



## DeniseM

Those squirrels look just like cats, so they probably already ate the mouse!


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

I thought some of you guys might need to see this. lol


----------



## moonstone




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29241
> It's Puzzle Time again!  Since I messed up the last puzzle I posted, I decided to try my hand at another (don't worry -- this one has not been cropped!).
> 
> Puzzle: Can you find the Mouse hidden among the Squirrels?



I saw the mouse.  So to speak.  

 Dave


----------



## moonstone

Jan M. said:


> I thought some of you guys might need to see this. lol
> 
> View attachment 29243



Many years ago a friend of ours asked his wife for an ice auger for Christmas - he didn't get it -so he bought it for her birthday gift 6 weeks later. Another time he bought her an axe as a birthday or Christmas gift. 
They divorced a few years later.

~Diane


----------



## SmithOp

DaveNV said:


> I saw the mouse. So to speak.
> 
> Dave



Heres a hint, mice have rounded ears.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## MULTIZ321

SmithOp said:


> Heres a hint, mice have rounded ears.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


Thanks for the tip.

Richard


----------



## PigsDad

SmithOp said:


> Heres a hint, mice have rounded ears.


And evidently they are as big as squirrels.  

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

SmithOp said:


> Heres a hint, mice have rounded ears.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro



No, I saw it before. But thanks. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is how bad the economy is:

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can not afford batteries.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

If the bank returns your check marked ‟Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Opening day today
Must have gotten up to early


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

I told you it would fit
Honey


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Oopsie!  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29295
> 
> Dave



I can always tell when I'm watching Canadian produced HGTV -- they are always talking "aboot the hoose" --except that "house" is very subtle and not really "hoose". I can't really repeat it to get the right sound to come out of my mouth, or my keyboard for that matter. I bet Meryl Streep could do it!


----------



## Chrisky

Sorry cliffaith, I am Canadian and I do not speak that way.


----------



## Brett

clifffaith said:


> I can always tell when I'm watching Canadian produced HGTV -- they are always talking "aboot the hoose" --except that "house" is very subtle and not really "hoose". I can't really repeat it to get the right sound to come out of my mouth, or my keyboard for that matter. I bet Meryl Streep could do it!



yes, Mike Holmes could do it (better)


----------



## DaveNV

Chrisky said:


> Sorry cliffaith, I am Canadian and I do not speak that way.



That's why it's a joke. No offense intended.

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Canada is a very large county, much larger than the US.  So just as there are regional accents in the US, there are regional accents throughout Canada.  

I grew up in Minnesota, and when I was younger linguistic experts had no trouble classifying as being from the Upper Midwest.  However, northern Minnesota - the Iron Range and Duluth - has it's own accent, one that is almost identical with the accent of Monitoba and the eastern Prairie provinces.  DIL is from western Alberta, near Lethbridge, and there are only slight differences between her accent and what you hear spoken in the Pacific Northwest and in southern BC.  

I have occasional business dealing with folks in the Toronto area, and it sounds very similar to me except for the occasional distinct pronunciation or stressed syllable.  What I call a "prah-ject", they call a "PROH-ject".


----------



## moonstone

Chrisky said:


> Sorry cliffaith, I am Canadian and I do not speak that way.


Nor do I,  I think it's an east coast thing from the folks I've heard say it.

~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Chrisky said:


> Sorry cliffaith, I am Canadian and I do not speak that way.





DaveNV said:


> That's why it's a joke. No offense intended.
> 
> Dave


As long as we understand those are merely differences, we all should be able to laugh.  The problem comes when the humor is used to mock and impute inferiority. In "Fargo" the Coen brothers used regional accent wonderfully, IMO. It added a touch of humor in a dark plot, and Marge Gunderson, carrying all of her northern Minnesota stereotypes, is one very sharp lady.

Ya know, we've taken this go-round way far off-track, so let get back to some of that there humour, eh?  Watta ya say?  Is that an idea or not? (Just reverting to my native tongue, folks.)

*"I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd."*


----------



## geoand

moonstone said:


> Many years ago a friend of ours asked his wife for an ice auger for Christmas - he didn't get it -so he bought it for her birthday gift 6 weeks later. Another time he bought her an axe as a birthday or Christmas gift.
> They divorced a few years later.
> 
> ~Diane


REALLY???


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29267
> 
> Dave


Oui Vey!!!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For @geoand 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Uh oh.  Somebody call Uncle Ben!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine goals.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

I needed that!

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Try and get this song out of your head.  You're welcome. 





 Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Passepartout

I knew we were scraping bottom when an Ole and Lena joke pops up.

Ole passed away. The obituary writer from the newspaper called Lena for the particulars. She just said, that since they charge by the word just print, "Ole died". The writer told her there was a minimum charge and she could include some of her favorite things Ole would want to say. Lena said, OK, then print, "Ole died. Boat For Sale."

Jim


----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> I knew we were scraping bottom when an Ole and Lena home pops up.
> 
> Ole passed away. The obituary writer from the newspaper called Lena for the particulars. She just said, that since they charge by the word just print, "Ole died". The writer told her there was a minimum charge and she could include some of her favorite things Ole would want to say. Lena said, OK, then print, "Ole died. Boat For Sale."
> 
> Jim


On the original TUG BBS software there was some Ole and Lena humor.  Though I don't recall the particulars, there was a thread about Ole and Lena doing a timeshare review of Mugwump Towers after making a trade using their unit at their similarly disheveled resort located on a swampy lake shore in Minnesota.  They visited the Towers in the winters and found it quite the pleasant place to be, because it wasn't snowy and cold and the atmosphere was just right, especially when you hung out down by the fish house.

The Minnesota resort was named something like Frozen Fingers.  The locals at FF were often amused by the city folks who got all upset when the kids would come out of the water at the "beach" with leeches on their legs and feet.  The resort staff took to giving visitors instructions on how to remove a leech as well as activity ideas for the kids for what to do with your leech after you remove it.  Things like how do you keep your leech alive, and suggestions on how to introduce your city cousins to the wonders of your leech collection, and pointers on what to say when you bring your leech collection to school for show-and-tell time.


----------



## mentalbreak

Passepartout said:


> I knew we were scraping bottom when an Ole and Lena home pops up.



I’d like to think we have EVOLVED to Ole and Lena jokes.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Passepartout

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 29410


Every night when I turn off the lights and pull the covers up under my chin, I thank heaven that I got through another day without using algebra.

Jim


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> Every night when I turn off the lights and pull the covers up under my chin, I thank heaven that I got through another day without using algebra.
> 
> Jim


Algebra?

Isn't that something that a mermaid might wear?


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> On the original TUG BBS software there was some Ole and Lena humor.  Though I don't recall the particulars, there was a thread about Ole and Lena doing a timeshare review of Mugwump Towers after making a trade using their unit at their similarly disheveled resort located on a swampy lake shore in Minnesota.  They visited the Towers in the winters and found it quite the pleasant place to be, because it wasn't snowy and cold and the atmosphere was just right, especially when you hung out down by the fish house.
> 
> The Minnesota resort was named something like Frozen Fingers.  The locals at FF were often amused by the city folks who got all upset when the kids would come out of the water at the "beach" with leeches on their legs and feet.  The resort staff took to giving visitors instructions on how to remove a leech as well as activity ideas for the kids for what to do with your leech after you remove it.  Things like how do you keep your leech alive, and suggestions on how to introduce your city cousins to the wonders of your leech collection, and pointers on what to say when you bring your leech collection to school for show-and-tell time.



Kind of glad I missed those days.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Kind of glad I missed those days.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


There was also something in the thread involving lutefisk.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> There was also something in the thread involving lutefisk.




Mm-mmm! Leeches and lutefisk!  My favorite!!  

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## amycurl

In reference to the question earlier:

Hell is other people.....loading your dishwasher.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29421





amycurl said:


> In reference to the question earlier:
> 
> Hell is other people.....loading your dishwasher.



We've been married for 46 years now.  I firmly believe that when a marriage lasts that long involves much trial and error, or even trial by error.  After we had out first non-human dishwasher, I learned that rearranging the dishes was a big error, one that made me fit to be tried.

It dawned on me one day.  I would never resort the laundry after she sorted it.  Rearranging the dishes in the dishwasher was the same thing.


----------



## Passepartout

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> We've been married for 46 years now.  I firmly believe that when a marriage lasts that long involves much trial and error, or even trial by error.  After we had out first non-human dishwasher, I learned that rearranging the dishes was a big error, one that made me fit to be tried.
> 
> It dawned on me one day.  I would never resort the laundry after she sorted it.  Rearranging the dishes in the dishwasher was the same thing.


At some point- usually after at least 20 years- one learns to VERY CAREFULLY pick your fights. Laundry sorting and dish washer loading chief among those to leave alone. Car travel routing (who chooses how to get anywhere) comes close.

Jim


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> At some point- usually after at least 20 years- one learns to VERY CAREFULLY pick your fights. Laundry sorting and dish washer loading chief among those to leave alone. Car travel routing (who chooses how to get anywhere) comes close.
> 
> Jim


Yeah ......  I remember fuming about something one time.  I have no memory at all of what it was - which indicates how trivial it was. But suddenly I asked myself, "what difference does it make?"  And then I asked that question about more and more things, and realized how often it really didn't matter.  And I suddenly realized that I wasn't nearly as tolerant and patient as I liked to think I was.


----------



## easyrider

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Yeah ......  I remember fuming about something one time.  I have no memory at all of what it was - which indicates how trivial it was. But suddenly I asked myself, "what difference does it make?"  And then I asked that question about more and more things, and realized how often it really didn't matter.  And I suddenly realized that I wasn't nearly as tolerant and patient as I liked to think I was.



That my friend is an art. Its called the art of not giving a ****. 

Bill


----------



## Passepartout

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Yeah ......  I remember fuming about something one time.  I have no memory at all of what it was - which indicates how trivial it was. But suddenly I asked myself, "what difference does it make?"  And then I asked that question about more and more things, and realized how often it really didn't matter.  And I suddenly realized that I wasn't nearly as tolerant and patient as I liked to think I was.


Y'know, some arguments (oops) discussions on TUG fall into this category, too.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

easyrider said:


> That my friend is an art. Its called the art of not giving a ****.
> 
> Bill


I'll put in a quibble.  It isn't just not giving a ****.  It's looking at why you gave a **** in the first place, and using that to keep from making that mistake repeatedly.


----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29429


How do you know what a women really wants ??


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> How do you know what a women really wants ??


Hey - it's in Scientific American. It must be true!



> When comedian Susan Prekel takes to the stage and spots an attractive man in the audience, her heart sinks. “By the end of my gig he's going to find me repulsive, at least as a sexual being,” she says.
> 
> In more than a decade of performing on the New York City comedy circuit, the attractive, tall brunette has been asked out only once after a show. But male comics get swarmed. “They do very well with women. I see it all the time,” Prekel says.
> 
> Comedians, it turns out, may simply be experiencing an extreme version of the typical romantic interplay between men and women. Although both genders consistently prefer a partner with a sense of humor, there is an intriguing discrepancy in how that preference plays out. Men want someone who will appreciate their jokes, and women want someone who makes them laugh. The complementary nature of these desires is no accident.











						The Humor Gap
					

Men and women may have different roles when it comes to comedy, but laughter is crucial from flirtation through long-term commitment




					www.scientificamerican.com


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29430



yes  !


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The mystery of the Utah desert monolith has been solved!!





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ken555

Hi everyone! I just want to stop for a moment and thank all the contributors who have taken this thread to over 3,000 posts! We all need humor in our daily lives, especially now, so thank you all very much.







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29430


That is my Uncle from Maryland. LOL May he RIP.


----------



## Talent312

I sent this to my prospective heirs to give them advance notice.



Tank said:


> View attachment 29439


----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

I'd rather have a car Oprah!









Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak

Ken555 said:


> Hi everyone! I just want to stop for a moment and thank all the contributors who have taken this thread to over 3,000 posts! We all need humor in our daily lives, especially now, so thank you all very much.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Agree.  I enjoy these posts!
Does anybody else find themselves reading the meme first and trying to guess which TUGGER posted it?


----------



## Tank

mentalbreak said:


> Agree.  I enjoy these posts!
> Does anybody else find themselves reading the meme first and trying to guess which TUGGER posted it?



No 
I don’t have any kind of theme , if I smile- I paste 

Not going to lie, I screen myself.
I’ve pasted , deleted myself.

It has been uplifting.
I did get one taken away , don’t know what one just said “nope”  We posted so many I wasn’t going back. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Men...follow me for more parenting tips!  You are welcome!


----------



## DaveNV

VERY INTERESTING FACTS ! !
Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered 
and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as 
maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle 
have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole 
is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

(scroll down)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


(Admit it - you laughed.  )

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29505
> 
> VERY INTERESTING FACTS ! !
> Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
> 
> Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
> Where do they go?
> Wonder no more ! ! !
> 
> It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered
> and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as
> maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
> 
> If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle
> have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole
> is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
> 
> The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
> 
> (scroll down)
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
> 
> 
> (Admit it - you laughed.  )
> 
> Dave


Now THAT is corny -- Right up my ally!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DJensen

*Who ordered the hit on the inflatables?*


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29505
> 
> VERY INTERESTING FACTS ! !
> Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
> 
> Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
> Where do they go?
> Wonder no more ! ! !
> 
> It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered
> and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as
> maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
> 
> If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle
> have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole
> is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
> 
> The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
> 
> (scroll down)
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
> 
> 
> (Admit it - you laughed.  )
> 
> Dave


I think this takes the cake for being “BEST GROANER”


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

I’m sorry
I laughed , couldn’t help it


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Smiling at the memories. 





DEAR SANTA,
Thanks for delivering when I was a boy: 
The crayons, the slinky, the odd tinker toy. 
An egg-full of Silly Putty, those orange walkie talkies, 
and that rad jigsaw puzzle of the Canadian Rockies.
The label maker, swim fins, tricycle in red, 
the flannel pajamas for dashing to bed. 
Now I'm adulting, no longer a pup...
and all I could ask for is socks that stay up.

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHAHA!

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as
they had a lot to do, she called him on the mobile.

The wife said, "Where are you? You know we have lots to do."

He said, "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years
ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not
afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up.
"Yes," she replied through her tears. "I do remember that shop."

"Well, I'm in the gun shop next door to that."

***************************************

. Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29610
> 
> HAHAHAHA!
> 
> Dave


These 2 are my 2 favorite cartoon characters


----------



## mentalbreak

“The grandkids asked if they could write ‘LET IT SNOW’ on the window. The bottom photo is what can be seen from the street.”


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



reminded me of my sister in law gave us socks one year
A SOCK for me and a SOCK for 5 others
That’s a six pack
She bought a 6 pack and gave us each 
1 pair - wrapped. She was a little slow , and I raazed her every year for the full set. 
She died last year , this made me smile


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

As a child, I hated clothes as a Christmas present. "Eww, yuck."
These days, DW and I buy ourselves clothes and give them to the other to wrap.
On Christmas day, we act surprised and say, "Oh, wow! It's what I wanted!"


----------



## jabberwocky

DaveNV said:


> Oopsie!
> 
> View attachment 29334
> 
> Dave


This is why you should always have your “Where’s my iPhone” feature turned off!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

I’ll never forget my dad got mom a dishwasher for Christmas. I have 6 dishwashers in this house, take it back!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This is how we rolled
6 kids sleeping in the back coming home from grandma’s house


----------



## DaveNV

Just got my Christmas tree from IKEA.  It's going to be a long night.





 Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## artringwald

OOPS!!! I decided to make sure
my wife woke up with a
big smile on her face
in the morning.
Now I’m not allowed to have
Sharpies in the house anymore.


----------



## SmithOp

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch....


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ajolson1964




----------



## chapjim

Tank said:


> How do you know what a women really wants ??



That's easy!  Women want you to know what they want!


----------



## BargainTraveller

I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. This vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages.

I received my first dose and I wanted to let you all know that it is safe and I’m ok, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувю себя немного стрно и я думю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страо. Comrade


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Breezy52




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

Coming soon...Queens Gambit the sequel...















Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

The pie was used, but the joke has changed
Thought it was good


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Some posters on TUG!?!?


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Some people say it's too cold for snakes to still be out, 
but I am 100% certain that this is a water moccasin.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I wonder if it comes in a two-pack?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic, however, 
because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck 
in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, 
pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the 
plow for about forty-five minutes. 

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained 
that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. 

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot. Do you 
want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"


*****************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

SmithOp said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


What a great suggestions


----------



## Jan M.

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29837
> 
> Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic, however,
> because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck
> in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough,
> pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the
> plow for about forty-five minutes.
> 
> Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained
> that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
> 
> The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot. Do you
> want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
> 
> 
> *****************************************
> 
> Dave


By the way -- my blonde wife likes this one, too (and secretly knows how true it is!)!


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

How many panic flushed back in the day?







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## moonstone




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Found this funny
It’s the season


----------



## DaveNV

Christmas gift idea.  You're welcome.



 

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Forget your Elf on a Shelf.  I've got a Goose on a Moose.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This was apparently a real ad, probably from the 1960s, but is wrong on so many levels.  Can you imagine the condition of this after several hours of sitting out on a holiday table, in a warm house?  And they expect you to eat the "ornaments?" My immediate thought was "Eeeww!!"  LOL! 





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

clifffaith said:


> View attachment 29904


I guess then that the logical consequence of a wedding cake smash is that lovely couple now can share the tracks of their tiers?


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 29907



Must be Italian.

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

A guy walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 Hurricanes. The bartender says, "That'll be $20.20."


*******************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29939



Looks exactly nothing like you.  

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Looks exactly nothing like you.
> 
> Dave


It was a bad hair day!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 29947



Good old "Banlon."  Where would we be without it?  A million Leisure Suits in the 70s owed their creation to it.  . 

And what's with the Playboy bunny behind the airplane?  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Good old "Banlon."  Where would we be without it?  A million Leisure Suits in the 70s owed their creation to it.  .
> 
> And what's with the Playboy bunny behind the airplane?  LOL!
> 
> Dave


Ha ha!  Yes -- I think the Playboy Bunny is just a bonus!


----------



## moonstone




----------



## dlpearson

DaveNV said:


> Must be Italian.
> 
> Dave


Frah-gee-lay!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## pedro47

)





DaveNV said:


> View attachment 29954
> 
> Dave


He did followed his spouse  order correctly. LOL.

It was the six inches, he cut off the tree as directive by the commanding officer.
This is so funny.


----------



## Quiet Pine

DaveNV said:


> This was apparently a real ad, probably from the 1960s...



Oscar Meyer founded 1883 & ad says "...for 78 years" so my guess is 1961. I agree, Eeeww!!


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555

Remember your towel!


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Quilter

Canal dinner cruise, C19 style


----------



## Tank

Almost missed this time sensitive post


----------



## DaveNV

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris, Kentucky the other week and one of the 
first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there 
was a sign attached that said, "THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year. 
That's almost once a week."

We walked to the second pen, which had a sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW!! That's more than twice a week! You could 
learn a lot from him!!"

We walked to the third pen. It had a sign attached that said, in huge capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR!"

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs.  She said, "That's once a day! 
You could really, REALLY learn something from this one!!!"

I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow."

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

************************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Don’t we all have fond memories of this friendly game 
The big Red Rubber Balls


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Growing up in Minnesota I had a friend who went to one of the lakes near Brainerd for a couple of weeks after the Fourth of July. He looked terrible when he got back, particularly around his head.  His face was all pockmarked and swollen, and he had a huge lump on his noggin.  He told me how one evening he was out walking by the lake, enjoying the sunset, when suddenly he got whacked on the back of his head and fell to the ground.

When he came to he found himself being dragged into the bushes by a couple of mosquitoes. As his head cleared, he heard one mosquito urging the other to pull harder, because if they didn't get my friend hidden quickly, the big mosquitoes would come by and steal him from them.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The first man married a woman from New York. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Cincinnati. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Minnesota. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

(shamelessly stolen from the Joke forum OY)


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. 

The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. 

The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" 

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son"


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Obviously, I did not write this .....

My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.  Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.

That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens, and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. You can tell he’s thinking, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" One glare from you and he knows that if he says anything it may be a week before he will be able to pee without sitting on a toilet seat himself.


----------



## easyrider

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30012
> 
> Dave



That is funny !!!!

Bill


----------



## Quilter

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Obviously, I did not write this .....
> 
> My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, ...



Laughed so hard I choked on my smoothie


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 30034


----------



## b2bailey

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 29992


I admit it -- this one made me laugh out loud.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Truth!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30042



I'm sitting here, stone faced.

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Attention, 'You Know Who!'


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Ohio


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Keeled over again!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Luanne

Here are 12 things to consider as we get closer to closing the door on one of the most horrible years of our lifetime.
1.     The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2.     I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone.  He asked me what I was wearing.
3.     2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.
4.     The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5.     This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house & told my cat.  We laughed a lot.
6.     Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30121




People around the corner from us had that exact same decoration on their house for the last few years. They put it up in November and somebody stole the Grinch!!

~Diane


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30115



I sure hope not!

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> I sure hope not!
> 
> Dave


If that scene happens where you, DaveNV -- we're all doomed!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> If that scene happens where you, DaveNV -- we're all doomed!



I know, right? 

Dave


----------



## bluehende




----------



## moonstone




----------



## Luvtoride

Tank said:


> View attachment 30126


Or a Paper towel tube...we've got plenty of those this year!!


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

I don't know what's funny about this. Maybe it's just me:


----------



## clifffaith

Luvtoride said:


> Or a Paper towel tube...we've got plenty of those this year!!



And of course you have to blow a fanfare through it before the bonking -- cats have learned to run when the fanfare starts...Cliff has not!


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

That kind of year


----------



## Ubil

Tank said:


> View attachment 30171


This actually happened to me.  I was standing behind a cow, with my back to the cow, when the cow pooped and sneezed at the same time.  My brother-in-law, who was milking the cows, tried as hard as he could to keep a straight face, but failed.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## clifffaith

Ubil said:


> This actually happened to me.  I was standing behind a cow, with my back to the cow, when the cow pooped and sneezed at the same time.  My brother-in-law, who was milking the cows, tried as hard as he could to keep a straight face, but failed.



OK, you win the funny story contest for 2020! I look at five cat sites, so I'm always LOL at something. But I can't recall laughing so hard at a story where I had to take my glasses off, wipe my eyes and nose, and gasp for breath all while trying not to spew juice across the table at Cliff. At least you had your back to the cow! Rest assured that much merriment will be had at your expense when I tell your story on Christmas when we stick our masked heads in for an hour at my parents' home.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Talent312

Looks like someone's digging a little too deep  in the well with these last few.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30216



Or you should have turned there


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

From Ohio, this is our norm for winter


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luvtoride

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## bluehende

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2823584714634799


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne

Tank said:


> View attachment 30370


Looks exactly like the bathroom in the room we had at a B&B in London.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Ugh of the day ,,,


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Did you hear about the tech executive who decided to change his life?  He got rid of all of his tech toys, sold his condo, and moved to an off-the-grid cabin next to a lake.  He just decided to Thoreau his life way.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Tank said:


> Ugh of the day ,,,
> 
> View attachment 30414



Our 4 and 9 year old granddaughters from Ohio are here in Florida with us. They think this is one's funny.


----------



## DaveNV

Sorry in advance.  This one cracked me up.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## LannyPC

Tank said:


> View attachment 30095



You can substitute tractor with timeshare and the person is talking to the timeshare salesperson.


----------



## isisdave

DaveNV said:


> Sorry in advance.  This one cracked me up.
> 
> View attachment 30438
> 
> Dave



I heard they were actually bringing toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and Uber Eats gift cards.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> I heard they were actually bringing toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and Uber Eats gift cards.



That's funny.  I laughed at the little plexiglass germ barrier in front of the manger. 

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## SmithOp

With my $600 I’m buying a small spread with a cabin beside a lake.






Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ubil

Robin Williams on Golf.


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*I Have Enough Money
To Not Have To Work
The Rest Of The Year!

Blessed!*​


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## mdurette

Looking forward to 2021!
Here are 12 things to consider as we get closer to closing the door on one of the most horrible years of our lifetime:
1.     The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2.     I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone.  He asked me what I was wearing.
3.     2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.
4.     The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5.     This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house & told my cat.  We laughed a lot.
6.     Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7.     Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8.     This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
9.     I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10.    I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11.    I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12.    Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.
Here’s hoping for a Happier New Year!
Feel free to copy and paste, I did.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

It's official hindsight is now 2020, happy new year!!!!


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30571
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, wow that is only volume 1 of 99 books. LOL.


----------



## Tank

Sporting my new outfit !


----------



## rapmarks

My birthday is dec 23 so this is meaningful to me


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

I can remember 2020 as if it was only yesterday!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## clifffaith

rapmarks said:


> My birthday is dec 23 so this is meaningful to meView attachment 30591



Best picture captioning ever! My birthday is the 30th, so I know the feeling. Worked out OK as a child because we'd have my birthday party around Dec 10th while school was still in session. I've mentioned before that when I was in my early 30s I changed to celebrating my half birthday on June 30, and never looked back (except for milestone birthdays like turning 65 this year).


----------



## DaveNV

Nobody said there'd be math...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

Shouldn't this whole thread be moved to the COVID-19 forum?
<ducking> P.S. The title starts, "Stay at Home..."


----------



## plpgma

Talent312 said:


> Shouldn't this whole thread be moved to the COVID-19 forum?
> <ducking>


Of course not!  This has been and still is a fun diversion from many things -- one of which just so happens to be Covid.


----------



## isisdave

clifffaith said:


> Best picture captioning ever! My birthday is the 30th, so I know the feeling. Worked out OK as a child because we'd have my birthday party around Dec 10th while school was still in session. I've mentioned before that when I was in my early 30s I changed to celebrating my half birthday on June 30, and never looked back (except for milestone birthdays like turning 65 this year).



Faith, Linda's birthday is 12/12 and she's always hated that (never got parties as a kid), but her cousin's is Christmas Day itself! On the other hand, today is my half-birthday, and Farmer Boys has a free shake for me! Whoopee!


----------



## DaveNV

How some artists get their inspiration.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.

I'm off to a good start in 2021!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank

Ugh for the night ,,,


----------



## Breezy52

Will be sending to my youngest granddaughter


----------



## mentalbreak

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30694


At first, I saw something very different than snowman hands.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

As kids we said our dog had "taco paws" -- I thought it was just us!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Last one
I’ll spare you the other 30


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30765



Is that in Captain Kirk's bathroom?

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

From Cleveland area
Got to get one of these in


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30769



I find that one a bit rude, considering that Barry Gibb is the only living Bee Gee.
Maurice died in 2003 and Robin in 2012.  Andy (non-BG) died in 1988.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Talent312 said:


> I find that one a bit rude, considering that Barry Gibb is the only living Bee Gee.
> Maurice died in 2003 and Robin in 2012.  Andy (non-BG) died in 1988.



I understand.  I think the point of the cartoon was merely a play on the name.  A Ouija (pronounced "Wee-Gee" Board, vs. a Bee-Gee Board. 

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> I understand.  I think the point of the cartoon was merely a play on the name.  A Ouija (pronounced "Wee-Gee" Board, vs. a Bee-Gee Board.
> 
> Dave


No need to apologize Dave. Your post was fine and in totally good taste.  The fact that some members of the group may have died seems to me largely irrelevant, since the humor wasn't built on the deaths of most of the band.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A SCTV classic:


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Passepartout

I bet yours will hug you too!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*Is so they don't do this as adults.*


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30789
> 
> Dave


He's around.  You'll find him in the garden.  You just need to bring a shovel with  you.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Makai Guy

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30789
> 
> Dave


I was expecting it to be a broom ... most likely with the same result, though.


----------



## bluehende

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 30795
> *Is so they don't do this as adults.*



My wife had a day care.  Those two toys were the most played with and some of the few she kept after retiring.  Our grandkids have played with those two toys the same way their fathers did.


----------



## DaveNV

Speaking of old toys...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Lessons learned.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## nerodog

mentalbreak said:


> View attachment 30784


I remember  doing that.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Quarantine life.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## easyrider




----------



## DaveNV

easyrider said:


> View attachment 30832



Lies.  Lies, I tell you!  

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Let's see how long this one takes to figure out...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30856
> 
> Let's see how long this one takes to figure out...



See Reply #3574, above.

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> See Reply #3574, above.
> 
> Dave


Ha ha -- I figured one of you enterprising (pun not intended) TUGGERs would make that connection!  Way to go, DaveNV!  (I actually had to stare at #3617 for a bit before I got it!  But, then again, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.)


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Ha ha -- I figured one of you enterprising (pun not intended) TUGGERs would make that connection!  Way to go, DaveNV!  (I actually had to stare at #3617 for a bit before I got it!  But, then again, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.)



Stuff like that leaps out at me.  I think it comes from spending a lifetime working in IT, where the obvious is not always the right answer.  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

THIS YEAR I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS:

HANG OUT WITH SINNERS
UPSET RELIGIOUS PEOPLE
TELL STORIES THAT MAKE PEOPLE THINK
CHOOSE UNPOPULAR FRIENDS
BE KIND LOVING AND MERCIFUL





​


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Passepartout said:


> THIS YEAR I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS:
> 
> HANG OUT WITH SINNERS
> UPSET RELIGIOUS PEOPLE
> TELL STORIES THAT MAKE PEOPLE THINK
> CHOOSE UNPOPULAR FRIENDS
> BE KIND LOVING AND MERCIFUL
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​


We can sure use the

“Kind, Loving , and Merciful “

I want to be just like you, more like Jesus!
Dave


----------



## Tank

M
My time is 3:45am


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> THIS YEAR I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS:
> 
> HANG OUT WITH SINNERS
> UPSET RELIGIOUS PEOPLE
> TELL STORIES THAT MAKE PEOPLE THINK
> CHOOSE UNPOPULAR FRIENDS
> BE KIND LOVING AND MERCIFUL
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​


deleted comment - too likely to spin out of control on both religious and political fronts.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

My cat does this
Drives me nuts
Bitting off the hand that feeds you


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Now it’s just a joke ,,,,,


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 30884


This makes my brain hurt!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## sdbrier

Went shopping at HOME DEPOT the other day,
told the man in appliances I wanted to buy a
hot water heater.

He stared at me for a few seconds, and then replied,
what the hell for?
Hot water doesn’t need to be heated, 
you must want a cold water heater!


----------



## DaveNV

sdbrier said:


> Went shopping at HOME DEPOT the other day,
> told the man in appliances I wanted to buy a
> hot water heater.
> 
> He stared at me for a few seconds, and then replied,
> what the hell for?
> Hot water doesn’t need to be heated,
> you must want a cold water heater!



See Reply #3588, above.  

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 30884


Tank, you are in big trouble LOL


----------



## DaveNV

I LOL'd on this one. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> Now it’s just a joke ,,,,,
> 
> View attachment 30888


I Love it.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## IngridN

Tank said:


> View attachment 30899


One of my cats was a great student; the other, not!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PigsDad

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30930


Probably for the same reason there is no barf flavored dog food. 

Kurt


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dangit anyway!





 Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Dangit anyway!
> 
> View attachment 30939
> 
> Dave


Maybe you got the time wrong!  (I got tired of waiting, too!)


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30938
> 
> Dave


Silly me.  All of my life I've been thinking that this was cordless hose.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30955
> 
> Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Q; What happens when a cow tries to jump a barbed-wire fence?

A: An udder catastrophe.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 30955
> 
> Dave



This reminds me of a joke I heard a few years ago during a tour of a very small farm in the Canary Islands. The farm had a variety of products including coffee. 

The owner asked, “want to hear a joke?”

“Decaf”


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Q; What happens when a cow tries to jump a barbed-wire fence?
> 
> A: An udder catastrophe.


Ouch!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Well
Got to do it, what a game!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## bluehende




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 31004


Ha!  I remember that from when I was in grade school - "Hi.  I'm Chicken Chow Mein - the oldest living kamikaze pilot."

Added note:

Now I remember the joke was Hi.  I'm Chicken Teriyaki - the oldest living kamikaze pilot."


----------



## isisdave

Is there a website or archive of old jokes? My dad told me this one in 1956.


----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> Is there a website or archive of old jokes? My dad told me this one in 1956.



Yes.  It's called "everywhere on the Internet."  I've been mining it for years.  LOL!  

Younger folks repeat things as new (to them.)  Folks who have been around awhile remember them as being old jokes, some cornier than others, from long ago.  Remember the back pages of Boys Life magazine?  Lots of those jokes are still rolling around online.

Example:  DEFINITION: Spectator:  A very, very small potato.

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31001


I have so many miles on these scooters that I have a pallet jack endorsement on my CDL!


----------



## clifffaith

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30982



I drink juice every morning. Cliff has ju.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Yes.  It's called "everywhere on the Internet."  I've been mining it for years.  LOL!
> 
> Younger folks repeat things as new (to them.)  Folks who have been around awhile remember them as being old jokes, some cornier than others, from long ago.  Remember the back pages of Boys Life magazine?  Lots of those jokes are still rolling around online.
> 
> Example:  DEFINITION: Spectator:  A very, very small potato.
> 
> Dave


There's was also an off-color one involving Spec's brother, Dick.


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Charlie, you want to try this?

Charlie

Charlie


----------



## Tank




----------



## chapjim

plpgma said:


> View attachment 30797



They's big eggs, too!


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Not going to lie
Couldn’t read the answer without my French accent


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "After all of this COVID stuff, I reckon  I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. 

"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"This year I'm taking Earlene with me."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Don't buy a used car from this man, especially if it has a cloth interior ....









						This Man Has Had Sex With More Than 1000 Cars
					

He's since decided to settle down.




					www.ladbible.com


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 31055


Boy do I remember that stuff!  Between that and Raleigh's Ointment (a greasy, petroleum-type of salve that was sold locally) -- we were indestructible!


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 31055


Do they still make this stuff? LOL


----------



## Tank

pedro47 said:


> Do they still make this stuff? LOL



I’d have to say no, I don’t remember having this with my kids, but sure was around when I was a kid 

Side note
Remember this did the same as iodine
Iodine was torcherous
The disinfectant of choice if you pissed your mom off that day


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 31055





plpgma said:


> Boy do I remember that stuff!  Between that and Raleigh's Ointment (a greasy, petroleum-type of salve that was sold locally) -- we were indestructible!





pedro47 said:


> Do they still make this stuff? LOL





Tank said:


> I’d have to say no, I don’t remember having this with my kids, but sure was around when I was a kid
> 
> Side note
> Remember this did the same as iodine
> Iodine was torcherous
> The disinfectant of choice if you pissed your mom off that day


When I was about six years old my brother kept a cat.  It was a feral cat he rescued from some boys who were throwing rocks at it.  So it lived with us, but still had it's feral instincts.  The cat is legendary in our family lore.

Anyway one time the cat developed a festering sore near her anus.  My parents were mercurochrome parents, so my dad dabbed a swab with mercurochrome and applied it to the sore.  In full feral fury the cat wheeled and struck, opening a 4- or 5-inch long gash down the back of my fathers wrist and hand.


----------



## bizaro86

pedro47 said:


> Do they still make this stuff? LOL


Not available in the US due to mercury content.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Boy do I remember that stuff!  Between that and Raleigh's Ointment (a greasy, petroleum-type of salve that was sold locally) -- we were indestructible!



And don't forget that nasty BenGay they'd smear on your chest when you had a cold.  I hated that stuff. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> And don't forget that nasty BenGay they'd smear on your chest when you had a cold.  I hated that stuff.
> 
> Dave


Vicks Vaporub was the decongestant goo of choice in our household.

In my house the first aid kit was fully stocked if it had mercurochrome, Vicks Vaporub, some bandages. a bottle of aspirin, and some cough syrup.  If you had those, you were ready to take on the world.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## MULTIZ321

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Vicks Vaporub was the decongestant goo of choice in our household.
> 
> In my house the first aid kit was fully stocked if it had mercurochrome, Vicks Vaporub, some bandages. a bottle of aspirin, and some cough syrup.  If you had those, you were ready to take on the world.


And a jar of Castor Oil

Richard


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> And don't forget that nasty BenGay they'd smear on your chest when you had a cold.  I hated that stuff.
> 
> Dave


For us it was the Vicks Vapo-rub.  True, I didn't like it as a kid -- but I must admit some nostalgia to remembering how it smelled (I think it smelled a bit better than BenGay).


----------



## plpgma

MULTIZ321 said:


> And a jar of Castor Oil
> 
> Richard


Castor Oil was before my time -- although I heard plenty of stories about having to take a spoonful of it (along with walking to school barefoot in the snow uphill -- both to and from)!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## clifffaith

Do they still make JiffyPop?


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

clifffaith said:


> Do they still make JiffyPop?


Yup.


----------



## plpgma

clifffaith said:


> Do they still make JiffyPop?


Yes they do -- but it's a smaller size now and doesn't taste as good as before (or, most likely, my tase buds have matured and I can now taste it the way it's always tasted!).


----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 31071


Don't worry -- that IS normal -- it only gets questionable when they start talking back to you!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens.

She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific.
Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

 She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh, she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish. Immediately I said, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

"OK," I said, "Then, I want to see world peace and harmony before I die".

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.


----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> Don't worry -- that IS normal -- it only gets questionable when they start talking back to you!



That reminds me of a joke I heard back in high school French class.  It was told to us in French and we had to try to figure out what was said.  It went like this:

A farmer was driving his horse-drawn carriage with his dog beside him.  The horse was kind of sluggish so the farmer started whipping it almost mercilessly to go faster.  The horse starts screaming, "Stop whipping me like that.  It hurts!"

The farmer was flabbergasted and said, "Wow!  I didn't know horses could talk!"

The dog said, "Yeah, neither did I."


----------



## mentalbreak

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car



I think this was originally a “deep thoughts by Jack Handy” on SNL.  I’ve always enjoyed those.

My preteen son found this on a bumper sticker in a Hollywood souvenir shop and was in his way to show it to Grandpa (my dad). Luckily I ran into my son first and stopped him.  It was 4 months after my dad’s best friend had a massive stroke and passed away in the passenger seat while my dad was driving.  My son absolutely didn’t make the connection, and as I explained his eyes got huge and he felt so bad. Thank God we dodged that bullet.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Tank said:


> View attachment 31055


Mercuracome and Iodine worked great.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

clifffaith said:


> Do they still make JiffyPop?


Yes.  We have an upper end store in our neighborhood that sells it.  I think that it is kind of a unique store.  The mainstream stores don't seem to stock it.


----------



## Ken555

BJRSanDiego said:


> Yes. We have an upper end store in our neighborhood that sells it. I think that it is kind of a unique store. The mainstream stores don't seem to stock it.



Not sure why this is in the humor thread, but you can buy this on Amazon.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone

plpgma said:


> For us it was the Vicks Vapo-rub.  True, I didn't like it as a kid -- but I must admit some nostalgia to remembering how it smelled (I think it smelled a bit better than BenGay).



When I worked in a long term care facility we kept a jar of Vicks Vapo-rub at the nursing station. If one of the residents had an accident (either end) we put some Vicks in our nostrils before putting a mask on to go clean them up. I don't know if I could go back to using it for a cold!


~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## clifffaith

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31104



I have tried with no success to get Cliff not to put his phone on silent. About every 3 weeks he loses it for a day and can't find it because it doesn't ring.


----------



## Karen G

Ken555 said:


> Not sure why this is in the humor thread, but you can buy this on Amazon.


See post #3750


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

I know this is not a 'ha ha' kind of post -- but it should bring a smile to your face nonetheless.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DannyTS

[_Moderator note: before reporting this as inappropriate please read it carefully._]


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. 

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. 

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. 

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. 

Then she says, (as only a mother would know.. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## mentalbreak




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## Ken555




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

[Insert here whichever politician you want to insult] was making a special appearance to a 5th grade class.  He (or she) asks the class, "Can anybody give an example of what a tragedy is?"

One kid puts up his hand and, after being called on, says, "Last year, my cousin was playing street hockey with some friends when a car came flying around the corner and striking him dead."

The special visitor said, "Hmm, that would not be a tragedy.  That would be an accident. But oh well, nice try.  Can anyone else give me an example of a tragedy?"

One girl puts up her hand and says, "I remember a couple of years ago a school bus with the boys basketball team skidded over a cliff killing all aboard."

The special visitor said, "Hmm, I vaguely remember something about that.  But that would not be a tragedy.  That would be a great loss.  Can anyone give me a genuine example of a tragedy?"

The kids are all flustered.  Finally, one boy puts up his hand and says, "What if you, Sir (or Ma'am) and your supporters were flying on your private jet to your special vacation spot and some terrorists shot down your plane taking out everyone on board?"

The visitor quickly said, "Very good!  That would definitely be a tragedy.  Now can you explain why it would be a tragedy?"

The kid says, "Because it wouldn't be an accident and it wouldn't be a great loss."


----------



## Tank

This is what happens when your child is exposed to too many commercials on TV.  A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.
During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.  Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection,
a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Passepartout

Not exactly 'Humor', but I'm ready


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

More Don Martin goodness:


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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Tank




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## Tank

Well it’s game day, some will find this funny.
Hopeful myself, here in Cleveland it’s been a long time coming !


BREAKING: A storm like I've never seen before headed right towards Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City. 

Forecasting it arrive tomorrow around 3:05 PM. 

Be careful, this storm looks DANGEROUS! #BROWNS  #WeWantMore


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## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

My wife said to me, "If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me."

I said, "That's the fifth time you've said that today."

***********************

 Dave


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## Tank




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## moonstone




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## Passepartout

This is AWFUL!


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## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 31236


Funny -- yet, sadly, all too true!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Passepartout




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Passepartout




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## chapjim

Deleted


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## T_R_Oglodyte

chapjim said:


> Deleted


oooh.  ooooh.  [deleted] humor.  Often the best!


----------



## chapjim

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> oooh.  ooooh.  [deleted] humor.  Often the best!



Nah!  Somebody beat me to it is all.


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## DaveNV

Nevermind. 

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## moonstone

DH wants to change the voice on our GPS to a male one so he doesn't have 2 women telling him which way he should go!





~Diane


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Sauvignon Blanc.

Sauvignon Blanc is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Sauvignon Blanc almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Sauvignon Blanc may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who would not mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may make you think you can converse enthusiastically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

* The consumption of Sauvignon Blanc may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Pinot Noir...


----------



## Tank

Omg! This is funny!.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.

Hahaha!   

★¨`*•♫.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ♫ ..•* ★


----------



## Tank




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## Passepartout

Style advice: Stay tuned for more.


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl',

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Franco Caucci ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Franco, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Connie Minetti ?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Sonia Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Rosanna Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Josie Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Franco walks back to his pew, and his friend Dino slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## jehb2




----------



## Tank

The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma

Yikes!!!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31339
> Yikes!!!


Wow, this is another reason;  why we will not relocate to the sunshine state. LOL.


----------



## Talent312

*... but otherwise, this side of the road is just fine.*


----------



## bizaro86

Tank said:


> The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
> 
> She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.
> 
> He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
> 
> She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
> 
> No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
> 
> Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
> 
> Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"
> 
> He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."



I have a kindergartener, and we send coffee gift cards for the teacher every once in awhile. This story sounds completely believable to me, and makes me think that next time we should send wine.


----------



## Passepartout




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## clifffaith




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 31349


And a professional Photoshopper would also never make that mistake.


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

When I was getting my shot today, the nurse and I started talking about the pandemic.  I told her that you don't hear very much about it, but I think our water supplies are contaminated with COVID.  She got a horrified look on her face and I went on.  I said the virus seems to interacts with laundry detergent, and the ensuing reactions cause clothes to shrink during laundering.  I pointed to the shirt I had on, and how it was tight around the middle.  I said the shirt fit fine before COVID, but ever since the virus started circulating the shirt has been steadily shrinking.  Must be COVID-related.

Has COVID-19 contaminated your water too???


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




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## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair.

Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result: the judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
> 
> That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
> 
> The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
> John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair.
> 
> Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result: the judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.



 Wow! That was painful. Thank you!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout

Stay tuned for more 'WORK FROM HOME' tips!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Passepartout




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## clifffaith

Nurdle would be a great cat name!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Butch, the rooster, is legendary ......

Butch, with his cunning, had beaten out the other roosters and taken over as the alpha rooster in the coop.  But Butch was getting older, and Farmer John's metrics showed he was slowing down.  So Farmer John decided it was time to start bringing in some new rooster blood to begin to "help out" Butch.  So one day Farmer John added a brand new stud rooster to the chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to Butch and says, "OK geezer, it's time for you to retire and become broth."

Butch replies, "Come on, one rooster can't handle all of these pullets. Look what it has done to me. Take it from a veteran.  If you want to last in this game, you've got to be smart.  I know I'm getting old, and I'm not as spry and quick as I used to be.  So let me take care of the hens in that corner of the coop, and you can take care of the rest.  Is it a deal?  Don't be a fool."

The new rooster says, "Beat it, Butch.  You're done, and Farmer John knows it.  So I'm taking over and you're heading for the dinner table."

Butch says,, "I've still got a lot left, you young cock, and I'm not ready to retire.  Tell you what. I will race you around the farmhouse. If you can beat me, you can rule the roost."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

Butch takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap and is only about 5 feet behind Butch and gaining fast.

Farmer John, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees Butch running by with the other rooster hot on his tail and gaining. Farmer John grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.

Farmer John sadly shakes his head and mutters, "Damn.....that's the third gay rooster I’ve had to take out this month."


----------



## LannyPC

clifffaith said:


> Nurdle would be a great cat name!



I didn't know that was a word.  I'll have to remember that the next time I play Scrabble.  Just add an S and it's a 7-letter word.


----------



## Tank

I was not a fan of this mime , it’s everywhere , kinda stupid.
it’s the end of the day and Walahh,
it made me smile. 
This one was funny


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

I'm SOOOO Bernie'd out!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> Nurdle would be a great cat name!



And if he was a 'fraidy cat, he'd be a Chicken Nurdle.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."


----------



## clifffaith

This was the best of these by far, I thought.


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, 
two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases 
and says, “Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home?

The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, 
carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry 
the goose in your other hand?” “Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off 
he went.

While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. 
She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”
The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from 
there. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”
The little old lady said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. 
How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against 
the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?”

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two 
chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up 
against the wall and do that?”

She replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil 
on top of the bucket … and I’ll hold the chickens.”

********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Morning thoughtful humor...

************************





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31530


Guess what? We still have one hanging up in our kitchen. It is unplugged and does not work. It must be an antique for the Commander-in-Chief.
She loved that wireless telephone in the kitchen LOL.


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31530
> Like many (most) 'Boomers', I grew up in a home with just one phone. A wall phone with a dial- no buttons before about 1960. And there was a ritual of setting an egg timer for 3 minutes on Sundays to call distant families. You had to be quick to get out the important stuff in 3 minutes before the next minute was charged.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## Ken555




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ken555




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Ken555




----------



## clifffaith

Tank said:


> View attachment 31632



Worse than the empty box in the pantry -- the box with one cookie! 38 years and I haven't been able to break him of that habit.


----------



## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> Worse than the empty box in the pantry -- the box with one cookie! 38 years and I haven't been able to break him of that habit.



It may not be entirely Cliff's fault:

Whenever my older brother would ask my Mom if he could have the last cookie, she'd go nuts, and yell, "Sure, sure! Take the LAST ONE, so there's none for anybody else!"  One day my brother responded with, "OK, I will!" and he ate it.  Mom went off on him, and smacked the hell out of him for taking the last cookie.

So maybe Cliff knew my Mother.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.

He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how 
pretty Anthony's roommate is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, 
she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his 
roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you 
must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother 
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.  You don't suppose 
she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." 

So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear MaMa,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; 
I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.  But the fact remains that it 
has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, 
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.  
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, 
she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving MaMa

Moral:
Never Bulla Shitta your MaMa

******************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Got a new pair of loafers.





 Dave


----------



## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
> 
> He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
> 
> During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how
> pretty Anthony's roommate is.
> 
> Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
> she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his
> roommate than met the eye.
> 
> Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you
> must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
> 
> About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother
> came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.  You don't suppose
> she took it, do you?"
> 
> "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
> 
> So he sat down and wrote an email:
> 
> Dear MaMa,
> I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house;
> I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.  But the fact remains that it
> has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
> Your Loving Son,
> Anthony
> 
> Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
> 
> Dear Son,
> I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria,
> and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
> But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,
> she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
> 
> Your Loving MaMa




I heard that joke a number of years ago except it was a veteran priest who had an attractive housekeeper and the visitor was a young, rookie priest.  And, for some reason, the "missing" valuable was a gold-plated serving utensil. 

I also heard it before the popularity of e-mail so, in the joke, the veteran priest calls the rookie priest into his office to get to the bottom of things.


----------



## DaveNV

LannyPC said:


> I heard that joke a number of years ago except it was a veteran priest who had an attractive housekeeper and the visitor was a young, rookie priest.  And, for some reason, the "missing" valuable was a gold-plated serving utensil.
> 
> I also heard it before the popularity of e-mail so, in the joke, the veteran priest calls the rookie priest into his office to get to the bottom of things.



Yep. I've heard it a number of ways as well. The missing item in one was a large soup spoon. I another, a gravy boat. The idea is the same, and the punch line is always funny. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Who had this Pee-Chee folder, back in the day?  





 Dave


----------



## Firepath

DaveNV said:


> Who had this Pee-Chee folder, back in the day?
> 
> View attachment 31668
> 
> Dave


That's the only kind we had.


----------



## DaveNV

Firepath said:


> That's the only kind we had.



Did you notice the top image on it?  That's the joke. 

Dave


----------



## isisdave

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 31664
> 
> Dave



Way back when airplanes started to be hijacked but security hadn't been improved much, the joke was to bring your own bomb onboard, because while the probability of there being one there already was low, the probability of there being two was much smaller. [Statisticians will realize that this is not true; if the probability of you bringing yours is 1.0, the probability of someone else doing it is still the same.]

My uncle, back in the 50s and 60s, was a country doctor in the central valley of California, and used to pick up hitchhikers to relieve the boredom of long drives. He was always quick to announce that he was actually a probation officer, and hence armed.


----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> Way back when airplanes started to be hijacked but security hadn't been improved much, the joke was to bring your own bomb onboard, because while the probability of there being one there already was low, the probability of there being two was much smaller. [Statisticians will realize that this is not true; if the probability of you bringing yours is 1.0, the probability of someone else doing it is still the same.]



Back when it was probably not a good idea to stand up on the plane and call out, to greet your fellow passenger friend, by yelling, "Hi Jack!"  

Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555

Wow - over 4,000 posts! Thanks for keeping this thread light and funny.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small 
church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! 

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly 
woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks, until the 
pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that 
you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. 

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it 
to the church." 

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? 
How much does he send you?" 

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week." 

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" 

"He is a veterinarian," she answered. 

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," 
the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" 

"In Nevada. He has two cathouses - one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno."

*****************************************

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
> 
> He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
> 
> During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how
> pretty Anthony's roommate is.
> 
> Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
> she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his
> roommate than met the eye.
> 
> Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you
> must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
> 
> About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother
> came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.  You don't suppose
> she took it, do you?"
> 
> "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
> 
> So he sat down and wrote an email:
> 
> Dear MaMa,
> I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house;
> I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.  But the fact remains that it
> has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
> Your Loving Son,
> Anthony
> 
> Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
> 
> Dear Son,
> I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria,
> and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
> But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,
> she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
> 
> Your Loving MaMa
> 
> Moral:
> Never Bulla Shitta your MaMa
> 
> ******************************
> 
> Dave


This one I shared with my Gran Son and his Gran Mother ( The Commander-in-Chief) (My Spouse)


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Tank

I think I’d like this ,,,


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 31769
> 
> Dave



My Mom always knew when my little brother was up to something if it got too quiet!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 31799


If you initially planned to take six, doesn't that count?


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

clifffaith said:


> My Mom always knew when my little brother was up to something if it got too quiet!


My Dad was often oblivious, but my Mom knew.  

And one of the great parenting lessons I now realize I learned from her is that you don't always need to involve your spouse/partner in parenting decisions.  She knew there were situations that my Dad could not handle rationally.  So she dealt with the situations and didn't tell him.  And since I didn't want him to know (because I also knew it would provoke an irrational reaction from him) I was quite happy to keep it between her and me.


----------



## Jan M.

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 31769
> 
> Dave



Or when your 3 year old granddaughter disappears into the bathroom without first announcing she's going to the bathroom. Just as it dawned on me that I should be suspicious and go check on her she came out looking like this. She was so pleased with her beautiful make up job. Thank God for washable markers.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 31809
> 
> Dave


And then, there are some days, altogether too rare, whenyou realize that idiocy is inherent in everyone.  So you will never not be surrounded by idiots, because you are an idiot yourself. And if you don't believe you're an idiot, ... well that just means that you are deluding yourself.

So, am I an idiot?  I freely and fully accept that I am an idiot.  And I know that no matter where I go I will be surrounded by idiots, myself and others.  The only saving grace is that if I know I'm an idiot, perchance I'm one iota less of an idiot than those who sail through life never realizing that they are also idiots.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Why I Like Retirement!
Question:      How many days in a week?
Answer:      6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question:      When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer:      Two hours after falling asleep on the couch.
Question:      How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:           Only one, but it might take all day.
Question:      What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer:      There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question:      Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer:      The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question:      Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer:      Tied shoes.
Question:      Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer:      They are the only ones who have the time.
Question:      What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer:      NUTS!
Question:      Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer:      They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question:      What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer:      Normal.
Question:      What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer:      The never-ending Coffee Break.
Question:      What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer:      If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION:      What do you do all week?
Answer:      Monday through Friday, NOTHING.  Saturday & Sunday, I rest.


----------



## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 31825


I can still hear the lyrics to that song and how all Those  Village People were individually dress.


----------



## DaveNV

Spelling trauma.





 Dave


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## Luanne




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## SmithOp




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## DaveNV

Lonely Planet's new Travel Books, Covid Edition.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak

This one resonated with me. As young adults my brothers and I would go to the “Saturday evening mass” by driving by church to pick up a bulletin and then hanging out at a park or bar for an hour.
Catholic guilt was an amazing parenting tool in my parents home.


----------



## clifffaith

I thought the "Wizard of Oz/Tornado Bernie" that I posted earlier was my favorite. I've changed my mind!


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

Some old Sunday School humor:

Johnnie was listening intently as his teacher was telling the story of Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom when God destroyed the city with fire and brimstone. When the teacher told the class how Lot's wife looked back at the city as they were running away and turned into a pillar of salt, Johnnie couldn't contain himself.

"Teacher, Teacher!" he said.  "Last week as my Mommy was driving to the grocery store, she looked back.  And she turned into a telephone pole."

*************

Q: What is world's oldest sport?
A: Baseball.  The book of Genesis tells us that "In the big inning, God created the Heavens and the Earth."

Q:  What is the world's second oldest sport?
A: Tennis.  Again the book of Genesis relates how Joseph served in Pharoah's court.


----------



## mentalbreak




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 31886


Years back, I remember driving the 5 in the Central Valley in CA.  When I was in a hurry I pointed the rear view mirrors up to keep watch on the sky behind me. I did Walnut Creek to Redding one time in 2hr-20 minutes. CHP was not allowed to use radar in those days, so all I had to be aware of was the eyes in the sky, and the bears in the bushes and on the bridges.

I lucked out. There was one CHP I encountered near Willows, but he was already writing a ticket for someone he took down ahead of me.  I saw the lights flashing on the side of the road in plenty of time.  Then when he was out of the rear view mirror, I dropped the hammer again.

I was driving a Mitsubishi Diamante at the time, almost exactly like the one below - my favorite vehicle I've ever owned.  Really well tuned and powered.  If I was on a highway, its natural cruising speed, where it would settle in if you weren't paying attention, was 90-95 mph, and with the overdrive the engine was turning less than 2000 rpm at that speed.  For those of you who are familiar with I-90 in Washington, one time I was doing the climb from the Vantage Bridge over the Columbia River to Ryegrass Summit east of Ellensburg.  I had a coworker in the car, and we discussing some project work, so I was just letting the car go.  At one point she turned to me and asked how fast we were going - not with any trepidation, but just out of curiosity. I looked down and we were doing the grade at 95-100 mph, smooth as butter.  I dropped it down to 80 and set the cruise control, and it felt like we crawling.

Top speed I ever hit in the car was about 110 mph, on Hwy 4 between Martinez and Hercules, early one morning when I was the only vehicle, dry road, clear skies, full moon.  The car wasn't anywhere near top end, but that was the limit of where I was comfortable. About 100 mph was the top of the smooth zone, where the car would settle in if you weren't paying attention.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Age is Relative.  Or maybe it's: Relatives Ages?

*************************************

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.  One night 
the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.  She yells 
down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She 
starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the 
stairs or coming down?"

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to 
her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get 
that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

***************************************

 Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Oops!

************************************

So I woke up, and my dog is laying on the patio, covered in dirt, with a rabbit in his mouth. 
The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise rabbits. I instantly knew it was 
one of theirs. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt 
off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff, but I heard some animals play dead 
when they are afraid, but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one 
of the cages in their back yard, then I ZOOMED back home.

30 minutes later I hear my neighbors kids screaming, so I go out and ask them what's wrong?

They tell me their rabbit died three days ago, and they buried it, but now it's back in the cage...

****************************************

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Buddy & Mick worked together.  Both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Buddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies 
cotton panties and thongs."  The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer.  Finding 
it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80.00 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in, and when asked his occupation, replied, "Diesel Fitter." Since a diesel 
fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160.00 a week.

When Buddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the Unemployment Office 
to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his unemployment pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled laborers, and Diesel Fitters are skilled laborers."

“What skill?” yelled Buddy.  "I sew da elastic on da panties and thongs; Mick puts 'em over 
his head and says:  "Yep, diesel fitter."

*************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

I have deleted my post. I missed the joke.


DaveNV said:


> Buddy & Mick worked together.  Both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
> 
> When asked his occupation, Buddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies
> cotton panties and thongs."  The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer.  Finding
> it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80.00 a week unemployment pay.
> 
> Mick was next in, and when asked his occupation, replied, "Diesel Fitter." Since a diesel
> fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160.00 a week.
> 
> When Buddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the Unemployment Office
> to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his unemployment pay.
> 
> The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled laborers, and Diesel Fitters are skilled laborers."
> 
> “What skill?” yelled Buddy.  "I sew da elastic on da panties and thongs; Mick puts 'em over
> his head and says:  "Yep, diesel fitter."


----------



## Tank

Always looked forward to my new 64 count box


----------



## PigsDad

pedro47 said:


> Unemployment checks are not base upon job skills; but on wages earned in a base period.








Kurt


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Talent312

pedro47 said:


> Unemployment checks are not base upon job skills; but on wages earned in a base period.



Killjoy.
.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## Tank

Looks more like the 60’s to me ,,,


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PigsDad said:


> Kurt











						The Foghorn Leghorn (1948, Robert McKimson) CLIP | On this day in 1946, Foghorn Leghorn made his first appearance.  Director Robert McKimson and story man Warren Foster were trying to develop Henery Hawk,... | By GoldenAgeCartoons.com | Facebook
					

2M views, 58K likes, 5.4K loves, 2.4K comments, 70K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from GoldenAgeCartoons.com: On this day in 1946, Foghorn Leghorn made his first appearance.  Director Robert McKimson...




					fb.watch


----------



## plpgma




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## Passepartout




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## mentalbreak

I would definitely wear this if “people” was changed to “timeshare salespeople”.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Karen G

If you need a good laugh today, watch this. He tells a few jokes, but at about the 2 minute mark he starts in with the Three Little Pigs.


----------



## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 32019
> 
> Dave


"Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" also have the same tune as "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep".


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Great news!!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Jan M.




----------



## pedro47

The Best Stay At Humor was watching tonight Super Bowl and watching The GOAT Tom Brady whip The Chief. 

Good Night Ms Bessie B.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## LannyPC

Tank said:


> View attachment 32082



But where's the 5 feet of snow?


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout

Luanne said:


> View attachment 32112


IKEA cat?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Jan M.




----------



## Luvtoride

don't know if this has been posted already...but its a riot!


----------



## moonstone

A joke and the truth!  So sorry! 




~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

moonstone said:


> A joke and the truth!  So sorry!
> View attachment 32140
> 
> ~Diane


Everywhere I've lived in the western US distances have always been expressed in hours instead of miles.  I can't tell you how for it is from Seattle to Portland in miles without working it out in my head.  I know right away it's 3-1/2 hours to downtown Portland.  Spokane is four hours.  Boise is eight hours.  It's 6 hrs from Oakland to LA on the 5. 

If I don't know what the drive time is off the top of my head, I will figure it in hours.  So how far to Walla Walla?  Pasco is 3-1/2 hours, then Walla Walla has to be over 30 minutes from Pasco, but probably less than an hour, so probably not quite 4-1/2 hours to Walla Walla from Seattle.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Luvtoride said:


> don't know if this has been posted already...but its a riot!  View attachment 32139



Brings back memories
My mom and dad had a bar for 51 years
That’s the only thing I remember having to dry your hands
Changed more of those than you can shake a stick at.
Couldn’t clog the toilet , or a sink with this, paper towels you can.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

"Mary was merry the day she was to marry."

Do you pronounce all three "m" words the same?


----------



## Jan M.

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Everywhere I've lived in the western US distances have always been expressed in hours instead of miles.  I can't tell you how for it is from Seattle to Portland in miles without working it out in my head.  I know right away it's 3-1/2 hours to downtown Portland.  Spokane is four hours.  Boise is eight hours.  It's 6 hrs from Oakland to LA on the 5.
> 
> If I don't know what the drive time is off the top of my head, I will figure it in hours.  So how far to Walla Walla.  Pasco is 3-1/2 hours, then Walla Walla has to be over 30 minutes from Pasco, but probably less than an hour, so probably not quite 4-1/2 hours to Walla Walla from Seattle.



I thought it was an Ohio thing. I've posted numerous times that we live about 20-25 minutes depending on traffic from the Wyndham Pompano Beach resorts but I have no idea how many miles it is.


----------



## Luvtoride

Tank said:


> Brings back memories
> My mom and dad had a bar for 51 years
> That’s the only thing I remember having to dry your hands
> Changed more of those than you can shake a stick at.
> Couldn’t clog the toilet , or a sink with this, paper towels you can.


Tank, when my 34 year old daughter saw that, she said..."was that really a thing?"  This is the same daughter who works for Staples and sells facility supplies like hand dryers and paper towel dispensers now!  LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 32142


----------



## bizaro86

moonstone said:


> A joke and the truth!  So sorry!
> View attachment 32140
> 
> ~Diane


Lol. That's awesome. There are a few speech differences - I distinctly recall the first time I heard an American say "foyer."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

bizaro86 said:


> Lol. That's awesome. There are a few speech differences - I distinctly recall the first time I heard an American say "foyer."


Then there the story of how Canada got it's name.

Seems that a bunch of the founding fathers were sitting around one night, drinking beer, ya know.  And they had this country but they didn't know what to name it.  So they argued this way and that way and no one could agree.  So they finally decided to just put a bunch of letters into a toque and pull them out and see what happens.

So the first guy puts his hand in and draws a letter,  He says, "I got a C, eh." The second guy does the same.  He says, "I got a N, eh."  The third guy draws his letter.  "I got a D, eh."

So they put them all together: C-eh-n-eh-d-eh.  Canada.


----------



## Tank




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## Passepartout




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## mentalbreak




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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## Jan M.




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## DaveNV

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 32180



You can do the same thing with a Star Wars Stormtrooper's helmet.  They're a jolly fun group. 





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## mentalbreak




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

My kind of gal. . . .


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## PrairieGirl




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

A few words to ponder... 

********************************

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

"That boy, I say that boy, he reminds me of Paul Revere's ride. A little light in the belfry." - Foghorn Leghorn.


----------



## DaveNV

Yes, I can play an instrument.  Here's my best song:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 32230



The Nat'l Weather Service has warned of lizards falling from trees in S. Florida.
When it freezes, Iguanas become immobile and loose their grip on branches.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Here is that hill that went with that crazy road ,,,


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Smoke detector broke
So I came up with this idea for now
Pop-pen noise or the smell will tell me to get out


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

View attachment 32288


----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith

plpgma said:


> View attachment 32288



While selling window treatments I had to warn several people that while the view from outside the house may be a bit fuzzy, people can definitely tell whether or not you have clothes on through your glass block/decorative glass window. Telling the story of my customer who had a neighbor come over to tell her this the first day after her new upstairs window was installed usually meant we were finding something to cover the current client's bathroom window too.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Talent312 said:


> The Nat'l Weather Service has warned of lizards falling from trees in S. Florida.
> When it freezes, Iguanas become immobile and loose their grip on branches.


 How well do they B-B-Q?


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 32301



I've done this. ^^^

  Dave


----------



## moonstone

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> How well do they B-B-Q?



In Belize (and maybe other parts in the south) they are referred to as bamboo chicken, as they are stuck on a bamboo skewer and grilled! 

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

moonstone said:


> In Belize (and maybe other parts in the south) they are referred to as bamboo chicken, as they are stuck on a bamboo skewer and grilled!
> 
> ~Diane



Don't tell me:  Then they say it tastes just like...  er...  Lizard.

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Don’t eat the shell, choking hazard !
Needs to go hand and hand 

View attachment 32309
[/QUOTE]


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Make your Valentine's Day one to remember!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Happy Valentine's Day from Florida! | Happy Valentine's Day from Florida! ♥️ | By Matt Devitt WINK Weather | Facebook
					

721K views, 3.7K likes, 1.7K loves, 449 comments, 19K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Matt Devitt WINK Weather: Happy Valentine's Day from Florida! ♥️




					fb.watch


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

You know who you are.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'll just leave this here.  You're welcome.  LOL! 





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Page 1 of......


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

@heathpack 





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Prison food.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Autocorrect strikes again.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## MULTIZ321

DaveNV said:


> I'll just leave this here.  You're welcome.  LOL!
> 
> View attachment 32432
> 
> Dave


----------



## MULTIZ321

[Attatch= full pic] = 20210214_120647.jpg  
/SD card/DCIM/Camera

What did I do wrong?

Richard


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

The dinosaurs were also too busy smoking to get to the Ark on time.
.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

I


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 32522
> 
> Dave



Where's the spinning glitter ball?


----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## mentalbreak




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*TEXAS TOILET SEAT!*


----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*Thank You For Your Service!


*


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

You can't make this stuff up. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Truth!





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 32563
> 
> Dave
> [/QUOddTE]
> 
> And if I do decide I need to bend over to pick up the dropped item, I slide it over to the previously dropped but less important items with my foot so I can pick up everything with one bend over!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## IngridN

Tank said:


> View attachment 32534



Waldo 2. We have a black cat and black living room couch. We always joke that 'Rommie is playing Waldo'. You can't see her unless she's looking at you with open eyes!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Still funny, after all these years. 





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Brett

I'm officially old ...


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Sing the song like Neil Diamond does, and this is hilarious. 





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## amycurl

plpgma said:


> View attachment 32646



While definitely funny, it's actually REALLY GOOD public policy and is at the forefront of Medicaid transformation in our state. Basically, food pantries, farmer's markets, etc., will be able to get reimbursed by Medicaid just like other medical providers, because access to healthy food (like greens, tomatoes, and cucumbers) are such a key part of maintaining health--and is certainly cheaper that most everything else that comes across a ph/farmacy counter.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

I am a product of this era ,,,


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

Brett said:


> I'm officially old ...



I found out when the cashier at Wendy's gave me a senior discount without asking.
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Two for one...

******************************************************************************

A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender says, "Sorry. I'm not familiar with that one. Did you mean 'Martini'?"
The centurion sighs and says, "If I'd wanted a double, I would have asked for one."

******************************************************************************





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

*"B1! Press B1!!!"*





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Oopsie!





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## clifffaith

Talent312 said:


> I found out when the cashier at Wendy's gave me a senior discount without asking.
> .



Early on I discovered standing next to 18-years-older Cliff was often good for a discount. Decided to not be insulted but graciously accept -- largest one I recall was close to $20 in The Netherlands at the tulip gardens. Of course by now I'm due my own discount.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Eeeww!!  





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Why cats are prohibited on Pirate ships.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV




----------



## DaveNV

I need this shirt.  





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Guy gets an A+ for ambition. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*The tale of Sam the snail*

Sam was a snail.  But he wasn’t your ordinary garden-variety snail. No Sam was special. Sam was unique.  Because Sam was the world’s first and only snail who was also an automotive engineer.  And he was an excellent automotive engineer, overcoming the natural limitations that a snail would face as an automotive engineer. True workplace diversity in action as Sam put to shame people who treated snails and slugs as slimy creatures

It was always Sam’s dream to be the first snail to create a production automobile.  He begged and pleaded with his boss, the Director of Automotive Design, to be given responsibility to lead the design of a new automobile. Despite Sam's obvious abilities, Sam's boss was skeptical that a snail could really lead a design team. Finally, after much cajoling and complaints of snail discrimination, the Director finally relented and gave Sam responsibility to lead the design of a new performance automobile, the Model “S”, so dubbed to honor Sam.

Sam was so proud and happy.  Of course, being a snail, he naturally moved more slowly, so he worked extra long hours to compensate.  He dedicated his life to the project. It totally consumed him and became the only thing in his existence.  He grew prouder and prouder as the design progressed toward a working vehicle, with an impressive engine and well-tuned suspension and handling.  His boss was also impressed, and even the company’s Chief Engineer grudgingly acknowledged Sam’s success.  And everyone agreed the car was a thing of beauty as well, sleek and well-proportioned with little touches and subtleties that gave it a stylish presence. Sam's engineering prowess was known, but people had to admit they had no idea a snail could have such stylistic talent as well.

Finally, the day came to put the car on the test track to see what it could do. The car was parked for measurements and observations before the testing.  Sam’s boss and the Chief Engineer were there as well. They oohed and aahed at how stylish and wonderful the car looked.  The Chief Engineer was so excited, saying it was going to be a beautiful to vehicle to add to the company's line of cars if it passed tests.

After all his work on the project, everyone agreed that Sam should be the one to give the car its initial test run. Sam took the car out and it performed well in the initial runs.  Sam’s boss was getting more and more excited, and the Chief Engineer was even getting into it.  Then Sam took it up a notch, and the car performed flawlessly during the more demanding runs.

Sam’s boss and the Chief Engineer stood up and applauded. Sam’s boss beamed and said, “Isn't that great? The car is performing perfectly.”  The Chief Engineer said, “Yes that was very impressive! Sam is amazing”. 

And as Sam whizzed past them on the last lap, setting a new time record for the course, the Chief Engineer pointed at Sam then turned to Sam’s boss and exclaimed, “So beautiful. Total beauty! Just look at that luscious S Car go!”


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar.   *

It was tense.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

How many Detroit Lions does it take to change a light bulb?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

Answer: No one knows, but 40,000 fans will show up every Sunday to see if the team will finally figure out how to turn things around.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted


----------



## moonstone

DaveNV said:


> Eeeww!!
> 
> View attachment 32682
> 
> Dave


Haha,  we actually saw a sign exactly the same last winter at the local bakery we use here in Belize. I told them about the spelling mistake and what the actual word was, they said they would fix it. The next week we saw tongues was crossed out and pinchers written in.
This year due to Covid we cant even go inside but must look though the window and tell them what we want and how many of each and the employees get it for us.

~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHAA!!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 32746
> 
> Dave


Well .... when it comes to psychics I'm always reminded that if they were truly psychic, wouldn't they know to get in touch with you instead of waiting for you to contact them?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> How many Detroit Lions does it take to change a light bulb?
> 
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> 
> .
> .
> .
> .
> 
> Answer: No one knows, but 40,000 fans will show up every Sunday to see if the team will finally figure out how to turn things around.


Q; How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb.

A: One.  But they just put the light bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.


----------



## Tank

Some Nice young Lads earning Badges in 71 .. 
Always Show Kindness and 
Love  Peace


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I foresee a headline in the local newspaper about a domestic assault... 

***************************************************

*After being married for twenty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, and then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She asked, “What does that mean?”

He said, “Amazing, Bright, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot.”

She felt very happy and said, “Oh my dear, that’s so lovely. Thank you. What about I, J, K?”

He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”*

***************************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is true!!





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.

This one is courtesy of DH .....who just happens to be Jim.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## jehb2




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

This one isn't a joke, my friends.  It's reality.  How did this happen??  Yikes!  





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> This one isn't a joke, my friends.  It's reality.  How did this happen??  Yikes!
> 
> View attachment 32857
> 
> Dave


Not really 'funny-ha ha', but to me, more of a "sigh", that was some GOOD music.  Maybe this and the music of 5-6 years before and a couple of years after was the soundtrack of my life. Thanks for the memories..

Jim


----------



## DaveNV

This one goes out to @T_R_Oglodyte. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> This one isn't a joke, my friends.  It's reality.  How did this happen??  Yikes!
> 
> View attachment 32857
> 
> Dave


Are these still available on 8-track and LP?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Little twisted
Shameful I laughed


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 32869


In that setting he should also be wearing a high visibility safety vest.


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 32869


Is that a chain saw between his legs and not on the ground?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.

I thought this would be a good one as we're all timeshare owners or renters here on TUG. I don't know about other people but on our trips when we're behind or passing a motorhome DH and I frequently speculate on what those people spent, the gas costs, upkeep, nightly fees, etc. DH has taken to asking me to look on my phone to get an idea of what a particular model we're seeing costs. But first we have to try to guess how many feet it is to price it.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

Or better yet take them to a timeshare somewhere warm!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius...

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA  contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,  University  of  Kentucky  basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Outside of the killings,  Washington  has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington  ,  DC  . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in  Texas  ..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I love  California  . I practically grew up in  Phoenix  .."
-- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2020 because we  received notice that you passed away May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Jan M.

plpgma said:


> View attachment 32976



I'm copying this to send to our son who plays the tuba and his wife who is a music teacher.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

I really want to know the story on this.


----------



## Tank

Mr. Potatoe Head sent a recent message to Hasbro.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Not all Self Help books are that helpful...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I wonder if this design is, er, "cooler?"

And yes, they're probably all the same brand. You know, "IGLOO."  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you leave the house after Covid, don't forget to follow all the rules of the road.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


My dorm room freshman year of college had a setup like that.  It was a double room and there was a mirrored medicine cabinet for each occupant, on opposite sides of the room.  If the mirror doors were adjusted right and you stood in the right spot, the mirror you were facing would show the reflection of the other mirror, which showed the reflection of you looking in the other mirror, which showed the reflection of the reflection of you looking in the mirror, ad infinitum.


----------



## Jan M.

It's like they know me!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

89 year old Ron Chester was stopped by the police 
around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going 
at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol 
abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as 
well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture 
at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

***********************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

*Pittsburgh!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Pandemic One-Liners

Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!

So can we expect car insurance to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering . . . Jake, from State Farm.  

Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little twerps!!!

Cops these days will be like . . . come out with your hands washed!

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician!

Homeschooling Update: My child just said "I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year"!

And just like that . . . having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.  

Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but staying home on the couch can do for your country.

Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.

Ladies . . . time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.

I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.

I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!

Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!

With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship . . . it’s on Paperview.

Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past year!

Sitting at the bar in the kitchen last night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. 

Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?

Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE
 1. ARBITRAITOR* *
 A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. 

2. BERNADETTE 
The act of torching a mortgage. 

3. BURGLARIZE 
What a crook sees through. 

4. AVOIDABLE 
What a toreador tries to do. 

5. COUNTERFEITERS 
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. 

6. LEFT BANK 
What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

7. HEROES 
What a man in a boat does. 

8. PARASITES 
What you see from the Eiffel Tower. 

9. PARADOX 
Two physicians. 

10. PHARMACIST 
A helper on a farm. 

11. RELIEF 
What trees do in the spring. 

12. RUBBERNECK 
What you do to relax your wife. 

13. SELFISH 
What the owner of a seafood store does.

14. SUDAFED 
 Brought litigation against a government official.*


----------



## Passepartout

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> *CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE
> 1. ARBITRAITOR* *
> A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
> 
> 2. BERNADETTE
> The act of torching a mortgage.
> 
> 3. BURGLARIZE
> What a crook sees through.
> 
> 4. AVOIDABLE
> What a bullfighter tries to do.
> 
> 5. COUNTERFEITER
> Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
> 
> 6. LEFT BANK
> What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
> 
> 7. HEROES
> What a man in a boat does.
> 
> 8. PARASITES
> What you see from the Eiffel Tower.
> 
> 9. PARADOX
> Two physicians.
> 
> 10. PHARMACIST
> A helper on a farm.
> 
> 11. RELIEF
> What trees do in the spring.
> 
> 12. RUBBERNECK
> What you do to relax your wife.
> 
> 13. SELFISH
> What the owner of a seafood store does.
> 
> 14. SUDAFED
> Brought litigation against a government official.*


Where's that 'GROAN' emoji?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

For the chemists in the audience:




 more commonly known as Mercedes Benzene
If you electrocute someone by connecting two electrodes with a NaCl bridge, would that be assault and battery?
A photon checks into a hotel.  The bellhop starts to get the luggage, but then he realizes the photon was traveling light.
Two atoms are drinking in a bar.  The first one says "I think I lost an electron."  The other atom asks "Are you sure?".  The first atom replies, "I'm positive." The second atom responds, "That's what you get not keeping an ion them."
Later the second atom gets up to leave, says goodbye to the bartender and walks out with paying that tab.  The first atom asks the bartender why the second atom didn't have to pay for his drinks.  The bartender looks at the atom and says, "Doh!  He's free of charge."
Don't believe anything an atom says. They make up everything.
If you chill yourself to -273.15C, will you be OK?
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, would they become alloys?

Folks this thread is at 185 pages now.  I had to resort to chemistry jokes because by now all the good jokes argon.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

More -

*****
Why was the mole of oxygen in an excited state when he left the singles bar?   He left with Avogrado's number.

*****
A glass is half filled with water.

The optimist says it's half full,
The pessimist says it's half empty.
The fatalist says it's half full now, but after you drink the water the glass will be empty and what will you do then?
The chemist says the glass is full - half with liquid water and half with saturated air.
The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
*****
The chemist tricked out his car with reduced profile steel tires.  Now he had ferrous wheels.

**************
The inorganic chemist's wife insisted that her dead husband not be cremated.  In accordance with his wishes she was going to barium.

************
If you put a wisdom tooth in a beaker of water, is that a one molar solution?

***************
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

************
What did the titrant say to the solution?  "Let's meet at the endpoint."


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Be careful what you teach them.  They're listening.

**************************************************

A mother was listening to her little boy do math, and he said,
"2+2 the son of a bitch is 4." She wasn't sure she heard right
so she listened again. He said, "3+3 the son of a bitch is 6."

She said. "Hey, now! Excuse me, young man. What are you doing?"

He said, "I'm doing math, like my teacher taught us."

The mom called the teacher. She said, "My son says he is doing
math like you taught him." She gave her the example. "He's
saying, '3+6 the son of a bitch is 9.'"

The teacher started cracking up.  When she finally recovered
enough to speak, she said, "Ma'am, what I said was, 'The SUM OF 
WHICH is 9.'"

The mother sent the teacher a dozen roses. 

**************************************************

 Dave


----------



## isisdave

One of my old favorites: dimethyl chickenwire


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Make me think of one of the prep chains I learned in Organic Chemistry. . . .

Starting with Texas mesquite and oyster shell, make penicillin.


----------



## SmithOp

hate to break up the science party
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 33198


Excellent optical illusion!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> Excellent optical illusion!



I had the hardest time , my phone kept wrong siding up the picture while I was trying to look at it


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

isisdave said:


> View attachment 33189
> 
> One of my old favorites: dimethyl chickenwire


I have used that in various technical presentations.  

Occasionally I also mention this one:





That's plain old sodium baloneyate.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ubil

Ken555 said:


> A Karnaugh Map is a method to simplify Boolean Algebraic expressions used in many Engineering disciplines.  It is amusing that since Engineering needs to be precise, a Karnaugh Map has a "Don't Care" condition.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## MrockStar

Excitedly waiting till 80 % vaccinated/heard immunity kicks in and we can close this thread ship it to the dust bin of history. Did enjoy the fun though while it lasted.


----------



## Passepartout

When You're Dead,
You Don't Know You're Dead.
The Pain Is Only Felt By Others. 

The Same Thing 
Happens When 
You're Stupid.​


----------



## Tank

MrockStar said:


> Excitedly waiting till 80 % vaccinated/heard immunity kicks in and we can close this thread ship it to the dust bin of history. Did enjoy the fun though while it lasted.



I like it, don’t see why it should end. 

I like to start my day off with a smile
Working with the public most days takes the smile away. 
This thread has the potential of shattering the record.
Good part is if one don’t like it they can just not keep up with it
It’s kinda addictive though


----------



## DaveNV

MrockStar said:


> Excitedly waiting till 80 % vaccinated/heard immunity kicks in and we can close this thread ship it to the dust bin of history. Did enjoy the fun though while it lasted.



History, in the case of this thread, has been entertaining. I take your point, but I think the thread needs to stick around, so people can laugh as they study the thread. Because we all know: Those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it. 

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> When You're Dead,
> You Don't Know You're Dead.
> The Pain Is Only Felt By Others.
> 
> The Same Thing
> Happens When
> You're Stupid.​


1. Quote attributed to Einstein (erroneously): One of the differences between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits.
2. You can try to make something idiot-proof.  But if you succeed nature will simply evolve a more advanced idiot.


----------



## DaveNV

I always loved the way the Jetsons lived.  I wanted to be just like them.  Be careful what you wish for! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Larry and Darryl were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they 
were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool. Larry suddenly dove 
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.  Darryl promptly 
jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling 
Larry out. 

The medical director came to know of Darryl’s heroic act, and was very impressed. 
He immediately ordered that Darryl be discharged from the hospital, as he now 
considered him to be OK.

The doctor said, “Darryl, we have good news and bad news for you! The good 
news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. 
Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. 
The bad news is that the patient you saved hung himself in the bathroom and died after all.”

Darryl replied, “Doctor, Larry didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry.”

**********************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## MrockStar

OK, i must admit i really enjoyed the last few cartoons and posts.


----------



## pedro47

This thread brings a smile to my date.. I also enjoy the cartoons and posts.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


They must be Krispy Cream doughnuts. LOL.


----------



## Tank




----------



## MULTIZ321

Chantal Baas.






Richard


----------



## DaveNV

When you're trying to recreate a famous picture, but the people aren't available...





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 33241


Now tell me how was a lady bitten from the behind by an alligator in an out house ???. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> When you're trying to recreate a famous picture, but the people aren't available...
> 
> View attachment 33273
> 
> Dave


That blue VW looks liked my 68 Beetle Bug.


----------



## Tank

pedro47 said:


> Now tell me how was a lady bitten from the behind by an alligator in an out house ???. LOL



This one hit home for me
I don’t know if we are looking at the same picture.
I see a Buzzard looking for a dead charkas to feed on in the outhouse ,,, 
This was a common saying around our house with six kids
Pass by the bathroom door - whoooo somebody must of died in their.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Daylight Saving Time starts this weekend.  Get ready.  This may help:





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Oopsie!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

Love this one ,,,


----------



## DaveNV

So many questions....

****************************************

A Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. 
“Say, mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?” She told him, 
“Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.”

Then he asked, “Why is my sister named Cornflower?” She replied, “Well, your 
father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.”

“And why is my other sister called Moonchild?” The mother said, “We were 
watching the moon landing while she was conceived.”

The boy's Mother paused and asked her son, “Tell me, why are you so curious, Torn Rubber?”

*****************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Are you a superhero?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

You can't un-see this:


----------



## Quiet Pine

--*Fresh puns...*
1. _Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson._
2. _What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled._
3. _Writing my name in cursive is my signature move._
4. _Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm._
5. _If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price._
6. _Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on._
7. _A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around._
8. _I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene._
9. _Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars._
10. _How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer._
11. _I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough._
12. _My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band._
13. _I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it._
14. _Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark._
15. _Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell._
16. _When I told my contractors I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stair._
17A. _Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
17 B. Two men walked into a bar. You’d think that the second one would have ducked._
18. _Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence._
19. _Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering._
20. _I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find._
21. _I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road._
22. _What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re._
23. _I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”_
24. _What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self._


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## bizaro86

Passepartout said:


> You can't un-see this:
> View attachment 33321


I know when I think about the iconic attire of the sixties the first thing that comes to mind isn't clean cut people in well tailored suits.


----------



## clifffaith

At least Earl is bending over and rummaging around! Cliff stands upright and gazes as if he's trying to find someone across a crowded room.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

bizaro86 said:


> I know when I think about the iconic attire of the sixties the first thing that comes to mind isn't clean cut people in well tailored suits.


especially when said tailored suit appears to be ready to ride a bicycle - and especially one that doesn't have fenders or mudguards.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.

But at least there was the Stay At Home Humor thread.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 33363


The first man married a woman from New York. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Cincinnati. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Minnesota. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Instructional signage at a golf course.

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4, STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

7. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33362
> 
> Dave


Ain't that the truth!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Dairy farmer games. . .


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 33363


This must be shared with everyone at church.


----------



## DaveNV

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One of them answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

*****************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

'

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

So, That's that. . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*Nietzsche Family Circus*

Randomized pairings of Family Circus cartoons and Friedrich Nietzsche quotes.   Putting Nietzche's words in the mouths of the Family Circus occasionally creates some interesting outcomes.






						The Nietzsche Family Circus
					

Randomized pairings of Family Circus cartoons and Friedrich Nietzsche quotes.




					www.nietzschefamilycircus.com


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33403
> 
> Dave


Wow.  That sound liked  our Daughter-in-Law cleaning her house. LOL.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

*There are SOME things we just should NOT anthropomorphize:. . . .



*


----------



## DaveNV

Happy Ides of March! Here’s a Caesar Salad for you.





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Happy Ides of March! Here’s a Caesar Salad for you.
> 
> Dave


 Dressing too, Brutus?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Talent312

Wherever I left it, I know that I'll find it in the last place I look.
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

That's ^^^ funny! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. They are figures of speech 
in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is 
frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

*******************************************************

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33403
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dave


I bet you can’t touch or top this partnership or ridership.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Batman 2021


----------



## Passepartout

Not really 'funny ha ha', but interesting. . . .


----------



## DaveNV

When you had one job, to put coupons on boxes of Pick Me Ups,
and couldn't have screwed it up any worse. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

I don't know why this is funny. . . .


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> I don't know why this is funny. . . .
> View attachment 33502



I don't either.  What am I missing?

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I totally love this.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I like the emphasis on "both".  It's as if eating one would have been understandable, but eating them both was too much.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For @Jan M. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

You guys are on a roll today


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## isisdave

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 33562


Oh I know that kind of cloud ... cumulogranite!


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 33567


That bug is a gifted and a very creative  artist. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Hello, Jake from State Farm Funeral Parlor?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Scrambled thinking...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 33613



I see what you did there.  Had to go back and look at the newsletter email again.  Clever people! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This cracked me up.





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Can you guess the caption of this image?





You're right:  "Spring is in the air."  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Hello, Jake from State Farm Flying School?





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.

The hummingbirds are looking a little rough this year...


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## jehb2

“If you haven’t prepaid to use the steps you’ll have to feckin jump.”

Oh, my.  That was awesome!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

What's scary is that I knew this one immediately.  How about you?





 Dave


----------



## JanT

They had to do that on purpose.  LoL



DaveNV said:


> When you had one job, to put coupons on boxes of Pick Me Ups,
> and couldn't have screwed it up any worse.
> 
> View attachment 33494
> 
> Dave


----------



## DaveNV

JanT said:


> They had to do that on purpose.  LoL



Well, certainly.  Karma can't spell that well.  

Dave


----------



## JanT

This reminds me of years ago when we lived in Southern Maryland.  Ray stopped into Quiznos (sandwich shop) and asked the kid behind the counter if they had pastrami.  The kid looked at him and quite seriously said, “Is that some kind of meat?”  Ray almost passed out. 



DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33606
> 
> Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## Tank

This put a big smile on my face
Worthy 
Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite  
Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
I sure did !
almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> This put a big smile on my face
> Worthy
> Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite
> Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
> I sure did !
> almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations
> 
> View attachment 33689




Under a three pound coffee can.  Light it and run like hell.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> This put a big smile on my face
> Worthy
> Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite
> Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
> I sure did !
> almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations
> 
> View attachment 33689


My story - wasn't M-80s, but Black Cats.  We didn't mess with M-80s much, somewhat because we knew how dangerous they could be, but mostly because they were too expensive.  For that amount of money, we could get smaller stuff that we could have more fun with instead of having just one massive explosion.  Literally, we believed that we got more bang for the buck that way.

Getting on with the story .... in high school, a few of us would occasionally spend the night at the house of one of the friends.  The friend's family had an RV parked outside, and that was where the parents had us stay, so that we could stay up as late as we wanted playing poker and other stuff, without disturbing them.  And occasionally we would venture out post-midnight.

Right behind the friend's house was a creek.  There was a local short-haul rail line that went near his house, and a block or so away was a bridge where the rail line crossed the creek.  The sides of the bridge were made of concrete; the top of the concrete wall formed low parapet along the length of the bridge, sticking up about two feet high, and maybe one foot wide.

We placed a line of Black Cats along the length of the parapet on one side of the bridge.  Used about 2 packs, as I recall - about 16 or 20 per pack.  Then we laid down a band of lighter fluid along one edge of the parapet, located so that when we lit the lighter fluid, the fluid in turn would start the fuses on the Cats.  The concrete absorbed the lighter fluid, so we used an entire can of fluid to create the trigger line to be sure that we got combustion. Then we lit off the lighter fluid.

It was more wonderful than we had hoped.  We had flames shooting up about two or three feet high along the length of the bridge.  Then the firecrackers started going off.

At the house next to the tracks, the homeowner kept some small animals.  The first to stir were the chickens, and the rooster started crowing.  That rousted the guard dogs (kept and trained for defense of the animals). The dogs were yelping and growling and howling, clawing at the fence and running around making a clamor. Then the goats got into it as well.

We could see lights coming on in the house, and we knew the homeowner was going to be out soon, almost surely with heat, so we took off while we could. We had to take a circuitous route back so as not to raise suspicion.  We couldn't just saunter down the street where all the houses were.  By the time we were getting back near the house, we heard the police sirens.  So we laid low in an empty lot filled with tall grass and bushes, while the cruiser went up and down the street, shining the spotlight all over the place, and checking out the field where were hiding.  I knew we couldn't be seen, but I was afraid the grass pollen was going to cause me to start sneezing.

Eventually we made it back.  Decided it was best to keep a low profile the rest of the night.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> This put a big smile on my face
> Worthy
> Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite
> Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
> I sure did !
> almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations
> 
> View attachment 33689


Looking back on some of the high jinks we pulled as kids, I feel fortunate that I survived childhood without losing any body parts (especially fingers when I look at that M-80)!


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> This put a big smile on my face
> Worthy
> Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite
> Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
> I sure did !
> almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations
> 
> View attachment 33689


Of course -- we also learned how to make out own little Black Cats out of cap gun rolls!  Sure they would blow up a lot during construction -- but at least all that produced was a slight 2nd degree burn, a lot of ribbing and a date with the wooden spoon when mom found out!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Rjbeach2003

Tank said:


> This put a big smile on my face
> Worthy
> Cause I know most of you guys had some fun with these quarter sticks of dynamite
> Not sure about the quarter stick, that’s what we always said
> I sure did !
> almost worthy a thread of what you did with them since we are past the statue of limitations
> 
> View attachment 33689


We had 2" Salutes, same thing but fuse came out of end.  They banned them in Washington in the late 50's or early 60's.  They came 50 to a box.  When the last 4th came that they were sold we took our extra money and bought a few boxes.  They would stay lit under water and we would tie them to metal bars or something and drop them in the Sound (Puget Sound), or burrow a hole in a sand bank and light them off.  We managed to stretch their use out a couple of years.


----------



## clifffaith

Tank said:


> View attachment 33690



Mom used that wooden spoon on me until the day she backed me into a corner and I realized I was a couple inches taller than she was. I told her if she hit me with it I'd take it from her and hit her back. My brother wore leg braces for part of his childhood -- don't know how many spoons broke on his braces but he got so he'd turn into the spoon so it would hit his brace and not his butt.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

One time when we went down to Tijuana (a short drive) I asked some of the street and alley vendors if they sold cherry bombs and they acted confused with that name.  Then I started asking about M80's.  One vendor told me that he had M8000's  (no kidding !).  I asked to see one and he produced a "firecracker" that was perhaps 5 inches long and, like the M80, had the fuse out the side.  I asked if it was safe to try to carry those across the border.  He told me "No problem!  almost everyone makes it across without getting caught".  I decided to pass.  In fact I would have passed on any fireworks to smuggle across the border.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33770
> 
> Dave


Might be a Norwegian Blue. Looks like he's just resting. Beautiful plumage. Probably pining for the fjords.





'


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The young monk’s first day. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the R !We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?' With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...

CELEB*R*ATE’


----------



## Talent312

Patient: Doctor, can you help me? I spilled coffee in my ear.
Doctor: Don't worry... I have cream for that.

_-- Source: Alexa_


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

This is real.  I laughed out loud.





 Dave


----------



## tombanjo

City ordinance says "No Loafing Around". It's very cut and dried, anyway you slice it, it's just not gonna pan out if you loaf in the park.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## LannyPC

A volunteer worker for a well-respected, needy charity realized that the charity had never received a donation from the city's most successful, wealthy lawyer.  So she visited the lawyer in his expensive office and respectfully said, "Our research shows that, even though you have an annual income of over $1,000,000, you don't give a penny to charity.  Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through our charity?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Being somewhat embarrassed, the volunteer mumbles, "Uh, no, I did not know that."

The lawyer then says, "Secondly, my brother, a disabled vet, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and children.  Did you know that?"

Again, the volunteer stammers, "Uh, no.  Sorry, Sir, I did not know that."

The lawyer angrily continues,  "And did your research show that my sister's husband died in a horrible car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three kids?"

The volunteer, very embarrassed now, says, "I'm sorry, I did not know that either."

The lawyer finally says, "So, if I don't give any money to them, what makes you think I would ever give any to you?"


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Panina




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Remodeling tip:

If you're remodeling your kitchen, put one of these in that empty space 
in the corner cabinet, for the next guy that remodels in another 10-15 years.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When your dogs take the car and go out joyriding.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 33848
> 
> Dave


Those are just the ingredients.  You still need a detonator.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Those are just the ingredients.  You still need a detonator.
> 
> View attachment 33859


My brother actually did that once while we were all out camping back in the day -- needless to say, it wasn't pretty and none of us even thought of trying it afterwards!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Not so much a joke, as a feel-good memory. 





Am I right??

Dave


----------



## PamMo

I haven't been reading through TUG threads for awhile, but I had to check in on this one (it's been my pandemic therapy). I REALLY wish there was a "groan" button! So many of these posts make me laugh, but they are SO bad!!!


----------



## DaveNV

PamMo said:


> I haven't been reading through TUG threads for awhile, but I had to check in on this one (it's been my pandemic therapy). I REALLY wish there was a "groan" button! So many of these posts make me laugh, but they are SO bad!!!



The original intention of this thread was to provide a diversion during the pandemic shutdown.  It has achieved that, and then some.  I've enjoyed the heck out of this thread. Thanks to @Ken555 for starting it!   

Dave, who frequently groans, too.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke, as a feel-good memory.
> 
> View attachment 33886
> 
> Am I right??
> 
> Dave


Those are good for illness.  For any playground injury, there's a simple remedy:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you're on a diet...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

PamMo said:


> I haven't been reading through TUG threads for awhile, but I had to check in on this one (it's been my pandemic therapy). I REALLY wish there was a "groan" button! So many of these posts make me laugh, but they are SO bad!!!


Ditto (in a good way)!


----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke, as a feel-good memory.
> 
> View attachment 33886
> 
> Am I right??
> 
> Dave



Or, how about:







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

How many remember these merry-go-rounds?  One of our favorite recess activities was to pack people aboard, then a bunch of others would start spinning the contraption as fast they could. Once it starting spinning fast enough, the centrifugal forces were unresistible.  People would start sliding toward the edge, and as they did the centrifugal forces would just become stronger.  So once you lost center position it was all over.  You could grab the bars and try to hang on, but not for long. Eventually you would be spun to the edge and launched off the contraption.

If you grabbed on to the very edge bars and tried to hang on and pull yourself back aboard,  your feet, legs, and hips would just get pummeled as they device spun around.  Great fun.

Also our playground was asphalt.  None of that sissy grass stuff, like in the photo below.  If you didn't stay on board,  you paid the price.

And it taught physics as well, when you learned that the only safe spot was the very center of the device.  If you were near the center spot, there was a battle going on to get to the very center as it started spinning faster and faster. If you got pushed or moved too far from the center, it was all over for you.  If you were standing in the center and lost your  balance .... sayonara to you.

Another fun game was to start the contraption spinning one direction, then reverse it, then reverse it again, etc. to see if you could get at least one person on board to puke.  This was particularly fun during the lunch time recess, when stomachs were full.




Needless to say, in those days it was unthinkable to conduct school without a well-equipped nurse on duty.

Also note the tall metal slide in the background.  Such heights are simply not allowed these days.  And that galvanized metal on a hot summer day!!!!  We learned at an early age about the perils of going commando.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

"Lost" fans will understand.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My morning LOL moment.





 Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Panina

In honor of Passover and Easter


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 33929


My first thought is that was a dispatch center for EMTs.


----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> My first thought is that was a dispatch center for EMTs.


... That also serves burgers.
.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## LannyPC

PamMo said:


> I REALLY wish there was a "groan" button! So many of these posts make me laugh, but they are SO bad!!!



Or a "boooooo" button?


----------



## Jan M.

In memory of our greatly missed Binks, a champion shredder. Luckily his thing was cardboard boxes. We'd keep a flat type box from bringing groceries home from Aldi's or a store like Sam's Club, BJ's or Costco because the bottoms are heavier and it would take him longer to destroy them.


----------



## DaveNV

Oh, wait, you said Easter BASKETS!  I thought you said Easter Bass...  Oh, never mind.





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 33936



This is brilliant!

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## IngridN

plpgma said:


> View attachment 33817


We had our newly installed asphalt driveway sealed this summer. The neighbor's kitty didn't pay attention and we had her black paw prints all over the concrete strip in front of the garage doors as well as a couple of pavers!!! DH's sweat equity cleaned it up.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

A new answer to the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trolley_problem







Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke, as a feel-good memory.
> 
> View attachment 33886
> 
> Am I right??
> 
> Dave



Your right
Iodine could be right in the middle


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Don't throw away your dull batteries. WalMart has your answer.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, in the Operating Room at the Cassette Factory...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Not all of this is 'Stay At Home' humor.  . . . Heard out and about. . .


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I never thought about this till now.  Wow!   





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Cool things you see in nature.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Truth:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Who knew you'd been saving up all these years?





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## tombanjo

or you could say "We are being watched, get off at the next stop, I'll go on and we will meet at rendezvous shortly. Don't look up or say anything"


----------



## isisdave

Sigh. Nowadays, everyone will think you're talking to someone through your earpiece.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## LindaCz

Luanne said:


> I've posted this before, but still love it.
> 
> View attachment 18371


That’s my kind of tour.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Perhaps this will come to a close. . . .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Never buy a car when you're hungry.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I disagree with this.  "Drink water, ya really oughter."

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## easyrider

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 34069
> 
> Dave



Yup, been there many times. Finally pass all of the campers and slow pokes on White or Chinook Pass and someone will need to use the restroom. It's funny because it's true.

Bill


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 34196
> 
> Dave



But most will stick to a kid's belly!  My DH and some of his friends tried it out on a younger sibling when they were all young and foolish (and possibly drunk). They were actually able to lift the kid up off the floor with the plunger. Left a heck of a 'hickey' on his belly!

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 34192
> 
> Dave


Groan emoji needed


----------



## geoand

Groan emoji could have been used on several posts from Dave. I like the posts, but don’t like having to point out the need for them. Lol


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> Groan emoji could have been used on several posts from Dave. I like the posts, but don’t like having to point out the need for them. Lol



I love that you appreciate the groan factor.  I don't write these, I just share them.  And that's usually right after *I* groaned over them. 

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 34096



That reminds me of a line supposedly accredited to a pop star:  The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

And we’re over 5000 posts! Wow! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 34247



No bull!

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> No bull!
> 
> Dave


Have you ever had a dejá moo feeling?  As you get older and more cynical, you're more likely to experience it. Though it can certainly happen at almost any age.

It's that awareness that comes when someone is expounding, and you know that it's just regurgitated BS that you've heard before.

Happens often during timeshare sales presentations.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 34249
> 
> Dave


TRUTH BE TOLD!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, scientists have been busy...





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## moonstone




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you miss having company over...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Maybe you had to be there. . . .


----------



## Passepartout

Might be a little close to the edge. . .


----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

I was re-volted having no idea watt he was doing but I had to dif-fuse 
the situation, so I grounded him to ohm for a long time.  He has the 
capacitance for doing shocking things with great frequency, but is 
currently farad better and conducting himself properly.

**********************************************************

 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*After A Year Of Isolation,
I'm Basically Feral.
If People Want Me Around,
They'll Have To Lure Me With Treats!
Chocolate, Red Wine and IPAs Work Well,
I Recall.*​


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Just say it out loud and it'll make sense.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Talent312

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
It has great food... But no atmosphere.
-- _Alexa_


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*And then Johnson & Johnson drives by, laughing. . . .*


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 34519
> *And then Johnson & Johnson drives by, laughing. . . .*



When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way...

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## LannyPC

A group of timeshare owners successfully bring a class-action lawsuit against a timeshare salesman for all the timeshares he deceptively sold them.

The jury found for the plaintiffs and ruled that the salesman had to buy back all the timeshares he sold them and pay an additional 5% restitution fee.  The judge then said to the jury, "I'm surprised that you gave such a harsh sentence!"  Then she said to the salesman, "I am reversing what the jury ordered.  you do not have to pay back anything and the plaintiffs have to reimburse you for your legal fees and time.  You are free to go."

The salesman starts walking away pumping his fists in the air joyfully while smirking at all the plaintiffs.  The judge then yells, "Bailiff, seize that man and bring him back here!"

The judge then says to the sales man, "Not only am I going to uphold the jury's original decision, I am ordering you to pay 10% restitution to the plaintiffs and you will spend six months in jail."

The sales man then says, "But Your Honor, you just said that I was free to go and was going to get reimbursed.  I was getting ready to celebrate."

The judge then said, "Well, now you know what it feels like to be lied to."


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 34522











						Stay At Home Humor
					

Those are just the ingredients.  You still need a detonator.    My brother actually did that once while we were all out camping back in the day -- needless to say, it wasn't pretty and none of us even thought of trying it afterwards!




					tugbbs.com


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 34530



Except they were backwards! 

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

These are excellent. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My new wardrobe. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Any musicians out there?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Note to self:  When laying on your back to take a picture of the ceiling, beware the local wildlife.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Truth.





 Dave


----------



## Tank

Ohio car


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 34529


What a true statement. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Not really humor, so,
[Deleted]


----------



## DaveNV

Now that's ^^^ funny. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ubil

Maybe not a joke, but this made me smile.

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"  Satchel Paige


----------



## presley

Don't know if this was posted already, but I just saw it a few days ago.


----------



## DaveNV

When you stop to think about it...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*If you're looking for something to do. . .


*


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## moonstone

No offence to any blonds. In Canada we used to say a Newfie.....  -no offence to them either.





~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. 
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear 
a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under 
his shirt and wasn't noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in 
the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a 
former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline 
in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window 
wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked 
up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence.....

The rest of the year went very smoothly.

********************************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Remodeling Reality 101





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Remodeling Reality 101
> 
> View attachment 34660
> 
> Dave


Sound liked a smart suggestion to me. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Self-fulfilling experience: Do enough of the first two, and the third happens.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 34688
> 
> Dave


Well done, like shoe leather, as long as there is no trace of pink. And then 9 times out of 10 the steak is perfectly cooked and NOT like shoe leather!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Definitely how my cat sees himself. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

In case you need to shop for new wine glasses.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*Not Shown: The flag festooned pickup truck


*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

@plpgma:  You need to step away from the computer.  Your Dad jokes are even worse than mine!  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*Yeah, Right!*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*Beware of giving Special Instructions.


*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

* English, maybe?


*


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Not a joke, just a seriously cute baby picture that made me smile.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Any good engineer knows immediately that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.  If it had been properly designed, all of those problems would go away.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury. - George Burns

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Love is blind, and marriage is a real eye-opener. - Anon.

I've been married so long, I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house - Louis Grizzard

I've married a few people I shouldn't have, but haven't we all? - Mamie van Doren

A man is not complete until he is married.  Then he's finished.  - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West

It's relaxing to go out my ex-wife, because she already knows I'm an idiot - Warren Thomas

Always get married early in the morning.  That way, if it doesn't work out you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

All marriages are happy.  It's the living together afterward that causes all of the trouble. - Raymond Hull

A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

Love is an ideal thing.  Marriage is a real thing.  A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.  - Johann van Goethe

It wasn't exactly a divorce.  I was traded.  - Tim Conway

I'm a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

The Japanese have a word for it. It's judo - the art of conquering by yielding.  The western equivalent of judo is "Yes, dear". - J.P. McEvoy


----------



## Passepartout

*Near Miss*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Senility Prayer





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*Advice  From An Idaho Farmer. . .


*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

*So much for 'Stay At Home' humor. Time to be getting out!


*


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Car folks will get this.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*Finally- an end to this thread


*


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

I'm pretty sure his name is Devo.





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ubil

plpgma said:


> View attachment 35103


It took me awhile to get the referenced post.


----------



## plpgma

Ubil said:


> It took me awhile to get the referenced post.


Ha ha -- Yes, I had to sing it in my head before it made sense to me, too!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for nicotine since.  -  Arturo Toscanini


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## clifffaith

Mocha has not much use for Cliff unless he is standing in the kitchen. Then she will give him an ankle rub with the understanding that his part of the deal is to add treats to her dish.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I laughed out loud over this one.





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

This brings a smile to me every year, it’s a good day!


----------



## Talent312

Better  than asking if it was from the "Silver War," as some have called it.



Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*History!


*


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DrQ

Why did the little cookie cry?

Because its mommy was a wafer so long.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When your cat is channeling its inner pussywillow.





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## clifffaith

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 35271




The rule in our house is pick a line, don't change lines, and don't watch other lines!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*Just in case you needed to know. . .


*


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Nerd humor. Hat tips to XKCD and The Atlantic:





@Peter Tennant. Also appropriate for the COVID forum:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Nerd humor. Hat tips to XKCD and The Atlantic:
> 
> View attachment 35305
> 
> @Peter Tennant. Also appropriate for the COVID forum:
> View attachment 35306


They forgot One that is very important. IMHO.

What is a Scientific Paper ? LOL


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## bizaro86

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Nerd humor. Hat tips to XKCD and The Atlantic:
> 
> View attachment 35305
> 
> @Peter Tennant. Also appropriate for the COVID forum:
> View attachment 35306



Nice! I've never published a scientific paper, but I do have a patent on something nobody will ever use.


----------



## Passepartout

*500 South Korean won= 45 U.S. cents. Good f***ing deal!


*


----------



## tombanjo

It's not the **price** of the coffee that's interesting .......


----------



## PigsDad

bizaro86 said:


> Nice! I've never published a scientific paper, but *I do have a patent* on something nobody will ever use.


A fellow patent holder here!  Got the plaque and everything. 

Kurt


----------



## bizaro86

tombanjo said:


> It's not the **price** of the coffee that's interesting .......



You thought $0.45 for 500cc of beer (slightly more than a pint) was remarkable as well?


----------



## bizaro86

PigsDad said:


> A fellow patent holder here!  Got the plaque and everything.
> 
> Kurt



My former employer kept all the goodies. Fair is fair, since they were paying me and paid for all the patent docs.


----------



## Tank

Going to hit a nerve ,,,


----------



## Tank




----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

*Keep it clean, boys and girls!


*


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> *Keep it clean, boys and girls!
> View attachment 35391*


It would have been just as good, and easier to do, if they just made a new cover for the greatest hits of The Carpenters, The Kingston Trio, or The Mamas and Papas.

+++++++++++++++

Skipping over that, here some other missing ones:

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Tell Laura I Love Her
The Ballad of the Green Berets
Tiptoe Through the Tulips
They're Coming to Take Me Away
I Am Woman
Blowin' in the Wind
Almost Cut My Hair
Ode to Billy Joe
Harper Valley PTA
Rocky Mountain High
Pinball Wizard
Muskrat Love

***************

Two more that I forgot -

Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart
Dropkick Me Jesus (Through the Goal Posts of Life)


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Happy Mother’s Day!


----------



## Ken555




----------



## DaveNV

This was me as a kid. 





 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Not so much a joke.  How many do you count?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. 
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing 
through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down 
the Interstate, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing 
and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he 
thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!," and pulled over to await the 
trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, 
and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a 
reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state 
trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

*********************************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke.  How many do you count?
> 
> View attachment 35501
> 
> Dave



9, so far. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> 9, so far. . .



There are more than 9. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## bdfitzp

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke.  How many do you count?
> 
> View attachment 35501
> 
> Dave


11


----------



## DaveNV

bdfitzp said:


> 11



Are you sure?  

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNV said:


> Are you sure?


I saw 10, but didn't spend much time looking so I may have missed some.

Kurt


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Are you sure?
> 
> Dave


How many did you see?


----------



## DaveNV

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> How many did you see?



Because a Google search shows the answer, I'll answer it here:  There are 10.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Pretty sure this is NOT what they meant.  LOL! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke.  How many do you count?
> 
> View attachment 35501
> 
> Dave


I counted 10


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

One of the greatest talk show segments of all time:  Courtney Thorne-Smith and Norm Macdonald on Conan in 1997


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is brilliant!





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Internet capture. Don't know where it came from. Colorado, maybe?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I suspect that this won't appeal to many people, but I think it's brilliant ......


----------



## DaveNV

This morning's smirk, courtesy of a serious wiseguy someplace.  This is humor I can relate to. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*Not really funny ha-ha. But a sign of the times. Welcome to post-pandemic America.


*


----------



## clifffaith

Do you ever feel like the cartoonist must be spying on you? This conversation actually took place in our house, except substitute "Chips Ahoy" for Oreos. Cliff is "never hungry". Yeah, right.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Some of you will laugh, some of you will cry.    





 Dave


----------



## tombanjo

i was going to stop by and take them up on the offer. I just can't resist those White Wall tires. But they seem to be closed

*GUARANTY CHEVROLET*
Company NumberC0211306StatusFtb SuspendedIncorporation Date6 November 1946 (over 74 years ago)Company TypeDOMESTIC STOCKJurisdictionCalifornia (US)Registered Address

P O BOX 5359,
SAN DIEGO, CA 92105
United States
Agent NameFRED ROBBINAgent Address3550 EL CAJON BLVD, SAN DIEGO, CA 92104


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV, now that was a deal. LOL.


----------



## Passepartout

In case you wondered, I'll say this is one of the most common errors people make. They don't recognize that the subject is the singular noun "use" and instead try to make the verb agree with the more recently stated noun "products." The funny part is how the "editor" calls the author a dumbass.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Covid?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*If you have kids of a 'certain age'. . . .


*


----------



## DaveNV

Not sure if we've shared these previously.  If so, read them again. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Not so much a joke.  How many do you count?
> 
> View attachment 35501
> 
> Dave


I spotted 11


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Even I groaned over this one. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Not sure if we've shared these previously.  If so, read them again.
> 
> View attachment 35668
> 
> Dave


wrong thread!  









						Punny titles - more diversions for these times.
					

A thread to post puns for titles of books, movies, songs, etc.  Examples below:  Under the Bleachers,  by Seymour Buttz Yellow River, by I.P. Daly Catching Fireflies, by Anette Andajar Guide to African Safaris, by Ellie Phant  "Title" and "Author" only, please.  This isn't a thread for general...




					tugbbs.com


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.  Unless you want to skydive twice.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 35648
> In case you wondered, I'll say this is one of the most common errors people make. They don't recognize that the subject is the singular noun "use" and instead try to make the verb agree with the more recently stated noun "products." The funny part is how the "editor" calls the author a dumbass.


right up there with datum/data.

Datum is/data are.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The more you know...





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Tank said:


> View attachment 35758


It's what the signs are saying. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Umm, now just hold on a second...





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 35799









						The Nietzsche Family Circus
					

Randomized pairings of Family Circus cartoons and Friedrich Nietzsche quotes.




					www.nietzschefamilycircus.com


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> "Buy one burger for the price of two and receive a second burger - free."



Reminds me of the Wednesday deal at Perkins...
"Buy one entrée get 2nd for 50%... requires purchase of 2 drinks."
_... As someone who drinks water, this will cost more than we'd save.
._


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This one always bothers me
Anybody , I mean anybody ever wants to pay my bill, let them, no questions asked


----------



## isisdave

Tank said:


> This one always bothers me
> Anybody , I mean anybody ever wants to pay my bill, let them, no questions asked
> View attachment 35806



Toyota Financial recently began sending a code to my phone before it would allow me to look at my account. I had the same question, since there was nothing on the site of use to anyone else.

But then, we recently sold our house and the closing was scheduled for Monday, but delayed until Tuesday. Wednesday I got a final bill from the gas company, and today I confirmed that the buyer had transferred all the other utilities... without a word to me, no email, no text, nada. Now this didn't expose any info -- they didn't tell either of us the name of the other, and I can't see his info -- but if I had a vendetta against my neighbor, I could cause a lot of trouble for him by shutting off his power and gas the day after he left on vacation.


----------



## Talent312

Why did I have to show an ID for my colonoscopy?
Is someone going to impersonate me and take my spot?
And would they have also done the prep?
.

.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> Why did I have to show an ID for my colonoscopy?
> Is someone going to impersonate me and take my spot?
> And would they have also done the prep?


I thought it was so you can be sure that it's a legitimate medical procedure and not a pseudo-alien abduction.  An alien wouldn't bother with checking ID before inserting the probe.


----------



## PigsDad

isisdave said:


> and today I confirmed that the buyer had transferred all the other utilities... without a word to me, no email, no text, nada. Now this didn't expose any info -- they didn't tell either of us the name of the other, and I can't see his info -- but if I had a vendetta against my neighbor, I could cause a lot of trouble for him by shutting off his power and gas the day after he left on vacation.


Not sure that would work.  The new owner had to create new accounts, make any necessary deposits, and set up billing in order to switch the utilities to their name.  I would think that the utility companies would not just shut off utilities with just a call without setting up the new customer.  But if you wanted to start paying for your neighbors utilities, this might work. 

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

In one word -- Yes!  I would do it!  (I guess that was more than one word.)


----------



## BJRSanDiego

plpgma said:


> View attachment 35828
> 
> In one word -- Yes!  I would do it!  (I guess that was more than one word.)


Maybe.  The "shelter" isn't much of a shelter.  Gaps in the roof, no pipe or opening for a fire.  If the temp was 31 F and I had cold weather gear, then maybe.  But if the temp was -40F or -40C then you'd probably freeze to death.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

BJRSanDiego said:


> But if the temp was -40F or -40C then you'd probably freeze to death.


-40 °F or -40 °C!  What's the difference?


----------



## Tank




----------



## BJRSanDiego

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> -40 °F or -40 °C!  What's the difference?


Ha ha.  Of course there is none.  I've experienced -40 F/C back in Mn.  while snowmobiling.  We wore cold weather equipment and have zero exposed skin.  It was still very cold.


----------



## Talent312

This would be funny, if it wasn't also tragic:
-----------------------------------------------
*S, Mo. -- A rural north-central Missouri woman has died after being attacked by a cow.*

KTVO-TV reports that 76-year-old Jane Heisey died about 8 a.m. Thursday on a farm near the Sullivan County town of Harris. Heisey and her husband, Glenn, were in a lot near their house trying to put an ear tag on a newborn calf. The mother cow knocked Heisey to the ground and stepped on her head. She was pronounced dead at the scene. Harris is about 120 miles northeast of Kansas City, Missouri.
.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

BJRSanDiego said:


> Ha ha.  Of course there is none.  I've experienced -40 F/C back in Mn.  while snowmobiling.  We wore cold weather equipment and have zero exposed skin.  It was still very cold.


Growing up in Minneapolis, and being a newspaper delivery boy, I remember that there would almost always be one or two days when them would reach -30 °F.  I don't recall -40 in the Cities, but I'm sure up in the northern part of the State it would be about 10 degrees colder.  

About 15 years ago I was visiting my Mom in Alexandria the first week of February, and I wanted to get some dawn photos at the cemetery where my Dad was buried.  The crack of dawn was the only time when the lighting was right the photo I wanted to get.  It was about -25 when I took the picture.  To operate the camera I needed to take my gloves off, and it would take me about two minutes to retrieve the camera from inside my coat (where it was being kept warm), get the scene composed, take three shots, stick the camera back inside my coat, and get my gloves.  In those two minutes my hands were stinging.  Then I would quickly get back to the car, parked about 100 feet away, and by then my cheeks were stinging as well.


----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 35828
> 
> In one word -- Yes!  I would do it!  (I guess that was more than one word.)


It would depend on the definition of 'technology'. If you had some time to tighten the boards and some chinking to fill the gaps, a stove and some chimney pipe, and enough time to split the logs that are scattered around for firewood, it could be a pretty cozy little cabin. My ancestors who settled the Yellowstone area wouldn't have had it any better and they had women and children.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## tombanjo

For those who remember what traveling by air was really like

 W10 aircraft of Imperial Airways. 1925


----------



## DaveNV

Oopsie!





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## tombanjo

True Story


----------



## Passepartout

tombanjo said:


> For those who remember what traveling by air was really like
> 
> W10 aircraft of Imperial Airways. 1925
> View attachment 35870


Here's the exterior view!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## maddog497

Ha
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G975W using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## rapmarks




----------



## rapmarks




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

Nowadays, a pack of candy cigarettes could get you thrown out of a building.
.


----------



## bluehende

Tank said:


> View attachment 35925


My mother was a smoker.  I loved these things when I was a kid.  Not sure if it was due to Mom or the taste.  I could still identify that taste in a second.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## clifffaith

This came up on one of my eBay groups and gave everyone a chuckle. I've actually referenced my eBay experience and feedback on occasion (not on a job application).


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 36068



Two pairs?

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Two pairs?
> 
> Dave


You got me -- I guess!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

After 14 months of this thread, this remains my favorite post:


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> After 14 months of this thread, this remains my favorite post:
> 
> View attachment 36070


This thread is pretty long and unwieldy.  So, here's some encouragement, folks.  Scroll back through this thread and repost your faves.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Reminds me of the maxim - You can lead a person to data, but you can't make them think.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

If  you have ever lived in the Pacific Northwest, you should appreciate this:


----------



## Beachclubmum

I picked up the Far Side daily calendar at Costco as a small gift for DH last Christmas. Today’s drawing gave us both a big laugh last night (after he flipped it to the next day).


----------



## MrockStar

[nope]


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## MrockStar

Beachclubmum said:


> I picked up the Far Side daily calendar at Costco as a small gift for DH last Christmas. Today’s drawing gave us both a big laugh last night (after he flipped it to the next day).
> 
> View attachment 36073


A picture is wort a thousand words.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## wjappraise




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Jake and Elwood visit The Penguin:


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Jake and Elwood visit The Penguin:


Of course, if you like that, there is also the mall destruction scene:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36128
> 
> Dave


----------



## Brett

.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

OR, you could paint it pink and call it a 'Women's Screwdriver' and charge $9.99!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Rolltydr

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36186
> 
> Dave


^Truth!


----------



## geoand

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 36179
> OR, you could paint it pink and call it a 'Women's Screwdriver' and charge $9.99!


CAREFUL, you are treading on dangerous grounds


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

geoand said:


> CAREFUL, you are treading on dangerous grounds


Lighten up. The intent is humor.


----------



## amycurl

And the “pink tax” is real, which makes it “funny because it’s true. “


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

[Deleted duplicate]  Oops.  

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## moonstone

Hope this isn't too indecent for TUG.  I don't mean to offend anybody, I thought this was funny.
An older friend of mine in Belize (where she says its too hot to wear a bra) posted it.





~Diane


----------



## vacationtime1




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

They say "You had to have been there".

Luckily, I was. . .


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Bohemian Rhapsody + Muppets.  A match made in heaven!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Martin Short - "Swedish Meatballs"


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36333
> 
> Dave



Take a quick look for the answer. It's all in the mind. . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## travel maniac

To everyone who posts here, a BIG THANK YOU! It's always nice to look at the jokes/cartoons/videos etc. and have a nice laugh! 

Also, it's great to see I'm not not the only one with a weird sense of humor!


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36333
> 
> Dave


I thought so!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

This is a classic.  Widely recognized as the most entertaining two minutes of Super Bowl LIII.

So many inspired moments - Peyton Manning saying "Yeah, that hurt", Franco redoing the Immaculate Reception, Tom Brady peeling off his rings. But the brilliance is Marshawn Lynch causing the whole ruckus while he's  reaching to get a swipe of frosting with that Devil-smile on his face.  Because that is exactly Marshawn Lynch - no acting skills needed.






And here's some background on the teenage girl who faces off with Richard Sherman at the end.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Continuing football, there's this classic:


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Pretty much sums it up around here:


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Makai Guy

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 36441


..and they didn't even get "Arabic" spelled correctly in the 'Diesel fuel" line.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

No Problem!


----------



## Tank




----------



## nightnurse613




----------



## Passepartout

And YOU thought Walmart was one-stop shopping. . . . .



OK, as long as the bait and pickled eggs aren't in the same container. . . .


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Bailey#1

Passepartout said:


> And YOU thought Walmart was one-stop shopping. . . . .
> View attachment 36460
> OK, as long as the bait and pickled eggs aren't in the same container. . . .


It's Mr Haney.


----------



## Passepartout

Question: 
What is the truest definition of Globalization ? 





Answer : 
Princess Diana's death. 





Question: 


How come? 





Answer : 


An 
English Princess
with an 
Egyptian boyfriend 


crashes 
in a French tunnel, 
riding in a 


German 
car 


with a 
Dutch engine, 


driven 
by a Belgian 


who was 
drunk 


on 
Scottish whisky, 


(check the bottle before you 
Challenge the spelling), 


followed 
closely by 


Italian 
Paparazzi, 


on 
Japanese motorcycles, 


treated 
by an American doctor, 
using 


Brazilian 
medicines. 








This is 
sent to you by 


a 
Canadian, 


using 


American 
Bill Gates' technology, 


and 
you're probably reading
this on your computer, 


that 
uses Taiwanese chips, 
and a 


Korean 
monitor, 


assembled 
by 


Bangladeshi 
workers 


in a 
Singapore plant, 


transported 
by Indian 


truck drivers, 


hijacked 
by Indonesians, 


unloaded by 
Sicilian longshoremen, 


and 


trucked to you by 


Mexicans 


Who are in the 


US Illegally. 







That, my friends, is 





Globalization!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

I wonder about his bills?


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

From the Lumpy Pillow Complaints department. I found this on Facebook.  I think it's probably real.

***************************************************************

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

*********************************************************************

    

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Comments on Sex

My mother told my father to tell me about the birds and the bees.  He took me to Coney Island, pointed to a couple making love under the Boardwalk and said, "Your mother wants you to know that the birds and the bees do the same thing".  - George Burns
Birds and bees have as much to do with the facts of life as black nightgowns do with keeping warm. - Hester Mundis
It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler (Farewell My Lovely)
He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle. - Ring Lardner
It;s hard to be funny when you have to be clean - Mae West
Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. - Robert Byrne
I got kicked of ballet class because I pulled a muscle.  It wasn't mine.  - Rita Rudner
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition. - Clare Whitting
I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. - Garry Shandling
He who hesitates is a damned fool. - Mae West
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. - Mae West
The mirror over my bed reads "Objects are larger than they appear". - Garry Shandling
I've been in more laps than a napkin. - Mae West
Give a man a free hand, and he'll run it all over  you. - Mae West
I wasn't kissing her.  I was whispering in her mouth. - Chico Marx
Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness. - M. Hirschfield
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin. It's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. - S.J. Perelman
Is sex better than drugs? It depends on the pusher. - Anonymous
I don't mind sleeping on an empty stomach provided it isn't my own. - Philip J. Simborg
If I had to live my life over again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. - Tallulah Bankhead
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the least surprised. - Dorothy Parker
Lead me not into temptation.  I can find the way myself. - Rita Mae Brown
When I'm good I'm very, very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. - Mae West
We practice safe sex.  We gave up the chandelier years ago. - Kathie Lee Gifford
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. - Mae West
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month.  But I know two guys she's cut out entirely. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. - Joan Rivers
She was so wild that she made French toast her tongue got caught in the toaster. - Rodney Dangerfield.
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough.  What do you want, an adorable pancreas? - Jean Kerr


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Ok, this one made me laugh out loud. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

The teacher in the USA gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved, blah blah blah...

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie," she asked, "do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a fighter pilot with the Marine's in Syria. Her aircraft got hit by enemy fire and she was forced to bail out over enemy territory. All she had was a flask full of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.    She drank all the whiskey on the way down, in case it got confiscated by Muslims, and her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 ISIS fighters. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last ISIS fighter with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens!,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you the moral to this horrible story actually was?"

"Stay the hell away from your Mother when she's been drinking.”


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## SmithOp

Bailey#1 said:


>



Should be a sticky in the Covid Forum!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36676
> 
> Dave


And why do medications for old people's aches and pains come in packages that only highly dexterous 12-year-olds can get into?


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Not funny, but. . . . .


----------



## SmithOp

that's easy for you to say.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Bet you sung it


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Quiet Pine

Not sure this is a real joke, but I found it laughable.
"The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy"
_–Abraham Lincoln, 1864_


----------



## bizaro86

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 36734
> 
> Dave



Maybe not a fit for the humor thread, but seedless watermelons are hybrids that are grown from seeds. They are triploids, so they're sterile, and don't have their own seeds. But the seeds for them are produced by hybridization.

The common analogy is breeding a horse and donkey gets a mule, but then the mule is sterile. Seedless watermelons are sterile hybrids, so no seeds in them, even though they grow from seeds.


----------



## DaveNV

bizaro86 said:


> Maybe not a fit for the humor thread, but seedless watermelons are hybrids that are grown from seeds. They are triploids, so they're sterile, and don't have their own seeds. But the seeds for them are produced by hybridization.
> 
> The common analogy is breeding a horse and donkey gets a mule, but then the mule is sterile. Seedless watermelons are sterile hybrids, so no seeds in them, even though they grow from seeds.



Thanks.  I really did wonder about this.  

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I have a soft spot for perceptive women who produce pithy observations that say much in few works. In that regard, Nora Ephron was a treasure.  I love this quote from "You've Got Mail". Totally humorous, but also brutally honest.

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing, or who on earth they are can – for only $2.95 – get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Some of you will laugh.  Some of you won't.  But this is as true as it gets. 





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## travel maniac

An old classic from George Carlin - Idiots and Maniacs (I have a special interest in maniacs due to my username!)


----------



## DJensen




----------



## Passepartout

Maybe for a while. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

From a (REAL) town in Utah. . .


----------



## PigsDad

Passepartout said:


> From a (REAL) town in Utah. . .
> View attachment 36948


Reminds me of a business near Beaver Creek ski area in Colorado that sold alcohol named -- you guessed it -- "Beaver Liquors".  Their radio ads would have us in stitches!    

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Makes perfect sense to me.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

But is it kosher, or halal?


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## LannyPC

travel maniac said:


> An old classic from George Carlin - Idiots and Maniacs (I have a special interest in maniacs due to my username!)



Thanks for that but for some reason, I thought it was Jerry Seinfeld who came up with that.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl

DaveNV said:


> Makes perfect sense to me.
> 
> View attachment 36954
> 
> Dave


I am so glad you posted this Dave, because SIri won't give you that answer any longer.  It was SO much fun to listen to while it lasted!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Tank said:


> View attachment 37088


I'm from the upper Midwest.  My mother did the same thing.  But I also remember that if she put a dollop of mayonnaise on it,  it was considered a salad.  But if she put a dollop of whip cream on it, it was dessert.      It is a Midwest sort of thing...


----------



## DaveNV

BJRSanDiego said:


> I'm from the upper Midwest.  My mother did the same thing.  But I also remember that if she put a dollop of mayonnaise on it,  it was considered a salad.  But if she put a dollop of whip cream on it, it was dessert.      It is a Midwest sort of thing...



Not just in the midwest.  I'm from the west coast, and my Mom did the same thing.  Not just shredded carrots, but fruit cocktail, too. Together.  

Dave


----------



## BJRSanDiego

DaveNV said:


> Not just in the midwest.  I'm from the west coast, and my Mom did the same thing.  Not just shredded carrots, but fruit cocktail, too. Together.
> 
> Dave


Thanks for mentioning the fruit cocktail.  I remember that well and liked it better than with carrots.


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

This one made me spit coffee across the room.  





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Sounds about right:


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## chapjim

bizaro86 said:


> Maybe not a fit for the humor thread, but seedless watermelons are hybrids that are grown from seeds. They are triploids, so they're sterile, and don't have their own seeds. But the seeds for them are produced by hybridization.
> 
> The common analogy is breeding a horse and donkey gets a mule, but then the mule is sterile. Seedless watermelons are sterile hybrids, so no seeds in them, even though they grow from seeds.



Now we know!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## wjappraise

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## wjappraise

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Tough times on the 'Help Wanted' front. . . .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!


----------



## LannyPC

A man went to the police station and asked to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house.

The police officer said to the victim, "No, Sir.  You'll get your chance in court."

The victim replied, "No, no, no.  I just wan to to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.  I've been trying to do that for years."


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> Not just in the midwest.  I'm from the west coast, and my Mom did the same thing.  Not just shredded carrots, but fruit cocktail, too. Together.
> 
> Dave


Shredded carrots and canned crushed pineapple -- yum!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## SmithOp

Tank said:


> View attachment 37183



They are using viagra at assisted living now to keep men from falling out of bed.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This brings a smile to my face
It’s a jeep thing- happy 4th


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> This brings a smile to my face
> It’s a jeep thing- happy 4th View attachment 37268



Non-Jeep drivers won't get it. And only Wrangler drivers do it.  For some reason, drivers of other Jeep models never got the word.   

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Help wanted ad:

"Electrician wanted.  Experience required - this time."





 Dave


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> Non-Jeep drivers won't get it. And only Wrangler drivers do it.  For some reason, drivers of other Jeep models never got the word.
> 
> Dave



our tire cover


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This is just funny, I’m not a fan of  barking dogs ,,, 
It’s just a joke, I’m sympathetic


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Posted before, but not to this thread. 

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ubil

Conversation between two of my grown children.

Benji: I guess we are going to a dam.
Hannah: Language, Benji.
Benji: Sorry, I guess we are going to a darn.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37354
> 
> Dave


Similar -

Little Johnny was listening very attentively in Sunday School while the teacher was relating the story of Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom as the city was being consumed by fire and brimstone. The teacher got to the part where the angel warned Lot and his wife to flee and forbade them from looking back at the city. But as they were fleeing, Lot's wife looked back at the city, and she turned into a pillar of salt.

At that point Johnny got very interested and raised his hand in the air.  The teacher paused the story, and asked what Johnny had to say. Johnny stood up and said, "Last week when Mommy was taking Susie and me to school, she looked back at us.  And she turned into a mailbox."


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37378
> 
> Dave


This made me laugh, but I’m one of the fortunate women who has those four men all rolled up in one!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout

This is not really 'humor', though it's funny. It really happened.


----------



## sue1947

Passepartout said:


> This is not really 'humor', though it's funny. It really happened.
> View attachment 37404


Reminds me of the WKRP turkey episode: 'As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"
WKRP episode link


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## SmithOp

King of the sea makes an appearance


----------



## Tank

I do stop but I’m sure this is true as well


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## MULTIZ321

Daily Joke: Woman Brought a Duck to the
 Veterinary Clinic Hoping to Save it.










						Daily Joke: Woman Brought a Duck to the Veterinary Clinic Hoping to Save It
					

Today's joke is about a woman who went to the veterinary clinic for her ill duck, but the medical bill ran high after she questioned the vet's verdict.




					news.amomama.com
				



.


Richard


----------



## spirit1

Hello Richard.  Thanks for the joke...my husband and I got a chuckle out of it.
Also....thanks for finding these great news article for us.  Eclectic and very informative.....and if you don't like the first one...the next one might be to your tastes....I for one am glad you are posting them


----------



## DaveNV

spirit1 said:


> Hello Richard.  Thanks for the joke...my husband and I got a chuckle out of it.
> Also....thanks for finding these great news article for us.  Eclectic and very informative.....and if you don't like the first one...the next one might be to your tastes....I for one am glad you are posting them



Yes, indeed.  Richard, like the good Vet in the joke, keeps us in stitches.  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

For all of us at TUG


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Mr. Spock vs. Mr. Spock.  This video is hilarious.






 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When the "puns on the church sign" guy is out of ideas.





 Dave


----------



## Stubey

...at which point, Cuddles woke up and said, "That's okay, Doc, just put it on my bill."  badda-BOOM!


----------



## DaveNV

Stubey said:


> ...at which point, Cuddles woke up and said, "That's okay, Doc, just put it on my bill."  badda-BOOM!



You quack me up. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

From my sister:





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A long time favorite ....






Did you know that the stern of the Edmund Fitzgerald may have struck bottom in Lake Superior while the bow was still above water?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A few more inspirational items ...


----------



## MULTIZ321

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> A long time favorite ....
> 
> View attachment 37501
> 
> 
> Did you know that the stern of the Edmund Fitzgerald may have struck bottom in Lake Superior while the bow was still above water?


Hi Steve,

The Edmund Fitzgerald is among the 11.


 11 Shipwrecks That Haunt the Great Lakes.









						11 Shipwrecks That Haunt the Great Lakes
					

The wreck of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald isn't the only ship to have met an early end on the Great Lakes.




					www.mentalfloss.com
				



.


Richard


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

MULTIZ321 said:


> Hi Steve,
> 
> The Edmund Fitzgerald is among the 11.
> 
> 
> 11 Shipwrecks That Haunt the Great Lakes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 11 Shipwrecks That Haunt the Great Lakes
> 
> 
> The wreck of the SS Edmund Fitzgerald isn't the only ship to have met an early end on the Great Lakes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.mentalfloss.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .
> 
> 
> Richard


In the song, there is lyric that says the lake never gives up the dead.  That's because the lake is deep enough and cold enough that throughout much of the lake, the lake bottom never mixes with surface water. It's very cold, not much above freezing and has no oxygen.  Most of the time when someone drowns, if the body sinks, after some time it floats as decomposition gases form.  But not in Lake Superior. When a body reaches the bottom it stays there, preserved.


----------



## PigsDad

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> In the song, there is lyric that says the lake never gives up the dead.  That's because the lake is deep enough and cold enough that throughout much of the lake, the lake bottom never mixes with surface water. It's very cold, not much above freezing and has no oxygen.  Most of the time when someone drowns, if the body sinks, after some time it floats as decomposition gases form.  But not in Lake Superior. When a body reaches the bottom it stays there, preserved.


This is in the *Humor *thread???   

Time to reel it in, gentlemen. 

Kurt


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PigsDad said:


> This is in the *Humor *thread???
> 
> Time to reel it in, gentlemen.
> 
> Kurt


Agreed.  My apologies.


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> In the song, there is lyric that says the lake never gives up the dead.  That's because the lake is deep enough and cold enough that throughout much of the lake, the lake bottom never mixes with surface water. It's very cold, not much above freezing and has no oxygen.  Most of the time when someone drowns, if the body sinks, after some time it floats as decomposition gases form.  But not in Lake Superior. When a body reaches the bottom it stays there, preserved.


Heavy.


----------



## bizaro86

PigsDad said:


> This is in the *Humor *thread???
> 
> Time to * reel it in, gentlemen.
> 
> Kurt
> *


*

Given the subject and the bolded, I was tempted to make a fishing pun. But I decided not to take the bait.*


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

bizaro86 said:


> *Given the subject and the bolded, I was tempted to make a fishing pun. But I decided not to take the bait.*


You're just trolling for "likes".


----------



## Talent312

A news story from 2004...
--------------------------
*Thieves caught as they try to silence parrot*

MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) — Afraid a talkative parrot might prove to be a stool pigeon, three thieves returned to the scene of the crime to silence the bird — only to be caught by police.  After making off with DVD players, computers, radios, TVs and other electronic gear, one of the burglars realized that a parrot in the home had heard him use the nickname "J.J." for one of his accomplices and was repeating it.

"They were afraid the bird would stool on them," police Maj. Billy Garrett said.
They went back for the bird and were loading it into the getaway car when police arrived.
The chase ended a few blocks away when the men crashed their car.

The light-green parrot, a 6-year-old bird named Marshmallow, flew away when its cage broke open.
Felicia Cobb and her children have not seen their pet since then.
.


----------



## Mongoose

I thought for the fun of it we could start a thread with Travel Related Jokes.  Might just make someone smile....

Q) How did the flat earther travel the world?
A) On a Plane 

Q) What kind of trails does a crazy person hike?  
A) A Psychopath...

Q) Did you hear about the timeshare salesman that was sentenced to prison?
A) He has to go to prison for two weeks a year for the next 30 years...


----------



## bizaro86

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> You're just trolling for "likes".



I'm not very good at it then - I've only hooked one.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Mongoose

A timeshare salesperson dies and is offered a choice of heaven or hell. Being a cautious type person, he asks to see both places before he chooses.

His "guide" first shows him heaven. Lots of angels playing harps, floating around on clouds, surrounded by people the salesperson has never seen.

Next, they visit hell. Here the salesperson sees lots of his old friends, laughing, eating pizza, player poker, and having a great time.

The salesperson thinks for a moment and then informs the guide that hell will have to be his choice.

Half a second later, the salesperson finds himself chained to a wall of fire and brimstone, the beer, pizza and poker are nowhere in sight and the temperature is unbearable.

He sees his guide off to the side and cries out to him..."hey, hey, hey,this is not what you showed me."

The guide smile and simply replies, "That was the model."


----------



## Mongoose

Call this Karma ....

Vehicle Warranty Salesman: Hi, Did you know your vehicle warranty is about to expire.  Would you be interested in extending it?  

TS Salesman: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

TS Salesman: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37531
> 
> Dave


I think the real question is “You own a limbo stick?”


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> I think the real question is “You own a limbo stick?”



Why, yes. Doesn't everyone?  If you hold it up to your ear you can hear Harry Belafonte singing "The Banana Boat Song."  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Why, yes. Doesn't everyone?  If you hold it up to your ear you can hear Harry Belafonte singing "The Banana Boat Song."  LOL!
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, you are telling us your age. Harry Belafonte singing "The Banana Boat Song" was how many *decades ago. LOL*


----------



## Brett

Passepartout said:


> This is not really 'humor', though it's funny. It really happened.
> View attachment 37404



no parachute for fish !
https://www.cnn.com/2021/07/13/us/fish-drop-plane-utah-scn-trnd/index.html


----------



## Mongoose




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

A cement truck crashed in 1959 near Winganon, Oklahoma. The mixer was too heavy to move so they left it. The locals have since repainted it to look like a Nasa space capsule.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> DaveNV, you are telling us your age. Harry Belafonte singing "The Banana Boat Song" was how many *decades ago. LOL*



The song is on a Greatest Radio Oldies CD I have.  I'm much, much too immature, er... I mean, "much too young" to remember that song.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

They may want to relocate that sign.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> The song is on a Greatest Radio Oldies CD I have.  I'm much, much too immature, er... I mean, "much too young" to remember that song.
> 
> Dave


Or Chubby Checker and the Limbo Rock


----------



## Passepartout

Did I read that sign right? 
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -  

In a Laundromat: 
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------------  

In a London department store: 
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS... 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------------  

In an office: 
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------  

In an office: 
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --  

Outside a second-hand shop: 
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --  

Notice in health food shop window: 
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS... 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------  

Spotted in a safari park: 
(I sure hope so.) 
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------  

Seen during a conference: 
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------  

Notice in a farmer's field: 
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

Message on a leaflet: 
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------  

On a repair shop door: 
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.) 
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --  

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife 
And Daughter 
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------  

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 
Really? Ya' think? 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------  

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
Now that's taking things a bit far! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------  

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
What a guy! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------  

Miners Refuse to Work after Death 
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! 

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------  

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works better than a fair trial! 
----------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------  

War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------  

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 
Ya' think?! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------  

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
Who would have thought! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------  

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 
They may be on to something! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
He probably IS the battery charge! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
Weren't they fat enough?! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
That's what he gets for eating those beans! 
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------  

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
Do they taste like chicken? 
****************************** ****************************** ********************  

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
Chainsaw Massacre all over again! 
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****  

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
Boy, are they tall! 
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****  

And the winner is... 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
Did I read that right?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> Did I read that sign right?
> TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -
> 
> In a Laundromat:
> AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------------
> 
> In a London department store:
> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------------
> 
> In an office:
> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------
> 
> In an office:
> AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Outside a second-hand shop:
> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Notice in health food shop window:
> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------
> 
> Spotted in a safari park:
> (I sure hope so.)
> ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------
> 
> Seen during a conference:
> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------
> 
> Notice in a farmer's field:
> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Message on a leaflet:
> IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
> 
> On a repair shop door:
> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
> Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife
> And Daughter
> This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------
> 
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> Really? Ya' think?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> Now that's taking things a bit far!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> What a guy!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
> 
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> See if that works better than a fair trial!
> ----------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
> 
> War Dims Hope for Peace
> I can see where it might have that effect!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
> Ya' think?!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> Who would have thought!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> They may be on to something!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
> You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
> He probably IS the battery charge!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
> Weren't they fat enough?!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> That's what he gets for eating those beans!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> Do they taste like chicken?
> ****************************** ****************************** ********************
> 
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
> ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****
> 
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> Boy, are they tall!
> ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****
> 
> And the winner is...
> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
> Did I read that right?


For the Women's Auxiliary rummage sale, the ladies of the church have discarded clothing of every kind . Come see them in the church basement this Saturday.


----------



## DaveNV

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, 
your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her 
face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," 
and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re 
getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. 

"You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home 
tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, 
DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas 
and paying their own airfares."

**************************************

 Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is funny, but brilliant. If you live in flood-prone places:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This made me laugh out loud.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> This is funny, but brilliant. If you live in flood-prone places:
> 
> View attachment 37595
> 
> Dave



That's easy! 

THE ULTIMATE DEER BLIND!


----------



## Passepartout

Should this be in the Covid forum? Or HGVC? I dunno.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

From Ohio 
It’s true!


----------



## Tank

Maybe anyone under 40


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 37605


In the same vein -

       A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

       The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.


----------



## Tank




----------



## vacationtime1




----------



## Talent312

I just had my Ancestry done.  I took some spit and sent it off.
They said that I'm 20% Norwegian and 80% butter.

-- Comedian Louis Anderson
.


----------



## chapjim

Passepartout said:


> Did I read that sign right?
> TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -
> 
> In a Laundromat:
> AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------------
> 
> In a London department store:
> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------------
> 
> In an office:
> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------
> 
> In an office:
> AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Outside a second-hand shop:
> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Notice in health food shop window:
> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------
> 
> Spotted in a safari park:
> (I sure hope so.)
> ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------
> 
> Seen during a conference:
> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------
> 
> Notice in a farmer's field:
> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Message on a leaflet:
> IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
> 
> On a repair shop door:
> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
> Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
> 
> Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife
> And Daughter
> This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------
> 
> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> Really? Ya' think?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> Now that's taking things a bit far!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> What a guy!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
> 
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> See if that works better than a fair trial!
> ----------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
> 
> War Dims Hope for Peace
> I can see where it might have that effect!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
> Ya' think?!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
> 
> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> Who would have thought!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
> 
> Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> They may be on to something!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
> You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
> He probably IS the battery charge!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
> Weren't they fat enough?!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> That's what he gets for eating those beans!
> ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
> 
> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> Do they taste like chicken?
> ****************************** ****************************** ********************
> 
> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
> ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****
> 
> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> Boy, are they tall!
> ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****
> 
> And the winner is...
> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
> Did I read that right?



Stuck in traffic?  You're not alone!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> This made me laugh out loud.
> 
> View attachment 37600
> 
> Dave


Something I heard way back in the early 90s:

Read this:  Fee, Fee, Foe, Fee, Fee, Foe, Fie.

That's Mike Tyson giving you his phone number.


----------



## DaveNV

LannyPC said:


> Something I heard way back in the early 90s:
> 
> Read this:  Fee, Fee, Foe, Fee, Fee, Foe, Fie.
> 
> That's Mike Tyson giving you his phone number.



I heard Leon Spinx.  But same kind of thing.  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Re: Mike Tyson and Leon Spinks.
Too many shots to the head???


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Re: Mike Tyson and Leon Spinks.
> Too many shots to the head???



Teeth missing, I think.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Say, what do you call dancing chickens?





Poultry in motion.     

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## bluehende




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For @Passepartout: Your wife will soon be only one of the artists in your family.





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

@T_R_Oglodyte:  You're killing me here. My "Dad Joke" meter is now broken.  

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

This is a brainteaser puzzle, but it's also amusing (to me, anyway.)

How many can you figure out?  I'll start by answering the first three.  You do the rest.





1. Sand Box

2. Man Overboard

3. I Understand

Now it's your turn! Bonus points if you can decipher number 12 and 21. I figured out the rest. 

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> This is a brainteaser puzzle, but it's also amusing (to me, anyway.)
> 
> How many can you figure out?  I'll start by answering the first three.  You do the rest.
> 
> View attachment 37735
> 
> 1. Sand Box
> 
> 2. Man Overboard
> 
> 3. I Understand
> 
> Now it's your turn! Bonus points if you can decipher number 12 and 21. I figured out the rest.
> 
> Dave


I believe 12 is "the Ayes are over the Nos.  And 21 might be a soldier overseas.


----------



## PrairieGirl

yes, 21 is "a G.I. overseas"


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> This is a brainteaser puzzle, but it's also amusing (to me, anyway.)
> 
> How many can you figure out?  I'll start by answering the first three.  You do the rest.
> 
> View attachment 37735
> 
> 1. Sand Box
> 
> 2. Man Overboard
> 
> 3. I Understand
> 
> Now it's your turn! Bonus points if you can decipher number 12 and 21. I figured out the rest.
> 
> Dave


12. 3 in 1 oil


----------



## DaveNV

I'm reading on several sites that #12 is "Circles Under The Eyes."    Seems a little forced, frankly.  

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> I'm reading on several sites that #12 is "Circles Under The Eyes."    Seems a little forced, frankly.
> 
> Dave



Definitely forced.  I'm not sure anyone has ever said, "circles under the eyes"


----------



## DaveNV

Ty1on said:


> Definitely forced.  I'm not sure anyone has ever said, "circles under the eyes"



The alternate I'm seeing is "Under-Eye Circles" which doesn't sound any better.  I'm hoping someone comes up with something more clever.

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> The alternate I'm seeing is "Under-Eye Circles" which doesn't sound any better.  I'm hoping someone comes up with something more clever.
> 
> Dave



I came up with four eyed spectacles, which I guess is both as inane and as applicable as any other guess I've seen


----------



## pedro47

#12 
Three rings circus


----------



## Brett

DaveNV said:


> This is a brainteaser puzzle, but it's also amusing (to me, anyway.)
> 
> How many can you figure out?  I'll start by answering the first three.  You do the rest.
> 
> View attachment 37735
> 
> 
> 
> Now it's your turn! Bonus points if you can decipher number 12 and 21. I figured out the rest.
> 
> Dave





4. Reading between the lines
5.  Long underwear
6. Cross roads
7. Downtown
8. Tricycles
9. Split level
10. 0°
11. Neon lights
12. Circles under the eyes
13. High chair
14. Pair of dice
15. Touchdown
16. 5 feet underground
17. Mind over matter
18. He’s beside himself
19. Backwards glance
20. Life after death
21. G.I. Overseas
22. No show
23. See-through blouse
24. Just you and me


----------



## DaveNV

Brett said:


> 4. Reading between the lines
> 5.  Long underwear
> 6. Cross roads
> 7. Downtown
> 8. Tricycles
> 9. Split level
> *10. Three degrees below 0*
> 11. Neon lights
> 12. Circles under the eyes *(I'm still not sure about this)*
> 13. High chair
> 14. Pair of dice
> 15. Touchdown
> 16. 5 feet underground
> 17. Mind over matter
> 18. He’s beside himself
> 19. Backwards glance
> 20. Life after death
> 21. G.I. Overseas
> *22. Space Program*
> 23. See-through blouse
> *24. Just between you and me*



Great effort, Brett.  I've edited a couple, in *bold *above.

Dave


----------



## Brett

DaveNV said:


> Great effort, Brett.  I've edited a couple, in *bold *above.
> 
> Dave



I admit the effort is mostly attributable to my wife,  ---   she does the NYT crossword in a couple of minutes


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV, you have change your avatar again ?


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> DaveNV, you have change your avatar again ?



I have.  This picture of my dog Cody is my favorite picture of him.  Just like with wearing socks, I like to change them from time to time.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Wow! Over 6,000 posts 

Thanks, everyone!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Wow! Over 6,000 posts
> 
> Thanks, everyone!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



You did well to start this thread, Ken.  I know I've laughed more in the last 18 months than in the last 18 years.  Well, maybe not laughed.  Chuckled, groaned, snorted, harrumphed, smiled, and said, "Oh, Jeez..." a whole lot.  It's been very fun.

Dave


----------



## dlpearson

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37767
> 
> Dave


This one "li'-trah-lee" made me laugh out loud (said Chris Traeger from Parks and Rec).  I still picture Rosie O'Donnell shooting koosh balls from her desk into the audience (from her talk show years ago) when I hear or think of that song.


----------



## pedro47

Ken555, thanks for starting this *outstanding,  humorous thread, it is very timely,
 especially during this Covid pandemic. *

This thread daily POSTING is an laughable joy to read. *IMHO.*


----------



## Passepartout

Ken555 said:


> Wow! Over 6,000 posts
> 
> Thanks, everyone!


Thank YOU, Ken. This thread has been a good outlet for pent-up emotional outlet and a great repository for all the absurdities we all come across. Maybe some day, some enterprising individual will compile the whole mess into a book and sell it on Amazon!

Jim


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

Josef Stalin was asked if he has any hobbies.
"I collect jokes about myself," was his response. 
"Oh, nice, how many have you collected?"
"I have two and a half labor camps so far."


----------



## bizaro86

It was the chicken's birthday, and all the animals held a party. They had cake and balloons and were all singing, "Happy Birthday." Except the pony, who was silent. The chicken, a bit offended, asked why he wasn't singing. The pony said, "I'm a little horse."


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

_love starting my day off with a smile , enjoy this thread as well
Dave_


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

And NOW, a little something from the ol' WayBack Machine. . . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ty1on

Passepartout said:


> And NOW, a little something from the ol' WayBack Machine. . . .
> 
> View attachment 37834


Now we know where Motorola took its Razr design cues.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> And NOW, a little something from the ol' WayBack Machine. . . .
> 
> View attachment 37834


That article was dated April 18,1963.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Today's English Lesson, Boys and Girls: . . . . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Michael1141

Pushing as fast as I can


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## TheHolleys87

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry about this one….


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

So now it's TIMESHARES?????


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My neighbor just banged on the wall at 3:30 in the morning! Can you believe that?
Luckily, I was still up playing music.

He banged again, and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"

So I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but ok this one's for you!"

**************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'm thinking this guy is peeing himself... 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Oopsie!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you paint your garage doors photo-realistically, just to mess with your neighbors.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you're convinced Google Maps is trying to kill you.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.  He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate 
was.  Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there 
was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.  

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “Now, Mama, I know what you must be 
thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony, and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been 
unable to find the silver sugar bowl. I've looked everywhere.  You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Anthony shook his head.  "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."  

So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" 
take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony

A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. 
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama

Moral:

Never Bulla Shita Your Mama!

***************************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> When you're convinced Google Maps is trying to kill you.
> 
> View attachment 37904
> 
> Dave



If memory serves, this range is in New Mexico.


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## b2bailey

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37871
> 
> Dave


Okay, this one MADE me laugh out loud.


----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 37930
> 
> Dave


Oh Dave, what a morning! I had to share this one with my sister, and the rest of them made me laugh so much I had tears in my eyes! Thank you!


----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> Oh Dave, what a morning! I had to share this one with my sister, and the rest of them made me laugh so much I had tears in my eyes! Thank you!



Thank you.  I enjoy sharing these silly jokes here.  Great to know at least some are bringing a laugh to others. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## isisdave

I don't miss this!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Ya
Me too


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I think the auto parts junkyard could have planned this a bit better. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## SmithOp

Funny or just plain scary?

Who said Canadians take less risks?

I’d call this the OhHellNo ride!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

SmithOp said:


> Funny or just plain scary?
> 
> Who said Canadians take less risks?
> 
> I’d call this the OhHellNo ride!


That is the Yukon Striker ride at Canada's Wonderland, an amusement park just north of Toronto, and about an hour south of me.  DH & DD rode it the first summer it was in operation while I stayed with feet firmly planted on the ground and took photos! Here is a video ride of it. (15) Yukon Striker - POV - Canada's Wonderland - YouTube 

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you're downsizing and mean it.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

They discovered why the Internet is so slow...

Everyone in online and tweeting.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## bizaro86

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38200
> 
> Dave



Pfft. They need to switch to metric - the metre stick will be around a bit longer I'd say.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Still makes me laugh.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Found on Craigslist:

"Only 1,138,967,927,727,182,983 miles on the odometer, full logbook 
servicing by Montgomery Scott, ex-United Federation of Planets 
government vehicle, warp drive not working (just needs new dilithium crystals)."





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## vacationtime1

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 38261


A half-wit?


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Mongoose




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

In case you ever wondered where clouds come from...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Mongoose

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38288
> 
> Dave


Maybe it wasn't a typo


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38201
> 
> Dave


Didn’t make sense first time I read it. Then DUH.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

vacationtime1 said:


> A half-wit?


Half-wits!!! This is for you.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38288
> 
> Dave


When I was in high school in the Twin Cities in the late 1960s, on Saturday nights we would occasionally go to Dudley Riggs' Brave New Workshop for the open session after the second show.  The open session was totally ad lib, no cover, and no alcohol, so we could get in as teenagers. A regular feature was Dudley Riggs sitting on a stool on the stage by himself, with the early press run of the next day's Sunday Minneapolis Tribune, reading it, and ad libbing as he did so.  

I remember one time when President Johnson dispatched Vice-Prez Hubert Humphrey on some foreign diplomatic work.  Riggs simply read the headline, lowered the newspaper so he could peer at the audience over his reading glasses, and panned the room with a big smile on his face.  The headline: "Johnson sends Humphrey Abroad".  But when Riggs read it, he added just a bit of space between the syllables in "abroad".

It took the audience about four minutes to recover.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> I think the auto parts junkyard could have planned this a bit better.
> 
> View attachment 38092
> 
> Dave


Looks to me as if someone has a great sense of humor.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank

Not me ,,,, but


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38320
> 
> Dave


I am an orchid, and I hate this game too.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38337
> 
> Dave


Anybody got some salt???


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38340
> 
> Dave


Looks liked a manuel truck shift stick


----------



## wjappraise

pedro47 said:


> Looks liked a manuel truck shift stick



With Braille…


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## isisdave

I could use this, if I didn't have it memorized anyway. When I wear my driving-distance glasses, I really can't read up-close things.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

UFO spotted over Seattle.




 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## isisdave

Did you see there's a male-voiced alternative to Alexa named Ziggy?  I think the name was supposed to be more androgynous, but it must have been picked by someone too young to remember





although, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure of Ziggy's sex.


----------



## Tank

isisdave said:


> Did you see there's a male-voiced alternative to Alexa named Ziggy?  I think the name was supposed to be more androgynous, but it must have been picked by someone too young to remember
> 
> View attachment 38369
> 
> although, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure of Ziggy's sex.



As a male he will have a hard enough life ,,,
It’s a male


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Not to be outdone, this year's Kona event will also feature an Iron Woman Competition.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Not really 'funny-ha-ha' But meanwhile in Saudi Arabia a prince buys 80 seats for his falcons. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Not really 'funny-ha-ha' But meanwhile in Saudi Arabia a prince buys 80 seats for his falcons. . .
> View attachment 38381



Must be a red eye flight.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

Passepartout said:


> Not really 'funny-ha-ha' But meanwhile in Saudi Arabia a prince buys 80 seats for his falcons. . .
> View attachment 38381


He doesn’t own the plane?


----------



## Talent312

Passepartout said:


> Not really 'funny-ha-ha' But meanwhile in Saudi Arabia a prince buys 80 seats for his falcons. . .



Lemme guess, for their meal, they chose chicken.


----------



## DaveNV

A wise man is talking to God & asks
"Lord, why did you make women so beautiful?"

The Lord responds
"So you would love them..."

The wise man ponders the answer for a few seconds & then asks
"Okay, well, why did you make them so dumb?"

The Lord replies
"So they would love you..."

*******************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ty1on

isisdave said:


> Did you see there's a male-voiced alternative to Alexa named Ziggy?  I think the name was supposed to be more androgynous, but it must have been picked by someone too young to remember
> 
> View attachment 38369
> 
> although, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure of Ziggy's sex.



I wonder if he plays guitar.....


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Check your vision!





 Dave


----------



## beejaybeeohio

DaveNV said:


> A wise man is talking to God & asks
> "Lord, why did you make women so beautiful?"
> 
> The Lord responds
> "So you would love them..."
> 
> The wise man ponders the answer for a few seconds & then asks
> "Okay, well, why did you make them so dumb?"
> 
> The Lord replies
> "So they would love you..."
> 
> *******************************************
> 
> Dave



To counteract:
Women have so many faults but men have only two-
Everything they say and everything they do!

DH has happily shared your story many times to my unhappiness!


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

I got pulled over on the HWY for going 7 mph over the speed limit. 

As the officer started walking up to my truck, i rolled my windows down ..... 

My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 7 yr old Granddaughter, started screaming from the backseat:

“It’s coming out!!!!!” 
“I can’t hold it any longer Paw Pawwww”
“It’s almost here!!!!!!!! Paw Pawwww!!!”

Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this....
and he stands up on my brush guard leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”

She looks him  DEAD IN THE FACE 

And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

He started laughing 
I must have looked shocked and embarrassed 

He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home. He told me to drive safe and get Miss Thang home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing

As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”

This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”‍‍‍‍

I said “So...... You're not pooping ?”
She said nope and you're not in trouble either.

OMG 
This kid is my hero ‍


----------



## DaveNV

The picture we've all been waiting to see.  And yes, you already know the caption:

"Does a bear ____ in the woods?"  Apparently, yes.  Yes he does.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

You gardeners, and those who know a gardener, will understand.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 38447


She make him a sandwich with the cheese still in the plastic wrap. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Tank said:


> View attachment 38597


Some years ago, I took my mom and one of her girlfriends out to Sunday Brunch. I was 45ish, I think. The waiter gave us ALL the Senior Discount. It was my first time. There have been MANY since. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Get ready for Thanksgiving!!  Shop early, shop often!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Traveling to Oz was stranger than it first seemed...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Ok, this is funny.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## SmithOp




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

They are such pretty tomato plants, but so lousy at making tomatoes. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I wonder who lives on this street? 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Think about it.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

We all know that one guy...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

The devil is in the details….

During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.

“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”

The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When a KISS fan is also a car buff.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 38788
> 
> Dave


That's like the ads to call a psychic hotline.  Shouldn't they be calling you?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

*QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FROM THE “CARP FORUM” *(CARP – California Association of Retired People)

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car

Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, haven't you . . . uh . . . what’s you’re name again???


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## rapmarks




----------



## billymach4




----------



## billymach4




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

Have you heard the new Elton John song about a woman named Jennifer who runs a sports gambling ring?

It's entitled Jenny and the Bets.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Tank said:


> View attachment 38867


In the Keystone, S.D. area there was a miner who found a phenomenal gold claim.  He named it after his wife.  When he told her, she was very pleased.  She later learned that he named the mine "Holy Terror".  True story AFAIK.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## billymach4




----------



## bizaro86

billymach4 said:


> View attachment 38935


I only have sons so maybe my answer isn't valid.

But I'd have a hard time not offering to show my electromagnets.


----------



## isisdave

I saw a similar creature on a different site. The best answer was "Welcome him warmly and kindly, engage him in conversation about his life and experience, and ask him to return soon. Daughter will dump him tomorrow."


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

"The Institute of Unfinished Research" = Every research lab in existence.

If you finish your research, your NIH grant goes away and your lab closes.
So, every research paper written ends with, "Further research is needed."

As I once told my ex (a microbiologist)...
There should be a Journal of Final Results which requires papers to say:
"This finishes our research into this subject. No further study is needed."
But it would be blank.
--


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> "The Institute of Unfinished Research" = Every research lab in existence.
> 
> If you finish your research, your NIH grant goes away and your lab closes.
> So, every research paper written ends with, "Further research is needed."
> 
> I once told my ex (a microbiologist)...
> There should be a Journal of Final Results which required papers to say:
> "This finishes our research into this subject. No further study is needed."
> But it would be blank.
> --


Don't neglect the actual "Journal of Irreproducible Results":





__





						Journal of Irreproducible Results - Wikipedia
					






					en.wikipedia.org


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

SmithOp said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


Per my sig:

_“It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong.”_ G.K. Chesterton

I try to apply that concept regularly in my life, and I am often dismayed when I realize the bigotry that lives inside me.  And I mourn when I see bigotry running rampant in our world, and unfortunately far too often here at TUG.  And sadly I know that too often I have been one of the bigots here.


----------



## isisdave

Actually, the reason we have cars is that some engineer calculated that there wouldn't be enough wagons in Philadelphia to pick up the horse, umm, exhaust nightly, nor anywhere to put it within carting distance.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Meanwhile, on TV this week:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 39128



Scott Adams  -  Dilbert -  on Twitter  --  - *anti*- *vaccination*  and  anti-mask .... and* big* supporter of  __  a (former reality TV entertainer)


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 39214


Loved those easy riders photos.  Times and years makes a difference


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Some reading food for thought:

*********************************************

Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker 
did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd.  Heavens to Mergatroyd!

The other day a not so elderly (I say she was 75) lady said something to her grandson 
about driving a Jalopy. He looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?" 
He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old.
 Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle.

Some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology:
Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker, 
to straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy!
Gee whillikers!
Jumping Jehoshaphat!
Holy Moley!

We were in like Flynn  and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse 
us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? 
Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, 
poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.

Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, 
"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words 
we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely 
a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. 
Where have all those great phrases gone?

Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. 
Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. 
Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.

It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.
This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)
Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.
See ya later, alligator! Okidoki.

You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!

***********************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

How many people today know who Alfred E. Neuman is?


----------



## Ty1on

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> How many people today know who Alfred E. Neuman is?



What, me worry?


----------



## MULTIZ321

DaveNV said:


> Some reading food for thought:
> 
> *********************************************
> 
> Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker
> did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd.  Heavens to Mergatroyd!
> 
> The other day a not so elderly (I say she was 75) lady said something to her grandson
> about driving a Jalopy. He looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?"
> He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old.
> Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle.
> 
> Some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology:
> Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.
> Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker,
> to straighten up and fly right.
> Heavens to Betsy!
> Gee whillikers!
> Jumping Jehoshaphat!
> Holy Moley!
> 
> We were in like Flynn  and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse
> us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
> 
> Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?
> Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras,
> poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.
> 
> Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
> We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say,
> "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words
> we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely
> a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
> 
> Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone.
> Where have all those great phrases gone?
> 
> Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain.
> Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers.
> Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.
> 
> It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.
> This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)
> Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.
> See ya later, alligator! Okidoki.
> 
> You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!
> 
> ***********************************************
> 
> Dave


And "Put that in your Pipe and smoke it".

Richard


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

MULTIZ321 said:


> And "Put that in your Pipe and smoke it".
> 
> Richard


You bet your sweet bippie!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## isisdave

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> You bet your sweet bippie!



And if you grew up in LA and watched Steve Allen:  ferndock, shmock. Also ratfink, although that's shared with Mad Magazine.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Luanne




----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> Some reading food for thought:
> 
> *********************************************
> 
> Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker
> did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd.  Heavens to Mergatroyd!
> 
> The other day a not so elderly (I say she was 75) lady said something to her grandson
> about driving a Jalopy. He looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?"
> He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old.
> Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle.
> 
> Some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology:
> Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.
> Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker,
> to straighten up and fly right.
> Heavens to Betsy!
> Gee whillikers!
> Jumping Jehoshaphat!
> Holy Moley!
> 
> We were in like Flynn  and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse
> us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
> 
> Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?
> Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras,
> poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.
> 
> Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
> We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say,
> "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words
> we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely
> a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
> 
> Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone.
> Where have all those great phrases gone?
> 
> Long gone: *Pshaw*, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain.
> Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers.
> Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.
> 
> It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.
> This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)
> Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.
> See ya later, alligator! Okidoki.
> 
> You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!
> 
> ***********************************************
> 
> Dave



I actually use Pshaw (pronounced peeshaaaw) every evening when we play Skipbo and I don't pick up any good cards on my turn!


----------



## DaveNV

clifffaith said:


> I actually use Pshaw (pronounced peeshaaaw) every evening when we play Skipbo and I don't pick up any good cards on my turn!



I'd probably say the say thing, but instead of a PSH at the beginning, I'd spell it with an F.  

Dave


----------



## mpizza




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 39249


I thought it would be Sunday.


----------



## DebBrown

DaveNV said:


> Some reading food for thought:
> 
> *********************************************
> 
> Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker
> did not recognize the word, Mergatroyd.  Heavens to Mergatroyd!
> 
> The other day a not so elderly (I say she was 75) lady said something to her grandson
> about driving a Jalopy. He looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?"
> He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old.
> Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle.
> 
> Some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology:
> Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.
> Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker,
> to straighten up and fly right.
> Heavens to Betsy!
> Gee whillikers!
> Jumping Jehoshaphat!
> Holy Moley!
> 
> We were in like Flynn  and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse
> us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
> 
> Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell?
> Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras,
> poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.
> 
> Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
> We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say,
> "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words
> we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely
> a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
> 
> Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone.
> Where have all those great phrases gone?
> 
> Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain.
> Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers.
> Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.
> 
> It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.
> This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)
> Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.
> See ya later, alligator! Okidoki.
> 
> You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!
> 
> ***********************************************
> 
> Dave



Murgatroyd! Snagglepuss, right? How would we possibly know how to spell that?


----------



## DaveNV

DebBrown said:


> Murgatroyd! Snagglepuss, right? How would we possibly know how to spell that?



Yes.  Snagglepuss made the phrase famous, (at least for me), but Google tells me Murgatroyd was a character in P.G. Wodehouse stories.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This would sure work for me. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 39319
> 
> Dave


Oh my, not just a giggle, full out guffaws!


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

You know there's going to be hell to pay later tonight, and a killer hangover tomorrow.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Bailey#1 said:


>


That's not far from real life.  In my life working for some large consulting firms, at first I was amazed, then later jaded, at the response when revenues started falling and "cutbacks" were needed.  

So we need to cut overhead - in the consulting world, that means people who aren't doing work billable to clients.  So where do we start - let's cut the marketing budget and staff!!!

Right - our revenues are dropping, so let's slice the part of our organization that generates revenues. Because cutting the part of the organization that generates revenues is going to help stablize revenues????

*************

I got in a spat one time with my boss when we doing staff assessments during a time of cutbacks. He was drilling into things based on who wasn't meeting billable hours goals, with a list of staff who looked as if they were targets to be cut.  This was a seller-doer client manager format - our senior project managers were responsible for bringing in work and managing the projects as well.  

I challenged my boss- I noted that the senior managers for those same employees were meeting their billable goals, and I suggested (actually I knew for certain) those managers were doing work themselves that could be delegated, so that those managers would meet their billable hours goals and thus escape the bosses eye.  But I said, given our current work circumstances, wouldn't we rather have those managers spend that time out meeting with clients to generate new work and backlog, instead of them helping burn off our dwindling backlog.

He agreed with me that made sense.  Then he went ahead and laid off everyone on his list anyway, and in our next meeting he praised those same managers for setting an example for the rest of the staff on the importance of meeting billable goals during difficult times. 

That was one of several similar issues that caused me to start to unwind my tenure with that outfit.


----------



## Ty1on

Bailey#1 said:


>



This was Hilton Hotels in the early 90s, to a "T"


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

01000101 01101100 01101111 01110001 01110101 01100101 01101110 01110100


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 39414
> 
> Dave


This must be my daughter-in-law house. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 39390
> 
> Dave


Misheard lyrics:

God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with the light from a bulb.


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ty1on

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



I'm struggling with this one.  A nerdified treatment of Doppler effect?


----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ty1on said:


> I'm struggling with this one.  A nerdified treatment of Doppler effect?


Took me a moment, but I think that's it.


----------



## Bailey#1

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


This was me when I first moved to rural Vermont, not to many cars drive past my house and when one does you look to see if you know them!


----------



## PigsDad

Ty1on said:


> I'm struggling with this one.  A nerdified treatment of Doppler effect?


*What Are Redshift and Blueshift?*

Kurt


----------



## Luanne




----------



## BJRSanDiego

Ty1on said:


> I'm struggling with this one.  A nerdified treatment of Doppler effect?


The old 3D glasses :  one was red and one was blue?


----------



## GetawaysRus

Very funny. This thread is now starting to separate the "hard" science types from the non-hard science people.


----------



## DaveNV

GetawaysRus said:


> Very funny. This thread is now starting to separate the "hard" science types from the non-hard science people.



If I have to think that hard to find the humor in it, I just move on.  This one is easier:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

GetawaysRus said:


> Very funny. This thread is now starting to separate the "hard" science types from the non-hard science people.


----------



## Brett




----------



## wjappraise




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When those youngsters take over the highway planning department...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

If I started a dating app in Prague, could I call it Czech-Mate?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

This afternoon I was thinking about my mother's herb garden when I was growing.  Those were good thymes.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "Give me a beer."
The second says, "I'll have a half a beer." 
The third says, "A quarter of a beer, please." 
The bartender pours two beers and says, "Come on, people. Know your limits."


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Thanks for sharing this.
I have shared this with the cellphone generation of folks. LOLs


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## amycurl

Can’t delete…nothin* to see here


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

They're getting the bugs out of their piña collider.  Bugs are constant issue in the tropics.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## LannyPC

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?



If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


----------



## clifffaith

In our house we can't go potty without being supervised by a cat!


----------



## SmithOp

Just in time for Halloween.






Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Two little old ladies, Connie, and Jean, were sitting on a park bench 
outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	
















The short one, Jean, leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never 
have any fun anymore. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through
 that stupid, boring flower show”!
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




"You're on!” said Connie, holding up a $10 bill.

So, Jean slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	





















She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby display and held it between her teeth.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Then, completely naked, she streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through 
the front door of the flower show.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, 
followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	






















Finally, the smiling Jean came through the exit door to the sounds of a 
cheering, clapping crowd.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	
















"What happened?” asked Connie.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




"I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement'!"


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is sick, but wicked funny.





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Who got 'Tuna Surprise'???


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Who got 'Tuna Surprise'???
> View attachment 39750



Actually, I just had square pizza for dinner tonight that looked a whole lot like that. LOL! 

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> Who got 'Tuna Surprise'???
> View attachment 39750


Yeah- that's what the rich kids, the ones who could afford cafeteria lunch, ate.  Those were the days when those of who had sack lunches enjoyed our daily PB&J.


----------



## bluehende

Passepartout said:


> Who got 'Tuna Surprise'???
> View attachment 39750


And you really wanted one of those inside pieces.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ty1on

Tank said:


> View attachment 39782


Hear hear!


----------



## TheHolleys87

Tank said:


> View attachment 39777


Yeah, our daughter went through a phase where, when we stopped at a traffic light and leaned over to kiss each other, she'd yell from the back seat, "Don't make another baby!"


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## tombanjo

Orange you glad you no longer work there ?


----------



## DaveNV

tombanjo said:


> Orange you glad you no longer work there ?



I peeled out of the parking lot. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 39917
> 
> Dave


Does it measure on the Ickter scale?


----------



## DaveNV

Hardy har har...  





 Dave


----------



## amycurl

The worst thing about that joke is the use of a possessive rather than a plural.....


----------



## DaveNV

amycurl said:


> The worst thing about that joke is the use of a possessive rather than a plural.....



I know, right?  I just copy and paste from wherever I find them.  I wish whoever wrote them used better grammar.

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> I peeled out of the parking lot.
> 
> Dave


That was a good decision on your part..LOL

Today's generation would had said " that they rolled out of the parking lot."


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 39949


Brett, you have more avatars than Carter have pills. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

My sister posted this.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

*You KNEW it was coming. . . .*


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ty1on

Tank said:


> View attachment 40054



Amen to that.  remote control/beer server.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 40054


1970's television streaming device


----------



## Ty1on

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> 1970's television streaming device
> 
> View attachment 40065


That looks like the Executive Version with a radius motor.  We had the more economical ladder version.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ty1on said:


> That looks like the Executive Version with a radius motor.  We had the more economical ladder version.


We had rabbit ears.





And our remote control didn't only change channels, it also manipulated the rabbit ears.  Since I was the youngest in the family, I was often the remote control.  Until I learned that if I made sure I didn't do it correctly, eventually someone on the sofa would get frustrated and decide to do it themselves.  And the more I did that, the less often they expected me to be the remote.


----------



## Ty1on

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> We had rabbit ears.
> 
> View attachment 40067
> 
> And our remote control didn't only change channels, it also manipulated the rabbit ears.  Since I was the youngest in the family, I was often the remote control.  Until I learned that if I made sure I didn't do it correctly, eventually someone on the sofa would get frustrated and decide to do it themselves.  And the more I did that, the less often they expected me to be the remote.



That whirring motor though


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> We had rabbit ears.
> 
> View attachment 40067
> 
> And our remote control didn't only change channels, it also manipulated the rabbit ears.  Since I was the youngest in the family, I was often the remote control.  Until I learned that if I made sure I didn't do it correctly, eventually someone on the sofa would get frustrated and decide to do it themselves.  And the more I did that, the less often they expected me to be the remote.


Why were they called rabbitt ears.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

pedro47 said:


> Why were they called rabbitt ears.







__





						What are "Rabbit Ears"? (with pictures)
					

Rabbit ears are a type of simple television antenna, which is also called a dipole antenna. Although rabbit ears are almost...




					www.wise-geek.com


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

{oops- my bad} [deleted]


----------



## Makai Guy

C'mon folks.  Please check the new posts in this thread before posting.  We're starting to see a fair number of posts duplicating fairly recent ones.


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Passepartout

Let's try this one. . .


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

A kid’s answer when asked ,,,,


----------



## Tank

Oh those kids, probably the same one


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Oh, Yum!! (Gag!!)





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1

Stare at the red dot in the photo for 30 seconds then close your eyes.


----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

Bailey#1 said:


> Stare at the red dot in the photo for 30 seconds then close your eyes.





Bailey#1 said:


> Stare at the red dot in the photo for 30 seconds then close your eyes.


I didn't get anything..................


----------



## Bailey#1

#1 Cowboys Fan said:


> I didn't get anything..................


Try closing your eyes and covering them with your hands, you should be able it see her differently it only lasts a few seconds before it fades.


----------



## PrairieGirl

took me longer than 30 seconds of staring - a minute should do the trick!


----------



## DaveNV

PrairieGirl said:


> took me longer than 30 seconds of staring - a minute should do the trick!



I cheated - copied the image to my desktop, then flipped it with a video editor.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Hey Dave. Cute new avatar. Beep beep.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40129



*Waiting for a call about his car warranty.*
.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Hey Dave. Cute new avatar. Beep beep.



Took it in my backyard a few days ago.  He comes around a few times a week. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Hey Dave. Cute new avatar. Beep beep.


DaveNV, Is that a Road Runner aviator? Faster than a lighting bolt and able to disappear in seconds. LOL. Beep beep.
A new aviator been there are changes in store for Tuggers. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40139
> 
> Dave


Now that is the way to watch the news. LOL


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 40160


That is so cute.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## MULTIZ321

SandyPGravel said:


> Parody of Stayin' Alive
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> New video by Gina G*******
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> photos.app.goo.gl
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (Someone please let me know if the link works)


The link works - Stayin Inside.

Richard


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

HOW MANY SQUARES?


----------



## PigsDad

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> HOW MANY SQUARES?
> View attachment 40219


I got 40 in the image.  41 if you count the word "SQUARES" in your question.   

Kurt


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

PigsDad said:


> I got 40 in the image.  41 if you count the word "SQUARES" in your question.
> 
> Kurt


And we have a winner!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> HOW MANY SQUARES?
> View attachment 40219


42 squares


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

pedro47 said:


> 42 squares


Where's #42?

1 big square
16 little squares
(17 count)
9 - 4 block squares
4 - 9 block squares
(13 Count + 17 count = 30 count)
2 smaller inside blocks
8 small squares inside the inside blocks
(10 count + 30 count = 40)
1 word squares
(40 + 1 = 41)


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Where's #42?
> 
> 1 big square
> 16 little squares
> (17 count)
> 9 - 4 block squares
> 4 - 9 block squares
> (13 Count + 17 count = 30 count)
> 2 smaller inside blocks
> 8 small squares inside the inside blocks
> (10 count + 30 count = 40)
> 1 word squares
> (40 + 1 = 41)


OK. LOL EYES are playing tricks this morning.
I think, I Double counted a square somewhere.


----------



## pedro47

moonstone said:


> View attachment 40225
> 
> ~Diane


Stop. That is a factual statement and not a myth. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40226
> 
> Dave


And this proved what the young lad was thanking in the back of his mind???

There is only avocado on the table and this sane doctor gave me three choices?

Something is wrong with this picture???


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ty1on

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



And possibly quite a few scientific peer reviews.


----------



## Ken555

Ty1on said:


> And possibly quite a few scientific peer reviews.



Naw, you meant to write “quite a few TUG threads”, right?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## isisdave

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 40221



Oh yeah. At 4am in January in Troy NY, maybe 4 degrees F.  1956 VW bus. Fortunately I lived on a hill, and it usually started before we got to the bottom.


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40226
> 
> Dave


 
Works with bananas too. Very small window of perfection.


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

moonstone said:


> View attachment 40237
> 
> ~Diane


I'm going to share this with my fourteen (14) years old buddy grand son, who has never cut his parents lawn. LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Makai Guy

Please review recent posts before adding a new one.  We're starting to get quite a few repeats of stuff that had been posted only several days ago.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ty1on

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 40247



"FACINATED"  

A pot captioning a kettle.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40259


Dying for that smoke. Sad


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Ty1on said:


> "FACINATED"
> 
> A pot captioning a kettle.


Always nice to have a joke inside of another joke. .. .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

I THINK HE'S GOT IT. . . .


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## LannyPC

That's why I always use the Oxford Comma.  BTW, thanks for that.  I did not know that using the comma that way was called the Oxford Comma.  You learn something new every day.


----------



## Quiet Pine

LannyPC said:


> That's why I always use the Oxford Comma.  BTW, thanks for that.  I did not know that using the comma that way was called the Oxford Comma.  You learn something new every day.


*Oxford Comma Dispute Is Settled as Maine Drivers Get $5 Million*
Ending a case that electrified punctuation pedants, grammar goons and comma connoisseurs, Oakhurst Dairy settled an overtime dispute with its drivers that hinged entirely on the lack of an Oxford comma in state law.
The dairy company in Portland, Me., agreed to pay $5 million to the drivers, according to court documents filed on Thursday.
The relatively small-scale dispute gained international notoriety last year when the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit ruled that the missing comma created enough uncertainty to side with the drivers, granting those who love the Oxford comma a chance to run a victory lap across the internet.

Headline & text above is from a NYTimes article. I'm a subscriber and am told I can share the article, but it's not working for me. If you want to follow up, try searching the headline.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Ok, I got it. Santa.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ty1on

Two very wealthy 70 year old friends sitting on a porch watching the day pass by:

John:  Hey, Bob, what happened to that beautiful 30-something blonde you were seeing?
Bob:  That's over.  I think I drove her away with my dishonesty.
John:  What you lied to her?  Were you cheating on her?
Bob:  Oh dear, no.  I lied about my age.  I told her I was 60.
John:  Yeah, I see.  Had you told her you were 80 instead, she would still be in your life!


----------



## Passepartout

Opus is my alter ego.....


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Ramping it up a notch for the *real* lovers of Fall!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40509



I find humor in the truths it reveals.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40513


The bravest person in humanity: The first to eat an oyster.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## chapjim

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40513



The same could be said about blue crabs.

I had a cousin who quit eating eggs when he found out where they came from.  He also quit eating cake because he saw his Mom making it with eggs.


----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40447
> 
> Dave


I wish!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40579


Keith Richards looked the same then and now. LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40510


That reminds me of something that happened around here back in the late '80s.  The rooftop parking lot of a grocery store (Save-on Foods) collapsed with a few cars.  IIRC, the mall was just built.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

An actual minivan.  I wonder if this really drives?





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40642
> 
> Dave


Kind and Time sounds alike if you are wearing hearing aids. especially if you are drinking a cold brew. LOL.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”

A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You can come in here, but you better not start anything!”

A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. And the seal answers, “Anything but a Canadian Club"


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

*Did I read that sign right?*


*TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -
*In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------------
*In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -------------------------
*In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE 
 BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------
*In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND 
 STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
*Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. 
 WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
*Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------
*Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so.)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------
*Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, 
 THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------------
*Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE 
 FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
*Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL 
 TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
*On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
*Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife
And Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room 
and asked who wrote this It took two or three readings before 
the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! 
 They put in a correction the next day.*
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------
*Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya' think?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial!
----------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************** ****************************** ********************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ***
Now that you've smiled at least once, 
 it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this 
to someone to whom you want* *to bring a smile.*​


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

When I was a lad, there was a sign on US Hwy 52 for a curio and souvenir shop in the next town.  The sign read "Stop and see giant 200 lb. man eating clam."

We never stopped, but I always wondered that if we did stop, would we be a big clam or a man sitting at a table with a dinner plate?


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett

( a joke)

A guy finds a genie who grants him three wishes, adding that everything the man gets, his wife will get doubly.
“Great,” the guy says, and he wishes for a big house. Then he wishes for a car. Finally, he says, “Okay, now I want you to beat me half to death.”


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

You'll never see a cornea joke than this...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 40711
> 
> Dave


I wonder if his cat had anything to do with that?!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A potpourri of pith:

_When men and women agree, it is only in their conclusions; their reasons are always different. _George Santayana
I_f I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as when a man shoots himself.  _H.L. Mencken
_Husbands never become good.; they merely become proficient. _ More Mencken.
_I gave you a brand new Ford
But you said: "I want a Ca-dill-ac"
I bought you a ten dollar dinner
You said: "Thanks for the snack"
I let you live in my pent house
You said: "It was just a shack"
I gave seven children
 And now you wanna give them back._ B.B King
_For awhile, we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have._ Woody Allen
_Whenever I date a guy, I think if this is the man I want my children to spend their weekends with. _ Rita Rudner
_Husbands think we should know where everything is - like a uterus is a tracking device. He asks me, "Roseanne, do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over to that sofa cushion and lift it himself?_ Roseann Barr
_I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.  Then she told *me* the truth.  She was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. _ - Rodney Dangerfield
_Whoever called it "necking" was a poor judge of anatomy._ Groucho Marx
_I know what true love is.  Tracy and Hepburn.  Bogart and Bacall. Romeo and Juliet. Jackie and John and Marilyn … _Ian Shoales
_Marrying a man is like buying something you have been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house. _Jean Kerr
_I come from a big family.  As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. _Lewis Grizzard
_It's not the men in my life that counts.  It's the life in my men. _Mae West
_Men play the game.  Women know the score. _Roger Woddis


----------



## marmite

.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout

*So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me )Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.!!!*


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A man asked his wife, "If you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"

"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Chemists at CalTech recently discovered the chemical shown below, that will revolutionize transportation.  Are there any chemistry nerds out there  know what it is?


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Passepartout said:


> *So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me )Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.!!!*


That's a great story.  Made me laugh.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

For those of you who love to use #Hashtags





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 40883


What's yellow and sleeps 6?



A Highway Dept truck. . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## PigsDad

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 40980


Nope, doesn't apply to me.  It is probably because I draw my sixes "backwards" (I start in the center and end with the tail) -- used to drive my 2nd grade teacher crazy.  But I contend that my way is superior -- my sixes were never confused with zeros, as is often an issue with with kids learning to write.

Kurt


----------



## MULTIZ321

Sorry, We Don't Mean to Interrupt, But These Canadian Jokes Are Great, Eh?










						Sorry, We Don’t Mean to Interrupt, But These Canadian Jokes Are Great, Eh?
					

These Canadian jokes will make you smile, courtesy of our polite neighbors to the north. Enjoy jokes about Canadians for the whole family.




					www.scarymommy.com
				





Richard


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## bizaro86

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 41076



We're voting on Monday to decide whether to stay permanently on summer time here.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

LEARNING TO CUSS
 A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss".  The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass".
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios"..


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 41163


This is pay back time.LOL


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> View attachment 41183


I mean dog poop is dog _related _is it not?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 41189


I feel similarly with buying produce when I can grow $5 worth for $92 worth of garden supplies and tools and water- not to mention the time.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 41195


I did this to my '69 Ranchero. The original gas filler was just a round cap out the smooth side of the car. It took a screwdriver to open the hinged taillight assembly, but that was a small price to pay. Also didn't worry about a thief getting more than a tankful away.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Or listen to. . . Or read posts from. . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 41198


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41268
> 
> Dave



Guilty as charged.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41268
> 
> Dave


Well how many wives hold / carry their spouses boarding passes (examples: cruises & airline boarding passes)  and ID's when traveling? LOL
Well, There are a many, many boys over the age of 36, that are not yet real men. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## BJRSanDiego

pedro47 said:


> Well how many wives hold / carry their spouses boarding passes (examples: cruises & airline boarding passes)  and ID's when traveling? LOL
> Well, There are a many, many boys over the age of 36, that are not yet real men. LOL


For the last 3 weeks my wife and I were in Hawaii.  I carried her CDC card and driver's license.  But I did that because women's clothing often has shallow and insecure pockets.  I was wearing cargo shorts.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Sundry old Henry Weinhard's beer commercials.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

[Removed.  Already posted only 2 days ago: https://tugbbs.com/forums/threads/stay-at-home-humor.303365/post-2682518]


----------



## Talent312

BJRSanDiego said:


> For the last 3 weeks my wife and I were in Hawaii.  I carried her CDC card and driver's license.  But I did that because women's clothing often has shallow and insecure pockets.  I was wearing cargo shorts.



I carry my DW's ID & boarding docs becuz I don't want to wait hours while she digs thru the suitcase she calls a purse.

.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## isisdave

plpgma said:


> View attachment 41352


I dunno, looks like I could repair this with one cut, and my share would be about 40%.


----------



## Ty1on

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Sundry old Henry Weinhard's beer commercials.



The first video is a ribsplitter and the only one I think I ever saw.  Loved me a Weinhard back when......


----------



## Talent312

isisdave said:


> I dunno, looks like I could repair this with one cut, and my share would be about 40%.



I concur. Two decent pieces are left.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Blessed are the piecemakers. . . .


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

I spit my coffee out this morning 
Some things can’t be unseen ,,,,


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41322
> 
> Dave


DW liked this so much that she took a screenshot to share with her girl friends


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> DW liked this so much that she took a screenshot to share with her girl friends



Glad she enjoyed it.  As in everything I post in this thread, I don't make it up.  I just copy and share the stuff I find funny on other websites.  That one was especially humorous.  I know people who are just like that guy. 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TheHolleys87

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Not too sure whether to laugh or cry, actually…. [Edited 10/26/2021 - my iPad was doing weird things yesterday!]


----------



## DaveNV

When kitties tell horror stories around the campfire...





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout

Maybe this was just local humor. Barney Fife's map of Mayberry is Idaho upside down!


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Maybe this was just local humor. Barney Fife's map of Mayberry is Idaho upside down!
> 
> View attachment 41533



Never noticed that. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41534
> 
> Dave


I used to live for weekends so I could ditch the coat & tie, but now
I'm retired, I find I can't get much done, cuz other peep don't work.
on weekends. What?
.
.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> Maybe this was just local humor. Barney Fife's map of Mayberry is Idaho upside down!
> 
> View attachment 41533


Yeah - all those potatoes are going to fall to the bottom.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 41691



Saw a sign above the urinals in a restroom recently. Printed on a photo of a baseball field and home plate, it read, "Players with shorter bats need to stand closer to the plate."  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Halloween is coming. Don't do this. . . .


----------



## Brett

A bear and a pony go to a karaoke bar. “Why don’t you sing?” asks the bear, and the pony explains that he’s a little horse.


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 41688


Loved those Nutty Buddy cakes.LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## controller1




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Say it out loud, slowly.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Read the comments at the bottom of the picture. Makes great sense. 





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Read the comments at the bottom of the picture. Makes great sense.
> 
> View attachment 41760
> 
> Dave


That reminds of a female high school student telling her English teacher some years ago; that she was riding shotgun with her date to the prom.

That female senior was sent to the principal office and was almost expelled from high school, until another younger teacher hear the conservation and explained to the principal and to the English teacher that riding shotgun meant she was riding in her date passenger seat. No shotgun weapons would be involved or be carried in the vehicle.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Seen at the 
Myrtle beach Jeep Jam going on this weekend


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## amycurl

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

*Why don't monsters eat ghosts?





Because they taste like sheet!*


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geist1223

Reminds me.

"Dear Lord please let me die like my Grandfather in his sleep. Not like the Passengers in his car screaming in Terror."


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett

.


----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 41858
> 
> 
> 
> .


I loved the doctor's patient interpretation of a bar needed in the bathroom shower.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




----------



## Bailey#1




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

So...Which pill is it?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

The Jewish Tie Salesman   

A fleeing ISIS terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.  Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack, selling ties. 

The ISIS terrorist asked, "Do you have water? 

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." 

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment- I spit on your ties. I need water! 

"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk – and only $5." 

"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!" 

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me “Infidel”.  I will show you that I am bigger than any of that.  If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant.  It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need...Go in Peace! 

Cursing him again, the desperate ISIS staggered away over the hill. 

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie!”


----------



## Passepartout

For those of a 'certain age' with a 'certain upbringing'.


----------



## zentraveler

Passepartout said:


> For those of a 'certain age' with a 'certain upbringing'.
> 
> View attachment 41943


And those of us psychiatrist types


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> For those of a 'certain age' with a 'certain upbringing'.
> 
> View attachment 41943


The Dark Side of Your Mom in the old days would mean a fist fight. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41947
> 
> Dave


Dave, Thanks for this great suggestion.
I am going to tell my better half; that is what happen to me at the grocery store. LOL


----------



## Passepartout

I've been in Ept a few times too. Glad my wife reminds me. . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> I've been in Ept a few times too. Glad my wife reminds me. . . .
> 
> View attachment 41957


Don't you have to be in France to be in Seine?


----------



## Passepartout

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Don't you have to be in France to be in Seine?


No airport there. Somebody has to drive you. Applying?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> No airport there. Somebody has to drive you. Applying?


Nope. I'm a North American.  That means I'm in Continent right now.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Nope. I'm a North American.  That means I'm in Continent right now.



My DW emailed an associate, and thanks to spell check, somehow managed to use "incontinent" in place of "in contemplation."
She sent it before showing me the hard-copy. No, the sh*t did not hit the fan, but there were some red-faces.

.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## emeryjre

Yesterday, my daughter emailed me, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

"Like sitting around the pool, drinking beer isn't a good thing?" I asked.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said and suggested I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.

So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied, "Are you crazy? You're 75-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?!

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

“Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!”

The line went dead.

Life as a Senior Citizen may not be getting any easier, but it can be fun.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 41991
> 
> Dave



 THAT'S MY HANDWRITING! Where did you get my wine order!?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

There was a man who had worked hard all of his life and has saved every penny he earned. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. In fact, he loved money more than just about anything. One day he said to his wife:

"When I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me because I want to take it all to the after life."

So his wife reluctantly promised him when he died she would put all the money in his casket.

The man soon died and was stretched out in the casket. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait a minute!"

She went over to the casket with a shoebox and placed it in the casket with her husband. Then the undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man."

The wife said, "Yes, I promised him I would put the money in the casket with him. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

***************************************

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

duplicate post - sorry


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

posted previously.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

posted previously.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

posted previously.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 42036


But depending on what kind of batteries, that could be a great gift in itself!


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 42133



That's the name of a donut shop here in Mesquite:  Hole Foods.  

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The idea is that if the Star Wars universe (metaverse??) has an academy for training Jedi, must there not also be an academy for training Sith warriors.  And Star Wars fandom has filled in the void, with vignettes mostly involving Darth Maul and Lord Sidious.  Sprinkled with other Star Wars characters.  Stories ranging from G to NC-17, so enter at your own risk.

One time I came across a wonderful Sith Academy story with Darth Maul providing software tech support, and drawing energy from feeding the rising anger of those calling in as he continually built their expectations, only to frustrate them further and feeling their useless and impotent rage boiling higher and higher. With Lord Sidious cackling and encouraging him.  In process of stringing the caller along, Darth Maul tells him to key in some ridiculous combination of keystrokes, only to have the solution work.  The caller is pleased and thanks him profusely, while Maul is profoundly mortified, and experiences the wrath of Sidious.



			Welcome to the Sith Academy


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> That's the name of a donut shop here in Mesquite:  Hole Foods.
> 
> Dave


Not original.  I first heard this in the dorms my freshman  year of college in 1969. And it didn't involve groceries.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.  In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

"Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm  fine, I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.

Angus responded: "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... "

"I didn't ask for any details," the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'"

Angus said, "Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... "

The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie."

Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her  down de road, when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side.  I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

"Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her, right between the eyes.

"Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in his hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are YOU feelin'?'

"Now wot da heck would you say?"

*********************************************

 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Watch out for psychic turkeys...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I usually like it when art speaks to me.





 Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 42196
> 
> Dave



That one took a minute


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Ty1on said:


> That one took a minute



I think the Mods deleted the meme.  Sorry, all.

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> I think the Mods deleted the meme.  Sorry, all.
> 
> Dave


It that the one about the fork lift ?
I got it.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> It that the one about the fork lift ?
> I got it.



No, it was another one.  About a potato masher.  (You had to see it.)

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> No, it was another one.  About a potato masher.  (You had to see it.)
> 
> Dave


Now I'm really curious to know what it was!  Are there a few key words you can 'hint' at that would help us find it on our own?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## kanerf

plpgma said:


> View attachment 42212


Fun, but actually A1 was invented in the UK.  The 1862 date is for the company that started distributing in the US.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

D


DaveNV said:


> I think the Mods deleted the meme.  Sorry, all.
> 
> Dave


Shouldn't there be a _[deleted]_ thread?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> D
> 
> Shouldn't there be a _[deleted]_ thread?



I think we did, but it was _[deleted]_.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This thought is heavy.





 Dave


----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Shouldn't there be a _[deleted]_ thread?



I think they'll in the Covid-19 forum.
.


----------



## Ty1on

kanerf said:


> Fun, but actually A1 was invented in the UK.  The 1862 date is for the company that started distributing in the US.



The caption still applies in this case.  Someone, during the Civil War, decided delicious steak sauce needs to be distributed in the US.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

PrairieGirl said:


> View attachment 42240



Isn't it nice to see a guy and a girl get together over a frozen margarita!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

Oops! . . . . . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 42278



OMG.  I have become my father.  I have said EVERY ONE OF THESE.    

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> OMG.  I have become my father.  I have said EVERY ONE OF THESE.
> 
> Dave


Ditto, I have become my father. I also, have said Every one of these and some more things.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> OMG.  I have become my father.  I have said EVERY ONE OF THESE.
> 
> Dave





pedro47 said:


> Ditto, I have become my father. I also, have said Every one of these and some more things.


If we don't say or do those things, how will we ever train our kids to take our places when they become parents????


----------



## geist1223

Yep I am my Father. But then he was a very special guy.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## geist1223

When your kitten is raised by a Rabbit.


----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett has a new avatar.


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Classic Willer Beer commercial:


----------



## Passepartout

*Ducking!!*


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Ok, this one cracked me up. What about you?





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 42340
> *Ducking!!*



i'll tell ya -- this cat gets around!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ubil

DaveNV said:


> Ok, this one cracked me up. What about you?
> 
> View attachment 42359
> 
> Dave


More Cowbell!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Ok, this one cracked me up. What about you?
> 
> View attachment 42359
> 
> Dave


Looks like he's part of clan Oglodyte.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne

For you @DaveNV


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Luanne said:


> For you @DaveNV
> 
> View attachment 42410



Boy, ain’t that the truth! 

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## PigsDad

*Proof that Yoko Ono is now working at a 7-Eleven in California:*






Kurt


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> View attachment 42447


Or, in the Bay area, anyone who can push a shopping cart.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

My favorite Star Trek parody.  "Did you see what she was wearing???"


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> A thief stuck a pistol in a man’s ribs and said, “Give me your money.” The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: “You cannot do this, I’m a United States congressman!” The thief said, “In that case, give me my money!”


The truth is finally spoken. LOL


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> My favorite Star Trek parody.  "Did you see what she was wearing???"


Where and how did you find this Star Trek parody.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

pedro47 said:


> Where and how did you find this Star Trek parody.


Google is (sometimes) your friend.


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## TheHolleys87

Luanne said:


> View attachment 42492


Reminds me of back in the 1960s when electric toothbrushes were brand new to the market and my dad got my mom one for their wedding anniversary. It was very quiet around our house for a few days, and the meals weren’t nearly as good as usual.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”


----------



## marmite




----------



## marmite




----------



## plpgma

marmite said:


> View attachment 42544


{ totally get it!


----------



## Brett




----------



## marmite

The lady in the yellow dress made me laugh without even seeing what this cartoon was about...


----------



## pedro47

That gold fish should have purchased that miracle memory drug that contains a secret fish supplement and thus, he would have not purchased or signed for 8 timeshares contracts.

The lady in yellow have some sagging human items.LOL.


----------



## marmite

pedro47 said:


> That gold fish should have purchased that miracle memory drug that contains a secret fish supplement and thus, he would have not purchased or signed for 8 timeshares contracts.
> 
> The lady in yellow have some sagging human items.LOL.


I didn't realize it was possible to want to put a bra on a _cartoon_ so badly.  Woman-to-woman I wanted to intervene here!


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DebBrown

Sears Catalog! Maybe not, but my 3 year old granddaughter has scoured all the toy ads that come in the mail. She wants the AMERICAN CAR WASH. It's actually the Hot Wheels Octopus Car Wash but she gets to call it whatever she wants.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## LannyPC

Seeing that the Ravens are playing the Bears today...

Something I read in a joke book from the school library decades ago (and will only work in print, not audibly)...

What do you do if you see Chicago, Ill?

Call Baltimore, MD.


----------



## marmite




----------



## marmite




----------



## marmite




----------



## marmite




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

LannyPC said:


> Seeing that the Ravens are playing the Bears today...
> 
> Something I read in a joke book from the school library decades ago (and will only work in print, not audibly)...
> 
> What do you do if you see Chicago, Ill?
> 
> Call Baltimore, MD.


Well,  What did Della wear?  She wore a brand new jersey?

Where has Ora gone? She went to pay her texas.

What did Missy sip?  She sipped a mini-soda.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

marmite said:


> View attachment 42582


Do you know that somewhere in this world there is a woman giving birth every five seconds?  Don't  you think we should find that woman and stop her?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Henri - the existential cat. Paw de Deux






If you like this, Henri has a YouTube channel.  But alas, Henri is retired - Oh revoir Henri.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> My DW emailed an associate, and thanks to spell check, somehow managed to use "incontinent" in place of "in contemplation."
> She sent it before showing me the hard-copy. No, the sh*t did not hit the fan, but there were some red-faces.
> 
> .


I just caught spell check converting my modifications in medications.  At first I was annoyed, but then I wondered if spell check AI deduced something about me that I have been unwilling or unable to admit to myself.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

probably would have been [deleted]


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## bluehende




----------



## Brett




----------



## amycurl

Henri has actually passed away, and the world is worse off for it. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## isisdave




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## emeryjre

Judy, a professional genealogy researcher in the United States, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that her father’s great, great uncle, Remus, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Texas in 1889. Both Judy and her father, a very prominent politician share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Galveston, Texas. On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: "Remus, horse thief, sent to Galveston State Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Galveston & Southern Flyer six times Caught by Texas Rangers detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."

Judy e-mailed her father for information about their great, great uncle, Remus and a few days ago her father’s staff sent this response back:

_  Remus was a famous cowboy in Texas in the 1880s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Galveston & Southern railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Texas Rangers. In 1889, Remus passed away suddenly during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed._

Now THAT, folks, is how it's done in politics!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Passepartout

From a Florida friend:


----------



## tombanjo

The nice thing about a croc pot is dinner is always ready "in a while"


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

From Ohio
Sorry
But this was funny

note- should be a heck of a game
Good luck!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 42607


That is a very creative piece of turkey art.
Looks good to eat.LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 42632
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, even this old man got it.LOL


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


But it's not available for purchase.  Dang it anyway!

Dave


----------



## vacationtime1

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


Temporarily out of stock.  Must be a supply chain problem.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Outdated, but still apropos ....


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Edible Knickers


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 42653


Also, I thought MD meant Mad Dog. I bet the older generation do not know this.LOL


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


It was not available for purchase. That item supply must be all stuck in a container ship off the coast of California. LOL


----------



## Ubil

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


Unfortunately, they don't carry the "Turbo Encabulator".


----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


Ha Ha Ha -- That's Great!  And a full description/specification to-boot!  As DaveNV says, however -- (paraphrasing) "Dang -- Not for sale"!


----------



## pedro47

Ubil said:


> Unfortunately, they don't carry the "Turbo Encabulator".


The parts were available in the filming of the  movie "Back to the future."
LOL.


----------



## kanerf

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 42671


You can build one here: https://www.myfluxcapacitor.com/putting-it-all-together


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## emeryjre

> *Little known Facts About Sex*
> 
> *At Any Given Moment*
> 
> *FACT:**79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now!* *FACT:**58,000,000 are kissing.* *FACT:**37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.* *FACT:**1 elderly person is reading Jokes*
Click to expand...


----------



## Luanne

And a Happy Thanksgiving to all.


----------



## pedro47

Luanne said:


> And a Happy Thanksgiving to all.
> 
> View attachment 42689


I liked that Turkey statement to Santa.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 42748



Or:  "We know you just bought a toaster oven, as a killer-deal, discounted, knockdown price, far, far cheaper than it's ever sold for in the history of toaster ovens.  So here are 25 ads for the same exact toaster oven - each selling for way more than you paid for the one you already bought - plus additional cost for shipping.  You're welcome."

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

pedro47 said:


> The parts were available in the filming of the  movie "Back to the future."
> LOL.



After the Banzai Institute saw what Doctor Brown did with the parts they recalled all of them, and reserved them for Institute use only. . .


----------



## plpgma

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> After the Banzai Institute saw what Doctor Brown did with the parts they recalled all of them, and reserved them for Institute use only. . .


Ha ha -- While the reference to Doctor Brown may be easy for most to get, I'm thinking the Banzai Institute call-out will stump many!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

plpgma said:


> Ha ha -- While the reference to Doctor Brown may be easy for most to get, I'm thinking the Banzai Institute call-out will stump many!



Bring your own watermelon. The head of the Banzai Institute made the first public use of the "flux capacitor" several years before Doctor Brown, and the development work dated back decades before Doctor Brown even heard of it.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Probably not, but it's still funny. 

Dave


----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> Probably not, but it's still funny.
> 
> Dave



It’s an irrational number…


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> It’s an irrational number…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



That makes it even funnier. 

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yes! This is a rational math person from the wrong galaxy.
I feel UPS will never be able to scan this home address; nor wil it be hack by malware. 
ops it needs a letter. LOL


----------



## PigsDad

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Has anyone here ever noticed that Amy Farrah Fowler's apartment number on The Big Bang Theory was 314?

Kurt


----------



## Theiggy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## chellej




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Today we’re putting up the Christmas tree we bought at Ikea. This could take a while.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl

I finally found a plumber who works around the clock!


----------



## DaveNV

Still funny.





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Happy December!





 Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 42964
> 
> Dave


Why do I look at this photo and see Squidward?


----------



## DaveNV

Ty1on said:


> Why do I look at this photo and see Squidward?



Not completely sure.  But if you zoom in on the guy's face, it's classic.  He is NOT having a good time.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Still one of my favorite jokes ever.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Stephan Pastis￼


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Life goals.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

More life goals.  





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Actually yesterday, but. . .


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

In some countries at this time of year, they have Elf on a Shelf.

In Canada, they have:





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 43043
> 
> Actually yesterday, but. . .


That is just so yesterday.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Passepartout

LOVE!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## spirit1

DaveNV said:


> Life goals.
> 
> View attachment 43034
> 
> Dave


I used to find old sour cream containers (the kind you can't see into) in the back of the fridge with leftovers...but then I got smart and started freezing leftovers in those same containers.  I would label them and scrape all the good leftovers...kind of layer them if I needed to...then when the granddog came over for a visit...he would get a leftover popcycle to chew on while we visited with our son.  Outside of course!!!  He was always glad to visit and I got a chance to give him a nice treat.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Duplicate, sorry.

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 43123
> 
> Dave


Deja vu!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Deja vu!



Oops.  I've deleted it. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Genius!





 Dave


----------



## nerodog




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

When you're a little bit bored at the Art Museum...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I never realized how much my Mom had in common with Bank Robbers and Preachers...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Four young novice nuns were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel where the Mother Superior was waiting to perform the ceremony to marry them to Jesus.

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Chassidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards, carrying siddurs, came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"

One of the men replied, "We're from the groom's side."


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Do I have to put this in the Covid forum?



Courtesy of Barb. You know who you are. . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Renting out that extra room, for a, (ahem) buck. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

What we put our animals thru


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Tank said:


> View attachment 43276


 You've gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a toad. . .


----------



## chellej




----------



## Ty1on

chellej said:


> View attachment 43282



This creeps me out!


----------



## Passepartout

History check:


----------



## plpgma




----------



## tombanjo

That's an eastern European rip off of the Citroën 2CV


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 43310



I reposted this image on Facebook.  They deleted it as being against their rules, saying it incited people to kill themselves, and then offered me links to suicide prevention counseling.  WTH? They can't tell a joke when they see one?  Oh wait - it's Facebook - so that's redundant.  

Dave, mildly bemused


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> I reposted this image on Facebook.  They deleted it as being against their rules, saying it incited people to kill themselves, and then offered me links to suicide prevention counseling.  WTH? They can't tell a joke when they see one?  Oh wait - it's Facebook - so that's redundant.
> 
> Dave, mildly bemused


TRUTH!!!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Passepartout

And if you do, For Heaven's sake, DON'T POP THE BUBBLE!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 43442


I’ve giggled at several posts here this morning, but this one made me laugh so loud my DH asked “What’s funny?”


----------



## clifffaith

plpgma said:


> View attachment 43441


And little Jackson would perch on the scalloped edge and meow beseechingly to be allowed into the shower with his mommy. Darn cat has a fit when I get in the shower!


----------



## Tank

This brought a smile to my face
Way to start the day


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

We had a wind storm, found this funny


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

It really did happen:


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 43502



Mother crocodiles are so gentle with their children. 

 Dave


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 43502


This young mother croc just cannot let go of her baby croc shoe. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Seems timely...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*Christmas Carols for our time:*

“I'll Be Vaxxed for Christmas”

"It Came Upon A Mandate Clear" 

"Baby, There's COVID Outside"

"Do You Fear What I Fear" 

"What Variant is This?"

"Have Yourself A Lonely Little Christmas" 

"God Rest Ye Boosted Gentlemen"

"mRNA In a Manager" 

"Fauci Baby" 

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Wuhan" .

“Santa Claus Is Staying at Home”

"All I Want For Christmas Is Ivermectin"

"Jab to the World"

"Ave Moderna"

“Have an Omi-Cron-y Christmas”

"Grandma Got COVID By A Cuomo" 

"Variant Both Meek And Mild"..

“Christmas (Baby Please Stay Home)”

“Mary Did You Know (About the Vaccine Mandate)”


----------



## Brett

.






.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 43625
> 
> Dave


Ha ha -- That's too much!  I'm glad to see Redwood City having fun with this!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Ha ha -- That's too much!  I'm glad to see Redwood City having fun with this!



Makes the sign pretty memorable, for sure. 

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> Ha ha -- That's too much!  I'm glad to see Redwood City having fun with this!


DW is a Redwood City girl.  I forwarded the sign to her and my SIL.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ty1on

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 43686



They say the choirmaster is an alcoholic....


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ty1on said:


> They say the choirmaster is an alcoholic....


And many of the others are Coke-heads.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 43686


They are singing the 99 beers  song and there are only 27 beers left. LOL


----------



## geist1223

ONE MINUTE YOU'RE YOUNG AND FUN.
AND THE NEXT, YOU'RE TURNING DOWN
THE STEREO IN YOUR CAR TO SEE BETTER.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## BJRSanDiego

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 43772
> 
> Dave


Or cat hairs.  ;-)


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 43772
> 
> Dave


That is so cute.


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 43762


Is this a Distress call for QB help or a 911 help call to find a quarterback by Sunday NFL Football game??? LOL


----------



## Makai Guy

Tank said:


> View attachment 43712


This one really hit home.  With my bad back, I use a rollator (that's what they call a walker with wheels) sometimes.  On our visit to Iceland several years ago our tour bus driver jokingly said "Here's your Harley, sir" as he was removing it from the baggage compartment under the bus.  It's been my "Harley" ever since.

So naturally we had to put a Harley symbol on it.


----------



## Ken555

Festivus - Wikipedia
					






					en.wikipedia.org
				





Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 43828


What about the tenement halls?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ken555 said:


> Festivus - Wikipedia
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> en.wikipedia.org


The Story of Festivus - for the unfamiliar


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 43871


Mine is four words exactly.  "Tall Sumatra.  No room."


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## BJRSanDiego

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Mine is four words exactly.  "Tall Sumatra.  No room."


One time I went into Starbucks and said "give me a black coffee ...  $2 bucks worth".  They didn't know how to handle it.  Ha ha.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 43859
> 
> Dave


Are they singing a Christmas song or are they three escape convicts dress in their Christmas convicts uniforms, singing the blues. LOL


----------



## Brett

find the wavy line


----------



## Quiet Pine

BJRSanDiego said:


> One time I went into Starbucks and said "give me a black coffee ...  $2 bucks worth".  They didn't know how to handle it.  Ha ha.


Only thing I ever order is "Short Drip." Small black coffee & it costs about $2. Once my husband was with me and I requested "2 Short Drips," then we burst out laughing 'cause it seemed we were describing ourselves.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## SmithOp

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## maddog497

Hopefully this doesn't turn out to be true.
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk


----------



## jpsmit




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

I'm just being Koi this morning. . .


----------



## DaveNV

I need to meet this kid. 





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Sometimes I feel this way about TUG Covid-19 thread. . . .


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

There's no telling what I could accomplish if someone took my computer away!


----------



## Passepartout

Just make one little typing error and your whole sentence can be urined.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. 

“I remember the day I earned my first dollar,” he said.  “That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. I had only that single dollar, and I had to make a decision: Give it to his worthy cause or keep it. So I gave him all the money I had. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a multi-millionaire today.”

As he sat down, a woman shouted, “I dare you to do it again.”


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I went to the butcher’s the other day and bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. 

“No,” he responded. “The steaks are too high.”


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

deleted - wrong thread.


----------



## Makai Guy

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> deleted - wrong thread.


Now, THAT"S funny!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

> A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
> 
> I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
> 
> I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
> 
> A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
> 
> Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
> 
> It's weird being the same age as old people.
> 
> When I was a kid I wanted to be older...this is not what I expected
> 
> Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
> 
> It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
> 
> Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
> Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
> 
> Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don't sing!
> 
> I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
> 
> If you can't think of a word, say, "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
> 
> I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
> 
> I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
> 
> I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
> 
> You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
> 
> We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
> 
> 
> There are others but I can't remember them.​
Click to expand...


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Creative kid for the Win!  His Dad asked for a Wire Stripper for Christmas.  Kid made him this:





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 44095


Now how can I make snow cream for my neighbors children, after reading this.LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Creative kid for the Win!  His Dad asked for a Wire Stripper for Christmas.  Kid made him this:
> 
> View attachment 44094
> 
> Dave


I liked it. They were some very creative children, their thinking were logical and very tasteful.
The next time their father needs to ask clearly for a Wire Stripper hand tool. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## pedro47

tombanjo said:


> View attachment 44149


Now that is nice gift to give your daughter.  She asked for nose ring and you gave her a nose ring in a nice wrapped Christmas box.. LOL.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Not so funny
My dad did this to my mom - fireworks!
Brings a smile to my face
Life lessons , this won’t happen in my house!


----------



## TheHolleys87

Tank said:


> Not so funny
> My dad did this to my mom - fireworks!
> Brings a smile to my face
> Life lessons , this won’t happen in my house!
> View attachment 44169


My dad did similar, with an electric toothbrush for their wedding anniversary. It was pretty quiet around our house for a few days, and the meals weren’t nearly as good as normal….


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I've seen this video a hundred times, but it still cracks me up. I feel terrible for this little girl, but I can't help but laugh.






 Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

My wife’s a nurse
Had to “fill in” today for a pier who came down with Covid
F-n Covid
We try to stay positive 
This made me smile, she would do this
Hats off emergency workers
Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## dougp26364

Tank said:


> My wife’s a nurse
> Had to “fill in” today for a pier who came down with Covid
> F-n Covid
> We try to stay positive
> This made me smile, she would do this
> Hats off emergency workers
> Dave
> View attachment 44276



Belive it or not, that’s my former unit, CICU at St Francis (Now Ascension St Francis) in Wichita KS. In 1993 I started out as a monitor tech watching the cardiac monitors directly behind the desk. A year later I was the unit secretary (unit clerk) sitting at that very desk before entering nursing school and becoming a nurse on this unit. I’ve since moved on but the first 21 years of my hospital work career were spent in that unit. So amazing that this went viral and is still hanging around. I think this pic is now a couple for years old


----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

dougp26364 said:


> Belive it or not, that’s my former unit, CICU at St Francis (Now Ascension St Francis) in Wichita KS. In 1993 I started out as a monitor tech watching the cardiac monitors directly behind the desk. A year later I was the unit secretary (unit clerk) sitting at that very desk before entering nursing school and becoming a nurse on this unit. I’ve since moved on but the first 21 years of my hospital work career were spent in that unit. So amazing that this went viral and is still hanging around. I think this pick is now a couple for years old


I feel we need to give a very special Thank You to all  / every staff member that works in an emergency room during the holidays and the other 364 days in the year.

Thanks you to all the physicians,  nurses,  clerical and support staff in the ER.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 44308


They are Mr. & Mrs. Peanut from Planters Peanut Company in Suffolk, VA.
Mr. Peanut is going to inspect the JIF peanut butter company process for creamy or crunchy peanut butter. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

The upside of winter:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

These roadside alert signs are so helpful!





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Ooh, spooky!!





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> The upside of winter:
> 
> View attachment 44397
> 
> Dave


This time of year, we call 'em ICBMs


----------



## Luanne




----------



## isisdave

Not in Mesquite, though, Dave.  BTW my brother in Bellingham says it was 14 degrees yesterday and 9 inches of snow arrived.  You made the great escape!


----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> Not in Mesquite, though, Dave.  BTW my brother in Bellingham says it was 14 degrees yesterday and 9 inches of snow arrived.  You made the great escape!



Didn't we, though? Absolutely no regrets.  I have family in Bellingham, too.  I'm hearing some amazing temperature numbers - even as crazy as weather can be there, this is really wild.

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

_

_


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 44400


That would be fitting in this thread:

https://tugbbs.com/forums/threads/punny-titles-more-diversions-for-these-times.305114/


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## geist1223

plpgma said:


> View attachment 44461



I would send this to my Son and DIL but they would get really upset because it is true for their Bedroom.


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 44497


I have a few I’d like to try to get it to stick , over and over again


----------



## Tank

Again ,,,


----------



## optimist

Happy New Year everyone!


----------



## pedro47

optimist said:


> Happy New Year everyone!


That was hilarious.


----------



## optimist

I've watched it a half dozen times and it still cracks me up!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Latest CDC guidance.  Only COVID that comes from the Omicrône Appellation d’Origine may be designated omicron.  Identical viruses from other areas are simply sparkling COVID.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## isisdave

tombanjo said:


> View attachment 44526



The original Roman calendar had 10 months, and started with .... Martius. An early reform added  Ianuarius and Februarius, and more-or-less standardized the length at 30 days.


----------



## chapjim

Passepartout said:


> This time of year, we call 'em ICBMs



ew


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 44613


Start the New Year on a correct move and saved this poor man. Tell him the keys are on her side of the automobile. LOL.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 44700


This one I must print and share with our dinner group of eleven. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 44721



Eggsactly. Except for one call I made this morning...
I was on hold with a merchant for ~20 minutes when suddenly it said:
"No one can take your call. You may leave a message. Goodbye."
<beep>


----------



## DaveNV

Talent312 said:


> Eggsactly. Except for one call I made this morning...
> I was on hold with a merchant for ~20 minutes when suddenly it said:
> "No one can take your call. You may leave a message. Goodbye."
> <beep>



I think I've called that same company. 

Dave


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

You knew about the "New Math."  But did you know about the "New Spelling?"





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Exaggerated story told by most women


----------



## DaveNV

New Year's Diet Tip #46:





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 44779


Now that was hilarious.


----------



## Talent312

pedro47 said:


> Now that was hilarious.



That was an oldie that's been around a long time.
I'm surprised it took this long to get posted here.
------------------------
What I've been telling peep in various doctors offices:

To a receptionist: If you asked, "Which doctor?"
I would've said, "No, I'm here to see a regular doctor."

"Doc, my kid poured coffee in my ear. What do I do?"
Doc: "Wait right there. I have some cream-er for that."

"Why did the pharmaceutical cross the road?
... To get to the other side - effect."
----------------------------
It seems to lighten things up a bit.


----------



## DaveNV

Decorating Tip for Geeks, #37

Periodic Table.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Think about the long-suffering Tug Admins before you post something like this.  

***********************************

(Substitute "timeshare" for "lightbulb.")

Consider the job the poor admins have with people like us! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



How many group members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
15 to say "can't share"
2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see &$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "@÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
20 to give up on social media and take their dogs for a walk instead.
And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.
And one Moderator to close comments before any of that happens.

************************************

 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> Think about the long-suffering Tug Admins before you post something like this.
> 
> ***********************************
> 
> (Substitute "timeshare" for "lightbulb.")
> 
> Consider the job the poor admins have with people like us!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How many group members does it take to change a light bulb?
> 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
> 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
> 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
> 6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
> Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
> 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
> 5 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
> 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
> 49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
> 19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
> 11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
> 24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
> 44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
> 12 to post F.
> 8 to ask what F means.
> 7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
> 15 to say "can't share"
> 2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
> 36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
> 15 People to post "I can't see &$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
> 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "@÷×$"
> 4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
> 13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
> 5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
> 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
> 20 to give up on social media and take their dogs for a walk instead.
> And then somebody announces they are leaving the group over the light bulb post, and someone replies back that this isn't an airport so you don't need to announce your departure.
> And one Moderator to close comments before any of that happens.
> 
> ************************************
> 
> Dave


You left out the Kardashians of this world, who stick the light bulb in the socket and then stand still as they wait for the world to revolve around them.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> Think about the long-suffering Tug Admins before you post something like this.



Who is this "Tug Adams" to whom you refer? I don't think I've seen him here before. 
Oh... Nevermind.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DebBrown

Brett said:


> View attachment 44842


There's one in my neighborhood!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Talent312

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 44858



My thermostat with Alexa would say: "I'm over here, dummy."
To which I'd reply: "Hey, you're just a thermostat. Stay in your lane."
.
.


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tip o' the hat to Isaac Asimov -----

************

There was no question that Montie Stein had, through clever fraud, stolen better than $100,000. There was also no question that he was apprehended one day after the statute of limitations had expired.

It was his manner of avoiding arrest during that interval that brought on the epoch-making case of the State of New York vs. Montgomery Harlow Stein, with all its consequences introduced law to the fourth dimension. For you see after having committed the fraud and possessed himself of the hundred grand plus, Stein had calmly entered a time machine, of which he was in illegal possession, and set the controls for seven years and one day in the future.

Stein's lawyer put it simply. Hiding in time was not fundamentally different from hiding in space. If the forces of law had not uncovered Stein in the seven-year interval that was their hard luck.

The District Attorney pointed out that the statute of limitations was not intended to be a game between the law and the criminal. It was a merciful measure designed to protect a culprit from indefinitely prolonged fear of arrest. For certain crimes, a denned period of apprehension of apprehension-so to speak-was considered punishment enough. But Stein, the D.A. insisted, had not experienced any period of apprehension at all.

Stein's lawyer remained unmoved. The law said nothing about measuring the extent of a culprit's fear and anguish. It simply set a time limit.

The D.A. said that Stein had not lived through the limit.

Defense stated that Stein was seven years older now than at the time of the crime and had therefore lived through the limit.

The D.A. challenged the statement and the defense produced Stein's birth certificate. He was born in 2973. At the time of the crime, 3004, he was thirty-one. Now, in 3011, he was thirty-eight. The D.A. shouted that Stein was not physiologically thirty-eight, but thirty-one.

Defense pointed out freezingly that the law, once the individual was granted to be mentally competent, recognized solely chronological age, which could be obtained only by subtracting the date of birth from the date of now.

The D.A., growing impassioned, swore that if Stein were allowed to go free, half the laws on the books would be useless.

Then change the laws, said Defense, to take time travel into account; but until the laws are changed, let them be enforced as written.

Judge Neville Preston took a week to consider and then handed down his decision. It was a turning point in the history of law. It is almost a pity, then, that some people suspect Judge Preston to have been swayed in his way of thinking by the irresistible impulse to phrase his decision as he did.

For that decision, in full, was:

'A niche in time saves Stein.'


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I walked down a street where the  houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

It was a trip down memory lane.

*********

Tech tip - If your phone email app isn't connecting with your mail server, just drop the phone in the toilet.  It will sink immediately.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Ty1on

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 44893



Don't they know that they are permitted to remove their masks while actively eating or drinking?


----------



## Passepartout

Why Shetland Ponies never caught on in Wyoming! (or Idaho)


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Krteczech




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

I changed all my online passwords to "Kenny."  Now all I have are Kenny Logins. 

Dave


----------



## zentraveler

DaveNV said:


> I changed all my online passwords to "Kenny."  Now all I have are Kenny Logins.



One has to be of a certain age and musical taste to appreciate this. Loggins and Messina's album _Full Sail _is one of my favorites of all time. (Still have the original LP as I do for many others of that era.)


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 44941


Just look at this picture and what do you see.
Our future generations held capture by a small hand held device called  the
Smart Phone. LOL


----------



## Passepartout

Thought this group of misfits might find this amusing. . . .


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> I changed all my online passwords to "Kenny."  Now all I have are Kenny Logins.



But if you changed it to "and Messina," you would have the duo, Loggins and Messina.


----------



## DaveNV

Talent312 said:


> But if you changed it to "and Messina," you would have the duo, Loggins and Messina.



True, but then the play on the word "Logins" is lost in translation.  

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## "Roger"




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 45010



So we can name our poo, as in Winnie-the-Pooh? Then there's the Kenny
Loggins' song, "Return to Pooh Corner," which suggests something else.

,


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

Tank said:


> View attachment 45031



I think mine is an annual pass…


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

This might take a minute for some of us. . . .


----------



## sue1947

Passepartout said:


> This might take a minute for some of us. . . .
> View attachment 45037


And with the Winter Olympics coming up, it's time for the every 4 years refresh on what the heck is going on.  
Sue


----------



## DaveNV

sue1947 said:


> And with the Winter Olympics coming up, it's time for the every 4 years refresh on what the heck is going on.
> Sue



Shuffleboard with attitude. And yelling. 

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

sue1947 said:


> And with the Winter Olympics coming up, it's time for the every 4 years refresh on what the heck is going on.
> Sue



if it even happens....


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 45121


That baby Yodarita drink looks tempting. LOL.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45054


I give this patience a ten  (10) because he was following the doctors orders to the letter.LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45128


I thought those X symbols were to a Celebrity Cruise ship docked at the Ft. Lauderdale, FL cruise port. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Eee


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
 Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 45224
> 
> I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
> Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
> I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
> Old age is coming at a really bad time.
> When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
> The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
> I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
> If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
> Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
> Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
> Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
> At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
> I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
> Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?


To the OP.
Those statement above are so true. Now I'm wondering...Did I post a reply on TUG or did I send this to the Commander - in - Chief. LOL


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 45223


Ha ha ha!  Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could.  One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on.  Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands.  Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid!  Boy does it ever!!!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> Ha ha ha!  Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could.  One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on.  Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands.  Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid!  Boy does it ever!!!



That’s funny, life’s lessons! Only do that one time  
Might dare the next buddy - bet you can’t pee on that fence from this spot.
Kids today are over protected, and will not experience real life as it’s meant to be.    
Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. 
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus’.





 Dave


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> That’s funny, life’s lessons! Only do that one time
> Might dare the next buddy - bet you can’t pee on that fence from this spot.
> Kids today are over protected, and will not experience real life as it’s meant to be.
> Dave


One time indeed -- and live to tell the tale afterwards!


----------



## spirit1

plpgma said:


> Ha ha ha!  Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could.  One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on.  Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands.  Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid!  Boy does it ever!!!



I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator.  So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves?  Mmmm?


----------



## BJRSanDiego

spirit1 said:


> I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator.  So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves?  Mmmm?


Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor.  Probably largely to the salt.  But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters:  https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth  .
I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely.  But I'm never going to try to find out.


----------



## plpgma

spirit1 said:


> I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator.  So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves?  Mmmm?


Despite all the various alternative ways one can entertain oneself these days -- believe me, we were simple country boys of 10 or so who were bored and decided to relieve ourselves on the fence as a dare -- nothing more.  Whatever chemicals exist or don't exist in urine is of no concern to me -- all I know is that, as soon as that jolt was felt, we KNEW without a doubt that the fence was on!


----------



## plpgma

BJRSanDiego said:


> Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor.  Probably largely to the salt.  But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters:  https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth  .
> I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely.  But I'm never going to try to find out.


Full disclosure -- I never said that I was electrocuted -- I only said that I have proof that voltage travels well in a liquid (in my case, a liquid comprised of urine).  Electric cattle fences are very low voltage -- designed to keep the cattle and other creatures from investigating entry or escape.  Any country boy or gal will know that all you have to do is lay your hand on an electric fence to see if it's active and all you'll get is a low voltage jolt -- similar to what you've gotten before in a science class -- not an electrocution jolt (a term which carries a much higher perception of damage to oneself).

With that being said, I stand before you as someone who took the dare and has lived to tell the tale.  BJRSanDiego states the logical approach to such a dare: "But I'm never going to try to find out."  Unfortunately, boys of 10 don't have a whole lot of logic to fall back on when there's a dare in the air!

All in all, it's now a fond childhood memory that always gets a laugh!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett

BJRSanDiego said:


> Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor.  Probably largely to the salt.  But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters:  https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth  .
> I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely.  But I'm never going to try to find out.




I remember that mythbusters episode


----------



## spirit1

plpgma said:


> Full disclosure -- I never said that I was electrocuted -- I only said that I have proof that voltage travels well in a liquid (in my case, a liquid comprised of urine).  Electric cattle fences are very low voltage -- designed to keep the cattle and other creatures from investigating entry or escape.  Any country boy or gal will know that all you have to do is lay your hand on an electric fence to see if it's active and all you'll get is a low voltage jolt -- similar to what you've gotten before in a science class -- not an electrocution jolt (a term which carries a much higher perception of damage to oneself).
> 
> With that being said, I stand before you as someone who took the dare and has lived to tell the tale.  BJRSanDiego states the logical approach to such a dare: "But I'm never going to try to find out."  Unfortunately, boys of 10 don't have a whole lot of logic to fall back on when there's a dare in the air!
> 
> All in all, it's now a fond childhood memory that always gets a laugh!


Yes, my husband and I really enjoyed your post.  I just thought you might be a teenager...sorry I taught middle and high school for many years...and I can just see so many of my students trying to do that!!!!  Anyway, thanks for the laughs.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

spirit1 said:


> Yes, my husband and I really enjoyed your post.  I just thought you might be a teenager...sorry I taught middle and high school for many years...and I can just see so many of my students trying to do that!!!!  Anyway, thanks for the laughs.


Ha ha -- No worries -- I didn't take your response in any way other than good fun!  My wife (now retired) was also a teacher -- and also for both middle school and high school; she has often commented on my high-jinks of the past as things she simply wouldn't have been surprised to see her students do as well!  Plus we're the parents of three (now grown) boys -- so she's had that storm of life to live through, too!


----------



## PrairieGirl

Hey Plpgma, did it ever get cold enough in Western PA for you boys to undertake the "lick the pump handle" challenge?


----------



## Talent312

So





Tank said:


> View attachment 45329



Now that I'm retired, I look forward to Mondays.
On Mondays, other people go back to work and I can get stuff done.
But some Mondays are holidays... That means waiting for Tuesday.
.


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma

PrairieGirl said:


> Hey Plpgma, did it ever get cold enough in Western PA for you boys to undertake the "lick the pump handle" challenge?


Ouch! The answer is Yes, it certainly did get cold enough and No, we did NOT ever lick the pump handle.  True we weren't smart enough not to pee on the electric fence -- but we most definitely had the "don't lick anything metal when it's that cold" rule drilled into our brains.  If you're suggesting that you actually did "lick the pump handle" in such cold weather -- then hats off to you!  You win the challenge of dumb things we did as kids!  (And once again -- Ouch!)


----------



## PrairieGirl

plpgma said:


> If you're suggesting that you actually did "lick the pump handle" in such cold weather -- then hats off to you! You win the challenge of dumb things we did as kids! (And once again -- Ouch!)


Naaah, I actually grew up in Portland, so 1) not cold enough and 2) not a city thing.  But when I moved to Saskatchewan it was a standing joke (true? who knows!).  I agree - OUCH!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I love classic art, don't you?  Especially when it shows great moments in history.





 Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

I actually do this, works great!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## clifffaith

A friend of mine has 2 tickets for Super Bowl LVI on February 13th, in Los Angeles. Both are Box seats. He paid $2500 each but he didn’t realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place.
It’s at the Church of the good Shepard, at 3pm. The bride’s name is Mary, she’s 5’5”, about 120lbs, very cute, and a good cook too.
She’ll be the one in the white dress.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl

OK, I'll fess up, this one took me a minute......


----------



## bizaro86

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45408


Lol. Although I would imagine most people who work with computers regularly can type. I wouldn't notice if someone did that to me - I never look at the letters.


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

We can learn so much from our animals ,,,
I know my cat would do this to our dog


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Yes, I know that the order-of-the-day is to only use one space after all punctuation -- but I simply can't ignore the composition training from my college days!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45582
> 
> Yes, I know that the order-of-the-day is to only use one space after all punctuation -- but I simply can't ignore the composition training from my college days!


Typing on my Apple devices allows me to hit the space bar twice at the end of a sentence and end up with only one space between. That allows me to satisfy the habit ingrained in me for (way over) 50 years. Typing on a keyboard means there are still two spaces after the period, and I guess there always will be.


----------



## pedro47

TheHolleys87 said:


> Typing on my Apple devices allows me to hit the space bar twice at the end of a sentence and end up with only one space between. That allows me to satisfy the habit ingrained in me for (way over) 50 years. Typing on a keyboard means there are still two spaces after the period, and I guess there always will be.


Hal, what is an IBM typewriter and what are those keys used for on that green typewriter and why do you  insert paper in it. Hal, does it do spell check? LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Ken555 said:


> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk



Ok, I don't get this one.  What am I missing?

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Ok, I don't get this one.  What am I missing?
> 
> Dave


Duplicate


----------



## Ken555

DaveNV said:


> Ok, I don't get this one.  What am I missing?
> 
> Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## geist1223

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45630



Reminds me of Patti most Evenings. She will be sitting on the TV Room Sofa with her feet up on the Blanket Chest. Mailie the Cat will be stretched out on her legs sleeping on her back. Felix will be tight up against her left hip with his head on her lap. She is trapped and can not move. After a couple hours she will apologize to the Animals because she has to get up to use the Bathroom. Mailie will be very upset and stomp off. Felix will grumble and move to my side of the Sofa curl up and go back to sleep.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> Yes, I know that the order-of-the-day is to only use one space after all punctuation -- but I simply can't ignore the composition training from my college days!



Neither can I.


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45643


Women seem to inhabit a world with vastly more colors than men.  One time, when we were at the mall together, my wife started looking around in a clothing store, looking at sweaters.  She said she wanted a red sweater, so wanting to be helpful I started checking some other racks.  

I pulled a sweater that I thought looked nice, and held it up for her.  She looked at it and said, "That's not red.  That's strawberry."

Silly me.  Up to then I had spent my entire life believing that strawberries are red.


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45673


No, it is called Respect.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45582
> 
> Yes, I know that the order-of-the-day is to only use one space after all punctuation -- but I simply can't ignore the composition training from my college days!


It comes from the situation that on a typewriter all key strokes have the same width - a period occupies the same width as a "W" or a blank space, with the period dot in the middle of the space. So on a typewriter if you put only one space at the end of a sentence, visually that isn't any different from a comma in the middle of a sentence, and only slightly different from the break between words.  So by using two spaces after a period the sentence break and it's far easier to read.  BTW - the same applies on a computer with a non-proportional font, such as courier.  If you don't use two spaces after a period in courier, it's difficult to read. 

Computers use proportionally spaced fonts, so that the width of each space varies with the width of the character.  That provides the needed visual break after the period. 

When text is converted to HTML, two spaces after a period are converted to one space.  Next time you reply to post such as this, try putting two spaces in after a period to start a new sentence. When your reply is posted, you should find that the second space after the period was deleted.  For example, I used two spaces to start this sentence as I'm typing, but now there is only one.


----------



## spirit1

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> It comes from the situation that on a typewriter all key strokes have the same width - a period occupies the same width as a "W" or a blank space, with the period dot in the middle of the space. So on a typewriter if you put only one space at the end of a sentence, visually that isn't any different from a comma in the middle of a sentence, and only slightly different from the break between words.  So by using two spaces after a period the sentence break and it's far easier to read.  BTW - the same applies on a computer with a non-proportional font, such as courier.  If you don't use two spaces after a period in courier, it's difficult to read.
> 
> Computers use proportionally spaced fonts, so that the width of each space varies with the width of the character.  That provides the needed visual break after the period.
> 
> When text is converted to HTML, two spaces after a period are converted to one space.  Next time you reply to post such as this, try putting two spaces in after a period to start a new sentence. When your reply is posted, you should find that the second space after the period was deleted.  For example, I used two spaces to start this sentence as I'm typing, but now there is only one.


What a lovely answer.  Honestly...this is just something I never wondered about before but now that I know...I find it amazing regarding the thought that went into the process.  Cheers.


----------



## PigsDad

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> It comes from the situation that on a typewriter all key strokes have the same width - a period occupies the same width as a "W" or a blank space, with the period dot in the middle of the space. So on a typewriter if you put only one space at the end of a sentence, visually that isn't any different from a comma in the middle of a sentence, and only slightly different from the break between words.  So by using two spaces after a period the sentence break and it's far easier to read.  BTW - the same applies on a computer with a non-proportional font, such as courier.  If you don't use two spaces after a period in courier, it's difficult to read.
> 
> Computers use proportionally spaced fonts, so that the width of each space varies with the width of the character.  That provides the needed visual break after the period.
> 
> When text is converted to HTML, two spaces after a period are converted to one space.  Next time you reply to post such as this, try putting two spaces in after a period to start a new sentence. When your reply is posted, you should find that the second space after the period was deleted.  For example, I used two spaces to start this sentence as I'm typing, but now there is only one.


Agree 100%, but I still type two spaces between sentences.  Old habits die hard...   

Kurt


----------



## clifffaith

geist1223 said:


> Reminds me of Patti most Evenings. She will be sitting on the TV Room Sofa with her feet up on the Blanket Chest. Mailie the Cat will be stretched out on her legs sleeping on her back. Felix will be tight up against her left hip with his head on her lap. She is trapped and can not move. After a couple hours she will apologize to the Animals because she has to get up to use the Bathroom. Mailie will be very upset and stomp off. Felix will grumble and move to my side of the Sofa curl up and go back to sleep.



In our house having a cat in your lap absolves you from getting up to do chores. And in fact the one without the cat is required to do refill and refrigerator runs. Unfortunately saying "will you pee for me while you're up" doesn't work and eventually a feline needs to be dislodged.


----------



## clifffaith

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45643



I designed drapery and othe window treatments for 30 years. When a particularly weird color name would show up my mostly female clients and I would agree that a "bunch of men sitting around a table" named the fabric. Most difficulties seemed to be in red/orange/pink colors. More than once I ordered a swatch because there is no way a bright coral should have been named "baby girl pink" or some such.


----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> ...When text is converted to HTML, two spaces after a period are converted to one space.  Next time you reply to post such as this, try putting two spaces in after a period to start a new sentence. When your reply is posted, you should find that the second space after the period was deleted.  For example, I used two spaces to start this sentence as I'm typing, but now there is only one.


Very interesting -- I had never considered that!  And here I just automatically input two spaces after the exclamation point -- didn't even think about it!


----------



## plpgma

plpgma said:


> Very interesting -- I had never considered that!  And here I just automatically input two spaces after the exclamation point -- didn't even think about it!


And you're right, T_R_Oglodyte -- it does work that way!


----------



## Passepartout

Not being insensitive. I just post 'em when I find 'em.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## MdRef




----------



## Tank

I’ll admit , I shovel the snow for my dog, she is a short Westie.
but nope


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Thinking spring


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## isisdave

Tank said:


> I’ll admit , I shovel the snow for my dog, she is a short Westie.
> but nope
> View attachment 45706



We actually did this for our 9-pound California-native Yorkie-poo(!)'s first 4-inch snowfall.  She tried it once, and decided she'd rather tear through the snow.


----------



## plpgma

Luanne said:


> View attachment 45723


A lot...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 45707


This is sad and is a hazard .


----------



## DaveNV

Those emergency bracelets are so important - and helpful.





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45765


I owned one.  I see it.


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 45765


Only a VW Bug owner can enjoy this photo. LOL

I wish, I still had my 68 VW .


----------



## DaveNV

Still makes me laugh. 

***********************************

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, “Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home?

The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?” “Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?” 

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?”

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

She replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket … and I’ll hold the chickens.”

***********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## zentraveler

pedro47 said:


> Only a VW Bug owner can enjoy this photo. LOL
> 
> I wish, I still had my 68 VW .



I had a 1965 yellow VW with a black convertible top. Bought it for $600. Sold it 3 years later for $635.


----------



## pedro47

zentraveler said:


> I had a 1965 yellow VW with a black convertible top. Bought it for $600. Sold it 3 years later for $635.


I had a 68 light pale blue Beetle Bug. That when the streets in Norfolk & Portsmouth, VA was flooded with rainwater. My Beetle could float down the streets in both cities liked a boat. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

zentraveler said:


> I had a 1965 yellow VW with a black convertible top. Bought it for $600. Sold it 3 years later for $635.





pedro47 said:


> I had a 68 light blue Beetle Bug. That when the streets in Norfolk & Portsmouth, VA was flooded with rainwater. My Beetle could float down the streets in both cities liked a boat. LOL


Ours was orange, purchased used in 1975.  Probably ~1970 model.  Ultimately traded for a VW minibus as the family outgrew the Bug.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A bit of a kick to see Henry Gibson in an early VW commercial.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


>


That was a great video. Those VW bugs were strong , tough and cheap.
LOL, who could  afford a new VW in college in the 60's.  Not I.
$1999.00 was big money in that decade. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

pedro47 said:


> That was a great video. Those VW bugs were strong , tough and cheap.
> LOL, who could  afford a new VW in college in the 60's.  Not I.
> $1999.00 was big money in that decade. LOL


If you don't know that ad, then this joke (the conclusion of the car chase scene in "What's Up Doc") will float right past you.






*******************

That bug is obviously not floating but is sitting in shallow water somewhere.  

From https://www.hagerty.com/media/archived/whats-up-doc-review/



> Bogdanovich and his crew were told Volkswagens float, but learned the hard way that this is not true. The VW was the first car in the water, and the stuntman inside had been driving 70 mph without an oxygen tank. The car “went down like a stone, and it was very deep.” The door wouldn’t open, but he managed to escape through the windshield, which had caved in. Bogdanovich said everyone watching was “standing there dying” because it took him about three minutes to finally reach the water’s surface. “John Ford gave me a very good piece of advice. He said, ‘Never rehearse action.’ I said, ‘Why not?’ He said, ‘Somebody could get hurt.’” Bogdanovich followed Ford’s advice and everyone managed to survive the making of _What’s Up, Doc? _He also recognized his stuntmen’s invaluable contribution, and _What’s Up, Doc?_ was the first Hollywood film to list its stuntmen in the credits. “They were extraordinary,” Bogdanovich said. “The chase was undoable without them.”


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> If you don't know that ad, then this joke (the conclusion of the car chase scene in "What's Up Doc") will float right past you.
> 
> View attachment 45817


To be honest with you . I have never seen that ad before.
Or that conclusion. LOL


----------



## Tank

These brought a smile to my face ,,, 




bet you sung those tunes


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> These brought a smile to my face ,,,
> View attachment 45840
> 
> bet you sung those tunes


If you're an upper Midwesterner, you remember "From the land of sky blue waters ..."


----------



## MULTIZ321

Hey Mabel, Black Label...








Richard


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Great discoveries in life:  I've heard you can do a week's worth of aerobic activity in three seconds by walking into a spider web. I just proved another one:  The best sound to instantly wake you up from a deep sleep is the sound of a cat trying to puke up a hairball in the middle of your bed.  Aack!!

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> These brought a smile to my face ,,,
> View attachment 45840
> 
> bet you sung those tunes


Ha ha -- Yes, I did!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Great discoveries in life:  I've heard you can do a week's worth of aerobic activity in three seconds by walking into a spider web. I just proved another one:  The best sound to instantly wake you up from a deep sleep is the sound of a cat trying to puke up a hairball in the middle of your bed.  Aack!!
> 
> Dave



Bill The Cat in action. . . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 45941


Those are hard to follow (re: the original's being so ingrained in my head)!


----------



## Tank

Oh the 50’s

"Davy Crockett: king of the wild frontier"


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## chapjim

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I owned one.  I see it.



Me, too!


----------



## Tank




----------



## chapjim

Tank said:


> View attachment 46026



ew


----------



## plpgma

In case you get the two mixed up.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46058


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46084




Sold ! That dude can weld


----------



## sharewhereMiMi

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I owned one. I see it.



Me too, still have my VW Things. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46084


Yes, he is a Tig welder.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 46114
> 
> Dave


Looks liked you got your cheese on the side. LOL


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Talent312

Luanne said:


> View attachment 46116



If it was an option, I'd only accept Chips Ahoy! Chunky.
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The comic strip "Herman," drawn by Jim Unger, was always a favorite of mine.  And this was my all-time favorite Herman:





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 46133


You know it must be cold in Florida when the temperatures drops below 50 degrees and those Iguanas are frozen and all fallen from trees on the ground. LOL


----------



## Talent312

I sent my cousins in NY the cartoon that showed a guy shoveling snow and telling his Florida friends to ---.
One wrote back saying, "I'm sending you some of our air -- kiss that."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

More of a 'dog person' myself, but for the rest. . . .


----------



## chellej




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

It's fixed now!!





 dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank

*

*


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Tank said:


> View attachment 46378


I call walking the dog, 'Checking it's P-mail.' And what he does, a 'reply all'.


----------



## DaveNV

Professional Teenager Tips.  (For any teenager who needs training, or the parent of a teenager who is living through hell right now. )



 

 

 





 

 

 





 

 

 





 

 

 





 

 



 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## amycurl

Teenager Pro Tips is one of my favorite Facebook follows.


----------



## DaveNV

amycurl said:


> Teenager Pro Tips is one of my favorite Facebook follows.



It was new to me, but I cracked up reading them.  I went through hell as a single parent raising two teenagers.  So I can relate to every one of those. 

Dave


----------



## amycurl

My favorite, and a tip that my teen employs regularly is:
"Say 'I'm Coming!' Don't come."

Her hydroflask filling accuracy is closer to 90%, tho. She clearly has some work to do in this area.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Nerd humor (prompted by the Fibonacci thread) -

I got into a fight with a Fibonacci series one time.  It was hard at first, because the odds were running about 2:1 against me.  But after a while it became an even contest.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

My wife worked in the emergency room for 26 years
This is a true statement


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 46584


Now how do you know that is a fact?
Have anyone from earth been to Uranus ? LOL

Did you know Uranus is only 1.79 billion miles from earth and it takes 83.06 years to orbits the sun. LOL


----------



## Passepartout

pedro47 said:


> Now how do you know that is a fact?
> Have anyone from earth been to Uranus ? LOL


It HAS to be fact. I read it on the internet.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a Siamese cat have died. They are now face to face with God in the throng of souls at the Pearly Gates (the cat having expended all nine of its lives), awaiting the decisions regarding their eternal fates. In due course, they are called before God, who asks them to profess what they believe so that He can decide where they belong.

The German shepherd sits respectfully in front of God and  replies: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master."

"Good," says God. "Loyalty and service to others is the key to a heavenly life.  Come, sit on my right. Doberman, what do you believe in?"  The German Shepherd takes position, sitting on God's right.

The Doberman looks around, sniffs the air carefully, and takes up a watchful position while surveying the throng: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."

"Ah, excellent" God murmurs, nodding his head.  Then, more loudly and clearly, He looks at the throng of hopefuls and announces "Concern and protection of others is also vital.  Doberman, please take the spot on my left and continue your watch."  Doberman takes his place.

Then God looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"

The cat stands erect, looks from left to right at God, the German Shepherd, the Doberman, and then eyes the assorted angels and seraphim.  He then moves his gaze back to God, twitches his tail and with obvious exasperation, announces:

"I believe you're sitting in my spot."


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank

I had an outhouse in our back yard
It was a two seater
I could see two different size holes but,,,,


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> I had an outhouse in our back yard
> It was a two seater
> I could see two different size holes but,,,,
> View attachment 46721


Well if you have two small children of the same gender needing to used the outhouse in your back yard it may
work or is it His and Her johns

I guess you needed to ask the plumber the purpose of this design  ? LOL

You must have a large septic system and a large drain field. LOL.


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 46719


Looks liked something on a very cheap  cruise ship.LOL


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 46720


They stole all four wheels and left it on the street , jack up on the curb, with red bricks. LOL
That is a tough neighborhood.


----------



## Luanne

Tank said:


> View attachment 46719


We stayed in a B&B in London that had a bathroom just like this.


----------



## Luanne

As seen in our local newspaper today.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 46719


I saw something very similar in the back of an airplane one time.  Except it was half the size of the one in the picture.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 46719


Now THAT'S how you take care of the three S's in the morning!


----------



## plpgma

Luanne said:


> As seen in our local newspaper today.
> 
> View attachment 46739


We're quickly coming to the point where most of the population will NOT fully get the joke!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 46805


Right! buying a hammer is liked buying a microwave for A Christmas Gift. LOL


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46815


Now I can see where all the shipping delays are on that one huge cargo ship. LOL


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

I own this ^^^ dog.  Two of them actually.  

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Clay County Sheriffs office
Valentine’s Day Weekend Special! 
Do you have an ex-Valentine and know they have outstanding warrants? Do you have information that they are driving with drugs in their car? Give us a call with their location and we’ll take care of the rest. 
This Valentine’s Day Weekend Special starts off with a set of limited-edition platinum bracelets, free transportation with a chauffeur, a one-night minimum stay in luxurious ️️️️️ accommodations and professional glamour shots that will be posted on online for all to enjoy. This special is capped off with a special Valentine’s dinner.
We know this special is so incredible that you may be tempted to provide additional referrals. We don't blame you, this special is too sweet to pass up. Operators are standing by! We copied this from a fellow Sheriff and it seems like an excellent program.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

A group of 30 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

20 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

***************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46895


How many of today's teenagers would know what any these items are in this photo and how to use them? LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> A group of 30 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.
> 
> 20 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, and the wine selection was good also.
> 
> 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
> 
> 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, and they even had an elevator.
> 
> 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
> 
> ***************************
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, I loved this post; this post is worth printing and sharing with the 60 and older crowd.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

the wonderful Michelob ad from yesterday's Superb Owl - for fans of The Big Lebowsky.


----------



## Passepartout

*Happy Valentine's Day!


*


----------



## Tank

_

_


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Brett said:


> View attachment 47052



Um...  Mary?

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> Um...  Mary?
> 
> Dave



You're jumping to the assumption that Mary identifies as a daughter.


----------



## DaveNV

Ty1on said:


> You're jumping to the assumption that Mary identifies as a daughter.



Good point.  Glad I put a question mark after Mary's name. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## BargainTraveller

View attachment 47078


----------



## pedro47

BargainTraveller said:


> View attachment 47078


Oops,  this message could not be found.


----------



## moonstone

It appears something is preventing us from posting (copy/paste) cartoons & images. 
I got the message  "oops something went wrong, contact the administrator"

~Diane

Eta  -and after posting the message I see the post!! Weird!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

*Two old ladies, Dolly and Ruby, were talking about their grandchildren.  

Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a 
generous check inside. I never hear from them, and never receive a thank you message!"

Ruby replies, "I too send mine a very generous check. I hear from them 
within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."

"Wow!" remarked Dolly. "How come?”

"Very simple solution", said Ruby. "I don't sign the check."

****************************

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Methinks this dude got it wrong. . . . not exactly topical humor, but a stroll down memory lane.


----------



## Ubil

Passepartout said:


> Methinks this dude got it wrong. . . . not exactly topical humor, but a stroll down memory lane.
> View attachment 47216


I'm surprised that he spelled "Beatles" correctly.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Methinks this dude got it wrong. . . . not exactly topical humor, but a stroll down memory lane.
> View attachment 47216


Wow! This person really missed his mark on that singing group from Great Britan.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This brought a smile to my face


----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> Methinks this dude got it wrong. . . . not exactly topical humor, but a stroll down memory lane.
> View attachment 47216


This guy missed it by miles!  I wonder if he ever wrote a follow-up -- saying how wrong he was to not comprehend the beginnings of one of the greatest bands in history!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DebBrown

plpgma said:


> View attachment 47273


We thought "LIFE" was bad enough with 4 kids in the backseat!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PigsDad

The hot tub with bears cartoon above reminded me of one of my favorite Far Side comics:






Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end 
of the test, the professor asked all the students to put their pencils down, 
and immediately hand in their tests.

The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that if he 
did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, 
finished the test 10 minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. 
The instructor told him he would not accept it.

The student asked, “Do you know who I am?”

The professor said, “No, and I don’t care.”

The student asked again, “Are you _sure_ you don’t know who I am?”

The professor again said No. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, 
placed his in the middle, then threw the stack of papers in the air.

“Good,” he said, and walked out.

He passed.

************************************

 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## geist1223

What does it say about me if I see nothing but black lines.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 47350


Yesterday the head was turned to the right; now it is turned to the left.
The eyes are still looking at you.

Also, Brett has a new look


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Men who are too smart to fall for catfishing attacks are so sexy. I get so turned on thinking about how clever they are and how they’d never fall for obvious scams. DM me and I’ll show you exactly how…


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.

plpgma said:


> View attachment 46895





Tell them in a note written in cursive.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

*My NEW WORKOUT Socks!*


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank

Cleaning out my sister's basement. Finding lots of neat furniture in good shape surprisingly. But I’m selling this set if anyone is interested. 
$500 obo. Leather is in great shape, no dings or scratches in the wood. 
Well made.
I know what I have.
No lowballers.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

A cell phone rings in a crowded men's locker room. The man answers the call on Speaker.

Man: "Hello?"

Woman: "Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I'm at the mall and I just saw this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Can I have it?

Man: "Sure!"

Woman: "Oh, I just stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw one i really liked. Can i have it?

Man "How much is it?"

Woman: "$90,000."

Man: "Well, if it's that much, I want it with all the features."

Woman: "Of course!  One more thing. I just finished talking to Sarah, and the house I wanted is 
back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

Man: "Okay, make an offer for $900,000. If they don't take it, offer them the extra 80k, if that's what you really want."

Woman: "Thank you so much honey! I love you, bye!"

Man: "Love you too, bye."

The man hung up. Everyone in the locker room was staring at him in astonishment. He calmly looked around and asked, 
"Okay, whose phone is this?"

*********************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

That's some hard relish!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47464
> 
> Dave


Looks like you & I have the same make, model, year of car!


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> That's some hard relish!
> 
> View attachment 47479
> 
> Dave


You'll likely be doing some time on the hot set after eating it!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Um... Pretty sure this is not how this is supposed to work.





 Dave


----------



## Tank

I think it could be reversed to be more accurate


----------



## DaveNV

Speaking of ^^^ this:





 Dave


----------



## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47475
> 
> Dave


What about the gas station?


----------



## DaveNV

LannyPC said:


> What about the gas station?



Different trip. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

This isn't a meme. and may be too "political", but it is just so funny, I had to include it. . . 

*The latest happenings in Canada are a major advertisement for bitcoin and crypto*
The Freedom Convoy is in the process of being broken up and coming to an end in Canada, but that hasn't stopped the government of going after everyone who supported them.

The government has even contacted the Nunchuk team and asked to cease transfers and provide information on users, here's how they responded:


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Talent312

Seen today at my doctor's office...

A patient presents himself at the ER.
But he can't be seen... He's invisible.
So, they put him in the I-C-U.

Medical humor.
,


----------



## GetawaysRus

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47566
> 
> Dave



Yes, I recognize myself. That is my life these days. The AI is getting stupider and stupider. And it's a cause for celebration if I finally get connected to a rep in the USA!!

I predict that this little picture should get a thousand likes.

Is there such a thing as "customer service" any more? I think it's extinct.


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47590
> 
> Dave


I loved that explanation.
An, ID ten T error.LOL


----------



## DaveNV

This is me. (Well, except for the guy in the picture.) 





 Dave


----------



## HitchHiker71

pedro47 said:


> I loved that explanation.
> An, ID ten T error.LOL



Working in IT - way back in the late 90's we used to have a whiteboard with Top 10 SUE Awards.  SUE stood for Stupid User Errors.


----------



## DaveNV

HitchHiker71 said:


> Working in IT - way back in the late 90's we used to have a whiteboard with Top 10 SUE Awards.  SUE stood for Stupid User Errors.



I spent my career working in IT.  For us, if it wasn't an ID10T error, it was a PEBKAC issue. Some PEBKAC issues were more severe than others. 

"Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair."

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## tombanjo

More IT humor - defective chair desk interface.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geist1223

dayooper said:


> A Toronto HGVC property would be fantastic. I’m not sure there would be a better Urban location for my wife and I then that!





DaveNV said:


> I spent my career working in IT.  For us, if it wasn't an ID10T error, it was a PEBKAC issue. Some PEBKAC issues were more severe than others.
> 
> "Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair."
> 
> Dave



When I would call the IT Help Desk at work with a problem they would say turn off the Program and Relaunch. I would tell them I already tried that. So next they would say turn off the Computer and Restart. I would tell them I already tried that. Now they were stumped and did not know what help to offer. Usually this would bring an IT Gal or Guy to my Office to fix the Computer.


----------



## DaveNV

geist1223 said:


> When I would call the IT Help Desk at work with a problem they would say turn off the Program and Relaunch. I would tell them I already tried that. So next they would say turn off the Computer and Restart. I would tell them I already tried that. Now they were stumped and did not know what help to offer. Usually this would bring an IT Gal or Guy to my Office to fix the Computer.



Surprisingly, the vast majority of computer issues can be corrected by restarting the equipment. I wish some of the users were as easily corrected. 

Dave


----------



## Talent312

HitchHiker71 said:


> Working in IT - way back in the late 90's we used to have a whiteboard with Top 10 SUE Awards.  SUE stood for Stupid User Errors.



I'd prolly be on your list.
I would manually clean my HD, deleting an essential DLL in the process.
IF that wasn't enuff, I'd play around with the regiastry.

Nowadays, I let IObit software handle those sorts of things.
,


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## HitchHiker71

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Rude, but funny. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

HitchHiker71 said:


> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Wow, that looks just liked my decease mother-in-law refrigerator and guys it is still working after 40 plus years.


----------



## DaveNV

This explains so much.  And it seems really accurate. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000."
Doctor: "But this is $500..."
Engineer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Jan M.




----------



## plpgma

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 47668


Ha ha -- You got me!


----------



## Jan M.

plpgma said:


> Ha ha -- You got me!



I did it too.


----------



## DaveNV

As seen in the paper...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.

The theme of this thread.


----------



## pedro47

Jan M. said:


> View attachment 47668


Ha! Ha! You got the old whipped snapper. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

pedro47 said:


> Wow, that looks just liked my decease mother-in-law refrigerator and guys it is still working after 40 plus years.


Blame that, at least in part, on Energy Star efficiency ratings and requirements.  To get higher efficiency ratings equipment is designed less conservatively.  Parts are made smaller. Motors are designed at closer to peak load, so they continually operate near their maximum rate instead of at 75% of load. Etc. 

When you start shaving designs, things fail more frequently and catastrophically.


----------



## Passepartout

*Wait,  WHAT!



*


----------



## geist1223

DaveNV said:


> This explains so much.  And it seems really accurate.
> 
> View attachment 47655
> 
> Dave



Actually the Marine Corps is Senior to the Navy. It was formed by Act of the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. While a temporary Navy was established on October 13, 1775 it was later disbanded. The Navy was not reestablished until 10 years later. The Marine Corps had no such break in continuous service.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47671
> 
> Dave


The Assisted Living is playing my song. . . .


----------



## DaveNV

geist1223 said:


> Actually the Marine Corps is Senior to the Navy. It was formed by Act of the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. While a temporary Navy was established on October 13, 1775 it was later disbanded. The Navy was not reestablished until 10 years later. The Marine Corps had no such break in continuous service.



According to this USO page, you are incorrect.  See Item 5. https://www.uso.org/stories/3128-what-is-the-difference-between-navy-vs-marines

Dave


----------



## geist1223

If you look at the arrangement of Colors it is Army Flag, Marine Corps Flag, Navy Flag, Air Force Flag. While the Marine Corps is part of Naval Department and subject to the Secretary of the Navy it is not part of the Navy subject to the the 4 Star Admiral that is the Head of the Navy. The Commandant of the Marine Corps is a 4 Star General and a Co-equal Member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.


----------



## keno999

DaveNV said:


> According to this USO page, you are incorrect.  See Item 5. https://www.uso.org/stories/3128-what-is-the-difference-between-navy-vs-marines
> 
> Dave





geist1223 said:


> If you look at the arrangement of Colors it is Army Flag, Marine Corps Flag, Navy Flag, Air Force Flag. While the Marine Corps is part of Naval Department and subject to the Secretary of the Navy it is not part of the Navy subject to the the 4 Star Admiral that is the Head of the Navy. The Commandant of the Marine Corps is a 4 Star General and a Co-equal Member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.


Air Force has the best golf courses!  Just sayin


----------



## geist1223

keno999 said:


> Air Force has the best golf courses!  Just sayin



That is because the Air Force was smart enough to build the ancillary parts of the Base first and then go back to Congress and say we need more money to build the Runways and Hangers.


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> As seen in the paper...
> 
> View attachment 47670
> 
> Dave


That must have been some burrito!


----------



## plpgma

geist1223 said:


> That is because the Air Force was smart enough to build the ancillary parts of the Base first and then go back to Congress and say we need more money to build the Runways and Hangers.


Brilliant!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DebBrown

plpgma said:


> View attachment 47716


That is sadly so true. I am plagued with migraines and rarely do my good intentions manifest in activity.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."

Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball. But I'm fine now."

Bartender: "Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

Pirate: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really..."

Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"

Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."

Bartender: "You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird crap?"

Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook."

********************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that Guido
would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language ..
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about" The Godfather pulls
out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I’ll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase,
buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

**********************

 Dave


----------



## Krteczech




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith

DebBrown said:


> That is sadly so true. I am plagued with migraines and rarely do my good intentions manifest in activity.



Vitamin B2. Two 100 mg pills twice a day, in addition to whatever your doctor is prescribing. My lifesaver for 30+ years.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Went out to eat Chinese food.  They nailed my fortune!! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

When you think about it...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is weird, but it works.  Try this.





 Dave


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNV said:


> This is weird, but it works.  Try this.
> 
> View attachment 47839
> 
> Dave


I've seen this before, but it doesn't work for me since I have always drawn my sixes clockwise.  It remember it driving my 2nd grade teach crazy.   

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Have you met my new dog, "Kite?" 





 Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47765
> 
> Dave


Add peanut butter and you have the perfect sandwich


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 47843
> 
> Dave


This one took me a while -- I didn't get it until I realized they were walking the other way!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Hmmm...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

UK RAISES ALERT LEVEL

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Russian threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Never thought  I would look back on 2020 and think that maybe it wasn't that bad after all.


----------



## DaveNV

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes," the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. When darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,  uh... equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod??"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

******************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
> 
> Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to...."
> 
> "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
> 
> "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
> 
> "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
> 
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
> 
> "Bathtub? Living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
> 
> "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
> 
> "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
> 
> "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
> 
> "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
> 
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
> 
> "Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
> 
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
> 
> "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
> 
> "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
> 
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
> 
> "Yes," the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. When darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
> 
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,  uh... equipment?"
> 
> "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
> 
> "Tripod??"
> 
> "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
> 
> Mrs. Smith fainted.
> 
> ******************************
> 
> Dave


I was laughing out loud at this one!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> Patrick Henry Airport isn't on the list


That was an excellent story.


----------



## DaveNV

Real Life Tip #284:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

It’s a guy thing


----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A rare picture of a baby being delivered by a stork.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Star Wars fans will know why this is hysterical. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geist1223

> They gave me a much needed laugh. Now I”ll head to the nightly news….
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ▪My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there is a new strain out there.▪As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of ... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.▪Me: Sobbing my heart out, "I can't see you anymore ... I'm not going to let you hurt me again.”
> Trainer: "It was one sit-up. ”▪Sorry I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.▪Turns out that being a “senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.▪Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."▪Teacher: Give me a sentence that includes the words: defense, defeat, detail.
> Student: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go first and then detail.▪God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.▪I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food ▪I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes. ▪Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS blurted out "You have reached your final destination."▪My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen and I have no clue where the music is coming from.▪Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling, and I'm still alive.
Click to expand...


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Jan M.

We're leaving on a long trip in a few days so this one caught my eye.


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'

‘Oh, my goodness’ said the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

‘That would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself!

And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..............

'You missed the G#d-D&*mned putt, didn't you?'


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

There was a man playing golf one day. He was having a good day of golfing when on the 7th hole he slices his ball in to the woods. He goes searching for it and finds it next to a tiny, unconscious man dressed all in green. He picks up the little man, dusts him off and checks him for injuries, finding a bump on his head where the golf ball hit him. The little man stirs and wakes up shocked to be in the palms of the golfer's hands.

"Are you what I think you are," the golfer asks.

"Yes," says the wee man. "I am a leprechaun, and it looks like you caught me. That means you get three wishes. What would you like?"

The man shrugs his shoulders, puts the leprechaun down and says "I don't need any wishes. I'm just glad you're not hurt too bad." The golfer pats him on the head, picks up his ball, and continues on with his golf game.

The leprechaun was amazed.

"I've never seen the like," he said out loud. "No one every turns down wishes! To reward his kindness I'll make wishes for him in his stead. May ye always have excellent golf games, may ye never trouble for money, and may have an amazing sex life!"

A year later, the same man is golfing again and once again on the 7th hole his ball goes in to the woods. He goes to find his ball and finds it in the same spot as last year, this time with the leprechaun standing next to it.

"So, my lad, it's been a year since I last seen you," the leprechaun says. "So how's your golfing been?"

The man replies "It's been pretty much perfect all year. Great weather all the time and, up until just now, I've been under par every round."

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear!" beams the leprechaun. "So how're you doing money-wise?"

The man replies "I can't complain. I always seem to find some money in my pockets when I need it. I haven't been hurting for lack of anything."

"Is that so?" says the leprechaun, grinning from ear to ear.

"So, how's your love life going?" He asks, winking.

The man blushes and says, "I've been on a bit of a hot streak. I've been having sex once or twice every couple of weeks"

"That's it?" Says the leprechaun, shocked at how ineffective his wish was. "I'd seriously figure that you'd be getting more action. Maybe I can help with that?"

"Well," the man says. "It's not bad for a priest in a country parish with no car."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A priest and a nun were out playing golf one day. They get to about hole 5 when the priest has a 10 ft putt for par. He lines up his putt but misses and yells out “Damn it! I missed!” The nun looks flabbergasted and says “Father, you know you shouldn’t be using foul language like that!” The priest says “I know I know, I’m sorry.. it won’t happen again.”

They get to hole 12 and this time the priest has a 5 ft putt for par.. he lines up his putt but again he misses and he yells out “Damn it! I missed!” And once again the nun let’s him have it… “Father, that’s twice now you’ve used foul language and you know you shouldn’t have…you know how it works.. 3 strikes and you’re out!” The priest again apologizes and says “I know I know, it won’t happen again!”

They get to the last hole and the priest has a 3 foot putt for birdie. He lines up his putt but misses and he yells out again “Damn it! I missed!” The nun just starts laying into him… screaming at him about his language. As she’s doing this… the clouds get dark overhead and a storm forms right over the green and a bolt of lightning shoots down and strikes the nun dead and a loud thunderous voice from the heavens yells out…“Damn it! I missed!”


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it’s starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Zelensky throws out Putin and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: "What in the hell is that?"
Jane: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Arlene: "Where did you get it?"
Jane: "You can get them at any pharmacy."

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.


******************************

 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV, the pharmacist probably fainted because they did not know a Camel was a popular brand of cigarettes (smokes) years ago. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tuggers of a certain age will get this.  Younger people will think I've lost my mind. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'm never shopping for "chicken" again.  From now on, it's Meatbird, or nothing.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Tank said:


> View attachment 48547


Mom bods work pretty much like that too.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.  Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed, and big flat screen TV. But I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

How many do you see?





 Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 48641
> 
> Dave


You've got to stop doing that, DaveNV -- I keep falling for them!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Sing it with me!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> You've got to stop doing that, DaveNV -- I keep falling for them!



Sorry, I did too. Had to share!  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

A sign of the times. . . .


----------



## Passepartout

Passepartout said:


> A sign of the times. . . .
> 
> View attachment 48708


To flesh this out a little bit. I used to pull a chromed-up Peterbilt with a 6X4 transmission up to the Valet Parking drop in Las Vegas and toss the guy the keys. It was never moved during my stay at the casino.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## Tank




----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

DaveNV said:


> How many do you see?
> 
> View attachment 48701
> 
> Dave


I see a few mistakes---but the picture is too small to see 21 of them----how do I make it bigger?


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Jan M.

It has begun....


----------



## Jan M.




----------



## Talent312

*"Life is all about balance"*


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Thought about this for the Wordle thread, but figured it might play better here -


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

#1 Cowboys Fan said:


> I see a few mistakes---but the picture is too small to see 21 of them----how do I make it bigger?



Not sure, since it's posted on the Tug site in the size it is was when I found it online.  Maybe save it to your computer and blow it up that way? Or click on the image and "pinch zoom" to make it bigger?

Supposedly there are 21 "mistakes" in the image. I can only find 14.  I'm hoping others can help me find the 7 I'm not seeing. 

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Not sure, since it's posted on the Tug site in the size it is was when I found it online.  Maybe save it to your computer and blow it up that way? Or click on the image and "pinch zoom" to make it bigger?
> 
> Supposedly there are 21 "mistakes" in the image. I can only find 14.  I'm hoping others can help me find the 7 I'm not seeing.
> 
> Dave


I found 21 plus mistakes
there are seven with the boy sitting in chair reading his book 7
the door inside the cabinet 1
the two upside down water faculties 2
the refrigerator door has an old turn key 1
the four carrots growing on a plant and not in the ground 4
the clock numbers are wrong 1
the June calendar dates are wrong 1
the days of the week on the calendar are wrong 1
the curtains are on the outside of the window 1
the broom is in the he refrigerator 1
books under the kitchen sink 1
the young girl has one long and one short sleeve blouse 1
plus she is using a old rug shampooer


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## geist1223

plpgma said:


> View attachment 48784



I can remember when every food item was 19 cents. Our Family of 5 could eat for less than $5. I was in about 6th Grade.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

Why did the pharmaceutical cross the road...
To get to the other side...effect.
.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## TheHolleys87

pedro47 said:


> plus she is using a old rug shampooer


I thought it was a buffer for wood floors - being used on a rug.  My mom had one, which she used every 6 months when she waxed our hardwood floors.  People can't believe that in the 60s the floor covering of choice was carpet instead of hardwood - having to wax hardwood every 6 months was the reason!


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 48784


dirt cheap prices


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## isisdave

Q: Why did the Chichen Itza cross the road?

A: To get to the Uxmal site.

Possibly the worst pun ever made, but it does make you think.


----------



## Passepartout

Forgive the reference. . .


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> I thought it was a buffer for wood floors - being used on a rug.  My mom had one, which she used every 6 months when she waxed our hardwood floors.  People can't believe that in the 60s the floor covering of choice was carpet instead of hardwood - having to wax hardwood every 6 months was the reason!



I agree, it looks like a floor buffer.  Other errors I see:  The fridge door has a doorknob on it.  The boy has one pants leg cuff. The chair is missing a caster. It's night outside the kitchen window, but daylight out the door. The sink cabinet handle is on the inside of the door.

Any other errors you see?

Dave


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 48918


Where can you purchase that item? I love it.


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

That face you make when you didn't pay your electric bill.





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

DaveNV said:


> Any other errors you see?


Yes, the biggest one of all:  *The man is sitting, reading the paper while the woman is slaving over the housework!!!*

Kurt


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*Hitler is informed about the Omicron Covid variant*








*Hitler's Oktoberfest Downfall*


----------



## TheHolleys87

PigsDad said:


> Yes, the biggest one of all:  *The man is sitting, reading the paper while the woman is slaving over the housework!!!*
> 
> Kurt


Oh, I thought we were looking for what would have been errors at the time that puzzle was made.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

PigsDad said:


> Yes, the biggest one of all:  *The man is sitting, reading the paper while the woman is slaving over the housework!!!*
> 
> Kurt


My thoughts exactly!  I was waiting to see how long it would take a like minded person to make this comment.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

This is funny because it's true.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

PrairieGirl said:


> My thoughts exactly!  I was waiting to see how long it would take a like minded person to make this comment.



Well, certainly. It's also not politically or socially correct. Plus, their fashion and decorating sense is completely wrong, too. LOL!    But I think that's not the point of the silly cartoon. I just wish I could find Page 147, so I could read the answers. 

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

Totally agree Dave!  I was actually laughing when I made that comment to myself initially.  My second thought was "bet they missed that one in their answers!"


----------



## pedro47

I found page 147 what is the problem ?


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> I found page 147 what is the problem ?







The image offers the answers on Page 147. ???

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 49136


Today is Pi Day.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Luanne




----------



## MULTIZ321

I checked Kelley Blue Book today
for my car's value, and it
asked if the tank
was full or empty


Richard


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Ty1on

PigsDad said:


> Yes, the biggest one of all:  *The man is sitting, reading the paper while the woman is slaving over the housework!!!*
> 
> Kurt



Agree, all she needed to do was clear the floor then press the button  on the Roomba


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

By unpopular demand:


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> By unpopular demand:
> 
> View attachment 49149


A sewing machine.


----------



## plpgma

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 49150


Yup -- to open cans of tuna (or some such meat/food).


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> Yup -- to open cans of tuna (or some such meat/food).



Canned ham, or Spam. The slot in the end of the key fits onto the strip around the rim. Dangerous thing, and easy to cut yourself.

Dave


----------



## isisdave

Sardines, too.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

isisdave said:


> Sardines, too.


Crisco, coffee too.  Even some army ammunition believe it or not.


----------



## Brett




----------



## kanerf

BJRSanDiego said:


> Crisco, coffee too.  Even some army ammunition believe it or not.


Hmm, fresh ammo.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

kanerf said:


> Hmm, fresh ammo.


"I love the smell of fresh ammo in the morning. . . " (That's a joke, people!)


----------



## DaveNV

A ship captain was alerted by one of his sailors about a pirate ship approaching their coordinates. He asks the sailor to bring him his red shirt.
The sailor asked him, “Why do you need a red shirt, Captain?”

The Captain replied, “So if I lose, you will not see me bleed.” This gave his crew the courage they needed, and they eventually fought off the pirates from the enemy ship.

The next day, a sailor informed the Captain of two pirate ships approaching. “Bring me my red shirt!” the Captain shouted. And they all fought bravely and won.

On the third day, a sailor comes to the Captain trembling with fear. “What is it, son?” asked the Captain. The sailor replied, “Captain, we see ten pirate ships approaching! Shall I bring you the red shirt?”

The Captain yells, “Bring me my brown pants!”

***********************************

 Dave


----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 49249



That $500K football could still be his final TD ball.
It's possible that Brady won't throw a TD again. <yeah, right>
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

That's Ok.  I figure he’ll come around eventually


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 49304


The millennium generation have no ideas what Boone's Farm is?LOL


----------



## kanerf

pedro47 said:


> The millennium generation have no ideas what Boone's Farm is?LOL


Tickle Pink!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 49319
> 
> Dave


I always knew that anthropologists were stuck up. . . .


----------



## dago

SandyPGravel said:


> Parody of Stayin' Alive
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> New video by Gina G*******
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> photos.app.goo.gl
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (Someone please let me know if the link works)


That was great
Apologies to the Barry Gibb


----------



## isisdave

pedro47 said:


> The millennium generation have no ideas what Boone's Farm is?LOL



I see they still make Mateus, too.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## isisdave

Ahh, the old hurl-a-whirl!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Two Irishman are lost at sea in a lifeboat. One finds a lamp and rubs it to find a genie who offers them one wish. Before the other can say a word, one of them leaps to his feet and yells, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie performs this miracle and vanishes. 

The other Irishman glares at the him and says "O'Malley, you idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## dago

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Two Irishman are lost at sea in a lifeboat. One finds a lamp and rubs it to find a genie who offers them one wish. Before the other can say a word, one of them leaps to his feet and yells, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie performs this miracle and vanishes.
> 
> The other Irishman glares at the him and says "O'Malley, you idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"


Oldie but goodie
Good one


----------



## PigsDad

isisdave said:


> Ahh, the old hurl-a-whirl!


The one in the next town over where I grew up was placed on asphalt!  In fact, most of the playground equipment had asphalt under it (swings, slides, _*monkey bars*_, etc.).  What were they thinking???  Maybe that's why the kids from that town always seem tougher (at least the ones that survived childhood...).    

Kurt


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PigsDad said:


> In fact, most of the playground equipment had asphalt under it (swings, slides, _*monkey bars*_, etc.). What were they thinking???


Where I grew up, there was usually broken glass on top of the asphalt. We didn't mind; that just made more incentive not to fall from the monkey bars or get thrown off the whirl-around.

There's a school of thought that says the facing and confronting risk is a necessary part of childhood development.  By this thinking, all of our efforts to make playgrounds totally risk-free is ill-advised.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

A guy walks into a bar.  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man,
maybe a foot tall, and a little piano.  He puts them both on the bar, and the little 
man starts playing Mozart, as the guy orders his drink.

The bartender says, "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find
a little man who plays piano like that?"

The guy says, "There's a Genie outside granting wishes.  I'll bet he's still there, 
if you hurry."

The bartender races outside. A few moments later a bunch of ducks come in
the front door, quacking loudly, and making lots of ruckus. The bartender follows 
them in and goes up to the guy.  "You didn't tell me the Genie was deaf! I wished
for a million bucks, not a million ducks!!"

The guy raises an eyebrow, and levels an eye toward the bartender.  He pauses, 
then slowly says, "Do you really think I wished for an eleven inch pianist?"

**************************************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on 
“Take your child to work day”. As they were walking around 
the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. 
Her father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered 
round, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that 
you said you worked with?”

********************

 Dave


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

(A mulching chopper?)


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

It could happen...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A good mechanic knows how to listen to the customer.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is a long read, but worthwhile.  Hope you enjoy.

********************************

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck
Tech Support

********************************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

I always follow the rules.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## TheHolleys87

@DaveNV, thanks for the string of LOLs!


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 49739


So what's the opposite of Peony??


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> @DaveNV, thanks for the string of LOLs!



Thanks!  I wish I'd written most of them.  I didn't.  But happily, I swipe them from elsewhere to share here.  My goal is to help lighten the stress of everyday, and give people a reason to smile.  Hope it's working! 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control 
and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.  Dazed and confused 
I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new 
convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage 
to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of 
the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that 
nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted.  "I need to see if you have 
any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive.  Being sort of shaken and 
weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple 
of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, 
but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse, exposing 
the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen.  "Stay for a while.  She won't 
know anything.  By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."

************************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

This is an exhausting read - I'm sore and tired, but still laughing.  Have a seat, and enjoy.  





GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

Snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis), can be dangerous. Yes, grass and garter snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why:

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.  It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.  About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.  The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint, and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

Breathe here...  

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!  The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out.)

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The old man placed an order for one hamburger,  French fries, and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut in half, placing one
half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink,
his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began
to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking
over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple-all they can afford is
one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were
just fine-they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink...

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal
for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,
the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a
single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered, "The teeth."

**********************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. 

The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "Look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand, old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs...

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

**************************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. Th e Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

**************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 50005


That was my late Auntie cooking me lunch when I had the flu decades ago. LOL


----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Only a woman will TRULY relate to this (and husbands will better understand...)!  This is too funny... 

My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms.  When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes. 

That was a long time ago. Even now, in my more "mature years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full.  When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." 

Ahhhh, relief. More relief.  But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"  Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do.  You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.  The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late.  Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." 

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything! down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China.  At that point, you give up.  You're soaked by the splashing water.  You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.  You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely. 

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! 
(Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." 

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" 

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).  It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. 

It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada


----------



## DaveNV

It's 3:00 in the morning. There is a loud bang on the door and a couple is woken from a deep sleep. The wife tells the husband to answer the door. He opens the door cautiously, and asks the guy standing there, "What's the problem?"
"I need a push."
The husband feels the very cold air of the morning and decides, "No, I can't help."
Back in bed under the very comfortable warm covers, his wife asks, "Well? What did he want?"
"A push," the husband replies.
"Well, you are going to help, aren't you?" the wife demands, sitting up in bed. "Remember when our car broke down? If it hadn't been for the kind people that came along and helped us, we could have been stranded for hours!"
Knowing he isn't going to get back sleep until this is finished, he grudgingly gets up, gets dressed, and goes to the door. Opening it, he feels the swirling, cold wind.  He peers out into the dark, and calls out, "Are you still there?"
"Yes," comes the reply.
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes, please."
The man pulls on his jacket and walks out into the darkness, shivering in the freezing cold. "Where are you?"
"I'm over here."
"Where??" 

"Here.  On the swing."

********************************************

 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## PrairieGirl




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

A surgeon, an engineer, and an economist all die around the same time and are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. “Welcome good souls! Welcome! You’re in the right place,” he informs them. “But, unfortunately, we have a shortage of mansions so two of you will need to spend some time in Purgatory while yours are finished. In the interests of fairness, we have devised a competition to see who gets in first.” After receiving assurances that they would be staying in one of the nicer parts of Purgatory, they all agreed and St. Peter began, “Okay then. Top answer moves in today. What is the oldest profession known to man?”

The doctor shot up a hand and stepped forward. “Oh! I know, I know! Surgeon! God extracted a rib from Adam to make Eve. That’s surgery.”

The engineer stepped forward and said, “Before God made Adam and Eve, he created Heaven and Earth and _that’s _engineering. So engineer is the oldest profession, I do believe.”

They all turned to the economist, who paused for dramatic effect, then answered, “Before the creation of Heaven and Earth, all was chaos. And who do you think created that?”


----------



## DaveNV

You can't make this stuff up.  Well, maybe you can...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out 
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 
mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair 
he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing 
the pedal even more.  

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, 
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, 
then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, 
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked 
at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is 
Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard 
before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off 
with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

*****************************

 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Watch it here:   




 Dave


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## DaveNV

I don't have an analogy for these analogies. 





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> I don't have an analogy for these analogies.
> 
> View attachment 50480
> 
> Dave


I liked #3 & #4. LOL


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Brett




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## clifffaith

@plpgma 
Notice that this is an orange cat. I can relate.


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

A duck walks into a shop.

Duck: "Got any bread?"
Clerk: "No."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Clerk: "No."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Clerk: "No."
Duck: "Got any bread?"
Clerk: "No. Ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the floor."

Duck: "Got any nails?"
Clerk: "No."

Duck: "Got any bread?"

****************************************************

 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 50679
> 
> Dave


I'm going to share this with The Commander in Chief. LOL


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## Tank




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## Brett




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Love this one. 

****************************************

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

****************************************

 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 50781
> 
> Dave



Yes, but only under certain circumstances. These do not qualify.


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 50798


But she has nice lips and eyes. LOL


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## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 50803


Yes! Because it was totally made in the USA.


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Yes, but only under certain circumstances. These do not qualify.


I've never understood Psychic Hotlines.  If they were truly psychic, wouldn't they be calling you instead of having you call them?


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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## amycurl

Oh, we'd never get names of the kids who are there.  But we do confirm if there will be an adult on location.
How people raised teenagers before "Find My iPhone" I have no idea.


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## Tank




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## plpgma




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## LannyPC

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 50817
> 
> Dave


Could a line like this be used at a timeshare sales presentation?


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## IngridN

plpgma said:


> View attachment 50976


Looks like one of ours. We can't tell that she's lounging on our black living room couch unless she has her eyes open!!!


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Makai Guy

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 49364
> 
> Dave


Not only that, but her name is JANA...


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## Tank




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## Ty1on

Tank said:


> View attachment 51031


It isnt often I don't get the joke....


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## tombanjo

Ty1on said:


> It isnt often I don't get the joke....



On a road trip you punch your sibling when you see a Volkswagen beetle.


----------



## Ty1on

tombanjo said:


> On a road trip you punch your sibling when you see a Volkswagen beetle.


Oh lol I have never heard of that game.  My mother would have pulled over and beat us to death.


----------



## PigsDad

Ty1on said:


> Oh lol I have never heard of that game.  My mother would have pulled over and beat us to death.


We used to call it "Slug Bug".  But there were other versions as well, such as "Whack, Whack, Cadillac" and "Slapper Tracker" (those goofy-looking mini SUVs made by Suzuki).

Kurt


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## DaveNV

Makai Guy said:


> Not only that, but her name is JANA...



Hmm.  I hadn't noticed that. 

Dave


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## T_R_Oglodyte

PigsDad said:


> We used to call it "Slug Bug".  But there were other versions as well, such as "Whack, Whack, Cadillac" and "Slapper Tracker" (those goofy-looking mini SUVs made by Suzuki).
> 
> Kurt


We also called it "Slug Bug". 

I enjoyed "Padiddle" more.  Padiddle was when you were on a date, and you saw a car with only one headlight. You could call "Padiddle", and the other person had to kiss you.  The kind of kiss you received was .... shall we say ... informative.


----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 50957


I love it. Man best friend is his dog and his drinking partner. Plus, his dog is not talking.


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## Brett




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

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## Tank




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## Tank

Ty1on said:


> It isnt often I don't get the joke....



you must be a young-an
This was the holy grail of legal punching your sibling 
Miss those slug bug days


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DebBrown

plpgma said:


> View attachment 51184


Me too... me too!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma

*Yes this is very similar to another famous poster's 'Analogy' humor thread earlier -- but at least we now know who the culprits are!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ty1on

Tank said:


> you must be a young-an
> This was the holy grail of legal punching your sibling
> Miss those slug bug days


Older than you think!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## IngridN

plpgma said:


> View attachment 51302


Naww, it belongs to one of my kitties. She'll sit about 3 feet from her bowl in my line of sight with the most solefull look on her face..."mommy, I'll starve if you don't fill up the bowl". There'll be about a dozen pieces of kibble in it. When I fill it she looks to make sure I put kibble in there, then off she goes!!!


----------



## Tank

Ty1on said:


> Older than you think!



maybe a only child? 

Do not know how one could be raised in the USA in the 60’s , 70’s, or 80’s and missed out on this chance to punch your sibling , buddy, or enemy


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## plpgma




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## bizaro86

plpgma said:


> View attachment 51273
> *Yes this is very similar to another famous poster's 'Analogy' humor thread earlier -- but at least we now know who the culprits are!


I actually think #9 is excellent writing and quite funny.


----------



## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## plpgma




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## DebBrown

plpgma said:


> View attachment 51381


I'm guilty of junkernecking!


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte

Makai Guy said:


> View attachment 51397


Belongs with Sean Connery on SNL Celebrity Jeopardy  with Will Ferrell and Darrell  Hammond.


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 51522



Outside of Bremerton, Washington, is the intersection of two country roads:  Thisa Way and Thata Way.

Dave


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## Tank




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## Luanne




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## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 51805


Ain't that the truth!


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## plpgma




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## tombanjo




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Tank




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## Brett




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## Luanne




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## plpgma




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## Passepartout




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## plpgma




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## Passepartout

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again!!

Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 52524


I must share this with the Commander in Chief. LOL


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## AJCts411




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## AJCts411




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## plpgma




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## Luanne




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## Tank

Politically corrected name today is
Golden crisp 
‍


----------



## PigsDad

Tank said:


> Politically corrected name today is
> Golden crisp


I remember getting a Bobby Sherman record on the back of a Raisin Bran box as a kid.  I played that record so many times it wore out!   

Kurt


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> Politically corrected name today is
> Golden crisp
> ‍♂
> View attachment 52678


Holy Cow -- I actually remember records being attached to some cereal boxes!  They never played very well -- but that was never the goal anyway!  And yes -- almost all cereals had the word 'sugar' in them back in the day!


----------



## maddog497

Ha ha ha
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk


----------



## DebBrown

PigsDad said:


> I remember getting a Bobby Sherman record on the back of a Raisin Bran box as a kid.  I played that record so many times it wore out!
> 
> Kurt


I had the Archie's "Sugar, Sugar"  It was my first "record".


----------



## PrairieGirl

No wonder English is such a hard language to learn!


----------



## DaveNV

PrairieGirl said:


> No wonder English is such a hard language to learn!
> 
> View attachment 52810



"I love the inconsistencies of the English language," said the violinist, taking a bow with his bow. 

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## PrairieGirl




----------



## nerodog

Passepartout said:


> I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
> 
> The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
> 
> When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again!!
> 
> Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.
> 
> 
> Omg..too funny...


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## clifffaith

The doggy cartoon reminds me of bringing our cairn terrier Megan inside after it had been raining. I’d toweled her back off then dropped the towel on the floor expecting for her to step on it so I could dry feet and tummy. Made the mistake of saying “wipe your feet!” in the same voice I used for “go potty!”


----------



## Brett




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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ubil

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 52831


My 99 year old Dad is at an assisted living facility.  He's not the one in the bed.


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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 52890


I'm going to show this to doctor. LOL


----------



## isisdave

plpgma said:


> View attachment 52897



A striking resemblance to T_R_Oglodyte's avatar, don't you think?


----------



## geist1223

plpgma said:


> View attachment 52847



Patti has done this twice. After getting shots so we could visit our First Granddaughter Patti put her Shot Record in a safe place.. Never found it and had to get a substitute Card from the Pharmacy. Also put her Washington CCL in a safe place and never found it.


----------



## spirit1

geist1223 said:


> Patti has done this twice. After getting shots so we could visit our First Granddaughter Patti put her Shot Record in a safe place.. Never found it and had to get a substitute Card from the Pharmacy. Also put her Washington CCL in a safe place and never found it.



Yes, I feel your pain.  We are still looking for DH glasses.  He had them yesterday. hahahaha.

But we DO have his old pair.


----------



## Brett




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## tombanjo

I might be a bit chicken to say so, but that is a female member of the Blueman group eating a licorice tic tac.


----------



## AJCts411




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Uh oh...





 Dave


----------



## clifffaith

geist1223 said:


> Patti has done this twice. After getting shots so we could visit our First Granddaughter Patti put her Shot Record in a safe place.. Never found it and had to get a substitute Card from the Pharmacy. Also put her Washington CCL in a safe place and never found it.



We say “the house ate it” when something disappears off the face of the earth.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tapping the vaults of my besotted college days, when vinyl was the format for recorded comedy. Lounging in a dorm room with about six other people, while "Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him" (which this cut is from) was on the turntable .....

*The Firesign Theater - Beat The Reaper*


----------



## Luanne




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## Luanne




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## AJCts411




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## AJCts411




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## plpgma

isisdave said:


> A striking resemblance to T_R_Oglodyte's avatar, don't you think?


Hmmm...Now that you mention it...


----------



## Ubil

*Overheard from another room
8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich?
Grandma: Did you finish your dinner?
8yo: No
Grandma: Just one then


----------



## Talent312

Luanne said:


> View attachment 53050



I plan to tape the "End Road Work" poster on the
road construction signs on a nearby street.
Work been going on for 1+1/2 years with no end...

Per the state DOT... Est End Date    5/18/2022.
That's a laugh.


----------



## Talent312

[Duplicate of above.]


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Today's topic for Fratboy Discussion Group:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Tapping the vaults of my besotted college days, when vinyl was the format for recorded comedy. Lounging in a dorm room with about six other people, while "Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him" (which this cut is from) was on the turntable .....
> 
> *The Firesign Theater - Beat The Reaper*


Ha ha -- That takes me back!  I loved listening to the Firesign Theater!  Definitely a unique brand of comedy.


----------



## plpgma

Luanne said:


> View attachment 53050


Ha ha -- a true sign of the times!


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma

Not necessarily humor -- rather more food for thought.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## clifffaith

This brought back memories and made me laugh all over again. Years ago we spent a summer evening at the Hollywood Bowl with another couple.  Nowadays we don’t go unless we have box seats, at that time we’d have our dinner at a picnic table and then move to our bench seats. During a perfectly timed pause in the classical music program, someone across the aisle let one rip. I about burst a gut with silent laughter. Cliff was sitting between the female half of the other couple and me, and had both of us shaking with silent laughter on either side of him. He casually leaned back so we could each see that the other was laughing, and as soon as we made eye contact it was all over!


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 53296


I say this all the time. 
be some Hippocrates out here for sure, but no proof


----------



## Tank

Truth


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 53554
> 
> Dave


This is definitely a post from you


----------



## DaveNV

geoand said:


> This is definitely a post from you



I hope that's a good thing.  It's all about making people laugh. 

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 53549
> 
> Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Timeshare guy


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ubil

A review of a calendar purchased on Amazon.

"it works ok. biggest complaint is my birthday is only on this once. does not come with batteries. only has 2 weekend days per week. hoping they fix these issues next year."


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## DaveNV

Today is May 4. I'll just leave this here.  





 Dave


----------



## Krteczech

Bad joke?


----------



## DaveNV

Krteczech said:


> Bad joke?View attachment 53799



It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.   

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Krteczech said:


> Bad joke?View attachment 53799


LOL. Truly a bad joke.


----------



## DaveNV

Follow me for more cooking tips.  





 Dave


----------



## Ty1on

Krteczech said:


> Bad joke?View attachment 53799



This is clearly a photo taken on Hoth.


----------



## DaveNV

Slow joke day.  I laughed out loud at this one. 





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## amycurl

plpgma said:


> View attachment 53853



Just in case some of you haven't seen this....
Why the ice cream machine is broken so often


----------



## plpgma

amycurl said:


> Just in case some of you haven't seen this....
> Why the ice cream machine is broken so often


Ha -- Thank You for providing me the link!  I had no idea McDonald's ice cream machines were at the heart of such a nationwide conspiracy!  Oh well, it just goes to show -- there's something new to be learned everyday.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> View attachment 53933


He didn't even type his own letter?


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## amycurl

plpgma said:


> View attachment 53933


Apparently, this letter is real, and my respect for John Steinbeck just went up considerably, because it's so incredibly well-written. *chef's kiss*


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

amycurl said:


> Apparently, this letter is real, and my respect for John Steinbeck just went up considerably, because it's so incredibly well-written. *chef's kiss*


I think the letterhead on his stationary is fabulous.  Simple, balanced, and unostentatious, using an classic and stylish font.  More than fifty years later it still looks good.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I think the letterhead on his stationary is fabulous.  Simple, balanced, and unostentatious, with elegant font.



I agree.  Just the sort of thing a writer should have. His tone in the letter indicates he has a wise and wry humor about him.  Anybody know if Marilyn ever sent him the picture he requested?

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Slug Bug


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## emeryjre

Every year an amazing story or two comes out about The Master's Tournament!!


A man had two of the best tickets for The Masters.

As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else? A friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."


----------



## DaveNV

Happy Mother's Day!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Deep questions:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I went shopping!  Well, sort of...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Krteczech

DaveNV said:


> Happy Mother's Day!
> 
> View attachment 54208
> 
> Dave



where did you find this one? “Máma” looks Czech to me.


----------



## Krteczech

Deleted - duplicate


----------



## DaveNV

Krteczech said:


> where did you find this one? “Máma” looks Czech to me.



I subscribe to a humor group on Facebook, and copy the ones I think are funniest to repost here. The group is based in Europe, I think. So your "Czech" comment may be exactly right. I really don't know.  

My Scottish, All-American Mom used all three of those on us kids, except she never wore Birkenstocks. Her hands were lightning fast - no switch required.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Continuing on a theme. 





 Dave


----------



## BargainTraveller

DaveNV said:


> Deep questions:
> 
> View attachment 54210
> 
> Dave



Got me!

Dave, I admit, I googled this for the answer!

tom


----------



## DaveNV

BargainTraveller said:


> Got me!
> 
> Dave, I admit, I googled this for the answer!
> 
> tom



It got me too, till I figured out what they were actually saying. They're statements, not questions.   On Facebook (where I found it) the person who replied "Vanna White" was very close to things. 

Dave


----------



## swditz

DaveNV said:


> It got me too, till I figured out what they were actually saying. They're statements, not questions.   On Facebook (where I found it) the person who replied "Vanna White" was very close to things.
> 
> Dave


Thanks for the hint dave! That "solved" the puzzle for me.
Scott


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. 
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. 
He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. 
Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.. 
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. 
Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' 
She answered.....
'THE TEETH'


----------



## emeryjre

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."


----------



## clifffaith

DaveNV said:


> I subscribe to a humor group on Facebook, and copy the ones I think are funniest to repost here. The group is based in Europe, I think. So your "Czech" comment may be exactly right. I really don't know.
> 
> My Scottish, All-American Mom used all three of those on us kids, except she never wore Birkenstocks. Her hands were lightning fast - no switch required.
> 
> Dave


My brother wore leg braces and Mom once broke the wooden spoon on his brace. She backed me into a corner brandishing her spoon when I was about 11 or 12 and several inches taller than her — told her I’d take the spoon from her and hit her back with it if she hit me. Spoon never made another appearance for any of us three kids after that. We throw slippers and flip flops at our “fur children” if they are out of reach of the squirt bottle.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

clifffaith said:


> My brother wore leg braces and Mom once broke the wooden spoon on his brace. She backed me into a corner brandishing her spoon when I was about 11 or 12 and several inches taller than her — told her I’d take the spoon from her and hit her back with it if she hit me. Spoon never made another appearance for any of us three kids after that. We throw slippers and flip flops at our “fur children” if they are out of reach of the squirt bottle.


Permit a short digression from a "humor" thread.  Perhaps not so far afield, because at its deepest levels, humor draws from human pain and hurt and allows us to address the issues in a less-threatening manner.

Late in my Mom's life, when she was in her 80s, my Mom rather suddenly changed her relationship with me.  She started interacting with me much more as an equal adult, and not a son who happened to be an adult.  After that transition was made, she started telling much more about her life, things she had never shared before.  As an example, and keeping with humor concept, we were able to joke on a new level. She shared a couple of ribald comments involving her and my father, enough that I knew that there was much more, which was better left untapped.  But it was enough to add more humanity to their relationship.

In those conversations, she filled in gaps in her history, talked about boyfriends and beaus before she met my father, and sundry other issues. One area she filled in involved her stepmother. My grandmother died when my Mom was 11. My Mom was the second of six children, and the oldest daughter. Her father was a sharecropper wheat farmer in central North Dakota, and they were living on the economic margins, on the ragged edge of needing to go to the poor farm (literally), In that state, the household could not function without someone tending to the domestic matters.  Cooking food, doing laundry, sewing and patching clothes, canning and preserving food for the winter, tending to the garden, rendering grease and fat to make soap, making sure household chores got done (feeding the animals and cleaning stalls, milking cows, being sure that someone was assisting when farm animals were birthing).  And parenting the children.

Since my mother was the oldest daughter, those tasks fell to her. Until she was about 14, when her Dad remarried.

All of the above I knew previously.  I also knew that there had never been a good relationship with her stepmother, and that my Mom eventually left home at 16 without ever going back to school.

*********

What I didn't know was some of the details, which I guess she decided I was now old enough to hear about and the she felt needed to be told. She talked about how emotionally in the space of one week she went from being an 11-year old school girl to a 30-year old mother of four children. Then, after her father remarried, she still carried most of the same duties, while her stepmother now "managed".  There was a heart-breaking amount of physical abuse involved, including her stepmother using a nail-studded piece of wood as her disciplinary tool of choice.

Things ended with the stepmother on my Mother's 16th birthday, Feb. 3.  My Mom came home to find all of her belongings boxed up on the porch, with a note saying that since she was now 16 years old, it was time to make her own way in life, that her room had been given to one of my Mom's stepbrother's (who had been sharing a room with one of the other boys). So in about five years, she emotionally went from being an 11-year old school girl, to a 30-year old mother, to a homeless 16-year old, in the dead of winter in the North Dakota prairie, with less than a 5th grade education.

***********

My Mom's anger was still palpable, ~ 70 years later.  But she said she determined to direct that anger and rage positively - to be sure that she didn't pass that anger to her children, but to ensure that her children never went through anything like that.  I was a bit floored; I knew nothing of that.  And I later learned that none of my siblings had any inkling either.

Which makes that the most eloquent testimony possible as to how well she had fulfilled that vow to herself.  She made a decision to stop a chain of violence and abuse, and she did.


----------



## Talent312

A question on a sixth grade science class test (for real):

All things with mass also have a measure of density.
You have mass. Therefore, you are dense. True or False: ________
.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> A question of a sixth grade science class test (for real):
> 
> All things with mass also have a measure of density.
> You have mass. Therefore, you are dense. True or False: ________
> .


True, We all face the "Danse Macabre".


----------



## Tank

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Permit a short digression from a "humor" thread.  Perhaps not so far afield, because at its deepest levels, humor draws from human pain and hurt and allows us to address the issues in a less-threatening manner.
> 
> Late in my Mom's life, when she was in her 80s, my Mom rather suddenly changed her relationship with me.  She started interacting with me much more as an equal adult, and not a son who happened to be an adult.  After that transition was made, she started telling much more about her life, things she had never shared before.  As an example, and keeping with humor concept, we were able to joke on a new level. She shared a couple of ribald comments involving her and my father, enough that I knew that there was much more, which was better left untapped.  But it was enough to add more humanity to their relationship.
> 
> In those conversations, she filled in gaps in her history, talked about boyfriends and beaus before she met my father, and sundry other issues. One area she filled in involved her stepmother. My grandmother died when my Mom was 11. My Mom was the second of six children, and the oldest daughter. Her father was a sharecropper wheat farmer in central North Dakota, and they were living on the economic margins, on the ragged edge of needing to go to the poor farm (literally), In that state, the household could not function without someone tending to the domestic matters.  Cooking food, doing laundry, sewing and patching clothes, canning and preserving food for the winter, tending to the garden, rendering grease and fat to make soap, making sure household chores got done (feeding the animals and cleaning stalls, milking cows, being sure that someone was assisting when farm animals were birthing).  And parenting the children.
> 
> Since my mother was the oldest daughter, those tasks fell to her. Until she was about 14, when her Dad remarried.
> 
> All of the above I knew previously.  I also knew that there had never been a good relationship with her stepmother, and that my Mom eventually left home at 16 without ever going back to school.
> 
> *********
> 
> What I didn't know was some of the details, which I guess she decided I was now old enough to hear about and the she felt needed to be told. She talked about how emotionally in the space of one week she went from being an 11-year old school girl to a 30-year old mother of four children. Then, after her father remarried, she still carried most of the same duties, while her stepmother now "managed".  There was a heart-breaking amount of physical abuse involved, including her stepmother using a nail-studded piece of wood as her disciplinary tool of choice.
> 
> Things ended with the stepmother on my Mother's 16th birthday, Feb. 3.  My Mom came home to find all of her belongings boxed up on the porch, with a note saying that since she was now 16 years old, it was time to make her own way in life, that her room had been given to one of my Mom's stepbrother's (who had been sharing a room with one of the other boys). So in about five years, she emotionally went from being an 11-year old school girl, to a 30-year old mother, to a homeless 16-year old, in the dead of winter in the North Dakota prairie, with less than a 5th grade education.
> 
> ***********
> 
> My Mom's anger was still palpable, ~ 70 years later.  But she said she determined to direct that anger and rage positively - to be sure that she didn't pass that anger to her children, but to ensure that her children never went through anything like that.  I was a bit floored; I knew nothing of that.  And I later learned that none of my siblings had any inkling either.
> 
> Which makes that the most eloquent testimony possible as to how well she had fulfilled that vow to herself.  She made a decision to stop a chain of violence and abuse, and she did.



Love to talk to elders
everybody has a story, a lived in bubble no one knows about. As a parent , unimaginable action to your child, so many questions. 
that was 65 years ago. 
Not humorous , but glad you shared!
Sounds like it could be the start of a new thread ,,, 

To breaking the cycle- Hats off!


----------



## DaveNV

63 and pregnant

**************************************

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"

*************************************

 Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

DaveNV said:


> 63 and pregnant
> 
> **************************************
> 
> A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
> 
> She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
> 
> An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
> Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
> 
> "Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
> 
> The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"
> 
> *************************************
> 
> Dave



Real life story - I was a young teenager, my dad had picked me up after the movies and as we were driving home he got a bad case of the hiccups.  As he struggled to get a breath in he said "scare me".  I replied, ummm "I'm pregnant".  

And with that he almost ran off the road.  But the hiccups were cured!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## emeryjre




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

They're probably tasty, but that tasty?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 54433


At Minute Maid Field in Houston, it is also used to signal the batter what pitch is coming.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> They're probably tasty, but that tasty?
> 
> View attachment 54470
> 
> Dave


They don't have to be added to your cereal.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Any teachers here want to confirm this?  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ubil

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 54564
> 
> Dave


If this has a bullhorn for a speaker it would be the perfect phone for my Dad.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Full disclosure -- it took me a little longer than 5 sec's to figure this out.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

I’m not going to say who…. but a friend called and asked if I would loan her $1300 to help pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I’m always willing to help out friends & family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back.

Before I called her back, her brother called to let  me know that she was lying and not to give her the money !! He went on to say that the real reason she wanted the $1300 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the money anyway because we all need help at times.

A couple of hours later I get a call from the police station. It was her -  crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money.

My response…. so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!!

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## PigsDad

plpgma said:


> View attachment 54667
> Full disclosure -- it took me a little longer than 5 sec's to figure this out.


Mirror, Mirror, on the wall.

Kurt


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## geist1223

And people say Government Public Works Department do not have a sense of humor.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

My dad use to put a egg in our Easter bread


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 54766


I have two of those (one architectural and one engineering), and I still use them occasionally to do take offs from building drawings.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Things are heating up here in the desert.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is totally how it works.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Watch out for these vicious predators!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is me.  I used to have beautiful penmanship.  People complimented me on my great handwriting.  Then computers happened...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Just shove a little harder.  It'll fit.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Sweet words for living a good life.  Also, note to self:  Take up playing guitar.





 Dave


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## DaveNV

How musicians multitask.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 55017
> 
> Dave



my generation would say
Fred Flintstone


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## #1 Cowboys Fan

"To the moon...."


----------



## MULTIZ321

Ken555 said:


> Post your humorous SAH memes, messages, posts, videos here! Anything serious gets booed.
> 
> I’ll start off with this video I found on my FB feed this morning. Enjoy!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Rosmarie Trapp ofthe Musical Family Who Inspired The Sound of Music Dead at 93









						Rosmarie Trapp of the Musical Family Who Inspired The Sound of Music Dead at 93
					

"Her kindness, generosity, and colorful spirit were legendary, and she had a positive impact on countless lives," Rosmarie Trapp's family said in an Instagram statement




					people.com
				





RIP RosMarie


Richard


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

MULTIZ321 said:


> Rosmarie Trapp ofthe Musical Family Who Inspired The Sound of Music Dead at 93
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rosmarie Trapp of the Musical Family Who Inspired The Sound of Music Dead at 93
> 
> 
> "Her kindness, generosity, and colorful spirit were legendary, and she had a positive impact on countless lives," Rosmarie Trapp's family said in an Instagram statement
> 
> 
> 
> 
> people.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RIP RosMarie
> 
> 
> Richard



Trying to figure out how this post has anything to do with this thread.  Richard? What am I missing here?

Dave


----------



## MULTIZ321

DaveNV said:


> Trying to figure out how this post has anything to do with this thread.  Richard? What am I missing here?
> 
> Dave


The SOUND OF MUSIC


RICHARD


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.  
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV 
as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story 
of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said,  "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."  The blonde replied, 
"Well, I bet he won't."  

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan 
dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very 
upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock 
news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too;  but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

*****************************

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


>



I had dozed off and awoke to see Steve Martin doing this on SNL.
I remember thinking: "This is insane. I must be hallucinating."
It didn't seem grounded in any reality with which I was familiar.
.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl

DaveNV said:


> Trying to figure out how this post has anything to do with this thread. Richard? What am I missing here?
> 
> Dave


Dave, check out the original post that started this wonderful thread.  It was a parody on "The Sound of Music".


----------



## DaveNV

PrairieGirl said:


> Dave, check out the original post that started this wonderful thread.  It was a parody on "The Sound of Music".



Ok.  Now I get it.  360+ pages on, things tend to slip from memory. Thanks!

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 55509


OMG! Is that a real product?

I guess I’m really getting old. DVC announced the name for the new building at DL will be the Villas at the Disneyland Hotel, VDH. One person commented that the “VD Hotel” didn’t sound like a good name to them, and no one reacted to the comment.


----------



## Passepartout

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
She then said, "That's what you did yesterday!"
I replied, "I WASN'T DONE , SO I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would
have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally, I pondered an age old question: "Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts"
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts,
but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have produced an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

*On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts!”*

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.






--


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma

TheHolleys87 said:


> OMG! Is that a real product?
> 
> I guess I’m really getting old. DVC announced the name for the new building at DL will be the Villas at the Disneyland Hotel, VDH. One person commented that the “VD Hotel” didn’t sound like a good name to them, and no one reacted to the comment.


Believe it or not -- Yes, it is a real product!  Looks like we've caught up to science fiction once again.


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I take this with me wherever I go


----------



## Passepartout

A blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.”
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."


----------



## emeryjre

rish Sawmill Accident

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".

Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital..

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".

And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.


----------



## LannyPC

Passepartout said:


> A blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
> She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
> "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?"
> Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
> The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
> The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
> "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.”
> A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
> "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
> "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."



I actually heard that joke many years ago except the worker was a newly-landed immigrant whose English was limited and had a very foreign accent.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## clifffaith

This gave me a fit of giggles because back when we were still working our customer left her baby in a  playpen in the room where Cliff was hanging her new draperies. Left on his own Cliff tooted merrily away, permeating the entire room from his lofty perch at the window. Customer came back into the room after a while and immediately snatched up the baby asking “did you poopy?” So glad I wasn’t with him that day!


----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## emeryjre

Paddy and Mick on long distance flight.

“This is the Captain. We’ve lost one engine, but no worries, we have 3 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 3 engines. But we are going to be 1 hour later reaching our destination”

One hour later, “This is the Captain. We’ve lost another engine, but no worries, we have 2 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 2 engines. But we are going to be 3 hours later reaching our destination”

One hour later, “This is the Captain. We’ve lost another engine, but no worries, we have 1 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 1 engine. But we are going to be 5 hours later reaching our destination”.

Paddy says to Mick “BeJesus, Mick, if we loose that last engine we could be up here all night!”


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## dago

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 55097


I'm old enough LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## pedro47

AJCts411 said:


> View attachment 56016


Wow! That vehicle is a Ford Explorer, with an old tape cassette.


----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

An oldie but goodie:


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The first man married a woman from New York. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Cincinnati. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Minnesota. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Passepartout

Happy Memorial Day- Even if 'Happy' is not what it's about. Enjoy, thoughtfully.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 56501


Mae West - I was Snow White, but I drifted.


----------



## emeryjre

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."


----------



## Luanne

Took me a couple of seconds to get this one.


----------



## plpgma

Luanne said:


> Took me a couple of seconds to get this one.
> 
> View attachment 56526


Got it!


----------



## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> Got it!


I had to cheat and google the lyric.


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## clifffaith

Ty1on said:


> I had to cheat and google the lyric.


I knew who the man was, but until you said “lyric” I didn’t get it. Thanks for the hint!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## pedro47

Luanne said:


> Took me a couple of seconds to get this one.
> 
> View attachment 56526


I finally got it.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 56770


I always used my foot to hit the kill switch.  My shoe then insulated against both the electric shock and the heat coming off the cooling fins below the switch.


----------



## Tank

I like his humor


----------



## spirit1

pedro47 said:


> I finally got it.


Can someone take pity on me and explain.  I don't get it.


----------



## tombanjo

It's Ted Danson, and he's in the Street. 

Callin' out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat
Summer's here and the time is right


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

tombanjo said:


> It's Ted Danson, and he's in the Street.


To be specific... Danson is "dancing" (or Danson)... in the street.
... Petty lame, actually.


----------



## dago

Talent312 said:


> To be specific... Danson is "dancing" (or Danson)... in the street.
> ... Petty lame, actually.


Agree, pretty lame - didn't see the humor in it


----------



## Passepartout

For the cat fanciers:


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## chapjim

plpgma said:


> Ain't that the truth!



Yeah, like you ain't never done that!


----------



## chapjim

DebBrown said:


> I had the Archie's "Sugar, Sugar"  It was my first "record".



That record came out in 1969.  I was on a cruiser in the South China Sea most of 1969.


----------



## spirit1

tombanjo said:


> It's Ted Danson, and he's in the Street.
> 
> Callin' out around the world
> Are you ready for a brand new beat
> Summer's here and the time is right


Thank you.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

tombanjo said:


> It's Ted Danson, and he's in the Street.
> 
> Callin' out around the world
> Are you ready for a brand new beat
> Summer's here and the time is right


All I could think of was "Summer's here and the time is right for fighting in the street, boy".


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Classic George Carlin monologue on "euphemisms".


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## bizaro86




----------



## bizaro86




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Luanne

dago said:


> Agree, pretty lame - didn't see the humor in it


If you get it, it's clever.


----------



## bizaro86




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

My very first pure bread dog. He just loafs around the house all day. Maybe he has a yeast infection. I have no dough left to spend on him. At first I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread., but he's so kneady. Can't get him to rise in the morning. If he doesn't smarten up, he's toast.


----------



## bizaro86

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 57453
> My very first pure bread dog. He just loafs around the house all day. Maybe he has a yeast infection. I have no dough left to spend on him. At first I thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread., but he's so kneady. Can't get him to rise in the morning. If he doesn't smarten up, he's toast.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## emeryjre

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction.
The poodle thinks, "Oh, oh!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!"
Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear.
"Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Luanne




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Brought a smile to my face
Worthy


----------



## Tank

I sung it


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 57892


What is it?


----------



## plpgma

pedro47 said:


> What is it?


That is a good question, pedro47 -- and one that I'm not prepared to answer (and am actually too afraid to find out)!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

Spelling Nazis beware:




That's what makes English such a devilishly hard language to learn. Waaay too many exceptions.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Glad I’m right handed


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

Gear heads at the old folks home. . .


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Passepartout said:


> Gear heads at the old folks home. . .
> View attachment 58124


1969 Chevelle SS 396 coupe!


----------



## DaveNV

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> 1969 Chevelle SS 396 coupe!



1974 Pinto Squire Wagon, baby!!

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Gear heads at the old folks home. . .
> View attachment 58124


Wow! These old heads knows their muscle automobiles.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## geist1223

Tank said:


> Glad I’m right handed
> View attachment 58104



I can remember when the new guy on a Navy Ship would be sent to get a Left Handed Crescent Wrench or Smoking Lamp Fluid.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

Passepartout said:


> Gear heads at the old folks home. . .
> View attachment 58124


'61 Rambler American station wagon. Flathead 6 and overdrive! Don't laugh. It had reclining seats.


----------



## Tank

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58145


Isn’t that the truth
My brother owns a BMW
Threw me the key and said bring the car over when I was ready.
It’s a key fob and push putting start. Not a fan of these.
Couldn't get it started for nothing.
Here that stupid key fob had to go into the stealing wheel just like a key and turn on before hitting the start button.
How stupid is that!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head”.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass”.

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,a nurse said, “No change yet”.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


----------



## DaveNV

geist1223 said:


> I can remember when the new guy on a Navy Ship would be sent to get a Left Handed Crescent Wrench or Smoking Lamp Fluid.



50 feet of Chow Line. 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Does anyone remember these prices (or even this menu set-up)?  I do!


----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58227


Remembering passwords?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

TheHolleys87 said:


> Remembering passwords?


Ha ha -- Good guess!  Unfortunately I've relegated that duty to my PC lockbox -- so I apparently still have some unused space up there!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## jpfordz

geist1223 said:


> I can remember when the new guy on a Navy Ship would be sent to get a Left Handed Crescent Wrench or Smoking Lamp Fluid.


I liked sending guys for 50' of shore line. Or a henway.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 58291


I thought that was a banana between two slices of bread with mayo.
That's looks liked a banana sandwich. LOL


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## chapjim

Passepartout said:


> Gear heads at the old folks home. . .
> View attachment 58124



1972 AMC Gremlin


----------



## Quiet Pine

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58227


My guess is great-grandkids will have ultra-secure brain implants to handle that. Sort of like LasltPass, but a tiny operation at age 10.


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Whaaaaaat!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## geist1223

Most of the time Patti survives with only a very small Wallet.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank

Oh my heart ,,,


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

*Some people call me crazy.  
I prefer happy with a twist.*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Rebels


----------



## Tank

6 kids in our family
Put the seats down , and we all went to sleep on the way home from Grandma’s house every trip


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> 6 kids in our family
> Put the seats down , and we all went to sleep on the way home from Grandma’s house every trip View attachment 58743


Ditto!


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> 6 kids in our family
> Put the seats down , and we all went to sleep on the way home from Grandma’s house every trip View attachment 58743



I owned one of these, a million years ago. 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## TheHolleys87

Tank said:


> 6 kids in our family
> Put the seats down , and we all went to sleep on the way home from Grandma’s house every trip View attachment 58743


Oh yes, that back seat! Where my sister and I learned exactly how much we could verbally torture our little brother before our dad really would stop the car!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## BJRSanDiego

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58808


That reminds me of a dog lover saying that his dog is an afghan boxer cross with a poodle-snoodle and a shepherd moodle.  The other person said: "my cat is orange and I love him".


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

If you like Spinal Tap .....


----------



## geist1223

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58389
> Whaaaaaat!




Made these this morning. They were pretty good. One change slightly bake or fry the bacon but stop while still bending.


----------



## plpgma

geist1223 said:


> Made these this morning. They were pretty good. One change slightly bake or fry the bacon but stop while still bending.


Thanks for responding -- and, while I have not made them yet, I was thinking the exact same thing about pre-cooking the bacon about 50/75% or so.


----------



## plpgma

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> If you like Spinal Tap .....


Ha ha -- That was great!  Yes -- I Love Spinal Tap!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 58955


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## TheHolleys87

moonstone said:


> View attachment 58961
> 
> ~Diane


Our dogs!!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## amycurl

plpgma said:


> View attachment 59066



I dunno. Cauliflower seems to upping their game, but I get the sense it might be against their will….


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

You can't find better truck security!


----------



## plpgma

Hmmm...does the term McSoylent Green come to mind?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Truth!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Toonces is now driving trucks!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ty1on

plpgma said:


> View attachment 59311


It's a TRAP!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

View attachment 59329View attachment 59329


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

From a Friend. . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> From a Friend. . .
> View attachment 59396


Jim - is this an oblique reference to TUG????

This is reminiscent of some threads on TUG from an earlier era, when TUGgers would post about staying up until the wee hours, trying to catch trades at the "witching hour", spouses who rolled their eyes (and asking for advice from others on how to deal with the rolling eyes).

At that time we talked about people getting the "timeshare bug":









						My Sudden Urge To Buy Timeshares?
					

Hi everyone, I am new to Tug, as well as to the timeshare industry. Last year My husband and I purchased directly from Marriott a timeshare in Aruba, and New Jersey. I have since purchased two more from Ebay, and have an increasing desire to purchase others. It seems the more we acquire, the...




					tugbbs.com
				




And a copy from a now lost TUG thread on the bug:



> Yup, Sharon, you've caught the timeshare bug.
> 
> The infection has a well-defined pathology.
> 
> In the initial infection stages, the victim becomes noticeably anxious and stimulated as the bug spreads throughout the body The victim excitedly makes travel and vacation plans, but this excitement is accompanied by bewilderment as the victim becomes overwhelmed by the pervasiveness and variants in the timeshare bug world-wide. Some confusion and doubt is also typical at this stage as victims wonder what is happening to them and have doubts about whether they made the right decisions. Sleeplessness, accompanied by long hours of looking on line for exchanges, is also common at this stage. Sudden urges to buy more timeshares may also appear at this stage, especially if the victim has been exposed to one of the South African versions.
> 
> After several months the symptoms moderate, and the infection becomes a lower grade, chronic infection. The confusion and doubt always diminish in this stage and are the best evidence that the infection is moving into a chronic state. Even after reaching a chronic state, however, the infection periodically flares up into a highly active and visible form, often at least once or twice per year. The more vacation time the victim has available, the more frequent and severe the flare-ups are likely to be.
> 
> Research has shown that the mode of transmission for the timeshare bug is via a process called "exchanging", and this occurs in two distinct steps. The process is initiated when the victim "makes" an exchange. This is often accompanied by a sudden burst of happiness, sometimes reaching euphoria. Sometime after the exchange is made, the person usually travels to a distant location to "complete" the exchange. This process usually lasts for about one week. As the exchange is completed, the person usually experiences deep satisfaction. At this time the infection is often transmitted to family members and friends of the victim who are present during the exchange.
> 
> Secondary flare-ups can also occur at any time independent of the exchanging process. These are often accompanied by such behaviors as buying or selling of timeshares. These secondary flare-ups are easily triggered by messages from other carriers of the infection. A single message on a BBS has been known to cause simultaneous frenzied buying of timeshares by infected individuals.
> 
> Several clear variants in the pathology of the disease are recognized. In Harper's Condition the victim engages in uninterrupted exchange completions lasting as long as four or five months. Fletch's Disorder manifests itself in the continual buying and selling of timeshares, frequent exchange completion, and uncontrollable urges to transmit the Marriott and Royal strains of the bug. DeSchryver’s Syndrome is a particularly strong variant. A victim with DeSchryver's Syndrome manages to maintain the euphoria of the initial stages of the disease almost uninterruptedly into the later stages. A DeSchryver case will also obsess in searching for the timeshare that is the ultimate combination of low cost and high exchange power, and will buy, sell and test timeshares continuously in pursuit of that goal. The DeSchryver also uses the excitement associated with that pursuit to amplify the other pleasurable aspects of the timesharing infection.
> 
> There is no known cure for a timeshare infection; nor is there any reason to try to cure the infection since it actually is beneficial. In addition to the pleasurable symptoms described above, many of the victims report lowered stress, happier family life, and increased mental stimulation due to the infection. The only recommended treatment is frequent interaction with a support group comprised of other infected individuals. The TUG remedy has been documented to be the most effective mode of treatment.


Some of the very long-toothed TUGgers might remember the individuals referenced in the descriptions of the variants.  Lisa DeSchryver has been absent for well over 20 years.  Ray Harper was the first TUGger to post about living in timeshare almost full time.  I think that Ray may be doing his exchanging in the cloud these days.  Last I knew of Fletch he had changed jobs and was selling timeshare for Marriott in Florida.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 59418


Please think before you post.  I can't unsee this.


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Please think before you post.  I can't unsee this.



Looks like Borat has gained a few pounds... 

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## bluehende




----------



## emeryjre

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

'First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today'.

'Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people cannot belong to more than one religion at a time, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa during my Freshman year that. 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


----------



## emeryjre

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."


----------



## DaveNV

Holiday Weekend got here before I knew it...





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

My wife was due with our first child.  One night, about 2 a.m., I woke as she turned on the back and shouted "Ain't".

"Are you OK?", I asked.  She said, "Go back to sleep. That was just a false contraction."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

When my brother started doing counseling, his first patient was a particularly good-looking young woman. My brother motioned for her to lie down on the couch, but the woman hesitated until he reassured her that it was part of the therapy procedure. Once on the couch, she smoothed her dress around her legs and began to relax a bit.

“Now then,” he asked, “how did your trouble begin?”

“Just like this,” she said.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Not a joke, but 

This makes me smile ,,,
Worthy


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

from Kentucky Fried Movie - Catholic High School Girls in Trouble (probably NSFW).  






After Kentucky Fried Movie, Landis directed Animal House, then went on to the highlight of his (or anyone else's) career - The Blues Brothers.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Always keep in mind.  Years from now nobody will remember:

Your salary.
Your fancy title.
How "busy" you were.
How stressed you were.
How many hours you worked.
What people will remember are all the times you screwed things up.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Baseball bloopers from The Naked Gun


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*the geopolitical consequences of having Superman turn a crank to provide an unlimited source of energy. *









						Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Counsel
					

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Counsel




					www.smbc-comics.com


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

My niece quit her job at a salon.  When I asked her why, she said she was tired of seeing customers curl up and dye.

Later she applied for a job at a Velcro factory, but she didn't catch on.

Then she worked at a Yoplait plant.  They let her go because she wasn't compatible with their culture.

She worked at a packing plant for awhile, until she got canned.

Her time at working checkout at a grocery store ended when she got sacked.

She tried to work for moving company, but after several weeks on the job they sent her packing.


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Baseball bloopers from The Naked Gun


That was funny.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 59915


Do the winners gain automatic eligibility for a Darwin Award?


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## BargainTraveller

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Jim - is this an oblique reference to TUG????
> 
> This is reminiscent of some threads on TUG from an earlier era, when TUGgers would post about staying up until the wee hours, trying to catch trades at the "witching hour", spouses who rolled their eyes (and asking for advice from others on how to deal with the rolling eyes).



So true! My wife thought I was crazy when I bought my first South African timeshares. 
And the witching hour... 
Oh, the sleepless nights but great exchanges!


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 60011
> 
> Dave


Man best friend is drinking from his water fountain. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 60027
> 
> Dave


I need to show this to someone in my household. LOL


----------



## Talent312

Meanwhile, my Prime Day purchases have just arrived...
ahead of schedule, even. Yippie!


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Ty1on

tombanjo said:


> View attachment 60072



That took me a minute, but I chuckled!  That's totally me.


----------



## clifffaith

tombanjo said:


> View attachment 60072


In the window covering business we learned to ignore the level and go for what visually looked correct. Ceilings and window frames were often not level, and a “level” drapery rod could actually appear to be cattywampus.


----------



## BJRSanDiego

tombanjo said:


> View attachment 60072


Sorry but I don't get it...


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

BJRSanDiego said:


> Sorry but I don't get it...



"Wrong on so many levels"

Dave


----------



## BJRSanDiego

DaveNV said:


> "Wrong on so many levels"
> 
> Dave


Ha ha.  Thanks for the answer.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 60081


on the issue of favorite talk show hosts ....  I'm sure this has been posted, but we're almost to 400 pages on this thread, and this classic merits a redux.

Courtney Thorne-Smith was a guest on Conan to promote the movie "Chairman of the Board", Norm MacDonald was also there, and he was in top form.  Afterward, Courtney said she was not all offended. (See quotes below.) FWIW, if you try to fill in the places where Norm is muted, it's for political correctness, not for profanity. A hint in case you try to fill the audio voids, he uses the R word.






Courtney Thorne-Smith Addresses that Norm Macdonald Video Going Around Again


> I was there to promote _Chairman of the Board_. I was not thrilled about having to do it, so when Norm took over, I’m like, Oh, thank you, God and Norm Macdonald. It was a blessing. Look—had I thought that _Chairman of the Board_ was my path to an Oscar, I might have been offended. I did not. [Laughs] So it was a joy to be teased about it. Because I didn’t know what I was going to say [on the show]. I was like, Good, Norm, you take over.
> 
> …
> 
> [Conan’s] such a nice man, and I would run into him later and he was afraid that I was offended. I told him absolutely not. You know those great nights you go out with your friends and you start laughing and you can’t stop, and you have that satiated feeling? That’s how I felt. I didn’t expect to have an amazing time, and I had an amazing time. That’s what I walked away with; just giddy with how much fun it was. I had a ball.



I never watched Melrose Place.  Apart from this appearance on Conan, I had no inkling of who she was.  But after viewing the interview, and her post-interview reactions, and learning a bit more about her, she comes across to as a well-grounded, genuinely nice person.  Which, of course, contrasts with many more prominent Hollywood actors.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## emeryjre

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

One of the reasons why Jim Henson and crew did the Muppet Show was to allow them do material that didn’t fit Sesame Street.  Such as their take on Shel Silverstein's "You're Always Welcome at Our House" – with Marisa Berenson. Best viewed with good dose of warp.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

This SNL is stupendous.  Someone in the comments said, "As a high school teacher, I see this as a documentary."






"I would like to speak my truth to you."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

I'll conclude with "Star Trek VII - The Really Last Voyage". From "In Living Color"


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 60245


That sounds  liked a true story. There was an incident in Virginia similar to this story. Only the young man ended up killing this female. Now that was a very sad ending.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 60247



That was a super buy. I hope you enjoy that gravy item. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 60256


To the OP, you are going to need an aluminum pie pan to catch the grease from those seven (7) grill Frank's. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Actors now, and when they were young.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## Luanne




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

George Gobel - Defender of Oklahoma.

A classic from the Tonight Show.  George was a master of the deadpan, straight-face delivery.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## b2bailey

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 60325
> 
> Dave


Reminds me of my request for a small coffee at Starbucks -- they refer to it as "tall".


----------



## DaveNV

b2bailey said:


> Reminds me of my request for a small coffee at Starbucks -- they refer to it as "tall".



I think the Tall cups are 12 ounces.  So that's a cup and a half of liquid. I guess if you're going to charge more for coffee than gasoline, it's a relative thing. 

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## BJRSanDiego

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60579


Maybe I'm too old or too young but I don't catch the humor.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

BJRSanDiego said:


> Maybe I'm too old or too young but I don't catch the humor.







Below is the music video. IIRC - it got a lot of rotation on MTV. But I think it's actually pretty creepy.  And for me that isn't looking at things 30 to 40 years later. At the time I thought it was creepy, and was one of the reasons why we clamped down on our kids watching MTV. To me is was a perverted descendant of The Marvelettes BEechwood 4-5789.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

This makes my smile


----------



## Tank




----------



## BJRSanDiego

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 60592
> 
> Below is the music video. IIRC - it got a lot of rotation on MTV. But I think it's actually pretty creepy.  And for me that isn't looking at things 30 to 40 years later. At the time I thought it was creepy, and was one of the reasons why we clamped down on our kids watching MTV. To me is was a perverted descendant of The Marvelettes BEechwood 4-5789.


Thanks


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 60634


Only a person on the Mediterranean Diet would dislike this menu.LOL.
I would love to add some vanilla ice cream to this menu.LOL.

This is a do not Tell Menu Item. IMHO. LOL.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## TheHolleys87

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 60634


Bill Cosby!


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60730


Guess what we have one each bedroom (total of 3). LOL


----------



## isisdave

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60730



And before that, this one:


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

A classic from years past -

"Digging the Weans:"  - Theodore Bikel in a Town Hall concert, reading the Robert Nathan satiric piece.  Answering the question, "What would an archeology professor in the year 3500 think of us ... from fragment found?"  

FYI - the recording is almost 12 minutes longs, so this isn't quick, one-liner humor. This was an assigned reading piece in one of my high school English classes (10th grade, if memory serves), along with The Admirable Crichton.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60764


That's kitty porn.


----------



## dago

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60765


I'll admit, I'm OLD


----------



## dago

pedro47 said:


> Guess what we have one each bedroom (total of 3). LOL


I still have one. Just one LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 60731


Hey now, our son had to replace the battery in his Silverado this week, and he had to watch a YouTube video in order to learn how to get the old one out!


isisdave said:


> And before that, this one:
> 
> View attachment 60751


That was mine! I fell asleep many nights listening for the next Beatles song to come on.


----------



## Ty1on

dago said:


> I still have one. Just one LOL



Mine still has a use!

Whenever we go on vacation, I set it in the living room with NPR playing at enough volume to be heard on the other side of the front door.  Would-be robbers think a monotone family is having a boring conversation while cleaning their shotguns.


----------



## Ty1on

TheHolleys87 said:


> Hey now, our son had to replace the battery in his Silverado this week, and he had to watch a YouTube video in order to learn how to get the old one out!



Imagine needing a video to learn how to remove the battery.  Our grandparents were rebuilding carburetors in the garage with a book.  Cars have become too complicated.  Get off of my lawn.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## emeryjre

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence.

Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 60943
> 
> Dave


Just be careful what you agree to doing play time


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

ITALIAN ALTAR BOY'S CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'..

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?' 'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with? 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'  'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'  

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Good thing babies have poor eyesight.  This could be traumatic.  





 Dave


----------



## Talent312

Tank said:


> View attachment 61105



Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?


----------



## Ty1on

Talent312 said:


> Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?


I will.....

Manfred Mann took a lame and boring Blinded By the Light and knocked it out of the park.


----------



## PamMo

Tank said:


> View attachment 61105



OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?


----------



## Passepartout

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.


Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.


Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.

“The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”
“Great, I’ll start later.”

Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.

If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks - "What the Hell is wrong with you?"


“I’m 85 and my body is full of aches and pains.”
“Well, I’m 85 and I feel like a newborn baby.”
“Really?”
“Yep, no teeth, no hair, and I just wet my pants.”

When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate one either.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.

If you see me talking to myself just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo".

I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
I’m ageing like milk. Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime.

Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?


----------



## Talent312

PamMo said:


> OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?



The original lyric was:
"Cut loose like a deuce... Another runner in the night." - Bruce Springsteen
The "cut loose" part was changed to "revved up like a deuce" by Manfred Mann

-- Some say that "deuce" refers to "little deuce coup"
-- Sometimes heard as... "Wrapped up like a Douche." (2loud2oldmusic.com)

---------------
Manfred Mann's version was much better, but it was written by Bruce.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Then there's the child who memorized a slightly different first verse to God Bless America:

_God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with a light from a bulb._​


----------



## Tank

PamMo said:


> OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?



well that’s better then my guess what that line is
I’ve always sang ,,,,

Woke up like a douche , squirting in the night

Don’t ask me why, I have no idea,  but that’s my line


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Talent312 said:


> Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?



no i’m not, Manfred Mann’s the Classic


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## DaveNV

PamMo said:


> OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?



As I recall, the second line is "Revved up like a Deuce, another runner in the night."

(Reference to a '32 Ford, the Little Deuce Coupe of rock and roll fame. Hot Rod lovers will understand.)

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl

Even funnier when you consider the OP.......


----------



## Ty1on

PamMo said:


> OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?


Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 61268


Is that what happened to Baby Boomers? We didn’t have Sesame Street, just Bugs Bunny, and the Road Runner, and Mighty Mouse. I’m not sure that Captain Kangaroo was enough to counteract them.


----------



## Krteczech

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61235
> 
> Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## LannyPC

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 61192


Or sitting through a TS sales presentation.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

Sorry. I couldn't resist.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Some of you will understand.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61393
> 
> Dave


There was a time when people did not throw away their corn cobs after dinner. And when a new Sears' catalog arrived, the old one was, in modern parlance, "repurposed".


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> There was a time when people did not throw away their corn cobs after dinner. And when a new Sears' catalog arrived, the old one was, in modern parlance, "repurposed".


Now this is a factual statement. IMHO


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## BJRSanDiego

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> There was a time when people did not throw away their corn cobs after dinner. And when a new Sears' catalog arrived, the old one was, in modern parlance, "repurposed".


And at the end of the catalog's life, there were only colored/shiny pages left.


----------



## DaveNV

Don't get them mixed up!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ty1on

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61424
> 
> Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61424
> 
> Dave


I know...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

my son is having trouble traveling with the kids
Found this, I think it could help








How did we ever survive


----------



## plpgma




----------



## geist1223

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61424
> 
> Dave



Live long and prosper.


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> my son is having trouble traveling with the kids
> Found this, I think it could help
> 
> View attachment 61454
> View attachment 61455
> 
> How did we ever survive


Safety first!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## emeryjre

These are actual complaints received by a holiday company from dissatisfied customers:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."


----------



## plpgma




----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## dago

emeryjre said:


> These are actual complaints received by a holiday company from dissatisfied customers:
> 
> 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
> 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
> 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
> 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
> 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
> 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
> 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
> 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
> 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
> 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
> 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
> 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
> 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
> 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
> 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
> 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
> 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
> 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
> 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."


#19 reminds me of the Geico claim we discussed
*Geico ordered to pay $5.2M to woman who got HPV in a car*


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

Actually, it was my brother. I was the GOOD kid.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## BJRSanDiego

Tank said:


> View attachment 61580


What a great idea for timeshares where you aren't supposed to bring alcoholic beverages to the pool.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61607



Playlist from when? Thirty years ago?
.


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 61604
> 
> Dave


Easy answer -- BACON!


----------



## DaveNV

There may be some truth to this.  According to our database...  

*****************************

A man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza...
CALLER:  Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE:    No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:  I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER:  OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:  My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:  Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:  What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:  How  do you know that?
GOOGLE:  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER:  I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:  I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER:    WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE:  I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:  Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Uh oh....





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> There may be some truth to this.  According to our database...
> 
> *****************************
> 
> A man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza...
> CALLER:  Is this Pizza Hut?
> GOOGLE:    No sir, it's Google Pizza.
> CALLER:  I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
> GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
> CALLER:  OK. I would like to order a pizza.
> GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?
> CALLER:  My usual? You know me?
> GOOGLE:  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
> CALLER:  Super! That’s what I’ll have.
> GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
> CALLER:  What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
> GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
> CALLER:  How  do you know that?
> GOOGLE:  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
> CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.
> GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
> CALLER:  I bought more from another Pharmacy.
> GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
> CALLER: I paid in cash.
> GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
> CALLER:  I have other sources of cash.
> GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
> CALLER:    WHAT THE !!!
> GOOGLE:  I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
> CALLER:  Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
> GOOGLE:  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
> 
> **********************************
> 
> Dave


First I laughed, then I cried, because it's true.

We need some new emojis for these posts.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## geist1223

Tank said:


> View attachment 61580



Many years ago I would buy a soda from MacDonalds go into the bathroom, pour out the Soda, and rinse the cup. I would then just pour the Beer into the Cup, put the Lid on, and insert straw. Then drive on. I am old enough to remember the drive up places in Florida where you could order an alcoholic mixed drinks, and continue on your way.


----------



## Tank




----------



## emeryjre

Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.

When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him, “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How did you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed

“No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.

“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and after that he sat up all night watching me…”


----------



## presley

plpgma said:


> View attachment 61551


I can't stop laughing. This is the story of my life.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

emeryjre said:


> Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.
> 
> When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
> 
> “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
> 
> “No problem,” the tired Marine assured him, “I’ll take it.”
> 
> The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
> 
> “How did you sleep?” asked the manager.
> 
> “Never better.”
> 
> The manager was impressed
> 
> “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”
> 
> “Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.
> 
> “How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
> 
> “He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained.
> 
> “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and after that he sat up all night watching me…”


That is one funny story, Love it.


----------



## pedro47

geist1223 said:


> Many years ago I would buy a soda from MacDonalds go into the bathroom, pour out the Soda, and rinse the cup. I would then just pour the Beer into the Cup, put the Lid on, and insert straw. Then drive on. I am old enough to remember the drive up places in Florida where you could order an alcoholic mixed drinks, and continue on your way.


That is an outstanding idea. I wish, I could have used that suggestion 60 years ago.LOL


----------



## Talent312

This product will make a beer (or any) can look like
a cup of coffee to-go...








						Trinken Lid
					

A Trinken Lid in black or white. I guarantee you'll love it!   The Trinken Lid was invented after wanting to have a cold beer in a covert manner. Simply open your can of choice, snap it into the bottom of the lid, and pop the lid on the cup. Instant stealth beer cozy!  "A MUST HAVE - THIS IS THE...




					www.trinkenstore.com
				




Lid Features:
Same dimensions as a standard coffee cup lid, so it fits almost all medium to large paper coffee cups.
Silicone gasket seals to the top of the can to ensure no leaks.
Six sets of snaps hold your can in tight.          
Ergonomically designed spout and rim.     
Secondary breather hole to improve flow.


----------



## Sandi Bo

My 4 (almost 5 year) grand daughter's was having a conversation with her 6 year old brother.  My daughter is a doctor.

My granddaughter recently had to go to ER. She was telling her brother how the doctor gave her a popsicle. My grandson said, wait - did you say HE??, Boys can't be doctors!

My daughter got a big kick out of that. When she asked if he was serious, he said well I've never seen a boy doctor before, their pediatrician is a female, as well as her doctor friends that he knows. She said it is so weird to think about - as her patients are still requesting a different dr because she is a female.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Learned behavior for sure breaking the cycle in those Terrible Two’s or else.


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

;D Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Umm....  Not quite what he had in mind...

*********************

Death: Jack! Your time is up.  I'll take you now.
Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do.
Death: Oh no, you're the first on the list to die.
Jack: Alright, I'll finish what I'm doing first. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. And after I'm done, we can leave.

(Jack put sleeping pills in the coffee and when Death fell asleep, Jack erased his name and placed it at the end of the list)

Death: Woah! My friend, I slept well. You're a good person Jack, you treated me very well. Because of that, I'll just start with the last one on the list.

*******************

 Dave


----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 61635


My golf instructor is putting up with my bad putting.

The coffee beans that I ground fell on the ground.

Football will convert the rules about the 2-point convert.

The lawyers are having a contest who can contest the deceased person's will.

That schedule will conflict with my conflict of interest lawsuit.

The dos and don'ts of operating Microsoft DOS.

He moped about not being able to drive his moped.

The rebel would always rebel against his parents.

Did you insert that insert into the magazine?


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

plpgma said:


> View attachment 61833


Reminds me of the issues I have with DH labeling the cords connecting all our electronics!


----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> Reminds me of the issues I have with DH labeling the cords connecting all our electronics!



Wait - doesn't everybody do this??

Dave


----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> Wait - doesn't everybody do this??
> 
> Dave


According to DH, of course when I look at the back of the TV all the cords to the sound system, DVR, cable box, etc. should be neatly labeled TV! That way I know they should be attached to the TV. And the other end of each cord will confirm that it’s plugged in to the right component, too. Reminds me of the drivers who turn on their blinker when they’re halfway through their turn, to confirm that they’re turning on purpose.

Thank goodness we’re slowly switching more and more to wireless - fewer cords to label!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Where would they take them? There's no place.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Talent312

TheHolleys87 said:


> Thank goodness we’re slowly switching more and more to wireless - fewer cords to label!



At this point, I've got better things to do than
update my 80's legacy system. Maybe one day...
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




----------



## b2bailey

emeryjre said:


> These are actual complaints received by a holiday company from dissatisfied customers:
> 
> 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
> 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
> 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
> 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
> 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
> 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
> 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
> 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
> 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
> 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
> 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
> 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
> 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
> 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
> 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
> 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
> 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
> 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
> 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."



Must ask -- is this for real?


----------



## DaveNV

b2bailey said:


> Must ask -- is this for real?



Do you read Trip Adviser reviews?  They easily could be.

My favorite is #12.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

LannyPC said:


> My golf instructor is putting up with my bad putting.
> 
> The coffee beans that I ground fell on the ground.
> 
> Football will convert the rules about the 2-point convert.
> 
> The lawyers are having a contest who can contest the deceased person's will.
> 
> That schedule will conflict with my conflict of interest lawsuit.
> 
> The dos and don'ts of operating Microsoft DOS.
> 
> He moped about not being able to drive his moped.
> 
> The rebel would always rebel against his parents.
> 
> Did you insert that insert into the magazine?


Heard in the corral.  "Sarah - go help your Uncle Jack off his horse."


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett




----------



## Talent312

Brett said:


> View attachment 61977



BTW, a few weeks ago, we saw an phone booth, with an actual phone, 
on a street in Vienna, outside the Belvedere Palace... They still exist!
.


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## PamMo

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62080



We thought the same thing when we saw this a couple of weeks ago! Who drives a car straight through a garage door and leaves it there?


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 62006


That sounds liked my brother in law .LOL


----------



## Talent312

PamMo said:


> Who drives a car straight through a garage door and leaves it there?
> 
> View attachment 62093



Anne Heche? 
One shouldn't make light of a horrific crash, but...  
.


----------



## Ty1on

Talent312 said:


> Anne Heche?
> One shouldn't make light of a horrific crash, but...
> .


Maybe not in the best decorum, but this probably wasn't the first and won't be the last


----------



## Sandi Bo

Talent312 said:


> BTW, a few weeks ago, we saw an phone booth, with an actual phone,
> on a street in Vienna, outside the Belvedere Palace... They still exist!
> .


Near and dear to my heart. My first job at Northwestern Bell (as a programmer) was supporting coin phone collections. It ended up being fun, interesting with the breakup of the bell system which actually meant merging systems as well (for USWest). We would have team meetings across the USWest region which typically included pictures of phone booths. We were dorks, I guess, I remember taking a team picture in front of a phone booth in Red Rock. 

We are going to Europe later this month, so you saying there's a chance I find a phone booth?


----------



## pedro47

moonstone said:


> View attachment 62003
> 
> ~Diane


That is one big THONG.LOL


----------



## Talent312

Sandi Bo said:


> We are going to Europe later this month, so you saying there's a chance I find a phone booth?



A good chance, actually.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

Now THAT'S a PARTY!


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 62159


Well said...


----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## TheHolleys87

@plpgma and @Tank , thank you.  You had DH and me both ROFLOL from multiple of your posts.


----------



## Tank

TheHolleys87 said:


> @plpgma and @Tank , thank you.  You had DH and me both ROFLOL from multiple of your posts.



Thanks
I love starting my day off with a smile

Here for Elvis week in Memphis smiling away  
45 years gone
What a week we have
Dave


----------



## plpgma

Hmmm...I think I see a horses head!  What brain does that make me?!


----------



## Mongoose

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62250
> Hmmm...I think I see a horses head!  What brain does that make me?!


I see the horse as well as a seal.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Livin' the good life!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Mongoose




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62250
> Hmmm...I think I see a horses head!  What brain does that make me?!



Maybe the other end of the horse?  

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> Maybe the other end of the horse?
> 
> Dave


I'd take offense to that remark if it wasn't so accurate!


----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> I'd take offense to that remark if it wasn't so accurate!



And I hope you know I was kidding.  I looked at the image and immediately thought "donkey's head."  So we both know what that makes me.  LOL! 

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> And I hope you know I was kidding.  I looked at the image and immediately thought "donkey's head."  So we both know what that makes me.  LOL!
> 
> Dave


Of course I did (know you were kidding, that is...) -- I've come to know your sense of humor through this humor thread and took it exactly as I know you meant it!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

August 13, 2022. Celebrate!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62354


Is that tractor or timeshare?


----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma

LannyPC said:


> Is that tractor or timeshare?


Ha ha -- Good Question!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHAHA!!!

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Birds have a tough life.





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Any Shakespeare lovers out there?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Pretty sure my kid brother memorized this book... 





 Dave


----------



## fer829




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV, is on a roll.LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Ty1on

We don't need no cherry picker, just get Abner over here!


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> View attachment 62783


Ouch!  I can already feel his hands getting crushed as he tries to lower that engine into its space!


----------



## moonstone

~Diane


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62793


Now that is funny. LOL


----------



## Tank

When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them:
I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and...
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming:
M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord... please... please... please...
This would make life a lot easier!
Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman..
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
and... what is the other present?
And God answered:
A Brain Eve ... The brain is yours...

And that my friends, is how it all started.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. 

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. 

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," he continued. The priest clasped his hands, tilted his head back and looked to the skies.  After taking a deep breath, he responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," the priest. 

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. 

"Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"


----------



## dago

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
> 
> "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
> 
> "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," he continued. The priest clasped his hands, tilted his head back and looked to the skies.  After taking a deep breath, he responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," the priest.
> 
> "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest.
> 
> "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"


Why are you picking on us Italians?
LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. 

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. 

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. 

When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

dago said:


> Why are you picking on us Italians?
> LOL


I didn't even think about ethnicity.  I try to be oblivious to such matters.  For example, though I was raised Swedish-American, I was taught about the great contributions that Norwegians have made in the world. 

The toilet seat is a good example. Most people take toilet seats for granted, without realizing that the toilet seat was invented by Norwegians.  The Germans, the French, the English, and even the hardened Swedes were impressed.  Of course, it was the Swedes who realized the toilet seat would work better if it had a hole.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

This is behind me every time I drive at night!


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

plpgma said:


> View attachment 62879



I was at walMart the other day, trying to get through Self-Check.  After scanning things, I put them back in the cart. No bag required.  The register had a problem with that.  The attendant came over sand said, "You need to put scanned items on this side of the register, so it knows you scanned it."

I looked at her, and said, "Sorry, I never went to WalMart cash register school.  I don't work here." And I grinned.

She didn't even smile.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## isisdave

Removed. thread creep veered out of the humor realm.


----------



## DaveNV

isisdave said:


> Costco's self-checkout requires that each item be picked up, scanned, and put down on the scale. There are no hand scanners available, which I thought was because they were introduced during Covid. If you're shopping with someone else, your partner can't begin loading stuff back into the cart until you've finished.
> 
> I'm not going to pick up every item twice, so I go to the regular checkout.  Having worked in retail a million years ago, I face all the barcodes upwards. About half the time, the assistant loads most of my stuff onto the belt before noticing that, thus requiring that all of these be handled by him/her twice, and by the checker person once. The checker helps avoid infection by gesturing to the receipt, which I am supposed to rip off myself.  It's important as it showed today a total of $91 for seven items ....
> 
> Sam's Club lets me use their app to scan and touch nothing, or to use a handheld scanner at the self-checkout. It takes me about 3 seconds per item, and no one has to touch the items.
> 
> I guess I'm surprised that Costco makes checkout so comparatively slow and difficult. Could I suggest that instead of weighing each item individually, we just roll the cart onto a scale and verify the total net weight of ALL the contents at once by subtracting the previously-recorded weight of the empty cart?



It's important to note I don't work for Costco, and never have.  My husband worked there for 25 years, but retired two years ago.  So we have no connection to the company at this point.  I'm also not sure this humor thread is necessarily the best place to discuss what Costco does or doesn't do with self-check.  But be that as it may, I was at the Summerlin Costco in Las Vegas yesterday. It was extremely busy at the regular check-out lines, with people pushing typical cartsful of stuff.  I only had about ten items in my cart, and decided it was easiest to go through the self-check, where there was no line.  They had Costco cashiers working there, with hand scanners. The cashier scanned my membership card I'd held out as I rolled the cart to that register.  By the time I had touched my membership card to the "tap to pay" place on the card machine, she had scanned everything in my cart, and wheeled it past the check stand. Nothing left the shopping cart.  I've never seen anybody scan things so fast. I took my receipt off the printer, and that was that. I was done and headed for the door in less than a minute.  If the other Costco self-check people working there were as quick, it explains why there was no line to check out, and no errors committed by inexperienced members.

If you tried that at a place where the member self-scanned things for themselves, it'd take a lot longer, and would likely have plenty of downtime while things had to be rescanned because the wrong barcode was scanned, or items missed by the inexperienced customer who doesn't know how to run a scanner properly. Or whatever.  Things missed by the receipt checker at the door would result in "loss by inventory," items, aka theft.  

Different circus, different monkeys.  

Dave


----------



## Luanne

Some of us can relate to this.


----------



## pedro47

isisdave said:


> Costco's self-checkout requires that each item be picked up, scanned, and put down on the scale. There are no hand scanners available, which I thought was because they were introduced during Covid. If you're shopping with someone else, your partner can't begin loading stuff back into the cart until you've finished.
> 
> I'm not going to pick up every item twice, so I go to the regular checkout.  Having worked in retail a million years ago, I face all the barcodes upwards. About half the time, the assistant loads most of my stuff onto the belt before noticing that, thus requiring that all of these be handled by him/her twice, and by the checker person once. The checker helps avoid infection by gesturing to the receipt, which I am supposed to rip off myself.  It's important as it showed today a total of $91 for seven items ....
> 
> Sam's Club lets me use their app to scan and touch nothing, or to use a handheld scanner at the self-checkout. It takes me about 3 seconds per item, and no one has to touch the items.
> 
> I guess I'm surprised that Costco makes checkout so comparatively slow and difficult. Could I suggest that instead of weighing each item individually, we just roll the cart onto a scale and verify the total net weight of ALL the contents at once by subtracting the previously-recorded weight of the empty cart?


But Sam Club checker at the exit store door are must slower than the Costco person. Today at Sam Club the checker at the exit door; her line was from her location to the food court area.


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> I looked at her, and said, "Sorry, I never went to WalMart cash register school"... She didn't even smile.



Recently, I couldn't find office supplies and asked a stock clerk where they were.
I said, "I think they wanted to confuse the customers by rearranging everything."
He replied seriously, "Some things stayed the same."
.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Does this suggest that a terrorist organization could take down the UK with a flock of trained attack geese?


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Does this suggest that a terrorist organization could take down the UK with a flock of trained attack geese?
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 62933


Fowl friends .....


----------



## dago

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Does this suggest that a terrorist organization could take down the UK with a flock of trained attack geese?
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 62933


Geese CAN get violent LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. 

He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. 

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." 

Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." 

Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Until this afternoon I always assumed that web site virtual assistants were neuter; It never occurred to me that they might actually be male or female.  But when logging into a site I hadn't visited for a long time I got a prompt that site security had been updated, my current password didn't meet new criteria, and I needed to create a new password using at least one upper case letter, one lower case letter, one numeral, and one special character.  Feeling a bit crotchety I entered Myd^ck9".

Damned if the assistant didn't reply - "Not long enough."


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Try this.  You'll see.  





 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout

plpgma said:


> View attachment 63178


Which is why I have a love/hate issue when a timeshare comes with a giant CrockPot!


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

There's a bar in West Yellowstone, Montana, where these signs are on the restroom doors.



 



 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 63189
> 
> Dave


Bank greeters and tellers like the one wish,
"Genie, make me irresistible to women.'
So, she turned him into... a credit card."
.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 63233


Darn females always are thinking & using their brain; men are from Mars.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555




----------



## Ken555

10,000 posts!! Thanks to everyone for participating and enjoying the humor over the years.


----------



## Ty1on

Ken555 said:


> View attachment 63403



If Episode 2 isn't any better, I'm abandoning this new series.


----------



## plpgma

Ken555 said:


> 10,000 posts!! Thanks to everyone for participating and enjoying the humor over the years.
> 
> View attachment 63407


Woo Hoo!


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## dago

plpgma said:


> View attachment 63490


Apologies to Lionel Richie


----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 63521


I can see Bambi and his friends every morning eating my flowers and it is not funny.


----------



## AJCts411

PROOF, there is life on Mars!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares:

Peter Marshall: "Historians say that King Henry the 8th had Ann Boleyn beheaded because she couldn't do one particular thing.  What?"

Paul Lynde: "Convince Henry the 8th he was Henry the 1st."


----------



## BJRSanDiego

Brett said:


> View attachment 63521


About 10 years ago I had the BEST (post retirement) job.  I fed my neighbor friend's horses and chickens.  I would bring the horses treats and they loved to see me.  One time as I was feeding the two horses, I looked up the hill and saw a 3rd horse (my friend only had two) with petunias in its mouth and it came galloping down the hill to me - - probably to get fed.  It came into the small 8 x 12 feed shed with me.  The other two horses got jealous knowing that the visiting horse was in the building where their food came from.   I made some calls and we relocated the visiting horse to its owners.

BTW, my "pay" was my interaction with the horses plus a bunch of fresh eggs.  At one time, I was in charge of 800 engineering employees.  I got more satisfaction out of feeding the horses and chickens. Ha ha.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## LannyPC

plpgma said:


> View attachment 63489


It really amazes me that people can somehow pass their driver's test and successfully parallel park but, when they get their driver's license, quickly forget how to do so.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

LannyPC said:


> It really amazes me that people can somehow pass their driver's test and successfully parallel park but, when they get their driver's license, quickly forget how to do so.


Shrug. I haven't parallel parked in over 30 years. . .


----------



## dago

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Shrug. I haven't parallel parked in over 30 years. . .


It's a lost art. Really not much need to parallel park anymore


----------



## pedro47

Parallel parking is a lost art by human with all technology that will park your automobile with a touch of a button. The majority of shopping centers, hospitals, schools, hotels and timeshare resorts do not require parallel parking. IMHO.


----------



## Ubil

pedro47 said:


> Parallel parking is a lost art by human with all technology that will park your automobile with a touch of a button. The majority of shopping centers, hospitals, schools, hotels and timeshare resorts do not require parallel parking. IMHO.


Parallel parking is easy with backup cameras.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

I had to parallel park a 53' trailer behind a 23' tractor. Nothin' to it, and a single vehicle like a car, , , no wonder they do it automatically. 

I hear tell that you can't even buy a car with a manual transmission any more. Back in the day, I asked my employer to get me a truck with a 6-speed main and 4-speed auxiliary transmissions. He said it'd be too heavy, so I said he could delete the ignition switch because nobody would be able to steal it.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 63652


I dare not reply to this post. LOL
I am taking the Fifth. LOL


----------



## Passepartout

30% of pet owners let their pets sleep with them.  I tried it with my goldfish and it died.


----------



## Tank

What kind of diet pop do you have?

*

*


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## easyrider

Same plastic surgeon maybe ?


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




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## plpgma




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




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## Tank




----------



## bluehende

AJCts411 said:


> View attachment 63771


And a pack of baseball cards.


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Talent312

True Story...

When my wife said: "I seem to have a lot of gas...
"I wonder where it's coming from."

I replied by saying: "It's probably coming from Uranus."
.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 63772


Now that is a true fact / statement. IMO. LOL
Now why did I reply to this thread.


----------



## Passepartout

4-0175


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## zentraveler

dago said:


> It's a lost art. Really not much need to parallel park anymore


Not in Northeast Ohio apparently. Alive, well and necessary in SF. Keeps us on our toes .


----------



## Brett




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

Did this all the time
You learn 
The art of falling for sure


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

For those who appreciate the Christopher Guest/Harry Shearer/Michael McKean mockumentaries, particularly “A Mighty Wind”.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 63814
> 4-0175


Solution is simple.  Use your childhood phone number as  your password.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Long but worthwhile.  Martin Mull at his best. 

*The History of White People in America*


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## TheHolleys87

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Solution is simple.  Use your childhood phone number as  your password.


GENIUS!!

I'm going to do this!


----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## nerodog

dago said:


> It's a lost art. Really not much need to parallel park anymore


Only here in Lisbon and Europe... boy are my skills rusty!!!!


----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Solution is simple.  Use your childhood phone number as  your password.



I use my anniversary date, so I won't forget that.
.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

The American Express Card - Don't steal home without it.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

"Captain's Log..."


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## Passepartout

Fall is in the air. . . .


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

The playground of our great-grandparents -- those that survived, that is.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## TheHolleys87

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 64299


DEFIANTLY eternally grapefruit!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Circa 1953.  Whoda thunk!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

"My wife forgot to leave for me the carseat to take our son to the babysitter's house. This is the picture I sent when she asked how I was going to get him there. I then turned off my phone for the next 4 hours."


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

For our Canadian friends. Maybe there is something those of us South of you need let in on?


----------



## Ty1on

Passepartout said:


> For our Canadian friends. Maybe there is something those of us South of you need let in on?
> View attachment 64750



Think Cowboys and Eagles.....btw 67 is the last year Toronto won the Stanley Cup.


----------



## bizaro86

Ty1on said:


> Think Cowboys and Eagles.....btw 67 is the last year Toronto won the Stanley Cup.


To add- Les Habitants is the French name for the Montreal Canadiens hockey team, the (much more historically successful) rival to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

They are called the Habs for short


----------



## Passepartout

Thanks, @*Ty1on *and* @bizaro86 *I knew it was funny, but didn't catch the inside joke. Shoulda known when the source wears hockey
jerseys all Summer.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## pedro47

Is this the longest thread in TUG history and with the most posts?


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout

From the Land of Sky Blue Waters. . . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

pedro47 said:


> Is this the longest thread in TUG history and with the most posts?


In replies, yes. 

In views, the honor still goes to Fairmont / Sunchaser / Northwynd official thread with lawsuit info!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Luanne




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma

Sadly it has come to this in the trucking world...


----------



## plpgma




----------



## bizaro86

plpgma said:


> View attachment 64913


At first I thought this was a comment on the fact the container says "Babies" on it. But no, it was the sign.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Talent312

plpgma said:


> View attachment 64913



I'm not sure which is more delectable: Babies or Dognuts


----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 65189


So that is why there are large bird feeders  near our car washer businesses in our areas.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

THAT IS CRAZY!!!

A Tibetan monk has been discovered in a mountain cave in Nepal. He is considered the oldest person in the world at 206 YEARS OLD!
He was found in a state of deep meditation called "takatet".
When he was first discovered they thought he was a mummy. However the archeologist examining what they thought was a mummy discovered that he had vital signs and was alive!
Among his things, they found an old scroll that read, "Stop believing all the crap you read on Facebook.”


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Brett




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Passepartout

AJCts411 said:


> View attachment 65314


Our ancestors found out centuries ago that drinking beer was healthier than drinking the disease-carrying water of the day.


----------



## Ken555




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Talent312

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 65321



My ex was a microbiologist and every journal article that she showed me ended with: "Further research in this area is needed." She said, if research on a topic was ever finished, then their NIH grant $$ would dry up.

I suggested that someone publish a "Journal of Final Results" in which the ending would be: "This is a final result. No further research is needed." But the problem would be that there would be no articles submitted.
.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> My ex was a microbiologist and every journal article that she showed me ended with: "Further research in this area is needed." She said, if research on a topic was ever finished, then their HIH grant $$ would dry up.
> 
> I suggested that someone publish a "Journal of Final Results" in which the ending would be: "This is a final result. No further research is needed." But the problem would be that there would be no articles submitted.
> .


Or an article that concluded this study proved nothing and was a waste of time, effort, and money.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank

Math can be amazing


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired Cowboy in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous young woman in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The woman says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired Cowboy and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old Cowboy replies, "You bet. Just get that lion out of there."

 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

'Tis the season around here. . . .


----------



## Passepartout

You aren't truly 80s unless your eight-year-old self broke a prong, stripped the wiring, then wrapped the result around the VHF screws in the back of the TV so the Intellevision would work.
"I know what I'm doing, Dad!"



I was well beyond eight, but you get the idea.


----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 65477


Take her to a gas station and use that metal pipe to check the air pressure in each tire, before and  after you put air in your tires.
Tell her not to worry this time, unless she find a glass tube pipe in your vehicle. IMO


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

Brett said:


> View attachment 65514


I prefer Progresso soup cans.
.


----------



## DaveNV

This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory.  How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?





Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## kanerf

DaveNV said:


> This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory.  How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?
> 
> View attachment 65548
> 
> Dave


Alas, there are no more Sears in my area at all.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory.  How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?
> 
> View attachment 65548
> 
> Dave


Now that was a magacial "Wish Book," in color from Sears for children of all ages. IMHO.


----------



## Quiet Pine

DaveNV said:


> This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory.  How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?
> 
> View attachment 65548
> 
> Dave


From 1951 to 1955, my family lived in Salzburg, Austria. We could shop at the Army PX, but getting the Sears catalog was a huge treat for me (age 11-14). It was the Amazon.com of its day.


----------



## DaveNV

Quiet Pine said:


> From 1951 to 1955, my family lived in Salzburg, Austria. We could shop at the Army PX, but getting the Sears catalog was a huge treat for me (age 11-14). It was the Amazon.com of its day.



I know, right?  I lived in Washington State at the same age, and the Sears Wish Book was like Christmas morning - in advance. 

Dave


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Luanne




----------



## DaveNV

The placement location of this restaurant sign is, um... unfortunate. LOL! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

*Diary of a Mad Shoveler
    or
A Texan Moves to Minnesota*

December 8:  6:00 PM.  It started to snow.  The first snow of
the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven.  It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic
we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:  We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? 
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the
first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our
driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway,
so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life. 

December 12:  The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment.  My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would
be awful!  Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.  l don't think
that's possible.  Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our
neighbor.

December 14:  Snow lovely snow!  8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20.  The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
and sidewalks. This is the life!  The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way.  I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. 

December 15:  20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly.  We aren't
in Alaska, after all.

December 16:  Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice
in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel. 

December 17:  Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her.  Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right.  I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.

December 20:  Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
damn stuff last night.  More shoveling. Took all day.  Goddamn
snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey.  I think they're
lying.  Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out.  Might have another
shipment in March.  I think they're lying.  Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.  I think he's
lying. 

December 22:  Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it
probably won't melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the
time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired
to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the
rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the
asshole is lying.

December 23:  Only 2" of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month
ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24:  6".  Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel.  Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch
the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him
through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner
and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching
for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25:  Merry Christmas.  20 more inches of the f***ing
slop tonight.  Snowed in.  The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil. God I hate the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel.  The wife says I have a bad attitude.  I think she's an
idiot.  If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26:  Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move
here? It was all HER idea.  She's really getting on my nerves. 

December 27:  Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. 

December 28:  Warmed up to above -50.  Still snowed in.  THE
BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29:  10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the
roof or it could cave in.  That's the silliest thing I ever
heard.  How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:  Roof caved in.  The snow plow driver is suing me
for a million dollars.  The wife went home to her mother.  9"
predicted.

December 31:  Set fire to what's left of the house.  No more
shoveling.

January 8:  I feel so good.  I just love those little white
pills they keep giving me.  Why am I tied to the bed?


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

More Minnesota:

*60 above zero*:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.


*50 above zero*:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.


*20 above zero*:
Floridians use coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.


*15 above zero:*
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
**Twin Cities window washers show up five minutes early, add antifreeze to cleaning solution (true ” the home in question was mine).


*Zero:*
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.


*25 below zero:*
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
**Gabriel Kaplan (my 15 year-old son) puts on long pants.


*460 below zero:*
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying . . . “Cold ’nuff fer ya?”


*500 below zero:*
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.


----------



## geist1223

The parts about Florida are a tad bit inaccurate. My SIL and her DH live in Melbourne Beach Florida. In the 70's they put on sweaters. In the 60's they are putting on jackets and gloves.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 65667


The four kinds of Jello intrinsic to a Minnesota salad bar:

ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape.
Jello with mandarin orange slices.  Usually in strawberry, raspberry, or lime jello.
Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots.
Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.
Note that the layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.


----------



## PamMo

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> The four kinds of Jello:
> 
> ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape
> Jello with mandarin orange slices.  Usually in strawberry or raspberry jello.
> Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots
> Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.
> The layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.



Lime jello with shredded cucumber and canned crushed pineapple!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

PamMo said:


> Lime jello with shredded cucumber and canned crushed pineapple!


Yeah - but that's only at an upscale place, like a Holiday Inn, or at a classy catered wedding reception.  Or sometimes at a potluck, where someone thinks they can impress the other people by getting fancy. You can tell, because the person who brings that jello dish makes sure to their name is obvious on the side of the dish, using magic marker and masking tape, so that everyone will know who brought that dish.

I was thinking more of what you would see at an ordinary place like Perkins or Old Country Buffet, or one of the diners you can find off the Interstate exits or in the downtown area of most any small town outside the Cities, such as the Chatterbox Cafe in Lake Wobegon.


----------



## PamMo

Hahaha, @T_R_Oglodyte! First generation American here, and that was one of my mother's favorite jello recipes! Our family of ten had the cucumber-pineapple and the cottage cheese-carrot version more times than I could count! My mom was awesome!


----------



## Brett




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Brett said:


> View attachment 65681


Microwave the nuggets or the children????


----------



## Passepartout

THOSE WHO LIKE MY POSTS ARE MORE INTELLIGENT, BETTER LOOKING AND NICER TO BE AROUND ACCORDING TO A STUDY I MADE UP.


----------



## Ubil

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> The four kinds of Jello intrinsic to a Minnesota salad bar:
> 
> ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape.
> Jello with mandarin orange slices.  Usually in strawberry, raspberry, or lime jello.
> Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots.
> Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.
> Note that the layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.


I toured the Jell-O Gallery in LeRoy, NY (where Jell-O was invented) last week.


			JELL-O Gallery - History


----------



## dago

Passepartout said:


> THOSE WHO LIKE MY POSTS ARE MORE INTELLIGENT, BETTER LOOKING AND NICER TO BE AROUND ACCORDING TO A STUDY I MADE UP.


Thank You  LOL


----------



## Ken555




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 65736


Does this generation know what you are using and playing?
Looks liked a 33 1/3 album. 
What is a diamond needle?


----------



## plpgma




----------



## TheHolleys87

pedro47 said:


> Does this generation know what you are using and playing?
> Looks liked a 33 1/3 album.
> What is a diamond needle?


Ah, you don’t know that vinyl is making a comeback!

The remastered Beatles Revolver album is being released in several different LP configurations, in addition to CD versions.


----------



## Tank

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and
I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting
divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do
another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then,
don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
> "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
> “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and
> I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
> Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting
> divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do
> another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then,
> don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
> The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
> View attachment 65845


those are some VERY SMART parents .IMHO LOL


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

Darn
I can’t make it again ‍


This is a real thing going on


----------



## plpgma

This is why aliens fly past our planet.


----------



## dago

Tank said:


> Darn
> I can’t make it again ‍♂View attachment 65882
> This is a real thing going on


Is it sponsored by Walmart?


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Tank

For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022


Those 70s and 80s kids were wusses if they used a hammer. In the 50s we just stomped on them with our Keds. Some of the boys used bare feet, but I drew the line there.


----------



## geist1223

Passepartout said:


> How about San Diego (or vicinity). Lots to do. History, beaches, good beer, Balboa Park, Or maybe the desert- Palm Springs area. If it isn't too late Spring, it's beautiful there in March/April/May. Easy flights from your area, or even driving is not out of the question.
> 
> Jim





Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022



When I was in 5th Grade (Our Lady of the Valley Canoga Park) I took some Caps to School. I gave several to a friend. During class he fully opened his 3 Ring Binder and puts Caps on 1 side of the Binder Clip Rings. As he was closing they supposedly they slipped and set off the Caps. They went off and the Teacher was not pleased. He told the Teacher I had given him the Caps. I got sent to the Office not him. The Office Folks made me call home and report myself. By chance my Dad was home that day. I told him what happened. He asked if that was true that I did not setoff the Caps. I said that was correct. He had me put the Office Folks on the telephone. He assured them he would take care of the matter when I got home. He never brought it up again.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022



Oh, no.  I was doing the same thing in the 60s. And if I couldn't find a hammer, we used a big rock. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Tank said:


> View attachment 66115


Back in an earlier incarnation while I was doing P.R. for the trucking industry, I tried to promote 'Trucker Appreciation Day' for October 4, 10-4? The proposal didn't get out of it's own way.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022





geist1223 said:


> When I was in 5th Grade (Our Lady of the Valley Canoga Park) I took some Caps to School. I gave several to a friend. During class he fully opened his 3 Ring Binder and puts Caps on 1 side of the Binder Clip Rings. As he was closing they supposedly they slipped and set off the Caps. They went off and the Teacher was not pleased. He told the Teacher I had given him the Caps. I got sent to the Office not him. The Office Folks made me call home and report myself. By chance my Dad was home that day. I told him what happened. He asked if that was true that I did not setoff the Caps. I said that was correct. He had me put the Office Folks on the telephone. He assured them he would take care of the matter when I got home. He never brought it up again.



When I was a kid, around the 4th of July, we would buy a bunch of packs of caps.  In the 3 block x 2 block area that formed our neighborhood, there was one older guy who was just an unpleasant, guy, who routinely harassed and berated us, and who was just generally a mean person.  It didn't take much for him to call the cops with a complaint.  Fourth of July was easy for him, because fireworks were illegal, and the local PD enforced the regs.  So when we were setting off illicit fireworks, he would call a report.  Sometimes, just to egg him, we would toss a cherry bomb in his yard.

One of our best inspirations was with the caps.  We would take a roll of caps, and hit them with a hammer near his house.  As expected, he would call the cops, and soon there would be a B&W in the neighborhood, and the game was on.  We knew all of the short cuts between houses and fences, where the holes were in the hedges, etc.  So once the roller was on scene, we would continually move around, hitting a roll of caps with a hammer so that it sounded like a Black Cat being set off. We'd hit off three or four a block away, and the roller would head to that block.  Then we would cut through the yards, and set them off on the block he had just vacated.  When he came back, we would head to the next block. 

The game was to see how long we could keep the cop rolling through the neighborhood before he finally gave up.  We never caught, but the beauty was that if we had been caught, there wasn't anything to pin on us.  Everything we were doing was perfectly legal.  

******

Postscript.  The old codger died, leaving his widow in the house.  With him gone, she was a wonderful lady.  She went out of her way to talk to us.  Invited us in for hot chocolate in the wintertime.  When we were playing ball and an errant throw went into her yard, she was very pleased to have us come and retrieve it.  

We were raised with neighborliness as a base expectation.  He wasn't at all neighborly, so he was outside our realm. She was different, and as an elderly widow of the neighborhood, our gang soon made sure that when it snowed, she got her sidewalks and driveway shoveled. Other people in the neighborhood who wanted shoveling, they were charged.  Bur for her, it was our community service.  We just did it, and after the job was done she would pay us.  But we would have done it any way.

Some years later, when I was an adult, I realized that her husband had almost certainly been at least as mean to her as he was to us, and he was probably abusing her. His death liberated her.


----------



## DaveNV

Passepartout said:


> Back in an earlier incarnation while I was doing P.R. for the trucking industry, I tried to promote 'Trucker Appreciation Day' for October 4, 10-4? The proposal didn't get out of it's own way.



That's actually pretty clever.  I'm surprised it didn't (you should pardon the expression), get traction.  LOL! 

Not as clever at Star Wars day, though. (For those who don't know, it's May the 4th.  Say it out loud.)  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> That's actually pretty clever.  I'm surprised it didn't (you should pardon the expression), get traction.  LOL!
> 
> Not as clever at Star Wars day, though. (For those who don't know, it's May the 4th.  Say it out loud.)


Yep. Sometimes ya just need the forth with ya. Oh well.


----------



## Tank

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> When I was a kid, around the 4th of July, we would buy a bunch of packs of caps.  In the 3 block x 2 block area that formed our neighborhood, there was one older guy who was just an unpleasant, guy, who routinely harassed and berated us, and who was just generally a mean person.  It didn't take much for him to call the cops with a complaint.  Fourth of July was easy for him, because fireworks were illegal, and the local PD enforced the regs.  So when we were setting off illicit fireworks, he would call a report.  Sometimes, just to egg him, we would toss a cherry bomb in his yard.
> 
> One of our best inspirations was with the caps.  We would take a roll of caps, and hit them with a hammer near his house.  As expected, he would call the cops, and soon there would be a B&W in the neighborhood, and the game was on.  We knew all of the short cuts between houses and fences, where the holes were in the hedges, etc.  So once the roller was on scene, we would continually move around, hitting a roll of caps with a hammer so that it sounded like a Black Cat being set off. We'd hit off three or four a block away, and the roller would head to that block.  Then we would cut through the yards, and set them off on the block he had just vacated.  When he came back, we would head to the next block.
> 
> The game was to see how long we could keep the cop rolling through the neighborhood before he finally gave up.  We never caught, but the beauty was that if we had been caught, there wasn't anything to pin on us.  Everything we were doing was perfectly legal.
> 
> ******
> 
> Postscript.  The old codger died, leaving his widow in the house.  With him gone, she was a wonderful lady.  She went out of her way to talk to us.  Invited us in for hot chocolate in the wintertime.  When we were playing ball and an errant throw went into her yard, she was very pleased to have us come and retrieve it.
> 
> We were raised with neighborliness as a base expectation.  He wasn't at all neighborly, so he was outside our realm. She was different, and as an elderly widow of the neighborhood, our gang soon made sure that when it snowed, she got her sidewalks and driveway shoveled. Other people in the neighborhood who wanted shoveling, they were charged.  Bur for her, it was our community service.  We just did it, and after the job was done she would pay us.  But we would have done it any way.
> 
> Some years later, when I was an adult, I realized that her husband had almost certainly been at least as mean to her as he was to us, and he was probably abusing her. His death liberated her.



you are right - liberated !

Normally the wrong one dies, the mean one lives to torment.
Nice story thanks for sharing.
Along with these caps, we made homemade smoke bombs out of strike anywhere Blue Tip matches. (Factory in our back yard) 
Break off the tips of a gob of matches & wrap them in foil tight. 
Throw against any hard Serface and PPFF up in smoke they go.
We had a ball

Dave


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022


They cost less than a dollar  ($1.00).


----------



## plpgma

Tank said:


> For children of the 70s and 80s, nothing exceeded the overall entertainment value.View attachment 66023View attachment 66022


Ha ha -- So true!  My two older brothers and I would also make ladyfinger firecrackers out of those rolls. too!


----------



## emeryjre

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Talent312

emeryjre said:


> ... The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.



That's actually an oldie that's made the rounds.
If I were the Trooper, I would'a written him up.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank

My hometown area making the news 


Looking to find these Walleye fish tacos locally? Any suggestions?


----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 66198


Back in the day this is what your parents used to clear your nostrils and when you had a chest cold.LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 66201


He was trying to spell the month of February.

The year is correct and the number 02 for the month is correct on the metal label.

Everything on the metal label appears to be correct.

That’s all folks. LOL


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

It's a gift.





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## geoand

DaveNV said:


> That's actually pretty clever.  I'm surprised it didn't (you should pardon the expression), get traction.  LOL!
> 
> Not as clever at Star Wars day, though. (For those who don't know, it's May the 4th.  Say it out loud.)
> 
> Dave


There are those who celebrate the day as a birthday


----------



## DaveNV

Golfing is serious business.

***********************

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

He looked at his caddie and said, "I've played so badly all day, I think I'm going to drown myself in that lake."

The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, "I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long."

************************

 Dave


----------



## moonstone

In honour of our Canadian Thanksgiving.....





~Diane


----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 66343


Brett, the couple luggage was trying to tell this couple something. 
The luggage wanted to go Cabo and not again to the sunshine state.LOL


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 66387


This have been already  posted on this thread last week.LOL


----------



## plpgma




----------



## pedro47

plpgma said:


> View attachment 66397


Those two sales persons were formally  timeshare salesperson. 
Their lips were moving very fast to close their deals.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Quiet Pine




----------



## DaveNV

October is the month of scary movies.  Here are four that are SO realistic...





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

Quiet Pine said:


> View attachment 66476


I can remember this incident before I retired.


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Tank




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Tank said:


> View attachment 66530


 Of course, if you do too many stupid things while you're young, you'll never get old enough to laugh at them. . .


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

*I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.*




I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn’t cut it as a barber.
I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. 
Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.

 Dave


----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## plpgma




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Guy races into a bar looking very flustered and says to the bartender,"Quick, give me a shot of your finest Scotch before the trouble starts!"




The guy downs the scotch in a single gulp and glancing nervously towards the doors says, "Quick, give me another shot of your finest Scotch before the trouble starts!"

The guy downs that Scotch too and says, "Quick, another shot before the trouble starts!" 

The barman pauses and says, "Ok but I need you to pay for the other shots first."

The guy looks the barman in the eye and says, "It looks like the trouble has started..."

*****************************

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 66886


This is one that must be shared for all married men. LOL


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 66886


God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a p***s. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

When it's Halloween, and your parent is a Country Veterinarian...





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett

.


----------



## clifffaith

LOL. My standard steak order is “VERY well done. I won’t send it back if it is like shoe leather, I will send it back, after you revive me, if I cut into it and see pink”. I have had still moist well done steak only a handful of times (and always send my compliments to the chef) but I’ll happily eat “chewy” as long as it is brown.


----------



## DaveNV

Life lesson.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Am I right? 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When you stop to think about it...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I wanted this too!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This is epic.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Someone nailed this.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I need to do this.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Gift ideas:  I want this.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

LOL!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHA!!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Hmm....





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I love this one.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## plpgma

DaveNV said:


> When you stop to think about it...
> 
> View attachment 66984
> 
> Dave


Truth!


----------



## plpgma




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## TheHolleys87

@DaveNV , you really found a treasure trove of funnies today, didn't you?


----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> @DaveNV , you really found a treasure trove of funnies today, didn't you?



I went to a "funnies" page on Facebook. Found a bunch of things I thought Tuggers would get a chuckle from.  Below are a few more. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Rude but hilarious. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Rude but hilarious.
> 
> View attachment 67060
> 
> Dave


That was awesome!!!


----------



## chapjim

This one is awful!

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.  All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.


----------



## DaveNV

chapjim said:


> This one is awful!
> 
> There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.  All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.



Wow.  Even I would draw the lion at that one. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Want to be really mean to kids this Halloween?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV, is on a roll with the number of posts to this thread in the passed three days.


----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67098
> 
> Dave


DaveNV,  is that a pot plant? LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Brilliant Halloween Costume idea.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This made me laugh.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny....He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house.....walked home.....and left it there all night!!!

***********************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A woman tries getting on a bus but realizes that her skirt is too tight. 

As the bus arrived & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. 

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. With another little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more, but was again unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated & embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt even more, in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist & placed her gently on the step of the bus.  She went ballistic & turned to the would-be Samaritan & yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!!!"

The Texan smiled & drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I'd agree with you. But after you unzipped my fly 3 times, I kinda figured we were friends."

*****************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

If you know, you know.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
> 
> She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
> 
> Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny....He said nothing.
> 
> Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house.....walked home.....and left it there all night!!!
> 
> ***********************
> 
> Dave


Frank, is my kind of guy. A man of few words; but his mind is always thinking postive.


----------



## DaveNV

Some of you are old enough to understand why this is a perfect meme.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Love this!





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## Makai Guy




----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
> 
> She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
> 
> Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny....He said nothing.
> 
> Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house.....walked home.....and left it there all night!!!
> 
> ***********************
> 
> Dave





DaveNV said:


> A woman tries getting on a bus but realizes that her skirt is too tight.
> 
> As the bus arrived & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
> 
> She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. With another little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more, but was again unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated & embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt even more, in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus.
> 
> About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist & placed her gently on the step of the bus.  She went ballistic & turned to the would-be Samaritan & yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!!!"
> 
> The Texan smiled & drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I'd agree with you. But after you unzipped my fly 3 times, I kinda figured we were friends."
> 
> *****************
> 
> Dave


I need some additional options on the Like menu. There’s giggle, then there’s LOL, and then there’s “laughing so hard that tears come to my eyes and I have DH read it and he laughs loudly too.”

You really found a treasure trove of funnies, didn’t you?


----------



## DaveNV

TheHolleys87 said:


> I need some additional options on the Like menu. There’s giggle, then there’s LOL, and then there’s “laughing so hard that tears come to my eyes and I have DH read it and he laughs loudly too.”
> 
> You really found a treasure trove of funnies, didn’t you?



Thank you for enjoying these.  I enjoy posting them.

There is a humor group on Facebook I read, and I save off the jokes I think Tuggers will enjoy.  Every so often I realize I've accumulated a fair amount, so I post them here.  My entire goal is to bring a smile to the faces of my Tugger friends.  I'm delighted you found such pleasure in what I've shared here.

The two jokes you've quoted made me smile a lot. But picturing the horror on Mildred's face when she realizes what Frank has done is priceless.  I "know" people like her, which is why the joke is extra-funny.

There's "HaHa Funny," and then there's "PMP Funny." That's "Peed My Pants Funny." You can decide. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DebBrown

DaveNV said:


> Some of you are old enough to understand why this is a perfect meme.
> 
> View attachment 67140
> 
> Dave


Herbie!


----------



## DaveNV

Not so deep in the swamplands of Louisiana, a Cajun's wife went into labor in the middle of the night.  The doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.  Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed Fontenot, the father-to-be, a lantern and said, "Here. You hold dis high so I can see what I'm doing cher."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.  

"Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put dat lantern down. I think dere's another one coming."  Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"Hold dat lantern up, don't set it down, dere's another one!" said the doctor.  Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.  

"Don't put down dat lantern, it seems dere's yet another one a coming!" cried the doctor.

Fontenot scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, "Doc, you tink it might be da light dat's attractin' dem?"

************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Your Halloween Groaner...  

**********************************





**********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When your neighbor's Chihuahua makes it in Show Business...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Absolutely true at my house.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I'll just leave this here...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67214
> 
> Dave


This situation I do not understand. Is it that hard to find a man in 2020?


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> This situation I do not understand. Is it that hard to find a man in 2020?



A lot of people these days "meet" people online first.  It's easier and cheaper than wasting time and money going out in public and taking your chances.  But a lot of people adopt a fake persona online, which is why this meme is a rather funny joke.

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dang it anyway!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

The perfect Halloween Party hostess gift.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

Happy Halloween!


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Dang it anyway!
> 
> View attachment 67271
> 
> Dave


Darn, this poor man can not get a break. That was a cruel punishment sentenced for this 70 year old man.
Six months of house arrest. I hope he appeal and came remind in jail until his new court date. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67279
> 
> Dave


I feel sorry for this poor man. We all warned him and all trick & treaters to check your bag of candy and your body before you return home. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I think it's true.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Humorous - but an  unfortunately deep components in all ends of our national malaise.  I believe the G.K. Chesterton quote in signature is more apt now than it was when Chesterton offered it up after WWI.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67316
> 
> Dave


That is one big black dog laying on that bed spread..LOL


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Greg or Ian?  You choose.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Hey, wait a second...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Two little old ladies, Dolly and Ruby, were talking about their grandchildren, and holiday gift-giving.

Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside.  I never hear from them.  Never receive even a Thank You message."

Ruby replied, "I also send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from each of them within a week after they receive it.  In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."

"Wow!" remarked Dolly. "How come?"

"Very simple," said Ruby. "I don't sign the check."

*************************

 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Yum!  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHA!!





 Dave


----------



## DebBrown

DaveNV said:


> Yum!
> 
> View attachment 67368
> 
> Dave


Wahahahaha... we all know they taste the same.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Customer Service is important.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Know your Unicorns.





 Dave


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> Yum!
> 
> View attachment 67368
> 
> Dave


I have been looking for these all over.
It’s a fun party sampling holiday laugh out loud moment.
We did this with a thanksgiving theme Jones Soda thanksgiving dinner 6 pack.
Had shot glasses for everyone, sapling each flavor trying to figure out what part of the dinner we were at.
So many laughs, had so much fun.
The Soda was just aweful!
Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> I have been looking for these all over.
> It’s a fun party sampling holiday laugh out loud moment.
> We did this with a thanksgiving theme Jones Soda thanksgiving dinner 6 pack.
> Had shot glasses for everyone, sapling each flavor trying to figure out what part of the dinner we were at.
> So many laughs, had so much fun.
> The Soda was just aweful!
> Dave



I've had some weird Jones Soda flavors.  I'll bet it was a lot of fun!

Google says you can buy this Brach's Thanksgiving Candy Corn (Eeeww!  Just typing that gave me the willies! LOL!) at Walgreens, Target, and WalMart.  Among others. brach's thanksgiving candy corn where to buy

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Brilliant!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 67398
> [/QUOTE
> Today's children are so picky..LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67406
> 
> Dave


Why didn't you give him that passed card to go directly to Boardwalk and collect  $200.00 dollars. 


Tank said:


> View attachment 67427


And the Beat Down Goes On. Hubby you should learn to be quiet/ silence. LOL.
IMHO


----------



## PrairieGirl




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I love this one. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Makes perfect sense!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven:

When they get there, St. Peter says. "We only have one rule 
here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their 
best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says. "Your punishment for stepping 
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along 
comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely 
ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for 
the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for 
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day 
St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid 
eyes on: Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them 
together without saying a word.

The happy woman says. "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to 
you for all of eternity?"

The guy says. "I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ubil

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67490
> 
> Dave


Looks like a snake.


----------



## pedro47

Ubil said:


> Looks like a snake.


That is one long snake in the road. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A rare picture of a stork delivering a baby.





 Dave


----------



## amycurl

I love the Indian Hills Community Center! They're more than just a sign. 








						Indian Hills Community Center and Sign
					

Indian Hills Community Center and Sign. 2,868 likes · 39 talking about this · 810 were here. Community Center




					www.facebook.com
				




You can buy a calendar with the signs, and the profits go towards the actual community work that the center does:








						2023 Indian Hills Community Sign Calendar | I.H.I.A.
					

2023 Indian Hills Community Sign Calendar.The sign was erected at the Indian Hills Community Center in 1987.It has carried many Community announcements and messages since.We receive suggestions, request and comments from all over the world. Our sign is a bridge to other communities no matter...




					indian-hills-improvement-association.square.site


----------



## DaveNV

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, 
when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little 
girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will 
give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, my 
last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just 
hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...

"Look Dad. You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley. YOU RIDE IT!!"

**************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

In case you had any doubt...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67549
> 
> Dave


That picture is a background photo of an Amish farm in Lancaste, PA.


----------



## DaveNV

pedro47 said:


> That is a background photo of an Amish farm in Lancaste, PA.



No, Pedro.  It's a joke. 

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Try it - you'll see!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Pretty much sums up my life right now.  





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Who had one of these?





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## SmithOp

Happy Halloween!
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	







Sent from my Lenovo 10e using Tapatalk


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Best Halloween Costume EVER!!





 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Talent312

When I was young, I had to walk 10 miles to
school in the snow, and it was uphill both ways.
... And I grew up in Miami ! ...


----------



## kanerf

DaveNV said:


> I've had some weird Jones Soda flavors.  I'll bet it was a lot of fun!
> 
> Google says you can buy this Brach's Thanksgiving Candy Corn (Eeeww!  Just typing that gave me the willies! LOL!) at Walgreens, Target, and WalMart.  Among others. brach's thanksgiving candy corn where to buy
> 
> Dave


One of the reasons it was so awful is that it was sugar-free.


----------



## DaveNV

At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. 
One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older 
woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain 
young lady immediately.

"I want to surprise her. You see," he said, "I'm her brother."

"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how 
surprised I am. I'm her mother!"

*****************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## PigsDad

Kurt


----------



## Talent312




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## DaveNV

Love this!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

When wrapping gifts, think ahead...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## clifffaith




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

HAHAHA!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

And now that it's November...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Fact-Checking in 1926...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## emeryjre

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what? asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me”.


----------



## emeryjre

An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman sat down together at a sidewalk bar. The American orders a glass of wine, the Englishman a pint of beer, and the Scotsman a good single malt. As they were chatting the American sees a fly in his wine. “Waiter! There’s a fly in my wine! I want a fresh glass of wine!” As the waiter was attending to the American the Englishman noticed a fly in his beer. He picked up a spoon, fished out the fly, and continued to drink his beer. The Scotsman noticed a fly in is scotch and reached in with his fingers to grab it. Holding it above the glass, he said, “Spit it out, ye bugger! Spit it out!”


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> And now that it's November...
> 
> View attachment 67703
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, have a new avitar a brand new image.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67719
> 
> Dave


I need to show this to some one very special


----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67756
> 
> Dave


The real skill was doing it in shorts, on a day when the temp was 95 degrees, the sky was clear, and the sun was shining directly on the slide.  Because then  you had to go up the slide standing up all the way or otherwise get blister burns on your knees if you knelt down or on your hands if you gripped the side rail for balance.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Don't forget - this weekend!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

From my sister...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Old habits die hard. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This has happened to me. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

How products get their names:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I think we all had one like this.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## dago

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67756
> 
> Dave


Yep remember doing that often. Without a helmet or knee pads


----------



## DaveNV

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, 
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 
"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

**********************

 Dave


----------



## Tank

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 67800
> 
> Dave


What the “BLANK” is that


----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> What the “BLANK” is that



Yes.  

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

I will never be accused of this.





 Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Any poker players here?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Makes perfect sense!





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## isisdave

Tank said:


> View attachment 67867



A relative's variation: strap a snow shovel onto your car, drive south until someone asks "What's that?"


----------



## DaveNV

There was a man who had worked hard all of his life and 
has saved every penny he earned. He was a real cheapskate 
when it came to his money. In fact, he loved money more 
than just about anything. One day he said to his wife:

"When I die I want you to take all my money and place it 
in the casket with me because I want to take it all to the after life."

So his wife reluctantly promised him when he died she would 
put all the money in his casket.

The man soon died and was stretched out in the casket. When 
they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got 
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait a minute!"

She went over to the casket with a shoebox and placed it in the 
casket with her husband. Then the undertakers locked the casket 
and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that 
money in there with that stingy old man."

The wife said, "Yes, I promised him I would put the money in the 
casket with him. I got it all together, put it into my account and 
I wrote him a check."

**************************

 Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Quiet Pine

FOUR STAGES OF LIFE


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> I will never be accused of this.
> 
> View attachment 67840
> 
> Dave


That is my Commander-in-Chief. I love it. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A busy night at Stonehenge last night, moving all the stones back an hour.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Deep thoughts.





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 67866


Walmart, maybe open Thanksgiving Day morning, because all they have are self-checkout cashiers from 5am to 9am. LOL


----------



## pedro47

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 67965


Only a *Gray Pride *will understand this post.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Deep thoughts.
> 
> View attachment 68100
> 
> Dave


Very Deep and heavy.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 68113


Day Liked saving time ended Sunday. Yes, my friend it is Monday morning , the time is 5:27 a.m. and it is pitch-black outside.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68090
> 
> Dave


DaveNV, changed his avatar again. This time he is baby.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

For this who haven't figured it out, here's why.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Reality check. This is not a joke. 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Back when you had to work harder to get text messages.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> Reality check. This is not a joke.
> 
> View attachment 68170



I grew up in a similar 3BR house in Miami.
In 1977, my folks sold it for $50,000.
Zillow says it's value now is $1,226,600.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

DaveNV said:


> Reality check. This is not a joke.
> 
> View attachment 68170
> 
> Dave


 And dimes, quarters, and half dollars, were made of silver. . .


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Reality check. This is not a joke.
> 
> View attachment 68170
> 
> Dave


I like those monthly payment.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Talent312 said:


> I grew up in a similar 3BR house in Miami.
> In 1977, my folks sold it for $50,000.
> Zillow says it's value now is $1,226,600.


My father bought our 3-bedroom house in Richfield, MN in 1954 for $10,900.  In 1984 he made the last mortgage payment.


----------



## pedro47

Talent312 said:


> I grew up in a similar 3BR house in Miami.
> In 1977, my folks sold it for $50,000.
> Zillow says it's value now is $1,226,600.


That is a very nice increase in value of that home.


----------



## Talent312

pedro47 said:


> That is a very nice increase in value of that home.


[$50,000 to $1,226,600 in only 45 years!]
Yeah, it would be... if it was still in the family.

I bet a lot of folks sold a house for ~$80,000 in the '90's,
and if they checked, would find it's worth 3-4x that now.
.


----------



## bizaro86

Talent312 said:


> [$50,000 to $1,226,600 in only 45 years!]
> 
> Yeah, it would be... if it was still in the family.
> 
> I bet a lot of folks are kicking themselves for selling a house
> for like $80,000 in the '90's, which would be worth 3x that now.
> .



Compounding is a powerful thing. 50k to 1.226 MM in 45 years is only a bit above a 7% appreciation compounded.


----------



## pedro47

bizaro86 said:


> Compounding is a powerful thing. 50k to 1.226 MM in 45 years is only a bit above a 7% appreciation compounded.


I would assume the houses built 40 years ago were better built with all buildings materials made in the USA and not China.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Talent312 said:


> [$50,000 to $1,226,600 in only 45 years!]
> Yeah, it would be... if it was still in the family.
> 
> I bet a lot of folks sold a house for ~$80,000 in the '90's,
> and if they checked, would find it's worth 3-4x that now.
> .


That's about right. I bough a house in 1992 for $121K; it worth in the low $400s today.


----------



## DaveNV

Albert staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy. 
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.  He tiptoed as quietly 
as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged 
the bottom step. 

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he 
landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and 
made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Albert sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the 
hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to 
quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he 
could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost-empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his 
way to bed. In the morning, Albert woke up with searing pain in both his head 
and butt, and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Albert said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Betty Lou said, "it could be the open front door. It could be the broken 
glass at the bottom of the stairs. It could be the drops of blood trailing through 
the house. It could be your bloodshot eyes.  

But mostly, it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

**********************************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## bizaro86

pedro47 said:


> I would assume the houses built 40 years ago were better built with all buildings materials made in the USA and not China.



There isn't anywhere near $1MM worth of building materials in 3 bedroom bungalow, even if you did specify everything made in the US.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 68263


That darn day-light saving time. Again.LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Am I right?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Hello, Jake from State Farm?





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Brett




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68376
> 
> Dave


History is repeating itself in an opposite way. IMHO


----------



## Passepartout

Ever have one of those days?


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Tank




----------



## geist1223

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 68263


This is so true for Felix.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank

Columbus Oh today


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## AJCts411




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68483
> 
> Dave


I liked it. Because we have one in our group that loved to photograph our every cruise meal. LOL


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## AJCts411




----------



## PigsDad

Re: Camp Climax

These two small towns near where I grew up are about 25 miles apart:










And yes, when a woman from one of those towns was involved in a fatal accident in the other, the headline in the newspaper was indeed:

*"Fertile Woman Dies in Climax"*

  

Kurt


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68585
> 
> Dave



... And the answer is?... [Nevermind].


----------



## DaveNV

Talent312 said:


> ... And the answer is?... [Nevermind].



Yes. 

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Tank said:


> View attachment 68356


I come from a generation where getting a tattoo was a sign of rebellion, not conformity.


----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68164
> 
> Dave


That is totally in line with the "Bedazzled" movie.  In the original movie, it's so much like when Dudley Moore's character makes wishes that he thinks will work, only for Peter Cook's Devil to find some tweak the completely frustrates Dudley Moore's wish.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

from the despair.com 2023 calendar:


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 68492
> Columbus Oh today
> View attachment 68493


She is so cute, building her little snow person.


----------



## pedro47

Talent312 said:


> ... And the answer is?... [Nevermind].


Talent312, you are so smart.


----------



## pedro47

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> I come from a generation where getting a tattoo was a sign of rebellion, not conformity.


I can from a generation where wearing a tattoo was a sign, that you were in a gang, and not an every day  life style symbol of conformity.

Plus, law enforcement used tattoos to identify gang members.

I'm old Tuggers.


----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 68637


This is not funny or good. IMO


----------



## Tank




----------



## Talent312

Tank said:


> View attachment 68638



I wouldn't race home to those hairy legs.
.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> That is totally in line with the "Bedazzled" movie.  In the original movie, it's so much like when Dudley Moore's character makes wishes that he thinks will work, only for Peter Cook's Devil to find some tweak the completely frustrates Dudley Moore's wish.


One of my favorite movies of all time!


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

TheHolleys87 said:


> One of my favorite movies of all time!


The original Bedazzled is a very unappreciated and undeservedly forgotten movie. I just watched it again, after a gap of more than 20 years, and I find it more wonderful now, and more remarkably relevant, than ever.  It stands up well to the test of time.  Even the 1960s England mod themes still work, in contrast to so many other movies of that era, where such scenes seem outdated.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Brett




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

Some British Business names.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

and for the science fiction fans. . .


----------



## Talent312

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> View attachment 68757



This is what my DW's hair salon should be named,
considering how much we pay 'em each month.

.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

And for the Heavy Metal fan. . .


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Ralph Sir Edward said:


> Some British Business names.
> 
> View attachment 68757


Curl Up and Dye was also the name of Carrie Fisher's beauty salon in The Blues Brothers.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

To add to the ongoing discussion of electric vehicles...  @Passepartout, this one is for you. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout

DaveNV said:


> To add to the ongoing discussion of electric vehicles...  @Passepartout, this one is for you.
> Dave


Thanks, Dave. Like I needed this! We may be taking a downwind tack on this. My name doesn't seem to be getting much higher on the list. I sure wish there were some more choices.


----------



## Brett




----------



## geist1223

Passepartout said:


> Thanks, Dave. Like I needed this! We may be taking a downwind tack on this. My name doesn't seem to be getting much higher on the list. I sure wish there were some more choices.



Remember if you are hauling a trailer or any heavy load you are only going to get about 50 miles per charge.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

It's the time of year when we'll all be seeing this:





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68816
> 
> Dave


Ooo, our 14 year old granddaughter (who lives with us) needs this! Although, if she won’t put her clean clothes in her bureau drawers or her dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper, it would be futile anyway.


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> To add to the ongoing discussion of electric vehicles...  @Passepartout, this one is for you.
> 
> View attachment 68802
> 
> Dave


Is this an actual picture of the new Ford F-150 Lightning Truck ?


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 68852


Things liked this are true Tank. IMHO, now why did I post this? LOL


----------



## geist1223

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68816
> 
> Dave



My Son and DIL should do this. They seldom fold their clothes or their kids clothes. This would be better than piles.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## DaveNV

Tank said:


> View attachment 68852



Middle??  

Dave


----------



## Passepartout

pedro47 said:


> Is this an actual picture of the new Ford F-150 Lightning Truck ?


Yes, it is.


----------



## Passepartout

geist1223 said:


> Remember if you are hauling a trailer or any heavy load you are only going to get about 50 miles per charge.


Yep. Probably not THAT reduced, but the Lightning, like ALL trucks- electric or gas- have reduced range under a load. Here's a review of A Lightning towing an Airstream. F-150 Lightning Towing Test Shows Range When Pulling Camper Trailer (motor1.com)


----------



## DaveNV

An Old Farmer writes to his Son who is in Prison:

"Dear Son, this year I won't be able to plant potatoes because I can't dig the field by myself. I know if you were here, you would have helped me."

The Son writes back, "Dad, don't even think of digging in the field because that's where I buried all the money I stole."

The Police read the letter and the next Day the whole field was dug up, looking for the money, but nothing was found.

The following day the Son wrote again, "Hi Dad. Now plant your potatoes. It's the best I can do from here."

**************

 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

When the puns just keep on comin'...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

A very rare enlarged picture of a really, really tiny man.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Talent312

I'd bet that there is a canary in the Virgin Islands.


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> Yep. Probably not THAT reduced, but the Lightning, like ALL trucks- electric or gas- have reduced range under a load. Here's a review of A Lightning towing an Airstream. F-150 Lightning Towing Test Shows Range When Pulling Camper Trailer (motor1.com)


That is just incredible.


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Life has consequences...





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Best artwork of the season. Love this. 





 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> An Old Farmer writes to his Son who is in Prison:
> 
> "Dear Son, this year I won't be able to plant potatoes because I can't dig the field by myself. I know if you were here, you would have helped me."
> 
> The Son writes back, "Dad, don't even think of digging in the field because that's where I buried all the money I stole."
> 
> The Police read the letter and the next Day the whole field was dug up, looking for the money, but nothing was found.
> 
> The following day the Son wrote again, "Hi Dad. Now plant your potatoes. It's the best I can do from here."
> 
> **************
> 
> Dave


That is one smart son, that love his dad. LOL


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Life has consequences...
> 
> View attachment 68940
> 
> Dave


Those photos explained why this individual have a flat head with no hair on the top.LOL


----------



## tombanjo




----------



## Talent312

I don't mean to be contentious, but IMHO...
The Thanksgiving turkeys, Chocolate and Chip, should not
have been pardoned.  They sound too delicious not to eat.
.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 68998
> 
> Dave


No ,my lovely wife, just trying to stay in shape.


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Still funny. 





 Dave


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Ralph Sir Edward




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank

_

_


----------



## Tank




----------



## Tank




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Posted this elsewhere, but it belongs here too.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Still my favorite Far Side.  Deliciously subtle ...


----------



## DaveNV

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> Still my favorite Far Side.  Deliciously subtle ...
> 
> View attachment 69139



My favorite Herman cartoon.  Also deliciously subtle. 





 Dave


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

DaveNV said:


> My favorite Herman cartoon.  Also deliciously subtle. ;D
> 
> View attachment 69143
> 
> Dave


On the topic of pet shops and deceased pets .......


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## TheHolleys87

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 69184
> 
> Dave


I need an “extra loud and hearty” laugh emoji for this one.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 69184
> 
> Dave


Now I can understands why does little white grubs bug me the most.


----------



## Passepartout

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!


----------



## pedro47

Those white grubs


Passepartout said:


> PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!
> View attachment 69203


no kidding. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

This cracked me up.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young
Engineer fresh out of college, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" 

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $250,000 a year, depending on the
benefits package." 

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks 
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement 
fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years, say, a red Corvette?" 

The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

*********************

 Dave


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> This cracked me up.
> 
> View attachment 69205
> 
> Dave


Ha, Ha.


----------



## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young
> Engineer fresh out of college, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
> 
> The Engineer replies, "In the region of $250,000 a year, depending on the
> benefits package."
> 
> The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks
> vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement
> fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years, say, a red Corvette?"
> 
> The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
> 
> And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
> 
> 
> *********************
> 
> Dave


Now that post show be shared to some of these Engineers fresh out of college. LOL


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Coming to a Millennial near you.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Clumsy Carl's awkward yoga class accident...





 Dave


----------



## Brett




----------



## DaveNV

Starbucks FAIL.





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


----------



## Tank




----------



## Brett




----------



## pedro47

Brett said:


> View attachment 69354


That is so funny.  That bear must be some kin to Yoga the Bear.


----------



## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout

Seemed appropriate. Today would have been 'Sparky' Schultz' 100th birthday.


----------



## Passepartout

Another one in honor of Charles Schultz' 100th birthday. This time Calvin & Hobbes:


----------



## pedro47

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 69381


I think. I saw this in Rome a couple of years ago after a few glasses of vinos . LOL


----------



## DaveNV

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him: "Daddy, what is sex?"

The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she
is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her
all about the "birds and the bees."

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open.

"Why did you ask this question?" her father asked.

The little girl replied, "Well, Mom told me to tell you that dinner
would be ready in just a couple of secs."

********************

Dave


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## Tank

Advertising use to be fun ,,,


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## TheHolleys87

Tank said:


> Advertising use to be fun ,,,View attachment 69450


Back in the days of panty girdles, pettipants, and one-size-fits-all (not!) panty hose, I had no idea you guys were suffering so much.


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Ralph Sir Edward

Something I wrote in 2003 for a ladyfriend's marriage.

_*Marriage Survival Kit*_

Contents
1 _HIS _ packet
1 _HERS_ packet
1 Bottle of Fine Whiskey

Instruction For Use

Groom should open the _HIS_ packet.

Inside he will find a gold coin with a Queen on it, This is to remind him that the Princess that he has now married is now his Queen. Queens are imperious and demanding. This is their ancient right. Having married your queen, you are required to follow and obey her whims, no matter how strange they may seem. Although this is impossible for any husband to do, you are required to divine her thought, and obey them before she speaks.

Bride should open the _HERS_ packet.

Inside she will find a gold coin with a King on it. This is to remind her that the knight in shining armor that she has married her is now her King. Kings are dominating and decisive, and have the honorable, noble, and inalienable right to be wrong. This is their ancient right. Having married your King, you are required to allow him to be wrong, and not complain about it. . . _*MUCH.*_

The Bottle of Fine Whiskey

Should either member of Royalty decide that despite everything, they can no longer fulfill the requirements above, that person is required to swallow their wrath, sit down with the spouse, and share the bottle of Fine Whiskey, followed by several kisses, and let nature take its course. This should maintain a contented marriage for as long as their livers hold out.

P.S. The spouse who opens the bottle is required to replace the empty for the next occurrence.


WARRANTY – If this doesn't work, the giver will accept the refund of the unused booze and both gold coins back. He's cheap and greedy.


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## DaveNV

My new mantra.





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Yikes!!





 Dave


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## DaveNV

When parents go camping with their teenagers...





 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

A Ship Captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends: "Change your course, 10 degrees West."

The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees East."

The Captain gets a little annoyed.  He signals: "I'm a US Navy Captain.  You must change your course, Sir."

The light signals back: "I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change YOUR course, Sir."

Now the Captain is really mad. He signals: "I'm an Aircraft Carrier. I am NOT changing my course!"

The light signals back a final message: "I'm a lighthouse.  Your call."

*************************

 Dave


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## DaveNV

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach," replied the little boy.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together, as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb-ass decision, or that the coach is a shithead is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”


***********************

 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## moonstone

~Diane


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## Brett




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## clifffaith

moonstone said:


> View attachment 69704
> 
> ~Diane


I always over shop. So since I’d gotten Cliff to get down on all fours to slide the three paper/ribbon/bows containers out from under the bed (he can get back up, I can’t) I wrapped his Valentine’s gift and April birthday gift too. BTW his Xmas and Valentines pajama gifts were bought at after Xmas sales last January.


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## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 69653
> 
> Dave


That is funny.


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## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> A Ship Captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
> 
> He turns on his signal lamp and sends: "Change your course, 10 degrees West."
> 
> The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees East."
> 
> The Captain gets a little annoyed.  He signals: "I'm a US Navy Captain.  You must change your course, Sir."
> 
> The light signals back: "I'm a Seaman First Class. You must change YOUR course, Sir."
> 
> Now the Captain is really mad. He signals: "I'm an Aircraft Carrier. I am NOT changing my course!"
> 
> The light signals back a final message: "I'm a lighthouse.  Your call."
> 
> *************************
> 
> Dave


Only a person in the Coast Guard or the Navy will understand this post. LOL


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## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 69699


The city must be Washington, DC.


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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## Talent312

pedro47 said:


> Only a person in the Coast Guard or the Navy will understand this post. LOL



I think a lot of peep can understand the paradox of
an unstoppable force meeting an immoveable object.
But in this case, we know which will yield.

.


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## Tank




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## AJCts411




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## AJCts411




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## Luanne




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## AJCts411

When you leave ‘em in the car | By Original Dramas and Comedy by Emily and Julien | Facebook
					

32M views, 100K likes, 7.3K comments, 425K shares, Facebook Reels from Original Dramas and Comedy by Emily and Julien




					www.facebook.com


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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 69863


That photo is an ice breaker. LOL


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## SmithOp

A man was leaving the golf course when he encountered a bum panhandling. He said I'll give you $20 if you answer three question truthfully.
Will you spend it on alcohol?  No sir, I gave up drinking 10 years ago.
Will you spend it on gambling? No sir, I gave up gambling 5 years ago.
Will you spend it on green fees?  No sir, I gave up golf last year.

The man says get in my car, you're coming home with me. Oh no sir, I'm too dirty and smelly.

That's fine, I want to show my wife what happens to a man that gives up drinking, gambling, and golf!


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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## clifffaith




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## Brett




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## DaveNV

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town 
where Paul Newman and his family often visited.

One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk 
five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the 
combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: 
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.

The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous 
baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled 
demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman 
with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in 
one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a 
glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her 
other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? 
Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or 
in a holder on the counter or something! No ice cream cone was in sight.

With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his 
familiar, warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman,

"You put it in your purse."

********************************

 Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Passepartout

Hope this works:








						This is hilarious ! We... - The BIG Sheep Family Attraction | By The BIG Sheep Family Attraction | This is hilarious ! We hope it brings a festive smile to you as it did to our flock ! Thanks for all great comments - wishing you all festive bleatings
					

8.8M views, 197K likes, 28K loves, 12K comments, 232K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The BIG Sheep Family Attraction: This is hilarious ! We hope it brings a festive smile to you as it did to our...




					fb.watch


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 70103
> 
> Dave


Now. That was an outstanding answer.


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## pedro47

DaveNV said:


> View attachment 70106
> 
> Dave


You maybe too lazy to build a snowman; but you were creative. IMHO.


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## Passepartout

Maybe not funny, Ha Ha, but worth considering. . . .


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## pedro47

That was a great gift by Santa to that child.

We Americans truly needs to save our public libraries. We needs to saved those hard cover books, the audio collections, maps, periodicals  and newspapers. 

History does and can repeat itself.  IMHO.


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

When you put it that way...





 Dave


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## SmithOp




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Passepartout




----------



## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## Passepartout




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Makai Guy




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Brett




----------



## BJRSanDiego

Passepartout said:


> View attachment 70385


Yes, that and on a frozen lake.  Remember doing the "square corner" maneuver when you were driving a rear wheel drive on snow?


----------



## PigsDad

BJRSanDiego said:


> Yes, that and on a frozen lake.  Remember doing the "square corner" maneuver when you were driving a rear wheel drive on snow?


Yep, could bring that backend around with precision.

Kurt


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## T_R_Oglodyte

Today was a good day in the comics -----


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




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## Passepartout




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## Rjbeach2003




----------



## DaveNV

For those of you dealing with horrible weather.  Come on down! 





 Dave


----------



## DaveNV

Dave


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## DaveNV

Dave


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## Tank




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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Talent312

True Story:
Recently, at a TS parking garage, my car was blocked by another car that was trying to back into a parking space. He'd pull forward  at an angle and back up, trying to hit the spot, but kept missing it by a few inches. We patiently watched him do this 3x.  His DW then got out of their car, came over to us and apologized.

I said, "No, no. We're not in any rush, and this is entertaining. We're enjoying the show.

After a few more tries, he finally managed to get his back-end in the spot, and as we drove past, we applauded and gave him a thumbs-up.

-- It's all about attitude --


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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Brett




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## Passepartout




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## DaveNV

Dave


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## tombanjo




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## Passepartout




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## Tank




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## Ralph Sir Edward




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## Luanne




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## tombanjo




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## tombanjo




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## tombanjo

happy new years people


----------



## pedro47

Tank said:


> View attachment 70860


Just remember this was posted on 12-31-2022 @ 5:44 PM.
LOL.


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## T_R_Oglodyte

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal has been on a roll lately ...


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




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## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## isisdave

T_R_Oglodyte said:


> View attachment 71047
> View attachment 71048
> View attachment 71049


I've long thought that life is backwards -- we should come into existence "old" but with a lifetime of wisdom -- and gradually get younger. If anyone makes that movie, I want credit.


----------



## Ralph Sir Edward

isisdave said:


> I've long thought that life is backwards -- we should come into existence "old" but with a lifetime of wisdom -- and gradually get younger. If anyone makes that movie, I want credit.


Too late. Fritz Leiber wrote the short story 60+ years ago. . . .

"The Man who Never Grew Young"


----------



## BJRSanDiego

isisdave said:


> I've long thought that life is backwards -- we should come into existence "old" but with a lifetime of wisdom -- and gradually get younger. If anyone makes that movie, I want credit.


2008 movie:  "The curious case of Benjamin Button".


----------



## T_R_Oglodyte




----------



## Tank




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## Tank




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## Tank




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## Talent312

Tank said:


> View attachment 71082


Sorry to be a party pooper, but Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota.
It might be more accurate to say, "as seen from North Dakota."


----------



## geist1223

Too much RL for a humor section.


----------



## Brett




----------



## Ken555

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Brett




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## Tank




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## Ralph Sir Edward




----------

