I really am tired of disrespectful teenagers...

Last weekend I am in the Burger King drive through....windows are cracked...it's a bit warm...and kids in front of me are blasting a song that I can't believe I am hearing...."I want to &&(& a dog in the %$*". I get out of my car. I walk up to them...I say I have an 11 year old in my car, turn your music down...they flip me off.

I take my daughter(11) and her friend to a basketball game Friday night at a local high school. They are walking to my son's car who is bringing them home and two teenagers yell out the window of a car they are walking behind..."get out of the way you sluts".

Our daughter's school played a public school in basketball several weeks ago. A girl on the floor told a player on our team she was "gonna kick her (&%" when the game was over. My husband approached the coach when the game was over and he said "I know none of my girls would have said that"

I know I am getting old, but I just can't believe that we have become a society that would consider this type of behavior to be acceptable.

I wonder if this is the result of the "timeout" kids whose parents have allowed them to voice their opinions and run the household.

JMHO,
Cindy

Sorry you had to endure those moments of rudeness/bad behavior.

When I was young (40+ years ago), I was taught to respect my elders. Not only that, but I had a FEAR of those older than me. (I wouldn't DARE to talk back to them.)

I don't think EITHER of those are often evident with today's youth.

Pat

Fortunately, I believe these disrespectful kids (and young adults) are in the minority. I wonder what it will be like in 10, 15 and 20 years? Maybe things will turn the other way. Ya, I'm an optimistic. But, I agree that there are way TOO kids/young adults who were never taught the proper social skills & mores (mor'-az).

Looking back 35 years ago, we played our music as loud as any one. Im sure some one didnt like Frank Zappa, Alice Coper, Led Zeplin forced on them because we liked it loud. I try to remember this when some kid has the gangsta rap blasting. I wish I had the Waynes World pacer with the big music machine some times when one of these kids is to loud. As far as I can tell, all of my rowdy friends became respectable tax payers and so will most of these teenagers.

Though they are in the minority, they are too-often visible and audible, and very obnoxious. Last summer we were at a BK in Eastern PA where a group of older teens was hanging out. All were using obnoxious language, and one went outside, backed up to the window-wall, and mooned everyone else, to great hilarity from his group. I went straight to the manager who kicked them out amid a lot of eye rolling and "what did WE do?" palms up / raised eyebrows / questioning looks.

I'm with you on the language and music, too. It's not unusual to hear F being used like a comma, practically every other word, just in conversation. We may have played our music loud - but NOT loudly enough to make the mirrors in the car in front of us vibrate - and the music was not full of @#$#@$ etc. (How does that stuff even make it on the airwaves?) In middle school DD was coming home with language she heard on the radio station the bus driver was playing - I had to make quite a few calls to the bus company with some examples that were embarrassing to me to repeat, but as I recall they did set some music guidelines.

I don't think the timeout and voicing opinions is the problem - those parenting styles do not preclude respect. It's certainly learned behavior, and correlates with too little supervision, quite likely similar behavior on the part of the parents, and too much garbage in the media (MTV, Jerry Springer, movies that should be R but aren't.....)

OMG, I sound like my mother! Well, what shocked her 30-40 years ago is nothing compared to what's out there now.

I know that, as I grow older, I'm just a little bit more embarrased by some of the things I did in my youth. I remeber many of them all to clearly and cringe when I think about them. Sometimes I'm amazed that we survive our youth and have difficulty believing that our species is at the top of the food chain.

At that age, the world simply revolves around them. No one else exists or has any rights. They have a roof over their heads, food in their stomach, clothes on their backs and bills that have been largely paid for them. Not until they get out in the world and have to pay their own way do they realize what it's like to be disrespected. In another 20 or 30 years, that stuff their blarring now will be what's playing on the super market radio while they shop to buy groceries for their young families. Some punk in the parking lot will be blarring whatever it is their listening to at that time and they'll be the ones complaining and, possibly forgetting that just a decade or two back that it was them in that car.

I remember driving to fast, drinking to much and making a general fool of myself when I was a teenager. I remember feeling like the world was coming to an end when my first real girlfriend broke up with me. I rember thinking that having to work 15 or 20 hour weeks was a killer and that having 3 months off in the summer wasn't long enough.

Now when I run into teenagers that are a lot like I was back in my youth, I simply smile and remember that life caught up to me. It will catch up to them as well and, given time, they'll be the ones with a young child complaining about the disrespectful youth of the day.

FWIW, I'm now 46. It's been a good long while since it was me blasting that cassette deck while driving my '71 Ford Mustang Mach I down Missouri Blv. on a Saturday night in Jefferson City, MO but, I doubt I was unlike any of the other hundreds of teenagers making the circle from Hardee's down to McDonalds for hours on end every weekend.

Sorry, but I agree with the original poster. Rude behavior by teens is more pervasive today than years ago. It's not much different that the change that seems to have occurred in business ethics (a big contributor to our economic woes). Or, it also could be that things are just so much more visible these days because of the changes in the way we live and technology.

kids

These kids are the symptom often times and not the cause. By that I mean they are a product of their society. They grow up in broken homes, divorced familes, without parents to guide them, they do drugs, they have permissive schools, etc. Having taught high school for over 30 years, none of this surprises me. In fact, I am sure I could add more examples. To me, the real surprise is that there are not more of these kids. For the most part, kids when encountered are pretty darn good. The two things that will allow for disrespectful behavor most frequently are: 1. If the kids know you, they will treat you better; and 2. If you confront a teenager alone, you get one behavior but if you confront him/her in a group, you may get a different and more disrespectful behavior. Incidently, it is him/her too. It used to be just the young boys that were rude, but not any more. Finally, I would tell you that the genie is out of the bottle. Changing behavior back would require a complete societal change and I don't see that happening. Many things people try to do so simply don't work. Ending violence on TV, rating movies and TV shows, having a parental code on music, outlawing video games, etc are all examples of well intentioned restrictions that produce little or even counter productive results. Why don't we try having the same birth parents in a loving household for the kids entire life? And make those parents actually parents which set limits and restrictions on their kids as opposed to parents who want to be the kid's best friend ie "Mom and dad if you are my friend you will let me stay out all night, ok?" The role of parent will automatically be juxtaposed to the role of best friend on many occasions. Unfortunately, some people can't deal with that or don't get it. You don't do a child any good if you let him run the show, let him set the rules and don't demand respect. What I used to tell the students in my class was simple: "I am here and I will be friendly, but I will not be your friend [at least while you are in school]. You have 2000 other people in this school your own age to be your friends. Obviously, some of today's new teachers, don't quite get that either-if you listen to Jay Leno's monologue. But today's new teachers are a product of the new reality described above. Okay, I will get off my soapbox now!

Not just teens

but adults too let the F-Bomb fly all the time.

In a parking lot a few years ago I observed a car slip into a parking space that had been eyed by another driver. That adult male driver left his car swearing at and threatingthe driver of the parked car who was with a young boy. Stupidly, I said something like, Take it easy, watch your language, there's a child here. The outraged driver proceeded to call me out for interfering using all sorts of profane language towards me.

Unfortunately, it seems that the culture of the US is increasingly "uncultured" with a lack of manners and respect for others becoming all too commonplace!

I don't know if that much has actually changed since I was kid way back in the fifties and sixties behavior wise. The bad guys who turned out to be good guys, however, basically feared and or respected their fathers. My worst fear was being caught by or reported to my father. When it came to teachers or store keepers or anyone that was an adult, he never sided with me. I didn't have to "talk to the hand" because the "hand talked to me".

Maybe thats a difference today. I haven't seen a study but it just seems to me that there are too few fathers that are willing to lay down the law to their young boys. Boys need a father who will keep them in line and teach them right and wrong. My father worked too many hours to be a "leave it to beaver dad". He didn't do the things that many people say make a good father today. He did care, however, about my grades, my future, my behavior. He was an awesome figure in my life even though he was almost always working. I was not alone in that most of my friends fathers were the same way. I grew up in a tough city. Most of the boys I knew became successful respectable people after they grew out of that high testosterone stage. Every one of them had fathersthat were hard on them when they had to be.

Yes to the OP for sure and also to Doug26364. My father banned me from playing Frank Zappa on a 33 LP on an entertainment console!!! James Dean and Elvis for my brother's age group was vile and for me it was The Beatles and so it goes but we never had foul language to deal with floating on the airwaves to be heard by all and we did not stab people who disagreed with us and that is the big difference.

For the OP it is indeed embarrasing as a parent and annoying to be disrespected or to hear vulgar language in lyrics and other venues no matter the age. In our easily information access of today's society we have become impatient causing many issues including road rage. Entitlement is an issue for the Gen Y group and for some there are just no boundaries at all. Please be careful as when young men feel challenged in a group setting one may have even gone after you. One never knows anymore.

I work in a school with 1000 18-28 yrs olds. Some are very respectful and have a strong work ethic and goals, some are coddled by parents who need to make them get off the couch and find a job and others have more to deal with at 18 then anyone would ever want. Some are unmarried parents at 18-20 and think nothing of it. Most of our students work,commute,have bills to pay and go to school. Some get up at 4:30 am and end their day at 10pm and may have not eaten more than one meal because they had to put gas in their car to get to school or a job.

When I nicely ask them to "please watch their language politely" they comply. The foul language is most often when they are unaware an adult is in the hallway and can hear them but I know it is all around us.

I recall at 19 when I thought 46 was close to the end of it all. As I aged I became smarter and I laugh at the things I thought then about the older generation. We thought our tune in/drop out generation was misunderstood.

I have said for years the two things that would most improve our society and cut down on crime would be to bring back corporal punishment in the school systems and to bring back the draft. In the case of corporal punishment, it could (and should) be a last resort, institute any reasonable rules to prevent abuse, etc, but there are SOME (few) kids that the only thing they understand is pain. As for the draft, I'm not even relating this to the military... the inductees could select a non-military version where for their two years they would do some public service. . . picking up litter, cleaning graffittie, etc. The point being they would live in a military style environment where discipline is taught and enforced. The vast majority of violence in our society is committed by young males who have never received discipline.

Now I know these views aren't popular, but they are mine. Let the booing, hissing and stoning (of me) commence.

Cindy-

And here I thought that only happend down here in Richmond. I thought Harrisonburg was above all of that. Seriously, I think the permissive nature of a lot of parents has led to a lot of behavior problems. It starts with the 2-3 year olds that are allowed to run around in stores screaming and doing whatever they want and progresses from there. A lot of parents today just want to be a best friend rather than a parent and the word discipline is completely missing. A day doesn't go by that I don't see something, shake my head and say, Mom would never have let me do that. Lack of discipline and lack of parental control is a large part of the problem.

When I was a kid we answered to most, if not all of the adults in the neighborhood. If I did something stupid, I was dragged home to my mom and dad. Or, that neighbor was on the phone with our parents.

When I got out of line, I got smacked on the back of the head by my mom and worn out by a "switch" from the nearest tree, a leather barber strap or a good ole' ORANGE Hot Wheels track when dad got home. Also... my momma had no problem breaking out the @ss whuppin' in public. Those of you who were raised like I was, know what I'm talking about. "Super Nanny" need not apply at our house!

I don't let kids disrespect me... mine or yours. And I have no problem addressing ignorant behavior by teens, if it affects me or mine.

I must say, it brings a sly smile to my face when I see a mom or dad, wear his / her kid out in a store, when their kid is acting out of line. No fear of anyone "reporting" them. Nothing stops a kid from "acting a fool" better than the fear of getting immediately smacked in the head in front of others and the hot wheel track from mom or dad when they get home.

I like new school... but as you can tell... I am pretty old school!

Kevin

I'm with Patty (Caribbean). The lack of discipline has resulted in youths running amok and using unacceptable behavior in public. Last week we were on a Southwest flight with a family several rows behind us, and their 3 kids- all under about 5- screamed non-stop for 4 hours. Then upon deplaning, ran through the airport, chose which door their group would use, all the while screaming. I didn't see the parents discipline these kids in any way. I feel that when these youngsters are older, they will be discipline problem for the larger society.

Just my $.02

Jim Ricks

I am in the daycare field and i see stuff all the time...parents let the child (2 yrs) run their lives. From what they want to wear (apologizing because they wanted to wear their tank top in winter) to letting them yell at them and hit them. I am old school and i tell the parents that i didn't negotiate with my own children and will certainly not be doing that with theirs. I have one parent (teacher) who's 4 year remarked that he hated coming to daycare. I told parent that while he can have those feelings it's best to keep them to himselves since he got everyone going. Next day parent says the 4 yr. old boy didn't have it in him to say sorry. WTH??? I said what we do is apologize before continuing to play. I have 3 grown kids who respect and actually like us as parents and they knew what i said i meant. Not these days...kids decide everything. Just my opinion.

I fully believe that enough kids do not get beaten by their parents when they act up anymore.

After spending years in airports and aircraft, only to watch kids go unchecked as if their parents simly had given up trying discipline...I grew fed up myself.

My father beat my behind whenever I acted like a punk, I learned not to act that way anymore.

I too grew up in a neighborhood where we had to answer to any of the adults. They were to be treated with respect, and in turn treated us with respect.

When my parents were growing up, if you misbehaved in school the Nun would smack them, when they got home their Dad would then smack them for making the Nun smack them.

We never got Hot Wheels tracks at home, but my husband did!

Kevin said:

... or a good ole' ORANGE Hot Wheels track when dad got home. .....and the hot wheel track from mom or dad when they get home.

I like new school... but as you can tell... I am pretty old school!

Kevin

Click to expand...

That's funny to hear. He's reminiced about that a few times over the years...or the time his Mom got so frustrated in the driveway that she picked up a handful of rocks and just threw them at him.

I'm 50, he's 48. In our households and out, we feared all adults and therefore showed them respect. Yeah, I hear the blaring music from the cars and some of it is quite embarrassing. However, I remember blaring my music in the old days. I don't care to hear blaring music from others' cars even if its a song that I like. I try to keep that in mind when a song comes on that I like and want to crank up.

Fortunately, I haven't really run into any real disrespect by teenagers and I feel my two 15 year olds are always respectful to adults. They better be!

As Jimster said previously, I believe for the most part they're good and respectful. There's always going to be the bad in any age group, and they're the ones whose actions leave the biggest impression. Kind of like more people will take the time to make a complaint to management at a store, than to take the time to offer a compliment. We are more affected by the bad than the good sometimes.

I'm just wondering why the original poster said that the rude basketball layers were from a "Public" school.

Was that relevant? Do kids at private schools not swear?

How about mentioning off-hand that they were "Christian"...they were probably that, too.

Don't think you should disparage an entire population based on your game experience.

FWIW - I have a house full of boy teens just about every day. They are raucous and loud and I know that they swear around each other. However, I rarely hear any vulgarity in the house -

Forty plus years ago, I grew up in a community whereby, young adults respected all adults, teachers and themselves. First rule in my parent home: No sunday school or church attending that day; no weekend activites or after school hour activities for that week. Louding playing of music, or acting ugly in public or at home. First, you recieved the look from one parent.
Cease your action, there was no back talking!!!

Or Calling 911 about "Parent Abuse". Then you would receive some good old punishment.

There were no "Time Out" to your room that have a computer, a color television or a telephone. Sorry Tuggers' but today teenages are "S P O I L "

come on guys....we are beginning to show our age and sound like our parents....ohhhhh Elvis is evil, damn that rock & roll, those damn hippies, etc. kids today are no worst than when we were young. its just that now we are the complaining adults. lol.:rofl:

There are a lot of posts about beating, hitting, switches, belts, corporal punishment.....

It was and is common, but there are other forms of discipline that can work without sending the message that hitting is a way to solve problems or that it's ok for big people to hit little people.

Other forms of effective discipline include removing privileges (TV, cell phone, and other electronics are privileges, not necessities), no going out, time out, write "I will not..." 50 times (in readable cursive!). Positive discipline can include working toward something (X time period with... and without ..... and you may...or we will .....).

Limits, good example, and consistency are critical - e.g. no TV until...or only ... hours (which could be zero) on school nights, no (list the networks and shows and radio stations that are unacceptable - Cable TV companies are required by law to block any channels on request), no ... until you first ..., participation in appropriate extracurricular activities, service work, spiritual (keep 'em busy!), know their friends, know where they are. Cell phone limits (no unlimited texting, no sending/receiving pictures or videos, blocks during school hours), I know your passwords, I can check your pockets or purse. If you start early, then that's just the way it is.

Parents don't swear at or insult each other, and back each other up. Good parenting is hard work and we all slip up - I know I have (if I had a time machine.....)!

The kids the OP and others described likely were not supervised, and probably did not have good examples at home.

Good parenting requires parental involvement, supervision, limits, and good examples, as well as consequences for misbehavior, but does not require physical punishment or fear.

for me, getting a time-out would have little to no impact on me doing said activity again in the future.

but I always feared getting a whippin!

pjrose said:

There are a lot of posts about beating, hitting, switches, belts, corporal punishment.....

It was and is common, but there are other forms of discipline that can work without sending the message that hitting is a way to solve problems or that it's ok for big people to hit little people.

Other forms of effective discipline include removing privileges (TV, cell phone, and other electronics are privileges, not necessities), no going out, time out, write "I will not..." 50 times (in readable cursive!). Positive discipline can include working toward something (X time period with... and without ..... and you may...or we will .....).

Limits, good example, and consistency are critical - e.g. no TV until...or only ... hours (which could be zero) on school nights, no (list the networks and shows and radio stations that are unacceptable - Cable TV companies are required by law to block any channels on request), no ... until you first ..., participation in appropriate extracurricular activities, service work, spiritual (keep 'em busy!), know their friends, know where they are. Cell phone limits (no unlimited texting, no sending/receiving pictures or videos, blocks during school hours), I know your passwords, I can check your pockets or purse. If you start early, then that's just the way it is.

Parents don't swear at or insult each other, and back each other up. Good parenting is hard work and we all slip up - I know I have (if I had a time machine.....)!

The kids the OP and others described likely were not supervised, and probably did not have good examples at home.

Good parenting requires parental involvement, supervision, limits, and good examples, as well as consequences for misbehavior, but does not require physical punishment or fear.

Click to expand...

Corporal punishment is not as common as it should be. What kept me out of trouble in school was the fear of being whacked on the behind by the Principal... not writing the sentences during recess! The term "beating" is not to be taken literally. I don't think anyone has said "it's okay for big people to hit little people." However, my opinion is... it is ok for responsible parents to us corporal punishment when needed.

Also, I don't think kids are much different than back in the day. I just think parents are different. Much softer. Way too much reasoning and compromise. My house is not a democracy. While taking away cell phones, and Xbox or TV may work... swift and immediate punishment is much easier and effective.

My 15 year old kid is as spoiled as they come. Big room wth his own bathroom, TV, DVD, XBOX, cellphone, computer wtih internet and too many other things to mention. He does not need to leave his room except to eat. All of this can be taken away from him and he knows this.

That fear... along with the fear that if we hear of him acting foolish on the school bus... he will have to deal with mom and dad, keeps him in check. He also knows how to dial 911 (I'll give him the phone), call his grandparents, aunts and uncles or his biological dad, if he thinks we're being to hard on him. He knows who loves, feeds, clothes, gives him a place to sleep and protects him. Me and mom. Fear of punishment... physical or otherwise... from your parents is not a bad thing.

Obviously there is no set way to raise kids. So I'm not in any way implying you are wrong in your thoughts or methods.

That said, you have my permission to give my kid a good swift kick in the butt if you ever see him flip off anyone for asking him to turn his music down!!


Kevin