# Funny (fake) Craigslist Ad



## ampaholic (Dec 24, 2011)

AN ACTUAL FAKE CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD..

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To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!!   I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big  pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.   Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex 

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Good one, too bad it's fake, Alex
Semper Fi


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## kayaker (Dec 24, 2011)

ampaholic said:


> AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD..
> 
> -------
> 
> ...



I love it.  Can see myself doing the same, except the DA & FBI stuff.
The sad part is this guy will have to pick up the pace of muggings to pay for the gas.

Kayaker


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## Ridewithme38 (Dec 24, 2011)

wow, lets try not to paint all our veterans as thief's and vandals, most wouldn't have committed these crimes, i hope he doesn't do too much time for the terrorist threats or the vandalism to the car, since it was done in jest, but credit card fraud is a serious thing

I guess its just another case of guns causing more problems then they solve...he would have lost a jacket and a purse, instead he vandalized a car, called in terrorist threats AND committed credit card fraud...some people OBVIOUSLY shouldn't be allowed to own weapons


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## Art4th (Dec 24, 2011)

Don't take this seriously...it's obviously a joke.


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## Talent312 (Dec 24, 2011)

Art4th said:


> Don't take this seriously...it's obviously a joke.



Apparently the poster doesn't appreciate the old adage that:
"Two wrongs don't make a right"..._ even if said in jest_.


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## PigsDad (Dec 24, 2011)

To all those who are taking this (obvious) joke _way _to serious, I just wanted to respond with a quote from one of my favorite movies:

"Lighten up, Francis."

Cheers!


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## BevL (Dec 24, 2011)

*Echo the don't take it seriously suggestion*

And for the rest of the story:

http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp


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## Passepartout (Dec 24, 2011)

Thanks BevL. This oughtta put it to rest.


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## Ridewithme38 (Dec 24, 2011)

Meh, true or not, these aren't actions that should be condoned!  I've heard too many stories of people hearing creaking noise in there house and running down stairs ready and willing to murder someone in cold blood, it's sad and kind of scary the cowardly actions of the 'legally' armed in america

While no one was murdered in this case, pulling a gun on someone who would have never have caused you harm is irresponsible at the very least


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## ampaholic (Dec 24, 2011)

Ridewithme38 said:


> Meh, true or not, these aren't actions that should be condoned!  I've heard too many stories of people hearing creaking noise in there house and running down stairs ready and willing to murder someone in cold blood, it's sad and kind of scary the cowardly actions of the 'legally' armed in america
> 
> While no one was murdered in this case, pulling a gun on someone who would have never have caused you harm is irresponsible at the very least



I corrected the original post to reflect Bev's added info.

Ride: I think defending yourself with a pistol is to be condoned if a knife is brandished around you or a loved one. You don't have to agree with me but I hope you wont try to stiffel my right to self defense.

I agree the other stuff was just added criminal activity - even though i must admit it brought a smile to my sense of irony.


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## Talent312 (Dec 24, 2011)

PigsDad said:


> I just wanted to respond with a quote from one of my favorite movies: "Lighten up, Francis."



I suspect you are referring to "Stripes" (1981) w-Bill Murray & John Candy.

There's also a Francis in "She's The One" (1996) with Ed Burns, John Mahoney, Jennifer Aniston & Cameron Diaz.


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## Ridewithme38 (Dec 24, 2011)

ampaholic said:


> I corrected the original post to reflect Bev's added info.
> 
> Ride: I think defending yourself with a pistol is to be condoned if a knife is brandished around you or a loved one. You don't have to agree with me but I hope you wont try to stiffel my right to self defense.
> .



I'm still young, so my head in most cases is full of steam and at 6'2 about 235lbs, people don't tend to randomly pick me out of a crowd to assault, but if someone pulls i knife on me, i'm going to hit them so hard they'll never do anything like that again, MAYBE it's because i'm young or because i live in a decent suburban/urban area, 

Don't get me wrong, i respect your right to own a gun, i mean, its your right who am i to say otherwise....but i don't really think guns are needed for self defense, if anything they are something for target ranges and hunting....you know, adult toys...trying to use a gun in a self defense situation almost always makes the situation worse


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## ampaholic (Dec 25, 2011)

Ridewithme38 said:


> I'm still young, so my head in most cases is full of steam and at 6'2 about 235lbs, people don't tend to randomly pick me out of a crowd to assault, but if someone pulls i knife on me, i'm going to hit them so hard they'll never do anything like that again, MAYBE it's because i'm young or because i live in a decent suburban/urban area,



Well, the threat posed by an attacker can range from a lowly 2 (a skinny, untrained punk with a switchblade) to 10 (a Marine with a KA-BAR). I don't think your plan would hold up above a 5 or so ... just sayin.

Basic Knife Fighting



Ridewithme38 said:


> Don't get me wrong, i respect your right to own a gun, i mean, its your right who am i to say otherwise....but i don't really think guns are needed for self defense, if anything they are something for target ranges and hunting....you know, adult toys...trying to use a gun in a self defense situation almost always makes the situation worse



I can tell you from personal experience in combat nothing slows or stops an attacker like getting shot, it is the preferred 1st choice - a knife fight is a distant second choice.

I would always advise against attempting to subdue a knife wielding attacker with one's fists only, but that's your choice.

Outside of combat, I have used a firearm to defend myself twice in my life and both times it worked out well as the attacker(s) were quickly and cleanly disarmed and subdued. As an added plus the local authorities were also satisfied with the outcome and were able to haul off the attackers because they were held at the scene.

Of course YMMV


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## caribbeansun (Dec 25, 2011)

Pretty sad commentary if this sort of thing is considered funny.


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## ampaholic (Dec 25, 2011)

caribbeansun said:


> Pretty sad commentary if this sort of thing is considered funny.



Yea, it's enough to make you wonder why movies like "The Grunge", The Shining" and "Nightmare on Elm Street" and other such horror stories are so popular.

Never mind Dirty Harry type stuff.

:zzz: :zzz: :zzz:


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## Ridewithme38 (Dec 25, 2011)

ampaholic said:


> Well, the threat posed by an attacker can range from a lowly 2 (a skinny, untrained punk with a switchblade) to 10 (a Marine with a KA-BAR). I don't think your plan would hold up above a 5 or so ... just sayin.
> 
> Basic Knife Fighting



I mostly agree on that range but, i don't think the marine with a ka-bar is a 10, you are in much more danger with a crackhead or tweaker with a knife, but IMO, 99.99 out of 100 times, your not going to run into anything over a 5, 80% it won't be over a 3, most of the time its going to be some little kid looking to impress his friends or get a couple bucks for coke....i'd say anything under a five, you can literally say no in a forceful tone and walk away

Criminals aren't these deranged killers the media plays them out to be in most cases they are just guys down on their luck trying to make a couple extra bucks to feed their families, they don't want to hurt anyone and definately won't risk being hurt themselves


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