I am currently fighting false ...
[This is your final warning - your posts are offensive - next time you will get a vacation from TUG. - DeniseM]
See this is kinda what i thought when i first saw the story, this guy convinced the girls they wanted to stay, sort of Stockholm syndrome....It just seems to me, it would be VERY hard if not impossible to hold 3 people hostage for 10 years, unless they were somehow willing to stay.
Something happened and they snapped after 10 years and the neighbor heard them. Don't get me wrong, i don't think the guy was innocent, he took advantage of naive women. But, is it REALLY kidnapping if the girls WANTED to stay?
It is easy to always blame others, but it is more difficult to see how our own actions may have caused these problems. We are always the last to accept blame for ourselves. When we change, people's reaction to us changes with it. Do you enjoy constant conflict ? Does that get you to where you want to go or be ? Would there not be an easier road to a destination further than where you have gone ? Maybe something to consider.
I'm not the same in real life as i am online,I'm painfully shy and withdrawn in real life its seems hard for me to even get a few words out in most situations because i'm worried about cutting someone off or offending them. in real life I'm also extremely polite and well mannered...I actually have a fear of conflict(and heights), so find myself either shutting down when conversations like this happen or turning into the most agreeable person you've ever met, i often find my self trying to change subjects when an argument is happening around me.
I know it's hard to tell this online, but, you'll never find me at a meet, or ever really even talk to me on the phone.....I've just never been able to express myself in real life the way i can online.....I wish i could, I'm an interesting person online, i've got stories to tell, when i'm typing them, an opinion on every topic when a computer screen is in front of me....but, put me in a crowd or even with a handful of people and you'll barely hear a peep out of me
Wow! I don't know how your mind works, but I would think it would be extremely easy by looking at simple facts
1. He is physically larger and stronger than they are - it is not unheard of for "David to kill Goliath" but it would be extremely easy to see him dominating them
2. Don't do what he wants, you get the crap beaten out of you
3. Scream, you get the crap beaten out of you
4. Try to escape, you get the crap beaten out of you
5. Don't follow the rules, he with holds food, locks you in a box, don't allow you to go to the bathroom, rapes you, makes you do degrading things
6. After trying to disobey, at what point do you learn it is easier to do what he asks to avoid punishment after repeated tries ?
7. Nothing to do with these woman being naive - it is called FEAR
Maybe if your ex-wife is resisting giving you more "visitation" with your daughter this strongly to make "false" accusations (true or not) you might want to stand back and ask "Why is she so against it ?". There must be a reason she has chosen to take this approach as she does not want you around your child more. Have you looked at your own actions that could have contributed to this ?
People don't react negatively to another unless there is something that has initiated it. If your posts are any insight into your mind and these are your "ideas or thoughts", as an outsider, I would be concerned about your exposure to children and females with your negative image of them. If you respond to your ex in this fashion as this thread, I would think that your life would be an uphill battle.
It is easy to always blame others, but it is more difficult to see how our own actions may have caused these problems. We are always the last to accept blame for ourselves. When we change, people's reaction to us changes with it. Do you enjoy constant conflict ? Does that get you to where you want to go or be ? Would there not be an easier road to a destination further than where you have gone ? Maybe something to consider.
I have a client that I consult with that was very polite in person, but his emails were just completely inappropriate to others and his staff. When people feel oppressed, there is always a valve somewhere that allows the built up pressure to be released. For him, it was his emails, where he came off like a jackass. From analyzing his situation, I suggested he not to go buy an expensive $100,000 piece of equipment which he did not need and turned around told his sales rep, that I specifically told him not to buy from him. His business was not busy and he felt his staff were slacking so he was eliminating lunch breaks. When I told him he was WAY WAY overpaying his staff based on the rest of the industry, he tried to cut the wages of his long term staff unilaterally like he was the ruler of the land. Many of his emails were very condesending and I explicitly told him that he does not send out emails without letting me review them first.
You may be very polite in person. Maybe you need to re-consider what you write by reading it again before pressing the send button to see how someone might interpret your message. If you are unsure, maybe send it to someone you trust to get their take on it before replying. Many times we are more "brave" online as we can hide behind the computer, but still we are all part of the same family and we should consider how our message comes across. Sometimes a little honey attracts more flies....food for thought.
As the years have gone by, I have drastically tried to moderate my responses to people and it has made a huge difference in how people have responded to me. I used to be in conflict with people at the drop of the hat as I was always "right". I have learned, sometime the hard way, there is maybe a better way to go about it and many times, the response that I get is mind blowing compared to what used to happen.
You know what they say in life, we are bound to repeat our mistakes over and over, with worse and worse consequences, until we learn what we were supposed to. It is a journey we must walk alone in, but if we fail to notice what is right in front of us, we will continue to walk in the endless loop till find the way out. We can expect for a different plant to grow if we keep planting the same seed.
There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but maybe sometimes we have to question ourselves whether it makes logical sense and that our reasoning is sound before developing a conclusion based on it. Are we able to play devil's advocate on on our opinion ? Like I was saying, in these cases, maybe throw the concept or idea off a friend first and say, what do you think ? Obviously you have offended more than a few people with this thread, but after having the chance to reflect upon it, can you see where your opinion might have elicited this response or how you could have maybe moderated your posts ? No one is asking you not to be who you are, but sometimes our mouth or our fingers in this case works faster than our brain. Might be good to have someone to bounce things off of....
I'm not the same in real life as i am online,I'm painfully shy and withdrawn in real life its seems hard for me to even get a few words out in most situations because i'm worried about cutting someone off or offending them. in real life I'm also extremely polite and well mannered...I actually have a fear of conflict(and heights), so find myself either shutting down when conversations like this happen or turning into the most agreeable person you've ever met, i often find my self trying to change subjects when an argument is happening around me.
I know it's hard to tell this online, but, you'll never find me at a meet, or ever really even talk to me on the phone.....I've just never been able to express myself in real life the way i can online.....I wish i could, I'm an interesting person online, i've got stories to tell, when i'm typing them, an opinion on every topic when a computer screen is in front of me....but, put me in a crowd or even with a handful of people and you'll barely hear a peep out of me
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I probably DELETE as many things as I post, on any given forum, including my own facebook page (my personal one). . . .
A couple of months ago, after hearing about another abuse or abduction case, I posted a question on facebook asking if we do enough in our society to protect the powerless. I have 200-ish friends and had three of them private message me about severe abuse or abduction that happened to either themselves or a close member of their family while they were a child or teen. I won't post any specific details, but the high number of specific responses really did startle me.
I'm glad you brought that up. It really isn't that uncommon. I had many experiences, yes many, when I was a teen where a strange man would drive up next to me and offer to give me ride when I was walking or roller skating. Even after I would say, "No thanks. I'd rather walk," they would continue to drive slowly along next to me trying to talk me in to getting in the car. It was very annoying and happened on the way to/from school, on the way to the beach and on the way a friend's house. I remember one in particular, where the guy kept coming back for about a 2 mile walk. In that case, I eventually went to a pay phone to call my mom for a ride. She wasn't home, but I didn't see the guy again after he saw me using the phone.
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A couple of months ago, after hearing about another abuse or abduction case, I posted a question on facebook asking if we do enough in our society to protect the powerless. I have 200-ish friends and had three of them private message me about severe abuse or abduction that happened to either themselves or a close member of their family while they were a child or teen. I won't post any specific details, but the high number of specific responses really did startle me. Child abduction and child prostitution is much more common in in this country than I ever expected. It also seemed to me that in each of the three situations, the perpetrator was someone that presented themselves as a trusted friend or caregiver.
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I'm not the same in real life as i am online,I'm painfully shy and withdrawn in real life its seems hard for me to even get a few words out in most situations because i'm worried about cutting someone off or offending them. in real life I'm also extremely polite and well mannered...I actually have a fear of conflict(and heights), so find myself either shutting down when conversations like this happen or turning into the most agreeable person you've ever met, i often find my self trying to change subjects when an argument is happening around me.
I know it's hard to tell this online, but, you'll never find me at a meet, or ever really even talk to me on the phone.....I've just never been able to express myself in real life the way i can online.....I wish i could, I'm an interesting person online, i've got stories to tell, when i'm typing them, an opinion on every topic when a computer screen is in front of me....but, put me in a crowd or even with a handful of people and you'll barely hear a peep out of me
So in addition to inflicting many, many years of horrendous abuse on Michelle, Gina & Amanda, the kidnapper is pleading Not Guilty which will mean it's likely these women will be forced to testify against him in court.
I can only hope it's cathartic for the three, but fear that their recovery will be prolonged and their agony relived because of Castro's plea....
So in addition to inflicting many, many years of horrendous abuse on Michelle, Gina & Amanda, the kidnapper is pleading Not Guilty ....